The Harland Highway - VALERIE VAUGHN from KILL TONY, becomes a Victoria Secret Angel, and we talk vintage cars and milk!

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

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Hey, folks, yours truly is coming to Texas. That's right, December 13th and 14th. I'll be at Fort Worth Haino's Comedy Club. And then New Year's Eve, December 31st, Dallas Hineas Comedy Club. We're going to have a riot, so we'll see you there, Texas. And oh boy, folks, at the end of the show, we have an audio-only segment with Professor Rutherford Grimes. He's an expert, a professor in. African-American culture, and he's going to be weighing in on why African-Americans supported

Donald Trump for this election. When traditionally they didn't support Donald or the Republican Party, Professor Grimes from Yale is going to offer his insights onto why there was this sudden change. So audio only at the very end of the podcast, Professor Rutherford Grimes. I have really dark ones. So I got to, like, I can't wear a white shirt. Dark what? Nipples.

Oh. Are they nipples or areiolias? Why do we have two words? Because the ariola. Ariola? Yeah. Ariola 51. When it's two, it could be aureolize.

If it's both of us. Oh, right. It's like octopus, octopi. Yes. Aeriola. Mm-hmm. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show.

Harland Williams. All right, get my juicy headphones on. Okay. What do you think? Do they look sexy or what? Yeah, they look really sexy. I love headphones. You love them?

Yeah, I love wearing headphones. I feel like it locks you into the conversation more. Yeah, people out. You asked me, you're sitting four feet across. Why do you wear headphones and you just answered it? I never knew. Yeah, it like, it really brings you into it. Yeah.

I had no idea until you just cleared that up. I love it. Unbelievable. Thank you. Mm-hmm. So you're okay with them. Oh, I love them. I think that even if you're having like,

like if me and Blake are having a little argument or something like that, yeah. Sometimes we'll just put the headphones on and talk in the microphones and it like, really just locks us into that conversation where we're paying more attention. So when you and Blake, your hubby, have a little argument, which by the way, folks, little arguments don't exist. Let's keep it real here on the Hala Highway podcast. So when you break into a huge fight, you guys put headphones on and fight through a microphone. Yeah. Interesting. Because then you're like fully paying attention to the person.

Yeah, you're like kind. It's almost like you're doing a show. Yeah. Maybe you're, your pod, do you do a podcast? Yeah. Maybe your podcast should be your fights. Maybe I don't know about that. Yeah. I wouldn't want to put all that out there. Yeah, because then the problem with doing a podcast about your relationship fights,

the show never ends. That's true. You can start it. Okay. Hey, welcome to the pod fight cast. And then 43 hours later, seven months later. And then you said this and you said, and then it never ends. Nobody wants to listen to that.

Do fights ever end between? couples? I think it depends on how good your communication is and how willing you are to say you're sorry. Oh, wow. So are you one of those people that hangs on to old things and brings them back to a new fight? I'm not unless something else happens. Right.

But it's like the same thing again, maybe. Okay. Oh, if it's a repeat offense. Yes, but otherwise no. Okay, that's good. I believe in forgive and forget. You're in touch with forgiveness and forget. That's the key.

Depending on the severity of the offense. Because sometimes can you forget? Probably not. Yeah. But that works both ways. Sometimes Big Daddy can't forget just the way, you know, baby doe eyes can't forget or whatever you guys call each other. Well, hey, let's hit the intro music here.

Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the Hall and Highway podcast where I'm going to have a one-hour relationship right now with Valerie. And we met in kind of a cool way. You want to tell the folks how me and you met? We met in the coolest way. We met at Madison Square Garden for Kill Tony. Sold out Madison Square Gardens. Right?

Crazy. We were doing a sold-out podcast called Kill Tony. You haven't seen it, check it out. It's all the rage right now. Yeah. And basically what it is, it's Tony Hinchcliff created this podcast. And he has panel, guest panel judges, comedians, and then he'll pull names out of a bucket and young new comedians.

And a lot of times kids that have never been on stage before, I don't even say kids. It's young kids. It's older people. There's no discrimination. and they get 60 seconds to sell their act or do their act and then they're done and then they kind of get, you know, mentored and roasted and grilled and just have some fun banter with the panel.

Yep. And some of these kids, I've been on the show about five or six times. You know, some of these new wannabe comedians, they've never done it before. And a few of the people at Madison Square Gardens, it was their very, very, very. very first time doing stand-up in front of, what was it, $60,000? Something like that. Can you imagine? Okay, so if Kill Tony was around when you first started, would you have gone on there?

Even just like at the mothership, would you have gone on there? I would have gone on it because I've seen the portals that it's open. You know what I mean? I don't love the idea of only doing a minute because I'm one of those guys that I want to, I got to kind of warm up and get into my act. so but the exposure is just so monumental that it can it can you know push your stand-up career had faster than you know doing regular clubs for 25 years people blown up on there yeah I mean when I came up through this business it was you know you put in 25 30 years doing the

circuit and you do the late night talk shows if you're lucky enough to get on them and don't you have to be so careful on those, too. Oh, yeah. What you say. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they would make you go out and do your act. Like, for example, if I went and did Letterman, I would have to fly to New York two nights before.

The producers would take me around the city to like every club and watch me do my nine minutes I was going to do on Letterman and make sure everything was this and that. So much pressure. Unbelievable. Yeah. That is so much pressure. And now these kids, and then you get nine minutes, and then they'll have you on maybe once a year, once every three years. Now you've got these guys on Kill Tony. Yes.

They're going out and being seen by just as big of an audience, if not bigger. Probably bigger, I would think. And they're doing a minute, but then they get like another five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten minutes of bantering with the panel, if that goes well. And then they get invited back if they're liked. Yeah. It's so cool. But tell me now, your involvement, you have a very unique role in the show. Tell the sweet, sweet, sweet darling folks what you do and what your role is.

Well, originally, I had asked Tony, they were going to do the New Year's Eve show at H.E.B. Center. And I had messaged Tony and asked if I could flash the audience. Flash the audience. Yes. Like when you say flash, are we talking? this region or the whole everything? Just this region. This region.

But I was thinking it'd be like maybe from the audience, like just pulling up my shirt and fly. Right. But then I met up with him in Texas a couple days before the show and he said, okay, you're going to go on stage and be one of the card girls. And I'm, I'm pretty shy. So I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to get on this stage. And like, that was terrifying to me.

Oh, wow. But so I did it. Yeah. And then I ended up doing, I ended up wearing pasties. because I couldn't, I couldn't, yeah. I hate that word. Do you? Just the word pasties.

Yeah, it reminds me of like wallpaper. Yeah, it sounds sickly. Like, how's Donnie doing? He looks pretty pasty today. And then you look at him and he's got pasties stuck all over his face. Like, it's a creepy word. It is. Why can't we just say sexy nipple covers?

Yeah, that's better. Even hub caps on a car. I like that. Like hub caps for the boobs. Yeah, hubcap. Boob caps. Mm-hmm. You know?

Tick caps. Tit caps. Something. Hootter caps. Yeah. Like pasties? Yeah. That sounds terminal.

I know. It does. Ring the pasties now. She's only got about six hours left. I never thought of that before, but I won't like that word anymore. Let's never say pasties again. Tick caps. So I've been wearing tit caps.

Yeah. Or even ariolized slip covers. Okay. Or boob sleeping bags. All right. Something. Let's, we got to get rid of pasties. Okay, I'll never say it again.

Don't ever say what again. What was the last one? You said I liked that. Oh, the boob's sleeping bags? Yeah, yeah, sleeping bags. Oh, good, okay. All right, we're going to go sleeping bags. Booby bags.

Yeah. So I've been wearing sleeping bags. Okay, okay. Oh, downfilled or regular? Downfield. Oh, that'll keep them warm in the winter. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you go out and you do the card girl thing.

So what you do is you, in between each. act, you walk out and go, this is act number one, number two, number three. Yeah, this is for the arena show. So it's for each bucket pole. And then now there's the legends cards and. Yeah. And then I was bringing you drinks last time. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. So it's exciting for you. Like you get into the energy of it and the crowd. I love it. Yeah. And when you guys walk out there, they go nuts. It's so surprising to me because I was so nervous to do it the first time. Why?

Just being on a stage. I just had never done anything like that before. I'll do like my videos that I make and YouTube and stuff like that. But that's so much different than being in front of actual people. Yeah, you're isolated. Yeah. You're in private. But that's a little.

I need to mess up and redo it. That's true. But I find that interesting that you say you're shy, but yet you're willing to do a full-on flashy. Well, you know what's weird is I'm more comfortable with my tits out than I am. I don't know. It's like a distraction or something from the rest of what I'm doing. Yeah.

That makes sense. Okay. Like, I know people are going to be happy. When they see boobs, there's no way they're going to be like, oh, that sucked. Is that maternal or is that sexual? Did you think, I think I know the answer, but I guess I have to ask it. Is it a maternal thing where we were all kids and we all did some sweet suckling? And we're like, oh, boobies, the mothership.

