The Harland Highway - STEVE O used himself as shark bait, found parts of his inner body, and it's possible he's a muppet!

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

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When I was in clown college. Here we go. I was intimate with another clown. That must have been the funniest sex ever. It was bittersweet. Like when you orgasm did it go, it was bittersweet. You know what's great about having sex with a clown?

They're squirters. That's true. Nothing but legends on your podcast. Legends? Legends. Like, give me a name, guy. Bill Burr. Want to try another one?

Santina. No, I've had some good people, bro. And now we have you, which is a legend. Like, you might even be more of a legend than them. I think I know. All right. I mean, look, you've got guys that stand up on a stage

and tell jokes and stories, but you've done stuff, and by the way, that takes courage, but you've done stuff that I don't think they would ever do. You've done what they've done. You've stood on stage and done comedy. But they haven't done

what you've done, my guy. Yeah. And you have done some wonderful things, sir. Well, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, Stevo is here. Steve-O is here. You want to talk about

legends? He's trying to pull on the legend thing off on everyone else, but he's a legend. himself. He's a legend. I'm not going to let him tell me everyone else is a legend. When he's a legend.

Right? Well, thanks, man. Dude, I mean, come on. You got it. Let's get set the record straight. Are you more of a legend than anyone else that's been on this show? Be for realsies.

Be for realsies in the school yard with the teeter totter, the curly slide, the horsey go around, Steve O.B. for realzies. I think that I've done more to train my inner butthole. Inner butthole. Inner butthole. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's talk about that. If you want to take something in deep, you need to negotiate with your inner butthole.

There's an inner butthole? There is. because right away I'm thinking of remember that movie alien where the guy would open his mouth but that other mouth would come out so when you take a poo does another asshole come out do you do like an inner asshole poo

this is where people will get into trouble and they end up in the hospital having to have things get extracted because the inner butthole, it's not very forgiving. I got to tell you. Once the inner butthole gets a hole to hold of something, let's just say it's not letting go.

I got to tell you, guy, I've heard about the third dimension. I've heard of other dimensions, inner space, outer space. I, to this moment, did not know there was an inner A-hole. Yeah. Where is it? How do I get there? Why is it? It's a shame that we don't have,

or maybe we do. We have someone that could look this up in real time. Like on the Joe Rogan experience, he'll have the guy. Amber, can you look up inner at, what is it? I would say inner sphincter. Inner schvincter. Is that the German way to say it? Probably, yeah.

So inner asshole, and how is your inner shvingter? Yeah. How is that an inner shvingter today. We just want to know, you know, about it. We want to, I want to know if it's real. Yeah. But I think it is because it's coming from you. And what is the inner arsehole?

He says it's real. She says it's real. We have a verification. Now define it. Read it out loud. Wait, come in here and read it on here. Come on in. Nice.

Right here. Refers to the inner anal sphincter. A smooth muscle that maintains anal constant arrest. There's also other, you want to see a picture? Oh, my God. It looks much like. Oh, yeah. It looks much like a muscle all right, like a seafood muscle.

Yeah. Wow. It also looks like a party sausage. Yeah. Wow, I had no idea. There's an inner arse hole. If everybody knew about it, then I would be out of a job. Yeah, it's like a cool little well-kept secret.

Right. How do you know about the inner arsehole? Well, I have a friend. Oh, here we go. This is how it starts. Yeah, he works in the adult film industry. Whoa. He told me that...

Inner asshole, Arnie? He said that there are people who take to the adult film industry, they get a little bit ahead of themselves, and they try to do backdoor scenes without first training their inner butthole. and that that has felt a lot of trouble

for a lot of people and it could be pretty bad because then all of a sudden maybe you're going to lose control of your bodily functions but don't you have to train the outer

arsehole first before you get to the inner the outer one is it's much more much more friendly. It's like border agents and certain countries

are much more lax. It's like if you're going through Central America Looser. You're not going to have a lot of problem. Flapping. You know, even Mexico. The Mexican border it's not notoriously difficult. Belize.

Yeah. I'm not so sure. It's like a loose asshole the Mexican border. Yeah. Costa Rica. I think it's pretty easy to get into. Yeah, that's like a gaper. Nicaragua. Hoo!

Yeah. Right. So just think of... Starfish country down there. Right. Wow. Now, it sounds like, and I don't want to be presumptuous, but you've been known to do some wacky things.

Has a said Steve O had odd things in one's arse? I've tried Can we discuss And perhaps create a list Um I want to be a little bit Close to the vest Okay

Could we get closer to your ass What have we had And I haven't asked this of a lot of my guests What have we had up our arseholes, Steve? Um, we've had, uh, some, some, some, uh, some tubing. Tubing? Some tubing. For a fish tank, what was, what was a, um, tubing for, like a beer bong.

That's a tubing. Okay. Okay. So you were sucking beer. Right. Up your rear. Right. Okay.

Was that a brown ale? It actually started rather pale. It ended up on the brown side. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Sort of like a hepha sheison? It was, it might have been a Miller high life.

Yeah. Wow. Okay, so you've had tubing up there. What else? It's got to be more. There's more. A screwdriver? A screwdriver?

No, but there's been a fair amount of wildlife. Let's go down the list. Love to hear it. I love animals. Right. My viewers love animals. They're animal nuts. Right.

I mean, they'll love an animal in a forest, in a jungle, in a den, and now up your inner ars. Right. Right. There's been a good, deal of fish. Fish. Fish.

Trout, pike, muscalunge, walleye, carp, crappy. I'm not clear on the species because I couldn't see.

So they just swam up there on their own? I had a little bit of help. I had some people ushering the fish in. Some fish handlers. Right. It's a fish handler, but I couldn't see.

I always see if you're going to put a fish up your Have a professional help you. Right. Now, here's the problem that I ran into. Oh, boy, here we go. I couldn't hold on to it. Did it go up or back out?

That's one thing that really helped with the inner butthole is that that fish was slimy. And the inner butt hole can grip it. But no. That was how I fooled the inner butt hole. was this fish. Right. I almost had it, and I was just trying to hold on. And the tail was sticking out of your ass?

