The Headgum Podcast - 131: Writing Advice Part 2 (w/ Zach Dunn!)

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

Comedian Zach Dunn, Amir, and Allie gather in the LA studio on Geoff's birthday to critique his recent writing. The Pit Wall has been greenlit! Subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don't miss new episodes dropping every Wednesday after a race. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Cheers. No, the name of the game is High Neighbor or Rye Neighbor, meaning I'm going to say a celebrity's name, and you guys have to say whether or not you think they've been spotted by the pops drinking Gansit, or whether they have lived or currently live in Rye.

Rye, New York? Yeah. Okay. It would actually be really easy for me. We play for real cash. Jeff doesn't know this. Really? Yeah.

So it's $100 for every right answer, $100 owed to me for every wrong answer. My bank account is sub $1,000 at the moment, so let's just tread carefully. Please don't look at the screen, obviously. Sure. First person is Jason Bateman. Oh. Gantzit. Rye.

There we go. Now the energy's up. Feeling good. Feeling good. Feeling amazing right now. Then you'll have to play it against me, right? Yeah, we might have to start over. Because now we're cleaning it.

I've got nothing but time. Yeah, it is late on a Monday. Monday 4pm. It's the Monday after Thanksgiving. So we're all kind of coming into this episode with like a little

extra fat, right? A little extra joy. And I'd like to ride that wave into the episode. Yeah. Yeah. It's your birthday today. Yeah. That's the bigger story. You're bearing the lead. It's not the Monday

after thing. It's your actual birthday. Might I be the first one to say, happy birthday, Jeff. Thank you. I'll be the third to say happy birthday Jeff thank you happy birthday for sure I'll be the third to say happy birthday yeah the first was actually Johnny Johnny works at Edgum yeah and he texted me last night at 1140

okay so too early almost he's wrong yeah that's true then my mother was the first to say happy birthday after midnight yeah midnight o'clock is she a night owl mm-hmm she uh i think she 2 a.m what's that 2 a.m in ohio where she texted you 3 a.m yeah yeah she i wonder if she set an alarm for that or something she must

have um text you but we sweet yeah no i, it came from a loving family. Very defensive. I would say it was sweet. You took it in a negative way. Is it hard being a holiday baby? Do you have a complex about that? Yeah. I don't like my birthday. That's why I wasn't burying the lead. Aww. That's so nice. Aww.

You don't like that it's November 28th or you don't like having a birthday at all? I don't like the attention. Interesting. It's a weird That's like when people a birthday at all? I don't like the attention. Interesting. It's a weird. That's like when people ask me about you, I'm like, he hates attention. Yeah. That's my. No, that's the thing.

I like other attention. Okay. I see. But on the birthday, you didn't do anything. It's too easy. So you want to earn it through your clothing and stuff. Yeah. That's why you're wearing those overalls.

Yeah. And that's why I got a hair clip. Right. In Sonoma. Yeah. I knew it was from Sonoma. It's covered in wine. Look at that thing. Yeah. I knew it was from Sonoma. It's covered in wine. Look at that thing.

Yeah. It stinks. No, your birthday is just that you didn't die that year. It's not that like, I guess, I don't know. It is that you, oh,

people celebrating that you're a part of their life. Yeah. Right. But mostly I'm like, celebrate me every other day.

You know what I mean? Okay. So you would, you prefer if we celebrated you every other day except your birthday. And then that's the one day off that we get where we can relax? Yeah, it's like, oh my God. Okay, we can start that now. I mean, I guess Monday after Thanksgiving is the worst birthday to have.

It's like everyone's done with celebrating. It's finally time to get back to work. And then you're like, today's my day now. Jesus Christ. Come on, man. celebrating it's finally time to get back to work and then you're like today's my day now jesus christ come on man it's better than having it on thanksgiving though which sometimes it is yeah but at the same time then it's like everyone's thinking about thanksgiving and then i don't have to field all these tech which i appreciate you like that yeah okay got it it would be hard for me to have a predetermined dinner meal on my birthday. That's true.

That's Thanksgiving dinner. Because Thanksgiving dinner is not good to eat, I would say. I like it. Me too. I like it. You just said. So I'm here, by the way. Yeah, we should say.

What is this? The Five Timers Club? Is it the Five Timers Club? I think it's the Four Timers Club. I think it's the Four Timers Club, which is a bigger deal than the five-timers club, I think. How so? You know, I'm not sure. I will say, I think I was the first sort of outside guest on this podcast.

Yeah, that's true. But then I do think, just for my keeping tabs from distance, other guests have passed me a number probably since then, but I'm still the first. No one can take that away from me, right? I think four times is a lot. Four times for a non-employee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not an employee. No one can take that away from me, right? I think four times is a lot. Four times for a non-employee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not an employee. Yet. Yet. Yet. Yet. At the five time, we offer you a one-year contract. That's amazing.

Carte blanche access to do anything you want at the company. Anything I want at the company. Anything. Literally anything. You can be an accountant or a toilet. You can do whatever you want. I'm not like gonna pick yet

okay cause I guess I have some time to think but I'm a leading CEO if if if anything is on the table that sucks for I know

yeah the current CEO yeah you'll be okay I think cause Marty like really hangs his hat on that's his whole identity that's his identity

it's his personality totally I'm not even doing a bit I feel like to take that away from him would be devastating it sounds like it'd be helpful like really hangs his hat on. That's his whole identity. That's his identity. It's his personality. I'm not even doing a bit. I feel like to take that away from him would be devastating. It sounds like it'd be helpful. Like, people should contain multitudes. They should be more than just their job. So it's like, okay, now I'm your job.

You be something else. He could be you. Yeah. He could be me. So it's sort of a freaky Friday that happens. Of sorts, yeah. Okay. Man, this five timers thing sounds amazing. I can't

wait for that episode. This is really fun. This is for, let's focus on the moment of death. Sort of a smaller deal. It is 4 p.m., which in the LA office, no one's around. Like, you don't work out of the office most days, right? Yeah. Twice a week? Yeah, maybe

even honestly sometimes a little less than that. I haven't been in it a couple weeks. And have you ever stayed past 4 p.m.? Only if I have to. Exactly. Like for live shows and stuff? Yeah, for live shows and stuff. For live shows and stuff?

We run like an elementary school schedule basically. Like we get here at 7.30 a.m. Yeah. No, we don't. No, we don't. But then we're out of here at 2.30. Correct. Yeah.

