The Headgum Podcast - 136: Amir Goes Off on Italians

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

Amir, Marika, and producer Casey join Geoff to wax nonsensical about a myriad of topics and affairs ranging from A to Zed. The Pit Wall has been greenlit! Subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don't miss new episodes dropping every Wednesday after a race. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum original. Previously on the HeadGum podcast. And I don't want to be close with you. I want to be Glenn Close's... Phew! You know what I mean? Where it's like, oh, thank God Jeffrey's here so I know somebody. I'm thinking about doing a studio in New York.

Yeah, I think you have to. Yeah, it's nice to be able to go down, go to some house parties, birthday parties, a couple of events here and there. It's nice. I miss it. Do you live in a house up there? Do you have a pier to tear?

You guys sort of asked the same question. Do you have a house in Kingston? And do you want a house in Kingston? And do you want to pee at a tear? I don't know what that means. Roland Atkinson. That's good. New Year, New Me. This episode comes out on January 6th. What has 2023 had to hold for y'all so far, would you say?

Hold on one second. My dog wants to go outside. Casey can answer. What has 2023 held for me so far? What has it had to hold for you? What's today's date? January 6th? Yes, January 6th.

It'd be so funny if this is coming out as another insurrection happens. We've got Casey Donahue on mic on Zoom for the first time ever, I think. No, that's not true. Really? Yeah. You've been on the show on Zoom before?

Yes. In the same exact chair. That's definitely true. joining us late. We said 2.15 said well we said 510 eastern she joined at 514 wanted to be known for the record uh okay well i didn't know that so i wouldn't have put you on blast but uh ultimately it is kind of funny to have you shocked? I thought. I was mostly shocked because Amir wasn't in the room. No. And you're lucky I already started recording. Casey and I were just talking about how this is the first episode of 2023, right?

So we're coming in with that bang of energy, that sort of like post-New Year's Eve hangover. Yeah. Wow. But it's not to pull back the curtain too much, but it's mid-December when we're recording this, so we don't have that energy in us. Right. I'm actually pretty fucking exhausted, actually. Yeah, you've been cramming in a bunch of stuff before you leave or something? Yeah, because I'm trying to take three weeks off this year instead of two. So it's been sort of, I mean, Casey gets the producer grind.

Everybody thinks that all I do every week is just show up for the records that you see, but I actually do all the editing on most of them. This all being said, That's where the magic happens. That's where the tragic happens. The tragic happens on Mike and then the magic happens on the editing bay.

But anyway, I'm going to really need your guys' help because uncle jeffrey's energy is at an all-time low marika style nice that was an all-time low reference but also i guess it works with the fact that you're kind of deadpan i assumed it was just an all-time low reference. This episode's going to be a little shorter just because I feel like we all have a hard out. No. I think it's just you. You're overworked,

overstressed, and it's almost like all the work you've done to make sure you have three weeks off is backfiring. Right. And I just had a hard in. Yeah. I actually do have a hard out to see Avatar, The Way of Water.

Yeah. Casey, do you want to talk about... Have you seen the first one recently? Not recently, but I was just in Pandora a mere two days ago. So that was kind of my refresher. Never been there.

How is it? Is it cool? The area is really beautifully done, I think. Is this like a pop-up? No, I was at Disney World Animal Kingdom, which has the new avatar land um yeah the the flight of passage i would say was okay kind of just i liked some of the mechanics of the ride but i thought the i don't like wearing glasses on top of my glasses which you had to do yeah the 3d yeah which was a little annoying but it was

fun is that the one with the navi animatronic that looks real no no that's the hall of presidents the worst ride that i went on easily and this is why really in the whole animatronic yes the animatronic best part super cool i don't know what her deal is i don't know what character that is because there's no story to the ride you get in a little boat and you go sailing down a little river she she's like one of two animatronics the other one i think is jake sully at the beginning who like says one word uh obviously in the navi language so i don't know what he's saying and then the rest of the like like moving things are screens that show like little animals or like Navi people in the distance kind of running and that was upsetting and then the thing that made me really actually mad about

this ride was that the the entire ride where you're like riding through pandora there was a like concrete path along the water like that is probably used for like anyone working there jeff is leaving he's pissed off i'm gonna keep talking uh but there's like a concrete path in the middle of like pandora which is supposed to be beautiful like like all these glowing plants. And it's just like fucking white concrete, like paint it at the very least. And he said, not interesting. I think it is kind of interesting. I'm very interested in this, actually.