I was holding on for dear life. Yeah. You were holding on for dear life. What about the fish? What was it holding on for? Right. It's like, hey, where's all the water? And what's with this other school of brown trout already up here?

Dude. Right. Wow. Right. Now that now, um... So that's a fish, but when you said animal, I was thinking more like mammal. Have you ever had a gopher or a zebra? A hamster. A hamster. Wow. Wow. There's, there's a, there's a, there's a song by a Canadian band. Okay. I don't know if I can say the name of the Canadian band. You can't. You can't. On this podcast, let me tell you some about this podcast before you go. Other podcasts, you got to hold your tongue. You got to shut the pie.

You got to clamp the G-hole. This podcast, unlike Joe Rogans, unlike Theo Vons, this one goes out all over the whole world. Those guys are local. This is a global podcast. Someone in Ireland's watching this right now. Scotland, Bermuda, Fiji. Joe Rogan, he can't get out of Connecticut and, Mississippi.

So if you want to tell me anything about a gerbil up your arse and some Canadian band singer, you can say it on this podcast. Oh, yes, what I'm wearing, gang. That's right, my chubbies, trunks. Yeah, I may look trim and slim, but I'm wearing me some chubbies right now.

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That's 20% off your order with the code Harland Highway. Give your thighs the VIP treatment they deserve with chubbies. Support the show, support the Harlan Highway, and tell them that we sent you and get yourself into some chubbies, you little rascals. All right, well, then I'm just going to let it ride. Yeah. The band is called the Dayglo Abortions.

Yeah. They're from British Columbia. Awesome, yeah. Right out of Victoria, British Columbia. Yep. Unbelievable. They've got, I want to say it was their second album. Yeah.

It was called Here Today, Gwano Tomorrow. Gwano Tomorrow, yeah. And on that epic album, there was a track called Hide the Hamster. Hide the Hamster. Yeah, and it described in great detail a way to I mean there's like parties that people would have

and they started out with the hamster and with the they described the hair being a problem so they would coat the hamster in a with a product called

neat neat yeah I think there was a competitive product called Nair Nair yeah this was a lotion right takes the hair off your left Which makes the hair fall out.

So you balded up the hamster. So it's almost like a penis with gopher teeth at this point. Correct. Pink, elongated, penis with a tail, but got the golden gopher teeth. In case he's up there and he encounters a fish and maybe there's a fight. Right. Cover the hamster with neat and wash it down so that it's nice and clean. Yeah.

You want your hamster clean before you send it up shit alley. Right. And then they said they pull the claws and yank the teeth. Oh, okay. Weird Al Yankovic. And then dip the little rodent in Vaseline. Oh, boy. Yeah, you might as well be getting plugged at the Bakerfield Shell Station at that point.

Right. Now, the next question is, how are you going to usher this thing in there? Right. The day glows have an answer for that. What is it? say everybody at the party has habit trail tubes. Right. Right.

Right in the back door. Right. Oh, perfect. The habit trail. So you put the habit trail in, in goes baldy. Yep. He's in there, you pull out the habit trail, and now you're walking around town with a bald gerbil in your ars or a hamster. Right.

Now, I could see that being painful, but I think what's got to be even more painful is shoving the wheel up there that they run on. I mean, Vaseline ain't going to get that up there. You're going to need like STP tire lube or something. Right. Boy, oh, boy. Wow. Is it still up there?

Would you do me a favor and just put your ass on the mic and see if we can hear them? Please, I'd love to just hear him. Here we go. Oh, Steve, he's still up there. When are you going to poop the little fella out? Well, when's the little fella going to be shit out? Maybe he could be a Christmas gerbil.

It's Christmas little fella. Daddy's going to shit you out for the holidays. Steve-o. What else has been up there? I didn't mean to open the show with this. Right. I was going to talk about so many things, but who wants to hear about anything but what's up your butt? What else has been up there, guy?

And here I'm... This goes back to courage. Is Bill Burr going to shove a wild animal up his ass? I don't see Bill Burr with a French bulldog hanging out of his ass. You know, I lied. I didn't ever... I enjoyed the song. I took the song by the day glows as a work of fiction.

I don't think anybody was... I don't think anybody... in the orbit of the day glows would ever actually perform any act of cruelty against animals. And neither would I. I'm quite an outspoken advocate for animal welfare. And to pull the claws, yank teeth, like that's cruelty that... It's so horrible. Yeah, I wouldn't do it.

And even more horrible, Steveo, to wait. the first 10 minutes of a podcast with a lie. In space, no one can hear you scream. In inner asshole, everyone can hear you scream. Speaking of, oh, Steve-O is here, everybody. Comedian, stunt person, television personality, movie star. What else can I layer on there, my guy? I'd just say entertainer.

Entertainer. Entertainer, and then you're done. I'm not done. I'm going to keep going. He eats animals with his anus. I want to present something to you, my guy. Are you familiar with this? Take a look at that.

Open it up if you want. Standard wax ring. Uh-huh. To any layman out there, to any blue collar worker, hold that little jinkshunds up. And you know what that's called, my guy, in the plumbing world? Crack that sucker open and enjoy. It's made out of wax.

You know what that's called? Take a guess. Standard wax rams. That's the technical name at Home Depot, but when you're working in a bathroom or you're working around a toilet, guess what that's called, my guy. You're going to love it. That's a gaper. No? No.

It's called an O ring. An O-ring. An O-ring. I thought we have Steve O here. We got to have the O-ring to open the show, even though we got sidetracked by a fake lie gopher story. Well, that's the danger with the inner butthole. What?

Is that you can blow out an O-ring. Yeah, that's right. You can blow one out. And that's the O-ring. That's the seal that goes between your floor and the toilet. so that's almost like the gateway to shitland. Yeah. Remember that Kurt Russell movie Stargate

when he walked through that circle and he went back in time into the future? Remember what was it called the Escape from New York? Yes. It's sort of like metaphorically, it's sort of like that. Yeah, they put like a little time bond in his limp notes. Yeah. He only had so long before it was just going to blow up and kill him.