I like that. So the back half is very elementary school style. Yeah, and the front half is... I try to get here by noon. So you're here for two and a half hours on any given day. It's like a New York brunch beginning into an elementary school. Goodbye. I'm going to love working here.

I mean, you'll dictate the hours of your CEO. You're making so much noise. It's just a normal amount of, sorry. No, it's hard when it's your birthday. Right. People are just blowing up your laptop. A normal day's texts stress me out. And that's only like four.

Yeah. So that's another reason why I don't like my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but it's... Can we get a count? Too many notifications. I mean, I've read a lot of them, so I don't know what the count is. Well, you can see on the iMessages how many were sent today. You want to see how many people have texted me today?

Yeah, that's what I said by the count. Okay. He's scrolling, folks. He is scrolling. This is cool. This is not just like a eight. You know, I thought he'd be like, all right, there's nine people. He's got

Johnny My therapist My managers Irene Walton An Uber driver Who texts me still sometimes He wished you happy birthday? Yeah

How does he know your birthday? We like really hit it off This was like the early days When you would give the Lyft driver your birthday When you would give the lift driver your birthday. When you would sort of really talk to them and bury your soul. I never had that experience. You know when it has like a mustache in the front and you used to sit shotgun?

Right. And then you say, my birthday. It was mustache era lift for sure. My brother-in-law, Anya, who works at HeadGum. That's nice. My aunt Karen, my dad, Tucker. Yeah, Tucker Click. My sister and brother-in-law in a group chat.

My sister Solo, my buddy AJ. Damn. Nolan. Murphy. Murphy. He used to edit videos for their Patreon and also is a subscriber of our Patreon. That's nice. My family group chat.

My friend Madison, very funny comedian. This is like a plug thing now. Who's this? Oh, my buddy Jones. I just wanted to count. Emma Silvers. Yeah, I remember her. My roommate Justin.

Cecily. Nice. My buddy Kevin. Kevin, you know Kevin. Yeah, sure. Shelby Wolstein. Yep. My buddy Ivan.

Ivan. Yeah. My buddy James Johnston. Kayla. Riley. George Saba. My buddy Harry. Billy Brick.

My buddy John Paul. Sorry. So what do we have? Just because I'm listing names doesn't give you license to like talk over me and shit. It is my birthday. We were talking about something else.

Really? Yeah. It's all good, man. Sarah. Sarah. Lyndon. Got it. about something else. Really? Yeah. It's all good, man. Sarah. Sarah. Lyndon. Got it. My friend.

Billy Scafuri. Oh, that's nice. Jake. Wow. Zach. Damn. My friend Sidney. And Marika Brownlee.

Billy Scafuri beat me in FanDuel by.4 points the other night. I wanted to talk to you about that on the show. Okay, good. What did it come down to? Probably just like a late rebound or an assist. It was really sad. A turnover. Jeremy Sohan got injured. I would have won pretty easily without that. I think

the viewership of this is really interesting. Obscure Spurs rookie Jeremy Sohan. Yeah, he's from Poland. He is. He's very cool. He's got a cool vibe. Actually, you were talking about buzzing your hair and dying it pink. Yeah.

Jeremy pulled the trigger, but he's wearing 10 on the spurs, which is what Dennis Rodman used to wear. He's running laps around you, my man. That's right. Sorry. Pink hair. I think this is kind of an interesting rooster-esque way to wear your hair. For now. Okay. For now.

What do you think I should do? With your hair? I'll think about it. Okay. Last time I talked to you in this office, you'd go on a date. Ooh.

How's that going? Dude, it's already over. What? Oh, no. Was it the COVID? No, the COVID, the COVID was not related. It just, you know,

it's just these things. Sometimes it doesn't go that way. No, sometimes these things don't go our ways. Wow. You're in a relationship. Yeah, I love that this podcast, I've never seen this side of you where you're sort of getting into like love line style, like who's dating who. Yeah. This is cool.

You thought it was just fantasy basketball. Daily fantasy. Yeah. Birthday name listing. Adjacent. Yeah. And then it ends. I don. Yeah. Birthday name listing. Adjacent. Yeah. And then it ends? I don't know.

This is amazing. Well, we had Sally Dar Griffin on the show. Do you know who that is? TikTok star. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, she always talks about dates she goes on. Okay. So we kind of have this mini segment called Dating in LA.

Oh. And, because I feel like people on the internet always want to know about internet personalities dating in los angeles you're dating in los angeles right i don't think i'm an internet personality but yeah you kind of are i guess you're the most requested guest on this show requested i'm sorry i know it's your birthday, but you suck, man. I gotta get that out of the way. What were we talking? Yes, I'm in a relationship. What is it?

It's the corner of... Okay, yeah. So your response to my mean thing is doxing me. My joke thing is you genuinely doxing me. Now all the Dunheads are gonna show up to that corner. Okay, my ruin is just really doxing. Now all the Dunheads are going to show up to that former. Waiting for just a really rooting for you. They just want to say hi.

They want to say they liked a tweet of mine three years ago. Also, there's kind of a lot to cover. You've been pretty prominent on Twitter. Twitter's going belly up. I don't think I have been prominent on Twitter. You've gone viral.

I go viral, but it doesn't really translate into me having a lot of followers. Something gets lost in the shuffle. I want to talk to you guys about this. There's a funnel that's like engagement, likes, retweets, new followers. And it really is like 10% of 10% of 10%. By the time you reach that last one, it's like four new followers, and it really is like 10% of 10% of 10%. By the time you reach that last one,

it's like four new followers. Yeah. And you start to think, was it worth it? Totally. Was it all worth it? I definitely, years ago, have started telling myself a story, which is just like, who needs more followers?

Yeah. Which is, of course, I'd like more followers. And it's also, I tell myself a thing of like, well, I'm not selling out. You know what I mean? I'm not posting a ton, posting memes, trying to get in the thing. You're not playing the game. That's why I don't have more followers.

It's like, maybe. I just like have the accurate amount of followers that I deserve. Your Instagram is just photos of a Dell background of a beach. But that I have way less followers. That's even worse. I'm falling apart. But again, I'm not seeking that I have way less followers. That's even worse. I'm falling apart. But again, I'm not seeking the followers,

but it wouldn't hurt. Yeah. I mean, everyone is passively seeking followers. Right. But yeah, how do I feel about Twitter's demise?

I mean, it seems to still exist, so I don't know. But I mean, when it seemed like it was going to die, I was kind of excited. I thought it would have been nice

if it died. I agree. I would have, like, I have more going to die, I was kind of excited. I thought it would have been nice if it died. I agree. I would have more time to do other stuff. One of the last things I tweeted was a photo of my ass. I don't know if you saw that. I saw that, yeah. That was cool. So I was hoping.

