The Harland Highway - PREMIUM CONTENT - LET'S HAVE A FIGHT PODCAST #2

Episode Date: November 14, 2015

This fight is with two hilarious comedians from the GROUNDLINGS THEATER in Los Angeles.Brian Pelermo and Jordan Black. It's hot, it's heated, and it's funnnnnnyyy!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Let's Have a Fight podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Let's Have a Fight podcast. The podcast that lets two guests have an all-out verbal throwdown with no punches pulled, and only one champion standing in the bloody ring at the end. I'm your referee, Harland Williams, and here are the rules. There will be three 11-minute rounds, each fighter picking a topic of their choice, and the referee, me, picking the third. Each fighter must argue his or her topic with all they've got.

Well, his or her opponent must argue the other side of the topic, even if it goes against their beliefs. They must be the voice for the every man. Every citizen, politician, social activist, redneck, lobby group, racist, scholar, dumbass, homophobe, zealot, and everyone else in between. The fighter can use media soundbites, quotes, false facts, lies, and even bullshit to try and knock out his opponent. With this technique, the opponent does not have to be accountable or necessarily believe in the statements they make, as they are basically borrowing from the lexicon of human opinion for comedic and entertainment effect. Each fighter can stop a fight instantly with a power slam using their power slam buzzer.

Power slams are horrible insults. Fighters have written on cards and handed to their opponents before the fight. Fighters will then have to listen to an opponent, abuse them with their own written words during the power slam. If a fighter forgets to power slam during a round, they automatically lose the round. Each fighter will be allowed a closing statement at the end of each fight, and I will start and stop each fight with the sound of this bell. At the end of each fight, Eddie will review the fight and determine the winner. Now, with all that out of the way, let's meet our fighters in the red corner,

weighing it in 152 pounds all the way from Huntington Beach. You know him from the groundlings. You know him from his movies. It's Brian the pound puppy Palermo. So close. So close. Palermo. It's only been seven years.

I don't expect you to get it. No problem. Brian the pound puppy Palermo. Thank you. And in the green corner weighing in it. 285 pounds coming from New York City, even though that's not where he's from. Where are you from? Kankakee, Illinois.

From Kankakee, Illinois. It's Jordan Black, ladies and gentlemen. All right, gentlemen, are you ready to fight? Yes. Okay. Born ready. I want a funny, dirty fight with lots of yelling and swearing, definitely hitting below the belt and all the cheap shots you can fire.

Gentlemen, give each other the middle finger, and let's have a fight. All right, let's get it on. Let's do it. All right. Here we go, guys. Are you ready? Yes. I am going to pick the first topic.

The first topic will come from Brian. First. First topic is gay interracial adoption. So not just gay or interracial adoption, but gay interracial adoption. Wow. So that's Jordan's topic. I'm for that. You're for that?

I'm 100% for that. You would be because you're a gay, interracial idiot. I'm 5,000% against it. Brian, right. There are so many children out there in the world right now with no homes. That's their choice. That's their choice? No, they've been abandoned.

By who? The gays and the racials. That's who abandoned them. Everything you just said is literally the opening words to mind comp. Literally, word for word, mind comp, you just spoke. No, that's bullshit because you can't read, Jordan. You're illiterate, and you're probably half, like, Cherokee, half Spanish, half a black man. And you're 100% a dick.

Yeah, right. I'm a dick with a correct opinion. You know what, Brian, here's the thing. Yeah. You're jealous of unadopted kids because your childhood was so fucked up because your parents or just bastards. Yeah, let me disagree by agreeing with you. My parents are bastards. There's my child who was fucked up, and that's why I don't think any kid should have a parent of any kind.

So these adopted, these orphaned kids, let them be orphans. Let it be like Annie or anything from Charles Dickens. They'll have a much better life. And it'll be better than being with a gay interracial couple. No, see, there's your problem right there. Your true colors are showing you racist. Colors, true colors. Yeah, I said it.

I said colors, right. You said colored. If we played this back, you just said color. You dick. Listen, no, these kids, they need to be with an interracial couple because, that will show them not to grow up to be racist assholes like you. Yeah, that'll work. All right, so here's a kid who's already an orphan.

They're unloved. They're probably filled with disease. Let's give them a gay dad and a black mom or a gay, another mom or dad or whatever it is. Either one. They've got five strikes against them before they walk out the fucking door, man. It's like somebody who's drowning. It's like, hey, let's give them an anger and a safe. These kids need to be loved, okay?

The prisons are filled with kids who had no parents to show them love. These kids are much children. These couples are able to show love, and they're able to show it in a way that proves that, you know, like, because they're able to love past race, past color, and just love these kids unconditionally. Yeah, yeah, because no one loves others like gay people. They love themselves. They love the Tonys, and they love... Oh, Power Slam. All right, Jordan's pulling out his first power slam.

