The Headgum Podcast - 105: Rubbing Ebbles

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

Amir, Marika, and the Voice of God (aka a camera-less Casey) join Geoff to discuss hanging out with celebrities, the worst sauce in the English language, and suing Headgum. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Delta Airlines flight 2998 bound for Atlanta, Georgia, with continued service to Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. All carry-on items should now be stowed securely, either in an overhead bin or under the seat in front of you. All aisles, exits, and bulkhead areas should now be clear. All electronic devices should now be turned off and stowed, as they may interfere with the aircraft's navigational and communication systems.

Once again, welcome aboard Delta Flight 2928 to Atlanta, and thank you for flying Delta. All aboard Delta Flight me. I have COVID. what do you mean oh wait no he's fucking serious because he's wearing a robe i don't know what the sunglasses are for i can't tell what any of this is or what's happening are you going to dallas what is the point of you lying sideways across the road. Because I'm tired. I'm fatigued. I have congestion out the wazoo. I can barely breathe through either of my nostrils.

So that causes me to have a sore throat. Dude, I don't know what's more believable. You on a plane to Dallas or having the Delta variant in sunglasses. Jesus Christ. Showing my COVID test results as we speak. the Delta variant in sunglasses. Jesus Christ. Showing my COVID test results as we speak. So you got COVID and you're like, let's record and let me get some ambient Delta noises.

Sure. We should say you're vaccinated for sure. Yeah, this is a breakthrough case, which is what's scary about it. And honestly, it has me questioning the efficacy of these vaccines. I wouldn't. Don't go there. Don't ever cross me. What's that? Don't ever cross me.

What's that? Don't ever cross me. Because if you cross me, then you'll have a cross to bear, which is also me. I'll be on your back like the wood was on Christ. Okay, Fine. I'll make your life a living shell of its former self. Your house will be haunted. Your clothes will be threadbare.

Do I make myself clear? Yeah. It's good to be back. Yes. Yes. It's good to be back. Yes. Yes, it's good to be back in the studio. I feel like there's no point in me being here already. The energy's great. The energy's hot.

What's that? It's tough to be the third person who's not in the Zoom slash room. Well, it's hard to be a third because you never know, especially if we start arguing, she feels like, oh, she shouldn't be here, but how much of it is her responsibility? And honestly, none of it. Because we're making the decision to bring Marika in.

I see. You know what I mean? If we were a family, would you say, like, we're three siblings? Am I, like, the uncle and then you two are sort of brother and sister? Like, what's the dynamic? You're our dad, for sure. Interesting. I think racially, she and I would be brother and sister and you'd be the uncle.

Yeah, and I sort of married you'd be the uncle. Yeah. And I sort of married into a wacky fam. Yeah. Oh, no. I think you're too. You didn't marry into a wacky family because you yourself are too wacky. I see. So I had children and you're the children or you're like.

Yeah, I think you're a dad. Oh, wow. That's very related. Okay. And you had children. But then I fear to think what the mom could be that create you and Jeffrey at the same damn time. I think we like have adapted too much of your personality.

I see. So I have to have been in the picture. Being around you too often and that's why I think you had to have grown with me and to grown with me are you not hearing me? I can hear you

I just don't want to I don't like that you say things so I'm trying to like power through and focus on Marika this isn't how I wanted this to go already I think that's a good

family dynamic family yeah let's a good family dynamic. Family, yeah. Let's talk about family for a second. Do family... I feel like family, the whole thing with family, is that they have each other's backs. And hasn't always been the case. Yeah.

Well, you're of adult age, so at a certain point you sort of have to stand up for yourself. Right, and I did, and that's why we're here. Marika, I don't know if you know this, but they actually did performance reviews of you specifically last, I think it was June? When? I think it was last summer.

And I didn't have your back either, so payback, I guess. There's no way you submitted a performance review of me I said she doesn't always make things the way I would have her make things in my head this podcast is pretty much the only example you don't bring to the table the energy that I ideally would

like to have to feel to see what energy do you think I should have are you hearing this yeah it sounds fine you're the one i'm asking for constructive criticism i don't know i something some kind of pizzazz some kind of uh you know where people don't understand sorry are you in therapy? this feels right a little bit it doesn't feel good at all it actually does feel nice

you don't even look comfortable because I'm not yet then get comfortable taking my shoes off ew you have the worst ankles I've ever seen and that's coming from me. You do have skankles.

Skinny ankles. Yeah. I'm thankful for my thankles. This is nice, actually. We've got producer Casey here as well. Casey, what are your ankles like? Regular, regular style ankles. That's what you want.

Yeah. You don't want thankles. You don't want cankles. I think mine are pretty regular. Yours are fine. Yeah, yours are fine. Marika, let's see your ankles. Oh, you don't have to show your feet.

No, it's fine. Definitely not. I'm barefoot. I will say the problem with my ankles, a recent problem is that I got a bunch of bug bites kind of like in a row on my ankles. And so now I've got some scars to deal with, but otherwise they're normal. He gotcha.

