The Headgum Podcast - 14: Ghost Your Wife

Episode Date: August 28, 2020

Jake, Marika, Pile, and Geoff play a bad game of Would You Rather and discuss Nicholas Braun, Rolexes, and the canyons of Los Angeles.Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmWe have new merch in the Headgum store! All profits will be donated to the Black Arts Futures Fund, through September 13.Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. If you come within six feet, it's mask on, mask on, mask on, mask on. But if you got antibodies, it's pens off, pens off, pens off, pens off. Do you have the antibodies? Do you want to be with me? Do you have the antibodies? Because if you don't, you better stay away Jake, have you heard that before? Yes, Nicholas Braun's antibodies.

Do you have the... Antibodies, do you have the... Let's get a quick wrist check. I'm wearing the G-Shock DW5600 NASA edition. What are you guys wearing? Pyle, is that an F91 Casio? Apple Watch? No, it's an Apple Watch.

Me and Pyle both have Apple Watches. No, Jake, that's actually your AirPods case that you're holding up on your wrist. I got a scrunchie. Marika's wearing the scrunchie. Okay, so yeah, now I have an Apple Watch. Those are just headphones, wired headphones. Okay. I didn't know this was going to be a watch show, but I have a tag hewer in my dop kit.

Welcome to the HeadGum Podcast. I'm your Jost, Jeffrey James. With me as never before is Jake Hurwitz, Marika Brownlee, and Andrew Pyle. Similar names, similar faces, similar races. None of those things. None. Actually, I guess me and Pyle kind of. What have you guys been up to?

Let's do Rosebud Thorn of the week slash year. It's so broad. Oh, man. Fine. Just weird. Okay. Okay. Cool.

I don't want to go first. Oh, but I have one. I have... Oh, what if... Can I change the game on you? Can I change the game on you? I don't want to go actually let's do something else here's it well here's my idea is that i want to do i want to i

want someone else to guess my rosebud um because i want to guess i want to guess marika's rosebud i'll guess your rosebud all right tight great background nicholas bronze marika actually has a new rosebud based on this background um i think your i think your rosebud was the arrival of your folding e-bike that is you're correct i had something else in mind but you're you're definitely correct i made an error i'm in an error i think your rosebud is that it was your anniversary. That's right. Yay. Yes, that is correct. Two whole years since me and Jill got married.

Y'all were there. We sure were. It was the highlight of my decade. It was a stormy wedding, though. Oh, yeah. They say that's good luck. Emotionally, too. Emotionally, too.

Mainly emotionally. It's been a stormy marriage, to be honest. Yeah, I guess this brings us to our first segment, marriage updates. Let's hear from Pyle and Jay. Still married. Copy that, Jake. Going strong. Yeah, going strong, going long.

Me and Jill are in it for the long haul. Marriage update, we're sort of in it for the long Paul. That should go with that. Marriage update. We're sort of in it for the long haul. Did you say long Paul? I said long Paul. Ron Paul. Paul who?

For the Ron Paul. Paya, what about you? Rosebud, Thorne. Highlight, lowlight, and something you're looking forward to. Something I'm looking forward to is having a baby. Having a child soon in the next few weeks I know well better late than never to have a kid

or to tell us both that's what you're looking forward to what's the highlight and low light this is unbelievable I got a peloton that's how it's been going it's been great ass is firming up day after day just tacking on the miles right cracking up the resistance are you trying to elongate yourself

because what people can't see is that you have kind of a top knot bun that's literally adding probably seven inches to your head and then if you're doing the peloton you're probably like stretching your legs out a little bit yeah Yeah, it's pure gains over here. I'm putting on quarter integrated gains. Vertical gains. I guess I'll go. My thorn is doing this show because I always get shot down all the fucking time. Everybody leaves the show by the end of it, which I obviously have come to expect.

