The Harland Highway - VIRUS SPECIAL #3 - Virus expert Dr. Fauci calls in with new safety guidelines. What about the ANIMALS during this outbreak?

Episode Date: April 4, 2020

Harland Highway VIRUS SPECIAL #3 - Virus expert Dr. Fauci calls in with new safety guidelines. What about the ANIMALS during this outbreak? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh boy, oh boy, virus, virus. It's episode three of the Harland Highway Virus Special. Just a way to keep us entertained during this horrible thing we're going through. And today, oh my God, we have a real scoop. We have Dr. Fauci, who is the lead medical expert involved with the corona crisis team. team under the guidance of the president of the United States. He's going to be on here to talk us through some of the latest developments, how we can keep safe, how we can protect ourselves. We're also going to talk about people's mood, people's vibe during this, how to stay positive and not get too depressed or negative. Because, you know, it's a tough time. So we're going to talk about that. And at the end of the show, we're going to talk about the nature side of the virus. Yeah, we're not the only ones going through this. Don't forget,

there's a lot of animals and critters and all the living things on our planet that we share. They're dealing with this virus, too. So we're going to talk about how that's affecting them and also how it pertains to how it's affecting us. So let's go. Put your face mask on. This is The Harland Highway What am I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway.

What are you talking about words? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh God, what's happening here? What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway.

We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. What's wrong with everybody in this crazy place? The Harland Highway. What is it? The opening. To what?

To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Wow. Okay. Welcome to the Harland Highway virus episode number three. And this is a big get for us here today. We have, we're going to get right to it. We have on the phone here. Is easy there, Roger? Yeah. Dr. Fauci. This is the lead medical expert that's on the Corona Task Force. You see him every day doing the briefings with the president and his task force.

on national television, giving us updates. He's at the front and center of leading the fight to helping stop this scourge that's hitting us. And let's get them, let's go, let's get them on the line. Dr. Fauci, how are you today, sir? Thank you, Colin. How are you? We're doing great, sir. We obviously appreciate your time.

We know you're under a lot of pressure, and people are pulling you in, every direction. Well, it's okay, Hall, and then any time I can, you know, spread the word and get the message out, but, you know, like, we're working on things. We're trying to find a cure. We're trying to find a remedy for this horrible affliction that you're consuming the whole globe at this point. Man, everywhere and every place.

And I know you've been, you've been consulting with the president and all his time. top advisors. Is there anything new that you can tell us? We've been hearing recently that once you said we shouldn't be wearing face masks, now you've kind of reversed course on that? Well, you know, it doesn't hurt Holland. I mean, whatever we have to do to slow this thing down, to stem the spread, we're not 100% convinced that we're wearing a face mask. is going to stop or decrease the spread of the corona COVID-19 virus here. But, you know, at this point, we're like, you know, it doesn't matter if, you know, what have we got to lose is kind of a frame of mind here at the Corona Task Force. Yeah, I mean, you know, why not?

It's like, you know, in a way, I hate to say it, but maybe we should have had this mentality right out of the beginning. I mean, you know, obviously a face mask does stop, you know, things coming and going out of the mouth. And Dr. Fauci? Okay, okay. So, right, right. Let's be an armchair quarterback here. But, you know, Holland? No, sir, I didn't mean any disrespect.

I'm just saying it seems like some of these ideas or temporary solutions are coming in a little bit late. sometimes. Okay. No, Dr. Fouchi, I don't mean, I'm just looking for a dialogue here on this. Well, it sounds confrontational to me. It sounds like if somebody wants to have a word war here, is that where you're gone? No, sir, please. If you could give us an update on where you're going with the face mask thing and public safety.

Okay. Well, good. So the latest carnation of the face mask, we take it just because you brought it up and you seemed sort of confrontational, Holland. I'll have you know we've kicked it up to another level. Okay, well, that's great. That's amazing. Can you tell us what the next level of kind of face mask security is? Well, Holland, it's a new procedure. It's something that I personally came up with, and I've been tracked. this thing this for the last kind of three weeks behind doors. And it's a preventative measure that I call cocooning. Um, concooning? And I know how cocooning like a, like a cocoon. Oh, like you'd see like a caterpillar in a cocoon. Yeah, exactly. And this is, uh, this could be, this could be the new

frontrunner for keeping people safe, isolated, and protected. Wow. Can you elaborate on cocooning it? Well, as a matter of fact, you certainly can't Holland. We are about to roll it out today, so there's no harm in telling you the procedure. It kind of mimics what you see in nature. As you know, nature always seems to provide the answers. I mean, even this organism, this horrible virus, is a creature of nature. This was bred from nature, as you know.

