The Headgum Podcast - 15: The Price is Rice

Episode Date: September 4, 2020

Clare (Head of Content) joins Amir, Marika, and Geoff to play a round of The Price is Rice and discuss Clare's storied past, confess personal wrongdoings, and roast Amir.Advertise on The Head...gum Podcast via Gumball.fmWe have new merch in the Headgum store! All profits will be donated to the Black Arts Futures Fund, through September 13.Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Original. I see you changed your style from Amir's And I will always head gum Podcast will always podcast Welcome to the show, Claire Slaughter For the first time ever, think yeah amir is crying we've got marika brownlee on the sax and amir blumenfeld bringing the flax i didn't want to hear that i was asking you a question and you interrupted me with that poison it was what was your question i was saying that you usually
Starting point is 00:01:07 slate by telling us to say a mere start marika start and then you line that up and then recently you changed it to everybody clapping at the same time no you did that you said that when we recorded the if i were you episode that i was on and i was like wait this is so much more efficient so that's what we're doing i see i. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just wanted to make sure that you're giving me credit. I feel like we started doing this show with claps also, and then you transitioned to the weird start thing. Claire, would you like to just introduce yourself, what you do at HeadGum,
Starting point is 00:01:37 maybe a little bit about yourself, describe yourself in nine words, et cetera? Oh, I mean, if I have to um let's see i do all the things but appearing on this podcast is mostly the job description is that nine words that is yeah that's even that's what it says on your contract i believe i also do a bit of i don't know you describe it i'm curious to hear what your description is well you're by the way you said if i have to by the way that's kind of your whole attitude towards this show i feel like it's like yeah everyone's been i think everybody's been on the show except you yeah regarding non-interns
Starting point is 00:02:14 and now i have to so here i am this is your obligatory one and only period appearance um claire works in content uh as well as the occasional campaign, email sent out, etc. You hail from? Don't tell me. Great Barrington, Massachusetts. Close. Do you want to keep on guessing? Yeah, let me guess again.
Starting point is 00:02:43 Amherst, Massachusetts. I can't tell if you're getting warmer or colder, but you're not too far off. Where's Claro from? Because I'm pretty sure you're her. I actually, okay. She has a song on her album, the first song. The title track is the same red line stop that was mine in high school. So I think we're from the same area.
Starting point is 00:03:13 I know, everyone's really excited to hear that right clero clero have you not heard uh oh my god amir this is unbelievable hang on have you not heard sofia no you haven't heard this song amir is falling asleep. It was produced in Echo Park, like a few blocks away from where I live. Wow, this girl is sort of stalking you guys. She's from Claire's hometown. She lives next to you. Well, she doesn't live there.
Starting point is 00:03:37 That's where the studio was. She lives in New York, near Jake. I'm reading. So you're stalking her. Do you think she's listening right now if she is listening i would just like to tell her that i am supporting her uh i bought a sweatshirt
Starting point is 00:03:52 for my buddy aj that i think should be arriving today all right this brings us to our first segment what what how what do you mean how get to know claire o slaughter so this is exciting. These are all questions.
Starting point is 00:04:06 Because I love to not be withholding. We have to make a shirt that says that now and put it in the store. Guys, these questions are only for Claire. But Marika and Amira, if you guys want to chime in, you can. It's just that if you decide to answer one of the questions, I will yell at you. And I will break you. That's not to stop you decide to answer one of the questions i will yell at you and i will bring you that's not to stop you in fact i encourage you to answer them i just will have to come at you from all angles got it all right um claire what are the top three things on your bucket list this is a doomed segment the top three things on my bucket list? I don't know that I have a bucket list.
Starting point is 00:04:49 For this year, like, trying to, like, answering questions is hard for me sometimes. Okay, because there's a lot of them here for you. It's hard for us all when they're like this also. What do you mean, Marika? You like to catch us off guard. I should start this show by saying un-guard. All right. One thing on your bucket list.
