The Headgum Podcast - 127: Geoff's Ass Reveal

Episode Date: November 4, 2022

It's a full house in both the LA and NYC studios of Headgum, with everyone gathered for one purpose: to behold Geoff's haunches. The Pit Wall has been greenlit! Subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don't miss new episodes dropping every Wednesday after a race. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. What is this? We asked you multiple times what you're saying. You sang a song, said you entered a raffle to win a Monson Tarzana. Then you said, I'm not kidding. Then Rick has asked you several times what you're talking about. And then he blew

up. And then you blew up. What is a Mont? Yeah, I'm trying to find what he's talking about. You say nonsense. We asked you to clarify. And I got the Omaze part, which is sad. It's a Mont

of La Mancha. Not the Omaze part, which is sad. It's a Mons-a-la-Mons-a. It's an extravaganza today. I don't know what else to say. We've got six fucking guests on the show. Jake and Amir. Ahoy. It's kind of a get. I'm on nearly every episode.

We got Riley. We got Kayla. We got Marika. All on the sacks, on the facts, bringing up the rear. Jake, you look really handsome today. Thanks, man. Jake didn't want to be here. You also look kind of handsome today.

What? You also look handsome. Jake, you look handsome. Relatively speaking. Amir, you look kind of handsome. And then it was a quick recorrect. Amir, you look handsome. It's really that he's not wearing shorts.

I wasn't wearing shorts in the last episode. Then it's the white tee blue jeans because he didn't look as handsome an hour ago. It's still the same shoes, though. Marika's already gone. Nothing's even happened and she's over it. Can you blame her? No, of course not.

15 minutes in, I could not. Oh, she's back. Yes. She's playing peekaboo with us. I left my phone on the couch and I couldn't bear to be without it. Yeah. Wow. During the episode. You couldn't bear to be without it. Yeah. Wow. During the episode.

You can't unplug for even 43 minutes. Ooh, thank God. I had a feeling I would need it. This might be an hour and a half. That's a joke. I want to kind of give the floor to y'all. All right, there's six of us on the show. There's two producers on Voice of God.

Mike, what is going on with you guys? What do you want to talk about? What is wrong with you? I'm manic depressive. I'm manic depressive. I've never seen you more tense. The years that I have known you, I've never seen you as rigid. If I, like, tapped you, you would fall over and shatter.

I'm a boss. You're wound tight today, man. You're wound super tight. You're taught. Yeah. And well, I was taught to be relaxed. Were you? Yeah. And so it's sort of an act of rebellion. Rebellion. Yeah. Closely kind. Yeah. What's up with everybody? Come on. Let's keep it going. I mean, I'll start I'm doing great Really? Yeah

How so? It's just a fun time Like, do you have a weekend planned? No It's a Friday Okay What's a fun time? That's awesome

It's just almost Saturday And then, yeah, Sunday around the corner You're gunning for Sunday? and then Monday I'm a weeknight warrior Amir gets the Sunday scaries because Monday isn't here yet I love what I do

I just don't know what else to say what else is going on with everybody else? I'm seeing the first preview of Ann Juliet tonight. I'm really excited about that.

Ooh, jealous. Is that a jukebox musical? Yeah. Yeah, what isn't, huh? Can I come, by the way? Uh, oh. Jesus, man. She's obviously looking forward to it.

If you buy a ticket, you can also see the show not necessarily with me. Yeah, for sure. I'm not stopping you from going. Yeah, well, I feel like we'd go together. And ideally, you'd provide the ticket and the access. And they do the wine and the little sippy top thing still. Well, you have to buy that for sure. Yeah, you have to.

$24. You're obviously going to buy a double. So yeah, that's like $24. Sweet. That sounds fun for us. Wait, jukebox musical for what for what band isn't it usually one band or is it just like so this is a songwriter that wrote songs for like britney spears backstreet boys like all of the huge hits kesha's blow

i'm trying to just think of songs that are in it this is dr luke's musical it's a luke box musical nice yes very good perfect so it's just pop songs song yeah it's pop song theater style oh well not really i mean they're they're definitely just like very poppy sounding and uh just for the sake of time i think we don't explore the nuance with him. He doesn't have to get at exactly what it is. I was just going to say it's about what if Juliet didn't die at the end of Romeo and Juliet. That's funny. That's the whole plot. Yeah, it's fun.

It's a good time. Saw it in London. Excited to see it tonight. Stronger than yesterday. That might actually be in it. I love that song. It's good. Kayla Riley, arm wrestle for who gets to go next.

I love that. I won't do that. I'll defer. To Kayla. Putting on a glove. Speaking of defer, you have a hard out today because you have a callback for a commercial for the US Army Reserves. I do. I mean it's one of those things where she

walks in. I have to leave at 1.20. Even if we're still going, I'm sorry, I will be getting up and leaving the room. Because in the military if you're early you're on time and if you're on time you're late. Yeah. Hoorah! Yes. Bring your King James Bible Riley. The few the proud. It's already packed brother. It's in the Subaru outside ready to go. And we should say that your King James Bible, Riley. The few, the proud. It's already packed, brother. It's in the Subaru outside, ready to go.

And we should say that your King James Bible is just something you bought at Sotheby's that used to be owned by LeBron. Yes, yeah. It's LeBron's old Bible. That's sick. Yeah, Kayla? Well, I came into the office today to take some calls

and now I'm on this podcast. That was unexpected. Okay, they basically accosted me saying Kayla really wants to be on the show today. I don't think that's true. Who's they? Y'all. Y'all. I'm not going to betray you like this, but we'll talk

about this afterwards. She's playing both sides. I don't even know how to feel about that. Cannot wait for the group chat convo. I just come in here to take a call. I just got put on the show. To embarrass me like this? You can't do this to me.