Yeah, he had like 24 hours to go in and rescue the president of the United States who crashed in Manhattan, which was now an island for convicts. Yeah. And they said, you go in and get the president, and you've got 24 hours or we're going to explode your head, which it turned out to be all false in the end. It was just they were lying to him. It was a highly incentivizing move.

Yeah, it was just a lie. kind of as if they almost said, hey, we've got a time-sensitive gopher up your inner anus, and it's just all a lie. Right. I wonder what year was that movie set in? Because it was certainly set in a... Yeah.

It came out in the 70s. I think it might have been the 80s. The early 80s. But it was set in like... It's funny because all those movies that were done in the 80s ago, 2022. Like as if they're... that would be so futuristic.

Like, I think even Blade Runner is 20-23 or something. Oh, wow. And you look at it, it's like, we're not even near that stuff yet, but we're getting there. Can we ask Amber? Yeah. The original one.

Amber, can you come back? We need you once again. And this isn't like an inner-anus question. Right. This is like, come on in. Ridley Scott's Blade Runner, what year was it? said in.

What year was Ridley Scott's Blame Runner said? You could have said that. Like, why do we have her? Should we fire her? Do you want to fire?

I have no wife. I know. She doesn't have a wife, she said. What's that got to do with? I'm going to guess the 80s. She's guessing the 80s, which is what I guess. So, really. We're trying to figure out what year was it 7.

So really, again, we just wasted another five minutes. You owe me 10 minutes on this podcast. I'm keeping you for 10. It was a six-minute gerbil story that was a lie. Now we went through all this which led to nothing. Right. What else are you going to hang me up on, Player? God, Steve-O's here, gang.

And I love the last name O. I want to get to the origins of O. Is it the real name where your parents just lazy? Like, why only one letter? It just stands for nothing. Oh. Yeah. 2019.

2000. Blade Runner was supposed to be set in 2019. Didn't even make it into the 20s. It's amazing. Hey, Amber, can you tell us when Escape from New York? What year that was set? Yeah. I think that might even be.

That might even be like 2010 or something. Because just back in the 70s, 80s and 90s, just to say 2000 was like, ooh, ooh, the two. What was Prince's song? He was right at the edge. He got to 1999, wasn't it? 1997. Ninety-seven. 97. Wow, dude. And then should we go to Terminator? We got to do... Ambert, terminate us.

When was that set? Because apparently the future is all blade running. And here we are. We're just starting to get, like, driverless cars. 1984. I know. That's when it came out. Yeah, when was it set? Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But from what year? The cyborg was from the future 1929 to kill Sarah Connor. You mean 2029? What did I say? He said 1929.

Yeah, apparently the Terminator was a pioneer. No, 2020. He pulls out his musket and kills Sarah Connor. Oh, Sh! With John Connor. What did you call him? me? The way you said that to me

was borderline seductive. Like, dude, I know we got to finish this, but you, dude, you just went, John Connor. And the way you were looking at me, I want to go on a date with you. Can we go out to dinner? I'll be a John Connor.

Where you take me in your truck? I'll take you. I'll take you wherever you want, gerbil buns. God. Okay, so let's get back to you saying you're nothing. That stopped me in my tracks. Because we established the show that you're a legend. And within seven minutes, we went from legend to nothing. Only someone with balls of steel would say that. Talk to me. What do you mean nothing, Steve-o? It was when I was much younger.

I would have been years old, thereabouts. Okay, thereabout. I think I was 19 when they started calling me Steve-o. Oh, someone else started it. Yeah. So you didn't, that's not your family name. Oh. Right.

No. Okay. Right. So what? Am we allowed to say or is it a secret? It's not a secret. It was just, Stebo, like my one buddy, L.J.

So another guy with very limited name, two letters. Little John, L.J. I knew his brother, B.J. And I think maybe L.J. started calling me Steebo. but then it kind of took on a life of its own because I was quite drunk most of the time. Oh.

And as I became more intoxicated, I was compelled to act out more outrageously and climb things and jump off of things and always making a spectacle of myself. Were they egging you on to do it because they secretly wanted to see you get hurt? I don't know that they were egging me on to do it, but there was a connection.

contingent at like certain keg parties that that was quite supportive of my behavior. And it was pleased with my acting out. And they said, Steve, oh, it was like drunk people screaming. Oh, wow. It was like a chant. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It was before this, it was like, oh, oh, oh, oh,

almost the same shape as something else. Yeah. Yeah. Now, did that sort of start to define you? Did you become, hey, this is what they want. This is what I give them. It's giving me attention and popularity. Did it almost become a curse? I don't know that it ever became a curse. I think it was purely a blessing. Oh. Because I was very conflicted about it. Like, I wanted to pursue a real serious career. I wanted to become. a crazy, famous stuntman with my home video camera.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I completely committed myself to this path in the year 1993. Amber, can you just confirm that Stivo committed to this path in 1993? That was the year I was kicked out of the dorms at the University of Miami. Wow. Which really had my hands tied. I wasn't even allowed to really be there. Plus, I was failing out of all my classes.

And then I just got in a van and left. What year did Steve-O decide to do stuff that he was going to do that he wanted to do when he was in high school that he wanted to do stuff for the other kids? What year? What year? It says in 1997, that's when he was. you started at Ringling Bros.

Ringling Brothers. Ringling Brothers in Barnum and Bailey. You were a circus clown? Yeah. Get the hell out. Yeah. So you've wrangled elephants and chimpanzees? I worked in the circus.

I worked in a circus which had elephants. Be honest. And everyone's wondering. I promise you I'm not lying about that. And I was very upset. about the animals in the circus and I went on to speak out quite publicly about it. That's all fine and dandy,

but as circus folk, and they want to know, I'm almost not the guy asking this. It's almost not me, gang, but I know they want to know. I have viewers, I told you, all over him. Down in Bermuda, we have Charles China Teeth.

Over in South Carolina, we got Sarah Slug Snott. Did you, when you were in the circus, and be real with me, Guy. Yep. Did you ever have intimate, sexual encounters with the bearded lady? Not in the circus with the bearded lady.

What about Goat Boy? Not with Goat Boy, but when I was in Clown College. Here we go. You banged Bozo? I was intimate. with another clown. That must have been the funniest sex ever.