Starting point is 00:05:11 It can be wrong. Oh, I have one. I'd like to own a boat and also be rich enough to afford to have someone just take care of it. Because taking care of a boat is really annoying. But being on one is so great. Do you mean like a yacht or do you mean like a dinghy it can be a sailboat but i definitely don't want a dinghy okay because i'd love a dinghy there's this video of mac demarco back when he used to live in far rockaway beach and he's like doesn't he still live there no he lives in silver
Starting point is 00:05:38 lake don't know that you don't you didn't know that no no i'm telling you not to know that all right uh what is the biggest risk you've taken ever oh i have a really good one for this i don't know if it's the biggest risk i've taken but something very risky i did was swim in the east river oh jesus why and i live to tell the tale right food poisoning afterwards or I mean, sometimes my body's a little weird. Did you submerge your head? I don't remember. I was pretty drunk. I think people go kayaking in the East River.
Starting point is 00:06:13 That's so different than swimming, Rude. You're risking it. It's considerably closer to the water than being on the East River ferry. That's true. I saw some people jet skiing this weekend on the East River ferry. That's true. I saw some people jet skiing this weekend on the East River. Isn't it like toilet water? It's absolutely toilet water.
Starting point is 00:06:32 It's city runoff water to be absolutely sure. So you were just swimming in that and then you felt fine? The question was what's the biggest risk you've ever taken? So there you go. Getting in toilet water that has a very fierce undertow. I think that's a pretty good answerow. Oh, did it smell? I think that's a pretty good answer.
Starting point is 00:06:46 What was the story? Because you said you were drunk and obviously it was a good night. I guess I'm talking to, have you ever been to the woods? Anyone in New York? Familiar. It's a truly awful bar.
Starting point is 00:06:56 Is it the one that's like a long hallway? It's like a long hallway. Sorry, let her finish. Let her finish. A smoky piece of, yeah. Amir,
Starting point is 00:07:03 let her finish. I was just wondering because I got myself there i'm so sorry about him clear i was just joining the conversation you don't do apologies i don't know if it has a new name i don't know if it still exists but i was there and then i was walking up to greenpoint with a bunch of people and we thought the bridge uh no from williamsburg up kent maybe oh it's in williams yeah up to green point and then we were like what if we did a detour and went into a park and then from that park went into the water and then we did
Starting point is 00:07:32 what time of year was this was warm enough for me to not get sick from cold anyway so you weren't freezing and doing that no it was i think i had a great time but it was a while ago i haven't taken any risks since then basically that was my quota well this question is like people ask this all the time so you have to have at least one answer and i'm surprised that amir marika i'm actually not surprised that amir doesn't have one but i'm surprised marika doesn't have a an answer for this one for the question you just asked yeah what's the biggest risk you've ever taken yeah i'm not gonna answer because he said you were gonna berate me if i did so no i said feel free to answer it there just might be consequences all right um again i'm here please jump in whenever you want um i did once and you said
Starting point is 00:08:14 that i was ruining the flow of conversation or something that you apologized to claire no because claire was telling a story and you kind of jumped the carp into the story i'm saying that when sorry i'm getting i'm sorry you have to see me like this claire i'm saying when i ask the question everyone feel free to jump in all right so do you want to know my i might have to yell at you is all okay do you want to know my the riskiest thing i've ever done or it doesn't matter sure yeah if you have a story yeah let's hear it um i think i told this story on the podcast so i'll keep it brief recently right uh that jake and I went on the world's biggest swing in New Zealand
Starting point is 00:08:48 so that was the riskiest thing I've ever done and you did tell that on the podcast like two weeks ago so you think that's the time you're going to chime in that's when you're going to steal the spotlight from Claire this is Claire's first appearance possibly only appearance and you felt it right
Starting point is 00:09:03 to answer that question with this story that you've already told so much so that you you were conscious of it because you haven't you didn't tell the story in full because you knew you just did like three weeks ago right yeah i didn't know if it was this podcast or another so i just wanted to answer the question without getting into the story claire how what do you like to cook the most uh me oh i would probably no please anybody let's fucking open it up but again i might have to yell at you yeah i guess i'm the thing i like cooking though is to steak in a cast iron skillet i saw a youtube video that explains it pretty well and uh the results speak for themselves it's nice i don't
Starting point is 00:09:43 have to so often I would grill and that would sort of dry out the meat, but there's something about keeping that cast iron skillet clean, but like, you know, not fully clean. It already has the fat from previous steaks, so I don't have to really put anything. It's just almost like a self-moisturizing
