The Harland Highway - SHIVA NEGAR Star of new the WINGMAN movie, talks film, comedy, drama, and getting hit on in bars!
Episode Date: May 26, 2026WINGMAN out now on Apple TV, coming out May 26th! : https://tv.apple.com/us/movie/wingman/umc.cmc.nfzru25awp5jnendhudhjw9t This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp, and Cashapp -Sign up and get 10% ...off at BetterHelp.com/harlandhighway-Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. -Download Cash App Today #CashAppPod. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Shiva Negar: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theshivanegar/ Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/theshivanegar/Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theshivanegar #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You're no longer young people.
You're just people.
And people are either productive or dead weight.
It's my first day of work and I need to make a big impression.
Were you just checking me out?
No.
It's too bad.
I see at least 15 ladies I need to talk to you before my beta block is off.
My coworkers don't take me seriously.
It's not a human.
It's just a piece of meat.
Someone bring a gurney.
Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive.
The price is right fortune pick.
BetMGM and GameSense
Reminds you to play responsibly.
19 plus to wager.
Ontario only.
Please play responsibly.
If you have questions or concerns
about your gambling or someone close to you,
please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600
to speak to an advisor.
Free of charge.
BetMGEM operates pursuant to an operating agreement
with Eye Gaming Ontario.
Okay, folks, this is it.
This is the week.
This is the day.
that wingman comes out. My crazy movie, I'm so proud of it. I'm so excited to share it with you.
Wingman starring myself, Russell Peters, Kayla Wallace, Evan Marsh, Jamie Kennedy, and today's special
guest, Shiva Nagar, who does an incredible job in the movie. She is our special guest today.
We're going to be talking about dating and wingmaning and the movie. We're going to show some clips from the movie.
movie and we're going to have a great time. I hope you get to Amazon or Apple or other streaming
services that are presenting Wingman. Hope you like us. Let us know in the comments what you think
of the movie. Good or bad. I'm all about honesty. I really hope you like it though, but I can take
whatever you throw at me. So without any further ado, please go out and get yourself Wingman.
and let's start today's show with one of the stars,
beautiful star, Shiva Nagar.
Did a guy ever do a cheesy line you remembered, or did he make a move?
Oh, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
Come on.
That is not get out.
Oh, yeah, no, no, they think they're serious.
Come on.
Or like...
Was this a truck driver?
If you were a burger, I'd pick you first.
I guarantee that.
Were you at a club at a truck stop in Bakersfield?
When you feel like you just need to laugh, go to Harlan Highway, my favorite podcast.
You can listen or watch.
You can shave your own crotch because here on Harlan Highway, we take it up a notch.
Let's start the show.
You know where to go.
Head to Harlan Highway or your mama.
Wait, what did you say?
Am I what?
Oh, I like this.
Right?
And then this goes here.
Oh, excuse me.
You mean to my mouth, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
Yeah, I hear you.
It's kind of blocking your beautiful face, though.
It is?
Here, look.
There we go.
Okay.
I can always send you a poster
of my beautiful face later, too.
Yeah.
I already have it.
Yeah.
In my room.
Most people do.
It's like I remember in the 70s and 80s they had pictures up of Farah Fawcett and Charlie's Angels
and now it's me.
In the 90s it was Duran Duran and Nirvana.
And now it's me.
I used to love Duran Duran.
Right?
Because my sister's...
You were a kid?
Yeah.
How old?
Like mine is 13.
Okay.
That's kid territory.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wait, you love Duran Duran.
My sister is older, so she was always listening to them.
So I grew up listening to Duran Duran.
Wait, were you obsessed with them to the point where, because a lot of girls, like,
they get around like a band like that and like, oh, I'll be a groupie.
I'd follow them.
I'd go in the green room.
I'd go to their hotel.
Oh, I've had my share of groupie.
But I was a groupie for Backstreet Boys.
No.
Yeah.
And sync, but more Backstreet Boys.
Did you...
Oh, my God.
What was that?
Your eyes just fluttered.
Like, that was real close to...
I was, like, in love.
I used to love Nick.
Wow.
I just went to their concert in Vegas.
You did?
Yeah.
So wait, so you, did you ever...
Did you ever groupie...
I had their poster in my bedroom?
That's as far as it went?
Yeah.
Okay, I'm just checking.
I was young.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or that's all I'm going to say.
Yeah.
I was a groupie for meatloaf.
I don't know if you remember that guy.
Meatloaf?
The big fat guy in the 70s and 80s.
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.
I will do anything for love.
I used to love that song too.
And do you know what?
I didn't realize, what was his name?
Meatloaf.
Was it meatloaf?
That was his name.
Okay.
And his backup singers were gravy.
I'll Google.
No, it was meatloaf.
Okay.
Yeah, he was a big, like, fat guy.
And I thought, if I'm going to be a groupie,
why not be a groupie for a food group?
Wow.
Like meatloafed up, baby.
It's lots of protein.
Right?
Yeah.
Meat loaf it.
That's how you liked Harvey's after.
Yes.
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.
What do you think that was?
I will do anything for love
But I won't do that
I won't do that
What's that
I think if he wanted you to know
He would have said
But what do you think
In Shiva Nagar's world
And we're going to intro you in a minute
But I think we have to get through
We have to get through this question
And then we're going to do your intro
I would do anything for love
But I won't do that
What is that for Shiva Nagar
I have to think about it
Should I play the theme music?
Do I have to share?
You don't have to say it, but do you know what it is in your head?
I think so.
And it's not shareable.
Not really.
Okay?
Yeah.
Good, okay.
I think most people answer is it's not shareable.
It's not shareable.
Yeah.
And maybe that's why he never said it.
It's a long list, though.
Lady and gentlemen, welcome to the Hallen Highway podcast.
That's right.
I do guarantee.
Folks, what a treat.
Actress, producer, writer, Shiva Nagar is here.
And I'm going to say it right out of the gate.
She's one of the stars of our new movie Wingman that comes out today.
And should we show a clip later in the show?
Yes, yes, just do it.
Yeah.
So Shiva Nagar is here.
And she is one of the stars of the new comedy.
movie Wingman that we're so happy is finally out. It's been about almost two years since we
wrapped, isn't it? Yeah. I was just dying for this to come out at some point. Yeah. That's the thing
when you do an indie movie, when you sort of do it with a smaller studio, it doesn't mean it's not
as good, but it takes more time. It takes more maneuvering. And most movies come out, even big
movies usually come out within a year, a year and a half, but some even longer.
Like, some traditional movies come out even longer, but with indie movies, it usually takes
a little bit longer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's so much that goes into it.
Yeah.
You know, with distribution and all that.
But yeah.
It was a love fest.
What do you mean?
It was so much fun doing it.
Wasn't it fun?
Yeah.
We were all like a family.
Yeah.
Literally, it was a love fest shooting it.
It was hilarious.
Yeah.
That's the thing when you were.
you do a comedy.
It's like, even if the day's long and stressful,
the scenes are usually funny.
So it ends up sort of breaking up that kind of,
the energy of it being too serious.
And so, yeah.
You don't even feel like you're working.
Yeah.
That's what I love.
And the vibe is so different.
I love comedy.
I want to do more comedy.
Yeah, I was going to ask you,
was this your first comedy?
This was pretty, yeah, like this type of genre.
This was like my first time.
Because I've been wanting to do comedy.
for so long.
And I have so many people that are like,
I would do, I would make jokes, I would talk.
And they're like, you're so witty.
Why don't you make, I'm like, I don't know,
people keep casting me for serious stuff.
Yeah.
The mysterious, the thriller, drama, action.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I love all those.
And you're great at it.
I love action.
Yeah, you were the star of a big action movie.
What was it called again?
Yeah, American Assassin.
Damn, yeah.
