The Harland Highway - RICK GLASSMAN can be seen in SLOW MOTION on this episode. Also we talk extinct species and whiteness

Episode Date: December 2, 2025

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You know this word privy? It's short for privilege. Well, white privilege. Yeah, yeah. Which is something that you and I didn't know we had until a few years ago. Oh, I knew I had it since I was a baby. I used to walk around when I was one year old, I'd go into ethnic neighborhoods and kick people. What?

I think that's funny. License and registration, please. You pumped your pie, hair, goody freaks. Grandpa's old cough medicine, I'm with my peeps. But cut daddy, not too shabby, take a taxi on the Harlan Highway. Yeah, we're on the Highland Highway. How come you have this one where you can see it, but we don't have these. Where we can see it?

Well... Do you want to see it? I'll readjust it for you. Nice to know when I'm in and out of frame. So you want to see yourself. You want to see yourself on your camera. It's nice to be able to know what your frame is. I don't have to see it the whole time.

Or could we just say maybe you like to look at yourself? Or being honest? It's for my frame. So just so I'm clear, you're happy with your camera now. Yeah, you can even flip it the other way. I just wanted to see what my range was. Now this way I get to play with your face. That's fun, yeah.

You put your thumb where my head is. Well... Just do it and then don't move it. Watch. Okay, now move it. Now put it back. Now put it back. Now move it.

Put it back. Oh, oh. What the, who, how did you... This is a little fun game. How did you possibly... Wait. No, I'll stay there. Yeah, do that.

Let me do a sound test with my face. I test sound with my face. It's going. Yeah, I can hear it. Okay, thank you. Brought me to slide the head. Slide the head. Slide the head, slide the head.

Me and Rick will slide the hand. I give to you to slide the head, I give to you to slide the head, ah, ah, ah, and... Is it true that you auditioned for Encino Man and it went to Polly Shore, but originally, It was you, and instead of no wheezing the juice, it was no sliding the head. That's a good Hollywood story that you'll hear around any popular Hollywood bar,

like the smokehouse, tanners in Burbank. Residules. Residules in Glendale, the Rusty Pelican. I've heard that one tossed around. I've never had a Rusty Pelican. Remind me what that is. It's when you bend over and... It's when you bend over and a carpenter with a rusty hammer.

just hammersmiths you. Jesus. Yeah. I'm saying like Jesus? Yeah, I am too. He was a carpenter. He was. But he's not anymore because he got a promotion. Well, you gotta wonder if you're a carpenter and you're the son of God and here you are upon a cross,

are you mad that your father, the creator of everything is killing you? or are you mad that some local carpenter you'd some standard wood to hold you up during your final moments? Like you're up there and you're like, good Lord, is this, is this balsam? What is this? Maplewood? What is this beach?

Is maple bad? It is to Jesus. What would he want? Like a flaming superior Holy Trinity tree. That's miracle bark. Oh, like the burning bush? No, that's on fire.

I'm just saying he wants a special tree because he's a son of the Lord, so he wants miracle bark, phantistophical leaves from Greece. Fantastophical leaves? Yeah, like, you know, they shimmer and they change color. It's the Lord. You're not going to have just an old. Most leaves change color, right? Well, racist.

You do? Racist leaves. Chlorophyll. Every fall. No, thanks. I'm busy. every fall trees get racist

who are they to culturally appropriate and change color right in front of us suddenly they go gay they go pink they're changing their sexuality pardon you

do you listen to Kermit's podcast the frog you know we talks about it how it isn't easy to be green no yeah talk to me he has a podcast we talks about it isn't easy being green it's something that I feel

like a lot of leads have taken on did you You just eat something tasty? No, I stepped on a cow. And I think that leaves changing color is one of the more beautiful things that I miss being in Los Angeles. You still see it, but it's not the same. You don't see all the fall colors. I was just in Cleveland, and boy, my arm tired, from masturbating a lot while I was there.

We don't use that word here. Ohio? Yeah. I was masturbating a lot in Ohio. We don't use that word, Ohio. you could make it somewhere else. It doesn't even matter. I'm just saying I miss the seasons.

I miss the seasons. Well, I'll tell you what. There are seasons here in L.A. If you go down to South Central, the gang members tag the trees every fall. So they go through the whole myriad, the whole kaleidoscope of fall colors. Cool.

I mean, the shades of spray paint you can get at Home Depot outnumber the shades that Mother's nature can offer up in her tapestry of fall chlorophyll. All right. Let's get into it. Welcome back to another episode of Harland Highway. Do you want to play the song? Oh, yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Halle Highway Park. Oh, I should wait to you sit. Sorry, hold on. I don't want to do it while you're not there. Let's try that again. Can you give me a count in? 20, 19, 18. 17, 17, 15, 15, 14, 13, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3.

Don't fuck with me. Don't fuck with daddy. I learned in Wayne's world you're not supposed to say two and one. you're supposed to got you got yeah got yeah oh this is new

yeah this is new new backdrop new backdrop new sound lady and gentlemen welcome to the Hallen highway

punk cat we got a sweet sweet guest here today Rick Glassman or sweet Ricky as they call

him down at the YMCA let's let him dance for a minute and when he gets that out of his system We'll start the...

Go, buddy, go. Who made this? Huh? Is this a slash? No, this is God. God makes everything. Wow, you ended perfect with your tits. That's awesome. You just did a titty thrust. It's just like, boom.

How do you know how to work your tits so good? I watch a lot of so you think you could dance. Wow. What about how I thought you could use your tits? Have you ever watched that? What is that on? It's on the Midnight Special Channel. Is that one of those?

I don't know. I just, I can't remember, so I made up a channel. But it's good to be green podcast. It's one of my favorites. I saw some of my favorite guests, Hulk, Shrek, she Hulk, and the Jolly Green Giant were some of my favorite interviews on it. It's Good to Be Green. You know what, but it would be cool.

You can maybe get him. He's never been on, but since you worked with him, if you could get the mask on there. Oh, from the movie The Mask? Yeah. Yeah. Jim Carrey and the green mask. Yeah.

Sure. He's not all green, though. It's just his face. And I don't think I'd want to participate in that conversation. Is it just his face? It's just his face. Are we sure? We're absolutely positive.

It's just the mask and his face goes green. Yes. His hands are honky. His legs are honky. He's all honky. He's green, green face honky. So I'm not going to give my time. I'm not going to participate in a half breed.

I want full green or I might as well go to Dolly Parton's house, kick her Doran in the middle of the night, have a Taco Bell Grande with extra cheese and grind it in her country style fat, vainy fuck face. Dude, and this is paying for this. It's crazy. You find words that go together. Yeah.

And in a way that nobody else does. Someone's got it. And you're making millions now. Tons. Or the millions. Well, yeah. Okay. So billions? Who wants to know? Who cares? Hey, all money's green, ain't it?

