The Harland Highway - WILL FERRELL disturbing family secret revealed! MORE cowbell, and stories from SUPERSTAR and stuff!

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

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You'll find the same regular prices online as in-store. Many promotions are available both in-store and online, though some may vary. Hey, everybody, Harland here. before we get started, a couple of quick announcements. If you want to see yours truly, you want to see Daddy doing some sweet stand-up comedy. Monterey, California, March 26 at the Golden State Theater. Be there. Seattle, Washington at the Neptune Theater, March 27th, Portland, Oregon, Revolution Hall, March 28th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Bricktown Comedy Club, April 3rd. third to fourth, and Louisville, Kentucky at the Louisville Comedy Club, April 10 and 11.

Get your tickets at Harlan Williams.com. Okay, well, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. I'm stopping the announcements. Here's the deal. I'm just too excited. First of all, this episode, Will Ferrell, like my bud, everyone's favorite. one of the funniest guys on planet Earth. That's for starters.

My excitement's up here. And then guess what, gang? Here's the next level of excitement. At the end of this episode, a special surprise. If you watch right through to the very end, we are going to be doing the first sneak screening of the Wingman movie trailer. Yes, the movie that I wrote and directed and star in. and we are giving you a sneak peek at the trailer for the very first time.

I hope you love it. And we're teasing it out because the movie is scheduled to be released. They're talking about mid-May to possibly early June, but it looks like mid-May. We'll have the exact dates coming out. We'll be able to tell you exactly where to get it. But we thought, you know what, with a month away, we want to show you guys,

give you a taste of Wingman, this crazy comedy feature film. So stick around at the end of this episode with Will Ferrell for the very first sneak peek at the Wingman trailer. And now without any more further ado do-do, let's go. It's your podcast. Oh, sorry. God, I'm so sorry. I'm supposed to...

Yeah, you've got to keep it going. I'm sorry. You've got to keep it going. not me i know i get forgetful sometimes you're riding the harland highway baby i have a weird thing about if i start a water i want to finish it i don't want to start a new one wait talk talk to me i don't i'll save this for the podcast oh no no i think this i don't think we should let people know about this yeah if i start a water i feel bad wait pull this down a bit oh okay there we go talk about this water

thing. No, I'm just saying, if I start a water. Yeah. So look at this. This is about a, I drank about a third of this. Okay. It drives me crazy to be handed another fresh water. I want to finish this.

Amber, bring me in another water. No. You go crazy? I go. I go. Amber, grab me a bottle of water. We're about to have a show. Yeah, we're about to have a show.

So you go nuts. Hold up that other one. So it's almost not even half. And then you're saying, what do you mean? Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't hand me that water. Guy?

No, I'm just not going to touch it. I just want to finish this one before it drives me crazy. Hey, what? No, don't. Ah! Guy! Are you all right? Shiver me timbers.

Does anyone ever say that anymore? Orchadias. would you call me? Orchidias. That's a vampire's name. Are we in a library? You're in a library. I'm in a library. I'm in a mount of fantastical mountain setting. You're almost on the horizon. Oh, okay. Like, you know what's weird? I'm in a fantasy world. You're in a beautiful library. I'm an academic. You're a hippie. So that's what we're saying. And you know what's good? The horizon, we always see it. But who's ever been to it? dude you're about a foot away I don't know if you want to touch it

I could reach out and touch it if you wanted to I don't want to I don't want to you could be the first wait is this a good podcast by the way because I only do good ones this one not really

like on a scale of one to 10 it's a mid tier it's a mid to low tier podcast not even there like I'd say you ever hear that milk 2% yeah if this was milk it'd be like less than 1%.

Well, you've got to start somewhere. Yeah. All right. Dude, look. Let it roll. Well, listen, I don't know how a guy walks in. Yeah. We had Neil Armstrong, the first man to set foot on the moon.

We got the first, the Wright brothers who are the first guys to fly. Yeah. You're sitting here, Will Zachary Farrell. About to... You could be the first. guy to touch the horizon and you're not going to... Are you getting... I think I'll save it.

I'll save it for the right moment. Okay. Yeah. We'll build the tension. Oh, dude. Yeah. Uh, lady and gentlemen, welcome to the Halley Highway podcast.

I do guarantee. Ooh, boy, I do it in K-Gim. Yeah, yeah, I like it. Oh, folks, what a tasty treat. Uh, we have one of our favorite friends here today. My buddy, Will Ferrell is here. What a treat, buddy. Welcome to the highway. Right? I saw you, I saw at the Kings game and now look at, we're here at the Orchadias Library. We're talking. The Orchadias. Yeah. You know what's funny? We were at the Kings game.

L.A. Kings hockey. For hockey fans. And you sort of flew out of nowhere. Like I didn't see you coming. We were in the back hallway. But the weird thing is I went with some buddies and for the reason why I flew at you is because we, on our drive down to downtown Los Angeles, we were talking about you. No, you were not. Yes, we were. Okay, but I got to ask good or bad stuff. No, excellent. Excellent stuff. We were talking. Like, can I ask? Just how you're, one of the funniest people I've ever been around. I didn't hear you. Does that make you feel good? I didn't hear what you just said. Could you just say that again? Because of too much. No, I just, I didn't hear it. One of the funniest people I've ever been around.

Harlan... What did you just say? Sally O'Malley Williams. What did you say? I didn't... I'm sorry. I was... I'm not going to say it again.

Hit the music. But no, we were talking about how... You're pointing again. You! You! We were talking about how you're hilarious... The old David Letterman Letterman show,

not the old, not the late night, but when he was on CBS and how you were going along. and you were doing your stuff and killing. And then all of a sudden you told one joke. And then Dave was like, all right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He got mad at me.

For some reason, I couldn't figure out why, because it was so funny. You know what it was? It was, I did my routine. And then Dave said, come and sit on the panel, which is always a huge treat. Totally. And he always had these guest musicians. Right. And one of his guest musicians was Warren Zvon.

The guy who did that song, Ah, Woo, Wherwolves of London. So as kind of like a tribute to him and trying to be hip with Dave, Dave said some like comment. Yeah. And I went, yeah, that's almost like as if the werewolves of London broke in here.

And it was just like his acknowledgement. And he just went, okay, Harlan, that was night. We'll see you next time. And he just like shut it down. And I was like, what did I do? What happened? God. But you flew at me, and I just, I want to get your perspective.

Okay. Because I was in, we were in the back alley, but under the bleachers type of thing. Right. I'm just standing there. You, like, you didn't just walk out, you sort of flocked onto me. Would you say, in your estimation, since you did it, was it like a bat or a dragonfly, or how would you say you sort of flew on type of vibe? I think it was more like, I think I pounced on you more like a big game cat.

Oh, wow. You know, suffering psyche. From like the top of a tree. Youchies. Do you got a leak? No. You can get a leaky ceiling. You know what that's from?

Is that from the rains? The current rains we just had? John Lovitz was here two weeks ago. Okay. And I had a giant syringe. I was telling about how I'm getting injections. to stay younger. Okay.

But, you know, people take their fat from their butt and put it in a syringe. Sure. My friend Cher gave me some of her ass fat in a syringe. Is this the share or just another share? The share. The one, yeah, the singing one. Yeah. And I was showing John how I inject it and it went right up and it squirted onto the roof.

Oh, God, it's all over the ceiling. And so we had to wipe it off and it left like a shrouded turnstain. That's the residue of ass fat. Yeah. Yeah. But it'll be bad. It'll be okay. I don't know.

But a big jungle cat is what you're saying. Yeah, a big jungle cat that I came at you. But I was so, I just couldn't believe the fact that a half hour before that we were talking about you and there you were. That's weird. And that's why I came out you with excitement. Yeah. Also the fact that I hadn't seen you in so long, it was just good to see your smiling face. Dude, it's always a treat.

You want to, and the last time I saw you was about six months before that. Oh, right. At a, um, Arts Deli. I went in to sit there. I dropped a friend off. Yeah. And I was sitting there by myself. I finished up.

And you were the only person in the whole diner outside of me. And I look over and I just saw a guy and I went, well? And you're like, hey. Now that was it. And then we said, hello. And then I saw you get at the hockey game. You had a, um, I think you had like a coloring, but, or you're, children's book or something like that.

You had a book. It was a coloring book. It was a Where's Waldo coloring book? You can get Where's Waldo like regular ink, but I like to color it in. Okay. I like to find Waldo in black and white. Color them in, do the striped shirt.

