The Headgum Podcast - 10: State of the Gum

Episode Date: July 24, 2020

Jake, Amir, Marika, and Geoff discuss the state of the network, Marika's interpretive tap dancing, and Geoff's copywriting abilities (or lack thereof).Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gum...ball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. What are you drinking? Is that a shrub? No, it is homemade ginger beer, but non-alcoholic. It's more like ginger aid. Very nice. How did you home make it? It's my father's recipe and I'm not allowed to share. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:00:37 Awesome. Oh yeah, I see it right behind you. Two parts ginger water, one part ginger root on that i'm rolling all right let me know when you're ready you're so quiet why aren't you talking man you're the host of the fucking show welcome one in gall ryan or otherwise to the state of the gum address i don't like that he was bouncing up and down for that. Did you hear the music? In a closet.
Starting point is 00:01:08 In all of, we heard the music. Good. Then everything seems to be going according to plan. The State of Gum. Jake Hurwitz, Amir Blumenfeld, it's been almost nine years since you started HeadGum. Wrong. Putting you on the spot right off the top.
Starting point is 00:01:23 Actually, it wasn't right off the top give the state of the gum address give the state of the gum address you want us to just talk about the state of the company exactly rice uh after okay so you got the date wrong it's not almost nine years and what a weird time to do it like that's not an anniversary what would be better five yeah five oh five is actually coming up. So that's apropos. It's going to be the five-year anniversary of Headcum next week. Is that right? In two weeks.
Starting point is 00:01:50 Is that right? The state of our union is strong. We've never been more optimistic and cohesive as a company. And under my leadership and guidance, we will propel this LLC no this incorporated corporation into the next half decade with vim and vigor vigor?
Starting point is 00:02:16 and Jake I think you're fired for even talking before me I was just applauding you I thought that was really good rehired then rehired rehired I'll fire Marty or some shit for me i was just applauding you i thought that was really good i was gonna get fired then rehired rehired i'll fire marty or some shit i don't know if i want to work here if that's the fucking attitude i think i don't want to alienate you already have did yeah because then i'm worried that we won't be as cohesive in the with vim and vigor why you keep saying vigor how is it vigor
Starting point is 00:02:43 i'm saying i what is vim vim is like to do something vigorously i don't think so then it's then it's uh it's redundant vocab check what's vim i have no idea i to be fair i thought he was going to say vimeo with vimeo and vigorigor. That's Vim and Rigger. A lot of fun changes happening in the company. And I think after listening back to the past few episodes, which were perfect, they were all perfect Zoom calls. I just thought it was important to get back to our roots, beer or otherwise, in terms of what this show is all about, Amir, which is the company, the network. Right, yeah. That's true.
Starting point is 00:03:27 I did get chastised, obviously, for leaking confidential information in a way. But I was wondering... Right, last episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Really? Yes, you brought it up, so don't say really. Yes, you brought it up.
Starting point is 00:03:41 I'm agreeing with you. You can't be surprised at what you said. What are some things that we are all excited about that we can talk about? Yes, you brought it up. I'm agreeing with you. You can't be surprised at what you said. What are some things that we are all excited about that we can talk about? I have a splitting headache, by the way, I should say. I'm dehydrated and my head has been throbbing since I released the video in the Slack that we can't talk about. Drink water. The song parody. Drink water.
Starting point is 00:04:04 I am. I've had two electrolyte packets do you did you just overexert yourself filming a video you spent like you spent what like an hour or two filming a video no one except for us at the company can see because it's it's littered with confidential information it's you dancing to a song so So I did a You're a Jerk by New Boys parody featuring the names. Basically, I changed each line to feature the name of a podcaster
Starting point is 00:04:33 or comedian that we might give a podcast to. So we can't release the video. And it's also all based on some kind of inside baseball Hollywood manager's names. Yeah. That's accurate. You made a TikTok that nobody can enjoy. I enjoyed it.
Starting point is 00:04:50 I watched it twice. I think it's so stupid. But in doing that, you gave yourself a migraine. It's beyond a headache at this point. I'm in the eye of a migraine there is quiet for just a roman that's roman i think it's spreading this is insane i have fucking i have an ocular rift slash migraine for this so instead of virtual reality it's like yeah i'm seeing what is it called swirls or something yeah is your headache contagious yeah floaters for whatever
Starting point is 00:05:34 reason you're a human headache in a way i've been described as viral and like not in the way that i'm like going kind of nationwide on tiktok just, yeah, that I'm kind of a disease. You are a virus. Yeah. Marika? State of the gum? Yeah, I agree. I was nodding my head, which is not good for an audio format.
