The Headgum Podcast - 124: Marika as Amir as Reilly Doing Pratt as Mario Doing Bond
Episode Date: October 14, 2022Reilly, Amir, and Marika join Geoff to discuss King Charles' penmanship, jump scares, and facing your ears! The Pit Wall has been greenlit! Subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don't... miss new episodes dropping every Wednesday after a race. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Discussion (0)
This is a HeadGum Original.
Previously on the HeadGum Podcast.
Let's go with Strasburg.
Alright.
What's that?
It's an acting technique and I'm not surprised you didn't know that because all you've done is lonely and horny.
Three failed pilots for a reason.
You were so ready.
Know when to change gears richard or otherwise
um
amir i'm and kayla i'm so sorry about this because this is actually is if this wasn't
a podcast this would be an hr violation amir how's that how's that cock yeah yeah you're not supposed to ask that uh hr podcast
interpersonal second week in a row A mirror looks
dead.
Just like soulless, kind of.
Yeah, is everything okay?
No.
But I don't have to tell you.
You really did come on the Zoom
with just like dead eyes.
Oh, really?
No smile.
It's a dead eyes promo
that I'm trying to do.
No.
It shows over, kind of. Season's do. No, it's not. It's over, kind of.
Well, it's important for people to listen to the back catalog.
Yeah.
What?
The Dead Eyes back catalog in order to show this.
No, we know what it means.
It's just why do you think it's your job to promote it
and have people do that on this episode?
Anything, it's my job. Yeah, and have people do that on this episode. It's my job.
Yeah, and Marika. And not
here. Is just trying to have a good time
I think. Oh really?
Well you actually, before we started recording, you said
can we get this out of the way so we
can have a weekend. So I don't even know if you think
that this is going to be a good time.
Well this is work. For me.
Don't get it twisted to the listeners.
Everything that a lot of us do,
slash all of us,
really,
if you include everything,
is,
might optically seem fun,
but it's actually
work that needs to get done.
If you love what you do,
you'll never work a day
in your life.
That's not true.
Hmm.
Because work is cash, which makes it not fun.
If you do something for money, then it's just to get it over with.
Do you think mechanics love working on Mazdas?
Yeah, absolutely.
I think some really do.
They like sort of, yeah, like problem solving and tinkering.
Find a hobby.
That's true.
That's true.
Jeff, what are your hobbies?
I like aperitifs.
Yeah, but if it's like
1 p.m. on a Sunday,
what are you doing?
If it's 1 p.m. on a Sunday,
I'm probably whacking it,
sort of wanking it,
jacking it,
jerking my gherkin
until I
finish.
Ugh. Amir, you're wearing a
v-neck tee. Yes.
This was an undershirt.
But it's really soft, so I wore it to bed.
So you're in your pajamas.
In a way, yeah. This plus shorts.
Video podcast.
Amir, I'm actually just now remembering
that I had a dream that we were in the same
high school class
and we had a reunion.
And a ring.
A ring union.
We had a reunion
and I, like,
even in the dream,
I'm like,
Amir?
And you're like,
yeah.
And I'm like,
I'm 20-something.
And I'm like,
what are you doing?
I think probably
because yesterday
on Review Review
we were talking about
your age
because someone said you were born in 2002.
Me?
Yeah.
I see.
Facetiously saying that.
So that's why.
Was it you or Jeff?
Because I think there's only two people on that show.
So when you say someone said that.
It was from a listener sending a theme song
talking about how you died.
But it was like 2002 to forever on your headstone.
Hmm.
Also, we should say the tennis sketch
is like viral on TikTok today.
Is it? What?
It's got like 400,000 views.
Wow.
It's our most viewed TikTok,
but it's so many people being like,
like it's half people knowing who Amir is and getting the bit
and then just half people like discussing age.
This is millennial humor.
No, no, there wasn't any of that.
I've also seen a lot of people being like, Riley's 26.
Yeah, right.
Thought she was 32.
Someone said, look at those crow's feet.
And I'm like, sorry, you mean laugh lines, bitch?
Wow, that's really cool.
That's really fine.
Sorry I smile, honey.
