The Harland Highway - SAL VULCANO - The PRANK KING is here for a pranking spanking! Sal gets all prank you, thank you!

Episode Date: November 11, 2025

This episode is sponsored by: Rugiet, Cashapp, Wayfair -Ready to level up your confidence in the bedroom? Use my promo code HARLAND for 15% off your first order. https://www.rugiet.com/HARLAND) - Don’t miss out on early Black Friday deals. Head to Wayfair dot com now to shop Wayfair’s Black Friday deals for up to 70% off. - Download Cash App Today: [https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/6b5befui] #cashapppod Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Sal Vulcano: Website: https://salvulcanocomedy.com/ X: https://x.com/SalVulcano Intsagram: https://www.instagram.com/salvulcano/?hl=en #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hey, folks, welcome to today's episode. I got to do a little bit of a pre-ramble here because it was a very sensitive episode today. I'll let you in on something personal because it's sort of affected today's podcast. We've, my family, we've been dealing with my mother who's become very forgetful and has wandered off. She's had these spells where she's wandered off

and we can't find her. And on today's show, I'm not, I'll, you can just watch it, but it was, it was a tough, it was a bit of a tough show today. Great guests, Sal Volcano, but man, this one, I almost didn't want to air it. You'll see why when you get, get into it. But thanks for being here. And I just wanted to let you know about this before you got into it

because it's a bit tough today. And to sort of let you know what happened, we have some bonus material at the end of the episode. We actually added on a little bonus material to deal with what happened with my mother. I'll let you see it if you get, it's right at the end after we sort of finish, we added some bonus material.

So hopefully it helps explain. all of this. But enjoy and thank you for watching. Enjoy me and Sal Volcano on today's episode and here we go. You know that I'm, I am Cuban and

yes. Okay. I just said it. Surprised me. Okay. I just said it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not very much. I'm not sure. Well, you should be just loving with me.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time. It's the Harland Highway. Cinnamon angels fly, fly away. Obey the wooden shoe, your four-eye little freak. It's the Harlan time of the week. It's the Harland Highway. It's the Harland Highway. It's the Harland Highway.

Oh, man, feels good to sit down. I know. I actually have to train myself to get up more. That's how much I like sitting down. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm too sedentary. Oh, my God. Yeah.

So you have a trainer? I actually just started with a trainer four weeks ago. And he's teaching how to sit down? No, he's teaching me how to get up. I sit down too much. Oh, God. How's your arse? It's, it's, did you see it coming in?

It's a little, I don't want to be. means a little flatty. Take a look on the way out. No, yeah, because I sit down a lot. Yeah, no, I just started with a trainer. It's like two to three days a week. There's been no transformation just yet. Oh, Sal.

But I'm doing a full body thing. I'm doing strength training. I'm trying to, I'm working on longevity now because I feel like what I was doing prior was going to come to a left turn of Albuquerque soon. And so I'm trying to just, I'm going to stay on the highway. You know, longevity, just since you brought it up, I didn't for the rest of.

record you did. I brought it up. How long do you want to live? Like, what's your target age? From a child, I always had the 100. I always feel like you've lived it full if you lived to 100. Okay. As a child.

So I'd like to do that. But, you know, it's no good if the last X amount of years are dog shit, obviously. Yeah. So I'd like to live a nice hundred. I've known folks that I've like, my buddy's grandparents were like still like living alone and driving at like 100, 1002. Well, that's where we relabel them from old folks to killers. To killers, yeah.

That's a murderer. That's a wrinkled murderer. Because there's going to be a moment where they go from, you should drive to you shouldn't drive. Even if they show good face and they still can get to the local market or what have you, they're going to take a turn off a cliff. And it's going to be sudden. It's not even should or shouldn't.

They hit that margin where they just go. They don't know. and when they start the car in the garage and go forward through the drywall to come out on the other street on the back of the house it's time to say granny let's get on the bus

what you do there though I think you put up some GoPro's in that garage you catch that on camera for sure when it happens you make a plus out of a minus and maybe you win on like America's Funniest videos is that still going is that still going

it's still going yeah Or even get followers. Like use your grandparents' misery. You could probably get at least 2K, 2,000 followers from your grandmother driving through drywall. Some estimates I've seen have been double that. Wow. I'd love for my grandmother, for someone to film my grandmother hitting a moose. That's got to be 10K new followers for me.

A moose? And then the rack goes through the windshield, takes my grandmother out through the sun. roof or some elaborate Cirque de Soleil senior citizen fantasy fair yeah yeah and i'm i'm now i'm thinking 20k you're getting i i hear brand deals after that oh wow yeah yeah i mean and if your grandmother's okay as well i mean that's a win i'd i mean i'd make that happen if you knew she was going to be okay yeah you know you know anyone with a moose at all just for people but they're not going to do it Have you mentioned the brand deal thing? Oh, that's true, that's true.

But I know these people, I know they're meese. Is it mees? It's mees if there's more than six. Okay, so I know they're mooses. It's mooses if there's six or less. There are these types of people that, like, they think they moose is better than your moose. Moose snobs. Oh, God.

I can reach out. Reach out, please. I'll reach out, because you know what? You never know. I would love to see my grandmother tossed in the air. Probably, I bet a moose could get her up about 25 feet. Yeah, but those really big antlers. Now, is a moose, a reindeer is its own thing.

Is a reindeer in the moose family? It's in the deer family. So moose and elk and reindeer, it's all considered the deer family. Moose are the biggest, elk of the second, caribou and deer kind of whittle on down. Oh. So a moose is a deer? A moose is in the deer family. Didn't know.

Yeah. Never thought of it. And if you're ever in the wild on a trail on a big, giant, Moose is coming out, antlers down, ready to charge us, go, dear Moose, please don't kill me. Yeah, because you can, yeah, because kindness works. Kindness works. It knows no bounds, kindness.

Well, unless sometimes you have like a kind, like who's to say Jeffrey Dahmer didn't have a soft spot? Okay. Like who's to say Jeffrey Dahmer didn't have a Teddy Ruckspin he curled up with at night after gnarling on a scapula or a fibula? He's human. He's a Yin-Yang chute. He's human. And who knows if he didn't snack on Ruxpin?

Because he talked. And maybe in a delirium coming out of a nightmare, he thought it was a little hairy boy and ate Ruxpin in his sleep, or at least spread eagledom. Yeah. But wouldn't that illustrate that kindness has no bounds? If Jeffrey Dahmer was kind as well?

Right. Can I tell you a story about Teddy Ruxpin? I'd rather hear Jeffrey Dahmer one. Okay. So let me tell you my Domer story. And then can we segue into Ruxpin? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

So one day I must have been in college. I worked at a delicatessen. Yeah. I went up from Stockboy to register to eventually I was in the deli area itself. What a dream big. That was when the real Scott came in. I started at four bucks an hour. By the time I came out of that deli, I was at $5.50 an hour.

God bless. It was a 24-hour deli. One day I agreed to do an overnight shift. And now I don't know exactly where he's from, but I guess he was passing through. Staten Island was passing to... He loved to travel. It was eating and vacationing,

eating humans and traveling. And traveling. Where his two hobbies? Yeah, and he said he was going to... I remember a quote from him, I'm going to... I'll be a failure. If I don't eat everyone that I could

and see every single destination and location I can go to. And so I guess at this time he was passing through this borough, Staten Island, where I'm from. And lo and behold, it's about 10 after midnight and Donna walks in.

Into the deli Into the deli Yeah the deli yeah Now I knew it was him Because I'm not a fan But you know his work It's hard to escape Yeah

It's hard to escape his work He came in And I guess because The deli was bright And there were other people there I didn't feel fear Okay I didn't feel fear

There were others around You felt safety in numbers Lighting Yeah It was fluorescent light Very bright It wasn't sort of a Cannibal type setting

No And he wasn't gonna eat anybody in there without someone knowing about it. Yeah, because you've got to order the fries first, so they would have been okay. So I felt emboldened. Wow, that's kind of a heavy word. Just if I could divert for a second,

they don't know what that word is. I do. Okay. You do. Yeah. Well, let me explain. They don't. They don't.