Starting point is 00:05:54 Sorry. State of the gum? State of the gum? But for the record, Marika did say you were a virus. Correct. No, I'm trying to move past that, because if I think about it and I stop and really think about it, it really stings is all.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Yeah. I just wanted to say that I have to use the restroom. You guys can continue talking amongst yourself. I can hear you. I just won't be able to chime in. So I'm not ignoring anyone. I'm just not there. You're going to mute yourself.
Starting point is 00:06:18 So we don't hear your your stream or your plop. But don't shrug. Let's shrug. Also not good for buyers. beware for the audio format is if so i did share this right now this is you as a real estate agent all right i do want the deal to stay open potentially but i am gonna go use the restroom and uh buyers beware marika state of the gum come on let's really fucking get into it now i'm starting to get angry because you've dodged the question and you dodged the bullet in a way because I'm putting you on the spot
Starting point is 00:06:48 I haven't dodged anything I don't have I feel like I can't give a state of the gum I don't own the company like these two so what am I going to say I don't know maybe like what you're doing Jake help me out
Starting point is 00:07:03 this is absolutely redonkulous. I have a major interest in Marika giving the state of the gum because that would mean I don't have to. And a vested interest, as in you've put your own money into the company. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I invested my own money. For sure. And I invested my own vests.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Marika, the floor is yours. The floor is yours. State of the gum. Give an actual speech here we go one second all right actually now i did maybe my worst nightmare what song is this state of the gum oh no marika if you don't want to if you don't want to talk about it maybe you could tap about it oh i wish and it no you can't what are you talking tap about it marika's a tap dance artist yeah i know that that's not what i'm having an issue with i'm saying state of the gum to understand that people i want people to know what's going on at the
Starting point is 00:08:04 company you're saying that marika's gonna tap want people to know what's going on at the company you're saying that marika's gonna tap dance and then convey what's going the inner workings of the network well i mean i i do practice like improvisational tap dance so i think i could do some sort of like um modern interpretive dance but it's tap and it's like my feelings on the state of the company i think i could do that more than i could talk about it um but in terms of you can tell a story through tap you can tell a story through tap you really can i don't think you really can you absolutely can let's do it then let's see let's hear it well i don't i don't have my shoes do it barefoot on
Starting point is 00:08:45 just put your put your mic on the floor put your mic on the floor your phone on the floor you don't have a floor the shoes i understand sorry that's like tablingo this kind of thing yeah oh wait let's do it oh she's got the shoes take as long as you need i will cut out the dead air i mean i'm not going to tap on my floor because one i'm sitting on carpet and two i don't want to mess up my actual wood floor an interpretive dance routine there's an idea there's we're getting close to what what i what i think is going to be my fucking dream there was an idea of uh just slapping the shoes together so you do oh there we go but uh where those are is a question and i'm kind of just digging oh wait no i found them
Starting point is 00:09:34 all right let's do it oh we're just talking about your place yeah marika i'm absolutely i'm floored nice here we go interpretivepretive tap dance routine. This is the State of the Gum address. Thoughts? Super short. Could barely hear it. That was the entire history of our five years as a company i was trying i got distracted trying to match the beat of the song jeff played that wouldn't allow him to hear my tap dancing i didn't hear any part of that that kind of was interpretively
Starting point is 00:10:16 announcing the the hiring of intern johnny it's not being picked up where was us signing the dough where was nicole blowing it up into an international phenomenon you were gonna say uh breaking a toilet blowing up a toilet it's been over a calendar year since Nicole Byer broke a toilet in Chicago. Goddamn. I would kill to go back to what must have been one of the worst moments of Nicole's life. I remember I can revisit that in multiple live podcast episodes. Last year, she dated me. The story that keeps on giving.