And then all the other critters and people, like, you know how many people stand around the Eiffel Tower. So I want them to spot Waldo immediately because they're all black and white. And no more of this Where's Waldo? There's the fucker. Right away.

Yeah. Change the book. Where's Waldo? Where's Waldo? Here's Waldo. Find him immediately. Yeah. So that's what I do.

Okay. But how have you been my guy? You know, just kicking around. Oh my God. What happened? I've been selling t-shirts at the Rose Bowl swap meet. No way. What do they say?

T-shirts and ukuleleys. What do the t-shirts say? Well, they say a bunch of different things. I must know. No, they're t-shirts that I. I thrift. I find them. Oh.

I get them and then I upsell them. Yeah, yeah. So you have like a little table at the roseball? Little table. Oh. Eucolets and T-shirts. Cuteness. I clean up. I do pretty well.

What do you make on a weekend? A couple hundy. Wow. That was a bit of an odd tilt. What was wrong with the tilt? What was wrong with the tilt? Like here's how I. I would do it.

I know, but I have this microphone here. Okay. Yeah. It's sort of, and please don't be offended. Do you watch the Discovery Channel? Already offended. Yeah, on occasion. It looked a little bit like sometimes you'll see an Ibex or a wildebeest or a zebra.

And the baby's underneath going up for the teat. The teat. Like the zebra teat or the springbok teat. I like that you reference the Ibex. The Ibex. X teat. Yeah. And your thing was kind of like,

like it looked like you were suckling on an ibex. If I can be honest. Yeah. That's very gentle and nurturing. Okay. I'm just, I just want to... Nature. You're like a little baby ibex today.

Please don't. Wow. Please don't hunt me. Speaking of hoofed critters, yes. I've not been doing that well. I went, do you ever go rock climbing?

I mean, sure, I mean, I'm sure I have. You don't remember? But I don't know. I don't have like a, I haven't done in a while. But you've rock climbing. Yeah, sure. Are we talking like free solo? No ropes?

Yeah. Rock climbing. Yeah. Okay. You have. Sure. Why don't have to prove it to you? Well, just the way you threw it away.

I almost don't know if what. But where were you rock climbing? On rocks? I know, but like Joshua Tree? No, I was up in Oregon, on Mount... I feel like you're lying. Mount Millie Mahoney. So what happened?

Well, you were asking about how I was, and I was climbing, and I'm going up the thing, and I'm like halfway up. Yeah. And a mountain goat pops out. Like there's a 10, not an Ibex, but a mountain goat. Right. And if I can share with you, I punched it in the face with the big. And I snapped my hand. Look at this.

I broke my... Your wrist. Yeah. Yikes. Just punched it right in the face. That's your left. Yeah. I don't know if you want to...

Have you ever fondled an x-ray or anything? You ever touch x-rays at all? They have of their own texture I find. Yeah, and everyone looks at them like that. Yeah. Yeah, look at that, that's definitely a break. I just broke a bone too. Would you break, Guy?

I broke a bone in my right hand. How? Have you ever punched an animal? No. No. Would you like to? It depends. It depends on the animal and the situation.

But wait, what, what, so it startled you so much you punched. It just popped out. I'm on a rock. I climb without ropes or harnesses. I'm one of those guys like, Like free solo, whatever his name is. Yeah. And here I'm just like, and I'll see him.

He just climbed a building. He climbed a building in Taiwan. Yeah. Yeah. I'm actually, if you're around this Saturday, I'm going to be down on Melrose. I'm climbing a Burger King. Okay.

If you want to, it's only a story high, but. But you're doing it without ropes? Well, I'm doing it with a broken hand. The wrist hasn't healed up. Not really. Did you have to get pins? Do you have to get pins in it? I do. No. Okay. I'm one of those self-healers. Like, so you never saw a doctor.

No. I mean, I, well, I did to get this. Yeah. But it's sort of, that's more as a conversation piece. Yeah, I have a podcast to do. I can't be tied up in a cast. I understand. But I'm going to be at 728 Melrose. Okay. There's a Burger King there. And I'm going to be climbing up the front. Yeah. If you want to come in support. I would I'll be there. Count me in. How many floors was that guy? Did he climb up and tie bed or wherever it was? It's got to be 80, 90 floors.

Right. I just, oh my God, I just thought of something. Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. What? What? You said you climb rocks.

I mean, I have. I'm a climber. Yeah. If you're not doing anything next Saturday, I'd love to do it. take you down to LeBreya, 572 LeBre and climb a Wendy's. There's a Wendy's there. Okay. Let's see how the Burger King goes, and then we'll talk about the Wendy's.

Well, that would be like climbing solo, the Burger King. Yeah, I know. I want to watch you do it first. But I think what you're missing is, what do you do? Do you scout the Burger King and you look at the points of egress? No, that's going to be a good hold there. Yeah? You plan your attack.

Right. the side of it. Yes. Yeah. Duh. I'm going to climb. But wait, are you missing what I'm throwing at? Have you ever seen synchronized swimming? I'm climbing

a skims. Fuck. Oh, on Sunset Boulevard. You are? Skims, the thing owned by the Kardashians. Yes, I'm going to climb. I'm scheduled to climb. How many floors? It's just, I think it's a single story. Same sort of

deal. Are you going to climb it in a of skims? In a pair of skims. You little darling. You're a little darling. But I will not climb it free solo. I will use a, I'm going to use a rope that I've fashioned out of skims. I'm going to tie a bunch of skims together. Skim it up. And skim it up in my skims. I'm going to climb the Burger King, and this is something, a friend of mine. I have a lot of celebrity friends. Barry Manil asked me. I'm going to do it one-handed. Barry Mantle asked me to climate holding his vibrator in the other hand. So I'm going to climb Burger King with Barry Mantelow's vibrator.

Great. Why not? That's what I said. Yeah. Have you ever found... Barry will be thrilled. Yeah. Have you ever found or had any encounters with a celebrity friend or even a friend's

vibrator? I don't think so. Like, have you ever been parting at, let's say, Bon Jovi's house? Sure. Yeah. You're rolling around in his bed, and you stumble on his vibrator? I've partied a bunch of Bon Jovi's.

Yeah. And too many times it count. Yeah. But no, I've never come across. Yeah. You will. I think you will. I've laid down in his tanning bed, though.

Are you cereal? Yeah. Talk to me. How many watts? 250? $300? What? Get out.

Get out. I got a little crispy. Yeah. Dude. Okay, I'm here to talk about Chubbies. I love my Chubbies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my Chubbies. I got the classic shorts.

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Harlan Highway. Give your thighs the VIP treatment they deserve with Chubbies and support the show and tell them the Harland Highway sent you. Get Chubby. Have you ever been in a tanning bed before? was. Yeah. I did and I'm really embarrassed because you know those little goggles they get you? Sure. Yep. I put them on my nuts. And then when I went home to my girlfriend that night, we turned out the light. She thought a dragonfly was loose in the room and she kicked me right between the legs. Oh, if you're going to laugh. Well, no, I mean, I'm no, I'm no more in Latin. Not because it's funny. Oh. It was just because, oh, what an odd situation. Yeah. Yeah. I go to Tantastic down at, uh, 427 Beverly I might climb it too you know so many addresses

I do Burger King Wendy's yeah and Tantastic 427 Beverly yeah I'm thinking you just popped in I might climb my tanning studio think about it

but what I was going to say buddy is you've heard of synchronized swimming yeah why don't me and you do a synchronized Wendy's climb okay

and I'll throw another caveat in there. Yeah. In our left hand, a baconator. So we're only climbing with one... We only have the one hand and then the baconator. Wait, there's more. We hold hands.

Baconator and only climb with our legs, like frogs. I don't know if that can be done. Are you willing to try? Yes. I'm willing to try anything. That's my guy. Yeah. Yeah.

Are you a cheap wad, would you say? No. You're not? I don't think. Anything where you like to tighten the corners, like cheap it up, wad it up, cheapwad it up, cheapwad it? No, I'm pretty generous tipper. And, uh, um, got, cheapwad it. Yeah, have you ever cheapwotted it?