Casey does love Podcast the Ride, right? Yeah, shout out to Podcast the Ride. I love themed attractions. Me too. So obviously some people do care about this. There is a whole podcast about it. And yeah, that was my experience. I had a really good slushie.

That was fun. Sick. Yeah. This was in Florida? Yeah. Damn, Daniel. That's funny not really though right or what do you want to talk about Jeff

glad you asked I was gonna ask if we should just do it my bond of the week is Guy Fieri didn't you say that? That's good. Did I? Sounds familiar.

Did I say that last week? Because I thought it'd be funny if it was like Diners, Drivers, or sorry, it would be Criers, because Bond died in the last one. Gadgets and Dimes. So it's like people mourning the loss of people

in the Bond universe because people die in Bond all the time. And then it's like gadgets because he always has like a new watch that has the kind of capability or a car that can go underwater into a submarine. And then dimes

because he's sort of having a lot of head. Having a lot of what? Head. I'm assuming that the Bond girls that he has sex with go down on him. But what was the word? Dimes? Sorry. It's crying, gadgets, and dimes.

But dimes has nothing to do with oral sex, right? Like dimes. Like Bond girls. Like tens. Yeah, but I said dimes because I assume he's getting a lot of head yeah you said that right it's also dimes is the only one that is like remotely close to dives yeah diners and criers it's criers gadgets and dimes so it's guy fieri and he's like yeah we got it yeah drive-ins as gadgets and then he's like bam like when it's like that's emerald legassi yeah that's actually not a bad bond emerald

what about a new orleans bond So instead of New Orleans Jazz It's New Orleans James Get Daniel Craig to be his New Orleans character Benoit Blanc As Bond New Orleans James What are you guys' Bonds of the Week

Jarvis Landry the NFL quarterback yeah he's a white quarterback wide receiver player yeah why name is because his nickname is juice okay so imagine Juice Bonds and you could have said OJ no that would be kind of fucked up he's a murderer you just asked if it was Bonds with an S yeah is it like James Bond or is it James Bonds like Barry Bonds

actually Barry Bonds would be pretty good Barry Bonds would be good I feel like the energy is sour let's keep things going with a major keeler major keeler would be pretty good. Fairy bonds would be good. Let's, I feel like the energy is sour. Let's keep things going with a major keeler. You're making it sour. Major keeler. When you don't have the energy

pushed through until you get sick. I said you're making it sour. My bond of the week is going to be salt bae salt bay actually that's really good salt bond imagine james bond adding some malden to a fucking tomahawk the 007 logo font but it's nacl yeah do do do do do do i mean have you seen

have you seen uh any of his restaurants yeah he's like way too intense at them right well that but also as a self-proclaimed font nerd, I do have to say that the font for his restaurant logo is the font Bleeding Cowboy, which was cool in the early 2000s. And it looks bad, so that's my hot take. But imagine

the Bond logo and Bleeding Cowboy. Yeah. So we've got Guy Fieri, we've got Salt Bae, we've got Barry Bond slash Jarvis Landry. Casey, who's your Bond of the Week? I'm gonna go with Mike White, the creator

of the White Lotus and also Survivor contestant. Yeah. That's really good. He's in the zeitgeist. He's in the Mike-geist. Sure. I don't think he deserves to be Bond. You don't think he deserves to be Bond?

No. Why not? But Barry Bonds does. Yeah, because Barry Bonds can hit dingers. Okay, good point. Lefty, choke up, oppo taco. Yeah, what Barry Bonds can hit dingers. Okay, good point. Lefty, choke up, oppo taco. You know what he said. Into McCovey Cove.

Have you ever watched a baseball game? Not a full game, but I've seen clips. Oh, okay. And have you? Not clips clips, but I've heard about all the shit that goes down. What's your beef with white mike white mike white i haven't watched season two of the white lotus but i've got that's crazy remember the other week as not liking season one of the white Lotus. I thought it was bad television, and I'm happy to say it.

Wow! I'm sorry to Megan Fahey. I'm sorry to Aubrey Plaza and all the other people out there. Your new friend.

