The Harland Highway - PREMIUM CONTENT - Harland LIVE stand up. Cancer benefit.

Episode Date: March 26, 2016

Harland does live stand up for a wonderful cancer benefit and ends up doing crowd work for 90% of his show. What a great crowd and a great cause. Enjoy Premium Members. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, my premium members. How are you premium members? First of all, as always, thank you for signing on board to the premium membership. It means oh so much to me. And it's neat to know that I've got this little special group of listeners that I get to provide special material for. It's an honor and a pleasure to do that. And as part of your premium package, like I said, you guys get stuff that the regular pavement pounders don't get to here.

And I feel kind of bad for them in a way, but for God's sakes, $20 a year, they can get all this stuff. But you guys did it. And honestly, thank you very much. So today's snippet is it's kind of a fun one. It's a bit of a strange one. And, you know, every year and throughout the years I try to give my time and my energy to a lot of good causes, you know, charities and causes. I've done so many events over the years for battered women, for cancer, for victims of domestic abuse, for victims of the L.A. riots, for homeless pets, homeless people, you name it.

I do it. If it's a cause that I feel is worthy and I feel passionate about it, I like to get behind it. And so I did a show, I was asked to do a show for, you know, helping to find the cure for cancer and specific kinds of cancer and whatnot. And I was like, heck yeah, you know, my mom passed away from cancer and one of my cousins had leukemia. And so I think we all have someone in in our bloodline that has confronted this horrible affliction. And so, you know, it was a great show. It was myself and comedian Bill Burr and Al Magigal. And it was just a really, really fun night for a great cause.

And what happened is, you know, I got up on stage and I was going to do a bunch of material. And, you know, I just started kind of talking to the crowd. and I was having such a good time talking to the crowd that by the end of my show, I only ended up doing like one one chunk of material right near the end. I ended up like I kept telling I was about to start my act and then I'd stumble on somebody else in the crowd that caught my fancy and I'd start riffing with them.

And so most of this snippet is just me doing crowd work. and we had a riot and one of the more interesting things in here is and I don't know if it's a coping mechanism that people use when it comes to kind of sensitive topics like cancer but there were a couple of moments

where I just kind of stopped doing the stand-up and kind of started talking about cancer and I kind of referred to it as the elephant in the room, the C-word. And it was funny to me, because as you'll hear, people were kind of snickering and giggling when I kind of got a little serious and talked about the cancer.

And it just kind of made me laugh a little. And it actually made me feel good that, you know, it reminds me and maybe it'll remind you of the value and the importance of humor. Because, you know, in the face of cancer, in the face of disease and death and, you know, all the things that ail us, it always seems like humor is one of the constants that helps pull us through. It's, in the worst of times, we always seem to find a way to find something humorous. And I don't think it's to be mean or cruel or morbid. Like I said, I think it's a

coping mechanism. I think humor is actually wired into our survival technique, because sometimes things that get thrown out of us in life can be so devastating we don't know how to process them you know they're very tough things and so sometimes levity is something that's built into the human DNA and and I think it's something that surfaces and helps people cope and it takes the edge off of the seriousness of things things that make us scared and things that make us frightened and things that, you know,

kind of have an impending doom to them. And that's just my analysis, but I think it's very true. And so it was really great to bring laughter to a room full of people that were there for a very serious sickness and ailment. and we sure had a lot of fun. So here it is. It is a really good night. And as I said, I just ended up having a blast doing crowdwork, making everything up on the spot, jumping from person to person, talking to people in the balcony, talking to people

right in front of me. And it was all for a good cause. And I'll let you guys hear it. And hopefully you can share in the laughter as well. So here it is, enjoy my night doing stand-up comedy on the Sunset Strip in Hollywood for a very good cause, the cure for cancer. Give it up for Harlan Williams, everybody. Beautiful. Perfect.

Thank you, brother. How are you, gang? How about a hand for my son? Give him a hand. Great kid. What a boy. What a wonderful boy. Love that.

that kid. My favorite child, we made lasagna today. Remember, wasn't that fun? Okay, well, if you're going to laugh in my relationship with my boy, maybe this isn't the benefit for me. Great kid, great kid. No, just finish high school. Great kid. Sir, you're all alone. I'm sorry to see that. You're what? My girlfriend's in the bathroom. Your girlfriend's in the bathroom. That's kind of personal, isn't it, sir? Give a load of Johnny I don't give a fuck over there. You want to tell us what numbers she's doing while you're right? What a great cause, isn't this a great cause everybody? That's great.