Huh. Like, is there stuff you don't like to pay for because you're a cheap wad? I'm trying to think if I Well I won't pay for like stuff for my kids They got to Like food and Yeah

And clothing They got to earn it What how? Yeah How would they? Why? They just got to figure it out It's part of life

But you don't I don't what You don't tell them like how to No figure it out I had to You did? Mm-hmm And I'll like

if we take a family trip. Yeah. I'll sit in first class. And my kids will sit. They'll sit not only in coach, but on a different airline, not even on the same flight. What airline? I'll make sure it's a red eye. They'll get the cheapest fare.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. They only get to fly spirit, spirit air. Yeah. The red eye. The red eye on spirit. Economy?

Economy. as many changes, as many layovers as possible. If I can add to your, like you're trying to save money here. I'm trying to and teach the value of a buck. If you stuff your kids in one of those dog crates and they'll fly underneath, you'll trim another 80, 90 bucks. That's from me to you, Guy. I love it.

That's from one player to another. I might and dress them up as dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Hot little sweaty dog outfits. Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay.

We're on to something. Do any airplanes have roof racks, do you know? Is there any airline that has a roof rack? There's talk. There is? There's talk. Of putting a roof rack? Yeah.

Yeah. Because you could put your kid up there probably. Yeah. Yeah. Do you hate your kids? No, I love them. I really do. But.

you know love how much love right right right right right i got it did you got yeah um i mean you've experienced love yeah growing up in the wheat fields of canada yeah right yeah from your your your parents i'm all about love yeah yeah my dad used to every harvest season yeah have you heard of a corn maze sure my dad every harvest season sure my dad every harvest season would get the john deer and do a giant heart carve it into the corn yep yeah and then he'd also do a finger like this and one of these in the wheat and we were all about love how do you that one's a hard one that's a tough to do with the with the tractor when you've been riding john deer most of your life you could you could you could do a you could do a picture of morgan freeman sucking on a chili dog down to you

at Tommy's chili dog at 473. Wilshire. Wilshire. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. We were talking about my health. You got to see this.

I snap my wrist. What is going on? What? Okay. Oh, that's the top view. No, this is a different break. Oh, God. I was at an award show.

Have you ever met Dolly Parton? I don't think I have. Her handshake is. like a truck driver from Bakersfield. Yeah. I just shook her hand, congratulate, snapped my flamendioid.

And you knew something was wrong right away. Oh, yeah. Is that, I think that's the inner flamendioid, that, what's that ball? Yeah, that's the right term.

But her grip. Yeah. I've heard that. She could shake a rattlesnake to death in the middle of the night and make it look like spaghetti. Jolene. Jolene.

Jolene. I hate that song. Jolene. Jolene. You know what that song's about? Is it about someone named Jolene? No. It is about Jolene, but it's about Jolene.

I think it's semi-autobiographical, but Jolene has like a kung fu grip and snaps people's flamangidoids. Inner flamangeloids. With the power of a grip. Yeah. That's what Jolene does. For the second time this podcast,

and I hate to do it, because we're friends. Dah. That's two Daws, Guy. If you want to give me one, I don't know that I'm susceptible to one yet. But you got two. Well, I'm not trying to get DUS.

Well, you've got water anger issues, and you suckle like an Ibex. I don't know why you won't touch the horizon. How many more X-rays do you have underneath that desk? I know you have more. This one, oh my God. Do you remember Lady Diana, Princess Diana? Sure.

Her campaign about landmines? Yep. I was in Bermuda and stepped on an old landmine and it blew my hip out. Look at that. That's insane. Yeah. And because they leave them behind after the war. Do you have shrapnel?

What was the war in Bermuda? That's what I can't figure out. But I was just beachcombing, looking for driftwood and conch shells and, maybe an old wedding ring. Well, and boom. Duh. You don't do that,

Bermuda. Everyone knows that. You don't look for driftwood and wedding rings in Bermuda. You're going to step on a landmine. You got me. That's day one. Day one.

Bermuda. And if Lady Dye hadn't died. I've been to Bermuda. I've actually been. Talk to me. Yeah. Then you've drank rainwater. I don't know if I have.

You have. What's rainwater? That's all they drink in Bermuda. Do you ever see the roofs in Bermuda? Okay. They're all tiers. I guess I have. It's a remote island.

They have no fresh water, my guy. Sorry. You were... Are you okay? Ibex. I'll pull that down a bit. I'm good. Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah. But now I feel like I'm off mic. Okay. There we go. What's going on? Do you at Scallop Fest? We had Olive Garden Scallop Fest? Are they moving Scallop Fest this year?

When is it? It's September 4th to 12th. What is it now? It's eight days. It's eight days. People go nuts for Scallop Fest. Wow. When are they moving it and why?

No, I just heard a rumor. They might move it to late October. You know who else heard a rumor? And I think you know the answer to this. Daly Parton. No. Close. You're in the wheelhouse.

Think. You're in the music world Jolene? No. No. Barry Manilow. No. Scallop Fest.

Someone else heard a rumor. No. Banana ramma. I heard a rumor. Oop, whoop, right? Yeah. I didn't think you just wanted me to sing is what happened there, which is odd.

Because we never sing. Have you had banana ramo on the podcast? I have. Multiple times. Yeah. I've had them on twice. Why would you? I'm laughing out of joy.

Oh, God. Do you love them? Yeah, I had them on and there's three of them. Shoop, shoop. Yeah. Da, da, da, da. You got to have a broken heart. That was the golden age of music.

You had banana ramam. You had Kaja Gugu. Yeah. Too shy to shy, hush, hush, eye to eye. Oh, yeah, and there's that song, there's a line in that. Spandau ballet. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I know this much is true.

Yeah. Why are we doing comedy and not singing in a night lounge? That's what we got to, we got to think, maybe we can open up. Maybe we can open, be one of the opening acts for Scallop Fest in the fall. Does Olive Garden have entertainers? They're just starting to have entertainers for each night of Scallop Festival. Don't, let's just look into it. Okay.

They may already be booked. I'll see. I wouldn't mind doing one more practice. I know this much is true. Dude, are we good or what? Yeah. I usually am okay with two practices. Can we do a third?

No. I don't want to blow it out. Okay. Buddy, can we talk about movies? Yeah. Because we did a movie called Superstar. We did. And we had so much fun. A little classic.

A little gym. So much fun. It was great. And you know what I loved about it? If you watched back of that movie, it was pre-CGI. Yep. And one of my favorite nights with you, is you play Jesus.

And pre-CGI, I'm out on a lonely, wet road on a Harley-Davidson with a leather jacket, a come around the band, and there's Will. We didn't have CGI, so they literally had Will up on a Home Depot ladder, dressed as Jesus, and I'm sitting there in the middle of the night having to talk with you. God, that's right. I forgot that. And they just had you up on the ladder

and the cold of the night, and we were like doing the scene. I had brilliant blue contacts. Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah, that's right. I forgot that Jesus stopped you on the lonely highway. Is it weird playing Jesus, the son of the Lord? Well, I didn't really think about it much.

I was a groovy Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. But is there a stigma attached to it where you're maybe, when you finally get to the pearly gates and God goes, the thing on the ladder. I didn't appreciate it. Are you worried about that?

Like going to hell? No, but what if it just the opposite happens? Oh. Where he's like, he's like, hey, it's usually play, I loved what you did. Yeah.

It was lighthearted. It was kind of fun. Usually everything's so heavy. The portrayal, so, you know, because he went through a lot. He did go through a lot. And so that was fun.

Come on in. Yeah. So, it's probably going to go either way. Yeah. Probably going to be no middle ground. I hope for you it goes the right way. I think it will.

Yeah. What would you say his most, like, you said things didn't go well a lot for him? What was the worst thing would you say? Wait. For the Holy Lord. Oh, oh. Well, I mean, he did get, he got nailed to the cross.

Yikes. Right? Yeah. Did they have nails back then? They sure. They must have spikes, nails, contraptions. Some sort of contraption. Did they have hammers?

Yeah, sure. Why do you think they didn't have hammers? Because it was BC before Christ. Oh, before hammers. Oh, BC before Christmas? Before. B.H. B-H before hammers.

Or they could have used a rock. Yeah. I mean, the Romans had swords and shields, so of course they had a hammer. It's your podcast, so. Oh, oh, sorry. God, I'm so sorry. I'm supposed to.

Yeah, you've got to keep it going. I'm sorry. You've got to keep it going. Not me. I know. I get forgetful sometimes. We got to talk about back to Superstar, though. Yeah.

One of our favorite bits we debated who has the best apple juice. Mots or Allens? And the answer is? Allens. Mots. But Allens was Canadian. There's your Mots.

