The Headgum Podcast - 115: Boys Ep
Episode Date: August 12, 2022The young gums Brad, Grayson, and Johnny, join Geoff to discuss Johnny's birthday, BeReal, and staying chaste! Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-st...ars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original.
Previously on the HeadGum Podcast.
Have you all thought about couples therapy?
Me and Amir.
For like friends, yeah.
It's hard.
I was thinking about this the other day.
There's no foundation to build upon.
Yeah, that's for people who want to even get a lot.
Like, I like the fact that we're not good like that like i don't want to
be boys with him that would make me poison to him yeah yeah and i don't want to be close with you
i want to be glenn closes phew you know what i mean where it's like oh thank god jeffrey's here
so i know somebody.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear Jake.
Oh.
Happy birthday to Jake.
It's Friday, August 5th, which is Jake's birthday.
I'm so excited for it.
The episode is dropping on the 12th,
which I thought you were going to sing based on.
Today is his birthday.
Yeah, but next week is mine.
Are you going to sing it on the next episode for me?
Oh, is your birthday soon?
My birthday is on the drop date
of this episode august 12th and i kind of gave you a little bit of forewarning like
maybe we should i didn't think maybe we should sing but i don't know just thought maybe you'd
have something for me oh um i don't check Slack often. Oh.
Like I do check Slack actually every day,
but if I see a notification like Johnny Villa,
I'm like, oh, I can... So it's like kind of selective attention for you?
It's like selective hearing, yeah,
but notification-wise.
Yeah, selective notifications, okay.
Are you 26 or 25?
Jake's not going to see that.
No, Jake doesn't care.
Today.
Who is that for?
I'm just so excited about his day.
Well, you know, it's for the day.
Yeah, he hasn't been on Slack.
He hasn't messaged anybody, I don't think.
I think he's out of office today, yeah, because it's his birthday.
It's his big day.
Yeah, yeah.
Are you going to get the day off?
Me?
Yeah.
No, the grind doesn't stop.
Not even on your birthday.
Not even on Christmas.
Not even on New Year's.
The latter three are all things that year's those are the latter three
are all things that uh everyone's out of the office for you don't have to be there
i don't have to be there so last so on december 25th 2021 what were you doing i was kind of just
on the computer waiting at my inbox waiting for an email to come in but nothing came in
i thought that was a little peculiar and did you bill that day like does that count or you're salaried so that doesn't matter whether you
worked there that day or not yeah but like i attempted to bill it with marty he kind of just
ignored the slack but you tried powering forward so you worked on christmas you're a salaried
employee full-time and you tried to bill them hourly yeah because for some reason it wasn't registering that i worked on
christmas in in uh the payroll right because it doesn't matter when you work you did that to you
and you didn't even do any work you did that to you waiting by the inbox counts as work for me are you 25 today or 26 25 quarter life crisis begins now are you a huge smile
so yeah what are you experiencing a quarter life crisis are are you seeing goals shift are you
making any changes uh no changes i think that i was a perfect person yesterday as I was today. So, what a boring
life if you think you've perfected humanity.
Like, you have nothing to grow
towards or for.
I mean, I guess
the only things I really change
are the toilet paper
and my clothes, I guess.
Nice.
Yeah.
So that'll be on the Out of Context Twitter, I think.
Yeah, yeah.
We're having fun.
Johnny Villa's smooth vocals on the sax right now,
and also Grayson Wise bringing up the rear,
and Brad Hild's on the day.
This is sort of a boys episode.
Sort of.
Yeah, man.
Kind of, man.
Yeah.
Because it's like we got the young guns of HeadGun.
The young gums.
The young gums.
Which isn't even true because, Brad, you have deteriorating gingivitis man
yeah it went away somehow and then came back he said uh-huh yeah i'd never heard of that liquid
i have mayo gums yeah uh which i learned about on Mayo Clinic.
Yeah, I did have a, we don't have a Johnny's birthday segment plan,
but I wanted to wax all things Johnny's birthday for at least the first 15 minutes.
Johnny, what don't you want for your birthday?
