The Harland Highway - The NEW Harland Highway Podcast #2

Episode Date: April 16, 2022

Actor/comediann Orny Adams drops inn to have some laughs on today's episode. We talk emoji's, beach pollution, giraffes, etc... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're riding down the Harland Highway. You're on the Harland Highway. Harland Williams. You're on the Harland Highway. Hi, everybody. It's me, Harland Williams, and you're riding down the Harland Highway. There it is, the Harlan Highway. And there's somebody here.

Somebody's sitting here. Look who it is. comedian actor model maybe orney adams how are you guy i'm great great no i mean i'm actually thrilled that you're doing this congratulations thank you we've been talking about this for a while on our hikes and yeah and you've been a big supporter of my podcast oh yeah twice and i'm just fascinated by the technical aspect yeah orney's orney's a tech head and just so you know right out of the gate forget about the harland highway orney has a podcast called What's Wrong with Orny Adams?

Because a lot of guys wait to the end to plug your stuff. Yeah. And if anybody tunes out, I got you. I'm not letting you. You've been hooked in. Orney Adams podcast. What's wrong with Orney Adams? You got to check it out.

Go to his Instagram. Go to, are you on Twitter? Oh, yeah. Twitter. I mean, go to his house. No, don't go to my house. No, no, no, no. But it's good to have you here, buddy.

And, yeah, I'm excited to be doing the podcast. and, you know, it's just great to have you here and have a... How's the feedback on episode one? Episode one, the feedback was really good. I expected to have like, you know, maybe 20 listeners or whatever or 20 views. And we're up at like 900 just about after two days. It's amazing. So I'm excited.

And people have been subscribing. Thank you. Is it subscribing or subscribing? Well, that's what I wanted to ask you. How do you put that subscribe button on YouTube? That's really nifty. What do you mean? Like in the corner of your video the whole time it says subscribe.

Oh, it's just an image that you can't hit it. I actually did. I think it works. I think it actually works. Oh, if you go on YouTube, there is a subscribe button there. And that's part of your YouTube channel. When you go in there, it asks you if you want the subscribe button. And just minutes ago, I said Orney was a tech head.

And now I'm really recanting that. because I have my YouTube game is like I have the least the least interaction with the least people going there to see my content is YouTube I mean it's like really TikTok I've been there for like two months and I'm blowing away my YouTube numbers and all that or any now after you do the harland highway this this is going to change okay what is the speed limit because you know I like to go fast that's the thing there's no speed limit on the highway dude that's that's what you You can fly over speed bumps. Have you ever sped over a speed bump?

By accident, it's horrible. What happened? Well, you hear, like, what sounds like your car being dismantled from underneath. You just hear, oh, you go that's not much like whatever I just did. Yeah, wow. Something's going to start leaking. It's, this isn't good, you know. So you, like, you stripped out the bottom of your car, the undercarriage?

Well, the thing is, and this is what's interesting to me, they're called speed bumps, but here in L.A., they're called Hum, You just see, like, it says humps. Yeah. And then in Canada, they call it roadkill. What do they call it? I think they call it drive by or something, yeah. Wait, they call it humps here?

Yeah. Have you ever seen like humps ahead? God, sounds like what little boys do when they're going through puberty. There we go. Cancelled episode two. Am I, I'm the first guest on the, this is the relaunch? What is this? This is the relaunch.

So I did the Harland Highway audio podcast for almost 11 years and I got kind of burnt out on it. And then the whole YouTube kind of thing started to come back during COVID and people suddenly wanted to see people doing podcasts. And I thought, you know, that sounds fresh. That sounds fun. And I didn't do a lot of guests on my audio podcast. But with the video one, I thought now I'm going to have guests and buddies and comedians and stuff. So here we go, man. It is strange when you do a podcast on your own,

which is what I... Sorry, go ahead. You got over this. You know that's how I drink. You know that's how I drink pop. You wouldn't do that if we were on a broadcast TV show. I sure would. Are you kidding?

If I was on Conan or something, hell yeah. If Conan was on Conan, that shows over. Is it gone? It's gone. Oh, no. It's too bad because I liked Conan. But Kimmel, would you do that on Kimmel? Yeah.

Really? Oh, yeah, man. I did a movie called robots years ago, and it was an animated feature where I did the voice, one of the robots, and Kimmel had me on to promote it, and I was sitting there, and he goes, so hard. And I anticipated he would ask this. He goes, so, Harlan, what's it feel like to be a robot?

And I had brought like three or four giant nuts from a screw, you know, the nut you put on a screw. Oh, no, just spit them out? No, he goes, what? what's like to be a robot? And I go, not bad. You want to see my nuts? And I threw a handful of nuts on the table.

And it was great. So, yeah, to do this. Now, we went over this on my podcast. So it's shocking the first time I heard you do that. And you claim that's to get the fizz effect. Yeah, yeah. It makes the pop fizz up in your mouth. It makes, it's going to make the viewers question everything about you.

Yeah, but that's what I want them to do. That's what keeps them engaged. That's what keeps them here. But this isn't about questioning me. This is about questioning you. And boy, do I have some questions for you today, Guy. I love your shirt. Now, I know you painted that.

No, I didn't paint this, but I did make it. I love fishing. So this is a photograph of a fishing lure. Oh, I thought that was a hairdryer. A hairdriar with fish hooks in it. What am I, what am I in Beverly Hills, trolling for hair stylists? The mic plug is covering the actual hook.

So for me, it looks a hairdryer. It looks like a hairdryer with an eye. Wow. This could be a new cartoon. Hair dryer eye guy. I don't know. It sounds good to me. Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you,

because it's still sort of fresh, but it's getting tired, but I think we're still in the window. Oh, boy. The Will Smith thing. I just want to ask you, people have talked it to death, but you've been a comedian for 25 years now. I just want to know, because I've never asked you this. Has anyone ever walked up on stage during one of your shows?

Have you ever heard someone walk on stage and confront you? I don't think, you know what, maybe I have, a woman. It feels like that happened. Okay. But I don't think like anybody's been aggressive, maybe verbally. Okay. But, you know, the other thing that I do, when somebody starts coming forward, I move up stage. Oh, really?

Yeah, I cut the gap. I let them know, you know, you got the mic stand. You're just, but for the most part, you know, my comedy isn't really attacking. Right. It's, if that happened, it was like a misunderstanding or something like that. Right. Okay. I mean, we've had, I've had weird things happen, you know.

In the early days, I used to have security walking into my car and stuff like that. What was that all about? I don't know. You're playing these honky talks. Wait, I want one story of why security walked you to your car. Because maybe I spoke to the audience more back then. Or, you know, if you're being interrupting and you're telling someone to shut up over and over again or something like that. Or if a guy's trying to impress his girlfriend, let's say, and I shut him down, well, then, you know, it just becomes one of those situations.

And, you know, we're not talking about comedy clubs. When you start out, now, like you and I last night, we're bouncing around the clubs here in Hollywood. Yeah. And we play fantastic rooms all over the country. But comedy 25, 30 years ago, didn't look like it does today. There weren't these franchise clubs, like the improv, which were run by, like, sort of management teams that run restaurants. Like, it's a really well-run. Yeah, yeah.

