The Headgum Podcast - 126: Philistine Halloween

Episode Date: October 28, 2022

Marika, Kayla, and Joel join Geoff in the New York studio to discuss family crests, cryogenic freezing, and The Griddy. Plus, they plan a half-assed Halloween party for Marika! The Pit Wall has been greenlit! Subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don't miss new episodes dropping every Wednesday after a race. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. What I've bought for people thus far, I bought a lot of people pillow slides, which are little shoes. Jake is probably going to combat this and go full Crocs mode, but I think pillow slides are the goat.

No, I'm not going to combat it. I think that's interesting. I think it's fascinating. I'm interested in trying the pillow slides. I will go to every length to make my feet feel comfortable. I mean, I have no loyalty. I went from Crocs to UFOs to Birkenstocks back to Crocs. I'll try anything.

Pillow slides are good. It's like walking on a marshmallow. Okay. It's great. Spread love. It's the Brooklyn way. Nice. Wow.

Actually, I messed that up. It was supposed to be spread legs. It's the Brooklyn way. Hmm. Yeah. Um. We're doing back to back episodes for the first time ever today. You didn't have to say that.

Obviously. Friday, October 14. Yeah. Yeah. Did you bring a costume change? I didn't. Joel and I did. I brought several. Just in case we went to the third. I like this outfit. I want it to be on two different episodes. Also, I didn't bring enough outfits to have

an outfit change today and then have enough for tomorrow and Sunday. You just repeat them. Because you're wearing it for, what, an hour? That's not a dirty outfit. We're in that's not a dirty outfit you don't know we're in a clean studio my body it's secretions central the job what are we 30 seconds in and we get an au from emma marika you were just kind of fiddling with nonsense. Yeah. That's a good start to the day. Yeah. Fiddling with nonsense. Always great.

The mic stand was weird and I made it worse. Have you guys all been like me toying with the idea of joy? Always. Sort of circling it but never really finding it. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Definitely.

We were talking about signet rings. Joel wouldn't shut up about them. Yeah. And I think my family crest is going to be the serpent eating its own tail. It's called an Ouroboros. Is it? Yes. Okay. You can choose your family crest. You can make a family crest today. Yeah. Is this our family crest? Oh no.

This is me starting my little James clan. It's going to be unbelievable Patrick. I mean four little tykes running around rolling in the dirt and fucking ulster county eating their own tails yeah their own ass i mean the public school system up there is unbelievable great yeah let me tell you the most fucked up part of american politics it's that public education is funded by income tax. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Nickel and dimed? Read that book? Oh, no. I thought you were just saying that phrase. Yeah, I did. No. Probably should.

I should. If I'm going to speak on this at all. Intelligently. Anyway. I'm fine without. Yeah. I'm fine not having had.

You ordered bone broth for lunch. Yeah, I did. A lot of us did. Mm-hmm. Oh, everybody did it. I didn't. He wouldn't. Because I'm fine not having had. You ordered bone broth for lunch. Yeah, I did. A lot of us did. Oh, everybody did it. I didn't. He wouldn't. Because I was fine without the brodo.

Same. You delivered that as if it were a pun, and it's not. You're just saying you're fine without bone broth. Without soup, yeah. A specific brand of bone broth. Wait, are we ordering it because you're sort of recovering from illness? Yes.

Yeah, so what happened? It sounded like you were ravaged. I was completely ravaged for three days. Did you get food poisoning from like a birthday dinner? I don't know if it was food poisoning. I don't know what it was. But I couldn't eat or drink. I was just very dehydrated and tired.

And then yesterday I slept about 16 straight hours. It was awesome. That's good. Yeah. I don't like when food goes to waste. And Johnny and our friends went to dinner when I landed on Wednesday. And we went to Winson. Nice.

And we got the big chicken bun, obviously. And we cut to Winson. Nice. And we got the big chicken bun, obviously. And we cut it six ways. And one of the tops of one of the six pieces fell on the ground. We were eating outside. And I almost had it. Five-second rule. Yeah, but then yesterday I was on a walk near here and saw a dog sort of relieving itself on on the sidewalk and i was like that is why i

am proud that i didn't i'm proud of you too open-faced would you have done it in la no yeah there's just some again something magical about new york city that made you want to do it that made me want to yeah sort of you know, kiss the ground that, of, you know, the heroes that have roamed these hallowed halls. Yeah. Like us. Yeah. So. Cool.

What is this? I don't know. The energy is so much different than yesterday. I don't know if it's Joel. I don't know if it's Marika being pissed at me already. What did I do to you today? I'm not mad at you. All right. I ain't know if it's Joel. I don't know if it's Marika being pissed at me already. What did I do to you today? I'm not mad at you. All right.

