The Harland Highway - THE CALL IN EPISODE- Harland takes calls from the Pavement Pounders for the first time!
Episode Date: February 27, 2024Harland debuts the new call-in feature! He gives advice, answers questions, and takes your Chinese food order! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Vi...sit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey, everybody. This is Harland. Welcome to the Harland Highway. And we hit another milestone.
And I want to say thank you to each and every one of you. We got up to 60,000 subscribers to the podcast. It's amazing. We started not too long ago at 2000. And we just keep growing because of you guys. Thank you so, so much. Thank you for all your comments. Thank you for all your feedback.
We're racing towards 100,000 subscribers, and couldn't do it without you guys.
So let's celebrate 60,000.
Thank you, the Harland Highway.
Woo!
Thank you.
And let's keep it going.
You're riding down the Harland Highway.
All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway show.
Harland Williams
Uh-huh, mm-hmm.
Well, now, that's right.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen.
You are on the highway.
You're driving down the highway.
You're rolling down the highway.
You're careening down the hallway.
And I know many of you don't know what that word means.
A lot of, a lot of people.
watching from DeVry probably tuning in in the cafeteria big screen everyone from DeVry gathered around
going what does that word mean careening it's not for you to know you made the choice to go to
DeVry it's not for you to know um welcome to the harland highway podcast boys girls men women
Giants, tinys, fatty, skinnies, blacks, whites,
grays, blues, browns, yellows, greens, everyone.
What's up, my player?
Great show today.
Today is a very special show.
We started a new feature here on the ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
And this is where we gave out a phone number,
323-6-960222 and said, hey, why don't we have the pavement pounders call in?
Why don't we do a show where we hear from y'all, which is you in South Talk, y'all.
That's how South Talkers talk, y'all.
So today we are exclusively, exclusively now, hear me, child, we are going to take
your phone calls and yours truly i'm going to do my best to answer them maybe they're uh you're seeking
advice maybe you have a question maybe who knows what so let's uh let's get into them and let's start
and we're just going to go through a bunch of these phone calls and let's see what we got here's uh
call number one yeah what's up harland this is timing um um
coming from Billings, Montana
I work at a
I work at a cracker barrel
overnight
and I don't know
when the first couple
days they told me
like every night they reinforced me
that you know this place isn't haunted
but the more I work here
man the more I start to hear stuff
and people talking that aren't here
and people walking around the corners that aren't here
and I don't know, man.
I just throw your podcast on and try to put it on full blast
so I don't have to pay attention to it.
But, yeah, that's it, man.
Maybe you can make a couple jokes on that or something.
Dude, there's no joking about the undead.
And believe me, the age bracket that goes to the Cracker Barrel,
you're probably dealing with the undead.
I mean, the average customer in there looks like the undead.
I think you start at 78 and keep going.
But look, a haunted cracker barrel, yes.
It's very, very possible.
If you have a waiter or a waitress stroll up to your table
and their cadence is sort of like,
ooh, would you like some more dumplings with,
Honey chicken gravy on your biscuit.
Ooh, who, how about some more meatloaf?
Ooh, who, how about some chicken catchetory?
Ooh, I am the ghost of comfort food.
How about some golden yellow kernels of corn?
Ooh, boo, right?
So, dude, don't think that the undead that ghosts aren't attracted to
comfort food. There's nothing comforting about being dead, especially if you didn't make it up there
or if you're just hanging in purgatory. You know, hanging in purgatory is kind of like
waiting in the gift shop at Cracker Barrel. You're waiting to get in to heaven or hell. So maybe
you got the Cracker Barrel ghost or the purgatoriers. You know how you go into Cracker Barrel,
right? You open the door. You look at the dead people in the rocking chairs. You know,
outside. And then you walk up to the matri-dee at the old Cracker Barrel. She says,
how many in your party? And you say, oh, there's three of us. Okay, we'll get to you in about 15, 20 minutes.
Meanwhile, you look in and the place is kind of half-emptier than a graveyard. There's a lot
empty tables, but if you haven't noticed, Cracker Barrel very wisely made the
waiting area, their store, the Cracker Barrel, the Cracker Barrel General Store, right?
So now you're not just waiting around in purgatory, now you're waiting around in Cracker Barrel
purgatory shopping for John Deer Salt and Pepper Shakers. You're getting a towel with a kitty on it.
You're getting a year-round jack-o-lantern with a goofy saying on it. You're getting a shaker ball with a little girl
holding up a candle in a window.
You're getting Christmas ornaments, even though it's summer.
Boo!
Yeah, scary.
So now you're wandering around in Cracker Barrel Purgatory,
waiting for the Lord to call your name.
Johnson, Table of Three, Johnson Table of Three.
Well, I can't come to my table.
I'm just about to buy this John Deere cookie jar.