Imagine a douchebag and a dickhole had a child and homeschooled the resulting fucktart in a shit swamp. That thing would still be smarter than you. Wow. That's a perfect analogy for the gay interracial adoption. That child would be adopted by it. Now, wait a minute. Before we jump back in, did you say all adopted children are diseased? Is that what you said?

I am betting on the same statistics that Donald Trump quotes that all of them are diseased. I don't think some of them are. I think, and I got this off of Wikipedia this morning, so I know it's a fact. See, that's that good New Orleans education he's got there, down in the bayou. Okay, there you go. The one-roles schoolhouse. A one-room schoolhouse. Where they taught y'all not to be friends with them colored kids?

We didn't have a schoolhouse. I learned on the streets and in the bayous to avoid the colored kids. And anybody, anybody, anybody that wasn't me. I just did. I took them out. Yeah, keep quoting those alligator best friends of yours you grew up with. Man, alligators, you know what they like? They like loyalty, right?

And they stick with what they know. They're green on the outside, but they're white on the inside. Hey, take this. Oh, Power Slam. Oh, Brian's pulling his first power slam. Oh, so I got to read it. Yeah, you've got to read it. Okay, Jordan, sounds like someone's got an extra pair of assholes where his brain should be.

You know what? I think that as a compliment coming from you. Two assholes in my head is better than two assholes in my mouth. Right, I've had two assholes in my mouth. And that's what makes me an expert on knowing that gay reiterated. And those two assholes were orphaned children. Right. You sick.

Name the most successful orphan ever. Bill Gates. There we go. Okay, so he... I thought you were going to say Annie. Annie, Oliver Twist. They're the only two. And they're fucking fictional.

That's because orphans are fails. From the beginning to the end, they're fails. You let's make it worse by giving them a gay interracial couple for parents. They failed because of people like you who don't believe in them. Oh, God. I don't believe in shitstorms either, but I'm listening to one. right now. So here's coming at me. Brian, it sounds like

not only take away the gay and the interracial, it sounds like you just don't like kids. Are you getting that, Jordan? He hates children. I hate children. I hate orphans. I hate gays. I hate racies. Do you like puppies? Do you like cats? Fuck a puppy. I would like to take the puppy

and fuck it with a kitten. That's how much I hate. Wow. You're fucking them or they're fucking each other? You're fucking a whip? I don't understand. I'm taking a kitten and petting it and molding it into a shape that's phallic so I can shove it up a puppy's ass. That's what I'm doing. Wow, Jordan. And that is

the metaphor for your interracial adoption. That's what I think of it. You know, Brian? You have proven right now that there is not a human being inside of your body right now. You're all just pure evil. I'm pure id.

This is how humans feel. If it's not mine, I don't care about it. It's an orphan's not mine, right? Maybe some of them are. But they're not mine. It's not my trops. Why do I? Well, not my tribe, so why do I give a shit? Right, tribe is what I'm trying to say, Eddie. It's not mine, so why do I give a shit? Brian, didn't you know any, like, adopted kids growing up?

I think we all did. How did you feel about them? We had a bunch of adopted kids in my neighborhood. And? And we used to use it for target practice. It's true with BB guns and, like, slings. You know what, Brian, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your parents are here and they have something they want to tell you.

Oh, no, come on. Yeah, you're adopted. And you're black. What? Wow. Yeah, and you're gay. Wow. Yeah.

The trifecta. Wow. explains so much. Now I know why I like Neil Patrick Harris. That's because he's gay and adopted and black. Yeah. Now, Jordan, he's just, he went off not only on your topic, but

now he's like even like slamming children in general. How does that make you feel? You know, it makes me feel good because I think it's good that someone like Brian will never adopt a child because the idea of him being a parent would be just a nightmare for that kid. Not true.

I'm against gay interracial adoption. I'm for adopting. Oh, dear, for adoption in general. Yeah, I got a lot of shit to do around the house, man. I got, you know, people have got to, they've got to snake my toilet. I got, I got, I got kids. That's not, man, that's not what these adopted. These adopted kids, they need a lot of love, Brian. They need a lot of affection. They can get love

in middle school, all right? They can get out. I'm willing to give them a roof, right? They can live in the garage, dry, you know, rent-free. I just adopt them, and they do what I tell them to do. Okay, Jordan, are there a lot, like, for people that are listening, is there a lot of a gay adopted interracial?

Not enough. Really? There's not enough. Like how much is going on out there? I think all children should be adopted by gay interracial couples. All children? All children. Oh, wow.

Who's going to be more loving than two gay people who are in an interracial relationship? They know what it is to take a lot of shit and have to overcome shit. What if they're gay interracial serial killers? Still, still. Still. I think the gay interracial outweighs the serial killer. So give me your example of a great interracial good couple That would be a great adoptive parents

It's like Elton John and who's the one gay guy? And RuPaul, let's say RuPaul All right so Elton John RuPaul Who wouldn't want them to be their dad? Anyone, everyone. No one would want them. People dying of horrible diseases in Africa Still wouldn't want those two as their fucking dad.

