The Headgum Podcast - 129: Fifty-Ninth Video Episode (w/ Miles Bonsignore!)

Episode Date: November 18, 2022

Miles Bonsignore (Perfect Person podcast) joins Amir, Marika, and Geoff to discuss roller skating, hash, and personality tests! Plus, Geoff has an anxiety attack, on-air! The Pit Wall has been greenlit! Subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don't miss new episodes dropping every Wednesday after a race. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Sean Connery's ghost. Is he dead? Yeah. He is dead. I thought you were going to say Sean Kingston. He sang that beautiful girl's song?

Somebody call mi5 yeah plus with sean you don't have to pay a second celebrity to write the theme song a sean kingston bond theme where all them beautiful girls bond girls yeah that was just the song them beautiful girls. Bond girls. Yeah, that was just the song. They can reuse it.

It fits. Jesus. it's been a long time coming yeah and what better timing we could start over if you want we fucking got his ass on the network yeah Monsieur Bonsignor that's right We could start over if you want. We fucking got his ass.

On the network. Yeah. Monsieur Bonsignor. That's right. Is Bonsignor Italian? Yeah. Damn it. What is the... It's not French.

Oui. Oui. Are you a perfect person? Let's fucking jump into it. We've got Marika Brownlee zooming in from New York. We've got Amir Blumenfeld on the sax. Yeah. Miles Bonsignor. Am I saying it correctly? Not at all. I've never said it Brownlee zooming in from New York. We've got Amir Blumenfeld on the sax. Yeah. Miles Bonsignor.

Am I saying it correctly? Not at all, but it's Bonsignore. Bonsignore. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, Bonsignore. See, like,

we're having fun. Oh, wow. I don't know how Marika's three hours ahead in New York City and I'm the one who feels most alienated already. Yeah. Right? I'm angry today. It does feel like it's Amir and Miles against you,

which I appreciate. Because already Miles against you is like pretty even Turk. Yeah, we occupy very similar spaces. And Amir in the sunglasses really pushes it over the edge. Miles, we occupy very similar spaces. And a mirror in the sunglasses really pushes it over the edge. Miles, I have to I was just agreeing that you could continue talking. You looked so furious at him.

I have to admit, I knew you from Twitter vaguely. I think I had followed you on Twitter because you were verified and you had funny tweets. Absolutely not verified. Absolutely don't have funny tweets. But I believe I followed you probably saw. Absolutely not verified. Absolutely don't have funny tweets, but I believe I followed you probably saw that I followed you. I don't know what happened, but I remember that we were trying

to do a guest swap with the Try Guys. And then I didn't know you were associated with the Try Guys until we were on that show. Really? And then I was kind of like... Oh, that's so funny. You can't grind to a halt every time I chime in. There's no way that'll be a good flow to be up

Listen we're teetering on We're teeter burrowing on The fucking Brink between that Friday Feeling and utter despair And I'm trying to veer us Towards that Friday feeling But my energy today is sour

And I need y'all to get me on the right course Yeah you came in livid this is my first time at the HeadGum studio. You're skittish and mad. Yeah, you were like livid off of some meeting you had. Yeah. Yeah, the things didn't go according to plan. Yeah, I got a fucking demotion financially. Marty said I'm not really pulling my weight or pushing weight,

so now I'm getting 30 an hour, which doesn't feel fair. That's a lot. Really? Yeah, that's actually more than I thought that you deserved slash got. Here's the deal. I didn't know who you were, then I knew who you were,

and then we did a show together at the Try Guys studio. We did do an episode of the Tripod, a show that I also produce. Not my show on the HeadGum Network, though. Right.

Separate. This was, I think, a year before. This was a year before Show Called the Tripod with my bosses. You came on. Yeah.

And I realized that... It kind of was. Can you just stay in your fucking lane This was the year before Show Called the Tripod with my bosses. You came on. Yeah. And I realized that- Is it the end of the pandemic? It kind of was. Can you just stay in your fucking lane for five minutes while I explain to the people out there how Miles and I are best friends? Unbelievable. Not yet, though. No, it's not unbelievable. No, because now I feel like everybody kind of tensed up in the studio and I feel like that was-

You were tense! We're like having fun, like, you know, like- Me too! Marika, like, is fun Like you know Me too Marika like is great You know Yeah You have the energy Of like a bicyclist

Who almost just got hit by a car Yeah I wanna like Slam on the monster Yeah You have bicyclist energy I have bison energy Bison

I'm tiger blood But I realized During that recording And from your Twitter That I feel like we have A very similar sense of humor. A hundred percent, yeah. And then people on Twitter have been begging for the Miles Jeffries show.

Yeah, people want us to collab. Yeah. And so do I. Yeah, and I feel like this might not be the first. This might not be the first? This might not be the first, but certainly the last. This is the first, but certainly not the last. Got it, there you go.

Yeah, we'll probably do something else together if this goes super well. Yeah is the first but certainly not the last. Got it. There you go. Yeah. We'll probably do something else together if this goes super well. Yeah. And I consider myself a perfect person. So I'm excited to go on that show and prove it. Yeah. I am curious what you have to say. You're a flawed man.

There's no way. I'm a jawed man. Like sometimes people will call in and have like real problems. I'm curious like how you're how you're gonna get real in that environment I'll get real yeah when I'm not in this

arena I can be visceral visceral and you do treat it like an arena yeah are you not entertained do you guys have a

voice of God mic speeding we do hell yeah okay so please chime in as much as probable I'm loving the energy there's a lot of downtime there's a lot of dead air yes it's already unraveling and i know that by minute 30 mid segments i'm gonna need your guys's help okay let's keep it going well okay marika how

the fuck are you doing i'm fine i'm I'm really tired. This is a bad. It was a bad idea to go to me for this to keep it rolling and lively. I don't know. You weren't even near the mic. I know. I was readjusting in my chair. Marika had a magazine. Looking at Twitter.

I'm going to go see a movie after this, probably. Did you have to go into the HeadGum studio just to record this, or were you there all day? I wasn't here all day. I had a doctor's appointment, and I walked here afterwards. That's awesome. Marika's body's never been at a stasis. No.