I mean, it's shaped like a manure spreader and everything.
I can't turn this down.
Johnson table of three,
Johnson table of three,
or you're going to go straight to hell,
straight to hell,
and live with Beelzebub,
Satan Lord, the Dark Master.
Okay, we're coming.
Donnie, put that Godforsaken
John Deer lunchbox down.
We're going to eat.
And so, you know,
if you're going to be a ghost,
I think Cracker Barrow is a good place
to kind of kill time in purgatory
where you're waiting for the calling.
Right?
Because it can't be comfortable.
being undead, wandering around, waiting on the Lord to call your name.
Davidson, come to Cloud 5.
Davidson, clump to Cloud 5, please, claimant.
Somehow I couldn't talk, but then again, I'm not God, so I was trying to talk like God,
and no one should talk like God.
That's sacrilege, maybe I did that little fumble on purpose
so that God wouldn't think I was trying to copy them.
but anyways very legit i believe there are ghosts a cracker barrel uh dude don't sweat it just give
them get them a meatloaf get them a chicken fried steak get some of that hometown country lemonade
some hot biscuits and some cornbread oh ghosts love cornbread just put a basket down in the
corner watch it float around and watch them slowly eat it you're going to be fine
Ghosts at the Cracker Barrel are not the violent, scary kind.
You get at a haunted mansion.
These are usually fatties.
They're usually the fat ghosts.
They want the big plate of food.
They want the comfort food.
They're dead.
They're not happy with being undead.
They want some comfort.
They're the fatties.
They're the fat ghosts that maybe can't climb the stairway to heaven.
You know, maybe they're just a little too chubby around the midsection to get up the stairway to heaven.
So they're going to eat some meatloaf for some Cajun-style catfish
until the Lord installs an elevator and gets them up there.
Or maybe the good Lord, hey, Zeus puts an escalator up to the Great White Puffy place in the sky.
Hey.
So there you go, guy.
Yes, there's ghosts of Cracker Barrel, but no, you shouldn't be afraid of them.
Just give them something to comfort them, give them some comfort.
food, and you're on your way.
All right, let's hit the next call.
I think we resolved that one.
Yes, hello, I'd like to place to order for chicken chameen.
Hello?
Yeah.
Hello?
Yeah.
Hello, I like to place an order for chicken chalmaine.
How much?
Hello?
Yes.
Well, if you're not going to answer, well, then I guess it's the phone number for me.
I answered.
How much chicken chameen do you want?
Hello?
Hello?
Yes, hello, I'd like to place to order for chicken chalming.
Yeah, how much I said?
Hello?
Yeah, here, I'm here.
Hello.
How much do you want?
Hello, I like to place more for chicken chowmaine.
Yeah, how many orders?
Hello?
Hello?
Well, if you're not going to answer, well, then I guess it's the phone number for me.
Well, if you'd just say, dude, I'm going to try again.
I'd like the place to order for chicken chameen.
Yeah, this is like Groundhog Day.
Hello?
Hello.
Hello.
I like to play for for chicken chalming.
Yes, how much do you want?
Hello.
Well, if you're not going to answer, well, then I guess it's the phone number for me.
Well, maybe this isn't the answering machine message for me.
Why don't you go get some egg rolls, loser?
Okay, let's move on.org.
Hey, Harlins.
Hey.
I just want to know my mom has the face of a brown,
cats.
What's up with that?
You know,
sometimes cats,
they're very clever.
Sometimes cats
can get into the fridge.
And just like us humans,
just like dogs, just like bears,
just like any critter,
none of us are immune to sweets.
And you get a cat
and it learns how to pull
that fridge open and it's little kitty nose makes its way to the Hershey's chocolate syrup for
your ice cream gets its little kitty claws all over the floor in its cat dish and then
face plant just licking that sweet Hershey's a chocolate syrup aye and you know cats they go all in
They're not dainty.
It's like when a dog gets milk or ice cream or a cat.
They get a fever.
This thing's got pussy milk fever.
Just right in all over the face.
And your mother, your mother's been dipping.
It's been dipping into the Hershey's.
Mystery solved, brown-faced cat.
Yeah.
Let's see who else we got here.
Guess what I'd like the place to order for chicken chalmy.
Again?
Hello?
Hello.
Hello.
Hi.
Hello, I like to play some hard for chicken chameen.
I'm not a Chinese restaurant.
Hello?
Hello?
Well, if you're not going to answer, well, then I guess it's the phone number for me.
Jesus, dude, I've answered you twice.
Buzz off.
Let's see what else we got.
Now, we've been on a lot of podcasts, but this one is a true adventure.
They were visiting Harlan Williams on his podcast.
And he has a highway, amazing, spectacular, and a fine, fine example of California's gold.
Okay, I get it.
