The Harland Highway - PREMIUM MEMBERS - NEW YEARS STAND UP

Episode Date: December 29, 2015

Just a couple of quick jokes premium members, to help you exit/enter the new year with a laugh! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, hey there, everybody. Happy New Year. Uh, hey, premium members. Uh, it's, uh, it's just about that time. It's just about, uh, new years, 2016. Or we might already be in it by the time you listen to this. I don't know. I don't know your listening cabinets, your,

you're listening cabinets, your, your listening habits, your, your listening habits, premium members. you're premium members so you probably have different listening cabinets habits than nuns habits than anyone else that's why you're special that's why you're premium members

what is wrong with me anyways I wanted to share just a little a little bit of a New Year's Eve material with you not a lot but just just a little something to put a chuckle on your face hopefully

maybe make you have a little either the last giggle of 2015 or the first giggle of 2016. A little bit of live stand-up comedy I did just the other night. Just for you guys special, I knew it was the only time of year I could do this stuff. And so here it is. Happy New Year from me to you. Thanks for being premium members and wishing you all the best in 2016. And as I said, let's close it out and let's kick it off with a laugh. Hey, gang.

Oh, is this a real? What a wonderful time of year. How about a hand for the leukemia tree? Give that a hand. What a treat. What a real treat. What a great time of year to celebrate to be with the first. family. Just unbelievable. My parents, every year we do this family tradition.

Well, you can wait for the jokes, sir. We do this goddamn thing where my folks, you ever do this gang and get the needle in the thread and you put it through the popcorn and you wrap it around the tree. Do you do this gang? Yeah. Okay. My parents, the dumb fucks that they are, they don't pop the shit first.

But what a time this other. New Year's is coming. Anybody make a resolution? Sir, I rope your eye. Blue him to go. Here's the resolution I made last year. You've all done. on it, right? It's New Year's Eve, and it's like, tomorrow, I'm going to the fucking gym, right?

I'm going to the fucking year. You wake up in the morning. Here's what I did. I called my buddy, Jim. I said, can I come over for pizza? Technically, I went to the gym, okay? Okay, well, not the response to the morning. Last year, unbelievable, this chick called me up, this hot slab of beef called me up. This hot slab of beef called me up. Okay, well, this hot slab of beef called me up. She goes, what are you doing for New Year's? This hot slab of beef came out and I said, I said, I don't know.

She goes, you want to come over? over and watch the ball drop. And I'm like, fuck, I can use a tea bag before the end of the year. So I go over and I'm squatting over like this, right? And the fucking drop goes, you count down from 10. And I don't take yoga classes, gang. I get to six. I fucking collapse, crush her throat with my Oh, yeah, crushed her throat with my crotch. So there you go. I told you just a quickie for the premium members. A little New Year's chuckle.

Maybe something to think about while you're watching the ball drop at your house. Hey, want to wish you guys the best of times, best of the new year. year. Happy New Year. Hope and all your dreams come true. Be happy, smile. Be kind to your fellow human beings. And let's make 2016 a great one. Thanks for being part of the Harland Highway and thanks for being premium members. Love you guys and look forward to another year of laughs on the Harland Highway podcast. Happy New Year.