I truly, I went to this doctor's appointment for one thing, and the doctor was like, that's fine. But here's three other things that are like could be the cause of what you're experiencing. I was like, I haven't the time for this. And that's your issue. And I want to hear about Miles medical history soon. But you don't you need a non perfectionist general practitioner, right? Somebody who's just going to band-aid everything

and not try to get you to perfection. That's the opposite of what she needs. It sounds like she has to get to the underlying issue and you just want to give her Advil just to numb out for a few hours. You want to sweep it under the rug. Arguably, that's what I was trying to do. I went in for...

I keep hearing a gurgling in my ear, and the doctor was like, let's do an allergy test. Also, you have TMJ. Also, your tonsils are three times the size they should be. Oh, no. I hear getting an adult tonsillectomy is extra painful, more so than children's. He said, I don't need that.

That's the thing. It was all things that were like, you're teetering on the verge of like problems, but mostly you're fine. I'm doing great, guys. That's good to hear. You know, I've actually been enjoying some TMJ myself recently.

Oh, wow. Interesting. My girlfriend got a grind guard and now she's having jaw problems and I guess that's a very common thing. Like when you get the grind guard, it either like messes your bite or like gives you jaw stress. Have you guys experienced that in any way? Grind guard related jaw pain or your TMJ predates that? I don't know when it started, but I do wear a retainer to keep my teeth straight. But it's definitely like I'm definitely clenching my teeth all the time.

I'm constantly in a state of stress and distress. So it makes sense. It's hard because you're asleep, so you can't really tell yourself not to do something. I'm grinding my teeth at night, got a baby tooth, popped that fucker out of there. Baby tooth still?

I had a baby tooth and then they popped it out so I don't have a tooth and I got an implant and and i'm waiting for them to screw on a like white part like the cap yeah so i was chewing on one side of my mouth there's a little screw yeah there's a screw yeah in my mouth yeah and you're currently awaiting the tooth implant yeah and so i was chewing on one side of my mouth so i didn't like get any danger there and then the other side of my jaw was like yeah don't do that like that sucks yeah then the other side of my jaw was like, yeah, don't do that. I'm like, that sucks. That hurts now too. Yeah, the doctor was like,

you know, if you decide to go and eat a kind bar, this is literally what he said. He was like... He's a sponsor. Actually, if you eat this kind bar, it has 8 grams of sugar and 12 grams of protein. He was like, maybe don't go for the kind bar, and you go for something more like scrambled eggs.

And I was like, what in the world is the same? Maybe you script the payday in favor of gruel. Yeah. Wow. And then I came to the office, and I ate five packs of Skittles. Joke's on him, Doc. Jesus. Oh my god.

In the mix, it seems like it's not gonna be that loud. Yeah, that's because fucking Grace Harper does her magic, our new mix engineer. Oh, that's nice. Also, we didn't congratulate Anya on being the new supervising producer of the fucking show, man.

Top brass for my fat ass. That's really exciting. It's nice to see in the fucking credits there's a whole team that puts this thing together, right? It's nice to see. It's nice to see. I'm a hyper off of coffee,

and I don't know where to place my energy other than into the microphone. Someone had a really good comment on today's episode and they called you the ghost of cold brews past. Isn't that really funny? That's really good. You are going to crash, right?

Sorry, excuse me. Miles, in terms of the screw that you have coming out of your maw, are you going to use that to your advantage, like to eat something that usually is crunchy to have? Are you going to use the screw to eat something so like a walnut? Yeah. Are you going to nutcrack?

So you're asking if I'm going to use my sort of medical situation to crack a walnut with my teeth. Yes. Have you ever been, do you ever go to Mendocino farms? Have you ever been in a writer's room? I've been to Mendo. Yeah. The almost chicken sandwich.

The not so fried. Yeah. That thing will fry the top of your fucking, you know, mouth. Yeah. Unless you have a fucking, a Phillips head.

Yeah. Did you write this before? It sounds like, yeah. I'm floundering. Um, oh, the crash is starting early.

Shit. Um, what did we have? And even. Let's just get our Bonds of the Week out of the way. Our Bondsignores of the Week. Yeah. Miles Bondsignore. Yeah.

Yeah, you're my Bond of the Week. I think you're tall. I think you're fit. Miles Bonsignore. Yeah. Yeah. You're my Bond of the Week. I think you're tall. I think you're fit. I think you're married, which seems to be a weird through line for all the Bond actors. They're all married?

A weird through line? Yeah, like... What are they? They're in relationships? Yeah. You're a laughing stock, man. Yeah. You're a laughing stock, man. You're a laughing stock, man. It's good to see from this angle

because you are panicked like swiping through screens on your MacBook and then you land on one that doesn't seem like you were trying to get there in the first place. I've never felt so seen.

The best is when he you watch him choose a sound and then immediately choose another one because he knows the mistake wow nice

do you guys have any bonds of the week producers casting for the next 007 before it's too late Timothy Chalamet with like just like 200 pounds of muscle

maybe that's pretty good 007 before it's too late? Timothy Chalamet with just like 200 pounds of muscle, maybe. That's pretty good. That's not good casting. Let's go with The Rock, huh? Let's go with The Rock, see? The Rock has had a whirlwind of honestly three years, but most importantly last week.

He is so busily promoting this Black Adam movie that I fear what would happen if it bombed at the box office. I don't know if The Rock could overcome such emotional trauma. It's been getting some bad reviews. It's gonna bomb.

It's scary, sad for The Rock, who really put his entire seemingly emotional net worth into promoting this film. Not to mention, his Dwayne John Nosey into it. His what? His Dwayne John Nosey into it.

His Dwayne John Nosey? Yeah, his Dwayne Nosey. Want to try that one more time? Basically, his John Nosey. it. His what? His Dwayne John Nussi. Yeah, his Dwayne John Nussi? Yeah, his Dwayne Nussi. Want to try that one more time? Basically, his John Nussi. John Nussi? He put his Rakussi into it. Okay. I didn't... I don't think I

still understand what you were trying to say. My favorite part of this setup is that the people I can hear the most are Anya and Casey, so I just really laugh. I really would have preferred preferred instead of Black Adam, Black Adder. But it's Dwayne Johnson reprising the role. Interesting.

Did you ever see Black Adder? No. It's like, oh, greetings, Black Adder. I don't know what that is either. It's Mr. Bean. You said yeah, though. Yeah, I just wanted him to go on to the next thing. Oh, sure.