Organization, yeah. Lighting's right. You know, Boston Comedy Club in New York City, they used to have these lights that, it was the same lights I had in my dorm room in college. like at the little thing you go like that's how they lit the stage you can say it ikea we're ikea friend i don't think ikea was even around back down well um seems like maybe it was kmart it was kmart okay that has a k in it i kmart robark it sees robok another k cald everything's got a k yeah it begins with a c let's just say you know and you were playing and you start out you just basically play like any place you can get paid and that this is bar

And I remember, like, one time during the final four, which we just had, which is basketball, and UMass was in the final four, so you can look at whenever that was happening. And they had the game on behind me. Nobody wants to see the comedian. They just want to see the game. We're in Massachusetts. And so, you know, you're playing in places like that. And people are there for the game, and the comedian is interrupting that.

And so that's when shit happens. Yeah. People don't want that the game turns. turned off. Now, what I think you really mean to ask me is, have I ever been slapped by a man in a tuxedo? Is that what you're asking me? Have I ever been on an award show and been slapped? You know, that's a whole other level. And I find as time, I was very guarded. I did an interview for Forbes magazine the day after. And they asked my opinions. And I was sort of guarded. I find myself less and less guarded and more opinionated about what's gone on.

And I sent you a clip the other day of Bill Maher. I thought he was fantastic. And today I actually watched a click from S&L. And I thought that was really well written too. So these guys are nailing it. Yeah, no, it's a, but you've never had it. That's what I want. And by the way, the final four, that term's not leaving my head.

It feels like, I know it's a sports term, but I feel like it should be applicable after like the mushroom clouds go off. And there's like four humans left. Yeah. On roaming the planet. That feels like it should be the final four. Yeah. I won't be one of them.

I'll be out. You will? Listen, I run towards the bomb. Why? You love mushrooms, huh? I am not sticking around when I have to fight for food and camp. I'm telling you. What do you mean?

Camp. I got a prep kit. It's got a cyanide pill. and a little cup to take it with my urine, and I'm out. Dude, every house will be empty. You don't have to camp. You could go stay in a different mansion in Beverly Hills every night. I don't need to be here.

I don't need the survivors guilt. I'm gone. What if I want you here as a buddy. I'm out. But I want you here as a buddy. Play cards, tell ghost stories. We could light a campfire in a Beverly Hills living room and tell ghost stories. I wonder if there's four people left.

The final four. I'm one of them. If you're one of them. Does my podcast at that point get any traction? Well, if you could get just three people to listen to it, it would be a hit. That would be 100%. That'll be 100. Yeah.

Because if there's only four. That's like Friends finale numbers. Dude, those are huge numbers. If you could just get three people to watch your podcast out of the final four. What if I was the official voice of the final four? I think you are. You sound like it to me. There were four of us and the three others were higher.

up in the podcasting world, which is almost everybody. Yeah. And now I'm still not being listened to. There's four people left and I'm still. But here's the good news. If all three of the other ones are podcasters, that means all three of the other ones are not police officers or affiliates of the law. So you could knock them all off, never get caught, no repercussions.

And you're the last one standing. You're the final one. and that means you're the top podcast on the planet. But in this fantasy world, is this the entire world, this form? Yeah, the final four. There's no final. How many continents do you think there are? I know for a fact, because I'm a Google Earthnut.

Some people, you know, peruse the internet for things, but I just, I'm a continent guy, and there's 16, 16 continents. You're right. I didn't think you were going to get it right. Yeah. Do you know Peru's? I don't peruse is on my list. I have a list of words dumb people use to sound smarter.

I meant... Perus is one of them. I meant Peru. I've been to Peru. Peru is one of the continents. Peru's one of the... That's what I was referring to. Did you think I meant Peru's, as in like, looking through something?

I knew you were incapable of using that word. So name the 16 continents. Okay. Africa, Australia. North America, South America, Bermuda, Dominican Republic, ClubMed in Haiti, and Bakersfield. That's nine. And the rest, I have to go get my risk board and double check, but Greenland? Greenland is actually.

Australia's one. I said that was my second one, so somebody's not listening. glad I'm not one of the final four with the guy who doesn't listen. Victoria? Victoria? Yeah, isn't that up in Canada? That's a city.

What's that island? Vancouver Island. No, it's not Vancouver Island. Victoria's on Vancouver Island. Hello, Google Earth on line four. That camera's not even straight. Like it's the shitty of all the... Are you saying I have a gay camera?

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I heard someone say my camera isn't straight. And if my camera's gay, that's okay with me. I'm okay with you, friend. if you like other cameras I'm okay with that if he's gonna be like other cameras well all the all the other cameras are the same sex

I mean like yeah I mean that's clearly female why's that I don't know why first of all cameras are fluid but that tripod the one on you I mean what is that's a monofuku that's like the best that's a beauty yeah and then that one what did that one came with the camera

I'm still setting up a little. So if Orney's like off a little, uh, you know, what would you expect from someone who's in the final four? The world's off its axis. So nothing's normal during the final four, Orney Adams. The other thing that I love is that you've got like some of the same extension cords that my parents have. Like those, I don't think those are like even UF whatever. These are your parents extension courts. I went to their house. I'm buying you all new plugs. I'm going to get you. Yes, tripod. I would brought it. You know, I was going to pick up. Wait a minute. Hang on. Let me give a plug to that. To the plugs? To the plugs? Orney Adams is going to buy me some new plugs, ladies and gentlemen. You

heard it right here on the Harland Highway. This is an official plug plug. And now back to our regular programming. So I want to talk to you. There's something that people don't know about you that I'm going to, I hope you don't get mad at me. It's coming. No one has ever talked to you about this. But we're good friends and so i know this and you might you might want to back a orney adams in his life has never ever used an emoji not once have you done a damn emoji what is your hang up with emojis adams i hate i hate what the hell it's the same reason i'm not doing wordle wordle what's that when anytime i see sounds like everybody doing something i run the other way This is why I've had trouble with my career and everything

because I just don't jump on the bandwagon. Emoji, it's like going back to the cave sketchings. Right, writing on the cave wall. You love emojis. You love the thumbs up. You love the... Well, it's easier than writing, hey, this was a great conversation. I can just do this.

It's faster. Or it's a little extra. I know. They're annoying to. I hate them too. I don't even know why I used them. But you're not even using the right emojis. You're using like old person.

emoji. Like, you'll give me a thumbs up and it's like the size of the actual thumbs up. I know. It's this big. It takes up my whole screen. It's like, I know. I'll tell someone I said, it was great going to the movie with you and then I'll send them an emoji of a T-bone steak or something. I just, here's another one. I've never put L-O-L. Me neither. I hate that. I will do ha-ha-ha or just kidding. Like someone will comment under like one of my videos or something and then I'll write something. like sort of snarky back, just kidding, just so they know, because everything's misinterpreted. That's the thing. Like when I was talking to Forbes magazine about the slap, which is a drop in the Forbes magazine thing again. Okay. Well, when I was, they wanted no jokes. They wanted and it was,

because the first thing I said, I go, this is Forbes. I said, shouldn't we be talking about how the stock market has rallied two days since the slap? This is like the slap rally and they're like, maybe we shouldn't joke about it. Yeah. You know, it's, um, Or the Forbes 500. You've heard that term. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The final 500. Yeah, I mean, the thing is,

then you're not getting away from the emoji thing, bro. We're friends. I want to know why you've never sent me a damn emoji. I never will. As a friend, I deserve one. In fact, I want an emoji from orny Zachary Adams. I always, when I'm, like,

to me, it feels like a real screw you, like the end of the conversation. Like, when I start, like, dating somebody, I always think how soon until she sends a stupid emoji? Oh, the first text, they'll probably send one. No, okay. If it's words emoji, like it punctuates. My eyes aren't even good enough to even see.