I play CIA agent there.
It was really fun to do that too.
Yeah.
We didn't even, see, that's a different.
between non-Indy, because we didn't even go on camera the first two weeks.
Gay, we just, we were punching.
Did you say gay?
I guess it is, yeah, sucking on a long, narrow can.
Is that how I have to drink mine?
Yeah, well, yeah, might as well try it.
Not bad.
I think I beat you.
Yeah, I think you did.
Nothing came out, though.
Okay, you just sucked air?
Okay, at about 20 minutes you're going to pay for that.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Don't worry, I won't do it on the microphone.
Oh, my God.
I do it in the movie, though.
Yes, there's a scene in Wingman where you're very gassy, burpee, though.
It's out this end.
That's from too much alcohol.
Yeah, you got a little tipsy in the movie, and we have some scenes where I always find it really funny when a beautiful girl like burps,
because they don't kind of mix together.
And so to see you do it in the movie,
it just killed me.
And the way you do it,
I'm not going to give it away,
but it's really funny.
That was actually one of my top skills as a kid.
To burp.
Yeah,
I used to be able to talk in burp.
Let's hear it.
I can't do it anymore.
I can't do it anymore.
Oh, man.
But it was a thing between me and my sister
because I can make myself burp anytime, anytime.
Let's hear one.
Oh, that was a big.
baby.
Yeah, it's a baby.
Anything bigger?
For some reason, as I got older, the burbs got smaller.
Wow.
I forced that, though.
That wasn't real.
Wow.
Wow.
That was the air that I just...
Yeah.
No, but I used to, like, say the alphabet in burbs.
Oh, wow.
That was like a thing.
I don't know why I had that.
It's funny.
There's a scene, since we're talking about,
there's a scene in Wingman,
where my character, the wingman, is at a bar,
and he's trying to run interference for his client
who hired him to pick up girls.
And he sees this dude with a hot girl.
And so he goes over and starts running interference
and he asks the guy his name.
And the guy says Johnny Smith or whatever.
And my character, the wingman, goes,
dude, I can fart your name.
And then my character farts and it actually says,
Jerry Smith.
And then the guy leaves and my client gets the girl.
But that's sort of the methodology that this wingman uses in the movie.
How many of you just lay awake at bed at night and you're thinking about doom and gloom
or you have anxiety over money or relationships or it just feels like things just aren't coming
together?
Well, that's common.
That happens to all of us.
And sometimes maybe it gets a little over.
overwhelming and you need help. And that's where BetterHelp comes in. Do you know that May is
Mental Health Awareness Month? And this might be an opportunity for you to sort of check in with
yourself, see if you're coping or see if maybe you need a little assistance with some of this
stuff that gets to you. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck, anxious, or unsure, that's okay.
You can acknowledge that. But Better Help might be.
a thing for you to try. Better help does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on the
therapy goals. Better helps therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed
in the U.S. So that's pretty good. You got online therapists out there ready to talk to you and
help you cope with what might be going on in your life. You don't have to be on this journey alone.
Find support and have someone with you in therapy.
Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash harland highway.
That's betterhelp.com slash harland highway.
And maybe you have a little helper along the way to help you deal with all that stuff that keeps you awake at night.
Better help.
You know, people have said, you know, Wingman, isn't that sort of like that movie Hitch that
Will Smith did.
And there's been a few movies where it was sort of wingman-esque.
And I said, yeah, but nobody's done it the way this movie does.
Yeah.
This movie is sort of like my wingman character is sort of the Ace Ventura of Wingman.
Like the way Ace did stuff like talk out of his butt and the way he walked and just the things he said.
Like you've never seen it before.
There's so many unexpected scenes.
Like you'll never be able to be like.
oh, I know what this is.
Yeah.
It's not.
Like, you can't,
you can never tell what you're about to see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's very unique.
Were you, so were you,
because you do a lot of intense acting,
you just did a movie that's like really like,
it's about domestic violence.
What was that one called again?
Deadly vows.
Yeah, like you do some really intense,
like you're a dramatic actor.
Like you got the buttons for that.
So were you actively pursuing,
like hoping something would come along
in the comedy genre for you.
Yeah, and I told my team too.
And I would talk to so many writers, directors,
or in the rooms I would go.
And they're like, why don't you do comedy?
You know your character?
Like, you're so, and I'm like, yes, can you cast me?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm waiting for the right project.
Yeah.
Well, I remember when we met through a Zoom call,
the producers connected us.
Yeah.
And they said, hey, we have this girl
that might be really great for this part.
And I was like, great.
I was excited to meet you.
And then just like seeing you, I could tell you had the right look.
And then when we started talking and sort of goofing around and even to a degree,
like when I cast people, I listen to their voice and their patter and their rhythm.
And you just like, it was probably about five minutes in.
And I was just like, yeah.
And then we started sort of talking in detail about the script and everything.
This is going to surprise a lot of fans and a lot of people.
Yeah.
Especially your fans.
Oh, yeah.
Because they're going to see you in a different light.
Yeah.
They haven't seen anything like this for me before.
Yeah. For sure.
It's definitely a first for me.
Well, since you did do, this was your first time.
Mm-hmm.
I know I'm asking cheesy acting questions,
but I'm genuinely interested.
They always say comedy's the hardest.
Was it hard for you to do it?
Because it didn't look like it on set
that you were having any problems with
that coming from like more of the drama world.
Was it difficult in any way?
No, no.
It just came natural.
Yeah.
First, as long as, if you feel like you're forcing it, then it's not even funny, you know?
Yeah.
It just, there's something in you.
Like, it just comes naturally, you know?
Like, I never had to force anything.
I'm like, okay, your face and like laughing.
By the way, why is there a mushroom behind me?
It's just, I have a mold problem in the studio here.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, we have a real, the cleaning lady really isn't holding up her end.
And we have mushrooms.
I have growing shrooms.
Yeah, we have shrooms.
And then down at your feet where you can't see, there's like nuclear snow and meal worms and fungus.
This is why I'm starting to get itchy.
You're going to leave here.
I came to do a podcast.
I'm leaving with allergies.
Rashes all over.
Speaking.
It's just getting me high.
Wait, speaking, I got to show you this thing.
Just triggered something.
Speaking of weird plant life.
do you know what this is?
I'm going to pull this out.
Is that Lavosheck?
What's that?
Lavoshaq.
Isn't that a B-52's song?
Lavoshaq, baby!
It's a Persian thing with like a candy that we have.
It's like a sour thing that you suck on
and it's called Lavoshek in Persian.
Wow.
That's literally what it looks like.
Really?
It's like made of fruit.
I think this is...
Oh my God, it looks like identical.
What is that?
See if you can guess.
I mean, you've already got a rash.
Don't order.
about it. Would you say?
I'm like seaweed. Yeah. It's from a sushi restaurant. Oh, really? You just unroll the roll.
Well, no, they just gave it to me flat in an envelope. Like, I should mail my seaweed to a loved one.
Like who, why would they give me a seaweed patch? How old is it? I just got it like a week ago,
but it's a patch of seaweed like if I have a hole in the roofers or in the pool, I can patch it.
With seaweed? I don't know. Why would they give me that? It's not a snack? I think. I
Well, that's my bigger question.
Why do we eat this stuff?
We're land dwellers, Shiva.
I mean, looking at it like that now, I'm like, I don't know.
I wouldn't want to eat that.
Like, what do we see turtles?
But from far, it looks like Lavoshek, you have to try Lavoisheck.
It's so good.
It's like sour.
It's like sour.
It's made of fruit.
And it's that thin.
What kind of fruit?
Like cherry or pomegranate.
Oh, I love pomegranates.
I'll bring you some next time from the Virgin store.
Yeah.
What does that?