Okay. And I don't like to call my viewers' names, but the pumpkin-headed freaks don't know that word. if you could, and then dip back into your human cannibalism story. Yeah, so I felt emboldened, aka nostalgic. And because I had heard stories and tales of him from when I was younger. And I said, well, this is a guy that brought the family together at barbecues. When they spoke about him, nobody could agree on anything except Dom or at the old family barbecues.

Because, you know, you can't disagree on what he did. You could just talk about it, and you're all falling. line and it really brought my family together. Well, I would go further and say you can't disagree with a guy who's going to eat you. Yeah. I mean, you could have an argument with your wife, your daughter, your grandparent, but

when the end result is the person you're arguing with is going to consume your flesh, you might want to let that person win this one. You follow suit. So I was feeling nostalgic and he walked up and I'll never forget, he had a cup of coffee.

And peanut M&Ms. Oh, God. Now, here I have done with, well, I like coffee. I don't like peanut. Matter of fact, peanut M&O is my favorite. Yeah. And I'm like, maybe him and I aren't so different. Now, this was all in moments.

It was just all in moments. And I started thinking, do I have a taste for flesh? Oh, my God. I don't know. I'd never thought about it. And so just real quick, while he was, just before I rang him up, I just turned and I just, I just licked my arm

just to see because while he was in front of me I just wanted to know if like I just kind of wanted to sense what he's sense this is my only time with him probably I may never see this man again he wants to travel everywhere

he wants to eat everyone just to fill them in could you just reenact the arm lick just so they sort of I turned so he was here and I just and I just licked my forearm just to get a taste

well that again I'm a technical person and Joe this is your story Sal I mean this is a lick what you did to your arm was conalingas

you did that and that's sexual foreplay and that's going to make a cannibal hungrier you're right and that wasn't my intention just now I didn't mean to misrepresent what happened but you know how it is sometimes you just kind of lingus just happens on your arm

wherever you ever tasted your skin lower no Kevin I haven't but um but I'm open to it I mean at least in that moment I was okay sorry to interrupt but I just I'm as you can see I'm a very technical so your story

when you started sort of pussy eating your knuckles or whatever your wrist when you were you know like doing a muff dive on your but it's okay He didn't catch that, but I turned back around. Also, it didn't do anything for me. It was just, it just felt bland, a little, maybe a little salty, but I was like, I don't get it, not in this moment.

And not that I think, thought I was going to get it in that moment. Yeah, yeah. It was just a fleeting moment. And I remember, you know, the coffee was 70 cents. The, the peanut was, it was 55 cents. Wow. So this was all, yeah, this was, you said, 70s, 1970s. Yeah, that's when he was at his peak hunger.

Yeah, yeah. So this was $1.30. the man had exact change and that's when I said that's when I confirmed it I was like I thought it was Dahmer it looks like Dahmer I felt like it was domer but when he had exact change I'm like this guy's a serial killer

you have exact change yeah and that's when I confirmed it and then you know he left and I just so that was this is a guy interesting yeah I thought you were going to say excuse me sir there's some human epidermis in your tooth

I didn't want to broach that with him broach? Yes. What about breach? I didn't want to breach it. I didn't want to broach it. I didn't want to embolden it with them. Now, again, I'm a technical guy, Carl, and a brooch is something a woman wears on her pretty party dress.

Yeah, that's right. A breach, Phil, is when you breach. Yes. And again, this is your story. And if you want it to be all wrong, then that's okay. but just, you know. I do think broaching a subject is, I don't know if it's spelled the same as broach, Philip,

but if you broach something. Terry, I think you mean breach. What's that? Breach. Okay, well, I didn't want to breach it with him. Now, it's, you know there, Suzanne. It's Margaret. Sorry.

Thank you. But where, how do we even get to? Well, you were going to tell us about Teddy Rucksman. spin, and you went off into this human flesh kind of your erotic tirade. I've never told this story before. I know. I'm years of podcasts and interviews and that. This is a highway exclusive.

Are you serious? It is. You've never told this Jeffrey Dahmer story. No, not even in person to anybody. So you... Let alone media. I wouldn't do it. Here's what's fascinating.

You have a way of opening people up, Suzanne. Yeah, I'll open them up like a can of beans at a campfire in the middle of the night with coyotes glowing eyes lurking out of the bushes and you don't know what to do but you had beans at that campfire and so you open your legs

spread eagle style as if Rod Stewart was there waiting for a snack and you blast gas into the eyes of those hungry coyotes and they scatter like popcorn shooting out of Orville Redenbockers

clit sorry I get I get is it Touretts That's what you're talking about yeah yeah sorry no no worries that's how you open people up um now teddy ruckspin yeah let's you said you had a dumber story and a teddy ruckspin now yeah can we hear the the ruckspin story yeah my sister had a teddy ruckspin what diana well it's my show

yeah i am yeah well diana for the sake of the story it doesn't i don't think it changes yeah so tell me what that's it that's it that's the story Yeah, she had one, yeah. So you're going to power smash in here with a 45-minute human cannibal flesh-eater story. Okay, yeah. And then... Which I wasn't expecting. The folks want a lovable little plush toy story, and I get 2.8 seconds.

Is this who you are? Let me dig deeper with that, okay? I wish you would. Not for me, for them. The pumpkin-headed triangle-eyed freaks. Yeah, well, that's who, I mean, look, this is who we're speaking to, right? This is... And I did punch.

punching a little on freaks, but sometimes I have emotional, visceral reactions. And, yeah, they're pumpkin heads, but sometimes they're freaks. Yeah. And we love them. Yeah, we love them. They're our fans. We won't be here without the freaks. We wouldn't be here without these sea monsters.

Yeah. So, Ruxpin, go ahead. Here we go. Hey, boys, I want to talk to you about Rougier. How's your confidence in the old bedroom? Huh? Are you strong like a velociraptor? Are you powerful like a silverback gorilla?

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in the Bubba bedroom and get that celery nice and crisp. Ridgett prescriptions are compounded medications available only if prescribed after an online consultation with a licensed clinician. Compounded drugs can be prescribed under federal law but are not FDA approved and have not been reviewed by the FDA for safety effectiveness or manufacturing. Individual results may vary. Full safety information is available at rigid.com. So one day. Wow. Here we go. Ruckspins in the corner in my sister's room. Oh, God. Which corner can you say?

Northwest corner. Oh, that's the good one. Yeah. That's the good one. It was in between the two windows on the floor there. Oh, what kind of flooring? Cedar, maple. Parquet.

Oh, so it was margarine? Wood. Yeah, margarine. There was a buttery wood. Yes. Beautiful. And we heard it go, and then it said a few words.

Okay. And it was words that we had never heard the Ruxpin say before. It was like a chain of words that were non-linear. Like, it was weird what it said. It just, it said something that, like, was not pre-programmed or what have you. Because I believe it played a cassette tape. That's how Teddy Ruxman worked, right? Or, and I'm just throwing a theory out here.

Yeah. When you put it, you said the northwest corner. Yeah. That is technically the closest corner to the setting sun. Yes. My sister was very into fingshu back then. Right. And so the setting sun is symbolic of the dark Lord Beelzebub Satan descending into the pits of the brimmy brimstone.

You put it together quicker than I thought you would. So maybe Aroxpin was speaking in tongues. Did it sound like this? Like that kind of thing? No. Okay. It was a hur. And then it was like,

believe it was real words, though. But it was like, wait, what was that? Satan talk. We go over to the rucks. He was floating. He wasn't floating. Okay. No cassette tape in him.