Yeah, I guess. I mean, I guess you guys, you guys have like kind of similar socks, but truly the angle that I'm seeing Jeff's feet, it's like his is half the size of Amir's. We do have the inverse socks.

So thin. Imagine an ankle so thin it can hardly, and you're also more barrel chested, so you're very like, do you find yourself off balance of course but like that has to that has to weigh into the calculus

of how you move around because you're sort of so top heavy you know how there was like a meme for a while during the

the height of the Avengers movies that Chris Evans body was shaped like a Dorito Jeff was like a Dorito on a stick. I'm a Y.

He's a cake pop. Cake pop's more accurate. Not a K-pop, but a cake pop. Yeah. Very good. Have you ever sprained your ankle, Jeff? That was easy. I've never sprained my ankle. I've never sprained my ankle.

I've never sprained my fankle. I've never broken a bone or been thrown one. What I have done is torn my pectoral muscle. Oh, wow. That sounds very painful. Awful. How? Climbing.

Oh, my God. Put me out of commission, not only in the gym, but also sexually for the better part of 18 months. Yeah, I bet it probably healed faster than that. I was involuntarily celibate for those months and afterwards. I think there must have been

a level of voluntary. I'm a vol-cel. Voluntarily celibate. I had an Instagram bio pitch that I wanted to get your guys' thoughts on. Born to be a drunkle. No. Drunkle is another one of your crutches. What?

I'm trying to help you. Born to be drunkle. That I like. You like that? Yeah, because it's sort of like a song parody. Born to be drunkle is better than born to be a drunkle. Let's talk about sex, baby. No, let's talk. Oh my god.

That's not it. Self-adventure. There's no song, Casey. There's no jingle. There's no parody. My pick is Jetty Osmond. Why? What do you mean why? He's a Turkish basketball player. He's unbelievably handsome.

His jaw could cut not only glass, but also tension. I see. It would be cool to have an athlete Bond. What about Tom Cruise? Because he's sort of a cool Mission Impossible guy. He can transition into Bond as he grays. What about Michel Impossible? So it's about a restaurant being like,

honestly, we're not that far off casey loved it i did like that i did like that one michelin possible that's actually pretty good that's better than born to be a drunkle michelin possible uh marika who's your bond of the fucking week sorry for my i don't mean to cuss um hmm yeah i guess i wasn't prepared i am wearing a mads mickelson shirt though for all the casino royale fans out there yeah he's the villain um so not he can't be bond um can he a full transition i don't know i mean he i think he dies i don't remember but you can't say spoiler alert for every bond movie just because you don't know because and also the bad guy dying is not a spoiler. I love James Bond. I've seen all of them.

Why? What? When I have hobbies, you guys tear them down. When I have a lack of cultural knowledge, you also tear me down. So I might as well just do nothing, right? So what I do is I follow my heart, cheese style. Are you Mads, bro? And then it's a picture of Mads Mikkelsen.

He's ignoring me today. Is that your t-shirt? This shirt's from Super Yaki, by the way. bro and then it's a picture of mads mickelson he's ignoring me is that your t-shirt this shirt this shirt's from super yaki by the way and they have a lot of they have a lot of good mads shirts right now i got a shirt marika that you would actually like i should have worn it today uh it's a prank sinatra shirt uh so it's uh lamorne morris from as winston and new girl but doing like the Frank Sinatra mugshot and it just says Frank Sinatra

that's fun I do like that I guess my bond of the week is I just saw a picture of Ryan Gosling so I'm going to go Ryan Gosling damn Daniel I said Tom Cruise Tom Cruise Casey Tom Cruise.

Casey, who's your Bond of the Week? He's looking it up. Sorry, hold on. I'm texting. Holy shit, he's texting Pierce Brosnan. He wants to get his insight. He's part of the committee. How about Timothy Chalamet, and it could be like a young James Bond?

That wouldn't be bad. It could be like young Sheldon, but young James. No, fuck young Sheldon. Fuck young Sheldon. That's my stance. Marika's a huge Big Bang stan, and she thinks that it's not canon to have young Sheldon also there. She's a Bing Bang.

No, I want it on record that that kid was like a big theater, is still a big theater influencer and one time I saw him tap dancing on the sidewalk and that just ruins tap shoes so I have a vendetta against him. You have a vendetta against a 12 year old

because he was doing what he likes on the sidewalk? Yeah. And now you hate the entire show. Yeah. Thousands of people work on it. They're fine. It's just this kid. Union workers, woodworkers.

They're all great. They're all great. I don't have to like not like a show and not like everyone that works on it, right? They started throwing an entire... like a show and not like everyone that works on it right don't throw me under the bus saying I don't like union workers I don't have to not like everyone on a show to not like the show yeah it computes

she just doesn't like the titular actors no like the titular young Sheldon yeah sorry we haven't had a major key alert in a minute um i don't have anything but let's see what we come up with as this plays major key alert don't forget to bond with those speaking of bond with those closest to you you have to make time for people that you maybe feel like you can put on the back burner like

I would say that Amir is one of my closest friends in the world why? but we haven't hung out in a while we never hang out

and I feel like you went on a trip with him yeah but I was like a group I was a company hang it wasn't a

we never hang out I would have loved to be wherever you and Avital were on that roof what? on the roof? we posted a photo of you guys on the roof. I would have loved to be wherever you and Avital were on that roof. What? Hosted a photo of you guys on a roof.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was one of her friends' graduation parties. You would obviously not be in with her. 22-year-old? No, it wasn't a college graduation. Asshole. Don't look at me like that what do you want me to say

will you talk to your brother he's obviously acting out he's hangry cranky or both what's cranky it's cranky and hangry that's redundant yeah

let's talk about dating in LA and hangry. That's redundant. Yeah. Let's talk about dating in L.A. for a second. You always talk about dating in L.A. None of us are dating in L.A. We're in the wax period, all right?

I have a long segment planned after this, but you know what? I'd like to talk about Casey's dating life. Fine. Casey, as much as you're comfortable sharing it,

what is dating in L.A. like for you? I went on a date like three months ago. There you have it. So you're in a relationship. Let's call her now and let her know. Let's call her now slash daddy. You didn't hit it off? No, we didn't hit it off

no we didn't hit it off was she rich famous what private questions layered on top of private questions the only reason to date in Los Angeles

is to social climb and I'm very open and honest about that because why else would I not be single? Why else would I not be able to do exactly what I want, when I want, how I want, and where I want? Why else would you not be single? Yeah. Do you mean you are single? I am single. So why else would you not be? No, I'm saying why would I want to not be single unless it was just basically climb up the ladder? Like I want to rub elbows with like, I don't know, fucking Maisie Peters.

Rub ebbles. Not a typo. I actually do want to rub my elbows. That's elbow pebbles. My fruity pebbles. So I'll hang out with famous people, right? And they'll like sort of make me plank on pebbles. Yeah. And then when I stand up, there's still pebbles on my elbows.

And I'll be like Mr. Kiri please sir no way Joe Kiri hangs out with you Joe a different Kiri a Kiri Kurosawa they'll make me plank on pebbles

and when I get up there's still pebbles on my elbows what a specific feeling to justify your pebbles that was easy that was easy

yeah what about you? You're not even married. You're just dating. So? You're just seeing each other. You're like going steady. No, we live together.

What do you mean I'm not even married as if it's like that's the bar? If you're in the hospital, she can't be in the room with you. Yeah, I'm sure she can. I'm allowed one visitor. It doesn't matter if our marital status, I don't think. Okay, but if she had the choice to pull the plug, which obviously she would want, she can't make that choice. You're saying if I'm on life support and I'm in a coma? If you're in hospice, she can't make the call.

What, like if something terrible happened to me? Or like when I'm like 94 years old or something? As an old man? Will you still feed me when I'm 42? I'm almost 42. When do you think your most attractive era will be physically? Because a lot of people were saying on the HeadGum, first of all, HeadGum sketches are back.

YouTube.com slash HeadGum. If you're watching this video, you can also click on this channel. People were saying that you look great. Oh, really? I didn't see any of those comments. Yeah. I saw some that said we look older. I didn't see anyone that said

anyone specifically looked great. There were some compliments about Riley's jumpsuit, I should say. Yeah. I feel like, but you know, you specifically, I think, latch on to like minor criticisms instead of like seeing the praise

that's maybe on the table. No, I pretty much search for praise with a fine toothtooth comb and i didn't find any is this on tiktok or youtube you saw this is gonna be on youtube or something okay i'll go back and look at that i think my peak attractiveness was my mid-30s like when i was 35 to 37 when When? Like in our old office. Like pre-LASIK, post moving to LA. So do you regret LASIK? I don't regret LASIK because it's much more convenient. But I think I looked more handsome with glasses.

But I like not needing them. Like I can always just put on fake glasses. Yeah. Which I did in our video. It's true. Yeah. I think you're peaking. Wow, thank you.

I needed to hear that. And if you can find that YouTube comment, please send it to me. All right. Casey, when was or is going to be your peak attractiveness? Or is it now, do you feel? I've only known you for like three months, so I can't weigh in. When were you high-key the zaddiest? I was probably high-key zaddy 2017. Oh, wow. Similar to me, I guess, four or five years ago. Yeah, but then, you know, I feel like, you know, COVID has taken a toll. I'm trying to get back to my zaddy days.

Yeah. I think you're zaddy now. It's admirable. Wow, thanks. Marika, same question, right? I have low self-esteem. So I don't think I've hit my peak yet. That's really good.

It's optimistic. That's actually high self-esteem if you think about it. Best is yet to come style. No, because I just don't. I think badly of myself at current and past moments. Wow. When I made that call for people

to sort of bed and or wed you on this show like a couple months ago, there were a lot of people that were like, I want to... I'm sorry, but fuck Marika. Jesus Christ. I think they just said, fuck Marika,

like they were angry at her. Yeah, that's what I read. I just read the said, fuck Marika, like they were angry at her. That's what I read. I just read the last two words of the sentence. There were like two people that had an elaborate date planned for you. Oh, that could be exciting. Marika, would you ever date a HeadGum podcast fan? I feel like I would have to depend on the person. And I'd also just be always slightly concerned.

Right. Like, would you say that's a... About why they listen to it. Or I should say, is it a check for or against if someone's like, I'm a huge HeadGum Podcast fan? I think it's pretty neutral. I don't think it's like a deciding factor. That's worse than negative. Because it's like, it's the thing of, hey man, what's your problem with me?

You don't like me? I don't think about you. Yeah, I don't think about you at all, right? What do you mean? You'd rather someone have a strong opinion against than no opinion. I'd rather Marika be turned off by the fact that they listen to the show rather than be like, it doesn't affect it at all. Yeah. It should at least affect the decision i don't think it should i well i i guess the the thing about it is like so

many of us internally as a company listen to it because it's like hearing what each other have to say so i feel like in that way there's like some level of like, it's okay too, but also I would probably like not if I didn't work here. But do you listen to the episodes you're not on? Sometimes, yeah. I've fallen behind.

I think we should do like a revolving door of like a sexual deep dive of everyone at the company I don't think so that's probably illegal and I shouldn't be on the episodes when that happens you know exit interviews? well this is a Brexit interview what are your thoughts on the whole situation over there we can talk about it

I recognize that on it's face it seems like an HR violation but I don't know what's your answer to the question? Do you think you've peaked, you haven't peaked yet, or you had a heyday and it's already over? I had a heyday in 2017. Really?

But right now I'm in the best shape I've been in since high school. Oh. And. Is that why you posted a topless photo of yourself to Instagram? Sort of a low-key thirst trap. You put in the time and key thirst trap you gotta do something with it but

I think I think I'm about to enter a stage of peaking really and I hope that I can hang on to it because

oh my god peaking is fleeting and you know no one's ever happy so major key alert I'm sorry

major key alert I said major key alert it actually is kind of hard to hear. Peeking is fleeting. Peeking is fleeting and vice versa. And fleeking is peeting. We do have to take a quick break. But before we do that, I'd like to mention that I ran into Phineas the other day.

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And we're back. Welcome to a segment that I like to call vague 73 questions. Sorry, who did you run into? Phineas O'Connor. Billy Eilish's brother? Did you hit it off? We didn't talk. So you didn't run into him.

We brushed ebbles. Nice. All right, here we go. You guys know Vogue's 73 Questions videos? Yeah. Well, this is vague 73 Questions. Wait, I think I'm going to sit up. I think you should keep sliding down until you're off the couch.

The problem is I can't really. Oh, this is actually more comfortable. But how is this for the framing, though, Casey? Can you still see me? Yeah, I can see you. Turn the mic towards your mouth. This is actually one of the more interesting shots I've seen in the studio. Whoa.

Okay. So Vogue 73 questions. They ask pretty basic questions, but it's just high-powered celebrities, so people find it interesting. This is going to be, because none of us are high-powered celebrities, they're just going to be a little bit vaguer. Yeah. Let her do here. Here we go. I am verified i am verified on you're not high powered no i guess not you can be famous without having possessing any power thanks because

even in terms of like podcast content creation especially katie making the calls appreciated it needed to hear it especially today it wasn't nice we were being mean um what's your the favorite sorry what's the movie you watch when you're feeling sad or happy are we all this movie are we all we'll go marika casey amir okay uh movie i watch when I'm feeling sad or happy is probably Starter for Ten. I knew it would be a movie I've never fucking heard of. What is that? You're supposed to be relaxed. You're laying on the couch.

This is a movie about quiz shows in England and going to college. It's good. Benedict Cumberbatch, James McAvoy, Alice Eve, Dominic Cooper, James Corden, Rebecca Hall, all in it. It's a great time. All not in it. Donahue?

You're a film buff. Yeah. You know, I'd probably say The quick and the dead sam ramey wow uh i just just getting over covid and i watched a bunch of my favorite you know you know when you're sick you watch movies that you like yeah and that was one of the ones where i was like it's time to watch the quick and the dead i was in a play in my freshman year of high school with Sam Raimi's niece. Raimi, Raimi. So how sick is that?

Is her last name Raimi? No. Who cares? Who cares? Fine. I'm here. Favorite movie. It doesn't matter.

White Men Can't Jump. All right. What about favorite news in the last five years? Let's do some some quick answers because we do have 72. Favorite news in the last five years.

Yes. The vaccine was pretty cool when they released that. That was exciting. The vaccine was cool. I thought when Trump got COVID everyone was having a real good time. Vaccine was cool. I thought when Trump got COVID, everyone was having a real good time.

I changed my answer. It's when Trump got COVID for sure. Would have been nice to see him perish. Steve or otherwise. Favorite Marvel? Sorry? Favorite Marvel?

Marble? Favorite Marvel? Favorite Marvel? Oh, I thought you said marble. Favorite ebble? Let's skip that one. Forget it. Iron Man. Far from home. Iron Man. Nice.

Amir? Wait, what'd you say? She said Iron Man. No, but I thought you were going to change the question. I don't like the marble. Favorite Marvel slash marble? There's this marble I have that was pretty sick growing up. It had this red little, almost like a crack in it,

but it was baked into the DNA of the marble. Why won't you die? I know what you're talking about, Amir. Those are cool. Thank you. Thor Ragnar Marvel Casey I'm blanking on the name what's it called

with the Thor Ragnarok yeah I just said that no you said Thor Ragnar Marvel yeah but that threw me off I couldn't even possibly think of the name after that. All right, what about a book you got? What about a book I got? I have the play Small Engine Repair on my desk right now.

Nice. Casey? Cathedral by Raymond Carver, a collection of short stories. Ooh. I feel like I also have that book, but just haven't read it because I'm dumb. Amir? I've been trying to read one book a month this year. Wow.

That's it. The four I've read so far are The Choice by Edith Eger that's my pick number two was The Honest Book by Miriam Fader also very good number two

was the biggest bluff. We need to be faster with these. In the videos, it's like question, answer, question, answer. You're making a meal out of all of them. The Bob Odenkirk memoir he just wrote was kind of interesting if you're like a comedy fan. It's funny that he wrote an autobiography

just in the middle of his career. That was kind of interesting. And currently reading boomtown though i'm not too deep into it so yeah so far i'll say the choice kind of you know despite being about a holocaust survival story you were like very optimistic did you realize oh i'm gonna grow up to be shit? Or did you think that you'd be awesome? Is this the next vague question, so let's start with Marika?

Or are you asking it as a follow-up? Yeah, I didn't think I was going to grow up to be like shit. This is the next vague 73 question. A class you took in high school that you don't remember taking? So we can't answer this question. You can pass any of i literally i think mine is like uh united like you're not oh my god american history like i just don't remember taking u.s history at all i don't know if i did interesting that's pretty good casey amir

uh i took forensic science but uh oh my god i don't remember any of it i took chemistry but it was senior year so at a certain point it was like a new teacher who was almost our age and he sort of let us just get away with stuff so i didn't really learn or all right we gotta go faster here we go favorite tv show that never was go oh my god uh the show that um chris mints ploss and nicholas braun were supposed to star in uh i think it was called like friend me or something and it never went to air because I think the writer died. He was a writer die.

Let's stop going in order. Just shout out like a quick answer if you have one. My writer die. Ralph, the sequel to Alf, a radio alien life form. I thought that was Rafe. No, you're thinking of Rafe. Also, Ralph. Yeah.

Interesting. On a scale of 1 to 40, how are you feeling about life right now? Ooh. My life or just life on Earth? Your life. my life or just life on earth your life my life is like in the mid 20s but life

on earth probably in the single digits at a certain point 16 for my life single digits for just in general 28 for my life. That's good.

And 3 for everything else. We're all sort of cynical and pessimistic. Favorite iPhone call? Wait, what about you, Jeff? Me? Probably 30. Oh, that's good. Favorite iPhone call?

And what about for in general society? In general society, 5, yeah. Yeah, low. Favorite iPhone call? And what about for in general society? In general society, five, yeah. Yeah, low. Favorite iPhone call? iPhone call? Favorite iPhone call? Is it that you can't hear me or you don't understand? It doesn't make sense.

What is the last word that you said? Call. C-A-L-L. Call me, beat me, if you want to... So like the ringtone? A ringtone? They're vague. You can interpret them

any way you want. Favorite iPhone. I like the one that's like dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. That's pretty good, yeah. That's good, yeah. Thanks.

I think you're peaking, Marika. Like, your audio? Physically? No, just like, I'm sure a lot of people are gonna see you singing that ringtone and find it charming oh it's just thing it's not charming overtly sexual next question next question least social media snapchat okay no that's pretty social you're texting people what's something that like

doesn't even leave your phone newspaper that's really good what about the notes app it starts don't say anything after the list it's not gonna be fun we have to move on when people hit the peak uh who shouldn't everyone know? So you're just going to ignore Marika's question. Again, see, like, these are kind of like, it's a structure to play within, and then it's like whoever has the funniest joke, okay, we end it there and move on.

Okay. Who shouldn't everyone know? You. You. Oh, my savage garden absolutely wrecked him mercy kill do you have an audio thing that goes finish him like from from Mortal Kombat. How did you not get that set up? Finish him.

Oh, nice. You said it so fast. It wasn't even done. I'll say Sam Raimi's... Niece. That's funny. Nice. That's funny.

What food do you hate to not have? Mashed potatoes. Bubbly drinks. Probably french fries. Yeah, I was going to say fries. Fries are good. It's also high up there. Favorite drink to eat?

Milkshake. Bubble tea. There's kind of only one right answer there. No, bubble tea. Oh, bubble tea's good. Yeah. Favorite dessert time thing? So favorite dessert?

No. Well, it could be. If your favorite dessert time thang is the dessert then yeah it could be the dessert but it could also be a digestif it could be maybe you're you know dirty talking with your partner and saying oh like i'm gonna have you for dessert um i've never had sex i'm gonna be sick cookies cookies are good yeah I'm gonna have you for dessert

and now you want us to just say plan after that how can we vanilla or other I'll say vanilla Yeah vanilla Vanilla gets a bad rap Coffee, tea, or wax

That hurt To hear I like coffee. Maybe you disagree. Yeah. I'll go coffee. I like coffee because you got the ice cream component. You can have coffee ice cream.

The green tea ice cream is not it, fam. But what about wax? Wax like candles? Yeah. You know they call unopened card boxes and cases wax? Kind of a cool term. Not really. Stop reading.

If you had an unopened box of 1986 Fleer basketball cards, that's considered wax, and it's probably several hundred thousand dollars. I feel like I should put time and a half for the exact time code of everything you've said on this episode. Because it's been utter nonsense and a waste of not only Casey's time and Marika's time, whose time is much more valuable than mine, but also mine. And mine doesn't get wasted ever. Much more valuable than mine, but also mine. And mine doesn't get wasted ever. I'll say coffee as well, I think.

What's the hardest part about others not being you? Disagreeing with their opinion. Yeah, I'll go with that. Yeah. What's your favorite band's favorite house Beverly Hills that's where they want to live

because my favorite band is Weezer that's them talking about a house yeah probably whatever house they're performing in at the moment. House of the Rising Sun, that's my guess.

That's good. Nice. What band is that? Creedence. There is a house in New Orleans. Is that Creedence Clearwater Revival? Is it? No, it's Cream.

Casey, do you know the band? Yeah, I think it's either Credence. I keep thinking The Doors. The Doors I was going to say too. It's not The Doors. But it's funny because The Doors is but a house. So it's like it should be. Yeah, it should be.

Favorite house's favorite band. That one doesn't make sense. Song or long? Is that related or a new question? That's a new question. Song. Song. Yeah, song. Did you look up who's singing that song who are you asking anybody really oh it's a song by the animals well i would not have guessed that

i guess one hit wonder probably not unless somebody covered it um interesting very interesting uh here we go Unless somebody covered it. Interesting. Very interesting. Here we go. If you could sing a duet with Eric von Stroheim, why wouldn't you? Because I don't know who that is. He was the director.

That was my answer yeah you asked why wouldn't you and we answered I'm just gonna keep powering through because we're only at 22 answer if you want don't answer if you don't we've gone through all how many

73 yes 51 more let's not hold him up if you could master don't answer if you don't. We've gone through all how many? 73? Yes. You have 51 more. Let's not hold him up. If you could master one instrument, where would it be? There's no way you have 50 more of these. If you had no tattoos, when would that happen? Now.

Okay. To be or not to be or not to be? To be or not to be or not to be? To be or not to be. Dogs or rats? Dogs. Dogs. Bird watching and whale watching or nah? Nah.

You have to do both. Okay. I would bird watch. Best gift you've never received? Amir's answer is going to be love Unconditionally I was going to say that too Best gift you've never given

McDonald's happy meal Nice Last thing you stole or a friend A friend My friend Jesse what's your favorite game when you're busy Wordle

that's really good that's a good answer what's your favorite place to visit on a whim slash avails what's your favorite place to visit on avails yeah so like you're waiting to hear back about like an enterprise commercial what's your favorite place to visit on avails? Yeah, so you're waiting to hear back about an Enterprise commercial,

and you're jetting off to Vancouver. Okay. And that's your favorite place to visit on avails? Or on a whim. It could be either or and or. I can't believe you have 46 more of these. Manhattan. Manhattan's cool.

Yeah. What country do you wish never even happened? Oh my God. Probably the USSR. What's your favorite color for a day? Blue. Purple. Green.

Shoes, shirts, or other? Shoes. Shirts. Beach party or impassioned argument? Beach. Beach. Jogging or aerobic exercise? You already asked that one a few weeks ago, right?

Aerobic exercise. Road trip, of course. That's not a good question. That one's a yes or no. Yes. Best way to release tension between two former sworn enemies? Group massage. If you had no superpowers,

what would be different? Nothing. What's the weirdest sauce in the English language? Are these riddles? Chimichurri. In a way, in a way. Chimichurri is good. I say Worcestershire.

What's your favorite flower power? The ability to pollinate without any human interaction blossom how was the last time you sighed good it's good do you like your woodworking do you really have 73 of these? Yes. When did you write them and how long did it take? Oh my god. Like 30 minutes.

It's just stream of consciousness. Do you cock? Sometimes. Do you LK? Never have. What's your least favorite thing about yourself or not? Not. Yeah.

Everything. What's your favorite thing about yourself? Lie. I like that I'm not addicted to my phone anymore. Yeah. Are you not or are you lying? He's for sure lying. On my phone.

Who slash why do you miss most slash jost? Sorry, guys. I think I'm going to try to strangle him. Sorry. What are you listening to right now in this room bullshit nice favorite Snell

Tony Hitchcock that's what I was looking for why was the last time you spoke to someone on the phone to get a prescription refilled. You're even bored. The host yawning is a very, you never see that on TV. It must happen, right?

Like James Corden has to like just be tired one day. Oh, 100%. But like you never see a basketball player yawning or a host yawning or like a guest yawning. Newscaster. What is that? I slept two and a half hours last night. Where was the last person? Sorry.

When did you go to bed? What's that? When did you go to sleep? I went to sleep at four. And you woke up at 630? I woke up at five. Why? To take my friend to the airport and then she missed her flight okay so i turned back around but then she was like no they got me on a later flight in two hours so then i turned back around and then i hit

rush hour traffic so i didn't get home until eight and then i slept another two hours so you wait you dropped her off and then she's like, actually I have a flight in two hours, come back to get me? She missed her flight because of my being late to pick her up. Of course.

So then you drove back with her away from the airport? I drove her to the airport. Correct. Roughly 15 minutes late. Okay.

She misses her flight, the doors closed four minutes before she got to her gate. When was her flight? 6.27. Got it. And she got there her gate when was her flight uh 6 27 got it and she got there like around 6 15 too late yeah uh and so you leave the airport with her what's that you leave the airport with her i left after she went inside right and so i'm going back

home yep trying to go get some sleep it's like 7 30 this is this at this point it's 6 10 okay and then it's like starting to get light? She's like, I might miss my flight. Okay. And I'm like, okay, well, I'll obviously come get you if so. Oh. I just wanted to point out that I yawned. Where was the last person you sent a text to?

I think it was Marika in her apartment. Yeah, you somewhere. I don't know. A sport you wish you could read. Like, you know how LeBron sort of surveys the court? He knows everything that's happening. I guess golf. I'm intrigued about

golf after playing Topgolf. Yeah, we did play Topgolf in the retreat in Arizona. That was very fun. A hairstyle you know you could pull off, but can't... Sorry. A hairy style you know you can pull off. A hairstyle you know you can pull off,

but could. Is Harry Styles his real name? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Fucking awesome. He's the coolest guy in the world. Color.

Did you see the video of him filming a music video in people's house from the late show? It's really funny. I think Ian Carmel probably wrote it. Oh, yeah. It's really good. Sunglasses at night or other. Other. Other.

Other. Happy endings. The show slash crime who the show favorite season within winter the end of winter i almost said cuffing season three people living or dead that you would like to dismiss? Banish Mark Paul Gosselaar. Why or why not? Why not?

I would not. He's a very talented guy. Life is a highway or train station mishaps? How do you know Mark Paul Gosselaar? Because Saved by the Bell was before you were born, right? I know Screech. Interesting. How were you born?

He recently passed away, right? What's that? He recently passed away. He's gone, yeah. He's dead? Yeah, Dustin Diamond. I'm pretty sure Gosselaar's gone. No, Gosselaar's alive.

Dustin Diamond died. Yeah, he wasn't Screech. He was Zach Morris. I never saw Saved by the Bell. How were you born and who? I think we got a pass on that. I don't know. What's the closest you've been from home?

The yard? Yeah, probably right outside the door or in the door frame. Sweet cakes or savory buns? Savory buns. Ooh. Ooh. How many more of these are there? There's 10.

Okay. Pretty good. Lipstick or oath keeping? Oath keeping. Oathkeeping. Oathkeeping. Yeah, I don't like lipstick. What book of the Bible have you read over and over and over and over? Revelations.

Really? This is a revelation to me. Exodus, because you read it during Passover. Movement of the people. Not sure. What favorite bedtime story as an adult? I've been trying to read a book a month this year.

I've already said that. What would be the title of your memoir? Failure? No. Mine would be like Avoiding a Real Job. The Amir Blumenthal. no no mine would be like avoiding a real job the Amir Blumenfeld whatever yeah

who would play you in a movie don't choose someone hot let's all choose for somebody else because you never truly know what you look like so for Jeff

I would choose Ben Kingsley how dope is that I think he's gone right he's for sure alive but Ben Kingsley how dope is that I think he's gone he's for sure alive well we need someone with the waifish ankles of a man who's passed

and who can do brownface and get away with it if necessary slash ad nauseum Casey who's a Casey like slash looky likey slash ad nauseum. Casey. Who's a Casey-like slash looky-likey? Casey, do you consider yourself a redhead?

Yes. I think Rupert Grint. Are you just saying that because he has red hair? What about that Gleason kid? Oh, no. Damien. What's his name? Damien, not Chazelle.

That's the director. From Homeland. Damien not Chazelle that's the director from Homeland Damien Jones Lewis that's good and now for casting Marika

how do we possibly start slash end who's a Marika like maybe Zoe Kravitz mmm do we possibly start slash end? Who's a Marika like? Maybe Zoe Kravitz. It's pretty good. It's flattering. I'll take it. And lastly Your kind of

One second. Let Zoe talk. Her name would still be Marika in the movie. I mean, I think you do look like Christopher Floss. Not to bring it back. I met him once. Yeah, he sent me a photo of you guys next to each other. Nice guy, but Celtics fan, so I have to hold that against him.

Is he from Boston? Yeah, I think so. Least favorite animal that you guys think we should all eat? I don't think there's one. I think we should eat more roosters, because all chicken sex is non-consensual. That's why I don't feel bad getting... Eggs. Eggs.

Dregs. Legs. Okay, this is a good one. Why would you ever write a movie? First good one. What was it? Why would you ever write a movie? Is that just for Amir?

Because everyone else makes sense. Oh, this is good. What's the reason for you to have a platform? To help other people. If people do what you say. Of course. The premise isn't there. There. If people do what you say. Of course. The premise isn't there. There.

If people do what you say, why would the world be any different? People do what you say. If everyone had to do what I say, I mean, right off the bat, certain laws would change and things would be different. What laws would you change?

I'm genuinely curious. I would get rid of certain weapons of mass destruction. Boom. Am I a hero for that? The world's gone. I mean, you tell me. You're not listening to music. What's that?

Oh, sorry. I'm listening to music what's that oh sorry i'm listening to her podcast what drug should everyone have to take to deal with amir i think ecstasy because you kind of really need to be happy to be around him because he will still drag you down to a stasis i think stasis is where you want to be, right? Yes, but if you don't take the ecstasy, he drags you down. To a stasis. No, no. So that's good. Without the drug, he drags you down to depression. Sorry?

I'm a depressant, and you have to take an anti-that. So you need a stimulant. Yeah. Yeah. Desert sunsets or suing head gum? Obviously, the first one is a nice pleasant experience. The second one will

financially ruin me. Well that was vague 73 questions. Thank you guys so much for your in-depth answers and not. Let's do plugs. Casey, what do you have going on? What do you want to point the people

to? The floor is yours. Follow me on Twitter at Casey Donahue. That's it. How was Top Gun? Did you see it on 4DX? No, I just saw IMAX. Was it awesome? I mean, to see those guys fly those planes is really something.

It really is. Is it better than the original Top Gun, a movie I despise? As a movie, the story is like whatever. But you don't go for the story. You're going to see Tom Cruise fly a plane upside down for real. Yeah. He's just like, it does, but you don't go for the story. You're going to see Tom Cruise fly a plane upside down for real. Yeah.

He's fucking insane. He does this shit. Yeah. He's a madman. He's a maniac. Yeah. He's a maverick. Yeah.

Nice. He's a goose. Marika? Follow me on Twitter Instagram and letterboxd at Marika Ilan follow Hedgum

on TikTok yeah we're almost at 10k followers I think we're gonna get there before the end of the month one or two more viral bumps

and I think we should get there yeah and I'm gonna plug get there. Yeah. And I'm going to plug two things. My Twitter, because I'm almost at 10,000. That would make me sort of dateable. And the HeadGum YouTube channel, HeadGum Sketches, back every other week. This comes out this upcoming week from from today this comes out June 3rd

so there's another one coming out June 7th and we just released one on May 24th so go check that out or don't how did people like the snacks one the new one I think it was a hit I think it was unequivocally a hit I didn't see any negative comments about people's appearances or vibes in general

but we're all very young and very funny and better since the pandemic vibes in general. But I'm excited for the next one. We're all very young. Yeah, we're younger. And very funny. And better since the pandemic. The pandemic didn't basically age us at all. Yeah, I don't know. We'll see you guys again next week.

Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the HeadGum Podcast. I guess that's us, folks. Can I ask one last question? Yeah. Just curious if you like the vibe of me laying down versus sitting. Is there something like, should I lean into that? Or is it sort of a one-off?

You guys didn't really appreciate that. Or you thought it sort of added to the energy. Yeah, leave comments below. I personally really liked it. I really wanted to see a mirror on the floor by the end. Yeah. And I posted some screenshots to Slack. A lot of people wanted you on the floor.

So a little disappointing that you went back up. A little bore on the floor style. Okay. And I'm curious to see what the camera picked up. Okay. Let's hear the, what was it? That is, that's a that's a dot

and dots folks say the catchphrase again I'm just gonna end it here and it'll end on like a low energy note because of you Oh. That was a Hidgum Original.