It was bittersweet. Like when you orgasm did it go, it was bittersweet. What do you mean? Well, yes. They were diabetic? Yes, I had sex with another clown. In the makeup or?

That's the problem. You did it in the makeup. No, the problem was that there was, the clown was not in, the makeup. You know what's great about having sex with a clown? They're squirters. That's true.

Yeah. But I mean, it's almost like all for nothing because I've always likened having sex with a circus clown who is not wearing their makeup to having sex with a flight attendant on the ground. Yeah.

It's like, what's the point? Why did you do it? Why didn't you keep the makeup on. It's bittersweet. You're right. That is bittersweet. Oh, God.

I could have had it all, and I came away with nothing. It's got to be hard, too, to put a clown's legs in the air when they've got five-pound shoes on each foot. You know, I seem to recall that we were in a shower. Oh, my God. Well, that's why there was no makeup. You washed it all off, Guy. Wow.

Circus. Any of the, you said you were like sensitive about the animals. Right. Did you see cruelty to the animals? Because I get the feeling they might have hit them around a bit to get them to comply. I mean, they say that with an elephant, to get it to comply. You got to break its spirit. Now that doesn't sound very kind.

How did they break its spirit? I'm not. I wasn't there for that. But I'll tell you this. the people who owned the circus, the people who ran the circus, they were terrified of their own elephants. They told me with such incredible urgency,

stay the hell away from the elephant, don't go anywhere near the elephants. And I remember thinking like, wow, these people are terrified of their own elephants. Yeah. There had been some kind of an incident where an elephant or maybe more than one, elephant like did a stampede like really lost control and that was scary but what upset me more

than anything was the tiger they had a they had a tiger and they used this tiger in a magic act so they would they would bring this this glass box out and the appearance of the audience the glass box was completely empty. Then they put a cloth over the box and they would spin it around 360 degrees. And then all of a sudden they rip off the cloth. And now it's the glass box is filled like with a tiger. It was quite an impressive illusion. But what was upsetting about it is that it was like a mirror that was on an angle which

created the impression that the box was empty. and the tiger was like Oh, you're giving it away. Right. You're giving it away, guy? I'm giving it away and I'll give away even more, which is that that tiger, the box was hardly any longer or bigger than the tiger itself. I mean, it filled up the box.

He was wedged in there. Right. And when, like for the show, they would have him in there. But the tiger went back and. forth between a cage that was on wheels. Cruel. A cage that was about the length of its body, and it would be transferred into the magic box,

which was also about the length of its body. And that tiger's entire life, it did nothing but go back and forth between those two boxes. And at one point, I was there, and they were transferring the tiger from the cage to the magic box or vice versa. And it was very close call. And it occurred to me that I could understand

why that tiger would be so unhappy because its life was... In a box. Yeah, I mean, we're being silly, but this is not a silly thing. I'm not being silly. I was very deeply upset about that. I'm not being silly.

Not about a tiger in a box. I'm not. I'll be silly about a gerbil up an ass. but when you get to Tiger in a box, that's where I draw the line. I'm not joking around now. Yeah, I did. I drew the line. Okay, any of you out there thinking about a first date, you're thinking about prepping,

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Mando. So did you ever think about springing the tiger in the box, setting it free? I didn't. Oh, Steve. I failed that tiger. but it weighed on me and then a few short years later, I would take to the internet and really speak my mind about it.

And didn't circuses get shut down? The actual circus that I was in was shut down. And were you the reason for that? I don't know that I can take credit, but I... You're just happy it happened. Yeah. I don't know that I can take credit, but boy, boy, was I relieved. Well, why don't we ask the big question?

What happened to the tiger? Do we know where he went, where he is? I don't know. Is he at a sanctuary? Was he set free? Was he taken back to India? I don't know. People think tigers are a native of Africa.

They're not. They're the east. They're India. They're China. They're Russia. That's true. We don't know where it went. We don't.

Oh, Steve-o. I know that there are... Oh, sweet Stevo. Elephant Sanctuary. There's actually an elephant sanctuary in Tennessee, and there's another one in Florida. I know my sister. One of my sisters is there.

I don't know if you've heard... Have you heard of Jenny Craig? Yeah. She tried to get in there, but she was too big, so they sent her over to one of the elephant sanctuaries, and she's doing well. She's left about six pounds. By the way, did you know that tiger in a box

is also a flavor at Baskin-Robbins. It's like a licorice orange sherbet type of thing. Nice. Have you ever had it? Oh. Oh, El Deliccio. Going back to the name O. Yeah. There's so many variations of O. There's the O face.

Right. Do you have an O-face? Do you have a go-to O-face? And dare you show it to my viewers. And remember, this goes out all over the world. Right. I can do some noises. I can pretend I'm the girl. If you want to show the O face, I'll try and work with you.

If I had an O face. Oh, here we go. Oh, wow. So when you orgasm, you turn into Pee-Wee-Herman? Dude, is that you got a tattoo of yourself? Yeah. Why? What the hell?

You couldn't just look in the mirror? Yeah. Why did you get a tattoo of yourself? I... Steve O. Now it's Steve O's because there's two of you. Yeah. You're 007.

Why did you... Double O seven. Why did you get a tattoo of yourself? I just wanted to go big. I remember that it was... Wow. It was our Jackass director asking... He gave us instructions.

to think of big ideas. Because we just got a movie deal. We had been on an MTV show, but then that went away. And then now we were making an R-rated movie. He said the budget's bigger. With the R-rating, we can go bigger. We can get away with it.

He said, don't mess around with any half-ass ideas. He said, I want big ideas out of you guys. and I was what's the word I was indignant I was indignant I was indignant I'm not going to say offended

but I was a little indignant oh you think that I would come up with some kind of half-ass ideas my knee-jerk reaction I said how about if I get a tattoo of myself

doing the O face that's bigger than myself. Wow. You know, like, because the face on my back is actually bigger. It's bigger. It's bigger. Yeah. A tattoo of myself on myself that's bigger than myself. Well, knowing now that that's your O face, can we get you to turn around again, expose your O face, I'll put the mic up to it, and I'll fill in the noise for the O face. Let me place the mic right. Get rid of this.