They're a great cause. No better cause than cancer, right? cancer right guy now what's your name guy and then I got a pop right into my sir how do you could stop texting doing the show like they can't see a fucking fucking glowing in the dark it's like moths flying into her face she's texting I think she's going number two look she's still texting she doesn't care People are dying of cancer and you're texting. I've got a guilt her out.

I got a guilt her out. Sir if you could look away, I'm doing a show. How are you guys? Let's get to know you a little bit, and then I got to pop right into my act. What's your name, guy? Will. Will? Okay. Will what?

Hederson? No, I meant Will what? What? What will you do? Wait for my girlfriend. Wait for your girlfriend. I don't think she's coming out now. She can hear us out here.

What do you do, Will? Great to have you. What a great cause. Give Will a hand. Isn't this nice one rarely gets out of the house? What do you do, Willie, Will? I'm a real estate. A real estate agent. Great. Have you had a good year, buddy? Have you been kicking some hairy ass?

asked how many uh let's say how many houses have you sold guy 12 okay and uh we wonder why there's a homeless problem okay why are you clapping did you buy one of his houses dude you did how is it i got that's pretty good well there's a glowing endorse kind of hi i'm will and my houses are Oh, pretty good. What is it, Ikea? Is that I have? An Ikea house? Oh, you're back, ma'am.

You should have heard the shit he was saying about it. We're all very sorry about the diarrhea, ma'am. That's Will. TFI. TFI. Look at the people up here. How are you? Man, how are you?

love bug good to see you you look beautiful your name ma'am my name is Lisa okay there was a little beat where you weren't sure she's like ah my name is Lisa are you hiding something man what do you do my love and then I're gonna pop right into my routine Mamma, what do you do, love? I'm an actress. An actress, holy shit. Yeah, I'm from Amsterdam. You're from Amsterdam.

Holy shit. Have you ever been in an IKEA house? Dude, this could be a good night for you. Thanks, Will. Don't hold on to her, too, Tyler. There might be some in there still. You're squeezing her. She's going to put the other way.

Come on, Will. I want to thank these assholes for coming. Thank you. How are you? Guy, let's talk to you, then I gotta get rid of my name. Great, real sexual. How are you, buddy? What's your name, kid?

You're beautiful. I'm Alex. Alex. You got a little accent. Where are you from, guy? England. England. Hey!

You're from England? Oh, you're from where, love? What part of England you've come, huh? I can't understand if you could speak fucking English. Good for you. Isn't this fun? We've got a guy over here from your country. Huh?

Hey? Hello? Would you like me to shut the fuck up? Will you have a little chat? What's that, love? Get on with it then, now you're a fucking director, yeah? If it comes to my fucking country. How long you've been here in the United States of America, love?

How long you've been here? How long you've been here, love? Three days, you need to be time to lose the fucking fake accent. Sure if you could just turn away. Great to have you here, buddy. I was going to talk to you, but Focushog took over. How are you, ma'am? You ever put curly fries in your pubes and pretend you're an octopus?

You will, you will relax. So what are you doing here, guy? What brings you here, friend? Exploring your beautiful country. Exploring my beautiful country. Do you have a little hat with a flashlight? You're fucking hearing this over here about. Fucking why are you hearing this shit?

So you're on Tinder, is that what you're saying? Ma'am, I was just joking about the octopus. Unwind a little, huh? Good for you. How long are you here for mate? About three months. Three months, is it, eh? Lovely. What you do over in England then, eh? I live my life. You live your life, as opposed to die in your life.

You have a job, apparently not. You're fucking wandering around here. basically he's a fucking well-spoken homeless guys oh I'm a homeless guy with the king's good English I am you like the British my mysterious friend sitting alone you like them yeah you ever been to England I was just there two weeks ago you're just there two weeks ago I bet you didn't see that guy You know why? Because he's over here exploring. Or as we call it, serial killer. Have you bumped into Dora yet? Have you seen her?

She's out there exploring if you bumped into her? Because she's in Utah at the Natural Arches or Grand Canyon. She's everywhere. A little brown girl, you can't miss that. Miss that. Man, if you could look away, I don't like your ass. How are you, ma'am? You ever shove your ass in a fish tank and see how many bubbles you can blast? You will, you will. Take it easy.

John Wilkes Booth to the balcony. John Wilkes Booth to the balcony. John Wilk's Booth to the... All right, let's get into my act, Dan. Here you go. Let's get into, let's get into some jokes. Let's get into my ass. Let's break in.

Let's break in. Let's, under the combinations. Let's break in. But let's find out about you first. What's your name, my love? What is it? Melissa, it look beautiful, ma'am. What do you do, my love?

I own a dog washing company. You own a dog washing company. Walking. Walking. All right, settle down. God forbid you clean the little back. I'll walk a dirty fucking dog, but not a clean one. Never walk a British Terrier?