Micah was on last week and or maybe it was the week before. And he was surprised to be the only one on the zoom buddy he texted me afterwards and was like so is like the vibe of the headgum pod that everybody like ridicules jeff uh everyone makes fun of jeff until until the end and then i was like yeah and he was like i wish i knew that well that's why they call it uh the thunderdome no they don't are you trying we're waiting for a clip yeah he's about to do something all the light in his like little closet just changed if you knew you were gonna say thunderdome

have the sound effect queued up like antibodies queued up right so i have and i the only thing i can use through loopback at this point is spotify so i have to use this shitty dj sound effects fx album it's literally dj sound effects letters fx well ferris is gonna edit all this together to be super tight yeah oh that's good that one's way better all right. This brings us to our first segment. Good so far. Good so far. I should also mention that I wasn't recording until Marika started doing her rosebud thorn.

I'm recording the Zoom, so I'll just use that audio, but I apologize to the audience for having to hear probably a minute and a half of me rambling lo-fi. I don't know if you're serious or not. That's serious. Would you rather? You literally said I'm recording That's the reason we started recording

This is a game of would you rather pile We're moving on man The game That was all my best stuff The child announcement That'll be on We have all of this My audio is going to be a little worse

Marika has a new thorn for the week The mix is going to be a little worse. Marika has a new thorn for the week. I know. And that's on you, dude. The mix is going to suck now. This is going to be like. It was two minutes. It was two minutes of the whole thing.

Are you kidding me? This is unbelievable. I didn't even say anything for the most part. It was Marika and Jake talking. Then I switched over to check my levels and I wasn't recording. And that's fine. That's absolutely fine. I maybe said 12 words before the end.

All right. Well, let the audience weigh in. Let's ask them if they notice. Would you rather. Are we all down to play a game of would you rather? Yeah. Sure. Sure.

All right. Would you rather COVID was never a pandemic, but Trump gets a second term or what's currently going on? I hate to get political, but I just feel like he did such a good job on this one. So I want to guarantee. I don to get political, but like, I just feel like he did such a good job on this one. So I want to like guarantee. Yeah. Cause Obama actually stopped the Ebola outbreak from even reaching the U S. So what I'm saying is I'd hate for Corona not to be a thing. Cause then it would, this would be expunged from Trump's flawless record, but I do like the guarantee of him being in the office. So it's tough is all I'm saying. I'm still thinking if anybody else has it. You're with the Ron Paul background. He's in it for the Ron Paul.

It took me a while to get the background. I wasn't sure if anyone was going to notice and it's not ideal layout wise. What about you guys? Is it Pyle, Marika? What do you think? I'm fine with what's happening now. I know that a lot of people are complaining

about, you know, the day of the world or whatever. But honestly, I think it's been a boon. A boon? He's talking about his top knot specifically. What was the question? Your go-to answer to a question, if you didn't hear what it was, is honestly, it's been a boon. It's a bit of a boon. I meant boondoggle.

I meant boondoggle. I meant the opposite of boon. Marika? I mean, now I feel like I can't answer honestly what's your honest answer because i'll give it an honest i don't really feel like i have a super honest answer because they're both awful things but i mean it would be nice if like other countries in the world hadn't also experienced COVID. So I guess wiping out COVID would be ideal. That's really, yeah, that's, that's the, honestly, that's the right answer. That's the wrong answer.

It's the wrong answer because Trump gets a second term. Not only does America kind of dissolve, the union's gone, but also you could, there's an argument to be made that more people might die if Trump gets a second term. But might. Fine. Yeah, I don't think he should be allowed to get a second term i think i think we should do something about that well here's an interesting question it's up to us what do you guys brother do you guys think that Trump would get a second term if COVID hadn't happened?

Definitely would have increased his odds. I don't think COVID helped. Obviously not. Of course not. I am so apprehensive. I've never ever been right about one thing that I said about Trump, so I'm not going to fucking jinx it.

Yeah. The night he got elected, you were saying that he really think he's going to grow into the role. I said he pivot i said that he'll he'll be a uniter that he could be presidential all right enough politics what a weird bar to set no like look i know he's crazy but he can be presidential i think we'll get there this show is sponsored by better help you know if you had an extra hour in your day a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run, person B would take a nap, and patient zero would read a book.