Hang on, Steve, Oh. Okay, stay right there. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Dude. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Dude, that's the best O face ever.

That was destroyed. too. That's wild. Yeah. But you know what? Going back... It was on the spot. He said that. He said that. Oh, yeah. How about... You just did it. And then... Yeah, and I said that my only condition...

Yeah. ...is that it has to be, like, of the highest quality. Who did it? With a legendary tattoo artist named Jack Rudy. Who recently... Wow, also shot Kennedy. Didn't he shoot Kennedy? No.

No, he shot Lee Harvey Oswald. Right. Hey everybody, check out my merchandise at Harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie, but not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs at Harbleng.com.

You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh man, wear them loud and proud. I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies. We got coffee mugs. We got t-shirts.

You name it. It's there at harbling.com. Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today. And thank you for your support. and I'll just keep the groovy images coming. Dude, I was going to ask you because you love animals. Yeah. You're a champion for animals.

And you did one of your stunts. I think it was my favorite one ever. But I got to ask you about it. You went out in the ocean into shark country. You put a fish hook that was about this big. It was more like that? Okay. Maybe the size of your thumb.

Still a meaty fish hook. And you pushed it right through your cheek. My buddy did it for me. Dude, talk to me, the level of pain, tell me. I've said this before, but not often. Okay. But people aren't going to know this. What?

This is the behind the scenes of this. Okay. Just before you tell it, he put a fish hook through his cheek on a fish line, jumped off a boat into shark waters in the ocean so that he was essentially the bait and when fishing for sharks, go. I put that fish hook through my face twice. Why? Okay.

The first time we did it, it was, like, I think it was part of getting, the clearance, the permission from the movie studio to film that, that they needed, they wanted the actual piercing. It was a piercing. Yeah. Is there still a scar there? No. They wanted the piercing to be done by a professional licensed body piercer.

So we brought this professional. professional body piercer out on the boat and he did the thing and put it through my face and they cast me out to the sharks and there was a little bit of shark activity we got

you know yeah but but there wasn't that much shark activity okay okay so the director came to me a number of days later we were filming in Louisiana he came to me a number of days later he said hey I've looked at the

shark footage he says that we've got we've got some shark footage he says man but he says two two issues when when I'm looking at this professional body piercer it's like who is this guy you know it's weird and when I'm looking at the shark footage like maybe we could get better more he says can I ask you would you do it again and this next time when we do it we'll have just Chris Pontius, like muscle this, they put it through. Push it through. And I was in a situation at the time where I just didn't have a lot of video. That's what Jackass is.

It's a bunch of attention whores competing for screen time. Yeah. And I didn't have, I said, I'm light on footage. I don't have a lot, I don't have a lot of bangers in the can. I said, you know what, of course I'll do that. Yeah, you got it. We went out there and we did it again. That hook right through my face.

Through the other cheek or the same hole? I think that's an interesting question. Was there the same hole to go through? I don't remember that. I think it was the same cheek. Okay. And then this time when we do it, not only we get better footage,

but this shark was going for my foot and I inadvertently kicked the shark in the head. What? So it was better with just Chris putting the hook through, and it was better with their danger. It just elevated the bit. Yeah, it was more organic and raw, and it's like crazy guys just doing something spur of the moment.

You bring in a specialist. It's like, that just makes it look too telegraphed. Right. Yeah. Like, oh, like, let's get a body cursor out on the boat. No, no, no. So wait a minute. So you, as an animal lover,

kicked a shark in the head. Yeah. And what kind of shark was it? It was a Mako shark, which is... Macos? They're very aggressive. They're like the fastest shark. They're pretty fast.

They have a really long tail. Macos are notoriously aggressive sharks. Yeah. I think they're the fat might be the fastest shark in the ocean. Big teeth, big eye. and they're actually quite elusive. They aren't seen a lot. So for you to get a Mako was a real score.

I don't know how much you know about your sharks. Obviously, I know a lot about them because, Steve, I do a podcast that goes out all over the whole world. There's people in Dubai. There's people in Sydney, Australia watching right now all over the world. There's people in Switzerland.

And I know sharks and Makos not an easy find in the big VAT. Blue Ocean lad. Right. Good for you. Well, thank you, man. And you kicked it in the head. I did.

It was, wow. See, one thing that they'll tell you when you're swimming with sharks is that you want to be aware of your surroundings. Right, and make eye contact. Right. You want to be aware of your surroundings.

You don't want to have your head above the water. And maybe not necessarily have a fish hook through your face, too. Right. I was just not doing what people recommend. I've always been bad at taking direction and following instructions. Was it the one shark or were there more, like, obviously you put blood into the water. See, what it was, we had our guy, Mani, Mani, the Tarzan-looking guy, Shunk Man.

Yeah, Mani. Mani's over there, treading water with a big knife. He's treading water in just. just hacking up barracuda. He's chumming the water. Chumming, yeah. Because there's not a blood coming out of a human cheek. Right.

So, Mani's chumming away. And Mani's a little bit more in tune. He's actually keeping an eye. Yeah. Mani sees the shark going for me. He sees the mako going for my feet. Wow. And like a dum-dum, I've got my head above the water,

which is what you're not supposed to do. Your bait. Right, but because I had my head above the water, I was able to hear Manny say, Stevo, watch out. And when I heard Stevo watch out, I was like, you know, like, you know, that's what I kicked. Yeah.

And it was because I kicked, that I kicked the shark in the head, and that's what saved my foot. Wow. Do you have any idea how long this shark was? Was it a big boy? Yeah, I'm going to say that I think it was a medium, on the higher end of

not huge can we I do this podcast it goes all over the world and what I need is bang so can we say it was like 23 feet long

go ahead how big was this shark it was fucking huge like how many feet would you say if I was to estimate I would say somewhere between 19 and 24.

What the hell? Feet. Stivo! How are you even alive, guy? And you kicked a 24-foot shark in the head with your human foot? Yeah. Dude, who are you?