What is that? Cherries. You just think there's crap on your phone screen. You're like rubbing it and you're like cherries. See, I don't think you even know this. Uh-oh. Those emojis. You're talking to a guy, by the way, who knows all 16 continents, but carry on.

They, each one of those little pictures means, like, they can tell a story with emojis. I don't know what they mean. I do. They're annoying. I'm not going to try and figure it out. Now, a standalone emoji is so, it makes me want to take a nap. So it's an emoji of someone sleeping because that one exists. No, it's, I'm sure there's an emoji for every, there's an emoji for I don't want to use an emoji.

Really? Yeah, I think that the problem is we need to go back to communicating with words, not abbreviations, like full sentences, proper grammar, and we're going to bring this world back to a place where there's peace. Emojis overcommunicated. Have you ever had some? In lower inflation. Why are we yelling?

Emojis bring out the anger. But have you ever got it? I think we overuse them. Have you ever got an emoji from someone and they go, hey, I'm about to take off for Cleveland picture of an airplane. Right. And it's like, hey, I didn't think you were floating on your magic carpet to Cleveland there, Aladdin.

Can you pull me out of this frozen face? This is comedy timing and I need your help. That's a great point, Harold. You brought that up because, yeah, when you say taking off, it's inclusive of you're on an airplane. You know what I mean? What I don't like is if it's the airplane and it's not true, to the actual.

If in the woods, you're already afraid of bears and bobcats, and you go to find a leave to wipe your crack. Hey, don't leave me back here. I'm scared of grizzly bears. Are there other bodily function emojis? Is it the earwax emoji? Does it matter after you've seen a steaming loaf of poo with eyes? First of all, you and I, we never talk bodily.

This isn't. I know, but emojis are forcing us. Look, we're getting angry. We're yelling at each other, emojis are ripping us apart. No, no, no. First of all, it's not steaming. There's nothing steaming about that. Well, hold on there, Orney Adams, Mr. Literate.

Here we go. Is this a fucking steaming for you now, Guy? A steaming loaf of emoji poo with eyes. Hey, Orney Adams, don't leave me here. I want to sleep in the tent tonight with you. Don't leave me out the woods, Orney Adams. Really, to me, and again, I don't discuss bodily fluid. Well, we are.

We're doing a pretty good job right now, Fran. We're going to leave the subject after I say this, because this is the, you know, this is the, we all do it, guy, but maybe you don't. Okay. It wasn't until the, what you're calling the ding, the dong, the, the, the, the, the, uh, the, uh, feces. I said poo. Feces is so clinical. I'm very clinical. Are you asking me to hand you the steaming poo?

No. What I want to just say is you put your hand out, you were reached, you want me to hold up the steaming feces now. The fact that the steaming feces is happier than me. Yeah. Wow. I just never. That's brutal. I wouldn't have flushed so many.

Oh, oh boy. See, that's a first. He's never talked about it. I got him to do it. That means something else. else is going to break, you're going to send me an emoji soon. No. You said you never would.

No. Oh, he just, oh, whoa, whoa. You crumpled up. Watch, did you watch, David Letterman? Whoa, dude. Watch, when you cut that, it's going to look like it went right into the lens. If that camera was a fan, the shit would have hit the fan. See, now, first emojis made us angry.

We've gotten a really heated con. And then at the end, they made us laugh. Well, I still hate them. I just think that there's a. But at the end. you're a hard guy to make laugh and the shit hitting the fan you laugh i'm gonna i'm gonna play it back and do it in slow motion we're gonna see this mofo laugh and i rarely call him a mofo but right now i am i'm ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you're scared me i love laughing i wish i

laughed more. Well, what made you laugh just now? The thing you hate the most, emoji. Oh, I got you giggling, Ordy Adams. You were going to leave me in the woods with the grizzly bears, but I got you giggling finally, Ordy Adams, and guess what I am? I'm not just a steaming pile of poo. I'm an emoji, you motherfucker.

You could not leave me hanging in the comedy pause. Screwing up my timing. If you could... Orney? Bro. It's too long, bro. Say something. Okay, I'm going to go back into character.

Dude, what's that face you're doing? Were you seducing the camera? That's a gay camera. It's the orny emoji. See? Dude, you're getting into it. I'm sensing it. Whoa.

I've never seen you so seductive. What the hell, Tom Cruise, Jr. Whoa. Ooh, now you're growling. Whoa. Have you seen my acting? Because I can. I have seen your acting.

And by the way, Orney's a really great actor. I hadn't seen. You are. I even told you that once because I didn't know about Orney's acting. And Orney plays the coach on the fabulous M.T. TV series Teen Wolf. Am I allowed to say? So Orney just finished shooting a new Teen Wolf movie about a week ago. He's still in the middle of production. He's got a whole bunch more to do.

And Orney years ago, I was just motoring around on YouTube and I found a compilation of Orney Adams doing your coach roles. And I don't know if you remember this. I text you. I said, dude, you're a really good actor. I really thought your timing's good, your intensity's good, your commit, like, I texted you and said, dude, you're out of the blue. I didn't need to, but I was super impressed. But I mean, really, it's just an extension of who I am. So I'm just being myself.

Yeah, but people, not a lot of people can do that. When the cameras go on and there's 30 people in a crew, like people lock up, but you are very natural and great. I think the hardest part of acting for me is that you have to be ready to go when they say go. And sometimes you're sitting around for, you're on a set, for six hours sometimes I'm on a field I'm in a tent sitting there they set up the cameras they don't like it they have to do a reset it starts to rain

the lighting's wrong something blows and then you're sitting there it always happens like this you start the day you know your lines pretty well yeah then you do a rehearsal right and then you start to you hear it with the other act of a first time and you really get to know it then you go back to your trailer while they start to set up and get your makeup and then you really you commit and you know the lines

then by the time you start shooting you're there you got it and by the time you finish because they do so many different angles you have no idea what the lines are you completely forgot them and they drain you it's the the famous thing in acting is hurry up and wait yeah the worst i ever had to do i was doing a movie called rocket man and one day we got there at like six in the morning the whole crew the lighting guy took eight hours eight hours to light a room and i was like exactly everything you said By the time we got to sit, I was like, wait, what are we doing? Yeah.

Suddenly I was filming half baked, what hadn't even written you? I was like, wait, what's going on, man? I don't even really learn the lines until I get there. Like, I read them, and I know what the intention is. Yeah. But memorizing like every, because what a lot of people don't know is that there's a script and you sort of have to stick to the script. Yeah.

You can't, you want to be fluid, you want to improv, but they do so many different angles that it just won't, match if you do like in a side comment or stuff like that and that's that's frustrating and if you ever there's a script supervisor that's on the set so if it says if it's like we're going out later and you say we are going out later they're like you know they come over and they go yeah you didn't say and now they have iPads this is the newest and the iPad has highlighted everything you got wrong yeah and mine looks like the entire page is highlighted it's like good I'm not even close sometimes.

