The Harland Highway - TREVOR WALLACE gets a new haircut and talks about body parts we have never explored. Plus girl talk!

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. This episode is sponsored by Cashapp, Ridge! - Download Cash App Today: [https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/6b5befui] #cashapppod - Take advantage of Ridge’s Biggest Sale of the Year and GET UP TO 47% Off by going to https://www.Ridge.com/[HARLAND] #Ridgepod More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Trevor Wallace: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trevorwallace/?hl=en Website: https://trevorwallace.com/ Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@trevorwallace?lang=en #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Canada's Wonderland is bringing the holiday magic this season with Winterfest on select nights now through January 3rd. Step into a winter wonderland filled with millions of dazzling lights, festive shows, rides, and holiday treats. Plus, Coca-Cola is back with Canada's kindest community, celebrating acts of kindness nationwide with a chance at 100,000 donation for the winning community and a 2026 holiday caravan stop. Learn more at canadaswunderland.com. Close your eyes. Okay, yeah, I'll do that. Ready? Yeah.

Yeah, all right. Can I do a number three on the side? All right, yeah, thank you. Oh, yeah. It looked like teen wolf except you didn't go through puberty. You're like prepubescent wolf. Oh, no. Grab your digit nubs and hold on tight.

We're getting spicy in here tonight. On the Harlan Highway, yeah, the Harlan Highway It's cinnamon boy and a buggy snail Chasing down the little puppy dogtail Watch out for the printer Watch out for the ants It's a sonic door ride in your pants Haarland Highway

Taste the cinnamon Did I turn my phone off? I don't know Did I check? Check for explosives, yes Isn't it weird you don't know about my phone? Why would I ask you if my phone would not? Maybe I can sense it, like through Bluetooth or something, AirDrop.

Yeah. Would that make you a Senai? What's that Japanese term, Sensi? Sensai. Hentai. What is it? Hentai. Hentai.

That's like animated women, I believe. It's a drawing. So now I'm an animated check? Yeah. I am? Congrats. Oh, wow. And they usually are pretty busty.

They're usually pretty A plus in the chest. what happened to me guy talk to your animator talk to your animator oh dude but is i feel like senzai is all senzai sensei it's like you always see these karate movies and they go senzai yeah am i or am i saying what you're saying what are you saying well the senzai is always seems to be the old japanese guy with the longotie or senzai that's what i'm asking you a or i a i AI. The robots are taking over. It's asking, it's telling us to us, let's ask AI.

You know, I used Wikipedia earlier today. You know they're still asking for money. What do you mean? How they still broke? I went on Wikipedia and it was like, a donation, Saya. No. They're still asking. It was like $1, $5, $10.

How? How much did you give? I, Venmo requested them money. You did? It's been years. Get your money. How are you still? Chat GBT is out and you guys are still a white and gray.

landing page. Adonis. Yeah. Sad. It almost sounds like part of a spell from a witch's chant. Wikipedia.

Wicca Boiled Trouble Boilin' Bubble and bubble. Wikipedia. It sounds like a town in Wisconsin. Yes. Manitoba. Wikipedia. I don't even know where Manitoba is.

It might be Wisconsin. It's Canada, actually. Is it really? Manitoba's a state. It's a province. But if there is a Canadian state in the U.S. It's got to be Wisconsin.

Oshkosh. Yeah. What else they got out there? Wikipedia. Wikipedia is out there, too. What is Wikipedia for a lot of my viewers don't know this stuff? They're not learned. They're not learned.

For those who are unlearned, if you don't have an education, are you unlearned? That's kind of good. Oh, imagine you're at a gas station. Yeah. You're getting unleaded. You're unlearned. And your tire fell off and you're unhinged. Wow, dude.

dude, and you've got an onion in your glove box, even though it's, oh, and, it sounds the same. Now you only have one wheel, so if a un cycle, but that ruined the un. One. But what if the nun pulled up at the next pump, and she wanted to fill her tank, which she asked if she had any money,

and she said she had none? What is happening here? You have to run. I think we might be the new Wikipedia, the way we're going on here. Somebody ride in, even though it isn't a live show. Somebody ride in and let us know.

Somebody ride in? Yeah, ride in. Now I'm pitching someone coming in here on a bicycle. I wouldn't mind it. It's close quarters, but I wouldn't mind seeing as money in a unicycle in here.

Have you ever had a unicyclist on here? It's funny, you said quarters and then the nun had no money at all. And quarters is a denomination of money. You know the pennies gone? They're not making pennies anymore. No way. So no more it's?

No more. Yeah, Penny, Penny Wise. Yeah, is that at the end of those movies? Penny's now dumb. Penny dumb. Penny tarred. Penny tarred. Oh, wow.

Well, if you live in a sewer and you eat children, you got to have something wrong. You're not like a genius. Yeah. Like you're in a sewer. Stuff floats down. People throw Kentucky fried chicken out there. You've probably throwing a wopper with cheese in the ditch. A couple of hilly's down there.

Right, let it float. Why you got to eat a nine-year-old boy? Like, yeah. But, you know, maybe we're missing something down there. Maybe there's less sun radiation. Yeah. You got a nice breeze. You have AC.

You have water. Yeah, human feces. But if you have a foot fetish, you kind of got a bird's-eyed view. Oh, wow. Yeah. You know what I mean? These are things that Pennywise might be into that we're not considering. Oh, and not to be pervy.

This is Pennywise, but looking up the skirts. Yeah. Maybe pussy wise. That was your nickname in middle school, wasn't it? It was, yeah. I also have a tramp stamp of it on my, not even on my back. I have it in the back of my, I'm not going to tell you. Oh.

This is, read Wikipedia. It'll tell you where it is. Oh, okay. Sorry, sorry. I just feel like, bro, I didn't think we'd sit down and be the new Wikipedia. Like, I know we're chums. I know we have chemistry. But for me and you to become the new Wikipedia like the snap of a.

And we overthrew them pretty quickly. Dude, it didn't take much. I think anybody gets it because you can write it in. That's Wikipedia. You could write who are the founders of Wikipedia of Harlem-Wilms-R-Walls. If you're watching right now, folks, go to Wikipedia and write it in.

Donate a dollar and then write us in as a CEO. Yeah. So next to Harley-Wilums, it'll say, Comedient-Dash Wikipedia founder. Oh, God. Who knew? I've been living all these years

and I didn't know that I was the founder of Wikipedia. That's a good stage credit. What? Was the original founder? a candle maker? Not seeing the connection. I want to. Keep thinking. Wikipedia. Candle.

Wikipedia. Whist whistle, whistle, whistopedia. What do you light? Wick? Oh. Dang it. You're good. Wikipedia.

Yeah. What are we doing? And what if his first name was John? John Wick. Apedia. Maybe John Wick is why he's so angry. That's what he wants to kill everyone. He's got this cool name, John Wick.

Look behind you. Suck my hairy Armenian glory hole. It's been there this whole time. Wow. For the audio people at home, there's a candle. There's three candles behind Mr. Wick himself. So now I'm starting to piece it together. Finally, why is John Wick?

hell-bent on killing everyone he meets. He's got the coolest name in town, but maybe... He's got a short fuse. Wow. That's what we're doing here. But now I'm thinking, you know how like tradesmen? Like, you know, in the early years of names in Europe and everything, it would be like Carpenter, but the real name was Carpensmindengander.

You know what I mean? It was always these long German, Portuguese, Armenian. like Korean. Korean, yeah. Like they're, you know, it's like Don Schmeel, but then his real name is John Schmieldenhuggen Klinger. Right. So what if John Wick, his real name is John Wikipedia,

and it sounds so stupid. And you can't even look it up because it would be on Wikipedia. So he's type in Wikipedia and you just take you to the website. Yeah. It's an endless search. And that's the source. You can't search Wikipedia on Wikipedia, or can you? You can't, I don't know.

I don't know. But that might. you could go and chat GBT and ask it. Wow. Who invented Wikipedia and was it John? Wick. The media. That's why he's so angry and wants to shoot everyone.