Everything organic comes out of nature. Yes, exactly, Dr. Fauci. And so what we learn from nature is nature learns how to protect itself, how to defend itself. When things go bad, when there are catastrophes, nature corrects itself. Are you following me? Absolutely, sir. And so cocooning is something that I've studied, I've watched the habits of the butterfly and the lava, the caterpillar, if you will.

Okay, sir. And as you know, a caterpillar eventually during its short life, it eventually comes to a point in its short life where it cocoons itself. Right. It kind of like encases itself in its own webbing or whatever. Well, don't get ahead of me, Howard, but yes, that's kind of how I'm tracking it here. And so what we're advising now is people to start cocooning. Well, can you explain to us how that procedure works?

It sounds very interesting, Dr. Fauci. Well, what you have to do is you have to consume a lot of fibrous material. And if you have in your food storage, if you've got shredded wheat, the mini-wheat, you've got, you know, raisin brand, any fibrous type of dietary item, You must consume as much as you can. And what if you don't have that, or if you do have it, but it runs out? Well, fortunately, the human stomach is just filled with so many different enzymes and natural biomechanical things that can break down fiber. You know, Holland?

Yeah, of course. The human stomach's kind of, it's like an acid bath in there. Yeah, precisely. And so if you run out of fiber consumptibles in your home, in your pantry, what we recommend is you start to eat if you have pillow cases around the house or you have bed sheets, possibly some curtains, or maybe... Hold on, doctor. Are you saying to eat cloth?

Any type of a fabric, a light fabric. The human stomach can turn that up. and in turn, turn it into, if you overeat, and I don't often ask people to overeat, but in this case, it's a matter of life and death. Okay. We're asking you to consume as much fiber material as you can. But then what happens, sir? Well, I'm getting to that.

What happens is a procedure within the stomach cavity where the stomach churns, the fabric, almost like a butter churner or an ice cream maker. You ever see a homemade ice cream maker? Okay, I guess so you're saying you eat a bad sheet or a pillow slip. Yeah, that's right. And your stomach starts churning it up. And then what we would like you to do, and this is, you know, it's not pretty, but we're talking about survival here, Holland.

What we want you to do is either induce vomiting, purging, if you will, or the best case scenario, as we see in nature, many forms of spiders, many forms of caterpillar, they excrete webbing, if you will, from their aeanise. From their what, sir? The A&E's. The A&E's? The area between your buttocks,

where you excrete your bowels. Oh, the A&I. Well, okay, yes. In medical terms, we call it the aeanice, but for the layman, the anus. Wait a minute. You're telling people to technically excrete webbing from their... Ayanise. Now, it sounds messy. It sounds, you know, frankly, a little dirty and sloppy. But, again, we're talking about life and death. So if I can run you through, the procedure. Yes, please, sir.

You get a pillow slip or some nice bed sheeting. You spend about an hour eating it. You know, eat it slowly, thread by thread. And if you want to put seasoning salt or mayonnaise or relish or any kind of condiment on it, that's okay, anything to help you get it down, so to speak. Wow, okay. That's a little interesting. And then once the fabric is, you know,

inside your system. You give it about three or four hours, and then you induce, you know, you induce vomiting, or you induce diarrhea, if you will. Oh, my God, sir? I know it. I told you it's not pretty, but it's effective. And basically, what you're going to do at this point is, as the webbing starts to come out, and I hate to use a popular pop icon analogy here, but it's kind of like what Spider-Man does. You mean like a web coming out of you? Exactly. And so what we do here, Ireland, is we have you slowly start excreting a web, a silk web from your A&I.

Wow, okay. And as it falls to the floor, you slowly turn in slow circles around and around and around, very methodical, very even, the same, just a slow, slow circle, almost like a pottery wheel, you understand? So, wait a minute, so people, I'm assuming they have to take their clothes off. Oh, yes, you've got to be fully naked for this, and you stick a nice, comfortable spot in the middle of the living room floor, because remember, eventually you're going to fall over. Oh, my God. And as the, as you push, you know, you push your bowels, you excrete the webbing, the webbing, you know, falls to the floor. And as it falls to the floor, you slowly start rotating your body around and around and around.