What does a love a shack mean?
I like the way you say it.
It's good.
A love a shack baby.
Right in my Chevy.
It's as big as a whale.
Let the love a shaka baby.
Love shacka baby.
Love shack a baby.
Love shacka.
Love shaka con.
Shaka Khan.
Shaka Khan.
Shaka.
Shaka.
Shaka Khan.
Never thought of it that way.
It's Laval Shack.
But that was like Love Shack.
But why are we eating stuff from the sea like this?
Like who's the guy?
that one day was on the beach and when that that washed up blob on the sand looks tasty.
Yeah, and we can roll it with some rice and tuna.
Yeah.
Literally.
Like, I don't walk outside in the park and go, oh, that pine tree looks delicious.
I think I'll eat some birch while I'm out here in the forest.
Like, why are we nibbling on sea greens?
Like, how is sushi created?
And that's what I want to know.
Because that's not started.
I mean, every sushi roll has.
Yeah, they roll it in this lovashack.
Lovashak is a lot more yumnier than that.
Yeah, I don't get it.
It doesn't smell like anything, though.
I know.
Anymore.
No.
Wait, let me rip it.
Sometimes when you rip something, it like opens up.
Oh yeah, a little bit.
If you smell the crack.
Do I want to?
Sniff the crack of the lovashack and see what it smells like.
I'll sniff the lavishak anytime.
I don't know about this thing.
Yeah, you can smell it a little.
It smells like a dirty Motel 6 carpet.
Oh, gosh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like Motel 6 or Red Roof Inn.
Now I'm not going to have sushi anymore.
Yeah.
Seweed.
Have you ever had food poisoning from sushi?
Like where you're just sick all night?
I've had food poisoning from raw fish.
That's sushi.
Oh.
I mean, it wasn't at a sushi restaurant.
But it was like one of those like sandwiches like a little like, you know, the British they do like the high tea and then they have like raw fish salmon in between like little sandwiches.
Oh, like smoke salmon?
Yeah.
Like raw salmon.
Just raw?
Yeah.
They're like in between like little bread.
Oh,
okay.
Like,
you know,
they do it for like high tea time.
Yeah.
And you,
I got sick from that.
Oh,
it was bad.
I thought I was gonna die.
It's the worst.
It's the worst.
Yeah.
I got away with it.
I've been eating sushi for
probably 25 years and I never got the inevitable.
Nice.
Oh,
you'll get sick one day.
And I said,
never happened to me.
And then about maybe seven months.
ago. It finally happened and it happened at my favorite sushi place that I always go to. And I thought,
not here. And I've had like sushi twice since. And I used to get it like every week almost. Have you had oysters?
Never. That's also really bad food. I won't eat it. Can I just say something? I don't know if you go out
with your boyfriend and eat seafood or whatever, but I have never had an oyster because it looks like a booger on a shell.
and also, if I've ever been on a date and a girl eats an oyster, I'm done.
Really?
Because this is how you eat an oyster.
Pretend this is an oyster, right?
Oh, I know how to eat an oyster.
I love oyster.
You eat them?
Yeah.
Well, I haven't in a while because I've been hearing some terrible food poisoning stories,
so I have to make sure it's good.
Okay, but imagine this is how you eat.
This is the oyster, all the big boogers on there, and you get it, you go, like an HVAC.
It's so good.
I know, but for a guy, and maybe it's just me.
Maybe you can, since we're talking about wingman and dating.
You just suck it out of its shell.
I know, but for a guy to watch a woman, a beautiful woman,
if you're on a date, put this giant snod up to their face.
Not only is it ugly, but then their lips are and they suck it.
And it just, they don't even chew it, it just kind of goes down.
Like, I don't know, it's a deal breaker.
your mouth for a little bit.
There's lemon and you put some hot sauce.
You know what?
I'm going to stick to my lovashack.
Ah, I don't eat it.
But wait.
Okay, so since we're talking about dating and wingmen and stuff like that, this fits good.
What's a thing on a date for you that's like, like sort of a deal breaker where you're like, oh.
Like if we're eating?
No, it could be anything.
It could be the way they're talking to you.
It could be the way they dressed.
It could be their hair gel.
Like, what's something?
You're on a date.
And maybe it's starting okay.
Mm-hmm.
But then there's that, there's a thing like, like, this is a universal thing.
Like, if any girl did it, good looking, bad looking, thin, fat of shit.
I'm just like, oh.
We should go for oysters.
Yeah.
Why?
So we can just gross each other out, never talk again?
Yeah, let's go to oysters so I can hate you for the rest of my life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Let's go on a hate date.
It's like it's a date.
Let's go on a date guaranteed that we'll never do anything together.
What do you think you've been grossed at?
Like a man would,
or you would do that might be grossed to.
Ooh, what would I do?
To a girl.
You know what?
When I did this, that's a real thing.
I do that.
And I just do it because it makes the pop bubble.
But I think that might turn some girls off.
Yeah.
And then another thing I do is,
and you tell me if this is bad, I'm a spitter.
Like when I walk in the street, if I'm outside...
And your shadow is like on the wall
and you can see the sprays of water
coming out of your mouth?
No, no, what is that?
What are you, Mars?
You've never seen that?
No.
When someone spits a lot and then you look if they have a shadow.
No, is that like a vampire thing?
Yeah, they're talking and you can see like dots coming out of their mouth.
Like spraying.
Oh.
Yeah, it's like a fountain.
No, but when I walk, I'm this close to eating this.
Especially if you have like a space between your teens at time.
Yeah, that makes you sense.
When I was little, I could do it.
I could kind of squirt.
Wow, okay.
That was your skill.
We couldn't make a band with my burping and you're squirting.
Anyways, go on.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the burp and squirts.
Love Shack, baby.
But when I walk outside, I've been spitting since I was five.
It's just a habit.
I like to spit.
I aim for the cracks in the sidewalk.
Oh, intentionally.
Intentionally.
It's just like a thing.
I like to spit.
And I do, I've done it for so long.
I'm not aware of it.
So whether I'm out with a man or a woman or a friend or family, I'm not even aware.
It's such a habit.
That I just spit.
And over the course of my, you know, dating history, I've had girls go, what the hell are you doing?
Like all of a sudden you just go like, excuse me.
No, I don't even say that.
I'm just walking.
I'll be just talking and I'll just go, you know, I'll just spit.
Is that?
Okay.
At least to the side, right?
Like not to their face.
Like you're not like blessing them with your holy water coming out of your mouth.
That's also a cultural thing, you know.
Some people do it.
Is it?
Yeah.
What culture?
Ew. What culture is that? The sprinkler people?
God. The lawn care tribe?
I don't want to name a country because I'm not sure which country is there.
I think it's imaginary country. I can't see them wasting water in the Middle East.
It's desert. They're not going to be like...
What are they, the water wiggle people? Like, what are you talking about?
Spitting people.
You haven't seen like the mothers. They're like, God bless you.
Good Lord.
They run out of holy water?
That's the holy water.
It's coming from the mother saliva.
God bless you.
That's the father.
We also have a lot of ghe in the language.
Yeah.
I was in New York with my friend Husnia.
She's an old friend from Canada.
She's one of my...
Husnia?
It's a Turkish name.
Wow.
Yeah, it's a beautiful name.
Wonderful girl.
Husnia.
Husnia.
She's Turkish.
Muslim Turkish.
That's my auntie.
Yeah, and she's just beautiful, wonderful girl.
I've known her since I was in my early 20s.
Like we've stayed friends like our whole lives.
We adore each other.
And she was working for a company in New York.
And I came to New York to do some shows.
And we were talking.
I said, oh, we're going to be there at the same time.
So we hung out.
And so we decided we'd never been to the 9-11 Memorial.
