The Harland Highway - The NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY - JAMIE KENNEDY #80

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

Lot's of scary Halloween stuff with funnyman, actor and comedian Jamie Kennedy! Enjoy our back and forth as we discuss horror movies and bring some of your favorite scary characters to life!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And that mask in scream just made it. We'd never seen a mask like that. It was sort of this horrific expression that kind of, it's sort of nightmarish, you know. Harlan, you got to really see what's happening now. There's so many different scream iterations. Wow. They have scream face. They have ghost face.

They have the Randy killed, the RDS, which is Randy Death Mask, which is the one when I got killed. They have the Drew. They have gay face. They have all different they have Well all of them are gay face I mean that mouth is open all the time Yeah that is Seems to me if you're a gay ghost

And you're looking for another gay ghost And you got a guy with a glory hole Built into his face It's like I want that fucker to poltergeist me Right in a fucking haunted mansion Okay You're riding down the Harland Highway All right

Hold tight on the Haarland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Can you hear all right, guy? I can hear great guy. Great guy. Great guy. Getting up here. Should be a brand new type of peanut butter.

Great guy. Great guy peanut butter. Yeah. That sort of has a ring to a great great guy peanut butter. Yes, you got that great guy. Yeah. And what would the jelly be called? Sweet girl

A sweet girl Great guy Do you like peanut butter? I like it I like peanut butter But it has a lot of mold they say Come on now I know

Wait it has mold They say You have to get the super natural kind I like to grind them up at the store You like to grind your own peanut butter Oh yeah Do you churn your own butter Not my own butter

But I do like to grind my own peanut butter Not that much but I do like to do it But see peanut butter You'll grind but then butter, which has the same word as peanut butter, you won't churn, but you'll grind. It's time consuming, I would think. They don't have a churner at the store.

But wait a minute, churning is this. Yeah. And that's that. Oh, this is churning and this is grinding. No, I think grinding you put it in and this is grinding. And I think this. This is churning. Yeah, double-handed.

no that's true that's well that's a different but but wait a minute why will you do this but you won't do this guy what's what's going on with you they don't have that set up they have the peanut butter they have the the grinder they don't have a churner if they did i would have turned it so you're open to churning i'm open to it but for now you're just a grinder i'm a grinder yeah but one day Maybe the next time you visit, I could say, hey, Grindr-Turner. Yeah. That sounds like a relative of Tina Turner. God rest of all.

Grindr-Ther. Wasn't that Tina Turner's third son? Grindr Turner. He does both at one. Can you imagine him in bad? Grindr Turner. Did we start yet? Yeah.

Of course we started. You got to start with the grinder guy. Wow. Wow. Oh, damn, Grindr Turner. Wow. It's good. Can you imagine naming your kid Grindr?

I think, yeah. But imagine if you named him like in the 80s, but cut to today, isn't They're like a dirty app called Grindr? Oh, well, it's an app for men to meet men. Right? So what if you got a straight dude, like your son Grindr is straight? Yeah. And his name's Grindr?

He's Grindr. He's grinding. That's like if you called your daughter like, slut whore. Yeah, could be similar. Like not good. Not healthy names. Well, grind. Grindr for the dude.

No, let's think about what the daughter would be. Oh, yeah. because it would have to be like gay related or verb it up he's you're grinding when you're grinder yeah so you're slip sally slippenstein sally slip and suck yeah i mean dude imagine if sally slip and suck went out with tina grind no what was his name uh turn grinder turner turner and hooch turner turner Ted Turner Ted Turner

Ted yeah we lost it slip and slide it was going slip and slide yeah grinder is yeah where men go

to meet men but I don't know if it I don't really frequent the app but not frequently but now and then

executive I heard about this with an executive what I was out on a pitch okay I didn't know you played baseball

oh television show oh you're pitching a television show okay and uh it went ping and i go what and he goes i have a blow job 63 feet away on on your grinder that's what it had he said i have a blow job 63 feet away so that probably means it was his assistant right outside the office door that's about 60 or the janitor or it could be by you know what it could be where they store the water the water storage oh yeah so the executive in the middle of the pitch yeah said i've got a blow job 63 feet away producer the producer said that yeah somebody that wouldn't meet him and it was a guy or a girl that was given the for the blow job i'm assuming

that it was he he's like us like he's like a dude but he just likes bjs from other dudes that's the difference. Wait, why did you say like us? Because you. Can we not add the us part? It's funny how two letters can turn someone's life upside down. No, dude, because you, okay, I actually say it, you've heard of BJs. Yeah.

You probably've had a couple possibly. Maybe. And if you did, it might have felt good. Yeah. And you would like it to be on the other side of it is Sally Slippenstein. Right. He's more of a grinder turner on the other end of it. Does that make sense?

Okay, yeah, now I got it. But what I'm not getting is he says he's got a blowjob 65 feet away. 63. And I got to ask, how did he get a cock that long? It's, you know what? There's implants. There's stuff.

There's implants. And then there's timber. There's timber. Holy fuck. All right, let's hit the theme music. Ladies and gentlemen, uh-huh. Well, now that's right. Mm-hmm.

Now, that's right. You're on the Holland Highway podcast, and if you want to say it with a speech impediment, you're on the holl, holla, ho. And my guest today, what a, oh, come on, guy. Jamie Kennedy is here. Actor, writer, producer, director. You've done it all, guy.

Right? You forgot comedian. stand-up comedian that's how we met that hurts no that well that's a given yeah thank you buddy yeah that's that's actually how we met we did know each other do you remember when we met first time the very first time it's hard yes yes I believe I do I believe it was in San Diego uh we did a show together down in San Diego that was after we met at the laugh factory oh we did early early I think 94 almost 30 years ago oh man you came into town yeah and you were just destroying every set

i was yeah you came in and just like just fucking destroying everything and then wow you would go up to the laugh factory you'd do eight minutes and every network in town wanted to sign you and i was just starting to get the three ministers you were yeah and i said who's that they go this is harland he's the next big thing he's from canada whoa and then like a few years later Later, I had about eight minutes. Eight minutes of material? Yeah, which is really about six. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I got the open for you in Diego. In Diego, San Diego. I think that was the first time we really worked together. Yeah, we went out. We had some good time. It was such a bad gig. So this promoter, he calls us up, and it was like good money, a one-night gig. It was in like a, it was like a theater or a hall.

Like a theater hall thing, like, and we get there, and I think it was like, like 16 people. Yeah. Like this was pre like, you know, online social media. It's like 97. Yeah. 96. 97. There was no one there. There was. It was 16 people. I had to go up and I bombed for about 16 people. And then you went up and bombed too. No. It was I didn't. We didn't. You can't do well. I mean, we elicited laughter from 16 people. But when you're in a room that big. And it had the room fit like a thousand Oh, I know. You might as well be on Sandra Bullock's back porch eating mushroom soup, listening to the cricket saying.