And, of course, the webbing is rather sticky because it's, you know, it's wet. It came from inside. Wow, this is a little, I know, Holland, look, nobody. He wants to do these things, but, you know, this virus was forced upon us, and we don't have much of a choice here. Okay, I guess you're right there. It's a life and death thing, right? Exactly. Either you want a cocoon or you want to die. Wow, whoever thought, so we twirl around. You twirl around in circles, and slowly but surely you start to build a cocoon around your body.

It slowly, it starts around your ankles, it comes up your caps, if you hit you up a thigh, around your pelvis, and then because it's drying as it goes, Holland, it starts to build upon itself. You almost look like a human candy floss. Have you ever seen candy floss at the carnival? Wow, this is like fantastic. How did you... Well, let me finish the process here, and then I'll get to the how and the whys. So you just keep twirling around in a circle.

the webbing coming out of your ae and ice the anus the a and i that's right all and and you slowly you twirl and almost like one of those meat kebabs you ever you ever you ever order a euros out of one of those greek uh those greek uh you know those walk up places they put the shaved meat in a pita right a yearos right so you're almost like a twirling piece of meat and there's webbing coming out of your a and ice and uh you're slowly wrapping yourself you like you like you like an anus burrito almost, darling. Wow. Hey everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that,

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Have fun. Don't throw your back out. My God! And eventually what happens is you keep going and going and Holland, it's an amazing process. I did it myself twice because I needed to test this, and, you know, my cohorts cut me out of the cocoon, but you're essentially mummifying yourself. Wow, yes.

So eventually you're covered from head to toe, right? Exactly. In essence, you've created a cocoon for yourself. And so now you're inside this silky web casing, and it's a very fine fabric. Okay, it's like the ultimate face mask on you, over your mouth and your nose, but your whole body is now encased in this wonderful security blanket, if you will. This is kind of ingenious.

I mean, it's not pretty, Dr. Fauci, but it certainly sounds like it could do the trick. But how does one survive? I'm assuming you said you got cut out by your cohorts there. Right. I was the guinea pig, so to speak. I was the human testing ground for cocooning, and I did it twice, and I'll have to say my A-Nice is it, you know, I'll tell you, it's more purple than a pack of, you know,

double-bubble bubble gum you'd see laying on a subway track right now. I mean, you know, have you ever seen one of these baboons at the jungle? They've got these purple asses. I mean, my an anus looks like, you know, an apple fritter was wrapped in a rainbow wrapping paper. or something. Well, okay, thank you, doctor. I get it. But, you know, if we're encased in our own cocoon, we're cocooning, as you put it. That is correct. How do we sustain? How do we eat? How do we sleep? How do we function? Well, here's where the real, you know, miracle. And again, as I said, how nature provides the roadmap for this. Okay, nature creates a blueprint

for everything. It's almost like once we started cocooning, it almost took over for itself. Okay, so of course, these are big questions. How do we eat? How do we drink? How do we, you know, how do we breathe? How do we sleep?

You know, there's so many questions about cocooning. Yes, I mean, I feel like you'd go insane in there. Here's the beauty, Holland. Okay, well, you're eating the sheets. You're also consuming. fiber. And what do we know about fiber? Fiber creates a lot of gas inside a human being. Would you agree with that? Well, okay, yes. I think a lot of people, when they eat fiber, they tend to get gassy, doctor? Correct. And so, have you ever heard the term the Dutch oven, Holland?

Well, it's a kind of a rude slang thing. It doesn't matter what it is. Have you heard of it? Yes, that's the thing where you're laying in band with someone, your wife or your husband or your partner, and kind of as a joke, you fart under the sheets, and then you pull the sheet up over the head and you yell Dutch oven, am I right? Yeah, you yell Dutch oven and the joke is you trap them under the sheets with your fart, basically. Correct, I know it's vulgar, it's vile, it's, you know, it's something, You know, high school kids do. But in this situation, it's a lifesaver. So you're talking about cocooning and Dutch ovening.

