The Headgum Podcast - 115: Boys Ep

Episode Date: August 12, 2022

The young gums Brad, Grayson, and Johnny, join Geoff to discuss Johnny's birthday, BeReal, and staying chaste! Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-st...ars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Have you all thought about couples therapy? Me and Amir. For like friends, yeah. It's hard. I was thinking about this the other day. There's no foundation to build upon.
Starting point is 00:00:19 Yeah, that's for people who want to even get a lot. Like, I like the fact that we're not good like that like i don't want to be boys with him that would make me poison to him yeah yeah and i don't want to be close with you i want to be glenn closes phew you know what i mean where it's like oh thank god jeffrey's here so i know somebody. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Jake.
Starting point is 00:01:13 Oh. Happy birthday to Jake. It's Friday, August 5th, which is Jake's birthday. I'm so excited for it. The episode is dropping on the 12th, which I thought you were going to sing based on. Today is his birthday. Yeah, but next week is mine.
Starting point is 00:01:38 Are you going to sing it on the next episode for me? Oh, is your birthday soon? My birthday is on the drop date of this episode august 12th and i kind of gave you a little bit of forewarning like maybe we should i didn't think maybe we should sing but i don't know just thought maybe you'd have something for me oh um i don't check Slack often. Oh. Like I do check Slack actually every day, but if I see a notification like Johnny Villa,
Starting point is 00:02:10 I'm like, oh, I can... So it's like kind of selective attention for you? It's like selective hearing, yeah, but notification-wise. Yeah, selective notifications, okay. Are you 26 or 25? Jake's not going to see that. No, Jake doesn't care. Today.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Who is that for? I'm just so excited about his day. Well, you know, it's for the day. Yeah, he hasn't been on Slack. He hasn't messaged anybody, I don't think. I think he's out of office today, yeah, because it's his birthday. It's his big day. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:35 Are you going to get the day off? Me? Yeah. No, the grind doesn't stop. Not even on your birthday. Not even on Christmas. Not even on New Year's. The latter three are all things that year's those are the latter three
Starting point is 00:02:45 are all things that uh everyone's out of the office for you don't have to be there i don't have to be there so last so on december 25th 2021 what were you doing i was kind of just on the computer waiting at my inbox waiting for an email to come in but nothing came in i thought that was a little peculiar and did you bill that day like does that count or you're salaried so that doesn't matter whether you worked there that day or not yeah but like i attempted to bill it with marty he kind of just ignored the slack but you tried powering forward so you worked on christmas you're a salaried employee full-time and you tried to bill them hourly yeah because for some reason it wasn't registering that i worked on christmas in in uh the payroll right because it doesn't matter when you work you did that to you
Starting point is 00:03:33 and you didn't even do any work you did that to you waiting by the inbox counts as work for me are you 25 today or 26 25 quarter life crisis begins now are you a huge smile so yeah what are you experiencing a quarter life crisis are are you seeing goals shift are you making any changes uh no changes i think that i was a perfect person yesterday as I was today. So, what a boring life if you think you've perfected humanity. Like, you have nothing to grow towards or for. I mean, I guess the only things I really change
Starting point is 00:04:16 are the toilet paper and my clothes, I guess. Nice. Yeah. So that'll be on the Out of Context Twitter, I think. Yeah, yeah. We're having fun. Johnny Villa's smooth vocals on the sax right now,
Starting point is 00:04:33 and also Grayson Wise bringing up the rear, and Brad Hild's on the day. This is sort of a boys episode. Sort of. Yeah, man. Kind of, man. Yeah. Because it's like we got the young guns of HeadGun.
Starting point is 00:04:56 The young gums. The young gums. Which isn't even true because, Brad, you have deteriorating gingivitis man yeah it went away somehow and then came back he said uh-huh yeah i'd never heard of that liquid i have mayo gums yeah uh which i learned about on Mayo Clinic. Yeah, I did have a, we don't have a Johnny's birthday segment plan, but I wanted to wax all things Johnny's birthday for at least the first 15 minutes. Johnny, what don't you want for your birthday?