Because now we're talking about it do you think you put your whole Jeffrey Jussie into every episode no it's Valencia Essie I've always said my I put my whole Jeff Fussy

into it yeah we don't like when you do that how do you feel about foot content like do I have a thing for feet well I guess you could answer that let's get into it we can get well we't like when you do that. How do you feel about foot content? Like, do I have a thing for feet? Well, I guess you could answer that. Let's get into it. We have a whole segment about fetishes later. Basically, uh...

Will you include... You start crying. Forget it. We have to wrap up the Bonds of the Week. You said Timothee Chalamet getting stacked. I want to see him stacked, like, doing action. I think that would be really interesting. From Wonka to Bonka.

What's Bonka? That's Bombed. But he has a Tonka ass from doing so many squats. Blumenfeld, are you going to pass or what? Yeah, I think I'll pass this week. Anya, Casey, James Bombed. Could be anybody.

Anyone you've already mentioned? Is there anyone that's off limits for me no just cast anybody as the next 007 uh Corn Kid that's pretty good

oh it's Corn I really like Corn I want him to get like a real like I want him to have a career out of this I feel bad he doesn't have to helm

one of the most important action movie franchises of all time I just feel like we're using him and he's gonna get like 15 minutes worth of whatever. And then we're all going to forget him. And I don't want that to happen.

I don't think it's fair. He has some kind of like garden green sponsorship. So it's like shaken, not stirred. And then as he's waiting for his martini, he like chomps into a corn on the cob. I like that. Seal out in casinos? They'd have to rewrite the whole concept. He has a fake on the cob. That's good. I like that. Seal out in casinos? They'd have to rewrite the whole concept. He has a fake ID.

Well, he is 21. One of his gadgets is a fake ID. Marika? I'm gonna go with Megan the Stallion. That's good. Yeah. No particular reason. All right.

This country produces more cinnamon than any other per the tasting table. What do you guys think? Sorry. Can we start? Am I supposed to have like a city? Like, am I supposed to say what city it is? Or am I supposed to say what I think? What country

do you think produces I'm sorry, now I'm getting angry again. Produces the most cinnamon. That was so out of the blue. Don't you want to be like, alright, let's play food trivia. Alright, this is the game. We're going to answer questions. First one to do this, that, and the other. You just launched right into a question about cinnamon.

This is news of the day. We do this every week now. Okay. So, at least say that. You didn't say that at first. first yeah it's time to move on to news of the day okay this headline had to do with the cinnamon output yeah of a specific nation uh-huh i think it's indonesia you know though because you wrote the article well let's get all of our answers in i want to take a swat in the dark and say Iceland. That's so random.

Yeah. How weird would it be if it was just America? Where it's like, yeah, I guess I figured, but that's not really article worthy. Let's go Vietnam. Small country. I'll vote India. Oh, India's a really good guess because it's big. Yeah.

Cuba. Yeah. Cuba. Interesting. I want to say Anya was the most correct. The correct answer is Indonesia. No, you were the most correct. You said that. Well, I said it, but I knew. Yeah.

She's the most right alphabetically. What do you mean by that? The New York Times reports that inline skating is back. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, what do we think? I'd like to be one of those cool, like, TikTokers who does, like, sexy skating and then they have a fun music. I think you in, like, a two-inch inseam with inline skates on Venice Beach Boardwalk would

be... Yeah, that'd be cool. That's funny. I think it would do numbers. I don't see what's funny about it. I think it's sexy. Well, you... Okay. You want to be its fucking manager funny I think it would do numbers I don't see what's funny about it I think it's sexy Well you Okay

You wanna be His fucking manager I'm trying to defend you Are inline skates Just rollerblades? Uh yeah Yeah But they're not the four

Top It's the Three in a row Oh so three Instead of four That's the only difference Yeah Wait

So rollerblades are Four in a row Inline is three in a row No Anya's giving us A big no yeah wait so rollerblades are four in a row inline is three in a row no i'm just giving us a big no for that are when rollerblades and inlines are the same they're okay great roller skates are the four and that's two and two yeah that's what i thought or four i'm a blader i'm very bad on wheels i can't ride a bike i can't get on skates i just have no balance i can't even stand on a skateboard like I just have no balance. I can't even stand on a skateboard. Like, I just have no balance when it comes to wheels for some reason.

Yeah. I'd like to get into longboarding because I feel like you don't have to balance as much. That's true. You still have to do a little bit. Oh, it's a little bit of balancing, but I mean, I'm tall, so when I fall, it's like a long distance. Yeah, it hurts. Does that mean you have more reaction time to catch your fall? No.

All right. What's scarier, supernatural forces or bad parenting? Parenting. a long distance. Yeah, it hurts. Does that mean you have more reaction time to catch your fall? No. Alright. What's scarier? Supernatural forces or bad parenting? That was an LA Times article headline. And I want to know what your guys' thoughts are. Supernatural forces or bad parenting? Well, I guess bad parenting is like a more consistent evil. Yeah. That's gonna make the Twitter

bad parenting is a more consistent evil. I would say bad parenting is also real and the other one's not. So I would say that's one point in favor of bad parenting. Yeah. I would say the inverse of that. Okay. Ghost.

To have a kid is good. And everyone should do it. I'm having a kid. Are you pregnant? Yeah, well, my wife is pregnant. As a couple? Yeah, we're having a baby in December. Wow.

That's exciting. So they're going to be a Sagittarius? No. And that's that. It's a Capricorn. I'm pretty sure it's a Capricorn. Late December. Late December.

Yeah. Late December. What are you? I'm a Sagittarius. Yeah. Thank God. You want to get it out of that. Wow.

What? One of the nicest things I've ever said to you. Yeah, and that was still mean. I would say bad parenting because it's more common. Are we still on this? About what the question was? Yeah. Sorry.

More often than not, this show is me against everyone else. But I really feel like I'm on the fucking hot seat because I'm on the couch by myself. Casey's laughing in my fucking face. Anya's looking at me with pity eyes. Miles took time out of his busy schedule to be here. And I feel guilty of it. And Amir's in a sour mood. Well, you first messaged me on Instagram July 13th.