I'm not sure I'm connecting the two. Well, Holland, you asked how does one sustain inside their own cocoon? And let me tell you, this happened almost by accidents, as many medical solutions do, okay? When I was in my cocoon, I fart it, okay? I didn't far once or twice. I probably let off a machine gun series, you know, seven or eight, and I'm an old man, so mine smell like mothballs and onion rings and things like that.

But it doesn't matter what they smell like, Colin. Oh, my God. So what happened is suddenly you're encased in your own gases. And what do we know about gases? They can knock you out, okay? Wait a minute. Are you saying you farted in your cocoon? Correct.

And in essence, you created your own Dutch oven. Correct, again, Holland. And you basically knocked yourself out? Now, don't get ahead of me here, Hollad. It wasn't knocking myself out. Here's where, and God bless, you know, whoever created us, nature. Have you ever watched one of these nature shows, Holland, and you see how animals hibernate through the winter season?

Yeah, like, you mean like bears and things like that? Absolutely. They dig it den, and they go into a state of hyper sleep, okay? Their body functions are still there, but their brainwaves lower. Their heartbeat goes almost to a flatlining. I mean, their whole body slows down. They're breathing everything. This is called a state of perpetual hibernation, and it's,

Last for months and months. These animals, they don't need to eat. They just literally go into a living coma almost. Wait, are you suggesting, hold on, doctor. Let me organize my thoughts here. Please, go ahead. You're saying, for us to survive the coronavirus, we do this thing, cocooning. Correct.

Cacooning is the term. And we basically eat our bed sheets and our pillow slips. That is correct. We break down the fiber in our systems. Correct. We slowly push the fibrous material out of our anus. Our anus. Correct.

And it creates sort of a web like a spider web or a silkworm type of thing, a caterpillar type of silky. Fibrous material, correct. And then we rotate around in a circle like a meat carbure. like a year-house or a cotton candy. Like a cotton candy. We encase ourselves in our own webbing, so to speak. Correct. You're right on track here, Holland.

Once we've totally kind of mummified ourselves inside this little capsule of webbing. Correct. We're now kind of safe from all the air coming in and out. It's kind of being filtered through the webbing. It's an unbelievable miracle of nature. But in order to survive in our own capsule, we have to fart. Or Dutch oven, as I call it.

Dutch oven. It kind of knocks us out, renders us semi-unconscious as if we're in a hibernation state. Much like a grizzly bear or a polar bear or a brown bear, whatever bear you want really in this situation, Ireland. And so we remain in this coma state, and that's it. We're safe in our own little cocoon. And as I mentioned, you want to do it in the middle of the room because once you do that Dutch oven, once you release those gases inside your cocoon,

you are going to fall down. So you don't want to hit your head. You don't want to crack the cocoon open on an IKEA coffee table or some cheap piece of furniture that you might have in your house. Well, why would you think I have IKEA? Well, I can tell by your voice, but you want to be in a clear environment so that you lay down

and now you're laying on the ground and hopefully, you know, the human body, as we know, Holland, will release gases in its sleep. Yeah, we all know people fart in their sleep. We're all guilty of that. Correct. So what happens is nature somehow

has timed this out perfectly, Holland. And what will happen is you will keep Dutch ovening yourself in this hibernation state where your body does not require food, it does not require sustenance, and basically we're projecting that the standard human being after consuming a queen size

or even a king size or even a single sheet fitting if that's all you have around the house, the human body will take about two and a half months to break this down, release about three months' worth of gases, and we're projecting a three-month cocoon. period for all humanity.

And so, wow. So outside of essential personnel, like military and medical and whatnot, you're saying that the rest of the world should go into a cocoon and lay down for three months, and when we reemerge, this will have passed. That is the train of thinking right now, and that is where we're at with the Corona COVID-19 task force. cocooning, it's a new term, it's a new approach, but we think this will save the world.

Wow, Doctor, I just I'm flabbergasted. This is quite amazing. Well, thank you. We've been working on. Now, if you don't mind, Holland, I've got to get back. As you know, I'm going a million miles an hour here. I've got to get home to my family. I'm going to

be serving up some nice bed sheets with a marinara sauce. and some meatballs on the side. I'm going to stir up some pillow slips and some boiling water and feed my children and hopefully get them cocooning before midnight. Okay, Doctor. Well, we thank you for your time, and what a fascinating discovery. Thank you very much.