Yeah. It's like you've never heard anyone since it's like, hey, John, whip. They never get his full name out. You can't even finish it. He's so quick. He's so obsessed with no one knowing his real name. But we know it, Wick. There's a lot of guys like that.

Like who? A lot of bandits. You couldn't get the last. name out. Like who? All the bad guys. Harvey Dent. His last name is Denton.

Dent in? Yeah, Denton. Denton. Was he a serial killer? Harvey. He knew a few. Harvey Dent. Harvey Dent.

Batman. Oh. Bruce Wayne. Full name is Lil. Bruce Lil Wayne. Is it really? People don't include it. It's a middle name thing.

Yeah. This is what people are leaving out. This is weird. Who are we? Osama bin Laden Hyman. Wow. Yeah.

Barakily Obama. He's a vegetarian. It makes sense. Let's hold on. Barocally Hussein Obama. Michelle, Michelin. She started the tires.

Yeah. She should retire. I think she did. Yeah. Is she still working? No, she retired. If your husband's president, I think you're good to go.

I think you're good to take some time. off. Yeah, you don't need to do much. Yeah. What you're the press? I'd start a pod. Presidential pod. She started a pod. Really? I don't want to plug it. Have her on. I don't know. I'm not a fan. Of politics or? Of Michelle Obama. Uh-oh. Yeah. And that's coming from a Canadian. Yeah, I don't know what it is. She'd something a little smarmy about her in my opinion. I don't know what it is. Just never, never a huge fan. Couldn't stand Barbara Bush.

She looked like George Washington when he was 19. And just like, she was like our, if Ben Grim, you know the thing from the thing? Grimmis. Ben Graham? My age level taps around Grimmis. Anything younger than that, I don't really know much. Well, have you seen Fantastic Four? I've seen the first three.

Okay, so that orange guy with the rocks? Yes, the thing. The thing. The thing. So I feel like if you pulled the bricks off the thing, Barbara Bush would just be standing there underneath. If he put some lotion on the thing, it'd be bought. Barbara Bush. She puts the lotion on the thing. She puts the lotion on the thing. By the way, I'm glad you brought this up. Have you ever been on a date and you wanted to get out of it?

You're like sitting there at a nice dinner and you realize like 20 minutes in, oh, like this is not the girl for me. Yeah. How do you get out of it? Because I want to hear, but I got a really good tip for you. Why I had a funny one happened to me There was just no chemistry at all It was a lot of one word answers She wasn't yes and it She didn't go to Groundling She didn't have her UCB training

She wasn't yes and I mean A lot of like you know Word period word period She was on her period Maybe that's why she didn't have a lot of words I know Oh God Led out through her all of her words fell down the wrong hole

God yeah don't go take a girl on a date When she's on her period Especially in the water Seafood Okay So there wasn't any banter, there wasn't any banter, but kind of diagonal to us, there was a group of like six guys, not to be confused for the burger place, but there were six guys, and they were all staring at me, and they looked at me, like, what's the hot date? Oh, wow. The girl was a smoke show, she's smoking.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, indoors. And she was really attractive. So the fact that these guys thought I was cool enough to kind of like pull that was, you know, enough for me to stay in the date. And then afterwards, we didn't talk again. She didn't really talk in the first place, but... What did she look like? White, Latino, black, Asian?

She, I believe, was Israeli. So what, is that white? Spicy white. Spice white. Yeah, white was a little bit of like, um... Like, if I was a creole... Hummus? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's almost like... If there was a creola crayon, it would be called hummus. It's almost like with girls and men, too. You almost got to go to Home Depot and get that paint thing. Yeah. And look at it. at it and go, oh, Spanish, Scottish, C-Moss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matt Pearl. Yeah. Okay. Egg yolk, tempura, Thai sunset. You don't want to get it wrong these days. Krusty Colgate.

Okay, okay. Bakersfield, Motel 6, crunchy sheet, yellow. You don't want to be on a date with that one. No. Okay, so can I give you a tip? Please, please do. To get out of it every time. Please, a gun? A gun? A gun's a good one. Gun is good, gun is good, noted, noted. But this one, my guy, if you're on a date and it's not going well, just sort of kind of lead her to start talking about her friends. And then sort of get her to bring up one of her girlfriends and then do this. So you're the girl, I'm you, and then I'll sort of lead you into talking about one of your girlfriends.

And then this is, watch how cleverly I get the. the date to end. So it's Farland? Harland with an age. Harlan. Yeah. It's an age. Like George?

Carlin. Well, it's more like Harley Davidson. Harland. You have a Harley. That's hot. Anyways, tell me about you. Do you have any special girlfriends? I, yeah.

So my best friend is Vanessa, and then there's Janessa. Wait a minute. Vanessa? Yeah, you know her. Oh, wait. Was she a great big person? Okay, that's so rude. She just started taking her ozempic two weeks ago and hasn't not fully hit in yet.

No, dude, it ends right there. It's like the wick, you missed it. Let's do it again. Okay, one more time. From the top? No, just, do you have that special girlfriend? Yeah, there's Vanessa, there's Janessa, there's... Vanessa?

You know her? Oh, wait. Is she a great big fat person? Seen? Yeah. That's scene? Silence of the lambs, bro. I see.

See, we're way out of your time zone. You didn't even know that movie was made. You don't even know what it is. What is it? You think it's a lamb in a field with duct tape over its snout. Silence of the lamb. Yeah. Is that the guy?

Yeah, I got nothing. It's the serial killer, Buffalo Bill. Christian Bill. No, he's this weird character actor, but Jody Foster goes to the lamb. the door and she goes, have you seen this girl? And he goes, no, I haven't seen her. And then she goes, okay, thank you. And he goes, oh, wait. I think the first movie I've ever seen was Black Hawk Down. Racist. Well, they brought it back up. Okay. Black, Black Hawk Lives Matter then. Yeah, it took him a little bit, but they did bring it back up. But my point is, that's such a

creepy, iconic horror line. Clearly won't work for you. Yeah. If I'm going Coogers. Yeah, if you're going cougars yeah well maybe not cougars yeah middle tier i should know it i'm the dumb one no no you're not i won't as a as one of the fellow creators of wikipedia you're nowhere near dumb thank you you're like genius in my mind and i saw that um next of my name yeah chrude wall's comedian dash wikipedia founder slash genius yeah genius slash the fault one oh wait was she a great big fat person and that's they say that in the film he says it who is he He's talking. No, because the lambs...

Well, the lambs... The lambs are silent. Is that the movie with the butterfly on the front? Yeah. Butterfly effect? No, that's the moth because he collects moss

and the cop's about to leave. She's questioning... I have seen this. And then a moth flies out. A moth flies out and she realizes he's the guy and then he goes, oh wait. Is she a big fampers?

And the girl he's talking about is one of the victims that he's skinned alive. So what I'm... Let me say. sum this up. If you want to get out of a dinner with a girl. And no spoiler alerts, the silence of the lambs, everybody listening. But if you're sitting there eating and all of a sudden you go, oh, wait, we're a great big person. The girl's going to go, holy fuck, with a cereal

and she'll say, can I go to the bathroom? And then she ain't coming back. Yeah. And so, what do you do? Are you boxing it? Oh, you do? You eat it. Are you boxing it up or you eating it right then? You eat it right there. Okay. Oh, yeah. Just stuff it. Stuff and such. which is a term I just made up and I don't even know what it means It's how they made that blowfish over there Yeah, blow and such Hey everyone

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Terms apply That's money That's cash app So what is inside of a blowfish Helium Air But where's the organs Is that like

That's got it hurt Like no tums Oh you Oh this blowfish here Yeah the one on your desk Yeah They got organs in there Or is it just

That's a no fish Honestly Normally they're flat Right But when they inhale, where does all the other shit go? Where does the spleen go? Since you're asking, and I show you how they blow up like this? Yeah.

Hold them gently because he's got needles, but just enough, just like that. Oh, Jesus, this is sharp. Yeah, just be careful. I'm going to show you how you, if you have a blowfish at home, you really want to... Anybody from St. Pete. Oh, this is... Oh, okay.

