The Harland Highway - Special PREMIUM Xmas podcast with BARENAKED LADIES member!

Episode Date: December 19, 2015

Harland's cousin Kevin Hearn from the band BARENAKED LADIES joins Harland for a family Christmas podcast. Singing and joking abound. Special just for Premium Members. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello everybody. Do you feel it? Do you feel it? Hello, premium members, Harland Highway, premium members. Welcome to a very special show. Only for you. Toiland,

Toiland, Little Girl, Oh, yeah, listen to that. So nice. How about Premium Member Land? You are at the... Premium Memberland, Premium Member Land, Dear Little Premium. Yes, Premium Members.

This is a very special podcast. Christmas and the holidays. There's a time you spend with loved ones with family. And this is a very personal, special podcast for my premium members. One of my family members, my cousin, my first cousin, Kevin Hearn, our mothers, our sisters. So me and Kevin pretty much grew up together like brothers. And we've had a whole lifetime of... experiences together alone with family and Kevin's in town for the holidays and we thought, man,

it would be really special to do a special Christmas podcast and just reminisce and sing some Christmas carols and just kind of, you know, invite you guys into our little family and just talk Christmas stuff and get all Christmassy. And so Kev's here, and, you know, we're just going to shoot the breeze and, you know, have fun. And before we get to that, I just want to, you know, from the bottom of my heart, say thank you to all my listeners, but especially you premium members who, you know, took the extra step to be here. in premium land and I want to

sincerely wish you the best holiday ever lots of good tidings and cheer as they say happy times around the tree around the menorah around

the bucket of Kentucky fried chicken whatever you do happy holidays to you and your family and here's a little taste of me and one of my family members love this guy, my cousin, Kevin Hearn. And just so you know, Kevin, we're going to be playing some music during this podcast. Kevin is an extremely talented musician.

He's in the band The Bare Naked Ladies. He's worked with Lou Reed. He's got his own band called Thinbuckle and just wonderfully talented. And, uh, guy, me and Kevin have been, or Kevin and I have been making kind of music and singing our whole lives together, more just as a goofball thing. But, uh, music has brought a lot of joy to both of us. And, uh, so here we go. Uh, from, from my family to your family, uh, little, uh, little, little Christmas sit down

and a little Christmas cheer. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas Everywhere you go Take a look at 5 and 10 Listening once again Beginning to look a lot like Christmas Yes, yes, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas Ladies and Schnurdle-Schnoglins

And to celebrate the Christmas holiday, the magical day, my cousin, Kevin Hearn, my dear, wonderful, loving cousin, who washes my legs for me at night, is here to celebrate and do Christmas Harland Highway podcast with us. How are you, Kev? I'm good. Har, happy holidays. Happy holidays, man. Merry Christmas. I didn't hear about the leg washing. Don't you wash my legs with olive water at night before I go to sleep?

That's not me. Okay, it must be one of my other cousins. Must be one of the Christmas elves. Do you believe in Christmas elves? Of course I do, Har. Now, do you say Merry Christmas or Merry Xmas? Like, do you know some people put the X in front of it? I say, well, I write Merry Xmas.

But I don't say Merry Xmas. Why? Why don't you just say Merry Xmas? It's shorter. Yeah, I say Happy Holidays. Oh, you're one of those guys that won't say Christmas? Yeah, no, I like Happy Holidays. Really?

Yeah. Why, is that like that whole politically correct thing, or is that just a, you just like the sound of it more? I guess Happy Holidays is more inclusive for everybody. That's true. It covers everybody. But you're not against Merry Christmas, are you? No, not at all. What about Merry Xmas?

I like Mary Xmas. It's weird, right? Merry Xmas. Yeah, I'd rather say happy holidays. Yeah. You're right. It covers everything. Yeah.

But what if it covers like, what if people misinterpret it that, like, let's say, say happy holidays to me. Happy holiday, sir. What does he mean? Does he mean, like, have a great Halloween? Does he mean Easter? What, I, what, it's Christmas. Does he mean, what does he mean? What, what holiday, President's Day?

What, what's he talking about? Well, now you've turned into an elderly Jewish woman. Yeah, I have, yeah. Why is he saying happy holidays when he should just say, why would he say Merry Christmas to a Jewish woman? I don't understand it. Well, if I said happy holidays to you in July, I could understand your confusion.

