The Harland Highway - The VERY FIRST YouTube Harland Highway episode

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

This is the first episode ever recorded on camera. Be sure to go to YouTube to watch and SUBSCRIBE to the 'Harland Highway Podcast channel.' See the podcast there before hearing it here. And THANKS for all your awesome support!! Hope you enjoy!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're riding down the Harland Highway. You're on the Harland Highway. Harland Williams. You're on the Harland Highway. Oh, yeah, here we go. Here we go. Take a look around. This is the first Harland Highway podcast that I've ever filmed.

Welcome, everybody, to the Harland Highway, and this is the YouTube channel. Please subscribe, tell your friends to subscribe, and we're kicking it off. This is the first one, and, you know, I should probably pop a little button, just to loosen up a little. You know what? Maybe I do, too. I let a little, little hair in. I let a little cleavage in. Oh, little cleavage in. right out of the gate.

You get hot, steamy, hairy cleavage. This is great. Welcome to, as I said already, I'm just excited so I'm repeating myself, the Harland Highway YouTube channel, Harland Highway video, whatever it is. It's just on video. And, you know, I thought,

what am I going to talk about? What am I going to jump into right out of the gate. I have a whole world out there that I can dive into. And all of a sudden, this Will Smith thing lands in my lap. And I'm like, I can't not address it. I mean, there's so many elements of the Will Smith Oscar slap that falls into my wheelhouse that I just have to address it. I mean, not only am I a stand-up comedian. I've met Will Smith. I've worked with Chris Rock. I've, I've seen people slapped and attacked on stage doing my stand-up comedy. I've had people come up on stage when I'm doing stand-up comedy.

I mean, I've been slapped by a guy. I mean, there's so many elements to this story that just fit. I can't ignore it. So why don't we start at the beginning? For those of you that sought and for those of you that didn't see the slap, you're probably living at the bottom of a swamp with a salamander family and that might be a better place to be

given the state of the world we're in and given what unfolded at the Oscars. Chris Rock was a presenter. He's one of these edgy stand-up comedian presenters who's supposed to have kind of a toxic wit and, you know, make it a little dangerous even though they water it down. The Academy hires these people to be kind of provocative and edgy.

And so Chris Rock was out there doing his thing. He was presenting some award. And of course he went to some of the giant celebrities in the crowd and took some pot shots at him, which is all par for the course. If you've watched the Oscars for the last 10 years or any award show. And as you know, he got.

got to the Will Smith family, and he made a joke. By the way, like a really dated joke? Like, isn't Chris Rock supposed to be like on the cutting edge of comedy? And making a reference to a G.I. Jane, which was a semi-popular, successful movie back and when the 80s or something? I don't know if anybody even sought. But the reference was old and tired, and the joke was just, it wasn't even a. good joke. So it leaves me to wonder, did Chris come up with that joke or did he have

writers? It feels to me being in the stand-up Conry profession, that almost feels like something a writer came up with, but who am I to know? I wasn't there. Cleavage. So he's up there. He makes his remark about Jada Pinkett Smith, about her appearance. Now, I don't know if he was going after her just specifically because she was bald or whether it was her wardrobe or whatever, but she looked similar to G.I. Jane. And his joke was, oh, we got Jada Pinkett Smith. What are they ramping up to do the sequel to G.I. Jane? Okay. Not a hard-hitting joke, first of all. Not a good joke, first of all. And, you know, if you're at the Oscars and you're an A-lister and you're sitting in the front row like you got to take a little bit of jabbing right but oh no not will smith

it looked like he was laughing initially and then they cut away and next thing you know he's walking up onto the stage towards chris rock and i think everybody was just like oh this is going to be a friendly bit they're both kind of a listers they're going to have some kind of like you know you crazy, nutty comedian, you. But Wilk'm strutting up like a cowboy. I mean, I got to say, the guy's posture and the way he walked, I mean, it was almost like a new breed of Terminator. It's like, and he kind of walked up on Chris,

and Chris was a little unsure. You could see him like, oh, even in his voice, he was like, oh, hey, what's going on here? Oh, here we go. But you could tell there was probably something a little menacing in Will Smith if you were up there and just locked into him the way Chris was. And then to Will Smith's credit, I mean, he popped that slap out. Like, that came out like a champ, man.

That was like, that was like WWF or UFC. That was just like, pow, right? He slapped it out there. But herein lies the problem. it was a slap. It was a slap, okay? I love the fact that a man wants to stand up for his woman. I mean, that doesn't happen nowadays for anything.

People don't seem to stand up for their women or their parents or their kids. Everybody's afraid of everything. But the way Will Smith kind of strode on up there, he was just kind of a manly walk and a manly gate and it was very cool and then just pow, right? So it was very manly on that level. dug it that he was like, I'm going to, I'm going to protect my woman. No one talks to my woman like that.