First of all, they're loaded. Gay people know how to get some money. They got money. They know how to get some money. You know what I'm saying? They know how to dress? Are you going to be the best dress? I stipulate that point.

You're going to live in a castle. Have you seen Elton John's house? It's a castle. Yeah, I guess it is. It is. Okay. Where is his house? It's in London, I guess.

He's British. Wow. They all live in London, right? Okay. Keep going. So Elton John and Rupal get together. They adopt a little girl from Serbia, right? So this girl's completely effed up as to what her ethnicity is or to what her gender identity is, what her transgender identity is, what her transsexual identity is.

She doesn't know anything about she's just confused and her life is ruined. When Rupal does her hair and makeup. She's going to be the foxiest chick in her school. Right. So now you're turning out this poor Serbian girl at the age of 10. That's what you're doing. No, they're going to do RuPaul makeup on her. She's sucking a dick behind the lockers.

As soon as RuPaul does her makeup. First of all, there's nothing wrong with sucking dick. That's your problem. This is simple physics. As soon as a gay couple does makeup on a little girl, she is sucking dick in the back of the fucking dumps. Girls are allowed to suck dick. They should suck dick as long as they have their own parents. They should suck their own parents.

You got a girl suck your dad. dick. Not orphans. Orphans do not touch this dick. This dick has never been touched by an orphan lips. All right. You know what, Brian? And then you're missing out. That's what you think. Are you saying you've had fellatio from an orphan

person? Yes, I am. I'm saying that. Wow. And you know what? The thing about it, well, they weren't an orphan because they were adopted by a gay interracial couple. Right. So now they were no longer an orphan. And you know what? They were grateful. Adopted kids are very grateful for love and affection.

Got it. I got it. So that's what it's all about is getting gratitude back for the parents. So it's not helping the child at all. It's all about using them and manipulating it up to get their gratitude. They're getting something too. A tax write off. What do they get fucking getting? This doesn't work on any level. It's a complete bullshit hypothesis. I am embarrassed that you brought it up. All right. That's a good way to end our round. Now you each have one closing statement. Jordan, since it was your argument, let's start with you. What's your closing statements are? is obviously Brian's a fucking moron. So anything he says doesn't matter because who would ever listen to him? He's a fucking idiot. Ryan, those are some strong fight words. You have the closing statement. Go ahead.

I take that in stride. I think adoptions, orphans are Darwin and nature's way of saying these kids don't deserve parents. Just let them slough off with the rest of the weakest of the herd. And everybody's better off and you don't have to get any parents at all. Wow. Who is booing? Who is booing that? Wow. I love it. Earth is booing. Earth is booing. All right. So now we have, we have our judge. Eddie Delisepa is here. Eddie's been listening carefully to the whole fight. Yes, I have been. Making notes. And Eddie will now run down the fight and decide who our winner is for round one.

Here's my scorecard, guys. First of all, great fight between the both. Great fight. Great fight. Amazing. Great round. We're going to go with, we're going to talk first about Jordan Black. Jordan feels that Brian is Hitler. Southern racist. Only hating his heart. Well, you know, I guess you can argue that maybe someone didn't see that. He feels that love is the answer. He feels that their struggle can be taught and can teach character, which is a very valiant point. Thank you. Brian Palermo, I would go, you know, you would never let an orphan suck his dick,

which I thought was a great topic. Beastiality came in there. I saw pure hate. And in order to To decide this round I'm gonna have to go with Jordan Black In this round What?

Love with I felt that someone's personal biases And inner most darkness Show too much And there was enough rational points Hashtag Love Win Rational I'm going to Jordan Black on this round

Eddie By any chance Are you an orphan With an interracial A gay couple for parents Let's go to round two All right All right

Before we go to round two Let's have a talk with one of our star fighters the man that just won the first round Jordan Black. Jordan, welcome to Let's have a fight. Thanks for having me. I love to fight. What a round, man. It was crazy. I was on the ropes there

for a bit. I didn't, you know, he put up a really good fight and you know, he made some good points, but I just felt like in the end, gay interracial couples are the best. Yeah, Brian was on you like one of Freddy Kruger's old dirty sweaters for a minute there, but you seem

to you seem to climb out of it, man. I tried my best. Well, Jordan, tell us what's going on with you. If you've got any upcoming events or anything you'd like to plug, any social media accounts. I'll plug some stuff. I have a show here in L.A. that we do called The Black Version. We do it at Largo, and it's an all-black cast of improvisers, and we get a movie title from the audience of a real movie, and we improvise the Black version of that movie. And you can go to the BlackVersion.com and see, buy tickets, see show dates. It's hilarious, by the way. It's hilarious. So great.