Maybe. What does that make you feel? You're out walking? Why don't you fucking walk some dog? some dogs. Just walking around, why didn't they help her out, too? All right, let's get into my act. What a great cause.

Anyone here with cancer at all? We've got to talk about. We've got to address it. We've got to address it. It's the elephant in the room. We're here for cancer, gang, okay? Let's not act shocked. Oh, tonight we're going to use the C-work, because that's why we're here.

We're going to raise some money tonight. Am I right? I think everyone in this room is a family member or someone they know who's had it. Am I right, guy? Do you know anyone with the C word? Right? Right, right?

Huh? Shear but name. Ma'am, if you could just use English. I don't even think the British people understood that. This is from a medieval time. Shear me name. I've got the cancer here today. I have a fucking leopardized.

What are you Welsh? Are you? Akeel lady, do you know what she said? So someone in your family guy, I know it's sensitive. sense. I know this is touchy shit, but that's why we're here. We've got to address the elephant in the room, gang. Huh? Who in your line had something, guy? Your aunt had it? But she's still with us? Good. She survived? Yeah. Good. And can we ask? And then I got to pop right into my head.

What she had? What kind? Was it lung? Was it? Melanoma. So sun. Got it from the sun. And where was it? Did she have a melanoma spot? On her leg. Right, left. Was it on her right leg? Her left leg, little buddy? I just want to know, we gotta talk about this. Get right into my ass. What are we... It was what?

Her left leg. Okay. She had like a little round, little patch. She got her move, lasered off, or whatever the procedure is. She's doing great, right? Good. That's why we're here. Give a take the hand.

Good folks up there. I really need to see a little more out of you. It's important. Family is important, isn't it? Sad one. Yeah. Do you have a family, ma'am? I'll chime right in there immediately.

Not a family, huh? It's all a very important family. It's sad when they get sick, but you got to stand behind your family. Anybody do the Ancestry.com? Have you done that little buddy when you're not rolling around in your bunk bed covered in hazel nuts? Anybody? Ancestry.com? Have you done this? Did you do it right here?

What did you find out, ma'am? Can you share with us? I've got the results back. You what? No results back yet. No results at all. So, basically, you're a vaster child. Over here, someone else said that... There you go.

What'd you find out, my child? Um, incest. Incest. Incess. I didn't know they had that category on it. That's horrifying. What's that, ma'am? A few branches came back to the same tree.

A couple of branches came. Why do you sound so jam happy about it? Well, that's the danger going on Ancestry.com. You don't know what you got on there, I did it, I did it, and blew my mind the stuff I found. Right out of the gate found out my grandmother is my dad. On my mother's side, half golden retriever, and on my mother's side, half golden retriever. And on my dad's side, I'm mint chocolate chip. Unbelievable.

Did you do the DNA thing, my love? No, I did that. That goes to be careful with the DNA thing. Holy shit. Found out I'm the zodiac killer. I assassinated JFK. We don't even have a treat on our thing, just like a whole line.

We come from a long line of assholes. It's just like a cactus with a bunch of pricks on it. Well, this has been fun. God, I'm glad your aunt's okay. What's your name? I'll give her a little shout up. Janine, Aunt Janine, we're thinking of you tonight. We're all here for cancer, the elephant in the room. And this is a good crowd. Sit down, sir, and we'll get the next comment going up here.

Folks, I want to, seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for coming out, supporting such a great cause. I don't know if they got a little donation box out there on the way up. You do. Stuff something in there, gang, on the way off. Let's all chip in. Come on, you British cheap ass. I don't want any British currency. American fucking dollars, huh?

You know, towns don't care of cancer, dollars do. All right, God bless. Thank you very much. Good enough. My father, apparently. So there you go. Who knows? Maybe even laughter somehow contributes to finding the cure for cancer.

Who knows? Maybe it's in the equation a little bit. Wouldn't that be interesting if there was a scientific study done where they discover the more you laugh, the least likely you are to have cancer? Laughter actually eradicates cancer cells. It actually beats them down and kills them. Oh, wouldn't that be something?

And, you know, if you get a chance, you know, go online and if you find it in your heart to make a little donation to any type of cancer research foundation or a place fighting and searching for the cure for cancer, hey, might be something a little nice you can do, even, you know, lay 5, 10, 20, 50 bucks on some kind of foundation of your choice and help move the needle a little bit.

So there you go. Hope you enjoyed that, you guys. We'll be back soon with some more premium content just for you. Once again, I sincerely thank you very much for becoming a premium member, and we'll keep this good stuff coming. All right, so be healthy, be happy, be safe, and don't use the C word. There you go.