What I don't want for my birthday is anybody to be frowning for any reason.
The entire day?
Yeah.
And just in your, like people you know or the entire world?
Strangers.
So if I'm walking on the street and I hear somebody kind of crying, I better see a smiling face when I come over there.
Right, right, right. If you hear a frown.
Just like the silent creasing of a forehead.
By the way, this is New York City, so there's going to be people frowning
on the sidewalk.
Well, we'll have to switch it up for just
a day. Is that alright?
Don't ask me. I won't be there.
I promise you I won't frown next Friday.
Okay, thank you.
But we were going to talk about hair.
Grayson, you have short hair.
Brad, you have short hair. Brad, you have short hair.
Johnny, you and I basically have the same face and hair.
Yeah, we do.
Are you considering a change,
or are you keeping the locks and the stash going forward
into 2025, into the new year?
Enough, enough.
Into your new fears.
Enough.
I am planning on keeping the stash for sure uh one time when i was shaving
i accidentally trimmed too short on the little goatee yeah and i think i'll keep it short here
and then kind of a little bit longer here but both trimmed um micah recently cut his hair
so he used to have the long locks now he does knocks yeah so Micah doesn't have
the long locks anymore and he told me the next time I saw him in the office like oh uh yeah I
would be I was becoming a long hair guy you're slowly becoming a long hair guy too. Is that what you want? It seemed kind of pointed.
Right.
But I don't know if that's the kind of personality I want to move forward with, the long hair guy.
But what does that entail? Like, what is the long hair guy?
I don't know but I understand what he means
where the long hair becomes
too much of your personality
it kind of engulfs you in a way
yeah
I guess I ask because I'm in
I'm on the teeter totter again
for the first time in months
I don't think I'm going to cut it
what's that? teeter totter as in
oh just like I've been going to like Elysian park and like thinking.
You had another idea that you were going with.
I don't know.
It's,
it's been like,
I think I'm going to keep it,
but I feel it becoming like,
I don't recognize photos of me.
You just have body dysmorphia,
right?
Like, well, I saw a photo of, I don't remember who it was, but they had, like, short, medium-length hair with the mustache.
With a hat.
With a sax.
And it looked really good.
You saw a photo of Ferris?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was Ferris. Shout out Ferris. We should have Ferris yeah it was Ferris shout out Ferris
we should have Ferris back on
he left the show
but I want to have him on for like an exit interview
that would be a nice
little segment
good luck getting a hold of him
that's true
if you're considering a change
don't don't, don't.
Don't what?
Don't move.
Okay.
Don't break up with people.
Don't start dating anyone.
You're stifling your life.
Exactly.
You don't want to grow as a person or anything like that? I think if you get to a place where you feel joy at rest,
that's your best, and you shouldn't change anything.
I did recently hear of a friend of mine who is dating somebody that he does not want to continue dating.
And when asked why he won't break up with them, his response was, I just want to skate through life.
I fear inertia.
That friend was apollo oh no
famous figures or speed skater right yeah yeah omar apollo oh no nice really yoko apollo oh no Yoko, Apollo, Ono.
Grayson, how's your cock?
Every time.
Well, this is an all guys episode.
Yeah, it is.
Oh, this is locker room talk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Locker room cock.
That's where you experience major shrinkage because you want to uh make a good impression
at 24 hour fitness
because you had a bad um
fucking uh grayson's cock
and used to work out he probably still works out at gold's gym in hollywood and i used to work out
there and uh yeah he was just one of those old guys who would walk around swinging that
thing uh hither than thither around the locker room and uh hey good for him i don't know what
else to say i don't know what else to say either i assume it was a it was a nice looking one
no it was fine i was like it was more confidence. Yeah, he has a low voice.
That's a lot of T, testosterone, running through his veins.
Yeah, I think.
There's no way he wasn't juicing.
Let me say that.
I think it really is funny that when you take anabolic steroids,
your balls shrink.
That's such a karmic hilarity to me.
