The Headgum Podcast - 124: Marika as Amir as Reilly Doing Pratt as Mario Doing Bond

Episode Date: October 14, 2022

Reilly, Amir, and Marika join Geoff to discuss King Charles' penmanship, jump scares, and facing your ears! The Pit Wall has been greenlit! Subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don't... miss new episodes dropping every Wednesday after a race. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Let's go with Strasburg. Alright. What's that? It's an acting technique and I'm not surprised you didn't know that because all you've done is lonely and horny. Three failed pilots for a reason. You were so ready.
Starting point is 00:00:23 Know when to change gears richard or otherwise um amir i'm and kayla i'm so sorry about this because this is actually is if this wasn't a podcast this would be an hr violation amir how's that how's that cock yeah yeah you're not supposed to ask that uh hr podcast interpersonal second week in a row A mirror looks dead. Just like soulless, kind of. Yeah, is everything okay?
Starting point is 00:01:13 No. But I don't have to tell you. You really did come on the Zoom with just like dead eyes. Oh, really? No smile. It's a dead eyes promo that I'm trying to do.
Starting point is 00:01:23 No. It shows over, kind of. Season's do. No, it's not. It's over, kind of. Well, it's important for people to listen to the back catalog. Yeah. What? The Dead Eyes back catalog in order to show this. No, we know what it means. It's just why do you think it's your job to promote it
Starting point is 00:01:42 and have people do that on this episode? Anything, it's my job. Yeah, and have people do that on this episode. It's my job. Yeah, and Marika. And not here. Is just trying to have a good time I think. Oh really? Well you actually, before we started recording, you said can we get this out of the way so we can have a weekend. So I don't even know if you think
Starting point is 00:01:58 that this is going to be a good time. Well this is work. For me. Don't get it twisted to the listeners. Everything that a lot of us do, slash all of us, really, if you include everything, is,
Starting point is 00:02:11 might optically seem fun, but it's actually work that needs to get done. If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. That's not true. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Because work is cash, which makes it not fun. If you do something for money, then it's just to get it over with. Do you think mechanics love working on Mazdas? Yeah, absolutely. I think some really do. They like sort of, yeah, like problem solving and tinkering. Find a hobby. That's true.
Starting point is 00:02:43 That's true. Jeff, what are your hobbies? I like aperitifs. Yeah, but if it's like 1 p.m. on a Sunday, what are you doing? If it's 1 p.m. on a Sunday, I'm probably whacking it,
Starting point is 00:02:57 sort of wanking it, jacking it, jerking my gherkin until I finish. Ugh. Amir, you're wearing a v-neck tee. Yes. This was an undershirt.
Starting point is 00:03:13 But it's really soft, so I wore it to bed. So you're in your pajamas. In a way, yeah. This plus shorts. Video podcast. Amir, I'm actually just now remembering that I had a dream that we were in the same high school class and we had a reunion.
Starting point is 00:03:28 And a ring. A ring union. We had a reunion and I, like, even in the dream, I'm like, Amir? And you're like,
Starting point is 00:03:35 yeah. And I'm like, I'm 20-something. And I'm like, what are you doing? I think probably because yesterday on Review Review
Starting point is 00:03:43 we were talking about your age because someone said you were born in 2002. Me? Yeah. I see. Facetiously saying that. So that's why.
Starting point is 00:03:54 Was it you or Jeff? Because I think there's only two people on that show. So when you say someone said that. It was from a listener sending a theme song talking about how you died. But it was like 2002 to forever on your headstone. Hmm. Also, we should say the tennis sketch
Starting point is 00:04:12 is like viral on TikTok today. Is it? What? It's got like 400,000 views. Wow. It's our most viewed TikTok, but it's so many people being like, like it's half people knowing who Amir is and getting the bit and then just half people like discussing age.
Starting point is 00:04:31 This is millennial humor. No, no, there wasn't any of that. I've also seen a lot of people being like, Riley's 26. Yeah, right. Thought she was 32. Someone said, look at those crow's feet. And I'm like, sorry, you mean laugh lines, bitch? Wow, that's really cool.
Starting point is 00:04:50 That's really fine. Sorry I smile, honey. Yeah, almost half a million views. Sorry. That's hilarious. I guess we got to do a squeak-wool. That was like, I think the first sketch that I didn't write or was in for HeadGum. So it was me watching it for the first time while editing it.