It's the devil. Explain it. That's the, that the Elzebub, the Lord darkness of the under fiery brimstone. As children, now it shook us. Yeah. Oh, God. Did you have to get an exorcism for ruckspan? we didn't but I

admittedly at the time I wouldn't have known what that meant it's sort of like what you're doing with your standing and sitting thing but that's exercising but it's just a little different because the dark Lord Bielzebulb's involved okay we hadn't do a few burpees but nothing what's a burpee it's like when you

jump up and then you squat down and you kick your legs out you jump up and you squat it's like one of those you know isn't that gay or is that burpee it sounds well it's it's a might be gay it's well we have into a few gaze.

Oh. So what was it again? You go, you jump up, you clap, and go, hoo-hoo. Yeah. And then you jump back down. You kick your feet, I go, ha-ha, and you twerk a little, and you jump back up. And you repeat that in sets, you know, you do 10 sets, like, you know, three sets of 10. And you just, and then you really push it.

You push it. At the end, you want to get that burn and you want to really gay it up. Again, a technical guy, that's not, that's not a burpee. That's a gay. Okay. Yeah. But that's okay. It depends on where you came, I'm from the East Coast.

We call it burpee. Oh, wow. Yeah, but I guess I could see, yeah, I could see that. I think I've heard it called the gay. Yeah. And it makes sense now because... Well, just when you did it there, too, it was definitely... Well, it makes sense now because I've been doing it with my trainer, and every time I do it, he's like, gay.

And I was like, I don't... Oh. Yeah. Oh, your trainer says that to you? Yeah, because I do it. I do exactly what I jump up. I go, hey. Yeah.

I jump back down, and I twerk a little bit, and I jump back up, and I'm doing these burpees, and every time I do it, he was gay. Gay, gay, gay. And I guess maybe I'm, maybe I, maybe it's called gay and I thought it was called burpee. Yeah. Because if you think about it, burpee is a stupid name. Yeah, and I guess it makes a lot more sense. If you're not born gay and you want to be gay

like anything else, you'd probably have to train for it. Right, right, right. So by you prancing her. I'm so sorry. What is it? You got a call from your, um, your sister. What do you mean? That's about your mom.

Oh shit, what's going on? Do they find her? Yeah, they found her. She was hit in a car. Oh, fuck. What? Is she okay? She's passed away.

Can you give me just a minute? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I get to sell of drinkers. Can you get a good, yeah? What? What? Like a water?

Yeah. Oh my God. No. Don't say that. Oh my God. Yeah. okay I'm sorry

I'm sorry this is like gotcha did I get you my guy my guy my guy prankster

huh that's not what I do the pranksters on the loose oh my guy did daddy get a prank in oh my God when's a it might turn to shine.

When I, well, when you said get salad drink, it was the first seed that I thought, but then what your pumpkin head is freaks, don't realize is that prior to us even coming in here, we spent some time outside just talking, and you set this up before, you set up before, and you started talking to me. Wait, does your mom, is this, with a thing that you set outside. She died years ago. She didn't. Yeah.

Oh, you son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. And here I am I telling. Am I a practical little joker? Oh my God. You son of a bitch, dude. You premeditated son of a bitch. Is that part of the art form?

You asked me outside if I had anyone. You volunteered. Oh, I don't have in a moment out there. And he said that your mom was dealing with dementia. And you told me that. You were talking to your sister because your mom got off and you didn't know where she was and they were looking for it today to which I was gobsmacked about already and then told you my grandmother has dementia and I'm going through this right now which is true and then you know

I'm going to need some recovery time yeah take your time I'll have a sip yeah just to just to know that just when she said your mom got hit by a car yeah and I'm Right now, to me, it was like the beginning to saving Private Ryan. Yeah. So for me, everything was in a little bit. After she said she got hit by a car. When she walked in, by the way, her face,

is she an actress? She is now. She is now. She just got a bonus. Yeah. And then she said she got hit by a car and everything slowed down for me. And all I kept thinking was,

and I think she said she died after that. But I was like, you're finding out that your mom passed away while in a Hooter softball jersey. Yeah. And to me, that was unfortunate. Yeah, that's probably worse. I was wrestling with, oh, my God, and oh, my God, he's in a Hooters jersey. Yeah. Because I feel like you're never going to forget this moment.

Yeah. You know, and that's a choice that you made there. And you don't want to be doing a brand deal on your mother's grave. No. This is the wrong one. Your mother lays down to die. She's been passed a while. Yeah, she died about six years ago.

I'm sorry about that. Hit by a bus. Okay. Yeah. am I in guy? Am I an impractical joker or what? You were in before that. But did I, I, I had to, I couldn't give you my resume. I had to do something in real time to show you what I got, guy.

I'm still regulating right now. I'm still regulating, but I've been a fan of you. This is something like, not anymore. Yeah, well, listen, I got to decide whether this is pushing us further apart or draw me further in. I'm feeling closer to you. Okay. Not, well, you're my abuser. The training thing you do.

You're my abuser. I'll get so close, but I won't get close to that thing you do with your guy at the gym. Yeah, the burpees. I won't do the burpees with you. Yeah. But I hope I'm at least in the running for... Well, I've wanted to do this podcast for so long. Yeah, we've wanted you.

I've been an admirer of you from afar for decades, my friend. I swear to you, you are... Listen, we haven't really spoke about this, but I'll let the cat out of the bag. Oh, here we go. I am a big, big, big fan of yours. and everything that you do and I've always wanted to chop it up with you and I guess what just happened to me

is basically the pinnacle of what could have happened to me in dealing with you so now that I'm talking about a little bit and I'm removing myself from the trauma of what I just felt a bit now I'm warming up to maybe we just became a little bit closer now I think we did sometimes the extremity of death and someone getting

hit by an improv bus can really bring people close together Do you feel the bus asked for a suggestion before it hit your grandmother like it was an improv bus it might have okay you know it was a hypothetical bus it wasn't real okay nor is my mother okay but the look on your face was sometimes they're freaks yeah and uh we love we love them yeah we love there are fans we won't be here without the freaks we wouldn't be here without these sea monsters yeah so ruckspin go ahead here we go

Hey, boys, I want to talk to you about root. I think we're going to have that locked in time. Yeah, that'll be locked. And when people roll back the tape on history and go, how did Harlan get in? Yeah. How did he become an impractical joker? Yeah.

Boom. This is how it's done. You pumpkin-toothed, triangle-eyed, freaks. You didn't need to do it. You would have been in just based on your, Your resume. Oh, for God's sake. You didn't need to do that to me.

You didn't need someone. Someone called that cruel. And I want you to know, some of the pumpkin-headed freaks out there would call it cruel. And I want you to know it is. It is cool. It was cruel. But that's what you, it's a tough game. Show business is a cruel game.

Yeah. And to get in. Daddy had to get cruel. I had to get Cruella DeVille almost. You did. And I'll tell you right now, Peter, I, this raised the bar. And just, just know that in the future, you got always keep one of those glass eyes you got over your left or your right shoulder, depending on which the glass.

I know you got a glass, I hope I didn't spill the caboodle. No, that's okay. One of your eyes is glass, right? Not both, one of them. One. I want to just see if through the rest of this, I can guess which one is the glass one. I'll even do this. I'll give you, like you can focus on one. Okay, yeah. And then on

this one. Yeah. It's a marvel what they're doing with the glass eyes these days because it's hard to tell. But keep one glass eye over a shoulder because I'm nothing if I'm not someone that gets back at people for the fake death of their grandparents from an improv bus. It's okay. As long as I'm in. As long as I had my... You're in. I swear to you, though, for like, for however many seconds that was it felt like in eternity, I thought I was the person

that was with you when your mother passed. I felt it too. Yeah. And in a way you were with my improv mother. Yeah. Well, you're an actor. Did you touch... Like, I don't know. I don't know. what you actors do. I know you've been acting a long time. Do you have a technique where you brought yourself right back behind those Hooters eyes is your heart, right? Right around that area? Yeah, right around here. Did you do some type of touch point to when you did have to, unfortunately, this tragedy did before you? And then did you have some type, did you pull in some of that real life grief? Or were you just phoning it in? What I do, and this is something I don't like to be braggadocious, but I'm... That's like emboldened.

