The Headgum Podcast - 151: Pyschopathy (w/ Miles Bonsignore!)

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Miles Bonsignore (Perfect Person podcast) joins Amir, Marika, and Geoff to discuss Geoff's poor scheduling, child-parent co-dependance, and psychopathy! Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. And then, thankfully, I broke my hand. To get out of fucking music class, you broke your hand? I broke my reed on purpose. I broke my hand by accident. Trying to break the reed, you broke the hand. I broke my hand by accident. Trying to break the reed, you broke the hand.

My finger snapped instead of the tiny piece of thin wood. That's a great premise. I mean, it's not going to happen, but Lonely and Horny Season 3 is Ruby Jade learns saxophone. It's an adult community college class. I'm incredibly gifted. Wow. Who is that jazz man? Bleeding Gums Murphy style. You can call me daddy You can call me bitch

Call me what you like But call it what it is First time as a father on the show, right? Yes. And how does that spark joy to you to have? I mean, it sparks joy for me to be a daddy, but I don't know that it sparks joy to be to you to me a daddy. You're not understanding the question.

How does it spark joy for you to be a father for me to have? That's exactly what he answered. I think I did answer. And I think you're confused. We've got Miles Bonsignore on the fucking show. Yeah. We've got Marika Brownlee and Amir kind of filling out the rest forget bringing up the rear it's like we need to create an environment oral or otherwise of sort of the air of formality

the air of this being a show about the company like what even is this anymore all of the rice like that says nothing to do with the inner workings of the network. It's not like a company happy hour. I'd like to speak on formality. You canceled the show 10 minutes ago over Instagram. And then I said,

no, I'm still down to do it. I said I would yesterday. And you DM'd me the Zoom link, which was really inconvenient. I had to email myself the link to get in. Well, it was all falling apart. Yeah, sorry. I just read through the conversation.

Yeah. No, because this is going to piss Miles off. Maybe it will, but that's a good thing possibly. Today at 1.35pm, Jeff, going to reschedule this 1.35pm, Jeff, gonna reschedule this record. Amir, whoa, is it something I said?

This is 1.35, we're recording at 2, so in 25 minutes we're supposed to record. Jeff says, I need to reschedule after we already got an email that said the recording is cancelled. Yeah. He says, I said, I wanted to ask why I'm like what caused this

thing 25 minutes beforehand to just get can't not even like rescheduled or pushed like we're canceling it's not because me and Marika are in like we're waiting I was asked yesterday in the middle of a nap but I responded that I was down

Jeff says our fourth guest hasn't confirmed and I haven't heard from him Yesterday in the middle of a nap, but I responded. I was down. Jeff says our fourth guest hasn't confirmed and I haven't heard from him. And the segments are contingent on him. Parentheses, Miles. Sorry, you asked me yesterday. No, no, I asked you like four days ago. I sent a Cal invite yesterday and you didn't confirm. So I woke up today and was like,

everything's good, we're all set. It's not your fault, Miles. Sorry, okay, I understand that you're worried because I didn't confirm on the Google Cal, even though I confirmed to you via text days ago. Yeah, so he sent you an email, you didn't respond, and he's like, okay, show's canceled. Show's canceled.

I said, first I said how the tables turn and I said I mean did you text him which I thought was a stupid question because it's obvious that he texted him like he's not responsive and that's why we're canceling no Mariko was right to ask because Jeff didn't back not

Miles didn't respond to an email show episode canceled continue Miles didn't respond to an email show episode cancelled can I continue and I said I would check in first what if he just didn't accept the invite by accident and then the following string of texts

from Jeff comes in in the span of a let's see one minute period Poppy good point. Here we go. He confirmed. Never mind. We are good to go. Sorry. LOL. So he did

confirm the email after all. That whole thing wasn't necessary or he didn't confirm the email. I just DM'd Miles to see if he was still good. And I responded immediately. I said, yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be? Which is funny because all of a sudden you're being

very organized about the calendar invite, which is impressive to me because the last several times we've conferred, it's sort of been just the Wild West of who gives a shit. Yeah. I didn't confirm the email. Cancel the record.