So is Kermit's talk show. It's Iliens. If you put a T in front of it or an M or a B, let's just say I make Illions and you fill in the blank, stupid. Millions. I mean, folks. Millions. Okay. I'm going to guess your net worth. Okay. I don't have a net, but... Then I'll guess what is... including all your assets. I do have an ass. I'm going to guess that you're sitting around. I don't know how you've been investing,

but including the house and the fake leg, I'll say you're probably around 14 mil. Thank you. That's exactly right. I think by the end of next year, once your tour is a year of this new tour, which is called.

Comzilla. Comzilla, which we could get tickets at. Harlem Williams.com. Brilliant. I think that you might be pulling in another 1.2 mill. Yeah. Exactly. Thank you.

Are you farting? No, what I'm doing? as, you know, when you puff up my net worth, things are coming my way. Pun not intended, I bet. Supermodels, Ferraris. Like Bo Derrick?

Bo Derek, 10. She might be about a 4 now, but she was a 10. What happened? Her personality got worse? She just, and I'm not trying to be mean, but she aged. She got old. She was a 10 when she was in her 20s, which is weird. That math doesn't work.

How are you a 10 in your 20s? that would make you a 30. Well, then what's the problem? Well, somehow someone slapped a minus sign on her face, and now she's down at like a 4. Let's move on. I don't like to speak negatively about other people, especially Bo Derrick.

Zero Dark 30? Do you think Bo Derek has gone down in looks as far as how you're attracted to her, more or less than Bo Jackson has moved down in athletic ability, the way you look at him? I think they probably receded at the same level. Yeah, level. You said time, I said level.

I know. Play the song. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Ricky Glassman here on the Holland Highway podcast. And I'd like to open... Bo Jackson. Yeah. Wow.

Bo Jackson. I've never seen that mic trick. Wow. Bo Jackson. Wow. Wow, we got us a player. Whoa, almost hit me in the face. Go on.

Wow. Go deep. Wow. Three, two, one, cut it. Dude. Dude. You are, you are hot and spicy. Like my favorite crunch wrap Supreme, mine is the cheese, the dairy.

Oh, you know, you're lactose intolerant. I just don't like cheese or dairy. The only dairy I actually like, unless it's something that's baked in like butter. Yeah. Are desserts. I don't eat cheese. I don't eat creams. What?

Yeah. Poor little thing. Well, I'm not making as much as you, but I'm doing all right. I'm totally lactose intolerant. I was driving through the country the other day, slammed on the brakes and punched seven cows in the face. I just can't stand. Anyways. I want to talk to you about something that I do that's very intimate.

But we're close. Yeah. Like sometimes we share each other's details that others wouldn't know. To share. Because we're buds. Together. And so sometimes buds reveal each other's intricacies and their habits and their ways of life that others aren't necessarily privy to.

Do you know this word privy? It's short for privilege. Well, white privilege. Yeah, yeah. Which is something that you and I didn't know we had. until a few years ago. Oh, I knew I had it since I was a baby. I used to walk around when I was one year old, I'd go into ethnic neighborhoods and kick people. What? I think that's funny. Yeah, I would leave, here's how bad it was. I would go into Asian communities, East Indian,

Latino, African American, how do you know, Norwegian, and I would kick these people and I was so young, I'd leave a placenta footprint on their forehead. I don't get it. Well, I was so young. You had placenta on feet? Well, I was so young. I started having white privilege almost when I came out. I thought you said when you were one. Well, one-ish. Could you explain the difference to me between East Indian and Asia? That's a silly question maybe because I'm not that educated. But could you explain? So East Indian is technically India, the country of India. Asia is China, Japan, Taiwan, Korea, the Asian area of the world. But what continent is East India in? It's in, East India is in the Dundongar, the Dengaga area.

No. Well, that's what I read on a toilet stall and on a shell station in Bakersfield. What did it say? Dundanga, do you know that that was them saying it's a continent? Because they wrote under it. It said, where's Waldo? No, I think what you were reading was... Kilroy was here and then this is an eastern continent.

What you were reading was, here are all the consonants together. I don't think that's the continent. You know what it was? Someone strung together all the grunting noises you make when you take a shit and it was um-dung-dung-dung-dung-dung-dung-dung-dung-a.

Have you always been grunting when shitting? What's wrong with me laughing? Well... You make me laugh sometimes and whenever you make me laugh, you go, oh, I'm Harlan Williams and that's the bottom line. Well, it's just you, there's a sort of a mocking...

You make me laugh. Okay. I won't say it ever again. to you but I want to share something with you that's very intimate it's a habit I have and I've never shared it with another friend intimate friend and you might be a bit surprised by this I'm a bubble wrap nut it soothes me it's like my it's like my therapy I hear a I hear one of these it's like like an angel farting in Dolly Parton's hot tub? I mean, listen to this. Do you like it when

other people do it or do you prefer to push it? Well, I like to do it, but I've never done it with a friend, a close buds. So what I'd like, if you want to grab that end, and that feel good? What does it sound like to you? I mean, to me it sounds like an angel farting and Dolly Parton's bathtub. What does it sound to you, I'm curious? Like an angel farting and Dolly Parton's bathtub.

Oh, so indoors. Funny? Hey, do you want to try something? I'll do one. You do one first. Watch. Okay. Just one.

then I'll match that and add with the rhythm now you have to match the rhythm and add to it you have to match the rhythm and add to it. bubble wrap rage. You're going to make 1.2 mil off of that. That's nuts. By the way, have you ever made love wrapped in bubble wrap? It's like a Chinese firecracker festival going off. It's so fun and erotic and the oils from your skin get contained inside. It's just like, oh, it's like a Chinese firecracker factory. Someone dropped a match in it. It's just like I haven't. There's nothing left.

Um, what else? Well, here's something that I want to talk to you about, because I'm a little, I, I don't know how easily your pride gets wounded. Are you, do you get your pride wounded easily? I don't think so, but you're resilient. I don't know. I can't, I can't, I don't know. I don't think so. Hey, folks, this message is sponsored by Raycon. for a holiday gift like I've been, try using Raycon's essential open earbuds. Look at this cool little case they come in. They're really awesome. And honestly, they're so good. I love that you

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your average ear pod, try the Raycons. The essential open earbuds are here for the holiday season and they're selling fast. Raycon audio products are up to 20% off this holiday season. So go to buy raycon.com slash Harland Open to save on Raycon Audio, products site-wide. Ordered by December 15th and they guaranteed delivery by Christmas because great gifts shouldn't show up late. Raycon. Okay, that's good to know because this next segment's going to be a little bit tough. It might be hard to talk about it and I might need a strong person like you to kind of talk through it.

I oh what the hell was that guy I was um getting balance okay to me have you ever been to the Cineplex in Bakersfield Theater 4 it sounded like a silent popcorn fart

during a horror movie or whatever you did I just have Orville Redenbocker Thunderblaster. Have you ever worked with Orville? Orville? Yeah. I was in Children of the Corn Four. Funny?

Yes. And I had a small part. I played one of the Dementoids, the Niblet children. It's okay. I'm laughing. And Orville had a came out of the corn with a pitchfork and an umbilical cord. And went nuts. And he slaughtered the town. and I was chasing him.