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This is going away from American politics and going into head gum company politics. It's even more dangerous. Come on, Marika. All right. This one's specifically for Jake,

and then we're going to kind of be the Walnut Gallery. I truly hate when you do this. Would you rather sell head gum for $10 million but not be involved creatively afterwards or stay at your current salary slash position and keep ownership but long term like no real sales on the horizon if you wanted to make this easy for me you'd have to go way way less on the sales side i want out i'll fucking i'll pay to get out at this point look at me i'm recording a podcast with you in my goddamn closet you think i like this this is the pinnacle i guess yeah no i've i bottomed out i

i would cash out for next to nothing correct marika correct i don't know it's a game i thought we were the walnut gallery what am i supposed to chime in in a way but you're you're ass i don't have an answer i can't answer that this is un-fucking-believable well i guess the question is marika do you think that i'm at an all-time low um concert all-time low concert actually now that i asked you at an all-time low concert i I think you're listening to Dear Maria count me in as I speak. Uncomfortably throwing up rocker hand signals. Just next to Ron Paul.

He has a heart attack. I wish I were at an all-time low concert. Alright, would you rather reply all to a company email thread with the last porn video you masturbated to or send an apology would you rather reply all to a company email thread with the last porn video you masturbated to or send an apology to your ex

for what for whatever you did to wrong them my last ex yes most previous ex oh that way way that I feel like that's much better alright and I have something specific to apologize for so I should send that's much better. And I have something specific to apologize for.

So I should send that fucking note regardless, man. Didn't she cheat on you? What do you have to apologize for? I came down on her too hard. I should have given her a fifth chance. Sorry I wasn't good enough. Just generally apologizing for not staying in shape enough for her standards that she had to look elsewhere i mean look at keith he's obviously better equipped than me all right would you rather live in an amazing house in a shitty area or live in truly the worst apartment

possible in the area of your choosing but this is like roaches no hot water potential gas explosions always looming disease death and dismemberment constantly hanging over your head yeah the walls are lined with asbestos and you're at your best there but you're in the sixth or wrongest mall incredible views uh yeah no i'll take the nice the nice place in the sixth or on this month. Incredible views. Yeah. No, I'll take the nice, the nice place in the bad area. That sounds solid.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, pile you're living that. Is that the whole setup? Was this just the whole, I just was trying to think of specific questions for everybody. And,

but I was, but that one was more based on a segment we did last week. Marika, what about you? Oh, yeah. Obviously, I'll live in a nice apartment somewhere that I don't want to be. House, but yeah, whatever. Yeah. Why are you mad at Marika?

This is a chore to do. I answered the question with no one else. See, I came in this time and I'm like, I'm going to be positive. I'm going to be additive to the conversation. I'm going to try to keep the energy level up. And you're out here actively trying to piss us off. No, this episode is supposed to be like me, a departure from the norm that we've kind of descended into. The first three episodes were like this.

It was conversation starters. And then it slowly became to be that Amir just started coming at me. first three episodes were like this. It was conversation starters, and then it slowly became to be that Amir, it just started coming at me. Oh, it was Amir, okay. Of course! And then I'm not gonna not yes and his ass. Now we don't have Blumenfeld, and I'm asking real questions.

Such as, would you rather be very famous and respected than a lesser? That, yes, anything, anything. Anything for that. The second one is actually like a good amount of famous and even that anything anything for that second one is actually like a good amount of famous and even wealthier and giving to charity and being a good person I want notoriety and I want it now super famous and

respected okay so really really famous respected a lister but with absolutely no privacy it's like you're at the level like you can't even go to the grocery store or the most non famous person's like you're at the level, like you can't even go to the grocery store or the most non-famous person ever. Like you're a nothing person, you know, like it's truly one of those things.

Like people can kind of be down on themselves and be like, if I died today, no one would come to my funeral. Yeah. You literally, no one would come to your funeral. I barely like going to the grocery store now. Okay.