Oh, oh, oh, Jesus Christ. Start! Okay. Yeah, I don't. I think it's good. I think it's good. Huh? Yeah, that's actually a pretty clear demonstration on how that does work.

Look how it's full of air now. Okay, a lot of questions here. First of all, I'll do the blowing around here, fish. Wow, look at that spider web coming down. Yeah, you just dusted your whole place with this. Wow. And it's still inflated. That's how strong that thing is.

Yeah, I use good air. And is that a fire extinguisher or what is that for? You know what it is, my guy, because we're in the game of communication. Yeah. You know what? Let me get this right off the table. Don't break it. Don't break it.

It won't break. These guys are resilient, but hang on. Broken. Shattered. Did it? Yeah, a lot of pieces. Really? Yeah, it's a no fish.

Well, anyways, what I like to do is we're in the... haunted? Wow, this is... It's like the... Here's another movie you probably never saw the Ten Commandments. I saw the first nine. But there was a cloud that came down out of the sky. Yeah.

Look at that. Wow. And you can edit out for the audio. That's all out. Oh, no. People on my podcast love Leaf blower noise. Interesting.

They love it. All the things people write in, more leafblower noise. Is that kind of like your Burt Kreischer bit where you're like, the pot hasn't started until you start blowing? I didn't chase it. I didn't want it. Of course, course. Yeah, it's natural.

It's just, that's my hook. And that's a good one. But the reason I do this, my guy, and by the way, as you can see, I like my leaf blower dirty. Like, look at my hands. Like, I just want it dirt. I don't want a clean leaf blower. I want a dirty.

skanky whore, a whoreblower. Yeah. Have you ever done a blow-by in your car, like late at night? Me, personally? Yeah, you go through a neighborhood, roll down the window and just be like, and you like blow a family of short people down the road or something? And then they all look outside and they go,

thank you so much. Our lawn really needed that. No, because they're blowing. You blow them off instead of a gun doing a drive-by, you do a blow-by. I thought you meant like a lot lizard-type thing. Like you drive-by. Blow by. No, you're literally in a low rider.

You'd slow down. You see a family, hopefully shorter people. Blow rider. And just, yeah, blow, you just blow them. And you just blew that Korean man over. Yeah. And how long have you been working here? Not long enough.

Blow off. But one of the things I do, we're in the communication game, right? Correct. We're doing a podcast right now. and I don't want, like, so many podcasts, my podcast to get stale. Smart. So what I do, my guy, is I blow the molecules and the atoms around. Yeah, like a snow globe.

I keep them moving. That's good. Nothing sits still on the Harland Highway. You should have those seats that explode. Pardon me? No, so I was saying you should have those seats that explode and you parachute into the sky. I'm sorry, a little louder. I'm saying that.

The reason 9-11 happened was George Bush was mad about Barbara Bush looking like the thing. Oh. And had he put some, you know, moisturized her on her. Then 9-11 might not have happened. It's all on Wikipedia. Yeah. R-R-Apedia, because we made it. I have a spider web on the brim of my hat.

It's hanging around like a poltergeist looking for a wet cleanest. That might be one of your hair. Yeah. You should blow it off. When was the last time you did a blow by? I did one up in Burbank about three weeks ago. And they need it. They need more noise in Burbank.

That airport is not loud enough. Oh, this family, they're out on their front lawn playing, what's that thing, Cornhole? Yeah. And they didn't see it coming. I just drove by. Blew the young one. There was a three-year-old blew him about four blocks.

And the teenager, I blew them right through the Arby's drive-thru, the little whore. Now this sounds like a different story. Well, it's a blow-by. You don't know what's going to happen. And did he still win the game of cornhole or the whole family's gone? Oh, the cornhole game was flying through there. You ever see the Wizard of Oz when everyone's twirling around? Yeah, of course.

Oh, the cornhole was blowing around like Dolly Part and just sucked Vaseline off the side of a fucking museum. And where do they land? Where does the family land? We don't care. We just blow. We don't, I'm not in charge of landing. Ah, that's a different guy. Yeah, they land where they land, my guy.

And where do you find the power to plug in? That's a big question. Oh, she's battery operated. She is? Yeah, she's solar. Ah. Solar. I barely know her.

That's the cool. Dude, isn't that night? You want to give her a run guy? Absolutely, yeah. You look like I see it in your eyes. You want to give her a run. Okay, so is it a trigger on it? Oh, there you go.

Oh, God. I'm almost slow. Wow. Is this a hemi or a V8? That's a V8. You can drink it? Can you really? Yeah. Is this with a tomato juice?

Yeah. Is there anything? Get some one of these spider webs out here. And so does the barrel of the front? So because the front of it, it has like a narrow angle. You're blowing yourself, guy? Desper times. I feel like I'm back in the pandemic.

Isn't it nice, the dirt on it, though? It's just got that grit. How does my hair look? Oh, it looks like you've just been blown in a shell station. Do you want to fix it a little bit? Yeah. Close your eyes. Okay, yeah, I'll go ahead and do that.

Ready? Yeah. Yeah, all right. Can I do a number three on the side? All right, yeah, thank you. Oh, yeah. You look like Teen Wolf, except you didn't go through puberty. You're like prepubescent wolf

Oh no Pre-pubescent wolf There now you look like teen wolf But do I look manlier now? Yeah It looked like you just Came out of a motel 6 And you rolled seven hotties

On a different blowby Yeah you got that kind of Just been power slammed hair Yeah And that's what I've always wanted This is a good look Yeah we'll go ahead and keep the hat off for now Because we just did a blowby

dude that spider web was one of the weirdest it was uh dancing a little bit it was like it was weird it was like formative how it felt it was a performative spider web yeah it was fall like it wanted you to notice it was like you know you ever like take the long route home just in case somebody notices you yeah kind of one of those yeah or you go to a different 7-11 just to really get get down the block and show off a little bit excuse me for staring but your hair looks for freaking fabulous guy i didn't know where you were going i didn't know if you're going to say like no i was going to swear are you allowed to do that i am but i didn't want to ruin the moment like your hair can i see i can kind of see it in the camera dude what i mean what do i look you look fresh off a

lime scooter what are we thinking here oh this is actually kind of a vibe dude this is this is kind of this is hot i might do this yeah before going on stage because i feel like i have some I'm kind of like... Yeah. You can say anything with hair like this. Dude, that is major. Just rolled in from Toledo. Major.

See, I tried to do... Okay, so you caught me with a couple of oldie references. Silence of the Lambs. I think there was another one. You had no clue. Barbara Bush. I know where that is. The thing.

The thing. So here's where I'm up. I'm going to admit to my shortcomings. I'm going to be a man. Of course. Even though I just blew you. I'm going to be a man. You can still be a man to do that.

Yeah. And I'm going to say, I'm a little out of touch. I don't like to say that to my viewers. But you always seem, I see you at the comedy clubs, I see you hanging around town. You always seem to have the latest jive. You seem to have the latest lingo, the latest crack-a-lack. I just made that up to try and seem relevant. Yeah.

But what is some of the latest, like, street talk, like the, the cool words that I should know, even though I'm all, I'm cool. What's your latest, what's the last word you learned, and I'll see where you are on the spectrum of the words? Okay, I learned it and I hate it. Uh-oh. I'll use it in a sentence. It's not the one Papa John said, is it?

It's, it's, hey, guy, you want to collab? Oh, and how does that feel when you say it? Yeah. I feel like, You hit you right here. Yeah, I feel like I got... Club, yeah, it doesn't feel collaborative. It feels like you want to do the opposite.

Yeah, I hate it. Do you want to collab? And what was the context of it? You were on a nice date. You looked at her, you said, hey, after this place, you know, a dinner date, you go to my place, have a little bit of wine, we can collab.

No. Oh, okay. It was one of those things where you ask someone if they want to collab on a video. Yeah. Like on Instagram or something. It feels slutty. but we should collab.

Yeah. Get away from me. Like, as a guy who's more in tune with the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the words. Yep. Am I going wrong using collab? Is that a faux pa?

No, it's very normal. Yeah, I think there's cringier words out there. I mean, you probably didn't know the word Riz. A little bit. Talk to me. It drives from the word charisma. Oh, see, I didn't know that. Yeah, Wikipedia.