Orville, Orville, kettle corn. They wanted me to, I was like the brand guy. Did the umbilical cord remind you of when you used to get placenta on a lot of East Asian and East Indian faces? My white privilege, yeah. Now, why do you think it's a privilege to kick people in the face and punch cows in the head? Because you're white and no one can stop you. You were born, have you had a term born with white privilege? So everyone, every ethnicity understands that.

That's why they say born with white privilege. So that's what white privileges. White privileges, you could punch people and kick people in the face. Whatever you want. Rob their homes, burn their car. What's an example of East Indian privilege? They don't have it. You've never heard it.

All you hear is white privilege. We have it. White's are the only that are privilege? Whites are the only ones. Well, what do we do about this? Nothing. We used it. It's great.

When was the last time you used it? Last time? Yeah. Okay, I was at the food court. And there was a family, nice family. healthy-looking family Armenians. There was probably, I think there's a look. And you do not consider them white, right?

White-ish. Do they have privilege-ish? Yeah, privilege-ish. But there was a family of Armenians, and I was at the food court, and there were no tables. And I had just bought a number six with honey-cashue shrimp at Panda Express. And I'm not going to stand in each shrimp.

What am I a caveman? Or somebody who's not white, apparently, according to the way you're seeing the world. Right. Now, do pandas have white privilege-ish as well? They have both, because they're black and white. That's what I'm asking? Yeah. Both what?

So they can kick themselves in the face. Are they that flexible, though? Well, if you notice on a panda, their legs are white, and their face has black, and that's from the white part of the panda punching the thing in the face. Now, I can't tell when you're making shit up. There's no way. Because not all pandas have the same coloring all the time, like not all cows do. And also, why are you punching cows in the face if they're whitish?

Because I'm lactose intolerant. It's got nothing to do with race. It sounds like you're black toast intolerant, by the way you're treating these people. Blacktoes intolerant. Seems like it. Okay, maybe I am. Instead of kicking people in the face, why don't you pick them up and carry them and throw them up into a, like a hill somewhere where they could be on top? because they're fat.

You think that all black people are fat? No, Armenians, Mexicans, Scottish. And Scottish are white. I'm sorry, I don't agree with this. But they're so ugly that we're pushing them into the kick zone. Why do you mean they're ugly? They're very ugly. One of my ex-girlfriends has red hair and she's white and I thought she was very beautiful.

It's okay if you're white and you have red hair, but when you smile and you have catfish mouth and And there's no teeth. No. You know, I'm sorry. There's a lot of people from America without teeth. Well, then they're Scottish. I hate to tell you.

They're Scott-ish. Ish. They're Scottish-ish. Yeah. And they deserve a placenta kick in the face, too. I disagree. I think that you need to keep your side of the street clean and let them do their thing. Dude, if I was seven hours old and I'm skipping down the street,

And I see a family of Scots coming at me with their goofy pippy long stocking freckles and their brillopad red hair and their crippled crank bait fingers. I'm going to be swinging my umbilical cord around like Wonder Woman's Rope of Destiny or whatever the hell it was. And I'm going to whip those freaks in the face and cover them with placenta. Do you think Scots are bad? Ish. You know what I think?

I think they're great. In fact, there's even a saying. What? Great Scott. Oh, wow. We'll be right back after a word from Helix Mattress.

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This is that mat stow in, not the stow and masterpiece. Highland, soling, kicking it up in the city. Good, such stone, he's a shet stone.

Looking a knot, you're so pretty. Too hot, gosh dang, vitamin, mix, and bumma, too hot, gosh darn, see my mama, not Bali, baby, too hot, hot damn. Simmino nap, nap, ma'ma, nah, but too hot in the city. Matta, pot, to pop, bon, and tit push. You're good with the tip push, but I'm just going to say, to communicate in this life with music or with art, sometimes it's fun to use words. Really? I take it

You're not a scat man Hit it With all your lips Will all your lips Will you? Sipipipa Pa Poooo!

Ha! This is that ice cream That cream That astap This is that push Pop That push pop

That's the piece Highland Park Putting it up in the city It's on that Traskon That dress looked so pretty So hot Gosh dang

Vitamine Vitamix, I'm too hot Oh man Okay I was being a parrot I wasn't even being a human You ever see those TikTok videos

Where the cockatiels are doing this I wasn't even being a human So I duped you You were rapping And by the way I love how you said You're scatting And your first two words were poop poo You know what?

You think you were being a parrot And you fooled me I think you were being a parent and it was obvious. And your only children are your own mistakes because you're kicking people. Two, three, four.

This is that hot dog. Okay, they can endure another one of those. It's a parent. Well, so are your parents. It's a parent. Your parents are your parents. Are you being a parent? Apparently.

Are we back from commercial yet? Yes. So I wanted to talk to you about something that sort of assaulted my masculinity. Oh my gosh, I forgot. This is something that's going to be difficult for my pride. Yeah. Okay.

But I want to see if, A, you can help me through it, talk me through it because you're deep, you're sensitive, you're caring, and you're nurturing. But I also want to see if you have a similar story that affected your pride. I was coming out my house the other night, and I don't mean to be talking Jamaican. I just went into it by the rost of blood clot man.

Wait, the Ross to Blood Clot? The Bamba Ross, the Bamboross clot, man. I don't know why I suddenly become Jamaican. The Bamba Ross Clot. Do you feel that your Jamaican voice and Irish voices have a similar cadence? I don't know, but I feel like one of my legs is about to kick me in the face because I'm really hitting that Jamaican. It's like the white privilege in me wants to kick the Jamaican right out of me.

Do you feel like the way you're speaking, you're being a little bit of a jerk, chicken? Mmm, delicious. Have you ever had jerk chicken? Yeah, there's a restaurant when I was growing up called Bahama Breeze. Oh, you ever had jerk off fillet of Seoul? Only in Ohio. No, no, no, no.

So here's the thing, I'm coming out me, how's the... Sorry, excuse you. All right? Dude, cumulatively, we're like 100 years. old. What's cumulatively mean? It's when you put everything together and you average it out and then you added 10 to it. That's cumulatively? It's subtract the number you thought of. Cumulatively? I bet you're thinking of five. How do you say it? Cumulatively. Oh, wow. How do you know how to say big words? I learned that from college when you look at your GPA and your grade point average and you

can see what it is cumulatively when you add everything together. See, I can't say it. Try it. Say QM. Euletive. Yeah. That's like how you would say it underwater. What college did you go to? Kent State University. I don't even think I can say that. Kent.

Careful. Are you sinking? I'm thinking. But it looked like you were thinking. That's where thinking comes from. You sink into your own thoughts. Beautiful. What an idea.

It's like a fairy fart. Imagine a fairy sitting on the edge of a cloud hanging its butt cheeks over the cloud. That's a lot of consonants. Yeah. Consonance, continent, consonant. Oh, wow. You are good. You did go to Kent State College.