Like I won't not being able to do a fucking errand. Yeah. Okay. That's fine yeah wait does that mean that like if you're a no nobody person does that mean you have friends or you're just truly alone nobody likes you at all but you have a lot of money i think it'd be it'd be you have friends but like you really didn't make an impact on the world you have friends but you don't have like a best friend yeah you work with people and you sometimes all get drinks but it doesn't go beyond like what are you guys passionate about this week gotcha so kind of like this podcast yeah i'll be fucking famous dude i wouldn't say that i mean pile you and i like kind of i ask i go to you for like advice and stuff really no but like I'd love to be able to Mariko what would you uh what would be what would you be

famous for I don't know twitter ideally I don't know oranges the fuck are you talking about like you want to be like Demi Yeah sure I would want to be like Famous on Twitter for occasionally Tweeting funny things but not feel like It's my job and I'm beholden To it you know what I mean What

That's so casual And that's what you're an A-lister Who can't go to the grocery store For And you're swamp A-lister who can't go to the grocery store for? And you're swamped by Twitter followers. Or all like produce movies or some shit. Maybe both combined. Is that enough for you?

You finish your drink. Yeah, that's good. Or another. You should say that Marika's drinking Coke and wine again. Are you really? Yeah, red wine and Coke. It's great. Wait, I've never had that before.

It sounds really fucking good. It's a southern thing, I've never had that before. It sounds really fucking good. It's a southern thing, right? I think it's a Spanish thing. Is it cold? Yeah, it's cold. But no ice. I have a few ice cubes in it. It's kind of like sangria, I think, for people that get the large sodas at a movie theater,

which is me. It's a big gulp sangria yeah it's a bastard sangria that's what they call it in spain marika what's like your go-to order at the at the movie theater when you're when you're snacking up oh boy uh i mean i've i had amc stubs which gave me a lot of five dollar coupons because i just saw movies a lot of the time so also sometimes I would like use that in combination with a coupon that AMC occasionally has that's for teens but when every time I put my email every time I put my age in it it just gives it to me and it's like a it's like a small a cameo sized coke and popcorn it's like a small, a cameo sized Coke and popcorn. It's like a normal good size bag of popcorn for a normal person.

And then same for the Coke. And then it's $5. So then I get it for free. So you're stacking. $5 Chris Long. So you'd see a movie with Chris Long in it it or something i don't know i don't know who that is why don't you say five dollar popcorn what are you gonna say jake um oh i was gonna say you're stacking coupons you have the coupon

that gets everything for five dollars then you have the one that gets everything you have five dollars off yeah yeah that's awesome you're a mean teen can't help but notice that jeff is mad again sulking for the chris long thing because i was having a conversation with marika can i speak i don't should you speak are you recording yourself can i say that record yourself for the can i say the next oh shit you know what yeah we have to start again it's just like it's it's nice Jake and it's nice pile and Rika when you guys kind of come in with your own questions but when it gets to a certain length it's like derailing the show a little bit so yeah you guys are earlier when I was talking about positivity like trying to maintain the energy level?

Yeah. It's hard to do when you just see someone in one corner of your screen. Flowning. Yeah, visibly sad and upset. Yeah, and you're in like a sad little location. This is my bedroom. The bed is lofted. All right, would you rather be wealthy as shit?

Ethically. Why are these all about money? Are you kidding me, man? Let me get through the question. Did you say wealthy ethically? Ethically. Ethanally. Above board.

You sold ethanol. You're an oil baron. You have endless funds because money equals happiness. Hold on to your microphone. Say the line again when your mic isn't flailing around the room. Start over. It's like losing it. You need the show to be on the rail so you can fidget with your microphone while you ask us questions?

