The Headgum Podcast - 132: Shopify Wrapped

Episode Date: December 9, 2022

Amir, Marika, and Joel join Geoff to discuss traumatic experiences, being "that kid," and online orders! The Pit Wall has been greenlit! Subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don't miss new episodes dropping every Wednesday after a race. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. No. I would say it was, I thought it was coffee, but then it also- We're waxing. We're waxing. Could you stay out of our way? No, I'm facilitating joy.

Yeah. Although coffee would have been, like I kept wetting theting the spot you know you do the old wet the spot watch it dry hopefully the spot dries with the wetness yeah yeah the spot stayed yep the spot stayed so it had to have been an oiled right an oil based style stain yes exactly i wonder if it was some kind of dijon a mustard in the morning. It didn't look like a mustard. Yeah. What did you have for breakfast that day? It was a coffee

and I want to say like a... A scone? It looked like fresh wetness. First Zoom record in like two months. This sucks. Don't you prefer the Zoom records to the regulars? No, I like being in studio.

It has that energy. It makes you feel like you're clocking in, going into work Mad Men style. You asked if you could come in on a Sunday has that energy. It makes you feel like you're clocking in, going into work Mad Men style. You asked if you could come in on a Sunday the other day. Yeah. That's sad. How's that sad? I'm trying to fit in guests. Well, you just said like

clocking in Mad Men style. Because that's sort of like working hard, playing hard. I guess so. You're making it sound like you work in a factory. A laugh factory. Punching your phone. We did mention this on the Zach Dunn episode that came out today.

For all you guys playing HeadGum Podcast, bingo, there's my slot where I mention the day we're recording. Yeah, a non-helpful sort of almost, I guess, confusing way to start the episode. Yeah, the episode that came out today to the people listening to this episode that came out today. Okay, the episode that came out last Friday. Now I'm confused.

I'm just... For this episode, can we give Amir a background since he's like full blue screen for once? It's not lit well enough to do it, but I'll do it. Oh, like actually in post to make it a blue screen. I thought you wanted me to choose a Zoom virtual background. No, you didn't light it well enough for me to do it perfectly, but I'll key in the Florida Keys

or something like that. Key in a bunch of keys. Let me see if I can turn it off. Maybe I'll key in Peel. Nice. How about this? Worse. Worse. Because you have to be lit and the background has to be lit. So you putting up a light on just you isn't good

for the keying. Forget I asked. We've got Joel Dunoff on the show. You're looking like very much white men can't jump right now. See, I was actually worried about my lighting

too. The lighting in my bedroom isn't great. The sun could go down at any moment Yeah we're really fighting the sun over here You also might wipe your Webcam right It's very smudgy A rosy glow I look worse now

Alright if you were doing post effects Can we do Joel smudges his lens and then he has a mustache For the rest of the show? Handlebar. Joel, smudge your lens again. Great. So I'll put it in between the two smudges because with the last thing I'm going to.

Sorry. Excuse me. No, I guess. One second. The last thing I'm going to do when we're in this December period where I'm banking three weeks of work in three weeks, which is just doubling up three weeks in a row, is to motion capture

or at least motion track a fake mustache onto Joel. Because ultimately that's not funny. Kind of funny. Not really. I think it's a little funny with this after part. No, we were talking on the episode with Zach Dunn that it's harder for me to be mean to people in the studio. So here we are back on Zoom.

I'm in a room alone, so I can say anything I want in my head out loud. And that doesn't hurt your guys' feelings. Well, did you guys see slash listen to last week's episode with Zach? I saw it was uploaded because I always check to make sure that Jeff did his job. I didn't watch it yet, though. Joel. Yeah, I haven't heard it either.

I was wondering if anybody had any notes. Yeah. Yeah had any notes. Yeah. Yeah. No notes. I am happy to report that for once the HeadGum podcast was not on my Spotify wrapped from just like checking to make sure it's working and things are fine. So what was on your Spotify wrapped for podcasts? The Always Sunny pod was the top one.

Newcomers was the second one. Gossip Kings. Of course. Nice. And the Red Flags podcast, an F1 podcast that I listened to until I realized one of the hosts was Cat Cohen's boyfriend and I couldn't go on. I ran into Carl Tartt the other day at Edendale. Oh, where? At Edendale.