Yeah, almost half a million views.
Sorry.
That's hilarious.
I guess we got to do a squeak-wool.
That was like, I think the first sketch that I didn't write or was in for HeadGum.
So it was me watching it for the first time while editing it.
And I was cracking the fuck up.
I was like, I mean, it was hard to choose which takes to do.
Because I think you guys did like three takes.
And they were all really good, but for different reasons. And and I was like I was having a blast editing that all right
good sign when the editors laugh so that's really interesting that it's like the one sketch that
you're not a part of in any way than the editing and it's became the most popular you said viral
viral well we were laughing a lot and we had a great time making it like i
feel like the energy jeff write it studio no i wrote it and then we improv'd a lot of it together
right we but was he there during the shoot no that's when he had covid yeah he had covid too
so on top of all that and so you think the secret sauce is me having an irreparable respiratory disease?
Which time of having COVID was that one?
Was that three?
Yeah.
Number three.
It's actually not cool to make fun of people for getting COVID.
Yeah.
Well, you're not people.
But it was interesting that the more sick you get, the more viral we become.
Yeah, the viral load increases.
The viral load increases on both ends.
Interesting.
Also, can you guys explain?
If you want to go viral, get virus.
He's not wrong.
Well, if me and Riley want to go viral.
If you want to be an internet C-lister, get COVID.
Yeah.
I said it.
Yeah. All said it.
Ah, the secret's out,
bitch.
We haven't done this for a couple weeks,
but that's fine.
Can I ask my genuine question about the sketch first? And I'm not fucking
hot.
ask my genuine question about the sketch first. And I'm not fucking
hot.
Yes.
The bag in the fridge.
What was that about?
The bag in the fridge.
I think it's somebody's lunch, right?
No, it was our sound designer.
He was making, I think it was his mom's birthday
and he had food that he was preparing for her
to bring over to her place.
And so that's the bag in the fridge.
So it's a full, it's a duffel bag of food. It's a d her to bring over to her place. So it's a full
duffel bag of food.
It's a duffel bag of unprepared food.
It was a dutchel bag because it was
going to be prepared in a dutch oven.
So he was going to barbecue steak.
I wasn't there, so I don't know
what's happening.
I just was trying to log in.
That's why it was such a freaking hit.
They said no
Gen Z bonds. Yeah, they said no Gen Z bonds
yeah they said someone in their 30s
wow so I have like 4 months to get
this shit booked
unless you think I look young for my age
let's go around
Jeff
Daniel Craig said that he's
injured himself on every Bond movie
I think you would die
tomorrow never does pictures up and you're gone I don't think so Craig said that he's injured himself on every Bond movie. I think you would die. Tomorrow never
does. Pictures up and
you're gone. I don't think so.
How do you think it would happen?
Like what kind of, what stunt?
Or if even a stunt. You think
he makes it to the first stunt? Absolutely not. I think
it's like, and pictures up and action
and he just croaks away
from the pressure. It's impossible
to time that.
I think it would be from one of those classic motorcycle, moped things,
but the whole scene is that Amir's just on the back and he shifts his weight the wrong way,
kind of like the end of the History Boys play slash movie.
He shifts the wrong way and then he would die from a crash.
What the hell?
That's not the resume that gets you, Bond.
I think he's shaking a martini in a shaker,
but he hits his head just so.
That wouldn't kill you.
No, that doesn't kill you.
That knocks you out.
You fall backwards, glass table, that kills you.
They somehow have the coverage of it.
Bond doesn't make his own drinks.
He's ordering from a bartender.
Imagine a mirror in Casino Royale.
That's actually the one Bond I could fit into
because I do like playing poker.
Absolutely not.
Have you seen it?
No, I just assumed that in all other Bonds, he does something much more active than playing cards.
Casino Royale has a torture scene.
Yes, the cock and ball torture scene.
It is haunted in three days.
Mads Mikkelsen ties Daniel Craig to a chair, fully
nude, and just whacks
his balls with a
knotted rope.
Jesus, that sounds so hot.
But he's like, Bond is like
trained to take torture and not spill
secrets, so it's like, hmm.