But then, all that posturing, all that machismo, if I can say that word, yes, I can. It's my podcast. I'm going to say it again, machismo. He slapped him. Okay, dudes, I grew up playing hockey, all right? I grew up around dudes. I grew up around rough and tumble men.

I watch boxing. I watch UFC. I hate to say it will. A real man don't do no slapping. Okay? A slap. And call it sexist if you want, but that's traditionally what a woman does.

Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap. Right? A man don't slap. When a man wants to defend his woman or his land or his Ford Pinto or his blueberry pie or whatever he's defending,

man, you pull out the meat hook, you power slam, right? You drop an A-bomb. If you're trying to be a tough guy, you pull out a fist. You don't slap. Look at this. This is, what do you? It's like a bird wing, like a pelican. Slap.

Slap. Throw him a fish afterwards, right? So I was like, whoa, slap. And so Chris, Chris Rock, who was standing there, I could see, and I could see, and I can because I'm going to tell you a story about being slapped, he was a little bit stunned. He had this look. I know the exact look on his face. He looked stunned.

He looked perplexed. He looked confused. He's like, whoa, whoa, wait. And I think what people don't recognize is half of that body language that he postured up in is he was slapped and he didn't know what to do. I'm going to cut away from that moment. inject my own moment years ago, I'd say maybe 15 years ago, 12, 15 years ago, I was slapped by a dude. I was out at a nightclub with a, with a girlfriend, and she got there

early, and I walked into this crowded bar in Hollywood, and there she was, and I walked over, and she was talking to a guy, and he was just a short guy, probably came up to hear on me, okay short dude and uh she introduced me to him and's like hey how you doing he told me he was uh did an independent movie or something i was like hey great great to meet you it was totally cordial it was fine it was it was totally normal right so then i said to my girl i said hey let's go sit down let's grab a table so we go get a table we sit down and we're having a beer and we're just talking and i'd say about i don't know half an hour later 40 minutes later this little guy comes over again and he walks up to the table and he puts some shots down and he goes hey i bought you guys

some shots meeting me and my my girl and i was like oh cool thanks man and before i could pick up the shot this little guy out of nowhere just wound up and went slap me across the face but it wasn't like a full like right on it was almost like a like kind of hit me here like right on the right by the back of my lip and it just went like that. And dudes, I got to tell you, it was the most disarming thing. The amount of thoughts that went through my mind in that moment, it was like a merry-go round of thoughts, just the horse, the panda, the hippo-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-le- right?

First thing was, wait, did that guy just slap me? And then, wait, wasn't I just chatting with this guy? and wait isn't that my girlfriend's buddy and wait didn't he just buy me a shot and wait what what the hell's happening and then i was like you know the the the the slap the moment of the slap you know i'm used to hockey fights i'm used to i've been in fights in high school and in in uh in college you know and i'm just like wait what what what i swear to god i didn't know how to react. Because normally when accosted, when forced into violence or having to, you know, set up a fight or roll into a fight, for me at least, and I don't know about you other

macho dudes out there, by the way, I doubt you have the machinness to pull your cleavage open the way I do. Creepy. You go into a red zone. Like when somebody hit you or, or, or, or some kind of violent interaction or even it could be verbal, but you know what it's like. When you go into fight mode, even for women, you feel the thermometer rise, man. You go into the red, right? You just go, like I know any fight I've ever been in,

it's just like I just, and I didn't care about the consequences. I didn't care about the size of the guy. I didn't care where we were. I was just like, you just go. You become primal, right? and what happened here with Chris and what happened with me when I got slapped, I didn't know how to react. And I'll be honest, I wanted to get mad.

I'm sitting there and I'm sort of humiliated. I'm going, this guy who I know, who's a friend, just slapped me. I don't know why. And I was waiting for my mind to go, and then just get up and wail on. And I couldn't. As much as I wanted to. I was like, he slapped me like a girl. His fingers went across my face.

It's almost like he brushed me, but quickly. And I was so discombobulated. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to get mad. I wanted to fight. I wanted to go into the red zone. But I was as normal then as I am right now. I was just like, hmm, okay.

What was that? And I'm looking at my girl. And I'm looking at this guy. and this guy's just standing there, like, so I'm thinking, okay, I'll get up. So I stand up, and I'm thinking at least, at least maybe when I stand up, I'll feel. And by the way, I was like three feet taller than this little wimp. And as I stood up, I look and I see like three of his buddies all of a sudden coming from the peripheral, and they're posturing up.

