The Headgum Podcast - 13: Best Behavior Edition

Episode Date: August 14, 2020

Micah Hurwitz  joins Jake, Amir, and Geoff to discuss COVID vaccines, vehicular manslaughter, and TikTok star KIO CYR!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to the HeadGum Podcast Best Behavior Edition. This week it's no games, no fucking around. We've got Micah Hurwitz with us, which means that we've got to really kind of up our game a little bit. He's wearing a headband, he's wearing a Statement Peace shirt. Yeah, that's true. Uh, Jake is, you got dressed up for this. Jake is sleeveless in Seattle. So he kind of flew cross country during a global pandemic guns out funds out as in,

we're not going to have any fun this episode. No mask. Cause I flew private on Lufthansa. On what? I flew Lufthansa. Put your arms down. We got it. I can't put them down because I've really hurt myansa. Put your arms down. We got it. I can't put them

down because I really hurt my shoulder when I raised them up. Sorry I asked that. Mike, have you heard this show at all or no? No, going in blind. Yes, you are. What do you mean, yes I am? Going in blind? More like going in with a

rind. As in, watermelons in season Amir take it away you haven't even said my name yet two minutes you introduced me by saying watermelon in rind is in season we've got take it away uh we've got Micah hurwitz here we've got jake hurwitz the hurwitz twins and we have uh amir blumenfeld micah basically what the show is usually it's it's a series of conversation enders uh i my dad asked me what the show how it was different than review review and i said it's basically a talk show hosted by the worst host in history. But I wanted to kind of get my act together for you and for the listeners this episode. So I'm going to try my best to keep it even-keeled and not off-kilter, not right of center. Perfect.

Okay. What was that, Amir? I was saying okay. Jesus Christ. Will I ever have the floor to ask ask questions or do you sort of like lead and ask? Normally I dominate the discourse if there even is any, but no, this episode, feel free to chime in at any time. Great. Yeah.

Last episode, you spoke uninterrupted for 48 minutes. It was like a soliloquy. It was, you monologued you steamrolled really what was that did you get a soundboard is that what happened it's spotify looped through loopback uh attached to zoom in the garage what does that mean thoughts what is that noise that was a dj and i'm in a closet and i'm in a closet no this is my this is my childhood bedroom as i've said okay here we go hang on one time it's not an effective like soundboard if every single time you say hang on like it's only impressive if you if you do it right on cue right every time more constructive criticism than i was prepared for because as you guys know I am an iron wall impenetrable in a way

Amir? Again, I don't know what you mean I don't know what you want me to say you're using me as some sort of lifeboat but I'm never here to save you Our listeners probably already know you by name and face but why don't you

start us off, just say what you do at HeadGum and how many sexual partners you've had in your entire life oh my god jesus christ um same answer for both questions nice nine you do nine yes he does nine that's right you work in ad sales? Yeah, ad sales. I slang ads. Meaning? Well, you slang jokes. Maybe that's sort of your job. That's Jake and Amir's job.

I slang ads. Did you distill my job to slanging jokes? Yeah, that's essentially what you do. I co-run our entire development slate. On your business card it says clown. Okay, that's enough. That's quite enough. Amir, take it away. I think you're kind of a clown idiot too.

You have the same job. Sorry, I don't mean to pile it on. I'm a clown idiot too. Nice, that was three. He held up three. Do you think Andrew Pyle has ever piled it on? He did once, yeah. Okay. Next question.

Obviously. You're going to look for a soundboard thing for that? Like a wah-wah? I couldn't get the wah-wah. Here we go. Too much booty in the pan. First conversation. This one is a starter.

This one is to be answered seriously more and more good news is coming out about these vaccines it's looking more and more like we're gonna have three viable options by the year's end hmm are you are you including russia's okay four viable options i guess um let's not call russia's the whatever i mean what's the fucking what's the question you can put the vaccine in a vial curt or otherwise okay you get the say you get vaccinated let's be conservative here first week of january right what's that first weekend look like what are you doing are you in new york are you taking a trip what's the idea? And what's the big idea? I'm here to take it away. As soon as the vaccine becomes available, I'll consider that.