Why? Well, I'm just saying it's a just same experience. You've been there? I will. I'll do it. I'd suck down some mushroom soup on Bullock's back fucking patio any day. Stop me. Daddy wants to party.

Daddy wants to play. Sucking down. Sucking down mushroom soup. Right on Bullock's fucking. right on her back porch i don't care if she hears me i don't care what she's doing up in her bedroom she could be slapping her face with a chinese fucking diarrhea stick i don't care what the fuck is that what's that one i don't know i don't know the ways of sandra bullock I think she has one.

I think she keeps one by the bad. Was you're on her back porch, okay, because that had multiple, I went multiple ways with that. No, no, physically at her house, the back porch, rocking chair. She has a rocking chair. She bought one.

Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Of course. You know, they sell those rocking chairs. Bullock bought three. She bought a set of three, and she's got them out on the back porch. And some nights I'll go three nights in a week, and I'll do,

I'll sit in each different fucking rocking chair. Are they painted red, white, and blue? She's a patriot? Yeah, she's a patriot. Okay, good, here we go. Yeah, unbelievable. Wow, I would tell you. I do you think if she sees this clip, there's a shot that you could get cast in Miss Congeniality 3.

If she sees this. If she's, oh, she'll see it. Okay. She'll see it. All right. We'll be FedExing this episode to her house. Okay. buddy welcome to the show can we just jump right in with what everyone's thinking about what i think

about a lot when i'm just wandering around let's jump into uh horror movies right out of the gate okay first of all there's one i didn't know you were in and it's one of my favorites it wasn't the first tremors but it was one of the later ones yeah talk tremors to me guy tremors you know what tremors it was yeah i was in tremors five whoa now my question Tremors 5, was that the, hold on. I remember, no, you know, they always say tremor, you know, that they add the little thing. Ass blasters? Tremors ass blasters?

No, it's Tremors five. Talk tremors to me, guys. Tremors me up. Shiver me timbers. Is Tremors, dude, it was Tremors 5. I can't remember the title now. It's okay. Is there a 5G tower up here?

No. And then Tremors 6 was cold day in hell. Oh, wow, because they tunnel down? No, because it's all shot. In hell? In cold. Oh, no. And it was supposed to be Canada.

There were tremors up in Canada? Yeah. Those giant weren't. What were those things? As well, they're graboids. They looked like pinworms, like giant pinworms. Yeah, that's actually true. Ugh.

And you, they're pinworms, and then there's ass blasters. So there's the big birds. Yeah. And the big birds fly. and then those are the warning signs that you know you've got tremors. Wow. Yeah. Was bacon still attached to number five?

Bacon wasn't. I'd love to get bacon involved. Oh, bacon makes everything better. It does. He does. He's connected to everything. And I love the way he smells. Have you smelled him?

Oh, just the smell of bacon in the morning. God. I can't believe I never catch. It takes me a minute. What? Well, because I literally thought you smoked bacon. No, no. Have you met his wife, eggs?

She's unbelievable. No. Oh, yeah, I went to their wedding, the bacon and eggs wedding. Unbelievable. It was a mad scramble to get there, but too sound. But what was it like? Did you have to work with those giant prosthetic monsters, or was it all CGI? Half and half.

Wow. So we shot it in South Africa. No, you didn't. We did. Whoa. I know. Were the locals just freaked out? I mean, that's not a common everyday thing for African people to see a giant, like, 25-foot worm.

Oh, you see, they actually have something called pumami worms, I think. They're called pumami worms. What's that? I ate one. What is it? It's like a protein. Oh, they're like white grubs, right? They're like grubs.

They look like, yeah, they look like tremors, but they're white, and they've got sort of like a caterpillar face. That's a different one. But they do these worms and they sell them as like nuggets. Kind of like just shrimp poppers. Yeah. And you eat them. I've had them.

How are they? They're actually not bad. I actually, I'm not a big believer of the bug movement that's happening in our world, but I have eaten some bugs and they weren't terrible. Yeah, I've eaten ants. You have? Yeah.

Okay. And I've eaten scorpion. Are you kidding me? And I've eaten tarantula. Yeah. You've eaten a turntonels. Marantula. Why would you do that? Someone offered it up. I was down in the Amazon.

No, I was in Cambodia. So you know about ass blasters. Well, there's some in Cambodia, yes. Yeah. You've got all types of stuff down there. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better. worst, trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a

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Cambodia. Asked sizzlers. Some of those. You just ask for the menu. Yeah, there's ass. There's a lot of... You've got... Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot by the river. Yeah, right by the river. They keep it moist. They keep it damp. tapeworm country guy that's uh yeah you ever had a tapeworm no i not to eat no just uh like inside i hope not god that'd be like a real life tremor yeah it would be okay so you're down in south af and you got the tremors gone what's what's it like on set what's going on

what tell me about the fucking creatures five weeks wow six day weeks oh most of the seven but that's okay yeah i know in africa they only do six exactly they have so you do this shoot to six day weeks okay half of it is practical okay meaning it's a physical worm and half of it is cg and it was the most physical i've ever done how do you mean you got tossed around like cannons through the air driving scuba diving firing guns uh we did a thing on the side of a mountain where we drove it was so intense my co-star pearl yeah who's uh from i believe joberg she's just a legend and she would drive this truck down the side of this mountain and on the other side it was like a 200 foot drop whoa you let a woman yeah right

I did I know on the side of a mountain I won't even let a girl drive me to dairy queen in the valley you won't right that yeah yes that's it was it but she knew it she knows that terrain wow yeah she does but I get what you're saying oh yeah if you go to a woman drive at the third at the grove there's a parking situation there but this was yeah this is yeah this is were you were you just terrified um 100 It was because I was. Your life was in her hands. I was my life. Yeah.

And Burke Gummer's life. Burke Gummer? Yeah. And and the camera guy. Where was he? He was in the back of the truck doing a, doing a steady. It was a pickup truck? It was a cut off like Bronco.

Oh God. This truck was gangster. It's what we used to shoot all the worms on the back of. And it had a gun tear. And Pearl just took over. she's just a legend she just and she drove this motherfucker through the mountains it was incredible but is she an official stunt driver or is she just an actress she's an actress but she's african and so she knows what she's doing wow yeah she knows what's up but uh an actress yes and she just grew up

so she knows the terrain african-american actress triple a african african african actress Still AAA guy. Yeah, AAA. Well, tried to trip me up there, but I tried to get you to trip yourself up, really. Yeah, I did, I did. Nice try there, uh, Sesame Street. Did we start yet? Oh, hang on.