I can't believe there are eight people on the show today. Entirely too many. Is this the most people it's ever been on? Was it a live show? No, no. At the live show, I think you had like 13 people on stage. But in different combinations. I think eight at once has never happened.

So other than the U.S. National Army Reserves. What's new in the life and times of Marie Jude? Fuck. I mean, what's bigger than that, right? Your middle names? Yeah. Or the commercial? Both. I think I'm going'm gonna go see i'm forgetting the name of it but the the new colin farrell martin mcdonough movie tonight the banshees of anish sharon yes i'm seeing that tonight i think i'm very excited

favorite movie of the year that's what i've heard. I've heard it's awesome and it's very Irish so it's like, you know, it's like, what? Of course. What does that have to do with you? You're taking credit

for Ireland how? What? And you acted like we all knew? Well, you know, that's very, say it. What do you have to do

with Ireland? I'm curious. Do you guys know? Or is it like common knowledge? Okay, we've never done this before. What do you have to do in Ireland? I'm curious. Do you guys know? Or is it like common knowledge? Okay, we've never done this before. What? I want you guys to take out your phones, start recording a voice memo,

and go out into the other room and settle this. No way. Why does it have to be a voice memo? 100%. And then when you come back in, whatever, I'll edit it in seamlessly. We'll hear the conflict resolution. In full?

That'll take 10, 15 minutes. And I remember I haven't hard out, so. The show doesn't go on. Are you fucking kidding? Why do we have so many people on today's episode? It was a thing that I asked

four people and didn't realize it. And then Kayla walked in and I was like, oh, Kayla's never in LA. Let me just, we already have five. Why not do six? If it's too many people, I'm down to leave. No, Jake, you can leave at the ad break if you want. And I'm being serious.

You can leave at the ad break. Also, there's really important segments to get to. Don't give him that out. Jake is counting fucking down you have an egg timer going so that's what everyone's up to let's take a quick break well you didn't go

I uh yeah nothing's up with me just hanging out um you're not giving yourself enough credit man you have a dog yeah

you biked a hundred miles uh yep did a century that was a few that was a month ago or three or four weeks ago, yeah. Likes feel good now, though. Well,

let's keep it going with everybody's Bonds of the Week. This segment sucks. You say this segment sucks? I'm waiting on fucking Barbara, Broccoli, or otherwise, to fucking make a decision. And it's gonna, you know it's gonna be René Jean Page or whatever.

Oh, yes. Regé-Jean Page. That. Regé-Jean Page. My Bond of the Week is Ben Stiller just so he can get out of his father's shadow. His father's dead. Nice. Well, not gonna get much better than screaming at George Costanza, so.

He needs something. He needs a vehicle. And don't say directing Severance was that. Because it wasn't. Okay. I'll say you say jeffrey james bond of the week wow because i feel like nobody is more dialed into this decision than you nobody has considered more bonds than you nobody knows more than what it takes to be Bond than you. I feel like that's more of an argument for me to work in casting. That's interesting. But you have that impeccable British accent.

Let's hear it. Yeah. The famous. Listen, Em. I'm not too sure about this mission yet. Right. What's all this then? Oh, there's a new bad guy living in the Maldives.

I love that what's all this then is your go-to phrase. I'm James, and isn't it? Can you do the posh version? The posh? Yeah. Listen, I don't know if I can do Posh British for some reason Then you can't For some reason

You are going to have sex with me It's so weird I don't know why I can do all the English dialects Except for that one Except for that I'm so blue collar What about James Does New York So it's Bond in like fucking at Rolo's.

Eating Rolo's. So Ridgewood. So that's Queens for sure. That's New York. I'm just saying he could be like, the name's Bond. James Bond. Do you feel more comfortable doing that accent? I really only know Brooklynese because I did a dialect class.

When? When I was four. They only taught you Brooklynese because I did a dialect class. When? When I was 14. They only taught you Brooklynese? Wow. Well, it was for a play, obviously. What play? Saturday Night, Sondheim's first piece. Yeah, the one musical you reference all the time.

So what can you do on a Saturday night? Alone. That's my experience every weekend of year. I feel like we've done Jeffrey before because I remember making the Jeffrey James Bond pun. Yeah, same. Wow. I must have not been on that episode. I guess not.

My Bond of the Week, I think it's going to be Dingo Hurwitz. I can get behind that. We've never had a dog Bond. Yeah, that's true. Haven't we? But there's nothing in the rule book that says that a dog can't be Bond. We've never had a dog bond. Yeah. Haven't we? But there's nothing in the rule book that says that a dog can't be bond. That's right. An air bud bond. Yeah.

Air bond. A blonde bond. Imagine him in a little suit. Yeah. He has the agility and the intelligence based on the Instagram story you shared. He does. And he just got over his diarrhea, so I feel like he's ready to go. So he's ready to go.

Yeah. I did hear that on No Time to Die, Daniel Craig had to pause production for like two and a half weeks because he had horrible GI issues. Because he wasn't over his diarrhea. Sort of Kayla style. Yeah. Thank you. Kayla's been put on blast twice on this podcast already. I don't know why I'm even here.

You could walk out. You have the most reason to walk out. I know why she's here and she knows why she's here. I know why I'm here. Just wait till the ad break, please.

What? Not everybody needs to have a Bond of the Week, but if anybody else has one, let's hear it and then let's move on. I have a quick one. I'm going to say Bill Hader

because I'm finally catching up on the latest season of Barry and I'd climb him like a tree. Yeah. You're just attracted to every average looking white guy. I'm finally catching up on the latest season of Barry, and I'd climb him like a tree. Yeah. You're just attracted to every average-looking white guy. Attracted to average-looking white guys. Amir loved that.