Starting point is 00:05:14 And I was cracking the fuck up. I was like, I mean, it was hard to choose which takes to do. Because I think you guys did like three takes. And they were all really good, but for different reasons. And and I was like I was having a blast editing that all right good sign when the editors laugh so that's really interesting that it's like the one sketch that you're not a part of in any way than the editing and it's became the most popular you said viral viral well we were laughing a lot and we had a great time making it like i feel like the energy jeff write it studio no i wrote it and then we improv'd a lot of it together
Starting point is 00:05:52 right we but was he there during the shoot no that's when he had covid yeah he had covid too so on top of all that and so you think the secret sauce is me having an irreparable respiratory disease? Which time of having COVID was that one? Was that three? Yeah. Number three. It's actually not cool to make fun of people for getting COVID. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:12 Well, you're not people. But it was interesting that the more sick you get, the more viral we become. Yeah, the viral load increases. The viral load increases on both ends. Interesting. Also, can you guys explain? If you want to go viral, get virus. He's not wrong.
Starting point is 00:06:34 Well, if me and Riley want to go viral. If you want to be an internet C-lister, get COVID. Yeah. I said it. Yeah. All said it. Ah, the secret's out, bitch. We haven't done this for a couple weeks,
Starting point is 00:06:59 but that's fine. Can I ask my genuine question about the sketch first? And I'm not fucking hot. ask my genuine question about the sketch first. And I'm not fucking hot. Yes. The bag in the fridge. What was that about?
Starting point is 00:07:12 The bag in the fridge. I think it's somebody's lunch, right? No, it was our sound designer. He was making, I think it was his mom's birthday and he had food that he was preparing for her to bring over to her place. And so that's the bag in the fridge. So it's a full, it's a duffel bag of food. It's a d her to bring over to her place. So it's a full
Starting point is 00:07:25 duffel bag of food. It's a duffel bag of unprepared food. It was a dutchel bag because it was going to be prepared in a dutch oven. So he was going to barbecue steak. I wasn't there, so I don't know what's happening. I just was trying to log in.
Starting point is 00:07:40 That's why it was such a freaking hit. They said no Gen Z bonds. Yeah, they said no Gen Z bonds yeah they said someone in their 30s wow so I have like 4 months to get this shit booked unless you think I look young for my age let's go around
Starting point is 00:07:57 Jeff Daniel Craig said that he's injured himself on every Bond movie I think you would die tomorrow never does pictures up and you're gone I don't think so Craig said that he's injured himself on every Bond movie. I think you would die. Tomorrow never does. Pictures up and you're gone. I don't think so. How do you think it would happen?
Starting point is 00:08:12 Like what kind of, what stunt? Or if even a stunt. You think he makes it to the first stunt? Absolutely not. I think it's like, and pictures up and action and he just croaks away from the pressure. It's impossible to time that. I think it would be from one of those classic motorcycle, moped things,
Starting point is 00:08:33 but the whole scene is that Amir's just on the back and he shifts his weight the wrong way, kind of like the end of the History Boys play slash movie. He shifts the wrong way and then he would die from a crash. What the hell? That's not the resume that gets you, Bond. I think he's shaking a martini in a shaker, but he hits his head just so. That wouldn't kill you.
Starting point is 00:09:01 No, that doesn't kill you. That knocks you out. You fall backwards, glass table, that kills you. They somehow have the coverage of it. Bond doesn't make his own drinks. He's ordering from a bartender. Imagine a mirror in Casino Royale. That's actually the one Bond I could fit into
Starting point is 00:09:22 because I do like playing poker. Absolutely not. Have you seen it? No, I just assumed that in all other Bonds, he does something much more active than playing cards. Casino Royale has a torture scene. Yes, the cock and ball torture scene. It is haunted in three days. Mads Mikkelsen ties Daniel Craig to a chair, fully
Starting point is 00:09:46 nude, and just whacks his balls with a knotted rope. Jesus, that sounds so hot. But he's like, Bond is like trained to take torture and not spill secrets, so it's like, hmm. But I feel like it would be a weird, and even though
Starting point is 00:10:02 it's fake, it would be like crazy. Yeah, it would be fake, so it wouldn't hurt. Sorry. This Try Guys thing has me like acting a fool. Acting a fool? I guess I'm not over it, it's all. You're wiling in a way. How is it affecting you?