Starting point is 00:10:01 cast iron at this point. So, and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy that you really stole the floor again on this question man are you searing and then putting in the oven you know i used to put it in the oven and now i'm like i don't have to put it in the oven like i see are you serious that you put it in the oven this is unbelievable you should be able to finish it on the pan sorry let's hear what claire say. No, I'm interested in the steak technique. Yeah. Yeah. You can add butter and get really into it, but I don't know. Maybe it's my Jewish DNA that
Starting point is 00:10:31 shies away from the whole butter on a steak situation. And you should be better if you're going to really get into it. If you're going to interject, because this is Claire's time. If you're going to interject, make sure it's worth her time. All right. I think it was great. I think it was worth my time might not have been worth your time no great that's great then I love it but don't I'm always guilty until proven innocent don't assume that I've annoyed Claire
Starting point is 00:10:53 and then have her come to my defense because that puts her in a real weird situation where she has to defend me to you alright anyway she didn't answer Claire didn't answer I'm saying friday night claire you want to make a meal out of it and you want to make a meal on the day so what do you what do you make what are you making this is like you can spend any amount of money on groceries
Starting point is 00:11:13 okay uh well some of my favorite things to make and honestly i could be real long-winded about this um some of my favorite things to make aren't really a Friday night meal um I'm one of those horrible bread baking people um which is not a Friday night activity um but making a stew is fun any sort of I like a pot with a lot of shit in it uh and slow cooker um not really but you know stew or pressure cooker uh yeah what else do i cook i don't know i um i roast a lot of things actually a friend recently texted me about something i'm excited to make you roast green beans and then you put a bunch of chili crisp on it are you still stewing in the summer because it's like air conditioned at home so it really doesn't matter is it like yeah sometimes too hot outside yeah even if it's like you can have a curry in august and that's fine because
Starting point is 00:12:13 like you got any pet peeve what's that mean any pet peeves um why the face why was that voice in the face also they were right in the middle of a conversation. You cut me off from even interjecting into it, saying that I too like to make stews and roast things. We have a nice, you accidentally started a nice conversation and you couldn't even let that happen. Oh, also, I really like cooking eggs because it's a fun kind of, it feels like a game to try to perfect and try different techniques
Starting point is 00:12:47 what do you got i'm not an egg person at all um what have i got i've got all the sorts of eggs scrambled obviously fried yes over whatever over medium and then do you go like to advance ap eggs things that sort of rub you the wrong way we were still stuck talking is this an every week thing yeah oh god have you never heard the show well you know i tune out the second your voice comes in yeah very early on so in this episode it would be when you were singing and i I will always love you or something. And I will always have gum, I think it was. Not legal, so don't keep that part in. Definitely not. Eggs are also very economically efficient.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Like you buy a dozen for five bucks and that's six breakfasts or something. Yeah, I just think they're miracle food and they taste so good. Who doesn't like an egg? Anyway, Marika doesn't. I think a lot of people don't like eggs. I really don't. I can't lot of people don't like eggs. I really don't. I can't do it. Egg, of course.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Welcome to our next segment, The Price of Rice. Yeah, of course. Obviously, it was going to be that. There are no more questions for me? This is both sad and relieving. I'll throw them out throughout the rest of the show, but for now, we have to move on
Starting point is 00:14:03 because we're at 15 minutes, and usually I only get 35 minutes before Amir leaves. Welcome to The Price is Rice, We'll throw them out throughout the rest of the show, but for now, we have to move on because we're at 15 minutes. And usually I only get 35 minutes before Amir leaves. Welcome to The Price is Rice, the only game show on the airwaves or not where you have to guess the price of rice. These are the going rates of different grains at dollars per pound. All right. Marika, let's start off with you. Jasmine rice.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Per pound? What is the price per pound in American US dollars? I'm going to go like 50 cents. Wrong. $3 per pound. That can't be true. I've definitely bought it for far cheaper. This is a quick Google search away.
Starting point is 00:14:45 And it might be less. Price per pound? Price per pound, yeah. Rice per pound. Amir, fried. You don't buy that in pounds. $5.50. How are you going to Google this? It's got to be higher.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Wrong. Like a frozen bag. $7.50. No, at a restaurant. I see. You could do like an 8 ounce serving and then back into it. That's absolutely right.
Starting point is 00:15:16 Claire got the Easter egg in the game. Alright, white rice. Order! Plain white rice. Claire, what's the going rate? From a restaurant or from a grocery store? Cooked or uncooked? Uncooked from a grocery store.