Yeah, you might get
like super jacked but like you're also losing it where it counts because people
are the balls where it counts yeah yeah yeah if I could wax philosophical about
my philosophy Philococcal for a second
my philicococcal for a second.
This is a boys episode.
We can have a little bit of fun.
Sexual partners of mine are appalled
by my balls.
Have you guys ever seen
a nectarine?
Yeah.
No. Sure. What? sure what um
let's keep it going with everybody's bond
of the week keep it short because I
hate this segment now
but I have to do it until the next one is cast
otherwise it's a it's a real bummer
I'm gonna go
with um
I'll go with
very nice I'm going to go with... I'll go with...
Very nice.
It's time for a small, bald Bond.
I agree.
Kitty P, come on!
What are your next Bonds?
Hmm.
This is always a tough question.
I have to think about who I've seen recently in the news and i think dane cook is kind of a front runner there's no way
he's he's not in shape at all his face isn't handsome i'm sorry but and he's mostly that
i think i mean yeah they're trying to get away from james
bond being a creep too yeah i agree that he should be less of a creep but if we want to do a little
bit of a remake of uh let's say from russia with love or gold golden eye then i think that he's the
he's the best guy for us yeah brad uh i mean how do i how do I beat that?
My pussy?
Nice.
Do we have to bleep that now?
Does it become really obvious?
So now the new James Bond is Brad's pussy.
My pussy?
Yeah.
That's an octopussy. pussy octopussy that's good johnny thank you solid man
that's good that's really good all right grayson um this one might have already come up so i don't
like forgive me if i'm repeating it's been a should I even continue
yeah continue
the bond between father and son
nice
that should have been on my soundboard, but continue.
That was because a minute and a half ago, somebody said solid.
So a minute and a half ago, you missed your chance.
Yeah.
You got to let it slide every now and then.
I don't think so.
It's hard to run in Gucci slides.
They do say that. They do say that.
They do?
Yeah.
Grayson, this is your Bond of the Week.
I said my Bond of the Week, but you were playing a soundbite at the time.
Ashford and Simpson.
Did you say Larry David?
Yeah, I did.
Not what he said at all. a bond that is just incredulous
he fails the mission m calls him well how to go pretty pretty pretty good
that's a sketch for headcum west man Man. Really?
Oh, he froze.
You can't just.
No, he just was silent like in anger.
We have to take a break.
Really?
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That Friday energy, right? We haven't recorded this show on a friday in a minute
you were so sour just moments ago it was dour there's a difference um
oh fuck i had something i was gonna say were we just talking about
i don't know it was all the way before the break that was so long ago
yeah this is such bad podcasting to be like oh fuck what was i gonna
say it's like the second time that's happened can i ask brad a question yeah brad what happened to
you running this week oh uh yeah i was uh i was attacked i was accosted by a mountain biker I slid off the trail I tomahawked
backflip style
and I got road rash from the
slide
I hit my knee on a tree
that's nice
that's rhymed
that's funny
and then the guy tracked me down and yelled at me
and told me I was going the wrong way
on the trail and justified physically assaulting me.
And I told him I'm going to go look and make sure that I was going the right way.
And if I was, I'm going to come back and find you.
And he was gone.
Couldn't find him.
But so my faith in humanity is at an all all-time low so i absolutely restored what better
way to restore it than to come on the fucking head gum i said this off air but like grayson
and brad both joined and grayson's face was literally like and then brad was like
i don't know what I do that makes
it so
joyless to be on the show
I think we do some pretty fun stuff
that's the word you were trying to find
laughing
laughing
laughing
let's take it into some news
of the day
sorry can we stop for a second?
Yeah.
I got a notification on my phone.
I'm seeing the notifications come through.
It's for Be Real.
Is it cool if I take a picture for Be Real?
Sure.
All right, just talk amongst yourselves for just a quick second.
Okay.
It's good content.
And he's gone.
Did you do it?
Nothing realer than this.
I didn't take it yet.
I have my phone right now.
You guys know what be real is, right?
Right.
Are we going to be in the photo?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So be real for those who aren't aware.
You take a picture wherever you are and you post it.