And Mots was U.S. America. Yeah. Yeah. But we'd have these debates because Allen's apple juice was made in nearby where we were filming. Yeah. Right?

It was made in Allentown. Yes, Allentown. Yeah. And Moths is made in Motsbury, USA. Oh, that's good. That's good Mots. Hey, wait for me, guy. Yeah.

Let's mots it up. Cheers. Cheers for fears. There's always an effect. Okay. Yeah. Is yours... Are you sure that isn't apple cider vinegar?

I think it might be. That's tart. Yeah. You got a bottle of apple cider. You got a convenient small bottle of apple cider. I might have just created a vortex. Have you ever vortex in your mouth? No.

You can just vortexed. But I have touched the horizon. Oh. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I know that much is true. Wow. Hey, welcome, everybody. I want to welcome you all to Scallop Fest.

Oh, I thought you were welcoming us to the podcast. No, no, no, no. We've already started it. Did we? Yeah. Yeah, you already played that. I did? Yeah.

See, I forget. No, you already played that. And you gave me a lovely intro and all that. I get, I forget stuff. No, I was just, I was just practicing for when we open up Scallop. We open Scallop Fest. I don't like it when I forget stuff. Yeah, that's okay.

That's okay. Ah. Hey. Oh, come on. Sorry. Guy? Oh, movies. Can you pull me a book to read, by the way? Yeah, what would you like? You'd like Shakespeare. Chaucer, something from Chaucer. Oh, Chaucer. Yeah, hang on. Ah, here we go. Please read me a passage, Mr. Will. That was another thing we did in Toronto. What? We went on stage at Second City. Oh, yeah. And you were a bad boy. Well, we went on stage. We were shooting superstars.

And there were a number of members in the cast who were part of the second city troop in Toronto. They said, hey, maybe Friday night, we go play around and we go into one of their shows. And so, you know, for people who don't know about improv, it's very much, it's called yes and. You, if I say, hey, I love your fedora, you say, thank you very much. You don't negate me. But you don't block. You don't block. Yeah.

But Harlan Q Williams over here was like, well, what? are you talking about? That's not a fedora. That's a sombrero, you idiot. Getting huge laughs, much to the chagrin of the improv team. Sorry. But it was hilarious. And then sometimes you'd be like trapped on an island like, there's a boat and I just go, fuck off. And then it was super awkward in the green room after. Yeah. We almost didn't talk to each other. It was a real showdown. Yeah, anger. Anger. And what we did, we went on stage at the second city and at the Rivoli where the kids in the hall started.

Yeah. And we went up and said, we're the new improv troopentown, the kids just a little further down the hall. And then we go up and eat it on purpose. Yeah. Yeah. Got zero. I'm going to move this a bit because we'll still hear you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm block it for camera. Well, it's just your... Camera three. I'm a stubble guy. I'm glad these are numbers. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But I'm a stubble guy. And you were sort of hiding the stubble, almost on purpose, like to fuck with me. Because you know I love stubble. You're all about the stubble. I love me some stubble. Sometimes I'll go to Home Depot aisle 23 where the sandpaper is and just rub it and pretend I'm rubbing Tom Selleck's chin or Freddie Mercury's clip mantle. Okay.

That Home Depot is on the corner of... Western. Western and Valencia. Yeah. What number? 3204 Western. My man. That's my guy.

I want to talk about movies because this is something you don't even know. Oh, okay. When I wrote Elf back in the... It didn't happen. Excuse me? Okay. Go ahead.

Sorry. What's this? Yeah. When you wrote Elf. Okay, I didn't know that. You didn't know? No. Oh, yeah, I wrote El.

Oh, okay. When I wrote Elf, and you don't even know this, it wasn't originally a vehicle for you. It was a vehicle for Betty White. Oh. And let me show you the mock-up here. I think you're going to get a kick out of this. It wasn't originally that...

This was originally... When I rode Elf, it was called Milt. And it was for Betty White. This holiday, find yourself an adult diaper, Milf. Yeah, with Betty White. Right. And then she died. And so what we did is we had to move on.

And this is like actors don't know we know the backstory. You never know the backstory. You never know the backstory. So what we did is we called in Carol Burnett to do Milf. This holiday, find yourself an adult diaper. Same tagline. And we couldn't get to a number with her. She wanted a lot.

Okay. And I was like, what about the F-Man? Farrell. And we brought it in and we changed it. We younged it down a bit, made it an elf instead of a melfth. And history was made. You didn't know this. I had no idea.

Isn't that wild? That's so, that. I mean, either of those versions, though, would have been great too. but yeah I mean I'm sure you watch now do you knowing what your original concept was yeah and then seeing what it became do you watch it with kind of like ah it's okay or do you do you like the version I believe everything happens for a reason yeah yeah and I love you so much yeah and the public loves you so much that you're okay you're fine with it I'm beyond okay okay elf yeah was the universe saying it was supposed to happen

you delivered so much joy, happiness, comedy to the world for eternity. You have no, you might know. So you're good with it. So you're good with it. Oh, Will. Willie Will, Will. Let's see, that's big of you because you could very easily be sour grapes and like this still, as Milf, it would have been so much better. But it could have been, but look, God said, look, no to Milth. He killed White.

He killed Betty White. Yeah. And then Burnett comes around with a pickle up her ass. But I don't think... She wants the... She wants like... She wanted... She wanted $102 million.

She wanted Doe Ramee. She wanted... The Doe Ramee. She wanted $102 million. And you did L for what? $300,000? Uh, if that. Sorry.

Oh. Dude, sorry, but look at the joy. I said... I didn't... That was the three things. I know. I'm sorry. I said, let's not talk about the number.

Wait, watch this. Let's talk about numbers. Watch what I do. Okay. What'd you do L for? 300 grand plus 2 million for a total of 200 and 300,000. I mean, 2.3. 2.3.

Yeah. Problem solved, guy. Okay. I guess. Player. Player got to play, player. Okay. How many of you guys have that big.

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and you got to say right here on the Harland Highway. Have fun with your sexy new ridge. But this makes sense now? Yeah. Because there were still remnants in the script that you had left behind from Milf. Yeah, there was the scene where James Kahn

pounds Betty White in the bunk bed. on Christmas Eve. And I know you shot that, but Favreau cut it out. And you came in and banged a T-FAL, like stickless pot on White's head. It was bizarre. Yeah. Oh, cool. That's on the cutting room for me.

Yeah. Was there ever a moment my guy when you were like, no to that movie? Like, you're like, I don't want to do it. It's not for me? Or was there, were you always like, oh, fuck, I got to do elf? Well, had I known the backstory that you just gave me, I would have felt sheepish about, I really only pictured Betty White or Carabinette in the role. Of course.

So thank God I didn't know that. Yeah. But no, I was like, okay, this could be a funny concept. See, now that, and I respect your answer. Yeah. It's a little like laissez-faire. Yeah. It wasn't like, oh my God, this is the role.

I have to do this. But it became the role of a lifetime. But when you first saw it, you're like, okay. This could be something. Oh, wow, interesting. This could be something. So you were sort of like not sure where it ended up. Kind of started, you know, getting all the milf stuff out of the script

and shaping it more towards something I could actually. execute. Yeah. And then... Talk to me about... Look out. But, in full disclosure... Okay.

Here we go. Here we go. I hope this isn't... No. Making that movie had literally no idea that it would be like one of the top

thousandth movie. That would be in the top 500 of Christmas movie. Is that? Oh, okay. Yeah. No. But, yeah, I was, there were days,

there were moments when I was running around in the elf tights going, what am I thinking here? Yeah. You're right. What do yellow leotards feel like on man legs? Treat yourself at some point. Just take a weekend. Yeah.

Maybe when you're rock climbing. Put on some yellow, you know, leotards on your man legs. and you'll never go back. Is there, if there was a, let's say your descriptive writer like Ray Bradbury. How would you describe the feeling? Fahrenheit 451. Yeah. How would you describe?

Martian Chronicles. Yeah. How would you describe yellow leotards on your legs, how it feels? It feels like a luxurious buttermilk bath. Right? Oh, yeah. Warm, warm buttermilk. Just sliding your legs into a buttermilk bath

with a bowl of Captain Crunch in your hands. Yeah. Wordsmith. Yeah. It was a beautiful family movie. Did you love it that it was family that you'd left behind? Because there's a lot of raunchy stuff, but I did Rocket Man, and I made sure it was family.