We're on the highway, we're at Harland, we're on the Harland Highway.
A fine example of California's gold?
I don't know.
is referring to the show as an entity because we film in California.
Maybe it's California gold.
I don't know.
That one's a bit of a mystifier.
And, uh, you know, screw you.
Yes, hello, I'd like the place to order for chicken chalmayne.
Yeah.
How much?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello, I like to place an order for, uh, chicken chalmaine.
Yeah, I heard you, buddy.
Hello?
Just order it.
Well, if you're not going to answer, well, then I guess it's the phone number for me.
Jesus.
Hey, Uncle Beeth Wellington.
Yeah, this is a guy from Erie.
You know me.
Hey, I had a question.
I need advice.
What do you do if you've got to get a 98-degree angle
on your flinch and flonson and flurfin flarf and fratting rod?
What kind of tool do you use if you've got something wrong with the flunk flank?
All right.
Right. All right. All right. Chicken chalem.
Chicken chalem, buddy. Look, if you've got a 45-degree angle on your fronzen-franken-franken-dunker,
you're going to need to get that fixed because everyone knows a fronzen franken-franken-dunker has to rest
usually at about a 65-degree angle. And if you're not calibrated properly, you're going to have
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Harland.
Have fun.
Don't throw your back out.
So what I would do is I'd open the old tool box and pull out the runcleduncle binkle dunk
munkle dunkel seven 205 and just give it about six counterclockwise rotations to the left
and your funcle-duncle rumple-duncle, rumple-stil-skinned funcle-duncle should be just
probably running smoother than it's ever run before.
So I hope that helps.
You know, it's pretty straightforward.
And just to reiterate, 65-degree calibration with the Drinkledunk Munkle Bunker,
three twists to the left, counterclockwise to the right,
and your fungledunkabunk, rungle dunker
should be like, boom, running better than,
like the day you bought it, like the day you bought it guy.
Okay, great.
We're getting into these.
These are important.
Hey, Arlen, this is Cleet here.
Listen, I, you know, so I was just watching this recent,
most recent episode, you have a background of
a guy looks like some kind of a frog man with a riding on an orange, it looks like a bass fish.
Anyways, you have your camera set up, the stand set up perfectly to where there's that circle where it bends and it's strategically placed to where it looks like it's the eye of that fish.
I always just wonder if that was some kind of a psychological trick or what you got going on there or if anybody else has noticed that.
um anyways that was about it hope everything's going well bye um of course it's a psychological trick um
how do you think i get people to watch this podcast do you think they're just going to tune in
do they think they're just randomly going to hear about it do you think if if i didn't have this
they would tune in and stay for the whole podcast, not likely.
So yes, I use psychological mind tricks to lure people in with the,
by the way, this is a coy fish or some kind of an orange goldfish,
coy fish type of thing.
I use, I place this right over the eye as a psychological way to entrap you,
to keep you here, to hold you high.
hostage. The old fish eye, buddy. The old fish eye. Just try and look away. Just try and break
the spell. You can't. You won't be getting out of here until I play that final theme music at the
end. And that's not it. So don't even, no, don't even try. But seriously, what a question.
So you'd be amazed at how many people have inquired about the joint of this microphone arm lining up perfectly with the eye of the orange coy fish.
Now, I would like to think that I'm so clever that I set that up.
But to be honest, it's a complete and utter accident.
It's amazing how you never know what people are going to gravitate to.
You could give a whole talk about,
I could give a TED talk about future civilizations,
alien life, underwater sea creatures,
microbiology,
and maybe get a couple of comments.
But it's always fascinating to me what human beings are drawn to.
And this little thing that you pointed out
has drawn so much attention.
If you read the comments on YouTube, it's just, it fascinates me that people picked up on this.
And by the way, I had no idea I was doing it.
It's just one of these rare kind of sweet, harmonious perfections in life, a complete accident.
But I noticed it too when I was editing the podcast.
I said, wait a minute, that what's something's, whoa, that round, glossy joint lines up perfectly with the
fish's eye.
And I don't know if it's a distraction.
I don't know if it's cool.
I don't know if it's happenstance.
I don't know what it is.
I'm not going to question it.
If I got me a magic fish eye,
you tell me a podcast that has that.
You show me a podcast that has a magic fish eye.
Rogan doesn't have it.
Theo Vaughn doesn't have it.
Bill Burr doesn't have it.
I got it.
I got it.
And if you don't think I'm not going to use that psychologically to my advantage to keep you here and lure in others,
I mean, symbolically, this is almost like the gingerbread house for Hansel and Gretel.
I'm just luring you in.
Look into my eye.
Look into my fish eye.
Ooh.