Adam DeMarco, shout out. He seems nice. I'm probably not going to watch it. Maybe I will. I don't know. Does it change anything that a lot of people you know love it? No. Here's what I will say, Marika.

I also didn't like season one. And season two is some of the best TV I've seen this year. Wow. Well, here's what I'll say. We were just talking to Emma, and she said she didn't like season one, but loves season two. Or sorry, the reverse.

She likes season one more than season two. So everyone's different. Daniel, back at it again with the white man. Major Keeler, don't trust anything Foley says, because a lot of what Emma has to say is on par with Foley artists work on the day right so it's like it's not real it's not real what she says is not real and that goes for everything she says not just the things I disagree with.

Marika, you also watch a lot of trash. Major key alert. Emma's not the only one who says things that aren't real. Go on. What trash do I watch? I feel like whenever we talk about stuff... Major key alert. One of the other people in my life that don't say things that are real is Amir. because Amir's

constantly ribbing me in public and that's like nonsense because I'm actually a pretty nice guy major keeler be conscious of when you're interrupting because that makes what you're saying or what you're trying to say which is that you're actually a nice person seem untrue Marika I don't know what TV you watch but we stay up to date on the movies what TV do you like? good question

I love Succession I think that is a very good show yeah I have a lot of I don't know I definitely I love Bob's Burgers. That's like the show that I've maybe kept up with for the longest steady period of time.

Did you like the movie? I did like the movie. That was really cute and fun. I don't know. You know, I watched some of the classics, but I also... Who's the boss? Huh?

Three's Company. Whose line is it anyway? All in the Family. No. Elf. Toys R Us commercials. Oh, my God. Elf.

My favorite television show is... Elf. I know it's not a good quality show, but it's Merlin on BBC. Right. So, like, never heard of it. Yeah, obviously. The Inbetweeners.

Ever watch The Inbetweeners? Never heard of it. It's a classic British TV show. Of course. Psych. Psych is great. Also like Fawlty Towers. Fawlty Towers is great.

Fawlty Towers is good. I don't watch it. I feel like Succession is a very decent comp for White Lotus. It's rich white people acting a fool. But it's actually good social commentary as opposed to White Lotus. It's rich white people acting a fool. Yeah, but it's actually good social commentary as opposed to White Lotus. Hit the wow sound effect. Of course, hit the wow. Hit the wow.

Wait, you haven't seen the second season. You don't know how if it's bad. Hit them with a whoa. But this one takes place in Italy. Yeah, so? It's beautiful. At least Italy's in it. I mean, I guess italy yeah so it's beautiful at least italy's in it i mean i guess it's nice that it's not dealing with um like having to reconcile with this the

land of like people of color like native people as opposed to just italy that there you go it's just anybody can make fun of italians We do it here all the time. That's basically the logline of this podcast. Alright, 30 seconds on the board. We all have to say, go off on Italians. No. Here we go, starting with Amir.

Oh, shit. I mean, I guess the food while great is a little repetitive. It seems like it's just a series of shapes, more so than any real diversity in the food. We can all agree on that, right? Like pasta is a specific ingredient. It's just sometimes it's in a tube. Sometimes it's a corkscrew.

Sometimes it's long thread. It's delicious, obviously. Who doesn't like bread and sauce and cheese? But it can be like, I mean, I don't feel like I'm being too offensive when I say there could be some variety within. Yeah. And I mean, don't feel like I'm being too offensive when I say there could be some variety within yeah and I mean like that's it 30 seconds

but you're cancelled you're done Marika Casey and I are not gonna do it let's take a quick break I am Italian yeah so you also offended someone in the room on the zoom

we'll be right back so unconfident I am Italian also. Yeah, so you also offended someone in the room on the Zoom. We'll be right back. This is so unconfident. Fucked up. I love gnocchi. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around

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And if you do that every day, it has compounding effects. If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your health, it's AG1. That's why we've partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. I'd love to get to the bottom of this. We're back. On the commercial break, Marika asked, is Gnocchi Italian?