Did you say hi? Yeah, I said hi. My roommate, George Saba, works on Grand Crew. So I was like, also you work with my roommate? And he was like, yeah, George. That's it. That's nice. That's so great.

Yeah. There's more to that story that I don't feel comfortable telling right now. I suppose. Joel, how's that cock? You said you got on field. Let's get a field update. Joel texted me. Sorry.

Marika could be drinking anything right now. Is that a flat Pepsi? Is it a red wine? Is it a Mr. Pibb? Joel said first field date went swimmingly. With powdered lime actually. That's my

big plug. Why don't we make it the Marika hour? I have a lot to talk about. Let's do 15 minutes of Brownlee and then we can get to the real stuff. You should show that to Avi until she loved that movie.

It's my favorite movie of the year, probably. Wow. I watched it with her. Your fifth favorite? Hmm? You said fiverit. So I was like, oh, your fifth favorite. What if I was doing an Irish accent

for just that word? Joel texted me, first field date went swimmingly, so really in a way you spread me a bit of joy and transitively... I said, Canyon? This is a joy to hear. An Ouroboros of exultation for the both of us.

I did say this. You didn't respond. Yeah, I meant you can't say it now. Oh, you can't say this. Not that he didn't say it. Yeah. Marika, go on. I have no idea what any of that meant, to be honest. Is this the name of the person you went

on a date with? Yes. Oh, I thought you were talking about Laurel Canyon. Okay. No. I don't even know. I don't know what that is. Got it. Marika? Do you want me to talk just about anything? We haven't done one of done anything in a while let's do a marika takes the reins for seven minutes seven okay she did she did say before you came on amir that she has a lot to

go over yeah well it was prompted or jeff asked me what was wrong with me, I think, or something to that effect. And I said that I was falling apart. And part of that is because of the harrowing thing that I experienced yesterday, which is actually like seriously bad, but I will make light of it because it was crazy. I went to see the movie Bones and All at a movie theater. The AMC 34th Street Theater. I had been there mere days ago to see Glass Onion. But I went back to the exact same theater, Theater 12 on the top floor, to see Bones and All, a movie starring Timothee Chalamet, Taylor Russell, about cannibals. Watching the movie. Having a kind of stressful time time there's a lot of stuff

going on in my row I was in the back row there were like phones going off at one point two ushers came up both aisles checked on something like someone in the row waved and then they left before the movie someone came up and was like looking for a specific chair and then was like messing with the settings and like trying to fix it I think someone left their headphones and of course they came back to the theater right as the movie was starting to get them there's just a lot going on so I was in I was in the theater just like a little stressed it's also like a little bit scary of a movie i don't know if anyone's seen it i won't spoil what happens but in the last five minutes when arguably a lot is going on in this movie about cannibals

uh i look over to the man that is sitting directly next to me and his dick is out of his pants out of a zipper yes uh and i leaned over to my friend and i was like the man next to me is masturbating and she was like yeah and she was like move towards me then i I was like, I'm gonna get up. Am I gonna miss anything crazy? And she was like, yes. And so I just exited my seat. I didn't bring any of my stuff with me. And I just walked and I stood in the hallway for the rest of the movie and watched standing. We immediately left. It was truly crazy. Can't stop thinking about it obviously because why so many reasons and then i tweeted all i got a lot it got a lot of those responses classic classic i did tweet my review which is basically like i couldn't review this movie because the man next to me had a dick out for the last five minutes but that's more than a

dick out that's like uh yeah no for sure my friend said afterwards he like just covered it with his phone and i'm like what i don't know that's how small dick by the way yeah iphone mini Yeah he had the 12 mini Also his phone kept going off The entire movie Like every five minutes it would Bing They were all amber alerts What was the state of this man Was it like a dignified old man