So yeah, pretty interesting that people gravitated to this thing.
but sometimes the best things are fun little accidents aren't they so
Arlid greetings from Austin Texas it's Chris here first time long time
I had a question that I thought only you could answer I spilled maple syrup on my hockey
stick and I tried to wash it off with a little Canada dry gingerail and I knocked
over a big jug of Canadian goose set and grease on my Canadian goose down jacket.
What do I do?
Thanks from Austin.
You got it, buddy.
From Austin, revoke your American citizenship immediately.
It's clear to me you're Canadian.
It's one thing if one of those things happen, but when you have five or six happen in a row consecutively,
That's the good Lord up above.
That's the God of Canada telling you to get up north,
revoke your American citizenship,
become a Canadian citizen,
get the fish eye,
Canadian citizen,
and get to dripping,
get to dripping the syrup,
get to spread in the gravy,
get to drinking the Canada dry,
get to chelalien baby seals,
whatever you got to do, just get Canadian.
Good to know.
Good to know.
Hi, Arlen.
My name is John.
I'm from Spokane, Washington,
and I'm a long-time listener,
first-time caller,
and I was just wondering
what you think about janitors,
and is that cool,
and why does nobody ever talk about them?
Thank you.
You're doing a good job, bud,
thank you very much
Bye
Wow
that is cool
and why isn't anybody
talking about janitors
why aren't you
people at home
talking about janitors
or building custodians
as they like to be called
in the more elite circles
when was the last time
you had an in-depth conversation
about a janitor
And if not, why haven't you?
I'm sensing some kind of discrimination.
I'm sensing a little bit of alienation of the janitor sect.
Not cool.
So let's start talking about janitors.
Let's get them in the vernacular.
Let's pop them in and get them back in the mainstream where they belong.
I don't want a long conversation to go by without someone dropping in a janitor mention.
But let's talk about them.
What do we know about janitors?
Interesting people.
I always think about the eyes of a janitor.
Think about the eyes of a hawk or an owl.
You know, we step outside.
We see the buildings and the trees and the clouds in the sun.
But an owl or a hawk, their eye is specifically.
trained looking for movement from up above that they they pick off slight movements from
rodents squirrels field mice rats and it's kind of it's kind of the focus of the ride because
their survival depends on it right and so you think about the function of a janitor or a
custodian and their function is to travel through airports and schools and warehouses and homes and
wherever they may be.
And I've always wondered about the eye of the janitor.
What does the janitor see?
When we walk through an airport,
when we walk down the hallway in a school
or to university, a college,
do we see that cigarette butt in the corner?
Do we see the dust bunny blowing across the hall?
Right?
Do we see the smudge on the wall?
Do we see the chip in the paint?
Do we see the grape juice stain right over there in the corner?
Do we see that the urinal cake is reduced down to the size of a quarter
and maybe too small and ineffective?
Do we notice the snot clusters spit on the wall in front of the urinal?
And if you ladies don't know what I'm talking about,
you go to any men's urinal, and for some reason, on the wall, right in the eye line,
there's clusters of boogers.
I don't know if men are picking their nose and putting them in their mouth and spitting them
on the wall.
I don't do it, but somebody's doing it, because there's a hell of a lot of boogers scattered around
above the urinal now, child.
So very curious, the eye of a janitor probably picks up on things we don't see.
they'd probably make good detectives, you know, like a Sherlock Holmes or a magnum
P.I. Because their eye is trained to look for little things, little things that a detective
would probably consider clues, forensic clues, strands of hair, cigarette butt filters,
an old toothpick, covered swarming with DNA. I don't know if anyone's ever brought this up
before, but since we're talking about janitors, maybe janitors, the next level up from being a
janitor is a private investigator, a private eye, a dick. Because they have that eye, they have that
eye for detail. They pick up on all the little things we just take for granted. They pick up on all
the little things that we don't really see, but they see them. Because they have a trained eye,
the same way the hawk and the owl looks for the movement in the grass from the mouse or the rodent.
so fascinating creatures these these janitors
picking up on things looking at things
peeping tombs through your window and you're undressing at night
you fat men taking your bras off and letting your men boobs sag down
just know that there's a janitor standing in the weeds outside your house
lurking in the dark
watching your gelatinous man boobs bounce up and down
like a couple of sea cucumbers that fell out of a building window.
Just bl-bum-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-dhom.
Watching, waiting, hoping there's some stains,
some dirty men-boob stains.
So, excellent question.
And look at all the things you conjured up
by forcing us to pull janitors into the conversation.
and I urge all of you at your next black tie affair,
at your next social gathering, your next family reunion.
Inject the janitor conversation into the conversation.
Bring up the janitor, no matter what you're talking about,
infuse your conversation with some janitor talk.
I think we all win when that happens.
I think we all win.
Hey, everybody, check out my merchandise at Harbling.com.
Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie, but not me.
Yours truly.