It's more like It's a Slavic word Sakakuflunk tyke. Okay. Oh, Braga-Dosius means Sakakafluntik? In Slav. Oh, I didn't know that.

I know Sucka-Fluctite. Yeah. Oh, that's what Braga-Dosha means all this time? In Slav. Oh, okay. But what I am is a professional raw actor. Okay.

This is a goof. Like this, this podcast stuff is a goof. It's a side thing. They know. I act and if I don't get a job acting like I haven't in the last 14 years

it's because I'm waiting for the I'm waiting for the right script I'm waiting for the right role like Daniel Gay-Lewis I'm waiting maybe I even retired and I'm waiting for someone to

and what you saw just now was the power of my acting I mean that was of the level of Daniel Burpee Lewis yeah if if Meryl Streep transitioned and became an ugly, semi-good-looking guy with no chin and fuck hair. Yeah. That would be me.

Okay. Or that would be her. Okay. I thought you were going to say Mark Summers. Oh, Suzanne Summers' husband? Yeah. Isn't that funny that he got her name when they got married? Because usually the woman takes the man's name, but Mark took her name.

Maybe where you're from. Oh. Yeah. Where I'm from, we take the woman's name. Oh, okay. Yeah. Your last name, Volcano. Yeah, Volcano.

Well, whose show is it? Yes. Volcano guy. I think you should lean into Volcano more. Okay. Because, yes, the Italian, Cuban, Russian, Portuguese heritage that you're from. You know that I am Cuban. Yes.

Okay. I just said it. I just said it. He surprised me. Okay. I just said it. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Such a Scottish. Well, he should be just happen to me. I know, Russian, it's all right.

You have me? Yeah. Well, I don't know. You're a show. You are a volcano. Oh. So,

it's such a powerful word, Volcano. Mm-hmm. Whereas Volcano maybe sounds a little Flacid? Little, yeah. Flacid.

And flaccid meaning? Meaning a tall beaker-like glass that Spock drank out of on Star Trek. It was called a flaccid. Okay. And volcano was a strong, powerful, symbolic.

It's the thing that Earth was made of, right? Yeah. Look at around Hawaii. Underwater volcanoes erupt The lava hardens, a seabird drops a seed onto a clump of molten dried rock and life begins to emerge.

Yeah. This is you, guys. Wow. Way more than volcanic. How do you say it? Volcano. Yeah, that's just, it's, and this is no, it falls a little flat versus what I just said.

I'm a stupid piece of shit. No, no, no, no, I'm a stupid piece of shit. Well, come on. No, we know it. We both know it. A stupid piece of shit. I fell for your mother dying and I didn't know what breakadocious meant. And I just am a dumb piece of shit.

I just wanted my turn to shine. But you shine bright like a diamond. You're like a beacon of light at all times. This is what I'm saying. That's when I was first attracted to you. I was blinded by your presence. Oh, wow. You understand?

This is all coming out in the wash now. But I'm fine. I'm here. I'm on the highway with you. I'm at your place. This is your show. I'm a big enough man to let you know that I've been attracted to you for a long time.

Now, take that how you will. I'm just going to process this for a second if you want to drink some of your skunk cabbage water and I'll take this. So I'm picturing us camping. There's two tents and two sleeping bags, but then the lines get a little blurry because of what you said.

now we're down to one tent and one sleeping bag. We're in it together, but we're clothed. But then the blurriness you created, one of us has his shirt off now. No. No. Just clothed in a sleeping bag in a tent. Okay, I can go that far at least. Yeah, yeah.

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And then it remains ambiguous. Yeah. I love that word. That's nice because there's a little tension. Yeah. You know? It's a nice little undercurrent of something. We can't put a finger on it. And maybe it's skews this way. Maybe it's skews that way. We don't know. But there's some type of energy that bonds us that is not going to go away after today.

I'll tell you that much. Now that this moment has come to fruition. You know who you never want to have to say we can't put our finger on it to? Mick Jagger. Why? Why did you say that? He's all over the place. Flanling.

Yeah. You can't. Try. Have you tried? You ever try when you're in the room with him? No. Try to put your finger on him. Can't.

Oh, wow. But you were going to say somebody else. Well, I was going to say. The guy who, when he gets the command from our commander-in-chief to press the red button, that's not a guy who don't want to be able to say you can't put your finger on it. Right. Because, you know, he's all around it. And then the fate of the world, and this dip shit can't hit the red button to send the mushroom bombs.

It would be a comedy of hers. Yeah. You mentioned my Hooter's shirt. Yeah. What's going to happen now? Are we going to die now? Oh, shit, those... What happened now?

What's the prank here? What's the prank? Now, what? We're going to do this in the dark. Oh, my God. Are you okay? What's going on here now? All right.

Well, I'm not... Fool me twice. Fuck you. That's what they say, right? I think it's those blackout things. All right. I won't be... Your mother, I know your mother already died.

Yeah. Your mother already died. So... What happened? Amber? What's going on with the lie? I think it was that remember I was telling you we were having those weird yeah outages with the Amazon yeah is it why is there only one on oh there we go

now was that guy on or it was never there we go oh all right well you're not going to get me with anything so it was what I was supposed to believe there was an earthquake or something like that just now you're not going to do it was an earthquake it was another prank yeah this is a series of elaborate pranks today. Well, this is my calling card guy. How did you know I would knock this over and it hit with the applause buttons? That is precise.

I just want him. I just want him. You could pull off a heist. Did you just rhyme right in my face? Yeah. Okay. Shakespeare. It's precise you could pull it. I didn't know if you're going to recognize it, but I have talent outside of what you think.

You think you know me, but you don't know everything. Yeah. Yeah. You think you know. What's the main thing I don't know about you? You're not going to answer. You're not letting me in. The main thing you don't know about me?

Yeah. I've never had a cavity. What about when you're going through like security at the airport? I've had a cavity search. I can tell. How was it? It was fine. They should have put a little filling in there and it was fine.

They closed up my cavity and I was good to go. So you have had a cavity. search search yeah yeah if you want to lie to my viewers that's okay i wouldn't frame it as a lie you wouldn't i mean this is a lie or wouldn't it was a long time ago and i wasn't prepared to talk about it but it was when i was it was in office but i have to happen when i was in office which is why it was so controversial made all the papers but i'm not i'm not trying to lie was the cavity search Was it someone with a hairy forearm or sort of a baldish forearm? I wouldn't look.

Okay. But I'll tell you from what I felt. Here we go. Bald. Okay. Is that disappointing? Because you don't get sort of the French tickler. I get it.

Is this hard for you? I'm just trying to think if it was disappointing or not. I'm burning myself back there. No. Okay. Yeah. Back to this. I worked at Hooters.

Have you ever worked there? No, I've gone. Give me your assessment of it. When one opened up, when I was in like late high school, early college, we would go and we thought that the waitresses all wanted to be our girlfriends. Oh, yeah. Fantastic wings. Yeah. Well.

And they really sat down at the table. I don't know if it was because it was a grand opening, but they really came over, sat at the table, and really laid it on thick. This is what we do. Yeah. Yeah. And you wore the shorts.

I had the orange shorts. And I did this thing where, you know, for some reason my arse meat just rolled out. Like, it really was plump. It was like, and what I do, and we had lockers in the back. And I had a burkeenstock. I'd keep in my locker.