Starting point is 00:10:19 Like, which part of it? Is it them disbanding? Is it the affair? I want to insert myself into the discourse, and I haven't found a way. You need to then take a stand then. So then what is your thing? I have no strong opinion about that or anything,
Starting point is 00:10:33 but I just want to. So why do you want to be a part of the discourse if you don't have an opinion? I want to trend. You know, Armageddon is trending number 29 on Twitter right now. Which is end of days or? Threat threats of nuclear war, tactical nuclear missiles.
Starting point is 00:10:47 And that's twenty nine. Try guys. What is it? That's insane. Well, because the Armageddon is fine. It kills all of us equally. That's what I was going to say. Try guys is like specific.
Starting point is 00:11:03 Yeah. My bond of the week is Molly Ringwald why because I want a 16 candles nod so bond is obviously a Lothario and a Casanova in the specific regard of sex and so I want it to be a reverse 16 candles but a nod within the 007 universe extended cinematic or otherwise where like Molly gets some tail and then she kind of like walks out of the MI five bathroom and holds up a pair of boxers and everybody claps for her. What are your guys's bonds of the week? Ned.
Starting point is 00:11:42 Fulmer. Who? Idiot. Declassified Flanders Ned Flanders as Bond A fully animated Bond Chris Pratt as Mario As Bond
Starting point is 00:11:59 That's pretty good So give us The name is Bond James Bond But in Chris Pratt's voice as Mario. So this is Riley as Pratt as Mario. This is me. Yeah, me as Pratt as Mario as Bond.
Starting point is 00:12:13 The name's Bond. James Bond. All right, now I'm going to give you Riley as Pratt as Mario as Bond. So this is me as Riley as Pratt as Mario as Bond. So this is me as Riley as Pratt as Mario as Bond. The name's Bond. James Bond. I'll do Amir Riley as Pratt as Mario as Bond.
Starting point is 00:12:39 Okay. The name's Bond. James Bond. That was me, not Riley. That was you. And now Jeff rounded out. No, I think that's it. I think that casting sees that and then in like the behind the scenes DVD footage,
Starting point is 00:12:55 they're like, I mean, when we saw Marika do Amir doing Riley doing Chris Pratt doing Mario doing James Bond, we just knew that was Bond. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. Marika is the Bond of the week. Marika, we found it.
Starting point is 00:13:12 Yes. Nice. All right. Can you guys guess the friendliest country in Europe per Condé Nast? The friendliest country? Shut up. Riley and Marika, can you guys guess the friendliest country in europe let me guess you can guess after you just clearly need like a minute guess after that's good all right i know i know what my answer will be i live on a
Starting point is 00:13:38 street where first of all a lot of hot people live on it but specifically like across the street there's like a house of models but then every so often someone walks across the way and they're so uggo that I'm like you don't deserve the space yeah I was gonna say Denmark what the fuck is wrong with you Denmark is perfectly
Starting point is 00:14:00 friendly I have to change mine that was gonna be mine too I'll go fucking Lithuania. How random would that be? Shout out to my mother country. I'm going to go Sweden.
Starting point is 00:14:16 Interesting. Did any of us get it right yet? No. And not yet. You only get one guess. Ireland. I almost said that. I thought you were going to make fun of me. No, that's why I included it, I guess. But it's followed closely by Portugal and Greece.
Starting point is 00:14:33 Oh, well, in that case. Ireland was sort of depressing. And I thought you were famous, and then you became a friend of mine right so how hard could it be how elusive how famed could you be right let's move on what does that have to do with thinking that Ireland is nice
Starting point is 00:14:54 I'm just saying you might think something and then it turns out to be something else the new season of Jerry Girls dropped today it did fuck yeah my neighbors hate me that's a separate issue that wasn't even about me yelling yeah it doesn't feel like that's about noise yeah going through things hillary swank is expecting twins she sure is although i bet she didn't expect it at first meaning fuck you guys guys give us like a second she's 48 okay so that's yeah that's that's a little bit good info
Starting point is 00:15:31 to have yeah interesting i should have said that first and foremost for sure uh per heirs technica zell fraud is on the rise and many victims are being denied refunds. Do you guys use Zelle? I don't use Zelle, but I have a friend who exclusively uses Zelle. So what I'll have to do is I'll have to Venmo another friend who can then Zelle that Venmoed money to my other friend. You can get on Zelle like in 20 seconds.