And again, I want to kind of rein it in this episode, but it's not like a documentary film. You don't have to repeat the question. They've heard it. That was the wrong thing to say. And you shouldn't have said anything. Even if I was wrong, you shouldn't have. He's just telling you that you the wrong thing to say and you shouldn't have said anything even if i was wrong you shouldn't have he's just telling you you're wrong a lot of people won't take the vaccine at first including myself so it won't be as much of a panacea as everyone thinks it'll be yeah that's a bombshell to you would you be first in line to take a fucking experimental vaccine

in hopes that it works yes it's effective, would you then go to a bar or restaurant, movie theater? They won't release it if it's less than 50% effective, you fucking moron. What if it's 60%? If it's 60%, then I'm butt-chugging this vaccine and I'm going to Burning Man. Okay? I'm gonna make a cocktail out of a fucking,

I'm gonna have a margarita and I'm gonna have the vaccine in the margarita. Yeah, and then I text my fucking Molly guy and I go ham. And I ham yeah okay all right i'm gonna go to a hawaiian barbecue rolling on mdma having butt chugged a vial of a coronavirus vaccine and that's my january 7th have you ever had a mac salad when you're maxed out a what salad fucking micah dude what's your first weekend back after that wacky vaxxy um i'm gonna stay in new york i'm gonna do a staycation that's what you've been doing since march i know what are you talking about i haven't really gotten to enjoy it i just want to like go into grand central or something and like touch people because i haven't been able to do that because i want to did you do a lot of that before the pandemic though yeah but like i want to give

people hugs i feel like i haven't really hugged anybody so i want to hug strangers shake people's hands um what if they would you know kiss them on the cheek i would do it like very quickly it would just be like a what if they didn't get the vaccine well if they didn't get the vaccine then they wouldn't get infected by me because i'm immune right it wouldn't be full immunity probably 60 to 70 immunity uh 60 to 70 immunity you're saying so you hug 10 people with a coronavirus odds are you'll get it three four times out of those 10 jeez i didn't realize that yeah you what your ideal weekend is going to the fucking train station and hugging strangers. I'd love to do like a JFK kind of outing with like a bunch of friends. Just go drink at one of the bars pre-tournament.

Oh, that's nice. But fuck JFK, man. Like, why not go to Newark, the sixth borough? Final answer is you're going to Grand Central and kissing strangers on the cheek. I think I'm just going to throw like a huge party. That's cool. That's a bad idea what do you mean like for the same reason the hugging strangers one what's now you're inviting the point dozens of people over to your house the point of a vaccine if it's not going to be

100 immunity yeah that's a good question that's 60s better than zero percent that's the point i guess so it's still failing if you think everyone in 60 is actually passing at the d okay i got many 60s in high school and i still graduated motherfucker do you think a d is a d worse than an f i feel like an f is like f you really didn't give a fuck but like d you tried a little bit exactly i tried a little bit amir you didn't answer seriously first weekend back after that vax but i said i'm not taking the vax i'm staying indoors you're not gonna take the vaccine when it comes out no why i want to see how it affects people first isn't that that's what the clinical trial phase three

is for 30 000 people right yeah but once a million people take it let's find out you said that amir didn't answer seriously but i just want to put on the record that i also didn't answer seriously when i said the butt chugging and ordering molly and having a hawaiian barbecue that was a that was just a goof really i wasn't really gonna i wasn't really planning on doing that what's the idea that i would butt chug the vaccine i would text my coke guy and i'd have an italian beefsteak a what an italian beefsteak yeah A what? An Italian beefsteak? Yeah. It's not a real sandwich. An Italian beefsteak. What is that?

What's that? Is that a sandwich or? No, it's just a fucking. Like a beefsteak tomato? It's a steak. No, it's a steak. And it's made of beef. Okay, that's why you say beef.

It's made of Italian beef. All steaks are beef. All steaks are beef. And what does it mean, Italian beef? Because the cow is from fucking. The cow is Italianian i don't think so what's the most useful thing that you've bought in quarantine i got three answers all right yeah okay i thought it was like a lot of stuff we need to get to but yeah three answers for this one

i'll make it quick i just feel like this isn't like okay all right um adjustable dumbbells weights oh you got the bow flex i didn't get the bow flex i don't oh wait maybe they're bow flex i don't know oh no they're david something i don't know they're just from amazon but they're like 27 uh at their heaviest just like free weights uh and five pounds when there's no uh no like discs attached at all. The other was a yoga mat. So I could do my exercises on a mat. And the third is getting a bike tune up. Nice.