Starting point is 00:05:44 What I don't want for my birthday is anybody to be frowning for any reason. The entire day? Yeah. And just in your, like people you know or the entire world? Strangers. So if I'm walking on the street and I hear somebody kind of crying, I better see a smiling face when I come over there. Right, right, right. If you hear a frown. Just like the silent creasing of a forehead.
Starting point is 00:06:06 By the way, this is New York City, so there's going to be people frowning on the sidewalk. Well, we'll have to switch it up for just a day. Is that alright? Don't ask me. I won't be there. I promise you I won't frown next Friday. Okay, thank you. But we were going to talk about hair.
Starting point is 00:06:22 Grayson, you have short hair. Brad, you have short hair. Brad, you have short hair. Johnny, you and I basically have the same face and hair. Yeah, we do. Are you considering a change, or are you keeping the locks and the stash going forward into 2025, into the new year? Enough, enough.
Starting point is 00:06:39 Into your new fears. Enough. I am planning on keeping the stash for sure uh one time when i was shaving i accidentally trimmed too short on the little goatee yeah and i think i'll keep it short here and then kind of a little bit longer here but both trimmed um micah recently cut his hair so he used to have the long locks now he does knocks yeah so Micah doesn't have the long locks anymore and he told me the next time I saw him in the office like oh uh yeah I would be I was becoming a long hair guy you're slowly becoming a long hair guy too. Is that what you want? It seemed kind of pointed.
Starting point is 00:07:30 Right. But I don't know if that's the kind of personality I want to move forward with, the long hair guy. But what does that entail? Like, what is the long hair guy? I don't know but I understand what he means where the long hair becomes too much of your personality it kind of engulfs you in a way yeah
Starting point is 00:07:51 I guess I ask because I'm in I'm on the teeter totter again for the first time in months I don't think I'm going to cut it what's that? teeter totter as in oh just like I've been going to like Elysian park and like thinking. You had another idea that you were going with. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:08:14 It's, it's been like, I think I'm going to keep it, but I feel it becoming like, I don't recognize photos of me. You just have body dysmorphia, right? Like, well, I saw a photo of, I don't remember who it was, but they had, like, short, medium-length hair with the mustache.
Starting point is 00:08:36 With a hat. With a sax. And it looked really good. You saw a photo of Ferris? Yeah. Yeah, it was Ferris. Shout out Ferris. We should have Ferris yeah it was Ferris shout out Ferris we should have Ferris back on he left the show
Starting point is 00:08:51 but I want to have him on for like an exit interview that would be a nice little segment good luck getting a hold of him that's true if you're considering a change don't don't, don't. Don't what?
Starting point is 00:09:07 Don't move. Okay. Don't break up with people. Don't start dating anyone. You're stifling your life. Exactly. You don't want to grow as a person or anything like that? I think if you get to a place where you feel joy at rest, that's your best, and you shouldn't change anything.
Starting point is 00:09:27 I did recently hear of a friend of mine who is dating somebody that he does not want to continue dating. And when asked why he won't break up with them, his response was, I just want to skate through life. I fear inertia. That friend was apollo oh no famous figures or speed skater right yeah yeah omar apollo oh no nice really yoko apollo oh no Yoko, Apollo, Ono. Grayson, how's your cock? Every time. Well, this is an all guys episode.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Yeah, it is. Oh, this is locker room talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Locker room cock. That's where you experience major shrinkage because you want to uh make a good impression at 24 hour fitness because you had a bad um fucking uh grayson's cock and used to work out he probably still works out at gold's gym in hollywood and i used to work out
Starting point is 00:11:00 there and uh yeah he was just one of those old guys who would walk around swinging that thing uh hither than thither around the locker room and uh hey good for him i don't know what else to say i don't know what else to say either i assume it was a it was a nice looking one no it was fine i was like it was more confidence. Yeah, he has a low voice. That's a lot of T, testosterone, running through his veins. Yeah, I think. There's no way he wasn't juicing. Let me say that.
Starting point is 00:11:36 I think it really is funny that when you take anabolic steroids, your balls shrink. That's such a karmic hilarity to me. Yeah, you might get like super jacked but like you're also losing it where it counts because people are the balls where it counts yeah yeah yeah if I could wax philosophical about my philosophy Philococcal for a second my philicococcal for a second.
Starting point is 00:12:03 This is a boys episode. We can have a little bit of fun. Sexual partners of mine are appalled by my balls. Have you guys ever seen a nectarine? Yeah. No. Sure. What? sure what um
Starting point is 00:12:25 let's keep it going with everybody's bond of the week keep it short because I hate this segment now but I have to do it until the next one is cast otherwise it's a it's a real bummer I'm gonna go with um I'll go with
Starting point is 00:12:44 very nice I'm going to go with... I'll go with... Very nice. It's time for a small, bald Bond. I agree. Kitty P, come on! What are your next Bonds? Hmm. This is always a tough question.
Starting point is 00:13:07 I have to think about who I've seen recently in the news and i think dane cook is kind of a front runner there's no way he's he's not in shape at all his face isn't handsome i'm sorry but and he's mostly that i think i mean yeah they're trying to get away from james bond being a creep too yeah i agree that he should be less of a creep but if we want to do a little bit of a remake of uh let's say from russia with love or gold golden eye then i think that he's the he's the best guy for us yeah brad uh i mean how do i how do I beat that? My pussy? Nice.
Starting point is 00:13:50 Do we have to bleep that now? Does it become really obvious? So now the new James Bond is Brad's pussy. My pussy? Yeah. That's an octopussy. pussy octopussy that's good johnny thank you solid man that's good that's really good all right grayson um this one might have already come up so i don't like forgive me if i'm repeating it's been a should I even continue
Starting point is 00:14:29 yeah continue the bond between father and son nice that should have been on my soundboard, but continue. That was because a minute and a half ago, somebody said solid. So a minute and a half ago, you missed your chance. Yeah. You got to let it slide every now and then.
Starting point is 00:14:58 I don't think so. It's hard to run in Gucci slides. They do say that. They do say that. They do? Yeah. Grayson, this is your Bond of the Week. I said my Bond of the Week, but you were playing a soundbite at the time. Ashford and Simpson.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Did you say Larry David? Yeah, I did. Not what he said at all. a bond that is just incredulous he fails the mission m calls him well how to go pretty pretty pretty good that's a sketch for headcum west man Man. Really? Oh, he froze. You can't just. No, he just was silent like in anger.
Starting point is 00:15:50 We have to take a break. Really? Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1. Just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully
Starting point is 00:16:17 simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density, all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands. I like to drink it first thing in the morning. I'll have a glass of water. I'll have my AG1 and then I'll have my coffee. And it gets me set off to take on the day and to be centered and to feel like I did at least one good thing for my health. And if you do that every day, it has compounding effects. If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your health, it's AG1. That's why we've partnered with them for so long.
Starting point is 00:17:01 So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. That Friday energy, right? We haven't recorded this show on a friday in a minute you were so sour just moments ago it was dour there's a difference um oh fuck i had something i was gonna say were we just talking about i don't know it was all the way before the break that was so long ago yeah this is such bad podcasting to be like oh fuck what was i gonna
Starting point is 00:17:45 say it's like the second time that's happened can i ask brad a question yeah brad what happened to you running this week oh uh yeah i was uh i was attacked i was accosted by a mountain biker I slid off the trail I tomahawked backflip style and I got road rash from the slide I hit my knee on a tree that's nice that's rhymed
Starting point is 00:18:17 that's funny and then the guy tracked me down and yelled at me and told me I was going the wrong way on the trail and justified physically assaulting me. And I told him I'm going to go look and make sure that I was going the right way. And if I was, I'm going to come back and find you. And he was gone. Couldn't find him.
Starting point is 00:18:40 But so my faith in humanity is at an all all-time low so i absolutely restored what better way to restore it than to come on the fucking head gum i said this off air but like grayson and brad both joined and grayson's face was literally like and then brad was like i don't know what I do that makes it so joyless to be on the show I think we do some pretty fun stuff that's the word you were trying to find
Starting point is 00:19:16 laughing laughing laughing let's take it into some news of the day sorry can we stop for a second? Yeah. I got a notification on my phone.
Starting point is 00:19:30 I'm seeing the notifications come through. It's for Be Real. Is it cool if I take a picture for Be Real? Sure. All right, just talk amongst yourselves for just a quick second. Okay. It's good content. And he's gone.
Starting point is 00:19:47 Did you do it? Nothing realer than this. I didn't take it yet. I have my phone right now. You guys know what be real is, right? Right. Are we going to be in the photo? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:57 So be real for those who aren't aware. You take a picture wherever you are and you post it. And it's supposed to make social media a lot more transparent and just be like, oh, this is my real life. It's kind of boring sometimes, but sometimes it's fun. Yeah, it's like a real kick in the teeth for Instagram and social media apps. For Zuckerberg. I don't think it's an either or. I think it is.
Starting point is 00:20:22 I think it's both and they're not mutually exclusive. All right, I'm going to take the picture. Smiling. All right, awesome. Cool. Is that it? Yeah, that was it. Oh, I just got a notification.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Apparently Johnny posted a B-reel. Oh, shit. Oh, I need to take my B-reel. Are you guys cool if I take a be real? 20 minutes of us all trying to. All right. Jeff, you can move on to the next segment. Wait, no, no, no. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:20:54 Why do we have to wait? Why can't we just do it during the episode? You're not being real right now, actually. I deleted the app. Right. Because it sucks. You're holding a flip phone okay Brad if you have if you do have be real I think you're gonna want wait for this next segment actually hang on here we go
Starting point is 00:21:17 actually I got another notification are you kidding me just stop stop the auto track so I can't move on to the next segment. I got a notification for another app, Be Fake. So it's to take a picture wherever you are, post about it, but in the picture do something you normally wouldn't do. Okay, so what are you going to do?
Starting point is 00:21:40 Grayson's got the right idea. Silently put on sunglasses for good podcasting. That would be cool for my Be Cool app, actually. Alright. There we go. Actually, no. There we go.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Now I just look normal. Can I move on to the next segment? Yeah, go ahead and move on to the next segment. Here we go. Are you kidding me? got another another notification for um another app i downloaded called uh let it be so in this this app uh you gotta find yourself in a Alright, so... Alright, three, two, one... Alright, great. Alright.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Are there any more apps? Do not disturb, Johnny. Alright, okay. No more apps. No more apps. Okay. I got another one. are you kidding me sorry uh oh no this is uh my period tracker breaking privacy laws you know that right yeah yeah so i'm taking them down from the inside so those are breaking privacy laws this is breaking brad yes um this is uh a game i like
Starting point is 00:23:14 to call breaking brad basically i think brad has been a little too confident recently so i thought that we could take 10 minutes to sort of tear him down um i'll start uh brad i liked your hair better when it was bleached a little i didn't know you when that i know but i stalked you on instagram okay that i mean i've actually been thinking about doing it again do you want me to okay that i mean i've actually been thinking about doing it again do you want me to yeah but then it would feel like you're trying a lot so okay let's fucking input keep rattling shit off okay yeah yeah i'll go next um jeff on your graphic why does br have two different atomic weights if they're clearly the same? Got you.
Starting point is 00:24:16 Yeah, it's supposed to be breaking Brad. Accent wall. That's trying a lot I guess you're just pointing out shit from my Instagram no it's in your room right now you have a yellow wall and the other one's grey I think oh I didn't do this
Starting point is 00:24:37 my wife did well your wife is lovely probably yeah I got one Jeff your shirt is just like ugly i don't know what to say other than that it's good johnny yeah it's not called breaking jeff okay we'll just i don't know brad you go it seemed like everybody else was having fun with it. MF Doom? More like Brad's not in the room where it happens.
Starting point is 00:25:12 With where it happens? The room is Hamilton. Hamilton style? Okay. Did you just see it or something? Yeah. I didn't. You haven't even seen it.
Starting point is 00:25:24 You've never seen it. I've never seen it you don't understand the reference that you made no i feel like we're because like almost immediately you guys turned it off of brad and onto me i don't think that's fair i think this segment's about breaking down brad i think that's good brad do you have one for jeff again i've got one for Jeff again I've got one for me actually okay yeah MF doom more like I'm listening Brad isn't in the room I like that where it. Where it has like, yeah. You know, when you hear a joke that was like, yeah,
Starting point is 00:26:09 Hamilton, it's like a very, yeah, joke. Yeah. But like, you know, when you hear something that was like super clever and you're just taking it back,
Starting point is 00:26:16 you can't laugh at it. Like that's just how it was. No, that's exactly what I said. Yeah. Exactly. When I say, when I brought it up,
Starting point is 00:26:24 you guys like chided me for not having seen Hamilton. Brad, have you ever seen Hamilton? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Love him. Awesome, dude. So many people have seen it.
Starting point is 00:26:33 It's not whoa. Jeff, I thought you were a fan of F1. How have you never seen Leonard Hamilton? Isn't it Lewis Hamilton? No. No. So confidently and almost angry. Keep Portland weird?
Starting point is 00:26:53 Easy when Brad's there. I've never said that before. I thought everyone was going to gang up on brad that's why i thought this was fun like we have six more minutes he didn't do anything i just think it's fun i think it's fun to hurt people hurt other people but like yeah you want to break into rad not like totally. Just tonally. Your voice is awful. There it is.
Starting point is 00:27:36 Five panel hat? More like I want my money back. Terrible. It's actually handmade. What? Yeah. Where? terrible actually handmade what yeah where uh this this guy his brand is called the eliquid goods shout out to him check him out on instagram handmade hats i assume they do a lot of social justice initiatives too right oh yeah yeah he's a wonderful person wow yeah so I think shitting on his craftsmanship is kind of a low point of
Starting point is 00:28:08 this show point Johnny I completely agree yeah we still have five more minutes of this shit did you have slides prepared or you just wanted to put the graphic up I've just been trying to put a little more effort into
Starting point is 00:28:24 the show so I've been making graphics. And by effort, you mean BR 35 and BR 56? Well, what elements are those? I do not care.
Starting point is 00:28:40 So you don't put a lot of effort into this. And it also looks like the font that you used in Brad is different than the one that you used in Breaking. Like that A is completely different. I really didn't want anybody to point out the A. That was the one thing I didn't want to have happen on the show. Brad, you're married, right?
Starting point is 00:29:07 Yeah. Till death do you part? I don't think so. Till death does she smile? Meaning? Wait. Till death? She smiles the whole time Brad is alive.
Starting point is 00:29:22 Damn it. So you think my wife is going to be sad when I die? I meant the opposite. That she isn't going to be sad when I die. T-shirt on a Friday? Try dressing up next time you're having a bad day. You're wearing a shirt too. I was having a good day before this
Starting point is 00:29:45 yeah this alright I can't be the only one breaking Brad alright even fucking uh you know what is his name uh Rich Paul Aaron Paul those are two
Starting point is 00:30:00 people two different people can you see his house tour yeah architectural digest he's in a fucking cabin man it's not Those are two people. Two different people. Can you see his house tour? Yeah, Architectural Digest. He's in a fucking cabin, man. It's not a cabin. It's a mansion. Brad Hild, more like Brad Shield, out too much money for his house in Eugene.
Starting point is 00:30:20 I don't live in Eugene. I live in Northeast Portland. Fuck. Grayson man I'm not on your side episode this is this is good I think I needed this I think I think this is exactly the kick in the butt I needed you know I've been slacking a little I I needed a little bit of slack so it's actually you've been really productive I've been slacking a lot yeah I've been getting a lot of work done Johnny's been helping
Starting point is 00:30:51 he's a pleasure to work with actually Grayson and I played D&D together we had a great time I love most of the people on this Zoom how many specifically out of three i mean we don't need to put a number to it yeah out of four i would imagine that brad loves himself okay so four i do now i feel a lot better after that segment why as i mentioned earlier i i got in a physical altercation this week with a mountain biker and been feeling a little
Starting point is 00:31:25 down. Actually, hold on. I'm getting a notification. Welcome to... What are you guys seeing on screen right now? Jeffrey James has started screen sharing. Double click to enter full screen mode. Is that the name of the segment?
Starting point is 00:31:44 Hang on. Here we go. Right. With bated breath, we wait. Welcome to Chasen Grayson. What? Yes. Oh, this one Johnny's excited about.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Yeah, I'm excited for this one. Return of the Baldo. This is a segment I like to call chase and grayson this is basically because grayson the last time you were on the show we were talking about how you got either stood up or turned down for a date both both um yeah i i still went on the date and then she wasn. Right, which she had told me beforehand. Weird choice. But I thought that we could sort of wax chastity in terms of alternatives to sexual intercourse for Grayson
Starting point is 00:32:41 to partake in chastity. Let me just get ready. This is just an open forum. What are some things that Grayson can do to stay chastened? Chaste. What about JPMorgan chaste? So you can spend as much money as you want you don't have a credit limit but you also can't have sex yeah it's your apr what's that at a zero apr yeah yeah yeah okay um or actually at a point zero or a 0.1 apr So it's the same probability as getting someone pregnant who has a copper IUD. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:26 And APR stands for anal plug retention? Yeah, that's great. That's good. We're supposed to keep it chaste. Let's get Grayson into this belt for sure. And then what can he do while wearing the belt to have fun without having sex i'm gonna pitch birding birding as in like bird watching yeah i feel like people who get into that don't have sex but they're happy oh you'd be surprised really yeah birding retreats are just absolute orgies. I think if he's wearing that belt,
Starting point is 00:34:07 he should go on a really long bike ride through a bumpy road. And then kind of veer someone off course, leading to road rash, and then flee the scene. Look at a woodpecker with your pecker out. That's good. Am I right? Grayson, I want to take a moment now to just kind of like hear you out any concerns you have, because my concern would be mourning wood in that thing.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Yeah, I'm so glad that you asked. I feel like when you started the Breaking Brad segment, there was sort of an understanding amongst the other three of us that we weren't going to partake. And for some reason... Everyone's participating. Yeah. I guess my question is, what the hell? For me, it's the slide, you know?
Starting point is 00:35:07 Definitely seems like Jeff put a lot more effort into this one with the whole making sex more than about intercourse. Yeah, well, this is like, sorry to trigger you, Grayson, or tantalize you even. This is sort of the climax of the episode right so oh good word choice i what do you guys think about grayson having physical contact with a potential sexual partner but not having sex so like do you think cuddling would be helpful in his chastity journey or do you think it would make it worse because he's close but no cigar what a weird sentence
Starting point is 00:35:47 i think it could be nice i think it could foster intimacy in a way that isn't just focused on the end goal coming what what is i think grayson has uh a good sense of self-control so that's i think that would very very much help i think grayson is the most like shredded person at head gum so that means that you have to have either self-control or great genetics or both oh did that what screen is that yeah something's wrong with the screen jeffrey oh that's why cock nice screen still fucked up no no it's back we're back um this is a great uh example of why we should never do a boys episode i uh i'm i'm trying to think i guess i should have come with some more ideas i thought that brad would be foaming at the mouth trying to come up with ways for Grayson to stay chasing. I think, I mean, you already go on.
Starting point is 00:37:06 What? You thought I'd be foaming at the mouth? It's already weird for you to think that someone would be foaming at the mouth for anything. Let alone thinking of ways for Grayson to not fuck. Grayson, you go on long runs in Manhattan. Yes. My fear with the belt is the jingle jangle of it all.
Starting point is 00:37:32 That is not in my top five fears with that particular belt. List them. What are the fears? Top five fears with this specific chastity device. Number one, it doesn't really go with any of my outfits.
Starting point is 00:37:52 That's number one? That's number one. I feel like it does. It's stainless steel and black. That goes with everything. I feel like, and forgive me because I'm sort of new to this. Do I wear that on underpants or over? So let me get this.
Starting point is 00:38:09 So you think there's a possibility that there's a butt plug going through your dockers into your asshole? Docked in your dockers? that's how you like soft launch it on instagram it's like a slide for the front view back view i'm all docked in my dockers tagging rocky mountain athletics concern number two um concern number two is the i don't know i don't know what terminology to use but i want to say uh the slot at the front yeah is it the pitch is it the bend um i it's it's that it appears to get larger as it goes it it looks like a it looks like a deflated balloon yeah and i'm i'm concerned by yeah i would say the shape the bend and the yaw. Or nah.
Starting point is 00:39:26 Yaw or nah. It almost seems like continue. Oh, I was just, there's other forms of chastity devices. Like you could just dress really bad. Because that kind of wards off any potential wards. Well, how do you do it, Jeff? Fuck you. Fuck you, man. That's the straw that broke the camel's back?
Starting point is 00:40:04 153 episodes. I'm done. You can't break me. You can't break Brad, but you can make Jeff glad. Sad. No. And that's your answer. Ziploc bags. I have a Tupperware drawer that is subbing in for my boxers.
Starting point is 00:40:27 A Tite seal around my flaccid veal. I'm telling you that I wear Tupperware as underwear. Don't say flaccid veal, man. You said it like a riddle. The worst supervillain of all time. Yeah, what do you guys think about this for a new Twitter handle for me? Brown Riddler. Brown Riddler?
Starting point is 00:40:52 Or Riddler Brown. That's better. Is Riddler your first name? No, that's just my persona, non grata or otherwise. How would you say that the Riddler is like you? And I'll tell you why he's not like you uh he's he always has a plan he's way smarter than you uh he dresses in pinstripes you don't dress in pinstripes he has a layer
Starting point is 00:41:19 a layer you're the most transparent person we've ever met forget it forget it let's round out grayson's last three concerns with the chastity device and then we all lob up one more way for him to stay chased and then we'll make haste and end the episode do you guys remember when you were growing up and everyone all your parents were like just be careful what you put on the internet because it stays there forever yeah i was just thinking about that for some reason uh kind of like a interesting sidebar but i think yeah unrelated i think you should wear this chastity belt that that uh goes inside your rectum and your phallus I mean you want
Starting point is 00:42:09 to be a spot for the balls either mmm yeah well that's fine because I have taken a lot of steroids that's the only thing you like about it all right last thing for Grayson to stay Jason I think because you do own a gym in Denver yeah not exactly how I wanted to plug that on the show but yeah is there any truth to the idea that the more mile high you go the more your little swimmers sort of decay where did you hear that I didn't hear it anywhere is there any truth to
Starting point is 00:42:54 or does training sexually a mile above sea level sort of strengthen your tadpoles little swimmers I think that's also the name of like a swim strengthen your tadpoles. Little swimmers? I think that's also the name of like a swim diaper company. And if not,
Starting point is 00:43:15 my door's always opened if you guys want to go into business. Grayson is already a businessman. Johnny has the creative on lock. And Brad is hovering from an injury which i feel like is a good vulnerable place to start sure so we started with johnny's birthday and we ended up at swim diapers much like how this this podcast should always go like that. Yeah. Classic ep.
Starting point is 00:43:51 Another classic. Yeah, I'm thinking Hall of Famer this one. Boys ep? Boys ep. Don't ever call... Shit, that's a new song. Um... Tadpoles um plugs what do you guys have going on uh johnny how's the music coming do you have anything
Starting point is 00:44:15 dropping soon sadly no i'm i just i had to move so uh that stressed me out for the past two months. So it put everything on hold, unfortunately. I feel you. But we're back in it. The piano is indeed here. Upright or otherwise. Yes, upright. We'll spin it if we want to get real technical.
Starting point is 00:44:37 But you can follow me on Instagram at JohnnyV, J-O-H-N-N-Y-V-I-I. And that's all she made. The episode ends right there. We don't get to plug. Brad? Follow Johnny on Be Real. Yeah. First off.
Starting point is 00:44:59 Wow. And follow Johnny on Let It Be. Which seems the same as Be Real. No, you have to. It's specifically Time of Trouble. This is going to go on my Be Cool. Posted the hardest part of your day. This is going to go on my Be Cool.
Starting point is 00:45:15 Be Cool. We're having a little too much energy. Follow me on Instagram, I guess. Brad the Human. Stalk me like Jeff did. I had bleached hair at one point. Grayson? Jeff, are you still trying to get to 10,000 on Twitter?
Starting point is 00:45:33 I am. Okay, then follow me on Instagram. Follow Jeff. Yeah. At Gray K Wise and follow the gym at Rocky Mountain Athletics. Mountain is spelled MTN. Hell yeah. And at Jeff Boyardee on Twitter, we're still about 600 away from 10,000.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Let me make a concrete promise. If we get to 10,000, I will post a photo of my actual ass on Be Real. 10,000, I will post a photo of my actual ass on Be Real. And if not, if you will mass, unfollow me and mass, then you'll never see my fat ass. And we'll see you guys again next week. This whole thing was Daz, folks. That was a Hidgum Original.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.