You know what? As an actor, you've got to take liberties to. This is my philosophy. You give them what they want off the page, and then I improvve my ass off. And in all my movie roles, I'd say 10 to 50% of my dialogue is improvised. This is the case for me.

Isn't one of your biggest lines in improvisation or something that wasn't on the script? Oh, a lot of them are. Like every movie I did it. And I didn't know whether the directors and the producers would leave the same. stuff in. But they did and some of them became sort of iconic and then and then I got to a place where directors were kind of urging me to improv because they knew that you know hopefully I could I could drop

some nuggets of gold for them you know and so I just love it. Before we go any further though, let me grab my peepers here because I have to ask you a question. Before we go any further later in the show I mean how much bigger could the font be who still need readers? I can read it from here these okay you know what in my mind i'm sending you an emoji of a middle finger that's not mine it's paul bunions so it's a big effing middle finger there uh emoji hater but uh to go deeper than just what we're talking about here i want to know later if if you'll be open for a psychic reading by a medium we have come in clark saliva he's uh he's a medium and he kind of can channel people.

What is a medium? Because I know small, I know large, I know extra large, but a medium. Well, this guy, he comes from a really, really small group of experts that do this. So he's actually a medium rare. He's a medium, I don't know. He's a rare medium. Yeah, medium rare. So anyways.

I don't know what a medium. Explain to me what a medium. medium a medium so they channel the medium where where the people are the people that have transitioned into another plane or another afterlife or whatever so you're going to talk to the dead talk to the dead or or yeah basically they can talk to the dead and channel spirits and do you believe in this i i i sort of do after watching uh clark's live do it i mean he does it with all our guests every guest gets a reading and uh who knows do you mind if i read his yelp reviews before uh he doesn't have one he doesn't he doesn't participate he's a very

kind of uh innocuous guy and he he kind of keeps uh clean and to himself doesn't do a lot of interviews because he's he says he doesn't want all the noise who does he want who do we who are trying to contact well he's just gonna he's just going to sit down and and talk to you and he'll read you and then maybe there's someone in your past or in your life or something going on in inside of you or in your life that's saliva would know his saliva that's what he does with all our guests yeah it's pretty amazing all your guess he has a little sketch pad and he scribbles and he he feels energy and it's pretty you'll see all your guests yeah all our guests do it yeah so 100% of the guests have agreed to this yeah all the guests from episode from zero negative one just

rule right past this part is kind of complicating but if it means something to you I'll talk to maybe Clark's saliva Clark survived saliva saliva saliva like this stuff

yeah like this stuff yeah but he's I'm sure that's going to come into some sort of no that's just his name is he's last here but this is a serious medium this isn't like a bit no this is not you know it's not going to be you dressed up pretending to be

no no no come on this guy's legit he's pretty intense I've seen him do it but you know I'm what we call a skeptic you don't believe in mediums as long as you're open to it we'll see what happens

maybe nothing comes out of it and maybe you know something does do we have to take a commercial break or anything oh yeah thank you right now we're going to go take a word from our sponsors and we'll be right back with the fabulous emoji hating Orney Adams right after this message from our sponsors.

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Here we are with the Fabule, and that's a little bit of French, Orney Adams. Do you like that? Fabulei? Do you like when I throw that onto your name? Is that French Canadian or French French, French? French, French. French. I love the French Canadian.

But you didn't answer. Do you like when I say the Fabulei? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. I feel like if I ever go Siegfried and Roar, they ever take this to Vegas and I do sequins, I would be Fabule. You know what? Because I've always pitched you do as maybe being a backup dancer in Barry Manilow's Vegas show. You know, I saw Barry Manilow live two years ago before COVID. My parents wanted to see him at the, at the, what's that place where I? I love, the Hollywood Bowl. And the guy

saw a Barry Manilogue? Guy puts on a show. Do you know how many songs he's written? I think it's not only the camera that's a little bit gay in this room. I write the words. I write the songs that make the whole world sing. At the Copa, Copa Cabana.

That's a closure. Well, I'm doing like a, you know, the mellet, not the mouth. But you know, he wrote all the jingles for all the ads. reserve a break today so get up and get away to mcdonald's drop good to the last drop soldier's is good to the last drop good to the last drop good to the last drop you don't drink coffee california knows how to party yeah california wrote that knows how to party that's manelow it's man a lot of people don't know a lot of the manelow trail of park girls go round the outside the outside.

Chok, Chalk, Chim Shaded. Well, that's, that's Manilow, right? Absolutely. And what makes Manilow a genius is he knows

when a song is in right for him. And he gives it graciously to another performer like Eminem. Oh, really? That's what, what other,

because you got the 16 continents. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. What other Manalo songs? I'm going to tell you a big one. Standing at the edge of time. That I didn't know,

but this is. Colored. Memory. Appear by my window. Mandy. Yeah, Mandy is one of his. Or if you're praying mantis, mandiblies. He wrote Happy Birthday.

No, that's an old, that came out of Europe like in, like 300 years ago. Man alow. Man alow. Why do you think he has like houses everywhere? He probably owns this house. But, but, but, no, you don't get money from a song that's free domain. Do you know you're supposed to pay every time he's saying happy birthday?

That's a fact. No, it isn't. No. Barry Mantle did not write happy birthday and you don't get it. Nobody gets a royalty for happy. It's public domain. You're doing M&M songs and I play along with you. I play along with you.

I play along with you. I give it to you. Wait, Barry Manilow wrote happy birthday? See, thank you. I'd heard that. Yeah, yeah, that's better. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'd heard that.

He puts on a great show. Tickets, by the way. way, $800 each. What, you spend $800 on Manilow? Three tickets. Damn, bro. But, you know, you get to that point, and he's filling up, I mean. Dude, you could have bought a pair of leotard, green leotards at Rite Aid, put them on and twirled

around in an onion field in Fresno. And he's selling out, and he puts on a show full of energy. It was, I mean. Very man to blow. It just comes It's incorrect what you're saying I don't want to correct you on your own podcast But you shouldn't tell

All right well we're getting crazy here And I think the reason we're getting crazy here It's because we're about to do a crazy news story Crazy news story Roll the clip We're doing a crazy news story The Harlem Highway Crazy news story

That's weird What strange stuff Okay Okay Okay So here it is braces, sex pills, fake eyeballs among bizarre New Jersey beach trash. Okay? Were there braces in the trash? Yeah, let me read to you. Volunteers picked up a record

amount of trash from New Jersey's beaches last year with plastic items dominating the hall and bizarre castoffs including male enhancement pills, a set of braces, and a glow-in-the-dark condom Over 10,000 volunteers picked up over half a million items along the state's 127-mile coastline, a glow-in-the-dark condom, bro? Mm-hmm. Have you ever used one? I mean, I don't believe I have, but that shouldn't surprise you that there would be... Dude, glow in the dark...

Do you know, can you imagine your wiener getting swarmed by moths? But have you... Have you been to Jersey? I mean, they bling their dicks out there. You know, really? Yeah, they'll put diamonds on their condoms. Yeah, it's all sorts of, none of that surprises me. I'm sure the whole jersey, I'm surprised you're even using condoms in New Jersey.