Starting point is 00:11:05 At Talia Hall last year for HeadGum Live, I think had just started work or claire had just started working at the company and so it was marika me claire mars riley and emma in a way yeah in a hotel room away for the road slash ages and we i ordered some food for the table. For the room? We gave you all your own rooms, right? Yeah, but we were hanging out. Okay, cool. We were hanging out out of an equal desire to eat food, but it was very late at night,
Starting point is 00:11:40 and we were trying to find a place to... You guys were still out. I think you went to like lincoln park to dance or something you went to lincoln park from where were we oggo or something ogben uh yeah you can always dance to lincoln park everything you say to me bring you one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break give me one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break. I didn't let her run to breathe. Give me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to freak.
Starting point is 00:12:08 Jeff, now's the time that you do the rap. Because you know every single lyric to a Linkin Park rap. Are you mad at me? In the end, I don't know why. It doesn't even matter how hard you try. Reach back. In the end. Doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Starting point is 00:12:23 Reach back. In the end. Are you done? I guess I'm done if it's not going to get a fucking positive reaction. I liked it. What reaction was ideal for you to... In the end. I tried so hard and got so
Starting point is 00:12:48 far and in the end it didn't really matter because he didn't give me anything imagine a dentist's office that plays numb when they're administering Novocaine I'm sure it's happened
Starting point is 00:13:03 what's that? you cut out i almost she gave you an attaboy she gave you an attaboy you almost think you also must have heard it because you got so mad. It's like you heard exactly what happened. Overreacted. And then when we called you out for overreacting, you made it sound like she cut out. No, and you're right. And you're right. And I'll give you that one.
Starting point is 00:13:34 And Ferris, this is the Saks point because I'm about to introduce this new segment, Saks. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, if you had an extra hour in your day, a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run, person B would take a nap, and patient zero would read a book. The point is, a lot of us spend our time and our lives wishing we had more hours in the day. And the question is, what is that time for? And if time was unlimited, how would you use it? The best way to squeeze that special thing into your schedule is to know what's important to you and make it a priority thus.
Starting point is 00:14:38 Therapy can help you find what matters to you so you can do more of it. I'm in therapy every week and I benefit from it personally as I pursue to better myself and be a better version of myself today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, you said tomorrow, so just therapy. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Visit BetterHelp.com slash whatsthat today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash what's that. Thanks, BetterHelp. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years, I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density,
Starting point is 00:16:03 all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands. I like to drink it first thing in the morning. I'll have a glass of water. I'll have my AG1 and then I'll have my coffee and it gets me set off to take on the day and to be centered
Starting point is 00:16:21 and to feel like I did at least one good thing for my health. And if you do that every day, it has compounding effects. If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your health, it's AG1. That's why we partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com
Starting point is 00:16:47 slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. All right, and we're back. I know you want to introduce a new segment, but you also didn't finish the story. I've got a bone to pick. Dollars. What?
Starting point is 00:17:01 One million dollars. And I've got a bone to pick i i'm gonna shove a pencil into my nose so far up that it stabs my brain and ends me and i don't want to hear you do anything else my week started i woke up to a text from amir it said amir basically saying hey we're gonna record a host red ad for Review Review on If I Were You. Can you just text it to me? I said, when do you need it by? He said, today. I spent an hour and 20 minutes
Starting point is 00:17:32 writing copy in a voice of your guys' show, which I guess a little bit goes against what you asked me to do because you asked me to write it in my voice. But I'm trying to get your guys' listeners onto my show. Right?
Starting point is 00:17:47 You spent an hour 20 minutes writing that? Sorry, I meant $120. It was more like two and a half hours. It was garbage, but continue. What's your bone to pick? You said you didn't have time. You said you didn't have time on your show, right? Didn't have time?
Starting point is 00:18:02 You said you didn't have time to finish the ad. To read the entire thing. Yeah, the ads have to be like two and a half minutes. You wrote a five minute script. We weren't going to read the whole thing as an ad. Here we go. I'm reading the ad right now. I'm accosting your ears for this.
Starting point is 00:18:14 I liked the ad. I thought it was great. I thought you did a stellar job. Really? I'm sorry that Amir didn't text you until the day that we needed it because he was supposed to do that earlier, frankly. All right.