I ain't mad at you. I guess, yeah, let's keep it going with this dumbass segment that we did. My Bond of the Week is Anna Darmis from Blonde to Bond. Nice. Wow. She was already in a Bond movie. Are you okay with that? She was in No Time to Die.

Really? Yeah. What did she do in No Time to Die? She had like a fun little moment. She acted, wore a great dress, and then just kind of peaced out. Huh. Yeah. That's too big of an egg to be an Easter egg.

Yeah, it wasn't an Easter egg. It was, she had a full role. One of the leads on a poster for sure. This is so fucked up. I saw that movie. I think I just didn't know who she was until Blonde. How? You didn't see Knives Out? I saw Knives Out.

Okay. Also, I'm seeing this for the first time ever. Didn't we build out this room or this room was here? This room was here. Also, we is generous. I wasn't. Yeah, you were not. Vintage door handle.

What is it? Hardware. Yeah. That would have most likely been a Jake decision. And I doubt it's vintage. Well, okay. Even if it's faux vintage, that's even worse. That doesn't fit the vibe of the room at all.

No, not at all. Everything's like this kind of forest teal. Right. For the audio listening. Does it give me like witch undertones? Honestly. The green on my yellow skin? Oh, no.

Are you saying you have jaundice? Under the right circumstances, I might look that way. Under the right lighting, yeah. Yeah, I'm concerned. I haven't recorded in here yet. Does it bring out my eyes? Yes, Joel. Actually, yeah.

People say that when I wear green. Oh, I see it. I see it. Are you okay? This is like peak Joel. This is peak Joel? Before we started recording, you said that you peaked early. Well, yeah.

We haven't done enough improv warm-ups for him. Yeah, do you want to do the 5, 6, 7, 8 then? I don't even know how to do it. Why did you want to do it then? Maybe someone would teach me. Just shake your limbs out. We'll do that later, trust me. Shake your limbs out?

Joel, you were introduced to me by Pyle Or Johnny as like a tech prodigy Would you describe yourself that way? No I think this is also the second episode I've been on where it's The day after we Took down the site for an extended period of time Me or you?

What happened yesterday? This time was partially me And last yesterday? This time was partially me. And last time? Last time was entirely me. Does anybody else have any bonds of the week? Let's go with Emma Darcy. They are in House of the Dragon. Recently going viral for the signature drink, a Negroni Spagliato with a bit of Prosecco in it.

Stunning. Stunning. I love the TikTok memes. The ones I'm getting are all about, yeah. Go on. I'm not going to say it. No, you have to now. It's like sexual positions.

What TikTok vertical are you in? I don't know what side of TikTok. I'm on like kink talk and fashion talk. All right. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I think they'd be great.

Yeah. Joel? How about Keenta Brunson? That would be amazing. I think she would nail it. Yeah. As she does everything that she does. She is great.

It's time for a green bomb i guess she just won an emmy it's not that's it that's the opposite of green yeah but she's still in a bond with green eyes is that you it could be he he just wants people to call out his eyes that's what i'm picking up anyways mine is jamie lee curtis yes did you see Halloween Nuns? Not yet. Did you see her New York Times shoot? Yes. No. What a babe. She's so hot.

I know. She's accomplished, talented, beautiful, loves Activia yogurt. Oh my God. What an era. What an heiress. You know she got hundreds of thousands of dollars for that kid. From Activia? Yeah. She's swimming in yogurt money

Was it yogurt? Activia No the stomach thing Oh did I get a reaction from Activia yogurt? No because I've been crushing gogurts lately Which honestly Maybe you should reconsider

The amount of gogurt I've been eating Gogurt's just like bad ice cream. There's no way there's like culture in that. Well, are you freezing? Well, I mean, there's plenty of culture around Go-Gurt. Do you guys remember those old Fruit by the Foot commercials where like someone has it in their mouth and they're like... Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That's how I eat Go-Gurt. That was the shit. That was like, you know, because then I was like, we go to Giant Eagle. Shout out. Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Great. And I would just get the fruit by the foot to do the thing.

Sure. Well. Our patients are not dead, says cryogenic freezing facility housing 199 humans on ice. Where is it? I didn't click on the link. I just saw the headline. And I wanted to kind of pose this question to you guys. Would you ever freeze yourself to stay alive?

Keeping in mind there's no science behind that. Like Futurama style? Yeah. Yeah, why not? When are you going to get defrosted? There you go. In a Samsung microwave? I want to say frosted.

Typing in the weight. 164 pounds. 157 pounds. You would do it? I'd like to know how long I'm going to be frozen for. I feel like that's an unanswerable question. So it's up to someone else's discretion to defrost me? Yeah.