So we decided to walk like all the way through New York,
like probably like a four mile walk to get there.
But you know New York, you love to walk.
I love, yes.
So we're walking there four miles.
And for the first two, like every like 60 feet, I'm just like, oh yeah, that.
Yeah, oh yeah, good to catch you.
You know.
Oh my gosh.
And so the Canadian in her being so plight, she suddenly stopped me.
She goes, Harland.
And I go, yeah, she goes, are you okay?
Harland, do you mind if I ask you something?
And I went, yeah, what?
She goes, did you recently have oral surgery?
Like so plight and can.
I go, what?
British.
My apologies.
And I go, no, why?
She goes, I've noticed you've been spitting every 20 feet.
And I just, I just freaking lost it.
To this day, it makes me howl because.
Do you even realize when you're doing it?
No, that's what I'm saying.
But she was so Canadian plight and she's known me 30 years.
I know, but I got to be outside.
Like, if we ever walked a dairy queen,
or Burger King or Wendy.
You need the grass and the fresh air.
I just need to be outside because I'm allowed to spit outside.
Right.
Yes, you're not allowed in here.
Okay, so that's my one.
What's yours?
Besides the burping, you mean?
Yeah.
Okay, the date thing that you were saying.
Yeah, like what?
I think that's definitely one of them.
Like if they're drinking from a Diet Coke or something
and then all of a sudden they take the straw and they're like,
Oh, really?
Yeah.
It's done.
It's done.
So that's a form of slurping, just like the oyster thing.
is. So we're both against slurping. Maybe if they don't do that, then I won't slurp on the oyster.
Yeah. Yeah. That's a deal breaker. And then sloppiness, maybe. Okay. Yeah. What do you mean? Like,
their house or their appearance or... Both. So if they're just... Well, I wouldn't see their house on the first date, but...
Yeah. You would know. I mean, you'll never know how good the date is going. Yeah, right, right, right.
I mean, how well they're dressed. Are they sloppy?
Like, is it iron?
Do they look nice, well put together?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then mannerism.
Oh, yeah.
Explain.
Like the waitress comes,
hi, can I get a burger?
Instead of saying, like, what would the lady like first?
Oh, yeah, manners.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, sometimes they don't even think about it.
They're like, yeah, they just order.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thank you.
My mother, who did not talk much about like men and women,
like they were terrified to give us a birds and a bees talk.
Oh, yeah.
Like we, they didn't even, they didn't even talk to us.
They, they left when we hit puberty.
They would leave a little book on our pillow when we were away.
We'd come home and it'd be, Dr. John Karsalov talks to 12 to 14 year olds about life.
And they'd expect us to read it.
Me and my sisters would just throw it down the stairs.
We were so incensed.
That was a conversation.
That was birds to mes.
They'd never talk to me.
One thing my mother always said to me as a kid is the only time she even acknowledged that
dating and she goes, Harland, always have good manners. A woman will always like a man with good
manners, always have good manners to a woman. Yeah. And she told me that when I was a kid. And I just did
it because that's what she told me. Yeah. And I'm glad she did. I didn't read the book. I don't
know how to have sex because I didn't read the book, but I sure don't know how to open a door
for a hottie. God forbid she wants to get it on. I don't know what to do. I start making birds and
bee noises. That's when you have to go back to the book. Yeah. I wish I could find it. It's somewhere
at the bottom of the stairs. Did you get a birds and bees talk? I didn't really. I mean,
Persian family. Persian. They don't do that? It's kind of awkward. You don't want to talk about it.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's awkward for
any family. I couldn't tell, like when I lost my virginity, TMI, a lot of people think I'm still
a virgin. Yeah. Yeah. Now they're going to find out. Yeah. But yeah, I couldn't, I couldn't tell my mom.
Yeah. I can't really talk about stuff like that. No. There are some people that are like very
comfortable talking about sex with their parents. Yeah. I could never. It was. Is there a culture
that is? Like, somehow I'm picturing the Irish. I don't know why. I'm half Irish. They're so
jolly. I'm like, hey, Billy, come in here, lad. Let's talk about fucking fucking
m'all. Let's talk about fucking plowing all night, lad. You're at that age, lad. You're
going to be 69 and soon, boy. Oh, you're going to be doing the coitus behind the tool shed, lad.
I think you were going to see, you're going to be 69 soon. So you've got to get this right.
Yeah, that's maybe when they should give us the talk at 69.
Yeah. That's when you have to go back to the book and start reading to see if you've done everything right.
Oh, good. Well, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that didn't get the talk. But I sort of wish I did as a comedian.
Because I think I would have, that's one of the talks I would have retained. Like just the way my mom said, be polite to women.
I am sure I would have retained the uncomfortable talk about sexual intercourse. Like that would be probably comedy.
fuel in my mind. Yeah, it would be so awkward. Right. Just imagine. So my son,
yes, mommy. When you're about to go on top of a girl, you know. Yes, mommy on top like the bunk bed?
Yeah, you have like this thing that's supposed to go inside something else. A thing like my
Tonka truck, Mommy? Yes. The Tonka truck goes in the garage, Mommy? It goes in the very small,
tiny garage.
But you have to be careful,
and you have to go really slow
and you have to be very caring
towards the girl.
A girl garage?
Yes.
How can a garage be a girl, mummy?
Well, they all have body parts.
One looks like a little bit of a garage
and yours looks like a drive-in.
Oh, my gosh.
I was going to say truck.
Drive in truck.
See, it's not easy.
We just proved it.
Can you tell I don't have a kid?
Can you tell I am a kid?
I mean, it's not easy.
Yeah, I could not.
How could you do it?
But I am sort of, I mean, as uncomfortable as it is, I think every kid who's had it
probably remembers it.
That was a good practice.
That was a good practice.
I should think about.
We should go adopt.
kid together just so we can be good parents. We'll tell them to have manners and we'll both sit
them down and have a very cohesive, wonderful birds and bees conversation with the kid,
get them prepped, and then we'll unadopt them. Exactly. And we're like, we did our job. And if it doesn't
work out, we try another one and then another one. Or we just be good stewards and give all these
kids, these talks and then get rid of them before we have to pay for college. So we enjoy the fun years
where you play catch and you take them on vacation,
you go to the beach,
you have a fun father, son, father, daughter relationship
and then before all those big expenses come
when they start to like fashion
and want a car and go to college,
you're like, uh, we got some news for you lad.
Now that you know how to copulate,
it's time for you to go.
Get out, get out the house.
You have to do it in the Irish accent too.
Get out the house and go do some fucking lad.
It won't work otherwise.
Yeah.
the friendly Irish.
I wonder if my sister did that because I have a nephew.
I wonder how that conversation went.
Have you ever asked her?
No, I am. I will now.
He's a teenager already.
Okay, this is for all the people watching that have kids.
I want to talk to you about Cash App.
Yeah, that's right.
For all the parents out there with teenagers,
we know you're already trying to keep a million different things
under control. Cash app is here to help make sure your teen's money and their spending isn't adding
to all that craziness. Cash app is designed to meet teens aged 13 to 17 where they are with
intuitive educational tools. The cash app card that comes in different colors and patterns to fit
their lifestyle and the ability to instantly access money from family and friends.
Cash app makes managing money feel easier and honestly just cooler than other options out there.
Skip the stress and give your teen a way to learn financial responsibility with no hidden fees.
Download Cash App and get started today.
For a limited time, new Cash App customers earn $10 if they use code Family 10 in their profile at sign up.
and send $5 to a friend within 14 days.
Terms apply.
Cash app is a financial service platform, not a bank,
banking services provided by Cashab's bank partners,
prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC,
direct deposit and promotions provided by Cash App,
a Block Inc brand.