They're like, ooh, and I'm thinking, oh, okay, okay. So this guy was kind of the setup guy, and now they're kind of trying to lure me into a fight. so now three more guys can come in and wail. So check it out. This is what went through my mind. The next morning, I had to be on a flight to go and shoot a movie, a movie called Employee of the Month with Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson. The next morning.

And I thought, man, if I get a broken jaw, if I get a black eye, if I cut myself open on a beer bottle, there goes the movie. And it was weird because in that moment, and I had all these thoughts, and I'm thinking, am I going to jeopardize a movie, which is huge, for a little imp that slapped me, and it didn't even hurt, and I'm just standing here bewildered.

And so in my head, I just, I was the calm, rational, sensible guy, and I just said, no, I'm going to let it go. And I said to my girl, I said, you know what? Let's go stand at the bar. Let's stand at the bar. don't want to be in a seating position. I want to be standing. So if these guys come around again, I'm ready to fly. I'm ready to go. I'm not going to be. This guy had me in a disposition. I was sitting down in a red leather booth and just, you know. And so now I wanted to put myself in a

strategic position where I'm like, hey, if they come again, I'm just wailing. Whether I get to the red zone or not, this douche has already told me that he wants to throw down. Hey, everybody, who wants have better sex? No? Yes? The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure

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But I got to tell you, the slap thing threw me off. And when I saw Chris Rock, it was the same look on his face. He was, it was like, yeah, holy shit, you just assaulted me, but, man, was that a slap? Oh, what was that? I'm trying to do his voice. Man, that's a slap. Oh man, that guy just slapped me.

I can't do his voice, but I tried. Here. And so Chris had all that go on, and I don't think he knew how to react. I sort of wish you just wailed on him and took a swing back, don't you? Because I think Chris Rock is sort of a beloved guy. You don't want to see a guy like him get hit. He seems like an innocent, like, funny, silly guy. So before anything could happen, big old Will Smith saunters back to his seat

and he's the man and he showed him. Yeah, by the way, Will, you're what, 6'4? And, you know, Chris Rock isn't a beefy guy. I mean, I think in Hollywood, in terms of thin, skinny. I think it's like Callista Flockhart and then Chris Rock. Sorry, Chris, but you know, you're a skinny little dude, man. And, uh, and so Will goes back to his seat and Chris is trying to do damage control. You saw him. He's like, oh, man, uh, it was, hey man, it was just a G.I. What's just a G.I. Jane Joe. And then, uh, Will's like, keep your effing my wife's effing name.

Keep my bald-ass wife's effing name out of your effing mouth. Imagine if he said that. That would have been. Hey, man, you, you keep my bald-ass, bald wife out of your mouth. Did I just say bald? I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to say bald. I'm so, oh, shit, she just slapped me now.

That would have been great if she turned her out and slapped will. So now here's this guy, six foot three. pounding on on little Chris Rock and I'm sorry whatever happened to the whole Hollywood didn't they just

shove the whole bully thing down our throats for the last like decade and a half oh bully this you need to know bullying isn't good

we're Hollywood stars remember don't bully bully bully bully bully and here's like Will Smith walking up on the biggest stage in the world oh billions of people

are watching this and he's just like being a bully not cool bro and you have to ask yourself right like what if it was someone else what if it was someone bigger than little skinny Chris Rock right what if it was a big dude up there what if it was a woman up there what if was Merrill Streep what if it was one of the the edgy comedian women they put up there like Wanda Sykes or or one, Amy Schumer, those guys are pretty edgy. What if they had said it? Would Will walk up and like slap them? And what about the reaction to leaving Will there?

I mean, what if Will had hit a politician or a producer or a director? Do you think, do you think they just would have let him go back and sit down? What the hell was that all about? This was assault. I mean, this guy should have been removed from the property immediately. And they just let him sit down and start cussing and yelling and acting like he's the king of the world. What the hell? And then not only that, he get to go on and receive an award and people are standing and clapping.

This isn't how it works, man. And if the academy didn't want to throw him out, there's police officers of the law. At this event, they should have just went and grabbed them without even asking. Assault is assault. You ever watch a baseball game or a football game when guys are up in the stands and they just start with? Do you think they just let them keep punching on each other? How quickly are the security and the police and they're ripping them apart and dragging them away? Why?