If Marie could just say, text them, we just wouldn't record and then i do want to say that was kind of the end of the big thing yeah amir was like i might be five minutes late now i said it's at 2 30 est right and jeff said it was at 2 p.m and i screenshotted the canceled invite that says 2 30 to 3 30 p.m that was an issue of me kind of clicking on the calendar yeah making a time block and being like that's 11 a.m yeah and it wasn't it was 11 30 yeah it was added 30 added value it was added value to the 11 not Not only 11, 11.30. Yeah, exactly right. Because actually being later is more

wisdom, right? But then I said, can we do 11.30? You're like, no, actually as close to 11, aka to Eastern as possible. So not only were you going off of miles not responding to the calendar invite at all, but the calendar invite was wrong

and you didn't go off of it. Period. And then continue the transcript. Oh. Because I have an excuse. Yes. Right. Mercury's in retrograde. Starting today. Starting today. So that's actually

really... It doesn't really matter because you did send all the invites yesterday not today yeah sure new moon yesterday though doesn't matter really yeah decision to cancel the record

like I said most of the episode is contingent on miles right so reach out and be like, are you still down? Because he did text and say he was. And then he didn't respond to a calendar invite, which looks like spam.

And then you're like, all right, canceled. It's not happening. Sorry. There was a warning on the email. Yeah. It said something along the lines of like, this person isn't like,

don't trust this. Right. It's a virus. Yeah. I'm a viral man. Yeah yeah the issue is i've only gone viral in terms of load yeah in terms of like having covet three times in terms of like souring people's day i haven't gone viral by the way of like internet sensational fame i thought you had a tiktok that popped off semi recently i not even i had a TikTok that you saw, which is like, you follow me,

so it's not even like, it's not that viral. You want to help me go viral? I can help you. Well, you know, I haven't done anything worth it. I would say all of the rice should go viral. Yeah, we should. We can clip that. TikTok that out, yeah. I mean, the other one went

viral. Sage doesn't... I'm sorry to Sage, but she doesn't know when to clip things out unless told. And I feel like she should have a sort of sixth sense about this shit. It feels so internal. It's the Headcumbe podcast, isn't it? It was never supposed to be the internal workings of the network.

Really? Also, Sage has done a great job for our podcast and the podcast. No, and I agree. Ultimately, I agree. I'm just trying to start some beef to try and get her on the show because she deserves it. And Spar. With you.

Bet you you'll see Spar. Let's talk about the most important thing let's say at the same time three two one you can't answer for no reason yeah yeah fatherhood yeah miles you're significantly younger than amir like you're still in your prime he's over the hill yeah i'm 29 i believe amir is 40 yeah 40 the big 40 yeah how does it feel to not only be doing better than him career-wise but also personally. So you have a wife and a kid. He only has a wife. I started a baby, and he's ending his podcast. Exactly right. Yeah, you're a decade literally behind and younger than me.

You'll outlive me by 10 years on average, maybe even more. It's even good. Although recently, I was talking to Amir and he said, I have so much free time. I'm just trying to fill the day. And I thought that that was kind of cool. Is that true, Amir? Yeah. On a perfect person

pod, we were sort of talking about what my typical day is and how sometimes I do find myself at at four or five, 6 PM wondering like, okay, now what I've sort of done, what I need to do. And without like a family and without like, um, a typical nine to six,

I struggled to fill my afternoons into evenings, not knowing exactly what to do. You shouldn't start filling your holes. Just in terms of like you said, you have, you struggled to fill your time, but maybe you should start struggling to fill your holes. Basically like anal training, sizing up the gauge of the plugs and just see how far you can get. Plugs.

Yeah. But Miles, let's get back to the, you know, again, the most important thing, which is fatherhood. I do want to, just really quickly, and sorry, but I do want to say to Amir, it feels like you just need other hobbies. Yeah, my hobby is watching basketball, which right now takes a lot of time

because there's the playoffs. But come July, I'll be like, uh-oh oh i don't like baseball and that's pretty much it i don't really watch a lot of television or movies either so i need to find a way to fill my six to admit what about cooking i feel like you'd be good at like cooking yeah you can make a filet yeah i mean y'all yeah i've gotten a little bit better during the pandemic for sure but i haven't like really stretched my limits i'm not making like too much complicated things it's

mostly baking slash cast iron skilleting meat putting vegetables either in that pan or in the oven yeah i can sort of kick that up a notch what about zionina seems hard? You should get good at just baking. Yeah, like flan. Oh, flan is not really something you bake, is it?

Well, if you want to make it in the Basque fashion. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say

like cookies just start off easy, right? Yeah. Seven layer bar. Maybe I love I love cookies, but

I don't want to have like, the problem with baking is like you have so many of them around and then you're just eating them all yourself. It's a little indulgent. That's why you bake for people. Bring them into the office. Yeah, that would be nice. I do, I mean, yeah. I'm sort of a cook. I made

steak and eggs the other day and that was kind of good. Steak and eggs is not a good meal, I would say. Really? I think it's gross. It's too much animal. Really? Wow. Say more. How did you cook both the steak and the eggs? Well, I've been freezing meats for a while because my mother-in-law took us

to Costco. That's the opposite. Yeah, she took us to Costco and she said, we had really good steaks there. So she kind of bought us a bunch of steaks. I sliced them all up, put them in the freezer, and six and a half months later, I made a steak and eggs.