Starting point is 00:18:29 Should I pick up where you guys left off? Sure. I also just want to remind you that you began to tell a story in the previous segment and bailed on it. What story? You had everyone in a hotel room. And now we're cutting to the middle of an ad people haven't heard. So, yes, that's, I think think a good order of operations i'm gonna start from the beginning top 10 reasons to listen to if review review instead of if i were you
Starting point is 00:18:51 by jeffrey landry messed it up that's rice it's either or feel free to ad lib number 10 it's better than cnn instead of jim acosta in your ears with slander of the men women and children in our armed forces listen to riley anspaugh and jeffrey james do improv comedy based off yelp reviews that's sure to be better than the news that's where the ad should have ended there doesn't need to be more than that and it didn't feel like a chine that's cheese and fine listen to review review or don't and fine listen to review review or don't yeah so that's actually like not helpful in any way because that's the opposite you're trying to get people to listen and the second item was can you not interrupt can you not interrupt like feel free to like absolutely improv ad lib absolutely ad lib but just let me get through it right because i don't want to have to like you
Starting point is 00:19:39 said it was either or and then you immediately said that they don't have to listen to review review number eight you should donate instead of sitting on your fat ass listen to comedy podcasts during a global pandemic how about you give your cash to a worthy cause yeah i mean i i agree with that talking point number seven but it's not about yemen i cannot stress enough the unimportant of listening to podcasts when there's a crisis named ISIS. Review Review couldn't matter less. Okay. Two of them urging people not, maybe three of the four so far, urging people not to listen to the product that we asked you to advertise.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Number six, I'm losing sight of this. I was tasked with promoting my show or else I fear it will have to go. Review Review is hot, hot, hot, so please fucking listen to it or I will have to purposefully induce a blood clot clot. Seriously, I know how to do it on command. What? What? What do you have an issue with?
Starting point is 00:20:36 What was that a reference to? The hot, hot, hot. Feeling hot, hot, hot. The Island Song. I have an issue with this entire thing. I have an issue with everything that's happening. Yeah, I have some issue with this entire thing. I have an issue with everything that's happening. Yeah, I have some notes also. Red, red chine. Is this part of the ad or have you gotten distracted?
Starting point is 00:20:56 Cabernet Sauvignon. With a manchego cheese and five number five where's my sex drive ever since that was just an aside ever since covid hit the only thing that's turned beyond our moonlit zits that's right a pussy hussy for this biracial gussy makes the gals fussy the closest i've come to losing my virginity was a pity hug for my cpa god you wanted us to read that any day no you wanted us to read that one doing the doctor million dollars why did you hug your accountant? I got my taxes in on time for the first time in a decade.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Got it. Don't pay taxes as a 12-year-old. Number four, do your chores. The sooner you get them done, the sooner you can have fun. That one's just advice. Keep going. Nice. Number three, it'll fill me with glee. To see our listenership rise would make me open up my thighs.
Starting point is 00:22:06 If we hit 40,000 listeners, I'll let someone peg me live on Cam Soda. You're so lucky we didn't read all of these. I didn't even get down the list this far. I didn't even read the fucking thing. Number two, a Nancy named Drew. It doesn't take a small town dick to see that this small brown dick has a sense of humor about shit yeah that's what you're begging my pp is teeny and i'll be the first to admit so please listen to it so i can channel my wit into something worth it
Starting point is 00:22:41 i am begging you to listen to this show that's all it needed to be i am begging you to listen to the show everything else about you getting fucked number one number one if i were you was no fun its course has been run and the idea has been done and done so why not trump try something new like review review so you too can chuckle at two 20-somethings kerfuffles until the cows come home. I now end my poem with one sad sentence and absolutely no repentance. My dad left home when I
Starting point is 00:23:13 was nine and I didn't see him again until he tried to come to my college graduation. Is that true? No, but it sounds good for the ad. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. It doesn't sound good. New episodes drop every Tuesday. You can subscribe to Review Review wherever you get your fine podcasts.
Starting point is 00:23:31 Your fine podcasts. That was your bone to pick. That was my bone to pick. You guys didn't. I spent too much time and cash on it. Yeah, you shouldn't have. You rewrote a script that I helped to write. No.
Starting point is 00:23:48 Yes. I wrote the copy for art. I fixed it. it really as it's my job to do of course what did you make so obviously probably worse but maybe better what did you what did you adjust uh i just made it more clear uh i think marika added the pegging thing to the yeah i definitely did that one no i, I mean, that was bad copy and it's good that it wasn't read in its entirety. And it's sad that we had to listen to it in its entirety here. Okay. This is...