And I'd slap my arse cheeks around before my shit. Oh, if you're going to laugh. No, no, continue. I was laughing at something else. Okay. I would slap. I was laughing at what your mom died. I would slap my arse cheeks around with my Birkenstock.

And I did this thing called Pinka Sika. Oh, yeah. I know Percas. It was like a, it was like the pink that you'd see on the 70s porn star, Sika. Yeah. Pinka Sika. Yeah. It was that pinka Cica.

That pink hit you like a, like a, yeah, like a pink runaway tree. And I could only get it with like a, with a Birkenstock. I just slap my jelly ass around. And. Oh, your mom. And the other girls would get so jealous because I was pulling in the tips. I was going nuts. And so these girls, and they're catty.

You know how catty girls are. One night they slipped in a golf shoe. You see these golf shoes? Oh, because they have little cleat, cleat tippings, right? Crawling with them. So I go into. work. I'm slapping my arse cheeks around.

With the golf. You think it's a Birkenstock and it's a golf shoe? Did you have a lawsuit? Did you have a lawsuit? No, but I lost my job. Why did you lose your job? My ass cheeks looked like howdy duty with a crack down the middle of his face. You have a case there. Well, you never thought about that? You can't

just swap someone's shoes. Dude, I was a girl. I was just, it was emotional. We get emotional. We don't think things through. And so now here I am walking around and it looks like, you know, aerator was on my on my nublands and uh good lord but i'll tell you what this is what really got them i could twerk like dolly partn at a cork opening festival yeah and you know twerking you get your arse going and what i would i'm sorry you know what it is now it's i'm now processing your mother's

death the fake death okay and i'm sorry i'm listening laughter helps you get through it yeah yeah So when I got so good at twerking, I would get a ketchup bottle and put it in my crack. And I would twerk and squirt the ketchup on the fries. And I could Velcro salt and pepper into my ass crack. There was so much I could do. Yeah, and you lost your job. I lost, well, my arse got all, it looked like I had sort of like spinal bifida and typhus on my arse cheeks. Wow, smile bifida.

Red dots. I looked like Pippi Longstocking got into some solid like canola oil and laid out in the sun. I get it now. Just blistering. Yeah.

Did you retire that technique back then or could you like, if you wanted to do it right now, if we got some fries or something? What, Sika Pinka? Yeah, could you do the Sika pinka here and with some ketchup and some salt and pepper and do it right here for the freaks? I let it go because I'm not in the,

the same form that I used to be. This is when I was in my teens. You would surprise yourself, though. What if you surprise yourself? I know. You need to take more risks. Yeah. That's what you told me in an email.

Yeah. You told me that you said, that's the first thing you ever said to me. You said, hey, I got your email from a mutual friend. I need to take more risks. This is, and then you said, I'm going to stop this communication now and I'll revisit it at another time. And I was always imagining you'd want to bring it up when I finally got here. I think what I said, if I'm remembering.

correctly. I think you need to take more monopolies, not risks. Okay. You play monopoly? I play risk. Okay. You play risk? Trouble. You should take more risks. Yeah. I play life.

Oh, I eat life. I eat checks. I eat chess. Hmm. Boards. Oh. But I roll them up, so I think they're soccer balls and I pretend I'm a soccer monster. Yeah. I mean,

Everyone does that. Well, I do. I don't think I've ever seen anyone else do it. So if you want to steal my thunder. Where are you from again? Potato Salad Mountain. Yeah, that's why. You're not going to get people eating chess boards like soccer balls up there.

Well, if you roll a chessboard up. You got to the town. If you roll a chessboard up or a checkerboard, you got a soccer ball. That's all I'm saying. Now, aren't you allergic to potato salad? I am. That's ironic. Because you lived on potato salad Mountain.

Holy clammed up with a side order of Elvis Presley's twat hairs. Was there ever an ironic man? I know we had Iron Man. Yeah. But was there ever an ironic man? Like he landed with the Hulk and Thor and someone was about to destroy the world and they did something and he goes, well, that's ironic. And then the villain has to go, wait, and he's so busy thinking,

the others go in and... Can I tell you something? I would cut this out. Don't give that away. What do you mean? Don't give that out. Don't give that idea away. To Marvel?

To whoever. I would keep that close to the tits, to the toots. Keep it right here next to the owl eyes. And I would cut that out of the podcast and I would go around town, bang a few pens and pots, see who's listening, and then I tell the right person that idea,

and then see what happens going forward. What if I protect? the idea. Watch this. Ironic man is trademarked and copyrighted for Harland Williams and the Harlan Highway podcast and

10% goes to Sal volcano. I just threw you a bone. Wow. You're welcome. Now, are you a lawyer? Because if you're a lawyer you have to tell me, you know that, right? Excuse me. These circumstances cannot be compensated under

statute 572 the fermentation law under California Petyl Code 274 Trist versus Whistleton 142-27 Sorry You brought up

Trice versus Whistleton Yeah you're familiar with the case You know you know Yeah thank you so yes I am a lawyer I see the books I see the books by I am a lawyer You're well read Pardon me

You're well-read. Whoa, bro. Let's not call me an Indian. All right. Well, I'm just, I just call it like I see it. Wow. You seem like Captain... You're well-yellow.

How about that? You sound like Captain Well-Red. Chief Well-Red. Chief Well-Red. Yeah. Thank you. Now, the second half of that, did that take away my cut?

No. I'm not legal... I get lost when people start talking straight to camera with legalese. Yeah. I get lost. I'm still a partner in that? Well, people who don't know legal language, legal jargon, as they say, it's like I could be speaking chop suey right now.

Right. I get it. Some of them get it. You don't. No. But you're fine. Okay. You're still getting your 10%.

Okay. And I didn't give away any rights. No, no, no. Okay. No, no rights. Okay. As a, shall we say, new member of the gang, let me pick your brain a wee bit, as they say in Scotland. You ever heard that term, we?

Yeah. What was the most problematic prank that went south that might have turned violent where someone didn't get it or appreciate it and came at you, Sal Volcano. maybe physically, aggressively, verbally, was there one that stands out where you were like, whoa, this guy is about to go off, or did he go off? Or she? Yeah. Because women can be arsas too.

I was playing a security guard at like an odd job type of store. You know these odd lot, odd job type of store? One-stop shop type places, reasonable prices. Really good during the holidays. Yes. So I was playing a security guard there at the front door And a gentleman walked in And well I was been doing this to a bunch of people

And they told me to tell them like hey If you take anything I'll look the other way Don't worry about it And I had said it to a few Boating for flight 246 to Toronto is delayed 50 minutes What? Sounds like Ojo time Play Ojo, great idea

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on any weekend day or holiday for just $10. And a weekday group pass offers the same weekday travel flexibility from $30 for two people and up to $60 for five. Buy yours at go-transit.com slash tickets. The people, a woman, a guy that said, and I said to one guy, and this gentleman was a black man who then took it personal and thought I was being, that my my that was racially charged you see right yeah took it the wrong way he didn't know that

i was saying it was evergreen i was saying it to everyone certainly not because of any type of horrible stereotype right right even though you just called me a red man yeah well i said you were a chief well red it's different okay yeah going so i he then yelled at me a lot and i had to plead with him and i said i felt to be fit to be honest i felt so horrible because it was like such a miscommunicay and I was like pleading like I just was pleading with him like sir I would never and I'm so so sorry you have to understand like I was told to say this a TV show I said to all these other people you know whatever and uh it didn't it didn't matter to him he just kept going yeah so that was that was the shame and I said I'm not doing

this anymore today and I just stopped it was just too emotionally overwhelming you felt not not to get you know not to get you know serious but I really did feel bad and I I said, I'm done, I'm done. Like, that wasn't what I wanted to happen, and I felt terrible. Was there a point where you felt he might have got aggressive and hit you, or was it just all verbal? He was very, very angry and animated it in my face. And then after that, he said, stick your thumb right up in his ass there.