And you said, do you want to do the show sometime in the next two weeks? I said, yeah, I'd love to. He didn't respond for a month. Yeah. Then he responds seven months later, hey, I'm running late. Yeah. I hit him back with, hey, just checking in on this. Nothing for two more weeks. Yeah. Until I say, hey, just checking in on this, nothing for two more weeks

until I say, hey, just one final time and I make a little joke. He responds a week later, let's do this thing. And then, like, I respond immediately to which he says nothing.

This is all good to know for the new supervising producer. I'm happy to have this info. Did you, at any point, did you take that personally? Or did you kind of figure this?

But I knew, but I knew, I was like, I'm sure he's just busy. No. And then, and then Thursday, he said,

great, I'm so glad you're doing the show. I'll send you a calendar invite. No calendar invite. That's true as well. And then I got in this morning and I was like, I'm psyched to be doing the show. And then we're late. Now, seeing how off the rails it is, do you calendar invite, no calendar invite. That's true as well. And then I got in this morning, and I was like, I'm psyched to be doing this show.

And then we're late. Now, seeing how off the rails it is, do you understand that now do you not take a person? No, no, no, I don't take a person. Okay. I'm good, I'm glad. And I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to have you here.

You're one of our best guests thus far. Really? That's really nice. Well, who do you think is better than Miles? You can name him. Rank the... I think Zach Dunn Miles? You can name him. Rank the... I think Zach Dunn is the goat of this show. Interesting.

He hasn't been on in over a year, right? Yeah, so I should bring him on for an end-of-the-year episode to do writing advice, too. Because that's my favorite episode of this show we've ever done. Yeah, over a year ago, probably. And really obscure episode because nobody else is on it. Shut up. Okay.

Per BuzzFeed news, a major content house in New York, your mom's house, has splintered. So what does this mean? Was there an end to that sentence? It seems like you're going to keep talking. You laughed really hard at it, but it didn't seem like a joke.

Was it a joke or was it like a news content house that fell? Ostensibly, the content house of New York City, your mom's house, is experiencing factionism. Okay. I'm microdosing LSD. Yeah. It's clear now Who's in that one? Anybody we know? Your mom's house

Who's in there? Can we get a quick numbers crunch on that? Me? Is Keo Sir living there? We were a big Keo Sir fan In this house we stand Sir Do you think we know any of the people

like if you listed the people that live there do you think we would know them do you think Keo has ever been to big sir wise I'm trying to go to Deachins for my birthday this year but they won't have me it's an inn in Big Sur

I can't afford Post Ranch I can't afford a camping spot in the winter. So I settled for Deachin's. There are no Airbnbs in Big Sur. I looked. Okay. Are you doing a news report right now? Yeah.

I feel like he was- Damn, Daniel. Back at it again with the white van. What is it about the day that has made everyone angry at me? Cal Ray's. I still haven't eaten. Yeah, I think it's probably that. You're probably angry.

You might just be angry. I'm a little angry. Yeah. What is that? Protein bar? No. I want to have a feast. I want to have scrambled eggs.

What's the feast going to be? You've mentioned the feast like three times. You've said, I normally don't eat during the day, but then at the end I have a feast. I want to have scrambled eggs. What's the feast going to be? You've mentioned the feast like three times. You've said, I normally don't eat during the day, but then at the end I have a feast. You said that word like a couple times before your recording and then now. What's the feast? Is it like you make a bunch of sweet potatoes?

Or like what's going on? Is it Thanksgiving style dinner? Or are you just going to have a sandwich at 8 p.m.? I'm an air fryer ex-Trader Joe's man. Oh, so good. So I just go up and down waltzing hither then thither through the aisles of frozen goods.

Toss them in the air fryer. 390 for 40 minutes. 40? Burns. No. Usually it's like one or two frozen things. Pigs in a blanket or? Orange mandarin chicken.

That's the really good one. Not the one with the frozen sauce. They have to boil in the packet. You don't have to boil it. You just put it in hot water. We occupy the same space. That sack is poison. Oh, you're doing the Mark's movies.

Oh, yeah. Mirror image. Call me Thurbad. We got a commercial. No. No. And then I guess, no, you can plug it at the end. Let's talk about this.

Are you rich? No. I'm rich. You're wearing a Corridor sweater. Oh, so my friend works at Corridor. Fucker. Everybody knows my other buddy's. Shout out my friend, Zach Threlkeld.

He works at Corridor and he just like, he sent me this sweater. My other buddy's buddy owns Industry of All Nations. I don't know what that is. How much is that sweater? Is it like a fancy? It's like $200. It was like a $200 sweater.

I think I got it for like $110. Yeah, and that's a sweater that'll last a life. It's gonna last a long time. And I also didn't have any good clothes. I felt not confident in all my clothes. Yeah, they were all threadbare. I didn't want to say anything when we got into Shred Pod. They're all like shirts.

That's why he was ghosting you. Yeah, that's right. He was ghosting me because of my outfit. Well, I just was like, I wanted to buy a bunch of clothes that was going to make me feel confident. Yeah.

And this sweater, I feel fucking cool and hot in. And you look it too. And I want to ask, and you don't have to answer this and we'll go to commercial break, either during your answer or right after.

Yeah. Has the confidence that the sweater has bared shown dividends in in cash your sex life in my sex life with your yeah with my pregnant wife yeah yes well well jeff um it has oh my god that's all we'll be right back Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1,

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slash what's that? Check it out. And now we're back. And we're back. I've been asking a lot of people on this show, especially guests, what's on your sexual bucket list

for the rest of 2021? Well, my wife is going to be... 2022. My wife's going to be eight and then nine months pregnant. Right. So I think that a lot of stuff's off the table. But also stuff is newfoundly, slash land, on the table.

Don't look at me when you talk about that. Shaking me. Yeah. Well, I guess maybe you could start us off. Like, what's something you're looking to adventure in the bedroom? And is this like, you're're not seeing anybody you're sort of single and alone and you're looking for I'm trying to get a full picture but this is like someone you're meeting on tinder and you're like hey like let's go to fucking and then like I don't like how close to my house that is. How the fuck does he know?