Or was it a rambunctious teen An older man Like He seemed Fine a rambunctious teen an older man um like he seemed fine i felt like there was what do you mean well there was a lot of stuff going on and i feel like you know sometimes people go to movie theaters to sleep like they sneak in or whatever and like just to like sit for a while and i felt like there was someone else in the theater that was doing that because it was like i don't know they had like a ton of bags with them like a huge book bag a little weird but this guy he walked up to his seat he sat down he

sat down on the headphones that the man later picked up he was like are these yours i said no he put them in the seat next to him and we carried on um but like it wasn't like i didn't hear like i saw him occasionally like shifting like this i did i felt like a little uncomfortable vibes from him i couldn't really tell why but i chalked it up to watching a movie about cannibals where like it's just like who can you trust so he was jango to the cannibal part i mean it was like a significantly bloody like got it every like the culmination of the movie kind of so that was crazy but yeah a lot of weird responses to my tweet as well someone tagged jeff in one and it's like i don't know get off the internet for a night were you like laughing or were you like legitimately traumatized like how many jokes

should we make right now about it yeah i mean no i i was making jokes i was talking about it very loud as i was exiting the theater i just wanted everyone around to be aware got it yeah did you tell on him no because like i like how you know what i mean like kind of a waste of your time i guess yeah i was like i can't really it'll be nice if he got in trouble yeah i have to imagine he like snuck into the theater which honestly like there was a woman sitting by the escalator on the bottom floor that barely checked me in like i almost walked past her so i could see how that would happen but yeah I was like I who am I gonna tell like what is that gonna do but I mean ultimately I can make fun of it but it is terrible yeah yeah I'm sorry and now that movie is ruined for me did what did you like it aside from that before you realize the the fat yeah

yeah well the other thing that i was that is cut like the joke that i was originally going to make uh which i decided was too bad to make but then became fine when this happened was i my review for the movie was almost going to be armyie Hammer watching this and jerking off. I was going to make an Armie Hammer joke. So, yeah. So now it's fine to make. I mean, did we rule out that it was him? That was perfect timed storytelling.

Seven minutes of Marika Takes the Reins, and she wrapped it up at the seventh minute. Seven minutes in hell. Hilarious casting, by the way, that Timothee Chalamet's in that movie. He's kind of great in it. I don't know. He's like, he's being real weird in it.

It's really funny. I enjoyed him. They're like, what was the inspiration for this character? And he's like, well... That's my army. He produced the movie. We do have to move on. We can talk more about you being...

And that's the problem. Like, I don't want to move on. And you're just sweeping this whole thing under the rug. For some, like Marika, we actually can't move on. Exactly. But yeah, let's hear what's going on. Gordon Gekko versus the Geico lizard or some shit. Well, it was going to be Bond of the Week, but yeah.

Do you want to talk about it more? The guy that was J-O next to okay that's alright um that's horrible that was a non-consensual sexual experience yeah for sure

that sucks I'm sorry that happened it's okay I'll internalize it and then get over it one day Madonna is my Bond of the Week Lady Madonna Mine's Edward Norton In Glass Onion

Specifically his character Miles Braun That's good Did you like that movie? I did. Did you see it? No. I didn't see the first one either. Joel? Should.

I'll go Will Smith. I think he needs, like if there was just one slap scene in the movie, it would go viral. I think that would undo all of the press that he's currently doing to rejuvenate his figure that is ultimately fine because no one cares anymore.

Emancipation style. Amir, bottom of the week? You already did yours, never mind. That's over and done with. What? I was going to say Anthony Fauci. Evan, hasn't he come up as a Bond before? No way.

I remember every Bond suggestion. You know how they did two Casino Royales? Yeah. This will be the second Doctor No. Because that's kind of what he did for like two years he was like he was a doctor who's telling you no you can't do that yeah laugh

there can someone say yeah that's where you laugh a head gun podcast fandom dot com wikia whatever those things are page that lists all of the bonds of the week yeah it would take a few weeks to put it all together, but we'd appreciate it.

Thank you. Well, let's just do a Wikipedia page because that's more legitimate. That would help me get verified. It really needs to be a fan wikia. Yeah. I mean, that's the first place that I go for any relevant information about anything.

I skip them every time because I'm like, oh, these are... That's crazy. Crazed fans. The other... Editing these pages willy-nilly. Do you want to know something really sad and weird that I did recently? Like another? No, I went to see this movie i was trying to look up a really niche reference to the netflix uh series the

punisher to respond to a text from my friend um and then i couldn't find it in the fandom article but i got so enthralled in the plot description that i read the entire plot description of every movie you've seen no of yet well i have seen it but it's uh multiple tv shows like every plot that the punisher is involved in in the marvel netflix universe written out and it wasn't written well clear Clear mistakes. So why did you read it, man? I don't know. Commenting all the mistakes at the bottom. This is crazy. I've never seen this. I'm feeling normal.