Like I wanted to leave behind a clean, fun family movie. Was that important to you with Elf to sort of leave a family? Were you all about, did you want to make it edgier or notier? I don't think we knew it was going to be, you know, definitely a Christmas family movie. Yeah. And I maybe wanted to push at times maybe the comedy a little bit more. Yeah.

But I think we found the sweet spot. You did. Yeah. It's perfection, dude. It was a great, between Favreau and the amazing cast and what we kind of wrote, it's somehow, it like kind of hit that spot. Who wrote? What did you say?

Harlan, between the script by Harlan Williams. It's odd. Who? What? You, huh? No, just I thought I heard something. No, I just, I love what you did with my material. Yeah, yeah, I loved, that was the thing.

We loved your material from the beginning. Speaking of family. Yeah. And we're old buddies. Sure. Do you get emotional easily around family type of things? Like aunts and uncles? Just your family, the word family.

I can. Sure. Okay. Yeah. I did something and I hope you don't get mad. But I... See, now it feels weird, though. No, I think...

Oh, okay. I went on ancestors. dot com. Right. And I know you don't know this well, but... No. You're adopted. What are you talking about?

I went on Ancestry.com and found... But it wouldn't tell me. It wouldn't tell you that. Oh, it wouldn't? Hello. Um... I'd like to... And this is tough.

This is going to be emotional. I'd like to bring your parents in. Bert Reinblatt? Bert and Edith Reimblatt. Amber, if you could send in the Rhineblatt, this is a toughie. If you could stand up, Will, and just let Bert come in on your side.

Sure. Over here, and then. Will is it? Yeah, yeah. Hi, Bert. If you just want to let them in over there, Will. Yeah. And then, Edith, if you want to come over,

and then have a seat. Well, I thought this would be a great chance for you to... It's obviously you didn't know you were adopted. No, I had no idea. Come on over a little, Edith right there, yeah. Yeah, come on over a little towards your son. These are your... Yeah.

Your biological parents. Wow, this is amazing. Yeah, this is... Are you not... Bert? Last time I said... sorry you're about that big and kind of slimy yeah yeah yeah well I had this rotwiler little puppy yeah with cute little ears and they said hey you know what we'll take your baby for the puppy

I had no choice what you mean you traded me for a dog a puppy dog a rotweiler a little one a little but what yeah no I understand puppy would be little yeah was that supposed to be a good thing doesn't feel like a valid excuse to get rid of me. Oh, I was busy. Yeah. Well, I was busy doing what? Cirque to Soleil. You're in circ-

Now I work at the murder hotel. The murder hotel? Yeah. Oh. Have you heard of that? No. There's a hotel. They did a documentary on it.

A big of town, L.A. Hmm. Oh. I don't know what to think. think. Well, it's hard. It's not easy. You didn't know you were adopted, did you? Of course I didn't. I hope you're okay with this. I thought it would be a good thing. I just feel like I need to do more research on my own. Well, are you hungry? Can I get you something? Do you like, let me ask you, do you have any coleslaw? Coleslaw? Yeah, do you like coleslaw? I'm big on colesla and chicken

Kachatori? I love... Kachatori? Yeah. Kachitore. I love it. All the cabbage-based foods. Cabbage-based, cabbage-based.

Okay. What's that thing that you roll up in cabbage leaves and you put meat in it? What's that thing called? It's... I can make that, whatever it is. It's a cabbage roll? Yeah. It's a cabbage roll.

I think they have a Polish name. Oh, kilbasa? No. That's the sausage. That's the sausage. That's meat. That's meat. No, that's meat.

Not me. I am meat. It's my hearing. So you guys didn't feel compelled to reach out to me at any point other than right now? Not until he got busy. Well, there was this bike gang, you know, motorcycle bikes, not the other kind. And they were heading out west. When?

And you were really cute. And there were some people who really wanted you. right no but i i know but but as like my fame and stature grew you didn't feel like compelled at all to ever reach out right man statue are you in on that first are you famous to some people yes oh what do you do i'm an actor oh i was in a movie that harlan wrote alf he doesn't he doesn't he was in cirque de sale he works at a murder hotel okay okay I just cook a lot. Yeah.

Okay. Well, what's your real job? That's what I do. I'm an actor. Well, you're not going to. I'm okay. Are you guys even still married anymore? Oh, hello.

No. Oh. He took off to join Cirque de Soleil, and she sold you for a Rottweiler puppy. Traded him. I traded. Traded. He traded. He had these little velary years, whereas your ears were kind of,

I don't know. I've never heard of a mother giving away their baby for a Rottweiler, regardless of how cute they may be. Well, welcome to your... Yeah, welcome to my nightmare. Your reality. Are you hungry? Oh, do you want to... You know what, it's hotter than lobster thermidor in here. Yeah, it can make you jello. You like jello? Yeah, jello's fine, sure. I could take some jello.

Okay. Amber, why don't you go out and make some jello for Will? And this has got to be hard on you, guy. That's a lot to process. All right. Why don't we get up and let them out. And thank you, Edith. Edith, Rineblatt. Bye, son.

Bye. And there's Eric, your dad. No. Bert. Bert. From the murder hotel. Nice meeting you, Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You okay? Thanks, Bert. The Rhineblatt. What's that? Anytime. Okay. Thank you.

Thanks for letting us meeting. Yeah. Are you okay? I'm just sure. I mean... What? No, I'm like, I have a lot of thoughts. Yeah, I don't know.

Do you want to share them? Yeah, just, I mean, here's what's weird is they didn't seem that excited to, like, make a connection with me. Well, in a way, right? I would think they'd be a little more emotional. Like, like, Edith seemed proud of the fact that she gave me way for a Rottweiler. There was no like shame or sadness or any sort of right. I mean,

I think you're right. I think she traded you for a Rottweiler puppy. She tried. She made that clear. No, I think you're right. I didn't get a sense. There wasn't a sense of like I feel terror like I think about that even if she said like and I wanted that puppy so bad but the more I thought about it. Yeah. With time like why did I do that? Like they just it seemed very transactional. But, you know. But how do you feel? Like on one hand, I'm like, okay, I guess I'm finally meeting my birth parents. I still have my parents who raised me who I'm going to always be closer to.

There's no question. Can you imagine me getting close to Burt? He works at the murder hotel. I'm not going to go. I'm going to go have a beer with my dad down at the murder hotel. Yeah. What do you talk about murders? What are we talking about?

Right. Yeah. And then... I can't believe... Yeah. Yeah. Although you might have some bragging rights, like you could probably,

next time you're down at your local watering hole, say, hey, guys, my father is in Cirque de Soleil. I guess. Is that that big a deal? How many guys do you know his fathers are slaying it up? No, okay. Yeah, I hear you. But still.

Yeah. But what did he do for Cirque de Saleh? He didn't look like an acrobat or a gymnast or anything. Who knows when they're in those tights? But no, he probably was like in the accounting department or HR of Circta Salele. Maybe you booked their travel. Still, to be under the umbrella of Circta Soleilay, I mean. Generally speaking, it's still a cool thing?

I think so. Like if you work with Metallica and you're, you know, Metallica. and you're the guy who pulls the cords out. But still, you wouldn't, you'd be like, oh, I'm, I'm not in Metallica. I work, you know. Yeah. He's kind of saying, I was with Circe to Slay, as if he's part of the act. Yeah.

Maybe he is. Maybe he is. Maybe he was. I mean, let me ask you this as a hypothetical. Yeah. Could you picture your father tumbling in a unitared with smoke and fog? flashing lights and a giant puppet head

of an orange with glowing pink eyes and then your father cartwheels through goes off a teeter-totter swings off a thing and then lands in some water I guess it's not

beyond the realm of possibility that's your dad if I were you I'd put a little bit of a proud smile on my face when you put it that way it's pretty cool. Right?

Yeah. Look who's smiling. Look who's got a million-dollar Cirque de Soleil smile on his face. This has turned out to be an incredible day. It's pretty emotional, isn't it? Yeah, it kind of is. Can we just sit for a minute?

Because I'm feeling a little. Did you need a minute? Boy, oh boy. The Ryan Blatt. Yeah. Here's just weird. There's all my glasses, but there's Uncle Frank Farrell.