And then, yeah, you can follow me online. I'm at Fake Jordan Black. And yeah, and that's it. All right. Awesome. Awesome. So it's 1-0. Jordan's in the lead here with one fight under his belt.

Feeling confident. Yeah, you're doing great, guys. You're ready for round two. Let's do it. All right, I got it. All right, Jordan, read the topic out loud. Legal prostitution. Yeah.

Wow. Gentlemen, are you ready for round two? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. Here we go. Are you for it or against it, Brian? Legal prostitution. I'm a thousand times for it. It's just the most sensible thing there could be. All right. Here we go. Gentlemen, you're going to start, Brian. All right. Let's have a fight. Right. So the earth is run by capitalism, right? And it's all supply and demand. If somebody wants something, they go and get something.

From the time of the caveman to the hunters and gatherers, what were they huntering and gathering? Sex. Okay. So they went and got it and they didn't have to pay for it. the world evolved a little bit. This is simple science. And then people started paying for sex because some of the people who were giving sex couldn't get anything on their own. They couldn't catch their own taradactyl to eat or whatever. So they would trade sex for food or shelter or protection or cable.

Oh, right. This is all common sense. You know what? Let me just say this. When's the last time a stranger stuck his dick in your asshole and gave you $5? Not a stranger. A stranger specifically? I don't know.

Yeah, that's one one. You mean women, don't you, when you say legal prostitution? You're only talking about women. You're not talking about yourself. No, I'm talking about anybody. Would you sell your asshole to a stranger for $5? I support Adam Smith and capitalism and Nietzsche and Kerkigard. So yes, I would sell myself because it's easy money.

Because if you will, I will pimp you. I will pimp you. And you will make more with me than you have with any of your other horse. I won't make a lot with me because they hire me. I'm like a geisha. I'm more than just. sexual. I give the whole experience, man. You're the girlfriend experience.

There's no way you can legalize prostitution. These women suffer. Most of them are being pimped. They're out there against their will. You're making my point. You're making my point. So if you legalize it, then you can get a union together. You can give them a little book club. Yeah, you can protect them, you can regulate it. Have you met America? We don't unionize

anymore. I'm not talking about just America. This is global. This is universal. Other countries are worse than ours. There are alien spaces on Uranus that want to get fucked and want to get paid for it. I think they should legally be able to do it. No, no, no. You're welcome for that setup, by the way. You're welcome for

throwing your radis out there. Look at he's pointing at me. Let the audience hear that he's pointing at me very aggressively. No, right. First of all, most of these young girls get put out on the street when they're like 11 years old. Because they're probably orphans and they deserve it. Go ahead. You son of a bitch. And if you legalize it, then

it just makes it easier for these guys to manipulate these women and put them out there on the street and make them... You know what's legal in China? Child labor. You know what they have a shit ton of it in China? Child labor. And you know what I have in America? An iPad, an iPhone, an I-Macbook. There's 27 of them in my view right now, all because of illegal child labor over there. Now, I'm going to make it legal prostitution, not child labor. And then everybody's better off. Then everybody's better off.

Child labor is legal in China, so they got a fuckload of it. Let me check my notes if I give a fuck about China. No, I don't. Okay, so here's the thing. Legal prostitution has been, it's legal in France, whether they call it legal or not. It's legal? Oh, power slam. Jordan's going to his first power slam. You're like Sarah Palin, an ignorant twat.

That seems unfair, though, accurate. It is very accurate. But it still seems unfair. Prostitution is legal in Amsterdam. It's legal in Senegal, and it's legal in Canada. So you can go out of any of these countries. I wouldn't fuck anything in Senegal is your argument? Senegal?

You bring a Senegal? Yes! Why would you fuck anyone in Senegal? Because of prostitution, tourism. It's the number one moneymaker over there. It all goes back to capital. You are a communist. That's why you don't like capitalism.

You don't like anything working on it. So you want the government teat to give everybody all the money and all the milk. The teat. Wow. No. Right. The minute you legalize this thing, you are going to have all these women being abused and treat it like just like pieces of property.

by every man out there. They're abused. That happens now, and they don't get paid. But it's going to be worse. I'm saying legalize it so they can get some fucking dental. That's all. You know, so they get a benefit out of it.

Wow. They get child care. So, you know, they're going to go suck a couple of dicks behind the Ralph. Well, at least they get, you know, their co-pay is $10 for their...

Yeah, yeah. That's really great. So that's what they'll, like, be able to, their kids are able to say, oh, yeah, my mother's a whore, but it's legal,

so it's nothing embarrassing about that. It won't scar me. She should be proud of it. There's an ancient tradition of proud prostitution. Again, the Gashas I mentioned before, they were the Ottoman Turks who had harems. All these women were so well taken care of. They were treated like goddesses.