Or is it like, holy God. Why guys like boobs? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. I think it probably does have a lot to do with maternal sex. Really? Probably. It's probably a little bit comforting.

I don't know. Have you seen videos on Instagram where girls are just full on, only fans girls are full on breastfeeding their babies? On Instagram? Yes. I've seen that. And I think the loophole is that it's consistent. considered scientific or educational.

But this is the dilemma of the wacky society we live in. Yes. You can pull a full breast out. And if you notice these girls on Instagram, it's not like the woman who works three shifts at the motel six cleaning rooms and then comes home at the end of the night and suckles the child. It's girls that look like you, beautiful model girls whipping out the, you know,

The glazed ham. I find it creepy to use your baby to promote your only fans. Yeah. I find that very wrong and creepy. Yeah. It's so creepy. It is. And you know what else I've noticed if you look half the time the babies aren't real.

Did you notice? I think that's better. I think if you're going to do it, at least use a fake baby. You're not using a fucking baby for that. Don't abuse a baby. Don't abuse a child to get likes. It seems like abuse. Don't make the baby lick for a like.

Yeah. It grosses me out. I don't like that. But then there's the other side to this where, you know, obviously feeding, breastfeeding a child is the most organic thing in the world. It's the beginning of life. It's the essence of bonding. It's all about humanity and who we are, how we're wired in our DNA. But in this country, you know, I find in the USA more than other countries, everything is so overly sexualized.

that now that simple act of maternal instinct is now sexualized. Well, because the girls are sexualizing it to make money off of it, which is like, I don't know. But there are education, I've seen educational breastfeeding videos that I'm like, oh, that's really sweet. Yeah. The girl's not in full makeup with their hair done, you know,

like doing a little sexy face while she's breastfeeding the baby. I think the baby should cash in, though. Like, because they're the other actor in this little charade. Yeah. Like, I think the baby should be getting half of whatever mommy's getting. They should. It's like, hey, the baby's working. The baby's doing some suckling.

Yep. Save it till they're 18. Yeah, let's start a suckling fund for junior. You know, let's open a suckling account over at Wells Fargo for a little jit. What are you doing? Oh, I'm fixing my little. Okay. I thought we were almost going to get up.

Well, no. You did say you're super comfortable with getting them out. Here she goes. I don't take them. I'll take them out. But no, so I, this shirt's see-through. And so. Oh.

I had to put little bathing suit pads in here to like, at least you didn't say the P word. Oh, yeah. No, these are bathing soup. Wait, there's a difference between bathing soup pads and. Yes. These like go into the bathing suit in a little pocket. Oh, so the stick right on. The sleeping bags.

The sleeping bags stick right on. The aerolai slip covers. Yes. But these are pads that go. go in to obscure the view. Yes, exactly. I have really dark one. So I got to, like, I can't wear a white shirt.

Dark what? Nipples. Oh. Are they nipples or areiolias? Why do we have two words? Because the ariola. Ariola? Yeah.

Ariola 51. When it's two, it could be aureolize if it's both of us. Oh, right. It's like octopus, octopi. Ariola, ariola. Imagine if ariolai's had eight legs. And they squirt it ink. But they do squirt milk.

They do squirt milk. And you know what? When milk comes out, it's like a whole bunch of streams of it too. Really? Yeah. Is it 2% or is it skim? Oh, it's full. It's what is it called?

Not full. Whole. Whole. It's whole milk. Almost like walrus cream. Yeah, it's cream. Wow. Yeah.

Have you ever, and this might be going way too far, but have you ever like honked a shot into a bowl of frosted mini wheat? Or have you ever just count, like you're out of milk, you're craving that count chockily. You've been out parting all night. You pour the count chock, you go, ah, there's no milk, and you just, I haven't, but it'd probably be good. I've tasted breast milk. It's really sweet.

Well, we all have, haven't we? Have you? Well, yeah, I was breastfed. I don't remember it. Okay, well, as an adult. You did it as an adult. Yeah, I've tasted it as an adult. Did you like self-feed?

No, no. How did you? It's just out of a little cup I've had it. It was someone else's? Yeah. So you were to party. Anyone for breast milk? Yeah.

Anyone for a titty smoothie? Yeah, it's really, it's sweet and good. It's way better than cow's milk. Wait, so you were, where were you? Some woman just offered you. Oh, one of my friends. One of my friends gave me. It's a good friend.

Yeah, I just wanted to taste some. And she just, what, squirted into a cup? Yeah. No, it was like poured from a bottle. It was a bottle of her milk. Yeah. So you were just kicking it at her house, and you're like, God, it's hot out. Do you have any breast milk around, Cindy?

Well, she said you want to taste it. What's in that? This is white claw. White what? White claw. Okay. I're going to say white milk. And I'm like, what the hell is going on around here?

No, but you should really taste some breast milk if you ever get a chance. It's delicious. Now, I like that option if you ever get a chance. Yeah, maybe. Like anybody here lactating at Olive Garden here today? Hello. Cracker, but anybody leaking? I'm just curious.

I'd like to taste some breast milk, please. If I could finish my meatloaf and do some suckling, if anybody, anybody? Yeah, do that. What? If you ever get a chance, just try it. I don't, A, I don't think I'll ever get that. the chance? Like, how does that come up? I don't know. I'm surprised nobody's ever offered it. I don't know. Offered it to me? Yeah. Well, first of all, don't you have to be around a pregnant

woman. Yeah. So I don't date. Not even pregnant. You'd have to be around a girl who just had a baby. Yeah, I don't get the real stuff. I don't date preggies. I'm not on like a dating app looking for people eight months along. Yeah, that's a real thing. That's a real fetish. It's a fetish. Yeah, pregnant women. Have you not heard of that? No, but I guess there's a fetish for everything, isn't there? There's a fetish for everything. Wait a minute. What's the, what's it called?

It's like an app? What, where you find all these fetishes? Where you find the preggies. Is that what they're called, by the way? Preggies. I don't know if that's being insulting. Is it preggies? Yeah, I think that sounds good.

Yeah. Preggies? Yeah. It's not my fault. You have a bun in the oven, preggie? Not my fault. You have a budwold. Weiser beer belly there, preggie?

What's the app called? I think you would just search that in on like Pornhub or something. Oh, it's like a dirty thing. I'm sure. Oh, I thought you meant it was just gentlemen who wanted to date a pregnant woman. Maybe, I'm sure. I didn't realize it was like a sexual only kick. Yeah, that's definitely a fetish.

Oh, okay. You know what the craziest, not the craziest, but like one of the most surprising fetishes that I've come across is pedal pumping. It's... I don't like the way you term that one of the wildest fetishes I've ever come across. Okay. She could rephrase that. Okay.

How would you rephrase that? I don't know, but just the come across felt a bit suggestive. Okay. One of the crazy, one of the most, hmm, it's the most shocking but tame fetishes that people have asked me to do for them. Oh, they've asked you to do it. Yeah. Okay. Why would they ask you?

Well, because it has to do with cars. So it's pedal pumping. What's that mean? There's guys that like to watch you struggling to start up an old car. And then guys that like to watch you like trying to rev it up, driving around. They like to watch. From what I understand, the climax part to them is you actually getting the car warmed up and driving it around. And they're in the passenger seat?

No, no, you're just filming it. Oh. And there's the guys that like to watch your face. That's the cranking. It's called cranking. They like to watch your face while you're cranking the car. And then there's the guys that like to watch the pedal pumping. They like to see your feet on the pedals.

Is there guys that have a fetish for when you do a roll and roll down an embankment and blow up? Probably. What is with the, I have to imagine there's only about five of these people on planet Earth. Mm-mm. The pedal pumping? is a big. It's a big thing. That's what's so shocking about it. I'm picturing these guys sitting in a dark room somewhere watching shitty, chitty, shitty bang, bang with their clothes off.

I don't know. Yeah, it seems like such a normal thing. A bottle of valvilline, seven-stroke engine oil, and I do mean seven-stroke. The thing about these guys is they're overly specific about what they want. I've had guys say, I don't do these ever. the request for these where they're like I want you to wear stockings with red nail polish on your toes and crocs or like

crocs yeah the sexiest thing on the planet crocs somebody has asked me to wear crocs while I do this these guys are so specific wait where I'm confused where are they asking you to do this do you have like some kind of a site that they well I have I have only fans oh you do okay but on my on my YouTube channel it got deleted. I have a new one now. It's a get in the car TV. That's the new one. But on the old one, I had a subscription for just pedal pumping and cranking because it's not considered sexual.

Yeah. So I was able to do a subscription on there for that. Wow. Yeah. But those guys are like too specific. Yeah, that's whoa. So you're a, let's be honest, you're a model. Yeah. You're a beautiful model. Thank you. Oh yeah. Look. I mean, look at you. Beautiful model. On that theme, God, I don't even know if I want to talk. I'm a bit embarrassed, but, you know, you'll probably understand this. And I don't want to take any of the shine off of you. You're clearly the 10 out of 10 at this table. I'm about a 9, a 9 and a half.