Starting point is 00:15:58 It's actually an incredible platform. There's no fees. This episode is brought to you by Zelle. It's tied to your bank, so you don't necessarily have to create a new service it's like a pretty seamless bank to bank transfer this episode's also brought to you by seamless does seamless still exist marika why are you asking me but yeah it's a new york thing yeah well it's seamless slash grubhub they're the same but
Starting point is 00:16:25 there's still a seamless app and website it's a bad name for a food delivery kind of like caviar and doordash i was gonna say you know caviar was better before doordash i'll say it yeah it was what about jordash versus doordash what's jordash is that Jewish DoorDash? That's good. They only deliver soup. But it's an actual clothing brand. They make jeans and stuff like that. Jean DoorDash.
Starting point is 00:17:01 Jashing to you. Your Jasher's on the way. Your Jasher. Speaking of jeans, I learned yesterday that Shaq's DJ name is DJ Diesel. Yeah. No.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Well, his nickname was Diesel. Was it really? Yeah, when he was in the league, it's like Shaq Diesel or just Diesel. Diesel to friends. I can confirm. when he was in the league, he would be, it's like Shaq Diesel or just Diesel. Diesel to friends. I can confirm.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Thank you for weighing in. I really shook me. I got an email that was like DJ Diesel, aka Shaq. I did have a dream last night that LA was going to rename itself
Starting point is 00:17:41 to Shaq. Like the city? Yeah, it was gonna be shack California California and then the Hollywood sign would turn into just diesel that's a punch up of the dream but yeah that's
Starting point is 00:17:56 a commercial shack is in next week really it's a throw away borderline unjoked kind of a comment. You don't have to pause about it. Kanye West put on a fashion show where he had people wear bad-looking tees, by the way,
Starting point is 00:18:16 so I don't see how it's a fashion statement saying white lives matter. Can you name which celebrities have said they won't be wearing these shirts? Probably all of them. I thinkid correct absolutely that is one of them yeah pete davidson uh no what was that not trying to find these bad looking t-shirts. The last time I was on this show was a while ago and I remember that we were doing a question thing
Starting point is 00:18:50 and if you got it wrong you were kicked out of the Zoom and you were done recording for the day. You should bring that back. We don't want to get out of here though. We get it wrong on purpose. You have to get it right to leave.
Starting point is 00:19:06 That's funny. No, it's not funny because you suck. Everyone wants to not be here. You should be offended by that. Sentimental. Next question. The other ones were Jaden Smith. What's that? The other ones were Jaden Smith Venus Williams
Starting point is 00:19:26 what's that the other ones were Jaden Smith Venus Williams and Haley Bieber oh yeah I was gonna guess Venus every stinking time
Starting point is 00:19:35 you're always guessing Venus that's just like that's your answer for get Luke on the pod look at him he's a boy he's a little boy Get Luke on the pod. Look at him. He's a boy. He's a little boy.
Starting point is 00:19:50 Say something. Talk in English for the first time ever. It's going to happen. He looks so bewildered. He's looking out the window because he finally has access. He's bothered and bewildered. It's Luke. It's Luke. Is Luke. Little ear.
Starting point is 00:20:09 He just passed away as I put him down. Nice. I put him down. Yeah. Nice. Every stinking time. See what got King Charles flustered. The new king has made a splash.
Starting point is 00:20:28 With the royal fountain pens. Oh, God. King Charles III hates the pens Did you write that? for leaking ink on his royal hand. He had to pull out a hanky after passing the pen to Camilla, who got ink on her hands. All hail the angry king, someone tweeted.
Starting point is 00:20:46 Charles bitterly wrote off the leaky pen. Every line is a pun. Every line is a pun. This wasn't King Charles' first battle with a pen. A couple of days earlier, when he officially ascended to the throne, proclaiming your majesty, he gestured dismissively at a tray of pens to get them taken out of his way. Someone on Twitter suggested, send the pen guy to the tower.