No, not a good. People hate this song now. Okay, I believe it. But I was coming out my door, and it's late at night. Coming out to me door. It sounds Irish. Now it's Irish. I was coming out to me door the other night, lad. And I couldn't believe what was in front of me.

It was a family of raccoons. They were standing there about maybe 20 feet away from me, sitting there in the mystery of the night, if you will, lad. And we kind of confronted each other, just staring at each other. And here's this six-foot-two, two-130-pound male Homo sapien. Staring down couldn't be more than a 30-pound cheap excuse for a ratty old dog. And we're glaring at each other. And I make a little gesture thinking,

surely this little scamp so low on the food chain will run and hide and whimper in the leaves. But no, Ricky, no Ricky Glass. the little lad stood his ground. He stared at me with those little pine cone, beady black eyes, the full moon reflecting off them, almost right back into my own Irish face. And so I gave another little lunch. And he finally raised his hackles,

arched his back right in my face and stood his ground. And here's me, top of the pecking order, a lion slayer, a man. who could take down an elephant. And there's this scampy little thing with this dirty little panda mask and he's not budging an inch. And oh, that took a bite out of me manhood,

Ricky Glassman. As I live and breathe, I felt my manhood leaking out of me like diarrhea down the leg of Dolly Parton after a all-night binge it, Del Taco after they'd slammed the drive-through window on her jugs. I got you right at the end.

Nice try. You can run, but you can't hide. I just don't speak Irish, but I understand Jugs. Jugs translates. So what I'm saying here, Guy, is here's this little critter that dared to stare me down. Like, I don't know if you've ever been in a bar fight, like, Mano Mano on the basketball court. You know, you get into a little, maybe you jumped in an alley behind Dairy Queen one night. but you don't see it coming

from one of God's tiniest little critters defiantly staring you down testing your manhood, testing your metal. How do I get through this? You okay? I don't understand what you're asking me. I wouldn't yawn that long because you never know if a cock's going to fly in your mouth.

I don't care if a cock flies on my mouth as long as it's a funny, nice cock. Okay, but you yawn that long the way you just did. You're almost inviting it. No one just going to fly out of the air and right in your mouth. Have you ever sucked, have you ever done something like that? What, yawned?

Been with a man. Yeah, my dad used to take me to the zoo. Right. So what's the problem? Okay. Tushay. You cold? No, I'm making the noises.

All right, so what's... Well, can you help me through this? I don't understand what you're asking me. Okay, what I'm saying. is I'm, we're at the top of the food chain. I don't see it that way. Okay. Most people do. Them. Oh, really?

Them. How many, you think that you're in the ocean and that you're going to see a shark and then you're going to punch the shark in the nose and it's going to become like your shark friend and it's going to fly you places? Humans feel like because we dominate the planet that we are at the top of the pecking order. Humans, humans, the only thing that humans are just, is their own well-being. Okay, we're starting.

Explain. Humans think that they're the top because they've broken all the rules. And when you break the rules, there's a, you know, with every, have you ever seen that thing where you go like this and then it goes like this because every action creates an equal

and opposite reaction? Right, with the little balls, the ball bearings. Right. So when you punch a cow in the face and you think you got away with it, what you're not realizing is you're hurting this animal and that's going to have repercussions

opposite and equal. So now instead of a human punching a cow in the face, a cow is going to kick a human in the feet. Okay. Do you understand? Yeah. I do understand. So there's going to be people walking or have you ever seen anybody with a limp?

Yeah. Do you know that some of those people are limping because of what a cow did to them? They were kicked by a cow. And do you know that if you didn't punch the cow, that wouldn't have happened? Now, this is a metaphor, but just like, we're not at the top of the food chain. We just eat things that we shouldn't be eating. But don't we walk around in life thinking we dominate all the other species?

I don't. I don't think. What do you think? I think that we are bullying and murdering other species. I don't look at it as dominating them. Oh, that's heavy. Yeah, I look at that. Some heavy talk.

I look at that as us taking advantage of our human privilege. Murdering, you're saying. murdering like I'm sneaking into a stable in the middle of the night with a rusty old knife a horse is standing there I creep into the rafters

drop on its neck and murder it because it's been domesticated so we have allowed these creatures to rely on us we have created a system of dominance because we're not out there in the planes anymore doing this if that were the case

I'd have a different frame of mind for this I was in a plane just like last week to Cleveland. How's your arm? It smells. I put it up a cow's ass. I was so angry. Yeah.

But no, I didn't mean to make light of what you're saying. You're absolutely right. But what about the confronting not a domestic creature? You come face to face to a lot. Whose home is it in? A lion.

Let's say you're on safari in Africa. You're going to push back from a lion. You know that they're dominant. But when a little raccoon. A lion. acts like a lion, and you're kind of at a standoff. Why can't you just leave it be? Walk away.

I tried. I tried to move forward. No, don't move toward it. Move away from it. Okay, but it was holding its ground, and it was glaring at me. And it's holding its ground. It was challenging me. And this is what we're talking about.

With the ego, man, you feel challenged. Yeah. He isn't challenging. He was. He was doing this. He was like raising his back hairs up. He was definitely like, like, Let's go. You want to go player? You want a party?

Did you want to go? You want a placenta drop kick me? Did you want to go? I did some lurching back. Now you're in a challenge state. And then finally, my girth, my sighs intimidated it, but it took a few minutes to move him off his stance. I don't know, man. And I'm hurt. My pride's hurt. My masculine. I was emasculated by a raccoon. And you don't seem to care about your buddy here. I think that you're that you're feeling. How? Your feeling, which is real, is your choice. Not the raccoons.

You've never been in a scenario where you've encountered a crit or a squirrel or a... It didn't emasculate me. You didn't feel less of a man than you already are. I've been scared. I felt threatened before. It didn't make me feel emasculated because by that definition,

a man isn't supposed to feel fear. If you don't feel fear, then you're just going to keep burning your hand on the stove. Fear is a valuable tool as long as you don't let it control you. Okay, but what... Let me hear you say. I've been dropping down the street to the low level of the raccoon

and I need a bevel because I can't get my masculinity. Ow, my tongue got stuck. This is that ice cube, that masterpiece, that Good time. This is that push and pull, that afterpiece, that good time. Friday, Saturday, living it up in the city, got peck song, got droon tom, that pepping the black is so pretty, too hot. What do you get when you cross a silverback gorilla with a T-Rex with a pack of hungry wolves and a a werewolf and a dinosaur. You got energy, you got power, you got confidence.

And that's why you got to get Rougier. Oh, yeah, Rougier, that's the stuff for your ED treatment. Rougier's go long, comes in just when you need it. This isn't just another E.D. pill. It's a confidence game changer. Getting started is simple, okay? Connect with a board-certified doctor. 100% online at r u g iet.com if prescribed your treatment ships discreetly to your door ready to level up your

confidence in the bedroom head to r u g iet dot com and use my promo code harland for 15% off your first order that's r u g iet dot com code harland and have some confidence in the bedroom, courtesy of Harland and Rougier. Speaking of animals, and I know you love science, one thing I know about you, whenever we go out to Dairy Queen and we're sitting behind the alley, behind the dumpster, you're always like nuclear biology, metaphysics, regenerative molecular structure. we have some of the best science talks we've ever had. That's a good podcast, Star Talk.