Visit Cash App, backslash, legal, backslash, podcast,
for full disclosures. So there you go. If you got the kids, the teens, you might want to take a good look
to help monitor things and organize things. Get to Cash app.
Hey, y'all. It's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if?
Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair.
With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit wayfair.ca.
Wayfair, every style, every home.
See, I love it we're talking about all this because it all comes back to our movie Wingman,
which is about, where do we just go?
Which is about hooking people up, people getting together, dating.
Yeah.
Loving.
Finding a partner, losing a partner, getting a partner, hooking up, not hooking up.
And you're a master in the movie.
In the movie.
Oh, yeah.
My guys.
Does that apply to real life too?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I could use some help too.
Yeah, I can be a professional wingman for anyone.
Can you turn me into a wing woman?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And my rates are very reasonable.
Okay.
Very reasonable.
For me especially.
Yeah.
As a woman, did you ever do the bar scene?
Did you ever get out and do nightclubbing and with your friends and...
All the time.
You did?
Oh, yeah.
Okay, good.
I'm glad you said yes, because the next question is, do you remember any of the words?
pick up lines or approaches even from a guy or even a girl.
These days you don't know who you're getting.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I mean, love to hear a few of those.
A girl was funny because I went to the Abbey.
What's that?
You know the Abbey?
It's a club.
Is that the gay bar in Hollywood?
Yes.
How did I know that?
And it was lesbian night.
Wow, you picked the right night.
You're a girl.
I did not.
Oh.
But I didn't know.
Oh, wow.
bunch of people.
They didn't tell you?
They didn't tell me it was,
they're like, oh, it's the happy, it's fun,
it's a gay club.
I'm like, yeah, let's go.
Perfect, I won't get hit on.
It's a gay club, you know?
Yeah.
But it was lesbian night.
You were the bait.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
And they had dancers.
They had dancers.
Yeah.
On the stage.
And this one girl, I kid you not,
well, there were a couple of them
that were hitting on me,
but she just came on to me
and she grabbed whatever I was wearing.
and she was topless
and she just took her boobs
and she went like this
she motorboated you
in my face
you got motorboated
I got motorboated
and I'm traumatized
ever since
wow
yeah I mean she had nice tits
but I just don't go that way
I wondered why you had
arioli stains on your forehead
oh you saw that huh
wow she must have motorboated you hard
what was that a 42 horse
God
it was hardcore
She was good, but...
Were you mad?
Like, in a way, that sexual assault.
Like, she just, she literally just grabbed you and forced you into Cleavageville.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And you, did you try to resist?
Like, did you put your hands on the melons and push back?
Yeah, exactly.
That's exactly what I did.
I'm like, not today.
That's the problem with the melons.
They're saw, unless they were fakes, but if they're real ones, you push on them and you don't go anywhere
because they're soft and they just kind of spread out.
I think that are fakes.
then you should have been able to go back at least three feet oh yeah i bounced it was bouncy they were
oh that's hard yeah yeah how long did said motorboat last you poured poor dear
not that long because i pushed right back after and but i was like woo wow okay this is happening
all right wow yeah i've seen it happen i never thought someone would do it to me were you mad like
oh no you were just oh it's just silly fun yeah silly girls are more like that they can be more
sort of playful and sexual with each other.
Yeah.
And it's not as but.
Oh, yeah, guys can't.
Not a guy.
A straight guy would be like,
yo, what the hell?
Yeah, like if a guy walked up to me in a bar,
grabbed me and shoved my face in his balls and went,
like motorballed me?
No.
That's a fight.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, no, girls just laugh it off.
Yeah, I'm not doing a playful tea bag with a guy just as a goof.
I wish I had a video of that, though.
That was pretty awkward.
I think we all do.
Yeah. That was one experience.
Okay, but that's with girls.
Yeah, that's with girls.
Was there ever a hammy guy?
And this is all playing into the wingman theme here today.
Yeah, the pickup lines.
Because I want to talk about, this is the world that our movies about.
Yeah.
But was there one with a guy, did a guy ever do a cheesy line you remembered?
Or did he make a move?
Or did he come and walk across a room and go, hey?
And it could be good or bad.
It doesn't have to be, could have been a guy you actually went, yeah, that worked.
going with you. Anything like that? That happened maybe once, but 90% of the time, it was just the
cheesiest lines. I'm trying to remember like that. Yeah. Like there was like these pickup lines.
This is like 10, 15 years ago when I used to always be clubbing. Yeah. And they were like, oh,
if the sky was, I don't even remember exactly the lines, but there were like some really
cheesy lines where you're just looking like, oh, if you were a book.
I pick you first.
Come on.
That is not get out.
Yeah, that I'm going to get action.
Oh yeah, no, no, they think they're serious.
Like, yeah.
Or like, what was it?
Are you a goddess or where did you fall from the face of the earth?
I don't know.
There were like some really, like these were trending at the time, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
I thought you were going to do something that was sort of semi-romantic or cute.
I did not think some idiot would walk up.
Was this a truck driver?
If you were a burger, I'd pick you first.
I guarantee that.
Were you at a club at a truck stop in Bakersfield?
This is a club in Toronto.
Okay.
If you were a dingleberry, I'd pull you first.
Like, what the?
There's no way someone said that.
Yes.
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first,
and then he expected to go home with you.
What?
The kind of...
He thought he was.
It was so cool.
He thought he was saying like the line of a lifetime.
He couldn't say something that was semi-romantic.
Like, do you work in an art gallery because you've been hanging around in my mind all day?
Oh, wow.
Like that, it's corny, but at least there's some compliment involved.
To call you a solidified piece of phlegm up a nostril.
Yeah.
God.
Yeah.
There are so many.
Who was this oil rig worker?
God.
Or like, they would just be like, oh, yo, yo, yo, yo.
And like, they would just grab you.
Like, hey, hey, hey, hey.
It's like, what is happening?
Like, it's just,
Are you out of toilet paper?
Because you're like a skid mark running through my fucking underpants.
Like, who comes up with these?
Some people would get nervous, like kind of like the wingman.
Like, I actually adored those.
Because they really don't know what the hell they're doing.
Yeah.
Just want to talk to you.
But then they're like, you know, forehead sweating.
And they're getting all red and like,
so awkward, but I actually prefer those because they're being genuine.
Yeah.
Rather than coming up with a booger line or like a cheese.
That's the word.
I don't know if I even believe that one.
You had to have been in Bakersfield.
I mean, it's pretty good, actually.
It's good, but it's ridiculous.
Like, it's like, here's me with my buddies.
Hey, guys, I'm going to go talk to that beautiful girl to make sure she never comes home with me.
Hey, are you a booger?
Because I've been picking in your, whatever it was.
Wow.
Pick you first.
Wow.
I would be the first pick, you know.
So he wanted to make me feel special.
Out of all those girls, I was the first booger he was going to get, you know.
Stick you under a desk.
Yeah.
Wow.
Was there ever a time, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but it's innocent.
Was there ever like you went out alone with your girlfriends or with a friend or by yourself and it worked where a guy came up to you?
And I'm not saying you went home and did the nassette.
but you left with a guy that you'd never met in your life at a club or even at a restaurant or somewhere.
Yeah, I didn't leave with the guy, but I definitely gave my number and we dated.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
For a long time?
For maybe like five, six months.
So it worked.
Yeah.
Oh, that's cool.
He was my prom date.
Oh, that's that long ago.
Oh, it's that long ago.
Yeah.
But I saw him at a club and we made eye contact and I just walked by and he just grabbed me and I was.
You're so hot.
And he said, you're so beautiful.
Okay.
Wait, so you went to prom with him in high school?
Yeah.
And then lost touch with him.
And then you're out one night, and there he was like six years older or whatever.
No, this was right before prom.
Oh.
He was older.