And potatoes. It also frees the eggs. The eggs are, of course, frozen. It's an egg custard cold. Yeah. A savory egg custard? A savory egg ice. Like a slurpee?

Like a Luigi's Italian. In the plastic cup. Yeah. You've said nothing of fatherhood other than flam. Well, I'm a dad now. Yeah, you haven't asked me really anything of substance, but I'm a dad. Do you find yourself sighing when you sit down? Is that fair

to ask? I'm very tired, obviously. Why is that obvious? Because of the baby. Okay. So he sort of has trouble sleeping. Listen, do you want some unsolicited advice? You want to let me finish?

You sound like every lover I've ever had. Continue. Oh, yeah. But yeah, no, it's really good. He's really chunky and cute. He's been learning to laugh recently, which is good. So we're sort of running a little circus here,

doing anything we can to sort of sing a song that's going to make him laugh or shake a toy at him and he thinks that's funny. Yeah. But it's going good. I think we're sort of slowly lifting from the fog that is the first

couple months. Jeff, you aren't paying attention. This was the segment you planned. Yeah, here we go. Well, that's it. It happened so fast. Yeah, I think he's editing it.

Well, was that for the editor? I would host a podcast. We're only 14 minutes into this, so we wouldn't be ready for an ad break, right? Question mark. I guess. Yeah, it's in the zone, but I was also sort of joking he's kind of kidding around

um have you named the guy yet of course why is that of course happens instantly I didn't get my name until I was nine what did they call you before that what did they call you untitled

untitled Jeff's mom project. Untitled Liz James project. We have named him. You ready for the name? Yep. Jeffrey Marika Amir. Not Ponce de Lloris. Bloominly. Oh my god.

Bloominly? You named him after an app you wanted to design. Bloomin' Lee. Oh my god. Bloomin' Lee? You named him after an app you wanted to design. Bloomin' Lee. It's a flower app where you take a picture. It's like musically... Ron Ong in Bonsignor. No, his name is Julian.

Right now we call him Baby JJ. Baby JJ? Baby JJ. Do you sing Hey Jude to him because of Julian Lennon? We don't, but we could. Faster, like respond faster for the pacing of the show,

right? Like you kind of took a... Yeah, sorry. John Mulaney's new Netflix comedy special. It's called Baby J. It doesn't matter. No, because this whole thing is the same shtick over and over again, right? You have to reinvent yourself. All of the rice, that took a whole

reinvention personally. I had to go and I was not in Germany. Do you think his going to rehab and then having a child isn't reinventing himself enough? I guess we should have gotten him then for the fatherhood thing because then it could have been Miles and Mulaney. I mean, that'd be huge for me career-wise.

But I will say, when Sarah was pregnant, to amp myself up for parenthood, I would sometimes look at Olivia Munn's Instagram. Why? Yeah, I'd love a little more of that. Because she's a mother. Because she's a mother.

And she would have pictures of John Mulaney. John Mulaney is too cool to kind of post like parenting photos but Olivia Munn's posting and it's like them watching Bosch and that was cool you're like hell yeah they're cool people who are parents and I want to be

that I don't want to be like somebody I don't want to be somebody who's just a parent and that's kind of the whole thing. Yeah. Well, on that subject, shut the fuck up, Amir. On that subject, I had a question. Oh my god. You're so mean to me. You're so mean.

You're so mean. What does Jennifer Coolidge say to that fortune teller? Oh yeah, Amitabh just yelled at you. You're so negative. Shut that clip out and use it as a sound. You're so negative. I'll put it in right here.

Okay. Do you want some unsolicited parenting advice, Miles? And I know I'm not a parent. From you? No, I know I'm not a parent, and that is apparent, but I just want to... Sometimes it's good to get that new perspective, right? Just like in relationships, right? In relationships, you don't want to need the other person but you should

deeply want the other person that's where romance comes in that's where codependence is impossible right so i'm just fearing because it sounds like you've been spending a lot of the time maybe most of your time with a little fucker yeah that maybe you should foster your other hobbies. Maybe you should go out to the club, have a table, have some bottles, and let him do his thing just so that he's not dependent on you. Does that make sense? Well, I like where this is headed

because I do think it's important to have a sense of identity outside of your relationship, outside of your child. Exactly right, yeah. But I think the part that is curious to me is that are you going to the club and getting bottles and grinding and twerking and having that experience? Cause that does not seem appealing to me. I don't do that. No, that's not fun to me. What would be fun to you going Going to a local hot spot?