They talk a lot about science, too. Yeah, but one of the things we've never really kind of cut into is bringing back extinct species. And I wanted to pick your brain in particular over everyone else's. What are your thoughts about bringing back species at Glassman that are no longer with us, defunct, if you will? Yeah, I think I have to understand the why. I'm open to this. You are. I'm open to it.

My instinct is why, and I would like that, have that curiosity be answered, as opposed to saying what should or shouldn't be. Because some of the things that shouldn't be, you could argue aren't anymore, but then you could argue they're not because of us. You know, when things are natural selection, right? We go. When things are just they don't survive. But then you're like, oh, well, humans killed that. Humans are part of the natural world. But because we look at ourselves as humans and then Mother Nature, everything else,

as if we're not part of it, just because we're aware of what we can do, ironically enough, I think we lack the most awareness of what we are actually doing. Interesting. If we're trying to bring back a species of something from, you know, pre-Homo sapien, why well that's the question do you want to be putting your apple cobbler out on the window ledge in the morning to cool and a woolly mammoth strolls through your backyard probably not i also don't want to be sitting outside with my peach cobbler and a huge spider crawls up my asshole right but those exist yeah the ass spiders so ass tarantula is the latin technica uh asula tarantialita that's an ass spider

The tarantula, they go right up your arse. It's like a trapdoor spider. Have you ever seen those? They actually, they dig a tunnel and their web. It's like a little trapdoor. And when an insect comes along, it pops open, reaches out the tarantula, pulls it into its tunnel, and the asshole spiders do the same.

They put a layer of mucus over your anews, and then if anything crawls near your asshole, they just and pull it right up your ass, like a gerbil. Oh, they live in the asshole. They live in the asshole. They live in the asshole. live in it. Well, they have to crawl in there. They have to find. They have to find one they like, make a home. And yeah, it's like a, it's a distant cousin of the trap, door spider, Latin,

trapeidius, trilantias, Doris Day, Doris Day, Doris Day, to lightus. But what if we start really, like, what if they start mixing? Like, let's say they bring back the dodo bird. And they mix it with the, genetic properties of a dill pickle? Do we now have the dildo bird? I mean, where does it end, Glassy? Rick Glassman. Dill Dildodo.

They have those. What? It's a vibrator that stutters. It's called a dildodo. It is. Yeah. And do people with a stutter use it to get better or to get worse? They use it to come.

Come where? Orgism. Is that a place? In the mind. Okay. Yeah. Sounds like you might have been there. You know, to have an orgasm, a lot of people think you need to pleasure a woman's clitoris. Right.

But what I found is for a woman to have an orgasm, what you need to do is you need to pleasure her mind. Careful. Keep going. I'm following your thread, but be careful here. Women are watching. I have women viewers. Yeah. When a woman feels safe and a woman feels sexy the two important S's sometimes you could just tell a woman what you maybe careful want to do with her

and that might turn her on so much that she doesn't need a dildo-do I need you to be careful here now okay you wear a condom keep going but be Be real careful here, guy.

Have you ever put your hand? I don't mean a finger, but your hand, like four fingers. Careful. I'm serious. This is important stuff because this isn't for the women. This is for the men. Okay. Or the women, if you're a lesbian.

You'd be real careful. You know what? Listen. And you just kind of go around it like this. Not with the expectation of the woman having an orgasm, but just to feel it, to learn about this woman's body, and for her to learn about your hand. Okay, that makes sense. And you're going around like that, and then you realize, oh, there's no password other than safety and sexy. It almost looked like you were doing the wax on, wax off on a woman's clitoris.

Which is called a Brazilian. I thought that was a patch of hair above the clitoris. I thought a Brazilian was when you put the wax on and then you take the wax off. I thought a Brazilian was your gardener, Pedro. Is Pedro Brazilian? It is now because he's hairy, but just down the front of his face. I think you're thinking of a landing strip, which is becoming a lot less now because of, well, it'll be back by the time this comes up, but the government shutdown.

I had one of those that outbacked the other night, a delicious landing strip steak. Outback where? Outback your underwear? Get no frills delivered. Shop the same in-store prices online and enjoy unlimited delivery with PC Express Pass. Get your first year for $2.50 a month. Learn more at pceexpress.ca. Yeah, since the government shutdown, which again, the thing is going to change,

has been a lot less landing strips. Well, here's the thing for you to imply that, you know, the wax on, wax off, that's a broad area to try and achieve. It's a broads area to try to achieve orgasm. Isn't the clit only like here? Wouldn't you just be more like an elf's windshield wiper? That's the thing, man. Versus Mr. Yamamoto's, you know, wax on it.

I mean, unless you're playing with a fatty. You're not just touching a woman's clitoris. You're connecting with a woman's body. And when you're just staying there, one it's saying, oh, he's here for a mission. And a lot of women actually feel pressure to orgasm when they think that's what the man's trying to make her do. Yeah, you're not trying to make her do.

a woman orgasm. So you're saying you shouldn't force a woman's orgasm? Never. Well, how do you approach it? I approach it by being with a woman who I'm excited to be with and to explore her body, her mind, her soul. And if that means touching all of her pussy and not just her clit, sign me up. Where do we sign up? Does it like a camp? Punchup. Dot live slash Rick Glassman to find out when I'll be within 50 miles of your city. Ricky's on the loose and he's on tour. Right now, I'm wrapping up the end of this tour. I'm going to be in Phoenix, Arizona, Las Vegas. Vegas, Nevada, and Cleveland, Ohio, but a lot more cities coming. Punchup.

Dot live slash Rick Glassman. Sign up from my email list. I'm not going to spam you. I'm just going to let you know if I'm coming within 50 miles of your city. That's punchup. That's right, glass, right, slash, right, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, would you like to add anything else onto that? I feel like it was a bit short.

Like, if you want to throw a bit moron, I think you owe it to, uh, did you just call me a moron? A Mormon. Mormon than women? Have you been with more men than women? Technically, yes. But just in a plutonic sense. That's plutonic.

That's a planet just behind Jupiter. What'd you say? I'm busy. First of all, it's Jewish. Stop saying Jew. Second of all, Pluto was never a planet. He was Mickey's dog. Thank you.

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stands and Pluto doesn't? No, he don't. Because Pluto is a dog and Goofy is all of us. Wow. Stand by me. Goofy's a single dad. I mean, he's goofy. What is he hiding? He's the clown. People think Donald Duck

is the grump. Donald Duck doesn't mask himself, which is a metaphor because his bill is like a mask. Disney knew what he was doing. He was the one that hated Jupyters. You know that, right? He was anti-Jupiter. He was?

Walt Disney, yeah. Anti-Semitic. What about Uranus? Ask the spiders. Bing dong. Are you in particular, and this is getting like sort of intimate. Are you good?