So that's where we're at today. If you watched White Lotus Season 2, you would know that. There's three episodes about whether Gnocchi is Italian or not, and they get into it. And that's good television. The first one is them figuring out that it's not Italian, and the second one is them realizing they were wrong and that it actually is italian and the second one is them realizing they were wrong

and that it actually is italian and the third one is them second guessing both decisions and that was the season finale that was easy uh scotland's cullen skink is the comforting dish you need this winter cullen skink cullen skink

is that what you said cullen skink cullen skink is that what you said cullen skink uh have you guys ever indulged in a nice creamy bowl of clam chowder of course what about a french bisque filled with all sorts of shellfish and spices i'm out no yeah no uh and then casey specifically Have you ever had a Flemish seafood water zooey? Uh no Sorry can you say that last word? Well if you Did you say water zool? It's w-a-t-e-r-z-o-o-i Oh water zooey

Oh Well if you guys have had the opportunity to indulge In any of these You'll have a pretty good idea of what Cullen's skink is like. It sounds like some sort of seafood. You went from a creamy soup to a water sous vide. It's like a shellfish stew. What about gumbo?

The three most important ingredients of Cullen's skink are potatoes, fish, and cream. Can we all agree on that? I'm out. Sure. Well, some recipes also call for onions or greens, but yeah, those are the main three ingredients that are in all skinks. Sorry, they're not flavoring with an onion or a green. What's that?

They're not flavoring with an onion or a green in the traditional recipe. In the tradition, it just revolves around fish, potatoes, and cream. Yeah. And then you can add or subtract from there.

You got to add that base of flavor. Scottish. Yeah. And the name of it is Cullen Skink. Uh-huh. Have you had it? I just learned about it today. I just thought it'd be interesting to see if you guys had any experience

I've been to Scotland I didn't even hear about Cullen's kink I feel nauseous every time you describe what it is I don't want what Cullen's kink yeah it's like clams and cream no it's a cream base with hot fish and ultimately

cold potatoes so hot cream cold potato, hot fish. And a fucking shell-ass fish. The potatoes are cooked in the cream over time. Stop it. Stop it. It's skink.

I know what it is. Talk about other shit. I feel sick to my stomach. Wow, Amir went off on Italians. Now he's taking it to the Scottish. None of my ancestors are safe. There goes that ad revenue. We don't get that much ad revenue from the YouTube.

I mean, it's not insignificant. Because you had a bad... Ah! This just in, per Nat Geo, sunflowers make bees poop a lot. And here's why that's good. The flower's pollen works like a medicine for bumblebees afflicted with a nasty parasite. Respond fast. Don't just think about it and not say it.

So is bees poop honey? Is that what they do? Marika, can we get a number scrunch on that? I'm pretty sure they throw up honey. They throw up honey. So then what do they poop i would love to know i also am really stuck on sunflowers act as a medicine for parasites so they're eating the sunflower pollen it's going through the little systems

yeah they just fully defecate like normal. So it's not pooping a lot. It's just like, you know, cleaning their system, I guess. No, sunflowers specifically make them poop a lot. And that's good. They like it. Here's why. Healthy honeybee poop is yellow in color and is somewhat sticky. Like honey.

No. This is disgusting. I don't want to talk about that. Here we go. You brought it up. Can we get a numbers crunch on if it is saliva or if it is their spit? What'd you just say? Nothing.

Can we get a numbers crunch on if Amir hates Italians? From who? I don't hate Italians. What could the number be? Number what? What is that, like on a scale or something? Here's how much sleep you actually need according to experts. As an adult, you need seven hours.

No less. This is news, isn't this? Like, we've known this for generations. 7 to 9. But I guess I wanted to bring it up and be like, what are your guys' sleeping habits? Oh, okay. I usually get like 6 hours.

6? That's not 7. It's not enough. Not enough hours in the day. That's really good. Do you have an alarm? Yeah, I have several. I see. That's really good. Do you have an alarm? Yeah, I have several. I see. I like to... Every 15 minutes.

I like to sleep. I got you beat. Sounds alarm. What do you do, five? Yeah, my alarm app is just fully in five-minute increments. Oh, okay. Wow, that is a lot. How far...