But if I said it to you in the wintertime, anywhere from mid-November to late December, I think it would be pretty obvious to it, the average person. Yeah. It's weird, though, how Merry Christmas got chopped down to X-Mess. Like, someone just, was someone like lazy or tired of writing? Because Christmas is a long word, right? Right.

So who was the guy that just made it X and then mass? I know, it could have been any letter, right? Yeah, like why X, X-Ixmus? I guess. It's weird. It's like an equation, X equals whatever you want it to. Oh, wow. So it's like a, Mary X-Mis is a mathematical equation?

I think so. Maybe Einstein came up with Mary X-Miss. Maybe it's one of his lost formulas. Oh, my God. We might be on to something here. I wonder if the X-Men say that to each other. Wolverine's like, hey, Merry X-Mus Storm. Yeah, Merry X-Mus, Wolverine.

They kind of have to, right? Because they're X-Men. Right, yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Like, if I got a Christmas card from Wolverine and it said Merry X-Miss, I'd be like, yeah, of course. But what about the members of G-Force? Ooh, Merry G-G-Mess.

God, you're right. Have a very merry gummus. See? Yeah, oh my God. This is getting confusing. It doesn't work as well. I'm really confused. I'd like to call Aunt Ruthie and wish her a Merry Christmas.

Oh, you would? Yeah. Oh, my God. You want me to get Aunt Ruthie on the phone? I do. Yes. I love Aunt Ruthie. Oh, my God.

Am Ruthie. Any message for Aunt Ruthie? I would love some of her world famous soup. Oh, yeah? Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's right, because we're cousin, so she's basically your aunt as well. Yeah.

Do you ever talk to her? Well, you know, every year she used to send me, you know, a jar of cranberry sauce or homemade chili sauce or some soup. That wasn't chili sauce, by the way. What was it? That was like fungus from her webbed feet. eat. Oh. Yeah, so I hope you enjoyed that.

Do you do up your house for the holidays, Kev? Do you, like, put up the decorations and the lights and the fake spray the snow and hang the stockings? Well, I don't. I don't have that kind of place. I don't have a big front lawn. I might put up a little tree. Oh, there you go. You have a tree?

Yeah, I don't go for not a real tree. I have a tree that's, you know, just symbolic, and I put it up and put the light. Is there lights on it? Yeah. Oh, there you go. I'll light a fire. I'll always like to get out all my old vinyl Christmas records, you know. Oh, really?

Have seasonal music playing, yeah. Oh, man. I guess my all-time favorite would be Vince Gouraldi's Christmas, a Charlie Brown Christmas. No way. Yeah, but there's also Andy Williams. Yeah. Bob Dylan put out a Christmas record a few years ago No way

Yeah it's great It sounds like someone's uncle singing Christmas carols Now it makes me feel like we should do a Christmas song We should a cousin's Christmas Oh man well you brought your guitar here right Why don't we, you talked about We were talking about elves Do we want to do like an elf song or maybe

What do we do? Let's do an elf song Let's do a, no one's ever done a Christmas carol for for elves. Right now? Yeah, why not? Okay. I mean, we're talking about Christmas carols. It's less talk more action, right?

Less talk more rock. Yeah, exactly. All right, well, let me turn this. We got Christmas carols playing in the background. I'll turn those off. Oh, yeah. Nice. It's out of tune.

It's out of tune with the season. Oh, that's okay. So we'll just make up a song about Christmas elves Okay I'll let you start Yeah go Christmas elves Gathered round the toys

Christmas elves Making lots of noise Hammer hammer bang Drill drill drill glue Hammer, hammer bang Drill, drill glue Oh Christmas elves

Making all the toys Christmas elves Making lots of noise Santa's in the workshop The elves are in their shoes Candy canes are hanging Santa's drinking booze Oh Christmas elves

Making lots of toys Christmas elves The girls and boys Christmas elves Bang bang drill Glue glue Drink bang bang glang slang flang Blang

Wow That's not bad Santa drinking the booze It's a holiday tradition That was a good line for making toys For all the girls and boys Yeah sorry I had to put that in there Oh, that was perfect.

A good rhyme. That's a great. That's a good rhyme. That's what it's all about. We're going to go 50-50 on that holiday classic? I think that's all you, dude. That's all you. Thanks.