I was clubbing underage.
Oh, so he wasn't at your school.
No.
Okay, so it was a guy you didn't know at a club.
And I took him to prom with me.
No way.
What was the age deaf?
Probably like seven, eight years.
Oh, wow.
Where all the other girls like, where'd you get the grown man?
Yeah, everyone was, the teachers were drooling over him.
Really?
Where'd you pick that booger?
He was like Mr. He was like a model.
Oh, wow.
Mr. Ontario or something.
Mr. Mississauga.
I don't know if he made it to Mr. Canada.
Yeah, no.
I think he was only within the province.
Yeah.
Mr. Aurora.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mr. Burlington Bridge.
It didn't go to like the national level.
No, it was just local.
Yeah.
He was Mr. North York.
North York, yeah.
Like a little borough outside of Toronto.
I think it was Woodbridge, actually.
Woodbridge, oh God.
It's a famous area in Canada for those who don't know what we're talking about.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, your name even, you mentioned goddess earlier,
Shiva's actually, that's like a Hindu name for God, right?
or it's a man.
It's a Hindu God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's a man.
It's a man.
It's the God, like, has a third eye in like four arms.
Yeah.
That's why a lot of Indians that meet me, they're like, oh, Shiva.
Yeah, right.
Thank you for worshipping.
Yeah.
But the Shiva apparently holds a lot of power, like a lot of beautiful power.
It's a goddess, it's a god of destruction and rebuilt.
At least there's a rebuilt.
Yeah, right.
Because it would be terrible.
Yeah, you don't want to be dating.
You don't want to be the picking the booger that just destroys you.
There's a rebuild part.
Yeah, you don't want to pick the burger that sticks you under the desk.
First, you destruct everything you don't like about them,
and then you're still rebuilding.
Yeah, but by then they're just an empty shell of what they once were.
Honey, I'm home.
Let's rebuild you up.
Can you destroy me a little more, please?
Honey.
Oh, God.
That's the meaning behind it.
Yeah.
Shiva.
Yeah.
And that's the name of the God, but does Shiva have its own meaning from your culture?
Yeah.
You're Iranian, right?
Yeah, Iranian, yeah.
But did I say it wrong?
I said Iranian.
Iranian, yeah, Iran.
I said Iranian.
Is that bad?
No.
That's like if you called me Irish.
That's Irish.
Or Harland.
Harland.
Is that how you say it in?
That's how you say it in Persian.
Harland.
Harland.
Harland.
They talk very like, huh?
So like Harlan would be like, Harlan.
Well, that is more flare.
Does it?
I like that.
Okay, it gives me the cringe a little bit.
It looks like I just picked my own booger there.
Wow.
But that's how a very, very, very Persian-y woman would say,
Harlan.
Hello, Harlan.
God.
How about you, Harlan?
Good Lord, Amber alert.
God.
Weir-re-re-w.
Wait.
So what does outside of the god of Shiva, does Shiva in your culture have its own meaning?
Yeah.
So it means someone who is very well spoken, who has a very good speech.
Pardon me?
Skills.
Like, hopefully I have it.
What did you just say?
Someone who's very well spoken.
They say she has a very,
Shiva way of speaking.
What?
Yeah.
What are you saying?
You want me to say it in Persian?
Yeah.
And then could you say
Chal land at the end?
Chardland.
Wow.
Charr, you don't want to say char.
You're going to have to start making that noise
and every time we're on the street, you're going to spit,
you have to remember.
First you go, you go, and then.
Lent.
God.
Sound like a helicopter.
God.
We could really make a band.
Yeah, we could start wrapping together.
We have some talented mouths.
And tongues.
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay, I'll stop there.
But.
Got distracted.
Speaking of all this stuff like dating and pickup lines and bars and all this,
what is your take on kind of,
this new world of only fans.
And before you answer, I got to tell you a story.
You found me there?
You're on only fans?
Sheifa.
God.
But I went on this thing because all I hear about from everyone,
onlyfans.com, you got to go on only fans.
You went on there?
So I go on there, okay, and it's videos and pictures
and just page after page.
And I'm watching these for two hours.
I'm looking at the pictures and the videos.
And I get to the point where my eyes are spinning,
like literally going in circles,
and I finally shut it off.
And I go, why the hell am I looking at OnlyFans?
I already have AC.
I don't even need a fan.
Oh, I just snored.
You did?
Okay, so did you end up getting one or no?
I didn't.
I have AC, like full heating AC in my house.
And I'm like, why was I even on here?
What's everyone going on about?
Fans are so 1970s.
Like, why don't they have an only AC.com?
They're pretty famous now, though.
I should go on what you went on.
Yeah.
Do you need a fan?
No.
I haven't gone on onlysealingfans.com yet.
But I have a feeling if you went on onlysealingfans.com for real today,
you'd have videos of women hanging from the ceiling doing unspeakable things.
Oh, yeah.
Twirling around.
Yeah.
Anything you put in there when it comes with only fans, you'll get a lot of women.
Yeah.
Were the women holding the fans and the only fans?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Are they like twirling with the fans?
Thrilling, yeah.
What are you riding a horse over there?
Look at you.
Buccaroo bonsai.
Yeah.
I mean, you've got to get some, you got to get creative on there.
What's your take on that whole world?
As a woman, as, as, as, you know, just seeing this kind of, you know, just seeing this
kind of subculture developed because only fans has only been around what about four years or something
yeah but you're talking about the ceiling fans or the no like the the girls that participate and
I think men do it too yeah and what's your take on it do you think it's a healthy thing a good
thing a bad thing like have you even thought about it much you know people who can do it yeah
no judgment good for them okay yeah because there are
people who are having fun and they're making money. And I'm all about like, you do you.
If that's what you want to do and, and you're okay with it. Okay, that's a good attitude.
I'll never understand it because it's just not in my DNA. I can't. I wish I could, but I can't.
It'll be a great side hustle, you know? Yeah, yeah. Why not? Who doesn't want to make extra money?
Yeah. But if you can do it and have some fun with it and, you know, just play around and make some cash, good for you.
Why not? I know people who have like bought houses.
Yeah, from it.
From making a fortune.
Buying ceiling fans, you know?
Yeah.
I read recently that Shannon Elizabeth from the American Pie franchise,
remember the beautiful girl who got naked?
Apparently she went on it a few weeks ago and made like a million dollars in 24 hours.
Wait, that's actually real.
I think I saw something about that.
Was that real, do you think?
She made how much?
I heard it was like a million dollars in 24 hours.
Wow.
But, you know, but...
See what I mean?
But then there's the side of it too where...
It's funny because North America that is such a, you know, especially the United States and Canada, it's such a sexualized culture.
Everything's so sexual and sexualized.
Sex cells, sex cells.
Right.
But yet it's also the culture that I find the most with my travels in the world where it's also the most taboo.
Where, you know, like if Janet Jackson's nipple comes out or if someone...
someone says anything that's too provocative.
It's like shut to stop the, close the doors, lock the windows.
It's like, it's like, it's just, it just seems like these two polar opposite forces always
fighting each other.
I mean, Europe is a lot more open-minded when it comes to that.
Oh, yeah.
They have crazy shows.
I think, where was, I think, I was in Budapest or was I in Stockholm?
I don't remember, but they had these like late night shows.
Yeah.
And it's kind of, oh, I'll never forget that.
I don't know what it was called.
Yeah.
But they had this like dating shows.
show and they're butt naked on the show. Oh, I've seen that in Germany. They had a TV show called
Tudy Fruity. It was like the dating game where they're completely nude. Completely nude. I mean,
like, I think they were blurred out. Not where I was, not in Germany. They were blurred in,
I'll tell you that. Yeah. Flurred in. Oh, yeah. But, you know, and then they would be hidden behind the
wall and then finally, you know, whoever, they would ask each other questions and then they would get together.
and they're butt naked.