Let me hit the theme music. Uh, yeah, that's right. We're on the Holland Highway podcast, and we're talking tremors. We're talking horror with Jamie Kennedy. And let's just slash cut rate to scream. All right. I know you're probably bored of it. No, I love it.

We're going to come at it with a different angle here on the Harland Highway today. Talk to me about Scream. That was sort of your big breakout role. Wasn't that the role that kind of really got you a lot of attention? Big time. Yeah. That was the one. That was the one.

And I bet you, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I'm going to guess that you probably went, ah, it's going to be one of these cheesy horror movies. Who knows if it'll do any good? Were you surprised by the magnitude of the heights that thing went to? I'm still surprised. Wow. We thought if we could do like to do, make $10 or $12 million at the box office.

Yeah. And then do good on VHS. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like hoping like maybe we could just be like leprechaun. Yeah, right, right. Leprocon. That little lepricom movie. Yeah, it had a good run.

Yeah. They did what, how many of those? They did leprechaun. Leprecon 2, Leprecon in the hood. Leprocon escapes to New York. I'm not kidding. I think they did four Leprechauns. Wow.

What a unbelievable. This is Leprechauns live in his best life. Can you imagine being a lepricon today, the pride movement? I mean, it used to be a pot of gold at the other end of the rainbow. Now you get over the top. There's six guys in a hot tub. Right. And what do you do?

You jump in and hope for the best. plug your holes. My God, you don't want to sink. Are you saying? We're fucking done. We're done. Why did you do this? We had to do it.

You fucking killed our careers. We had to do it. Why did you do this? I mean, you open with Michael. It's Jesus Christ. Yeah, you got it. You're really just going after everyone. No, no, it's not what it is.

It's called being inclusive. Anytime I do a joke about a minority or a group, I just did a podcast last week where I joked about the Irish and I'm Irish. So I don't look at comedy like picking on people. I look at comedy as going, oh, you find the groups and do bits about them because, you know, they're watching and they like it, you hope.

You're not doing anything malicious or cruel or mean. You're hoping, let's say Asian people are watching. Oh, they like that. the Asian material. Oh, gay people are watching. They like, you know what I mean? But I think in the world we live in, there's this interpretation.

Now, if you talk about any topic, immediately you're a bad person and you're being negative and you're being mean and malicious. Now, that's not how most good comics operate. Agreed. Right? We hit a button there. Yeah.

I got you. Yeah. Now, let's get back to that hot tub. Well, you know, the Irish, you can do jokes about still. Yeah, you can do. jokes about you can do jokes about anyone i just i agree with you i just think you got it you got to you know you got to make sure they're jokes and they're fun yes but like they say certain stuff is racist yeah yeah right but it might not be well anything's racist now you can say and i do i do a jo

i did a joke a few weeks ago i was doing a show up in big bear yeah you did big bear i did a show it's a it's a mountain community just outside of of los angeles here it's up on the ski there was a black guy in the crowd. Okay. And I said, why do they call this big bear? And the guy goes, oh, well, there's actually bears up here. And there's one black guy in the crowd. And I go, have you seen one soon?

He goes, yeah, one climbed into the back of my truck last week. I go, holy God, what kind of bear was it? He goes, it was a black bear. And I went, racist. So you could just make a joke. Anything's racist now. I know. Like if anything's a certain color or a look or a word or a thing or that, it's anything's

And the tragedy of that is Jamie Kennedy, it's lost its impact. Yes, it has. Because when I was a kid, when someone said racist, to me that meant someone who hated, apparently hated another race of person. And now it's just you're racist if you wear the wrong shoes to work. Yeah. So anyways, let's get back to scream, shall we? Yes, scream.

Screamed not racist. Screamed, well, I mean, that guy in the white face. As a white person, I'm not real happy with it. It's ghost face. Is that what he's called? He's called ghost face. I always wondered what he was called. Yes.

Ghost face. Ghost face. And he's now a staple of pop culture forever. He is. Isn't it incredible? Yeah. It's incredible. I really did step in shit.

He looks like a bird that flew into a window, though. I mean, when you see that fucking, I don't, I call him more like smash face. He's like, you know? Yeah. he got smashed yeah he does it looks a little flat it's based off of edward munich it's oh the scream the scream you know oh that's a great painting it's like that famous yeah so that's what they did oh wow it's crazy we've got the mask at the last minute the producer mariann found it and it was a little family they had it like literally this is a harland story it was a little like mom and pop

like toy shop and they sold the mask and she's like let's just try this now and we'll see what happens And if it doesn't work, we'll fix it in post or CGI it. And we popped it on. And that's how the mask came. Is that right? Isn't that crazy? Wait, so the mom and pop shop just had made one mask or was it one of those Chinese like mass produced like Halloween masks? It was a mom and pop shop.

I don't know exactly, but I know it had to do with the painting or something and they had a couple of different masks. And that was like literally like one of the masks. They had like one mask. And she just happened to stumble on it. They stumped. They went all over. what's the killer going to wear what's it going to be what is it no one knows blah blah blah and then she's like what about this and west is like hmm i like it and then the rest is history

it's insane just as insane as shatner's inverted mike meyers that's insane this is why this is why i love about movies and you do too because we talk about divine intervention of you can't create that yeah it's a lucky accident it's like and it's like Halloween is one of the greatest movies ever and so many accidents yeah yeah yeah and that that mask in scream just made it we'd never seen a mask like that it was sort of this horrific expression that kind of yeah it's sort of nightmareish you know it was sort of part human part cartoon part it does this yeah harland you got to really see what's happening now there's so many different scream iterations There's scream, like the face, like they give it, they make these posters.

Yeah. And it says like, no, you hang up. No, you hang up like with the mask being cute. They have scream face. They have ghost face. They have the Randy killed, the RDSs, which is Randy Death Mask, which is the one when I got killed. And they have the Drew.

They have gay face. They have all different. They have. Well, all of them are gay face. I mean, that mouth is open all the time. yeah that is it seems to me if you're a gay ghost and you're looking for another gay ghost

and you got a guy with a glory hole built into his face it's like I want that fucker to poltergeist me right in a fucking haunted mansion okay I mean we keep going back to these themes but I mean they're presenting themselves

what we're going to is open open holes or open spaces. You know what I'd like to do? You're talking about the iterations of the scream mask. Yeah. Would you be open to us creating an iteration of the scream mask? Yes.

Excellent. Because one thing psychologically that mask does, as does the Halloween guy, Mike Myers, even though they're movies, in our subconscious, all of us are fearful of them. They maybe create nightmares. they become symbols of terror in this modern day world we live in.