So it's like, you know, if you would Riz up a woman and then maybe add a J to it later. What's the J? J-R-R-R-R-S. Riz to the J-R-R-S? Take the R-R-R-I, Z-Z. I can write it out of me. Riz to the Jiz? Yeah.

Because a successful Riz could lead to a successful. See? Clueless, bro. It all brings us back to Barbara Bush. Dude. So Riz is a big one. Yeah. I mean, I mean, this is probably the most current.

Yeah. Here we go. Okay, here we go. Yeah. I'm going to throw a few out there and see. Please. I need it. Do you know, ORA?

Wasn't that the wailing free willy? That was Orca. Yeah. Or close. Dyslexic, same thing. Ora is like if somebody has the, like if somebody's the big guy in town. Yeah. You walk in the room and everybody turns and everybody.

and there was wow, whoa, that Trevor guy's got some aura. It's like he's just got, he's got his energy, right? Yeah, energy. Yeah. Oro is like a very like,

you have it. You know who also has a lot of oras as fat people? They eat them by the bag. Hmm. Sorry, that's Oreos. Oreos. Oriot, onion, onion.

Okay, so aura. Ores. And then if somebody is looking, for it and they're trying to find it like they're trying to manifest it. Yeah. You say, or a farming. So, so let's say you saw somebody on the, on the

patio of the comedy store and they're smoking cigarettes hand-rolled. They're really looking to be noticed. Okay. But they're not, they're not hitting the guy, ah, guys, aura farming. Oh, so he's like being pretentious about it. Yeah, he's looking for it. Yeah. He's farming for it. Oh, that's kind of

weird. It is. So you can see somebody out there's kind of aura farming right now. Or it could be positive. Like, he's really doing he's got a he's got a he's harvesting and you can spot that type of thing oh yeah you can too you can see it it's kind of like if somebody's like like a try hard if somebody is trying too hard yeah yeah or a farming or a farming yeah yeah yeah is there a word called aura forming is there is that in the dictionary maybe maybe if you're on the come up you're always or is forming it's aura forming I wonder if aura can I check Amber Amber can you

you check is aura forming a word can you just check or a forming form or a form oriform form form form f-or-m-m-o-rform f-or-m form or form chloroform's one chloroform i know that one my dad used to use that to put me to sleep when i was 15 and i'm over here using melatonin like an idiot yeah so what is it The meaning of oriform, it's shaped like a human ear, so used in mollusk shells. Oriform is shaped like a human ear and used in mollusk shells. So it is a word. It is. You just aura-farmed aura form.

Wow. You're really hip to these streets, Arlen. I'm hipper than I thought I was. You are. And this is the most popular one right now, and it's gone above and beyond, but six, seven. Where are we at with that? six seven isn't that the convenience store that's only open half the day you're still dyslexic 76 gas station oh yeah yeah yeah yeah there might be a 67 well if you don't if you own a convenience

store you don't want to stay open 711 ah you look as someone who is a co-partner in wikipedia you got to know this stuff. I'm sorry. Somebody must have changed it last night when I was looking at it. But see, what I'm realizing from this is this is why we're such a great team because in your own way, CEOs. You got the aura forming stuff and then I bounced back with some stuff you didn't know and the two halves make a Shazam and they are the winners, my seven viewers. Is that seven already? Seven. Nice. Six, seven. Do you know anything about? the 6-7 craze? No, what is it?

Tell me. This is why I'm asking you. The internet doesn't even know. It kind of got big out of like a joke that it's big, that people were making something big out of nothing, and now it's everywhere. South Park was talking about it. It's, uh... What?

I don't even know what it means. I don't know what it means. It's from like a song. Six-seven. Yeah, and then people afterwards do this with their hands. Go on stage tomorrow and I and just go six-seven and do that with your hands. I feel like I'm being set up for something. I know.

I swear. If you're having six-seven on your phone, it's everywhere. So it's just the number six, seven. No correlation to the number at all. Oh, it's not. I mean, who knows? Can you use it in a sentence for me? Six, seven.

That's it. Six, seven. Is that a sentence? To some, it is. To some it is. If you're in middle school, that's like, like, there's clips online where like all, like, the basketball team is at 65 and they make a two-point shot, goes six-seven, six-seven. It's, nobody knows what it means, but it's, it's, it's just innately in everybody. If you're under 18, you, you just love it.

You have no idea why, but you just do. Like, teachers in class stop saying it because it, it gets a reaction every time. I wonder if you said it at a strip joint when a girl's on stage leading down to you, six, seven, and now suddenly you're juggling her. Hoot or nannies. Hoot or nannies. Well, it's offensive because she might take it as like you're saying she's a six or a seven. Oh, right.

You got to go 10, 10. You got to go 10, 10. Well, you could. I mean, it depends what strip club you've been to. There's some ones with some six, sevens in there. Yeah, I usually go to the Shell Station up in Bakersfield. It's sort of not a legal strip joint, but if you go behind stall number eight, there's always a nudie.

Yeah, there's a little passageway. There's always a nudie in there. Do you remember the first time you encountered a nudie? like at a strip joint Or just anywhere I remember in the woods I feel like P-O-R-N as I call it

was always in the woods growing up Oh, tell me What was your first thing? I found a magazine in a Where I grew up There was a river river bank Yeah river bank It was like a Wells Farago type of thing

Yeah There was a river bank And my friends and I We always go down there in middle school And we found a magazine A very clear image in my head This lady had a bottle of lipstick And she was putting it in her hoo-ho-ha

for real i yeah wait this was in the magazine or you saw a person on the riverbank doing this i wish was a second but it was in the magazine in the okay but the magazine was wide open in the riverbank kind of covered up in the sand a little bit like somebody had been making their own riverbank and it was just it was in the ground it had like sand on it and i that image is so clear in my head but i feel like the woods always had some of those nudie mags in yeah there's always nudie mags spread around in the woods I wonder if the fish were up looking at it. You know, fish sometimes stick their heads up? Oh, to get some air, get some else?

Or some nudie stuff. Yeah, we had a, my friend Jason, his older brother would go to Vegas with his friends. He'd come back with those baseball cards with the tits on it. Yeah. He'd pass those out, like, holographics. I mean, he'd be like, please, just get us warm. Yeah, what a friend. Yeah.

My first time going to a strip joint, I went in Toronto with my cousin, Chris. and he's one of the funniest guys I've ever met my life and we went into one I think we were 17 or 16 we snuck into one and I'm there thinking oh wow we're going to see nude girls

but to my cousin Chris everything was a joke and so this girl came out and she started dancing for about five minutes and I was just kind of like holy smokes and in his mind he just sat there

and he went put it on put it on I think he was, you know, normally they'd yell, take it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was yelling, put it off. And she just, we almost had to run out of there, like, but that was my- She reacted to it pretty badly.

Oh, yeah, she was not happy to put it on, it on, right. Yeah. Your most vulnerable state in somebody's like, enough of this. Yeah. Cover those things up. And so in Canada, for strip clubs, are they throwing loonies and tunis? Is it a different paperweight that they're thrown out there? Are the coins dentures? Oh, yeah.

I think they used to throw coins on the stage. yeah yeah wow and then they got to collect it like a coin star yeah are they still doing coin star i don't know because this guy had such a funny joke in the back of the day coin star he had a funny ass joke coin star that's where you pour all your change into the machine i want to say his name is antoine he'd be like it's funny because you never feel like a star at coin star yeah such a simple just feel like a low life yeah but the noise it made was so loud it didn't have it was like the reverse Vegas element where yeah yeah yeah yeah And it sounded like you were winning, and then you distribute your $5.46.

Yeah, and everyone's, it's right by the checkout, and everyone's watching you, and you're the loser that they're buying their food, and you're the loser that can't afford the food. Right, and then you've got to go shop with that. Yeah. So you're buying it with change money. It almost feels better to keep the change, because the weight to it feels so, like, half do you feel like you really have a full bank's amount, and then you transfer it, it was never more than $20. I think Malamo has like $11.