Joel's barely gotten a word in edgewise. Amir is his normal sinewy, deplorable self. But Marika is coming in with that Friday feeling. Woo. All right. A White Lotus mystery. this is news of the day actually you know what let's take a quick break thanks to sponsors um hoping the show does a little bit better financially next year so you and me both guys taking care of your health isn't always easy right but it should be simple that's why for the last three years i've been taking ag1 just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day

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Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. Let's take it into news of the day. Per the Wall Street Journal, a white lotus mystery. Constant hotel dining. I'm so, I was so happy when I saw this headline because I was like, yeah, these people are all like really rich. They wouldn't be eating at the hotel every single night. They're in Sicily.

Maybe it's more of a remote location and has like a world star restaurant. Every night? They said these decadent television characters can afford any meal anywhere. Why do they stick with the same in-house menu? Oh, like the characters in season two are only eating at the hotel. Well, actually, some of them have been going off to yachts and day trips and night trips and stuff like that. So that's not entirely accurate. Well, Christopher from The Sopranos and his family always eats at the restaurant every single night.

I'm like, and they all look so complacent. I'm like, that's what, like, vacations are for breaking your routine, Joel. Yeah, but there's something nice about going to the same restaurant every single night. You sound like my grandfather. What's that? They're kind of depressed. What an that? They're kind of depressed. What an impish smile Amir just had. Sorry, I'm trying to sit down.

This is actually one of my favorite underrated tweets of my own recently. Can I read it? Yeah. Okay. Please. Rumpy stilt skin. An imp barters for a daughter slash also has a fucking dump truck.

Is that what happens in Rumpelstiltskin? Yeah, like a hunchback barters for a daughter. I thought it was the hair thing. No, that's Rapunzel. That's Rapunzel. Oh. Rumpy Stiltskin. Did you guys get it?

I don't remember who Rumpelstiltskin is. Rump. He like trades gold for a daughter. Fuck you guys! I was confusing him with Rasputin. A real person. Yeah. All right.

Discuss. Lake Bell jokes that she's straight up a better parent on weed. What do we think? Uh, I think it really sucks that Lake Bell was killed off in the beginning of Black Panther Wakanda Forever. I think it really sucks that I've only been to her house

once. Because it was bad or because you should go more? I should be invited for a weekly dinner Gilmore Girls style is she in Gilmore Girls? no but they have a weekly dinner

even I know that she had to pay Rory back because the grandparents paid for Rory's college yeah Joel I think you're a Logan. Is that someone in Gilmore Girls? Because if it was, I would know, and it's not. Yeah, it is.

It's her third boyfriend. Oh. I'm a Luke. And I will run a diner one day. Okay. I never watched Gilmore Girls, but I don't believe you're a Luke. I never watched Gilmore Girls, but I don't believe you're a Luke. You're not a, like, flannel and hats guy.

What? I'm on your Twitter. You didn't... You never tweeted the Rumpelstiltskin thing. Your last 10... Did you delete it because it was so underrated imagine dying during a massage that's your most recent one thinking about going to Mallorca

someday whatever that one got Marika it was of your face in the little thing and someone like continues beating into you erstwhile you died at minute 14. Rigor mortis sends in and they're like, wow, so tense. Hollywood can make you miserable.

White Lotus star Aubrey Plaza just laughs it off. Amir, does Hollywood make you miserable? Not me personally, because I haven't had much success, but I can see why the entire industry is toxic and structured in such a way that most people either fail or have a terrible time succeeding. Okay, that was depressing as shit. The U.S. city with the most coffee shops per capita isn't what you'd expect. It's actually Seattle.

Where do you guys think it is? Is it a city we've heard of, like a big city like Denver, or is it like a random small city like Concord, New Hampshire? It's a top 10 U.S. city. Wow. Phoenix. Boston. I'll say Miami. Wow.