Because you're not allowed to just assault people in public. and the fact that this guy did it and then went back down and sat in his chair all manly like and then he's still cussing out Chris Rock and then gets to sit there and enjoy the show and then go up and receive an award an award of excellence isn't that what the Oscars are an award representing the highest achievement

an award of excellence? This is an example of someone who's excellent? I think not. I think not. And then even more disgusting, people standing up and applauding and clapping. It's like that time there's a clip somewhere of someone winning an award or someone getting a special honorary mention, Roman Polanski. The guy who's an amazing film, but somewhere along the way he got charged by Los Angeles County Police Department for having sex with a minor for raping a young girl underage girl in a hot tub and these are the same people when they did an honorarium of him at the Oscars one year they were all up on their feet oh yeah Merrill Streep and all of them they're all clapping away for the child rapist guys

I'm telling you, man, you have to ask yourself, what the hell is going on with Hollywood? It's just a bunch of hypocrites and contradictory people saying one thing, don't bully, don't molest children, molest children, this, that, blah, blah, blah. Holy God. And so here's this guy who manned up and walked up and he was the big man, and he's yelling, and he's throwing fists.

And then 40 minutes later, he's up on the podium blubbering like a little school girl who fell off her skateboard and skinned her knee. Right? Like the cowardly lying this guy. I mean, what the hell? A preposterous. I mean, holy God. Look, dude, you can't have it both ways. Are you a big macho dude who walks up on stage in front of billions of people?

Are you a little blubbering cry baby? You can't be both. I mean, good Lord. And then you got to remember, this guy just won for best actor on the planet Earth. So what's real? Was the anger real? Was the slap real? Was the crying real?

What's real? guy. He's a master manipulator. He just got dubbed the best actor in the world. So are we to believe anything he's doing? Is it real? Is it acting? Is it Memorex? I don't know. Holy smokes, man. And my overall takeaway outside of all the antics and the circus of it all was, isn't it just another step downward in the rapid decline of modern and American civilization? That's what really pained me the most. It was just like, you know, there's a few classy entities left in society. There's just a few where you still feel they're classy.

Like the Oscars was one of them, although it was starting to go. You could feel it. You know, they used to have hosts like Billy Crystal and Johnny Carson and people who had class and integrity. And even though Billy Crystal kind of did a song and dance routine, right? At least he put a lot of effort into it and he wasn't trying to harm anyone and he was trying to, you know, include the world of movies into his presentation. All his comedy bits and dance and singing numbers, they all involved the movies. The movies from the past, the movies of the present. And yes, sometimes it was a bit eye-roly like, oh, is this ever corny?

But at least the guy entertained you, and it was about the medium we were there to celebrate. And, you know, at what point are the Oscars culpable? You know, they opened the door. They invited the Chris Rocks and the Amy Schumers and the Seth MacFarlans and all these edgy people. So at what point are they culpable for opening the door to this provocative kind of hosting where they're taking pot shots at the celebs and at the industry? And so the whole society just starts to slide one more classy thing. You know, people used to dress up and you'd expect it to be a gallant, elegant,

to fair, prestigious. And now it's like the WWF. It's like World Wrestling Federation now up there. Hello? Holy God. You know, it's like there's a few brand names left in the world that still kind of you associate them with class, like National Geographic.

You think, okay, national, dun dun dun dunan, da-na-na-da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. You know, national... I don't want to see National Geographic. suddenly do a swimsuit edition down in the Amazon with pygmy tribes. I don't want to see a little pygmy with plates on her head and bones and in a thong, in a bikini, you know, splashing around in the Amazon. No, that's not what they do.

That's off-brand. I don't want to see Rose Royce, another classy name. I don't want to see Rolls Royce put out a beetle. okay i want rolls i don't want the the rolls roy's beetle no i don't want to see prada you know the the fancy shoes that the women wear i don't want to see prada put out log rolling boots i don't want to see prada put out log rolling shoes with corksoles on them or flip flops oh it's the new prada flip flops I mean, it just feels like everything's on a slide downwards, doesn't it?

And then this just kind of, the Oscars. And by the way, the Oscars themselves, what's happened to them? Does anyone even watch them anymore? Does anyone even care? Was maybe this whole thing orchestrated to try and add some spice into it? I sort of wonder, you know, think about it. Will Smith's done some great stuff. He's got some talent, but let's be honest, and I'm not taking shots at the guy.

This is just reality in the last decade or so. His star is kind of, even though he won an Oscar for this movie, it's not like everyone ran out to see the movie. It's not a big movie like he used to do the big, big movies. Now, where do you see him? You don't really see him and stuff. He's not the go-to guy anymore. And so, gee, maybe an over-the-top,

publicity stunt that jolts the whole world? Maybe that'll put me back on the top of the A list. I don't know. I'm just suspicious of everything nowadays on TV. But going back to the Oscars, you know, I got into the movie industry. I got into the movie, the entertainment industry in a large way because of movies. I was one of those guys. I love movies.