But I feel like it would be a weird, and even though
it's fake, it would be like crazy.
Yeah, it would be fake, so it wouldn't hurt.
Sorry.
This Try Guys thing has me like acting a fool.
Acting a fool?
I guess I'm not over it, it's all.
You're wiling in a way.
How is it affecting you?
Like, which part of it?
Is it them disbanding?
Is it the affair?
I want to insert myself into the discourse,
and I haven't found a way.
You need to then take a stand then.
So then what is your thing?
I have no strong opinion about that or anything,
but I just want to. So why do you want to be a part of the discourse
if you don't have an opinion?
I want to trend.
You know, Armageddon is trending number 29
on Twitter right now.
Which is end of days or?
Threat threats of nuclear
war, tactical nuclear missiles.
And that's twenty nine.
Try guys.
What is it?
That's insane.
Well, because the Armageddon is fine.
It kills all of us equally.
That's what I was going to say.
Try guys is like specific.
Yeah.
My bond of the week is Molly
Ringwald why because I want a 16 candles nod so bond is obviously a Lothario and a Casanova in
the specific regard of sex and so I want it to be a reverse 16 candles but a nod within the 007
universe extended cinematic or otherwise where like Molly gets some tail and then she kind of like walks out of the MI five bathroom and holds
up a pair of boxers and everybody claps for her.
What are your guys's bonds of the week?
Ned.
Fulmer.
Who?
Idiot.
Declassified Flanders
Ned Flanders as Bond
A fully animated Bond
Chris Pratt as Mario
As Bond
That's pretty good
So give us
The name is Bond
James Bond
But in Chris Pratt's voice as Mario.
So this is Riley as Pratt as Mario.
This is me.
Yeah, me as Pratt as Mario as Bond.
The name's Bond.
James Bond.
All right, now I'm going to give you Riley
as Pratt as Mario as Bond.
So this is me as Riley as Pratt as Mario as Bond. So this is me as Riley as Pratt as Mario as Bond.
The name's Bond.
James Bond.
I'll do Amir Riley as Pratt as Mario as Bond.
Okay.
The name's Bond.
James Bond.
That was me, not Riley.
That was you.
And now Jeff rounded out.
No, I think that's it.
I think that casting sees that and then in like the behind the scenes DVD footage,
they're like, I mean,
when we saw Marika do Amir doing Riley doing Chris Pratt
doing Mario doing James Bond,
we just knew that was Bond.
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah.
Marika is the Bond of the week.
Marika, we found it.
Yes.
Nice.
All right.
Can you guys guess the friendliest country in Europe per Condé Nast?
The friendliest country?
Shut up.
Riley and Marika, can you guys guess the friendliest country in europe let me guess you can guess after you just clearly need
like a minute guess after that's good all right i know i know what my answer will be i live on a
street where first of all a lot of hot people live on it but specifically like across the street
there's like a house of models but then every so often
someone walks across the way
and they're so uggo
that I'm like you don't deserve the space
yeah I was gonna say Denmark
what the fuck is wrong with you
Denmark is perfectly
friendly I have to change mine
that was gonna be mine too
I'll go
fucking Lithuania.
How random would that be?
Shout out to my mother country.
I'm going to go
Sweden.
Interesting.
Did any of us get it right yet?
No. And not yet. You only get
one guess. Ireland.
I almost said that.
I thought you were going to make fun of me.
No, that's why I included it, I guess.
But it's followed closely by Portugal and Greece.
Oh, well, in that case.
Ireland was sort of depressing.
And I thought you were famous,
and then you became a friend of mine
right so how hard could it be how elusive
how famed could you be
right let's move on
what does that have to do with thinking that Ireland is nice
I'm just saying you might think something
and then it turns out to be something else
the new season of Jerry Girls dropped today
it did
fuck yeah
my neighbors hate me that's a separate issue that wasn't even about
me yelling yeah it doesn't feel like that's about noise yeah going through things hillary swank is
expecting twins she sure is although i bet she didn't expect it at first meaning fuck you guys guys give us like a second she's 48 okay so that's yeah that's that's a little bit good info
to have yeah interesting i should have said that first and foremost for sure uh per heirs technica
zell fraud is on the rise and many victims are being denied refunds. Do you guys use Zelle? I don't use Zelle,
but I have a friend who exclusively uses Zelle.
