The Harland Highway - PREMIUM MEMBER - STAND UP COMEDY

Episode Date: November 21, 2015

Hear Harland working out some new WALKING DEAD zombie material live on stage at the Hollywood Improv! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello premium members, how are you today? Oh, God. That's enough to make you want to cancel your premium subscription. I apologize for that horrible voice. Do you hear that? Hello, premium. Sound like Bullwinkle. Hello, premium members.

How are you today? Gosh, Bullwinkle, we've heard that. before? Thank you, Rocky. Wow. You know what? Can't cancel your premium membership. I can't even stand what I just did. Cancel it now. Please. I'm kidding. Don't cancel it. Um, hey, my premium peeps, thanks for being a premium member. And here's some special content just for you guys. Nobody else gets to hear it but the premiums. I hope you enjoy it. As I promised, uh, when you joined the premium membership. You're going to get to hear a lot of my live stand-up comedy that I record.

And this is one of those nights where I went down to the Hollywood Improv on Melrose Boulevard in Hollywood, California. And, you know, they only give us a few minutes on stage because there's so many comedians that live in L.A. And it's a place where I really go to work out and try new material and, you know, just test stuff. and throw it out there for the very first time. And yes, it can be very, very painful because you don't know what's going to happen.

You don't know if you're being funny. You don't know if the material resonates. You don't know if you don't have the wording down yet. But it's also very rewarding because when stuff does get a reaction, you're like, oh, okay, my instincts were right. I'm on to something. Or, you know, it's also rewarding when you say something and you already know in your head.

I'm like, I'm like, Harlan, you know, I think this is funny. It makes me laugh. Let's see if it makes other people laugh. So it's always rewarding when you have something that you find funny and it tickles other people. And so this is a real kind of peek behind the curtain here, gang, where you get to kind of hear me just work on some brand new stuff.

I think 99% of this material, at least 90% that I do in this next clip is the very first time that any of it came out of my mouth. So it's not perfect. It's, uh, some of it I'm kind of reaching. Some of it I say the words wrong. Some of it, you know, some of it,

I, I'm just letting it come out of my mouth as I talk. I didn't write any of it down. I just kind of had ideas in my head before I walked on stage. And I thought, well, I'll hit, I'll hit this point, this point, this point. and just let the words kind of roll and fill in. And it's very scary. I mean, you know, it's probably the hardest part of doing stand-up, breaking in new material. So you'll either hate it or like it or somewhere in between, but as my premium members,

I wanted to share the experience with you. I had a great time. Some of this stuff worked. Some of it did. I talked a lot about the Walking Dead and Zombies. So to my premium members, thank you again for being premium members, and I certainly hope you enjoy this exclusive content just for you. Here it is, Harlan Williams, working it out at the Hollywood Improv.

Oh, and one last thing, just before I play the clip. You'll hear the introduction. I think I go up as Perry Polywag from, Marina del Rey or something like that. When I do my working-it-out nights, I don't like any attachments. I don't like credits. I don't like to even use my real name.

So I always have the emcees introduced me by these ridiculous names that I make up. So you'll hear in the intro, Perry Polywag. Enough of me talking. Here it is, guys. I hope it makes you giggle a little bit. The Hollywood Improv. Please give a warm welcome to Mr. Perry Polywop from Marina Del Rey.

All right. All right, right on, guys, right on, right on, hey, right on, right to fuck on, hey. Right on, right to fuck on, hey. Oh, good to see everyone. any Marina del Rayer's here or what? All right, on, liar. Sir, you could not eat in the middle of the show. But I'm a big fan of the Walking Dead.

Where's my Walking Dead guy? Love it. Which season is, like, season 12 now or something? Where are we at, player? Huh? Six, yeah. And the only problem I have with the show, the Walking Dead, for those of you that don't know,

it's an post-apocalyptic world full of zombies, guys, zombies. And it's kind of a depressing show. Everyone's like all beat up and at the edge of their humanity. And I kind of wish there was like just one like cheery guy in the show. Like, you know, like maybe like a guy named Randy, right? And he's, uh, he's, uh, what are those, he's a helothemiac or whatever. Those, who are the, what are those guys, necrophiliacs? Like Randy's like he's gone to heaven.