It's like Austin Powers. They had to wait until it was time to bring him back. Right. I think there's a world in which I would, yeah. Like see what the world is like 250 years from now. Yeah. Would you go like as you are now or would you age until you're like,

I think I might die. Let's freeze myself. I would probably change outfits first. Okay. So not right now. So you have enough outfits to change. I could do right now. I feel like you want to be in your physical peak to withstand the cryogenic chamber, which is probably right around where I'm at.

What's going to happen is you're going to freeze to death and then you're never going to come back. You're going to be 27. Yeah, I guess I would love... 27 club. I would love to, like, know if these people left any, like, video messages before they were frozen or just any sort of, like, correspondence,

like, I've made this decision to do this. I think that would be really interesting. I think you should host Clean House. Me? Why? Let me do my best Marika. My name's Marika Brownlee and this is Clean House.

Can we get Marika to do a take? My name is Marika Brownlee and this is Clean House. Very good. Never mind. Audition wasn't good enough. Do you have any notes for her? Yeah.

I love notes. It's beyond the scope of repair. Ouch. MLB signs historic CBD deal with Charlotte's Web, the CBD company. Saw that. Huh. We've got two baseball heads behind the boards. How does this change the future of America's pastime?

They'll be slightly buzzed. Well, they've been beezing for years. That's true. Mike Judge has, yeah, chapstick galore. I've never heard of drugs in baseball. that's true it is the purest sport yeah what else is pine tar even used for oh i did look into tar and feathering like the history of tar and feathering because i was like that's barbaric and really makes me sad but they didn't like cover them in like asphalt it was pine tar and they would just rub it on their chest

and then feathers, most of the time. So really, you just would lose some chest hair. Right. You weren't, like, boiled to death. Yeah. Did you ever see the John Adams series with Paul Giamatti?

Of course. Also read the book by David McCullough. And I went to his house on Martha's Vineyard. It was a field trip. Wow. Holy shit. Okay, I thought you were, like, invited as a dinner guest.

He's dead now, but no. By the estate. Right. I didn't mean by him, Joel. He's not dead. He's frozen in a cryogenic chamber. That's probably true. Also, what does this mean for the future of hemp?

A lot more of it will be incorporated into the outfits that they play. The costumes that baseball players wear. What's it called? A uniform. A jersey. I believe the only sport where the managers also wear the uniform.

The costume. The costume. All wrong. That was a wash. A recent Daily Mail article argues that nobody in 2022 should be using the thumbs up emoji.

Saying that it points to being old and out of touch so i guess i wanted to know what emoji are you i like the one that's kind of the like not the yawn there's kind of a little smoke coming out of their mouth yeah the like yeah yeah yeah like that i mean you're on and then yeah yeah it's the like yeah exactly that yeah i have a emoji related question because this has been a point of contention in some of my group chats the upside down smiling face emoji what connotation does that hold to you like if someone were to send you that what would your first thought be like if it was i'm having a great day upside down smiley face it's sarcasm okay yeah if someone if you said something and someone just replied with an upside down smiley face uh they don't love it they don't like it yeah yeah yeah i think it's a little flirty. What? Yeah.

Skipping Joel. Do you flirt with the upside down smiling? Maybe, but I definitely have received it. Oh. Flirtatious way, yeah. Okay. Unless it was sarcasm, I guess. Ew. One of my friends uses it as almost like a commiseration type of response.

Elaborate, of course. Like, I don't know. Like, I agree? No. In this most recent conversation, we were planning when we were going to watch a movie. And I was like, I don't know when I'm going to be home. And the response was an upside down smiley face. They're that's what i thought great but it wasn't that it was like i'm commiserating about me not knowing where i was going to be home it's like that does not read

the same way to me uh but i thought of this because similarly the thumbs up response yeah on iMessage i know sometimes is grating for people as well i think it's fine but i know some people think that that's sarcastic too oh i use it that sarcastically i only thumbs up things that i'm like that's crazy i use it when it's like... I use it for acknowledgement. I mean, I will use it for acknowledgement, but it's like acknowledgement, but also like, fuck you, dude. Yeah, I updated this.

Yeah. That sort of thing. Just mostly in regards to talking to Marty. Happy birthday, Marty. Happy birthday, Marty. The big 5-0. He did just buy a cool vintage Porsche. Yeah.

But he still has a Tesla. You can't have both. I think if you get the vintage Porsche, you got to like swap the Tesla. He's trying to, I believe. Okay. If anyone wants to buy Marty's Tesla. Why? Yeah, I don't know.