Okay, so how deep do you get? I'll show you my alarms. So that's every five minutes for the entire day, it seems like. Yeah, it's like every alarm I've ever set, really. Yeah, I don't really delete them. Got it. So when it's time to wake up at 8 a.m., are you doing every five minutes between 7.30 and 8.30,

or how does that work? If I needed to be out of bed by 8 a.m., I'd probably do 15 minutes, so 45 but if i i usually wake up at 8 so i usually do like 8 to 8 15 is when my alarms go off and it's not it's it's less of a i i do it because i am anxious that i will oversleep but i never exactly i feel that you've never overslept ever? No I mean I have Me too It's not like a common enough occurrence

Where like that is like to stop me from oversleeping It's just like I'm worried that like Uh oh one day maybe it'll happen again It'll happen again yeah Oh yeah I've overslept I've been late for stuff because of that And that's what made me like up the number of alarms That I set

Just to make sure i get out of there you know i get yeah the the last the last time i overslept was when i was at lamon and i set like three alarms to go off every five minutes and my friend who like we were sharing a tent we both were like we're gonna take a nap and wake up in a few hours. Never woke. Like I kept like turning off the alarms. Right. And he was like, you didn't, you just like let them play. And I was like, you could have like shaken me awake. What do you mean?

Yeah. This is the topic. You brought this topic up. You wanted to hear us talk about us sleeping. And you're mad about it. I'm not mad about it i'm saying i relate how how yeah to the 10th story specifically well i'm tired i do the same thing i set the five minute alarm increments but if i wake up and i didn't get enough sleep i will just be like oh and then like you know snooze snooze snooze and then suddenly they start all overlapping right

within five seconds you have like eight different alarms from the hour going off all at once, which is what Marika was saying. Yeah. And then if friends don't wake me up, I'm pissed. Right. So yes, me as well. Definitely. Okay.

Major Keeler, take everything on this show with a grain of salt and proceed with reverence slash caution from hence here forth nice a grain of salt bay a new york times article recently did a story on luddite teens that don't want your likes these bookworm brooklynites have ditched social media and iphones for journaling and phones. So my question to y'all is, what are your thoughts? And also, would you guys do a Luddite week with me for this show where I provide y'all with a flip phone,

take your iPhone, and you have to sign out of all your social media so you don't even get the notifications, right? So it's like you living like it's 2001. You know, I've kind of been thinking about this uh and how uh kids these days are growing up with iphones have already been invented right yeah like they have it's all they would know so i think they're going to grow up and and make their kids not be online or they're gonna like like i think we're gonna circle back this makes sense to me like to grow up and make their kids not be online.

Or they're going to, like, I think we're going to circle back. This makes sense to me. Like, we're going to circle back around to people actively trying to not be online. Yeah. I'm your left. Yeah. Yeah. I want to say that I would do it, but I don't think I could actively agree to.

I think I could fall into it. Basically, I don't think it would be as bad as I feel like it would be. I think I'd be able to get through it, but I don't want to give my phone away. All right. So Casey's on board. I don't think Amir would do it i think jake would do it so it's me casey jake and maybe like amir in the chat says he's out yeah maybe uh maybe anya would do

i'm really i am genuinely trying to think if i agree with that i don't know if i agree with it with what with Anya doing it. Oh. That's a good point. Amir said you could still use it on your computer. I started re-watching James Cameron's movies in preparation for Avatar The Way of Water. How's that going? It's going great. I watched the Terminator movies.

Amazing. There's a really, on one of my favorite TV shows, Future Man. There's a really, on one of my favorite TV shows, Future Man. There's a really good episode where the characters break into James Cameron's house. I highly recommend. It's really funny. A lot of good jokes.

In the chat, Amir says T2 is the GOAT. I gotta agree with that. I haven't gotten to the abyss yet. Amir wrote that in the chat terminator today's a very special day the terminator movies are great when people are listening you gotta check them out i can't believe you're doing this yeah 2023 yeah uh the two-year anniversary of uh you know the insurrection and uh it's interesting to think about, you know, what this means for our country. And also, we're a bunch of, like, left-leaning liberal cucks.

So I wonder if, like, we could just play house for a second. White House, specifically. Or, I guess, the Capitol building. But it's kind of a choose-your-own-adventure game that I've come up with of what you would have done if you were in D.C. on January 6th. Are you guys ready?

This song is so loud, I could barely hear what you just said. Same. I said I've created a quick choose-your-own-adventure game for what you would have done if you were in D.C. on January 6th in a part of the mob. I'm a part of it. Yeah. Like I'm choosing to storm the capital.