Starting point is 00:21:16 And when the king was seated for signing, he kept fiddling with ink and trays, grimacing as he ordered an aid to get those pens away. Someone put words in the king's mouth. The servant must clear my desk for me. I can't be expected to move things. Royal pain. Genie most.
Starting point is 00:21:38 CNN. New York. We should do a video where you walk in and say that speech verbatim What was the first one? It was like fountain pen Pen The king is making a splash
Starting point is 00:21:55 With a royal fountain pen Pen Okay At least we're talking about something Can't believe that aired. I would fire that journalist. Was there a tweet that was someone just like, all hail the cranky king.
Starting point is 00:22:13 Like, it's not even a burn. That's not news, I think. We do have to take a quick break, but we'll be right back with a segment fitting for the season. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions.
Starting point is 00:22:43 And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density, all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands. I like to drink it first thing in the morning. I'll have a glass of water, I'll have my AG1, and then I'll have my coffee. And it gets me set off to take on the day and to be centered
Starting point is 00:23:24 and to feel like I did at least one good thing for my health. And if you do that every day, it has compounding effects. If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your health, it's AG1. That's why we've partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2
Starting point is 00:23:44 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. No. What are you guys seeing on the screen? Nothing. Jeffrey James has started screen sharing.
Starting point is 00:24:15 There we go. Oh, scary clips. Welcome to scary clips. More. How long can Riley last watching the 10 scariest jump scares on YouTube? No. No. This is bad for me, too. This is great.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Then how long can Brownlee last as well? This is horrible. Now they're gone. Now they're back. Oh, God. Shit. Horror intro music. This is just a dress rehearsal,
Starting point is 00:24:46 so we'll figure it out on the day. Yeah. Here we go. Oh, my God. I hate this. Oh, no. Not the whole thing. There's only four clips.
Starting point is 00:24:57 What movie is this? It's like Insidious or something. Yeah, this is Insidious. Oh, fuck. Jeffrey. It's so dark. Oh, I should also say, you guys can call Uncle anytime. Or sorry, Zunkle.
Starting point is 00:25:10 But if you stick it out for all four clips, you can win up to $40 that you actually can keep. Which I think is more impressive than the $500 I used to send and then beg to get back. This is $40 real dollars you can get. I wonder if jump scares mean as much like broad daylight watching on a dark computer. I wonder if I call the IRS on your ass and make sure you've been doing your taxes correctly. Yeah, I guess.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Two equally important things to wonder. What is this kid doing uh he put like a tonka truck in a teepee and again you can call his uncle at any time I can like barely see it.
Starting point is 00:26:05 I'll say you can't even hear. You can't hear the sound? No. Not anymore. What about now? Yeah. A toy truck. It's gone again.
Starting point is 00:26:24 No, that's better so long of a build up reiterating you can call his uncle at any time mostly because I don't want to i don't want to spend 40 dollars i just it's like i just don't know how long this clip is i thought they were gonna be really short clips and now it's like i'm my body's just so tense It's in 20 minutes. Oh, my God. That's the thing. It's like knowing that these are all clips of jump scares,
Starting point is 00:27:09 but not knowing how long they are. So I know it's... And because the music keeps going in and out, it's worse. Because I feel like it's going to be like sudden sound and... Face. Oh, my god. That was nothing. That was no face.
Starting point is 00:27:36 Okay. What is this? Is this a different clip? Oh no. Is this the Ring or something? I actually don't know what movie this is. This one's at least well lit. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Ma'am? Do you think it's scary to shoot these scenes? No. I'm kind of laughing. Those fucking kids. You guys are doing way better than I thought you would. Because these kids aren't that scary. Oh i know this one fuck this this i remember seeing this this is insidious i remember seeing this movie and this image that's gonna come up it is insidious because it i couldn't
Starting point is 00:28:20 sleep for weeks it was so like that's the problem that i had it was so fucking scary and it also it's like i had this thing where it's like if i'm in the shower and i close my eyes because i was like i couldn't close my eyes in the shower i'd rather have my eyes burn with soap and close eyes and imagine this shit coming to get me yeah that's my that's my main problem with horror movies like I just can't deal with the like mental why do I want that image in my head
Starting point is 00:28:54 yeah like jump scares I can deal with in the moment oh my god baby Rose Byrne save her she doesn't deserve this oh shit Amir do you like horror movies Oh my god, baby Rose Byrne. Save her. She doesn't deserve this. Oh, shit. Amir, do you like horror movies?
