The Harland Highway - PREMIUM MEMBERS ONLY - Harland's LIVE stand up!

Episode Date: September 12, 2017

Hey PREMIUM MEMBERS just for you some fun moments of LIVE stand up at The COMEDY STORE! Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, here we go, ladies and gentlemen. A big shout out to my premium members. Hello, premium members. Thank you for being here. This is one of those little special add-ons I throw out there for you guys to say thank you for being a premium member. This is me doing a live stand-up show very recently at the world-famous comedy story. on the world famous Sunset Strip. And I followed actor-comedian Jamie Kennedy.

You might remember Jamie from the Scream movies and from the Project X or the X Kennedy Files or something. And Jamie was talking about, you know, kind of his level of fame and, you know, being recognized at Olive Garden and talking about how he, He looks weird as he's getting older. He said on stage that he looked like he'd been, you know, he was the baby of, uh, if, you know, he was raped by Matthew McConaughey and Bradley Cooper or something crazy.

Uh, and then Steveau was on before him talking about being in the burn unit and all this and that. So the beginning of the show, I do a callback to their acts. I kind of watched them and then I did a callback as I open my show. And then sitting in the crowd tonight. was a guy that looked exactly like Jesus. There was a guy that looked like a young version of Fabio.

And so you know me, I got talking to the crowd and I was trying out some new material. And so this is a mishmash of, you know, just a short little set on the sunset strip. And, you know, I'm just working on some bits and talking to the crowd. And I hope you like it. Thanks for being premium members.

Here we go. Harlan Williams, live at the Comedy Store. How you doing, everybody? A fucked up club. Don't they know the mic goes the other way? I can do it my fly, man. I don't want people being distracted by the old mushroom cap. Fuck, I love Hollywood.

Don't you love Hollywood, gross a fuck, Hollywood? Just, you fucking roll around Hollywood, right? You never know who you're going to see. Fucking celebs everywhere you've got to run. I swear to God, I'm in a restaurant the other day, and I'm fucking chowing down, and I fucking, I can't believe it. I walk over, I go, holy fuck, Jamie Kennedy, what are you doing at Olive Garden? And he starts talking to me, right?

But I'm blank up because I'm like, George Culloombe. Have you seen that guy lately though? Kennedy? I mean, I don't know if he's having health issues. Is it just me or does it look like he's He was raped by matching economy and Rosie O'Donnell. And Rosie O'Donnell. Clarence, is at the bird clinic about three weeks ago,

and this fucking guy had an intravenous in his neck, right? I got a dog in his fan with him. What the fuck is that? I went to five guys the other day. You ever been to this place Billy Blastoff? Have you been to five guys? You've been to this place deadliest catch? I'm trying to do that.

Don't want you watching my shop. I go five guys, and not the best name, not the best name for an unestablishment. I thought I was getting on a gait home cruise. I'd walk in some guy in an apron, and he's like, hi, welcome to five guys. And now there's six of us. So if you could stop scratching your beard. Makes me feel like you're hiding a psoriasis scat. How are you?

Ma'am, you'll wake your grandmother up at three in the morning and grind a pineapple in her face? You well, do well. I don't like getting sick. You ever get sick, man? You ever get a little ouchy? Ah, who here has recently had a little ouchy? A little ooh-oh, whoops a daisy.

Guy, you ever have a little ouchy or kicking around at home watching the telly? Maybe you're covered in mayonnaise hanging out with your guide buddies. So if you could sit down trying to do a show. I don't like it, man. I don't like it, man. I don't like going to the hot... All that time at the emergency ward. Well, you don't know, Jesus.

You don't know. You look like fucking Jesus, bro. No, Jesus never did the wave, bro. Tell him he looks like Jesus, and he goes like this. He's like, he's at the airport security, right? You ever walk on bottled water? You went, you will. But I got a little ouchy the other day, right, Grosoph?

I got a little ouchy. I'm like, I don't want to go to the emergency ward. I don't want to spend 3,000 bucks getting diagnosed for my little ouchy, right? So here's what I do, gang, and you can do it too. You just open your laptop and hello, there he is. Dr. Google. I did on Dr. Google. What would have taken me five hours and thousands of dollars,

Dr. Google told me in like 20 minutes. I had no idea. 20 minutes on Google. Guess what? Ovarian cancer. with a little dash of leukemia. How about that? But then you get in a rabbit hole, right?

You keep going. You want to find out more and more about your bade, right? You know those little bumps right here, they call them fucking ankles, right? Those lumps under your skin, they call them fucking ankles. Dr. Google, Break tumor. I can't fucking die,

kicking a soccer ball. Oh my God? Anyone here have athletes' foot? You ever have athlete's foot? Johnny fucking fudge tea? I've had the athlete's foot, right, little buddy, huh? The fucking scum and your toenails

look like fucking Rosie O'Donnell's teeth. Fuck that. Google turns out my feet I had a yeast infection. I go on Amazon and buy gluten-free socks. I'm cured. Then I start getting deeper and deeper. You, oh, I don't know. You take the Rainbow Warrior yoga pants, you pour them down in the bathroom and you release the Cracket! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Hallelujah! How are you? How are you? Jr. in the house, huh? Do you believe in God, Fabio Jr.? Sometimes you believe in God, but yet you can't believe it's not butter. So there you go. I hope you enjoyed that, premium members. Just a little fun night out at the comedy club. Working on the new bit, the whole Dr. Google bit is something new.

That's only like the second or third time I've done it. So I'm still refining it. I'm not something new. I'm starting to peel the layers back and get it into shape so I can make it part of my regular show. That's how I do it. I get up there and try the new stuff and just keep working it and working it until all the words and all the physical comedy

and everything comes together until it's cooked. And then I got a nice new bit that I can share with everybody. So it's still a work in progress. I'll keep you posted. But hey, thanks again for being premium members. You guys are the best. I really appreciate it. Tell your friends to get in on this.

And I'll keep bringing you. and you some good stuff. And until next time, thank you and chicken. Chaumain.