Yeah. You have to. In this scenario you have to. Okay. Why do I have to? Actually just Casey has to do it. Okay here we go. Am I being forced to do it or do I believe in it? You've already said that I was there. That's true.

And I would like to know also if we're being forced. Isn't it also Katie Moose's birthday? Yeah. Happy birthday, Katie. I think was the only reason she wasn't in D.C. in 2021. Here we go. Fuck you guys. in 2021.

Here we go. Fuck you guys. So I'm going to give multiple choice answers for how your January 6th would have gone if it was 2021 and you were in D.C. and you were part of it. Number one. How far did you travel from? Or where did you travel from?

These are your options. A. The monolithically white regions of the Pacific Northwest. Like East Washington State. B, Jeff's hometown in Ohio, Sugar and Falls. C, surprisingly nearby. Or D, Jackson Heights, Queens. So I'm not even myself in this scenario? No, you're Casey Donahue, but there's like a photo that surfaces Of like holy shit is that Casey

He was there and then this is like The back story there Let's go with A The monolithically white regions of the Pacific Northwest Yeah sure Brownlee I'll go with surprisingly nearby. All right, so you were staying at Watergate.

All right, here we go. What are you wearing? A, army fatigues despite never having served. B, like you're going to play paintball after this. C, Native American headdress. Orress or d just a truly really bad outfit like really poor fitting jeans like you know arctur architects or whatever that like jacket company is like high end i don't know it just always looks bad or no spider that's what I was thinking

and then like some really stupid shoes well it truly could never be me I'm too drippy but I put that on the out of the out of context twitter please that thing stopped doing shit I feel like he hasn't done it since October Put that on the Out of Context Twitter, please.

That thing stopped doing shit, I feel like. He hasn't done it since October. Yeah, that's true. I love gear, so let's do the paintball one. Okay. Marika? Brownlee? Let's go Army Fatigues.

I'll wear my dad's old Vietnam War clothing. Pick your weapon. An American flag on a pole? An AR-15? The speaker's podium? Or pure white rage? Can I add a weapon? Yeah.

Amir's been answering these. These are his answers so far. Yeah. Just a really bad outfit and gun. All caps. I'm going to go recurve bow and arrows. Yeah. And when you say recurved,

you mean like it was originally a perfect bow and arrow and then it was recurved into a flat stick. Yeah. It's kind of into a flat stick. Yeah. It's kind of like a harp at this point. Donahue? This is a tough one. I would feel like I would want something in my hands because I feel like I'm doing it for country.

Yeah, exactly. So I think I got to do with your hands. Yeah, exactly. So I think I got to go with the American flag on a poll. I feel like it would be, if I'm photographed in my paintball gear, carrying an American flag going into the Capitol, it'd be a sick photo. I agree. I'm just imagining Amir in a really bad outfit with a gun yeah keep imagining it

I'll fucking show up at HeadGum East in this spider jacket and a goddamn Glock if you keep talking your shit I really might go postal. What are like ugly shoes that you're wearing? Good question. New balances are too cool.

I was thinking all birds. And my gun is nature box. Everything I wear is podcast sponsored soylent tea soylent tea is people shorts you it's like a grenade soylent hat tossing soy milk over everyone. It's the powder. Pick your target. AOC, the Capitol Police, Mike Pence, or Barron Trump. I personally would love to tabletop Barron Trump down the Capitol stairs. Tabletop? Yeah, it's like, you know, somebody leans down, gets on all fours behind him,

and then the other person, like, pushes him, and then he runs into your body, which is like on all fours. him, and then the other person pushes him and then he runs into your body. The low bridge? Yeah, the low bridge in a way. And then he kind of cartoonishly falls down Capitol Hill symbolically. That's good. He's a teenager so I wouldn't actually advocate hitting him. Imagine the memes that would be

like Jason Derulo fell down at the Met Gala, but it's Barron Trump fell down at the January 6th insurrection. That would be fun. That's funny. I don't think you thought it was funny. No one really laughed. Well, we have to move on.

Pick your target. AOC, Capitol Police, Mike Pence, or Barron Trump? I would be a fly on Mike Pence's hairdo. That's funny. That's good. Thank you. I'll take down the police. Yeah.