What are you supposed to say? Sorry. Well, what are your genuine thoughts on my ass? On your ass? It's great. It's strong. Yeah. Strong. Big.

I have, I don't know, I have like such a bad ass, you know? So for me, the bar is really low. You are a bad ass? Duh. But I'm very, you know, it's just nothing going on back there. So I'm just like impressed whenever I see stuff happening back there. It really would have been ideal timing for me. Because that would have been, I see stuff happening back there it really would have been ideal timing for me because that would have been i think at the time that he bought it he

bought it the day i posted it i think that's what put him over the edge to buy it he's like wow look at this the content yeah unbelievable yeah ally did you see my ass i did i did what'd you think hats off yeah yeah good for you pants off to you man nice that was good um but yeah let's talk about dating in LA you've been gainfully in a relationship

for the better part of a decade no right a little less than that yeah two years yeah three and a half

four let's round up a negotiation I'll give you four let's say four because you knew her before you started dating that's true

but we weren't in a relationship then yeah you were laying the groundwork I wasn't I wasn't I need to say for the record that I was not

alright four years yep okay what is it like dating in a sorry being in a relationship

dating actively because you you never want to stop dating your partner no yeah you're always saying that what's your experience dating Canela?

I mean it's no thank you for asking me about this it's it's you know it's feels similar to dating other places

for me because again it's just the one relationship the last few years so it's just kind of hanging out with each other going to restaurants we go to the movies a lot I want restaurants me because again it's just the one relationship the last few years so it's just kind of hanging out with each other going to restaurants we go to the movies a lot i want restaurants i think

that's what people get interested in is like how often are you at like found oyster right found oyster i do we have gone on a date to found oyster before i think that's now oyster is really good yeah i don't really like oysters but there's you were talking about the lonely oysters there's lne oysters there's L&E oysters there's a lot of oysters going around. L&E is like one of my favorite restaurants

because it's an aphrodisiac right? So you have to understand that like red wine and that you can't help but end up in the sack. No you have to

understand. You have to. You really literally have to understand that. Is there anything there other than oysters or are you just getting oysters?

I'm getting a call from a random number. Should I take it? Yeah, sure. This has never happened on the show. Hello? You don't want to put on speaker? I think this is more interesting. Because we only hear one side. Yeah, him silently. Yeah. Well, this is probably how you became friends

with that Lyft driver. That part does make a lot more sense. Yeah, I don't know how else to describe it. It's... Tell them it's your first day. Okay, thank you. You didn't do it. He didn't seem happy.

You didn't do it. There was two times on that call where he was like, damn. He was just not where you wanted him to be. Got it. So it was sort of a light prank. Wouldn't have been good. He seemed really exasperated.

So I think if I had been like, by the way, it's my birthday. So really, I need this package. It was an Amazon package, which the only thing I ordered from Amazon is like utility things like eye drops. What the hell were we talking about before? Oh, found oyster, right?

So like, what are the dating spots? Because you're 28. When you were on the call, we were talking about like sort of the looseness of the podcast. Right. Well, the other thing is we've been banking episodes all in October. We haven't recorded in four weeks. Got it. So I'm like off my game a little bit.

Okay, got it. Okay, so maybe we can help you kind of tighten back up a little bit and get back in the swing of things. Why did you want to record on your birthday specifically? Because this one was scheduled way in advance.

I thought it was going to be like a birthday spectacular. Yeah, me too. But now it's just like you didn't even want to address it. This could have been a Tuesday recording. You're just asking us

about a restaurant that I went to like a year ago. Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to say about it. This could have been a Tuesday recording. You're just asking us about a restaurant that I went to like a year ago. Like I don't know what I'm supposed to say about it. I already said it was good. It's not like a food reviewing podcast. I'm confused. I just thought it'd be something nice to do

because it's a Monday, right? And it's late. We also need the episode to go out this Friday. So I was like, I'd rather have more time to edit it tomorrow. I see. And. Last week was a holiday. My thing going into it wasn't a birthday spectacular.

It was more for me to be like, I don't have to do anything. I could not talk for this whole hour. So you had the opposite. To put no time and effort into it. I see. Yeah. Because you know you will feel bad. Calling you out.

You can't say anything to me today. Right. Although you did say I suck. Right, right. Sort of getting right to the point. No, I said that. I did, I did. Yeah, but you can say that if you start out with,

I know it's your birthday, but. Yeah, exactly. Wrong. Allie, let's get into you okay wow i want you to open up on this show okay say things that you'll kind of be driving home and be like i was kind of personal oh i feel that every day anyway that's fair that's cool um what's like a secret you feel comfortable sharing about yourself or someone close to you? Oh, man. A secret?

You can't put someone on the spot like that. It's like weird. How is it weird? It's not that it's, I understand what you're saying. I don't have very many, I don't really think I even have very many secrets. I think at least one person I've told, I read an open book. Yeah. Right, but a secret can be something that you share like

okay right when I was 18 no that's too wow when I was 18 I had to go see a urologist and he gave me this steroid cream because I had had a sexual encounter with somebody where my dick had been broken basically

and you and I knew each other at that point. Yeah, but we didn't talk about this then. I know, that's what I'm saying. Like, that was a secret I'd kept from everyone except my role. The solve was a cream? The solve was a steroid cream that I was supposed to use as I pleased. Okay.

And it fixed the issue. As you pleased? Myself. So, I mean, can I ask you more questions about what happened? I guess I don't want to pry. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to get too graphic. The last thing I want to do is, like, be crass on the show. Right.

Well, you did talk about breaking your dick and then using a creamer. I think that you brought up of your own accord. Yeah, that's true, true. So we knew each other. We knew each other, and you didn't bring this up to me at the time. I think I was embarrassed. Right. I was like, I'm 18 years old.

I'm a theologian. That doesn't happen to anyone. No, life happens fast. Yes. Yeah, but I mean, it was kind of from like a cool, like, you know, not cool, but like you were having sex. Yeah. Sex related.

That's true. That's true that's true was it did it impact your life actually the person you know the person oh my god yeah that's crazy

well you definitely shouldn't say who it was but I'm really curious are you gonna bleep it out I'll bleep it out but at least now you know she broke your penis? In a way, yeah.

I didn't even tell her. You didn't? You just kept that inside? Mm-hmm. I have a lot of questions. You don't have to answer them. Okay. Did you continue your encounter?