Anybody else? Can we move on? Finally? If he doesn't do it, Henry Winkler, I would also take it. I think you should. Okay. Per the Independent, scientists warn that stopping toddlers napping could be dangerous. So? What's that?

So what? Dangerous how? What is that? Well, I didn't read the whole article. Dangerous for who? The fucking parents, because of the rage of the tyke. When I was three, I threw a dish at my daddy. So Jake, this is why Jeff wanted you here.

This is why he was so adamant about you not being able to leave. Jake, there's no way. He heard the rhyme. He can get out of here. None of us have kids. None of us are with child here. Is that safe to say? With child means pregnant, so.

I know, but even that would be a little bit closer to having a dangerous fucker. Fucker, really? When I was four, I hurled a bowl at my door. That was a horrible rhyme. For the only times a Bay Area mayor was punched in the chest by a passerby. That's fine. A Bay Area mayor was punched in the chest by a passerby. That's fine. A Bay Area mayor. So not even the mayor's name.

A Bay Area. That's good. A Bay Area. Can you imagine a Bay Area mayor? A Bay Area mayor. Yeah. A Bay Area mayor. A Bay Area mayor.

At a terrarium. Just because it's like this episode and then I was on a couple weeks ago, but I haven't been on in years. Is this a segment of you just kind of shooting off puns based off of headlines that are pretty...

It's news of the day. I had the same question. I had the same question because it's been a few weeks since I've been on. Yeah, it's been on in like three months. Oh, three months. Wow.

Because it's like, all the other segments have theme songs. They have like, and here's this new segment that you just kind of launch into like, don't wake a kid up.

And what are we supposed to do with that? Don't worry, darling. It's always been part of the wax. Don't call me darling. Never. No, a staple of the show

for I feel like two years has been wax. And then also I started introducing news of the day. And now I've sort of morphed the two. Come up with a love child and it's this.

Wax of the now. Wax of the now is really good. It also sounds like a waxing salon. It's a bad time to be a booster slackers says the Atlantic. I just got my booster

on Wednesday. How are you feeling? It really didn't do much to me. Well, you got it two days ago? Yeah. I did too. I just got my booster on Wednesday. How are you feeling? It really didn't do much to me. Wait, you got it two days ago? Yeah. I did too. I almost died yesterday though. I think that's just age. So I guess that's the difference between me and you.

I'm pro-vax but anti-boost. How does that sound to everybody? Not great. It doesn't sound actually. I got my booster two weeks ago. I did as well. That's awesome. So I'm anti-boost is what I was going to say. So that means you're anti-vax. Right. The vaccines

work. The booster, who needs it? You know what I mean? The booster is the vaccine. Well, because they stop working after a while. Interesting. Interesting. I didn't realize that. Is it interesting? Let's move on. I have to do my own research, but we'll figure it out. Yeah. It's the same exact thing.

What is the difference between sweet potatoes and yams? I thought there was. Pretty sure they were the same thing. I thought we were supposed to wax. Is he not allowed to interrupt you? Is he not allowed to speak? He isn't. It felt like.

Also, it wasn't really an interruption. Anyone else can. It seemed like that was the end of the. Is there more? I have a hot take. Yeah. I think sweet potatoes are disgusting.

I do too. Same here. Really? Holy shit. Actually? Yes. Wait, because every time I say that,

everyone looks at me like I'm insane. Yeah. I think they're fine, but it's just, they're not better than fries. The idea that sometimes they're an upcharge to fries,

I'm like 75 cents and I can make the fries worse? No thank you. You guys don't think the boosters work either, right? No. I'm just making sure we're on the same exact page. You're shoehorning that opinion into the sweet potato. No, we disagree about that. It's not interesting.

Also, I can tell you're bottomless. Which is fine, but it makes me slightly uncomfortable. I prefer not to know that. Okay. I did. I have to be honest. Marika and Anya, the meeting that we had on Tuesday, I wasn't wearing pants. Yeah.

Okay. Well, you don't have to tell us. Well, it's because I hadn't gotten out of bed. Anya's also not wearing pants. I feel like the confession is worse than the crime on this one. Alright. Well, I'll edit that out. Jeff, when we record virtually. Yeah. I've never done bottomless on Review Review. Or on the Higgins

podcast. It was just that meeting because I thought I was gonna be late. And then I couldn't find my pants because I was not at my house. Can I confess something about that meeting? Yep. I was at a sushi restaurant. Were you wearing pants? Also bottomless. Bottomless mimosas. Y'all ready for fish?

Damn, thanks. This is the last you've gotten from me. Oh my god. Jesus. Am I dying? Serving it to you? Y'all ready for fish? And then you're like, ah, yeah, thanks.

That's gyoza. That's gyoza. Oh man. All right, let's take a break and we will be right back. Or some of these folks will. What is the difference between sweet potatoes and yams?

Oh my God. Although sweet potatoes and yams are both root vegetables, they are not related to one another and differ in taste, texture, and appearance. Great. Thank you. Awesome.

So they are the same thing. What else you got? Oh, I got something else for you guys. So. Don't say it like that. As we all know, for months on this show, Oh my God.

I had been sort of toying with the idea of not only joy, but also once I reached 10,000 followers on Twitter. You'd bare your ass for all. I'd bare my ass for all to see on the timeline of Twitter. You couldn't find a rhyme there. I couldn't. Yeah, I knew you were like, damn it. It happened last week.