They were treated like goddesses. All the men around them, their dicks cut off so they wouldn't bother the goddesses. Oh, so that's a good reason to legalize prostitution. I'm not going to be a eunuch in a harem guard. That doesn't affect me. So if that's your choice, great. Go with God.

Have it cut off. I don't care. But the women are better off. Here's the thing. You don't even think about this. What is it going to do to our society when when you make it legal and it's so easy to get to it and all that and then all of a sudden all these men why get married why support your family we just go out and just pay for pussy anywhere you go and it's just accepted that's age old everybody pays for pussy all the time whether you're paying directly in money or you're offering a little girl at one direction tickets you're paying one way the other to get sex all right i'm saying legalize it and there won't be any underage sex anymore you can get a 21 year girl or girl to dress up like a 14 year old with people you're paying one way the other to get sex Big Tales, if that's your thing.

Brian, this shows how stupid you are because there will always be underage sex. This doesn't show one scintilla of how stupid I am. I am much stupider than that shows, and I'm going to show it right now by reading one of your own goddamn... Oh, here comes Brian's power slam. All right. Power jam. Jordan, the next time you rape me with your mouth, have the decency to spike my drink, you bitch. You know what, Brian?

Someone clearly has already spiked your drink because you sound like a fucking idiot. This is simple financial sense. Okay, I'll come back to the simple math of it. All right, you know, I got something to sell. You want to buy it? Boom, it's a transaction. Now it's legal. It's legal.

It's going to drive the prices down, by the way. So these women won't be making any money. They don't have to sleep with like 800 guys in a night just to make any kind of living. They make up for it in quantity, all right? So they have, they have to do more. Yeah, well, you know, but they're, you know, they work really hard. And they're self-esteem that they're out there making a living with their bodies. Okay.

So going to work is about building your self-esteem. It's a good point, Brian. You're starting to sound a bit like women are just pieces of meat. No, women, this is empowering women. This allows them to take control of their sex, of their vagina. It empowers them to let every guy with a dick stick it in them for money. If they choose to, and then they get paid for it. And they can charge, you know what, as much as they want.

They could charge a nickel. They could charge $10 billion. The best charging $10 billion will make no money just so you know. That's her choice. That's a free market. I can't explain capitalism to you. I can't start that with you because you're not going to get there, all right? So I can tell you that legalizing prostitution is going to be a lot better for everybody. Have you ever prostituted your body, Brian?

Yes. For how much? How much did you get? Four and a half hours. And I got paid four and a half dollars. So it's an equal. And how did it make you feel whenever it went out? I went out and I got two happy meals with that.

That made me feel better about myself. And the kids' meal toy was Frozen. It was Elsa from Frozen. You know what? Now that I know this about you, as much as you make me sick, after this, I definitely have $10 for you. You're going to do some shit. Well, the price has gone up. That was back in the day. That was when I was, you know, working for minimum wage.

Now, I demand a higher rate. I'm going to do some sick stuff to you, stuff you don't want. But I don't have to do it because legal prostitution is I can say no thank you. You have to go off of my menu, which is tattooed on my ass. You pick an item. I'll tell you what you. cost and then you pay me and you go to town. You know what, Brian, all I can think about

is all those young girls out there. It's not just girls. For you, I know. All those young girls, I'm just speaking for myself. All those young girls out there who may want to be more than just seen for just their physical attributes and all

you see them as is a soft spot to stick your dick in and somewhere to drop a couple of bucks on. Oh, you're so right. It doesn't have to be young girls. Why do you have to make it pedophilic. These can be old ladies, they can be women, just young adults, whatever they are. All right, they can be men. They can be animals. It can be

anybody can sell anything they want and get paid for it by their choice. If you legalize it, right? So it doesn't have to be these young girls. And if it's legalized, women are choosing to do it. Men are choosing to do it. You're not forcing them to do it. It's a dangerous thing. Being a circus performer in Vegas is dangerous.

Fuckers are doing that all the time. I can't control people's choices about danger. That's their life. It's their choice. They chose to be an orphan. They chose to suck dick. That's their life. Most people are not going to choose to be a prostitute. Some do. Some do. They're going to fall into that by some horrible things that have happened in their life that led them down that path.

Well, that's their choice. That's their problem. You know, they could choose to be a preacher or they could choose to be a prostitute. I'm saying that's two sides of the same coin, but it's their choice. It's all their choice. Don't you have any sympathy for these young kids, Brian? How does this turn it on me? I'm legalizing it is nothing but sympathetic to the situation.

That way, they're safer. They think you get that... They could get health tests. They could get health tests. They can get STDs. A lot of these prostitutes get a lot of help when they get arrested and they get, they go into programs and get help to turn their lives around. If there's no consequences to it, they have no way of finding out a better way of life. They'll have preemptive programs.

