The Harland Highway - PREMIUM CONTENT - Harland stand up and interview

Episode Date: July 8, 2016

Harland does a strange stand up routine followed by a short interview. ENJOY Premium Members. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, all right, all right, my premium members. How are you, premium members? So glad you're along for the premium ride. I hope you're enjoying the very special premium content we put up just for you guys. Really appreciate you getting on board and love bringing you this special stuff. uh what you're about to hear is uh kind of an unusual night i always tell you guys sometimes i go up on stage and i work on new material and sometimes i let the words and the material guide me and sometimes i let my mood my energy guide me and on this night

i was in a little bit of a mood i was feeling a little bit sick i wasn't feeling well and i went up on stage and this this funny guy asked me to do like uh he he did like a fake talk show on stage at the Melrose Improv here in Hollywood, California. So he said, hey, Harlan, come on up, do a little bit of stand-up, and then I'm going to have a desk and a chair set up, and then when you finish your stand-up, you just sit down and I'll do a little interview. So I was like, sure, man, and, you know, when I agreed to it, I wasn't feeling sick. But the night that it happened, I wasn't feeling great.

And I thought, well, I don't want to let the guy down. So I went down, I jumped up, and I just kind of recognized. I stumbled a little bit. I got into this weird story about my dad and an injury that he had, and I didn't really do any jokes. I kind of just made stuff up on the spot. And then when he sat down to interview me, I kind of wasn't in the mood for answering questions about my work. I don't really love talking about myself. And so I just kind of sidetracked him and started talking about owls and birds and things like that. So the first part of the premier material tonight is me doing a little weird stand-up,

storytelling stuff. And then I go in for the sit-down and chat, have a little chit-chat for about five or ten minutes. And so there you go. As I promised, you know, I like to record these special events, these weird nights that normally you won't have access to. and, you know, that they're kind of impromptu and weird and they kind of wind all over the place, but hopefully there's something in here that keeps you guys amused and puts a chuckle onto your face.

So thanks again for being your premium members and enjoy tonight's or today's premium content just for you. Ladies and gentlemen, from one of my favorite movies. From Half Base. Yeah, from Rocket Man. And, of course, Employee! up Harlan William! How are you guys? What a delight. What a wonderful treat.

What a great, unbelievable sexual energy. sexual energy here tonight I'm in a bit of a mood you know you know I'm very honest with my comedy that's my niche I I am one of these guys that just emotes I kind of internalize things and then I kind of use comedy as my release and it's a lot of fun for me it's a lot of fun might not be so fun for you guys but let's let's go through it. A bit of a rough, rough week for me. And this is just real stuff. I keep it real. You know, I'm not going to make shit up. And, you know, I just don't have the imagination for it. But the funniest stuff comes from real life, really. If you heard this, the funniest stuff comes

from real life. This happened today. I swear to God, is it an ATM machine? And this guy, probably about six six foot two really big guy uh he goes up puts his his ATM card in the ATM machine okay and this nut uh he had a hat and uh he put he pressed like a four-digit uh you know the four-digit pin code and this is real this really happened and uh no no and i'm standing there and swear hand to god's uh teeth uh I'd say about 20 seconds later, I'd say about, you know, $200 worth of 20s came out. And this fucking nut put it in his wallet and off he went. And I was just buckled over.

This was real. And so I channeled my energy. And what happened this week, gang, is summer harvest is on us. I don't know if there's any farmers at all, but summer harvest is here, and farmers are out in full floor. My dad, John, he lost his legs, his legs, his legs got cleaved off in a tractor thing, and he lost his legs got cleaved off in a tractor thing, and he, he He was laying in the field and screaming. We heard the screams from the farmhouse. My mom had just put a, they called it a grackleberry pie out on the window ledge.

And it was so peculiar because I guess my dad's instincts when he had his legs cleaved off was to lay on the ground and thrash his arm. And your instinct is to put your legs in the air and do this. but it was the oddest thing. My dad's nubs. He put his nubs. And it looked like a seal had escaped from SeaWorld.

We ran out there. We ran out there. And we picked them up. And the legs were, you know, they say if you reattach the legs, you know, if you get to the hospital on time, the legs still have nerves and you can put the person back together.