Guess what?
I draw my own designs at Harbleng.com.
You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts.
You can either buy the original or you can buy a print.
And, man, oh man, wear them loud and proud.
I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal.
So check out the whole catalog.
We got hoodies.
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You name it.
It's there at harbling.com.
Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today.
And thank you for your support.
I'll just keep the groovy images coming.
Hey, Harlan, my name is Adam, and I've been at Jugolo since high school, you know,
for now like going on in 20 years, and I've been down with the clown,
tell them dead in the ground, and there's always people making fun of juggalo's,
lots of podcasters.
I always use juggaloes as a reference for like dorks and nerds and losers.
And what do you have to say about that?
Because it always kind of pisses me up.
Anyway, stay up, Harlan.
You're the man.
Whoop, whoop.
Whoop, I hear you, bro.
I feel your pain.
That's not cool.
You know, the juggaloes are friends of mine.
I was in their movie Big Money Hustler.
We had Violin J.
Sitting right here.
Sitting right here.
He's on one of the other.
episodes if you want to go back and look in the archives we had a great time and uh you know it's
never fun when any specialty group is berated and made fun of because we all have our hobbies
in life we all have our things of interest so whether you like working in the garden you like
painting you like collecting hockey cards you like flying toy airplanes you like going
to museums. You like the juggaloes. And by the way, just so you know, the juggaloes are the intense
fans of the insane clown posse, which is a crazy kind of urban rock rap band. They have pretty
extreme lyrics. They're wild. They're edgy. They're controversial. And they wear face paint.
They dress up like crazy clowns, black and white face paint, really kind of stark imagery.
Really looks cool.
And so a lot of the juggaloes emulate what they see with the band,
and they do the makeup, and they get into the lyrics,
and the music.
It's sort of a whole subculture in the music world.
And I say, good on you, mate.
I mean, what's the difference?
If you like reggae, if you like pop, if you like ska,
if you like rap, if you like soft rock,
Whatever you like, man.
No one should be able to denigrate you for your choices.
So all y'all's just back off on the juggalo's and, you know,
let them have their hobby.
Let them have their taste.
Let them have their circle of friends.
Everybody just wants to belong, child.
Everyone just wants to belong.
And sometimes, sometimes people feel unity.
And they feel like they belong when they find groups that have the same thoughts,
same vibes, same taste of music.
Same way you got like heavy metal people kind of hang out.
And, you know, the Bieber's and the Taylor Swifters and all, you know,
everyone's got their niche, man.
So live and let live.
And you go, juggalo's.
And all y'all that are making fun of them just, uh,
Dial it down, Nacho.
Because what's to say that someone can't turn around and make fun of your likes?
Mm-hmm.
Well, speak the truth, child.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, what's up, cottage cheese, Tess?
Just wanted to call you and say thanks for the great show you do every week.
I'm actually a Canadian truck driver myself.
And so of all the shows I listen to while I'm driving, yours is the one I look forward to the most.
and that's, I'm being honest there.
So thank you for that.
I'm a long-time fan of yours from, you know, of course,
something about Mary back in the day and I see these movie Big Money Hustlers.
I have a question for you, what's your favorite old bin
and what have you, some of your favorite people that you've worked with been?
Just curious about that.
I know you talk about a lot, but, and have you ever considered
taking Harlan Highway on the road?
and interviewing people along the way perhaps kind of like a cross-country road trips you know
interviewing people along the way just an idea i think it'd be great and uh yeah anyway keep up
the good work and say hi to donnie osman's asshole for me next saturday night thanks harlot bye donnie
osman's asshole next saturday night how did he know how did he know wow uh let's do let's work
backwards from Donnie Osmond's asshole to taking the Harland Highway on the road.
Conceptually, it's an interesting idea, but it would be a lot of work. It would involve
lugging the equipment, the camera equipment, the sound equipment, the lighting, and then you've got
set up in a strange place where you're not specifically comfortable. The surroundings might
not be ideal. It might be noisy. There might be interference. So I sort of like,
like creating this home base. I like coming to the home base. It's kind of like coming into my
den or a man cave or a set, a movie set or a TV set, you know? There's a comfort to come in here and
there's a comfort to bringing my guests here. Now, visually, I think it could be interesting
to go to other places, but I've watched this on other podcasts too, and I always feel a little bit
displaced. When I see a podcast that I'm familiar with and then suddenly the person who I'm
used to seeing on their set is interviewing someone in a trailer or they're interviewing someone
at a restaurant or they're in their home. It just sort of, it takes me out of that familiarity
place that I like. And I think most people, I think that was part as a guy who was in the
entertainment industry that they actually by design made uh you know the friends the friends set you know
chandler and ross's living room and uh rachel's living room and shows like all in the family
and any sitcom you've ever seen Seinfeld's apartment uh taxi that they create these places that are
very inviting and familiar and it sort of creates a
feeling of comfort and home for you, the viewer, all six of you. And believe it or not, I
subscribe to that. I think that's an effective thing. And I think people enjoy coming to a familiar
setting because they're used to it. And it's like, oh, here we go. It's like putting on a pair of
old warm slippers or old pajamas. And although I like the idea of moving around, it's a lot of
logistics. It would be a lot of traveling with a bunch of equipment. It would be a lot of setting up.