Yeah. I'm sure the whole shoreline, it looks like jellyfish, but it's probably, you know, prophylatics or just galore. And then some of this stuff they found on the beach was just head scratching, if not stomach turning. Listen to this. A hunk of human hair, a full set of dentures. Wait, wait, wait, wait, the hair with the part of the scalp in that? I don't know. A hunk.

What is a hunk of human hair? Who is this? Jeffrey Dahmer Beach or something? Hello! He gives me the... Too soon! Jeffrey Dahmer reference in 2022. Oh, edgy!

Jeff. Do you imagine putting tanning butter on at Jeffrey Dahmer Beach? That's just like an invitation to be eaten. That's like glazing a ham. That was the loudest hello. Let's do that hello back in slow motion, please. That was, that probably knocked the Richter scale down at the observatory. It straightened my camera out.

What else do? It was a clump of human hair, a thong. Look at it. The camera's correct now. Yeah, right. There was a thong. Yeah, that's a good time. A Narcon kit.

You know the thing they used to revise a drug addict? Had it been used? Used, I don't know. Oh, yeah, it says a used Narcon kit. I hate to see one go to waste that wasn't fully used. Were the COVID tests all over the place? I don't know. COVID test.

I bet from that Governor Richie, what's his name? I'm sure his food, all his fast food, garbage was up and down the beach too. Oh, Chris, Chris, Christy. Yeah, Chris Christie. I'm sure his fast food containers were all up and down. That was probably whose thong it was, too. His thong. And his glowing condom.

His glowing condom, which he probably put on his head and blew up like Howie Mandela. Whoa, dude. What else was there? Several marijuana bags. A bullet casing. And this one, a fake eyeball were amongst the items picked up. I'll tell you. And this is something that's going to change in the future.

And I don't know if you saw the story, but they're now putting traffic. in the eyeballs. So if you lose it, you can actually track your eyeball. You can go, oh, it turns out I left my eyeball at the beach. Oh, wow. How do you forget where you last left your eyeball? And imagine your eyeball sitting there in the sand watching you walk away. Yeah, and not saying anything.

And it doesn't have a mouth because it's just an eye. But imagine if you lost your eye and your mouth, and then the eye and the mouth could team up. And he'd be like, mm-hmm, and the mouth will go, wait, come back. The eye and the eyeball are here. I don't think the fake eyeball actually sees. I think the fake eyeball is, it's like a marble. It's like a, you know, just, it's sort of, it's, it's, it's, there's no functionality. It's there just for purely aesthetics.

Bro, it's an eyeball. It's not an eye, like this is an eyeball. Yeah, that's what it says was on the beach. An eyeball was on the beach. No, no, fake eyeball. Is that what it said? Is it say fake? Yeah.

Yeah. So, I mean, it could be a marble. It could be part of a game. It could have been a prototype for the eyeball emoji, which is now coming out. They're coming out with all eyeball emojis. You know, can I just interject you? You sit here and make fun.

And some guy in New Jersey is walking around with a hole in his face with one eye, and you're sitting here having fun at the expense of old one eye Willie or whatever his name is. He's probably walked into a light pole just now. Well, you're sitting here having ha-has. What could really help this podcast and really generate some goodwill for both of us is if we started a go-fundmate for this guy and got him an eyeball.

Are you serial right now? Like a real, like a real badass eyeball. What color? Lights up and like, you know. Like a glow in the dark eyeball like the condom. No, no, even better. I just bought a new boom box, okay? And it's, it's Bluetooth.

And I got the old Jeffrey Dahmer reference. So I put on play, and this boom box goes like this, and there's different colors that come out of the speakers. Now, if his eyeball could match that, so if there was like thumping music, it would be like greens and blues and reds. So a ghetto blaster eyeball. What if the guy, and nobody's brought up this possibility,

what if the guy didn't need the eyeball anymore? What if a new eyeball formed? Yes. Maybe he made a wish with it. Like it was like a penny, and he threw it in the ocean. He's like, I wish I'd lose my other fucking eye. Or maybe he was like, you know, Van Gogh cut off his ear.

Oh, yeah. Maybe this guy was like, you know, for love. For love, I take my eye out and throw it on the sea in hopes that one day, Mary, you will drift back to me. Mandy. I just wrote that, bro. I just improvised a poem. I love that line standing on the edge of that.

time he wrote that standing on the edge of time i mean he's brilliant so let's keep going here um all told five hundred and thirty thousand items were collected the most ever more than eighty two percent of the hall was plastic items or pieces bottle caps cups lids straws candy wrappers Why are they counting them? What a waste of taxpayer money. Put them in a bag, let's move on. Like, estimate. You don't like the straws.

You got a thing about the plastic straws and the turtles. Yeah, because we were raised on straws, and I feel very strongly about, you know, straws. And, you know, I just feel like this excessive, I hate plastic. If I could eliminate all plastic, I would. And when you say eliminate, you mean just throw it away in the ocean?

throw it away in the ocean and kill more of this sea life. No, I mean, plastic's horrible. There's a documentary on Netflix about this company in Texas that just destroyed, you know, this land with their waste. Plastic, put your plastic glasses away. They're actually, they're making me angry. Yeah. And I don't look nice. If I threw these on a beach, maybe they'd find their way to the eye.

Dude. Can you imagine if you throw this. I threw those on the beach and you ended up in next year's article. But what if I threw this on the beach and the waves miraculously washed it up right to the eye? That'd be so cool. The missing eye. And then some guy walks by and see. Life is funny.

You never know. We can dream. Could happen. Have you ever found anything weird on a beach? Like anything really weird or creepy? Are you cereal? What have I found on a beach? I love the guys that have so much.

free time. They sit there with a metal detector. Oh, yeah. And then they pan for stuff and I don't know, they probably find. When I was a kid, I had train track braces and one of those guys found me and took me home to his cabin for about a week. Yeah. And I said, dude, just because I was on the beach doesn't mean you get to collect me. And he said, shut up and finish your cabbage and pass me the duct tape. And I was like, what's going on? Anyways, I found a dolphin once, a dead dolphin on a beach, which you think would be normal on a beach, right?

It was a dead dolphin. It was kind of dehydrated. Here's the kicker, and you'll get a laugh out of this. Missing an eye. Not missing an eye. There was an eye stuck in its blowhole. No, I'm not even kidding. This thing was dried out.

Someone had tagged it. A dead dolphin, some idiot came along with spray paint. Oh, really? Yeah, they tagged a dead dolphin. And what did the tag say? I couldn't read it. I don't speak dolphin. Or do I? Now, Harlan, you made that sound in a movie, and you were known for that sound, right?

Well, we were talking about iconic things, and that was one of the things I improvised. But let's not make this about me. What movie was that? That was dumb and dumber, my first movie. Boy, I mean, that happened. You must have thought, here we go, this is it. Actually, I didn't. I didn't know what to think.

But you'll like this story. I don't think I've ever told you this. When I went to the premiere of that movie, it was at the Cinerama Dome on Sunset, a historic, like, circular movie theater. It was my first movie I'd ever been in. I'd never been to a premiere. It was dumb and dumber.

I didn't know what was going on. I'm sitting there, and my scene comes up, and I'm 60 feet high. I'd never seen myself. I was terrified. I hear someone laughing behind me. I turn around, right by his knees on the back of my chair, Richard Pryor.