What about least useful? The dumbest thing you've gotten? The dumbest thing I got was my switch. I spent a lot of cash on it. I used it a lot for two weeks and i haven't picked it up i have no desire to pick it up i feel stupid for the time that i spent using it and i don't like it i'd like to buy it from you okay yeah sure i'll give you an offer 50 bucks for it no way i could never part with this thing you just said that you wanted to sell it you already agreed

to the deal he's. 50 is fine. 50 is fine. I was trying to fucking, I thought I had leverage. I don't want it anymore. I'll give it to you for free. All right. Sure. Take it off my hands.

It's a good negotiator. I don't want it anymore. I'll give it to you for free. All right. Micah, most and least useful things you've bought in quarantine. Number one is a mask. Which one? Is that most or least?

Both. I guess I'm not really sure. Yeah. Most. Okay. That's a boring answer. Can I change it? I'm going to say.

Of course. Xbox. I got an Xbox. An Xbox One. It's awesome. What have you been playing? A lot of Call of Duty. Warzone.

With Marty? With Marty and Pyle. It's the most fun ever. Why don't I ever get invited to play because you don't have an xbox you're more of a is that the only reason that's not why that's not why can you stand up for a second just stand up in frame okay yeah pleated dockers pleated chinos right so formal with the sleeveless why iron them this way why do you iron them cre when I sit they do, you have a creased ass

they're pleated at the waist my ass crease a mere most and least useful thing this is why I don't do the show this way do you understand? because it's not picking up steam and no one's getting mad at me what? actually my most useful was Jake's least useful, my Nintendo Switch.

I'm getting one to three hours of entertainment every day from that thing. Learning how to play different games, learning about the zeitgeist of American youth, connecting with my friends in real meaningful ways, getting better. I won a trophy, actually. with my friends in real meaningful ways getting better i want a trophy actually so this is a a golden mario that i won from winning a mario kart trophy yeah it's that means of the 12 players i played against a golden what looks like a monopoly piece or something there it is were you you were gifted or you ordered that i didn't order it and i wasn't gifted it i earned it what are you talking about you see this my name's on this trophy tyson because i won season three yeah skeaky tyson

and then yours julie do you cart me are you whiting nice it's actually funny never mind continue there we go shit okay there we go it's the uh three horns of death uh mike on this show we have a little thing called the three horns of death which means a game is coming up oh no right over here never heard that what are you about? We've done games on the show. Never with the horns. Amir, he's like saying right Amir a bunch. Are you like his assistant?

Like, are you like the sidekick on the show, would you say? Like, no. The Andy Richter to Jeff's Conan? Kind of in a way. Kind of in a way. I mean, yeah. It's like you're kind of Guillermo and I'm kind of Jimmy James Kimmel. Right.

Yeah, I get that vibe i think it's fun i like it i've never agreed to do that show has like a sidekick i never well andy richter thought he was going to be hosting and then he became the sidekick and it's fine because he gets paid so much is that true that guy on letterman that just has the like the glasses oh that fuck yeah the dumbass guy yeah it's like that paul schaefer it's like he's the band leader yeah it feels like that's kind of what you are to the podcast but without the music though but without the music part like any of the musical abilities because then it's kind of worth you don't have like that kind of talent but how am i like that every eight minutes

jeff just says write a mirror and then i always answer no This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, if you had an extra hour in your day, a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run, person B would take a nap, and patient zero would read a book. The point is, a lot of us spend our time and our lives wishing we had more hours in the day. And the question is, what is that time for?

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Learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash whatsthat today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash whatsthat. Thanks, BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash whatsthat today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash whatsthat. Thanks, BetterHelp. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that

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Is everybody familiar with TikTok star Kyo Sir? No. He's part of the Sway House. Ever heard of it? I have actually. I was telling you about it. That's how you found out about it. It's pretty much the hottest house in TikTok.