My favorite cookies. What? Intimates. Oh, they're delicious. I love the butterscotch, ginger snaps. I don't eat them. Oh, what's been going on with a cinnamon charity? What, cinnamon angels fly fly away?

Yeah, I heard that you guys have like really great. Yeah. We're gearing up for our Christmas charity event. If you heard the Toys for Tots, we do Tits for Tots. It's sort of more of a adult themed like money drive. Instead of bringing the kids in for a show where they all get a toy, we put strippers on the stage. Because a lot, you know, young kids, especially kids that are crippled up and have, you know, kids that don't have long to live. They want to look at tits, you think?

Well, they don't get to see them usually until they're 18, so we do tits for tots, and they love it. That's dark, and they love it. And nothing lifts, there's, you want to talk about a sick kid? Sure, give them a Tonka truck. Wow. Give Cindy with a third-degree leukemia, a raggedy Ann. Gee, she's on the road to recovery.

But you slap a boy with Lyme disease and leprosy down in front of candy, and those hooters come flying out. That kid's spirits go right through the roof. And you guys are putting cinnamon on the tater tots or something? We put cinnamon on the breasts. It's Tits for Tots, Christmas Cinnamon Edition. Are you going to have any video that you could put up? Put up where?

In this pod, like, could you show? No, no, no, it's for the kids. We do it strictly for the kids. How much did you, how many kids did you raise? I haven't raised any yet because my sperm's no good, but... I met like you're raising, you're trying to raise... We're trying to raise... We're trying to raise money.

We're going for, we're trying to hit $43 million this year. Last year we got, we got $3,000 last year. This year we're going for $23 million. We're trying to up it a little. And we're bringing in candy cane Sally from bean snappers in Chicago. And she's got three aerolies. So one of her tits has a second aeroli. and the kids are going to go nuts

are going to think it's like a new Christmas character or something. Yeah, wow. Yeah. But anyways, back to Clitz. Are you good at giving a woman orgasm? Have you become seasoned in that practice? Would you...

Listen, when I'm with a woman, and if she has an orgasm, the reason is because I've learned what it is that she likes and the reason I've learned to be a part of her orgasm, not to necessarily give it to her. Oh.

But to be a part of it. Why did you say it like that? Because it takes a lot of the pressure off. Okay. Literally and figuratively. It almost felt to me like you were trying to act like Mr. Sensitive guy as if to say, Yes.

Well, I'll give you an orgasm. It's not really me. It's you, but it is you. No, it's not. If a woman jerks me off and I come, it was her hand. Thank you for doing that, but I could do that on my own. I'm not looking to come.

I'm looking to be with somebody. You ever paint your nails with girls' nail polish and pretend it is a girl? Yes. Hey, I'm just asking. It feels good to feel good. And to feel good, I want to be able to not just raise my dopamine levels, but my oxytocin as well. I contact while making love, while kissing, while talking. Yeah.

It's a very powerful aphrodisiac, even more than oysters. And I don't even eat oysters. So I don't know if that's true. So, well, you're making love to your woman or women's, because I picture you having a different one every night. I don't think of it. No. I could see you have a new one every night. I could see it too, but I just don't make that happen.

So when you're with a woman, you're making love to her, you're doing the pumping up and down motion, like a elephant seal having a seizure. And I bring her in and out to me like this. I usually will hold her. Or if I'm on top, I'll take the mattress. That's why I like helix so much. And I'll go like this, like I'm a bronze. James after a nice

fucking three-point bucket and I'll go like this and she, yeah. And you're staring right in her eyes during all this physical activity. Yes. Wow. Is that a little unnerving to her or is she embracing this? Is this erotic

sensual? She could look away. She doesn't. She doesn't. No. So you're doing something almost hypnotic to these women it sounds like, I think of it as they're doing something hypnotic to me. And how long would you say on average, does it take you to help a woman achieve?

From the moment you undress and get intimate, how long till her orgasm happens? Well, that depends. Is this a woman that orgasms through penetration? Is this clitoral stimulation exclusively? Are we using toys, a vibrator? Why don't I make it hard? How about a woman that had her clitoris chopped off

in a lawnmower accident? Even making jokes about female general mutilation to me is not something that I want to be a part of. And you could keep it in. And I don't want to be a such a bummer. Oh, I'll keep it in all right. Nice. Nice. Rice.

Nice rice. I love a nice bowl of rice. I don't blame you. So how long does it take you with a generally healthy woman? How long does it take you to help her get to her playing? Again, are we using a vibrator? No, it's just you. It's all the things God gave you.

Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's very much dependent on the woman and her mood. But, I mean, if I'm making a number up, I would say, if I, like, knew, like, there's no toys, and I don't know this woman's body yet, what's the, where am I going to go where I think if, like, this were a competition, a competition, I would say I would probably use, not my, my penis. I would use my fingers and my mouth. Okay. But this is getting really, really, like, you know, but, and I'm going to make this number up, but let's say. assuming that we don't just start there, but there's some making out and some dirty talk,

let's say eight minutes. Okay. Wow. And a little bit of TMJ disorder. What's that? The temporal mandible jaw. Sometimes some people, especially the Jews, it could get inflamed and tight.

It's like people when they grind at night and it clicks. So sometimes, yeah, if you're down there for too long, You have to find ways of making sure that, like, you could switch off the technique a little bit. So if you're longer than eight minutes, you get locked jaw or? No, I'm just, it's just not constantly there. It's, you know, it's using other things as well. That's why I'm very much into them being part of the process. How so?

Saying what you want. Asking. And that's why I really like toys or if they want to be, my parents aren't. watching this, are they? So you'll be down on a girl and you'll pull out like a Teddy Ruckspin or a Tonka truck? What do you mean toys? Like Lego? You'll rub Lego on her clip.

It could be anything. That seems a little rough. We'll have hard edges of Lego. You're fucking a dog. That's not a problem. Yikesies. Yikesies, yukes and yikesies. When a dog comes, it says rough, but you don't want to be rough with it.

The reason is, have you ever made a dog come? I'm sure you have. Yeah, come here. Come here, Sparky. That's what I'm saying. Come here. That doesn't work for all dogs. Every dog's different.

Sometimes you need a toy to make the dog come. You understand? Okay. And that doesn't mean that your fingers aren't good enough. It just means that the dog likes that toy. And if you're letting your eagle get in the way and making it about you, that's why I'm saying you're not making this thing happen. You're there.

You're part of it. Yeah. But in that sense, according to what you say, are they just using you then? Are you just an extiscentially a toy? That depends. A human flesh and blood toy? Have you ever made love or had sex with a woman that you felt like you were kind of using? And if so, was that transaction mutually beneficial?

Did everybody understand? That might be the case. But when you're making love or even having sex with somebody that you really like, are you using them? If you give a homeless person $5 and it makes you feel good, are you only giving it to them so you feel good? No, but if it didn't make you feel good, maybe you wouldn't do it. This is not a bad thing. Being selfish doesn't mean you can't also be selfless. It just means you're doing something for you as well.