He just stands in the window and he's, oh yeah, here comes the beef. Just a wall of dead people walking down the road. He's going to be fucking all afternoon. Fucking Randy. Randy, the necrophilia. You're going to get me some pussy today. It's weird for dead people, they really have an appetite, don't they? I wonder if Jenny Craig can make a fortune off the zombies.

All they seem to do is eat. And you never see them, like, you see them, you know, walking into a wall, and they're wandering through a field. And not once on that show, I seemed like, 900 zombies lined up in front of Golden Corral, right? Isn't that scene when it was lodging about the never-ending buffet? You got zombie just lined up to get into the never-ending... What's it called?

What's that commercial guy that Jeff Foxworthy does? The Best Buffet Amer? What's the slogan guy? You know what? If you don't want to tell me, that's okay. But, yeah, that's... They love to eat. You'd think they'd be a little heftier, because all they do is eat.

And you never see a zombie. It's weird because you have to assume all the zombies, right, they're wearing what they died in. And it always seems like, I don't know if it was brown pants day, they're gonna wear it? Doesn't it seem like all the dudes were a brown fucking and a shirt like this? It's like, where's the guy in the fucking Star Wars pajamas wandering down the street?

Where's the fat zombie with the, you know, Burger King home of the wopper underpants wandering down the road? Where's the fucking chick in the Victoria's Secret Thong for zombie ass? I wonder if a supermodel you'd even notice the difference, right? I got a supermodel, woke up on the walking dead, she looked around and you go, fuck, I got some competition. But, holy shit, it's weird too because, you know, these guys eat, what they eat is human flesh, but yet they won't eat each other. There's like an abundance of meat all around them.

But they're like, oh, that's past its expiration date. I can't eat that. That's rancid. That means rancid over there. But it seems like if you get just one guy that can get over the, you know, shouldn't they just be eating each other until they're just one giant fat zombie? Like the stay puff marshmallow guy, they're just one giant fucking zombie that just eat each other,

there's one chubby zombie like. chubby zombie left. And at what point does the human body to stop deteriorating? It's like, you know, they're fucking rotten and then the body goes, whoa, whoa, that's enough. That's it right there. You can still walk.

There's just enough meat covering your bones. They're all standing at the graveyard. with candles having a vigil for Karen Carpenter. She's like their fucking hero. Too zoom, too much. All right, moving on. Topso, if you could not dip your fries in ketchup, you're doing a show.

If you're trying to do a show, all you're in here is a fried dipping in the ketchup. Ultra-sensitive hearing. Little hairs in my ear drums are like wiggling like a squid's clit right now. Squids-split. Squids-plit. Put on your robbers and let's go jigging for squid clits, everybody. Don't do that, ma'am, squid flit fishing.

Oh, well, you're up. Well, there you go, gang. Zombies and deep-fried fishing for squid flits. Aren't you glad you're a premium member now? I can always go back to that voice if you want. Oh, I'm having fun here on the premium scene. Thanks again for being a premium member. Get ready because coming up very soon is the next episode of the Let's Have a Fight podcast.

And oh my God, it's a doozy. It's almost like an R-rated one. We have a wonderful guest, her name's Sam Phillips. And I think she has the record for being the most photographed penthouse pet in the history of Penthouse magazine. and she has got a potty mouth on her. Me and her are going to be going at it in the next episode of Let's Have a Fight. So that'll be coming up very soon for the premium folks. I hope you enjoy it, gang.

It's going to be a ride. Let's put it that way. So there you go. Have a great day. Thanks for being here. And we'll catch you next time with some more Harland Highway premium material. Thank you, Rocky. Oh, Bo Winkle!