Rating us for interrupting him and then he slaps his mic. It's not recording. It doesn't matter because it's not plugged in, man. Would you rather be wealthy as shit, but you have to ghost your best friend? So you were best friends. You got to just take a step back and you don't get provide an explanation

why you'd never see him again. Or keep your best friend. But every year you have to burn $ thousand dollars cash and it has to be that you worked to earn so like if you make thirty thousand dollars in a year you have to burn a third of that just for your old best friend if my friend is if i ghosted my friend would i be able to give him cash like not from me like have it have a shell company wire money into his account every once in a while i'm gonna say yes but there's no way they'll know that it's from you so they you know that they're mad at you it's fine if i if i know my best friend well enough given this option he

would want me to never talk to him again and have money appear in his account that's how blumenfeld do that's what i choose marika yeah it feels just overall kind of dumb to burn cash so i'm gonna that's a net ghost my best friend what are you gonna do with the money though i don't know twitter twitter i don't know twitter file i don't really understand okay so i can be rich or burn money but my i can keep my friend or lose my friend depending on right you can either lose your best friend and be rich as shit or you can uh keep your best friend but you have to like literally burn cash that you keep in mind your best friend is uh your wife oh yeah i hadn't thought about that yeah i probably ghost my wife why is your best friend blue amir but his is his wife jill's like my eighth best

friend i'm sorry i have a lot of close relationships i was thinking of like my high school best friend borderline ghosted already no he's still he's still my very good friend i just don't see him that often so if i ghosted him would it be like the worst thing in the world yeah that's kind of how i was thinking about it too yeah but i guess you're talking about my my the love of my life so yeah i'll just burn the cash um all right Would you rather be magically fit no matter what you eat or how much you work out, but have no sense of humor or be like universally regarded as funny at whatever level you want, whether that's like you're a famous comedian or you're just kind of like the funny guy in the friend group, but you're 300 pounds ripped. Absolutely ripped.

And everyone can hate me. I don't even have to not be funny. I can be actively disliked as long as I have fucking abs isn't the point of having abs to be liked it's to be hot okay isn't the point of being hot to be like no it's to be fucked like you will be fucked but in a different way why are you a delegate from rhode island pile he just changed his virtual background. It's the calamari man. What is that? It's the meme. It's the meme today.

I didn't watch the DNC. I didn't know. I don't follow memes. I guess you didn't watch the Democratic National Convention. You need not to get... Sorry, hold on. I did. I absolutely did.

And that's not fair. I watched it. I did watch it. I watched it in between commercials on Alone. All right, moving on. Pyle Marika, magically fit no matter what no sense of humor or universally funny and like in in bad health i don't want to be like in bad health when you describe it that way okay then let's say okay well i mean i just didn't i don't want

to body shame at all so that it's not that you're overweight it's just that you're in bad health i'd like to be healthy so but being fit doesn't mean that you're healthy i'll be not funny i want to change my answer i want to be sick and hilarious yeah i don't think like anyone's gonna take the i want to be sick option oh my what an option it is next question next question yeah would you rather get him down with a hammer or have a billion dollars enough man absolutely enough it's been 14 episodes

of this shit and I'm fucking sick of it finally the guy you lose it on his pile of all people of all guests for all you've been through you flip out on Andrew after all you've been through you flip out on Andrew one of the busiest people at the network

three of the busiest people at the network on this show yelling at you would you rather own a Rolex but you can never wear it outside the house or own a Rolex but you can never wear it outside the house or own a Rolex but no matter what you have to wear it outside the house? That's a question.

That's a really good one. I'll own it and not wear it. Yeah, I'm with that. I'll go own and not wear. That's almost more impressive. No, I'm the same way. Because imagine you're volunteering and you're wearing like a fucking Batman GMT

mask shining in the fucking overhead fluorescent lights serving soup to unhoused people imagine that sorry man I didn't have a choice you get it I made a deal with a podcast host I didn't have a choice.