Phoenix. Boston. I'll say Miami. Believe it or not, San Francisco actually is packed with the most coffee shops per capita. That's not terribly surprising. Yeah. It's a really small, densely populated city. Yeah, not that many people live there.

I'm so worried. This is per slate. I'm so worried my, this is per slate, I'm so worried my kid is becoming that kid. How can I keep that from happening? Pointing to an ugly kid. Don't send them to the University of Chicago. Nice. So you think you're that kid?

That kids are a term that you chicago students use to refer to the students that like ask for homework or like raise their hand constantly just are a general annoying nuisance in class like a pick me girl but for classmates i i don't know what a pick-me girl is. A pick-me girl is like a female misogynist. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. What? Yeah, they're like, they want to be the only girl in the room and they're like, oh, like I'm such a guy's girl and it's like they try and

push other women down while uplifting themselves. A cool girl? No. And not like other girls? No, actually not like a cool girl. Now that's a that kid move. This article had my jaw on the floor. This person's judging his kids so quickly. My five-year-old had a fairly smooth transition to kindergarten

after only limited preschool experiences because of COVID. He seemed to have friends, be liked by his classmates, and is testing academically at about average or a little above. He's an extremely... Academily? Academily? What's academically? Like somebody named Emily or...

Sorry, continue. Carry on. My therapist knows your name by a heart threat um at our first quarterly conference with his teacher this week we were pretty blindsided to hear that he's been having a tough week he's been struggling to stop talking slash fidgeting when asked he's disrupting the class by chatting or not keeping his hands to himself, etc. It seems like his impulse control, which I would say has been at an age-appropriate

level until recently, has really slipped in the classroom. This kid is five. I'm at a loss and I'm freaked out. Is something wrong? Do we need to evaluate him for something? I have so many theories. He's been out sick with the flu, he's overstimulated, he's struggling to adjust, and on and on. I have no idea which of these may be out sick with the flu. He's overstimulated. He's struggling to adjust and on and on.

I have no idea which of these may be accurate. It sounds like this particular class is a tough bunch overall. I'm terrified my child is going to earn a reputation as a bad kid and worse internalize that himself. Relax, I think. Or worse, that kid. Or worse, that kid. What's the worst kid a kid could be? My mom was just telling me how no parent can objectively evaluate their own child.

So the fact that this parent thinks his child is average at impulse control and about average academically might mean they've never been good at any of these things. Yeah. Average isn't good. I would say. Also, I'm like descending into darkness here. Yeah.

You're morally. We see you opening Fandango. Yeah. It sucks for that kid, I guess. Yeah. When the name of a movie is Cocaine Bear... A bear did cocaine! You can expect critics to snort. But the bonkers trailer has moviegoers salivating

to see the film featuring a bear high on coke embarked on a murderous rampage. Sharknado, but for bears, but on cocaine. And then there's that tease, inspired by true events. This much at least is true. Millions of dollars worth of cocaine fell from the sky this morning in Knoxville, Tennessee. That did happen in 1985 when a drug smuggler named Andrew Thornton died in someone's backyard when he jumped from a small plane with bricks of cocaine in a duffel bag attached to it.

It looked like a gentleman jumped out of an airplane with a parachute that's too small for his load. Before he jumped, he apparently dumped other cocaine-filled bags and a 170-pound bear was found dead among the drugs on a Georgia hillside. Officials said he OD'd. The movie shows the bear dining on coke. No, no, no, no, don't eat that, don't eat that! The real bear died from the drugs and there was no killing spree. It's believed the stuffed bear eventually ended up

in a place called the Kentucky for Kentucky Fun Mall, where you can buy cocaine bear earrings and even what they call a blow globe does not contain cocaine. What the f*** is wrong with that bear? The poor guy is being compared to Scarface. Poor guy. Some are calling him Pablo Escobar. A nickname even a coked-up bear might not take lying down.

Ginny Mo's CNN. Don't ever come down. New York. What do we think? Can we see the one about Drake giving DJ Khaled four toilets? I'm excited for Cocaine Bear. Seems really dumb. Yeah yeah we don't have time Amir maybe next episode four toilets seems like a lot though I also my friend

really likes one of the stars of that movie Alden whatever his last name is the guy that was young Han Solo in Solo, a Star Wars story. So I knew about this movie for a really long time

just by the name Cocaine Bear. And I was like, surely this is just a strangely named movie. But it's exactly what it sounds like. Amir, how would you go about giving someone four toilets? Right, you'd have to deliver them. Logistically. Just the installation alone would cost that person over $1,000, which I guess is fine.