And we got the legs. up on, we got dad in the car and his legs are up on the roof. We didn't want the legs. We didn't want the legs in the car and we figure, well, in the winter we put skis up there. They're long

and so are his legs. So we put the legs up there and we were in a rush. Look, gang, who hasn't done this? Who hasn't been in a rush? And maybe not

you know, strapped something down as securely as you should. And sometimes, you know, you think things are going to be bad, but then they turn out good. And this is real life. This is part of what I do in my act all over the world. We were rushing. You know, when someone's legs have been cleaved off,

you're not going to drive slow to the hospital. If you could sit down on my father's legs. So we're rushing to the hospital, and we hit a speed bump. But, you know, fate has a funny way of treating us, gang. I'll be goddamned if, on the side of the road, I guess, you know, out where he lives, He's up in the rural part up near Bakersfield, and I'll be goddamned if there isn't a young boy's, you know, Armenian Community Center, put together a soccer team for these young Armenian boys. And we were driving by, and the legs are on the roof, and we speed by, and these young boys are kicking the ball.

and I'm driving and I'm getting a little distracted. I can see a kid, a little Armenian boy, probably 12-foot beard. And he's running down the field, and he's got a breakaway, and he trips. Sorry, I'm the Zika. As fake would happen, we hit that speed bump, and one of my dad's legs got loose,

flew off the roof landed on the soccer field and just perfect serendipity kicked that fucking and this little bearded monkey boy just started jumping up and down like

he had a can of pringles up his asshole and okay so there you go a little a little weirdness for me I just like I said I got off on a tangent and started making up all this stuff about my dad's legs and uh it was a lot of fun

i was just kind of in a weird mood i didn't feel like doing jokes i just felt like telling this ridiculous made-up story so there it is i did that and and then uh and then the host of the show is a really nice guy he he asked me to sit down on on he had a little makeshift couch and a and a table like looked like the letterman show on stage and asked me to sit down and, you know, you wanted to do a little interview. And I still was in kind of a in a funky mood. And so here's the interview with him and me kind of not really giving straight answers. I was just kind of in this zone where I just wanted to, I don't know, take a listen

and hopefully there's some laughs in here for you guys. Thank you. I've been a fan of you for a very long time. Let's go back at your career. Let's talk a little career stuff. Can we talk a little career stuff? Can we talk a little bit about Rocket Man? Can we talk about Rocket Man?

What was your first movie role? Do you remember your first movie role? My first movie role was behind the green door. No, it was Dunlind Dummer. Dunlind Dummer was my first movie. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's amazing.

How was that as a first job? It was pretty terrified. I've never acted or done a movie or anything before. And suddenly I was thrust into this movie with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. And it was pretty overwhelming. But I took all that nervous energy and channeled it and got real focused.

And people don't know this, but we shot that scene on the side of the road in Pennsylvania. No, and sorry, Colorado. And I don't know if you know how owls regurgitate mice, but they basically swallow a mouse hole, and the enzymes in their bodies absorb all the nutrients, and then their stomachs create a pellet full of mouse bones and fur, and they puke it back up.

Wow. And while we were shooting that scene, I observed a couple of dozen owl pellets on the side of the road and schooled the Fairley brothers on what they were. It's a real fond, fun memories. How did they react? Like, when you talk to them about that, did they think it was funny? Well, I wasn't in the sequel. Did you notice?

Not a good move in retrospect. I should have kept my owl pellet. knowledge to myself. If I had a chance to do it all again, I would never, ever mention Alapalas. I did not have sex with that Alapagana. I've been on this movie for three years and everybody else, like everyone else that started with me is gone and I'm still in it. So they're dead? They've all been murder. So it's a murder mystery movie? No, it's an animated kids movie called Storks.

That shit's scary a bit. What about doing a Fray and Got Fingered? That must have been. That's one of my favorite movies of all the time. Come on, let's not glaze past what you just said here. No, no, it's, you know, it's very obvious that, you know, it didn't go past me that you brought up Storks. You know, they're a bigger, bigger, taller bird than an owl.

And if you want to have a pissing match. I ate an ostrich burger and fat burger yesterday. You can go sit on my fucking egg and suck a loon plate. find a great blue hair and a nibble on its fucking cliff. I wish you could have been a woman when you said that. But you know what? You know what, dude, the good news is the clerk at the motel 6 won't care. Harlan Williams, everybody!

Stand to party. Thank you very much. I love you, buddy. Harlan Williams, give it up. One last thing, please say a prayer for my father's legs. legs. So bizarre. So weird. You know, it always amazes me when I go off and do these kind of weird rants. And I half expect that people are going to reject them and not go along with me. And I got to tell you that these shows, they're some of the most fulfilling shows for me because they're such a

surprise. You know, I don't really know where they're going. And I don't know if me talking about my father getting his legs cut off is going to amuse anyone and you know obviously what you can't see is I do a lot of stuff with my body language and my facial expressions and that kind of plays into the whole

narrative of what I'm doing up there but it always gets me off when people have a good time and have a lot of laughs and I'm just being absurd so I hope you guys enjoyed it. Love bringing it to you. We'll have some more

premium content for you real soon. And once again, as always, really appreciate you guys jumping on board and supporting and encouraging me by supporting the premium content, you encourage me to do more and more of this stuff and find new and inventive fun stuff just for you guys. So there you go. That's it. We'll leave it right there. Keep on chuckling.

And until next time, gang, chicken. Chaumain, baby. Thank you. Thank you.