Everybody be safe, and I know it's a new term, but happy cocooning. Goodbye, Holland. Goodbye, Doctor. Wow. Holy smokes. You know, it's no wonder they have this guy at the head of the task force. I mean, that's just brilliant. Cooning.

Wow. I know what I'm having for dinner tonight. Oh, yeah. My bath towels as an appetizer. My bathrobe as the main course. And for dessert, a washcloth and pot. Possibly one of my slippers. Oh, man.

Bone Appetit. Hello. Hello. Hi, this is Chris from Halifax. Just get done listening to your latest virus episode there, episode two of the virus podcast. That the Tom Doughty guy, pretty fucked there but I do agree with you like this is you could kind of think about

this as being a reset of sorts for the world you know it's we've never seen anything like this before like all across you know the globe it's a pretty amazing it's pretty scary but you know I grew up poor and I know what struggle is and I know what survival is and that helps and also some common sense a lot of people don't have that and a lot of people have never had to struggle and when you do struggle it builds character some people don't understand that but I know it's a fact and that that's a fact and that that That's the kind of people that work their way through situations, no matter what it is, big or small, and survive. So just my two cents on that. I hope everybody's staying safe.

You know, I'm still at working, but I don't have to be in contact with anybody. I drive a truck at night, and I just drive to one terminal and switch trailers and drive back home, so I don't have to be in contact with anybody, so I'm pretty safe. So, you know, I'm lucky I haven't lost my job. You know, slowed down a bit, but I'm still going. And, you know, so we'll get through it. But it's, we're all going to learn some hard lessons here. And I think they're overdue. So I hope everyone learns the lesson. and doesn't go right back to doing the shit that they were doing before and understand what's really important in life. That's all I got to say, chicken chameen, baby, and take care, Harlan.

Talk to you later. Okay. First of all, can we get a truck driver? Chris is a truck driver. Can we, right out of the gate, can we get a round of applause for Chris for being a truck driver? Wow. I mean, come on. right don't we love thank you chris thank you for what will we do without our truck drivers

you know especially in in a time like this where we're in crisis mode and you start to think about the jobs that are kind of sometimes in the background you know but now you realize how vital and important they are and that they're the lifeline really because think about it when when the when the food comes in off the trains and the boats and the tractors, how does it, how does it get to your supermarket? Guess what? Guys like Chris, truck drivers. And fortunately for us, as Chris stated, truck drivers live in kind of an isolation chamber where they're in the cab of their truck and they don't really have to come into contact with anybody. And so these guys are the unsung heroes of this epidemic, you know, along with many other people, but this is just one of the

professions where the rest of us just got to stand up and applaud. Thank you so much, Chris, for what you do and the importance of what you do. And we're all very grateful. And also to your point about, you know, people learning to live with hardship, people learning to live with struggle and challenge, I couldn't agree with you more, Chris. You're absolutely right. It does build character. And it's not the best way in the world to build character, but then again, maybe it is, you know. I didn't grow up poor, but I grew up in a family where my parents were not very liberal with their money. In other words, my parents came from the point of view, you know, you go out and earn. yourself, you make your own way.

And so when I was going to college, my dad would, here's how my dad operated. He would say, come home for the weekend. And if you do, I'll give you $20 so you can go back and have money for the week. And back then when I was in college, I kind of didn't know any different. and so here I was living off $20 a week. And a pizza, one pizza is like $6. So if I order one pizza,

there's like almost half of my weekly $20 gone. But, you know, we've all been through struggles. You know, and let's not say just because people have money or they have better means that they don't have struggles. We all have struggles in life. but I think to Chris's point, when you don't have a lot of money and you're poor and you kind of have to learn to make do, you have to be creative with what you've got. And I think Chris is right that hopefully this experience globally humbles all of us

and at the very least reminds us of how we're all the same and we're all in this together and we all have to struggle. And as Chris said also, let's hope it makes us stronger. every one of us. And to those of you are out there listening right now who are struggling more than others, you know, there's probably people

that this is really over the top for them. Or maybe they're becoming super depressed or they're becoming suicidal or they're becoming terrified. All I can say is stay the course. Don't panic. You know, you can't alter what's coming and you can't alter what's happened.