I watch movies incessantly. I quote them. I, you know, I had dreams of being in the movies, and alas, who says that anymore? Alas, alas, alas, the cleavage is here. Alas, I'm in movies. And it's beautiful, it's wonderful, what an environment, what has seen, the movies that have come out over the years. And I used to watch the Oscars, I get excited so I could see the movies and the stars

associated with the movies and the creative people. I'm going to be honest, I didn't know one damn movie in the Oscars this year. Did you? And if you did, did you care? Did you see it? I lied. I saw half an hour of one movie. I think it was called The Dog Days or in the Dog House or something.

It was some Western movie with a jumbaya Cumberbunch or whatever the hell is. name is. I don't know his name. Some British guy, Jumbulli a Cumberbunch. And he's playing a cowboy, a dusty, dirty old cowboy. I didn't really pull it off that well, but it's this movie. And I don't know, it seemed like the actors in it and the director and all the, it felt like the movie was more about who was in it than how well the movie was made. Because I tried to watch it and I love movies. I got patience for movies. This movie was like having your tooth pulled out in slow motion. It's just like, is this going anywhere? I think I kind of know where it's going. I'm sorry, no offense. It just, to me, it laid an egg, not just an egg, a giant taradacto egg that's been

cooking in the sun up on the top of bullshit mountain. I don't know why I keep going to my cleavage. but I want the Harland Highway podcast to be sexual. It's got to be sexual. Sex sells. If I don't throw a little bit of this out there, how long are you going to stay tuned in, honestly? Let's see if we can get a... There we go.

Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm unbecomba bunch, and this is my cleavage. But anyways, man, I don't watch the Oscars anymore. It just, it just, I don't know what's happening. They're not servicing. They're not paying heed to the movies that people go to on mass.

It seems like if there's an indie movie about someone on heroin or someone who's changing their sexual identity or someone who's a junkie or someone's a recovering alcoholic or all these horrible stories, oh, well, let's give that the award. God forbid we give an award to a movie like Avatar that everyone went to see and made more money than any I just I could go on and on but I won't I saw as hell won't

so it's just sad and you know the reason I can relate to this this whole event so well is that you know I'm in this world I'm in the stand-up comedy world I'm in the movie world I'm in the entertainment world and as a matter of fact, about four days before the Oscars, I worked with Chris Rock. Me and Chris shared a stage at the world famous comedy store down on the Sunset's trip.

In fact, I was on just before him. I was on, I did my time, and then Chris came out right behind me, and I went out and watched him for a little bit. We've worked together many times. The first time I auditioned for David Letterman, the David Letterman show, I was up against Chris Rock and Damon Waynes and all these amazing guys. I was the new kid in town and guess who got the call the letterman, me?

Hello, hello. But that's a whole other story. But yeah, I've rubbed shoulders with Chris and I've met Will. I've met Will before when I was shooting a movie called Down Periscope, a submarine movie. Will came to set one day because one of the other cast members was buddies with them and so I got to meet them and hang out with them for a bit. Great guy.

Seemed like a nice guy. but I have to say watching him now, you got to, and I don't know the guy's personal life, but you got to ask the question, is everything okay? Is everything okay at home? Is everything okay up here? Is everything okay in here? It feels like that was more than just, I'm going to get up there and defend my wife's baldness. No, I feel like there's something much deeper going on in that guy's life. And despite all the kind of analysis I'm doing here, and I'd say this of anyone, I hope the guy gets help.

I hope he works through this. I hope you've got to show compassion for people that are struggling. Something's wrong, and I'm not an analyst. Maybe he's not. Maybe he's perfectly normal and he just wanted to slap. But to do it at such a high profile event at the Oscars in front of all his peers, something just seems like he's a little bit unhinged at that moment. saying he's that way every day, but something seems a little off, and I'm not talking about

the bug spray. So, yeah, I worked with Chris. I've met Will, and then my own experience is a stand-up comedian. Way to hear these stories. I, you know what, before I tell these stories, we've been running a little long. Let's take a word from our sponsor. Let's do a word from our sponsor, and then we're going to come right back, and I'm going to tell you about my stories where not only I was accosted on stage, but I've seen some real stage violence during my tenure as a stand-up comedian over the years. So we'll be right back.

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And let's roll right into it. So I was talking about people coming up on stage while you're performing, and that's happened to me probably five or six, maybe seven times over the course of my career as a stand-up comedian. But you'll like this, it happened to me about six months ago. Six months ago, ladies and gentlemen, maybe even less. I was at a prominent club somewhere I'm going to leave them out of it

because I don't want to drag their name into it but you know a little bit of shame on them for not handling the situation properly but no sour grapes it wasn't the coolest thing but I'm good at like letting it go man I was doing a show on a Saturday night sold out club probably I don't know

3, 400 people there 350 and I'm jamming on stage I'm the headliner, I'm doing my show, and I'm about a half hour in. And all of a sudden, some guy starts meandering through the crowd all the way down to the front of the stage. There was no stairs. He comes to the front of the stage, which is about this high, gets on his hands and knees, crawls onto the stage, and I'm just standing there. I'm like, wait, what's going on?