Versus just like having it as a mantelpiece. Like imagine having a mom, sorry, go with me for a second, but having a mom fireplace next to a mantel. And, you know, you just have that roly poly on that shorty goalie. I was thinking of like a, I don't know why, but I was thinking of like a closet with like an accessory drawer and you open it and there's just a Rolex there. It's a walk-in, obviously. That's the dream. Marika, it's like I would have, I'd have the accessory drawer, the Rolex, and then a little Timex, just like a rubber one next to it. And I would always do eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

And then I'd choose the little Timex and which are how humble i was you bring everyone in there when you do that to like show for sure what should i wear oh you know what like harvey den style with the uh with the coin that's what i would do i'd flip the coin i make my own luck all right new game alert here we go pick a fit that's right welcome to pick a fit the only uh game show on the head gun podcast where you have to pick an outfit to wear at various events uh this is the difference between you have to your two options are a full-on formal wear tuxedo black tie or ball gown like the nth degree like met gala type stuff oscars ceremony nicest tux nicest dress possible or your shittiest wrinkled laundry day outfit so mismatchy and really you look like a slob so i'm gonna give you guys an event and you tell me which one you

at all wear either one to. Number one, deposition. You're the defendant. What are you being deposed for? Let's say vehicular manslaughter. Do you want to come off as authoritative? Okay. Sorry, just trying to punch it up a little bit. Something bad happened and you're kind of at fault.

You're not a murderer, but like you made a mistake. Vehicular manslaughter, I'm wearing a tuxedo because a guy in a tuxedo perfectly dressed perfectly sharp James Bond doesn't make a mistake You know, I don't I don't rear-end anybody. That's not on me. I'm not at fault I'm not to blame and you're not worried about it coming across as like a joke that you like dressed up a little bit too Much so you're like kind of making a joke out of someone's life being lost I'm not because it's I fucking I am meticulous that you can tell because of this wearing the Rolex I care a lot about everything this roly-poly I just came back from the soup kitchen yeah I have to wear this Rolex everywhere but at least I still have my best friend

you killed him in the car accident he ghosted you oh that's really good I'm wearing formal wear all right so a ball gown with uh or a tuxedo but I'm wearing formal wear. All right, so a ball gown with a... Or a tuxedo, but I just like the idea of any of us in a ball gown with, like, the trail. Two people kind of leading it into a deposition. It's the white bow tie with the white tuxedo shirt. The dinner jacket. Yeah. Shutting the trail of a gown in, like, that little door where you get to pose.

What if you're like, oh, I just came from something? Do you think you'd get away with that? It's 2 p.m. It's 2 p.m. You're at a lawyer's office. I just came from the funeral from the guy I ran over. Sorry.

Sorry, I just came from a soup kitchen. Great point, Pyle. The next one is funeral. Again, formal where? A tux is like a little offensive though again you're making a joke out of someone's death offensive that's a celebratory outfit but it's offensive the question is it is it more offensive to like show off at a funeral or to come to make a funeral your day is really selfish. Yeah. If you come in and you're wearing like umbros and like a torn t-shirt,

people are going to be like, wow, he's really having trouble handling it. Exactly. You can blame a lingerie day fit on grief. You can't blame a tuxedo on grief because that took effort. A grieving outfit is umbros. Yeah. All right. A job interview.

Tux. I think it's easier to equate a tux to about a ball gown because like the tux in a suit the difference is like kind of small other than the little sheen it might have when i when i used to work at college humor i interviewed uh the interns like our summer interns and like everyone always showed up just wearing like a button down shirt and jeans or like nice pants just like general like nice outfit and one day this dude showed up in like a full-on suit and it was so funny to me but then i was like oh i should just be telling people ahead of time that there's no dress code at the office because he was probably so embarrassed yeah just so you

understand this isn't a real job. Like, we're not going to pay you. You get paid in experience, brother. Don't worry. So you say tux, Jake. What about you, Marika and Pyle? Probably depends. Like all things, it depends on the situation.

Middle management at an accounting firm or something. Then I think, yeah, you'd probably go tux. Even though I think people would be like, this guy's a weirdo for. Neither outfit you're getting the job, we should say. They're going to think you're an idiot if you wear a tux even though I think people would be like this guy's a weirdo for neither outfit you're getting the job we should say they're gonna think you're an idiot if you wear a tuxedo and they're gonna think you're a slob if you wear the laundry day can you said like formal wear

like an award show type deal what if I wore this to me you can't see it Oscars or garageman coat and coats type suit to the oscars what if i wore that i think that's out of play then marika's not going to your stupid funeral okay wow what about the Timothy Chalamet harness look from another award show?