So instead of waiting to you get into shit in the toilet of life to get a program because your friend, the cops, has gave them to some place that, like a nun that's going to help them. They'll have preemptive programs. It's called on-the-job training. But with your way, the cop is just fucking them. Yeah, but that's like an... internship. Oh, there's the buzzer guys. That brings us to the end of our fight. Brian, yeah. We're going to get, let you give your closing argument first this time. Go ahead. Letting a prostitute choose whether they want to have sex and how much they get paid for it is much

more empowering than forcing poor people into that situation. And the free market does the rest. Wow. Common sense. Okay, okay. Fair enough, Jordan. No one chooses to humiliate themselves by selling their body. Some horrible shit happens to them that leads them down that path. You dick. Wow. There it is. That's the end of the fight. Let's go to Eddie D. Get Eddie D's

notes. Eddie, how did you see the fight? Wow. Well, the beautiful thing about this podcast, this fight is that from round and around, you really don't know what you're going to get. Now, from Jordan, I felt like, you know, he felt his points where it's inhuman. It's in terms of social fabric. It would damage it. But at the same time, when Brian brought up that he was a prostitute, he would buy him for $10 and do horrible things to him, which kind of goes in the point of Brian. Thank you.

Because you can do anything you want, and prostitution is a historical thing. It's been around since the beginning of time. You know, the orphan callback, I thought was great. Really brought him back in, really painted a picture of how sad this thing is. But people can't profit from it and be taxed and have benefits. And, of course, the blowjob of the back of the Ralph's, why not have that person have benefits and have great teeth? Yes. He was passionate about the whole thing.

He had great points. And it was in favor of the prostitute, a lot of it. I have to go around to Brian. All right. Of course you are. You're a whore. That's why. But if I'm a whore, maybe I get paid for it.

There you go. There you go. All right. Brian, how do you feel, man? You won the second fight. I feel strong. This whole thing makes me nervous because, you know, I don't like fighting. I'm a Buddhist.

So I don't like conflict. But I feel good that I've made my point. You brought it home, dude. You brought it on. Powerful, powerful arguments, especially the ones behind, was it Ralph's? Yeah, the Ralph's behind.

Yeah. Oh, unbelievable. I do shop at Ralphs up very often. Not anymore. Not anymore. Brian, tell us what's going on. What do you have coming up? Where can people reach out

and find you on the social media? Doing all that good stuff that we do. I also have a live show that my friend Jordan plays in every single week because it's his live show too. At the Groundlings Theater in Los Angeles. We have a show called The Crazy Uncle Joe Show, which is a long-form improv thing. Very silly, very, very fun.

We have a lot of celebrity guest, Harlan, you played a couple times before. We have other friends that come and play. I did a little bit on Peewee's Big Holidays at Peewey Herman's new movie that will be out on Netflix. Oh, fantastic. So I'll be on that. Wow. And you can find me, just search my name, but spell it correctly, Harlan. Yeah, on Facebook or Twitter.

It's Palmero. It's Palermo. You can't have Palermo without Palermo. E-L-E-R-M-O. There you go. Wow. Brilliant. Brilliant fight.

Great energy. And this brings us to our third and final fight, guys. All right. So I'm going to pick one of my topics. Okay. I pick the final topic. Eddie will decide who gets to go first. Okay.

And the final topic is tagging. Should tagging be allowed or should tagging be illegal? You mean spray paint tag. Spray painting. Graffiti. all that stuff Eddie who is going to start the argument and

I'm going to pick I'm going to get Jordan to start the argument Jordan are you for or against tagging I'm for it okay Brian Jordan you guys ready to have a fight let's do it here we go let's have a fight so first of all

tagging is an artistic expression it's something that you know a lot of young people start off doing and a lot of them become great artists like Jean-Michel Basquiat who's a famous artist who started off as a tagger in New York. I did not know that. And now his paintings are literally worth tens of millions of dollars. Whoa.

So if he had not been given the opportunity to make his mark literally as a young person, he never would have found his voice as an artist. So I think it's a great way for young people. It doesn't harm anyone. It hurts no one. They're not shooting anybody. They're not fighting. They're not selling drugs.

They're just drawing a picture on something or writing a name on something. They have a message, and it's important that they get that message out. Are you done? That's just the most ridiculous opening I've ever heard in my life. Of course, you hate art because you don't know anything about it. You're not an artist. Think of the McGettysburg Address. Four score and seven years ago is so dramatic and profound.

You're the exact opposite of that. Okay, so this is just ridiculous. The idea that tagging doesn't hurt anyone, what about the property owners? What about the citizens of the city where they've got to walk by and see all this crap. And for every Jean-Michel Baskillet, there are 20 billion Estivo Goldbergs who just draw shit on the side of the fucking wall, and we've got to be assaulted by that. I am visually assaulted by that. It's worth it to find the Banksy that's in there. Like, you know, Banksy, he painted someone's door in, like, some war-turning ravage place. They're no longer poor.