And I did that, and that kind of like smooth things over. And then he was like, this is, this is goofy. This show is goofy. Wow. And so that's why I tried to. He wouldn't hear it until my thumb. Right. I didn't go in.

Just. But I went through. It was inside the cheeks. Yeah. Cheeks were on both sides of my thumb. It's called the wrinkle fondle. Yeah. Oh, that's all the ridges.

Yeah. I didn't call, we never called it that. Yeah, you said you're from the East Coast. Yeah. Out here, it's the wrinkle fondle. When you don't go all the way in, but you're just around all the little fissures. Yeah, we called it the Pikachu, too.

Oh, yeah. I've heard that. I've heard that. So this gentleman wouldn't relent. And did you even get to the point where to say, sir, it's a gang. Oh, I said. I said it all.

And nothing. Did you show him the mic and all the hidden cameras? We showed him everything. And he was still like, you don't like black people. Eventually, he calmed down but it wasn't enough for me to want to perform anymore that day.

Oh, God. It was bad. All right, switching gears, what's the most elaborate hoax or prank? The one that took the most like groundwork? Yeah. There was one in the making for like two.

years um they pulled on me they had me one time we're in a park in new york city and i touched a statue and uh you know yeah there's a some big statue outside like the library or something and i jumped on it and i was touching the face of it or whatnot was it an animal or a human i think it was a lion maybe or i don't exactly remember what it was okay but it was a living thing it was like it was meant to be a living thing it wasn't like a statue of inanimate thing yeah and i touched the nose so So maybe it was a person because I touched the nose. But I could have touched a lion's nose. I touched a nose.

Yeah. And so that episode aired. After that episode aired, I got a legal letter in the mail that said that we were on like landmark public property and I was not to deface or touch any of those, those like statues. Letter from the city. It was on. For real. It was, yeah, on the official letterhead and everything was a proper letter. And it gave me a court date to come in and speak from my.

myself. And so I went to the courts, the city courts of Manhattan, the actual building. And I went alone. And I got, I had to sit and answer questions. I got interrogated. Just me, one on one with a woman. Yeah. And she turned the screws on me. I already thought it was absurd. It said I faced a fine for doing it. And it was defacing. And I, and I would have to speak for myself. And I had to come in. They didn't ask me a bunch of questions. I couldn't believe that I had to take time out of my actual life. Yeah. To go do this. I sat down thinking, I'm like, come on, guys, like, I just, what did I really do? The thing's fine.

Like, you're really going to hit me with a, you know, some type of, what do they call it, a, a nose-picking fine? Yeah, like, I'm really going to pay money for this. Yeah. And she just was, like, arrogant and mean, and, like, she had an attitude to her. And I couldn't believe that this was my experience. And there was nobody there. And at the end, at the end of that session, I started getting a little bit more pushbacky with her.

I was getting a little bit sarcastic with her because I felt like they're really putting me through the ringer for nothing here. Not disrespectful, but I wasn't just like yes, I started to give a, I started to push back. You were like, I'm a taxpayer. I'm a little volcano in there. Oh, yeah, the eruption began.

The rumblings. Yeah. And so she said, well, we're going to take everything here and we're going to talk about, you know, we'll decide and we'll let you know. And then I got another letter that said I had to pay a fine and that they were enforcing it.

If I didn't show up somewhere, it would double, whatever, and I didn't show. And then, like, six months later, this, I mean, we're a year into this. You're like on Mount St. Helens at this point. Yeah, it's insane. Six months later, I'm on set, and I see a team of federal agents walking at me in the jackets with the lady I interviewed with. And they came and served me, and they gave me a fine for, I think it was like $100,000, whatever. And I literally freaked the fuck out. And then they just started laughing, and it was all an elaborate ruse.

as they said. That. Did you admire the brilliance of it, though? I couldn't help but admire it. That's really good. They got, they were able to get, I didn't know,

they were there watching me in another room. I thought I went on my own time. For that bit, my sound guy, my sound guy was able to create something where he got a microphone inside a full water bottle. Whoa.

Yeah. Yeah. Pretty intense. Or it was a microphone or a, it was either a microphone or a pinhole, pin-sized. camera they were cameras because they I know what I know what our setups look at so they're not going to fool me with their traditional like things they had to go James Bond they had to go reinvented and

they did and they got like they were pinhole cameras everywhere and they kind of made up a like a revolution like they they made up a technique that now is used in the industry because of that bit so this lasted two years from soup to nuts oh this this is a good one yeah yeah and I and I really thought that I like had to pay this like I couldn't believe And I was like, well, the show, I'm not paying it. And they're like, no, it's a leveled at you. And I'm like, you think I'm going to pay six figure fine for touching the nose of this statue? It's absurd, but there were no telltale signs of the show's involvement.

I went to the real building downtown at Park Row. And I went up in there, and I was one-on-one in a law office with a lady, and I just didn't. So, you know, and we hadn't breached that type of thing yet. You know, so that was a first. So it also blindsided me. That is brilliant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, I like that.

I might have to try that one. Yeah. You should, Evelyn. It's like, uh... No, I'm going to take a friend out tomorrow. I have a lunch date with someone tomorrow. I'm going to take them near a statue. It's like how to get two...

I just need two years? You need two years, one friend, a statue. And then you just need a staff. The nose. You need the staff, you need the hidden cameras. Okay. You need the microphones and stuff. You need editors and stuff like that.

How much is this prank? Like a couple hundred? A few hundred thousand. A thousand. Yeah. And that's what you need. So tomorrow you pull it all together. It's a bit steep for a prank.

Yeah. Well, you got all that hooters money. I could light a bag of dog poo and put it on her door for free. Yeah, yeah. That's not going to take two years, though. Well, if it's a big piece of shit. There's something about that simmer. I'm going to get a big piece of shit.

piece of shit. Yeah. If you can find a piece of shit that'll take two years to burn then that might be able to. You ever have a three hour fire log? You ever try burning

an Irish wolfhound dump? Those will smoke like a tire fire up in Pittsburgh. No. Oh, they'll burn forever. Wow. And what is it? An Irish wolfhounder,

the biggest dogs. Okay. You burn that and that. You get one of their steamers and you do the lunch brown paper bag and stuff on those. Have you ever done that in real life? No.

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Get protection, feel safe, happy holidays, happy cash app. Yeah, maybe I did once, actually. But the problem is... That's not in vogue anymore. There was a time where the poop brown paper bag was the gun. Yeah, burning a bag full of shit was the thing. But I remember, I think we did it, and we were so scared have been caught we lit it and then ran down the street yeah i think you're supposed to light it

hide behind a car or something and watch them get shit on their foot yeah that's what you that that would be seeing it through because you don't have it to this day now you don't know i don't know what happened yeah yeah my cookey you want to do that together what are you doing later today i have one thing after this then i'm free we i would do it well i'll tell you what if you've got a you have a patreon you have a patreon yeah you do yeah All right. I don't know if it's going to mean my loaf. Well, if you have a loaf, I got a sandwich bag out in the car.

Yeah. Well, hold on. I might have a loaf. What'd you have for breakfast? It's unclear at this point. What's that? What'd you have for breakfast? A loaf.

Oh. A bread. A bread. Yeah. We might be able to do it by around 6 o'clock. I would do it. I would do it. I would, too.

I mean, what do you think the repercussions are there if we get nabbed? Not much, right? Probably a fine, just a fine. At the end of the day, no one's doing anything hard time or anything, because I can't go back. No, you're not going to do hard time for getting shit on someone. I can't go. I won't go back, so. Oh, so you've been in the can?

Yeah, I went to the bathroom right before I... Oh, oh, okay. But I'm not going to go back to prison, though. Okay. What were you in for, if you don't mind me asking? I know that's sort of personal, but... I was in for grand theft or larceny. Arsony.