Starting point is 00:15:35 225. White rice comes in as the cheapest grain rice to purchase per pound at 70 cents ish. Wow. I'd love to learn about rice. Amir, brown rice. Here we go. This is when it really amps up. These are all worth double points. Same as the white rice. Same price. What's that? Same price as the white rice.
Starting point is 00:15:57 It's the same option. You get the same thing. They say, do you want brown rice or white rice? Wrong, man. It's obviously wrong. It's $3.35. And what was the white one rice or white rice wrong man it's obviously wrong it's 3.35 cents and what was the white one the white rice was 71 cents on the wait it's more expensive than jasmine no brown rice yeah we don't trust the host post your uh post your resources in the episode description when this goes live. I will cite my sources. I absolutely will cite my sources.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Thank you. Marika, basmati rice. Let's really get into it. This is worth triple points. Claire's in the lead right now at 550 points. You guys have zero. Of course. I'll make it a little easier.
Starting point is 00:16:37 I'll give you guys leeway of plus or minus 50 cents. I'm going to go $4. Of course. 80 cents per pound'm going to go $4. 80 cents per pound. Basmati is economical. I'll be honest about that. What stores is this from? What are you talking about, Marika? Obviously, it's going to...
Starting point is 00:16:56 They're all different stores. I didn't want to be married to a store. We keep talking in content meetings about needing to do branded content shows. And I don't see a wholesaler fucking sponsoring the HeadGum podcast. And until then, I'm not going to be married to one store as my source. Amir, get off your phone. Sorry, I'm looking up. All your answers are wrong.
Starting point is 00:17:14 I don't know where you're getting them. Long grain rice, Claire. Long grain. Yeah. I come from a family of rice growers, so this is upsetting. My dad is- Correct! That is absolutely rice, Marika.
Starting point is 00:17:29 Do you still want my answer or no? Yes, long grain rice. Long grain rice, to be sure. 175. No, 125. 125? Correct! Well, that was the answer.
Starting point is 00:17:41 Claire's is only at 1,275 points. Marika has coming up to second at 775 points. Amir, you're still at zero. And tread lightly because you can be left with negative points. Who cares? What do you mean? Who cares if I have negative points in the game? You just made up the game.
Starting point is 00:17:55 The rules don't apply to anybody. And you're making up the answers. It's for a cash prize. He's going to Venmo us again for sure. It's for a cash prize. So I think you care now. All right, fine. I have $282.55 in my bank account as we squeak. gonna venmo us again for sure so i think you can now all right fine i have 282 dollars and 55 cents in my bank account as we squeak winner gets it all double or nothing if you win this last round
Starting point is 00:18:12 which costs more all right this is quadruple trouble sticky rice speed round this is it's only one more question uh and it's a little bit easier. Like, who answers? All of you guys. Whoever to answer first. Okay. Okay, no, you know what? No, this is better. I'm going to make it a speed round.
Starting point is 00:18:35 Whoever to answer first and closest wins half this last round. Sticky Rice. Sticky Rice. Sticky Rice, yeah. Yeah. $6. What's that? $6.
Starting point is 00:18:44 Correct. It was $5.50 and Claire said $6. That's that? $6. Correct. It was $5.50 and Claire said $6. No, that's not how this works. I made the game, Marika. I absolutely made the game. You don't tell me it doesn't work this way. Claire is in the lead at 7,000 points so far. Marika is coming up the rear at 1,200 points. Amir, for being on your phone, that's negative nine points.
Starting point is 00:19:01 Claire said over. She guessed over. The one rule about price is right you cannot go over that's why people guess one it's the most famous thing about price is right also literally the rule that you said this last round was going to be was which costs more and you only said sticky rice you did not give multiple options. Last round. Winner takes all. What is the price within 50 cents of forbidden rice? $8.95. We'll keep going until somebody gets it right.
Starting point is 00:19:33 $7.60. What? It's $7. Why would you get it? So many. That's close enough. I mean, what you gonna get to say seven that's unbelievable claire wins the game uh with the final score of 7 000 points uh this has been the price is rise i think he's venmo-ing you.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Is this your Venmo? Claire Dash Slaughter? Sounds like me. No I? No. Great, that's me. Amir, how's your day going? My what?
Starting point is 00:20:24 How's your day going my what how's your day going it soured after that game yeah oh that is fun that is fun did you actually get a Venmo Claire I really hope this is the right
Starting point is 00:20:38 oh I got it I got it 212 and 55 cents Oh, I got it. I got it. $2.12 and $0.55. I overestimated how much. I said $2.82. I had $2.12. That's so much money. I am officially broke.