Richard Pryor. And I'm just like, what? That's when everything just kind of short. I'm like, here's this comedy legend laughing at me. And that's when I kind of thought my, the Matrix opened up. And what was the line? Well, I only had a short scene. I was only on screen for about two minutes.

It's one of those scenes that like people remember. I think, in fact, you were the hitchhiker? No, I was the cop in Dumb and Dumb and Dumber. I was the cop who drank the pee. I pulled them over and drank the pee. I was the hitchhiker and something about Mary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I remember.

Like, that was before I knew you. Yeah, it was my first thing. And I didn't think here we go. I just thought, what the hell's going on, man? Yeah. Like, it blew my mind, like Richard Pryor's right here. And did you say anything? No, I was terrified.

Shut up. Shut up, you comedy legend. It's a big scene. Damn comedy legend. to always blabbing away during the movies. Anyways, I want to do a thing with you called word association. This goes pretty quick, yeah. So what we do is we throw a word out,

and the first thing that comes to your mind, tell me what goes on. I'm actually, I'm going to actually try and take this seriously. Orny, Orney Adams, mine. Your first word, word association with Orney Adams. And remember, lower my mic at that, two seconds, because I just, like, usually, like, mine, you have a cough button. You can hold it and it shuts the mic off.

Oh, no, we like, we like coughs here. My listeners, they're flemers. They love phlegm. And they love, yeah, they like that. Do that. Here, let me join you. Big club for Coke. Are you a New Coke guy?

Did you get into New Coke? No, it was horrible. I tried it. I loved Coke. my whole life. It's my impression of you in episode one. Yeah. That one angle you were covered from me.

I did it on purpose. I had, I had a guy. You don't have to cover up. Are you okay over there, guy? I don't know. Let's play word association. Word association. Orney Adams, your first word, giraffe.

Zoo. No, it's not like you say another word. It's like, what is it, what does it make you feel? No, you didn't screw up, but it's like, what, is there a memory? Is there a story? Is there something? Yeah, the zoo. Let's move on.

No, you want, I didn't understand. I thought. Sorry, so it's word associate. Usually it is just a word, but this is, does it evoke a memory? Does it, does it create an image for you? Giraff. My girlfriend in college. Oh, was a giraffe.

Was a giraffe. She wanted from M.A.O. Shorts, one of those life-size giraffes. Oh, expensive. And I did get her something. I don't know if I got her that one, but I remember she was obsessed with giraffes. Really?

Yeah. She came to one of my shows a few years ago. Pretty wild. Pretty wild. Why giraffes? What was her thing about giraffes? You know, I'm a guy, and we don't really ask why.

You just do it before the fight breaks out. But wait, you were kind of sketchy on you. You said, yeah, I sort of got her, and you went like this. Like, did you get her a zebra or something? No. His draft is here, Zebra is here, and Galapago's tortoise is like way down here. F.A.S. Sports had a giraffe there was probably thousands of dollars.

You know, I'm in college. I probably got her smaller knockoff giraffe from somewhere else from J.C. Penny. Zebra. Got her a zebra. Could we not crap on my word association memory? You started here. You downgraded your girlfriend. I don't know.

No, she was a great girlfriend. She was a great girlfriend. She was great. She's married. She came with her husband. Did you guys do a lot of necking? Yeah, we used to, it was, oh, yeah, in her parents' home with her parents.

Necking. Upstairs. Yeah. Oh, I got him. You don't get this guy. I just got him. Wow. That's the whole reason I brought him in for the podcast was to see if I could get

morning out of. Everyone said I couldn't. I just fucking got you. I would like to know the official council. of how many times you had to say necking before I figured it out. I bet it was seven. It should have been one for a clever lad like you, but the fact that I had to say it seven times,

I feel like maybe I got you seven times. I didn't know this kind of podcast. Well, it's a challenge. It might make it a challenge for myself. Okay, second word, Mars. Well, you know, that just reminds me of my joke that I do now about us going to Mars. Let's hear it. Let's do it.

Come on. Don't be such a bit. Don't be so selfish, or any of them. that we're all moving to Mars. Keep going. I want to hear this bit. Is this what you wanted? No, I didn't know about your bit, but let's be, let's keep, I don't know your bit.

We're all going to, we ruined Earth, so now we're all going to Mars or a planet where there's no oxygen. I love it. Have you ever been to Mars? No. Well, yeah, I was Rocket Man. I was the first guy to Mars in the movies. And you couldn't breathe when you were on Mars. Right.

Like, have you ever been in the top of Mount Everest? I've flown around the top of Mount Everest. I haven't stood on it. No, no oxygen. What do those people do? They need oxygen. They take a picture, they get down. Why?

Because there's no oxygen. Right. So now we're going to go, we've ruined this planet. So instead of fixing it, we're going to go to Mars. And here's the thing. We're all going. It's going to be the same assholes up there. It's going to be no different.

There's going to be people are Mars going, you know what? This planet's flat too. There's going to be flat Marsers. Not the greatest example of my comedy, but, you know, it's a, it's a, it's a, It's a long setup to somewhere else. I love it. And I'll tell you something. Yes.

That joke has not gotten me slapped yet. Oh, it will. Do you fear talking about being slapped is going to encourage it? By the way, if you ever do this out in a field near some crop circles, you're going to get slapped real good. And those aliens, their fingers are about this long, man. How many do they have? They have four, and you're going to get alien slapped. You've been obsessed with aliens, your whole, you and your cousin, both are alien.

And, like, do you believe aliens? Yeah, man, of course I believe in aliens. Where do you think crop circles come from? Somebody walking around in circles with boards on their feet. Do you think the aliens have been here? I think it's very plausible. Aliens circulate in and around. Why did you choose plausible instead of possible?

Because I can't prove it. Where did your brain go there? I think it's very possible versus very plausible. Because plausible means it's very likely it could happen. It's very similar to possible, just different letters. You could get me out of this community. Well, I just, thank you. I just think possible would have been okay.

Okay, for, for Orney's sake, because he's a guest and I don't change my words often. I think it's possible, Orney Adams, that there's aliens. because the universe is too vast. We don't know where it ends. We don't know where it starts. There's got to be something else out there. What they look like, what they sound like, what they smell like. I agree with that.

It's not for me to know. I agree with that. There's something, I don't think they've been here. I don't think they've built the pyramids. I don't think they traveled billions of light years, not to kill us. To build triangles. Yeah, to decorate. To put pumpkin eyes in the desert.

We're going to decorate. Yeah. And they come from the future. There's not even air conditioning in there. There's no, it's an alien construction site. They didn't leave alien beer. Have you ever been to the construction site? There's beer all over.

There's no cans anywhere. No porta potty. Where you go to the bathroom? Just doesn't add up. Yeah. That's all. Yeah. I think you're right.

Okay, good. I'm glad I asked you about Mars. Here's the next one. There's two more. Word association, Orny. What do you think about when you hear the term Jimmy crack corn and I don't care? It reminds me of a comedian. that used to do a joke about that in Boston in their early days.

Really? Yeah, about Jimmy Crackhorn. I can't remember the joke, but it reminds me of that. It reminds me of Americana. Okay. Norman Rockwell type of vibe. Rockwell, simpler times. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. Okay, I like that answer. And here's the other thing, and this is going to shock people, Barry Manilow wrote that. And it reminds me of the greatness of Barry Manelow. And the range, the range to go from Jimmy Crack Corn, happy birthday, to Beethoven's 5th. Standing on the edge of time. What does that mean to you?