Those people are out of poverty. This is what graffiti art can actually do. Sure. And for every Banksy, there's a thousand million other little Jojo assholesans and they're going to paint a door and guess what? Your property value just shot down in the shudder because you got graffiti in your fucking neighborhood. But Brian, that's what makes the

greats great. Shut the fuck up and stop applauding him. He's an idiot and anybody applaud him as good. That's how you, that's how you, yeah. All these, you have to go through a lot of shit to find the gold, okay? That's no argument. Of course there are people who are terrible artists. Right. Okay.

But they highlight who they're great ones are. But if you just say, no more tagging, we lose all those great artists who we have found over this. Look at the beautiful murals that have been made all of the people. We travel the world to see cave drawings. Oh, yeah. Okay? Cave drawing, that's tagging. Right. Somebody's drawing on a

cave. That was somebody's house at one point. It's a good point. And that's why cave drawing stopped 10 million years ago. Because no one agreed that there's a good fucking idea. Because guess what? I live in a cave. Now there's some fucking bison on my wall. I don't want that. That scares me and the children. Now we can't sleep.

Now I can't catch a new bison, now we're all going to die. But Brian, tagging is the new cave drawing. A billion years from now, people will look at the sides of freeways and go, oh my God, who is lefty nuts? Yeah. What was he trying to tell us? What is he communicating? You can get all that from the picture of his nuts that he's drawn on the side of the highway.

So that's not art. That's just a person's scrotum, which I would say... Why did you hate art? I don't know why you're not art. I hate scrotums. I hate you and I hate art and I hate Scrotum's and I hate Maxie and I hate Matt Pascat. Listen, I want things to be clean and nice. I don't want random assholes run around and spray painting shit all over everything.

Yeah, but Brian, Brian, you just argued that people should have the freedom to sell their assholes, but they shouldn't have the freedom to have something to say about society on the side of a building or the freeway. It doesn't hurt anyone. It doesn't have to bring down the property value. But it does. They have the freedom to sell their stuff in their own terms, in their own bedroom, in the back of a Prius, wherever they want, not on your house. So you're saying self-expression trumps the cleanliness of the...

If we tag everything, then the property values all remain the same. You're actually arguing for more tagging. I am going to stand up and piss on your face right now, and that's just my creative expression. Hey, that's all creative expression. So maybe, you know, 9 million more people are going to piss on your face, but maybe that one guy is going to be an artist when he pisses on your face. All right? So get ready. You're my canvas.

That's the problem, Brian. You're not an artist, so your ideas are terrible. I'm not an artist, but every little fucking graffiti paint-cad monkey out of the grammar school is? No, but they're finding their voice. Some will do that and they'll discover that, oh, you know what? I'm not really good at this. I'm going to move on. Oh, yeah, because they're all that self-assure.

I've seen a lot of 80-year-old taggers, right. Some of them give it up after a while. Yeah, but after they've ruined my neighborhood, after they've ruined the beauty that is Hollywood. No, you ruined your neighborhood when you moved into it. Yeah, the beauty. That's what drag down, you know, when some. Some redneck hick moves to the neighborhood. That's when you're...

I'm a redneck hick. Fuck you guys. Fuck you guys. Right. I'm a redneck hick. Is that what you're saying? Your attitude towards art is representative of redneck hicks. If I knew the name of any artist I would throw it at you right now, what I'm saying is

graffiti is not art. Tagging is not art. It's not art. It's like, I'm going to put my initials all over this thing. You know, Brian, this thing is mine. If you tag the word proprietary, that would be impressive. What it now? Because you're saying something.

I don't know what it is, but I want to know. I've got a Sharpie in my hand. I'm going to walk over and write my initials on your white shirt, and now you're mine. I represent, how does that make you feel? They don't own the building when they write on it. No, that's exactly what they own that neighborhood. Then they take off shoes and they tie them up around the goddamn telephone lines. Whatever it is, it's all tied together.

Tagging is the broken windows thing. Once you get graffiti, then they have prostitution, which is a good thing, then you have cats and cactuses and brain and acid and externalities. Think of all the great movies that have been made about New York City. And when they show those establishing shots, they always show tagging. They always show that to let you know, we're in New York, it's urban, it's rugged, it's real. It's where you want to be. Yeah, because Woody Allen can be a pedophile there.

Who gives a shit about art and tagging in New York? How about the tagging in Columbus, Ohio? How about the tagging in Rhode Island? We'll sit around Alaska where real Americans live. Woody Allen may indeed be a pedophile, but he is also an artist. Oh, Jordan goes to the power slam. Brian? Yes.

You know how the universe is in? infinite and goes on forever, your assholery is bigger than that. Oh, nice, okay. Wow. That's pretty big. That's pretty big. I stand on the fact that tagging is not art. I love art. Banksy's not an artist? He's at a tagger. But he's starting as a tagger. He does all kind of other things. He grew into more graffiti art.