Starting point is 00:20:55 I have $0 in my bank account. Well, I'm sending Claire an invoice for almost two months of work tomorrow. Yeah, but it's not her paying you directly from her bank account really that's why i like this game because marty said that claire is going to be handling my payroll from the river venmo yeah but that's guess again This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, if you had an extra hour in your day, a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run,
Starting point is 00:21:44 person B would take a nap, and patient zero would read a book. The point is, a lot of us spend our time and our lives wishing we had more hours in the day. And the question is, what is that time for? And if time was unlimited, how would you use it? The best way to squeeze that special thing into your schedule is to know what's important to you and make it a priority thus. Therapy can help you find what matters to you so you can do more of it. I'm in therapy every week and I benefit from it personally as I pursue to better myself and be a better version of myself today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, you said tomorrow, so just therapy.
Starting point is 00:22:43 If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash whatsthat today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash whatsthat. Thanks, BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash whatsthat today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash whatsthat. Thanks, BetterHelp. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed
Starting point is 00:23:18 around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density, all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands. I like to drink it first thing in the morning. I'll have a glass of water, I'll have my AG1, and then I'll have my coffee. And it gets me set off to take on the day and to be centered and to feel like I did at least one good thing for my health. And if
Starting point is 00:24:05 you do that every day, it has compounding effects. If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your health, it's AG1. That's why we partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out.
Starting point is 00:24:34 Wait, hang on. Oh lord. Uh oh. Uh oh. Um, welcome to Campfire Confessions. I had a pick and I don't know what I did with it. Here we go. Have you guys ever been to a campfire? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:25:00 Yes. I can't remember. Okay. Does that sound in tune? No. You only played one note, so I can't really tell. So it is in tune. That sounds very bad.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Yeah, it's not good. Is that good? Awful. All right, so the name of the game is Campfire Confessions. How it's played is that you make a confession uh however lighthearted or dark it may be and then you just kind of turn it into a campfire tune you don't have to sing along but uh i thought it could be a fun little game to get to know each other all of us better and for the audience to get to know you better clear because you might not be ever on the show
Starting point is 00:25:41 ever again how it's going so far i would have have to disagree with that. I got $212, so I'm not going to lie. All right, here we go. When I was 11, I used my mom's credit card to make a wholesale order of Warhead sour candy. My tongue was numb for a year. All right, Amirir you go i'm trying to think of something dreadful from my past to share while you play a guitar i mean when you say it like that, it sounds awesome.
Starting point is 00:26:31 When I was nine, my brother grabbed my foot in the pool and sort of dragged me down, but I was already out of breath, so I felt like he was going to drown me. Fortunately, I had enough in me to wiggle through his hold, get to the surface, and save my life. Claire! I learned to ride a bike when I was 19. Late! Yeah, I don't know. It's not dark, but... Get to know me.
Starting point is 00:27:14 Marika. Don't be stumped. You've had the longest amount of time to think about it. That's all of us. I like to withhold information as well um i never went to a frat party in college All right, my turn again. I used to keep Nicorette in my car, and when my friends would ask for a piece of gum, I'd give them nicotine addictions.
Starting point is 00:27:58 This song is too long. Do you guys have any more, or do you want me to round them out? What the hell is your problem? What man? What's wrong with what I said? You gave your friends nicotine addictions. So that's obviously not good. At what age?
Starting point is 00:28:21 Well, I mean, this was, how old are you when you're in seventh grade? Thirteen. So like formative years. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. are you when you're in seventh grade 13 so like formative years yes yeah yeah so when your brain is the most plastic uh you know they're forming neural pathways every single hour on the hour and i was kind of i shoehorned in a little bit of um yeah nicotine substance did any of them become addicted to cigarettes huh did any of them get a cigarette addiction because of you? Sometimes when I have some free time, I submit my resume and cover letter for
Starting point is 00:28:47 jobs that I'm kind of qualified for, get a job interview, do the job interview, get an offer, and then ghost the company. If you wear a janitorial outfit, you can get into any building after hours. I've robbed like 20 hedge funds. I think he's just doing his half hour for us. Yeah, wear your whole platoon. Oh, that's nice. That's Tell Me Why by Neil Young. Learn how to play it better what's that a lot of the a lot of the times it's not coming out well and you're you have to keep that in
Starting point is 00:29:37 you did have some practice more now right practice well the issue is and you guys can't really see this but i am in my childhood bedroom and there's like racks of clothes next to me yeah like the head of the neck of the guitar kind of goes into the clothes and then on this side my elbow is out the door this is not
Starting point is 00:29:58 wide enough of a room for me to be playing an acoustic guitar I've been cheated on in every relationship I've ever been in say more me to be playing an acoustic guitar. I've been cheated on in every relationship I've ever been in. Say more. More. That concludes this edition of Campfire Confessions. That has to be on you. That has to be you.