And, you know, sometimes when you're used to broadcasting in your own space, you're very comfortable.
And I feel like going into a new setting all the time would just be a little bit.
It wouldn't necessarily be in the perfect element for me.
Now, this isn't to say it would never happen. I mean, if John Bon Jovi said,
I'll be on your podcast, but you've got to come to my living room, I'd be like, well, okay.
You know, I'd make exceptions, but, so it's a good call, buddy, but yeah, not, I don't think
you'll be seen any of that anytime soon.
I hope that doesn't dismay you and make you, well, if he's not going to move around,
that I'm getting off the Harlan Highway, how dare he?
I was hoping to see his next show in Cleveland, Ohio, in the root cellar of Helen Keller.
Why has he got to be in the same place all the time?
Why has he got to make me feel so comfortable and relaxed?
Why do I feel like I'm at home when I'm watching him?
I don't like it.
I didn't like my own home when I was growing up.
Why does he torment me?
Why does he do this to me?
What is that fish eye looking at me?
Anyways, let's get on to the first question you had.
What were some of my favorite roles and who were some of the coolest people I worked with?
I imagine you're talking about actors.
I think all my roles are my favorite because when you do a movie or a TV show,
you're carving out a new character, a new personality.
These are characters and personas that live within you and that came out of you.
You gave birth to them.
They're almost like your children.
So I love them all, even if the movie's bad or good.
I love them all.
But there are a few that really kind of stood out.
I loved my character, Fred Randall and Rocket Man.
movie that I did for Disney, not the Elton John Rocket Man, the Harland Williams Rocket Man that predated
the Elton John Rocket Man. Really fun character, really lovable character. I loved finding him.
And also, I was the lead in that movie. It's always, it's always really interesting when you're the
lead in a movie, because then you really have to develop a character that you think will sustain
and be interesting for an hour and a half, two hours, the length of the movie.
because when you're the star of the movie, you got the most screen time. You got to kind of carry the
movie. And so you really have to dig into the character and find it and believe in it and
hopefully make it work. So I think Fred Randall was one of those characters. You know, I liked playing
Kenny on Half Bake, the school teacher. He was such a sweet, lovable guy, but yet here he was a
stoner. I loved the, I loved getting into the mind of the serial killer hitchhiker and something
about Mary. It was just so, it was so cool. I kind of had to turn on this switch where I was just
kind of like living in my own little reality. And like, even though I was with Ben Stiller,
I was still kind of, he almost wasn't there. I kind of created this whole kind of distant faraway
universe in my own head. So, uh, it, it's hard to really pinpoint,
my favorite, favorite role because they're all so near and dear to me.
I think any actor might tell you the same thing.
It's sort of what we live for as actors because we're just ourselves, most of our lives,
and then one day they're like, be this guy for three weeks, be this guy for four days,
be this guy for four months.
And it's really a privilege and an honor, and it's a gift to be able to step into those worlds
and be those characters.
So I got to say all of them, buddy.
And as far as some of the cool people I've worked with,
I think I want to put at the top of the list,
probably Bruce Willis.
I did a movie called The Whole Nine Yards with Bruce.
And of course, you know Bruce.
He's a mega star.
At the time we were doing the whole nine yards,
he was one of the top movie stars on planet Earth.
God bless him.
him now, what he's dealing with. It breaks my heart to know that he's dealing with his issues
and he's going through what he's going through. God, it's just so sad because I knew him
personally. And he was such a radiant and vivacious person, sort of, you know, you always wonder if
movie stars give off something that other people don't. And Bruce definitely radiated some kind
of essence. It was just interesting to be around him. When I went on the set of the whole
nine yards. I wasn't sure how to really be around him because, you know, he was up here and I was
here. And I had just come off of, there's something about Mary. And here I am doing this movie with
one of the biggest stars in the world, the whole nine yards. And the guy just walked right up
to me, introduced himself right away made me feel comfortable. He was funny. He was inviting. He
was generous. And when we were on set, he was amazing. And offset.
he was inclusive. He invited me up to his hotel penthouse for parties. He invited us to a bar one night. He bought out a bar and he got up and sang. He had a, you know, Bruce had a few number one hits on the radio. He bought me a nice beautiful video cameras, a present at the end of the shoot. And he was just like charming and nice. And I guess what really caught me was, you know, I guess a lot of times you think every, you know,
someone of that stature could be a real preck.