And I think maybe it's incumbent on us from being in the movies and you being in the horror movies, it's incumbent on us to help people get through the psychological terror these movies have caused. It's incumbent on us to maybe normalize, let's say, scream, what's his name? Ghost-faced. Ghost-faced and Mike Myers. Yes. Can we normalize them?

how let me show you my friend you become ghost face oh this is a new one this is a scream six mask ooh this is a legendary one and I become Mike Myers and what we do buddy is we're just going to sit and talk like a couple of guys at

Starbucks okay no horror just show people we're normal when we're not cutting people's throats open okay hold on I can do that for you And I got you a little coffee mug just to kind of sell the Starbucks, you know. Right here? Yeah. Okay. I put this there.

Um, how you doing now? Go space? Slow today. Slow today. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Were you at work? I was at a high school, and I went down there,

and I thought I was going to get three kills in the locker room. But guess what? A water pipe burst. What? So there's nobody in the gym. Oh, God. God, doesn't that piss you off? Yeah.

Speaking of high schools, I took my son Billy to his soccer game the other day, over at Marble Mount High, and, uh... Where? Marble Mount High? Oh, Marble Mount. Yeah, over in the Valley. I've killed there. You've killed there?

Yeah. Oh, okay. How many? Uh, one and a half, because I got one good, killed him real quick, but his girlfriend, I stabbed him, but she got away. Oh, God. Did you get anyone on the soccer team? Because that was the problem. They couldn't play.

They were short two players. No, they run. Do you know what you have to go after? You have to go after, bang. The band, yeah. Because they get caught up, especially like a tuba player. He gets caught up, he can't run. I'd love to stab the shit out of a tuba player.

I mean, they're just noisy. You know, I need my sleep. I need my beauty rest, and you've got the kid next door with his acne, and he's just like, huh, oh, huh, oh. And I'm like, hey, asshole, I'm trying to sleep over here. Fuck off, I got a kill in the morning, you know? So anyways, I went in for a clock. Oh, an ascopy.

How? Yeah, my third one. You got a bump? I got a couple of polyps, just two, but they took them out right there. You know, I could slice those out for you. Are you, are you serious? I don't have, just, I also have a smaller version of that knife, so I can get in there. You could get, you could take my polyps out?

I'd love to. Wait, for free? Yeah, well, no, you let me, catch a victim, just let me kill them. Give me a kill. Okay, I'm open to that. Where are they at? How deep in? It depends how deep in they are. They're deep.

They're way up. In the small, like more than a foot in? Probably, I'd say about an arm. Oh, God. Yeah, I don't normally get a foot up there, but an arm. You see what we're at again? Pardon me? We're back into open holes again.

Yeah. No matter what we do. By the way, am I boring you? Not at all. all. Well, it looks like you're yawning. Well, the problem is this is my perpetual state. Oh. I am, I'm not, you know, I'm

trying to scare you. Are you scared? Well, no. We've known each other for how long. We're in the same bowling league. I mean, what am I scared of? That yawn, you ever yawned so long a cock flies in your mouth? I've had, actually, sometimes I'll sleep and I'll start coughing. And sometimes

I think that a ghost has put his cock in my mouth. You know, that guy from Insidious. Wow, yeah. You ever have coffee with him, Fred? You know what, it's funny you mentioned that. I was over at Jiffy Lube the other day and I was getting an oil change and there he was and we had a great talk.

His son's a camp counselor now. Really? Yeah. Have you ever seen... You know who was doing camp counseling? Who? It was... It was, no, he was, he had a canoe.

He was teaching people how to, what was that, kayaking? Oh, kayaking. It was pinhead. Oh, El Razor? Yeah. Oh, my God. I was wondering what happened to him. Oh, his ex-wife has an Airbnb out there in Manchester.

Oh, my God. I'd heard that some kids broke into his house with a hammer and hammered all the nails in his head. Oh, no. That's what I heard. No. But that's what you get when you don't have neighborhood wall. watch. Yeah.

How? Is that too hot for you? It's good. Okay. I try not to, I don't want to burn your lips. I forget, are you alive or dead? I'm alive. Okay, so yeah, I don't want to burn your lips.

But what about you? Well, I've been going to the gym. My cholesterol has been a little bit high. The doctor said I've got to cut way down on the salt, you know. more meat. Are you still hanging out with that chick that was a zombie in The Walking Dead Season 6? Oh, Carol?

Yeah. Yeah, that's a story and a half. I don't know if you want to hear it, but we went to the movies about three weeks ago, and she got up in the middle of it. Did you go see the new Halloween? I wasn't going to say it, but... Yeah, yeah.

And she turned to me in the middle of the movie. She goes, you're a violent. Conceded sick pig and she got up and walked out and so later I went over to her house and carved her up I've still got some of her blood right there Wow wow yeah you know it's like if you're gonna go to a movie with me Don't don't judge don't judge don't cause a scene or you know you might not be it might be your last movie fuck off but whole I agree with that but is it that kind of a compliment calling you a violent sick pig? I guess the pig part's a little aggressive. Yeah, the pig's too much, you know?

Yeah. It feels like that was a bit unnecessarily. But the violent sick dementoid, I'd wear that as a badge of honor. Yeah. Have you talked to Chuck? You know, Chuckie is in juvie. No! They got fucking Chuckie.

He's in juvie. For what? Apparently he cut up a priest. Oh, my God. And, you know, they caught them. Cracker crumbles and cookie crumbles all over the priest's bed. They did? Yeah.

You know he went to CVS, and he stole a bunch of moisturizer. Who, Chucky? Yeah. Oh, God. But they didn't arrest him. You know, California's pretty open with that stuff. Well, you know how they caught him? The fucking little stumpy idiot tried to, his escape car was a Tonka, a Tonka toy.

Oh, I was. Oh, he had a tonka. Yeah. I used to have the shell trucks. Remember the shell trucks? Oh, yeah. I thought he had that. Wow, he's had a tonka.

He got, well, he's done six movies. The kid bought a fucking Tonka, but you don't rob a bank and try to get away in a Tonka, you dumb little red-headed, freckled-faced fucknob. Yeah. I went to a party with him. Well, I'm just about done. It was great to see you, a gross face.

I miss you, buddy. I miss you. If you're not doing it. and you want to go fishing next weekend? Yeah, where are you got? You still got that place up in Regina? No, I got a new cabin over at Camp Crystal. I got a buddy there, Jason.

He knows all the best bath spots. Oh! Yeah. See that? Good old Jason. Cheers to see you, buddy. Cheers to see you, buddy. Cheers. All right.

Do they validate here? Yeah, they validate. Okay. They don't fucking kill them. Good point. wow dude I think we I think that was therapeutic for people

yeah I think so are you okay I'm trying to get out now you're in a burqa yeah I am okay ghost burka face wow you uh wow that could be

yeah that could be I think that's gonna really help people I mean I didn't want to do it but I feel like we had to Yeah, no, it's, you know, you forget that you have such a connection, I have such a connection with him. You know, he, he, he took me out. Yeah, he killed you. Not only did I get killed, he also killed my paycheck.