Harness? Yeah. Like a bungee jump suit? No, like a strap situation. Never mind. What are you talking about? I have to look this up now. I just Googled it.

It's good luck. Can you make it your virtual background? It looks kind of like a holster. Almost like you would have a gun. The internet equated it to like a BDSM type look.

Oh, that's cool. So BDSM is cool, Jake? It's fine. Fine or cool? Because you said cool and now you're saying fine. If that is what you're into, it's cool with me.

Ferris, cut this out. Cut this part out, Ferris. Let's actually really mix this part so it sounds even clearer. What is like the coolest kink to have in sex? Because I don't know. I've been so vanilla for so long and you kind of have to have that first time to break the seal.

Which I have yet to, but still. So you're asking us a question or are you asking for advice? Oh wait, Pyle Talk, I'm on speaker view and I need to see that. I hate that. I really do. It was a great look. It's a Louis Vuitton thing.

I know, that's why I hate it. I realize that having three people have it means that it's like an Alexander McQueen thing or something where it's like a fashion house telling people that this is what's cool and it's not. It looks like a bib. It looks like suspenders that come up into a lobster shack bib. I think the Michael B. Jordan one's the weirdest. That's my favorite.

It's floral. That one is my favorite, but that's just because Michael B. is Michael... The B stands for bae. He's zaddy and he is a baddie. Does it actually stand for bae? It stands for basketball. Michael B. Jordan. Michael Basketball Jordan

But he's not the basketball player And he uses it to differentiate From the basketball player I think that's actually a George Saba joke I might be wrong but if I'm remembering correctly George Saba wrote that joke So I don't want to take credit for it Alright last one

A friend's birthday dinner that your crush is gonna be at tux yeah you can explain that away also and you can like make yourself look good like oh i just came from an award ceremony where they handed me something because of how great i am do you feel like you're i came from the twitter awards how are you marie get a weird jumpsuit does the friend get mad though is the question because like well that's you don't yeah you don't know what's gonna happen i don't think my friend would be mad if i showed up decked out i think that'd be yeah i think it's definitely funnier than showing up like a slob because people are like you do wear that outfit though right all right last one this is the real

last one i wasn't gonna do this one that one went way shorter than i thought it was going to your kids graduation slob what are they graduating from this is uh let's just say berkeley college of music oh so it's it's not like a, it's not high school. It's a college graduation. I would do the laundry day. Really? I'm not drawing any attention to myself. I will be the ugliest, most dad guy there. I think that's, and also by the time my kid graduates from Berkeley School of Music, I'm

going to be like 50, you know? That's fair. Or more. So I won't give a shit. When I'm more so I won't give a shit when I'm 55 I won't give a shit at all yeah I'd wear like a nice outfit for my child's like a major event in my child's life I'd probably dress up yeah but I'd also wear like

the holster thing you're the only close to being dad here so I think we should really kind of take your answer with reverence yeah and Pyle's wearing a tuxedo right now so I think that actually yeah we should have mentioned that i look the most insane out of anyone here right now i don't think you should listen to me your haircut is the laundry day haircuts my body is the laundry day of humans marika i originally said the laundry day one

but then my answer was not as noble as Jake's so I guess I'll switch to formal wear my reason for saying laundry day was not as nice well mine wasn't nice it was just that I wasn't going to give a shit oh I thought you said you didn't want to detract from your child's special day

and I was just like I don't care he doesn't respect musicians Jake's always said this no son of mine plays the goddamn oboe I don't play the oboe dad why don't you go into comedy a real career that's Ron Paul speaking

to Rand the idea of you like being the archetype of a very buttoned up dad who is like a lawyer and he thinks that having a career in the arts is bad, but instead you think anything outside the arts is bad. Yeah, I need my kid to go into podcasting.

Podcasting specifically. You think podcasting is going to be dead in 20 years? What's the idea? And, uh, what's the idea? I mean, with shows like this, how can it ever go away? I think we'll all be dead in 20 years. Climate change or...