Starting point is 00:24:20 He's dancing. And then we'll kind of change it out for like a sax fill or something. It doesn't fucking matter why are you guys all staring at me yeah I'd love to I'd love to know the story that you were gonna talk about there's no story it was just like I remember that I remember we were all kind of
Starting point is 00:24:44 bonding for the first time right because we didn't know claire she didn't care to get to know us in a way that's not true really you were bonding for the first time and claire didn't care to get it sounds like this story is a grievance this whole show is just me listing out airing out my fucking grievances with the people of this network all right mike comatose ran me through loopback which was fine but it's just like he did it at the very last minute yeah i'm sure that wasn't his fault yeah question question the first you guys just had an interview right with one of the candidates for one of the real jobs at the network and how to go i feel like we shouldn't talk about this well they're not a they're not gonna listen to this b they're not gonna know which one of them there is because you guys are kind of interviewing everybody i mean the show is called
Starting point is 00:25:27 the head gum podcast i think if i were we should say that afternoon and we started recording at uh m eastern so definitely can't even kind of had the interview yeah we can't say anything we can't say a fucking thing now buddy what'd you guys order by the way we got sandwiches or something no i feel like there was just a lot of appetizers any sorry i remember just can you not do them the disservice of calling them appetizers there were any teasers why that's any tizers and appetizers okay you're not i just remember eating fries appetizer right and i first course okay we're still doing appetizer same thing but it kind of teases you a little bite before your entree comes out right any tizer are appetizers you can have at any time portmanteau any teaser those are appetizers that you can have at any time
Starting point is 00:26:22 and marika you said you had french fries yeah there was just like a plate of french fries and would you take forever for them to come i feel like correct and then i had to go downstairs to pick it up what's your what's your fry condiment like what do you what do you dip in a fry it are you dipping it in catsup are you dipping it in mayo yeah yeah i do like ketchup i like why are you um curious to know what your preference is on your fries do you like a dry fry do you like i wish you were like okay you don't have to answer i don't need to know but marika seems like she's on board i like i like fries I have a lot of fry opinions. Stiffest posture. Me? Jake.
Starting point is 00:27:08 Well, Marika, I'd love to hear you. I would love to hear your fry opinions in the form of a tap dance. Thoughts? a little bit longer than the history of the network but i i i guess i would i would agree i think that i think shoestring fries are better than steak fries i think that that's obvious waffle fries are unsung heroes um yes i feel like that's essentially what you just said uh through through your shoes yeah that was spot on um what do you feel about um garnishes beyond like salt we're talking truffle do you like a little parmesan do you like i do like a truffle fry and at the right time uh truffle truffle oil with parm is good um i like a sweet potato fry with a honey mustard dipping sauce that's really good uh i also just like honey
Starting point is 00:28:14 mustard with regular fries i would just eat honey mustard out of a sock okay why why a sock what because i it's just like because i like honey mustard i would eat it out of a sock i'm like are you eating anything out of a sock no i don't eat out of a sock i'm saying i like honey mustard so much that i'd eat it out of a sock if i i don't even think it's thick enough to stay in the sock it's you imagine eating it out of the top of the tube i wouldn't eat it i'm not imagining it beyond just like it's oh like it's honest it fills a tube sock or something and i squeeze it into my mouth was it to make a point or is this something that you've done i didn't do it i said i i would eat it because i'm saying i like i like the fucking i like sauce i like that go grab a
Starting point is 00:29:01 sock go grab a sock i can't grab a a sock. My socks were all in the wash. That's peculiar. I ate sauce out of a sock and now it's in the wash. I had a Caesar salad. With a sock. In a side of socks. I had a tube filled with lube. And I ate it out of a sock.
Starting point is 00:29:25 So you ate the tube out of a tube sock? Not a tube sock, a tube. What? You know how paper towel rolls come in these, what are those cylinders called? Tubes. Yeah, tube. So that's what I had. I had bleach and I had honey mustard and i think i'm starting to faint
Starting point is 00:29:46 you're gonna die it's not faint that's death my insides burn you're fading away pixel by pixel tunnel vision go amir go to the light it's beautiful there's no corona here i had a bounty i had a bounty i had a shaman are you kidding me it's the rule of threes it felt like you were about to say another fucking paper towel how else are we supposed to land a show with you're gonna believe this right it's not gonna happen all of that bleep bleep cut out not use dangerous to record you've gotta stop doing it ferris this one we're live streaming you know what i mean yeah but actually yes yes you're you're like a little
Starting point is 00:30:49 brother you know what pisses us off yeah all right get it you just twist the dagger don't you here we go new game alert new game alert all right let me get a new game let me get that new game uh fucking here we go one time he said here we go so many times and you haven't been able to get the audio. Here we go one time. No thoughts. Here we go. I already said one time a couple times. This cue is way too long. It's very Comedy Bang Bang-esque music cue.
Starting point is 00:31:41 Oh my god. In that it keeps going. He gave up on his own bit. He's laughing too hard to pretend to play instruments. He's moved on to a new instrument. He's getting tired. He has to be getting tired.
Starting point is 00:32:11 Now he's playing the bass. The bass is high. I mean again I don't know why we're not recording the zoom call yeah this is it's such a visual medium he just keeps on doing he keeps on
Starting point is 00:32:36 miming instruments playing the piano I think the rest of the show has to happen with this music why did my comitee teach him loopback this shouldn't have happened it's not good this is how is your guys this week so far it's been it feels later than a wednesday i was saying that it feels like it's almost like a Thursday or Friday because we crammed a lot into these three days.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Oh my god, you're so out of breath. We all live in California and New York respectively, right? It's kind of two and two. Kind of. It is exactly two and two. Alright, now here we go. Gonna share my screen. Boom! California income tax calculator. Amir, how much did you make in 2019
Starting point is 00:33:26 I don't feel comfortable sharing that information well you guys it's what $5 a month on your Patreon you have like what $4,900 $5,000 let's just say $5,000 for the sake of argument you cannot use this you cannot ask this you cannot keep any of this in it's private information you test the boundaries
Starting point is 00:33:42 you blew past a boundary I should say we haven't confirmed any of these figures. You're making it up. We haven't said anything. Don't talk about how much money we make. This is unbelievable. Yes, it's unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:33:55 It is unbelievable. It's crazy. It's uncomfortable. How is it uncomfortable? This podcast should be... How is it uncomfortable? You're exposing private financial information about us. You just said
Starting point is 00:34:07 you didn't confirm any of it. Nobody listens to the show that cares. I would say the opposite. I feel like the people that listen to the show care the most. Okay. Then it's good content. Sort of a catch-22 in a way. Also, I feel like we've said multiple times throughout this recording
Starting point is 00:34:23 that things are making us uncomfortable. But the one thing that we all wanted to know about, which was the story that you started telling, you refused to finish. And it was such an innocuous thing. We'll get to the story. I promise we'll get to the story. Very end. We're basically through the story. Just finish it.
Starting point is 00:34:38 Every time we do this show, I'm left ending it alone. Now I've got you guys on the hook. Line and sinker You gotta stay You gotta stay Until I fucking finish the story That's the weirdest voice you've ever done Every time we do the show
Starting point is 00:34:54 Every time we do the show You're accusing me in the south What's that? Sorry I was just saying You sounded like a prosecutor From Alabama or something Don't fucking grind the show to a halt. All right.
Starting point is 00:35:07 I also fully had no idea what you said. I thought it was an inside joke. I didn't understand. Atticus Finch style. Yeah, exactly. Is that the last show that you saw on Broadway, Amir? What's that? Sorry, Jeff was saying he's exhausted.
Starting point is 00:35:23 And Marika was asking me what my last Broadway show was. That's a fun question. Last Broadway show. You don't have to admit to being exhausted physically and mentally on the podcast. Ask us questions, start conversations. What's the last Broadway show we saw? That's really interesting.
Starting point is 00:35:39 By the way, of course you're tired because you danced, you mind played instruments for like two minutes and you told us up top that you had a migraine. You should, you're over-exerting yourself. It's splitting pain at the back of my neck and I'm the one who has to do all the pre-writing for this shit. I have like five more segments to get through. Five more segments. Five more?
Starting point is 00:35:56 We're at the 40 minute mark. What was the last Broadway show that you saw? Hadestown, I think. Approvingly? Yeah, I think it was a recommendation from Maria. I recommended it with the caveat that it's not my favorite, but it's good.
Starting point is 00:36:14 It was very Broadway. That's an interesting take. I would say it's not traditional Broadway, but it's popular Broadway. I guess the singing and dancing were very impressive. What are you doing, Jeffrey? He made his hair look like Criss Angel or something. But it was popular Broadway. Yeah, singing and dancing were very impressive. What are you doing, Jeffrey? He made his hair look like Criss Angel or something.
Starting point is 00:36:30 He's being a little scene boy. Amir, wow us. No. Every week I have to come up with every fucking segment. I don't know how I got tasked with this shit. But why don't you do any better? Because Amir's been on every episode. Amir's left every episode before he ended it.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Because he sometimes gets pissed off by me in some way. I don't know. Maybe I rubbed him the wrong way. It's exactly on every episode. Amir's left every episode before he ended it because he sometimes gets pissed off by me in some way. I don't know. Maybe I rub him the wrong way. It's exactly what it is. I'm fed up usually. After half an hour, you rub me the wrong way. You come up. You try to be better than me. You were yelling at me, asking me how much money I made, and then you started guesstimating on the fucking air about how much money I make,
Starting point is 00:37:02 how much money I have to pay in taxes. You were trying to expose me or something like that. Of course that I don't want the fucking air about how much money i make how much money i have to pay in taxes you you were trying to expose me or something like that of course that i don't want to be around you and now you look like a fucking 16 year old on myspace pretending to be dr evil you're a bad guy you have no redeemable qualities one segment just one segment i would say we were in the middle of a conversation that could be continued i I'm sorry to interrupt. Jake, your last Broadway show? I wasn't even part.
Starting point is 00:37:27 They were having the conversation. You're asking me to interject now. No, I'm saying like, let's everybody kind of. Marika, your last Broadway show? You didn't even hear my answer. I do want to hear Jake's answer. I don't know it. I think it was Hamilton, probably.
Starting point is 00:37:41 A solid one. A while ago, though. It was a while ago. I haven't been to a Broadway show in a very long time. How does a bastard whore's son, son of an orphan, dropped in the middle of a forgotten Scotland and then make it to the United States? Forgot why poverty and squalor. poverty and squalor the five dollar founding father without a mother
Starting point is 00:38:06 had a lot longer had a lot farther to jump the last hurdle than he got over turtle cause he fell on a terrapin and broke his own fibula Alexander Ham
Starting point is 00:38:20 Alexander Ham and there's a trillion things I have done but just you wait just you wait they all left progressively as I went along singing that you've gotta be fucking kidding me. They didn't get to
Starting point is 00:38:46 hear the end of the story. I had one more segment I wanted to do, but I guess I'll just have to do it myself. Kind of just did a warm-up for it. Have you guys ever heard the Beatles song Rocky Raccoon? Because it's basically,
Starting point is 00:39:01 it's a classic, first of all, from the White Album. I think it was a Paul song, maybe a Georgeorge song it doesn't it doesn't matter but um there's a version of it by scary pockets the funk band out of los angeles my friend ret madison sings with them occasionally uh they're very fun they're like they're like new wave wolf pack so here's rocky raccoon by scary pockets featuring george crikey's and then i'm gonna try and like just go off the top i'm gonna sing about this podcast i just started the head gum podcast early in may of this year there is no one who stays on the show until it's just me and you guys. I got cheated on by my own fiancé.
Starting point is 00:39:57 I deluded myself into thinking that my fian was Beyonce I deserve a raise at HeadGum because of all the work I put in to this podcast I think every one agrees that I should make
Starting point is 00:40:21 as much or more than Jake and Amir Hurwitz. Thank you guys so much for listening. We'll catch you guys next week. I appreciate it, every one of you guys. And, uh,
Starting point is 00:40:42 hopefully next week I'll come up with a better ploy to get everybody to stay until the end the head gum podcast is better than if i were you and review, review, review. It's better than dead eyes. It's better than why won't you date me? The HeadGum Podcast has more listeners than Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Woo! Tell your friends. Recommend the show to everyone you know
Starting point is 00:41:27 Your dentist Your orthodontist Anyone who gives you Invisalign Your mom, your dad, your dad's mom Your mom's dad And don't forget Your defense lord Lord. That was a HeadGum Podcast.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.