Wait, somebody did. Alex Berkman's bae wanted to buy the Tesla. Really? Yeah, really. It's like the fourth yawn. Well, we were saying jawn a lot earlier, like the Philly jawn, and then you said yawn,

and that set me off. Now it's just, I think, in the air. This is fucked up, the way it's going so far. That's fine. I'm just going to get my drink. It does match your outfit. Yeah. Thanks. I think I'm the realistic arterial

heart emoji. Arterial? Oh, I understand. Like a human heart. In a way. Why is that? Oh, because I'm full of love, but I keep it real. Actually, I keep it rel. Wow.

Nice plug. With Young Wayne? Yeah. I auditioned for Rel's pilot and got a callback and then didn't get the part. So I've been meaning to take that up with Rel himself. Yeah, you should. Him, Rel. Maybe just bust into their recording and say that.

I did fully interrupt a NAD pod recording once because i needed files for a sketch very good anyway i think that i'm the thinking emoji the one that has the little hand what is the energy behind that because to me it's like hmm is that what you're going for no i think i only use it when i'm genuinely i'm conveying that i'm pondering something i see wow well i think the main takeaway here is 60 of all communication is lost when it's non-verbal yeah so i think 60 of communication is lost when it's non-violent interesting what is a violent communication like yelling at someone oh that explains so much about who you are oh yeah i guess yeah non-violent non-verbal communication yeah um would you guys spend 450 on shoes that look like casts?

No No Okay No Did you? No Great I've got my staples

Things that you can wear with basically anything Boots Also how much does a cast cost? Probably less than that Well if you don't have insurance Yeah Casts are the only shoes or boots that cost more Yeah Cats are the only shoes or boots that cost more.

What's happening to you? Every week this show either keeps me going or makes me want to just quit it all. Where are we this week? The latter, of course. Okay. Per popular science, the key to tastier beer might be mutant yeast with notes of banana. And I don't know what it's dependent on. What's dependent on?

We gotta figure this shit out, alright? Let's do the fucking improv warm-up you wanted to do. Do some non-verbal communication. Oh my god, we're not doing zip zaps up. The fucking, you know, one, two, three, four, five. I, God, we're not doing zip zaps up. The fucking, you know, one, two, three, four, five. I don't know how to do it. You teach me. I don't know how to do it. It's like, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. We have to take a break. This is fucked up.

Wow. The only people not fucking up are Emma and Patrick. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes

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Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that again that's drinkag1.com slash what's that check it out i would have thought it would better or worse more round i was picturing like more of a dj booth setup would that be cooler yes damn it yeah Would that be cooler? Yes. Damn it. Yeah. Oh. Wow.

I don't need to do this segment. I've only gone dancing with Marika. True. I think we might have gone dancing. No, we were all at the... We were all dancing. Yeah. That's true. Well, it was more like

everyone was really fucked up and we all were just moving is it dancing this was on the company off-site we're talking about i was pretty sober i was really drunk i was with you in the i went to the bathroom because i needed a minute and that was when i realized i was like about to brown out and somebody was rude to me in the line to the bathroom. And I was like, come on, man. This woman at that bar, what was it called? Dirk, Dirk Diggler. Dirk Bentley's? No, that's...

Dirk Hansen? Derek Hansen, Evan Hansen's. Yeah, dear Evan Hansen. I was walking back from the bathroom so drunk. And this woman goes, oh my God, I love your lipstick. And I'm like, really? Come here. And then I just go over to her and I put my lipstick on her but you applied it as eyeliner

yeah just put a big heart on her face you put it on her by kissing her yeah i made out with this woman and then we went back to this area and everyone was dancing and i just remember dancing and like falling over repeatedly yeah it was a good time i i did my classic uh mixed race goodbye repeatedly yeah it was a good time i i did my classic uh mixed race goodbye yeah what does that mean well you know i'm half lithuanian half indian portuguese malaysian which is a lot of halves not yeah it's a lot of halves i'm a 250 man but um basically if i'm really drunk i'll just leave and that's everybody but um went back to the hotel and then you were around a fire. And then, yeah, that was a good way to sober up. Seeing me around fire?

Was talking to Adam Boyd. Were you there with the pizza and Taco Bell? Yeah. You ordered the Taco Bell. I put it in an order for Taco Bell. That's when my nose started bleeding. Wow. I went back with Casey and started bleeding. Yeah. I, wow. I went back

with Casey and Anya. Casey and I ate a pizza and then I went to sleep and I didn't experience any of this. You guys are, you're so much smarter

than I am. Yeah. Joel took a vial off of a necklace and then his nose started bleeding. No, I just have a sensitive nose.