Where do you live in town, man? He's out Jeffery-ing you. This is so fucked up. You go to shit, and after like one beer, you're like, let's go back to my place. I want to try something interesting. And what's that thing? Yeah, so one beer, and then I leer,

and I offer for her to hear. Actually, this is a good question. I don't know. You opened up the conversation. Harnesses. You're so nervous. What? Like that you're wearing or like

sex swing type of situation. Sex swing type situation is there. I just haven't figured out a way to hang it. And my landlord lives above me, so I'm not going to put a fucking hex screw in the ceiling. All right? I don't know if they're with child or not, but what I have been doing

and what I've been trying to make a habit out of doing is practicing, sorry, Casey, but shibari. What's that? It's fucking rope bondage, man. So you figure out a way to make a harness around someone's thighs. You're on shibari TikTok? Yeah. And Instagram. And Twitter.

I'm not on shibari Twitter. Don't. Obviously Grace cut that out. I don't want to be in the same category as him because what he did crossed a lot of lines of consent I'm sorry to say

wait don't you have to show your ass on Twitter what's that oh yeah I saw people were talking about this that is pending

that is first of all patent pending second of all trademark lawsuit pending Marika knows what's happening

I'm planning something for a grand reveal sounds so bad you doing an only fans for charity I'm planning something for a grand reveal Sounds so bad You doing an OnlyFans for charity? I'm doing an OnlyFans for my own fucking mental health When does this episode come out? Will that be before or after your butt? That's gonna be before

Probably after Well we're recording next Friday And that'll come out November 4th So if you're watching this On the 28th, just know that the reveal has happened. Wait. No. What? Today's the 21st.

We're recording on the 21st. Yeah. A week from today is the 28th when you show your butt. There's two more episodes that are coming out that we recorded. Fucked up. Yeah. Is this going to skip those, or is this going to air sometime in mid-November then? Air this next spring.

Here's what's going to happen. Right? Okay. Is this good for the listener? You can ask that any episode. Listen, what I'm going to do, we have two episodes from New York that are banked. Those are going to come out after today's episode just so that I can announce to people that.

Wait. No. I'm right here. Let's talk about that. I'm physically shaking because I've had too much caffeine. My eye is twitching. Okay. This episode is coming out on November 4th.

Correct. As currently scheduled. Correct. Unless we want to change that. So you could announce 4th. Correct. As currently scheduled, unless we want to change that. So you put it out. Nay. But again, the listeners know when it came out. Yeah, they're listening to this.

They're listening to the two. Yeah, right now everybody's listening on November 11th, and we're like, October 28th, maybe. Next Friday, October 28th, there's going to be a surprise. During the record, something will- Are you saying this is coming out, like, tomorrow? Yeah, who are you talking to? We have

to move on. Last Friday, October 28th, you will have- you will be watching this, having seen Jeff's ass for a week. My ass is coming, whether anyone likes it or not, with consent, because there's going to be a sensitive content warning on

Twitter, otherwise I'll lose my verification. Why are you doing it on Twitter? Do it on Instagram. Instagram, you're off for sure. You can put porn on Twitter, you can't put it on Instagram. You can't put it on Instagram. And you know what, Marika, the fact that you haven't done enough research is exactly why Anya's the supervising producer.

We have to move on. We have to move Anya. Marika, you've been holding this show together for a really long time, and I don't think anyone talks about that. It's true. Welcome to... The Hash Cab.

Did you make this graphic? I did. That's graphic? I did. That's awesome. I did. Well, we've already played Gash Cab, so there wasn't that much work to be done. Sorry. You just turned the G into an H?

Yeah. I guess this is not a heightened from Gash Cab. Yeah, it's a de-escalation. Yeah. Here's how things are going to go. I'm going to ask you guys general knowledge questions about Hash. Hash. Hash. that's pretty good

there are days man where I'm like let's just fucking take it into the courtyard let's go where are you gonna beat him at in the courtyard fisticuffs don't look at me

I'm gonna ask you general knowledge questions about hash browns they start off I just now I have an image of like a Jeff versus a mirror like Logan Paul versus whoever the fuck you fought boxing match

and I feel like we should do that. People would pay for that for sure. You would actually want to put boxing gloves on me and fight me? Yeah, it could be fun. I feel like you're secretly buff but you don't tell anybody. I don't know. Do you work out a lot? I used to work out more. I'm less buff now than I was like in 2018.

Jeff? I don't think I've gone to the gym since April but I've been walking a lot let's have a walk-off a walk-a-thon two people on treadmills first person to hit Santa Monica wins

the LA Marathon is like in three months I wonder if we walk it that'd be awesome let's walk it and then we also record it and then if we walk it. That's pretty cool. That'd be awesome. Let's walk it. And then we also record it and then it's walk it as I talk it. Walk it, walk it as I talk it.

How long would it take to walk a marathon? 12 hours? Can I just fucking read that? Now I'm like actually a little angry. Oh, we're derailing you, are we?

And when you were making this segment, did you make this segment being like, well, Miles is coming on, he knows a lot about hash browns or was it like you had this banked, and then you were like, he's going to come on

and just enjoy the segment? I sort of panicked last night and was like, I need to play a game. Cool. That's good. It rhymed with cash. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to ask you general knowledge questions about hash. They start off easy and get harder as you go, and as long as you answer them correctly, you will win a hash brown. So you were in the... I'm surprised these aren't Trader Joe's frozen hash browns.

These are from the little market near my house. Those are good. We should have heated them so you can actually eat them. Yeah. Three strikes, though, for three wrong answers. And you're out of here. You can also use one 15-second brownout, which is basically phoning a friend. Do we have a limited option

of who we can call or anybody? No, but you just have to do 15. It's 15 seconds or less, and if you exceed 15 seconds, that's another strike. Here we go. Marika, do you get it? Sure and if you exceed 15 seconds, that's another strike. Here we go. Marika, do you get it? Sure. Or do you have to explain it to your five? Okay.

True or false? Hash browns are a popular American and British breakfast food consisting of finely chopped potatoes that have been fried until brown. True. True. That is correct. I heard Marika first. Actually, I forgot. This is a team effort.

Oh! In what decade? You were just exercising a demon. That was kind of a moan. Never heard that noise come out of you. I'm actually glad you brought up moans because I used my sleep app last night. Taking your phone

out of your ass? Your phone was so deep. Did you record yourself moaning? Not on purpose, but yeah, let's get some of it. Oh. Oh! What's in the middle of the night? That's so intimate to hear.