Right, because when, what, what episode, what, what episode was it that he killed you? Episode two. Knife drop. Yeah, right? And the cell and a knife drop. Dude, do you want to stop? them in the face i kind of do fucking it's time for you go for it's time for payback yeah just fucking stab that you know but then uh i came back in three what how through the uh magic of videotape

right so hopefully in seven you know what's weird you sip the same way mike myers does yeah okay just keep this handy over here hey everybody check out my merchandise at harbling.com yeah most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie but not me yours truly guess what I draw my own designs at harbleng.com you can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh, man, wear them loud and proud.

I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies. We got copy mugs. We got t-shirts. You name it. It's there at harbleng.com. Get your Harland original design.

wearable art at harbling.com today and thank you for your support and I'll just keep the groovy images coming. Andy over here can I make one more comment

about scream though? Yes. And to see if you back me up on this because I don't think the movie would work, the original movie would have worked in the age of cell phones. The first one had to have happened

in the age of a good old landline because there's something so comforting about the landline and it kept you locked to the house, right? Like imagine a cell, this first scream was with a cell phone. Okay, you'd be ghost-faced, you're calling me,

and I'll pick up my cell phone. Okay. Hello? Good evening. Yes? Is this? What's your name? This is Harland?

Good evening, Harlan. Good evening. Do you like? Popcorn. Listen, guy, I'm in the Alps skiing with my family right now. Where are you calling from? I'm in the Alps. I'm at a ski lodge.

You have good phone service up there. Do you need a lozenge? No. Do you like ski slopes? Dude, I'm just about to jump on the bunny run. Can you call me back when I get back to the States? Don't hang up. I'm in the Swiss Alps.

Don't hang up. Fuck off. Don't hang up. Creepy. Get a tracheotomy, asshole. You see what I mean? And then he's gone. Like it's like you have to be in a home to get that call.

Yeah. If you tried to phone up someone randomly nowadays, you don't know where they are to try another one. Okay. Yeah. All right. Hello. Is the man of the house?

there. Well, yeah, this is me. It's Harlan. I'm not in the house right now. I'm down at the beach. Oh. Do you like movies? Yes. Do you like scary movies? Yeah, but I'm at the beach, bro. Do you like lepracon? Hang on a sec. Yeah. Yeah, I put a hot dog on the on the barbecue for me. Excuse me. What? Do I like what? Lucky Charms. Do you like Hot dogs. Yeah, I'm just about to have one. Are you here? Where are you?

Is this Don't worry about what I'm at? Are you at the beach? Fuck, there he is. Is that you over there in the leopard thong? Don? Don's dead. I got him like a fish. You know what, dude?

I'm at the beach with my family. Fuck off. See, it wouldn't work. You gave a lot of locations, though. Yeah, but I didn't say what beach? I could have been in Israel on the Mediterranean. No, in the 90s, you would have to get a collect call accepted. Damn it.

Wait a minute. You could, I don't even know. That wasn't a terrible ghost face. That was pretty good. It was pretty good for on the fly. Who did the voice? Roger L. Jackson, legend. Are you serious?

I loved him in Pulp Fiction, too. He was great in Pulp Fiction. Wow. He, yeah, he's got rings. Wow, you know, you go from, what was his character's name in Pulp Fiction? Was it, Dave, uh, it was some kind of, Thaddeus. Was it Thaddeus? Thaddeus.

And then he goes to this guy. Yeah. Do you like horror movies? Yeah. Do you like chocolate, pepperage farm, bun cakes? Do you know what that sounds like? What? That sounds like truck stop, ghost face.

Does it? Yeah, try that again. I like, truck stop? Ghost face. Do you want the key to the bedroom? Well, go to the front desk Buy some nacho flavored Doritos And ask the attendant for the men's bathroom key

I'm there I like this You do? Yeah, do you say something about Slim Jims Do you like Slim Jims I think this is another Because everything in movies now Is about different worlds

Yeah Like the Spiderverse Oh yeah Screamverse could be a version of that. Gas station verse. Yeah. Where there's a whole truck stop thing. Wow.

Well, you know, I feel like we kind of did a public service. Like kind of helping people who are terrified of those characters kind of work through them now. You humanized them. We humanized them. We did it. And it makes them feel that they're just average guys. They're just guys. Well, they're not kill them.

Can't they just be guys? Have a cup of coffee. Chill. Star bucket up. Inclusion. Your inclusions. Right. Yeah.

I was saying earlier. Smart. Yeah, you brought it back to that. I think that's smart. Yeah. Now, I want to jump from horror movies, guy, to one of my favorite movies you did, Three Kings. You know what?

Here's why I like it. You were great in all your movies, but there was something about, I don't know if, and you tell me. Thank you. Was it because of Clooney's presence? You know. They always say when you're with great people, it makes you step up. Like if you play hockey with Gretzky, you're going to step up. But I want to say, and this is a compliment,

not to take anything away from your other acting roles, but your acting always stuck with me in three kings. I thought it was very centered, very real, very controlled, very dramatic. It was just, I think it's one of my favorite acting roles. Tell me about that experience. That's very nice you, buddy. That's honest, yeah. I know.

You've mentioned this. I've mentioned it. You said that to me and, well, where were we at? Beirut. You said something. That's right. We were in Beirut. That's another story.

But just focus. Focus on this. Jesus. It was, well, first of all, it was about a real topic, you know, like the Gulf War. Yeah. And this is something that you can relate to because you can be real. in, you know, what's comedy, in your opinion, right? I think in your opinion, you would agree that comedy is being real and extraordinary circumstances.

That's one level of comedy. Yes, for sure. I think there's many layers, but that's definitely a great one. Yes, when things are going off and so the director took this very, he's amazing, David O. Russell, he took this amazing, he took a horrible event and then he had an amazing script. Yeah. And then he just cast us, and like, Clooney is much different in Ice Cube, which is much different than Mark. Yeah, it was such an eclectic cast.

Exactly. And when I went in, I was sort of like, how is this going to play? But it worked so well. Yeah. Yeah. And he, here's what it is. You're going to love it. So, and then, of course, I'm with one of the greats, Nora Dunn, that was all my scenes with

Nora, who's just a legend. Yeah, yeah. And we would go in and we would. rehearse and he would say start talking instead of action he just he was well no he when we rehearsing so he would it was kind of like he had these lines and he he wrote a great script but he was also just like let's let you know what would you do here so we would just he would just let us improv and then we were on the set practical sets all this big war stuff helicopters and stuff we it was like not war but it was like war in the sense that all the stuff was going around imitation war yeah and so he was

like keep going he would roll the camera and go so something else keep going keep going keep going and we would just keep coming up with stuff and it's like we love to improvise anyway like you would love that and then you know diamonds are made under pressure so we just kept doing it and and it was just real and so we gave him a lot and then he's he's an amazing editor so he picked it but i was i don't know it was just being on that said, I don't know. It was just a great thing and I was just like, I got to be good. Yeah, you were, you were great, buddy. You stepped up.