So all you can do is believe and have faith that things will get better. You can sit around and the human mind is full of ideas, full of imagination. And if you let your mind start thinking of all these dark things and negative things, what's the good in that? You can't change what's coming. It's going to come, whether we find a cure, whether we all start roaming in the wasteland. We don't know. but what we do know is you can have your belief and your faith and just focus your mind on

positive energy, positive things. Look beyond what we're in right now. So in other words, if you're standing somewhere right now, I want you to look to the horizon line. Look to the edge of a field, to the edge of the city, to the skyline, to the clouds in the distance, and ask yourself, do you know what's over there right now? Do you know who's standing there? Do you know what's going on? No. You can see it, but you don't know what's there.

But it exists, and it's there. You can visually see miles and miles away. You can see the sun setting, and it's beautiful, but you don't know what's there. So hang on to that. You can't change what you don't know. And so just put it in your head that this is a test, that this is part of nature, this is part of the globe that we live on, that bad things happen, calamities happen, tidal waves, and tsunamis, and earthquakes and tornadoes happen, and yes, sadly, people die and things get broken and we're injured, but we get up and we rise up from the rubble, and we hear. heal, and we go on to do great, wonderful, happy, beautiful things. And so right now we're kind of, you know, we're in that mode where we're all watching

CNN, and they're telling us a Category 5 hurricanes here, and they're telling us all to stay in our homes and don't go outside or you're going to get blown down the street. So just accept it and let the storm play out. And just all you really have is your belief, is you training, the way you would train a dog, train your brain to go, we're going to get through this. We're going to be all right. I'm going to go to the movies with my girlfriend when this is over. I'm going to go out to dinner.

I'm going to start a new company. I'm going to go on that trip I always wanted. Just keep your eye on the horizon. And know that it's there and good things await. And while you're waiting, there's no reason why you can't do things right now. I think I mentioned it last podcast. You know, dive into yourself, dive deep into yourself and start some of those projects you've always said, oh, God, I've never had any time for anything.

If I didn't have to go to work, I could be at home writing a novel. or I could be designing a new invention, or I could be making a baby with my wife, or whatever it is. Don't sit around and mope and, you know, descend into dark places. It is tough. It's mentally tough because, you know, we're not the toughest generation. Okay? The last 30 years, you know, we didn't have to cross the great plains in our covered wagons.

we didn't have to, you know, do a lot of things that have been really hard for humankind. Let's face it, the last 30, 40 years have been the Cheesecake Factory and going to the movies and screwing around on the Internet. Now, that being said, let's take out of that equation a lot of our military people who have had to go to war and defend us and put themselves in peril. But thank God we haven't had a world war where it's really bogged down the rest of society. Well, the military, the American military, is overdoing their thing. It really hasn't slowed down the pace or the culture of society in the U.S.

Now, if it was a world war, that could be different. But we haven't been through all that. and so this is it this is that kind of world war that we're in now it's it's kind of even more dangerous because in a military conflict you're sending your soldiers to the battle and they're fighting in the theater of war

and even though they're over there fighting most of society is still back here in their little houses with their picket fences but not with this war This war is floating in and out of anything. This war doesn't know any boundaries or borders. It's not even fighting for a reason. It's just like, hey, I'm here, I'm going to kill you.

Hello. I don't have any politics. I don't have any religion. I don't have any territory. I don't have any agenda. I just want to kill you. Hello. Hi, knock, knock.

Here to kill you. Hello. good morning here to kill you it's that random so keep your chin up stay safe be smart cocoon and uh ride it out baby write it out train your brain to think and do positive things not only you're helping yourself but you're helping people around you you're helping everybody and that's your part. You can't make bullets, you can't make warplanes, you can't make guns, you can't make bombs.

All you can do is stay strong for the rest of us, for yourself first, but for the rest of us. We've all got to stay up and strong and ride this puppy out. So there you go. And that's what this podcast is about. You know, as you know, or maybe you're a new to my podcast. I had hung the podcast up last June.

I had just kind of felt it had done its time, and I was moving on to other things. And I sit here, and I go, well, how can I be a positive force during this? How can I maybe help? How can I lighten the mood or spread some words of inspiration? What can I do to help win this war for people? And so here I am, back on the microphone,

hoping I can create a little levity, maybe a little inspiration, whatever I can create, maybe even just a distraction. Maybe you don't even like the content, but you're like, ah, at least someone's talking in the background. I can take my mind off of my own thoughts. So whatever it is, here we are, in it together, and hopefully having some laughs and whatnot. So thanks for the call, Chris.