Last Wednesday, I believe. 10,000. Still there. Still at 10,000. And I immediately panicked. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know who to be. I didn't know if I should show everything down to my knees.

So I took a photo. I took a self-timer photo in my living room. That ultimately was a good photo of me, but it wasn't funny. I was like, it's better to just not post this than to post this photo because it's just not, you're not it. You know, I said to the photo, you're not it. Fuck all of you. So I did a thing. I hired a boudoir photographer.

Oh my god. I rented a pier space loft downtown. This all cost me $500. And I want to make good on the promise. I just unfollowed you. It looks like you're back under 10. What? I'm seeing 9801.

There you go. Yeah, wow. I am a man of my word. Oh my Christ. Not only in terms of posting the photo, but of all the, honestly, hyperbole surrounding my

rump. So without further ado. Oh my God. Without further a poo. Hang on, let me find a song. Are we all good with seeing Jeff's ass? Yeah, can I also get verbal consent from everybody? And if anybody doesn't want to see this, you can step out of the room.

You've showed me a photo of your ass before. So it's not anything I haven't seen. And I didn't give you consent the last time. Casey? Yeah, I've already seen a photo of your ass. Okay. And I didn't give consent for that. I don't know where you saw that.

On your phone, Jake's phone. Someone showed it to me. That's fair. Now I'm offended. It's being passed around. It's being asked around. Nice. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. I'd also like to see your ass. All right. I've been waiting. Casey? We just needed a yes. Yes. All right. Sure. Yes. Definitely. I said yes like to see your ass. All right. I've been waiting. We just needed a yes. Yes. All right.

Sure. Yes. Definitely. I said yes. Now, Mariko. I have also already seen your ass, so yes. Hello. Oh, my God.

John Cena. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Why? Why the boots? Why the boots? Yes, we have a boot! Jesus, you're a frown. What are you reading? That is Hearts Kindred by Zona Gale. Zona Gale.

Yes, it is. Of course. Oh, my God. I mean, it's just an ass. Why is that bad, you know? Did you tweet it? Are you tweeting? I'm going to tweet it right now.

We've got to get the live tweet up there. We're going to get the live tweets. Yeah. John Cena. The look on your face. Are you cross-eyed? I'm wall-eyed. Okay, and here's my question to y'all. You guys can help me

craft this. Do I caption it at all? I think no caption. Present it. It's tweeted. Will it be blurred? It's like. Will it be blurred? Like, you know, it's like click to reveal or is it just like

it just on there? Well, now that Elon owns the bitch. Yeah. I mean, this is a Musk scene, right? Nice. Also, you must have

taken more photos than this. Yeah, I want to see the outtakes also. Do you want to see the outtakes? Oh my God. This one was in Photoshop. I a little bit don't want

to like, because it's going to post all of them and I a little bit will just show you afterwards because the other I was going to post all of them and I a little bit will just show you afterwards because the other ones are more revealing and I don't feel comfortable

showing the internet. Like a hole? What was the photographer saying and like, how are they coaching you through this? They, you did unfollow me. It says,

Jake Hurwitz followed you back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just wanted to see if I was at 10,000. Yeah, I just wanted to see if I could push it the other way. Wait, Jeff, can we get the live tweeter link, the likes, retweets, and comments on there? Yeah, here we go. Live tweeter.

Yeah, let's see some live tweeters. We're at nine likes, so 10 likes. It would be so sad if it just ended with like two retweets and seven likes. It's funny because it's actually true. Like, it was a build-up to a thing, and now it's here, and that's it. I finally got to see the high-res photo that you guys got in studio.

Oh my god. Jeff, are you aware, if I turn my brightness up, I can see hole. Is that fine with you? I've looked at it every which way. You can see crack, you can't see hole. There's fine with you? I've looked at it every which way. You can see crack. You can't see hole. There's a hint of nut down here by your left knee.

No way. Did your family know you did this? I called my mom afterwards because we had a phone call scheduled, and she was like, what did you do today? I was like, oh, my God. I had a photo shoot. Oh, also, the Hart's Kindred thing was in my, like, oh my God, I had a photo shoot. Oh, also the heart's kindred thing was in my like, not childhood bedroom, but my parents' house, the place I sleep at. And I was like, oh, can you send me that book? I need it for a thing. And she was like, yeah, what do you need

it for? I'm like, a photo shoot. And then like, I just was dancing around it. And she was finally like, what was the photo shoot? And I was like, I, it's a Twitter bit, you know, you know, it's a little racially clad, but it's pretty tasteful. I'm sorry, but I can see that this is your parents' living room. I know that you're not a couple. This was,

I mean, I can show you the other one. Are those your boots? Those are my cowboy boots. Then the conversation you had with the photographer. Oh, and that was also very serendipitous, right? So I got to 10,000 on a Wednesday, and I was like, this needs to go up ASAP.

Rocky. And I was like, and I reached out to my photographer friend, who's Pharrell's photographer. She's unbelievable. This is the day you got boosted, right? This was a week from then. Anyway, but she was still in New York

and also was like i can't do it pro bono and my rate is really high this was the uh other select which i'm like that one has right that one straight up asshole that's why it's cropped so high also you could see my dick and balls in this one so I had to crop it oh and this was the other one was uh I hate being this close to the city an inch away

are you flexing your butt no my ass is really good can I share my feedback on this one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I did see this one previously. I told him that he should crop out his head. Which I think is crazy. So if we just zoom in.