And sometimes not having sex is doing something for you. Sometimes, hey, listen, I'm just chasing the dopamine or I'm just feeling lonely and I'm doing something that's not good for me. I think of it like eating fast food. Sure, it tastes delicious, but it's not going to make me feel good. I like to ask myself before a burger or a lay, what will Rick tomorrow think? Will we be happy we did this? And I don't always listen to that answer. but I like to ask myself that question

I love how insightful you are and also think about it you go to McDonald's you get a sandwich sometimes you want a toy you want a happy meal right which is a metaphor for a happy ending endings are different than beginnings why because you're on the left of them or the right of them right so if you get a toy left

right well I think to me at least when we the way I is an American culture reading left to right I think if you're right of an ending another way of looking at that is you're at a beginning If the Lord of the Rings, the first book is done. Well, since we're talking about fast food, wouldn't it be Lord of the Onion Rings? And this is why I'm here.

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Wayfair. Every style, every home. I love onion rings. I love onion rings on things. I love dill. I've been getting dill. Do? No, no, like fresh dill, the herb.

Okay. And what I've been doing is, whatever I'm making, I then add a little bit of... I like onions. barbecue sauce, honey, and dill. And I love putting it together. And I make that as a sauce or a spread on top of something. Bruh.

Really? I've been cooking so much recently since I got this cast iron pan that my brother got me. What? It's because the cleanup is so easy. The heat up is so quick. I just throw on a protein and put some other stuff together and just my little sauces and stuff. I didn't know you were a sauce guy. There's so many sauces I don't eat, but the ones I do, I love.

to play with. I look at you and I would never just go, wow, there's a sauce guy. I like to have multiple kinds of sauces. What a world. So you could like dip and make creations. Multiple sauces. Yeah. I mean, if it's been a while since I've had sauce, I could have multiple. What's your top sauce? I mean, God, I don't think I've ever had a sauce conversation with anyone. Barbecue and honey. BBQ. And honey. Why that one? I mean, I was expecting as a sauce guy, a bit of a connoisseur, I was expecting something maybe exotic. Keep in mind, I don't do. dairy, and I don't like aoli's and creams and eggs and mustards and mayonnaisees. I'm very limited with the amount of sauces I could have, but I know my sauces. Is there a hint of something

in your barbecue sauce? Like mesquite, smoke flavor. It depends on the barbecue sauce. What's your top one? This is where I'm trying to get to the top of your sauce list. So there is a barbecue sauce from a barbecue joint that is in Los Angeles called Blood Soes. Do you know this place? I know it on La Brea and Melrose. get the jar of it sometimes. The blood's so spicy barbecue. It's so good. You think it's that good?

Add a little, add a lot of dill. Sometimes I had so much dill that it's not dill in my sauce, but it's almost like barbecue sauce is dressing the dill. It's more like, it's like, it's a lot. And then honey. Equal parts barbecue sauce and honey, and then triple the dill. So it's like spackle.

And you could dip in it, you could rub that on your bun or on your burger or on your chicken sandwich. You ever throw any dough in it? Yeah, I guess if it's a bun, I guess there'd be some dildos. Yeah. Boy, you know, I sit here. We've known each other so long. And I always think, where does Rick's passion peak?

Where does the volcano crest? And to see the passion spewing boiling out of you right now over sauces is just wonderful. Eating is one of my favorite things, especially when I get high. When I get high, and I know, and I'm going to have sometimes, so I have churro nights once a month. Churro. Churro. Explain to them what that is. Yeah, I order it from a certain place.

I'm not going to say what it is. Why? I have my own reasons, and I'm not meaning to gatekeep, but I recognize that's what's happening. That's what's happening. It is, and that's the operational cost. Okay, God. But they're full-length churos, this big, which is an average size, for a regular length churro. Okay.

And I get four of them. And I'm having a night, and I know I'm going to do it all, not necessarily all day, but like, I make a plan, you know what, tonight's a churro night, I'm going to do that tonight. And I'm going to make sure I get a little bit high beforehand, and I'm going to find a meal before the churros where I'm going to be able to just, I like an event, right? And I eat at home usually. So if I'm ordering food instead of cooking it, I'll maybe order from a couple different places or at least order a few different things where I can have little tastes and little dips

and a little bit of a chicken sandwich and then maybe some onion rings. I love things that I could dip in hummus, so then we're doing Mediterranean, right? So maybe I'll have some pita with some hummus and maybe I'll have some chicken from another place and I'll make little wraps there while I'll have the chicken sandwich here

while I'll have a chicken wrap here with a chicken salad here. You just get all these things and you can make little creations with little different sauces and dips. And while you're doing it, you know, hey, I don't want to get too full, but I'm not going to put the food away.

It's not going to be out for hours. I'm just going to put it aside. I'll order my churros. I'll have the dessert. And now that's the end or a new beginning because I'll have, oh, you know what? I had a chicken peter wrap. Now I'll have a chicken salad with hummus.

Same ingredients, different meal, Papa John's. Is this buffet 24 hours, or can we get on to another topic? I mean, I live, I've been going on another topic. I love your passion, but to ramble on and on about onion rings and sauces is enough to make you puke, like lean over the edge of it. a boat or a bathtub and just pew. I see that you have your YouTube 100,000 subscribers medallion, and it's been signed. There's not that many signatures.

Is that because you got it somewhat recently? We got it maybe a year ago? And then you just had some people sign it, then you had stop people signing it? No, we did a thing like the Stanley Cup. I wanted to share it with my viewers, so we had people right in. And you mailed it to them? We mailed it, and then they mailed it, and it's been all over the country. It's been from Hawaii to Alaska to

And we had it on the road for about four months And we told people And did they pay to mail to other people? Did you do that? Yeah, we told them part of it is they have to send a first class to the next person Who finds the next person? You and you give them the address?

Right, that's right. I love that. And they took videos of themselves at roller coasters and underwater and... Why underwater? The people just got creative with it. They were on motorcycles.

They were like a car show. It was all over the place. The Harlan Cup. Yeah, it was really fun. That's cool. Are you going to do that for the million subscriber mark if you get there? Well, we're going to be coming up on 200,000. When this airs, we...

You don't get another one for that. You don't get another one, but we're just hitting 200,000 subscribers. So I want to say thank you to everyone again. Isn't that wonderful? Yes, man. You're up at about, what, 500,000? Something like that. That's congrats to you.

Thank you so much. Wow, that's a great idea, mailing it to people, letting them be part of it. Oh, yeah. And then you get to be part of them being part of it. Yeah, I loved it. I really enjoyed the videos and the photos they sent. Did you tell nobody to sign the mirror part, or did they just know? Nope, we said sign it wherever you want, and they just signed it.

And it was so fond to celebrate with my viewers and make them part of it was so fun. I like that. That went on a bit of a Harlan Highway. Yeah, yeah. All over the place. Rick. What is it? Rick.

Can you spell it? R-I-C-K. Can you use it in a sentence? Rick is how my name is pronounced. That sounded like a dumb sentence. Could you use it in a smart sentence? No, I didn't think so. Rick? I didn't think so.