Folks, this is what we get on this podcast. Uh, we get this. We got us a player. We got us a shark player. Yeah. Dude. And was it only one shark? Because usually when you chum the waters,

it creates like a frenzy sharks come from all over the place. There were definitely numerous. Multiple. They were fucking all over the place. How many? It's like, I'd say conservatively, probably 18 sharks.

18 sharks, 24. Four foot sharks. Dude. Wow, folks. Here we are on the Harland Highway. You heard it here. Hey, everybody. This portion of the podcast is sponsored by Kalshi.

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Markets, markets, markets, percentages, and payouts. And if you're confused by that, go to the Kalshi app, download that thing, download the Kalshi app and use code Harland to sign up and trade today. Today. There was a problem with Elma. The Muppet? Yeah, I'm trying to remember. We might need Amber to help us again.

They had a documentary about Elma. I think it was called Being Elmo. Oh, wow. Wasn't it, didn't he become a pet? Didn't Elmo become pedo? I think that's what happened. Elmo Peddo. Right.

Talk to me. This is almost better than a stupid shark story. Right. I think what happened was that there was this, this light, fluffy, positive, documentary about the guy who played Elmo. It was called Being Elmo. The guy was just celebrated and it was all, everybody thought it was all wonderful and great.

But it was because the documentary brought so much attention to the guy. Yeah. That all of a sudden it came out. Elmo was being played by Petto. Right. And you never saw that Muppet. Right. And Sesame Street was crawling with kids.

How come Petto never showed up? Oscar the Grouch was there, snuff-a-luff-a-sock, big bird. Where was Petto? Amber, what was the verdict there? Oh, yeah, Amber's checking. Did they get a new guy to play Elmo? It says Kevin Clash's sex abuse charges were thrown out. Throwing out.

And my nephew watches it and he's a baby, so he's over it. Wow. So charges thrown out, is it the same guy? The Kevin Clash guy that operates on him? Yeah. So he's back in business. I guess he's good to go. You know what's funny?

I had to work with that guy. I was the only movie I was ever fired from. I was supposed to do a movie called Elmo and Grouchland. They hired me to play the villain, and I went in and Jim Henson's son who ran Henson, he made me go into the Muppet Workshop, and he goes, I want to see improv. I want to see you improv with the,

and so I had to improv with Pet with Elmo and in front of Jim Henson. And here's this guy. I'm improvving with a guy who's got his hands up, Elmo's... I'm just... God. I'm really fascinated by that. Like, I mean, I'm not going to say...

I just think that... So they threw out the charges. I want to know more. They threw out the charges. And then it's like, oh, like, so you're off the hook of your back and back in the good graces. I don't know. I don't know if you want to go to jail if you're Elmo. If you're tickle me, Elmo.

It's like, ooh, I better get out to the yard and play some basketball with the other prisoners. Scary, dude. I mean, it's just, did you watch the Pee-Wee Herman? I think it was like a three-parter on HBO. What is the story about him? Yeah. You know what?

I started watching it, Stevo. And then I started watching the John Candy one and there's all these people that I really loved, they're entertainers, but inevitably I always end up getting really sad watching these things because they talk about their journey and how they struggled and all the failures and all the successes and all the accolades and they reach these levels of fame. And then they're just gone and they die.

And it's a whole movie of celebrities saying how great they were and telling funny stories and I just go, God! I think I just want to remember their movies. I don't want to know all the nitty gritty, and I don't want to get sad, and I don't want to acknowledge that they're gone, and that's it. And I don't want to hear the struggles,

and I don't want to hear that maybe they were a heroin addict, and they were gay, then they were straight, and then they murdered someone, and you know what I mean? It's like, I just want to enjoy them for who they are, so I have trouble watching these documentaries now. I watch the one about, uh, who's the Gary Shandling It was very inept

It was done so well But it was so depressing It's like here's this guy That brought laughter to the world But there was this sadness and this This depression And this kind of this reclusive guy Who couldn't find love

And ended up suing everyone And living in his big house And it was just like, good Lord And all I want to do is remember him being funny So now I stray away from documentaries on famous people. It just, I don't know. You didn't go into the Charlie Sheen one? No.

Oh, what about the one that 50 Cent made about the Ditty guy? I don't, this is a thing, a lot of it's dirty. A lot of it's the bad stuff. It's the dirty laundry. It's the stuff. I just, the world's gritty enough. Do I really need all that stuff? Do I want to know the bad, sad story of all these people?

and how they were cherished and fell from grace and then came back and did drugs and prostitution and alcoholism. Right. How about that, the one about Judy Garland? Yeah. And the story, I hate to say it, God bless you. I know you went through some sobriety stuff. I'm going to say it.

I hope you don't get offended. But all these actors and entertainers, and it gets a little boring after a while. If I hear one more Charlie Sheen or Bill. Bill Murray or whatever talk about how they were drunk and wasted. Was Bill Murray? I don't know. I don't think so.

But I'm just bored of it. I'm sensitive to their plight. I'm sensitive to their... But I don't want to hear one more stupid celebrity tell me how they were drunk and stoned and this and that enough. Does that offend you? Because you went through it. I don't mind a bit. And it's just...

It's not that I'm downplaying or devaluing that you went through it. I think I'm just sick of every second celebrity. That's their stupid story. Can I hear a story about a celebrity who didn't fall into all those trappings and just had a fucking good story? Right. But it's boring so they don't play it. So I guess I'm just tired of it. Boom.

I said it. It just went out all over the whole world. Right. But here's the thing about me and you. We can talk about anything. Right. And maybe if we're offended or we're not offended, we don't care. We don't care because we're buddies like that.

We're a couple of players, and we can talk about anything together. Right. Awkward silence. I just still can't get over Elmo. Yeah. Imagine he goes to jail and he's bunkmates with Jared. He was wrongly accused?

Was it him or was it Elmo? Did Elmo touch the kid? kids or was it the puppeteer? I'm pretty sure it was at the puppeteer. Because I'd love to see that little red freak Elmo behind bars. He looks like a purve. Yeah. I think that Oscar the Grouch might be a purve too.