I mean, you just. I appreciate that. I really loved your role in that and your performance. And where was that shot? Because a lot of that was out in an actual desert, I believe. It was supposed to be in Iraq. But where was it? Gilbert, Arizona.

Was it really? Yes. Isn't that funny? Wow. And we were, we stayed at the, oh, God, I stayed the, Iraq, Gilbert, Arizona. Wow. Right next to the Denny's, yeah. It was.

It was. Dude, we stayed at the Barbara Worth Golf Resort. Oh, wow. And there was. Oh, that Iraq was so tough. It was. It was a holiday end. And I think we did have like an I hop there.

Wow. Yeah, it was, we were in the middle of nowhere. I hop. Iraq. I hop. Off by rack. Whatever. Just shoot.

Just shoot. So, wow. It was, yeah, it was, it was incredible. So we stayed out there and, um, yeah. It was, you know, it was like, again, lightning in a bottle. We had a lot going on. Yeah. And it was it was one of those places, obviously it was a huge expanse of desert terrain.

Yeah. Was it one of those places where I know they have them in California where people don't necessarily know this, but there's places where there's massive sand dunes in California. California, where it looks like the Sahara Desert. Was it one of those kind of vast geographical expanses of sand? Yes, it did. It's like what, what's the, it's not, no, Sahara is in Africa or something? Yeah.

Somewhere over there. Or is it in Saudi Arabia? Somewhere. But what's our big desert here? We have one. We have the, we have like the salt stuff that's in Utah, salt flats. The salt flats. We have.

There's a big desert in America. And it was like that, but I don't think it was that desert. But we had, yeah, there was big, vast flats of nothingness. It just looked great. Yeah. I'm actually surprised when you, it's funny because when you said Scream 5 was in South Africa, I was like, no way. Yeah.

But to hear that three kings were shot here right next to Denny's. Right next to Denny's. That's hilarious. We had to go, you know, five miles out. But because there was nothing out there except this resort. And that's where we stayed. And yeah, I mean, you could, I forget, there's a big desert. What's the desert?

You know the desert. You can't cross in the Sierra Nevada. That made me that. Is that it? I don't know. Those are mountains. Or Palm Desert. There's the painted deserts.

There's the Salt and Sea. The whole movie was shot in Palmdale. It was? No. Palmdale. There's little sand dunes out there, too. There is. You really get a good sip out of that.

I know, dude. I just like to slurp the bubbles. So what's a... What's like, you've done a lot of movies. Like you've done, I think, what, between 40 and 50 maybe? Probably, yeah. Probably more. Yeah.

I've been in one of your movies, Heckler. Yes. Which you, I think you produced that movie, right? Yes. So I was in that briefly. Yes. And then I can't say much about it, but you and I might be working on a movie in the future. Are we even allowed to say that we do this?

Well, we'll keep, we're, it's illegal what you're doing right now. Oh, really? Yeah. You have to say that, oh, we're plumbers. Oh, we're working on a toilet in the future. Yes, there's a toilet. Wait, you can't even talk about future things? No.

By the way, you didn't, I said it. So if I, yeah, I, yeah, okay, well, we're working on a toilet in the future. Your last name, might as well be Mar. Yeah, Marr. Bill Marr? Yeah. Why is he, was he canceled? There's a line and he jumped over it.

there was he crossed he did they're calling him they're calling them skibby scab oh the scab thing yeah he's a scab it's like remember when the redskins in the 80s yeah that backup quarterback they crossed the line for the NFL oh wow they probably had them for the argonauts right they probably had the Toronto Argonauts yeah they probably had somebody I had a run in with the with the writers I had a scab moment really yeah this is dangerous but let's go there this is scarier than the scream Mike Myers segment. Yeah, this was tough. So I'm a writer, right?

Yes, you are. A very hilarious writer. This toilet that we're working on, it's crafted so beautifully. It must be Italian porcelain. And every detail in this toilet is amazing. It pays off. Oh, wow.

Thank you. It flushes. You have flushed. It flushes and it swirls. But I, you know, the writers are picketing out in front of the studios and the networks and things like that. So my dad is a custodian or janitor at Paramount Studios down here in Hollywood on Melrose. Yes.

So every day I'd go in to pick them up, I had to drive through the line of writers out there with their signs picketing. Yeah. And normally I didn't have any issue, but one day I was going through and some people recognized me. They didn't realize I'm going in to pick up my dad. They think I'm going into write. these writers started freaking out on me they attacked my car a couple of them threw their

Evian water on my car oh one of them hit my hood with his sweater i mean unbelievable a guy threw a pair of Warby parkers at you yeah someone's crocs hit my antenna i mean it's unbelievable violent and i'm like fuck you and and i just had this adverse reaction i went into the rad zone i went like i went into the oj zone where i was i was like mad it's like i'm coming to get my old man he's 86 he's a janitor he's sweeping up snickers wrappers and cigarette butts you you attack me so you know when a shooter kind of hits his his wall you know like a post office guy goes postal or a school shooter what do they do they get the shit going on at work they go home they put their kit together right they open the box they put their shit in the box they go back and

boom boom boom boom right done so i was so livid jamie i went back home, I put my package together, I put my kit together, I went back, drove through the picket line, got to the other side where they could all see me, opened the trunk, pulled out a chair, a folding chair, and one of those little card tables, right? I took my kid out, I put it on the table, I opened it up, 1973 Samsonite typewriter. No. I put it on the table, pulled out a sheet of blank paper, put it in, started writing a Seinfeld script. Right there. Right there, yelled it out.

Fade in. Kramer walks into Jerry's apartment, says, hi, Jerry, and I'm yelling, and these guys are going nuts. I'm like, fuck you, I'm writing, I'm writing you. Attack my car, don't let me see my father. Elaine walks into room drinking a coffee. Jerry, where have you been all night? I mean, I just, I did the whole script.

32 pages. You did a rough draft on the line? Yeah. You're going to disrespect me. Fuck it. Wait a minute. So hold on. So you did that?

Yeah. What did they? I mean, they can get violent. What did they, how did it, what did they do? I just wrote. You just wrote? I handed it in. They're going to make it.

First draft? Yeah. They're going to make it. They're doing a special. Wow. Talk to Jerry. He's coming back. Kramer's coming back.

back that's going to affect your membership i look out for my dad yeah you were there wow that's beautiful take a second wow if they ever do that again you know what you could do what come up with fraser frazier sprazier spec i think that would you could probably write that by the way that's all illegal what we just said it is you mentioned a product i'm dead serious you cannot I don't even mention the names of stuff. The line is very blurred. I can't mention the name of a TV show. I don't know.