Don't you think that's a plus to see what you're getting?
Like to see...
From head to toe, literally.
Yeah, to see your future possible partner walk around the wall.
Is it bad to see what's under the hood?
No.
I don't think so.
I think that's one of the things that dating apps...
But also, the whole public is seeing it live TV.
Yeah. It's not just...
But that goes back to the taboo thing.
Like, you've obviously been to a nude beach at some point in your life.
Like, I'm not saying you were new,
but maybe you were, but I think everyone's probably been to a nude beach.
And what you realize is when you're in a new beach, after about three minutes,
it doesn't phase you anymore.
Like the first, when you first, you're like, oh, there's a nude guy and there's a nude girl,
and there's an old lady, and there's a younger woman.
And for the first three minutes, you're like, and then after about three minutes,
you're like, it's just human flesh.
Yeah.
It's just breasts and body parts, and it doesn't even phase you.
You get over it after.
And that's what I think Europe and the rest of the world is.
managed to overcome. Whereas in the U.S., for whatever reason, considering I think this might be the
birthplace of porn and all that stuff, but for some reason here, it's like you're not even
allowed to get naked in public here. I mean, I like the mystery, like when you start dating someone
or you're attracted, and then it's the first time, you know, you're about to have sex and you just
start stripping each other's clothes and then you see, it was like, ooh, you know. So I like the mystery
behind that. That's why I only date women in Burkas, by the way. I love that.
There's a lot to take off.
Yeah.
And if they're not of that persuasion, what I'll do is I'll go to Walmart by a sleeping bag,
cut an eye hole and put it over them like a cocoon.
Before you even look at them.
Yeah.
Put this on.
Put this on.
I don't want to see anything.
I want the mystery.
Is that wrong?
Is that how you take them to dinner?
Yeah.
Yeah.
How do they eat?
Well, that's where I save money.
I pulled the zipper across and they don't eat and they don't talk.
It's just like muffled noises.
Oh, really?
And they can't suck oysters.
Sacoistas.
Yeah, it's perfect.
But yeah, the mystery's fun.
The mystery's fun.
Yeah.
I mean, my first time in Europe, this was years ago in Ibiza, Ibiza.
Abiza, yes.
We were, I was in a club, and there were like these people that were performing, these
girls, and they came out and they were like super sexy.
Yeah.
And then they got naked, so they were topless with like a thong.
I'm like, ooh, wow.
Okay.
And like my virgin eyes, my virgin eyes.
Yeah.
And then this guy came in like sort of like a Zoro, like a matrizzar.
sort of jacket, like a big jacket.
And he started doing all this black jacket.
He started doing all these things, dancing.
And all of a sudden, this is like a huge house club,
like playing house music.
And he just opened the jacket and he's butt naked and he's just Donald Ducking it
in front of the whole crowd.
And he's just going like this.
And it's not a strip club.
It's just a, and I'm like, everyone's like, yeah.
And I'm like this.
Like in shock or in lust?
Yes.
No, it was in shock because I,
I had never seen that, you know.
I was like, I came from Canada.
Yeah.
He was Donald ducking?
He was full on.
So that's when you slap it back and forth.
Oh, yeah.
And does it actually go?
That noise should have been made with that.
That's what sounds like it needs to be.
It sounds like with a weener slapping back and forth, that sounds like the-
It's not even attractive.
Yeah, I wouldn't think so.
I don't understand why people do that.
Yeah, when I use-
Hey, baby.
Yeah.
No, no.
And that's got to hurt.
As a guy, that's going to hurt.
Yeah, have you tried?
Oh, yeah, I used to be with Thunder Down Under for a couple of years.
In Vegas?
Yeah.
Why are you laughing?
Nice.
I've actually seen the show.
So you know Johnny Truck Stop.
Yeah.
Right.
Was that your signature noise?
The Donald Duck, yeah.
I could also do the goofy, too.
I'd swing it back and forth and we'd go,
look, you hook?
Look.
Look?
And then if I swung it really hard, I was like, oh boy, that's going to burn in the morning.
Whoa.
Like I had the whole, I had the whole Disney cast.
Yeah.
Even in like different directions.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm not even going to tell you what Aladdin did.
But it flew around like a dirty carpet.
I'll tell you that.
I'm going to snort.
Yeah, snort.
Water, water.
Lester slurp.
I'm going to burp.
So should we show a clip from Wingman right in here?
Yeah, which part are we going to show?
Ooh, I'm so tempted to show the part.
There's a part towards the end of the movie
where I don't want to give it away.
That's why I don't want to show it.
Oh, yeah.
I think I know what you're talking about.
There's a beautiful part at the end of the movie
that you don't see coming.
Hmm.
What part?
And then there's another part where you get a kiss in the movie from a certain somebody.
Oh,
maybe should we show the perfume scene in the perfume store?
Oh, yeah, that's cute.
That's what, is that,
do you like that scene?
Yeah.
Or do you want to show this?
Why don't we show the scene with you and Russell Peters?
Yes.
When you're, that's hilarious.
When you guys are spraying each other, can we show that scene?
Yeah.
That's a funny scene.
You played that so.
Oh my God, Russell Peters is hilarious.
Should we do that one?
Yeah.
Yeah, because we don't want to give away.
Yeah, we don't want to give it the ending.
Watch for Shiva in the ending scene.
But before that, why don't we throw...
Excuse me.
God, I think I need to squirt.
Oh, God.
I know you've been sitting indoors for so long with no spitting.
Yeah, it's building up.
It's like, I just got to like on a leash.
But folks, this is a scene from wingman.
where Shiva and Nagar and Russell Peters,
who's hilarious in the movie, by the way,
he improvised so many great lines.
You guys were so funny together.
But in the movie, Shiva becomes Russell's new boyfriend.
She leaves her fiance,
like two weeks before they're supposed to get married,
she gets sort of seduced by Russell,
who's like this big, rich billionaire guy.
And so they're in one of those puppy love phases
where they go to a perfume,
store and they're sort of
you know, I'll just play the scene
and it's hilarious
and let's throw to that scene right now
and we'll talk about it on the other side.
Fashion
Ooh, obsession.
Mm, a squatter.
That's him.
That's the guy that stole Terry from me.
Seedduction.
Ooh, J-Lo.
Oh, OJ.
Killer.
It smells.
Look what they're wearing, their magic.
Yeah, it's almost like they might have gone shopping together, or as you would say, a time wasteer.
Ooh.
Come to me.
Does that smell like cum to you?
Give me all your cum.
I need you to come to me so I can get the cum to me, and we can go once we get all the cum.
I'll be right back, darling.
Okay.
Can you give crap the cum?
And she's a squirter.
I love that line.
Come to me.
Come to me.
It's been like, come to you.
By the way, I got to give credit.
So I wrote all the jokes in the movie, okay?
But the come to me line is a stand-up comedian named Bob Zaney.
Okay.
And I wrote that whole scene in the perfume store.
And I love the scene.
And I, you know, I wrote all this stuff, O.J. J.Lo, killer.
And I remember from, you know, from, you know,
Years ago, this funny, funny comedian, Bob Zaney, he lives in Vegas now.
Great comedian.
And he used to do this Joker.
He's on stage.
He goes, I just got this new cologne.
It's called Come to Me.
Ma'am, does this smell like Come to You?
And he'd do like the crowd work.
And it was just so funny.
So when I went to do Wingman, I'd written that whole scene.
I go, I just need one more punch.
Like, we need one more solid joke.
Yeah.
And I said, I'm not going to be ashamed.
I know funny is funny.
I didn't write it, but if there's one joke in the movie, I didn't write.