Yeah. And if you don't mind me sharing a little triumph in the modeling world for me. Please do. And I think you'll appreciate it and maybe even support me. I just, four months ago, closed a deal with Victoria's Secret to be one of their new angels. And I just, if I can put them on, I just got, they sent me my wings. And this is my first time, this is my first time showing them in public. Oh, those are beautiful.

Aren't those wonderful? These are my Victoria's Secret wings. I like the lace. Isn't that, and if you don't mind if I just put them on here and, you know, they're just my wonderful. Wonderful, wonderful, Victoria's Secret. Oh, you're going to have a hard time with that cord right there. Where? Your headphone.

Oh, my head's okay. Okay. Look at this. That's pretty. Isn't this wonderful? Yeah, I like that. Like when they called me, it was one of those calls where I'm almost like, who is this? Is this Aunt Sarah?

And they're like, no, Harlan, this is Victoria's Secret headquarters. This is Carol Blathwaite. She runs the cast Blathwaite. And we had this long talk. and I was a little apprehensive. I said, look, I'm not a piece of meat. I don't want to have a career where it's all hinges on my beautiful looks, my Norwegian features, even though I'm Irish,

my Nordic chin, my high cheekbones, my breasts, my breast, and I call it my meat maker, my bottom. Oh, I like that. I have a tight. It's tight and high. and it's ripe. I have a ripe butt, buttocks. And it was a decision.

I had to sit down with my family, and we had to have a real talk about what this meant for me, what I meant for my future, how people would perceive me. Because again, I don't need to be a piece of meat. Oh, yeah. And that talk with the family could be rough. Yeah, because half of them are jealous

and half of them want you to succeed. And that's why it's a bit apprehensive to bring it up with you because you being a model, you've been doing it how long? Since 2020. And yeah, so I didn't, sometimes us models can be a little catty. Yeah, yeah. And so I was worried you might get the claws out, but I feel generally like you're supporting this.

Yeah, no, I'm not usually the catty type. I definitely support you. Like how sexy do I look right now? So hot. Yeah. Right? Yeah. If you even want to say that again, like so hot, I don't even mind. It's so hot.

And if you even want to slow it down and do it in sort of a whisper voice, it's so hot. Pardon me? It's so hot. You know what, though? I'll be honest. What's one of the wildest modeling jobs you've done? And then I'm going to share a few stories about these nuts on my back.

All right. Wow, I don't really, pretty much most of what I do is for myself. Oh, so you model for yourself? Like, yeah, like my, my Instagram. Instagram, my Instagram, my only fan, stuff like that. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. What's the craziest thing I've done?

Well, I'll tell you, while you're thinking about it, let me share since I've had these wings. Have you ever tried camping in Victoria's Secret Wings? Never. Just to get in a Walmart sleeping bag drives me bonkers. Like, trying to fold these in, crawl into a suit, zip it up, and then to hell with it if you're sleeping with somebody oh yeah they'd get in the way it'd look hot though could you say that again in a whisper it looks so hot what was that

it looks so hot i like the way you added the mm can i can we get that one and drag out the mm hmm it looks so hot like a rattlesnake right now like an angel snake Wait, so you go camping. So I go camping and, of course, what happens when you work in the industry, right? So I'm surrounded by the angels. We're doing, if I'm not on the catwalk in Milan, I'm on the catwalk in Rome, I'm in the catwalk in Paris. Where aren't I catwalking? And so what happens is you've heard of workplace romance.

Yeah. You usually end up falling in love or dating someone in the workplace. That's a big no-no, though, right? Right. But you can't stop love. And so cut to me going through Victoria's Secret model after Victoria's Secret model like a John Deere, you know, corn thrasher going down the rows. I mean, they're just almost like they're just popping in the back.

I'm harvesting Victoria's Secret models. Now, guess what? They have the wings too. And I'm going to ask you this question, have you ever done it doggie style with a Victoria's Secret Angel and their wings are flapping in your face. You're behind them as one does when one doggie styles. And these wings, I'm just trying to pleasure my coworker.

Yeah. They're getting in the way. Oh, I'm getting slapped around. Wait, you're talking about her wings or your wings? Her wings. I'm getting slapped around like a roast beef hanging in a deli window during an earthquake at a, you know, a Parkinson's disease center. I think you just got to like take one wing and.

fold it to the other side and wait what was that take one side of the wing fold it to the other side right and then just get to work like a phala like almost like an angel falafel yeah oh that's awful that's falafel are you and you don't have to answer this but i i feel like i mean very open about this are you a doggy style guy guy a girl girl uh yeah okay i like doggy style i think it's i like to witch it up throughout. How do you mean? I mean, you don't want to just stay in one position the whole time. That gets boring, right?

Yeah. Yeah, especially when you're getting slapped around with wings. Yeah. I like doggy style as right before the finishing move. What's the finishing move? On top. On top. Yeah.

Like whipped cream on a Dairy Queen Sunday and a cherry. Yes, exactly. Oh, wow. It's hard for me to finish on top because take Heidi Kloom, for example. I'm not saying I was with her or I wasn't with her. Was she a Victoria's Secret Angel? Sure.

Was Tom Brady's ex-wife? Am I saying I was with her or not? I'm not saying. But when you finish, as you said, and you flap an angel over on her back, all you hear is wing crunch. It's almost like when you stick your hand in a bag of, You get chips and you get all that.

You just hear those wings crunch and crack. That's like a total mood killer. It's almost like you're killing an angel like from up above. So. I don't know. I'm probably not allowed to do this according to the S. Tori's Secret Protocol. Okay.

Not supposed to share the wings. Not supposed to let anyone else put them on. but I do have a beautiful woman here who I think you would yeah if we can do this and not let anyone know I would I love to share I would love to and for you to not have them on would be almost a sin I want you to just wear them the rest of the oh please please yeah oh they're so pretty aren't they wonderful you know it's good too is I'm wearing a white shirt so the straps will just oh honey child honey lamb oh wait oh I don't know if this This is going to work with the wall right here.

Oh, yeah, it'll work. Oh, yeah, it'll work. Wings, they're magical. They have a way of working. How is it? Pull the straps a bit so they ride up over your shoulders. There you go. You can tie them off, almost like a seatbelt.

Yeah, we'll just tie it right there. Is that tough for a woman? And you mentioned it, so I'm not trying to be crude here. I'm respecting my beautiful guest, but you did mention off the top of your well-endowed. Is the act of pulling a seatbelt, a common seatbelt across your midsection, your cleavage, it sort of conquers and divides the hello dollies. Does that hurt, is it uncomfortable?

Or does that, you do it kind of on purpose to tantalize the person pulling up to you at the red light? It's annoying to have a seatbelt, like in the middle of your boobs on that bone. It feels annoying. Oh, it hits the bone, yeah. Is that called the sternum? Yeah, I think my bone kind of like sticks out a little further. Wait, is that a tattoo I see right in the canyon? Yep.

What is that? It's just like a little design. It goes down under there. What in the name of the Tasmanian Devil's Warner Brothers Green Room? What is that design? I just liked it. It's just like a Hennah style design. Hanna Barbera, Tasmanian Devil.

Now, that's got to hurt. It didn't hurt getting on your sternum. No. Because that's flat bone. A seatbelt hurts, but getting a tattoo needle doesn't? The weird thing is, is I was like, I was really nervous because I've heard that on the ribs, it hurts really bad. Like, that's one of the worst spots.

Yeah. It was ticklish for me. I'm so ticklish. Like, everybody knows, don't fucking tickle me because I'll probably punch you in the face. I hate being tickled. Oh, wow. So it was just tickling me the whole time.

Oh, wow. Yeah. The one on my foot hurt a lot more. What's the one on your foot? It's just a dumb little. Oh, here we go. Look at you. It's just a dumb little lotus.

A lotus? Yeah. Wow. I bet the crankers love that. Yeah, they do. They love the, they love the tattoos, and they love the toe rings and the ankle bracelets. The more decorated, the better. Ankle bracelets.

Wear them or not? Do you wear them or not? I don't usually because they're kind of annoying to wear all the time. I used to wear one and I got hit by lightning. No way. This is bizarre. I'm down in Miami. I'm doing a runway show.

I'm with VC, Victoria's Secret. We're doing a catwalk. And they did this promotion thing. It was like Miami Knights, you know, and they had the models smoking cigars and a martini. And they built a catwalk out over off the White Beach. So we're all in white. I'm in my bikini. I got the wings on.

We're strutting on. I've got an ankle bracelet, like platinum gold or something. Heavy. Yeah, heavy, but shining. And it's just sort of, my feet are sort of up on an incline because I'm wearing the most beautiful Versace pumps you've ever seen. Red. And I'm strutting out.

I get down to the end of this dock. I'm about to do my turn. You know the turns, you know. Train forever at DeVry for those. I do my turn. You know, it's always lightning. Florida's got the highest lightning count on planet Earth, I think, statistically. I do my turn.

I'm in my bikini. I've got the wings. Lightning cracks down right to my ankle bracelet. It's drawn to the metal, right? Yeah, that's crazy. So here's me, right? Zapp. I fall off of my Versace pumps.