The guy stands up, okay, I'm six foot two. I'm about 200, 210 pounds. This guy was probably a good three inches taller than me and probably in the two, 50, 260 range. This guy was cut, he was big, he was buff, and guess what, folks, just to add terror to terror, he was wearing military fatigues. Okay, now that doesn't always spell the best outcome here

in the good old United States of America. When someone goes a little bonkers and they're wearing military stuff, the wheels start turning, right? So now all of a sudden, this guy's standing on stage, he's two feet away from me. And the crowd just goes silent. They're just like everyone's on pins and needles.

And in my head, I'm immediately assessing the guy. I'm looking at his clothing. I'm looking at what his hands are doing. I'm looking to see if there's weapons. Because let's be honest, this here is the United States of America. And people like to stab and shoot. Mm-hmm. That's right, boys and girls.

People like to stab and shoot. So how many times have we seen in the news? How many times have we heard it, man? So I don't know what this guy's got planned. He's a big dude. If we got into it, I can probably guess he might have done better than me. I would have gone down swinging, though.

And I don't know what his motives are. I don't know if he's a psycho. I don't know if he's mad at something I said. I don't know. You know, earlier in the show, there was a guy from the military, and I talked to the crowd a lot, and I was goofing with him. So I don't know if maybe if he took offense to that. But I'm putting the pieces together like boom, boom, boom.

Like my brain's like a computer. I'm just, everything's computing like a million miles an hour. I'm like, I'm like Wally that, that IBM computer, Watson, or whatever the hell is. his name is. And so while I'm doing that, I'm watching his body language, I'm trying to think of his motives, I'm listening to his speech patterns, like I'm telling you, man, I'm in Uber analytical mode, but at the same time, I ball this fist up, I move the microphone to the, because he's over here, I got this in a ball, I got the microphone here, I got my whole right side of my body is like coiled like a rattlesnake. And I'm watching to see if he's,

He's about, because this arm's coming up, I'm, I'm ready to go. But I don't want to engage the guy so while I'm posturing up without making it obvious, I'm just doing it in my own head. I'm like, I'm ready. I'm sort of rolling back too, right? I'm kind of back stepping a little, right? I'm slowly inching away from the guy. So I'm still, I'm still close, but now instead of two feet away from him, I'm about three

and a half, maybe bordering on four. And I go, I go, okay, now I got to disarm this guy. And here's the kicker, no security. This club, this prominent club, no security. No one came on stage. No one yelled at the guy. No one tried to stay. It was just me and him, and the crowd just sitting there going,

what the hell is going on here, Rupert? We paid for some chuckles. We didn't pay to see a man get stabbed to death, Rupert. But if he is going to order some more chicken wings, some popcorn. No. But here's this guy, and so I'm going, I go, what are you doing, bro?

Can I help you? And to my relief, but I wasn't sure if it was a ruse or not, this guy is a little bit drunk, and he's like, I just want to tell you, Mr. Williams, you're one hell of a funny guy. And I just wanted to come up here,

and I wanted to let you know that, man to man. So I'm like, okay, he opened with a compliment. That's a good sign. So I didn't want to shake his hand, but I thought under the circumstances, let's, you know, let's put it at least, at least I know where his hand is. There's no weapon. There's no gun. So I shake his hand, and this guy's hands like three times.

He's a big dude and he's got a grip, but I gave him the grip. I got a strong grip, man. And I gave him a good squeeze just to let him know. I was like, I'm here, bro. I'm here. I got a little meat on my bone. I got a little strength of my arm, two player. So, so, you know, and then, and then he goes, he started rambling to his,

yeah, I just wanted to know, I think you're a real funny guy. And I'm like, how do I disarm this? I'm looking to the wings. There's no security. There's nothing. And the crowd's tense as hell. So I just go, okay, let, what's the most terrifying thing in the world, public speaking, right? Most people are terrible.

So I said, oh, thank you. I'm glad you think I'm funny. Are you funny? Here, why don't you take the microphone? You want to do a couple of jokes. As soon as I did that, oh, my God, it worked. His demeanor, he was just like, oh, no, I'm not funny, sir. You're the funny one.

Thank you very. I just wanted to say thank you, and you're real funny. And then he slowly just went off to the side and down the stairs in the back. and he got off stage. And I'm just standing there going, okay, that was, and it took a minute, I talked to the crowd for a minute,

and then I got back into the show, and it was done. But damn, was it scary, man? You know what, I got to be honest, I wasn't that scared. I think it was more scary for the crowd. What's scary is afterwards when you think of the what-ifs,

like here in America, where people turn to violence, and shoot up malls and schools and stab people for no reason. Later on, as I was thinking a lot about the what-ifs, but I'll be 100% on them. I'm not lying. When I was up there, I was so calm and collected and cool. I wasn't, you know what's weird?