They could be conceded and condescending and, you know, all that stuff you think.
And you do hear about it with some big, big name people,
people that have huge egos and huge careers.
But, man, the experience I had with Bruce was really memorable and beautiful and charming
and really just kind of wowed me with how he carried himself and who he was.
and what he did, which doesn't diminish any of the other amazing stars I worked with.
Oh, my God, Jim Carrey and Richard Dreyfus and Jeff Daniels and James Kahn and Dustin
Hoffman and Robert De Niro and, God, I've worked with so many incredible actors.
Ben Stiller, I mean, just I've been really lucky to work with some great.
So they're all, they all are great in their own way, but I'm going to say Bruce was right at the top.
So a great question, cowboy.
I like that one.
Good day.
This is Lance from Texas, and I wanted to ask Mr. Harlan, do you prefer freshwater fishing or saltwater fishing?
And why?
Oh.
Thank you.
That's a cool question.
Now, most of you that watch the Holland Highway, you may or may not know that I,
I've been an avid fisherman my whole life, love fishing, loves me some fishing.
And that's a pretty solid question.
Do you like saltwater fishing or freshwater fishing?
Wow.
You know, fresh water fishing is more concentrated, I'll say,
because when you go into a body of fresh water,
you usually kind of know the way the water works and moves,
you know, in terms of how the water is moving around.
You're not dealing with tides.
You're not dealing with waves.
And when you're in a lake,
you're in kind of a confined ecosystem where you know what the fish species are.
You know, usually a lake will have some bass and maybe some trout and some sunfish
and some perch, but you kind of know what you're getting in a lake.
Now, when you step into the ocean, excuse me, that's a whole new, like, ballgame.
In the ocean, you've got, you're at the mercy of the mighty sea, you've got the waves, you've got the tides, you've got currents, you've got coral reefs, you've got great depths, you have shallows, and you've also got three trillion species of fish.
So one of the things I love about the ocean is it's wildness,
it's untamed wildness.
I love that in the ocean you never know what you're going to pull up.
You could have a little bait on and hope you're going to get a fish this big
and something like this hooks on to you.
You don't know if you're going to pull up a catfish or a shark when you're in the ocean.
I mean, there are some very specific ways you can fish to get certain fish.
Like I've fished for halibut on the bottom of the ocean.
ocean and I've fished for king salmon at a certain depth and I've fished for flounder and I've
fished for red fish and I've fished for swordfish. I mean, there's different techniques, but the
ocean has no rules. And so regardless of what you're fishing for, there's sort of a magic to it because
you never know what you're going to get. And obviously in the ocean, you never know how big a fish
is going to get. Usually in a lake, you can go, okay, this lake, the record in this lake is like a five
pound large mouth or small mouth bass so you you kind of work from there you're not really going to get
anything monstrous um but the ocean fills you with surprises so i love the ocean fishing for that
the unpredictability not just from the species but also just from what the water's going to do
you could go out on a sunny day the water's flat as glass and two hours later you could be
You're racing to shore because there's a hurricane coming in, man.
The ocean is just its own master, and it changes and moves,
and you got to know what you're doing when you're fishing out in the ocean,
especially if you get out deep, if you get out far.
If you're closer to land, you're a little safer.
But even then, it can turn on you real fast.
It can get lumpy, as they say.
So I think that creates quite a bit of excitement.
and get your adrenaline going.
Maybe the ocean's a little bit easier to fish
because there are so many fish,
there are so many species, it's just endless.
And maybe I like a lake
because it's a little more challenging.
Fresh water, it's like you've got to kind of,
you've got to learn how to hunt for the fish more,
I think, in a lake.
Like if there's trout,
then you've got to learn to drop your line way down deep
where the trout are in the cooler water.
But if you're going for bass or pike or musky,
you've got to like skirt along the shore
and cast your line in right in front of the weed beds
or in front of an old log
because those fish like to hang around in shallow water.
I mean, there's so many variations.
One of the things that you do get in fresh water
that you don't get in the ocean,
and you can fly fish in the ocean.
But obviously when you fly fish from the ocean,
in the ocean, you've got to do it from a boat
or from the shore.
But one of the magical things about fly fishing in fresh water is you get to stand in the
fish's element.
You know, mostly when you fish, you're on a boat, you're on a dock, you're on a kayak,
you're somewhere based in land.
But traditionally when you fly fish and you fly fish, you know, walking, you are standing with
your hip waders on up to your chest you are standing in the fish's element and there's something
very magical and connective about that it's very organic because you are now the predator standing
in the fish's world you can feel the current of the river rushing against your legs you can
feel the stones and the sand under your feet and you're i better take a drink i'm getting all
worked up here
So it's really, it's really beautiful and magical.