When he grew into an artist, then I can appreciate him. But he had to start somewhere. He can start on a piece of paper. He had to tag on the side of the fucking Montalisa's Louvre. But now he grew up. He paints these beautiful murals and things on the sides of buildings. He does not have permission. Right.

Sometimes he gets arrested. Right. So is that, is it then not art? No, it's not art. And it's a criminal trespass. But it's art.

He is marring a beautiful piece of just clean marble, a museum or whatever he's writing on, whatever he's tagging on. It's not art. It's an attack. All right. Tagging is an attack. Let me ask you guys this.

You're walking down the street. You see a kid tagging, spray painting on a building. What each of you do? You catch the kid. You confront him. What do you say? What do you do?

I pat the kid on the back. I give him $5 and I say, keep up the good word. Right. I pat the kid on the back. I give him $5. He gives me a blowjob. Wow.

That's good. This artist need money. And by legally empowering him to prostitute himself, I give him the money that lets him buy the new tempera that it can mix with egg and paint another fucking shitty thing on another chuck of the fucking shitty wall. Now I'm all upset. Oh, Brian goes to the power slam. Jordan.

Shut your pussy lips, dick fart. Wow. You know what, Brian? Pussy lips are what will be drawn on the side of your house, and your house will go up in value if I become famous. And if Georgia O'Keevah reanimates from the grave and becomes a tagger. See, there you go. Now you're mentioning a real artist.

See that? Right. So you do respect art. I know real art. I don't respect tagging. That's exactly the point. point. You like your art like you like your women. Dainty and inside.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll stipulate to that. This is exactly right. That's how I like my women and my art is dainting inside. But I don't like tagging because it's outside and it's dirty. And it involves fluoroclorocarbons that are horrible for the earth. So these motherfuckers with their

aerosol cans are taking us all down just so they can selfishly express themselves by drawing and dicking balls on a fence. Guess what? Those aerosol cans, They buy those, and that helps the economy, which goes back to your prostitution argument. It's a free country. They should be allowed to fuck up the environment because we're making money, you communists.

These are taggers, not artists. That's what I would say to you, okay? Taggers are not artists, and thus they don't deserve the respect. Of course I know the difference. What should the penalty be? Oh, last question, what should the penalty be if they get caught in the act? They have to have their last creation tattooed on their own face. Wow.

All right. Well, that brings us to the end of the round. That was a heated debate right there. Wow. All right. It ain't going to be no rematch. It ain't going to be no rematch. Brian started.

So, Jordan, we'll let you give the final argument. We'll start you off first. Go for it. Well, obviously, Brian knows nothing about art. Have you seen his work? Oh. So, therefore, his opinion is very, very meaningless. Yeah.

Taggers are artists. They just don't all. have the financial wherewithal to buy a canvas and go home and do that. So they have to do it in whatever way is possible. Artists have to express. They have to get it out. Beautiful. Brian?

Taggers are vandals and criminals and there are abusers and they take out their frustrations on the fences and clean walls of society. And they're a horrible, they're a syphilitic wart on the world. Wow.

They should be removed. Wow. All right, that ends our third and final fight. Let's go to Eddie D. Let's find out who won the third round and is today's champion on Let's Have a Fight. First of all, guys, great round. Yeah, unbelievable. Way to bring it home.

Way to bring it on. Verbal, hilarious Titans went at it. Brian, we can start with Brian. Brian brought some great points. The piss on the face imagery was interesting. I own you. Let me piss in your face. Maybe I'll be one of the few artists

of a million that piss on your face to become successful. He feels that it hurts property. And he also had the statement of the beauty that is Hollywood, which I found very perplexing. And it hurts businesses. But I do feel he represents a very small demographic. Whereas Jordan speaks on behalf of all artists. He feels that it's going to

express everybody. It's a form of freedom. And much like beauty, artist is in the eye of the beholder. Yep. You know, it is a tough round. Both bright points. Real tough. But I got to go with the guy that speaks on behalf of the people, not the small percentage that our property owners that feel like it's going to hurt

property. Wow. I have to go with Jordan. Oh, Jordan. Jordan, Black. Horrible. Thank you. Great fight. All artists. Wow. You put up a good fight. You made some good points to

the pissing on the one out of a million guys who piss on me want to be an artist. I got to give you that because there you go. I would have a problem with that. Indeed. I would have a problem. You guys unbelievable fight. Unbelievable. These guys are both hilarious. Catch them at the groundlings when you can. Check out their social media.

Brian Palermo, Jordan Black, guys. Thank you for being here. Let's have a fight. Unbelievable. Thank you, our champion today, Jordan Black. And we will see you guys next time on LITS. Have a fight. Woo!

Unbelievable.