I'm right at the end of the pier. I go tumbling right into the ocean. Salt water. Well, guess what? But I've got this flashy ankle bracelet on. The fish. Here comes a shark. Oh, shit.

A tiger shark, 16 footer. Tiger sharks don't bite though, right? Oh, they do. Oh, I'm thinking of a leopard shark. Is that the same thing? I don't leopard shark, tiger shark, lion shark. Any big cat, Osalot shark, panther shark, jaguar. You name it.

But this sucker came at me and bit my foot off. And I'm the only angel. I'm the only Victoria Angel with a fake lower leg. Wow. You have a, what's it called a prosthetic foot? Prostatic lower leg. A prosthetic calf is what it is. Yeah, I have a prosthetic calf.

It's pretty hard. Well, it's interesting because it has a pivot joint. It has a ball joint at my knee. So where the other girls, I don't want to call them my competition, my coworkers. Your friends. Right. They have to go down and do the turn, puts a lot of strain on the lower by cusp, and the tenderloin arteries, and you're really straining your leg, and a lot of girls get taken

out for weeks. I have a ball joint at my knee and my fake calf, and I can just do the turn seamlessly. That's pretty good, because I've seen these girls doing the baby deer walk when they roll their ankles and the heels. It's so gnarly. Yeah, it's brutal. People say modeling isn't a dangerous, you know, career. It's pretty dangerous. Up theirs. Let's see you fall off a pair of. of Dolce and Gabana pumps. Mm-hmm. Stilettos. Stilettos.

Let's see you fall off a pair of Varshaunis. Versace. Versashi pump spikes. Mm-hmm. It's rough. Let's see you trip on your angel wings and bash your head and cut your forehead open and bleed all down your varsity. Dolshinabana bikini.

Yeah. That's why they get paid the big bucks, those Victoria's secret models. I do, I do, yeah. Those are great on you. Thank you. I've never been an angel before. I like it. You know what I was thinking about being a devil for Halloween

and just like painting my whole body red? Dare you talk devil wearing angel wings, child? Oh, Lord, please forgive the child for talking about the devil where she's dressed like one of your own, Lord. Please forgive the little angel, Lord. She didn't mean to bring up the devil now, Lord. Oh, Lord, please forgive us. She's not, no, she drank breast milk and she all punched drunk, Lord.

Wow. Oops. Whoops. Okay, no, go. It's just for Halloween, so it's okay. And I'm not doing this because I love air quotes. My father was a shriekir in Louisiana at a shrimp boat, and I've been around so many shrimp in my life. This is more of like two shrimps.

I love shrimp. And you know what I've noticed about your air quotes? I was thinking this earlier. They're really aggressive. They're aggressive like a shrimp's claws or a shrimp's like tentacle. Yes. Oh, do you want to, let's make shrimp love. Oh, wow.

Yeah. That's a first on the pod. Oh, shrimp's my favorite. You're not going to see shrimp intercourse on Joe Rogan. You know, Theo Vaughn can go suck a banana out of a Volkswagen Beetle tail. pipe he ain't gonna show no uh shrimp uh coitus what'd we just do yeah sweet love shrimp fucking sweet shrimp fucking sweet shrimp fucking that feels good to say you ever said that sentence sweet shrimp fucking yeah sweet shrimp fucking yeah should we try it together yeah sweet shrimp fucking that's pretty hot

I know, I just got a little sweaty, too. Yeah, I got oily even. Almost like I'm bleeding Newman's own ranch-style dressing. Like, nah, it's an aggressive. I'd lick it off you if it was ranch. Well, I think I just said it was. So let's get to lick it and let's get to suckling. Lord, the angel is back.

The ranch-style angel is back, dear Lord. So what were you going to say about the devil? I cut you off, please continue. Oh, I was just thinking about being a devil for Halloween, like painting my body, right? I just thought it was cute. You know, here's the thing, and this is the biggest compliment,

women like you, beautiful women, can just about do anything and be cute. Thank you. Like you could say, I'm going to go as a cucumber, and I'd be like, gorgeous. I'm going to go as a sea urchin that got crushed under an elephant seal while it was making love.

Gorgeous. Have you seen high, Heidi Klum's Halloween costumes? Yes. And one year she went as a worm. You know what? I take it back. Everything I just said, I take it back.

Yeah, you just actually, yeah, she looks obnoxious, gross. Oh, I love it, though. Oh, I love how elaborate they are. Yeah. But those costumes knocked this sexy right off her sweet German face. It's kind of a little sexy, though, because she's so carefree about it. And that's sexy. She is.

But even Heidi Klum dressed like a. Fishing worm. Oh my God. Yeah, I'm busy for the rest of my life. Yeah. I love that costume. But if she can be sexy dressed as a worm, imagine her doing the devil thing or whatever.

Oh my God, she'd be so hot as the devil. Wow. Yeah. So when you say you're going as the devil, I don't know for sure. You don't know. Well, okay,

this has been my costume that I've been wanting to do for years. Talk to me. But I have to make it. Talk to me. I'm always like too busy. Like I always wait. till the last minute. Don't we all?

Do you remember the movie Barbarrella? Do I? Fonda? Yeah. Oh my God. She's so fucking hot in that movie. Gorgeous. I've always wanted to be Barbarella for Halloween.

Oh, yeah. But I have to like get some kind of plastic mold it. So it's like the chest protector. Yeah. And I feel like most people don't know who that is. Yeah. It was very sci-fi. I think it was 70s, late 60s.

I think it was like 68 or something like that. shoes at the prime of being foxy and um for the time very provocative mainstream movie yeah yeah it's a cool movie and i just love all of her outfits oh so sexy yeah i have we have a we have a van it's a 1969 econo line and my whole idea for that ban was to make the inside look like barborella and like blake my husband was just like What does that mean? He's like, what does that mean to make it look like barborella? And I was thinking like chain and fur and whatever.

The idea never came to life. Wow. So I got to do the costume, at least. Yeah. The van would be cool. You could be like the Scooby-Doo. You could be Barbarella. Yeah.

And your husband could be like, was there a space dog? Like Astro from the Jetsons. He could be Astro. Astro. And then you could have, remember Scooby-Doo had the mystery machine? You could have the Barbarrella Mobile. Yes. And you guys could ride around and not solve mysteries but cause sci-fi issues.

Yeah, we'll pick people up or something. That's the idea in the van. Oh, you're one side tilting down a bit. Uh-oh. It's the wall. Is it the wall? Yeah. Still look great.

There we go. Just got to sit forward a little bit. Yeah. How does it feel? Describe how it feels to step into my world and be an angel for just a minute. Feels good. It's a lot of pressure after all that you were talking about. Right. How hard it is to be an angel.

I don't know if I'd want to be an angel. It sounds like, I don't know, a little too competitive. Yeah, it's not an easy world. Not any, and one of the big things, and you know this, diet. Talk to me about your diet because you're obviously in great shape as I'm I. We're both tens. Talk to me about your diet. My diet, I've just eaten low carb for like the past 10 years, just because it bothers my body so much to eat bread and stuff like that.

Oh, really? Yeah. What to describe for the people, I only have about 20 or 30 viewers. We have Bernice Blunderbunch down in, she's in Cincinnati. I thought that was the Victoria's Secret Lady Blender Bunch. Oh, that's right. She's our busted. okay i made it up um but uh tell me what what was it you said low wait what was it low carb just like

i don't really eat like that many potatoes or bread or pasta like i'll make pasta for dinner but i'll just make for me i'll just make vegetables and put like the sauce and the meat over the vegetables i'll get like a burger and just get it lettuce wrapped things like that yeah i mean it's kind of boring but once you kind of go eat, like go without eating that for so long. You just get used to it. Now when I eat bread, it tastes like straight up sugar to me. Yeah. Really weird.

When you cut something out of your diet and you stick to it for at least four to six months to a year. And then you know what? I haven't had a glass of Coke in a year. Oh, let me have a Coke and you're just like, I don't even like it anymore. No, it tastes like poison probably after, yeah. Now, what about candy and sweet speaking of sugar? Do you indulge as a top model? My favorite little snack that I eat at night is I'll make homemade whipped cream.

Here we go. And then I think I know where you get the milk. I think I know where you get the milk. It's that fresh breast milk for sure. Okay. So yeah, keep going. You make it with apples. Yeah, I make homemade whipped cream.

And then I'll put like some powdered sugar and vanilla bean. You ever use little vanilla, it's like in a jar? Yeah. I put it in my pancake mix. it's so good. I just found out about this. Oh, you put it in. If you ever make pancakes, well, you don't eat that stuff. I make almond flour pancake. Put a drop of that vanilla extract stuff. But not extract. Oh. It's not the liquid. Oh, it's a bean?

Because I've always, yeah, I've always used the liquid. It's like the little seed things inside the bean. Oh. Oh. Why it's like in a paste. It's so good. Oh. You know when you get like vanilla ice, vanilla bean ice cream and there's a little dots in there. Yeah. That's what it is. I thought those were fish eyes. Oh, oh, like, like tapioca. Yeah. I always thought tapioca was like, I thought my mother was like, here, child, eat the plucked fish eyes.