Like friends? I have friends. And you have friends. I sure do have friends. And two broke girls. Are your friends? And they met your mother. And there was a big bang theory about meeting

my mother but and the Brady they had they why night night court oh oh boy you really you really want us out yeah we're done you want us kicked out yeah maybe i do maybe we start a new union what's it called i don't know maybe mike myers and ghost They start a union. Wow. Ghost Myers. Ghost Myers. Mike face.

Mike face. This guy's got a Mike face. We got Mike face. Right here. Buddy, with all the movies you've done, but did you have any interaction with Clooney, the Cloonstir on Three Kings? Yeah, a lot.

Yeah, what was that experience like? Because he's kind of a, he comes off as kind of this suave guy. I've met him. He's sort of a fun place. faithful guy, isn't he? Big time. Yeah.

Great sense of humor. Yeah, he loves to joke around. He loves the joke, loves to laugh, doesn't take himself or anything too seriously. Yeah. Super respectful. And he's sort of a tiny guy, too. He's not, he's not short, but he's not a huge guy. I wouldn't call him tiny.

Well, he's smaller than me and you. Yeah, but he's not, you know, he's not the guy from the, no, he's not like. Remember the guy from the 70s? He's not one of the lollipop kids. Yeah, who's the guy from the 70s that wrote all the songs? Oh, you know what I'm talking about. John Denver. It looked like John Denver.

Ugh. Yeah, that. But he's not that. Yeah, he's probably, he's, he's, he's a good, yeah, he's not as big problem as you think. Yeah. By the way, and I'm going to answer the question, don't you find that people go, you're a lot bigger than they thought you were? Yeah. People always say that to me.

And more handsomer, I get a lot, too. Yeah. They're like, yeah, I love, they love your profile. Now, Clooney is the man, he, what? No, sorry, go ahead. Oh, he's the man, he's, he does what now? Cluny. What are he doing?

No, I was just, some people in real life, say, I'm. Are you standing for your fans? Are you taking a moment to, like, no, I was listening to your story. Clooney does what now? Are you trying to get Patreon membership? Are you doing, wait, are you doing blue steel? No, no. Are you doing blue steel in camera one?

You mean blue steel from the movie? You can't, from the toilet. You can't say the name of the movie. From the plumber. But, okay, so Clooney was a bucket of fun. Bucket of fun, great guy, just legend. You never see a check. What do you mean?

Check comes, whether it's ham and eggs, or whether it's caviar and calf brains oh he'd pay for everything you never saw a check classiest guy that's great i like that beautiful soul good looking mark beautiful soul ice cube beautiful soul nora me and nora did a lot of time at the iop but now you're done i haven't seen her in a while i would hope we would see and hug but i haven't seen her for a while so you're done i don't want to be done but i haven't seen her in a while well it's nora done oh god damn it You know what's so fuck? That's so terrible.

Why do I do that? That's sad. What? You just tripled me. God. You did that three times in this. Now you're done. It's sad I didn't pick that out.

That's all right. God. You were just ghost-faced. You have a lot going on. I was ghosted-faced in that joke. You were... So now you're done? Because I was thinking about her brother, Kevin.

Oh, Kevin Dunn? I think it's Kevin Dunn. Yeah. The Duns. Yeah. Here's another one. You ready? Okay.

So you're done with this one? I'm done. Okay. Bert Gummer, who is Michael Gross. He is gross. He's not gross. His sister is Mary Gross. Oh, she's really gross.

Gross and gross. Yeah, they're both gross. Done and done. Done and done. gross gross and done it sounds like a law firm who gives someone the name gross

like life is hard enough it's like hey John gross how about hey there's Larry shit face I mean who's handing out these names you know what I mean he's not going to like that

you're going to piss him hey there's Paul Dingleberry I'll fuck crazy It's like in nature. We have all these animals, zebra, elephant, lion, ass. There's ass? Yeah, no, the donkey.

Oh, he's an ass. Like God just goes, you know what? Let's see, giraffe, peacock, leopard seal, ass. Is it ass, though? Is the official name ass? Yeah. Ass. Imagine walking around and you're just,

I'm second you're born, you're an ass. Come out of a vulva and you're instantly an ass. Wow. Do you say come out of a Volvo? A Volvo, yeah. Come right out of a Volvo and you're next. You just tripled me back. Yes.

You're like three to one though. You got me a few times. Wait, is it there? That's like, Hey, Zeus. What? I love that guy's stories. The Lorax? He's Jesus.

The Lorax is different. Oh, that's Dr. Seuss's brother. Yes. Yes. Yes. Wow, wow, you take, there's, oh, that's all you did there. Jesus, Dr. Jesus.

Dr. Jesus. He's canceled. Is he? Yeah. What did he do? Do you know about that? No. Tell me.

Green eggs and ham. Sam, I am. Right. I don't like, he wasn't inclusive. He only had green eggs and there was like pink eggs and purple eggs. Really? Yeah. He really was canceled.

He really was. What was he canceled for? I'm scared to say. Was it, wait, my memory, was it some Nazi-related stuff? Are we really going there? Yeah, I don't, I don't know. I think it was Sam, I am, Sam, Syam, I am. I think there was some Asian culture like, Syam-Am.

So was it verified that he was intentionally doing that, or was it just wordsmithing for him that had nothing to do, which goes back to what I said earlier, they'll slap racist on anything. It was wordsmithing, like you, what you are a student of and which you do beautifully.

So yes, I believe it's, I, thank you for, I think it was wordsmithing, but you know, they found it. If you look for it,

they will find it. Like if you spin, you know, stairway to heaven backwards, it says burn in hell, Satan wants your soul, like that kind of bullshit. well that's true oh but you got to ask yourself does a beloved guy that spends his life

sitting around thinking of goofy characters for kids the cat in the hat the lorax and thing one and thing two the grinch is he really have time in his day to be going you know what i haven't done a story full of asian racial slurs yet how about sam i am Syam, Syam, I am Siam. And they're not even good racial slurs. It's just basically Isn't Siam a place? I think so. Don't quote me on that,

but I think it was Asian. Yeah. I agree with you. I don't think that he would do that. Yeah. But here's something I want to say we have to walk this line like P.T. Barnum's circus. No, we don't. I don't

have to walk that line. I'm going to try to walk it. You're going to try and walk. Okay. Are you ready? So there was, oh, God, do you know what one of the most things that they haven't come for yet, which they could come for? What?