So what I'll have to do
is I'll have to Venmo another friend
who can then Zelle that Venmoed money
to my other friend.
You can get on Zelle like in 20 seconds.
It's actually an incredible platform.
There's no fees.
This episode is brought to you by Zelle.
It's tied to your bank, so you don't necessarily have to create a new service
it's like a pretty seamless bank to bank transfer this episode's also brought to
you by seamless does seamless still exist marika
why are you asking me but yeah it's a new york thing
yeah well it's seamless slash grubhub they're the same but
there's still a seamless app and website it's a bad name for a food delivery kind of like caviar
and doordash i was gonna say you know caviar was better before doordash i'll say it yeah it was
what about jordash versus doordash what's jordash is that Jewish DoorDash?
That's good.
They only deliver soup.
But it's an actual clothing brand.
They make jeans and stuff like that.
Jean DoorDash.
Jashing to you. Your Jasher's on the way.
Your Jasher.
Speaking of jeans,
I learned yesterday
that Shaq's DJ name
is DJ Diesel.
Yeah.
No.
Well, his nickname was Diesel.
Was it really?
Yeah, when he was in the league,
it's like Shaq Diesel
or just Diesel.
Diesel to friends. I can confirm. when he was in the league, he would be, it's like Shaq Diesel or just Diesel.
Diesel to friends.
I can confirm.
Thank you for weighing in.
I really shook me.
I got an email that was like DJ Diesel,
aka Shaq.
I did have a dream
last night
that LA was going to
rename itself
to Shaq.
Like the city?
Yeah, it was gonna be shack
California
California and then the
Hollywood sign would turn into just diesel
that's a punch up
of the dream but yeah that's
a commercial shack is in next
week
really it's a
throw away
borderline unjoked kind of a comment.
You don't have to pause about it.
Kanye West put on a fashion show where he had people wear
bad-looking tees, by the way,
so I don't see how it's a fashion statement
saying white lives matter.
Can you name which celebrities have said
they won't be wearing these shirts?
Probably all of them. I thinkid correct absolutely that is one of them yeah pete davidson uh no
what was that not trying to find these bad looking t-shirts. The last time I was on this show
was a while ago and I remember that
we were doing a question thing
and if you got it wrong you were kicked out of the Zoom
and you were done recording
for the day.
You should bring that back.
We don't want to get
out of here though.
We get it wrong on purpose.
You have to get it right to leave.
That's funny.
No, it's not funny because you suck.
Everyone wants to not be here.
You should be offended by that.
Sentimental.
Next question.
The other ones were Jaden Smith. What's that? The other ones were Jaden Smith
Venus Williams
what's that
the other ones were
Jaden Smith
Venus Williams
and Haley Bieber
oh yeah
I was gonna guess Venus
every stinking time
you're always guessing Venus
that's just like
that's your answer for
get Luke on the pod
look at him
he's a boy he's a little boy Get Luke on the pod. Look at him.
He's a boy.
He's a little boy.
Say something.
Talk in English for the first time ever.
It's going to happen.
He looks so bewildered.
He's looking out the window because he finally has access. He's bothered and bewildered.
It's Luke.
It's Luke. Is Luke.
Little ear.
He just passed away as I put him down.
Nice.
I put him down.
Yeah.
Nice.
Every stinking time.
See what got King Charles flustered.
The new king has made a splash.
With the royal fountain pens.
Oh, God.
King Charles III hates the pens Did you write that?
for leaking ink on his royal hand.
He had to pull out a hanky
after passing the pen to Camilla,
who got ink on her hands.
All hail the angry king, someone tweeted.
Charles bitterly wrote off the leaky pen.
Every line is a pun.
Every line is a pun.
This wasn't King Charles' first battle with a pen.
A couple of days earlier, when he officially ascended to the throne,
proclaiming your majesty,
he gestured dismissively at a tray of pens to get them taken out of his way.