In TikTok and also in Los Angeles. So it's 11 hot TikTokers are just fucking living there for free in a mansion in Bel Air making TikToks with each other. Each one getting tens of millions of views. They're all between the ages of 16 and 20 and they're all usually shirtless, incredibly jacked

and fine at dancing. Why do they all live there? Because they're all represented by the same management company that sort of uh sells branded content against their tiktoks i see let the games begin let the absolute games begin kioser or kia soul i'm gonna hit you guys with a couple of questions and you're gonna tell me if they are related to kiosur famous 17 year old tiktok star or the kiosol a kind of economical hatchback number one blank is a member of the famous hype

house sway house kiosur yeah obviously give me a second you don't look that up just I want to be absolutely sure it's upsetting if you came up with the questions ahead of time even though this one's obvious you should have at least done the research and and had an answer key ready to go give me a fucking minute man this is

how is it taking you a minute you should have an answer keo ready to sir at any given moment yeah you're more of the sidekick let's leave the it taking you a minute? You should have an answer Keo ready to sir at any given moment. Yeah, you're more of the sidekick. Let's leave the puns and stuff to Jeff. Correct! It's Keo sir. Number two. Blank has... What did you look up? What?

What did you just look up? I said what hype house is Keo sir part of? That's the question blank has you said it what I reigned it in

this week for Micah alright we have the Hurwitz brothers here none other than it's up blank has dual front cup holders Kia or Kio

Kia Kia sold the car I thought only Micah was playing the game are we all watching no everybody's playing it's whoever no you guys are against each other it's whoever gets the most answers right so you didn't set any of that shit i'll edit i'll frankenstein it in it's fine it's just a podcast you guys take this shit so seriously like first of all it's not a pitch so nothing's at stake we already have the show we already have the audience and they're not going

to leave no matter how bad we make this shit but they absolutely might really they absolutely could all right blank has 7.6 million followers on the popular app tiktok have you guys heard of this keo what do you have heard of it you based the entire quiz on it that's keo sir all right blank has an optionable c-pillar garnish with the soul logo what blank has an optional c-pillar garnish with the soul logo kia or kio the kia it's the car one

correct i don't a car so why does the what's that car come with a garnish why does the car come with a guy said it's optional it's optionable you can it's an option that you can add i don't believe that he doesn't have options i mean he has options sure he has places that he can put his money he obviously can like because money opens doors right and so basically like what mir was saying is that they're getting tens of

millions of views and like ad deals every hither and thither during a global pandemic so he can i mean they're living in bel-air They're living in the most expensive real estate in the continental United States. So he has options in that way, but this is more optionable in terms of what do you want to add to the car. Blank has a small glove box. Kia, the car. Oh, no, wait. It's probably Kia.

I bet he has a small... I was going to say, I bet he has a fucking place that he keeps his gloves. Kia, you know he's driving a fucking 911. A Porsche boxcar. And those are pretty damn small, but it doesn't matter to Keough, because he doesn't wear gloves when he drives, because he's young and hit. He's barely legal. He's a tween.

Does he have a license? A what? Is he allowed to drive forget it blank has 16.9 followers when tagged on tiktok so not people who follow this in terms of hashtags on tiktok the hashtag blank has 16.9 followers well it's got to be kio because you're talking about tiktok the kia soul has 16.9 million followers as a tag on tiktok is it really that's way too many citation needed but it does that car has gone viral geez it's actually incredibly small for it's really small for tiktok usually every tag has like 100 million so 16..9 is nothing. All right. Final question.

All right. This is triple or nothing. Whoever wins this wins the game. People often have to decide between a Mazda CX-3 and blank. Kia. The car. Wrong. It's Kia's merch.

This kid is making a lot of money. All right. And a lot of his shirts sell out fast and go pretty. Kia's merch wasn't an option. What's that go pretty Kio's merch wasn't an option his merch wasn't an option I said related to let's do one last one which one's hotter

the guy correct I win no one should have given you a soundboard we're back to normal here that's the end of that game. Welcome to Hot Takes. I'm going to hit you guys with a couple of hot takes

and we'll just kind of discuss. Is that fine? Is that fair? Sure. Okay. Micah? Yep, let's do it. During actual, actual sex, not like just thoughts or masturbation,

it's hotter to have anation it's hotter to have an it's hotter to have an average body than to be in peak shape that i think that's true why it's harder to be in peak shape obviously that's why you do in peak shape that's why no because sex is sex i think of sex as feeling like kind of soft yeah and uh you don't want like just like muscly like hard ridges and when you see a perfect when you see a perfect body you're expecting um optimal like physical perfection in terms of performance right and it's and it's impossible to rise to that occasion i think uh And it's impossible to rise to that occasion.