No, but if we zoom in and crop out your head, I think it will be better. People would assume it was someone else. Your face needs to be in it. That's a bad photo. I think it's proportioned better I think it makes your head look weird alright well you know what I'm just saying that that was the outtake I don't want to show the one because people can

pause it and it is too revealing but I will show you I'll pass it around for anyone who wants to see it this was the other one that was a little more Kim K was a little more break the internet but is truly... What do you mean this one's revealing? What do you mean by revealing? I'm not sending it to anyone.

No one's going to have it on their phone. You're not going to text it to me? Of course not. I'm not going to do anything with it. You're going to wink to it, man. What are we going to do after the ad break? Just play like spiel or no spiel? How do we move on from that

um god where the fuck did it go are there any replies by the way it feels like people are just yeah

liking one can we give that a little refresh yeah I'll look yeah there are a lot of a lot of replies low energy Jeff there's a quote

tweet for sure does anybody want to see the other selects like outtakes I said I do but you won't fucking send them to me you can flash them

I'm curious I'm like curious I want to see, but you won't fucking send them to me. You can flash them. I'm curious. He's begging us to see them. I'm like curious. I want to see them, but when you say revealing, like is this? Jesus Christ. I need to see this one.

This one involves him sitting on a gold tiger. This is me on a tiger, a metal tiger, and my like cheeks are kind of spread. I might, this might be my favorite.

People like that one better, but I don't feel comfortable posting it. Do you want to see him here? Send it to me and Jake as a disappearing. And I'll send it to Anya too. Thanks, buddy. I feel bad retweeting this. Do it on Instagram vanish mode.

Yeah. Beautiful. Good work. Maybe you could just post a fleet about it so it sort of disappears. You're obsessed with the fleets. You're obsessed with the fleet. You're obsessed with the fleet. Just put it on fleeter.

Is Elon bringing that back? I don't know. He hasn't responded to any of my DMs. All right. I sent it to y'all. We do have to take a quick break and thank some sponsors. I'm sure they're going to be thrilled with this episode. I'll be right back.

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Check it out. What's your next tweet going to be? Dick. The word. At 25K, I J-I-J I'm not even serious this is a slippery ass slope we are back

guys we'll keep checking in on the Twitter every couple minutes but for now it's time to play. Welcome to Jasper Johns or Vince Vaughn. No. Let's see the other pictures of your ass. Those were the two selects, man. Yeah, this is Jasper Johns or Vince Vaughn. so I'm going to read quotes, and you have to attribute

them to either the visual artist Jasper Johns or the visual artist Vince Vaughn. So my joke about just moving on with the show with a stupid game was kind of correct. We're moving on. We're moving on. That's very good. We're vaunching into the second half.

Well, yeah, it's two of the greatest artists of our time. Of our time? Of our time. Which one said what? Here we go. I was a bedwater till very late. My mom used to hang my sheets out the window to dry and I'd have to run home

from school in order to beat the other kids to my house so they wouldn't see them. Feels like a Jasper Johns. I'm going to say Jasper Johns as well. Yeah, because why would Vince Vaughn's mom?

Wow. It was Vince. Wow. So he was afraid that his like eight-year-old friends would be like, holy shit, you wet your bed. I can see your mom posting your sheets up on a clothesline. Which, by the way, if they're on a clothesline, they're clean, the pee is out.

That just looks like someone's doing laundry. Yeah. Well, that's why he's an insane Republican now. Yeah. Is he? What about Vincent Vaughn Go? That's good. He wasn't an option.

On the game that you made. The last book I read was the book I've been rereading most of my life. The Fountainhead. Jasper John. Oh, I thought that was you saying it. I'm gonna go Vince again. I'm gonna go Vince as well.

Give me Vince! What's that? That's so sad for him. I knew it was more mortified at that than the ass pictures. Yeah. What? It would be just an embarrassing thing to admit. Yeah, the ass was fine.

Yeah. I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it. Jasper. Jasper. Give me Jasper. That's correct. Wow. These sound effects don't work in my headphones at all. It sounds like a weird thunk.

Yeah. Good. I'm a horrible golfer. Vince Vaughn. Vince. Correct. Even you don't care about this. This is the most joyless segment I've ever been a part of.

You even need it. This is the most joyless segment I've ever been a part of. Yeah. Even you. You're all like glass, though. You bared hole for all to see, and now your life has no meaning. Yeah. Don't you realize we're finally here? From here. You've achieved it all. From here.

And there's no way else but down. Yeah. You've actually, you've peaked when you showed your crater. Isn't that interesting? Well, there's also two peaks. Twin peaks. Twin peaks. Twin peaks.

And my, yeah. I didn't own a cell phone for a long time. I was late in the game on that. Jump right back into it. Vincent Van Gogh. Feels like a Vince. Nice. I'll just go Jasper.

Same. Jasper. Vincent is correct. Have you seen Swingers? Have you seen anyone be kind to you when you talk to people like that? I was just going to say that I think you'd really like it. Oh, really? Yeah.

I might check it out. He seems genuinely hurt by that. I'm not strong on perfection. Jasper. Jasper. Correct. Correct. Correct.

Just saying the middle three letters. I don't know. Correct. And then it's less and less. So you're down to just the middle E. Oh. I don't know how to have thoughts. Is that a quote?

You? That's a quote. From you. I don't know how to have thoughts. I'm going to go with Jasper. Jasper, yes. It's impossible. Okay.

More energy? Don't worry about being liked. You have to be yourself. Vince. Jasper. Vince. I'm just trying to find a way to make pictures. Jasper.

I think it's Vince. Yeah, same. Because motion pictures. It was Jasper. Fuck. How old is Vince if he's saying, I, same. Because motion pictures. It was Jasper. Fuck. How old is Vince if he's saying, I gotta make a few more pictures? Exactly.