Yeah. Okay. Did that really hurt? Yeah. Oh. Did that really hurt? Yeah. Oh, my God. I can't imagine a cream helping, like, a muscle sprain. That's what's confusing me. Yeah, like, again.

It's like, I broke my arm. Here's a steroid ointment. Right. Yeah. It didn't, like, snap in half. I don't know what you guys are picturing. Yeah, I think the remedy is, like, a Popsicle stick and some string. Nice. Nice. For sure the remedy is like a popsicle stick and some string. Ice.

Ice. Kind of like making sure a plant grows vertically. Sticking your dick in corn or something. More than you usually do. The muscle was fine. The skin was not. And so the steroid, when he finished, excuse me. Yeah.

It was a topical steroidal agent. Okay. It seemed like a chafing dermatological issue more than a urologist. Yeah, it was like a foreskin issue. At what point would you say, I'm back, baby. At what point were you like,

I'm back to 100%? I think I had sex four weeks after that because it was at what point were you like I'm back to 100% I think I had sex four weeks after that because it was New Year's Eve you gotta four weeks after that yeah interesting

but saying you were back to 100% by that point now it's all flooding back you were at the same party that this happened must have been a Halloween party I was at the party with the dick skin

no no no breaking this happened after New Year's no no no Halloween to New Year's after. No, no, no. Halloween to New Year's is two months. We were supposed to talk about Allie. The night of. The night of.

We had hung out. It was at your apartment. It was at my apartment. You're in Sam's old apartment. Yeah. Your senior year. You had hung, that had,

okay, and that sort of preceded what happened. Yeah. That's crazy. I was wearing a green fleece because I remember there's a photo of it. I was wearing a party hat. Wow. Well, thank you for sharing green fleece because I remember there's a photo of it. I was wearing a party hat. Wow.

Well, thank you for sharing that with me. I think that's really... When you wear your fleece, are you like, that's the fleece I broke my dick in? I don't have the same fleece anymore.

Oh. All this to say we can participate in a shared vulnerability. We can sort of... That was just to open the floor for you to share a secret. Okay.

Ideally, it doesn't have to be steroidal in nature. All right. Well, there was this one time it was like four weeks before New Year's

and I broke my dick. Oh my God. That's crazy. That's gotta be very similar. Yeah. Was it 2015? Yeah. Damn.

Can you believe we broke our dicks on the same night? That's so crazy. Like that's why you guys get along. Yeah. That's really crazy.

Yeah. This birthday episode is awesome. We have to take a break and then we have so much more to get to. We haven't gotten into any of the things

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at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. Okay. Let's take it into everyone's Bonds of the Week. I think that James Bond is like an action-adventure series that is a little more sophisticated, right? There's the clothes, there's the cars, there's the watches. No, you think that, yeah. Go on, sorry. That's something I've been toying with.

Right. No, you think that, yeah. Go on, sorry. That's something I've been toying with. Right. And I, like, what other IP does it take a certain, like, level of intelligence to understand? Mm-hmm. Pickle Rick! What's that? Right? What's that? Who?

Rick and Morty. I think you have to be really smart to get those jokes. I don't think so. Really? Pretty broad and immature. Yeah. My 11-year-old cousin loves that show. Okay, because I was going to say Rick and Morty could be James Bond.

Both of them. Both of them? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. But you didn't, no, it's like, it's Pickle Rick. You know, it's like, that's that's not everybody you have to have read a couple books to understand that

um like comic books about Rick and Morty I don't know like Naked Lunch okay it's interesting we were talking about

the ways the podcast has changed when you were on the phone earlier on the podcast I like that you know this segment

is still happening yeah but other things have changed kind of vibes have changed but we're still doing On the podcast. I like that, you know, this segment is still happening. Yeah. But other things have changed. Kind of vibes have changed, but we're still doing the Bond of the Week always. Well, we've been doing these in studio more. It's always harder for me to be an utter asshole when I'm looking someone dead in the eyes. No, no, that makes sense. Versus the Zoom.

That makes sense. You guys, so, you don't have to be smart to get Rick and Morty? No, no. It's Dan Harmon. I think, look, I think. You have to be smart to get Rick and Morty? No, no. It's Dan Harmon. I think, look, I think. You have to be smart to write Rick and Morty. Right, like Grace Freud. Sure.

But you don't have to be smart to enjoy Rick and Morty. But that's what everybody says. Everybody's saying that? Everybody's like, everybody who watches Rick and Morty is like, it's really smart humor. So I've just taken that as gospel. I don't watch the show. Oh.

Okay. So how did you know the Pickle Rick thing? Yeah. Because you see that on like Twitter and for the longest time I was like, what is that? Why is that funny? I guess I'm just too dumb to get it. Okay. Why is that old man turning into a pickle funny?

I don't want to believe that the show is too smart. I don't. To explain why you don't like it. When I've seen it, I don't laugh. So I don't know. So I must be too dumb. Right. I see.

Because that's what people tell me. I got it. Would they trade off being James Bond? Or would it just be like, there's two James Bonds? Well, that's. Aren't they like scientists? Yeah. So they could be.

You brought this up. Like, I know you don't know about this show, but you brought it up. What are you? You're so mad. That's my Bond of the Week. That's my Bond of the Week. What are your guys's? Okay. I know you don't know about this show, but you brought it up. You're so mad. That's my Bond of the Week. That's my Bond of the Week. What are your guys's? Okay.

Allie? I have been watching, to make myself fall asleep at night, Murder, She Wrote. Yeah. So, Angela Lansbury's hologram. That's pretty good. Yeah. Like, just digital. Just put her in the shot.

And you don't think that's like too much to digest? Like there's a new plot line, storyline. Rafe finds his M, Judy denches out. And then is it acknowledged that she's a hologram or the hologram is the actor playing Bond? It's acknowledged that she's a hologram and that's almost what makes her job hard. There's definitely some benefits.

You shoot a hologram, you're fine. You know, that'll help Bond. But can you even hold a gun? No, and that is what she has to work to overcome.

Oh, God. So, is the plot of the first one her overcoming the adversity that comes with being a hologram? Yeah. Is there even a villain?

Herself. Got it. I'm in. Sounds good. Yeah. Better than the Rick and Morty one for sure. Definitely. Yeah, there's a villain? Herself. Got it. I'm in. Sounds good. Yeah. Better than the Rick and Morty one for sure. Definitely. Yeah.

If there was a top two, that'd be number one. Weird. Maybe you were too dumb to understand. Not really. Who's your Bond of the Week? Mario. That's cool. That's funny.