I wasn't even really phased. Now, I did go into my defensive mode and my mind was analyzing everything, but I wasn't up there going, oh, my God. I was just like, okay, we got a guy here. Let's, let's deal with this. That's really my demeanor was completely ice cold. And I think that might have disarmed him a little bit too. And in the end of the analysis, I don't think he was up there to hurt me.

And I'll tell you why, because there's more to this story. But anyways, he got off stage and I finished my show. And the people who ran the club were like, oh, my God, we're so sorry. We're so sorry anything we can do. Can we get you a Coke or a Pepsi? And I'm like, yeah, okay. How about a life insurance policy? So I'm the type of guy I just let it roll.

It wasn't the club's fault. They couldn't have stopped the guy. They could have had someone come and get them off the stage and shown a little protection for me, but, you know, I'm used to handling my own affairs, and I think I handled it pretty well. But here's the kicker. Here's where I did get a little angry. The next day, I went over to the local gym, right?

I went over to the local gym in my car, and I'm playing a little racquet. And I get out of the racquetball court and there's a guy lifting weights and he goes, Hey, Mr. Williams. I go, hey, he goes, I was at your show last night. And I go, oh, cool. Did you have a good time? And he goes, yeah, how about that guy that came up on stage? And I said, I know, man.

That was pretty wild, right? And he goes, yeah, I was sitting right beside him. I said, oh, wow, you were in the back. He goes, yeah, I was beside him. And when he came back to his table, he was like six other guys and they're all high-fiving. And I said, wait a minute, what do you mean, went back to his table. He said, yeah, when he sat back down and they were all high-fiving, and I was like, wait a minute, they didn't kick the guy out?

He goes, oh, no, he sat through the whole rest of the show. And that's when I went into the red zone. That's when I went over to Will Smith's house and slapped him across, ding-dong, slap. Now bring Jada out, slap, I slapped the whole family. No, I didn't, but that's when I got mad. was pissed. I was pissed at the club that they didn't put security up to help me or assist me or try to protect me. Again, I didn't need it and I'm cool with it. But that they let that guy go and sit down and watch the rest of the show, not knowing the danger element to that guy. And he

already kind of ruined it for the other people. He didn't have the right to do that. And so it's a lot like Will Smith, how they just let him go sit back down and enjoy the show. And there was no repercussions. So it's just bizarre, but I will say at the end of the weekend, when I mysteriously, there was some bonus money in my paycheck. Oh, yeah, we had so many people, you got a bonus. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Is that the, that ever rare bonus, the Army Fatigued Freak on Stage bonus?

Is that what that is? Yeah, okay, okay. Funny, never got a bonus before, but now, okay, yeah, got it, bonus, bonus. Here's your bonus. So I'm about to wrap this all up. I know this is long, but it's a lot of stuff, right? And so the last thing I want to say, too, is I've seen the real violent side of people walking up on stage, and I'll tell you a final story here.

before I tell you the final story, let's do this. Every week I feature a new t-shirt. I hand-draw my own t-shirts right on my darn t-shirts. I do them with colored sharpies, and they're pretty elaborate. And for those of you that don't know, I'm an artist. And I draw on to the t-shirts, and I sell them. I sell them at my website, Harbling.com. that's all we sell there are my hand-drawn t-shirts and people are loving them

and they're one of a kind you get to buy the original we make prints with the with the image but you get to buy the original piece of art that's drawn right on to the shirt and so we're going to go ahead and show you this week's hand-drawn t-shirt and after we do that we'll be right back with a very violent on-stage stand-up comedy Attack. All right, we are back and we're about to wrap it up. Can you believe the first Harland Highway podcast and all we talked about was the Will Smith event? I mean, if we can spend two hours talking about this, I mean, we could talk about anything

now, child. That's right, I'm Cajun. But I was doing a festival up in Montreal, Canada. This was back in the 80s. and it's a huge, it's the biggest comedy festival in the world. And at its climax, they have a giant theater, two and a half thousand people packed into this theater with three rows of balconies, and it's gorgeous,

and they televise it, they have cameras. And the best of the best from all over the world get invited to this comedy festival, from all to Brazil and Germany and Ireland and Scotland and Finland, everywhere in the world. They find the best comics. They travel all year. They bring them in and have this international comedy festival.