Yeah, that's, you got the lick, you got the tune. I just feel honored to be able to sing on top of that fucking lick. You know, I got to say, Har, I find Christmas a stressful time of year. Oh, no, why? Yeah, it's just, there's a lot of pressure. A lot of family pressure, a lot of materialism. I like when it's over. Oh, my God.

That's not in keeping with the Christmas spirit. You're like a humbug guy. Oh, no. Not really. I enjoy time with family and friends. But when it's done, it's like, you just said you didn't. Well, there's a lot of ways you can get caught up in the stressful aspects of it. So it takes me a lot of.

willpower and tenacity to manage the holiday season so that I don't get exhausted and stressed. Ah, I see, I see. We got to figure out a way to overcome that. Yeah. I think I might have the answer. What is it? I think during the holiday season,

you just have to give yourself over to everyone else. Like Christmas is a time of giving. So you surrender. You surrender. All that anxiety, all that trepidating. all that pressure, you just have to let go of it and go, this time of year,

Kevin belongs to everyone else. You know what I mean? You just kind of got to give it over. I know it's not easy. I get what you're saying. It's tough. But I've been there. I think everyone's been there.

Yeah, but then you're just, there's nothing left of you. You're a shell of yourself at some Christmas party, so exhausted. You can't even, like, I know, I know, it's tough. It takes a lot of you. lot of focus now that being said you know i think you should allow yourself like four to five days

of that uh-huh and then after that you're allowed to like kind of get back to where you were but in that window like from the from like the 21st to the 26 that's kind of like surrender okay well i'm glad to hear you're available because i've got lots of cleaning to do at my place well that doesn't mean you're like at everyone's beck and call but if it involves christmasy stuff fair enough it's it's kind of like in order to feel this the spirit of the season you almost got to like just surrender like like you know i live down here in l.a and my family lives up in canada and so what i would do is i just go you know what it's that time of year i'm just going to fly all the way up there i'm going to get a hotel i'm going to rent a car i'm going to get presents for everyone it's just

it's that time and I just let it all flop out and I go visit as many friends and people that I can and I get what you're saying man it can it can be stressful but I think if you just let it go it kind of it kind of feels good it overtakes you and you forget all that stuff right so it's in the giving that yeah like almost like it's almost like giving a gift you know when you when you just give of yourself your your body your spirit you're just kind it's like a A bit of a gift as well, you know. That's one with psychological. I'm trying to help you here, guy.

I hear you. I don't want to see you stressed. Well, I'll be sure to go somewhere and let it all flop out. Where's Kevin, everybody? I don't know. I heard the word Hawaii resort. You know, I have a tradition the last few years. Christmas Day, I drive up north, you know.

Oh, really? Northern Canada. Yeah, up into the woods. Oh, yeah. And that's when it gets real nice. Yeah, because you've, got a cottage, I won't say where it is, but you've got a cottage out in the wilderness. And, you know, up in northern Canada, you're talking five, six feet of snow.

And the snow stays white. It doesn't turn brown or gray or black. Yeah, and it's thick. And you're in a place where it's, the silence is almost deafening. Yes. It's almost like, it's almost like a hum. It's so quiet. It's like a sweet, sweet silence. Yeah, and you've got like birds flying around and like a couple of years ago. I know. you sent me pictures. You saw like a pack of wolves chasing a deer down across the frozen lake. Yes. And who doesn't want to see that at Christmas?

A reindeer getting mulled to death by a pack of wolves. You know, nothing says Christmas more than that, right? Blitzen? God, you really do hate Christmas. God, I have a feeling you baited that deer so that I fucking ate Christmas. I want to see Rudolph ripped apart by werewolves. Let me throw some delicious corn soaked in bacon grease out on the snow here and see what happens. How dare you, sir?

How dare you? You're not something I would have chosen to witness. Yeah, that was pretty intense. But I get you, man. Christmas is, maybe we need to do a song that chills you out a bit. Okay. That sings to the spirit of Christmas. Just a real quiet little thing that brings you in from this dark, horrible.

place that you're at. Give me to something, yeah, nice and quiet. This one's all you people out there who are having trouble dealing with Christmas. This one's for you. Ooh. Christmas is that special time.

of fear where snowflakes fluttered down all around your ears your mother's standing in the window with a steven hot cocoa daddy's in the living room stoke in the fire don't you know Christmas, it's that wonderful time of year where family and love and tenderness is near. Christmas is love. Christmas is love. Love Christmas is a hot baked pie full of love. Love.