Starting point is 00:29:13 I don't love or hate them. I think they're kind of fun. But I never actively seek them out. This would have been a great segment for Kayla. She loves horror movies. This movie's colored bad. I have notes. Isn't Patrick, is there like an insidious series or what's the series?
Starting point is 00:29:36 Oh my fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And I knew it was gonna happen. No. I hate him. Me? No, Josh Lucas. was gonna happen no i hate him me no josh lucas he's the scariest like horror face to me yeah baba duke can't even compare oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. That was a pre-roll for, but it was the Babadook, right? Yeah,
Starting point is 00:30:09 that was sick. Okay. Icon. Is it scary to watch it in the theater? I'm watching it in a grainy video from a video. And it's not even new over my screen. Like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:24 And it's, it's 11 a.m. and I'm scared. Is this good audio? No. Girl. Why? It's just an armoire. It's like Renesmee.
Starting point is 00:30:46 What movie is this? Do we know? It's Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2. Oh, fuck that. Oh, fuck that. Is that the ring? That was The Conjuring. Oh, those are the Patrick Wilson movies.
Starting point is 00:31:02 Patrick Wilson. I gotta say guys, you made it through. I really hope that this is not coming out as a video pod and it's just audio of us waiting for. I'm not going to Venmo Amir because his net worth is large. But Riley and Marika,
Starting point is 00:31:29 Venmo fine or... I'll download Zelle just for this. You don't have to Venmo me money. You don't have to do anything. Oh, then I'm not going to do it. It's the thought that counts. It really is yeah welcome to uh ear factor Fear Factor. Are you guys familiar with Fear Factor? Yes.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Obviously a game show where you kind of face your fears. This is a little different than that. Face your ears. This is Ear Factor where I'm going to face your guys' ears. It's sort of, again, a test of will and strength and endurance for y'all. This is going to be a game where I single y'all out one by one and whisper something by proxy into your ear. Really, I'm whispering it into the mic and then it's going through the airwaves and then
Starting point is 00:32:41 it's going into your headphones. We're all wearing headphones, so it will feel like I'm whispering in your ear uh and it's going to be a really bad sentence to hear and once again you can call zunkle at any time let's see who can survive ear factor uh let's start with just because this is the order of my zoom let's start with riley um what i'm going to need the other two to do is mute your computer until I wave. Okay? Mute my computer?
Starting point is 00:33:11 Mute your audio so you can't hear me. Riley should be the only one who can hear me. Okay. So I'll mute. Give me a thumbs up when you're muted. Okay, great. Just us. You never really know somebody's body until you've eaten their ass at least twice it can't be
Starting point is 00:33:32 like a one-time experiment experimental thing it has to be an actual thing my favorite part is when you misspoke um i also i guess also feel free to respond in any way that you guys want well i guess i wasn't sure what the point of that was so it was it like oh how much of that can i withstand yeah okay because i hear you say shit like that all the time and so it was just kind of like waiting you're good amir you can you can put volume on yeah again if i wave on fucking idiot should i come back or yeah yeah yeah yeah okay so yeah i mean i guess that i'm not scared of that okay that makes sense riley and Amir, mute.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Marika's turn. This is unreal. I'm so lonely that I would pay a high-class dominatrix a rack just to spare five minutes on the phone with me. Is that it? Amir's turn. Should I come back? Yes. When I wave, you come back.
Starting point is 00:34:55 And I haven't been anything less than crystal clear about that. Muting. Marika and Riley, here we go. Sometimes I'll make dinner plans. Yeah. Muting. Muting. Marika and Riley, here we go. Okay. Sometimes I'll make dinner plans with friends and have someone else make the reservation, putting their credit card on the resi,
Starting point is 00:35:17 so that when I inevitably cancel last minute, they have to incur the $25 ahead cancellation fees. Okay. And I have to tell you if that scares me. Back to Riley. Oh. Are you guys confused about the rules of the game? Yes. I think it's not a game? Okay.
Starting point is 00:35:43 We all three of us know a specific private thing for now yeah i guess back to riley though yeah there's three rounds why is it well why do we have to mute yeah why do we all because it has to feel like why am i the only one hearing this and that makes it more uncomfortable got it okay so we've done one of three. Yeah. Yeah. Got it. So Marika and Amir mute. Now we know the rules of the game. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:09 Well, yeah. We know what's happening. I don't know if they're rules or a game. Yeah. But we know what's happening. Marika and Amir mute. Riley's turn.