Larsonie? Grand theft, arsony. You lit a car? fire but it wasn't my fire to light oh what was the circumstance um there was a i lit something on fire and then i i took that by way of destroying it aka a grand theft arsony by way of fire that that car didn't exist for that person anymore because once i burnt it down it was you ever heard of Grand The Varsony? Was somebody just playing a video game

and is too ashamed to say it? Yeah. You are... Yeah. Mario Brothers? Yeah. Okay. Sal,

our final segment, words from a wooden shoe. Okay. Sal, it's an authentic Dutch clog. Inside are random words. I see. You reach in. Okay.

Pull one out. Do you do this on every pod? Everyone does it. I guess I've never seen the end of a pod. No offense. They're not worth watching. None of them have. I've seen your pod a lot, though.

Not the end. Okay. But you reach in and see if the word inspires a story from your journey in life or maybe someone you met or something that happened. And we see. So what's your word, my guy? Cheating. Oh. Oh, you know what I just felt like?

What? Super password. No. The password is. Oh, yeah. I leaned in real close and I went, cheating. Cheating. It was a game show, right?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The password is. Cheating. Cheating. And then I forget the rest. We should do that as a team as well. Just, but just say words.

Yeah, cheating. Well, I've been cheated on a lot in my life. Thanks for bringing it on. Oh, no. What happened? Oh, that's all right. Oh, Sal. I'm not going to get into it right now.

now, but I guess that's sort of, yeah, because it was, I pulled it out of the clogs, so I just don't want to sit here and not talk about anything. There was, okay, I got a story. In high school, I went to an old boys Catholic high school, and there was

a religion class where it got found out that a majority of the class cheated. Oh, on the test. On the test. On the test. Yeah.

They test. Did you want me to go with partner cheating or something like that? I thought that's where you were going and that's why I stared into the camera. No, it is. We're talking about cheating on a test. Okay. It's cleaner. It's healthier.

Yeah. Let's end this on a high note. Yeah. Yeah. So we got all brought back, but I didn't cheat. Okay. Now as a matter of fact, I actually had, and this isn't that didn't happen all the time. I don't even know what happened outside of this instance,

but in this class, I had a 100 average, right? So we, I mean, however many tests they were that year. Yeah. I got 100 on all of them. And then there was also an extra credit assignment that she gave that I did that said it would add two points to your overall average. Okay.

So I should have had a 102 average. Yeah. Okay, so she brought everyone into class and everyone got docked a point. So I didn't know this because she thought the whole class was going to suffer for everybody cheating, right? Okay. So I had a 98 average when I should have had 102. Yeah. So first of all, I said, so I go up to her and I say, Miss, I'm not going to say her real name, but.

What's her fake name? Mrs. Pipenstocks and Slurton slips. Sounds real to me. Yeah, Ms. Pippin's talking certain clips. I said, I said, I didn't cheat. I got 100 in every test. Yeah. And I did your extra credit.

And she goes, and I was at the front of the class at this point talking about. So she says, I'm sorry, that's your average. I said, but I don't understand I didn't cheat. Like, why am I getting punished people to cheat it? Because everyone's getting docked a point. I said, okay, well, let's say I had 100 average, you docked me a point. That's a 99. Then I did the extra credit.

So I should at least have a 101, not a 98. get to a 98. Wow. She said, well, your average was a 99, and then I docked you a point to a 98. I said, no, my average was 100. She said, no, it isn't 100 because only Jesus is perfect. So your average is a 99 to start. I said, even though my average was 100, she says only Jesus is perfect. So she started me at a 99, docked me at the point at 98. I said, what about the extra credit? She goes, the extra credit doesn't apply because you had 100 average. I said, now this is making no kind of sense to everybody here, we're just children. That's what I said to it. I said, this is so unfair.

I said, why didn't you stop me from doing the extra credit assignment when you knew that I scored 100 in every test? Just give me a heads up. It's Jesus's way, a heads up. That's the 11th commandment, unofficial. So you remember when we were younger, maybe even now, there were these keychains

and they would yell, fuck you, fucking eat shit. You're an asshole. Fucking jerk. You remember those? Yeah. Do you? Sure. I'm sorry.

I feel like you're going through some type of trauma my response right now. I'm not good with numbers. Okay. And I think you've just recited about 920 million numbers. Yeah. I'm just, it sounds like you're reading a Chinese phone book to me. Okay. I don't, I don't know what your story's about. Look me here. I don't know what it means. I'm just hearing, I feel like I fell into a Sesame Street blender, and there's numbers swirling around me. I'm in a, I'm in a number cyclone, and there's numbers swirling around. And if you say any more numbers, I think I'm going to puke up manatee meat. Fuck.

I'm sorry. Look at me. I was cheated. I was cheated ultimately. You understand the iron here? I mean, I'm Mr. Ironic because the class cheated and then I didn't and then I got cheated. It's basically the crux of this. Crux meaning nostalgic or braggadocious, right?

So I got one of those things and I sat back down to my seat. I took it out of her and I started, she was trying to teach and she's writing a board. I was like, fuck you! Okay? And she turns around. She doesn't know anyone could have done that. There was like 25 kids. Yeah, yeah.

And she just, she doesn't even say anything. She turns around, stares out, he's turned back, fucking jerk. Fuck you. So, oh, I forgot one important part of the story. I thought you did. Thank you. I was challenging her in front of the classroom.

And then she got in my face this close to me and she went, sit down. You're acting like a genuine ass. And that's when I said, I'm taking out the key chain. and I said through those buttons what I couldn't say through my own hole which was fuck you fucking jerk eat shit you're an asshole but she can never pinpointed who it was and she screamed she screamed in frustration

and that's where the story ends does it really though no because I'm living to tell it you know and I didn't you know some people get hit by buses improv buses and so some people live on and I lived on to tell the story of the wooden shoe. Right at the buzzer. I nailed it. I love it. You're my special favorite guest.

Thank you. You tell it to everybody? I've been real with you. All right. The wooden shoe story, I still don't have a clue what happened. I think there was a little thing that swore,

like a swear box. There was a teacher in your face. And then I'm just seeing the phone number of Louis Tukhow, Wing Tau High, Mui Ting Tink. I'm just seeing Chinese phone book phone numbers because you said so many numbers

so I didn't really get a story but I did get a beautiful effort Thank you No no I mean that's all I could I just look at me I just wanted to I just wanted to do good for you Yeah you did thank you You did so good

Yeah and I want to do good for you And in doing that as a final thing Yes I want to let you in on my final prank that's been going on this whole time Okay. If you don't mind, I just have to undo my pants here real quick. Okay.

Well, you don't have to. Well, I have to if I... Oh, you don't have to. I want to show you the... All right. Hang on. I just got to... Okay.

Pull this out. All right. You're going to love this. Okay. This is... If I'm not in after this... All right. You're in...

Oh. I was sitting on this. No. No. No, no, no, no. The commitment to the bit is something everyone says you don't have, and I'm here to say you have it. Am I am?

You're in. You're in. That's probably really warm. This was in me, this was in my cavity. Yeah. You searched your own cav just now. The whole podcast. Full circle.

Yeah. Wow. Now, where do you get that? In my ass. Okay, okay. And that's where you found it originally. Well. You know, I'm just saying if, if let's say somebody else wanted to,

put something like that in their ass. What would they get it? Not saying me. I'm saying somebody. Well, at a hand store. Okay. Now, buy those clothes. They don't do those no more.

Yeah, there's a hand store in my neighborhood. It's a dollar hand. Really? Yeah, dollars 99 cent hand store. Okay. Well, you know Jeffrey Dahmer. I am now. Harlan, Harlem, Holland, Holland.