A dinner. A dinner would be good. Yeah. Dinner oysters with a Negroni and maybe steak frites with some fries. That actually, though, does sound really good. I just got excited because that is right up my alley. Negroni is my favorite drink. Oysters are my favorite soup. Steak frites is basically steak and eggs, but you know, minus one. I,

yeah, yeah. I, when I, I just, I love, you know, it's nice to do a dinner with like eight friends and you're all cracking up.

You're getting a little tipsy, but you get to get, you get, you're in bed by midnight. Oh my God. Wanking it. Absolutely. Jacking it.

What kind of search terms are you up to? Miles Bonsignore feet. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions.

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Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. My Zoom just died. I have to put new batteries in my Zoom. So use it or lose it, I guess. No wall power, huh? He'll never know.

All right, let's see. Just a little curious. We're not using USB power on this one. Yeah, he's right by a wall, definitely. At least. On to the week. Who do you guys got? Sadie Sink.

Wasn't she awful in The Whale? Are you fucking dumb? Sorry, I thought she was great in The Whale and she's great in Stranger Thing. And I think that she's going to be the next star. I think she's going to be huge now that she has, you know, what's his name

on her side who? Brandon you think you think anytime that someone starts a movie with someone else they're like on their side I kind of think that yeah they're a team up

like a celebrity team up when Loki sort of did Thor I think that, yeah, they're a team up, like a celebrity team up when Loki sort of did Thor. Jeff, you keep sipping from a cup, and I'm just a little curious about it. So what time this... You went to Blue Bottle, and you sort of got what this morning

before returning to your girlfriend's home to record this? Bright. A cold brew bright blend, 16 ounce. And it wasn't, I didn't walk to Blue Bottle. It was in the fridge from a previous time. Oh, what? No, it's good.

Day old cold brew in a paper cup. Cold brew is like wine, man. Yeah, it would erode paper. Really? Yeah. My Bond of the Week is Sandy. From Succession. What?

Sandy from Succession. I watched the show. I can't think. Larry Pine. He tried to stage the hostile takeover in season two. Right. Right. Pine.

What? I think he'd be kind of interesting. Sandy is the old guy. Yes. Marika, like, let's keep shit going. Let's not let Amir's fuck up.

Change the pace. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I guess mine's gonna be in that same vein um sorry Amir's doing some sort of performance

art with his lights right now it's a little striking yeah doing shadow puppets actually now I'm gonna change it Where there's lights right now, it's a little distracting. Yeah. Doing shadow puppets. Doing shadow puppets, yeah. Actually, now I'm going to change it. My Bond of the Week is going to be the shadow puppets when we're adjusted. That's good.

It's time for... We can't hear you, dumbass. Okay, let's move on. Twitter verification went the way of Rosamund Pike. It's gone, girl. Yep. Yep. Yep. We lost.

Do we comment on that? Is that our opportunity to sort of chime in, or is that our opportunity to give notes? Either, I think. Yeah, either, I guess. Ideally praise, but yeah. To me, Rosamund Pike is not viral you talked about going viral

Rosamund Pike is not going viral right now and I kind of think that it's a dated reference for something that just happened yeah okay I think that's a good note um it could be like, you know,

it's going like it times the nighttime. It could be like... Addison, rays of sun. Yeah, it could be like... It could be like the stanky leg yeah do the stanky leg that's a little more recent I don't think it is

I don't think so are you guys gonna pay for twitter verification no cause I think I'd be shamed for it. Yeah, it's now sort of a scarlet letter, a badge of dishonor. Sure. So what are better ways to spend $8 a month? Because I would say

me and Riley's Patreon, which is still going. Yeah, I guess. Miles' Patreon. That's right. You could pop on there. Perfect person premium premium perfect person platinum you could also probably pay for like Hulu with ads which I just kind of think is a bad

service but I think it's probably worth the $7 go further back from your camera I didn't like that at all that's so much better uh this is just a funny headline the starship rocket exploded so why did spacex cheer did they i didn't read the article i will say that one of my favorite things is that Andrew Pyle, our CTO, often posts video footage of rocket launches and is excited in our Slack.

He's like, the biggest rocket ever is about to launch. And he did that with this one. And then 15 minutes later said it blew up. Wow. And that's really just how I get my rocket news. Word of the day? Word of the goddamn day. It's back.