Yeah. And the coins start would take their money from it. Yeah, yeah, RIP to the penny. It's gone. It's gone. How are people going to find luck anymore? Well, the luck is that we don't have to stand behind an old lady at the drugstore at the grocery store, who for some reason thinks the change has an ending. Ma'am, that'll be $4.86.

E, he, he he he. Like they rifle through their little purse. Like if they get rid of it, there's never going to be any more change. Finally, I got rid of the change on these onions. And it's like, no, ma'am, you're going to have change again. Just give them a dollar and get the hell out of my way. You prune wrinkled, saliva sucking, salamander egg sniffing, Chinese fortune cookie licking, freak sucking fuck machine.

And that's all one word, right? Yeah. Yeah, it always blows on my own. People write a check at the grocery store because they just write it to like Ralph's. It's just to Ralph. Ralph. And how do they check that?

Who's in the back doing direct deposit of that thing? They got the mobile app open. Is there a Ralph? Like, is there a real Ralph? There's a Ralph and a Lauren. Ralph Lauren. Oh, wow. Now we're back at it.

Now we're back at it. His full name is Ralph Lauren. Dunn. And then he shoots him. Wow. So I have a question about the Bakersfield. Yeah. Do people know your stage name?

No. Well, people who see me walk out know it on that night, but I change it all the time. And what is that for just to keep it interesting? Or do you talk about it or not talking about it? I never mention it. It's the reason I do it. Oh, before we do that, I'm going to answer your question, but I didn't even give you a proper introduction. Folks, Trevor Wallace is here, my guys.

Thank you so much. We got so riffy. We forgot to even tell them who this amazing man is. We leaf blue past it. Yeah, we leaf blue past it. Trevor Wallace, amazing comedian, podcaster, YouTube, comedy videos. Thank you. What don't you do, Wild Child?

I guess blowbyes. You will. Yeah, I will. I'll do a loony bin in Tulsa. I'll do some blowbyes. But buddy, welcome back your second visit to the holiday. The highway. The Halle Highway podcast, ladies and gentlemen.

But to answer your question, I go up on stage with phony names like, you know, Johnny, you know, Waffle Burger or like Jimmy. Crackle seed or Jimmy Pineapple because I find that when you go up as a zero entity, when you go up with no attachment, you don't have a name, you don't have credits, psychologically for me, when there's nothing attached to me, I'm just a person, and I have to walk through that curtain and just be funny as a nobody. And the amount of pressure it takes off of me and the amount of fun it injects into me, I go out there totally unencumbered. I have no fear of failure. I have no fear of, I don't have any expectations, nothing. Yeah. So I just,

I'm like a leaf blowing down a sidewalk and hopefully I can make you laugh. And so it just puts my mind at ease. I hate going up as my own name because with a name comes attachments. Right. So that's the... Attachments becomes credits.

Credits or just people have a history of you or even myself. I've got a history. I've got a Wikipedia even though I invented it. Yeah. Well, you have one for both. Right. But I don't want to walk out on stage

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Telecharge your card rabet at wigovi.ca.orgia right. These exclusions can't apply. Of all my history and knowledge and everything. So when I make up a goofy name

and say I'm Johnny Coconut from Bakersfield, well I'm just out there and it's just, It's beautiful. I'm in the shimmer. Yeah, and when you get off, do you say Harlan at all? I never do.

I don't care about status or credits. It's almost funner to me that they don't know. Like, who is that guy? How many people do you think go home and Google Johnny Coconut from Bakersfield comedian? I don't know, but I remember when I was first starting out in comedy up in Canada. I was in this little town outside of Toronto called Mississauga. Yeah. And it was.

After I finished my show, this beautiful girl came up to me at the end of the show, and she goes, would you like to go for a drink, Luke Skywalker's Toolbox? Like, she just, that's what I went up as Luke Skywalker's Toolbox.

I would come up the most, and... Oh, so you've been doing this. Oh, I've been doing this since I started. And now that people, like, not now that people know, because you've been, your very establishment is so good at what you do.

I would say, like, with Kill Tony, it's really like a lot of people, like, that's Harlan. It's Harlan. I know. Or is it funnier that you go out not as Harlan because they're like, dude, that's Harlan doing it a bit. Well, I don't impose it on other people. Like when I go and do a comedy club proper for a weekend where I'm a headliner, I don't have the right to do that because they're marketing me. So I can't go out as... Blue Skyworkers Toolbox might be pretty well. It might. It might...

It might do in the Midwest, yeah, where all the blue collar workers are. But and when I go on another person's podcast, I don't want to have... Because some people don't like it. Like I'll tell MCs, I'll go, hey, introduce me as this. And they're, no, I'm not doing that. Like, they get mad. Well, they think that you're going to, like, try to, like, bait and switch them. Yeah.

How did he just call me? And it actually, when they don't do it, I actually go up on stage on a little bit of a downer. Really? Like, it actually impacts me. I go, oh, fuck, they said my name. And then worse, if they say credits. Yeah. And I'm just like, I don't want any of that.

I don't want attachments. I want to be just a free flowing thing. You're such a fun act to watch. I always, you know, if we're on the same lineup, try to catch you said, it's so fun. It's just so unique in a sense of just like, sometimes I just like, I almost wait for somebody to do something, like whether they sneeze or they get up to go to the bathroom.

I almost wait for just those awkward moments because I know there's some fun. I got a, I got a pick on them. I love it. Well, that's the favorite is, The owl. The owl. You tell people you're like, ma'am, if you could turn your head around like an owl, two, three, six.

What is that one? I don't want to burn bits on the pot, but it's so funny. No, I don't mind. It's so funny. I do a bit where I say to the lady, like I say it now and then I go, ma'am, I'll see a lady just sitting there watching the show and I go, man, man, will you start spinning your head around like a baby owl

and puke out manatee parts? Like, just stupid stuff. I love it. So, I love it. Oh, thank you, buddy. I appreciate it. But that's the story. Everyone, half people don't believe why I do it or why I do it, but that's, that's it.

You should try it one night. Yeah. It's very liberating. A random name. A random name. And just, it's very, it's sort of like, it gives you a blank check. It's weird. Psychologically, it really.

And I mean, for the most part, if people don't know you, then it doesn't really matter what your name is. Like, yeah. Sure, there might be some people in the crowd who know me, but if nobody, if somebody, If somebody just at, like, the laugh act, I have no idea. The name doesn't really matter. It doesn't. They just see a guy.

Neither do credits. That's what I mean. Your job, like, I always, it's also to put pressure on myself because my job is just a human being, Adams particles. Oh, I'm sorry. Adams Apple. That was the name you went up last night. Yeah.

Adams Apple. Luke Skywalker's Adams Apple. Adams Apple from Appleton, Wisconsin. From Appleton. I, um. But just to go out and, and, and, and be funny. And I don't have the pressure, and I can just let it rip. So there it is.

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So please, please, please support the Harland Highway Show and tell them that our show sent you. Get Ridge, get Midge, get Fidg, just get ridge I remember wanting credit so bad when I first started out that like I would take anything Yeah if I was on a flappers Which is a comic club in Burbank

Yeah Where you do your blowby as you frequent Yeah And I was like I did three minutes And the headliner Was an hour after me And I would be like open for so on or I was in the background Of a show on Fusion TV

And I was like you can say I've been on Fusion TV Like I wanted a credit It's so bad because it felt like validation. It's validation. And that's the thing when you don't have any validation. It just gives you free rein. It's counterintuitive, but it's almost better. It gives you total free reign because if you go out with credits, this guy, oh, this guy was on HBO and he was on Letterman and he was in this movie.

Well, now people are like, oh, this guy's got to be great. Got to be the best in a lot of them. And so now you've, even if you're good or not good, you've added that. to your kind of mindset and I just like going out blank. You ever add like a fake credit or does that make it too gimmicky for like you know I don't even like that like a lot of times emcees will go

oh this guy you just wandered in it's his first night doing stand-up and I'm like no don't because now you've you've created too much of a character yeah you've added something to nothing so just a fake I tell people I go just the fake name nothing else and you give them a fake name or they make it up when they're up there I'll give it to them, but a lot of times they forget because it's a stupid, weird name, and they weren't ready for it. So I said, if you forget, just say whatever you want, and that's good enough for me. And you do that every show, even like at the store?