It's okay. It's okay, guy. We can keep going. What's something in Rick Glassman's life? that you've always wanted to see in slow motion. What's something that if you could see it in slow motion would just be like almost like a sauce? I've seen so many things in slow motion,

so I'm trying to think something I haven't seen in slow motion, right? What's something you'd love to see in slow motion? My dog taking a dump. Really? But like in detail, close up, seeing the butt open, the poop come out. Wow, why that of all things? I think it's, when I see my dog poop, I get a few feelings.

One, I'm so glad he's getting that out of him. He's pooping like I'm, and also it's just like, look at that. It's funny. It's cute. He's pooping. He has no shame in it. Yeah. The way it's supposed to be.

And also, like, to see the asshole open up before the poop comes out. Like you would maybe see a spider in there. Oh, yeah, if he had an asshole spider. Yeah. I don't know if dogs can get them, but humans get them. I don't know if dogs can get them. Yeah. Why wouldn't a spider want to go up a dog's ass?

I think because you got that tail. The tail's a real deterrent because it swooshes over the calumari ring. What about the character from, I think it was Shallow Hal? Yeah. Jack Black's character in Shallow Hal. Didn't he have a tail? That was the big reveal at the end of the movie. Whereas in the sixth sense, the big reveal was Bruce Willis.

Bruce Willis wasn't dead. and the big reveal in Shallow Hall is Jack Black had a tail. Yeah, different movies for different folks. I'd love to, because I've never done this before, and we did the bubble wrap thing. I'd love to participate in a slow motion moment with my buddy. If you'd be up for a couple of slow motion moments, I'd love to do a high five for them.

Like it's, wait until I say go, though. Ready? Go. No, then you went real time. Oh, oh, you went. Okay, let's try another one. How about a fist pump? Pump? Like a fist bump.

Okay, ready? And then at the end of it, we laugh in slow motion. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. One, two, three. Could you use your right, man? Okay.

One, two, three. That food pose, that masterpiece. Priding up, triling up. Getting up in the city. Got chucks on. No, basketball. Best all. Too pretty.

Too hot. Okay, last one, but this one's complicated. Deaf people signing to each other, but then we both get shot. I'm sorry to negate you on this. But now being in this business, as long as I have, and meeting folks from all over the world with different sensibilities and different obstacles in their life, I know a lot of deaf people, and they do not like it

when you do slow motion. So I'll do it fast. You do it fast. I'll do it so, because as we saw earlier from the white privilege thing, I don't care about anyone else. I do what I want. I'll put placenta all over a deafie's stupid plugged-up ears. If I want to.

So, Sign language. Dude. I think of you. Oh, you got shot with a gun. I got a shot with a gun. What are you sighing? What is it saying?

Are you in water? No, I was getting shot while I was signing. But why'd you keep coming forward then? Because the momentum of the bullet. You ever see the JFK Krikrugier tapes? Where he gets shot and then he like lurches back and then he like... Lurches back. I draw from real life.

That's interesting that you bring that up because I just watched Adam's family. in reverse. Oh, you watched it in reverse. Yeah, that's the only way you can see. Lurch is back. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me again. Wait, are you suggesting we're done?

I don't know. You're not done until you do one more thing, my guy. And you know what it is? Words from a wooden shoe. Our final segment, reach in there, pull out a random word or series of words and see if it triggers a story from your journey in life. Scammed.

Okay? Have you ever been scammed? I went to New York City, the big city, when I was 18 years old, and I wanted to get a fake ID so I could get into the clubs that the kids would go to, not because I wanted to drink, but because I wanted to dance. And that's the truth. Didn't drink, love to dance. We saw that earlier.

So I went to New York, and while I'm on the street, I wasn't looking for a fake ID. I just knew I wanted one. And somebody said, drugs, fake IDs. I don't remember if they said drugs are weed or something, but I'm like me. I would like that. So it's $50 for a fake ID. and I had a $100 bill and I asked him if he has changed. He said, no, but he'll go get some.

So I gave him the $100 and all I'm waiting for him to bring the $50 back and to give me the fake ID, I realized maybe an hour in that he wasn't coming back. I had no idea that he was stealing my $100. This drug dealer fake ID pusher was going to not bring me my $50 back. And it opened this thing in my mind where I was like, I need to question people. Yeah. Because I didn't, I just took things at face. value for a pretty long time.

Wow. And I've become, not because of that, but over time as they've learned to question things, a bit skeptical of things. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have your own ID now or a real one? Yeah. Okay.

Where'd you get it? Again, don't want to gate keep, but I understand that's what's happening. I just don't want to talk about it. Most people get it from the government. Well, most people do things that most people do, don't they? That's why they're the most people. Rick, before you go, tell them where they can see your wonderful podcast, where they can see your comedy tour. Harlan, I don't read too many comments anymore, especially in other people's podcasts.

But when I do, I take a look, and nobody likes me. So, nobody likes you? Not on other people's podcasts. Very few people. So if anybody does want to see me, they already know. They know my name. They could just YouTube my name. They'll find my stuff.

look on Instagram, they'll find it. I don't need to waste any more time plugging. I'm here to spend time with you, and since friendship only means doing things when it can be monetized and I've accepted this, that's why I'm here because I have a good time with you. But nobody is watching this and being like, whoa, I got to go to punchup.com.

Live slash Rick Glassman to see when Rick's coming within 50 miles of my city. The only way that's relevant is if I take that and clip it and throw it over where the good guys are on my podcast. I don't mean your guys are bad guys. I just mean the people that are here, they don't want me. They don't like you? They don't. No.

No. What if I tell them to like you? You can't tell somebody to like you. Watch this. Hey, you freaks. You're going to like this guy and you're going to follow them. I'm going to come to your house and splatter apple cobbler all over your grandmother's fat, puffed-up, maybe stupid gopher face.

There's probably people that would love for you to go there and meet them and give them some cobbler and make their grandma laugh. You're doing the opposite. Sorry. Listen, I'm here to be with you, my friend. Yeah. And for the few of you out there that are like, you know what, Rick is doing this on purpose. Rick is just being playful and, you know, he's having a nice time. I enjoy that. I appreciate that. But really, the truth is, they hate you. Hate me. Yeah. Hate me. This is not

me being a victim. This is not me saying that they're wrong. It's just... This is you getting what you deserve. Well, I just think that not everybody's compatible with everybody else. And I happen to be in a medium where it's your house or another person's house that I'm coming into. And they're like, you know, we don't want him to take his shoes off. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what, buddy. You're deep ingrained in my heart as someone I like, love, cherish. And someday I want to make a barbecue sauce just for you, friend. Uh, folks, you've been on the Holland Highway podcast with my guy, Rick Glassman. I don't care what he says. Go find him. Find him at the comedy clubs. Find his podcast. Find his

social media. You got to love this guy, because I do. And that's it for today. Until next time. Chicken Chaumain, baby. You want to do a final tit thing where it ends and you do the tit thing perfectly? Good night. Tittastic. Hey, everybody. How would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh.

You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland.