The Headgum Podcast - 110: Graham Mercy
Episode Date: July 8, 2022Amir and Marika join Geoff to discuss recent orgasms, the new Elvis movie, and new name alerts. Plus, they do an Instagram deep dive of Amir, Marika, and Kayla! Advertise on The Headgum Podc...ast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original.
Previously on the HeadGum Podcast.
That's called infrastructure, Amir.
That's called jobs creation.
What's that?
So what?
I don't know, that's all the centrist Democrats are always talking about.
Infrastructure, jobs.
Let's just all do
nonsense and call it a life
that's sort of what you're doing
yes yes I'm a beacon
of the prime example
beacon of nonsense
are you happy
yeah
cause like you are I don't sleep a lot Are you happy? Yeah.
You are?
I don't sleep a lot.
I don't touch your eyebrows like that.
I get so much joy out of what I do on a weekly basis, on a daily basis.
Gross.
Be joy. be joy right i love that song it's funny it kind of grows on you. When I first heard it, I was like, what is this garbage?
What is this?
Yeah.
Like these obviously aren't trained studio musicians.
These are amateurs.
And this show is not an amateur hour.
This is a professional podcast.
We get paid to do it.
Yeah, it's true.
Backed by a network,
which is backed by a tech platform,
which is backed by Union Square Ventures.
And I think it's the perfect time to announce Casey Neistat.
Hello?
Are you kidding me?
No, I'm not doing anything important.
Is he drinking?
I could.
How long is this going to go?
Like 45 to 50 minutes.
Let's play in like five.
Or plan on me playing with you in like five minutes.
I think he's trying to schedule an out. It's not going to be tall.
I have an appointment.
Or something just came up.
Emergency.
Yeah, we could hear the whole thing, obviously.
You didn't mute yourself.
You asked us what time it would be.
You're playing in five minutes?
What are you playing?
I got to go into the metaverse for a second.
Something went wrong on this mini golf court course there's no way
this sucks to start this way keep it all in people love to hear how the sausage gets played
what happened to our fourth fourth guest i feel like we were gonna to have Kayla Moriarty on the show. She's at a dentist appointment,
which there's nothing more important than dental hygiene,
I'm sorry to say.
So that's a valid excuse.
Going into the metaverse is not.
Yeah, I would agree.
Should we have a surprise guest instead?
Yeah, who's the most famous person in your context?
Maybe Rick Fox, but I don't really talk to him that much anymore.
Let's get him on, that'd be good.
I feel bad because it would be kind of like a favor.
We haven't really spoken in years.
How would it be a favor?
This goes out to like 40,000 people a week or something like that.
Yeah, but he's really famous, so that doesn't mean anything to him.
He was really famous.
Yes, what is he doing now?
What have you done for me recently, Rick?
This is why I don't want to invite him onto the show
because I feel like he'll have an antagonistic attitude.
Who's the next most famous?
Maybe Finn Wolfhard? Yes, call Finn. He's the next most famous? Maybe Finn Wolfhard?
He's been on the show.
I think you're closer to him
than I am.
I think he'd get more excited
if you called him. Definitely true.
Then we're down to Riley.
That's a big
jump. Riley's third?
What about Ben Schwartz?
He blocked me.
What about I Schwartz? He blocked me. Oh, what about
TK? I can
DM with Rose. All these people
blocked me. What about Cohen?
Cohen's the
CEO of his company.
That's... Yeah. He's also...
He also doesn't want to be on
Mike. That's true.
That could be interesting.
Not really. My cousin.
My brother.
Oh!
I follow Adrian
Wojnarowski on Twitter.
That's not knowing someone.
He doesn't follow you back
so you can't send him a DM. There's no way
for you to contact Woj.
This is also probably the busiest day of the year.
True.
True.
And being free agency started a little over 12 hours ago.
I can see that.
Caleb?
I think he's at the airport right now or on a plane.
All right, just some options.
We don't need to do a pre-pro meeting during the podcast,
but it could be interesting.
Yeah, well, we never do pre-pro.
I do all the fucking prep work,
and then Marika sort of cleans up the slack on the back end.
What do you do?
On the slack end.
I show up on the day having had.
You always show up with a full stomach so that you can focus.
I show up groggy and full.
Let's start here.
Having done this show for over two years, I think,
have you guys ever, what's the shortest amount of time between when you came and then joined the record
to be on the show?
When we what? Had an orgasm orgasm yeah to completion in a way let's just start there why would we remember that you preface this by
we've been doing this for two years that is actually very valid i was worried you guys
were gonna come at me with like oh let's
not talk about this let's not you know that's too personal information what you just said i will
definitely that what but also but also i don't understand how you'd expect us to remember
something like that over a two-year period yeah i mean just ballpark it would be good
a day a day Period. Yeah. I mean, just ballpark it would be good. No. A day?
What?
Yeesh.
Why?
You asked me to fucking guess.
I'll go back to that.
Why does that one always stop the show in its tracks?
It means nothing.
I was taking a sip of Coke.
It's gibberish.
nothing. I was taking a sip of Coke.
It's gibberish.
Um.
I don't want to answer that question.
It feels too invasive. Especially when
you guys aren't sharing in a vulnerability
with me. A group mind. A hive.
You vulnerable. You asked
us, right? Yeah, and then you barely
answered.
I think he answered
a lot, actually. He answered
the question. Marika?
To the best of his ability.
I'm not going to answer the question.
You know what could be
fun is, do you guys ever read
the comments to last week's episode
on this week's episode?
Marika, do you want to
go to the YouTube page
and pull out some choice comments?
That's really fun.
There's some good ones in there.
Sure, yeah.
In the meantime, let's hit me with your Bonds of the Week.
By the way, that's an Inception sound effect.
I don't know why I chose that for Bond of the Week.
So clearly I could have done a 007.
I'd watch a Chris Nolan Bond.
My Bond of the Week.
I...
Oh my god.
Where did it go
Grayson cut this out
here we go
Bond of the Week
um
I just saw a production of Hamlet
last night starring Alex Lothar
of um End of the Fucking World.
Yeah, you said that you bought those tickets 926 days ago?
Yeah, 961 days ago.
I bought them 11, 12, 19.
And the production obviously was rescheduled because of COVID.
And then I bought new tickets to the new production.
Those tickets got moved location-wise in the theater. And then my performance was canceled
because one of the actors got injured with an Achilles heel injury. So then I had to reschedule
it again. But I finally saw it
it was perfect, it was beautiful
I love Alex Lothar
he's a small boy
just a frail little lad
and so
I want him to be Bond
I think that would be fun
how old is he?
27
Amir, who's your Bond of the absolute week? 27. Okay.
Amir, who's your bond of the absolute weak?
Kevin Durant.
Why?
Seven feet tall, 226 pounds soaking dry. With a wit so wry, you can only have it on high.
And as far as his weed
intake he's down to partake
imagine a bond
that gets rip roaring
high
you think that Kevin Durant
should be the next James Bond
because he gets high and eats
rye
he's also
tall and skinny, which is
kind of a cool look in a suit.
I guess his stride would get him away from the
bad guy.
I heard weed intake
as weed intake, like
Joss Whedon takes.
I thought you were saying he
had really hot takes on
Joss. Let's just talk packaging
for a second it'll be joss whedon directing bond and it'll be whedon's take on bond and then kevin
durant kd easy money sniper will be sort of increasing his weed intake as bond yeah so the
whedon take on the whedon take? Nothing. Sorry. What'd you say?
I said shut up.
Just when you talk, it's sort of grating.
Want to read some comments?
Yeah, let's hear some comments.
Thank God.
Huge sit.
He's gone.
You're right.
I shouldn't do that.
I didn't say that. I didn't say that.
I was about to say shit.
Because I was so excited to not see your fucking mug.
Nazi?
Jesus.
Huge Six said,
I'll say it,
dabbing is still funny.
Hit him with a dab, Amir.
Oh. say it. Dabbing is still funny. Hit him with a dab, Amir. Oh!
Nice.
We should do another dip dab.
Yeah.
Double dip dab. What was
that, even?
The dip dab was like, you put a little
ketchup on your elbow, and then you put a fry
in your mouth, and you go.
Right.
What was that, 2016 or 2017?
Answer fast.
2017.
I'm going to go 26.
You guys have to fight.
I mean, should we look it up?
Until you agree.
Let's look it up.
There's an answer.
Was it on Instagram?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll look it up.
Because, Jeff, you interned summer of 2016 and then just stuck around for the rest of the time.
Let's see.
There's so many photos on here.
You've got to be kidding me.
This is valuable air time.
We've been going for 12 minutes.
Why do you think it's 2017, Amir?
I just...
26... Did you say 2017 for sure?
No, I just guessed 2017.
2016 felt a little early to me.
Oh, wait, okay.
It is...
2012.
Holy shit, we were five years off.
July 9 2016
I see an image
of Amir holding a ketchup bottle
wow
2016
what a time to be alive
that was a great year
do I look 6-7 years younger in that picture
or is it mostly similar
um
yeah 6-7 years younger can you send this to me wow mostly similar. Yeah.
Six to seven years younger.
Really?
Can you send this to me, Mariah?
Wow.
Yeah, I'll send it in the chat.
I don't know where the dip-dap video is, though.
Yeah.
That might be on Twitter.
Hmm.
wild wow i haven't gotten it yet all right you know what um my bond of the week is austin butler elvis yep here's the thing did you see elvis i have not seen Elvis. I've heard it's awful.
My thing with Austin Butler is I've seen a lot of TikToks, right?
Of people dissecting his voice that he did the Elvis thing,
and then now he can't stop talking like Elvis, which is fine. And honestly, cool that he lost himself in the role so much.
But it's time to get him out of that voice.
And I think that the only way is to
give him another huge blockbuster role where he has to change his voice because elvis wouldn't do
well as 007 i'm sorry to say he can't be like uh the name is sorry i just i meant to meant to start over.
The name is Bond.
James Bond.
I can't do the voice because I haven't spent three years preparing, right?
Right, yeah.
What's the song that he's like, in the ghetto, right?
He's like 007.
I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know enough about Elvis or care enough about Elvis
but I do feel like I should see this movie
because Casey
producer Casey in LA was radicalized
by it I think
according to his letterboxd
did he like it or was he the one who said that
it's time to admit that Baz Luhrmann's not a good director
hold on let me find his reviews.
Because he saw Elvis.
He liked it.
Yeah, he saw Elvis and he liked it.
He said, let's see.
Well, his review for Elvis was just, I love this movie and all my friends hated it.
But then he watched the
movie Rush which is about F1 yeah and it's a docu like a biopic type thing um and hold on his review
for that made me laugh really hard because it was I'm fully into F1 now so I watched this but I also just watched Elvis tonight and this movie is too normal and I got bored
too normal
yeah
I don't know would you rather like a
movie that everybody hated or hate
a movie that everyone liked
the first because yeah because then
you're liking something yeah but then
everyone else hates it and they're like why do you like
this thing
it's better
than feeling insane because
you think something's bad and everyone else
is like, it's good, which is how
I feel a lot of the time.
That's how I felt about everything, everywhere
all at once. Oh, interesting.
I enjoyed that.
I was an island man because I was like,
I thought it was good
and I get why people, like I can understand why people liked it.
And I don't feel insane.
I know that it's my hot take.
But that movie was 45 minutes too long.
And with the density of the material, it really needed to be shorter.
Go off.
I don't know.
I think it was, like, it was fine.
The moral of the story was so simple
that it didn't need the extra 45 minutes
to get to that end.
Like when it's divided in chapters,
so you know how much longer there's going to be.
And then once it got to like all at once or whatever,
I was like,
there's another half hour.
I was pissed.
But then like,
I went with my friend AJ and I was like,
he was like,
so what'd you think?
And I was like,
I thought it was like, it kind of went off on him. He's like, oh, I liked it. and I was like he was like so what did you think and I was like I thought it was like it kind of went off on him
he's like oh I liked it and I was like I'm sorry
yeah story
story of my life like
I really loved Tenet
and everyone or a lot of people
hate that movie but I feel
fine I feel fine in my love
of Tenet but like
I don't know what a recent one is that I hated fine. I feel fine in my love of Tenet, but like I
don't know what a recent one is that I
hated. I hated Top Gun, not
Maverick. Top Gun, Maverick, good
time, great vibes. But
the original Top Gun I hated so much
and felt
insane knowing that there's
just people that love that movie.
Yeah.
Major key alert, If you don't like
your title,
you're entitled
to create a new one.
Right?
I was going to get to it.
Yeah. I'm curious. If you don't like your
title, you're entitled
to create a new one.
I'm wondering what that means.
Meghan Markle will now henceforth call herself wife say that again megan markle will call herself wife how do you spell that p-w-i-f-e
it's like that's her yeah that's her name no that's her. Yeah. That's her name.
No, that's her title.
It stands for polo wife.
Polo.
Meaning.
Hang on the sport.
Or the type of shirt. i didn't do enough research you didn't do enough you just did it seems like you just read a headline getting to spend time together over these two
months was so special she said in an instagram caption uh i wish everyone knew the way you are
this is her sister i guess my sister my now fellow wife polo wife
genius of you to come up with this cry laugh emoji uh i guess they play polo a lot um so she's a
fellow wife uh yeah basically it was it was markle's you know version of what i like to call
a new name alert which is when you tell people, hey, I'm changing my name.
You may now refer to me as thus.
I was wondering if you guys wanted to hit us with a new name alert,
which is similar to a major key alert, and I don't have a sound for it,
so I'll just go new name alert.
I'm thinking Desmond.
For who?
For me.
You always are.
Oh, yeah.
You asked why.
You posted it on your Instagram, right?
Rodney is played out it still will be but i'm wondering how desmond might fit me um i want both of you to die
i don't think the names are bad man I'm sorry you want us dead
you want to kill yourself
you're having a rough go of it
the Rodney the Desmond they're all not good
Jeff is fine
I don't think you can pull it off
you don't think I can pull off Desmond
no
I don't think you have the balls too
and I don't think you have the galls too
I have the balls, too, and I don't think you have the galls, too. I have the gall stones.
Seek help.
Just like, I'm going to strike a pose,
and then you guys just, in your mind, think of me.
Oh, my God, there goes Desmond.
Okay.
No.
Mama, there goes that Des.
no mama there goes that does i think you could be like elijah no absolutely not what about um what about jeff bederman
is that a middle name or a last name? Is that hyphenated?
That's a last...
You know, like some married couples are like,
oh, instead of like taking your name
or vice versa or hyphenating,
let's just create a new last name.
No, I've never heard that.
Really?
Well, I was thinking I could do that as a single man.
Jeff Betterman.
I don't think you need to. guys come up with something then this is hard
I said be Elijah
reading YouTube comments
no I mean you guys come up with a new name for you
instead of Amir what if it was fucking
give me a second
um um or what if it was fucking... Give me a second.
What about... Broderick.
The best you could do was Rodrick.
Broderick.
Like Matthew.
Actually, that could be good for Marika
if it's B-R-O-A-D
Rick.
So it's like you're Rick for sure,
but you're also a broad, a dame.
Broad Rick.
Jeff, I think
you should be...
No, come on.
One for you
no I don't want to
but I think you could be like a
a Winthrop
a Winthrop
Winthrop
yeah but don't say it like that
I don't want op in my name
nobody wants to have an op
what about a Winthrop-ed?