Every show. If I'm not billed as the weekend headliner comic where the club's got my name, if it's just a spot where I'm working out, oh yeah, always. I got mad at Bobby Lee a few weeks ago, probably a few months ago, because I talked. told him, I said, hey, don't, here's the name, like, you know, Pineapple Billy from Bakersfield. And he went up and he was like, this next guy you've seen him and half baked and dumb and dumber. And he's done, and he's one of my, he's one of the funniest. And I'm just like, I'm not one of the funniest. I'm just, I don't want to be that. Yeah. So anyways, is there any part of you that wants to walk out and be like, oh, yeah, Harlan canceled. I'm

pineapple, no. No, I don't want any attachment. I just want to be a human walking out and seeing if I can make people laugh. That's awesome. Yeah. That's really fun. It's fun. Speaking of bits, my guy. Bits.

One of my favorites, and I'm, you know, sometimes people don't want to talk about their bits, but I don't know why. Yeah. I always go into mine. You can say pass or not pass, but recently somebody speaking in an out burger was trying to get in there and the lines were a little long, weren't they? oh my the bit i do about in and out yeah i love that bit it's it's we talk about that please i love it i love it i love that bit so much and it it honestly hurts because it only

california is really the only place that has in and out like Vegas and Arizona do have it but it's not the same yeah because i mean it's scorching so they don't really keep their drive to employees but it's like i just talk about how far they are sometimes you don't even know what in and out they work for you're just driving and then you stumble across an in and out employee you know there's an in and out up ahead not because your GPS says there's in it's because there's traffic for two blocks it goes all of a sudden green green green

and then red arrow on La Siena go and you go in and out's opening up I think it's so funny and they're dressed so ridiculous they literally are dressed like a Navy seal coming home for the summer they have these stupid fucking canoe hats on the little hats

everything about it to me is just so funny and I think that just to set the foundation for those of you that don't know what in and out is. It's a famous popular burger joint in L.A. And it's so popular always packed that you used to be able to

pull up to the speaker box but now the lines are so long that they send their employees. They send all the way to stand. They send a satellite out there and he's got an iPad by himself and he's got some giant Bobby pin off Etsy on his back. And I guess you talk to

an in and out employee and they're super, they're dialed in on it. They know what they're doing where they're like I guess the second they order they can make it, but they can't since they say it's like fresh never frozen maybe that's wendy's i don't know square patty but they say once once you order on the ipad they can start making it so it speeds the lineups somehow i i'm guessing but it's so it's i laugh when i go there because the line is so long that they like they come up to your car and then the car ahead of them pulls forward and they go you could just follow me up real quick we just just walk with me so i mean this guy's a one-man

van over he's taking your order on an ipad while hitting the shuffle on defense on your car this guy's waiting to get crossed up by our Kia Sorrento and if you go just follow me up right here and just go ahead and just hit it's and my whole point of this bid is like they don't take tips they don't take tips they don't them and Chick-fil-A do not take tips oh wow yeah every goddamn barista in the world

it's like it's just gonna ask you a question here's my question why aren't you in the street taking my order yeah yeah they don't take tips of there and Chick-flai doesn't take tips I think because it's a Christian company Oh, right. They got those verses on the bottom of the cup. But also in church, they take tips.

The communion. Yeah. So we got to pick a lane here. Yeah, pick a lane. And I'm not an anti- drive-thru lane even. Now, we're talking. And I'm not an anti-Christster,

but like, you got to, if you're donating a church, you can donate to the chick-fil-a-employed with a face tat. I think they're getting away from their M-O. Yeah. I swear to God, last Saturday, I saw a Chick-fil-A employee with a face-tap. What was the tat of? Chicken? Yeah.

Smart play. Yeah. Do you know that cereal? killer's favorite fast food restaurants or is chick fillet it was that or is that just a fact serial killer

sereal killer chick chick fillet fillet chick oh play a chick oh malle check oh what are

she a great big fat person speaking of the ladies you do a lot of cool podcasts you interview a lot of haughty And you talk a lot about women. You talk about relationships. I've seen a lot of clips where you're talking to some pretty salty sailor-type girls.

You talk to girls that are uninhibited. Uninhibited. What does that mean? Well, just I've seen some clips where you're talking to women and it's sort of no holds barred in the sexual arena. And not you, but they're very chatty about what they do, what they like to do. Those clips are fun. I just say whatever.

I know, but they're saucy. they are well I'm always thinking like wow it's like if they're dressed to attend in their outfit and they're stunning and they got their makeup on it's like what words can I say that's going to be more eye-catching like remember do you ever do the hooters on Hollywood Boulevard for stand-up or you ever

no I never did it used to be a room at the top of the hooters on Hollywood Boulevard on the nipple the ariola okay the ariola room but like I always remember of like doing stand-up in that room that was like the room to get on back in the open mic days and I remember like what am I going to say it's going to be more impressive than double d's and that's kind of how i think about

these some of these like these like blind dating shows i go like what crazy flirtatious thing can i do where it's like you know you're there's there's a gorgeous attractive woman on the screen what what do i don't look well my my looks are not competing with her so i got to say something crazy to try and compete yeah yeah but yeah i do those they're fun man they're they're they're great because you show up for an hour you say some cute fun pump I know, but you're also gleaning knowledge, and so I have to ask for them, not for me. What's trending in the bedroom these days, my guy? What is the big go-to in the world of naughty, sexy, dirty, greasy?

Well, what's trending? I'm a pretty vanilla guy. I did start reading a book called She Comes First, and I haven't been able to finish it, which is a sad fact. trying to finish a woman i can't finish a book what's it about i don't know i'm on page four the pages stuck together first two that's why just index

wow i was index on the index what are women in into the bedroom yeah what's trending based on what you're when you're talking to these salty dames what's sweet sailor you know what it is it's in here we go it's i find there's two sides of the spectrum it's really like full like choking spit and hawking and two and I or it's just tender love and

caring a lot of four play okay to some five play like it feels like it's just like six seven at the end of the day women just want uh that the kind of the buildup of love and nurturing and the foreplay to it but I'm a pretty I'm a pretty bland guy I'm not yown anything crazy I'm not You know, I might... Do we want to cut that part out? The bland guy? I don't know if that's going to really help you sell. I choke myself a lot.

Okay. You know, you're getting back. And that's good. Well, I do that, you know, just to, like, hope that the air chokes from here and goes somewhere else. You know, it's like, if you squeeze one leg on a balloon animal, it's got to go somewhere. So if I cut the circulation from one hat, it goes in their head, do know what I'm saying all that? And you can leave that in if you want. Yeah, so what I'll also do is I'll put a blow dryer.

I'll put a blow I'll put one of those in my mouth I really hope that I kind of just Yeah exactly A lot of that's going on in the bedroom Is necrophilia And I know we shouldn't talk about it But is that coming around again

Or was it ever a thing? Necrophilia Have you tried that one yet? I've never really been into necks But you know There's an act There is an act for it Yeah

Do you know Have any of your friends done The necrophilia? I know there's some foot philias out there. I got a couple of guys like to feel a couple feet But they don't know what it is For those of you that don't know

What is necrophilias When you have Intimate pleasures with a corpse Oh I was thinking Are you pretending you didn't know No Wow now that's some good acting

That was in silence with the lambs Oh wait You're a big fat person You didn't know what necrophilia No I did It took a minute Because it's Greek Yeah. I always wondered my guy in The Walking Dead.

Okay. You know, we had all these armies of dead zombies. Yeah. Why didn't we just in one episode, maybe up in a window at the end of the street, Necrophilia Larry? He's the one guy loving the zombie apocalypse. He sees 300 zombies coming down the street. He's up in his window.

Oh, Daddy, go have some fun tonight. Yeah, that's his, like, 72 virgins right there. Paula. Yeah. I mean, the necrophelian zombie world? Why don't we ever see that guy? That is funny. That's like releasing the hounds on, like, a burglar or something.