Is it Chris Pratt as Mario? Yep. And he's doing the voice and it doesn't sound quite right. But he's being British. He's doing that voice in a way that is... Theo James? Who's Theo James? So I've been watching White Lotus and he's in White Lotus. He's a tall, handsome,

funny guy and he's actually British. I found out not too recently. Is that the guy who's always sitting like this and talking to... He had his dick out at one point but it was fake. Wait, is it the... It's the asshole.

It's the sort of... Yeah, it's the asshole. Okay. Yeah, it's the asshole. I mean, it doesn't do that character as an asshole. I don't think of it as that. I'm totally down to label him as an asshole. To me, he's a lot more intricate, if that makes sense.

Not unlike Bond would be. Did you watch last night's episode? I did. I really liked it. I really liked it. Yeah. I saw it too. Crazy. What's that? I saw it too really liked it. I really liked it. Yeah. Really good. I saw it too. Crazy.

What's that? I saw it too, I think. You think? You think? I watched it, yeah. I said, Theo James, you said, who? I don't know which name.

Oh, is that the asshole guy? Like you had watched four minutes of the pilot. Well, so much, so many of those actors are people that we don't know yet and now we know them, but I don't know

which name is the actor. Right. Yeah. Can I change my Bond of the Week because know which name is the actor. Right. Yeah. Can I change my Bond of the Week because someone already did it? Yeah.

Luigi. Nice. These games would be a good Luigi actually. Oh my god. Can you imagine how fucking handsome? Full hog out.

Yeah. If any of you guys had a birthday today I would sort of cede the floor to you the moment you started speaking and I feel like I've been talked over.

It's hard for me to get a word in otherwise. When's your birthday? June 3rd. October 20th. Oh. Okay. January 18th.

Yeah. Per CNBC, we got to get into the news of the day. Yep. Per CNBC, parents of successful kids don't worry about screen time, expert says. They teach these three skills instead. What do we think they are um uh it works better for the edit if you kind of like there's overlapping dialogue economic

literacy um kind compassion compassion and i don't know what else arithmetic math all wrong okay one how to evaluate media there's no way parents are

yeah what let me elaborate parents are of successful kids of kids that turn out fine to good they research

and explore apps games and websites read the user agreement and reviews together, and share... Really? The user agreement?

The legal terms of service? That you have to agree to? And they share any values or concerns that they have about the agreement. That's how you get into fucking Yale. This isn't news per se.

Seems like one crazy man's opinion. What's number two? How to draw screen boundaries. Let me, what's the next? Okay, so the title of the article is Parents of Successful Kids Don't Worry About Screen Time. They Focus on These Three Skills Instead. And number two is how to draw screen boundaries.

So, the kids are choosing whether or not to use the screen? And that's the difference? Parents can come up with guidelines that create a balance and teach your kids how to use screens constructively. Okay. Like, I don't think any of us here

are parents, you know. You're never going to have kids. What do you want us to say about this? Jesus. That wasn't me being like confirming. You're never going to have kids. You didn't say it like that the first time. You said it like a statement. Either one is pretty messed up.

It's true. Do you guys want to have kids eventually? I don't know. I don't know. I go back and forth every day. Yeah. What about guys want to have kids eventually? I don't know. I don't know. I go back and forth every day. Yeah. Yeah. What about Allie Jr.?

Does that change your mind? I know that. I know that. No, I would love— What about your husband, Allie Jr.? What does he think? You know, that reminds me of— Well, I don't know.

There's just— There's so many times where I'm like, I'd love to be able to pass along like pop culture influences onto a child. But that's kind of like the amount of mothering that I'm interested in. Like I want to like show them a show and be like, oh, that was informative. You don't have to like wipe a diaper for seven times a day. You don't wipe the diaper when you change a diaper. You know what I really don't want to do?

I don't want to have to set up other people's plans for them. That's what moms do. They're always like, does your kid want to come over and have a play date? And now I have to talk to... And then you have to drive them over. Yeah, and then I have to pick them up. I have to talk to the other parents. I have to stand in their foyer and make sure everybody's comfortable

for a little. What did you eat? Did they eat dinner? Oh my god, I don't want to do any of that. Or like if my kid's a biter, I have to call the mom and be like, so sorry, my kid bit your kid. I'm not interested in that. But I am interested in showing a child that The Secret Garden is a good book.

And you're talking about being an aunt. That's aunt territory. Yeah, I guess that's what I want. Are you an aunt? No. Are you a zont? Nine. Nine.

Oh my God. I'm a zont. the last one is how do you scream for good which i think they mean for like the good of humanity but i'm thinking just in perpetuity um a new book claims queen elizabeth and prince philip kept their distance in final years the duke of ed of Edinburgh reportedly spent his days in his own way. Fast forward to the next thing. You've chosen to spend your birthday this way.

Alright, no thoughts on that? No. No thoughts on that, obviously. Can't hear what actors are saying on TV? It's not you, probably. There are things you can do per the Wall Street Journal to address

audio issues introduced by the production process. Okay. This is like a, we're trying to help people now watching. I feel like I'm just visiting my grandfather and he's reading TV Guide from 2015. More interesting than like reading the Washington Post. Less, because there's no context. visiting my grandfather and he's reading TV Guide from 2015. Because is it more interesting

than like reading The Washington Post? It's less because there's no contact. It feels like we're reading the user agreement as a family. Yes, it really does. World's oldest meal

discovered in a 550 million dollar, sorry, year old, I've been shopping, 550 million year old fossil in a fossilized specimen of the slug-like Kimberella, a team detected molecules of

phytocerol preserved in the creature's gut. The chemical product, which is found in plants, suggested it ate algae and bacteria from the ocean floor My question is no sides? floor. My question is no sides? We all crack up for

nine minutes. That was great. You got a big birthday laugh. That was awesome. They also found onion rings in his underwear. I like that. Something like that. Yeah, something super modern.

We were talking about how the last time you were on the show is still the episode I at least point to people to be like, don't listen to the show, but if you want to, this is a good episode. You're still a writer on What We Do in the Shadows. Yep. Co-EP? You always guess my title, which is not interesting to anyone. I'm not a co-EP. That'd be like a really big leap, I would say.

You're still just executive story editor? No. I mean, I think you've got to get walked. You're a producer. There's a lot between that. I'm a producer. Story producer. Producer.

Wow. You already nailed it, So you can stop guessing. And just, well, hang on. Let me look at the schedule. What are you talking about? Just one. Yeah. Actually, I guess it's WGA East, isn't it?