Starting point is 00:36:18 Okay. Brushing your teeth more than once a day is truly overkill. Trust me. It's a little saying shit like that in the... All right, Marika's turn. Why do I have to unmute just to hear Marika's turn?
Starting point is 00:36:40 I feel like I can stay muted. Well, if you can keep it in your head whose turn it is, then yeah, but I don't trust you. Don't be mad at him. I'm just saying for the real thing, we should adjust that. All right. This is being recorded as a podcast? All right. Back to muting.
Starting point is 00:36:57 There's only one reason to carve a pumpkin and it's not to put out on your stoop in October. It's for fucking the gourd. That tracks. Amir. Hey I'm back.
Starting point is 00:37:15 I feel like I'm getting boring ones. I don't know. Like Riley's always having a hoot. No. I can tell you what mine was. It probably wasn't any better. It's just seeing his face when he does it. Even like yours watching it without sound made me laugh.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Amir. Want some relationship advice? Your partner should know you so well that they should be able to read your mind. If they can't figure out your needs before you even know what they are for yourself, and not only meet them, but go above and beyond, dump their ass.
Starting point is 00:37:55 What kind of reactions were you hoping to get? I'm wondering. Discomfort, you know, shifting in your seat a little bit. I mean, like Riley said, we hear you say this kind of shit all the time. Fine, then let me just do the last round to all three of you guys, alright? Shower beer, dry shower gin gets the job done quicker so you can relax and slip.
Starting point is 00:38:21 Yeah, it's good that only Riley didn't hear that. I don't know why I thought it was going to rhyme. Relax and. And sin. In the shower. Kind of only means one thing. My biggest dream in life is to be a board member. This one's a call and response.
Starting point is 00:38:49 Jeff deserves a seat on the board of... Visor. Exactly right. This is kind of like a Welcome to Night Vale segment, but poorly planned. a welcome to night veil segment but like poorly planned like the things you're saying feel welcome to night veil
Starting point is 00:39:10 but you could have found a better like way to frame it yeah it's like ASMR but I don't care kind of like Jeff's druthers I really don't want to say the kind of like Jeff's druthers. I really don't want to say the last one.
Starting point is 00:39:28 I wrote it late at night and I thought that it would be fun. No, you have to now. You can't say that and then not do it. It's pretty graphic and honest. You didn't have to admit that. Yeah. Barbecue sauce all over his face. I'm not going to say this one jeffrey that is such bullshit you have to say this i'm excited you guys don't want to know this
Starting point is 00:39:53 information and i don't want to give it so i feel like i shouldn't say it jeffrey you have to it's just a description of my actual dick no don't even joke i think it's an actual hr violation plugs what do you guys have going on what do you want to point the people towards uh the floor is yours um i think when this comes out the first East Coast sketch will have dropped. Holy smokes. East Coast manager. Yeah. So watch that if you haven't and maybe don't be mean about it.
Starting point is 00:40:57 Yeah. Don't be mean about it. I guess it could be good. Yeah. You can make fun of Johnny all you want. Yeah. That'd be nice you want. Yeah. That'd be nice to me.
Starting point is 00:41:07 Specifically. Yeah, I guess just head gum sketches generally. Rit large. Rit large. Hey, I'm Rit. Rit large. Rit large. Name's Rit.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Yeah, head gum sketches review review and everyone wants to go check out the Super Mario's Super Mario Brothers trailer I think I'd love to direct people there holy shit you're on the street team you're working with fucking Sony or whatever
Starting point is 00:41:40 mushroom kingdom here we come to you on the street dressed like toad it works box office records shattered um we'll skip amir because he doesn't do jack shit and uh at jeff way already on twitter oh at riley anspa instagram at riley coyote on twitter at marie galon on Instagram, and Letterboxd. Yeah, I was just going to say, plug that Letterboxd, baby. Gotta.
Starting point is 00:42:11 And we'll see you guys again next week. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the HeadGum Podcast. That's Daz, folks. Yeah, I was going to say that I have an Instagram handle. That was a Hidgum Original.

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