I think... The way you're holding your hand. Sitting in a lazy boy. Just at the foot of his bed explaining something to his girlfriend. Drinking a malt. It's impossible. Anyway, it's easier to be impressive with like a doughy pudgy body oh you're saying expectation versus reality so if you look like a b minus she'll be like oh this is gonna suck and then if you do fine she's like oh wow this is like that was a little better

than i thought versus if you have like an eight pack like even there's nothing you can do if you're not the best she's ever had right you've disappointed her maybe we can kind of circle back once we cut because i've never had sex and i like you guys you and jake seem to be like lethargias in a way and i'd love to like just kind of be impressive my first time fuck um all right states with shitty capital cities lead to more ethical politics because people don't run for office like you know who like just want the glitz and glam. Like no one wants to live in Albany. But then Albany has some shitty politics.

So people run and it's just the wrong kind of people. So I think it's, yeah, I think that's a, that's a really bad take. That was not even a bit, just genuinely. That isn't smart. That's one of the dumber things you've ever said amir what man you you call me out when i chime in you yell at me when i don't there's no way to fucking please you and i'm not even looking for ways to do that so this one's gonna get a grown what do you want me to say jake there are no breakfast foods that are worth it either healthy or not so like worth eating worth eating so if you wake up and you're like i'm gonna start my day right

i'm gonna have oatmeal pretty bland tastes like throw up consistency wise and then if you wake up on a Sunday you're a little hungover you go out to brunch and you're like I'm gonna treat myself I'm gonna have the stack of flapjacks hotcakes you feel bad afterwards and like it didn't taste that good your take is that breakfast is bad

breakfast is bad if it tastes like throw up or if you're really hungover and sick going into it it's not just those. I'm saying like there's not really a breakfast food that you can eat that's worth it because there's nothing that's healthy enough to eat that tastes bad or fine. And then there's nothing that's bad enough for you that tastes good enough to feel that bad that early in the morning. How about a smoothie? Eggs. A smoothie is actually really interesting because that's kind of a game changer for me.

I'd love to do a smoothie. Eggs could be good. Eggs could, depending on. Yeah. Okay. So we just named two. Give yourself like an I fucked up soundboard thing. Insert something like that for what you just did to us.

That was perfect. All right. Jeans are actually fine to lounge around the house in is this is this raw denim or like stretch no yeah not selvage we're not talking stiff 80s bruce springsteen ass style we're talking about uh yeah a little bit of stretch a little bit of give levi's 512s flex uh they're fine but i I'm not very comfortable in jeans. I'd rather wear shorts or sweats. I'm curious to hear what Micah has to say about this. If you're like lounging

in the afternoon, I think that's appropriate. But if you're like settling into the evening loungewear, you're not leaving the apartment, leaving the house, you're gonna wanna throw on some sweats. You're gonna wanna. You're going to want to

i agree with that actually because i have yeah i have my night sweats uh that i put on right before i have my night sweats and uh hey but during the day like i'll wake up and slap that denim on because they have a little bit of give what do you want to be able to go what's that what are you wearing right now banana hammock thanks for asking so basically your dick's out yeah a little bit um yeah no i i agree i just i want to be able to leave the house right like at the drop of a hat and go to get coffee uh and jean seemed like the perfect way to do that jake um i have a pair of Goodfellow Target chinos that are really the perfect pants. They've got stretch. They look good.

They have a firm, a crisp roll. And they don't need to be, you know, they're good pants. They're substantial pants. I feel like everyone stopped listening to me. They have like the ass cutouts too. So like the flaps. They don't have an ass cutout. Yeah.