And it's supposed to make social media a lot more transparent and just be like, oh, this is my real life.
It's kind of boring sometimes, but sometimes it's fun.
Yeah, it's like a real kick in the teeth for Instagram and social media apps.
For Zuckerberg.
I don't think it's an either or.
I think it is.
I think it's both and they're not mutually exclusive.
All right, I'm going to take the picture.
Smiling.
All right, awesome.
Cool.
Is that it?
Yeah, that was it.
Oh, I just got a notification.
Apparently Johnny posted a B-reel.
Oh, shit.
Oh, I need to take my B-reel.
Are you guys cool if I take a be real?
20 minutes of us all trying to.
All right.
Jeff, you can move on to the next segment.
Wait, no, no, no. Hold on.
Why do we have to wait? Why can't we just do it
during the episode?
You're not being real right now, actually.
I deleted the app.
Right.
Because it sucks. You're holding a flip phone okay Brad if you
have if you do have be real I think you're gonna want wait for this next
segment actually hang on here we go
actually I got another notification are you kidding me
just stop stop the auto track so I can't move on to the next segment.
I got a notification for another app, Be Fake.
So it's to take a picture wherever you are,
post about it, but in the picture
do something you normally wouldn't do.
Okay, so
what are you going to do?
Grayson's got the right idea.
Silently put on sunglasses
for good podcasting.
That would be cool for my Be Cool app, actually.
Alright.
There we go.
Actually, no.
There we go.
Now I just look normal.
Can I move on to the next segment?
Yeah, go ahead and move on to the next segment.
Here we go.
Are you kidding me? got another another notification for um
another app i downloaded called uh let it be so in this this app uh you gotta find yourself in a Alright, so... Alright, three, two, one...
Alright, great.
Alright.
Are there any more apps?
Do not disturb, Johnny.
Alright, okay.
No more apps.
No more apps.
Okay.
I got another one. are you kidding me sorry uh oh no this is uh my period tracker breaking privacy laws you know that right yeah yeah so i'm taking them down from the inside
so those are breaking privacy laws this is breaking brad yes um this is uh a game i like
to call breaking brad basically i think brad has been a little too confident recently
so i thought that we could take 10 minutes to sort of tear him down um i'll start uh brad i liked your hair better when it was
bleached a little i didn't know you when that i know but i stalked you on instagram
okay that i mean i've actually been thinking about doing it again do you want me to
okay that i mean i've actually been thinking about doing it again do you want me to yeah but then it would feel like you're trying a lot so okay
let's fucking input keep rattling shit off okay yeah yeah i'll go next um jeff on your graphic
why does br have two different atomic weights if they're clearly the same?
Got you.
Yeah, it's supposed to be breaking Brad.
Accent wall.
That's trying a lot
I guess
you're just pointing out shit from my Instagram
no it's in your room right now
you have a yellow wall and the other one's grey I think
oh I didn't do this
my wife did
well your wife is lovely probably
yeah
I got one
Jeff your shirt is just like
ugly i don't know what to say other than that it's good johnny yeah it's not called breaking jeff
okay we'll just
i don't know brad you go it seemed like everybody else was having fun with it. MF Doom? More like Brad's not in the room where it happens.
With where it happens?
The room is Hamilton.
Hamilton style?
Okay.
Did you just see it or something?
Yeah.
I didn't.
You haven't even seen it.
You've never seen it. I've never seen it you don't
understand the reference that you made no i feel like we're because like almost immediately you
guys turned it off of brad and onto me i don't think that's fair i think this segment's about
breaking down brad i think that's good brad do you have one for jeff again i've got one for Jeff again I've got one for me actually okay yeah MF doom more like I'm listening Brad
isn't in the room I like that where it. Where it has like, yeah.
You know,
when you hear a joke that was like,
yeah,
Hamilton,
it's like a very, yeah,
joke.
Yeah.
But like,
you know,
when you hear something that was like super clever and you're just taking it
back,
you can't laugh at it.
Like that's just how it was.
No,
that's exactly what I said.
Yeah.
Exactly.
When I say,
when I brought it up,
you guys like chided me for not having seen Hamilton.
Brad, have you ever seen Hamilton?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Love him.
Awesome, dude.
So many people have seen it.
It's not whoa.
Jeff, I thought you were a fan of F1.
How have you never seen Leonard Hamilton?
Isn't it Lewis Hamilton?
No.
No.
So confidently and almost angry.
Keep Portland weird?
Easy when Brad's there.
I've never said that before.
I thought everyone was going to gang up on brad that's why i thought this was fun
like we have six more minutes he didn't do anything i just think it's fun
i think it's fun to hurt people hurt other people but like
yeah you want to break into rad not like totally. Just tonally.
Your voice is awful.
There it is.
Five panel hat?
More like I want my money back.
Terrible. It's actually handmade.
What?
Yeah. Where? terrible actually handmade what yeah where uh this this guy his brand is called the eliquid
goods shout out to him check him out on instagram handmade hats i assume they do a lot of social
justice initiatives too right oh yeah yeah he's a wonderful person wow yeah so I think shitting on his craftsmanship
is kind of a low point of
this show point
Johnny
I completely
agree yeah we still have five more
minutes of this shit
did you have slides prepared or you just wanted
to put the graphic up I've
just been trying to put a little more effort into
the show so I've been making graphics.
And by effort, you
mean BR
35 and BR
56? Well,
what elements are those?
I do
not care.
So you don't put a lot
of effort into this.
And it also looks like the font that you used in Brad
is different than the one that you used in Breaking.
Like that A is completely different.
I really didn't want anybody to point out the A.
That was the one thing I didn't want to have happen on the show.
Brad, you're married, right?
Yeah.
Till death do you part?
I don't think so.
Till death does she smile?
Meaning?
Wait.
Till death?
She smiles the whole time Brad is alive.
Damn it.
So you think my wife is going to be sad when I die?
I meant the opposite.
That she isn't going to be sad when I die.
T-shirt on a Friday?
Try dressing up next time you're having a bad day.
You're wearing a shirt too.
I was having a good day before this
yeah this
alright I can't be the only one breaking
Brad alright even fucking
uh you know
what is his name uh
Rich Paul Aaron
Paul
those are two
people two different people
can you see his house tour
yeah architectural digest he's in a fucking cabin man it's not Those are two people. Two different people. Can you see his house tour?
Yeah, Architectural Digest.
He's in a fucking cabin, man.
It's not a cabin.
It's a mansion.
Brad Hild, more like Brad Shield, out too much money for his house in Eugene.
I don't live in Eugene.
I live in Northeast Portland.
Fuck. Grayson man I'm not on your side episode
this is this is good I think I needed this I think I think this is exactly the kick in the
butt I needed you know I've been slacking a little I I needed a little bit of slack so it's actually
you've been really productive
I've been slacking a lot yeah I've been getting a lot of work done
Johnny's been helping
he's a pleasure to work with actually
Grayson and I played D&D together
we had a great time
I love most of the people on this Zoom
how many specifically out of three
i mean we don't need to put a number to it yeah out of four i would imagine that brad loves himself
okay so four i do now i feel a lot better after that segment why as i mentioned earlier i i got
in a physical altercation this week with a mountain biker and been feeling a little
down.
Actually, hold on.
I'm getting a notification.
Welcome to...
What are you guys seeing on screen right now?
Jeffrey James has started screen sharing.
Double click to enter full screen mode.
Is that the name of the segment?
Hang on.
Here we go.
Right.
With bated breath, we wait.
Welcome to Chasen Grayson.
What?
Yes.
Oh, this one Johnny's excited about.
Yeah, I'm excited for this one.
Return of the Baldo.
This is a segment I like to call chase and grayson this is basically because grayson the last time you were on the show we
were talking about how you got either stood up or turned down for a date both both um yeah i i still
went on the date and then she wasn. Right, which she had told me beforehand.
Weird choice.
But I thought that we could sort of wax chastity
in terms of alternatives to sexual intercourse for Grayson
to partake in chastity.
Let me just get ready.
This is just an open forum.
What are some things that Grayson can do to stay chastened?
Chaste.
What about JPMorgan chaste? So you can spend as much money as you want you don't have a credit limit but you also can't have sex yeah it's your apr what's that at a zero
apr yeah yeah yeah okay um or actually at a point zero or a 0.1 apr So it's the same probability as getting someone pregnant who has a copper IUD.
Yeah.
And APR stands for anal plug retention?
Yeah, that's great.
That's good.
We're supposed to keep it chaste.
Let's get Grayson into this belt for sure.
And then what can he do while wearing the belt to have fun without having sex i'm gonna pitch birding
birding as in like bird watching yeah i feel like people who get into that don't have sex
but they're happy oh you'd be surprised really yeah birding retreats are just absolute orgies. I think if he's wearing that belt,
he should go on a really long bike ride through a bumpy road.
And then kind of veer someone off course,
leading to road rash,
and then flee the scene.
Look at a woodpecker with your pecker out.
That's good.
Am I right?
Grayson, I want to take a moment now to just kind of like hear you out any concerns you have, because my concern would be mourning wood in that thing.
Yeah, I'm so glad that you asked.
I feel like when you started the Breaking Brad segment, there was sort of an understanding amongst the other three of us that we weren't
going to partake.
And for some
reason...
Everyone's participating.
Yeah. I guess my question is, what the hell?
For me, it's the slide, you know?
Definitely seems like Jeff put a lot more effort into this one
with the whole making sex more than about intercourse.
Yeah, well, this is like, sorry to trigger you, Grayson,
or tantalize you even.
This is sort of the climax of the episode right so oh good word choice
i what do you guys think about grayson having physical contact with a potential sexual partner
but not having sex so like do you think cuddling would be helpful in his chastity journey or do
you think it would make it worse because he's close but no cigar what a weird sentence
i think it could be nice i think it could foster intimacy in a way that isn't just focused on the
end goal coming what what is i think grayson has uh a good sense of self-control so that's i think that would very very much help
i think grayson is the most like shredded person at head gum so that means that you
have to have either self-control or great genetics or both oh did that what screen is that yeah something's wrong with the screen jeffrey
oh that's why
cock nice screen still fucked up no no it's back we're back um this is a great uh example of why we should never do
a boys episode i uh i'm i'm trying to think i guess i should have come with some more ideas
i thought that brad would be foaming at the mouth trying to come up with ways for Grayson to stay chasing. I think, I mean, you already go on.
What?
You thought I'd be foaming at the mouth?
It's already weird for you to think that someone would be foaming at the mouth for anything.
Let alone thinking of ways for Grayson to not fuck.
Grayson, you go on long runs in Manhattan.
Yes. My fear
with the belt is the jingle
jangle of it all.
That is not in
my top five fears
with
that particular belt.
List them.
What are the fears?
Top five fears with this specific chastity device.
Number one, it doesn't really go with any of my outfits.
That's number one?
That's number one.
I feel like it does.
It's stainless steel and black.
That goes with everything.
I feel like, and forgive me because I'm sort of new to this.
Do I wear that on underpants or over?
So let me get this.
So you think there's a possibility that there's a butt plug going through your dockers into your asshole?
Docked in your dockers?
that's how you like soft launch it on instagram it's like a slide for the front view back view i'm all docked in my dockers
tagging rocky mountain athletics
concern number two um concern number two is the
i don't know i don't know what terminology to use but i want to say uh the slot at the front
yeah is it the pitch is it the bend um i it's it's that it appears to get larger as it goes it it looks like a it looks
like a deflated balloon yeah and i'm i'm concerned by yeah i would say the shape the bend and the yaw. Or nah.
Yaw or nah.
It almost seems like continue.
Oh, I was just, there's other forms of chastity devices. Like you could just dress really bad.
Because that kind of wards off any potential wards.
Well, how do you do it, Jeff?
Fuck you.
Fuck you, man.
That's the straw that broke the camel's back?
153 episodes.
I'm done. You can't break me.
You can't break Brad, but you can make Jeff glad.
Sad.
No.
And that's your answer.
Ziploc bags.
I have a Tupperware drawer that is subbing in for my boxers.
A Tite seal around my flaccid veal.
I'm telling you that I wear Tupperware as underwear.
Don't say flaccid veal, man.
You said it like a riddle.
The worst supervillain of all time.
Yeah, what do you guys think about this for a new Twitter handle for me?
Brown Riddler.
Brown Riddler?
Or Riddler Brown.
That's better.
Is Riddler your first name?
No, that's just my persona, non grata or otherwise.
How would you say that the Riddler is like you?
And I'll tell you why he's not like you
uh he's he always has a plan he's way smarter than you uh he dresses in pinstripes
you don't dress in pinstripes he has a layer
a layer you're the most transparent person we've ever met
forget it forget it let's round out grayson's last three concerns with the chastity device
and then we all lob up one more way for him to stay chased and then we'll make haste and end
the episode do you guys remember when you were growing up and everyone all your parents were
like just be careful what you put on the internet because it stays there forever
yeah i was just thinking about that for some reason uh kind of like a interesting sidebar
but i think yeah unrelated i think you should wear this chastity belt
that that uh goes inside your rectum and your phallus I mean you want
to be a spot for the balls either mmm yeah well that's fine because I have
taken a lot of steroids that's the only thing you like about it all right last thing for Grayson to stay Jason I think because
you do own a gym in Denver yeah not exactly how I wanted to plug that on the
show but yeah is there any truth to the idea that the more mile high you go the more your little swimmers sort of
decay
where did you hear that
I didn't hear it anywhere
is there any truth to
or does training sexually
a mile above sea level sort of
strengthen your tadpoles
little
swimmers
I think that's also the name of like a swim strengthen your tadpoles. Little swimmers?
I think that's also the name of like a swim diaper company.
And if not,
my door's always opened
if you guys want to go into business.
Grayson is already a businessman.
Johnny has the creative on lock.
And Brad is hovering from an injury
which i feel like is a good vulnerable place to start
sure so we started with johnny's birthday and we ended up at swim diapers
much like how this this podcast should always go like that. Yeah. Classic ep.
Another classic.
Yeah, I'm thinking Hall of Famer this one.
Boys ep?
Boys ep.
Don't ever call...
Shit, that's a new song.
Um...
Tadpoles um plugs what do you guys have going on uh johnny how's the music coming do you have anything
dropping soon sadly no i'm i just i had to move so uh that stressed me out for the past two months.
So it put everything on hold, unfortunately.
I feel you.
But we're back in it.
The piano is indeed here.
Upright or otherwise.
Yes, upright.
We'll spin it if we want to get real technical.
But you can follow me on Instagram at JohnnyV, J-O-H-N-N-Y-V-I-I.
And that's all she made.
The episode ends right there.
We don't get to plug.
Brad?
Follow Johnny on Be Real.
Yeah.
First off.
Wow.
And follow Johnny on Let It Be.
Which seems the same as Be Real.
No, you have to.
It's specifically Time of Trouble.
This is going to go on my Be Cool.
Posted the hardest part of your day.
This is going to go on my Be Cool.
Be Cool.
We're having a little too much energy.
Follow me on Instagram, I guess.
Brad the Human.
Stalk me like Jeff did.
I had bleached hair at one point.
Grayson?
Jeff, are you still trying to get to 10,000 on Twitter?
I am.
Okay, then follow me on Instagram.
Follow Jeff.
Yeah.
At Gray K Wise and follow the gym at Rocky Mountain Athletics.
Mountain is spelled MTN.
Hell yeah.
And at Jeff Boyardee on Twitter, we're still about 600 away from 10,000.
Let me make a concrete promise.
If we get to 10,000, I will post a photo of my actual ass on Be Real.
10,000, I will post a photo of my actual ass on Be Real.
And if not, if you will mass, unfollow me and mass,
then you'll never see my fat ass.
And we'll see you guys again next week.
This whole thing was Daz, folks. That was a Hidgum Original.