But I knew I would get at least one person on that. Well, no, I'm just gonna come to the picture house. Your movies are not good. Well, that's what I'm saying. I think you'd really like Swingers. Especially if you haven't seen it. And it's sort of about going out in los angeles before you were born yeah i don't oh sorry the dresden is featured prominently in it you know the dresden like in germany yes like in germany of course the whole fucking movie

takes place in dusseldorf. She's not from here. Have you ever lived here? No. So why would you know the Dresden? I lived here for seven fucking years. I still barely know the Dresden. Okay, and that's fine. I just think you'd appreciate the film.

The picture. Whatever I do seems artificial and false to me. Okay. Jasper. All right, so now what's the quote? Yeah. Give me Jasper. All right, so now what's the quote? Yeah. Give me Jasper. How many more are there? How many more are these three?

There's like another page. I think too many people look at the arts with a religious outlook. Arts, music. Jasper. Let's just try to get through them. I'll do,

I'm going to guess Vince, Vince, Jasper Vince There's only two more Lock it in for those last two Alright, Vince then Jasper Directly incorrect I tend to like things that already exist

Which is Jasper And as an artist I can't be responsible for how people interpret material Which is Vince Vaughn Great for how people interpret material, which is Vince Vaughn. Great. You guys are going to like this next one better. Is that a promise? It really is. It's Jimmy John's or Vince Vaughn's.

Are these sandwiches made by... It's the same Vince Vaughn quotes, but we still get tripped up. Sweet potato or yam. Welcome to... Excellent. Love is fine. This is great because I do love Love is Fine.

Didn't you do this before? No. You did something else with fines. Yeah, I feel like you did a game where it was like you're going on a blind date with Ralph Fiennes and you had to rave, yeah. Sorry, can we just

Why don't we hear the rule? Why don't we hear what it is? Why don't we hear what it is before you scrutinize the theme song? I couldn't hear it. We can't hear the theme song. It sounds like nothing to us. This is Love is Fines. It sounds like you're playing a boombox underwater. I can't hear it. We can't hear the theme song. It sounds like nothing to us. This is Love is Fine. It sounds like you're playing a boombox underwater. I can't hear it at all.

This is Love is Fine, where we're going to look into some Ralph Fiennes roles, and you're going to see if you would maybe want to date this person. Oh, I love this game. Yeah. Well, not really being able to see them. How is it a game, Riley? What do you mean, how is it a game? It's not a game.

What? Love is Fine is a game show. This is a game, Riley. What do you mean, how is it a game? It's not a game. What? I mean. Love is Blind is a game show. This is a game. No, it's not. No, it's not. It is. It's just a segment.

Let's just keep moving forward, please. This is a game. This isn't a game. It's too high pitched. I can't hear you. Sounds like a balloon deflating. All right, here we go. This esteemed hotel concierge is truly a master.

We're not guessing who it is. We're not guessing who it is. This is a good game. You tell me if you want to date him. This is a really good game. I know the character. Yes, we all know who it is. I really like this game.

This isn't a game. This esteemed hotel concierge is truly a master of his own domain. His name is Gustav H., and his interests include poetry, etiquette, and patience. Yes, yes. He is a bit of a player, often servicing the needs, sexual or otherwise, of rich elder women. However, he is ultimately a romantic, and he knows how to enter the hearts of his guests. Would. Will he enter yours next?

Yes. Yes. No. This isn't a game. What do you mean it's not a game? What do you mean it's not a game? This is another one of those vaccine versus booster debates. I don't want to engage.

Can I quickly interrupt? Yeah. Just wondering, are you going to be bringing up the Holocaust soon? No. Schindler's List? He should have won an Oscar for that role, but Tommy Lee Jones got it instead for The Fugitive, and I'm still upset. So you're saying you'd fuck him in Schindler's List?

No, I'm just saying he's a very talented actor. I can't believe you blanked out the characters, but won't let us guess them. That would make it a game, by the way. That would make it a game. This is way. That would make it a game. This is the game. The game is would you, would you fuck fine? Yes. In these roles.

Add that role. Would you fuck goose up age? A hundred percent. Okay. Yes. And then Amira. Can we play this with a different man? Meaning not Jeff?

Not Jeff, not Fiennes. That sounds bad to me, doing it differently. Not fine. Which part? I'll zag and go no. Okay.

Jake, Marika, come on. Sure. No, sure. Oh yeah, absolutely. Anya, Casey, Gustavo. Yeah, sure.

Cool, and then now you get to see what he looks like? We already knew. We knew. Hey, it's Ray Fiennes. Yeah. What a movie. Cool. And then now you get to see what he looks like? We already knew. We knew. Hey, it's Ray Fine. Yeah.

What a movie. Wow. Grand Budapest Hotel. You fucking idiot. Here we go. A military veteran who spent three months as a hostage in the hands of the IRA. IRA. So this is the English patient?

Yeah. This government agent keeps his cards and his secrets Close to his chest It's the same thing I wrote these so late at night If you're looking for a closed off workaholic Whose trauma induced erectile dysfunction Keeps you itching to crack his shell

Look no further than the head Of MI6 M This isn't how love is blind works, either. Yeah, but I can't be Fiennes, and you know what I mean? I have to leave in three minutes. Okay, so would you fuck M?

No. Really? Yeah. All right. Everybody else, come on. I mean, I'm gonna fuck Ray Fiennes, like, no matter the role, I think. Except for Schindler's List.

Oh, let's go yes on this one. I would do Felicia, but no more. Okay. At his desk? I think we would 69 on the floor. Quite frankly. But again, this is not a game. This is not a game?