No, they don't have a flap. No, it's not an open ass. Oh, it's one of the button, the button backs. Yeah,

that's exactly what it is. It's not a button back. So you don't have to take them down to shit. It comes from Ren and Stimpy. No, well, you do have to take that down to shit. You have to take the flap down to shit,

but you don't have to take the whole thing down. They're not that, but they're not that. I'm talking about just chinos. I'm talking about slate gray chino pants that have a lot of stretch flat gray chino pants that's the way i like to dance cotton down fog alert clap down and in the dirt take a dump on the grass kiss my ass my neighbor jess oh yeah i like to take a dump on my neighbor's yard sandals with the thong i had a perfect rap going and you've kind of fucked me up that's fine no i thought jake was just usually i would be like and now i'm gonna throw it to jake but he's

sort of no it was a verse i was doing like a cool dance circle and you tripped me was that off the cuff uh no obviously I have a bunch of it written have you guys you guys have heard odd future yeah this is I started a band and I'm wondering if I wanted to invite you guys into it it's called bizarre past and so it's kind of rapping about like a bygone era that never even existed so the the raps exist outside of time but they're all sort of like personal confessions and in in the room the pitch will include that we're kind of they're written from past experience would you like to hear a little bit probably not but i feel like you're gonna do it you're gonna rap over it just give me a second now what you hear is not a vest. I'm rapping with my mom. She abandoned me at age nine and came back for my high school graduation.

I was the valedictorian. I got ice cream to celebrate every A+. That's right, I got a five on my A push test, but I nearly died. On the way to the proctoring exam, I drove a pickup truck into a bridge filled with preteens they've never seen again. They made a movie about the accident with a title at the end of the film. That read, The Killer Was Never Found.

I've lived with this secret for my entire freaking life. I had a therapist who I told about the accident. She told me that she had to tell the authorities and then I saw her on a separate bridge and I killed her with the car. It's happened to me

twice in my life so far and I would do it all again cause I don't want to end up in the penitentiary even though it would help my rap career out so like that never happened but it's sort of this like it exists outside of time is what i was saying you're sure it never happened it sounded so specific. Huh? It sounded very specific. Oh, you want to hear the second verse?

No. Jake left. It was a weird rap and it seemed to never end. So I think that's why you're right. We have one last segment. This is just answer with a number. Any number. You were completely unfazed by the fact

that jake left like you're sort of expecting it or something it happens every episode micah everybody just like leaves it's a medium volition yeah well yeah how much money would you need to be paid per year to live in the following cities just i'll say a city you guys tell me how much money you'd need to be paid to live there and be like all right i mean i don't want to live in this shithole but i guess i have to because i'm getting x amount of dollars moscow two hundred thousand dollars that's it i think five hundred thousand i was i would agree with five hundred thou maybe a million actually i think you would do it you would do it for 450 000 yeah you can also leave at any time, but it's like only after certain years.

So you'd have to like, if you start, you can't leave eight months in. You have to leave at the end of the year. You know what I mean? It's like a lump sum payment that you want to pay. Exactly right, yeah. So it's living there for a year, not for the rest of your life. Yeah, well, for a year or like a couple years. That's why it's like, how long could you live in Moscow to get $ get two hundred thousand dollars versus you know nine million dollars yeah because you could get nine

million in like the first is your job just living in moscow or do you have to work while you're there you'd you have to do everything you currently do there you'd have to find a way okay all right next city tokyo but you can't learn the language 100 000 no 50 don't tell me if i can learn japanese or not there's no way you'll learn japanese no way and i want 150 000 oh yeah i'd do it for i'd do it for 100 000 uh sugar and falls ohio probably where i am currently recording from yeah back to the moscow level 250k you can also travel while you're there not really where would you go what's a day trip from fucking chagrin falls you drive for two hours and what's

the best place you can be in ever heard of a little town called niagara falls yeah well that would be probably outside of yeah erie pennsylvania would probably be your best bet sounds awful the deep south rural but not a specific location just nowhere notable the loxi mississippi like little like little uh little little fork what is it little rock little rock no that's a that's too big of a city i'm talking about like a few miles away like 30 miles outside of oxford mississippi oh yeah i don't think i'd have a lot of fun there like trump country yeah like your neighbors are all like alt-right dumbasses. $1,200. $1,200?