So I change my name to Winthrop,
and then I'm like the LA Times newest opinion writer.
Easter egg.
Nice.
We do have to take a short break.
Two jokes in one week.
This is just for ads.
For ads, yeah.
We don't want breaks for more.
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Usually nothing happens in those ad breaks,
but Amir just got mad at me asking if you needed to go to the bathroom.
He said you don't use the facilities ever.
I said I can fucking hold it.
And by the way, I pissed during the first act.
You just didn't notice.
So you can't hold it.
You just pissed yourself.
Also, way too comfortable peeing yourself.
I have a little situation going on underneath my desk.
A Liam Neeson type thing.
Can I pitch another name for Amir?
Yes.
Grammercy.
He doesn't even live in New York.
Grammercy Blumenfeld.
No, you said Grammercy.
No, I didn't.
I said Grammercy.
Just the first name.
I thought that was first and last.
Hi, I'm Graham.
Graham Mercy.
No.
Sorry, I guess.
I like that one a lot.
Try it on for size.
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Amir?
Hey, nice to meet you.
I'm Graham. No, you can't. You're not allowed to meet you. I'm Graham.
No, you can't. You're not allowed to shorten it.
It's too sexy.
Hey, how's it going? I'm Graham Mercy.
No way.
Does not fit.
For Marika, what about...
What about red?
Red?
Red?
R-E-D?
Yeah.
Like Panama Red.
No, I don't like that.
We have to move on.
Go, Gram Mercy.
Gram Mercy, your chick, she's so thirsty.
I'm in that two-seat Mazda with my dog.
He's trying to hurt me.
How did you have that on the ready?
I don't even know what that is.
Mazda?
It's a car.
No, she meant the song.
Can you chill out, man?
All right, welcome to Interest Me.
Or Nah.
No, you only have one option.
Here we go.
Listen, a lot of what we talk about on the show is not interesting to me.
Right? So I thought that we could switch things
up this week.
This is a game for $500
cash and you keep it.
I'm not even fucking joking this time.
I am in the process of moving, which is very expensive,
so if you wanted to send it back, that'd be welcome,
but it's up to you this time.
It's always up to us.
Yeah.
I would have kicked your ass if we went to the same high school.
We went to the same high school.
It was just 21 years apart.
Really?
I'm going to set a timer.
Individually, you guys are going to have to keep me interested.
Right?
And the person who does it longest wins.
I will say, much like an eBaybay bidding war there is a reserve if you don't make it past two minutes you don't get any cash ready okay yeah
let's start with marika three two one um can you explain to me uh the watch industry no you lost
um you guys get multiple tries of this by the way three tries right i'm here ready three two explain to me the watch industry. No, you lost me.
You guys get multiple tries at this, by the way.
Three tries each. Amir, ready? Three, two, one. I don't know what the game is.
You lost me.
That round was a wash.
I think we can all agree that round was a wash.
We're just supposed to say things
that are interesting? You're supposed to
regale us.
Be a raconteur for once in your goddamn life
you wonder why true tv passed on three pilots from your ass it's because you can't keep people
in the room executives focus groups network testing it all went to shit, and now's your chance to redeem your ass.
There's no way this will redeem me.
Marika, three, two, one.
Watches.
Can you explain them to me in great detail, just how much they cost, which one I should buy potentially if I were to get into watches?
Jeffrey, please.
Oh, you want it to be a conversation?
Yeah.
Can it be?
I lost interest.
It's supposed to be sort of a monologue.
Tell a story.
That was not conveyed.
Amir, your turn.
I can't say anything. You just have to keep me interested here we go
three two one checkers chess parcheesy what do these three games have in common
it's it's the ch of it all, baby. Check mate cheese.
You think about these three things working together in Congress.
C-O-N-G-R-E-S-S, right?
No way, this is interesting.
Why do you think crackers go so well with cheese?
Again, it's all the same thing.
It's all the noises of the words more so no way yeah so for example i want
to make a sandwich or even a deck of cards what are you starting with two slices of four clubs
a turkey club right it's all sort of the same situation and in between that are... What's that?
I said this is insane.
You lost me.
I'm sorry.
But the time to beat is a minute.
You can still win without getting cash.
We are in round three, final round.
Marika, monologue, I cannot answer questions,
but you can keep me interested, I think.
Three, two, one, go.
Vin Diesel works the room. Just absolutely unhinged energy coming off of vin diesel here he's hugging late late show staffers like they're in the fast family
claiming that james corden has conquered america and hinting at secret 3am songs he and corden
recorded in his home studio which by the way if you haven't listened to Vin Diesel's song, it's insane.
When is new music coming?
Feel like I do.
Can't be the song of the summer three years in a row.
The booking for Late Late London has been phenomenal, by the way.
Only chummiest folks for the big live audience
rack and toost mini driver.
Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
Stop, stop, stop.
Are you reading an article?
Yeah, of course.
Vulture.
Bethy Squires.
The biggest quirky personality.
It has to be original.
It obviously has to be original.
Obviously never subbed that. Disqualified.
Disqualified.
Alright, Amir already won, but let's see if he can get to the two minutes it takes to get net $500 cash.
Here we go.
Three, two, one.
Let's play a game.
Me versus myself and I.
A one-on-one-on-one.
I'm going to think of any number
in between one and 50,
and I have to guess it.
Okay, ready?
This is so boring.
47.
Was that the number?
Close.
It was 44
29
what's that
because I didn't think of it
I'm trying to guess what I thought of 2 seconds ago
but I already forgot what it was
42
that was bad
you had me in the first half
not gonna lie
and I liked that you were playing against, what was it, you, yourself, and I.
But you kind of got derailed by Marika.
You can't let these distractions, because when you're out in the real world,
when you're in the pitching room, when you're in the writer's room,
people are going to be distracting you on purpose so that you don't get what you want.
So you need to be able to take those punches on the chin.
I just think you're a bored little man nothing interests you for long
and that's clear
you aren't interesting
for it all.
That fucking hurt to hear.
Sorry.
Don't be. Let's take another break
what another one
that's never happened
oh
if I didn't meditate on a daily basis,
I would probably do something violent towards Amir.
You're mid, dude.
I know.
You're mid, man.
I know.
I was going to say that.
Yo, you're mid.
I'm so mid.
You're mid. It's a good thing. What? It's a good thing. No, you're mid. I'm so mid. You're mid.
It's a good thing. What?
It's a good thing. No, it's not.
It means average. Well, half glass.
Full.
Glass half full. Glass in the
mid. Mid could be
glass half full,
which is positive.
This actually sucks.
I'm going to bring us back from the break in a different way.
You're mid.
Amir's mid.
That's what I said to you.
No.
Nobody's going to hear hear that I called you mid
and you
you cut
you cut it out so you can bring us back from break
and call me mid
you're mid
you're mid
you're mid
what about you're mid
for my name
that's pretty good
all right uh full steam ahead
it's time to do
an instagram
deep dive on all three of
you including kayla who
bailed on this episode
kayla
nice but she bailed
so it's like bailela's her nickname.
Okay.
Sorry, let me queue this up.
Should have done this in the ad break, honestly.
Yeah, of course.
All right, so this is, again, yeah, like I said,
an Instagram deep dive on your guys' stuff.
Maybe stuff that you didn't remember you'd posted,
stuff that might get you in trouble in a couple seconds here.
Let's start with Amir.
Care to explain?
Travel changes you.
This is too small.
Oh, this is fake.
It's not fake.
This is taken from June 18th.
Pretty recent.
Also, that's a picture of me in Moscow.
No, that was me in Winnipeg.
You photoshopped it and you placed me in Russia recently.
Travel changes you as you move through life in the world.
You change things slightly.
You leave marks behind, however small, and in return.
By the way, that's an Anthony
Bourdain quote and you did
not credit him I didn't write
that this whole thing this whole thing
is photoshopped I never posted this
I didn't post that
some
trompe logic to me not really
yes it is.
It's on the web.
People can see it and you're still saying
this doesn't exist.
It exists because you Photoshopped it.
It exists.
No, that's exactly right.
I'm going to edit
the second part of that sentence out.
It exists.
And you did that.
Marika, what are your thoughts?
Do you still want to work here?
What?
Why would she quit based on why would
she work for a russia sympathizer uh i don't well i mean first of all the screenshot that you have
shows me liking this photo so by your logic if i i find what's in the photo but I don't remember
this photo being posted I do remember a photo of a mirror wearing that outfit in
a different location Winnipeg Canada mm-hmm well let's take a deeper dive into Marika's Instagram. Do it.
My endless.
Care to explain?
What's the caption say?
Gridpost for the Nuncheon nasties.
Was there a date on this?
You popped out the date conveniently.
Sorry, I think it was January 6th or 7th.
2016?
No.
Yeah, this is obviously photoshopped.
A photo of me.
Pretty comfortable.
At the insurrection.
But I'm kind of in the corner.
It looks like I would have been on someone's head or something.
Well, it looks like you're having the time of your life, and that's what I
take issue with, because this was, as you
said, an insurrection. This was an attempt.
An attempted coup
of the government.
A coup d'etat.
A coup d'etat. A coup d'etat.
Obviously.
No worries after January 6th.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I could definitely prove where I was on January 6th.
Rika's melting into this.
I've never seen her.
She's barely in the frame anymore
she's alex mac turning into a puddle of liquid before our very eyes you know when cops are always
like i'm a trained police officer i know how to read people uh i don't talk to cops you don't
that's good but i was gonna say i don't even have to be trained, which whatever, to know that you're lying
because you're melting.
You're actually lying.
The Wicked Witch of Headgum East.
That's good. That's rude.
Yeah, obviously I was not there.
And then Kayla...
Is that Ezra Miller? Yikes, yeah.
The Crown at
50 Bowery, Kayla,
Sunset, and my best friend.
And then who is that exactly?
That's Ezra Miller, who's been accused of assaulting people physically
at bars throughout the world for the better part of a decade.
I see.
So this is not a good look for Moriarty.
And you have to assume that Ezra punched somebody at this bar
and Kayla bared witness to it
and posed for a photo and smiled.
I'm not going to assume that.
And I did tell her that I would defend her honor.
I don't believe she's friends with Ezra Miller.
I also, like, wasn't he in Hawaii for a decent amount of this time?
I don't know how he would have gotten to the crown at 50 Bowery.
They have a lot of money.
They can go anywhere in the world.
She's never mentioned being best friends with Ezra Miller.
And I feel like...
Well, you know, Kayla's pretty humble, right?
So I don't think that she would come out of the gate
swinging, hey, I'm friends with one of the stars
of the perks of being a wallflower.
I do feel like she would call that out
if that were the case.
I feel like she talks about
some of her other friends enough.
So, yeah, I'm going to go with
this is also photoshopped.
You guys aren't any fun.
Meaning?
Game over.
Sometimes you just have to wait for the sound cues um plugs i guess yeah so uh follow me on tiktok i'm on uh youtube insta twitter and we are
going to Montreal y'all
so go to jakeandmir.com
for tickets to that
live podcast July
27th I believe
tickets are still available
or as they say in France
du billet
s'il vous plait
two tickets please
peace out and we'll see you soon
namaste
it'll be fun
I can give you
I have five Canadian dollars that I don't need
so I'll give that to you at some point
to take with you
sick
follow me on
Twitter Instagram savage fenty he said uh follow me on twitter instagram and
letterboxd at marie galon where you can see that i was not at the insurrection um also
listen to some of the newer head gumum podcasts, Keeping It Rell with Young Wayne,
True Story with Tig and Cheryl.
Yeah.
What are you doing, Amir?
I'm sort of trying out this,
since it's part of the video too,
trying to be more engaged
with the
final hour, right? I'm trying to be more engaged with the final hour right sort of like i'm trying to like bring the
energy up because you're kind of a poison to the show so i'm trying to be like and i'm melting yo
peace out later later later like kind of like you know it's like a mtvJ style like alright peace out
later guys
I love that for you
that's really Gramercy of you
that's so Gramercy
at JeffBardy on Twitter
and the HeadGum sketches are back
we released a video
earlier this week that I referenced earlier
so I guess people
it'll already be out when this comes out
but go check that out youtube.com slash headcum
subscribe for bi-weekly videos
every other Tuesday sketches
like Jeffrey the Dumbass
bi-weekly videos
nice that was good actually
we haven't
struck lightning in a bottle with this show
in a couple weeks
and it's not all my fault
it's because I'm back
didn't happen this week
I photoshopped
sorry
I pulled things from your instagrams
and you guys barely reacted
that was a good segment.
Yeah, I know.
That was good.
Thank you, guys.
Oh, my God.
Stop.
Stop.
Okay, keep going.
That was kind of it.
We thought it was fine.
Really?
Yeah.
I didn't like the rules of the monologuing,
keep your interest one.
It felt like all of my ideas at every turn were
thrown back at me
and I was disqualified for them.
We never did read
the YouTube comments.
I read one.
I'll find
another one.
Let's
see.
Maybe that could be a new uh segment everyone in the head gum slack votes on the best comment and so we could say this is the company's favorite comment that's good we'll start that next week
yeah shut up sorry um and uh you say shut up a lot for a host
you actually tell us to quiet down or the show was bad well it's hard right because i thought
i study the greats all the time yeah johnny carson study merrick great and what do they say
david letterman they interview They're great interviewers.
Conan's a great interviewer.
Do they ever tell their guests to shut up?
They haven't yet.
But you have to bring your own flavor
is what I have garnered.
The first two people you mentioned are dead.
So when you say they haven't done that yet,
that's it for them.
What they've done is done.
Study what they do and try to replicate it.
They never tell their guests to shut up.
They never say that this episode was bad.
They never did, but what if Merv Griffin had a fucking podcast?
He wouldn't do this.
You don't think his patience would run thin if he had you as a guest?
I don't.
Really?
Yeah.
Why is that? That part
of being a host is dealing with whoever the guest
is for the week? Correct.
Well, I have you
on almost every week, and I get
tired of you.
That's okay. So don't invite
me back. I want to.
You want to have me on? Or you want to not have me on
or you want to not have me on
shut up shut up
shut up
I bore of you
you
I don't have stamina for a mirror
or for a rammer
don't you owe him $500?
No, you didn't make it past the two minute cutoff.
I said there was a reserve.
How hard is it to interest someone for two minutes?
Haven't you ever been at a dinner party?
It's hard to interest you for two minutes.
Me?
I feel, no, what happened was you guys felt put on the spot
and you didn't have anything to talk about.
Maybe that's something you can work on is come to the show with a talking point.
That's what people do on talk shows.
Well, I will say that, not to pull one of the negative comments from last week's episode,
but someone said in this rare occasion, Marika absolutely tanked the show, talking way too much.
So that's a note that I took personally.
Absolutely tanked is so rude.
But he watched the whole thing.
Yeah, probably.
We'll see you guys again next week.
That's all for this week's episode.
I promise that next week is going to be better.
I think we should do it in studio.
Who do you think should be on it?
I think it should be you, Merv, and
Marty. Who?
Merv? Merv?
Merv.
With an F
and a V. Merv-
fuh. Merv-fuh.
We'll see you guys then.
That's Daz, folks.
That was a Hidgum Original.