This is not a game to me. This is not a game to me. It's true love. Okay, so to you. Yeah, you're taking it really seriously. Marika, Anya, Casey? I said sure, yeah. Sure, okay.

If all of yours are going to be sure, then I want to have it. I haven't seen this movie, so I'm going to say no. All right. This is what he looks like. Do you guys feel any different? No.

It's Voldemort. That's so random. I'm going to change my answer to no now. Yeah. Bad suit, I would say Fits him well, but bad suit Here we go This orphan

Oh, that's Voldemort This orphan let his lack of parents get the best of him And evolved over time into Yeah Get the best of him Get the best of him And evolved over time into an immortal demi-demon Leaving behind a promising young career in wizard politics,

he turned to the dark arts and amassed a cult following of other low-forgotten souls who do his bidding. Evil incarnate, this lord, does not possess the capacity for love or empathy, but rumor has it he's motherfucking hung. This is Voldemort. This is Voldemort. This is Voldemort.

He's the one. I'm Voldemort. This is Voldemort. This is Voldemort. No, obviously not. Okay. Does he even have a penis in this regenerated state? I do think when he's naked in the...

Eureka says yes very clearly. He doesn't have a nose, but he does have a penis in this regenerated state? I do think when he's naked in the... Or your... Eureka says yes very clearly. He doesn't have a nose, but he does have a cock. I was just saying that he has a child in The Cursed Child,

so I assume... Right. And everything else about the series sticks to that kind of reality. Yeah. Yeah. Good point, good point.

So are we fucking Voldemort? Come on. Nobody's like chiming in. Everybody's kind of tepid and like, oh, does it happen? He said yes. Which is cool. Yeah. I don't know.

Maybe. Okay. Maybe we got to know. We got to. Yes. Y'all? No, I don't think Voldemort's a generous lover. No.

I'm with Casey. A generous lover. Unless he is a eunuch, in which case maybe that's all he can do. I would do mutual masturbation. No more. No less. No more. No less. No more, no less. This is not a game.

I would solicit a J-O-I video from Tom. But he does have like crazy snake tongue. So, yeah. Rumor has it. Does Tom Riddle count? No, this is Voldemort because Tom Riddle's not played by Ralph Fiennes. You fucking asshole.

Oh. Whoa. Anything changed now that you guys see him? We all know what Voldemort looks like. We know what he looks like. I would just want him to cut his nails. We were describing him physically. Same answer.

All right. I do have to go. Okay, just preemptively, based on no information, would you fuck this person? It's a Lego, so obviously not. No. Okay.

No. Plugs? I'm so sorry that I have to leave during the episode. Just review, review. And if you're watching this, you can find me, Riley Ansvall. You're caught up. Yeah, Riley Ansvall on Instagram, Riley Cody on Twitter. Just Google the word Ireland.

Ireland. If you know Ireland, you know me. And HeadGumSketches on YouTube. It's been an honor. It's been a pleasure. Jake, haven't seen you in forever. Marika, adieu. What a joy.

Goodbye to everyone. I'm so glad we got to share Jeff's app. Yeah, I'm seeing how it's doing. Bye. Oh, yeah, let's go. Later, Riley. It's doing. Yeah, I'm seeing how it's doing. Bye. Oh, yeah, let's go. Later, Riley. It's doing pretty well, but ultimately

your tweet from right before so many people ain't it is doing better. Yeah, but that was over the span of a week. This has been

20 minutes. Yeah, but you'd still, you'd really want to see it blow by so many people ain't it. Yeah. Well, I would appreciate the retweet from you. all right this alfred is penny worth your time when he lacks an overall

charisma he makes up for in borderline feudal levels of loyalty if you like early 20th century haberdasher fashion you found the perfect date imagine doing Don't talk about a Lego like you hear his cats from a haberdashery. It's fucking Batman's butler from the Lego Batman movie. This is one of the angriest times you've ever been at me. Imagine

doing the omakase at Sushi Note alongside a man with a pocket watch shining out from his shawl collar lapel with long coat. Trust the chef? Nah. Trust the owl. This guy's a straight up Lego.

Would you fuck him? No, I would not have sex with a Lego. Okay. Yeah, same. Anya, Casey? Likewise. Yeah, I'm not, yeah. Jake?

Dry humping no more. All right. And then knowing what he, does this change your mind? Maybe he's hotter than you thought? He's hotter than no more. All right. And then knowing what he, does this change your mind? Maybe he's hotter than you thought? He's hotter than I thought. All right. I'd maybe do heavy petting, over the pants,

hand job style, now that I've seen what he looks like as a Lego. Would you watch them fuck like other Legos? I would be a voyeur with him. I'd be a peeping Tom Riddle. Are we Lego people in this scenario? No, you're you. That's a good question. You're a Playmobil. Creeping Tom Riddle. Are we Lego people in this scenario? No, you're you.

That's a good question. You're a Playmobil. This was Love is Fine. So we got the picture of you and your butt. And then right to the left of it is YouTube's richest creator seeking $1.5 billion valuation. So this sort of is the entire gamut of influencers right here, right? You sort of bare your ass for all to see for 150 likes. Meanwhile, Mr. Beast is trying to sell 10% of his net worth for $150 million.

What are you looking at there? I'm looking at the quote tweets. Yeah, you're looking at the quote tweets. The boy who bore ass on Maine, that's kind of funny. Oh no, I just realized what pivotal work he's reading. I think your next tweet should be

at 20k followers I will blank. And then it's something even more explicit. And for my next trick. Yeah, like people are eager to find out what now. You should here's my pitch.