If you've never gone fly fishing, I really recommend it.
It's a whole different style of fishing.
There's a lot of finessing.
I'm doing this because it's all about the wrist.
You've got to learn how to work your wrist and flick your fly line about, you know,
70, 80 feet out into the river.
If you see a little log, you've got to learn how to,
you've got to learn to be able to cast and just drop your fly right where you want it to
drop and I get really good at it. I can like pick a spot and go I want my I want my fly to drop like
four inches from that lily pad and you get really good at it and so there's a real skill with it
but more than anything it's it's that connectiveness it's being in in the water with the fish and
then you hook the fish and here comes the fish in and he's like it's just you in the water and
he's coming up he's swimming around your legs and you're dipping your net in and
so man oh man i don't know if i can give you an answer but i hope those two answers like kind
of illuminated you a little bit as to how much i love both of them uh i don't know if i can
pick one or the other it's kind of like asking me about my movie roles like they're they're all
just so precious right and fishing is fishing but uh just the the different offerings are just
too cool to say one's better than the other.
So I'm just going to say fishing, fish-eye, fish-eye, fish-eye, fish-eye,
psychology, got you in a trance, psychological fish-eye trance.
I caught you, I caught you, this is all about catching you.
Ha ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah, so I'd like the place to order for chicken, showmen.
Yeah, go ahead.
Hello?
Yeah, go ahead.
Hello.
Yeah, chicken chalmayne.
Hello, I like to play for chicken chowmaine.
Yeah, how much do you want?
Hello?
Yeah, go ahead.
Well, if you're not going to answer, well, then I guess it's the phone number for me.
I guess not, buddy.
But you know what is the phone number for you guys?
If you enjoyed this segment, let me know the phone number is 323-696-0-222.
This is the first time we've ever done this, so please forgive me that I kind of
to hit things a few times too many um but uh it's just a work in progress but if you enjoyed
this let me know in the comments and uh you know i'll try and do this a little more regularly um
you can phone in and leave a message ask me about anything you want um don't leave anything too
super long because uh you know we we can't play it if it goes on and on and on but you know
just do what you do three two three six nine six six six six
And if you guys dig this format, we'll do some more of it.
Meanwhile, I want to say thank you to all of you guys for your comments.
I love reading the comments.
Just so you know, I read all the comments.
And don't be bashful.
They can be good.
They can be bad.
They can be whatever you want them to be.
You won't chap my hide.
Just be honest and say what you want to say.
And I appreciate you.
you guys taking the time to write the comments. I appreciate you subscribing. Please hit that
subscribe button. Even if you've listed to 30 episodes and you haven't hit subscribe yet, just
hit it because that helps us attract sponsors and sponsors help keep the lights on here on the set
so that I don't have to travel to Bon Jovi's house and do a podcast. You know what I mean?
So thank you, everyone, for subscribing, for listening. And just so you know,
got some more great guests coming up down the road here some great comedians some really fun
people and um i think you'll have a good time uh and i think that's it i don't think we have any
more calls um yes hello i'd like the place to order for chicken chalman this guy yeah hello
yeah you want chowmaine hello do you want chowmaine hello i like to play some order for uh
chicken chowmaine just order it dude hello but fuck off well if you're not going to
answer well then I guess this is the phone number for me I guess not man I thank you for
everyone who called in great calls um some of them silly some of them uh great some of them
who know it doesn't matter doesn't matter I'll take them all now just don't be offended
if if you don't hear your phone call because we are getting lots of them there are dozens
and dozens and dozens coming in so we obviously can't play them all don't be offended
You are loved.
You are thanked for taking the time to do it.
We just, we can't do them all.
It's too many.
And speaking of too many, we're kind of at the end of the road.
I see the dead end sign up ahead.
So that's it.
Folks, let's hit the old theme music, the old fish eye theme music.
Thank you so much, y'all, for being on the Holland Highway podcast.
Don't forget, we now have a store attached to our.
our YouTube page. So if you want to buy some Harland Highway merchandise, we got t-shirts,
we got hoodies, we got coffee mugs, we got stickers, just go to the YouTube page, the Harland
Highway podcast YouTube page, and check out our store. You can get your own merch. And also go to
Harlandwilliams.com and check out my stand-up comedy special and Harbling.com, or you can buy my
hand-drawn t-shirts, all kinds of dot com.
flying around here.
I got to go, but until next time,
chicken chowmaine, everyone.
Chicken chowmaine.
Yes, hello, I'd like to place to order for chicken chalmaine.
Hello?
Yeah.
Hello.
Chaumain.
Hello, I like to place an order for chicken chalmaine.
Do it.
Hello?
Well, if you're not going to answer, well, then I guess this is the phone number for me.
See you next time.