No! Oh, my god A noise so private you don't even know you made it I can't hear it, which is great Oh, no I was sharing a bed with someone the other night And I punched them in the face by accident as I was asleep Somebody you went to birds with In what decade was the hash brown appearing on New York City diner menus?

What decade? A. The 1770s. No. B. The 1890s. No way. C. The 1920s. Wow, that was going to be my guess. And D. The 1950s.

I'm going to go 20s. And I guess, are we answering as a unit? Or do we get three answers? You all get your own answers but you know, whatever. So I'll do twenties. Twenties is solid. Eighteen nineties. Oh, interesting. Because I was going to go nineteen fifties so like diners that we, you know,

see. You guys are not a unified front actually. It's every man for himself. Marika's actually exactly right. You guys just got two strikes. None of this matters. True or false, the original name for the dish was hashed browned potatoes.

Say that last. Potatoers. Enunciate more, too. I didn't really. The original name was hashed browned potatoes. Do you know that Orr Ida is Oregon in Idaho? Really? Yeah. That famous potato

company, Orr Ida, is actually Portmanteau. Did you know that, Marika? It's pretty cool, right? It is pretty cool. Just wanted to make sure that people were actually learning shit. True or false, that's all I'm asking. Yeah, sure, make sure that people were actually learning shit.

True or false? That's all I'm asking. Yeah, sure. They were called hash brown potatoes. False. That's correct. You all have one star. Star.

Strike. What's correct? You just said that's correct. Yeah. You guys were right. We're right. True. Yeah. The word hash. Got it's correct. Yeah. You guys were right. We're right. True. Yeah.

The word hash. Got it, man. Yeah. I'm just trying to help people listen. The word hash is derived from what French word? A. Horses. B.

Bransais. C. Oraux. Or D. Hachés. I don't remember orot. Or D, haché. I don't remember the question. I wasn't paying attention. And none of them sound like hash except for the last one. Can you give us the definitions of each of those?

Hosseur is to raise. Bronzé is to tan. Orot is happy. And haché is to hack or chop. I'm going to go for hashe. Yes, of course it's that. Yeah, if you define it, it's an easy gimme one. You don't have to.

What similar Swedish dish predates hash? A, mot. B, Roasty. No way. C. Hjärna. Or D. Jätten.

Also, this is a really badly phrased question. Why is it also with Marika? This is a poorly phrased question because those dishes could be anything. It's any, you said what dish predates hash. It doesn't have to be potatoes. It could be literally any food from Sweden. What similar Swedish dish, I should say.

And again, you can brown out. Brownly out. By honing a friend. Well, it's, it's, I, is it?

Call your girlfriend. Say it's not a hash. Yeah. My mom is not going to answer a text in 15 seconds. Can you repeat them? Time is up. The correct answer was Rosti. It was actually an Italian restaurant.

You said Rosti. Yeah. I don't know how you say it. You didn't say Rosti. What is it? At first you said, and then you gave up and said roasty. It's like a pan fried potato cake. Like a latke.

Yeah. Uh-oh. Somebody said the word of the day. I forgot about that. Yeah. Fucking. the word of the day. I forgot about that. Fucking it's time for the brown pan challenge. LA is home to many famous diners.

Name eight notorious LA diners in 30 seconds. Starting LA only? Yeah, sorry Marika. But LA only. You have 30 seconds. If L.A. only? Yeah, sorry, Marika. But L.A. only. You have 30 seconds. If you can name eight, you will take home this tray of hash browns.

Minus one. Actually, you only get one. I accidentally Googled 30 seconds to Mars. Here we go. Starting now. Eight diners in LA Made famous by Hash Fred 62 Correct

Mel's Drive-In Yes Caro's Yeah what's that? Caro's Okay I trust you You were born here Denny's

Yep The one near Ed DeBevics Ed DeBevics Oh yeah Home Yep Home

Diners And then You're missing A big one Yeah Johnny Rockets is that seven Millie's

yes that's correct it's right there it's close potatoes aren't great those are all places that are famous for hash do pars yeah sure Potatoes aren't great. Those are all places that are famous for hash. DuPars.

Yeah, sure. Apple pan. Now, you guys have all won a hash brown. How does that sound? Obviously not me, though. And we're losing money as this goes on I'm not done yet because y'all can double down on the brown

you can double brown double brown by naming the movie that this quote is from are you guys gonna double brown? I think so yeah it's good that you didn't wear hash browns

we're gonna need to hear that no it's a one time only thing he doesn't want to give up the browns I think he thinks if we hear it it's good that you didn't wear hash browns well he needs the hash browns for his feast later it's gonna be mostly hash Casey does that sound familiar to you It's a good thing you didn't order hash browns. Well, he needs the hash browns for his feast later.

It's going to be mostly hash. Casey, does that sound familiar to you? Wait, can you play it again? It's a good thing you didn't order hash browns. It does sound familiar. Is it from Six Crazy Pieces or whatever? You know, the movie with Jack Nicholson? No, that's just what's in my closet. Another commercial.

Six crazy pieces. It's the movie where Jack Nicholson is like five easy pieces. I wasn't that far off. It's good that you didn't wear hash browns. Is that a famous actor? Who's the actor? I don't know who the actor is. Christian Slater.

It's good that you didn't wear hash browns. It sounds like a cool guy. I'll give you two hints. Okay, is it a Quentin Tarantino movie? 2001. Okay. Kind of a cult comedy classic. Oh, is it that movie that you really like that nobody really likes?

Big Fat Liar? Yeah. Swingers? Wow, that's a great guess. That's a good guess. That was in the 90s, though. I am sorry, guys, but... You doubled or nothing and you lost a hash

is it fast times at Ridgemont High Marika's stance right now is so confident isn't that before the 2001 as well Marika looks like an older woman who just had an affair is it made?

It was from Super Troopers. This is kind of fucked up, but we have another segment. What did you just look at suddenly? I don't know. I had the, oh, here it goes. I guess I should just stop screen sharing

because then it goes to the logo, huh? Is this all going in? I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I'm like I yeah I graduated high school early yeah

I had a 4.0 GPA I got a 2340 on my SATs I'm a very smart person and then now look what I found myself yeah that's really smart a 2340?

yeah back when it was on the 2400 scale I'm a fucking dumbass welcome to and I actually do need to screen share again this is fucked up welcome to hash or brown

that's where you either have potatoes or me either have or half potatoes alright this is a segment I like to call The Miles Diggs Test Miles, do you know your Myers-Briggs? I think I was like in the NFP

Like a long time ago, but I haven't taken a while Interesting You gotta come at things with more judgment What does that mean? Like I should be more discerning about the test that I take Or should I have taken it sooner? Casey Are you really gonna let him talk to you like that? Like, I should be more discerning about the tests that I take, or should I have taken it sooner? Casey.