You're going to ask about rates? I'm looking at the schedule of minimums. Right. Why would you do this? What a story. What was it? Producer? Producer, yeah. Although, I guess you're pga now huh that's not how it works i'm a producer level writer still in the

writers guild okay so it's like this isn't interesting to anyone not necessarily it makes me uncomfortable how so i think you're trying to talk about how much money i make it's important that we discuss our finances so that everyone gets paid fairly. But you're talking about a thing that a union has picked. There's no... If someone's doing... We're at a guild show.

It doesn't matter what... They don't need to know what I make. $5,000 a week? I don't want to talk about this. So it's more than that. Yeah. But for the viewership, it's important to recognize that we live in a gig economy in this industry, right? So you might be getting $7,200 a week.

You have agency fees. You have manager fees. You have taxes, obviously. And you only work for what? 16 weeks out of the year? Yep. So that has to last the whole year. So it's not

seven thousand dollars a week it's not seven thousand times 52 right you're bringing something up it's like no one was talking about this no one's curious about it it's just completely unnecessary the entire thing i want to make seven7,000 a week. Sure. Yes. But you suck. Remember? Do you remember? You remember. You suck.

I said you suck. Yeah. That hasn't changed. I wrote more scenes to get your advice on. I want to see how I've grown as a writer in the past year. Okay. In your eyes. Cool.

In your eyes. So we're sort of doing like a sequel to the last. Yeah. It's sort of a. Table read. Squeak. Well, yeah. The table read episode. Yes. So I're sort of doing like a sequel to the last. Yeah, it's sort of a table read. Squeakquel, yeah. The table read episode.

Yes. So I send it to you over Slack. I send it to you guys over text. Five different scenes. And I would love to get your notes.

Pull the room. And there's scene directions. So I'll assign roles. I'll sort of cast it as we go. This first scene takes place.

It's sort of like a first date scene. Amir, why don't you be man and Allie, why don't you be woman? Sure. Typecast me. Zach, can you All right. Allie, why don't you be man Amir, you be woman. Actually, that works. You're man, you're woman.

I'm woman. Hear me roar. You do scene direction and sort of call action. Okay. Just so I can hear it and I don't have to focus at all. Yep. Sounds good. You don't have to focus?

I can sort of zone out. There you go. Yeah. Unlike the rest of the podcast. Ready? Yeah. Okay. And okay.

We're exterior apartment building night. And action. Want to come up? I just watched you kick a dog. I just watched you kick a dog. I just watched you kick a dog in the neck. That's true. You saw a blind, three-legged dashhound struggling to cross the street. You turned to me and said, watch this.

Then you positioned yourself for a punt, then dashed forward and sent her flying through the air. She hit the cement with a sickening slap, at which point you turned back around and yelled at the top of your lungs, Goal! Wrong sport, by the way. It's all football.

Yeah, you tripped on every side you walked on, and you stole and mailed from every stoop you passed. I'm not convinced you live here. I'm gathering you want to take it slow. I want you to die. Hey, wait.

Before you go, want to watch me do a magic trick? The man takes out a deck of cards, but they're all stuck together. Shit. You probably think I jack off to these now, huh? Ha ha. Do you? Well, yeah. But now you think that. The woman spits in the man's eye.

Oh. She shoves him into a pile of trash. Oh. She lights a match and tosses it onto his shirt. Of course! And. Interesting. Great.

So my goal with this scene was to sort of show and not tell. Okay. Yeah. Which is the opposite, right? Of what they tell you to do. No, I. They show what they show you to do. No, I... What they show you to do. Nice.

Yeah, they tell you to show and not tell, but you did the opposite. You just told. What about the lighting a match on a shirt thing? I guess at the way end. No, this was definitely an interesting scene. Yeah. I mean, I think as with last time,

I don't know what this is. Like, it's like, is it a scene from a pilot you've written, you know? Is this the complete short? Yeah. Or is there more to it? Is it like the big short? I really like the way you demonstrated cause and effect. Thank you.

You also worked as a development executive before joining HeadGum, right? Thank you for saying I was an executive. I was still a coordinator. That's still, you're reading a lot of material. No, I'm reading, yeah, scripts all that. And you've sort of had, you've been told that your writing is bad and you have to edit it a lot because you

like, what is it, four failed pilots? Not failed pilots, but. Got it. So now you're sort of being mean. I wasn't trying to be mean. I was trying to clarify just your qualifications for giving notes. You were trying to clarify something you said. Similar to the other thing.

You keep creating issues and then having to fix them. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just clarifying what I said to you. Oh, yeah. There's sort of like writing exercises.

You try to do like a couple pages every day and then maybe one of them sparks joy slash inspiration and then you decide to write a pilot around that. So it's a pilot for a pilot in a way.

Like maybe this could be like a big sick. You know what I mean? Like brown guy, white girl. Right. That's what you think yeah so i think of course at the end felt a little bit like that's like sort of a catchphrase type thing of yours and you're kind of trying to jam that in yeah which i would say writing wise don't do that because you don't know who's i don't know if you're gonna play the part you know what i mean at the end day, you know, Ally could be playing the part and that's not her catchphrase. And so then suddenly, so maybe keep stuff like that, your personal catchphrases

out of your scripts. That's just friendly advice. No, that makes sense. And it's actually, it's funny you said that because I was eyeing Judge Reinhardt for that part. The brown guy? Judge is attached. That's awesome. All right. Let's go on to this next one this one's sort of like have you guys seen The Sopranos yes

so this is like similar to The Sopranos so that's the tone okay and kind of a lofty that's a little pre-advice

you don't want to set the bar so high always when you're showing someone something yeah this is kind of like what is widely considered as the best television show of all time

well you know you gotta aim high I don't want to like try and write a show that's like, I don't know. No, I respect that. Spy.

I don't know what that is. It's a Hulu series. No. Why don't we have, Amir, you're the therapist. Okay. Zach, why don't you be Thurgood and Allie,

why don't you call scene direction for this? Okay. Interior, therapy office. A therapist sits with their patient. Maybe it's because you're kind of dorky. What?

I mean, your name is Thurgood. I don't want to be here. I mean, your name is Thurgood. That's not exact. He's sexy. I tell you my wife hasn't initiated sex in two years, and that's your response? Let me level with you. I'm retiring.

Checks watch. I'm retiring at, yeah, checks watch. 25 minutes. So frankly, I couldn't give a shit if your wife has thought. I think we just gotta take it from the top. This is not like The Sopranos. Let's take it from the top. Okay, let's go from the top.