Right, Kev? Right? Does that feel better, guy? How do you feel? Isn't that nice? Mama's in the window with the cocoa. It brought me right there, heart. Oh, good.

Yeah. Good, good, good. Did you get me a present this year? I always get you a present. No way. What is it? Not telling. Damn it.

It's a surprise. You know, to be honest, I haven't got it for you yet, so I don't even know what it is. Wow. Yeah, we always get each other wacky presents. We do? Yeah. Remember one year I bought you all. those weird dolls. Yes, yes, I like those. Yep. You never know what we're getting. Yeah,

it's good. Well, God, Kev, I'm excited. Well, hey, I wanted to play a little game with you. I always like to play little games with people on the podcast. Okay. This one's called rhyme time. And how it works is I give you like a word and you say the rhyming word like the first word that pops in your head that rhymes with that. Okay. Can you handle it? I think so. All right.

First word, ready? Yeah. Rumpus. Crumpus. Nice. Blumpus. Thumpus. Frunk.

Trunk. Frunk. Shrunk. Slabby. Blabby. Norg. Florg. Nice.

Rice. No, no, we're done. Bo, Bo. we're fun. No, we're finished. We're linished. Cav. Rev.

Stop. Flop! Cave! Bev. Oh, God. Oh, snob. You really got into that game, dude. Wow.

You went deep. It's fun. Well, any thoughts? I want some cheery thoughts for Christmas before we finish, Kev. Any cheery thoughts you'd like to say to everyone listening about Christmas. Any cheery thoughts? Picture people huddled around the tree, families, love in the air. I'm going to say this, you know, Christmas is a time for togetherness, reflection with family and friends. And I think more than ever, I think it's important to see everybody on this planet as

family as our brothers and sisters and nice hold that in our in our thoughts at this time of year as well and and and think of ways we can reach out to to people who we might not usually reach out to see i knew you had it in you dude that's sweet that was nice right there that's that's the christmas spirit right there why don't we go out on a on a peppy fun christmas carol a homemade one for the folks. Okay. And, you know, it's hard to top what you just said,

but I think if we lay a friendly, fun, loving Christmas carol on top of it, people listening couldn't ask for more than that. And this is one that you and I recorded, right? Oh, no, this is one we're going to do right now. Oh, we're going to make it up. Yeah, we're going to do it right now. Yeah, peppy little fun Christmas carol. Give us a little, a little more of a peppy sound on this one.

out of tune. So is your wife. Do you want me to do a count in or anything? Like a three, two, one or anything like that? Sure, if you like her. You tell me when you're right. Give me like a nod when you're ready. Go.

Three, two, one. Here we go, everybody. It's Christmas time. Merry Christmas, everyone. Walking in the snow. Merry Christmas, everyone, let's have fun, you know. Hey, Merry Christmas, everyone, let's give gods of gifts. Merry Christmas, everyone, let's lift up our spirits.

Merry Christmas, everyone, let's have lots of fun. Hey, Merry Christmas, everyone, let's share a cinnamon bun. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, cinnamon bun. I'm stealing a clip from another Christmas carol now. Oh, Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas, everyone. Out in the snow, having fun, giving hugs, loving buns. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what's the meaning of Christmas?

It's a nice, warm cinnamon bun. Merry Christmas, Cav. Merry Christmas, cab. Merry Christmas, Har. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Xmas. Merry Xmas. Merry G-Miss.

Have a happy hot. Jolly Jolly holiday. Have a happy holiday and a Merry Christmas. Kev, great to have you here on this special Christmas podcast. Thank you, Har. Merry Christmas. And everybody out there listening, have a great Christmas. Have the best Christmas ever.

Have a cinnamon bun since we figured out that's what the meaning of Christmas is at the end there. And until next time, everybody, chicken chau-me. Baby. Should we play a song as we're going out? Cove. Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas, everyone. Nice, warm, fresh, cinnamon bun.

Hey. That's so stupid. Welcome Christmas, Bah-Hu-Dah-Hus. Christmas day will always be Just so long as we have we Fahu for race, Dahu Dara'Ais, Welcome Christmas, bring your light

Ooh Thank you.