I'm like, what did I ever do to you? Did she feed you tapioca? Yeah. Oh, no, child, it's pudding. Why is it looking back at me? Why is my pudding blinking? Yeah, you don't want it to like burst in your mouth and you chew on it. Here, child, eat the fish eyes, child, right?

You ever at Boba? Oh, thanks. I'm busy. boba is gross it pops in your mouth like oh i don't like it it's like fish eggs i ate boba fat once at a barbecue someone threw a boba fat steak on the grill it's like a star warsy type of barbecue treat yeah you ever had it a boba fat no yeah it's very star warsy leaves a empire strikes back kind of aftertaste in your mouth yeah with a little hint of uh what's the name this Hans Solo space ship, the Knight Rider or something?

I don't know. I couldn't tell you. It leaves a little backwashy taste of the paragon falcon or whatever his stupid, retarded ship was. Yeah. Speaking of sweets, can I, do you remember when you're a kid? I'm going to say two words, Reese's peanut. Finish the sentence. Reese's peanut.

I'm thinking Reese's pieces. Right, but what was the original? Reese's peanut butter butter cut right and that's all it was remember that's all it was and then the pieces came along about 20 years later

but now watch this I want to show you something because I'm completely confounded by this okay help me with this because I'm a little bit angry so it started off as Reese's peanut butter cups now we got Reese's

pieces big cup big cup king size king size big cup okay so now there's three Reese's products I think I know where the pieces came from oh no they did the little it was like a separate little candy and it's almost like Eminem it's those things yeah little like Eminem's look those are the Reese's pieces okay yeah yeah okay now we have what's this one oh outrageous Reese's out. Do you say Reese's or Reese's? Rees's, I think. Yeah, I think so too.

But Reese's is also a monkey, isn't it? The Reese's monkey? I don't know about, I love monkeys, but I don't know about that. You ever had a peanut butter monkey? No. Because that would be next. Yeah, would, huh? Reese is outrageous.

Reese is outrageous. Okay, what the hell is this? Okay. There's too much. Okay, too much. Thank you. Oh, now what do we have? Reises take five.

Reese's take five. How about Reese's take me to five times to the diabetes clinic? Jesus. Oh, hello. Oh, my God. Reese's white. Reese's white. So now we're getting into race.

Okay? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What about this one? Here we go. Reese's peanut butter bar. Oh, my God.

Peanut butter bar. Leave it at the cup. Right? That's all we have. What's this one? Reese sticks. That's like. a kit cat. Yeah, Reese's stick. Do we need all the, I'm not even, I'm not even, look, here's the

original, what's this one? Reese's big cup, but it's huge. It would just be peanut butter cut. Right, like you can't just buy the other one where you had three cups. Now they just fuse them together. I mean, this is really, here's, that's the original. This is how it started. Okay. But look at this. It's just doesn't, look at, what's this one? Rees's caramel big cup. Do you say caramel or caramel? It doesn't. Depends what part of town you're in. Okay.

Like if you're down in... I'm a caramel girl. If you're down in South Central and you're going through on your low rider, you want to say caramel. Really? But if you're going through Beverly Hills, it's caramel. Okay. Oh, what's this? Reese's fast break?

God. Fast break at Ridge Mountain High. All I need is some tasty waves, some buds, and 78 kinds of Reese's peanut. buttercups for my diabetes and I'm going to be just fine bro this is crazy isn't this insane they always make me nauseous too even just the originals eating one little one makes me nauseous what's this thin that's probably more of my style thins because it's just a little bit yeah but it's a whole bag so they just it's all it's all a lie I mean this is a rate what's this one uh crunchy peanut crunchy peanut so when you're tired of getting diabetes nice and smooth,

get diabetes crunchy style. Oh, hello, what's this one? Uh, pretzels big cut. Pretzel's probably good in it. I mean, dude. That is out of control. Did you get all of these in one store? Yeah, and that's not even the tip of the iceberg.

How am I supposed to feel as a victorious secret model when it's raining reases? Yeah, I don't know. You got to stay away from. that shit. Like, girl? Mm-mm. Like girl. Mm-mm. Mm-mm, girl. Oh, hell no.

Hell no. Yeah, I can't do Reese's. I like the way you said, mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. It's almost like a moo. Ah, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Get more aggressive with it? Yeah, try it. Whoa. That's like a moose out in the forest call into an elk in the middle of running season. Whoa. Wow. Well, this has been amazing.

I'm so happy you've been here and we do this thing on the show. I do it with all my guests. It's a really, oh, are you vaping? Yeah. Talk to me about vaping. I don't know much about that. Oh, I'm so glad you don't.

Yeah. I smoke cigarettes. for 12 years or something like that. And then I quit and started vaping. What brand did you smoke? Marlite. Oh, wow. Did you have a mustache?

No, I think that's more Marlboro Reds kind of. Yeah, yeah, okay. I was a Marlibrillite girl, but it was. Did you have that stinky, like, smoker's breath? Oh, I, like, constantly smelled, like, cigarettes. I hated it. I'd wash my hair, and then I'd go to have a cigarette, and I'd, like, put my hair up, try to contain the smell.

But I always smelled like a cigarette. Did your boyfriends come in for the kiss and be like, yeah, you're cute, but not today? I had one that was, like, disgusted by it. Yeah. That was when I was younger, too, and his mom fucking hated me because I smoked. Yeah. That would be like making out with a crematorium, just like, ugh, you know, you're French kiss and you got ashes on your tongue.

Yeah. No, this is nice because I don't smell ever, but I think this is more accessible. So you can kind of vape more than you would smell. Now, is this a vape with just nicotine, or is this? to get high. No, no, I don't smoke weed because if I smoke weed, I get too paranoid. I don't like it. Oh, really?

I like a good secondhand, like sitting in the room with people while they do, but I can't smoke it. Did you used to smoke weed? Yeah, all the time. And then I think what happened is, like, for me, I either have to do it all the time or not at all. Right. Yeah. But you loved it. Oh, I loved.

I used to wake up and take a rip out of the gravity bong out of my jacuzzi when I would wake up. I was gnarly. Girl. Where did you grow up? Up. In Newport Beach. Yeah, that sounds about right. And the jacuzzi was in the house, right?

I would. Yeah, in your bedroom. Fuck the water bed. I'm sleeping on the jacuzzi. Did you ever have a water bed? No. But I had a cousin who had one, and I laid on one a couple of times. Yeah.

It's weird, huh? Weird. Yeah. Yeah. I just imagine you start making love and you just almost involuntarily start making seal noises. I think it was. I think it was kind of. of marketed as a sexy thing, wasn't it?

I think it was a sexy thing and I think it was also a posture thing. You know, every now and then, they come out like the temperatea, temprapedic memory foam. The astronauts use it. Well, we don't sleep in orbit.

It's whatever they can sell you on. Yeah. I'm just going to melt all these down and just make a mattress and sleep on Reese's. I'm going to have a Reese's peanut butter mattress. Yeah, there's enough textures in here to go out nice bed. Talk about smelling nice when you wake up.

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You talked about earlier, about cranking and turning weird old men on. But what is it about cars and automobiles and the automotive world? And is it modern vehicles or are you more of a vintage girl? I'm more of a vintage girl. Okay. Yeah, I have an Audi that I really like. It's a 2020 Audi. Oh, really?

I have an Eerie. It's fun to drive. It's fun to drive, but I don't know. There's just something about the classic cars. Like if you're in a bad mood or whatever, you go and drive your car down PCH or whatever, your whole mood will change. Right, right along the ocean with the palm trees and the sand and you can see the waves coming in. I also love that it's unpredictable.

You don't know if you're about to run out of gas. because your gas gauge is broken. Yeah. You don't know if your car is about to overheat. It's like, it's kind of fun and excited. Yeah, it's a little mystery. And that's enchanting until it happens. And then you're like, oh, I'm in the middle of nowhere.

And there's an Arby's. I know. But then after the whole thing, you're kind of like, oh, that was fun. What an adventure. Yeah, it turns into a little adventure. Yep. And I love it that you, you love the old cars because as we creep along as a society, I think they're going to be gone soon.

Like, they'll always be here as. antiques and stuff, but if you can flash forward to 50 years from now, I think, I think like combustible engines, I think it's going to be an electric world. And dare I say, even beyond electric, you know, we're all electric now, but technology's moving so fast. Yeah, that's like the first thing. Right. I wouldn't be surprised if we're floating in tractor beams in 60 years. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if cars are gone completely. Tell for it. Yeah, I believe that, 100% that. We're going to go so far beyond the traditional form of transportation, which is all we know right now.

Yep. And it's sad because that's like the difference between driving my Audi or my fastback or just any of the old cars. Yeah. When you're driving those, you feel like you're actually driving. Yeah, right. When you're driving a newer car, like it's just too easy. There's power steering, all this stuff.

It's too easy. So it's really sad to think that in 30 years from now or 40 years from now, people won't get to experience that. I've driven at Tesla before. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes? Yes, the answer is yes. You always want to have better sex.

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So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. It was like, I don't know. I don't like it. You don't like it. I have a Tesla.