And then again, yeah, just... Not that I have it in me, right? Any notes, performance-wise, for us, or going back? That was a cold read, by the way. I had never read that before. Same. Let's really try to hit that Sopranos tone. Okay.

Okay. Can I at least, can I make a recommendation that I'm Thurgood and you're the therapist? Just because of how I feel like we come across anyway. You seem like more of the therapist type.

You know, my parents are both therapists. There we go. All right. Yeah. Why don't you be therapist and you be Thurgood? I'm going to sort of

try to harness stuff from my parents, my ancestors, recall. Take a second to just switch roles. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, why don't you be therapist and you be Thurgood? I'm going to sort of try to harness stuff from my parents, my ancestors. Recall, yeah. Take a second to just switch roles. Okay, thank you. Okay, interior, therapy office. A therapist sits with their patient.

Maybe it's because you're kind of dorky. What? I mean, your name's Thurgood. That's not exactly sexy. I tell you what, my wife hasn't initiated sex in two years, your name's Thurgood. That's not exactly sexy. I tell you what, my wife hasn't initiated sex in two years, and that's your response? Sorry, and that's your response?

Let me level with you. I'm retiring in 25 minutes. So frankly, I couldn't give a shit if your wife has the hots for you or not. Bottom line is, I'm moving to Hawaii tomorrow. So you say whatever it is you need to say. You already have my recommendation for your next shrink.

Just fucking rail your wife tonight. It'll be fine. Make sure she comes like, I don't know, five or six times. I'm not a doctor. I'm an MFT. I've never corrected you because I liked how it sounded. The therapist lights a cigarette. Also, you might invest in a leather jacket.

Women love that biker shit. You don't even need Harley. Just the leather jacket. Cigarette? I'm good. No, you're good. And that's the problem. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. My prawns are here. You don't mind if I eat some prawns during these last 20 minutes? 20 minutes. I mean, yeah, I kind of do. You suck ass! There you go. That one's like characters who are immediately at odds with each other.

Like trying to create conflict in, like, not only the moment, but also the character's disposition. Well, it seems like they've had a long-standing relationship. This therapist is about to retire. They have names for each other, built-in jokes. Sort of a, it's an inciting incident potentially yeah this is interesting i mean it feels a little bit like like the way it starts right it's like maybe it's because you're kind of dorky what i mean your name is thurgood it feels like you like named the character thurgood and then we're like all right what do we know about

this guy his name is thurgood you know it, it's like, maybe try to get a little deeper into who the character is before you get there, rather than just being like, well, I named him Thurgood, so I'm going to make a joke about how his name's Thurgood. So, like, more specific,

specificity. Yeah. No, totally. Specificity, exactly, man. And I think that, but this is, like, really good, obviously. Like, I think it's... Really good.

Yeah, it's, like, powerful, interesting. And you guys aren't just saying that think it's really good. Yeah. It's like powerful interesting. And you guys aren't just saying that because it's my birthday. No. Is it your birthday

still? Yeah I guess it is. Yeah. I'm not even thinking about your birthday anymore. No. I'm thinking about

other stuff. And like I I think this is solid and nothing to worry about. Okay. And it's also not that we've been

going for 50 minutes and you guys want to get out of here? We do. Is it almost five? Because I do have a hard out. Let's get these last scenes out of the way. Okay.

Okay, so I know that staffing, like when you apply to write for a TV show, doesn't really operate on spec scripts anymore. It used to. But I'm like, what? You also need to catch people's eye. You have to be different. And if everyone's doing original pilots as submissions,

I'm wondering if I do a spec script so I wrote a spec script for New Girl one of my favorite shows just to show that I know these characters I can write for someone else's voice

yeah interesting okay let's have let's have Zach be Schmidt and then Allie can you be every other character sure actually no

let's sorry you be Schmidt you be Jess and Winston and you be Jess and Winston and you be Nick and Cece okay and I'll read scene direction

interior new girl loft Jar Schmidt I'm being serious Zoe right after that I mean we can do a quick pop in of

that is yeah you have her character's name listed as Jess right above it and then he calls her Zoe. Maybe it comes into play later. Yeah, let's finish.

I'm being serious, Zoe. I feel like I'm having a seizure. Can we stop the cameras, please? Schmidt, jar. Okay, I see. I'm not in character as Schmidt. I'm Max Greenfield, and I think I'm having an epileptic episode. What's Schmidt doing today?

He's being a big old douchebag. Why is nobody helping me? Where's Hannah? She'll know what to do. Oh, you want to talk to Cece, huh? Let me guess, because she's brown. What? No. Jar, Schmitty. What is jar? Like when you curse? It's like a douchebag jar.

Got it. I can't feel Oh my God, I can't feel anything. Schmidt, you got a condom? No someone call an ambulance Jar Schmidt Schmidt passes out Cece enters Wow real nice Schmidt You had so much sex you fainted Jar

Jar Yeah That one is not really a new girl that one's more like a meta yeah commentary on yeah it was like when they did seinfeld reunions on curb right but that was a hit yes yes i'm gonna say this i think you need to hear honesty i didn't like this one that's fair i mean i'm open to criticism let's I think you need to hear honesty. I didn't like this one. That's fair. I mean, I'm open to criticism. Let's move on to the Titanic.

Great. Scene. This is me trying to do something a little bit more grounded. Okay. Oh. Zach, why don't you be Rose and Ally, you be Jack, and Amir, you read scene direction. All right. Interior Titanic. Paint me like, you read scene direction. All right. Interior Titanic.

Paint me like one of your French girls. Okay, but you're not going to like what you see. Jack paints her. Reveal the painting. Rose is a fat ass and two massive honkers. Wow. That's incredibly offensive. I told you that you wouldn't like it.

I only know how to paint French girls with huge butts and massive honkers. Also, I hate to do this, but I do have to charge you. What? I'm not just going to do a commission painting for free. It was supposed to be romantic. Oh, oh, oh, that's what this was? Not anymore. What?

Okay, well, then you owe me $150. You're an asshole, Jack. Romantic. Oh. Oh. Oh. That's what this was? Not anymore. What? Okay. Well, then you owe me $150. You're an asshole, Jack. I fucked this whole thing up. Interior. No, no, no. That's another scene. Thank you.

You've been writing end on the other ones. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't have space on that page, and sometimes it's good to consolidate. Because you don't want a whole page where it's just... Yeah, that's all on one page. Can you believe that? All that packed into one page. Really good.