Don't, don't, don't. You're not on his level. Don't do it. Not now. Don't throw everything away. now okay you have everything to live for your mother everything well mother was hit by a truck can i do up my pants real quick i would prefer it not because yeah just i don't like looking at it no it's just because it's awkward in this day and age the hands out why i'm not going to hr don't

worry about it uh folks uh sal what a treat before we go i want you to tell these pumpkin-faced freaks where they can see your stand-up tour you're going all over the country where they can follow your YouTube stuff any new shows you're doing any book buddy let them have it come on thank you so much I'm on tour right now it's called the everything's fine tour tickets at salvocato comedy dot com there's like 40 cities up there now I'm adding cities all the time playing the Chicago theater coming up on November 14th the beacon in New York December 27th the Ryman on April 12th in a national and many many more check that out I have a new talk show coming out which I love

Love, love, love, dream guest to be on if you'd like to. Me? Little old me? It's called Minoosh. It'll be out in the winter on my YouTube channel, Salvo Cano official. It's a very fun, different take on a talk show. And you honestly would be a top

tiered dream guest on it. So thank you for that. Yes. I would love to. Thank you, season 12 of Joker's is airing now on TBS. And my special terrified of streaming on HBO Max. And lastly, do you want to tell them about the new member of the practical Joker's team that just got

a new job. Yeah. If you've been watching this whole time, then you know Harland is now part of season 13. He will be on every single episode going forward and it was so kind of him to do it as a passion project and for no pay. What was that last part? I just thought I heard. Kind. Kind. Very kind. Sal, so kind of you to be here. Thank you. Love you, my brother. Thank you. I love you. just so you know I love you and I just want to let you know that this was

exactly everything I dreamed of just so you know even my mother I don't want to leave I'm so happy your mother died faking

yeah not in real life she did die well but no I appreciate that and I appreciate you and I've thought of this a very long time and it was exactly

what I thought it was going to be bless you cinnamon angel folks that's it for today thank you for being here on the holla highway podcast and until next time chicken

chow main baby that car didn't exist for that person anymore because once I burnt it down you ever heard of Grand The Farsony was somebody just playing a video game and is too ashamed to say it

yeah you were yeah Mario brother yeah okay uh Sal.

Okay, okay, look, gang, it was a prank. My mother passed away years ago. She did not walk out and get lost and get hit by a car and get killed. This episode was with one of the prank kings, Sal Volcano, and I thought to myself, how do we prank the guy who can't be prank? And so what happened is before we sat down to talk,

You know, very often me and my guests will spend some time and we'll do some small talk. We'll get caught up. We'll say hello. And in that process, I just sort of mentioned. I said, hey, Sal, does anyone in your family suffer from dementia? And I said, yeah, I'm dealing with it. My mother, she gets forgetful and she wanders off. And sometimes we can't find her.

And she wandered off yesterday. And so I sort of casually got it into Sal's head. I played it very straight, very serious, and Sal and I have only met once before, so he doesn't know me well enough to really know any of this stuff. And I thought, man, this guy's going to be hard to prank. So how do I get him? He's seen and done everything. He's been doing impractical jokers for 12 years. And so I sort of subtly set it up. And then I also started talking about we'd actually been having some power outages in the area. So we did the whole, unplugged the lights thing.

That one didn't go over as well, but we sure got them with my mother getting hit by a bus. And I know some of you are going, Harlan, this isn't funny. What an A-hole. How could you tell us at the beginning? Well, here's what I went through. I thought, do I tell you,

do I let you guys in on the joke at the beginning? Do I tell you at the beginning that you're going to see Sal get set up? And then we're going to burn them and we're going to do the whole mother. getting killed type of thing. And I thought, okay, that'll be good. You'll still see the gag.

You'll still get to play out with it. And it'll be fun and entertaining. But then I thought, you know, this whole show was about pranking people. And I thought, well, what if I set it up that at the same time, Sal's getting pranked, you, the viewer, is getting pranked. And I know it's a tough topic.

It's like, holy God, you're talking about your mother getting killed. but I thought it would be more of an immersive experience if instead of just giving it away at the beginning, you guys got to feel the same emotions that Sal felt right in the moment. Because if you knew it was coming, you'd be like, oh, wow, they really got them, but I'm willing to guess that a bunch of you people watching,

you freaks, I'm willing to guess a lot of you reacted the same way Sal did, and therefore you were sucked into the gas, as well. I'll be an extreme gag. I decided I wanted you guys to have the exact same experiences, Sal. So don't be mad at me. It's just a prank. I had to go to extreme levels to get the master. That's what you got to do when you got a guy who's seen everything and has a keen eye to being pranked. But as you saw on his face, and he told you, we got him. And we probably got you a little bit. And hopefully it made it fun for you, dramatic, sad, exciting, anxiety-ridden, and that's all part of it.

So all in good fun, guys, don't lose your trust in me. It was just we had to prank the prank king. So here's a final look at Sal after we shut the main cameras off, not the cameras, but we shut the main audio off, and we were just kind of reminiscing after we'd said goodbye. And it's quite a lot of fun to just see how the, Prank King, Sal Valcano, who was a great sport about it. I think he actually really loved it.

I think he liked it. We kind of got him. And you can watch our little conversation afterwards. And I hope you had a good time. No more dead mother pranks. Or will there be? Thanks for being here. Enjoy the bonus material.

And we'll see you next time. Chicken chow main. Mother? Mother? Is that you, Mother? Got you again. You did it, buddy! How can I possibly love you more than I did from when I walked in?

I don't know how. Dude, that was... So your face, you really did. For one second, Amber, good job, you. Before you said any words, your face was telling. And so I was like, oh. And then when you said your sister, I knew. But then I just thought, you know, okay,

maybe it's good but then I was like no it's not going to be good news because look at her face and then I just was like oh my god did she get hurt she get injured and then you didn't go right to die you went to got hit by a car and then I was like oh my dear God but then I was a part of me it was like well at least they located her and then you said she died and you know you can't just assume that's a joke you can't yeah yeah because you set it up out there I told them outside I said we can't find I was hoping. I was like, I hope there was a lot. Because I shared dementia in my own family with you.

Then, you know, and then when you walked out, like, when you said, when you said get him a drink, then I was like, I was so like, like, almost like, like, I was getting like in a boxing match. I was like, I didn't know what's, and then I was like, maybe you're frazzled and you just like don't know what to him. You feel bad that I heard that. And so your first and someone was like, help him, like, he's a guy, I'll be it right back. And then you put the water up here and I heard you out there going, oh no. oh no and um and then i just was like i can't believe that the day that i finally get to hang with you because i'm such a big fan of this happens and i didn't know what to say what to do how to how you felt i i honestly it was not enough time to process at all i was stunned

yeah the whole time i was in a stunned state and then it somewhere toward you i have to watch you back to she really i want to because i really felt your face it looked real yeah i felt it a fog yeah i was a rinsing it to come back and say okay my mother's dead let's just get through this but i figure you would have figured it out if you would have come back and did she got hit by a car but let's continue yeah i would have been uneasy i would have insisted i would have been like i'm we don't have to do that when you said she died then i just was like holding my breath and I don't know what it was that there was one little inkling maybe the way your energy was when you were walking back in that like it was just a slight

slight fraction of a clue and then I know I let off the gas yeah but you said it I just was like I guess you can't do the lights going out gag out you've done the mother was that again yes she pulled the plug I thought it wasn't again I thought I was making something that happened accidentally and riffing it into another gang. No, that's why I set up the whole power thing when we were talking. Oh, my fucking God, dude. No, that I just thought went out. But I didn't mean to hit that.

Oh, that's fine. But did that hit the pause? Yeah, it hit the close button. No, it did, yeah. I didn't know if you did that from back there. No, that's all right. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

And the light's why I did the exact right in it. Oh, my God. That's funny. And I couldn't hear any of that. I was just like holding it. Oh, that's so funny. I had such a good tire. I would do this for hours and hours of that.

Hey, everybody, how would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland.