The Headgum Podcast - 10: State of the Gum
Episode Date: July 24, 2020Jake, Amir, Marika, and Geoff discuss the state of the network, Marika's interpretive tap dancing, and Geoff's copywriting abilities (or lack thereof).Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gum...ball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Discussion (0)
This is a HeadGum Podcast.
What are you drinking? Is that a shrub?
No, it is homemade ginger beer, but non-alcoholic.
It's more like ginger aid.
Very nice.
How did you home make it?
It's my father's recipe and I'm not allowed to share.
Whoa.
Awesome.
Oh yeah, I see it right behind you.
Two parts ginger water, one part ginger root on that i'm rolling all right let
me know when you're ready you're so quiet why aren't you talking man you're the host of the
fucking show welcome one in gall ryan or otherwise to the state of the gum address
i don't like that he was bouncing up and down for that.
Did you hear the music?
In a closet.
In all of, we heard the music.
Good.
Then everything seems to be going according to plan.
The State of Gum.
Jake Hurwitz, Amir Blumenfeld,
it's been almost nine years since you started HeadGum.
Wrong.
Putting you on the spot right off the top.
Actually, it wasn't right off the top give
the state of the gum address give the state of the gum address you want us to just talk about
the state of the company exactly rice uh after okay so you got the date wrong it's not almost
nine years and what a weird time to do it like that's not an anniversary what would be better
five yeah five oh five is actually coming up. So that's apropos.
It's going to be the five-year anniversary of Headcum next week.
Is that right?
In two weeks.
Is that right?
The state of our union is strong. We've never been more optimistic and cohesive as a company.
And under my leadership and guidance, we will propel this LLC
no this incorporated
corporation into the next half
decade with
vim and vigor
vigor?
and Jake I think you're fired
for even talking before me
I was just applauding you
I thought that was really good
rehired then rehired rehired I'll fire Marty or some shit for me i was just applauding you i thought that was really good i was gonna get fired then
rehired rehired i'll fire marty or some shit i don't know if i want to work here if that's the
fucking attitude i think i don't want to alienate you already have did yeah because then i'm worried
that we won't be as cohesive in the with vim and vigor why you keep saying vigor how is it vigor
i'm saying i what is vim vim is like
to do something vigorously i don't think so then it's then it's uh it's redundant
vocab check what's vim i have no idea i to be fair i thought he was going to say vimeo
with vimeo and vigorigor. That's Vim and Rigger. A lot of fun changes happening in the company.
And I think after listening back to the past few episodes, which were perfect, they were all perfect Zoom calls.
I just thought it was important to get back to our roots, beer or otherwise, in terms of what this show is all about, Amir, which is the company, the network.
Right, yeah.
That's true.
I did get chastised, obviously, for leaking confidential information in a way.
But I was wondering...
Right, last episode.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Really?
Yes, you brought it up, so don't say really.
Yes, you brought it up.
I'm agreeing with you.
You can't be surprised at what you said.
What are some things that we are all excited about that we can talk about? Yes, you brought it up. I'm agreeing with you. You can't be surprised at what you said.
What are some things that we are all excited about that we can talk about?
I have a splitting headache, by the way, I should say.
I'm dehydrated and my head has been throbbing since I released the video in the Slack that we can't talk about.
Drink water.
The song parody. Drink water.
I am.
I've had two electrolyte packets
do you did you just overexert yourself filming a video you spent like you spent what like an hour
or two filming a video no one except for us at the company can see because it's it's littered
with confidential information it's you dancing to a song so So I did a You're a Jerk by New Boys parody
featuring the names.
Basically, I changed each line
to feature the name of a podcaster
or comedian that we might give a podcast to.
So we can't release the video.
And it's also all based on
some kind of inside baseball Hollywood manager's names.
Yeah.
That's accurate.
You made a TikTok that nobody can enjoy.
I enjoyed it.
I watched it twice.
I think it's so stupid.
But in doing that, you gave yourself a migraine.
It's beyond a headache at this point.
I'm in the eye of a migraine there is quiet
for just a roman that's roman i think it's spreading this is insane i have
fucking i have an ocular rift slash migraine for this so instead of virtual reality it's like yeah i'm seeing
what is it called swirls or something yeah is your headache contagious yeah floaters for whatever
reason you're a human headache in a way i've been described as viral and like not in the way that
i'm like going kind of nationwide on tiktok just, yeah, that I'm kind of a disease.
You are a virus.
Yeah.
Marika?
State of the gum?
Yeah, I agree.
I was nodding my head, which is not good for an audio format.
Sorry.
State of the gum?
State of the gum?
But for the record, Marika did say you were a virus.
Correct.
No, I'm trying to move past that,
because if I think about it and I stop and really think about it,
it really stings is all.
Yeah.
I just wanted to say that I have to use the restroom.
You guys can continue talking amongst yourself.
I can hear you.
I just won't be able to chime in.
So I'm not ignoring anyone.
I'm just not there.
You're going to mute yourself.
So we don't hear your your stream or your plop.
But don't shrug.
Let's shrug.
Also not good for buyers. beware for the audio format is if so i did share this right now this is you as a real estate agent all right i do want the deal
to stay open potentially but i am gonna go use the restroom and uh buyers beware marika state
of the gum come on let's really fucking get into it now i'm starting to get angry because you've
dodged the question and you dodged the
bullet in a way because I'm putting you on the spot
I haven't dodged anything
I don't have
I feel like I can't give a state of the gum
I don't own the company like
these two so
what am I going to say
I don't know maybe like what you're doing
Jake help me out
this is absolutely redonkulous.
I have a major interest in Marika giving the state of the gum because that would mean I don't have to.
And a vested interest, as in you've put your own money into the company.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I invested my own money.
For sure.
And I invested my own vests.
Marika, the floor is yours.
The floor is yours.
State of the gum. Give an actual speech here we go one second all right actually now i did
maybe my worst nightmare
what song is this state of the gum oh no marika if you don't want to if you don't want to talk about it
maybe you could tap about it oh i wish and it no you can't what are you talking tap about it
marika's a tap dance artist yeah i know that that's not what i'm having an issue with i'm
saying state of the gum to understand that people i want people to know what's going on at the
company you're saying that marika's gonna tap want people to know what's going on at the company
you're saying that marika's gonna tap dance and then convey what's going the inner workings of
the network well i mean i i do practice like improvisational tap dance so i think i could do
some sort of like um modern interpretive dance but it's tap and it's like my feelings on the state of the company
i think i could do that more than i could talk about it um but in terms of
you can tell a story through tap you can tell a story through tap you really can i don't think
you really can you absolutely can let's do it then let's see let's hear it well i don't i don't
have my shoes do it barefoot on
just put your put your mic on the floor put your mic on the floor your phone on the floor you don't
have a floor the shoes i understand sorry that's like tablingo this kind of thing yeah oh wait
let's do it oh she's got the shoes take as long as you need i will cut out the dead
air i mean i'm not going to tap on my floor because one i'm sitting on carpet and two i
don't want to mess up my actual wood floor an interpretive dance routine there's an idea there's
we're getting close to what what i what i think is going to be my fucking dream
there was an idea of uh just slapping the shoes together so you do oh there we go
but uh where those are is a question and i'm kind of just digging oh wait no i found them
all right let's do it oh we're just talking about your place yeah marika i'm absolutely
i'm floored nice here we go interpretivepretive tap dance routine. This is the State of the Gum address.
Thoughts?
Super short. Could barely hear it.
That was the entire history
of our five years as a company
i was trying i got distracted trying to match the beat of the song jeff played that wouldn't allow
him to hear my tap dancing i didn't hear any part of that that kind of was interpretively
announcing the the hiring of intern johnny
it's not being picked up where was us signing the dough where was nicole blowing it up into an international phenomenon you were gonna say uh breaking a toilet
blowing up a toilet it's been over a calendar year since Nicole Byer broke a toilet in Chicago.
Goddamn.
I would kill to go back to what must have been one of the worst moments of Nicole's life.
I remember I can revisit that in multiple live podcast episodes.
Last year, she dated me.
The story that keeps on giving.
At Talia Hall last year for HeadGum Live, I think had just started work or claire had just started working at the company and so it was marika me
claire mars riley and emma in a way yeah in a hotel room away for the road slash ages and we
i ordered some food for the table. For the room?
We gave you all your own rooms, right?
Yeah, but we were hanging out.
Okay, cool.
We were hanging out out of an equal desire to eat food,
but it was very late at night,
and we were trying to find a place to...
You guys were still out.
I think you went to like
lincoln park to dance or something you went to lincoln park from where were we
oggo or something ogben uh yeah you can always dance to lincoln park everything you say to me
bring you one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break
give me one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break. I didn't let her run to breathe.
Give me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to freak.
Jeff, now's the time that you do the rap.
Because you know every single lyric to a Linkin Park rap.
Are you mad at me?
In the end, I don't know why.
It doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Reach back.
In the end.
Doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Reach back.
In the end.
Are you done?
I guess I'm done if it's not going to get a fucking positive reaction.
I liked it.
What reaction was ideal for you to... In the end.
I tried so
hard and got so
far and in
the end it didn't really matter
because he didn't give me anything
imagine a
dentist's office that plays
numb when they're administering
Novocaine
I'm sure it's happened
what's that?
you cut out i almost she gave you an attaboy she gave you an attaboy you almost think
you also must have heard it because you got so mad. It's like you heard exactly what happened.
Overreacted.
And then when we called you out for overreacting, you made it sound like she cut out.
No, and you're right.
And you're right.
And I'll give you that one.
And Ferris, this is the Saks point because I'm about to introduce this new segment, Saks.
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All right, and we're back.
I know you want to introduce a new segment, but you also didn't finish the story.
I've got a bone to pick.
Dollars.
What?
One million dollars.
And I've got a bone to pick i i'm gonna shove a pencil into my nose
so far up that it stabs my brain and ends me and i don't want to hear you do anything else
my week started i woke up to a text from amir it said amir basically saying hey we're gonna record
a host red ad for Review Review
on If I Were You. Can you
just text it to me? I said, when do you need it by? He said,
today. I spent an hour and 20 minutes
writing copy
in a voice of
your guys' show, which I guess
a little bit goes against what you asked me to do
because you asked me to write it in my voice.
But I'm trying to get your guys'
listeners onto my show.
Right?
You spent an hour 20 minutes writing that?
Sorry, I meant $120.
It was more like two and a half hours.
It was garbage, but continue.
What's your bone to pick?
You said you didn't have time.
You said you didn't have time on your show, right?
Didn't have time?
You said you didn't have time to finish the ad.
To read the entire thing.
Yeah, the ads have to be like two and a half minutes.
You wrote a five minute script.
We weren't going to read the whole thing as an ad.
Here we go.
I'm reading the ad right now.
I'm accosting your ears for this.
I liked the ad.
I thought it was great.
I thought you did a stellar job.
Really?
I'm sorry that Amir didn't text you
until the day that we needed it
because he was supposed to do that earlier, frankly.
All right.
Should I pick up where you guys left off?
Sure.
I also just want to remind you that you began to tell a story in the previous segment and bailed on it.
What story?
You had everyone in a hotel room.
And now we're cutting to the middle of an ad people haven't heard.
So, yes, that's, I think think a good order of operations i'm gonna start
from the beginning top 10 reasons to listen to if review review instead of if i were you
by jeffrey landry messed it up that's rice it's either or feel free to ad lib number 10 it's
better than cnn instead of jim acosta in your ears with slander of the men women and children in our armed
forces listen to riley anspaugh and jeffrey james do improv comedy based off yelp reviews that's
sure to be better than the news that's where the ad should have ended there doesn't need to be more
than that and it didn't feel like a chine that's cheese and fine listen to review review or don't
and fine listen to review review or don't yeah so that's actually like not helpful in any way because that's the opposite you're trying to get people to listen and the second item was
can you not interrupt can you not interrupt like feel free to like absolutely improv ad lib
absolutely ad lib but just let me get through it right because i don't want to have to like you
said it was either or and then you immediately said that they don't have to listen to review
review number eight you should donate instead of sitting on your fat ass listen to comedy podcasts during
a global pandemic how about you give your cash to a worthy cause yeah i mean i i agree with that
talking point number seven but it's not about yemen i cannot stress enough the unimportant
of listening to podcasts when there's a crisis named ISIS.
Review Review couldn't matter less.
Okay.
Two of them urging people not, maybe three of the four so far, urging people not to listen to the product that we asked you to advertise.
Number six, I'm losing sight of this.
I was tasked with promoting my show or else I fear it will have to go.
Review Review is hot, hot, hot, so please
fucking listen to it or I will have to
purposefully induce a blood clot
clot. Seriously, I know how to do it on command.
What?
What? What do you have an issue with?
What was that a reference to? The hot, hot, hot.
Feeling hot, hot, hot. The Island Song.
I have an issue
with this entire thing. I have an issue with everything that's happening. Yeah, I have some issue with this entire thing.
I have an issue with everything that's happening.
Yeah, I have some notes also.
Red, red chine.
Is this part of the ad or have you gotten distracted?
Cabernet Sauvignon.
With a manchego cheese and five
number five where's my sex drive ever since that was just an aside ever since covid hit the only
thing that's turned beyond our moonlit zits that's right a pussy hussy for this biracial
gussy makes the gals fussy the closest i've come to losing my virginity was a pity hug for my cpa
god you wanted us to read that any day no you wanted us to read that one doing the doctor
million dollars why did you hug your accountant?
I got my taxes in on time for the first time in a decade.
Got it.
Don't pay taxes as a 12-year-old.
Number four, do your chores.
The sooner you get them done, the sooner you can have fun.
That one's just advice.
Keep going.
Nice.
Number three, it'll fill me with glee. To see our listenership rise would make me open up my thighs.
If we hit 40,000 listeners, I'll let someone peg me live on Cam Soda.
You're so lucky we didn't read all of these.
I didn't even get down the list this far.
I didn't even read the fucking thing.
Number two, a Nancy named Drew.
It doesn't take a small town dick to see that this small brown
dick has a sense of humor about shit yeah that's what you're begging my pp is teeny and i'll be
the first to admit so please listen to it so i can channel my wit into something worth it
i am begging you to listen to this show that's all it needed to be
i am begging you to listen to the show everything else about you getting fucked number one number
one if i were you was no fun its course has been run and the idea has been done and done
so why not trump try something new like review review so you too can chuckle at two 20-somethings kerfuffles until the cows
come home. I now end
my poem with one sad
sentence and absolutely no repentance.
My dad left home when I
was nine and I didn't see him again until he
tried to come to my college graduation.
Is that true?
No, but it sounds good for the ad.
No, it doesn't.
No, it doesn't. It doesn't sound good.
New episodes drop every Tuesday.
You can subscribe to Review Review wherever you get your fine podcasts.
Your fine podcasts.
That was your bone to pick.
That was my bone to pick.
You guys didn't.
I spent too much time and cash on it.
Yeah, you shouldn't have.
You rewrote a script that I helped to write.
No.
Yes. I wrote the copy for art. I fixed it. it really as it's my job to do of course what did you make so obviously probably worse but maybe better what did you what
did you adjust uh i just made it more clear uh i think marika added the pegging thing to the
yeah i definitely did that one no i, I mean, that was bad copy
and it's good that it wasn't read
in its entirety. And it's sad
that we had to listen to it in its entirety
here. Okay.
This is...
He's dancing.
And then we'll kind of change it out for like a sax fill
or something. It doesn't fucking matter
why are you guys all staring at me
yeah I'd love to
I'd love to know the story that you were gonna talk about
there's no story it was just like
I remember that I remember we were all kind of
bonding for the first time right because we didn't know claire she didn't care to get to know us in a
way that's not true really you were bonding for the first time and claire didn't care to get it
sounds like this story is a grievance this whole show is just me listing out airing out my fucking
grievances with the people of this network all right mike comatose ran me through loopback which was fine but it's just like he did it at the very last minute yeah
i'm sure that wasn't his fault yeah question question the first you guys just had an interview
right with one of the candidates for one of the real jobs at the network and how to go i feel like
we shouldn't talk about this well they're not a they're not gonna listen to this b they're not
gonna know which one of them there is because you guys are kind of interviewing everybody i mean the show is called
the head gum podcast i think if i were we should say that afternoon and we started recording at
uh m eastern so definitely can't even kind of had the interview yeah we can't say anything
we can't say a fucking thing now buddy what'd you guys order by the way we got sandwiches or
something no i feel like there was just a lot of appetizers any sorry i remember just can you not do them the disservice of calling
them appetizers there were any teasers why that's any tizers and appetizers okay you're not i just
remember eating fries appetizer right and i first course okay we're still doing appetizer same thing
but it kind of teases you a little bite before your entree comes out right any tizer are appetizers
you can have at any time portmanteau any teaser those are appetizers that you can have at any time
and marika you said you had french fries yeah there
was just like a plate of french fries and would you take forever for them to come i feel like
correct and then i had to go downstairs to pick it up what's your what's your fry condiment like
what do you what do you dip in a fry it are you dipping it in catsup are you dipping it in mayo yeah yeah i do like ketchup
i like why are you um curious to know what your preference is on your fries do you like a dry fry
do you like i wish you were like okay you don't have to answer i don't need to know but marika
seems like she's on board i like i like fries I have a lot of fry opinions. Stiffest posture. Me?
Jake.
Well, Marika, I'd love to hear you.
I would love to hear your fry opinions in the form of a tap dance.
Thoughts? a little bit longer than the history of the network but i i i guess i would i would agree i think that i think shoestring fries are better than steak
fries i think that that's obvious waffle fries are unsung heroes um yes i feel like that's essentially what you just said
uh through through your shoes yeah that was spot on um what do you feel about um garnishes beyond
like salt we're talking truffle do you like a little parmesan do you like i do like a truffle
fry and at the right time uh truffle truffle oil with parm is good um i like a sweet
potato fry with a honey mustard dipping sauce that's really good uh i also just like honey
mustard with regular fries i would just eat honey mustard out of a sock okay why why a sock what
because i it's just like because i like honey mustard i would
eat it out of a sock i'm like are you eating anything out of a sock no i don't eat out of
a sock i'm saying i like honey mustard so much that i'd eat it out of a sock if i i don't even
think it's thick enough to stay in the sock it's you imagine eating it out of the top of the tube
i wouldn't eat it i'm not imagining it beyond just like it's oh like it's honest it fills a tube sock or something and i squeeze it
into my mouth was it to make a point or is this something that you've done i didn't do it i said i
i would eat it because i'm saying i like i like the fucking i like sauce i like that go grab a
sock go grab a sock i can't grab a a sock. My socks were all in the wash.
That's peculiar.
I ate sauce out of a sock and now it's in the wash.
I had a Caesar salad.
With a sock.
In a side of socks.
I had a tube filled with lube.
And I ate it out of a sock.
So you ate the tube out of a tube sock?
Not a tube sock, a tube.
What?
You know how paper towel rolls come in these, what are those cylinders called?
Tubes.
Yeah, tube.
So that's what I had.