I called him up, and I said, Bob, this is what I'm doing.
You can say no, but can I buy that joke off you and put it?
He goes, Harland, I love you, man.
Don't even buy it.
It's yours.
And I said, are you sure?
And he said, yeah, he goes, I love you, man.
Put it in the movie.
I said, really, like, so generous.
And I said, you know what, Bob?
I'm going to put it in the credits that it's your joke.
And if you look at the credits in Wingman, it says, come to me, Joe by Bob Zay.
Oh my God, I didn't even notice that.
It's the only one, but it was such a funny joke, and it worked so well in that scene.
Yeah, it was such a right fit there.
And Russell killed it by the way he was saying.
I didn't even know he was saying that.
I don't know why I don't remember it from the scripts.
Yeah.
And when he didn't, like my reaction was just raw.
And then his eyes are like this.
But see, what you did, if we can go back to what we talked about earlier, you doing comedy.
What I loved about you when we first talked is because I knew you had the charge.
to do the drama.
And what I love about comedies,
especially when people haven't done them, like you said,
I knew you were going to have the drama
so it all play so real.
But then when the comedy came in,
it would just fit so well
because when you get real against comedy,
then it all becomes sort of real.
Yeah.
And when he sprayed you,
does that smell like come doing you?
You're just like, yes.
But it was so real,
but it was also you put a comedic sort of,
you made it a bit bigger
and it was just like, it all just worked.
But you also let us like improvise a lot.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And you were coming up with stuff like on the day.
Yeah, yeah.
It was hilarious.
Like that hospital scene, I'm not going to give it away.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
That was so funny to me.
Yeah, the hospital scene.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, really funny.
Like what you did with the bed.
Yeah, right, right.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
It was hard to keep a straight face.
Well, you want to hear a story.
I'll tell them about the scene with the bed.
maybe we'll even show a bit of it.
Why not show two of your scenes?
Sure, yeah.
So there's a scene where Russell's been in a fight
and he's in the hospital
and you're his girlfriend and you come to visit him
and we had this scene where he's just laying in a hospital bed.
And it was sort of a flat scene.
And I said, we got Russell.
He's hilarious.
It's a hospital scene, but it's real.
I got to keep it real.
But how do I make it funny?
And so as we were about to shoot,
I noticed the band was one of those motorized bands
and I said to the prop guys,
I said, does this bad work?
Like, do the motors work?
They said, we're not sure.
I said, plug it in, let's see.
And sure enough, we pressed the button.
There's like, shh.
But you were trying to get it at a certain level for the camera.
Yeah.
And so they kept playing with it and then you're like,
what if we go back and forth?
And so instead of just him laying there doing the scene with you,
the whole scene,
He's got a black eye and band.
The bed just keeps going up and down, back and forth.
And it's a subtle comedy beat, but that's the stuff I love to look for in a movie.
But there's actually what I was going to say to you is there's a scene,
the take that you're in that shot, I cut away quite abruptly because you did laugh,
because it was so funny.
And so I was like, please let there be a cut point.
And there was literally a millisecond where I could cut before you cracked up.
Oh my God, I was rolling it.
And I was so happy.
It was hilarious to see it.
It's because also our head and our eye line was like going like this the whole time as he was going up and down, up and down.
Yeah.
And then I added in all these really loud sort of g-g-g-g-g-g-sh.
And it just, it just, it gave.
And he's talking every time he's speaking.
And then he goes back down.
He's going down.
It just gave that scene a comedic breath that it.
didn't have.
Yeah.
And I love, I love, that's what I, I try to do that with all my movies is I look at the
environment and go, what, what else is already here that wasn't on the script that I can,
I can put into this that, that gives it more comedy.
Yeah.
And that's really fun to do.
Wow.
Look how much people love you.
Look at all this love.
Who got you all this stuff?
I did.
Is this how you treat your clients?
by sending a date rapist?
It wasn't a date rapist, honey.
It was an assault.
What do you think a rapist is?
It's an assault.
And he caught me a fucker.
What can I do?
What can we do to make this right?
Where I come from, we still believe in honor.
If the rapist comes forward and proves himself worthy,
I'm my true leniency.
Of course you will.
No question.
He's one of our best rapists.
I'm...
I will send Bob over there tomorrow to heal this.
wound.
No, you won't send him here.
Bob will show up and prove his honor.
We're real men proven.
At the rest track.
And doctor, get me a new bed, please.
I feel like I'm break dancing.
Favorite, favorite scene is at the end, but we can't show that.
Yeah, let's just tell you, folks, there's a scene at the end.
And a lot of sort of magical stuff happened there, too.
Yeah.
Um, wow.
Well, Shiva, um, thank you so much for being in Wingman.
You were great.
Thank you.
And I hope everyone goes to see it.
The reason we have Shiva here today is because Wingman comes out today on Apple and on Amazon Prime and then hopefully out onto all the other platforms.
Weirdly in our own country, Canada, where we're from, they're doing everything a month late.
Oh, okay.
So Canadians, we're always a little bit weird.
So unfortunately.
It's a bit of a delay.
Yeah, you're going to have a bit of a delay.
but everywhere else, Australia, the UK, all over the world.
Please go out and enjoy Wingman.
We hope you love it.
We put so much love and passion into it.
And thank you so much for being in it.
You were amazing.
I loved working with you.
Oh, thank you.
Likewise.
Yeah, she's so good in it, gang.
And Shiva, before we go, will you please tell the folks anything that you're working on
or projects or upcoming movies or.
books or a podcast, whatever you, this is your time to, uh, you plug yourself right here.
Aside from this exciting project, I'm actually working on another comedy.
Wow.
Oh, wow.
Oh, are we allowed to say?
Uh, yeah, I mean, there was a deadline article, um, for it.
It's called the Cupid Index and it's a comedy about an Iranian-American family.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So that's in pre-production as we speak.
But just when I said, yeah, so this is coming out so timely.
And then I get to do more comedy, which was always my favorite to, you know, try.
Great, great.
Oh.
So look out for that too.
Yeah.
And then can we talk about the movie that just sort of came out recently that was really intense?
Oh, yeah.
You got a lot of notice for your incredible acting for it.
Yes, very, very, very different genre called it.
The movie's called Deadly Vows.
It came out a few months ago on Apple TV, on Amazon,
and on Tooby now, you can watch it.
It's based on a true story about a domestic violence issue,
and I had to play the lady who went through this horrific, horrific experience.
But it was my honor to tell her story as authentically as possible,
and it is very dark, but it's action as well,
and it's kind of like a true crime story.
Yeah.
And I did win the best actress award at the Dubai Film Festival for it.
Wow, you didn't tell me this.
Yeah.
Congrats.
And it won the best audience award at ARPA Film Festival.
So it's been doing a good festival run and now it's out streaming.
So you can watch it.
Slow clap and fast clap.
That's great.
Congrats.
So if you want to laugh or you want to get some action.
Shiva's taken over.
Very different genres.
Well, Shiva, thanks for being here today.
on the
Holland
Highway
podcast
folks
Wingman
May 26
that's today
please download it
tell your friends
about it
it's our own little
sort of indie movie
we really appreciate
your support
and not grovelling
but I really think
you'll have a really good time
and this is sort of
an old school comedy
that goes back to those
no-holds
bars, non-woke comedies, or just silly, crazy fun.
And I think we can all relate to relationships.
We kind of made today show that theme because that's in the theme of hiring a professional
wingman.
So that's it for today, folks.
Thank you, Shiva.
Thank you.
That's it, folks.
Until next time, chicken chow main.
And good luck on the bar scene.
You're cute.
Are you cereal?
Everybody, how would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly?
It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh.
You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go.
You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend.
It's super easy and fun.
Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com.
and I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one.
Your very own personalized Harland.