Aunt Janet Farrell They had kids Here, here's some glasses guy Yeah I wouldn't want you to not see your history Oh yeah Okay this is this is where it's a little weird Okay

Weird Weird so Uncle Frank Farrell and Aunt Janet And they gave birth To George Farrell And George Ferrell And George Ferre They had

And then they had Frank Harold Harold, Farrell, okay. And then Frank Harrell, his descendants were Henry Farrell and Celestia Clark. And then George Farrell had two kids, Leonard Miller and Margaret Flynn. Right. And then there's Henry Farrell, Carolyn Brooks, Taylor Clark, Nancy Sunborn, Bayman Miller, Abigail Bulkford, David O'Kerner, Dolly Campbell. What are you not seeing here, guy?

Will Ferrell and Eith Reimbach and Bert Reimblatt, but I'm not connected to any of these people. Well, maybe you're not reading it right. I feel like I'm reading it right. Dude, who can read DNA. I'm not a scientist. Are you a scientist? No, I'm not saying the scientist.

But trust. You know what they say, believe in the science. Trust in the science. We've all heard that. Trust in it. Okay. Boy, emotional. Yeah, I guess it's just the.

motion of the day. Yeah. Holy crap. I thought I was just coming here for shits and gigs and you meeting my birth parents. I just thought, you know, we've known each other a long time. Yeah. Podcast shmodcast. Right.

But what if I can give an old friend something that maybe I've always looked in your eyes and saw a big hole in your heart? And I thought, what if it's about time he knew? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you knew this whole time? I knew. Oh. Are you going to have a word with your parent, your, my other parents?

What you thought were your parents? Yeah, I'm going to have to talk to them and go, why don't you tell me? Why did you trade me for a Rottweiler puppy? Well, no, they did. They did. Edith Rineblatt did. Is it least that it was a Rottweiler make you feel good? I guess.

I've always liked Rottweilers, and they're kind of a cool breed of dog. Yeah. Well, don't get to, can we switch gears to something more upbeat? But once again, though, I can't. Yeah. She got so excited about the trade and explaining it to me, and that she was also, she implied she was with a biker gang. Right.

And they were never together because he left for Cirque de Soleil, so I don't know. I don't know if there's a lot to celebrate there. Yeah. In a way. Should we move on to something? But that's showbiz. Yeah. To.

Yes. And speaking of slow biz, Will. Yes. One of our most beloved S&L moments, as Elf is one of our most beloved mohoovies. Yeah. I think you know where I'm going with this. Cowbell. Oh, yeah.

Right. like the joy that that brought people. Thank you. And God, I don't know if I should do this, but I'm, since we've talked last, like the last time we hung out was a number of years ago. Yeah, yeah. I sort of got on this app swing thing, and I've become a swinger. Okay.

And so me and Michael Bay, Madonna, Cher, and Wachin, Christopher Wacken. We do swinger weekends. Okay. Have you ever done a swinger? No, I can't say that I have. So I was with walking in a hot tub up in Bakersfield and Madonna. I don't want a name drop. Yeah, right, right, right.

But I told him we were doing this, and he left me a message, a phone message. And can I play this for you? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, sure. Dude. This is going to be... No, this is... Hang on.

Oh, what? The heck is this? Hello? Yeah, guys, take a look. Are you still living with your old junky, rusted pots and pans? Looks like you live in an old trailer park or something. Well, get hex clad. Look how sexy these puppies are.

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Hello? Holland. It's Chris. Chris? Mr. Milwaukee. Oh, hey, what's up, Chris? How are you, man? Listen, baby, I...

How'd you have a... Will Ferrell in the studio today. Yeah, yeah, Will's here. He's right here. Give him a little message. I'd like to hear him play more cowbell. Oh, you want to hear the cowbell? cowbell thing?

Acapella baby. Like a loon floating on a lake. But there's no water. There's a loon with no water. Okay, I can ask him. Talk about it. I want him to explore the cowbell.

Yeah, yeah. Like talk about the skit. Just talk about it. Pretend you're on the moon eating grilled cheese sandwiches. Yeah. Okay, thanks. I'll bring it up.

I smell you. I smell you too. Eat your wife's face. Okay, thanks, Bruce. Garlic bread. Yeah. Yeah. So he was like,

talk about the cowbell, and then I'm like, why is there even a cowbell, like as an instrument? Yeah. Like, where did it come from? The cowbell? It's a great question.

What where did did someone decide that you know that'd be a part of a band that would you know make sense? Like was there a guy

a farmer and he heard a cow and it was jingling? You got to assume that's where you know hear that sound and then you think yeah let's throw that that's let's put that in the song. As a flavor to me yeah and my swinger buddy

walking. Yeah. Would you be willing if I became, he asked me to do Bruce Dickerson. Oh, okay. And he would love to hear an a cappella without the band. Right. Would you hit the cowbell? Sure.

If I threw one of his lines as him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Great. And I'll do him. Great. And then you can just, you know, you know what to do. I don't need to tell you.

And should I have? should I address you as Will or what was your character's name in the cowbell skit? Um, what was my, why am I blanking on it? We could make one up. No. Oh, you're looking at it. You're looking up your own name? Yeah, I got to, I got to try to remember. And here I was thinking I was the only guy that forgot. Remember I sat here for 30 seconds and didn't say a word? Uh, wait, what? Larry? No. Chandler? Yeah.

That was it. Chandler. Yeah. Okay. All right. Why can't I remember that? What was my name? Oh, boy.

Yeah. You didn't even remember you were adopted. Well. Oh, you didn't know. That's different. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Okay.

Okay, so I'm Eric Tickerson. No. You're Bruce Dickinson. Bruce Dickinson. Well, we're having trouble with names. Yeah, we are. Wow. I'm Bruce Dickerson, and then I come out and I need more cowbell.

Hey, listen, Charleston. I really liked what I'm hearing in there. But I gotta tell you, would I make a meatloaf? I put extra gravy on it. I put mushrooms on that meatloaf. But it ain't tasty until I have more cowbell. I think there's one more. Great.

Yeah. It's up to you if you want to do more or if you... I need more cowbell. I need more fucking cowbell. Okay, Bruce. That's not enough cowbell. Give me more fucking cowbell. Bruce, this...

I'm gonna sneak into your house in the middle of the night and murder your family if I don't get more cowbell. Give me more fucking cowbell, asshole. Just, Bruce. I'm gonna murder your family. family. I'm going to run over your babies with a minivan if I don't get more fucking cowbell! Great. Yeah. That's awesome.

How? It's strange. Acapella is strange. It is a bit odd without the band. Yeah. When you were asked to do that skit, I wrote that skit. You wrote that? I created it. Come on, really? Yeah. Talk to me. So when I was asked, or when I created it. Yeah. Right.

Did you have to take a night school class? Did you have to go to DeVry? How did you learn to play this instrument? You know, luckily it was something I had always practiced as a kid. Okay. So you grew up around a cowbell? Yeah. So that, what you just heard,

Oh. That was a young Will walking around his house. Just doing this. And looking at that now, aren't we glad that the Rheinblats got rid of you? But look, watch this. This is how you know someone knows their way around a cowbell. Okay. Here?

Okay, hold on. You hear the tone? Yeah. Same tone. Eyes close. Can I say something here that might get you mad? So without years of playing, you're not going to get that same tone. I got you, but don't be offended after all that.

I need less cowbell. Well, you're not going to get less. Because that's really grinding it, guy. Like really grinding my gears. Hey, look. Don't you. Don't you. Don't happen. I need less cowbell.

I put my pants on at the end of the day. One leg at a time. One leg at a time. And I need less cowbell. I need less motherfucking cowbell. It's a good Dickinson. Yeah. I do a good dick.

Incen. I saw Christopher walking in New York. Talk to me. Doing a play. What play, first of all? I'm forgetting the play. The name of the play. Oh, he's not going to like that.

I know. It was a great play. He was amazing. I went to say hi to him after the show. Oh, no. Yeah. And he said, you've ruined my life. You did?

But joking. A little twinkle in his eye. Yeah. But he's like, you've ruined every, every curtain call, people stand up and bang cowbells. No. And I'm like, I'm sorry, funny. He's like, then he kind of smiled. Anyway, good to see you.

Thanks for coming by. But then I think he's like, I think he's. a little bit man. Yeah. Yeah. Because what happened in that moment is a guy who did Deer Hunter. I know. He was a classically trained actor.