I love it, but I also have a. an old 58 pickup truck. So I love all of it. I think everything offers a different experience. The Tesla makes me feel like I'm on a roller coaster and they're so quick. Like off the line, they're so quick. It gives me that drop in my stomach like a roller. That's fun.

Just real quickly to step back to the angel wings, I made the mistake. I went to six flags just outside of L.A. It's just outside of L.A. I went to six flags. was boasting because I just got my wings in the mail. They'd sent them. And I was kind of like, you know, showing them off. I get on that giant roller coaster that six flags.

Just as we're coming over the top, I get lift under my wings. Pulls me right out of the roller coaster. I glided to Bakersfield. Wow. Took me about 45 minutes to land. It was scary. That's a reoccurring nightmare that I've had my entire life

is falling out of a roller coaster and knowing I have. to land. Well, what about gliding? I didn't want to go to Bakersfield. A guy had a $400 Uber ride back. Damn. Bakersfield's... I build Victoria's Secret, but it's hard when you're flying over the onion fields because you just start crying the fumes. But were you ever, there's a romanticism about old cars because I love the rumble. I like the, that's something you don't get from a Tesla, that when you turn it off, your ears are still kind of vibrating. Yeah, when you shift gears. Yeah, there is something to that beautiful sound.

And I'm going to vintage cars because even modern cars don't really have it. Like a modern gas engine. You don't have the, but the old cars you do, were you ever influenced or inspired by Tani Ketain from the white? You know the white snake? And she was sprawled out on the hood of those cars.

I don't know. That was a little before my time. It was, okay. Yeah. But so beautiful. Yeah. Like a beautiful woman and a beautiful car. There's something about, I think it's stemmed from American culture,

but when you marry those two, it's hot, it's cool. I agree. I feel like you're like sort of immersed in that. Oh, God. It's fun. It's fun. If I'm thinking about like, oh, I need to make a video for work today. And then I get to just set up some GoPro's or Insta 360s and go drive around in my car.

I love that. And I always get reactions from people outside to... And what car is this that you do it in? Mostly in my fastback. I have a 68 Mustang fastback. Wow. That one's fun. That's the one that I started using in all my videos,

like when all of this stuff started. And that car has made me a lot of money. So it's the most sentimental to me for sure. It's sexy. I'll share a little secret. This is going back, you know, not a lot of people remember this, but they can look it on on YouTube. I did a couple of rock videos in my day. Much like how Tanny Katan was spread out on that beautiful car and the sexy white snake video.

I did a Kenny G. I did a Kenny G. video. I did a Kenny G. a video where I was spread eagled on the front of his Prius. and unbelievable. I got so many good comments and feedback from that. Just spread eagle. Just imagining you spread eagle. What kind of car was it? It was a Prius.

Oh, Prius. Yeah, a 1994 Prius. Lime green and just spread out. And then off to the side of smoke machine and people spraying lemonade. It was supposed to be water, but the lemonade, I guess it had more viscosity. So it looked like acid rain.

they were doing kind of an environmentalist, sexy meets car meets Kenny G, if you can even imagine those worlds colliding. A little foggy. A little foggy. A fog machine. And then they were throwing mice. They were throwing mice on to me. And, you know, I had to sort of slap my spread eagle shot and kind of catch them in my. You're hitting your boots. Yeah, I'm hitting my boots and I'm catching mice in my crotch. And it was just, I don't know, if you ever want to watch it, it's called Seduced Me and the Kenny G. Knight on YouTube. I'm watching it as soon as they are.

Yeah, as soon as you get home, you can't wait? No. Oh, wow. That's pretty hot. I'm complimented. So that's what led you to being a Victoria's Secret model? Just checking on mine. How are they?

Well, you, I saw you. Mine are a little covered now with this. Yeah. There we go. Well, I saw you sort of fudzing with you, so I thought I should check on mine, but mine seemed, everything seems good. Yeah. All right.

They like to shift around a little. Do you, because I know men get asked this a lot, are you a T or A guy as a beautiful, shapely woman, do you kind of take pride or accentuate your upper area more or your lower area more? What's your favorite or best asset, pardon the pun? It depends on how much I've been working out. Okay. Yeah. Like I just got back into working out where I'm like doing crazy squats and all this stuff.

And as soon as it gets a little more around and lifted back how it was, then I'll be more of a booty girl, I think. Okay. Okay. But I think on, I don't know, like if I'm choosing for girls, what I like more on other girls? I don't know. What are you? More of a tip man or an ass man? I think the ass man. Yeah. I mean, I'm not, I would never, I mean, good Lord. It's all. beautiful, but for some reason, who knows why I'm wired this way, I'd say the roast beef. Yeah. Oh, you like the front butt. Oh, is that what it is? I don't know, the roast beef.

No, the road, daddy likes the back, the road, the glazed, the thunder hams, the Johnny's. I would think roast beef would be like the, you know, girls who have roast beef. Oh. Like the Arby's thing. Oh, I didn't, I mean, maybe now. Yeah. Maybe Reese's roast beef. Oh.

Oh. Okay. You're on to something. I wish it was on. So let's, this is our final segment, my love. What a treat it's been, having you here. Thank you for having me. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I love it. Well, here's the thing when we do kill Tony. It's such pandemonium. There's something. We always say hi, we greet, we hang out a little bit, but we don't get time to really get to chit chat at any length. So this was like. It really is chaos.

It's chaos, but it's fun. It's a blast. So this is a great. chance for not only me to get to know you, but all the fans have killed Tony and everyone else who loves your channels and everything. And we're going to plug those at the end here. Okay, cool.

But this is our final segment. It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. Okay. This is a Dutch clog from when I was doing the catwalk in Sweden. Okay. Oh, that's not the one that broke. No, no, that was a Nirvana, a 572, a Dolching, Gabana,

catwalk twister. Okay. So you reach in, pull out a, a random word and see if it triggers a story from your journey in life, whether it's something that happened to you, your husband, a friend, your kids, whatever. What a cool idea. Yeah, and that wild? So just pick any.

You know what? I thought that one, but no. Yeah. Take a look and what's your word? Underpants. Come on. Do they all say underpants? No.

No, but Ty, here we go. Here we go. It's fitting. You'd be amazed how many times. the word people pull sort of fits into the theme of the show or the vibe of the show. So I feel like if anyone should be talking about underpants, it's you. You're sitting there with your angel wings on. Yeah.

Any wacky stories or sensual stories or any story at all that. Here we go. Sometimes I sell my underpants on the internet. Talk to me. How much, where, when? Well, I haven't done it in a while. But I've sold him for like 300 bucks for a pair of my underpants. They got to be wet, though.

They got to be like the squirted in. They had to be what now? Squirted it in. Squirted it in. Yes. Is that what it says on the label? I mean, that's what, that's just what I would assume people would want to buy. Squirted in underpants.

You don't find those at Target, gang. No, you don't. Excuse me, ma'am. Where's these squirted in underpants, please? Yes, medium or douched? So, wait, explain to me, A, who's buying these? Just people are my only fans. Oh, yeah, you have an only fans.

And that's like a subscription thing when you do sex. Everything's behind a paywall on there. So it's like sexy modeling and is there nudity? Yes. Okay. Yes, I have like, I've been doing it for four years. So there's four years worth of videos and pictures. Oh, I didn't know.

Okay. Okay. Okay. And is that rewarding? Is it fun? It's very fun. I love it. And people, I think people are making a lot of good money off of this thing. Now, this isn't necessarily my question, but maybe it is. I think the world of squirting is a real oddity to people. I think it's confusing. Some people don't know if it's urinating, if it's something different. If it's how does it occur? Can every woman do it? Can you give us a little tutorial on squirting? That's a tutorial. Well, since you do it, I can't speak to it. I've never squirted it in my life.

Or have I. I think a tutorial would be doing it, like showing you how to do it. All right. Up on the table, then. It's in the name of education. If a woman can breastfeed her child, certainly a lady can squirt for you. That's right. They should allow that on Instagram because it's educational.

I would never put it on Instagram, but. No. Where do you draw the line? So how does it? work. And I'm not trying to be crude here, but I think it is take away any sexual element, just look at it through a biological scientific lens. It is an oddity. It is a curiosity. So in some devry way, can you walk us and talk us through it? Well, I think a lot of people say that it's not real. There is maybe some studies saying that

it's just peeve. Some squirting studies. Yeah, some squirting studies saying that, I don't know. I haven't really looked it up. But there's so many people that say it's not real. It is real. Oh, have you ever met a clown? They love to squirt. From doing it, I know that it's not, it's not pee. There's no way it's pee.

What is it? It's, well, I guess pee is clear too if you drink enough water, but it's not yellow. I think there's, I think this is the thing that gets mixed up in studies. I think you're pushing when you squirt. So some pee does get into it. So I think they do the little test and they see, oh, there's urine in it. Right. And then they decide, oh, it's just all pee.