I assume DJ Khaled has. They can do it themselves. It's also like you just have room for four toilets. You have four extra bathrooms. I think if you asked DJ Khaled if he could install toilets, he'd say yes, for sure. He'd say, nothing's impossible. That's good. I gave you three toilets, he'd say yes, for sure. He'd say, nothing's impossible.

That's good. I gave you three toilets, and then he'd be like, another one, and then they'd be like, alright, fine, four toilets. I think it probably went something like, Drake was like, let me get you this really special toilet bowl, and he's like, another one. Yo, let me get you these toilets now.

That's who, Drake? Yeah. Yo, I got you? Yeah. Yo, I got you some toilets. Joel, can you evaluate, can you evaluate that? I see where you're going

with this. Yo, listen, man, I got you some toilets, though. Yeah, no,

that's, that's bad. Yeah, no, man. That being said, the DJ Khaled impression, on point.

Really? OP. Yeah. Not really. They're both bad. They're just, yo, I got you both bad. They're just like making it. Yo, I got you a toilet. You're just like not enunciating.

To be DJ Khaled, you need like one line at the beginning of the song. So honestly, I think you could fill in for him. We the best toilets. Is that him? Yeah. Is he? Yeah. We the best, yeah.

Yo, I got you a toilet though Uh Welcome to Shopify Wrapped Everybody's been looking at their Spotify Wrapped this week Of your most listened to artists But I thought it'd be interesting to do Shopify Wrapped Which is You're a company man Yeah Um Grace cut that out But I thought it'd be interesting to do Shopify wrapped, which is a company, man.

Yeah. Grace cut that out. I was fine. What I need you guys to do is I need you to open your email inbox and search Shopify order. And then we're all going to go one by one and list the first five results that are actual Shopify orders. And that'll be our Shopify wrapped. What do we think? Well, I actually have a difference. Yeah, I'm actually a really big note. Okay. Yeah, you can go first. Yeah. Well, first off, I was gonna say I don't think I'll have anything just confirmed. I don't. But what I'm actually interested in is I have a white elephant party that I'm going to tomorrow that I don't have a gift for.

So like if instead, like maybe Marika has a good gift idea for me. Well, why don't we do our Shopify raps? Because what you're describing is just a discussion that's mostly unrelated. And then maybe some of our previous purchases will spark joy slash inspiration. Sure. I don't have anything from Shopify. Neither did I. Marika.

Me neither. However, what I could do is log into the HeadGum email for the store and just read everyone's information. Breach of confidentiality. Right, which is my exact point. This wasn't never going to work as a game it's not a game it's just like an interesting thing to be doing it's like when you're playing cards with friends but then

you're talking about other shit shopify is in a store it's an e-commerce platform that other stores use so if you say you should just look at our recent orders. Fine, let's go recent orders. We can do Amazon, but that's kind of boring. It's like, oh, shampoo, toilet paper. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Alright, here we go. Sense of Place Wines. I ordered

some Pinot Noir online because I found this wine that I really like from Monterey County. That's number one. That's so sad, man. Number two. Oh, we're not going around in a circle. I feel like it's just Jeff trying to sort of

brag about buying stuff online. Yeah, maybe this is like Jeff's gift guide. It's gift guide, fine. Maybe that's interesting, but I just thought this would be interesting because that's what's going on in the ether right now right well spotify is not shopify got a buddy for toilets here nothing that exciting um i was only prepared with my Shopify stuff. Well, do your Shopify stuff.

No, because some of it was fucking personal. Then don't yell at us. Because how are you not going to end up reading the personal stuff? Nice. Oh, this is good. A signed Steely Dan Asia record that I got for somebody for Christmas. That's nice of you. Here we go. A cream cable net fisherman's sweater.

Jeff, didn't you? That's normal. On a recent episode that we learned that you are limiting your spending to only necessities. And the things that have been in your orders list are a Steely Dan record, wine that you liked, and a fisherman's sweater. First of all... And you live in LA. First of all, I resent the in LA. First of all,

I resent the implication that wine is not a necessity. Second of all, the Steely Dan record is a gift for an important person in my life who I need to impress. And that's not a necessity.