Oh. Oh. Yeah. I think it's bopped at all. Bopped? Someone bopped you in the nose? Don, if it gets bopped at all. Bopped? Someone bopped you in the nose? Don't get that nose bop, baby Joel. I actually beat the shit out of Mandrew.

I actually think that was a laughing-induced self-bop. Oh, yeah, you started cracking up, and then your nose started bleeding. That was so funny to me. Which only made me start laughing further, which only makes it start bleeding more. Sort of a bloody cycle. Right before I left the party, which was

we should say on a platform in the middle of a street. I was on the street. One of the worst city blocks I've ever seen. It was truly terrible. Scottsdale, Arizona. Dane leaned over and yelled at me you're like Neo from the Matrix.

I was like, I have to get out of here. I don't know what that means. In what way? I don't know. I'll never forget it. It was wild. I was like, gotta go. We do have to learn the gritty, though. What if you already know how? Do you know how? Yeah, he does. I thought it was gritty.

There's space in here? That's why I came up with the segment Because of how cramped it is in here And we all have to gritty You know how to do it I YouTubed that exact same thing That's on the screen About three weekends ago

Wait, didn't we talk about this in LA? Yeah, because he did it After you got that slam dunk. I don't know. It was a backwards three-pointer. That's the one. And then yeah,

I hit the gritty on video. Though it kind of got cut off too soon. Yeah. Let's give it like eight seconds. I'm going to put

that video right here. Okay. So this is Joel making a backwards three-pointer. But I can't stress enough, they cut it off too soon. Oh, because you did

the gritty afterwards? Like, you see, like, 0.5 second of a gritty. Yeah. Let's see it. Where do I go? Right here. On the table.

No music. If I have, like, if there's a really good moment, then I could, like, get up and do it, but I don't feel like we have the momentum right now. Can you do it in your seat?

You've got to create the momentum. That's right. Can you do it in your seat? I mean to create the momentum. That's right. Can you do it in your seat? I mean, the trick is sort of tap the heels. So in the seat, I mean, I can do it in the seat. Can you do it in your sleep? Can you do it on the boat? Is that how good you are at it?

Yeah. I'll start it off. I'll lead the momentum. Lord have mercy. There's a lot of... There's way too much stuff. Okay. It's my shoes. There's a lot of Okay It's my shoes There's a remote as well

It's hard to do You're not moving Please don't step on those remotes I won't be doing I won't be doing this sorry I think we should do like maybe like a cross stream Gritty No way.

What's the idea like mutual annihilation? What's the word for that? Mutually assured destruction. Mutually assured destruction. Between you and I? Between all of us right now. Because I just publicly humiliated myself. Not even just in front of Emma, but in front of

millions. Thousands. If it was millions, I wouldn't be here. Unless this goes viral from that. If this goes viral from that, I think Marty's birthday should be officially my day. Yeah, I mean, it can be. Yeah, you can co-opt it for sure. Marika, you're up.

I won't be standing up or doing that. Can I talk to outside for a second? Can I talk to outside for a second? Can I talk to outside for a second? She gritties out the door. She's in trouble. No, I won't be jumping today. The show doesn't go on until you do it. That's fine.

I'll sit here. I also have never actually seen someone do it until you just did it. I thought we were all taking phone breaks. We can be. Springbone's almost here. Oh, that's good. I think I just saw movement. Maybe Johnny went to grab it. I hope he did.

I don't have my phone phone so I feel left out. Twiddle my thumbs. It's fair. I mean I'm willing to talk. I just refuse to jump. It's not jumping. It's the gritty. It involves jumping which I won't be doing today. Can you show the video

of how it's done? There wasn't a video. I was going to walk you guys through it step by step. Well, can you do that? Compromise. It's what families do. And business partners. Yeah. So you go like this. Okay. And then you gotta start down low.

Yeah, you start down low and then you just kind of bring it up. Please also compromise your role. And you kind of have to give it a just bounce if you're not going to do that. Great, great, great. And then you can make like a goofy mug. You kind of got to be tapping your heels on the walk.

Huh. Joel, do you want to demonstrate just because I feel like they forgot? Yeah. Yours feels really different. Did I do it wrong? I mean, you didn't move and you were on one foot, so I'm going to go with yes.

Yeah, I feel like I need to see, what is the origin of this? It's not related to the costumed man. Jersey. The state? Kayla, will you do the gritty? Not now. This is... We're not buying in.

You know what I mean? Yeah. This is like the... My bold vision included this. Did it? Yeah. I was like, I'm going to get Kayla and Marika to gritty in the New York studio. Did you have a deadline on that?

You left me out. Halloween. I knew you would do it without me. It's true. It's not the first time well this was uh ruined usually these episodes sour because of me so i actually feel happy that it's because of y'all yeah but i think inside you're sad because you didn't get what you wanted i really wanted the reason it's fun is because people want to see you do the gritty. I refuse to jump on camera. It's not jumping. It's just moving your legs.