Yeah, sort of. I love Titanic fanfic. Sure. Yeah. Okay. I don't know what you want at it. Like, this is, you know... It's not serious stuff.

It's not real writing. Shorts or something? Like, sketches? Almost like little interstitials? It's like a fake sketch. You know what I mean? It's like robot chicken if you guys remember that like little animated shorts that can go anywhere

or live anywhere. Right. Yeah. Those like have like a specific idea to them and they follow through them in a specific way. This one seemed like stream of consciousness a little bit. Yeah. Last one. I think it was just to be like last one.

Okay. It was supposed to just be like what was it who should be it's supposed to be like a check in on like how has my writing ability changed from last November to this November

yeah okay better or worse no no yeah I mean I don't think you want to know the answer it's your birthday like I'm not going to come in

on your fucking birthday and like tell you you don't have what it takes. But that is what you would say. I would never do that to you. You're my friend. But what if it's tomorrow? Yeah.

No. Yeah, I think tomorrow, you know, maybe let's have a conversation tomorrow. Okay. But what might you say at the conversation tomorrow? I don't. I mean, it's impossible to predict the future. But you're feeling and thinking

those thoughts now. I'm, it's like, it's a mishmash of things, you know? It's so much, I mean, it's your birthday.

You know what I mean? I've known you for years. Yeah. Like, I knew you back when your dick was broken in half. It's like,

now to see you here, like, trying your best, like, it's amazing. Doing my best or trying my best? exactly.

And so, like, let's just finish this out and, like, have the best birthday ever. Cool. Okay. Yeah. Down to do the last one. Yeah.

Amir, why don't you be Nicholas Cage? And then, Ali, why don't you be the director of The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. Sorry, I'm getting flustered because I'm really thinking about what you're thinking about in terms of the quality. Just literally act like I'm not here. All right. Yeah. Nick Cage, Tom, the director of the movie. This is supposed to be like, did you guys see The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent?

No. Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, it was very good. And I thought that it would be like, what if this was like a deleted scene? Or like maybe a real-life conversation that happened preceding the production. Either one. Scene direction?

Yep. Interior, WME offices, day. This movie's about my life, Tom. I jerk off in real life. Right, but... No buts. It's called The Unbearable Weight of massive talent. I'm the massive talent. You are. You're a massive talent.

So then why isn't there a scene of me straight wanking in this movie? Okay, Nick. I hear you. I'll draft it and send it to you by Friday, okay? Are we happy? We're fappy. Nice. I didn't

like that one. Yeah. Because it was just sort of one note. Yeah, it was one note. The performances were flat. I was ill at ease since the comment about Zach thinking things about my writing. The performances were flat. Definitely. I mean, I was loving the performances. Allie was great.

It was natural. Both of them. I felt Tom. You were great. I was like, oh, Tom's great. Allie was great. Allie dropped in. Allie was great. Both of them. I felt Tom. You were great. I was like, oh, Tom's great. Allie was in. Allie dropped in. Allie was great. Yeah. Yeah. It was writing notes.

I mean, this movie already came out. Yep. You know. Yeah, what would that be? Like a DVD extra or some weird thing? They're going to produce that now? I miss featurettes. No, it's like we all are rooting for you, man.

I had such an interesting time doing the segment. Yeah. I miss featurettes. No, it's like we all are rooting for you, man. I had such an interesting time doing the segment. Yeah. But even like that, there's so many ways to interpret. We're all rooting for you. Is it like everyone's sad at the way my life's going? Because I'm like 25 now. Wow, 25.

Yeah. Over the hill, as they say. Yeah, jeez. Yeah, I mean, I could die at 50. You could die tomorrow. What's that? You could die before 50 for sure. Yeah.

We're all, you know, it's always a risk. And that's why birthdays are fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's because you could die at 50. Yeah. I'm going to really think about the stuff you wrote. Okay.

And I think you could have a really serious chance. Pat? I think that if you're going to take anything and run with it, maybe Thurgood. As like a pilot or as like a new name for me? Maybe both. All right. That could be good because it could be like Rami, right? So I like change my name to Thurgood.

That's his real name. And then I write a pilot about my life and it's just Thurgood. Why wouldn't it just be a pilot? A fictional pilot. I'm going to give it to Thurgood. Why do you have to change your name to make the pilot?

Plugs, what do you have going on? Amir, what do you have? I'm on TikTok. Okay, bloomer. A lot of people know that. But for the last three plus years I've been making

some pretty bomb ass content on there yeah at okbloomer is my name on TikTok Ali smash that sorry

smash that like button subscribe and let me know what kind of shit you want me to do on there you're asking them to do a lot find you on tiktok follow you and then ideate tiktoks for you like smash the like button on every video on any video that you like okay you can just follow me on instagram all right adam here yeah and you're trying to sell that handle. And you're trying to sell that handle, right? I'm still trying to sell that handle.

Yeah. If any Amir out there, like a brand, wants that handle, I'm trying to let it go for five figures. Allie? You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram at AllieCon or on Letterboxd, too. I'm only friends with Marie Conn on Letterboxd too. I'm only friends with Marie Con and Letterboxd so I'd love to grow. Smash those movie

review likes. Nice. Buttons. You can follow me on Twitter which I don't care about. I don't care if you follow me or not. Just like do whatever. I actually really care. It actually would mean a lot. But I don't care. And yeah.'s you know just and what's the name oh right um my

name i i guess zach be done okay but i think if you type in zach done i would come up try that see how it goes um yeah yeah and happy birthday to my friend i want to plug that thanks appreciate that awesome man no really positive honestly no this was yeah honestly birthday part was really And happy birthday to my friend. I want to plug that. Thanks. Appreciate that. Awesome, man. No, really. Positive. Honestly. No, this was... Yeah. Honestly. The birthday part was really great.

Yes. Like, one of a kind. Yeah. You've never done that on the show before, Autumn. Had my birthday on the show. At Jeffrey James on Instagram. At Jeff Priority on Twitter. While it lasts.

And watch what we do in the shadows. Oh, right and watch what we do in the shadows oh right watch what we do in the shadows on Hulu what is this

what no I we're worried about you man I just don't want to leave here yeah there's like an elephant in the room I don't want to leave here

if you're feeling bad no I'm feeling what can I say that would make you feel good and I'll say it that's awesome. The writing you produced made me consider sending an email on your behalf to someone who could change your life. Wow.

The writing you produced made me consider sending an email on your behalf that could change your life. That's Dallas, folks. That was a Hidgum Original.