Just tweet and for my next trick and an OnlyFans link and see how many people would sign up. That's really interesting. I like that. Like you could in theory make thousands of dollars a month. It's no Mr. Beast but. I would start an OnlyFans just for a monthly really good

photo of my ass. Right, exactly. This could be a free preview. You have three ready to go. You can make it. Do a subscribe for free for now. You have two photos. That's two months. But why would they pay for the cow when they can get the milk for free? Well, they want

variety. You could make back the money potentially. I made back the money because I sold my guitar amp yesterday at Guitar Center. It took an hour and a half and I just was like, I need to make back the money because i sold my guitar amp yesterday at guitar center it took an hour and a half and i just was like i need to make back the money that i spent on this fucking photographer shout out by the way emily montfort uh photography they're an incredible photographer they uh have photographed like a lot of famous people um and i told them I'd plug their stuff. On Instagram, it's at emily.munfortphoto.

And, like, Natasha Lyonne, Abby Jacobson, a bunch of other cool people. Oh, wow, they didn't post the photo they took of you. Surprise. It was under embargo. Did Emily see your dick? No, we came up with a sort of intimacy coordination in that specific regard where I would say,

balls, and then they'd turn around, and then I would say, clear, and then they'd turn around. And it was always me facing away from them. That's like a perverted bear chef thing. Yes. Corner. I get it. Thank you, Marika.

Herd chef. Herd chef. Herd chef. Yes, chef. They did come up to me at one point and say, you should be dead. Oh, really? Oh, no. Yeah.

That's a bear reference. Did you take any non-nude photos? Like, any just nice? Like headshots. No, because I only had the peer space placed for an hour, so we really had to get in and get out. But, yeah, they're an incredible photographer. If you live in Los Angeles and need somebody for editorial work,

for creative projects, check them out. We'll see how this goes, and maybe we'll check in next week on what happened in the wake, the ripple effect of my rippling mound. Any other thoughts or questions about it? I put so much effort into it and this has been a long time coming

I feel like we haven't given it the reverence and weight that it deserves Let's go plugs Butt plugs That's really good Or otherwise What do you guys have going on? what do you want to point the people to and then any other questions about the picture follow Jeff on OnlyFans

hopefully he sets one up you gotta capitalize strike while the iron's hot at least a link to a link tree that can potentially one day have the OnlyFans just to make sure that people are being driven towards an action item. Sure. I like low energy

Jeff is your name. I love the cream chunky knit that you have on. That's nice. Great sweater. I look great in that photo. Oh. So yeah, like that's what Kayla said. Yeah. What is this?

Listen to The Pit Wall. Listen to me and Marika and Casey's podcast, The Pit Wall. It's a Formula One podcast. It's great. Check it out. At 10,000 subs, Jake will show his ass. No, make Casey. I actually...

Well, I didn't consent to that. I have the other photo of Jeff's ass that he was not willing to post. So if we get 10,000 listeners on the F1 podcast, I will tweet that. Which is revenge porn and you're going to fucking jail. Mariko, should we make this one of our at a home posters? What's that? Yeah. So what we'll do is we'll put that on the now playing thing outside with a QR code.

No, thank you. We should. That could be good. How do we make that like a broken page thing? Oh, like a 404. That's funny. 404. That's really funny.

I can't find the page you're looking for. Yeah. But here's my mounds. Stop saying mounds. Stop saying mounds. Why aren't you calling them almond joys? Nice. Because there's no nuts. Oh, false.

Anyways, I'd like to plug myself. In my ass. Sorry. Kayla LaMoriarty. And would love to plug to Anya if she still wants to get lunch after this. I'm very hungry. I'd love to. Where are you thinking? Needle?

I've never been there. Yeah, me neither. Cool. Let's not make this any longer than it has to be with the small talk, right? Amir, what do you want to plug? Come on. It really is just your OnlyFans. Marika, come on. Follow me on Twitter, Letterboxd, and Instagram, at Marika Elan. Listen to The Pit Wall. Follow me on Twitter, Letterboxd, and Instagram,

at Marika Elan. Listen to The Pit Wall. Follow Jeff's OnlyFans. Yeah. And I hope that Anya and Kayla have a good lunch. Thank you. Anya and Casey, what do you got? My dog has an Instagram.

Follow Dingo the Dumbass Doodle. I'm just kidding. He doesn't really. Listen to The Pit Wall. I was so excited. He doesn't really. Listen to the pit wall. I was so excited. Sorry. And buy tickets to the HeadGum Happy Hour. Yeah.

Thank you, Casey. Then the next one. Yeah, December 1st. December 1st. HeadGum.com slash live for all your live show needs. Yeah. That's good. Yeah.

Plug in the same thing. Follow and submit to the.love motel. Love it. I actually do want to do that. Thanks, Jeff. At Jeffrey James on Instagram. Subscribe to the.lovemotel. Love it. I actually do want to do that. Thanks, Jeff. Also subscribe to the HeadGum Happy Hour. Subscribe to the HeadGum Happy Hour feed. Podcast.

Yes. Yeah. At JeffBody on Twitter. We will probably do something special for 25,000. So hopefully by then I'm famous as shit. And at Jeff and Jeffrey James on Instagram as shit and, uh, at Jeffrey James on Instagram for,

uh, just my, like, you know, other shit. Uh, thanks for listening to this episode.

HeadGumSketches too. PitWall. Yes. And we'll see you guys again next week, uh, with an episode that, well,

just really can't compete with this one, at least that part of it. And, uh, I'm rambling. Anyway, oh hell,

I'm rambling again. That's Daz, folks. that part of it and uh i'm rambling anyway oh hell i'm rambling again that's doz folks thank god that was a Hidgum Original.