He's looking out going, because these guys write that song when they're like 21. He's standing on the edge of time. I think it's a beautiful line because Mandy's the topic of the song. He's in love with Mandy. and he's standing on the edge of time and time is endless and infinite and he's looking for Mandy and that's how vast and huge

his love is and how empty it is and how that she's gone away, the edge of time. He's not just sad she went back home to Cleveland to live with her mother. He's on the edge of time, Brosef. You scoff, you mock me when I bring them up and it's very plausible

that you probably maintain the Barry Manilow Wikipedia page because you just you just did a complete dissertation of the lyrics. Thank you very much. I like to dissertate

when I get the opportunity. All right. Let's hope all the cameras are recorded. Yeah, I don't think they are. They don't need to be. That's my biggest fear. Last word association. Here we go.

final one. Jared from Subway. A pedophile in jail. Isn't that correct? Isn't he? Yeah. Yeah. That's it? Well, I thought it was a bullshit diet.

But this is now my second thought. My first thought was he's in jail and he's in jail because he's a convicted pedophile, which I think is factual. Am I right? Right. If it isn't, I'm, um, yeah, you're right. Okay. That's the other thing is the second thought, which is equally because like, I'm like one of

these modern computers where there are just there are just all sorts of i'm like an m1 apple chip okay there's 16 highways going on you're like watch there's one harland highway i got 16 thoughts at one time oh so right there it's a bullshit diet and i don't like bullshit where they go oh he just ate subs and lost weight i i hate started when i was a kid everyone was doing the popcorn diet then there was a grapefruit diet everyone's jumping on band band these bandwagon diets. So the Ake'A berry bowls, Ase A berry bowls,

because somebody in Peru discovered some berry on some mountain. So now they bring it over here and all sorts of be in shape and help our complexion and our virility. So we're on the beach in New Jersey. We can put on our glow-in-the-dark condom and nail somebody with one eyeball. This is...

Wow. Sounds like somebody's been eating them damn berries. I'll tell you that much. This motho hammed up right now. Wow, dude, talk about a durstert station or whatever you called it. That felt like a real durst. Are you seducing the gay camera again? This is...

What is this brokeback camera here? What are you doing? I don't know what... Yeah, I just caught you giving the most seductive look I've ever seen to a gay camera. First of all. You said it wasn't straight. I'm not going to comment on what I'm deeming camera homophobia. you. Um, I am seducing the viewers. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, I'm talking to the viewer. Like,

right now you think this is a conversation between us. I see. I'm talking to the 22 new people that subscribed last week to your podcast, the 800, which I, by the way, I'm not mocking that. That's fantastic. I'm looking at them and I'm saying, you know, let's dance. What else he's saying? Like, let's say now you're in room 473 at the Bakersfield Motel 6. How did you know what room I stay at? I'm just, I can see it in your eyes. That's how good you are. When you call Harlan, and I'll give out his telephone,

I'm in a few moments, you get a message that says what? I'll leave the light on for you. This is Harlan, leave a message. Yeah, is that still there? Yeah. God, I recorded that years ago. That's great, it's great, yeah.

I like, one thing we've learned with Orney today, he's a very good deflector. Whenever I start talking about him and second, activity in a motel 6 in Bakersfield, he just suddenly turns it around on me, magic. Well, I've done, I've done podcast after podcast of my own talking about my... Ah, pull your eye out and go throw it on a beach. I wouldn't even know it was an... Like, if I found it, I would think it was like a fishing lore.

Yeah, right? Wouldn't you? Yeah, for sure. It could probably could. It would actually make a great fishing lore. I bet there's like a shark. They eat humans. You could probably catch a great white with a human eye.

I saw a video that you want to like when I was like I was an adult when I thank God I found this out as an adult that sharks could bite you in three feet of water. I would not have enjoyed the beach as a kid if I had known that sharks. I always figured they had to be further out. No, most of the attacks happen they say in less than three feet of water. I saw a video of a there was like a rocky sort of coastline. Yeah. And there was a bird on a rock in the. shark oh yeah i've seen it yeah and then the water splashed it back took it back out but it's like

i didn't know that they were they're coming up on shore and grabbing well they're they're uh creatures of opportunity right most predators are yeah have you ever seen the one of the of the killer whales the orcas that go right up on the beach and grab the seals i mean holy smokes and sometimes they get stuck out there can you imagine if that's what happened to this guy something came up on the beach grabbed them and shook him around and only his eye was left. No, what if it was like? He spit it out. Oh, wow, the final insult. You, like I ate one of your eyeballs. It didn't. Yeah, I won't eat an eyeball and I won't eat a glow in the dark condom. Let me ask you a question. I think we're talking about deflecting. Tell me if this is a

good deflection. Sure. I don't eat any seafood. This is another fact about me. I don't eat seafood. I know you don't. The other reason why I use straws because I'm not killing fish normally. So one of my Strauss kills a fish. Yeah. It comes out of my overall. Right. Tally of a fish. Tally of murder, yeah.

But people always, you don't eat, you don't eat fish? Yeah. So now I'm thinking of saying this. Like, say it to me, ready? Well, you don't eat fish? No, but I eat bean sprouts. How about alfalfa sprouts? That's what I mean.

Say it again, sorry. Well, you don't eat fish? No, but I eat alfalfa for sprouts. Okay. By the way. And I'll have to, I know the law here, but I don't know like Jersey law, but discarding your eyeball is littering. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And that, whoever did that, had it, had, if we should discover this is intentional. Yeah. It's got a ticket coming. Yeah. Full fine. Full fine. Probably, I'd say between $80 and $1,000.

Dude. You love old references. Remember, uh, but how can you give someone a ticket? accept them to pay for it when they can't read it got no eye he can read half of it and he can or she and they can pay half of it remember bobbit the one that cut off her husband's penis and threw it on the side of the road and do i had to like go search for the missing penis dude it didn't go down the side of the road i was driving that day in my convertible yeah and that cock hit me right in the forehead and then bounced it bounced down in the ditch have you ever seen i was like 15

feet behind them she threw that pecker out of the window i'm just rolling along listen to barry manelow on a nice summer day blasting copacabana bonk yeah a penis hits me in the face and here's the here's and and i took my eye out yeah if people like they probably don't believe this story and i'm telling you and you can choose to believe me or not but that day you texted me the severed penis emoji. Right. Your head, I had severed penis emoji and I go, wow. Well, I think the wow came from because phone, cell phones hadn't been invented yet and it just blew your mind that I sent you an emoji for something that didn't even exist. Oh, wow, you are a dickhead. I always get angry at you. Oh yeah, here we go. Time for another hand-drawn shirt by yours truly. And if you don't know,

I draw my own t-shirts. I take Sharpie markers and I draw directly on the t-shirt. And if this shirt is still available, you can own it at harbleng.com. So let's go ahead and reveal this week's hand-drawn