And the fisherman's sweater was a birthday gift to myself. Alright? Also, I didn't say I was limiting my spending to nothing I don't need. I just said I was trying to rein in my expenses, which I have been doing. I have $10,000

in VT sacks. What's that? Joel knows. VT sacks. I don't. It's a Vanguard account. Joel is like, Joel, if you lean back like a foot are you in full darkness

what are your guys' last four online orders I just bought a pair of socks today um Ando Merino wool no show socks four pack charcoal black I got something for you, Jeff. All right. My friend that I always go bike riding with

never wears a helmet. So I bought him a helmet for his birthday. Okay. He tried it on, it didn't fit. So then I bought him a new helmet, which I just sent to him. And you have a review podcast, right? So I sent him the top review for this item,

which is, I have a big head and right? So I sent him the top review for this item, which is, I have a big head and have problem finding helmets that fit. This one fits even my king-size dome. I also think it is pretty good-looking. Yeah, I don't know, man. I mean, I look at reviews all the time. I think that's pretty down the middle. Well, it fit my friend's head,

so that's the important thing. I'm glad. Nice. My Billy Razor subscription re-upped, so that's probably the second thing that I ordered. I got this cool deli hat. Yeah. Nice.

Glangers? All right, well, this sucked. Let's just move on Jesus man listen this is this is kind of real I just thought this would be a nice Jesus, man. Listen, this is kind of real. I just thought this would be a nice way to end this episode. There's been a lot of hate speech going around. Yesterday, Kanye said that Hitler had a lot of good things about him and merit.

And that Nazism isn't bad so i thought we could instead of spreading hate speech which i don't like this show spreads hate speech but it definitely spreads hate mostly towards me uh but i thought we could all go around and say one thing we love about each other i'll start because i know you guys don't have anything. Joel, I think you're a really charismatic guy. I think that people are magnetized to your personality and smile when you're at a bar. Marika, when you get in a bar, I take it back. Have you been to a bar with Joel? Fuck you.

We went to bars. Yeah, I think we have. Marika. Yeah're into bars. Yeah, I think we have. Marika, when you get into things, you get into things very deeply, which resonates with me and I appreciate it about you. I know that if I consume a piece of media, you've already have consumed it and I could ask you any question about it

and you would know the answer to the question. That's pretty cool. And that makes you an interesting person. Thanks, I guess. Joel, Marika? Are you just skipping Amir? Oh. I like that in the...

Here's something nice. I like that in the past couple years you've kind of reined it in content-wise. You're not trying to make pilots anymore. You're not even really doing Jake and Amir videos anymore, which you guys started doing again and then you stopped. You having less of a digital footprint

is good to me. That's also why I'm wishing for the demise of Twitter. This is all a compliment. I'm saying I'm glad that you've reined it in. Not really. And I'm proud of you for that. I think that shows growth. How is that a compliment? It's a compliment. I'm saying I'm glad that you've reigned it in. Not really. And I'm proud of you for that. I think that shows growth. How is that a compliment? It's a compliment because I think you're realizing what your strong suits are

and where you maybe should disappear. What's that? What would you say is my strong suit? What was that movie where... Oh, Arrested Development. That school where it's like a blank boy is out of sight out of mind a milford man a milford man yeah it's never seen or heard ideally you're a milford man in that

regard this this is supposed to be nice yeah i that's we share that concern. No, Amir, I think you're really smart and observant of human behavior, and that's why you can add little isms in your comedy that resonate with people. Making it up entirely, that meant nothing. All right, now let me popcorn it over to Marika. Making it up entirely, that meant nothing. All right, now let me popcorn it over to Marika. And by the way, we don't go anywhere. The show doesn't end unless everyone does this. Trying to put some positivity out there.