He did intense movies, Oscar-winning performances. And what he's remembered for is Bruce Dickerson. I need a cowbell. I know. I think it's great. He's one of the great actors ever. And then that's the beauty of life. He said, he said, I said, I said,

at a restaurant and a waiter came up to me and said, do you want more cowbell on your pasta? And he's holding the Parmesan cheat. I think he gets constantly. So he gets cow-belled. He gets belled. I wonder if he ever goes to the drive-through at Taco Bell. And they go, welcome to Taco Cowbell.

I don't think so. I think he does. I really think he does. Why wouldn't he? There's already the word bell sitting there. Why not use it? Here comes walking. I wonder if he's on like,

if he ever goes to Philadelphia and tours historic sites. I know where you're going. And then he goes to, you know. The Liberty Bell. And the tour guide says, and right over here we have more the Liberty Cow Bell. Yeah. Which was constructed in.

1742 by this smithy yeah and then or what if he instead of fighting the cowbell ran with it and he walked around with this thing and he's at that liberty bell and there's like 200 people gather around and all of a sudden you hear a voice from behind that liberty bell's really something

but it's not as good as a cowbell what if he yeah what if he invokes it He should start making money off it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. You could look at that. Hang on. Yeah, yeah, there we go.

You could look at that Liberty Bell all day. Yeah. Look over here, you're going to look at the Cowbell. You're going to want to look at the Cowbell. You're going to want to see the Cowbell. Yeah. Or he could even stand at the drive-through at Taco Bell. People are pulling up to the menu, and the lady goes, welcome to Taco,

and he jumps out and goes, cow-bell. It's a lot of work, though. Yeah, he's probably. probably got jobs. I hurt my wrist doing that. It's probably not healed up. That's not the only thing. I got to show you this.

God. This is in my ass cheek. I have a bone. I'm one of those rare guys. I have a bone in my ass. And I was sitting too long playing video games. Are you studied by scientists? I should be.

Around the world? I don't know why I'm not. after this one airs you're going to be. You're going to get calls. Yeah, broke my ass bone. Yeah. I don't get rid of the rest of them while I'm here. Oh, that's a collarbone, right?

Oh, no. Oh, then the arms down there. You know where this is from? You're a sports guy. And I think you did. Have you ever thrown out the first pitch at a game? Which one? You threw it that hard that you broke your arm?

Dodgers opening season this year. I did my thing. Did you remember Highlights Magazine? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it. I do a throw. It's a curveball. I call it the Tommy Timbertoe.

Okay. And I hurled this thing. I think they clocked it at 186 miles an hour. And the torque. Snap my arm. Yeah. And then the last one, this one was really bizarre. I swallowed a key.

But it ended up in your brain? Well, I don't, who knows where stuff goes when you eat it? We all know. What do you mean? You eat a hot dog? Where does it go? You digest it. It goes through your stomach and then your intestines and you poop it out. Okay, but it's a key.

I know. Who knows where a key's going to go? Yeah. I swallowed it by accident. I was parting with Aerosmith and somewhere on their tour bus. It was a key party. I guess. And I just...

You've been through a lot, man. I've been through a lot. Sometimes when sunglasses and real glasses get together... It's not a good combination. I don't know what to do. Okay, how many of you honestly love to go shopping for new clothes? Not a moire, as they say in French. Let's be honest.

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I'm still really, you can tell. Yeah. I'm thrown by the... Your parents. Yeah. I'm wondering if I can offer something that sort of calms you. I'd like to be re-centered. Yeah.

Have you ever experienced the magic of gourds? sure do you ever exfoliate do you do skin stuff yeah yeah yeah would you you rub these gourds on your face and i'm telling you i'll do it with you okay it's like dip in your face and ice having an ice bath look at this oh you feel that that's nice gourd damn it how goord hey gorge you glad uh i came on your your podcast. You're gorgeous. Yeah.

Gordid. You're gorgeous. Gordous. Though, that feels nice. Isn't that feel nice? There's something about the bumpy, herpy texture of a gourd. And sometimes I just gourd them all over my face. Like I'm having a gourd orgy.

Yeah. Sounds awful. Can you stop talking? I'm gourding. I don't want to, I know. I'm trying to gourd. That was just the right medicine. How do you feel now?

You feel great? A million bucks. Yeah, look at you. Yeah. Wow. Chipper. Wow. Yeah.

Buddy, what a treat having you here. This is fantastic. This is like Windex. In what way? Well, you said fantastic. Windex is fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you're going to say a cleaning process,

product I'm going to say one. Yeah. You said fantastic, right? Right. Right. So I said Winddak. This was Swiffer. This was so swiffer.

Shamwow me a river. Yep. Here you go, buddy. Thanks for the Mots. Well, we do one final. Thanks for the reconnection with my true parents. Yeah. Isn't that nice?

I got to tell my boys they got with their real grandparents. I'm not their real grandparent. Well, I think what you really need to tell your boy is, boys is that you were traded off for a Rottweiler puppy. Yeah. And my dad worked in HR for Cirque Desaulet. Our final segment, my guy, that we do with every guest. Yeah.

It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. Okay. And what we do, there's random words in here. Yeah. You reach in and see if it triggers a story from your beautiful journey in life. Okay. Maybe something you did, maybe someone you saw, a family member, You, a girlfriend, a wife.

Words from a wooden shoe. Word from a wooden shoe. And just read it out and see if it sparks a story from Will Ferrell's wonderful journey. By the way, folks, Will Ferrell was here. I didn't even mention that. Oh, yeah. Will Ferrell, actor, comedian. You were a lifeguard.

Were you a lifeguard once? That was a bank teller. Okay, bank teller? Yeah. What bank? If you have the address. Wells Fargo. What address?

17th Street down on Costa Rica, Costa Mesa. What number? I don't remember the number. But you can find it. I do. 7325. I know addresses. Cling.

Yeah. Go ahead. What's your word? My word is actually two words. Okay. Airport debacle. Here we go. Here we go.

So here it comes, Gary. Here it comes. Airport debacle. Well, here's what comes to mine. I was on a flight once, and I'm already angry. This is, I got two, I got two stories. We want them. Okay. I've got two gourds. I'm not going to say no. You're going to have to trade both your gourds for these stories. I was walking on with a person from the airline. She was helping me find my seat. In the plane, obviously. Yeah.

And she was from the... And there was someone with a service animal, right? And I said to her, do sometimes people have a service cat? Because I'm highly allergic to cats. And she goes, yeah, sometimes I said, well, then what would happen? What if I started sneezing? Who would have to leave?

The person with the cat? Oh. Because why do I have to give up my seat? But then they're saying, but this is my service animal. I can't fly without it. And she didn't, she goes, I don't know. And then she wandered away. So she didn't have an answer for me.

But then it made me think, and I didn't follow through on this. and maybe one day I will, I wanted to find the weirdest animal to have as a service animal, like a parrot. I show up my service. Yeah. And what would people, there's nothing you could do. Yeah.

It's my service animal. Or even a service commodo dragon might even be a good one. A service, like a terrarium full of spiders and butterflies. Yeah. What if that was my service thing and it calms me down? Service salamander. Yeah.

So it's not so much as a debacle, but that makes me think of, that could be a debacle. Yeah. Well, I think so maybe we decide between you and the cat, and I'm thinking if it's you that's off the plane, how much is the cat out of pocket? Not a dime. Yeah, not a dime. But you are. But then I give up my ticket because I don't want to have an allergy attack. And guess what happens?

Now you've got to go to spirit and sit with your stupid kids. But here's a good one. Oh, here we go. It's a good story. Here we go, part two. Back in the S&L days, our buddy Norm MacDonald. Oh, Norm.

And our other buddy, Chris Catan. Yeah, Chris. We're all in the same flight. Chris can't find his shoes. Oh, boy. Did Norm eat them? Well. And Chris is like, hey, Norm, do you take my shoes?

And Norm's like, no. Why would I take your shoes? Like, come on, man. Give me my shoes back. He's like, I didn't take your shoes. I swear. By the way, I'm doing both voices. No, you're not.

You're doing the same voice. Oh, no. You can see the subtle distinction. Okay. So they go back and forth. Chris is asking me, he's asking the flight tent. I was asleep.

I didn't see anything. Norm's like, for the last time, I didn't take your shoes. Chris has to walk all the way back through JFK just in his socks. Back. All the way back. Get a cab.

We all say goodbye. He's got to go back to them. Six months later, Norm and Chris are talking about something. And Norm goes, Hey, by the way, I did take your shoes. He held on to it for six months.