Are you really going to let him talk to you like that? Okay, so what we're going to do, the name of the game is Miles Diggs. Miles, you are going to re-up on your Myers-Briggs. Let's do it. Well, hang on a second. You're going to figure out your personality of the 16 personalities, and while you do that, we're going to sort of take unrelenting digs at you.

We're going to bully your ass. Jesus, okay. Let's do it. All right, you regularly make new friends. Yes, I agree. Sure. Because sadness behind your eyes says otherwise. Seems nice.

I do, but yeah, thanks. You kind of suck. I fully agree. You have a sadness. Yeah, thanks. You kind of suck. I fully agree. You have a sadness. Yeah, you are sad, it seems. Like, you have a lot of... Can Amir take this at the same time? Because I really want to know what Amir's is. It might be opposite.

I don't take kindly to people changing the segment midway. We just started. We can change it. I can also pull it up separately and do it from here. Okay, that sounds fun. And that's the supervising producer energy. What's the website, Josh? Oh, the website? Sorry.

16personalities.com forward slash free dash personality dash test. Seems like the hash brown game. Yeah, do you guys want to see my finances? Yeah, that'd be great. It might kind of impress you. Hashbrown game. Do you guys want to see my finances? That would be great. It might kind of impress you. Are you going to open?

Oh, this feels like the moan that we saw. Oh my God. Oh my Lord. I don't want to see. So what I do is this is what I'm allowed to spend for myself. This is rent each month and then this is my savings and that's particularly high at the moment because I just was in a Shopify commercial that's good

the low balance alert is tough well I have to have discipline otherwise I'll spend it all on a fucking watch discipline, otherwise I'll spend it all on a fucking watch. He's collapsing. Yeah. But I would agree that I regularly... I'm trying to get a fucking word in that slide.

And you played three sound effects. But only half of them. Also, you should put the... word in this slide. And you played three sound effects. But only half of them. Also, you should put the sleep... Sorry, I hold it for a second. By the way, Casey and Oranje, if you guys could flag that before it happens, that'd be great for the edit.

You added that sound. This might be the most unhinged episode we've ever done. Don't just say agree or disagree. Like, you have to say. I said yeah. I thought you did say agree. It's on a sliding scale of seven.

Don't say agree. Full agree. I agree so hard. I make lots of new friends. And then Blumenfeld? No, I mean, I don't not make friends, but I don't make new friends that easily. So he'll go in the middle. The smallest green, yeah.

Okay. You spend a lot of your free time exploring various random topics that pique your interest. Yeah, for sure. Maybe like middle of green. Okay. Yeah, I sort of have the same hobbies that I always had,

but yeah, I explore, I guess, various random things. Here's the next hobby to explore. Say that again? Here's the next hobby to explore. When you get out of the shower, little CeraVe, right? Little moisturizer.

You just learned how to pronounce that last week. Marisha, I feel betrayed. She's drinking milk. I've never seen that before. Full glass of whole. Give me the smallest green circle for my answer. Okay, seeing other people cry can easily make you feel like you want to cry too. No, full disagree.

Yeah, I'm a hard sociopath. Disagree on that one as well. Well, I think it's just like I've already cried all the tears I need to cry. Yeah, and I'm just like this doesn't affect me whatsoever. I think it's like,

oh, yelling like that's sad for them and I'll comfort them, but it doesn't make me need to cry. Okay. So, okay. What if you're white? Both of you. A hard disagree for both of you is scary.

Maybe not hard. Like it makes me sad, but it doesn't make me cry. I don't cry, really. Don't be uncomfortable by that. No, I also don't cry, but it's for different reasons. My bovine gland dysfunction.

Really? God, you're so fucking proud of that. The way you say it so fast and good. I don't do it because I have emotional blockages and traumas. Your thing's cool, too. I also have hypercholesterolemia, so I have emotional death. Blockages. Blockages and traumas. But your thing's cool too. I also have hypercholesterolemia, so I have arterial blockages. Let's do the next one.

You should probably eat breakfast then. If I have high cholesterol? Dude, I'm trying to not have. Anya! Say something. You often make a backup plan for a backup plan. No. I fucking go with the flow, baby.

But maybe like first, no. Okay. No, I'm a big purple circle for that. The biggest one? Yeah. Disagree. You usually stay calm even under a lot of pressure. Yeah.

I would agree too because this has been a pressure cooker. It has been hot in here. We're kind of a pressure cooker of a podcast. Yeah. I'll do a similar medium green circle. Okay. It's getting hot in here. So let's do... Yeah.

Yeah, or the next question. At social events, you rarely introduce yourself to new people, and you mostly talk to the ones you already know. No, disagree. Middle. I mean, I talk to people I know but middle disagree probably. I'm a pretty firm agreeer on that. I don't like talking. That was 10%?

There's 10 pages. Let's not fucking finish this because we, it's 52 minutes. Okay, what do you just think you are? ENFP? Probably. That sucks.

That sucks. Everybody dig it, dig it, Miles. That sucks. Yeah, you only went through one of these. But yeah, ENFP probably. The digs premise sort of fell by the wayside very early.

I think we spent too much time on the potatoes, quite frankly. This show has segments to move things along when there isn't momentum. This episode has had so much momentum, I feel like we didn't even need them. If this had been a wax, we would have gotten a lot out of your acts. I'm good at waxing, but I don't know about this. Next time you come on, we've we gotta do a two-parter because we do have to wrap things up and i feel like we i could go for another hour yeah we have to wrap things up cool yeah would you come on again uh yeah i would come on again but only because i'm like a little worried about That's what Melanie Bracewell said. Who?

Don't. That was two years ago she was on this show. Your recall for the episodes that happened just once with one guest years ago is honestly alarming and alerting. I'm scared for the more important things you've forgotten because you have this recall for these really obscure guests that we've had on this show. When did Melanie Bracewell say that to you?