Thanks for staying positive. Thanks for the message. And let's all ride this tsunami together, shall we? And then lastly, before I sign off here, I want to talk about another part of our world that is going through this virus the way we are. And that's the other hundreds of millions of species that inhabit this planet with us.

I'm talking from the ants to the dolphins, to the bats, to the birds, to the deer, to the antelope, to the bears, to the wolves, all of them. It's got to be an interesting time for the animals of the world. Because let's face it, you know, man is pretty much the dominant living species on this planet, for now, yikes. And all of nature, including all of its species, has had to kind of learn to move around us, right, to deal with us.

Whether you're an ant colony, you've got to deal with the lawn being cut or people building or somebody digging. If you're birds, you've got to do with trees being cut down. If you're animals in the water, you've got to deal with boats, got to do it with traffic, you've got to deal with all kinds of human movement and activity. And you've got to wonder what birds are thinking. Like, where's all the airplanes? Where's all the noise? Where's all the traffic?

Animals that normally don't go near a road or near a small town or a city. Where's all the movement? Where's all the big metal things with the animals? the lights on the front that speed past. Where's all the voices of the humans I always hear in the playgrounds and in the streets? Where's all the millions of cars rushing by? I mean, where's all of it? And you've got to figure that animals kind of to a degree probably based their behavior

and their routines around the movement of human beings, whether we're filling up beaches or boardwalks or. or parks or camping in the forests. You've got to figure that it's probably, you know, animals work on patterns as well. Animals have habits. They have certain trails that they use. They have certain times of the day when they rest,

when they feed, when they hunt, when they eat. Do they come out at night? Are they more nocturnal because there's less humans? Do they stay away from certain areas because of the human traffic. And now, you've got to figure human traffic's probably been reduced by 80, 90%. And so now I'm starting to read these stories on the Internet of animals and their behavior and their movements. And apparently in some towns and cities, wild pigs, wild boars are starting to stray into the streets.

You know, mountain goats and things like this. Apparently in a lot of beaches around the world, there's been an explosion of sea turtles because there's no humans there to get in the way of them beaching and laying their eggs and the babies coming up and running to the beach. Think about it. There's no hunters out there. There's no people hunting duck or moose or deer or elk.

I don't know what the fishing industry is doing, but I've got to imagine that's been slowed down as well, especially for, for, you know, casual sportsmen. I don't think fishing lodges and places like that are operational. And so it's very interesting. When you think of it in those terms and you look at how humans have mismanaged and abused its fellow citizens of the planet, whether it be honeybees or condos, or condo, or elephants, let's be honest, we are very ignorant and very, I don't know what the word is, but very kind of non-inclusive of most of the other species. I mean, yes, we have environmentalists and we have parks and we have this and that,

but even within, you know, animal sanctuaries and animal reserves and places like this, there's still poachers and there's still bad people trapping and poisoning and killing and just the stuff we put into the environment. You know, bad air, polluted air, that doesn't know what an animal reserve is. And so, in a way you've got to wonder, is this nature going, you know what? maybe nature views us humans as a virus. You know what I mean? So think of nature as a human being.

And imagine if nature had all these other animals and all these other critters living in harmony. They wake up, they hunt, they only take what they need. They die eventually. But it's a very symbiotic world they live in. and nobody, no animal does anything out of cruelty or of excessiveness, right? Humans are the only ones that went out and killed all the Dodo birds and slaughtered the great ox and decimated the herds of millions of bison to the edge of extinction.

You know, we're the only ones that have wiped out so many species, you know, killing off the species of rhino and who knows what else. It's just kind of horrible. Maybe this is a point in time where we can look at that, right? And go, man, what kind of stewards are we? But back to my point, what if Earth was a human and it had this thing? Let's call the humans the coronavirus. And this coronavirus is killing every other species on the earth, many of them, to the point of extinction.