Are you kidding me? You're going to leave on that? What a bad note. He made such a face right as he clicked the button. Yeah, there was fear in his eyes that I pushed back on it at all. Yeah, now's the part where it's like I have to hover over the command Q button. I gotta be honest, this was

all I had for today. I really thought that there was going to be a little bit more banter on these pick and pick games. Right, well, you then you like berated us for bantering before, so I feel like, at least for me, I was a little scared. Yeah, I just thought there'd be more in general. I didn't think that, I mean, you're asking, I'm not like a comedian by trade.

So for you to yell at me saying like, oh, you know, you didn't improv good enough. Sorry. Let's be serious then for a second. This is a bit of a departure for the show. Are there any updates from the network side of things that we can kind of let people in on i know there is some uh marika is looking at me with hawk eyes being like don't say anything that's gonna give away personal information is there anything that we can say some exciting things that are in the pipeline or anything that because this episode will be out on a week from today or sorry a week from tomorrow

the 28th of august anything interesting that we can talk about or no? A pile left? This is unbelievable. This is only going to look bad on the network that there's nothing interesting to talk about. I should have done that, to be honest. Newcomer Season 2 started this week, which is exciting. Right? Got that vulture right up? Yeah.

Not necessarily a to-come thing, but it's just starting. Tune in if you like Lord of the Rings. I feel like that's really the only exciting thing that can be mentioned. That's truly all I have. I just want you to land. I flew the plane poorly, and I need you to land it. I have to take

it over. Take it away, Marika. Marika Brownlee has the floor. I don't want the floor. The floor is yours. And Marika left. This is unbelievable. I really, I don't want the floor. I mean, the floor is yours. And Marika left. This is unbelievable. I was going to ask what her favorite Canyon was. Fuck.

All right. You know what? Actually, Ferris would have had something interesting to say about this and he'll hear this when he's editing. So favorite Canyon in Los Angeles. I mean, you've got Beachwood, Laurel,

Franklin, Benedict. Benedict, Stone Canyon, you have Mandeville Canyon, Topanga Canyon, Malibu Canyon. And they're all kind of known for different things. You know what I mean? Stone Canyon is home. I think it's the richest zip code in either the US or just LA or California. And it's home to some of the worst people in the world. Laurel Canyon has that storied music past. Beachwood Canyon kind of has a lot of energy around it. Harry Styles' ex-girlfriend lives there. And then you have Topanga Canyon, which is kind of a bohemian,

not rhapsody, but haven in a way, an enclave of sorts. A lot of old hippies live up there and a lot of younger families moving there because there's a good elementary school up there. And although there's kind of always present fire danger, there are still some affordable homes. It's 10 minutes to the ocean and you don't feel like you're in LA, which technically you're not, but you're just outside of LA. And I would love to live there someday. Every time I bring it up, people kind of chide me, they poke and prod and they're like, why would you want to live so far from everyone? Because everybody that I know lives on the east side of LA. Anyways, thank you guys for listening. Let me know what your favorite canyon is, uh, Laurel or otherwise.

We'd love to hear from you. Uh, feel free to email in at, uh, to the show. If you have a segment idea or any feedback or anything you'd like to hear, any guests that you'd like to hear, uh,

we might start having some podcasters on the head gum network on again. I know we've had Billy Scafuri on. We'd like to do more of that. Uh, the email to email in is HG pod at head gum.com. So feel free to reach out. We'd love to hear more of that. The email to email in is hgpod at headgum.com So feel free to reach out. We'd love to hear from you guys. Follow HeadGum on Instagram and Twitter

at HeadGum on both platforms. Subscribe to Review Review on the HeadGum Network or subscribe to If I Were You on the HeadGum Network as well as NADDPod and Buckets and all of the new shows on HeadGum, especially Newcomers. Season two did drop this week,

which will have been last week once this comes out. It's a very funny show. The first episode is very good. We have John Gabrus on there. So yeah, thank you guys so much for listening. Hit him with that sax, Ferris. That was a Hidgum Original.