Starting point is 00:30:22 What do you mean, man? Yeah, you're the common... I know. I don't make people feel emotionally supported. I don't make people feel physically attractive. I sow seeds of doubt and division within their families, and I'll get close enough to them before I sweep the rug out under them.
Starting point is 00:30:40 I just disappear for days at a time because I'm honing my craft. I don't even do stand-up. What time because I'm honing my craft I don't even do stand up what does that mean honing my craft why'd you put the guitar away all right this is a perfect segue into the next segment called fix me Jeffrey uh I'm obviously a Vithario I'm kind of a Casanova when it comes to the opposite sex the same sex what have you um and i'd love to dole sponsor idol uh out some dating advice um amira you've been in a committed relationship for what five years four years three years yeah three years three years uh claire what's your situation i'm single so need some fixing i guess marika ditto ditto all right um this will go for
Starting point is 00:31:27 all of you guys because amira there's no way there aren't issues within your guys's relationship it appears perfect from the outside but i guarantee it's not um just if you guys have any qualms any queries anything that i can kind of help you guys out with in terms of dating uh or if there's a past issue maybe i can shed some light on it let me know i think after what you said in the previous segment i'm kind of concerned more about you i guess and i guess it's like a friend i i feel like i want to make sure you're okay i feel less like you need to focus on my problems i i was good uh i i am down over 200 today um and from the game uh from the game i didn't expect that to happen i thought i don't know what i thought but i didn't know that that was going to be the
Starting point is 00:32:19 end what is it about me that rubs people the wrong way? I don't seem to understand. You seem to troll a lot of your... I'm asking you to do a lot of work. Definitely, definitely. I'm just like, do you make people do work in relationships, maybe? Well, you got to put in the work. That's kind of been my MO. I thought this was like a way to make sure that someone was really in it for the long haul.
Starting point is 00:32:37 Do you put in any work? I feel like I put in more than my fair share. You disappear for days at a time. Yes, I disappear. But it's a test. It's a days at a time. Yes, I disappear. But it's a test. It's a test to see if they're up to speed. And I want to know if they would actually go looking for mead.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Has that worked in any of them? It hasn't because every time I do that, that's when they cheat on me. Yeah. And you're asking if we have any questions for you to give us dating advice. I would love to because say what you will, but I have dated a lot of people. Say what we will. Say what you may. Mount your microphone,
Starting point is 00:33:18 put it on a stable surface. Don't let it fall. It's on my laptop. It's the surface is stable. It's my emotions that are not um clear okay what dating stories do you guys have any horror stories anything i broke up with the girl once because she really liked nickelback it's pretty shallow what grade were you in well she was also a republican i found out both in the same night
Starting point is 00:33:42 how'd that come to light she cheated on me and so I kind of approached her about it. And she was like, why are you mad at me? I haven't seen you in a month. Of course. And then she was like, by the way, I like Nickelback. Well, she was like, we kind of made up in a way. And then she put some music on and it was Photograph. It was like, look at this photograph.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Every time I look, it makes me laugh. And then she was like, by the way, this is how i'm voting in the upcoming election while i was listening to that song so you were there holy shit this is unbelievable you guys get on my case a little fly on the wall right um this segment did not go how i thought it would um did the other one i would what's that did the other ones go well to you? The get to know Claire slafter looked great to me. It's going to sound even better. This brings us to our final segment,
Starting point is 00:34:33 slapping my ass off. Claire, I'm going to text you a joke and you're going to say it out loud. Okay? This is like your tight five. Okay. I'm going. A mirror is so old, he calls light bulbs electric candles.