Hiding in his garbage can, looking up girls' dresses when they go by. Yeah. And who lives in a garbage can? And then Big Bird. Big Bird. Big Purve. Oh, yeah. It's Big Bird.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That guy's like, what? He's got ball grabbing fingers. That guy. I think he does the beak with his hand like that. Yeah, that guy's been practicing on something. And then he pulls it with his pink eyes. Your voice, it sounds a bit like a Muppet. Okay. What happened to your voice? Why is your voice like that? And I'm not making fun of it, but I'm curious. your voice is kind of like raspy. I know. It's got a Muppet-esque kind of. You're somewhere between Grover and Oscar the Grouch.

Right. What, was that always like that? I think it's deteriorated somewhat over the years. What do you mean? There was a point when I was really quite self-conscious about my voice. Okay. I thought that a... It's a cool voice.

Well, I... I felt maybe that it wasn't pleasing to the ear. Okay. Love it. So. Love it. At one point, I wanted to figure out if there was anything that I could do to address whatever it is that's clearly going on with my voice.

So I visited with a voice doctor. This guy was an impressive guy. He was a voice doctor to the stars. He had all over his walls. He had like music plaques, Katie Perry, all these, you know. Wow. Impressive singers, Mariah Carey. Oh, what a voice.

Yeah. She could hit octaves so high she could make Dolly Parton's nipples tremble. Yeah, so I asked this doctor, like, do I have some kind of nodules, is there damage to my vocal cords? Yeah. He sent a scope down there. He looked at my vocal cords. He said... He saw a gerbil?

He said that there's no problem there. He said, it's fine. He said, the problem here is not my vocal cords. He said, the problem is that I'm using my voice incorrectly. Oh. I don't even know why. I use my voice incorrectly, he says that I'm with the muscles, like above.

Yeah. Of course, I get a heart. That's why I get that. And I said, really, Doc, after everything I've been through, you're telling me that I just suck at talking. Talking. I just suck at it. Yeah.

I did have to ask you to move the mic up once, and that was sort of an indicator that you suck at talking. Right. I, because I had all these theories, man. I had all these theories that I had vomited so much that maybe the bile had eroded my vocal cords. I had other theories that my substance abuse

deteriorated, saliva warts, maybe. I had another theory that yelling too much as a damage, done, but rage. None of that. You know what the good side is to it, though? It's distinctive. It's distinctive.

It's distinctive. And you could be a Muppet. Forget Elmo. How about Stivo? I thought that maybe that I would have a promising future in voiceover work. Then I learned that

people who really excel in voiceover work have more control of their voice. They've got more range. They've got more ability. Wow. Stevo. I really like that. Can you tell him how to get how to get to Sesame Street?

That's pretty good. You could be Steveo the Muppet. Look at this guy. Can you do like, well, let's just do this. To address the boys and girls on Sesame Street, we'll hold this up with your boys. All right. Ready go.

Yeah. dudes. Hey everybody. This is Stivo and I'm on Sesame Street. Oh man, this is really cool guys. And then you got to tell them something like a lesson like some kind of good for kids. Yeah. Now, if you want to

succeed in life, floss your teeth. Anything with the gerbil or anything? inner asshole Yeah, kids Be careful With your inner Butthole Yeah

I think that's Yeah It's good Steveo the Muppet Yep Wow Pretty good Huh

I do want to make a YouTube video of My I've The limited voiceover work That I have done I've been

featured In what? In a number of cartoons. Like what? Yeah, I didn't think so. You haven't. You haven't.

I can't remember the names of them, but I've been kind of a bunch. Well, I remember at the beginning of the podcast you did a nine-minute lie about a gerbil up your bottom, and now you're lying about doing cartoon voiceovers. But I'll tell you what's not a lie.

I'm not going to let you walk in here on my turf and be the top stunt guy. Play is going to play. I'm going to do a stunt that you've never done. And look at this guy. Hang on to your hat. Wow. You just sounded, dude, you sounded like a mountain lion.

That's, do that again. Wow. Dude, that's a mountain lion. Do a nice long one, like, wow. Wow. Now I want your voice. Dude. Eggplants, five eggplants, okay?

Not only am I going to put these in a special place, something you've never done, I'm also going to do it with chop suey spectacles. I'm here to play, guy. If you're going to do stunts, I'm going to do stunts. You are ready for egg plant number one? Eggplant number two? funny guy

Yeah Egg plan number three guy Ha ha bottom. Yeah! Dude. You can put a shark in your

hook in your mouth. You've never done that one. With kung fu eyes? That was pretty racist. What do you mean? They're just kung fu eyes. Made in America, by the way. Well, that helps.

Yeah, it's not racist because they were. made here. They were made in China. Forget it. And I only do it when I put eggplants in my bottom. Actually, they just fell apart. Maybe it wasn't made in China. Wow. Pretty good, guy. I love that. I think I'm part of the club. I'd say so. You know what I love about you, though? You do stuff that's real. And what would you say is your worst injury, like, that you've Sustained. Criteria for that.

Uh-oh. The most pain was an incident with third-degree burns. Uh-oh. What happened, guy? Well, I laid down in a bed of rocket engine fuel. What? And my buddies lit it. And I was just wearing a T-shirt.

What the age? Where did you sustain the burns? Because I don't see any burns. See how? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's... Wow. Third degree means it goes right through the deep tissue, right?

I had skin graft surgery. I had grafts on. So they took skin from somewhere else on your body. No, they took skin from seven dead people. Do you see dead people? I don't. But... Do you wear dead people?

Uh, it was, uh, after the surgery. That I, and I was profoundly grateful because this. That they died? That the pain went away. The surgery fixed me. I went from being in the worst pain that I ever experienced to waking up from the surgery. And I was, ah, the relief. Imagine what that shark thought, though.

It must have been a buffet. Here's seven different people in one. What a treat for a shark. You were like a veerate. Vegas buffet. You were like a granola bar. Seven rolled into one. Yeah.

Dude. Wow. Right. Right. So when they, Wow. You're fascinating. Well, thanks.

You fascinate me. And them. Well, thanks, man. They told me after the surgery. And them. I said it twice. they told me that there were seven different donors

of the skin that was grafted onto my body and that they were going to provide me with the physical home addresses of the families of all seven different deceased people

whose skin was donated to me so you could show up and remind them that their loved ones were dad? So that I could send them thank you cards. Wow. And did you? I wanted to.