But it's, have you ever heard of how they'll milk a guy's, how people can milk a guy's prostate? No. And I think that's like a whole different fluid that's not just ejaculation. So it's like a man squirt. So I think it's like the girl version of the prostate. And is there, I think I'm, there might be, is there another gland up there that the squirt juice, I don't know what you call it, folks. I'm going to say squirt juice. It's by the G spot.

It's by the what? By the G spot. Oh, I was by Kenny G spot when I did the video. Yeah. You were. Okay. So that's like the G spot is next to the F spot. Yeah.

Okay. It's like up towards the belly button. Okay. to, like, put fingers in you'd want to go like that. That's how you, that's one of the ways that you get a girl to squirt. That's also how you get a cab in New York. I've only been to New York once. Have you ever said, taxi and then squirted at the same time?

I haven't. Wow. You're going to do it. New York is the place, I guess. All right. And last squirt question. And, gang, I don't want to ask these questions. This is because it's such a curiosity.

What is the, the arc? of a squirt what is the the reach the range of a solid solid hot summer night and baker's field squirt a solid one can go pretty far like how far baker's field well i think like you know when a guy comes and it can sometimes shoot pretty far okay it's when that happens this is a question for you when that happens is it like a way more satisfying orgasm Like a far one versus a short one? Like a, oh, like it's like a big bust. All right.

As a guy who's never done it yet. Okay. I'm hoping. But I would have to imagine if it goes farther, it's because there was a higher level of excitement. And that causes it to more combustion is built up because of said excitement. And I've never done this in my life. But I would say, yes,

If there's a farther ejaculate, then that means there was a heightened sense of pleasure and excitement. Do guys, do you guys push when they come? Like, do you, like kind of bear down? No. No. No, the area does all the pushing. Huh. It just, it just, once the horse is out of the stable, it runs on its own.

Yeah. Huh. Well, like when you squirt, you got to really push. You do. That's part of, yeah, that's part of it. Now here's another question, and this is a little sexual oriented. Be patient with me. This is a new arena for me.

I've never squirted. Maybe I will one day if I get educated on it. Are you going to squirt? No. What, how does one do it? Is it through the act of having sex with a partner? And if so, how does the partner stimulate the act of squirting? I think a lot of it is like the G-spot, like the up.

But if there's a girl that's trying to do it, I don't really know how to tell a girl to do it. The only advice I could give is when you feel like you're about to orgasm to push. Okay. Yeah. Like push an old lady? No. Oh, push, push.

Push. Like, bear it out. Sorry, granny. I'm just trying to get off over here. Then you knock her into a wall. Yeah, no. No, you're talking about pushing you're another region. Are you okay?

Yeah, I have to pee. So I'm like sitting on. Oh, you do? Well, we should probably end. because I don't want you to squirt everywhere. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's another thing. If you have to pee, you can squirt extra hard.

But then you're done and you still have to pee. Okay. Can I just say don't try to pee with the angel wings on because sometimes they get caught in the toilet and you start swirling in a circle. Before we go, so you can pee, what a great guest. Can you tell the folks where they can see you, watch your videos and all that stuff. Right there. Go for it.

Okay. You guys can find me. on Get in the Car underscore Instagram. Get in the Car.com. That's where you'll find my only fans and all my merge. I have nude calendars coming out. Hello.

Those are exciting. I love to do those every year. So do I, by the way. Checkmate. Get in the car TV for YouTube. That's pretty much it. Ladies and gentlemen, Valerie Vaughn,

truly a beautiful angel, sharing with us today on the Harland Highway podcast and is a parting gift, a delicious Reese's peanut butter product. Yeah, take another one and run into the bathroom and throw one in the toilet. They're a lot of fun. It's almost like a toy fish.

All right, you better run because you're about this. You better squirt. I'm going to squirt out of here. All right. Thank you, Harlan. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, Valerie Vaughn, she's on her way. Oh, she's trapped.

Oh, my God, the little angels trapped. Oh, don't pee your pants. How close are you on a scale of 1 to 10 to pee in your pants? Probably like a 7. A 7? Yeah. Just I had to do the sit on the leg move to kind of slow it down. That slows it down?

Yeah. Sitting on your own leg. Yeah. Huh. What if you had to do a number two? What do you have to sit on? Like your chest? Sit on a chest, yeah.

Oh my God. Okay. I can wait to do the ending. It's going to sit here. patiently. I don't want to break them. There we go. All right.

Run to the restroom. It's on the fourth floor. Okay. Give me my wings. You're probably going to hear me peeing. I think we all are. You're going to hear me squirting in the bathroom. Ladies and gentlemen, that's it for today.

Thank you for being here. And until next time, chicken chowmaine and happy squirting. You're on the Harlan Highway. Yeah, I can hear you. Definitely. Oh, that's like, you might want to sit on both legs. Yeah, I'm not sitting on him anymore. Oh.

See you next time. Hey, everybody. How would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com.

And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland. Well, here we are, ladies and gentlemen, and a whole new season is upon us. Former President Donald Trump is now going to be our current president once again, and many people in the country and the world are shocked, and other people aren't shocked at all. And isn't that the way elections go?

It's always like this side. and that side, and nobody really knows until the dust settles. But one of the interesting outcomes of this election is that Donald Trump, unlike the first time he ran, this time he received the support of a much bigger portion of the African-American community, in particular men in the African-American community. And that's a change from last time, and he got a big bump. And in order to help kind of navigate through this change, we thought it best that we bring someone in who's an expert in the field, a man who has quite the pedigree.

He's dedicated his career to African-American studies, African-American culture, African-American psychology, if you will. And this is a decorated professor out of Berkeley up in California. Professor Rutherford Grimes is here. He is a professor of African-American culture. Professor, welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. Yeah, Mr. William, thank you so much for having me. What a fascinating and interesting time we are witnessing right here and right now.

It really is, Professor, and as an African-American man yourself, obviously, and as a man who's very immersed in the culture, not just because you are African-American, but you're a hardcore student of the whole culture. what would you say attributed to the Donald Trump garnering the support of so many more African-American civilians this time? Well, Mr. Williams, you know, there is a tidal wave of change happening in the country, and there is a high level of unrest in the African-American community. African-Americans, men, women, children, they have felt there has been a certain level of stagnation, if you will,

when it comes to perpetuating the African-American community here in modern United States of America. Oh, I see. So, you know, we're under the tenure of Barack Obama, and then it was Donald and then it was Biden and I think what you're saying is it sort of felt like the African American community sort of been in neutral

is that a good way to put it, sir? Absolutely. Excellent terminology, Mr. Williams. I kind of put it together of a worded it better myself. Neutral is a fascinating term and it feels like that there has not been a lot of progress in the African-American community in terms of poverty and in terms of jobs and in terms of lifting of the community up where it needs it most.

And, you know, there are all kinds of forces that are responsible for this, of course, but the stagnation is a palatable, Mr. Williams. Yeah, I guess so. You know, all I can really go from is what I hear and read and see on the news. And you're definitely a man with your hand on the pulse. So, sir, I have to ask you, what was the turning point? What made primarily African-American males, but I guess all African-Americans changed their position towards Donald Trump?

What was it? Well, Mr. Williams, you know, apart from being fed up by the status quo, apart from feeling sidelined by, you know, mainstream society, the African American had just about enough and was looking for a signal, looking for some kind of sign, if you will, on which way to lead, which way to turn. Not that we're easily influenced, Mr. Williams, but sometimes we do like leadership or we do appreciate, if you will, sir, a strong member of the community, perhaps showing the way. Ah, interesting. Okay, so you mean like, I don't know, like someone like Jesse Jackson or someone like that, a strong African-American leader?

Well, you're all around it, sir, and there is a gentleman who has been a standout in the African-American community for running on four decades now, and all African-American men, women, children, they all look up to this gentleman, and when he gave a signal to lean toward Donald Trump, many fell in line, and just, you know, bob down that river, if you will, sir. Wow, okay. Who is this gentleman of influence, are we referring to? Mr. Williams, are you familiar with a very popular, very talented African-American actor? Go by the name of Forst Whitaker, and he won Oscars.

He's one of the most talented actors in all of acting as far as I'm concerned. and as far as most of the African-American communities, you know, concerns. Oh, yeah, you're not going to get anybody disagreeing with that statement. He is a master-class actor. I mean, unbelievable. Yes, sir. And so when Fools Whitaker put out the signal to our community to put their vote in for Donald Trump to give him a chance,

we did we were willing to follow someone who is such a respected member of our community well wait a minute i know he's an actor sir and i'm not sure i don't remember him saying a speech or doing anything like that um what he did do uh mr williams he did give a talk in the media and it wasn't so much the words that he used Mr. Wynn, but now are you familiar with

False Wittaker's left eye? Pardon me, sir? False Whitaker's left eye. His left eye, sir? Yeah, False Whitaker left eye. I don't know if you ever seen him, Mr. Wend, but his right eye are nice and round and healthy,

but his left eye, now that's hanged down over his eyeball like it's got malaria or like it's got ecoli. You ever seen a piece of meat with ecoli bacteria swarming all over it? And Fulce Whitaker, his left eye meat, his eyelid, it drooped down. It droop down like, you ever see the thing that dangle underneath the throat of a full-grown moose, Mr. William. It looked like that meat, that hairy bag meat, hanging underneath the throat. of a moose just as Forrest Whitaker's left eye, just dangled down, hanging over his face like a moose bag.