Someone on Twitter suggested, send the pen guy to the tower.
And when the king was seated for signing,
he kept fiddling with ink and trays, grimacing as he ordered an aid to get those pens away.
Someone put words in the king's mouth.
The servant must clear
my desk for me. I can't be
expected to move things.
Royal pain.
Genie most.
CNN.
New York.
We should do a video
where you walk in and say that speech verbatim
What was the first one?
It was like fountain pen
Pen
The king is making a splash
With a royal fountain pen
Pen
Okay
At least we're talking about something
Can't believe that aired.
I would fire that journalist.
Was there a tweet that was someone just like,
all hail the cranky king.
Like, it's not even a burn.
That's not news, I think.
We do have to take a quick break,
but we'll be right back with a segment
fitting for the season.
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Check it out.
No.
What are you guys seeing on the screen?
Nothing.
Jeffrey James has started screen sharing.
There we go. Oh, scary clips.
Welcome to scary clips.
More.
How long can Riley last watching the 10 scariest jump scares on YouTube?
No.
No.
This is bad for me, too.
This is great.
Then how long can Brownlee last as well?
This is horrible.
Now they're gone.
Now they're back.
Oh, God.
Shit.
Horror intro music.
This is just a dress rehearsal,
so we'll figure it out on the day.
Yeah.
Here we go.
Oh, my God.
I hate this.
Oh, no.
Not the whole thing.
There's only four clips.
What movie is this?
It's like Insidious or something.
Yeah, this is Insidious.
Oh, fuck.
Jeffrey.
It's so dark.
Oh, I should also say, you guys can call Uncle anytime.
Or sorry, Zunkle.
But if you stick it out for all four clips, you can win up to $40 that you actually can keep.
Which I think is more impressive than the $500 I used to send and then beg to get back.
This is $40 real dollars you can get.
I wonder if jump scares mean as much like broad daylight
watching on a dark computer.
I wonder if I call the IRS on your ass
and make sure you've been doing your taxes correctly.
Yeah, I guess.
Two equally important things to wonder.
What is this kid doing
uh he put like a
tonka truck in a teepee
and again you can call his uncle
at any time
I can like barely
see it.
I'll say you can't even hear.
You can't hear the sound?
No.
Not anymore.
What about now?
Yeah.
A toy truck.
It's gone again.
No, that's better
so long of a build up
reiterating you can call his uncle at any time
mostly because I don't want to i don't want to
spend 40 dollars i just it's like i just don't know how long this clip is i thought they were
gonna be really short clips and now it's like i'm my body's just so tense It's in 20 minutes. Oh, my God.
That's the thing.
It's like knowing that these are all clips of jump scares,
but not knowing how long they are.
So I know it's...
And because the music keeps going in and out, it's worse.
Because I feel like it's going to be like sudden sound and...
Face.
Oh, my god.
That was nothing.
That was no face.
Okay.
What is this?
Is this a different clip?
Oh no.
Is this the Ring or something?
I actually don't know what movie this is.
This one's at least well lit.
Whoa.
Ma'am?
Do you think it's scary to shoot these scenes?
No.
I'm kind of laughing.
Those fucking kids.
You guys are doing way better than I thought you would.
Because these kids aren't that scary. Oh i know this one fuck this this i remember seeing this this is insidious
i remember seeing this movie and this image that's gonna come up it is insidious because it i couldn't
sleep for weeks it was so like that's the problem that i had it was so fucking scary
and it also it's like i had this thing where it's like if i'm in the shower and i close my eyes
because i was like i couldn't close my eyes in the shower i'd rather have my eyes burn with soap
and close eyes and imagine this shit coming to get me yeah that's my that's my main problem with horror movies
like I just can't
deal with
the like mental
why do I want that image in my head
yeah like jump scares
I can deal with in the
moment
oh my god baby Rose Byrne
save her she doesn't deserve this
oh shit Amir do you like horror movies Oh my god, baby Rose Byrne. Save her. She doesn't deserve this.
Oh, shit.
Amir, do you like horror movies?
I don't love or hate them.
I think they're kind of fun.