Yeah. Release the necrows. Dude. I don't know. Maybe it's good to keep, like, a, like, not a necrophilia near you, but, like, in range. That way, if zombies attack, you got one, like, on call. You know how, like, pawn stars? They always got a guy who, like, can vouch for an autograph or, like,

price it out. Maybe like have a necrophil on the phone. So if a zombie comes in you're like, hey, Glenn, I need you come down from Glenn Dale. You think there's any Glenn's in Glendale? Wow. There's any Dale's in Glendale? Oh, wow. You ever think a Glenn and a Dale married each other in Glendale? Oh, wow.

Yeah. This is Wikipedia magic right here. But I'm thinking, though, if you're on to something here, if there's zombies coming at you, they're so accustomed to just being shot. Gun, gun, gun. already dead, hatch it in the head, but if someone instead grabbed one of the emaciated

Karen Carpenter-ish freaks and slowly bent it down and planted a beautiful French kiss on its mouth and made tender love on a curb or underneath a fire hydrant, maybe the-in-front-a-penny-wise Yeah, maybe the other zombies would stop and just go, oh, and do you think, and maybe zombies have a type or they go, that's not really my type. Yeah. Do zombies only love other zombies? human tries to kiss it. Oh, yeah.

Get this freak out of here. Too alive. Your breath smells too good. Get away. What did you brush all of your teeth you still have? That's disgusting. What did you just have a shower? Oh, God, this hair.

Is that pert plus? Oh. It's not a bad idea. Because then on the other hand, you can keep a zombie on your side so somebody tries to break into your house and touch you inappropriately. You release a zombie on them. Right. Yeah.

you have both. You just got to make sure they don't start kissing. I never understood in the zombie apocalypse too. Was it brown pants day? Like did everyone just put on their brown? You never see the zombie that was wearing the victorious secret before she died. No jorts. You don't see george. You don't, you don't see someone in their C-3 pia pajamas. It's always brown pants and a ripped up greasy shirt. No nikes. Yeah, where's the nikes? You're no running shoes, but you're chasing people barefoot. Put some air Jordan's. Get a little air in your step, Zombo. These are the real questions that people should be asking.

But they're only wearing pants, which is kind of respectful that they don't want to flash you while they're trying to, like, cry. Well, here's the thing, you know, they're wearing pants. Yeah. When they died, their waist was 36. When they stood up as a zombie,

their waist is like a Karen Carpenter 7. How are the damn pants staying on? And there's no belt you're seeing. Even if there was, it would just, fall right down. Huh. I feel like we're being lied to. Zombies even real, I'm wondering, at this point?

That's what I'm starting to think. I'm starting to think that's not real. Might be a flat zombieer after this. Jesusu, Christina. And they don't have eyeballs, but they can still see. Yeah. Who's controlling them? Maybe it's like one of those Postmates robots.

You see, dropping off your food. Oh, yeah. That's what, instead of those, they should just have zombies walking around with a lasagna. You know, they don't, they only want to eat people. And I would imagine zombies are probably warmer so we can keep your breadsticks warmer. Yeah, have a zombie deliver your dominoes because they don't want anything to do with food. You know they're never going to do one of those Uber Eats things where they,

does anyone, they steal a nibble. Yeah. They just want to get to you. And you've given them their address. Zominoes. Zominoes. Wow. You almost did, like a verbal blowbuzz.

right there. That was our verbal trademark right there. Speaking of bodies. Okay. Your body. Trevor Wallace's body. 6.5. Are there areas of your body? And I think I know the answer. And it's with all of us,

them too. The Dementtoids. Do you believe you're, how old are you? 32. There's areas of your body, Trevor Wallace. that you've probably only touched a dozen times in your whole life. How many times have you put your finger in the arch of your foot?

How many times have you put a finger between your toes? Can you believe it? You've been wearing that skin, your epidural layer, the biggest organ on your body, and there's regions of Trevor Wallace that you've barely touched. Do you think there's anywhere in my body that I haven't touched? Like if there's a dirty coat, there might be. Some of the weird ripples and flaps in your ear.

ears. But even like the like the parts of your back like I'm sure I've gone over it enough but like you know if a dirty car you remember hand you can see where where you didn't touch I would I would love that maybe I should just not shower for a long time and then live like that and see where I'm not touching you know what about that where I live too all the time I'll walk in my house and let's touch a wall and go I've never touched that wall right yeah but now it's you my guy holy shit like how can we ignore our own flesh and blood there's areas that we don't how many times if you literally rubbed your finger up and down your Achilles tendon on your heel. Yeah.

And that's something I want to put on my vision board for this year. Start rubbing the tendons a little more. I don't know. That is very... Not odd? You know, it's also interesting. I met a guy recently and met a guy, it's a guy to do a podcast with Michael Blouse. I'm a very funny guy.

Oh, yeah. He told him he had never... And maybe this was just our generation, my generation. He said he had never seen his own. asshole and I thought that blew my mind I said you never had a middle school day where you were taking a shower and you looked at that mirror and you said it's just me and you buddy

and then just turn around hit a 180 with the owl spin and spread a cheek or two I bet he said he never haven't really that a lot of people what what point are you eating dinner and you're like you know after dinner I think I'd like to see my asshole eating some meatloaf I don't know

like a what but to your point like you want to touch everything and on your body At some point, I want to see what everything, every angle of me looks like. Yeah. You ever seen the back of yourself? It's not good. Not really. I'm not into scapulas.

They look like prison drawers that want to close and open. But you ever, like, see yourself reflection, like, walking past the coffee shop or, like, in the security camera walking into CVS? You go, that's the back of me. Yeah. Ugh. Well, here's a case and point. This will sound crazy because you comb your hair, you cut your hair. but take your finger

and find the very center of the top of your skull like right at the back point right where if you were to balance a pencil on your head you'd have to find the exact do you feel that little spot? Yeah. How many times have you ever touched that? Like directly.

And when you touch it, you can almost feel it going right down. It's the very center of your body. If there was a drain, that's where the drain would be. You think you'd be up top or down here? Or that's where you insert. Yeah, maybe you're right, the plug in. But it's just, it's odd.

We live with this shell and there's areas we've never even really touched. What part of your body do you think you touch the least and the most? Family-friendly answer. I guess my hands I touch the most because we're always sort of touching our hands. But are you touching your own hands or your hands are touching other? A lot of times you're touching your hands, I feel. And maybe my face, I think we've probably touched our face. Great question.

And the one, the least, I think it would be, like I said, areas around my feet, maybe parts of my ear. I think I'm doing a lot of grabbing my left cheek. Your butt cheek. I don't think my left cheek. I don't know. I don't think it's a lot of play. Huh. That seems lonely.

Yeah. Because the right cheek gets all the action for, like, you know. leaning up to light, but I think left cheek is kind of more like a tripod than it is part of the body. Maybe you should start, you know, given a little more tender squeezing. I want to be ambidextrous next year. Bless you. Yeah. It's a great point. I mean, there's also a lot of toes, you know, you might touch your feet a lot or touch all your toes, but when was that time you, and I don't even know what they're all called you, your pinky toe and your big toe. Piggy. In the middle. Piggy. Piggy.

all little piggies. Oh, yeah, they did change it. But then think about the part, let's say this is the foot. Yeah. There's the ball of the toe. Correct. And then there's the...

Oh, yeah. But that's part in between, how often have you ever touched between the ball of your toe and the stem or whatever it is, the bottom part? Maybe when I got a colonoscopy. Like, never.

Reach down there. Stop ignoring your bodies, people, is what I'm trying to say. There's a lot of people listening to this right now who are just going to start touching their bodies. and realize what places they don't frequently touch. Yeah, get in touch with yourself. But what is funny.

Oh. reminds me of something, you know, on the side of the hips feels you're like, all right, just ran, I'm out of breath. Yeah. Up here, same thing out of breath. Touch your legs cold or you're nervous. Touch your bottom, your toes, you're stretching. Yeah.

I don't know what it means to touch the back of your calves. I think it might mean you're a farmer? I don't know. I'll let you know when it comes to me. Why would you have calves? Unless you're a farmer. Yeah. You know, you've got to do something with the herd.