Yeah. No, thank you. I agree. I think people would want to see Marika do it. No one cares if I do it. I think it's better than Joel doing it. Not that you were bad. I'm the worst.

Just that people expect you to have done it. I don't know. He's been banished from Philadelphia. It's so hot in here. It is really hot. I feel fine. This is such a warm. Yeah.

I'm wearing a sweater based outfit. It's all sweater. Yeah. I wish I'd brought a fucking change of clothes. I almost brought a change. You can use my other one. It's not going to fit. What do you use?

Medium, small? What are you? I'm a large. I'm medium large. Do you have a large t-shirt? Maybe. We'll talk. All right.

I have a white t-shirt in my... Can I wear it? Yeah. Would you look at that? Compromise. Wow. The show lost steam

when you said you wouldn't do the gritty. I know. This is so fucked up. We're learning and growing. That's nice. Welcome to Philistine Halloween. Kayla, you love Halloween.

I do. Marika, you don't care for it. I like the holiday. I just don't like dressing up in costume. Really? Yes. I thought you hated it through and through. No.

Okay. Because I was going to plan your perfect Halloween. Oh, okay. I mean, you can still. No. Okay. Because I was going to plan your perfect Halloween. Oh, okay. I mean, you can still do it. Okay. Let's think about some things that would be Marika's perfect Halloween. First of all, we need a spooky venue. We need tons of decorations. We need lighting, appetizers and treats, Halloween cocktails and music. Great. That's from a list of how to plan a Halloween party. Comprehensive. Yeah, from I think Food 52.

Okay. Reliable source. Spooky venue. I'm thinking your spare bedroom in your apartment. That's spooky? Yeah, I found a dead cockroach in there the other day, so I didn't like that. Because you wonder who killed it. Probably the spray that I sprayed.

Oh, yeah. Never mind. That won't do it. Because I wonder who killed it. Probably the spray that I sprayed. Oh, yeah. Never mind. That won't do it. Because I feel like nobody really goes in there. I'd say I go in there on a regular basis, but it could be a scary venue if we tried hard. And I'm willing to try that. It's easy. It's affordable.

Which, for someone who I thought hated Halloween, perfect. This episode's going really well it was i think it's just you not understanding me as a person which is a little bit sad for how long i've known you it's one specific thing well it's two things what's the second one that you wouldn't do the gritty? Yeah, thinking that you could potentially make me do that on camera. I know you wouldn't want to do it. I just thought you would. No. Tons of decorations.

But you don't want to put that much effort into it. Okay. I think a sheet over a floor lamp. It's a ghost. Do you have any like Sweeney Todd related programs Or something you could put up Little Shop of Horrors, Rocky Horror There's like a weird amount of Barbicide

Oh Okay You could make a Barbicide ghost Yeah It's blue It would be blue Yeah Right

Yeah, I could do that I don't know Maybe like some cheesecloth As spider webs It's blue. It would be blue. Yeah. Right. Yeah, I could do that. I don't know. Maybe like some cheesecloth as spiderwebs. You got a lot of cheesecloth at home? Yeah. You know, for straining various things. You're a cheesemonger and a barber.

It's a classic theory. A gentleman and a scholar. We can pitch, by the way. You know, Marika's perfect Philistine Halloween. Philistine Halloween for Marika. Well, it would involve some sort of cookie. I do like cookies.

Maybe from that cookie place in the theater district. Yeah, it was a good cookie monster. I think I could kill it on Sesame Street. I think it'd be pretty good. Maybe you could come dressed up as Cookie Monster. Oh, yeah. Giving cookies.

Yeah, I would enjoy that. Physically or like giving cookies? Gritting in. Both. The Gritty Monster. Yeah, Schmackery's. Schmackery's. What is that?

It's a cookie place that I really like. What's that liqueur you both love? Amaro? Yeah. You would have floor-to-ceiling Amaro, maybe dripping from the wall like blood. That's cool. That stuff is expensive. I don't want any drop of it to not go into my mouth.

Amaro Ice Luge. I don't know. That's cool. That's cool. But that might be too much effort. Oh, someone brought the Ice Luge. That's okay. It was like delivered. much effort. Someone brought the ice luge. It was delivered. You didn't have to think about it.

Joel brought it. Thank you, Joel. The ice luge is just Joel freezing cold. His cryogenic body. 94 degrees internal temperature sliding Amara down his back. You can use it for the next 120 years based on the temperature. But remember, he's not dead. Lighting, right?

I'm thinking you replace all the bulbs in your place with Philips Hue because then it's not just for Halloween. Might take some effort, but then you can sort of curate the vibe just so year-round, man. I do like that idea. I love a smart bulb.

I also have a lot of string lights that are, like, purple and pink. So that could be... You're running a dollar store. Okay. I'm trying to think. Yeah, I don't know. String lights.

I'll put some, like, crepe paper over a lamp sort of what we do in the shadows all back that's spooky yeah that's cheap and that's easy yeah this philistine halloween is coming together appetizers and treats candy galore cheap and you said that you don't mind candy well you asked me yesterday you asked me if i like candy yesterday but you said it as you hate candy right and candy's maybe one of my favorite things in this entire world i love candy so much i said an emphatic i love candy um i'm very passionate about it So any type of candy would be great. I'd have to break that into categories of candies. Favorite chocolate, favorite sweet, and then flex spot. Favorite chocolate is going to have to be a Hershey's Cookies and Cream.

Cannot get behind that decision. Yeah. It's like the sour cream and onion chip. I hate dark chocolate. Let me guess what your other favorite candies would decision. Yeah. It's like the sour cream and onion chip. I hate dark chocolate. Can I guess what your other favorite candy is going to be? Yeah, sure. Sour Patch. I would say that I like gummy bears more.

I did go through a Mike and Ike phase for a really long time. I just like would house Mike and Ike's. You know Mike and Ike had a falling out. That's really sad. Over what? The candy. Mike wanted just the pink ones. Yeah. Yeah.

Those are the best ones. They are good. I do like Sour Patch. I think Gummy Bears rank a little higher for me. Haribo or? Yeah. Just the classic Haribo. The sour ones are good.

Sour Patch Watermelon's good. The Airheads Extreme extreme bites are great sour gummy worms a trolley gummy worm delicious trolley gummy candy uh the belts yeah the sour belts are great belts are great love a sour umough. I do. I like most chocolate bars, like in moderation, but I'm not a huge, I'm not like a, I love chocolate person and I do like white chocolate the best. So weird. Caramels are great. I love a caramel. Baby Ruth, payday.

Sounds like the candy's covered, I would say. Yeah. She loves candy. I love candy. I love candy corn candy your birthday's next saturday right yeah i know what to get you yeah i also think deviled eggs no love deviled eggs that's a hard pass for me i hate marika hates eggs i hate it deviled eggs oh i love them but devil you know oh god piles here that actually just ruined my day i'm not even joking i've seen

his face through this little slit in the curtain. You haven't seen him in so long. That's really sad. I feel like you should hop in on the second episode. He probably has to go. Why would he be here? He lives two hours away. He was getting lunch with friends. He went to lunch with a friend that's not any of us. I did once ask him,

how's living upstate? And he said, it's honestly kind of lonely. Even just something as simple as getting lunch with a friend isn't possible that's yeah um no double it no doubled eggs at my party sorry hard pass let's round out this philistine halloween with cocktails and music for cocktails i say why bother but i guess we can make a group Negroni bowl and add purple food coloring because I bet Marika has that for cakes or some shit. Purple food coloring I don't have, but I definitely have the regular standard colors that you can mix to make purple.

Yeah, I have a red. I have a blue. A red food coloring and a Negroni? Yeah. You know, I got a little bar cart that's usually behind me in my Zoom. Yeah, you do. I'm not sure this fits into the right category, but how about when you like skin a bunch of grapes and put them in a bowl? It's like a bowl of eyeballs.

That's a lot of effort, but if someone did it for me, I'd appreciate it, I guess. Would it be for just touching or for eating? You should not eat them. Yeah, I don't. If someone skins them and everyone's putting their hands on them. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm not really a germaphobe, so I'd be fine eating them, but I'd understand the group decision to not eat them.

And then you would feel the pressure to not. That's, I think, why I ended up getting so sick is because I just housed a bowl of fake eyeballs after a party. Just kidding. I didn't do that. Joel got excited. I'm really picky about grapes. I don't like to eat them when they're soft.

That was for what you said. Thanks. What was the response for what I said? Concord? I don't Do people eat Concord grapes? I'd love to drink it Yeah

I don't know I love drinking a Concord grape juice Somebody once fed me a Concord grape At what I thought was just a platonic lunch Oh Did you have to spit out seeds after? I swallowed them lunch. Oh. Did you have to spit out seeds after? I swallowed them.

I like a scuppernot. My mom... What are you doing, man? We have another one of these to do. Take it easy. She's trying to fill voids of silence um music pre-made halloween playlist sure you're not gonna go through the effort to fucking no i probably would

that's probably the one thing i'd spend time wow is the john carpenter who did the halloween theme song that's. Is the John Carpenter who did the Halloween theme song related to Sabrina Carpenter? I don't think so, but I don't really know. I don't think so. Good question, though. Sabrina Carpenter is related to the Carpenters? Or John Carpenter is related?