But I never actively seek them out.
This would have been a great segment for Kayla.
She loves horror movies.
This movie's colored bad.
I have notes.
Isn't Patrick, is there like an insidious series or what's the series?
Oh my fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck. And I knew it was
gonna happen. No.
I hate him.
Me? No, Josh Lucas. was gonna happen no i hate him me no josh lucas he's the scariest like horror face to me yeah baba duke can't even compare oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. That was a pre-roll for,
but it was the Babadook,
right?
Yeah,
that was sick.
Okay.
Icon.
Is it scary to watch it in the theater?
I'm watching it in a grainy video from a video.
And it's not even new over my screen.
Like,
yeah.
And it's,
it's 11 a.m. and I'm scared.
Is this good audio?
No.
Girl.
Why?
It's just an armoire.
It's like Renesmee.
What movie is this?
Do we know?
It's Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2.
Oh, fuck that.
Oh, fuck that.
Is that the ring?
That was The Conjuring.
Oh, those are the Patrick Wilson movies.
Patrick Wilson.
I gotta say guys,
you made it through.
I really hope that this is not coming out as a video pod and it's just audio
of us waiting for.
I'm not going to Venmo Amir
because his net worth is large.
But Riley and Marika,
Venmo fine or...
I'll download Zelle just for this.
You don't have to Venmo me money.
You don't have to do anything.
Oh, then I'm not going to do it.
It's the thought that counts.
It really is yeah welcome to uh ear factor Fear Factor. Are you guys familiar with Fear Factor?
Yes.
Obviously a game show where you kind of face your fears.
This is a little different than that.
Face your ears.
This is Ear Factor where I'm going to face your guys' ears.
It's sort of, again, a test of will and strength and endurance for y'all.
This is going to be a game where I single y'all out one by one and whisper something
by proxy into your ear.
Really, I'm whispering it into the mic and then it's going through the airwaves and then
it's going into your headphones.
We're all wearing headphones, so it will feel like I'm whispering in your ear uh and it's going to be
a really bad sentence to hear and once again you can call zunkle at any time let's see who can
survive ear factor uh let's start with just because this is the order of my zoom let's start with
riley um what i'm going to need the other two to do
is mute your computer until I wave.
Okay?
Mute my computer?
Mute your audio so you can't hear me.
Riley should be the only one who can hear me.
Okay.
So I'll mute.
Give me a thumbs up when you're muted.
Okay, great.
Just us.
You never really know somebody's body until you've eaten their ass at least twice it can't be
like a one-time experiment experimental thing it has to be an actual thing
my favorite part is when you misspoke
um i also i guess also feel free to respond in any way that you guys want well i guess i wasn't
sure what the point of that was so it was it like oh how much of that can i withstand yeah okay
because i hear you say shit like that all the time and so it was just kind of like
waiting you're good amir you can you can put volume on yeah again if i wave on fucking idiot
should i come back or yeah yeah yeah yeah okay so yeah i mean i guess that i'm not scared of that
okay that makes sense riley and Amir, mute.
Marika's turn.
This is unreal.
I'm so lonely that I would pay a high-class dominatrix a rack just to spare five minutes on the phone with me.
Is that it?
Amir's turn.
Should I come back?
Yes.
When I wave, you come back.
And I haven't been anything less than
crystal clear about that.
Muting.
Marika and Riley, here we go. Sometimes I'll make dinner plans. Yeah. Muting. Muting.
Marika and Riley, here we go.
Okay.
Sometimes I'll make dinner plans with friends and have someone else make the reservation,
putting their credit card on the resi,
so that when I inevitably cancel last minute,
they have to incur the $25 ahead cancellation fees.
Okay. And I have to tell you if that scares me.
Back to Riley.
Oh.
Are you guys confused about the rules of the game?
Yes. I think it's not a game?
Okay.
We all three of us know a specific private thing for now yeah
i guess back to riley though yeah there's three rounds why is it well why do we have to mute yeah
why do we all because it has to feel like why am i the only one hearing this and that makes it more
uncomfortable got it okay so we've done one of three. Yeah. Yeah. Got it.