I had bleach and I had honey mustard and i think i'm starting to faint
you're gonna die it's not faint that's death my insides burn you're fading away
pixel by pixel
tunnel vision go amir go to the light it's beautiful there's no corona here i had a bounty
i had a bounty i had a shaman
are you kidding me it's the rule of threes it felt like you were about to say another
fucking paper towel how else are we supposed to land a show with
you're gonna believe this right it's not gonna happen all of that bleep bleep cut out not use
dangerous to record you've gotta stop doing it ferris this one we're live streaming you know what i mean yeah but actually yes yes you're you're like a little
brother you know what pisses us off yeah all right get it you just twist the dagger don't you here we
go new game alert new game alert all right let me get a new game let me get that new game uh
fucking here we go one time he said here we go so many times and you haven't been able to get the audio.
Here we go one time.
No thoughts.
Here we go.
I already said one time a couple times. This cue is way too long.
It's very Comedy Bang Bang-esque music cue.
Oh my god.
In that it keeps going.
He gave up on his own bit.
He's laughing too hard to pretend
to play instruments.
He's moved on to
a new instrument. He's getting
tired. He has to be getting tired.
Now he's
playing the bass. The bass is high.
I mean again
I don't know why we're not recording the zoom call
yeah this is
it's such a visual medium
he just keeps on doing
he keeps on
miming instruments
playing the piano
I think the rest of the show
has to happen with this music
why did my comitee teach him loopback this shouldn't have happened it's not good this is
how is your guys this week so far it's been it feels later than a wednesday i was saying that
it feels like it's almost like a Thursday or Friday because we crammed
a lot into these three days.
Oh my god, you're so out of breath.
We all live in California and New York
respectively, right? It's kind of two and two.
Kind of. It is exactly two and two.
Alright, now here we go.
Gonna share my screen. Boom!
California income tax
calculator. Amir, how much did you make in 2019
I don't feel comfortable sharing that information
well you guys it's what $5 a month on your
Patreon you have like
what $4,900 $5,000 let's just say
$5,000 for the sake of argument you cannot use this
you cannot ask this
you cannot keep any of this in
it's private information you test the boundaries
you blew past a boundary
I should say we haven't confirmed
any of these figures.
You're making it up.
We haven't said anything.
Don't talk about how much money we make.
This is unbelievable.
Yes, it's unbelievable.
It is unbelievable.
It's crazy.
It's uncomfortable.
How is it uncomfortable?
This podcast should be...
How is it uncomfortable?
You're exposing private financial information
about us. You just said
you didn't confirm any of it. Nobody listens
to the show that cares.
I would say the opposite.
I feel like the people that listen to the show
care the most. Okay. Then it's good content.
Sort of a catch-22 in a way.
Also, I feel like we've said
multiple times throughout this recording
that things are making us uncomfortable.
But the one thing that we all wanted to know about, which was the story that you started telling, you refused to finish.
And it was such an innocuous thing.
We'll get to the story.
I promise we'll get to the story.
Very end.
We're basically through the story.
Just finish it.
Every time we do this show, I'm left ending it alone.
Now I've got you guys on the hook.
Line and sinker
You gotta stay
You gotta stay
Until I fucking finish the story
That's the weirdest voice you've ever done
Every time we do the show
Every time we do the show
You're accusing me in the south
What's that?
Sorry I was just saying
You sounded like a prosecutor
From Alabama or something
Don't fucking grind the show to a halt.
All right.
I also fully had no idea what you said.
I thought it was an inside joke.
I didn't understand.
Atticus Finch style.
Yeah, exactly.
Is that the last show that you saw on Broadway, Amir?
What's that?
Sorry, Jeff was saying he's exhausted.
And Marika was asking me what my last Broadway show was.
That's a fun question.
Last Broadway show.
You don't have to admit to being exhausted
physically and mentally on the podcast.
Ask us questions, start conversations.
What's the last Broadway show we saw?
That's really interesting.
By the way, of course you're tired
because you danced, you mind played instruments
for like two minutes and you told us up top that you had a
migraine. You should, you're over-exerting
yourself. It's splitting pain at the
back of my neck and I'm the one who has to do
all the pre-writing for this shit. I have like five more
segments to get through. Five more segments. Five more?
We're at the 40 minute mark.
What was the last Broadway show
that you saw?
Hadestown, I think.