Oh, okay, sir, hold on. Hold on. Give me a second here. Of course, Mr. Williams. Go ahead. Take a breath. Yeah, I'm not sure. So, yes, I'm familiar with Forrest Whitaker, I think I want to say, has a bit of a disfigured left eye, am I correct? Oh, it more to disfigure, Mr. Williams. I mean, that left eye, False Whitaker Leffey looked like a bulldozer ran over it, hit a hippopotamus now, and then rolled back over it again. I mean, it looked like his left eye got all rolled up in the tread.

You know the big metal tread on a bulldozer, Mr. Williams, like almost like an army tank. And if you could almost put your force Whitaker left eyelid stuck in the clank, and you're almost pulling his body around in revolutions. You know, Forrest Whitaker's screaming his left eye meat just jammed in the bulldozer links now. Hear me now. Sir, sir, okay, I think we've established Forrest Whitaker's left eye is a little wonky, but I'm not sure I get the relation between his left eye and the African-American population, you know, throwing in the hat for Trump.

Well, here's the thing, Mr. William, when you have such an outstanding member of the community, a real icon that the people can look up to. You understand what I mean, look up to? Yeah, I understand, sir. And so they watch every move that Falls Whitaker make. And when Falls Whitaker was given a media interview, when he was asked about Donald Trump.

Okay. They was watching false Whitaker's left eye. What do you mean? Well, you know, his right eye when he blink, it blink normal. It just go up and down, up and down. But his left eye, his left eye looked like a, you ever seen a coyote with his legs stuck in a metal trap out in the middle of the forest? And it's all stuck, and it's a decont.

crawled at the meat and the coyote's crying in the night. Oh, oh, oh, just crying. That's like false little, the wittaker's left eye. It bleak, it like kind of twitch is what I'm trying to say, just like a coyote trapped in an island meat. Oh, oh, oh, sir, sir, please. Mr. Professor, the howling's not necessary. I'm sorry, so I just, I get a little animated, of course,

as I'm very excited. No, we're all excited. I think what you're trying to say is Forrest Whitaker's left eye was twitching, and maybe no one else picked up on the twitches, but the members of the African-American community, those twitches in fact meant something to them? Oh, absolutely, Mr. Williams.

It's almost like a cold. You ever hear a submarine underwater They send the code now, like, Okay, yes, Professor, yeah. Professor, yes. I'm not finished now. Sir, sir, yes. Yeah, Mr. William, so when Fools, Whitaker, left eye,

go twitchy, twitchy, twitchy in the night. Excuse me? Well, that's a saying we say down in the African-American community. It's like a local saying, a folklore, like. Oh, left, it's almost like an old folk song. Oh, false critic's left eye go twitchy, twitchy in the night. False litigers left eye go twitchy twitch in the night. Close your eyes, children, and go to sleep.

Because false critica, I go twitchy, twitchy in the night. Now, sir, sir. I feel like we're straying a little. You know, I'd like to keep it focused on the political aspects, and I think you're really leaning into Ford's left eye in some kind of signal. That's right, Mr. William. But now you're starting to see what I'm talking about.

When Force Whitaker is standing at the microphone, at the podium, and he's just got that stern look on his face, that commanding look of a seasoned trained actor now, As he was talking about Donald Trump, in fact, when he said Donald Trump name now. Okay. His eye, that left eye, when I say that left eye, I mean like a, you ever see a dragonfly smash into your front window and you're driving down a country road and they got their big eyes, they're puffed-out eyes, but then they hit the window and they get splattered all up like somebody kicked a baby off the top of an apartment building

and he spluttered all over the roof of a Volkswagen Beetle just, you know, just like screaming, baby, whi-and-and-thin. Sir! Sir, I... What are you talking about? His eye was twitching. As he said Donald Trump name, Forrest Whitaker, left baggy, my pillow, a Walmart sleeping bag, down comfort of eye, twitch. Now, it twitched up and down. free time, okay, almost like his left eye got epilepsy and was having a seizure in the

middle of, you know, like a Parkinson's disease seizure, like one of the, like a double Parkinson's, the epileptic, almost like leprosy on his left eye, just bouncing like it was sitting in a, you know, a men and I, it's a buggy out in Pennsylvania and bumping up and down his eye bouncing up and down like a, you know, like a pair of breasts on a roller coaster top. Sir! Sir, I don't mean to raise my voice, but are you telling me that almost like some kind of a military code, when Forrest Whitaker's left eye fluttered, three twitches meant vote for Trump? And Mr. William, four twitches meant vote for Carmabar Haleris.

Pardon me, sir? Kamala Harris now. So wait, his eye twitched three times. Three times, and many of us played it back in slow motion. You know, and I, by the way, Mr. Williams, it's not easy to watch for Whitaker left eye moving in slow motion. It almost looked like a walrus falling off the side of a cliff, you know, just bouncing and all that blubble rolling. And, you know, I don't know if you ever taking the top of a hefty woman off in the park on a summer day with the way.

I think we're all guilty of that kind of pleasure, lifting the top off of a chubby woman in the park in the middle of the day and playing around with a milk jug now. But if you look at, you know, that scenario, a woman. with a bit of weight on to Mr. Williams, I got what we call the muffin top now. Yes, sir, the muffin top. I don't know how. Well, Paulus Whitaker got his meat on his left eye is so baggy. He actually got muffin top on his eyelid now.

His eyelid got three or four muffin top and probably in another few years, I have a whole baker's dozen now. Hear me now? I say, what, now? Hey, Mr. William now? Sir, I, look, this is. a little fantastical, and I don't want to offend the African-American community by not

saying, okay, but you are the expert here, but the very rationale that Forrest Whitaker's twitching eye changed the course of a whole election is a little far out there. On the surface, Mr. Williams, yes, I can see how this looks like a fantastical. It seems unreasonable, unfathomable. It just doesn't make sense. But you have to remember, Mr. Williams, the deep-rooted commitment, the deep-rooted collective mindset in the African community. When the African community decides they like something or that they set their sights on something, we stick together. And that comes from being a strong minority.

We stick together just like any group would when the backs against the wall or they feel threatened. And as a community that's been persecuted and enslaved, Mr. Williams, as we all know. Yes, sir, yes, sir. There is a tendency for us to huddle up and collectively do what we need to do to be protected. And when our wonderful actor, our Oscar-winning actor, Forrest Whitaker,

when he twitched that left eye like an epileptic baby, rolling down a staircase, like a slinky, covered in placentages now, his eye bugging and twitching like someone just smacked a fish over the head with a mallet. I mean, that thing was just twitching like a... I don't know if you've ever seen a woman's cataurus in mid-orgasm, but it's just like puffing up and down like a dragon, just puffing around. Sir, please. He's left eye just weak like a revolving door, but somebody threw some meat in it.

And it's just like his left eye go up and down, like if you could look in the throat of a giant. Sir, you know what, I think I appreciate the perspective. I'm a little confused. I'm a little, maybe I need to do some more research, but I think we get the point. Donald Trump won the election. He was pushed over the top by the black vote, and that's attributed to, as you would put it, Forrest Whitaker's left eye changed the course of the presidency.

Oh, 100%, Mr. Williams. Now, let me end with this now. If it wasn't for Forrest Whitaker left eye sending the signal, okay? If it wasn't for Fawkes-Wittaker left eye all infected and pussie and flipping and flapping like an old man that fell out of his wheelchair and just bouncing down the road and got hit by a cement mixer and just meat flying up and down. And his left eye and eyelid just droop down like a soggy egg of waffle in the toaster. But then as the heat makes it hard, it pop up and it's nice and crisp and his eye was... Sir, we get it. His eye, his eye, his eye. That's right, Ms. Now you get it. Amen.

Hallelujah, Mr. Keep saying it. His eye, his left eye, his left eye. His left eye, sir. I think I'm tired of saying it, but, Professor, I want to thank you for your time and your insight and your perspective. Very fascinating, sir. Well, thank you very much, Mr. Williams. And don't give me any thanks. Let's give the thanks where it belonged or false Whitaker's. and in particular, uh, false workers left, uh, coffee stained, uh, almost diarrhea soaked left eye with, with mucus on it and, uh, branch dressing and fungias. You got tree fungus on that, that meat flap, haggis. Sir, enough. Dirty, almost like a, like a labia that's been soaking in soy sauces.

Sir, I got to go. Thank you. Dirty left eye. Sir, I got to go. God. What? Good God. What? Good God. what are you kidding me look folks that you heard it from him is he gone this is the perspective of a very decorated a very brilliant professor

with a deep deep pedigree and I'm going to leave it there because it's not for me to say This is his world He's studied this world And if he says Forrest Whitaker's left eye You know what? I don't know what to that

I'm going to just hang I'm going to hang up This is Forrest Whitaker's left fucking eye You fuck me Are you fucking kidding me I'm done If you'd like to make a call

Please hang up and try again Thank you.