Right, right. Yeah, your positivity for me was that I do less and that you're proud of me. Then you thought of an Arrested Development joke. Then you said I do stand- that you're proud of me. Then you thought of an Arrested Development joke. Then you said I do stand-up or something. Marika? Joel has been a great person to share an

office space with and is always very this is so badly worded. You're always very like open to doing things with everyone and you're always there for the free lunch which i really respect and i like having you in the office is that good enough did i pass go on no that was good joel on king uh amir is

celebrating so early no I really appreciate that you come to me for theater recommendations for yourself and your family I think that's really fun and I like giving those out so I'm glad that I can be that person for you

Broadway expert sort of a compliment to yourself but I'll take it She's like I also ordered wine from Monterey Well the nice aspect of it was that i recommended a show for amir's parents to see and they liked it a lot and they he sent me the their response which was very Jeff is I'm so bad at this kind of thing no that's alright you don't have to do it no genuinely

I really enjoy being your friend and have for the past five years or whatever. It's been great watching you grow up. How much older than me are you? Four years? Three.

You're 28? Yeah. Yeah. Um, but you always felt like uh a child that was around i feel like it's still do really well it's it's also like i was so used to being that person like the younger person in friend groups because i like graduating early and stuff, so it was fun to have someone else that took over that role. I'll take it.

But genuinely, you're a great pal. Thanks. This is also, by the way, just a midway point of why I decided to do this. This is the ultimate way to make people uncomfortable. People always ask me, like, what's your podcast about? I'm like, it's really hard to explain, but it's basically like a panel show hosted by a maniac, and I just try to make people really uncomfortable.

This is the most uncomfortable anyone's ever been on this show. Let's take it over to Joel. You're asking us to be sincere and vulnerable. Let's do Amir, actually, because I know that Amir's going to have the hardest time, and I don't want to end it on his sour. Amir, actually, because I know that Amir's going to have the hardest time and I don't want to end it on his sour. Amir?

Joel is brilliant and incredibly hardworking and talented. He's also a perfect personality fit, seems to never get stressed out, always down to hang out, great sense of humor, can, you know, program and also do the HeadGum podcast. Rare to find someone who can do those things. He loves basketball. Appreciate that about him.

Always down to talk hoops. Always down to play hoops. I heard he's very athletic and good at basketball. This is a lot. Marika is incredibly hardworking. You know, the backbone of HeadGum makes sure that everything runs on time, never gets too stressed out

despite having to deal with so much shit from everybody at the company, constantly is down to make HeadGum a better place, whether it be through live shows or making sure that all the ads are served on time, making sure that little things get done and huge things get done all at the same time. One man wrecking crew.

And, you know, is one of the reasons, probably the biggest reason that HeadGum is where it is, is because of Marika. And we have that all on record. So Marika, I'll clip this out for you to send in an email to Marty demanding at least $120,000 a year, if you're not already making that.

Cool. Thank you. Jeff is always kind of like down to figure out, like, different, like, I couldn't wear what Jeff wears. No way. It wouldn't fit, for one. Yeah, but it doesn't fit him either, so. You can't rock, like, long socks and blend stones? I... We both seemingly equally cannot,

but Jeff is down to try. Which, yeah. On to, is it Joel's turn? By the way, if those were, you know how on TikTok, drummers will like drum to the rhythm of comedy? Yeah. That would be two perfectly executed jazz drumming solos

and then like a toddler learning the tambourine bad. I was saying my compliments were good to everybody but you. How quickly and effortlessly they came for Joel and Marika and then for me you stumbled into it. Well, I do also feel like Amir is in a position where he has to evaluate employees in that sort of way. You're not really fully an employee,

so he doesn't really have to do that with you. He was prepared for us. Joel? I'll start Marika, because I think that's the easiest. Marika is great at meeting people where they are. I feel like you always know that she has your back. In the office, I feel like if there's a gym moment where I need to sort of look at someone and like we both know like that was funny or weird. Marika is like the person for that and just has a kind and understanding heart and is always great to be around.

Thanks, Joel. Amir, I guess it's cool that you're the boss, but you don't really act like it. As in, you act like one of your... You take no responsibility. Good or bad, yeah. You're sort of very down to hanging out with all of us underlings. Whether it's shooting hoops, talking hoops, just being yourself, cracking the same jokes that we hear on here all the time,

whether they're good or not. Classic. And then Jeffrey, you know, it's interesting hanging out with Jeffrey I think you I think Jeff is actually a very we usually stop around the 50 minute mark That was a Hidgum Original.