Didn't tell him. Yeah. Airport debacle. Was it more like, oh, man. Yeah. I forgot to tell you. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, yeah. Yeah. I did take your shoes. I think they were having like a fake, like a joking argument. Yeah. And then I think that was the top.

Norm was like, oh, yeah, and by the way, I did take your shoes on that flight. See, now you're getting the voice. Yeah. Could you tell it again but do the right voices? No, I can't. No, no. Well, I don't want them to be. You know, me and Norm were buddies.

Yeah. And for somewhat... Were you guys fairly close, pretty close? Very close. Yeah. Because we were in Canada together. Yeah. And doing the same circuits together.

We were doing shows together. And then me and Norm, out of all the comics, we were kind of recluses. Okay. But in each other, we found a common ground and we gravitated towards each other. Yeah. I can see that. Yeah. And I wasn't very close with any comedians. I loved them.

They were comrades. But with Norm, I became, we became friends. We hung out. We did things. And then when a lot of people don't know this, but Norm had cancer back then in his stomach. Oh, wow. Before the cancer that killed him very recently, God bless him, Norm. Yeah. And so I was there with him a lot through that. Wow. And for whatever reason, people on these podcasts have a real, they love Norm stories. And I'm like, to me, it's just Norm. It's just right. But because I have, I revere you so much, you're one of my. in life. I'm not even going to say it because it'll wreck it. Okay. But Norm was one of my... Yeah, totally. I just loved so much about Norm. And I've never had an opportunity to ask about a story maybe between you and Norm.

And I know I would love it as much as they would. Is there one that maybe stands out that was just you and him on set or in your career or in your personal life? He was, like you said, he was kind of like, you never know how his mind actually worked. And he was so brilliant, so funny. And also, like, would pull out these impressions that you're like, what? And he would do, like, one, they were very specific, like, he could do a Quentin Tarantino impression. We're like, how long have you had that one? or like one of the, Charles Carralt on, you know, CBS morning show. Yeah.

Like, what, huh? Yeah. And he did amazing David Letterman, you know, all these things. Yeah. So he was always very eccentric, even in the people he studied. But the one couple of Norm stories, Norm, norm enjoyed to put some money down. Yeah, you like to gamble. Oh, boy.

So my first year on Saturday Night Live, I didn't have a, a TV in my apartment. So on our off weeks, I'd go back into our office to watch like the NBC feed of like a college football game. Oh yeah. And so then I look and Norm's there. Norm was just like paling around the office because I don't think Norm had anywhere better to go either. Yeah. Because he's that I think he was like like a, like you said, he's like a stand-up junkie. He's either on the road or he's doing the show. He's always writing jokes. And yeah. So it's like, It was like a Sunday after the show. I think we were watching pro.

We were watching some college game, like, who I forget who the team was, but I was like, oh, Michigan. They play pretty good in the mud because it was like a rainy game, a rainy day. And I'm just doing a bit. And I'm like, oh, do they? Oh, yeah. Michigan's known for. I see him the next week. He's like, hey, you lost me 30 grand.

I'm like, what? I go, what do you mean? He's like, I bet on Michigan to win in the second end. I'm like, what are you talking about? You said they were good in the mud. I'm like, I was joking. Yeah. By the way, you were just doing John Lovitz's voice.

All right, I know. I'm switching in. It's okay. Yeah. And then another time, By the way, just... We were doing... I'll share a quick gambling story with you,

and then I want to hear this one. Okay. The first time I ever went to Vegas ever, and the first time Norm ever went to Vegas, we did it together. Yeah. And it was in the 80s, the mid-80s. And we'd never been...

Canadian boys never been around... Bright lights, big city, look out. And I didn't know about Norm and his gambling because we'd never... There's no casinos and... Canada at that time. And so we got to Vegas and I'm like hitting the slot machines and buffets and Norm goes, I'm going to go sit and play some poker.

You know, like, okay. I don't even know how to play poker to this day. He sits down. This was like 11 in the morning. I can't find him for the rest of the day. Of course. I walk by at 11, 12 at night. And he's just sitting in the same spot.

just kind of, and he looks like drained, like he's just sitting there like he hasn't moved for like 12 hours. Of course. And then I went, oh, this guy likes to gamble. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, your other story. No, it's, it's just funny that we would do those, uh, Celebrity Jeopardy. Oh, yeah. Norm would play Bert Reynolds. Burr Reynolds. So funny. We did that one where he's wearing a big foam cowboy hat. Yeah. And, um, the, the sketch ends with me as, Alex Trebek and I'm I he drives me crazy to the point that I scream at him yeah as I walk off yeah and that's the end of the sketch and he grabs me in the hallway he's like hey well and every everything okay you know did I do anything I'm like what are you talking about he's like

well you yelled at me pretty hard no no that was I was in character that's remember we rehearsed yeah oh I thought you were a man I mean you're a good actor who's voice was that? That was Charlie Chaplin, the silent movie star. So that's what he really sounded like. Yeah, that's what he really sounded like. I've always wondered. Oh my God. That's Chaplin? That's Chaplin. Who knew because he never talked? Right. He's normally. So you could be bullshitting me right now because no one's ever heard him talk. No, no, no. I have old phonographs. Oh my God. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Bye-bye. Oh, disappear behind the horizon.

Oh, God. I'm trying to disappear behind the horizon. Oh, buddy. God, you rocked me today. Dude, perfect. Do you need to say, it's up to you if you want to say anything to your parents before we go. Are you done with them? Yeah, I mean, bring them in.

We can not. No, I don't. We're good. You're emotional. Yeah. Before you go, though, we would like to give you, we give all our guests a parting gift. Yeah. Amber, will you bring in the gift for Will, please?

And this is for you to take home. Okay. Yeah. A microwave. Yeah. That's for you. Thanks, Amber. A countertop microwave oven.

Yeah. Thanks, Amber. That's so nice. Thank you. You're welcome. Do you use microwave? Yeah, sure. I mean, thank you.

That's great. I'm not expecting it. One of the funniest moments... Do I need to claim this on my taxes? No, no, that's a real cheap one. I mean, yes, yes, you do. Amber? Remember when I used to make you special meal, my trailer?

I was just going to tell you, one of my favorite stories on Superstar. We'd be like acting all day, acting hard, because we act hard, me and you. Right. We'd be doing scenes we'd break for lunch. We each got our own star trailer.

And we'd just be standing around and Will would out of nowhere go, do you want to come over to my trailer? I got a turkey in the microwave. Like a full turkey in the... I still... I love that so much. Because these trailers have full kitchens.

Yeah, they have microwaves. The thought of actually cooking in that kitchen. You have no idea how much that... I've held on to that. That's settled into your brain. Oh, I've told that story to so many friends. Yeah. And there's so many other stories that we did.

And if you come back one day, I know you had a hard, hot time here today. It was emotional. But you did get a microwave. Oh, no. In the end, I made out like a bandit. Yeah. But if you ever come back, we're going to tell some more of the wacky wild stories. But happy cooking.

Thank you. Is there anything you want to say to your fans' upcoming progress? Social media. I don't, I'm not, uh, I'm not on social media. Great. So, who wants you? Uh, yeah. And trust, have I tried?

Yeah. I've signed up for all the platforms. Zero followers, zero likes. What? Yes. That's, that hurts. Maybe it's because you're adopted. You need to stop.

Folks, Will Farrell was here today. Uh, buddy, thank you for being here. What a tasty treat. Thank you for doing my movie, Elf. No, thank you. And that's it for today. For letting me do it. That's it for today, folks.

Until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby. And, uh, America's number one major appliance. It is? G. Microwave. You like it? I have to see how it works. What's the first thing you'll come? Oh, probably some, uh, some goulash.

Or a little chicken pot pie. What'd you call me? Chicken, you're my little chicken pot pie. Finally. Wingman is now officially on the clock. Looking for some action on a Saturday night. How do I know it works? Is an elephant know how to jerk itself off with its own nose?

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She's beautiful. Look, have you seen that Julia Roberts movie, Eat, Pray, Love? Yeah. Yeah. Well, now you're looking at the sequel, Eat, eat, eat. What makes you such an expert on women anyways?

POP. Power of the pussy. That was a mild setback. Dress real nice. We're going for some, uh, Wall Street Bieber. Party time, Pinky. How would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh.

You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. and I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland. Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick.

I like to be prepared. That's why I remember 988, Canada's Suicide Crisis Hubline. It's good to know just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder any time. 988 Suicide Crisis Helpline is funded by the government. Canada.