Orpham? Uh, buddy. Are you ready for our final segment? I think we've earned it. I think we've earned it. Is this good? Dude, are you kidding? The new founders of Wikipedia?

Suck myself. I mean, why isn't Wikipedia making Bitcoin? That's where everybody wants. Make a Bitcoin, make a Lubu. Do you know what the Lubu is? Isn't that Yogi Bear's demented cousin? Yes. Hey, Yogi Bear here.

Thanks, Yogi. And that's what you say on the second date if she shows up again. Oh, wait. Would she a great big... Hey, hey, Yogi Bear here. No. Yeah, you're such a good voice actor. I do so much of it.

Do you have one that hasn't landed before that you pitched? A voice? Yeah. That I've pitched? Or something where, like, you came to this character and me, like, I'm going to do it like this. And no, yeah, that's not. I did. one, I did a show called Itsy Bitsy Spider. It was a cartoon. Which is who you just killed with

the Leaf. Yeah, the Leaf. I just leaf. I did a blow pie on Itsy Bitsy. But I did a voice on Itsy Bitsy Spider way back in the early 90s. And the director at that time, this was pre-CGI movies. It ended up, it was a real spider. Yeah, it was Conrad Vernon who went on to be the director of Shrek 2 and Madagascar. Oh, shit. All these huge movies. But he was directing cartoons back then, and he brought me in, and he said, we want to do a voice for this donkey. And I thought, I'm going to do one that they'll never use.

So it was like, yeah, I'm a donkey. Yeah, I'm a stupid donkey. Yeah. Like, I just about threw up my Adam. And he loved it, and he ended up doing it. So that was the one where I thought there's no way. But that's why they hire you is your creative take on what a donkey might sound like instead of just, I would say 9 out of 10 people would do something so far from that.

But they go, I like that. Yeah, it was fun. So I was a surprise, but it sort of set the tone. And I was like, you know what? Just always go with your instincts. Yeah. But this is our segment we do. It's our closing segment.

I don't know if you remember from last time. The clogging segment. Words from a wooden shoe. An original Dutch clog. words inside Trev Can you wear those through TSA? Yeah Yeah yeah you can

Cool I'll check them out Yeah Going to Burbank so grab one of these Grab a word and see if it triggers a story From your wonderful journey in life Someone you know or someone Something that happened to you or Threat while traveling

Oh threat while traveling Interesting Yikesies They're a threat very traveling yeah half the reason while you're thinking about it people don't like to go overseas or go to Mexico or a foreign country they're always afraid and i'm sure people coming to the u.s like oh those people will kill you you go to Mexico they're going to kidnap you you you know so i don't know if anything's ever happened to you where you felt threatened or

something went awry where someone harassed you i don't know maybe not maybe you've never left your house. It's up for this. I have the opposite of a threat, but I don't know if that goes against a grain on this. Whatever it leads you to is the magic of the wooden shoe. This leads me to a lady I sat next to on a flight to Buffalo, New York. Right there, that's danger. Just going to Buffalo. So there is some threat in this. Yeah, that's the threat.

The destination wasn't worth the journey. Absolutely. Great show, but I met an incredible lady. And this lady on our flight to Buffalo had no legs and she was all buffalo wow no wings wow and she was the best person to ever sit next on a flight

because he had more leg room I went to the bathroom so many times on that flight Harlan you know how easy it is when she's in the aisle I'm in the window I mean I might as well have had

I don't even know what's above first class the cockpit seat but I would get up and from the window I almost drop my water from the window waltz to the aisle, hit a sharp 90-degree turn.

And I didn't have to be that asshole. It's like, hey, would you mind? Could you just? Yeah. It was incredible. I wish I could travel with her everywhere. I would almost like go to the bathroom extra just to take advantage. My Apple watch told me to sit down.

They said, you got your steps in already. God damn it. Oh, that was great. And you don't have to worry about them taking their shoes off. A lot of people take their shoes and socks off in the, I don't know if she took her nub wraps off or whatever you call them but I mean you don't want to smell a nub you don't want to be going all the way to

Buffalo sniffing nub meat so hopefully that didn't happen. Maybe on the flight back would be tough but yeah she was great there was another time this is a threat that I remember I was O'Hare Airport Chicago 7 a.m. just a recipe for disaster. Very tense airport

you know everyone's on edge yeah everyone's on edge and you know if they were in a game of Madden their stress levels would be a 99 I would say they're always stressed out and I remember I was walking through the scanner and for some reason the guy just said go back and walk how you normally walk why exactly and that was a threat I was like I don't even how does he know how I this is how I normally walk that's bizarre and I like it was 7 am I was so mad I tried a new walk and I just I looked like an

idiot I was like high stepping I just didn't look I was in a marching band why did he say that I don't know true story. You said, go back and walk how you normally walk. But I just, I just walk through. It's like, I don't... He must have thought maybe your normal gate, which is sexy, by the way, I've seen it. You can only see, you've only seen him from the waist down, but I've watched this man walk. He, Richard Greer, ain't got nothing on this guy's gate. Hey now. But maybe he thought from your particular weight distribution, the way you moved, you were hiding contraband up in the magic fun fun time.

tunnel that could have been it because these guys have a trained eye and you might have been walking sideways like a horseshoe crab or half limping like there was a you know something giant in your rectal area yeah that really just caught me off guard yeah so really than more and go back and walk who you normally walk and like the rest of the line was looking at me like you heard the man and i just i had to do a you turn and i was like i'd rather you frisk me than me try to walk again You know, the thing about O'Hare Baldwin get very insecure there Because they just walk around, they're like, oh, they say what they wish they used to have Right?

And you thought you had a bad crinkle toes or whatever. I don't know what they called you at the, did they give you a name for your weird walk? Bitch. Bitch, oh, bitch legs. Do you have a threat well-traveling story? Oh, I got a beauty. But the words from the wooden shoe. is for the guest.

It's an honored thing for the guest. Mine's long and torrid and scary, but maybe one day I'll tell it if we're out barbecuing under the stars together, sucking tadpole meat down by the bayou. And those pop right off the bone, let's be honest. They come out like edamomonic. They're like meat lollipops.

Yeah. Has anybody ever ventured into that? It's a disgusting thought, but it's probably like, it's like your final skittal in the best. Yeah, because people love frog legs. Yeah. So polywogs, it's like they haven't grown their legs yet.

Jeez. So you're like just getting the meat. You're getting that round piece. It's like a big giant green sperm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Barbara Bush. Look it up on Wikipedia.

Uh, Treb, before we go, my guy, folks, you got to see Trevor stand up. He's incredible. We work all the time at the local clubs. Hilaire. We might have to collab. Yeah. And get on his YouTube. I'm going to let you tell them where they can find your tour schedule.

They can catch your podcast. Let it rip, buddy. Hey, Trevor Walls.com. All the tour dates are like 30 cities. We're doing the Wiltern in Los Angeles. We're doing, we're doing, God damn it, so many freaking cool places. Reno, Nevada, where Larry from Reno might make an appearance. We're doing all up to Los Angeles, California coast.

And then we're doing all of Texas. What about you got anything on YouTube? Long Island, yeah, YouTube, Trevor Wallace on YouTube I got sketches, galore, I got sketches, I got sketches, great sketches, yeah. Fun sketches, it's a wide variety of stuff, sketches, crowdwork, stand-up. Your sketches, podcast, stiff socks.

Stiff socks, and just so you know, his sketches are very well thought out and clever and acted and shot. They're really, really, they're above the pay grade when it comes to YouTube sketches. So please. Thank you, Harlan. Please check them out, honestly.

Buddy, it's almost time for us to go do a blowby in Glendale. Are you still down? Yeah. Yeah, I got mine charging up. Folks, we're going to go do a blowby. That's it for today on the Halle Highway podcast. Thanks for being here. Until next time, chicken chamein.

And please check out Trevor and all his magical cinnamon fun stuff. Thank you for having me. It's always an honor to chatting and always an honor watching you on stage. And what did we invent together? Chicken chau man. Wikipedia. Three, two, one. Wikipedia.

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