Harlot t-shirt. Well, here we go, everyone. Here's today's featured hand-drawn t-shirts. And the first one is a depiction of the grim reaper or death as we call him eating his favorite breakfast cereal life so i thought it was kind of funny to have uh have death eating life i thought that was kind of a cool image so that's one of today's featured shirts and then of course who doesn't love kung

and who doesn't love carrots so here we go we've got kung fu carrot with his little kung fu slippers on and these are today's hand-drawn shirts i drew these directly onto the material and if they're still for sale at harbling.com you can pick one up and if you miss out on getting the original we do make prints of the shirts and if you don't see any of these. There's a whole bunch of other designs at hardbleng.com. I'll live it up before you get kicked in the tune-up by a Kung Fu carrot. Tunup. I meant turn up. Idiot. Final thing. Orney Adams, the comedian. Final, final thing. We want to end on a laugh. Orney, do you have a favorite joke from another comedian that you've heard somewhere in your travels

or done a show with or seen on a special? Can you tell us one of your favorite jokes from another comedian? Yeah, I mean, there are so many. Just pick one of your favorite. Well, I'll tell you one that came up last night because I think this is, and I think you appreciate comedy like I do. I think comedy done right is mathematical. And it's a thought that many people could have, probably do have, but don't know how to articulate it in the comedy mathematical form. And it's Chris Rock. So let's do it. Let's hear it. There's a guy that, I used to go on after Chris Rock all the time at the comedy seller. For months, I would go on. She'd always put Rock, then me. And I'd have to follow him. And one time, he was doing his stuff and I you know it was doing okay um but it wasn't destroying yeah and they

said next week he's taping his new special I'm like yes I don't know if this is ready and that was bigger and blacker right is arguably one of the you know one of the greatest yeah and there's a guy who is funny poignant and also I just love rhythmically how he works okay I think comedy is like if you take a sign felt very rhythmic yeah and he has a joke I don't but I don't butcher it uh in every city there's two malls the mall the white people go to and the mall the white people used to go to and that that says it all you know it's like that's you know exactly what he's saying right right and so to me that's you know cool yeah i mean but there's so many if you don't love that sam kinnison that's it we only want one we only want we only want one but i find it interesting that that that joke is

is it's a little bit of a social commentary joke and a joke. You know what I mean? For some reason, I thought you'd have like a silly, weird, funny joke, but that's interesting you picked that topic. You know, pumpkins are the only speechings that have trained. Oh, God, here we go. Look at this guy over here. How great, ah! Look it, I'm this close to kicking your ass all the way to New Jersey,

okay? I'll punch you right in the eye. Oh, wait, you don't have a freaking eye. I like comedy that makes you think, like, Carlin. I mean, there's some of his stuff that's like, you know, I'll come, how come, how come. For us, it's an abortion, but for a chicken, it's an omelet. Huh?

Huh? Can we get Barry Manelow in here, please? Take him away. Ladies and gentlemen, please check out Orny Adams on his Instagram, on his Twitter, on his Facebook, watch his showtime special. What was the last one called, Orney? More than loud. More than loud.

Listen to his albums and more than anything, get on Orney's beautiful podcast. It's called What's Wrong with Orney Adams. It's on his Patreon page. It's on YouTube. And what else do you want to plug before we go? Really nothing. I mean, I'm just happy to be here with you, supporting you.

I think this is a big moment that we've been talking about. Yeah. I know it takes courage. Courage. Courage. You know, there's a lot going. The podcast landscape is, it's getting bigger and bigger. Yeah, and it's fun, and Orney and I have been encouraging each other,

and so it's great to have you here, my friend, and what a fun time. Great to have a laugh. Great to see you laughing. Thanks for making me laugh. That's it for today, everybody. Thank you for riding down the Harland Highway, and until next time, chicken. Chalmy, baby. Hey, guys, it's Harland here,

and I wanted to talk to you about the bonus treats of the Harlan Highway podcast. So as many of you know, when I did the audio version of the Harland Highway podcast for about 11 years, much of the podcast was filled up with many characters that I did. I used to had a whole library of crazy characters that I did and I'd interview them over the phone and I'd interview them in the studio, but you never ever saw them. They were characters that I did all the voices to and they were very comedic and very crazy and very funny.

And you could never see them. and I kind of created this theater of the mind atmosphere with my library of characters. And many of you have been asking, are you going to do the characters on the video version of the Harland Highway? And the answer is no, because even though I could record it,

I feel like it kind of pops the bubble. It burst the illusion of how you perceive the character to look like. Each character has its own unique voice and personality, and I think the best way to appreciate those characters is just to hear them. If you saw me doing the voices, I think it would ruin it for you. I think it would ruin it for me. So as interesting as it would be and kind of unique as it would look to see me doing that live, I am not going to do that. But here's the good news, and this is why I'm talking about the bonuses, is I'm going to keep doing these characters.

And just to name a few of them, there's Samuel E. Quaouk, who writes the romantic love letters. There's Mr. Featherstone, my boss, who's the most obnoxious boss on the planet. There's my phone calls with Boy George and George Michael, the British pop stars. There's my calls with my Aunt Ruthie from Rochester, New York. Well, I was about to do her voice, but I didn't, see?

I don't want to ruin it. There's Aunt Ruthie who calls in and leaves messages on my answering machine. There's Professor Rutherford Grimes, who's a professor of black history up at Berkeley. There's Carl Flavors, the surfer dude. There's commander, lieutenant, colonel, right-hand French commander, Tom Doughty from the military. I mean, there's Billy the Campfire Song Kid, there's Cinnamon Boy,

there's so many crazy characters that I did. But I don't want to stop doing them because they were one of my favorite elements of the Harland Highway podcast. So here's how you can get Aunt Ruthie and Tom Dowdy and, you know, my therapist. I have a creepy therapy. therapist that I did voice stuff with and just all kinds of nutty characters.

So here's what you do if you want to get those bonus characters. You go to patreon.com. And I have a Patreon account. And what that is, it's a special account where I can download special content. And for a small fee, you get all this special bonus content. You're going to get all my characters from the Harlan Highway. You get special videos that I do. You can even hear the audio version of this podcast.

You get special photographs, special artwork, special film clips. I mean, also we're going to post bonus material from these video podcasts, including Orney Adams doing the visit with Carl's. saliva, the medium. So there's all kinds of benefits to joining the Patreon and becoming a member of that. And to do that, just go to Google and type in Harlan Williams' Patreon account, and it should take you right there. And for $5 a month, you get all this bonus material that we don't have time to put into

this podcast, the video podcast. So this is what we call the bonus bacon in here. And if you want to enjoy all those cool things and much, much more to come as the podcast starts to evolve, you know me. I'll find other ways to add bonus material. But it's a small fee to pay, $5 a month. And there's other tiers if you want to go higher. But at the basic level, $5 a month gets you a lot of laughs.

And I promise you, if you're a fan of all those characters I did, you're going to love being on my Patreon. So go to Google, type in Harlan Williams Patreon, and you can go to Patreon, follow the lead, join up. And here's the good news. If you don't like it, you can jump off. $5 a month. What's that a cheeseburger at McDonald's?

And if you don't, so with McDonald's, once you eat it, it's in there, unless you're going to do one of these. But with mine, with my Patreon, if you don't dig it, if you don't like it, you can just bail out, cancel, and you've spent $5. But I think you're going to really enjoy it because I love doing those characters. And I love bringing you all kinds of weird bonus material. So it's definitely another level to what you're getting here. And that's it.

I hope you enjoy the Harland Highway bonus bacon. And, uh, sizzle away. And, uh, thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. I hope you're enjoying the Harland Highway podcast. Chicken Chow Main, baby.