I was thinking that too. But I think I'm going to target AOC and I'm going to do the old Terminator come with me if you want to live. And I was actually a good guy the whole time. That's really cool. Oh, you're saving her? I'm saving her. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you can go back to Jackson Heights. Yeah. Pick your sentence. I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle. Pick your sentence. Yeah. Yeah. Presidentially pardoned.

63 months in prison. No prison time, but you're fired from your job. Or you injure your genitals so bad trying to break into the Capitol that you eunuch yourself. This is a really weird cosmopolitan quiz we're taking. Yeah. Which insurrectionist are you? Exactly right. That would have been better, actually. Yeah. Which insurrectionist are you? Exactly right. That would have been better, actually.

Which insurrectionist are you? Didn't we already do that, though? Jeff showed us a bunch of photos of them. Why do we talk about this so much? It brings it up. The one year, or the two year, or the three year anniversary of this? We did Price is Right

or Price is Alt Right and then it was guessing the time of sentencing. Should we just say fuck it for this segment then? What do you guys want from me? I thought it was kind of funny. We're almost done. How many questions are left? That was the last one. Okay.

63 months. Yes. A little over five years. I'll go with lose my job. Because then I could do a conservative podcast and probably make a lot more money.

I would love to see Casey turn to... Way too trippy. I think there should be a Donna coin. Donna? Plugs. I don't know how to make a crypto. What do we got going on? Plan wise?

Amir, you looked at me like that's it. That was an anticlimactic ending for a podcast that already lacked any pop. That was a waste of... That was pretty good. Really? Yeah. An anticlimactic ending for a podcast that already lacked any pop. That was a waste of... That was pretty good. Really? Yeah, I mean, you were sitting on the toilet for five minutes. You spent half of it in the bathroom.

That's true. I did spend a lot of it in the bathroom. But I had to prioritize number one. Or should I say, number two. It is funny to spend five minutes out of a 45-minute podcast shitting. Well, I didn't say that. You guys did. I was. But you... I never

actually explained where I was going. I just said to the bathroom. That could have been anything. Yeah, but then you also just said that you're prioritizing number two. Yeah, that's true. I get that. That's true. That's poo. two. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I get that. That's true. That's true. That's poo.

Yeah. Nice. Yeah. I guess let's, okay, let's round it out with a couple more major key alerts. I'm going to do a round robin of this and just see what comes out.

Major key alert. Don't spend too much time gifting for the holidays or birthdays. It's like, first thought, best thought. And when you overthink it, you end up giving someone like way too much shit

or like something where it's like, well, I thought this and then I thought this because of this and then this because of this and then it's like oh thanks well that was thoughtful but this gift like isn't anything major key alert when you're dealing with someone at work who's sort of like not it you know they're not really him you know i think there's probably there's at least two examples of that on this zoom uh one of them's me the other one's probably marika if i'm being honest um i would advise patience because you never really know what someone else is dealing with yeah uh major key alert i would say that flowers can brighten

up anyone's day even if they're not like a flowers person uh somebody gave me flowers the other day and i was like holy shit this actually is pretty nice to have and i put them on ice uh in a bag major key alert uh one of the most expensive details in an apartment is the windows right so like you can either elevate your space or if you're like you know you own a duplex and you know you want to cut back costs on the other unit uh you know you can put shitty windows in there, but then also you have to charge rent accordingly. You know what I mean? But landlords aren't necessarily ideal.

Major key alert. It's important to invest in lifetime pieces, right? So I have these two lamps here. They're vintage, and they're pretty frigging awesome. I don't know what else to say. You're going to sell them in two years. Major key alert. People don't get let else to say. You're gonna sell them in two years. Major Keeler. People

don't get let in. They earn it. Right? So emotionally like you can't just expect to have trust with someone that they will open up to you right away. Like it's gonna be an open person. I also wanna go back to the windows. I'm a very open person.

Can you hit major Keeler? Yeah, I'll hit major Keeler for Marika. If you don't have double pane windows windows they're not insulated and you are trying to cut costs on heating during the winter can i suggest putting up some foam along the line um the line of the window the pain of the window uh you can also get some case and Amir Switching off just texting Gun in the chat I think this is the We finally lose our shit Really?

We're all going a little Fucking nuts at this point Like enough is enough This is a prison sentence And people are going to just start snapping Hell yeah, brother. I'm not paying another $23 for a salad. Alright? Like that ends today.