Starting point is 00:34:49 Jeffrey's words, not mine. Yeah, that's definitely good to add at the end. No one laughed, that's fine. I don't think delivery would affect the... I'm not offended, I just don't understand. Delivery affects it. Yeah, I mean, I think it's like... It sounds like he's so stupid.
Starting point is 00:35:04 I'm so comfortable reading it, because it doesn't, exactly, it doesn't really feel at all hurtful. It's confusing. Just texted. The next one, this one I promise you will hit. Amir is so old, he's still shocked that alcohol is legal. That one makes a little bit of sense, right? Yeah, because prohibition's a hundred years old.
Starting point is 00:35:20 Prohibition, yeah. Prohibition, not prohibition. What's that? I'll cut this part out, but why do you do this, Amir? Like, you come on the show almost every week, and then you fucking try to make me out to be a fucking asshole. Last week's episode was fine.
Starting point is 00:35:36 You weren't there, and it actually went pretty well. Everyone thinks I'm the one that derails this shit. You just kind of box me into this corner to make me out to be some fucking moron Amir is so old he still has frequent flyer miles
Starting point is 00:35:53 that one's pretty good actually Marika it's okay to laugh literally I was laughing it's all billable am I right guys it's all billable, am I right, guys? It's all billable. And that's what I text Marty sometimes. Yeah, we're salary, so. For sure.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Okay, next joke. And he left. Amir left. And just in time for this absolute banger of a joke. This often happens, Claire. People just kind of leave me hanging at the end. Okay, Amir is so thin he you have to do it i'm gonna read it as it's tight bob dylan voice is falling in the wind
Starting point is 00:36:32 every part of this episode did not go how i wanted it to i thought this was going to be the episode that finally kind of reconciled me as the host of the show with Amir and Marika who are on almost every week and I thought that you would get a different kind of impression of what this show is but that being said it is what it isn't would you like to plug anything is there anything you'd like to say about you or HeadGum or anything that people should look out for no I'm good this is insane marika anything you're wearing a glitzy what is it glizzy no but glitchy it's not glitchy but i am wearing a headgum shirt and you can buy headgum merch and through the 13th all of the money is going to Black Lives Matter related organization. So that's cool. Good. I got
Starting point is 00:37:28 some merch. It's very comfortable. Do you think it was the campfire confessions thing? Where was the turn in this episode? I thought it was going well. I was surprised that he stuck around for as long as he did. I honestly was too. I mean, I think right off the bat
Starting point is 00:37:44 it was a little jarring with the song. So it was a song For sure. I mean, I think right off the bat, it was a little jarring with the song. So it was the song? Yeah, I would say that probably set his mood to sour immediately. I loved the rice thing, but I think he didn't really like it. And that's not just because you got a lot of money from it? No, I love to guess the price of rice.
Starting point is 00:37:59 Cool, okay. That makes me feel better. Woo! That made this whole thing worth it. That absolutely justified the past half hour of all of our lives. Thank you guys so much for listening to the HeadGum Podcast. We appreciate it. Listen to Newcomers Season 2. The first episode just came out a few weeks ago.
Starting point is 00:38:19 Listen to Review Review, If I Were You, Buckets, NADDPod, all the shows on the network right marika what's your what's your current obsession on the network what's something that you would currently uh i always love the complete guide to everything it's one of my favorite shows those guys are really funny there's a lot of a lot of 10 years of episodes to dig through if you really want that they've been doing it for 10 years yeah damn okay um that's your future i'd love that to be my future to still have a show on this network even by next year let alone in 10 years um thank you guys for listening uh marika where can people find you
Starting point is 00:38:57 twitter i guess i don't know marika elan what why people somebody just made a shout out to Claire. I don't know her last name, but she just made a fan cam. Someone did make a fan cam, which was very. I loved that as someone that spends a lot of time looking up like Veep and Silicon Valley fan cams on Twitter late at night. It made me very happy. So shout out to Claire for that one. And then our Claire, do you have anything to plug? I know you're not by choice, not really a public Claire, do you have anything to plug? I know you're not
Starting point is 00:39:25 by choice not really a public personality but would you like to plug your social media? Anything? Any charities that you'd like to direct people to? Anything? Yeah, buy Hedga merch because then you're getting some cool clothes and donating to charity at the same time. Definitely. Doubling down
Starting point is 00:39:42 on that. Namaste. We'll see you guys next week um and arriveder chi that's where you guys say chi fuck That was a Hidgum Original.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.