So Marika and Amir mute.
Now we know the rules
of the game.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
We know what's happening.
I don't know if they're rules
or a game.
Yeah.
But we know what's happening.
Marika and Amir mute.
Riley's turn.
Okay.
Brushing your teeth
more than once a day
is truly overkill.
Trust me.
It's a little saying shit like that in the...
All right, Marika's turn.
Why do I have to unmute just to hear Marika's turn?
I feel like I can stay muted.
Well, if you can keep it in your head whose turn it
is, then yeah, but I don't trust you. Don't be mad
at him. I'm just saying for the real
thing, we should adjust that.
All right.
This is being recorded as a podcast? All right.
Back to muting.
There's only one reason
to carve a pumpkin
and it's not
to put out on your stoop in October.
It's for fucking the gourd.
That tracks.
Amir.
Hey I'm back.
I feel like I'm getting boring ones.
I don't know.
Like Riley's always having a hoot.
No.
I can tell you what mine was.
It probably wasn't any better.
It's just seeing his face when he does it.
Even like yours watching it without sound made me laugh.
Amir.
Want some relationship advice?
Your partner should know you so well that they should be able to read your mind.
If they can't figure out your needs
before you even know what they are for yourself,
and not only meet them,
but go above and beyond,
dump their ass.
What kind of reactions were you hoping to get?
I'm wondering.
Discomfort, you know,
shifting in your seat a little bit.
I mean, like Riley said,
we hear you say this kind of shit all the time.
Fine, then let me just do the last round to all three of you guys, alright?
Shower beer, dry shower gin gets the job done quicker so you can relax and slip.
Yeah, it's good that only Riley
didn't hear that. I don't know why I thought it was going to rhyme.
Relax and.
And sin.
In the shower.
Kind of only means one thing.
My biggest dream in life is to be a board member.
This one's a call and response.
Jeff deserves a seat on the board of...
Visor.
Exactly right.
This is kind of like a Welcome to Night Vale segment,
but poorly planned. a welcome to night veil segment but like poorly
planned like the things
you're saying feel welcome to night
veil
but you could have
found a better like
way to frame it
yeah it's like ASMR but
I don't care kind of like
Jeff's druthers
I really don't want to say the kind of like Jeff's druthers.
I really don't want to say the last one.
I wrote it late at night and I thought that it would be fun.
No, you have to now.
You can't say that and then not do it.
It's pretty graphic and honest.
You didn't have to admit that.
Yeah.
Barbecue sauce all over his face.
I'm not going to say this one jeffrey that is such bullshit you have to say this i'm excited you guys don't want to know this
information and i don't want to give it so i feel like i shouldn't say it jeffrey
you have to it's just a description of my actual dick
no don't even joke i think it's an actual hr violation plugs what do you guys have going on what do you want to point the people towards
uh the floor is yours um i think when this comes out the first East Coast sketch will have dropped.
Holy smokes.
East Coast manager.
Yeah.
So watch that if you haven't and maybe don't be mean about it.
Yeah.
Don't be mean about it.
I guess it could be good.
Yeah.
You can make fun of Johnny all you want.
Yeah.
That'd be nice you want. Yeah.
That'd be nice to me.
Specifically.
Yeah, I guess just head gum sketches generally.
Rit large.
Rit large.
Hey, I'm Rit.
Rit large.
Rit large.
Name's Rit.
Yeah, head gum sketches review
review and
everyone wants to go check out the Super Mario's
Super Mario Brothers trailer
I think I'd love to direct people there
holy shit you're on the street
team
you're working with fucking Sony or whatever
mushroom kingdom
here we come
to you on the street dressed like toad
it works box office records shattered um we'll skip amir because he doesn't do jack shit
and uh at jeff way already on twitter oh at riley anspa instagram at riley coyote on twitter
at marie galon on Instagram, and Letterboxd.
Yeah, I was just going to say, plug that Letterboxd, baby.
Gotta.
And we'll see you guys again next week.
Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the HeadGum Podcast.
That's Daz, folks.
Yeah, I was going to say that I have an Instagram handle. That was a Hidgum Original.