Is Magoo. Oh, Magoo. You've done it again, sir. Oh, my goodness. Mr. Magoo, he's half blind, and so they're going to come after him because he's got a disability, sir. beautiful impression perfect impression but he i thought that was ittt no i learned all my stuff at devry wow six week night courses night classes magu 105 second floor oh the second floor

i won't take the elevator because i'm blind i he couldn't even see it was there see this is stuff you got to bring that back you've got to bring magu back but wait a you were just about to tell me he's racist or he's not legal or he's he's he's he's well Netflix which is which which would say they're awake they're woke um they're like fucking owls they're so woke I know and their fucking eyes are like blah yeah that was a good owl they should just change it to Oh, my God. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it, sure. And the owl with the giant eye, sure. Woo, woke. That's perfect. You just created that.

You have to make that everywhere. I do. Oh, my God. Wait. So, but there's, sometimes people are so woke. I just want to tell them. Yeah. Take an ambient.

You know what I mean? Or take a sledgehammer. Yeah, that too. An ambient sledgehammer. So, anyway, Charlie. Charlie. Oh. In Magoo?

Oh, Charlie referencing Vietnamese soldiers? No, Charlie is in Magoo. He's Mr. Magoo's right hand. I'm not going to do the impression. Wait, I don't remember Charlie. Well, was he like an Asian character? Yeah. Well, let's cut to then Pink Panther where Inspector Cluso had his little Asian helper.

And it was fucking hilarious. Yeah, well, it was hilarious for you. You know what I think, though? Because you grew up with Manix. I think you have to, before you slap racist on something. No, they haven't slapped it on Magoo. Magoo was remade by Netflix and no one called it out. Oh, my goodness.

Well, we better get up into the pine trees in the parking lot and go, who, who, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Dude, that is huge. What are you going to say about it? You know it's done. Everything's done. No, I think what they should do is anyone who they say is offended by something. They should approach the group, the racial group, whether it's black, white, Asian, Portuguese, Eskimo, Nordic. They should ask those people and take a consensus and go, are you offended by this? Does this offend you? And they go, no, we actually like it.

We actually embrace it. We actually liked that there's an Eskimo Pie because when in the vernacular does anyone in modern culture use the word Eskimo? Never. But when they use Eskimo pie and they say a little cartoon of an Eskimo, maybe they just think of our culture and maybe curious children that are eating an ice cream Eskimo Pie go, what is this funny little character in the mucklock? Can I learn more about this? Yes, son, go on Google and learn about the whole culture. But now we've obliterated it so the kids don't even know Eskimos exist for the most part. I rest my case.

Oh, my goo. You've done it again, sure. Am I right? I mean, that was a dissertation. That was, she said. Beautiful. I have to cool my throat off. You got heated.

Yeah, my labia is on fire right now. Because you did a lot of Magoo. Oh, man. Mygu, your labia is on fire, sir. Does everyone really, that's a perfect Magoo? It is? A perfect Mago. That is an insane Magoo.

Hello, Netflix. Magoo here. Fuck yourself right in the owl mess, sir. Do it. Dude, do you know what, though, Trader Joe's was almost canceled. Well, he was a trader. Because there's a section of the store where they have authentic Mexican food.

And they call it Trader Jose. Which is a Mexican name. Well, that's the way it was for 56 years until four white girls from UCLA. See, that's what I mean. Why are four white girls? For all those stupid four white girls know, Mexican people might have embraced the Jose. They might have liked it. They might have even wore it as a badge of honor.

Exactly. Well, I said if you really want to find racism, Mexicans could say that when you say, oh, I want to have a Mexican Coke. Right. We don't do that for other races. We don't walk into a deli and say, hey, can I get that Jew bagel? That's right. Right.

Can I get that German sausage? Yeah. Can I get that? Irish coffee. Danish pastry? English pastry? Okay, let's move along. Well, buddy, we are down to our final segment here.

Can I just say what a pleasure. Before we do the final segment, can you tell the folks plug your comedy dates, your books, your movies, anything that you want to plug? Tell them how they can see you. You can find everything at jamie canadi.com. Instagram is the Jamie Kennedy. But I got to tours there. I've been doing a show, a radio show.

uh jeff lewis live after show tuesdays on serious uh yeah i've been doing that i've been you know so it's not comedy it's a radio it's there's there's it's not stand up but it's it's serious fuck dude how many times did you get me oh my goo hey you've done it again sir Say it. Woo-ho! Woh! Woh! Oh, anyway, just

go to jamiecky.com. Yeah. All right, buddy. Let's do our final segment. Everyone loves this segment. This is called Words from a Wooden Shoe. Oh. This is an authentic Dutch clog.

Wow. And inside we have little words crumpled up. You don't look. You reach in, pull a word, and see if it inspires a story or a memory or a moment from your life. or someone you knew. And let's see what we get.

Words from a wooden shoe. Jamie Kennedy. You did homework. Yeah. Let's see what we got here, Guy. Oh, God. What is it? Jesus Christ.

What's it say? Cancer. Oh, God. Yeah, it's a tough one. What do we got? Right away, you had an adverse reaction. Oh, gosh. God, what are you doing?

Just... What kind of shoe is that? I know, it's a wooden shoe from... Why can't you put, like, puppies or kittens? I thought people were happy in Sweden. I know, but the cancer story doesn't have to be sad. I mean, is there...

Who knows? Dig deep. Maybe there's a happy outcome. Maybe not. But, you know, maybe we'll make it happy. If cancer's sad as comedians, we'll make your sad story funny and hilarious. And whoever died,

Well, they're up there laughing. I went to Sizzler. Here we go. And I got a buffet. Okay. Sizzler is like a family restaurant. And it's all you can eat. All you can eat, Sizzler.

And I was broke. Okay. But you can't take it to go. Because if you could, then you could just load up. Right, right. So you got to eat it there. And I was stuffed. You got cancer?

No, I hope not. It was, I ate three helpings and I ate through that buffet like cancer. Wow. And it kept me full for the rest of the two days. See, full of cancer. Well, full, ate through it like cancer. You ate through the buffet like cancer. Like a cancer would eat.

See? Yeah. See what you did? You dug deep. Yeah. You manipulated the word cancer. You made it work for you. Yeah.

No sadness, no tears. No. It's a sizzler buffet. Yeah, it was a sizzling cancer. Yeah. And now whenever you think of sizzler, you'll think of cancer. So enjoy your meal and thanks a lot. That's great.

Way to go. What would Mr. McGu say about that? How could I get another plate of the melanoma flapjack? please and the radiation drip milkshake sir it's the sir it's the sir and sir sir sir I want to thank you Jamie Kennedy was here today folks what a treat Jamie thank you so much buddy so good to spend time with thank you me buddy yeah it was a blast and folks thanks for being here on the holland highway podcast and until

next time chicken chowmaine everybody you want to go to sizzler i think we should let's go rip through that