2019. When you have an ass for a boss, spank it. When you have an ass. I got that. Okay, I get that. So, like, spank it you have an ass I got that okay I get that so like spank me spank him here wow

I'm still figuring it out like sometimes yeah you have an ass for a boss spank it my disgraced boss was the haggis baggis last week

I didn't think you were going to see that because it came out today I sure did I tuned in to just be like I wonder what the show is going to see that. Because it came out today. I tuned in to just be like, I wonder what the show's going to be. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. They don't have a TV in all of it,

but there's like a square that looks like a TV. How's your sex life? I feel like we never talk about that. He's going back in. You do you. Plugs. Miles, what do you have going back in you do you plugs Miles what do you have going on what do you want to point

the people towards yeah if you liked this for some reason you can go listen to my podcast perfect person now on head gun yes

yes yes EA sports it's in the game yeah we take calls from people like Jeff

who are struggling emotionally and then we solve their problems To make them a perfect person And do you consider yourself a perfect person? I do because being perfect means never having to say you're sorry So you don't cry

You don't say I'm sorry You won't have this really Never mind I won't dive this really... Never mind. Yeah. Yeah. I won't dive into the goss. But no, I do consider myself perfect only because I feel like I'm able to help others. Yeah.

It's really cool with your sexual prowess. Sexual prowess and stuff. But how is the sex... He asked about your sex life. You didn't really... You're going to dodge the question. I'm not a perfect person Who's that?

Nickelback or some shit? And the reason is you Creed? The reason is Hoobastank Hoobastank I was waiting for Casey to chime in Casey's wearing a Hoobastank shirt Off screen

Anything else? Social media? Miles Bond on the gram Patreon? Patreon, yeah The perfect person also has a Patreon, we have platinum episodes that are just like bonus episodes and stuff and then we have a premium version of the show that's ad free and has like bonus calls and stuff So, love that. Hit it up, baby

Um Are you okay? No, I literally am so as like bonus calls and stuff. So love that. Hit it up, baby. Are you okay? No, I literally am so... It seems like someone's supposed to end the show. I am so anxious right now. I also feel guilty because my friend Sarah needed me to move a couch in my truck after this

and then she couldn't... It's not really my fault, but she couldn't because the offer up person had to push earlier to one and I was like, I'm recording. So I just feel like I wronged a friend. I was late to this. And ultimately, my weekend doesn't start until 9 p.m. tonight.

So that's where I'm at. At Jeff Boyardee on Twitter. We got to 10,000. I'm going to be bearing whole. You got to 10,000 on Twitter? Yeah, on next Friday, a week from today. Although when this comes out, it'll already be out. This is why I don't like banking episodes, right?

Yeah, I don't know. What do you want to plug? Watch A Perfect Person. I'm going to be on it. I'm going to be honest. I haven't asked you if I could be on it. You can be on it. I'm going to be on it, guys.

I'm going to be on it, maybe. You run the network. Yes. I'm on it. You can be on it. I'm gonna be on it, guys. I'm gonna be on it, maybe. You run the network. Yes! I'm on it. Marika. And the reason is you! No! Listen to Hoobastank.

There's no way. Why not? Watch the end of Hot Rod where Rod wakes up And just says Hoobastank for some reason And follow me on Twitter and Instagram And Letterboxd

At Marie Galon What movie are you seeing today? Sorry The Banshees of Innersham Whatever that word is The new Martin McDonough movie I'm extra sorry for cutting you off Because I don't really know what that word is, the new Martin McDonough movie. I'm extra sorry for cutting you off because I don't really know what that movie is.

Yeah, well, I was going to say, shout out to Marika's Letterboxd because I'm a follower and it's really good cinema. Miles, thank you. Good critiques. Are you going to see Black Adam? I was going to, but now I just kind of don't care enough

because it's seemingly so bad. I'm worried about Dwayne. He's pouring his heart and soul into this film. He just can't quite encourage people to see it fast enough, unfortunately. Do you think there's going to be a post-credits scene? With just a Marvel movie? Because he's given up entirely. I don't know.

It's hard to say. He really, really wants this to be his thing. I don't think so, though. Yeah. I don't think it's going think so though It just doesn't feel Because I've never heard of Black Adam before And he was already starting In a position of weakness with that

But he's been doing his best to sort of Push this boulder up a hill It's a Sisyphusian task It seems to market this movie And if the Rotten Tomatoes score isn't there It's annoying that it just gets boiled down to that like the next season of newcomers is going to be a mirror watching the dc universe but it's just information and news about washington dc it has nothing to do with political cartoons yeah you've never seen before well this one's interesting but I just don't know what

The Gilded Age was Can we see it on the screen? It's kind of too right of center to show This one's a far side This one's a far side Anya, Casey? Plugs? Pitwall?

Yeah, listen to the pit wall. An F1 podcast. I'm on it. Jeff's on it. Marika's on it. Anya's weirdly not on it. Anya's not on it. Do you watch F1?

Of course I do. She does not. No, you don't. I watched one season. I don't know why I believe. Oh, yeah. She doesn't watch the races, which we exclusively talk about on the show.

But I think I could chime in and tell you guys every time the Ferrari boys are on, they're cute. And that, I think, is good content. That is good content. We could get Anya on the show. That is a cutie of the week segment, right? Yeah. I'll just come in for just that segment and leave.

Come in for a hot day of the week and then leave? Yeah. By the way, we mostly record on Sunday nights and Monday nights. Well, I guess we've been doing Mondays. Monday afternoon. And don't say we because you skipped last week. Yeah. If you remember to watch, you're on it.

Yeah, that's true. You're not part of that thing. Don't insert yourself. You're not a we. You're barely a me. Everyone's laughing at you take that feeling and go into the weekend with it it's just simply

at 9pm why does your weekend start at 9pm I have a Patreon Zardy what's a Zardy it's a Zoom party we hang out with on Zardy. What's the Zardy on Zardy? I know. It's a Zardy. It's a Zoom party

we hang out with. Zoom party. It's the people who pay the highest tier we get to kind of drink a Negroni. We have another session. Yeah, we gotta go.

I would like to say that I got a little bracelet that says wise. To remind myself to be wise. Are you walking out that was a Hidgum Original.