Approvingly?
Yeah, I think it was a recommendation from Maria.
I recommended it with the caveat
that it's not my favorite, but it's good.
It was very Broadway.
That's an interesting take.
I would say it's not traditional Broadway,
but it's popular Broadway.
I guess the singing and dancing were very impressive.
What are you doing, Jeffrey? He made his hair look like Criss Angel or something. But it was popular Broadway. Yeah, singing and dancing were very impressive.
What are you doing, Jeffrey?
He made his hair look like Criss Angel or something.
He's being a little scene boy.
Amir, wow us.
No.
Every week I have to come up with every fucking segment.
I don't know how I got tasked with this shit.
But why don't you do any better?
Because Amir's been on every episode.
Amir's left every episode before he ended it.
Because he sometimes gets pissed off by me in some way. I don't know. Maybe I rubbed him the wrong way. It's exactly on every episode. Amir's left every episode before he ended it because he sometimes gets pissed off by me in some way.
I don't know. Maybe I rub him the wrong way.
It's exactly what it is. I'm fed up usually.
After half an hour, you rub me the wrong way.
You come up. You try to be better than me. You were yelling at me, asking me
how much money I made, and then you
started guesstimating on the
fucking air about how much money I make,
how much money I have to pay in taxes.
You were trying to expose me or something like that. Of course that I don't want the fucking air about how much money i make how much money i have to pay in taxes you you were
trying to expose me or something like that of course that i don't want to be around you and
now you look like a fucking 16 year old on myspace pretending to be dr evil you're a bad guy you have
no redeemable qualities one segment just one segment i would say we were in the middle of a
conversation that could be continued i I'm sorry to interrupt.
Jake, your last Broadway show?
I wasn't even part.
They were having the conversation.
You're asking me to interject now.
No, I'm saying like, let's everybody kind of.
Marika, your last Broadway show?
You didn't even hear my answer.
I do want to hear Jake's answer.
I don't know it.
I think it was Hamilton, probably.
A solid one.
A while ago, though.
It was a while ago.
I haven't been to a Broadway show in a very long time.
How does a bastard whore's son, son of an orphan, dropped in the middle of a forgotten Scotland and then make it to the United States?
Forgot why poverty and squalor.
poverty and squalor the five dollar
founding father without a mother
had a lot
longer had a lot farther to
jump the last hurdle
than he got over
turtle cause he fell on a
terrapin and broke his own
fibula Alexander
Ham
Alexander Ham
and there's a trillion things I have
done but just
you wait just
you wait
they all left progressively as I went along
singing that
you've gotta be fucking kidding me. They didn't get to
hear the end of the story.
I had one more segment
I wanted to do, but I guess I'll just have to do it
myself.
Kind of just did a warm-up for it.
Have you guys ever heard
the Beatles song Rocky Raccoon?
Because it's basically,
it's a classic, first of all, from the White Album.
I think it was
a Paul song, maybe a Georgeorge song it doesn't it doesn't matter but um there's a version of it
by scary pockets the funk band out of los angeles my friend ret madison sings with them occasionally
uh they're very fun they're like they're like new wave wolf pack so here's rocky raccoon by scary pockets featuring george crikey's
and then i'm gonna try and like just go off the top i'm gonna sing about this podcast i just
started the head gum podcast early in may of this year there is no one who stays on the show until it's just me and you guys.
I got cheated on by my own fiancé.
I deluded myself into thinking that my fian was Beyonce I deserve a
raise at HeadGum
because of all the work I put
in
to this podcast
I think every
one agrees that I should
make
as much
or more
than Jake and
Amir Hurwitz.
Thank you guys so much for listening.
We'll catch you guys next week.
I appreciate it, every one of you
guys. And, uh,
hopefully next week I'll come up
with a better ploy to get everybody to stay until the
end the head gum podcast is better than if i were you and review, review, review. It's better than dead eyes.
It's better than why won't you date me?
The HeadGum Podcast has more listeners than Conan O'Brien needs a friend.
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