Yeah, because I could probably get a pretty sick place, right? Yeah, but you could also just say like $800,000. I'm saying I could rent out like a three-bedroom, three-bath. Rent? No, and then rent out two of them to like two other couples and then sort of live amongst them. Probably even break even for the year which is all i can your goal is to break even i don't think that's enough money to do that it's 1200

yeah because you brought 1200 you'd rent it you'd rent it and then you would sublease it out for 600 a room so you get to live for free and you pay 1200 it's a bed and breakfast what do you mean a room well i'm saying it's a three bed, three bath, right? For $1,200. But I charge $600 per room for the other room because I have the worst room, right? So, I'm offering the en suite for $650. I'm offering the junior bedroom for $550. I'm breaking even. But this is all a way of breaking even and generating cash. I'm telling you that you could get on top of your annual salary just like $100 million if you want it. But I can probably squeeze out $50 a month if I charge for internet and then

I'm cashflow positive turnkey right off the bat. And I'm living for $1,200, $1,200 a month. Yeah. It's 1,200 total. 1,200 a month. I about say, let's say 2,400 cause that'll get me first and last month rent.

And then I'll get my security deposit back at the end of the year. Unless I decide to stay for longer. We can crowdfund that amount of money. All right, last one, last one. And these are specific to both of you guys. Micah, Newark, New Jersey. And Amir, Santa Clarita. So you're like just out of reach of everyone you love.

Oh my God. He left. So this is normal. This is what happens. This is actually, I mean, we've been going for 40, I rarely make it to 45 minutes without Amir leaving. Amir left at like three minutes in last week almost. Is that true?

He came back, but yeah. That's so funny. But neither Jake or amir have tried to and re-enter the zoom call they don't bother they know that i'll just kind of scrap garbage all right um the same two hour rule applies yes yeah you can go into brooklyn or manhattan but it's just like you have to tell people you live in newark and also live like yeah you can live like a king in newark you could have a penthouse yeah i'll do it for uh 300 000 a year it's pretty good i think i think i this one honestly would be more frustrating to me than living in moscow because at least you could like say oh yeah i lived in moscow for a

year yeah you're never gonna tell someone at a dinner oh yeah i was up near like magic mountain for like a semester right i i feel like i would not be able to hold out i i'm gonna go a million dollars for newark for santa clarita oh for santa clarita right oh yeah yeah yeah which is probably worse than newark because it's harder to get around all right cool more power i can have like a really nice house there and people would want to come visit for the weekend and i can get people to come up i don't know anything about Santa Clarita, so that doesn't sound... I'm trying to think of an East Coast comp. It is...

What's that one rollercoaster place in Pennsylvania? I don't know. That about wraps up the show this week, guys. Thank you to Micah Hurwitz for coming on for sticking it out till the very end honestly i'm surprised he hasn't hit the leave button i'm kind of watching your eyeline to see if you'll go down to it i feel like it's time thank you for having me well no way right because then that way and no i'll stay on for a few more minutes all right all right do you have anything to plug he left he said he he just he instantly said he would stay on and now he left.

I was about to give him the floor. I was about to give him the floor to plug anything he had. Alright, fine. I guess I'll plug my OnlyFans. It's OnlyFans.com forward slash The Wagoneer. I basically kind of spread my ass. For photos and for profit. I appreciate you guys for listening this far.

We'll catch you guys next week. Listen to Review Review on the HeadGum Network. Listen to If I Were You, Buckets, and not another D&D podcast. Also look out for the second season of the Goat Show pod. I believe that the first episode of the second season went up a week or two ago. Also on the head gum network. Thank you guys so much. And we'll see you guys.

Oh, and there's also a discord that has been started for any listeners or fans of the head gum podcasts and head gum videos, specifically with Jake and Amir, myself and Riley and Spa. So join that. We are all chatting about there. So if you want to do bits with our asses or raz us personally, bully us online in a way, that's totally it's all open. It's open for business. So I don't exactly know where the link is. Maybe I'll have someone post it to the review review subreddit r slash review review. But until next week, I am your host, Jeffrey James.

And this has been a best behavior version of the HeadGum Podcast! that was a hate gun podcast