I don't think they're related at all. That was the extent of any Halloween segment I had because Halloween's on Monday from this Friday. Yeah, that's fair. That's when this comes out. Plugs. What do you guys have going on? What do you want to point the people to?

This is over already. I mean, finally. That's 45 minutes. I thought it was good. Yeah, it felt pretty short to me. I mean, I'm really mad at you, but everything else was great. Yeah. Joel had some great lines in there. Kayla, too.

Marika, what was the grape you said? Scuppernon. I do feel like I need to finish that thought, which is just that my mom asked me if I wanted if i wanted her to mail me grapes and i said no is that what a scuppernod is the grape that gets mailed to you can you spell it and describe it s c u p e r n o n maybe something like that it's a grape that has a really thick maybe something like that it's a grape that has a really thick shell so you like you bite it take the flesh from the inside of it and then spit out seeds and like throw away this like outside sounds like a peanut kind of i mean it's not crunchy. Like, it's a, you know, like a soft rind of sorts.

And I think it's a southern thing. They're good, but I don't want them mailed to me. University of Chicago. Last year, my mom mailed them to me in a jewelry box. I can't stress this enough enough i received a box in the mail that was empty and in the in the it's like a cardboard jewelry box and i opened it and there was just a bag of not refrigerated we're all wasting our lives. It's a Friday.

I think we're getting paid to do this. How was work? Good. I learned about grapes in a box. In a bag. In a bag and a box. In a bag and a box. In an envelope.

Kayla, where do you want to plug? Okay, HeadGum, Gumball, everywhere. Follow, please. Kayla LaMoriarty, Twitter and Instagram. I don't know. What do we have going on these days? Get tickets to HeadGum Happy Hour in LA. November 4th.

Next Thursday is November 3rd. It was my birthday this past Monday. You just winced as you said that. Yeah, I got old. I'm the oldest one in this room, I think.

Patrick? Confirmed. Confirmed, yeah. Let's bring Pyle in. He breathes dust. Thank you, guys. He's already frozen. he's an addict man Joel?

yes follow HeadGum follow Gumball if you want to follow me that's JoelmanDunoff on Instagram think about making a Goodreads cool and yeah learn to gritty tag us I thought your last name was Mandruff.

Dandruff for men. That's actually pretty good. What is it, Mandunoff? My last name is just Dunoff. Oh, the man is sort of, you know, links the two together. He's the man. Joel the Mandunoff. No, Joel Mandunoff.

Joelman? So your first name is Joel Mann. No. Legally. My first name is Joel. My last name is Dunoff. Okay. Middle name is Mann.

But you know, people make funny Instagram handles. Okay. No, I don't. Dunoff sounds like a Scottish haberdashery. Like Dunoffs of Edinburgh. Yeah. Or like I Dunoff something Wow

My dad when he was running for like Student body president or something There was a runoff My dad when he was running for governor of Pennsylvania Or some shit So he made Pins that said Dunoff in the runoff

That's good Expecting a runoff? No off in the runoff. That's good. Expecting a runoff? No, in the runoff. There was a runoff. Pyle's leaving. Now's your chance. Are you not going to say bye?

Come in. Do you feel better now? I do feel better now, thank you. Hi. You threw up a really intricate gang sign it's very hot 30 degrees hotter in here yeah who are you getting lunch with my old friends my old co-workers did you did you have a good lunch yeah nice solid so lame And now Are you leaving? Back upstate I'm leaving

Are you Okay Well cause We're doing another episode Right after this If you wanna hop on Nah Who would

Who would wanna do that Good to see you though Good to see you Plug anything? Uh Check out the pit wall Oh yeah Check out the pit wall

100 reviews Bye Bye Bye Pyle Marika what do you got going on? Yeah, ditto, Pyle. Check out the Pit Wall. Follow the Pit Wall at PitWallPod

on Instagram. And TikTok. And TikTok. I don't think we've posted anything there yet. And follow me at Marika Elan on Twitter, Instagram and Letterboxd. Trying to get those Letterboxd followers to a thousand. You have a very good letterboxd. Thank you.

Yeah, really trying hard. Please follow me there. At JeffBoyRD, I'm 17 followers away from showing my ass on main. So I'm getting pretty nervous about that. Yeah. Do you have the picture prepared

or do you have to take it still? I have options, Marika. Wow. Yeah. We'd love to run them by the room. I think this is DOS. I think the episode is

fucking over. That was a Hidgum Original.