So what if Earth is saying, I've got to find a defense mechanism towards this toxic thing that lives on my back? I've got to preserve the planet. I've got to preserve all the other living creatures. And so sometimes you wonder, is it divine intervention, or did nature concoct this thing to protect itself from us? That's a very interesting way of looking at it, but within that conversation, I hope that it stimulates everyone to go, wow, now we know what it's like to be randomly terminated. Now we know what it's like for something else to just carve a path through our perfect little worlds and take away life indiscriminately. Now we know what it's like for cowboys to be shooting randomly from a moving train at millions of Buffalo. Now we know what it's like for boatloads of Dutch explorers to go aboard these small islands and club dodo birds to death

and the greatawk to just walk up to it and club it to death. And so knowing how it feels now, can that maybe make a lot of us change our perspective? Can that be nature's way of saying, hey, pump the brakes, humans, okay? We're on the edge here. You know, you know how many great Siberian tigers are left on the planet? 3,000. Think about it. 3,000. That's less than what you would get in a small hockey arena to watch a hockey game.

That's about the amount of people that would go to a, you know, a stand-up comedy show for, you know, a mid-level comedian. You know, there's only 10,000 lions left on the planet. There's only 4,700 leatherback sea turtles. And, you know, we hear these statistics as we go about our routines, and we read about it, but maybe now, maybe now it's a lot more impactful when we realize that now we're the target. We're the target of something that's bigger than us. We're the target of something that we can't control.

us mighty humans who can control everything. And so I got to say to see these animals replenishing themselves and kind of retaking over these environments and pushing in where humans have moved out, it's sort of a neat, refreshing reminder of not only how we need, need each other as human beings, but how we need these other creatures and we need to respect them as much as we wish this coronavirus would respect us.

And, you know, I hope it helps people become better at this. I hope out of this, maybe it gives everyone a second look. and that's why I mentioned earlier divine intervention is if you believe in a big creator if you believe that there's something out there that's kind of puppeteering this whole experiment we call life

sometimes you wonder if that's that entity going hey we got to throw a curveball at these humans because at the rate they're going they're going to eat their way to the bottom of the cereal box and not have anything left.

They're going to have to start eating each other. And so I think out of this virus, you're going to see a lot of new innovation. Okay? I think you're going to see a lot of things change from the way we go to the movies, to the way we go to restaurants, to the way office spaces are laid out. Our office space is now going to be six feet apart, ten feet apart. Our movie seat is going to be, you know, six feet apart. Our airplane seat's going to have like a thing dropped from the ceiling and encase us,

like a cone and fresh oxygen pumped in. I think, you know, and I think I did a podcast about this years ago. I've been on the rant for years. I've been fist bumping for years. And I've always said we should abolish shaking hands. You know, it's something that spreads a general flu and a general cold at all times. So anyways, my point is I hope that in finding these new innovations that we're all going to come up with to protect humans, I hope in that mix we have the broader perception to want to include the other critters of the planet and the environment.

And we realize that as much as we all need each other, we all need the rest of it as well. And maybe we all have to be better shepherds of our flock, which is the planet. and start thinking and acting more to preserve what we have, cherish what we have, respect what we have, embrace, and lift up what we have. So I hope when all these new innovations come out, when we get to the other side of this, it isn't all about, oh, we created a new hand sanitizer for humans.

We created new fashion that repels bacteria. We've created new architecture that, socially distance. Let's not make it all about just us humans when we get to the other side of this. Let's remember everything else. The critters, the creatures, the bugs, the birds, the beasts. I certainly hope that they're included in any new approach and attitude we find at the other side of this horrible mess. So there you go. And I think we'll leave it there. I want to thank Dr. Fauci for coming on board today.

And I want to remind you guys, if you're looking for more laughs during this ridiculous thing we're going through, please check out my Patreon page. It's a digital platform online. You go to patreon.com backslash Harland Williams. And it's there that you will find all kinds of content that I'm doing. doing most of it video and i have a series on there called two guys in their underpants it's these two stupid little dolls and every 10 days i post a new comedy episode of their adventures and boy are they silly and stupid and i think they'll make you laugh and uh the patreon page is designed to let you see exclusive content well at the same time supporting me so i can create

exclusive content. So if you have it in your heart, if you want to check it out, patreon.com backslash Harland Williams, please join. You can even join for a month and try it out and see if you like it. And if you don't like it, you can jump off of it or you can stay on it. But at the end of the day, it's about bringing you funny material and helping you laugh your way through life. so that's it

hopefully I'll do some more of these virus special podcast for you guys just to kind of do my part and hopefully keep you entertained and I hope you're all doing great out there stay safe, stay smart stay positive

and think about what we all can do better collectively as we go forward until next time we love you love you stay safe

and chicken chau-me baby Thank you.