But you didn't. I planned on doing it. Sure, sure. But then my dad said, what family do you think is going to be happy to learn that their loved one's skin was wasted on an asshole who set himself on fire on purpose?

and I thought that that made a lot of sense. Hang on, I'm going to get you a number for a therapist real quick here. Dr. Edith Reinblatt in Beverly Hills. She specializes in son-father trauma bonding. And also deceased skin graft specialist. Wow, that's a pretty heady thing for your dad to say. Right. Were you, do you have a good relationship with Dadda?

Great. But how did you react to that? I said, Dad, you're right. Fuck those people. I'm not reached now. And I didn't. Wow. You ever go to the graveyard and stand on their graves and say, hey, thank you, Don Smith from Cleveland.

Thank you, Carol Jenkins from Minneapolis. No, but it's like, you know, thoughts and prayers. So you're grateful to them. I'm very grateful. I mean, yeah, endlessly. We have to ask the question, because you know the term pay it forward, Steve, Oh, are you an organ donor? I think. Oh, not the right answer.

Not the right answer. If I'm not, I got to do something about that. Maybe pay it forward. And remember you're a Muppet too now, so you've got to. You know, it says organ donor and the box isn't ticked. Am I supposed to tick it with, like, can't get a mark or something? Selfish. Oh, man, and then I'm holding up my driver's license on the camera.

Here, just check it off, guy. Just in the name of those seven poor souls that you stuck to your body like Velcro. Any organ. I want to cross off penis. Donor's signature. You don't want to donate your penis, do you? Would anyone want your penis? Steve-O.

Specific organ. Right, that's where you go, no penis. There we go, dude. I took care of it. You might want to write an inner asshole right on the top there. You know what I love about what you do, though, because it's organic, it's real. It's real life. Pain can be real life.

Yeah. And what I don't like is, this world where we try to avoid pain. We don't want people to think pain is real. I mean, think about it. We all grew up on Disney movies. You never see a Disney character with lower back pain. You never see Aladdin like, it's a brave new world. You never see Ballou from Jungle Book. Just get those bare necessities, those simple bare necessities, those bare necessities. You never see Jimney Cricket from Pinocchio. When you wish upon a star makes no difference where you are.

Because when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true. You never see that, Steevo. You just, while you were doing that, you reminded me of Walt Disney himself. Talk to me. I think there's a resemblance. Oh, physically. Yeah, there is a little bit. I agree.

I think he was Irish. I'm Irish. Steve O's Irish. Yep, that's true. You just did the O without the Shanty or the O'Malley. You're just like, you're like, forget the rest of it. Just give me the O so we can get to the pub faster. Yeah.

I don't need the rest of me last name. Just give me the sweet hole so we can get down to the pub for a pint of Guinness. That's damn right. Well, buddy, before we go, our final segment, and this has been a pleasure, my guy.

Thank you. Oh, can I show you a little trick you like with that? This is something you can do when no one's look and just be like, looks like you're cracking your neck. It works with a water bottle too. Yeah. Just a little thing from me to you.

Yeah, sort of worked. It was a little crackled out. Our final segment, buddy, we do with all the guests. It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. You reach in random words and then see if it inspires or triggers a story from your fabulous journey. Maybe something you did, someone you know did, something you saw. And we'll see what comes out of it. Lost.

Oh, wow. Okay. I definitely got lost. but it's not that good of a story. Oh, we'll be the judge. The whole world will be the judge. It wasn't me that got lost. It's okay.

Like I said, if it inspires, it could be anything from your experience. It wasn't me that got lost. Who was it? Your hamster got lost. Wow. He was on a one-way tunnel and he got lost. He made the crucial mistake past the inner bow.

He's lost forever, that guy. I got to ask you before we close for the day, no pressure, but do you want to stuff your face in a cherry pie before we go? No pressure, guy. Yeah, I don't want to let you down. You don't want to let the whole world down. Yeah. We go.

Ladies and gentlemen Here we go Steveo Cherry Pie Stunt on the Harlan Highway Oh yeah Ladies and gentlemen That's all for today

You've been here on the Haarlem Highway Podcast Steveau anything you want to plug before you go My guy Let them know about your podcast About anything you're doing I My lesson

man. What? The internet. It doesn't want to hear it. It just wants to have a good time, man. So no plugging. No plugging. It's probably better that way.

Leave him alone. I'm going to plug my inner butthole. Get the nair. Folks, that's it for today. Steve-O-was here. Until next time, chicken chow-main. and oh, hang on, Steve up. Oh, he's back.

Hey, folks, in keeping up with our Adam Ray fashion show giveaway, we haven't forgot you guys. It just takes us a little while to get through all these things. One of the shirts that we featured on the Adam Ray fashion show giveaway was this incredible Archie T-shirt, one of mine. And I'm going to sign it. me sign this thing here. I'll sign it right on the back. And aptly, this shirt, the Archie shirt, who was a redhead, as you know, everybody. Let me just finish signing this here.

Look at that, official Harlan signature, right on the back there. appropriately, this red-headed shirt is going to a gentleman in Scotland, or giving it to a lad in Scotland. Jacques Pretorius. Almost sounds like a Frenchman who snuck his way into Scotland. Jacques Pretoria. But congratulations to Jacques. He asked for this T-shirt in exchange for this incredible piece of art.

put it up. Hello, he made this a beautiful rendering of me or as I like to call myself now and then, Daddy. This is a beautiful illustration of Daddy. And in exchange, Jacques Pretorios will receive his Archie Andrews, Harlan signed T-shirt from the Adam Ray Fashion. So congratulations. Thanks for sharing your incredible art with us. Jacques, we love it.

And the shirt is on its way to you. You should have it soon. Thanks to you and thanks to everyone else who participated with your beautiful submissions. We had a limited amount of shirts so we could only pick a few, but I'm sure we'll have other opportunities. So thank you, Jacques. Enjoy Archie. Hey, everybody. How would you like your very own personal video message? from me, yours truly.

It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one.

Your very own personalized Harland.