That's your problem? Yeah. Not that we're still in a pandemic because people can't fucking put on a mask for five minutes of their day. It's the salad. Don't let

anyone tell you how to feel. the salad yeah yeah don't let anyone tell you how to feel send your friends gifts whether they're convenient for them or not right so like put some thought into like what can I send to Amir what can I order for him that's gonna be sitting out on his stoop

for a year yeah if you go to the Pandora world and Disney be sitting out on his stoop for a year. No. Major T alert. Yeah. If you go to the Pandora World in Disney, Isaac just not waiting in line 45 minutes to go on Navi's river journey. If it's a five minute wait, sure, go on it. Sit on a boat, but it's not worth your time.

Go on Everest instead. Single rider line. I got on in three minutes. Easy peasy. All right, this is going to lock you in. Marika's. Let's all take a beat right now because I feel like it's not going to be single writer line. I got on in three minutes. Easy peasy. Let's all take a beat right now because I feel like it's not going to be ending anytime

soon. If you do the plugs, we can get out of here. We'll all go take a nap. Not together, obviously. I can't. I'm seeing Avatar, a three-hour movie. You will be falling asleep. Yeah.

Plugs. Casey, what do you got? You can follow me anywhere online at Casey Donahue. Letterboxd, Twitter. Listen to The Pit Wall, an F1 podcast for casual fans. It's the off-season. Catch up on the episodes. And then you can watch Drive to Survive on Netflix and know who all the off season. Catch up on the episodes and then you can watch Drive to Survive on Netflix and know who all the characters are. Follow us on

Instagram because I'm still posting dumb shit there. Yeah. Okay, Bloomer on TikTok. Bloomenfeld out. Also, my normal plugs, follow me at Marie K. Lon on Letterboxd

trying to get to a thousand almost at 700 let's go let's go I gotta be I gotta be a movie influencer guys

if you get to a thousand will you watch and review White Lotus season 2 I don't it's a TV show not a movie on Letterboxd

because I don't want my stats to get fucked up yeah I think that's blasphemous yeah I agree that's blasphemous. Yeah, I agree. That was a test.

Me too. Yeah, for sure. Me too, for sure. Also, plugging the fact that I will be in LA the week after this comes out because we have a

HeadGum Happy Hour show on January 12th in LA. UCB, France. I'd like to UCB. I'd like to plug.

I'm going to be in New York a week after that. For the other HeadGum show. For the other HeadGum show. Yeah. The 27th? Yes, January 27th. At Jeff Boyardee on Twitter. At Jeffrey James on Instagram. And also the first episode of Review Review that I'm not on

came out three days ago. So go listen to that. And yeah, Alfred's very funny. It's going to be a funny episode. I know the topic that they did, but I haven't heard it yet. So come along with me and listen to that. And Riley and I are performing at the HeadGum Happy Hour that

Marika just mentioned. We're doing a live Review Review bit, sort of a send-off. So come out. At the LA one. At the LA one. Yeah. January 12th. So come out for that. Beautiful.

And let's end it out with seven more major key alerts. Major key alert. Every time there's a turning of the season or a change of the tides, it's good to keep everything closed except for your thighs, right? So don't open up your mind to new ideas during periods of change. Just don't get changed, you know, be nude and have your ass spread. Actually, I think that that kind of counts for, oh, this is the second one. Here we go. Major key alert. When you're friends with someone like Marika, it's important to sort of check in

and make sure that you guys are good right i make a point on probably a weekly basis to be like marika you know is there anything i can do uh you know to foster communication to foster joy in our friendship and she doesn't usually respond major key alert when you have glands don't neglect them wank major key alert uh don't forget to like experiment with your cooking right if you cook at home which obviously everyone probably should be most of the time uh it's important to you know try new things tie that yarn you know uh let's fucking make a sauce that no one's ever made before major key alert one of my favorite things to do is to read about times of yore but i think that one of my new year's resolution is to read more modern books major change it up you know fashion wise like don't be afraid to like wear

those you know don't be afraid to wear that hat in 2023 major key alert paint a yard 2023 is going to be a huge year for the show we've got a lot of ideas I've got a lot of ideas so stay tuned tell your friends and look out for some announcements maybe that's Daz. That was a Hiddem Original.