And it's very prestigious and it's quite an honor to be asked to do it. And in this year, myself, a Canadian boy and my best friend at the time, Norm MacDonald, another great Canadian comedian who I adore, we got asked to do it that year. And so we were there and we wanted to watch the next. night before we went up to see how, you know, the whole giant gala played out. They call it a gala. And that's where like, they bring up like 12 different international comedians and they have a celebrity host. And it's a big to do. And so me and Norm stood, you know, towards the back. And we observed. We watched the various acts coming up. And all of a sudden they brought out

this big Scottish comedian. I guess he was a star in Scotland. I can't remember his name or who he was. But one thing that's typical at this Montreal festival is a lot of comedians from other parts of the world come out. And of course, like you do anywhere, they kind of poke fun at the local community, which in Montreal is French speaking and has a French culture. And so a lot of the comedians kind of play with that for a minute and then go into their traditional act.

So this Scottish guy came out. And he was like, oh, you guys, well, you learn to talk like this. You sound like, yeah, what's a matter? with the French Canadians. And by the way, I'm part French Canadians, so leave me alone. You know, he's just going off. He's talking, you know,

he's just ripping the French Canadians a new one. And I'll tell you what, man, me, I'm sorry, I got a frog in my throat. Me and Norm were watching this, and all of a sudden this, this middle-aged guy, probably about 50 years old, looked like a typical house dad. This guy just stands up,

walks to the stage. Now, this is a big theater stage, and it has stairs on the side. He walks over, goes up the stairs, walks up to the Scottish guy, and just starts, like, pounding him, like hockey fight. Boom, right?

This Scottish guy's nose explodes. Blood, kaboom. He's, like, reeling. The guy's chasing him. Now, unlike at the Oscars, or where I was recently, like within seconds, like three or four security guys flew in and got in the middle of it,

And this guy was still, it was like a hockey fight. And it's Montreal, Canada. It should be like a hockey fight, right? But he just wailed on this guy. And so this is the type of things that can happen. But that was back in the 80s when things were still kind of more normal. Things weren't so insane. But, you know, now, now it's just like everything's just escalating or declining

however you want to look at it. And tough times were in. I don't think what Will did was right. I hope it doesn't open the door to other people thinking it's right. But you know what? It probably will. Remember a few years back when Kane West went up and just interjected when Taylor Swift was, he didn't hit anybody, but again, he just walked up on stage and said what he wanted to say.

No regard for anyone else. no regard for anyone else in their achievement and their moment of glory, just put them, injected himself into the fray and decided their time was now his time. He commandeered the moment from these people who had worked so hard to get there. And so people, we got, we got a, I don't know what to say. I was going to sit here and say, we got to dial it back. But it's not going to happen. What am I, Dr. Phil?

Now you've got to dial it back because, No. We're already gone. If anything, it's going to get worse and we all know it. We can all sit here and say, well, we've got to be responsible and we've got to be a civilized culture. I mean, we've got, no, no, no, it's just going to keep snowballing. We can sit here and pretend and hope and put our karma out. Oh, everything's going to be fine. This is a learning experience for all of us. What a, what a learn. If we can look at the bright side of what Will did, I think it taught us all a lesson. and we've got to start a conversation about it.

Right. Eye roll, please. Can I get some eye roll? Slap me. There, that feels better. I think that's a good way to end the show. This is a weird one. Normally I just don't go off on one topic.

So for this to be the first Harland Highway podcast is weird. but it's fresh. It happened a week ago. I thought I better talk about it because as I said, I can relate to this on so many levels. So I hope I was able to provide a bit of insight for you, darlings. But as we move along, this podcast will evolve.

As you can see, there's another seat here. Something I didn't do on the old Harland Highway was have many guests, but we're going to bring guests in. You're going to have a sidekick. I'm going to bring my buddies in. to shoot the breeze and have some laughs. We're going to do different segments. I'm going to show you a new shirt every week,

a hand-drawn shirt, all kinds of stuff. So this was just the kickoff one, and I hope you liked it. If you do, share it with your friends. Subscribe to the YouTube page. Leave some comments if you want to. Be sure you go to Harbleng.com to see some of my other t-shirts. you can buy an original or order a print and go to my other website,

Harlandwilliams.com, where you can see my stand-up comedy tour dates and find out about a bunch of my other activities, my books. I've got a couple of books that I've written and put out. All kinds of cool stuff. And I also have a Patreon page where if you want to get special extra content associated with the Harland Highway podcast, please join my podcast. please join my Patreon. It's $5 a month,

and you can have some extra bonus laughs. And we get all kinds of stuff planned for the Harland Highway podcast. So this was the first one. Thank you for being here. I hope you enjoyed it. I wasn't nervous at all. And I hope you were totally turned on.

I hope you really enjoyed it. If you didn't enjoy my words, I hope you enjoyed my cleavage. And that's all for today. Thank you for being here. Until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby.