The Headgum Podcast - 119: Sharty Michael

Episode Date: September 9, 2022

Amir, Kayla, and Allie join Geoff to discuss depression, espresso, and dream homes! The Pit Wall has been greenlit! Subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don't miss new episodes dropping every Wednesday after a race. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. This isn't that interesting, then don't say it. I mean... Isn't that a major key alert? Usually. Major key alert! But also I feel like you should live by that. Wow. Everybody! Everybody! um but also i feel like you should live by that uh can't make many of this episode anymore Wednesday, September 7th.

We've got Caleb Moriarty on the horn, Ali Khan and Amir Blumenfeld. Let's really get into it this episode. I think we're in the thick of the week. It's hot as balls in Los Angeles. Kayla's spared from that, but experiencing her own kind of heat under the, what did you say, harsh lighting of the New York studio? Yeah, I turned them off. It's too harsh.

Yeah. How's everybody doing? What's everybody feeling? let's get real this episode i don't really want to do the whole shtick of like oh everybody pile on jeff and jeff alienate everyone else like let's fucking get into shit you know what i mean i know the first part but like i don't think the alternative to that is getting into shit. Because it seems like we often get into shit and then also we pile on you. So it's not like an either or thing. Not a great start.

Yeah, I was going to say I'm doing well today. Yeah. Are you depressed? Not any more than usual. But you are often sad? more than usual. But you are often sad? I just sort of have a baseline 4 out of 10 ennui about the state

of the world slash things at large. But you can minimize that, lower that volume so that you can experience life as usual, colorful and joyful if necessary, I think. One of the best

ways to deal with enn um is to be on weed so if you could just toke i think you might start to understand the cosmic joke um ally uh everything's good over here uh chicken's off camera she's chilling and i we were just talking about this before my problem is i need to i need to jump start getting a life i have nothing going on and i need something going on for the love of god i don't even uh that's pretty good zero is a good place to be like yeah i feel like the range is negative 10 to 10 so if you're at zero you're doing pretty solid so i confirmed that this record with you guys yesterday over slack and then kayla was like confirmed only if chicken comes

and then uh ali was like she's confirmed and sent this what a beautiful monster did you sit her up like that or does she does it how does she does it like a a fat man at a poker table? I'm right. No, that's exactly the energy. She could do it with a gold chain. A large man in a salon. Yeah, exactly. She's like in a sauna or something.

You should give her a little robe. There needs to be an oil painting immediately. Oh, I would love that. No, it's like she's right here. She's bathing. She's busy. Yeah. it's like she's right here. She's bathing. She's busy. Yeah. She's booked and blessed.

Amir, what's the state of your finances? You know, the market's in a slight dip or recession, so we're all going to feel that across the board, whether it's investments, investments real estate everything is sort of in a downtrend now but we have to zoom out and think long term and as long as it's money that you don't necessarily need access to at the moment you can weather these small dips and valleys so that you're better situated to experience the highs and in terms of like having savings i'm ruined i'm financially ruined right i i put it all into really high

risk yield accounts at the height of the market in 2021 and that's all gone to absolute shit i'm i have nothing left to show for it um nothing left to my name um my car lease is expiring so i don't even have that asset at the very least poor i was gonna say you at least i'm not liquid either it's just i have very little left over but you have steak and head gum, right? You're an owner or did you have to off those? So I sold those privately on a gray market in order to make ends meet short term.

And I was selling them for pennies on the dollar before the last round. Do you know who ended up picking them up? One of Avital's exes got a majority of that and flipped it for 20x within a few weeks to somebody else. He was able to turn a pretty penny. And I was left with literally a pretty penny.

He was able to give me a few cents for basically all my holdings. So I don't really have that going for me anymore wasn't it wasn't it like he was a famous musician right it was like taylor hansen or something yeah he was in hansen he wasn't taylor but it was one of the hansen brothers right yeah so i just knew he was in hansen that sucks because like he also doesn't even need that i think he's just kind of making huge he's just playing the game right yeah from a place of comfort too from a place of financial security yeah and then did the deal happen all online or like did you deliver the shares somehow or it was done through a different hansen brother as escrow so i was able to feed him the assets and then he is that escrow because that's not an

objective party like he's ultimately looking out for his bro and he did ended up he took advantage of my hospitality a little bit because he was able to give the shares to ike and not deliver that cash back to me until i had a lawyer reach out with a pretty strongly worded email but you got the full amount? Not the full amount yet, but 50% today. And then hopefully, he's already up like 300 days past due, but we'll see if he gets it. So almost a calendar year.

You're not going to get the 50%. You're not going to get the last 50. So one of the Hanson brothers' name is Ike? Is it? I don't know. That's the pseudonym he was using. I think they were kind of fucking trolling me, quite honestly. I don't even think they were in Hanson.

Does Hanson have two Ns? No. No. Trick question. It does. H-A-N-S-O-N. Two Ns. Okay.

Which is what he did to me. But there were three Ns. H-A-N-N-s-o-n it was a danish offshore limited liability corporation like it was like it was a bank in denmark or it was like a cheese no it was a cheese mongerer in copenhagen that I was able to wire all the way to. Aside from that, everything is going well. Let's hear from fucking Kayla and Allie. I feel like I'm co-opting the entire show. Also, we should say that's not water.

I think you're drinking, what is that, a malt or a frost beer? Gin, yeah. Gin, yeah. Yeah. Iced gin. Yeah. You know a gin fizz no Allie what are some things you're considering

adding to your life if you want to add something man you know what that's a good question I'm trying to I want to try to maybe monetize some of my hobbies because I'm getting zero returns not joy

yeah that's pretty good actually because I'm getting zero returns. I'm not joy. Yeah. Yeah. Great idea. That's pretty good, actually. Let me know. What are your hobbies? Yeah, what are your hobbies? What are we talking about?

Oh, nothing lucrative. It's like, I can't catch a break. Nothing's lucrative at first. Right. That's true. It's like, I love cooking. I love, I've gotten into cross stitching i've gotten very into correspondence writing pen pals postcards so sending mail it's like what am

i gonna really get from that no yeah but the cooking one could be like private chefery yeah that would be cool i do i do think that i i can i can roast a chicken not my chicken not my chicken but like i can roast a chicken so it's one of those things where i'm like you know that is a that's a that's a skill that i have in my pocket but when am i really using it you can do like a rotisserie i'm imagining like chicken on a dais and everybody making fun of her like a roast a comedy central roast of chicken oh it's pretty good or it's you just bullying your cat sorry one second it's you bullying your cat while you sort of like use a rotisserie yeah yeah

but yeah no i'm like please no carry on No. Carry on. I also would love, I guess on self-improvement things, I'd love for my dating life to be going better. But, you know, what are you going to do? Can't say I'm not trying. It's a numbers game. And I think Hinge and all those apps are created to make you feel bad about yourself.

I don't think they're supposed to make you find anybody. Is Jeff frozen for you guys, or is he just not moving? No, he's frustrated. I think he's just having a moment. I don't think the show is going according to his plan. It's going better than I thought so far. You said you wanted to get real. That's what's real with me.

Unsatisfied. Uncut. Are you on field what's that it's like the casual sex app but people never heard of that it's a great app i would say it's the only app worth having uh people are very honest about what they're looking for and And sometimes that's dating. Sometimes it's not. But I find the most intelligent people to be on field. Oh, interesting. Highly recommend. It is also kink at forward, if you're not into that. But it's a great app.

I mean this earnestly. I receive and thank you. Yeah. I saw Amir on there once. Your bio was just playing the field. No. And seeing what it was all about. My bio would be Amir Blumenfield.

So it would be like, I'm outing myself. This is my full name. Have at it. But also kind of a pun, a wink, and a nod to the name of the app itself. I know, but the profile seemed like a joke i don't know if you guys were doing like a bit on if i were you but then all of like the interests were highly sexual i mean some really gnarly stuff like cock and ball torture hot wax on your eyes uh you wanted someone to give you a haircut sexually i don't know what that means.

What is it? Like a fade from a one to a three? I think it probably means pubic waxing, but I don't think I ever put it there, and I definitely was never on this app. Oh, you know what it was? Let me just go to the app for a second. Yeah, I came across the account I created for you. Oh. Let's see.

Watching Yellow Jackets. So what? Fuck you. I loved Yellow Jackets. I loved it. It was so good. So good. I have one more episode of season one, so no spoilers.

No spoilers in general, because everybody should go watch it. But tag yourself without saying any spoilers who would you be in the forest you'd be misty okay i haven't seen the show so i'm not really sure about misty grows on you versus a mere sort of sours over time like he's charming at first and then you realize that he's sort of hollow right right who you who would ally be i wonder ally who would you be i don't i don't remember anyone's names that well i watched it so long ago part of me could i would have fun maybe being lottie and and yeah i was gonna say i've always wanted to run a cult

oh yeah talk about monetizing a hobby yes right that's really good and that's not even like quantifiable you know currency that's you know social currency spiritual currency which you can't put a number value on so no totally totally. I've been watching Mad Men for the first time. Whoa. I have one more episode left. Wow. That's really exciting. I mean, I get it.

I get why people thought it was good. Not for you. I'm liking it. I love the clothes. You know what? I think more than analyzing, I do like analyzing the storylines and all that stuff. But I can't believe how put together everybody was aesthetically every single day for years and years and years.

I don't have that in me. Yeah. Well, it's a fictional show. True. True. But I'm like, man. Kayla, you're shitting yourself if you think ad agency well i think you meant like kidding yourself now it's pretty obvious that i guess over the course

of this podcast at one point you might have pooped your pants i don't know you apologize so quickly for that i just i my emotional bandwidth is running very thin today so i'm just going to be apologizing a lot yeah marika texted me saying that do you know where to get an uh industrial grade plastic wrap for couches i guess it's for the studio i don't think that had anything to do with me that was before that probably jake was in here before i was in here for the record with marty i don't know what they were doing i was in that zoom and that also felt like a few sharding situations happened mid-meeting i was there too something was going on jake called

me shardy michael at a certain point and i thought it was like kind of an inside joke unrelated but now i'm starting to put the pieces together this is a weird company this is a very weird company what about shardy michael as the episode title because i don't think he listens to this but i feel like he'd have to if that came across his feed shardy ginger vitis um i i got yeah i got an espresso machine by the way this is a wax episode oh so you have nothing planned i have no segments planned yeah we came in here saying we have a good episode planned that was to keep morale high that was to have you guys kind of spend the first 15 to 20 minutes being like there's more coming yeah this is it all right i see i was at a wedding over the weekend long weekend short week i started a new gig you're blowing all day small talk all in one

rapid fire lightning round thank god thank God we had seven straight minutes of Amir talking about financial investments. Yeah. And now that's only halfway done with the first 15 minutes. We still have another half hour to go. And you just blew by an espresso machine. You went straight to a wedding

and then we're on to like a, what'd you say? A new gig on Tuesday? On Tuesday. What's that? What? I can't talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. And honestly, I refuse to talk about it.

But all this to say... Well, I thought you wanted to connect. Okay. We can talk about my really cool fall outfit that I'm wearing today. No, yeah, let's do it. Let's start with Kayla. Let's connect. Four. Let's the four of us connect.

Yeah, okay. So I'm wearing a cool fall outfit today. It's misty and starting to feel like fall in New York. So that's all I have. Do you like fall? Where would you rank that seasonally? Fall, number one. Summer, two.

Spring, three. Winter, four. Wow, spring, three. Upset. Allergies, babe. Can't handle it. I see. I'm really excited for fall.

I need to go to the grocery store after this. I'm going to go to Trader Joe's. Get an array of fall nonsense. It's 106 out. I saw you drinking a hot pumpkin spice latte in a Starbucks parking lot. Sweating your sharts off. You were so, you were drunk. The hot one has less calories than the ice blended.

Is that true? I'm trying to keep svelte. Is that true, for real? I think it's, I don't know. I don't, you know, counting calories isn't good for you. No, it's not. Just eat less, mindfully. Right, right. Yeah. And exercise. Yeah, 10,000 steps. for you no it's not just eat less mindfully right right yeah and exercise yeah 10 000 steps i'm

sorry to say well i have a question for everyone micah and marty were talking about working out in the office earlier today and micah referred to it as getting swole and then he looked at me and i was laughing at him he goes what that's just locker room talk and then marty was like you can't say those words let's discuss that can you say those words swole or locker room talk like the phrase locker room talk is no longer acceptable did he say earnestly or was it a trump reference in jest it's micah so it's like genuine but also he was being a little playful i think yeah um he was he was gonna say like this is how dudes talk but instead of that he said this is locker room talk which is how trump sort of passed off

passed off right yeah assault claim in 2016 so right with the bush yeah yeah yeah I've started maybe you shouldn't say locker room talk but what if you're talking about a locker room oh interesting I think even then you know you don't want to get in any hot water in the locker room or not because oftentimes like you're in the showers and there's only like scalding or freezing. And I'd rather do freezing. Sure. I've started doing this is not really exercise, but it is like bettering my body in some way. Like Ming Dynasty era foot binding, but for my hips. Oh, tell us more.

Well, I have very wide hips. Birthing well i have very wide hips birthing hips yeah i have birthing hips yes and uh i'm in great shape right now best shape i've been in since high school i think congrats thank you but i still have these wide hips and you can't have the V with hips that honestly look like knees. What? So I'll sort of tie a belt around my hips and sort of pull, binding the hips to go from like a 30-inch waist to like a 28-inch waist. I feel like you're describing a corset's a corset corset well that's your that's the navel yeah i don't yeah i that'll make the problem worse calm

no you're right you're right i you know what it's hard having an hourglass figure yeah so sorry fucked up um i'm taking a class online, and they have a whole hip flexibility section that could be helpful in turning your hips in a little bit. It's called Contortion 101. That's good. Because historically, I've opened up my hips for anyone who's asked. And so the issue now is that I need to close them up. Yeah, yeah. Is that what you put on your field

i don't know if you should say historically in any dating bio honestly historically i haven't done well not since the 70s i want to say what jeff that was fine it was you got some laughs it moved the conversation along jeff texted me fucking help dude bring the funny now he's texting again i mean i am i think i'm doing a fine job i'm sorry that i'm not being funny enough for you jeff you're grinding you're grinding the show to a halt at every turn you planned nothing we're saying normal things just head and hand despondent yeah we have to take a break we have to take a break guys taking care of your health isn't always easy right but it should be simple that's why for the

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Look at that! Hi, chicken! Half cat, half, I think, dead, right? Like, so limp, the body. So limp. The eyes are incredible. She just saw something that she likes you know what she loves a bird yeah do you ever put on the cat tv for her she loves it you know what her favorite cat tv video is uh it's a of a little trail in a park and my favorite part of the video is this woman walks by with some dogs every time it gets me i've watched it 60 times like it scares you or you're like oh

no i'm just it's more like a marker of time where i'm like oh that's my favorite part i guess and then i i've just fully accommodate my life towards her needs and wants, which is fine. It's good. Which is fine. It's not bad. It's neither here nor there. Yeah. It just is.

Yeah. If you guys had to move right now, what house would you move to? Like anywhere? Do you guys play in the field? The market? You know, it could be where you live could not you know it doesn't matter ultimately it's just sort of a fun conversation starter i would love to live in the practical magic house have you seen that movie

so no practical magic or uh hollywell manor from charles yes yes yeah like a cool house that has a lot of different staircases and maybe a secret passageway that would be cool i want a house where you take a book and then a wall opens sure whoa that's awesome like in casper yes like that girl i'm here what about you christina richie uh throw me inside of drake's pad in toronto it looks like he has a full indoor basketball court there that seems pretty pretty chill to have like a court with the ovo logo on it and you can bring out some good um trainers i saw Shooter was there. What's that? What are we looking at there? It looks like a dilapidated mansion or something.

Drake's house, you were saying? Yeah, Drake's pad in Toronto. The T-Dot, the six. It seems like he's doing pretty well for him. What is that? It's a house in St. Remy, New York. Look at these original stairs. Is that near Kingston? Yeah, it's just house in St. Remy, New York. Look at these original stairs. Is that near Kingston?

Yeah, it's just south of Kingston. I mean, are you kidding me? I'm going to negotiate to get the rugs included, but I could afford this place today. Didn't you just move? Yeah, I was forced to move because my landlord, Harry, decided to sell our old place. decided to sell our old place. But, you know, you can always make a real estate investment somewhere you don't live.

Come back east. I'd love to have you. Oh, I like that. I really want to move to New York. There's two reasons I haven't that I don't feel comfortable sharing right now. Give us the least private one. The least private one is career

anxiety. There's everything I want to do. There's like 80% of the opportunities here versus 20 there. I could probably get you a role in the marketing team if you're interested. I did. Shout out Theo and Harris, which is my favorite watch

podcast. If anybody's interested in vintage watches they're very funny they're like the funny guys of the watch industry are they funny guys or are they just funny one second I'll get to your question but let me say my thing let me speak my piece they have like really good numbers

how did you compartmentalize that so easily you're a fucking loose cannon man what were you gonna say are they funny for real are they funny for watch guys uh i would say they're not as funny as like shelby wolstein but they're probably funnier than um amir i have to cut that out they're not they're probably funnier than like uh you know yeah i don't know yeah um anyway they just started a podcast and they're like we don't have any ads this week but we're gonna we're really trying to get some so i was like, Gumball would be perfect for them because I know they have at least 10,000. They probably have more like 50,000 listeners.

So I messaged Dane, actually. And I was like, you got to reach out to these fuckers. And he said, you know, if you broker this deal, you stand to make 10% of whatever they make. And I'm like like i have always loved deals i didn't know this was an option um i'd love to broker just one deal and be in business with christian zaron with michael christie i thought you said their name was like harry and seth or some shit theo and harris yeah so what are you talking about? Those aren't their names. That's the company name. That's funny because that's the name

of the two kids I babysat for a while. Really? Oh my god. You don't think? There's no way, right? Because you had a bad So where would you guys live? Let's say...

I was joking about the house. I just... There's a couple of houses I've been looking at. What place would you move if you had to? If you could, if you wanted to? If I had to move cities or just houses within the same part of Los Angeles? Let's go cities or in a place like la or new york a drastic neighborhood change i guess if i had unlimited funds i would buy like a really cool modern mansion in venice near the ocean why that's cool yeah that's cool it would it would be a little bit more um breezy and cool

on these hot summer days you can you know eat at all those fancy restaurants sort of create a new ecosystem for you on the west side that would be cool i would i would like to have a little maybe not a mansion but i could do a little bungalow in Venice like Fiona Apple supposedly has. That's cool. That would be cool. Yeah. That would be cool. I'd get into gardening.

Yeah. Finally. Finally. Holy shit. If only I had a bungalow, I could get into fucking gardening. If only if I had a bungalow, I could skip the line at a bungalow I could get into fucking gardening If only if I had a bungalow I could skip the line at the bungalow That's a bar in Santa Monica

Fuck you for that You know I frequent the bungalow And you're sort of tearing it down Like it's not Pretty cool trendy spot For dudes in hats Like I want to wear on the weekends and you don't get into the bungalow because i would talk to the doorman and he would prevent you from entering the bungalow

unless of course you had a reservation in which case and is it hard to get a reservation or is it just like a couple days ahead but yeah a a few days in advance, which is fine. It's not no skin off their back right this way. But if you show up having not had, then he's going to show you the door, which is the door to get in. But he's basically going to say, look at the door. You're not getting in here today. I can talk to the hostess, potentially get you. That'd be great.

Yes, that'd be great. Thank you. See if there's any cancellations. There are, fortunately for you. Thank you. Yes, so I have a table. So you didn't know that that was going to happen. Yes, that'd be great. Thank you. See if there's any cancellations. There are, fortunately for you. Thank you. Yes, so I have a table. You didn't know that that was going to happen. Yeah, exactly.

The Bungalow is a notoriously bad bar on the west side, unless Allie likes it, in which case I love it too. No, I've actually never been. Every time I was invited, I politely declined. It's cool if you want to hang out with sexual assaulty men and other people that don't say anything interesting have you ever been there yeah uh no no yes i've been there several times my ex-girlfriend loved it um kayla my opinion on the bungalow or where i would live let's do live

and then let's make sure we table and get to your opinion on the bungalow or where I would live? Let's do live and then let's make sure we table and get to your opinion on the bungalow. Sure. You know, I would do like a cool old house in Salem, Massachusetts or like a little beach bungalow in like Chatham

which is in Cape Cod. I love that. Yeah, so I could watch Great White Sharks. I love that. Yeah. So I can watch great white sharks and shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. And I've never been to the bungalow for the record. My family went on a vacation to Cape Cod when I was little and I really wanted to take a side detour to Salem because I thought it was so cool

without, and I like wanted to go to the museum, whatever. And I, at the time my parents said that we couldn't go because it was too scary but now I just know they didn't feel like it yeah it was too scary oh we could go to that town but it's pretty scary whoa really yeah sure whatever the You're seven. You don't know anything. We want to stay in Cape Cod the whole time. Yeah, what should we have for dinner?

Lasagna or I want pizza. That's too scary. What? Yeah, let's do sandwiches instead. Something easier is less scary. Exactly. I was like, well, all right. I guess it's still scary over there where would you want to live jeff thanks so much um you already showed us the fucking house while we were talking you showed us your house the house sucked we answered the question. Moving on.

Please, please, let's see what segments you had planned. This certainly can't be a full waxing episode. That means nothing. That means you came here ill-prepared eight minutes late and promised us grandiose ideas. Let's get one fucking do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Let's play, I don't know, Family Jude, where we have to decide. We interviewed 100 Jewish people, and the top seven answers are on the board. What's your favorite soup or some shit like that?

Let's hear it. Let's get there we're almost out of time i'm curious certainly you didn't bring ally and kayla here to just fucking wax for 45 minutes i'm missing a happy hour to do this chicken's mad um it looks like Pinky and the Brain. She gets bad. Fucking... Make one up on the spot. Here we go. Okay. Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go. Yeah. Thank you. uh welcome to what great dancing i'm here welcome to con stars uh this is like con stars, but instead of valuating things that people bring into a store or whatever happens on that show.

Allie, if you do us the honors of sort of pointing the camera of your Zoom. Shut up, dude. Like fucking let it happen. You asked for this segment. I'm being serious this time. Like let it read. Let me fucking speak. being serious this time like let it read let me fucking speak alright so it's Ally we're gonna need you

yeah sorry yeah no I overreacted yeah so let's see what's this is con stars so Ally if you could just point us at different objects in your apartment, we can... Yeah. Yeah.

You get it. No, I don't get it. What's next? I can show you things? We're just going to evaluate them. Also, there's a huge delay on the Zoom right now. I think it's because I screen shared Photoshop. Yeah.

Oh, dear. zoom right now i think it's because i screen shared photoshop yeah oh dear that's you need more ram for sure to handle some processing power like that look at that color coordinated bookshelf very nice oh yeah here's stuff yeah here's my bookshelf this is blue and pink oh that's very good then we got red got red, orange, yellow, green. For $250 for the whole set. All the books? All the books, the shelves. The books, my collection for my whole life.

Wow, your whole life? $400. Was your official guess $250 or $400? Because you're just sort of spouting out like you're in an auction against yourself. Let us all try to guess. I'll do a stack. I'll do a rack. Here's a fun one. A thousand fucking bones.

One thing. I got a gift in a book, Alice in Wonderland, but it's one of those fake books that has alcohol and a couple dollar bills in it. Wow. That's really cool. $40? I got a gun in there. $15. Alcohol and a couple dollar bills in it. Wow. That's really cool. $40. $40.

A handgun in there. $15. There's a fucking Glock. You don't keep that motherfucking thing on me. $59. $70. I said $15. Okay.

I'll give you a rack. Fine. I'll give you a fucking band. $1,000 for the book and everything in it. I think the $59 deal sounded better right it just felt real five thousand dollars for the book everything in it and your my cousin vinny t-shirt deal great i'll start over all right let's do this was con stars This was Con Stars. Do you have any expensive soaps? No. Do you?

Yeah. Why? He likes them. We've already been through this. Yeah, but what's the point? We're just going into last week. To smell good, and then people think that you're good. That's true.

Oh, that is true. Has anyone ever said that you smelled good, though? It seems like you're spending a lot of money, and you're not. That's true. Oh, that is true. Has anyone ever said that you smelled good, though? It seems like you're spending a lot of money and you're not getting any results. I feel like I said that to you at the off-site.

I thought you smelled nice. People say that I smell good all the time. Okay. Not minimizing your compliment, Kayla. No, no, no. I'm trying to...

I'm reinforcing. Thank you, yeah. Trying to make sure that Amir knows. It's soap related. What's that? It's just the soap. It's the soap. It's my pheromones. Am you, yeah. Trying to make sure that Amir knows. It's soap related. What's that? It's just the soap. It's the soap.

It's my pheromones. Amir, has anyone ever told you that you smell good? Never, yeah. Yeah, because you don't put the time and effort and money into it. I do often avoid you smell bad. I'm not a very sweaty guy, so I don't have a lot of BL. Although yesterday when we were shooting the videos, it was pretty hot and musty in that office. God, you smelled like absolute garbage water like ass i probably did have a musky musty stench that day yeah that was just for jeff

and riley to deal with yeah you were a uh a darth of good smells that's my word darth or dearth dearth darth vader that's good. Good smells. Amir, I'm sorry to do this. No, you're not. Is your current partner the best you've ever had? I don't know. What the hell is the... What is your fucking problem? What the hell is the... What is your fucking problem?

Look at the joy you get when you're asking me such invasive questions. Of course the answer is yes. Asked and answered, moving on. Wow. That's great. Yeah, it is. I'm sorry I put you in that position Yeah I hear that and I accept it

But it won't Fully mean the most Until you stop putting me And others in that position Because an apology without action And change Feels like an empty promise Yeah without action and change feels like an empty promise yeah can we try some group therapy

real quick? yeah Jeff can you mirror back to Amir what he just told you? Jeff it didn't work this time but keep trying, You're hardest.

Okay, that's an interesting interpretation. Amir, do you feel like he heard you correctly? No, he wasn't listening. What happens is that he sort of shuts off as soon as anyone gives him, like, a stern talking point, and he just, like, I guess goes elsewhere in hopes that nobody will ask him the question that you just asked him, which was repeat back to me what you just said. and how does that make you feel amir being in this position i feel um like jeff doesn't really give a shit about me or anything really and it creates this kind of negative feedback loop that started to like um adversely affect

the podcast and our working relationship. Allie, as the witness to this conversation, how does it make you feel? I mean, it makes me feel validated to be asked about being a fly on the wall. I definitely, I can see, I see both sides, but ultimately, yeah. Okay. Well, Jeff, I think it's good to acknowledge here that a lot of honesty and candor just happened and you know that could be overwhelming for you so I'd love to hear how this makes you feel

as well I thought those were like breakout rooms I wasn't listening I see but that was because I didn't think I was supposed to I think this is a really good crystallization of what Amir was trying to tell you. That was a microcosm of everything that's wrong with you. You're just, you're so in your own head.

You're so selfish. The tone of what you're saying sounds really thoughtful and nice, but what you're actually saying, the meaning behind the words and the actions is poison. No, I disagree because at the end of the day like i ask you guys to be a part of these because i need bodies in the zoom in the room yeah right and so it could be anyone but i don't want i think i i feel comfortable speaking for everyone we don't want to be thought known for our bodies we want to be known for our minds yeah yeah i mean i'm i'm happy to be thought of for both but that's not

the point um i everyone's feelings here are very valid and i think it's worth digging into a bit i feel like maybe i wasn't clear uh-huh i appreciate you guys for coming on the show because they're just there has to be three people and you were that that's where you sort of okay you make us sound like replacement players like it's like you didn't necessarily want any of us to be here and that shows in the lack of preparation and the way you're steering this conversation i i do feel like amir just interrupted me because i was going to get to a place where i think that it wouldn't hurt as much.

Did I interrupt? Did I interrupt? I mean, forgive me if I did. This show would not happen without playing off of you guys. Right? Whether it's a wax episode, whether it's a second episode. I wouldn't call it a wax episode. I would call it a non-episode. An episode without anything is not wax.

Wax is something. And I cannot. I'm just trying to express my appreciation gratitude to you guys for being received yeah for for you know giving your time but again it could have been anyone at the company you know so i like you know you were honestly amir you were one of the dregs i was trying to do an akala alley english episode english wasn't free right so while i appreciate you being here i i can't help but feel like it could have been better wow emir do you want to mirror back to jeff what he just told you yeah he basically just said that he didn't want me here and i

accidentally stumbled upon an episode where he gave little to no shits about what went on during it and now that we've reached the end of it i think we're all happy that it's nearly over but i don't want the lesson to be that like this was a good waxing episode that's a waxing episode is just a weird way to brand a shit episode which is nothing okay for the guests it's just the host came here completely ill-prepared i i mean i see where you're coming from but i do think that sometimes people do their best at their worst you have to hit rock bottom before you're good and do you feel like we're at rock bottom right now jess i thought this was a fun episode segments or not i don't know why i'm being

raked over the coals being spit spit-roasted, because I... There have been wax episodes that have been bad. There have been segment episodes that have been bad. Sometimes wax episodes turn out to be fine. Sometimes even, well, good. And I think this was somewhere in the middle okay well thank you so much for sharing that i really do feel like we're making some progress yeah we're we're carrying i do wonder like because i feel like we do these emotional you know you know whatever

pow wow sometimes me and amira i wonder if we should just let it come to blows. Yeah. What, like take it out against each other physically? Yeah, like we have a live show we should say on September 22nd. The HeadGum Happy Hour ticket link should be in the bio of this or the description. And Amir, you and I scheduled to do some kind of bit up top, but I'm wondering if we just fully duke it out. Yeah, I think that might be cathartic. Bare knuckle

boxing? I mean, I was thinking gloves, but if you want, I mean, the gloves can come off like that, and I have never lost a fight. Wow. What if one of us wins in front of everyone else? Won't it be embarrassing for the bloody loser?

I'm not too worried about that. Yeah, it just might be uncomfortable for everyone who came to see a comedy show. Well, and you're co-hosting with Danny, so you'll be bare-knuckle fighting, and there's going to be another host. Yeah, what's that? Not in the fight.

I just, I don't know Danny all that well but I feel like he'd be kind of into it. I think he could provide commentary. You know, like, oh, he hits him with the left, he hits him with the right, Amir is down, down. Whoever goes down. TKO, yeah.

Do you know what that stands for? Total knockout. It's interesting that after so little revealing how everybody's feeling, that the next step is fight physically. But you came into this wanting to connect emotionally. So I'm just sensing maybe something. I'm just flagging. I don't know what to do emotionally. So I'm just sensing maybe something. I'm just flagging. I don't know what to do with it.

I'm just flagging. That's good. And we can keep that for next week, I think. No, because next week is going to be like four segments. Oh, wow. Can we be on that episode? I think we're owed another go around. Yeah, why don't you guys come back if you're free.

Thanks. I like the idea of con stars. Con stars. That's good. We should do plugs because I don't want to waste any more of mine, Allie's, and Kayla's time. What do you guys have going on? I don't want to go first ally sure so we have the head gum happy

hour live show september 22nd uh that'll be fun that'll be fun and uh besides that i guess uh watch this space next time i come on but i'll have more going on in my life so tbd that'd be cool yeah looking forward to it gone he is gone that's fine probably right yeah well i i worry about him it's okay will you go check on him he's too far away for me to kick oh there he's back i see um i can go now i guess we can't um all right there you are let's see follow gumball follow head gum go buy tickets to the 22nd show i'll be there say hi to me oh wow kayla you're coming out studio episode we gotta do it yeah let's do that we could run this four back that's really good okay i'm into that let's do it uh follow me on instagram and twitter kayla la moriarty um i don't know

take lexa pro if necessary or regardless uh i feel like everyone could probably use it but if necessary fun fact if your sex drive dives or dies on Lexapro well butrin that's my next step if they keep upping my dose so

anyways see therapists get on medication mhm Anyways, see therapists. Get on medication. I'm here. That HeadGum Happy Hour is going to be absolutely lit. Are you kidding me? It's going to be so good. Our own fucking backyard.

Home court advantage. It's going to be me. It's going to be Danny. A whole slew of funny comedians. We'll see you there please tko is technical knockout not total knockout so really that's jeff's first l of the night let's see how many more he stacks up on the day he's in over his head a little bit so it should be interesting just because you're not comfortable i'm seeing is that fair to say um generally but it should be fun to see you try as you might um the link again is what headgum.com slash live i want to say jeffrey i don't remember

is that where the are in the description of this episode so check it out and we will see you there you heard no way you cannot say that holy shit they're already here this is a live stream. At JeffBoy already on Twitter. And we'll see you guys again next week. Thanks for listening to this episode. That's Daz.

Sorry, everybody. That's wax, folks. That would be better than that's Daz's. Sorry, everybody. that was a Hidgum original