What was it? I definitely said that before. I didn't hear it. Not at the right time. Not at the right time. My ears were ready to hear the I word. Uh-huh. All right.

Here we go. I recently found IDR Labs, right is individual differences research and they have um various tests uh they have this uh drama test which is about how we all play victim rescuer persecutor in regard to human drama uh and then there's like marines test which is like could you figure shit out in the marines there's also the anger test which i think would be good for marika um so i don't want to take the poo test yeah okay it's not about uh which it's just gonna match your personality with a winnie the pooh character, which is a borderline BuzzFeed article. I wanted y'all to pick out one of these and we'll just do it.

I have a question first. Do you have IMDb Pro bookmarked because you're sort of seeing if your credits have updated? Or are you just going there carte blanche to kind of see who is who? I like to keep up with the star meter. I like to see who's the most famous people in Hollyweird. And yet you made a Rosamund Pike reference. Well, I like to keep it between 50,000 and 100,000. You should try to keep it 100. That's really funny.

No, it's not because it doesn't mean anything. Like, what did you mean, Amir? Elaborate. Like you said, you like to keep it between 50, it's not, because it doesn't mean anything. What did you mean, Amir? Elaborate. You said you like to keep it between 50,000 and 100,000. I was like, you should try to keep it 100. So it was a joke. Yeah, keep it a bean.

Let's do this shit. What do you guys want to do? I guess the Nazi one. Let's do the Nazi one. Let's not do that. Let's not do that. Should we do the... I feel like you scrolled by a bunch of good ones. We could do the South Park test. That's funny. How big of a beefcake are you?

That's not funny. We want to do the psychopath test. That's kind of cool. We can sort of uncover what Jeff's inner workings are. That's kind of cool. We can sort of uncover what Jeff's kind of inner workings are. That's cool. By the way, you couldn't do this episode without Miles, but it seems pretty generic.

Alright, let's see. Ready? Yeah, I'm a little confused about that. There was parents test right at the top. Yeah. That's why you went to the side. Okay, here. Why don't you guys do this for me? Okay. I want to assess someone I know.

Yeah. Next. Person has a grandiose sense of self-worth. I mean, yeah. It applies very well. It applies very well. I think the IMDb Pro on the bookmark tab sort of answers that. Easy or unconstrained.

I feel like those are kind of opposite things to me. Yeah, he's not like, he's very purposeful and trying to do stuff, so it doesn't seem easy. It seems like he's sort of fighting against it. But unconstrained feels

like he makes plans and then drops them. Right. Which one is the, which one is bad? Should we do does not apply or applies very well? I basically want to be like, he's not easy or unconstrained. It does not apply.

I think. Yeah. This is so fucked up. Pathological liar. I mean, he did cancel the show and he said that he texted me and stuff. So I didn't say that I texted you. I said,

I hadn't texted you. I was honest. I just wasn't smart about it. Yeah. I said I hadn't texted you. I was honest. I just wasn't smart about it. I'd say it does not apply. Yeah. Not pathologically. Yeah. This person lives like a parasite on others.

They never pay back. Cynically exploiting others for favors. I mean, I would say, yeah. He does sort of do social mind games. So you think I'm like a cancer. Yeah. back cynically splitting others for favors I mean I would say yeah like he does sort of do social mind games so you think I'm like a

cancer yeah yeah I'm not a cancer parasite parasite yeah elite easier

yeah this person has poor behavioral controls and finds it hard to keep their impulses in check

I mean that feels open partially yeah all right I'd say it applies partially. Yeah. All right. I'd say this does not apply. All right. This person has a history of juvenile delinquency

and or crime. Have you ever been arrested? I got a ticket for drinking in public in Williamsburg. Let's go apply partially. Yeah, partially. The person has had many serious romantic relationships that have fallen apart after a short time. I don't know if you guys know me well enough to answer

this question. Yeah, what's the answer here? No. Yeah, I was going to say no. What does that say about you that the people who are closest to you that you work with don't know you well enough? A liar? I don't know. I wouldn't say you guys are like my closest

friends. Wow. I love all you guys except for Amir, but I want to I like to keep things separate. What does that mean? That means I'm a Scorpio moon. Let's do applies partially. Are you Scorpio sun and moon?

No, I'm a Sag sun. Scorpio moon. I like to call myself a Trojan horse. I'm Sag rising. And I'm sad of you rising. This person has a habit of blaming others for their own problems. Obviously. You just blamed Mercury on the fact that you just didn't read your own calendar invite.

This person has at some point in their life been given a mild reprimand or warning by the authorities on the condition that they did not repeat their offense. Yet they ended up repeating the offense anyway. I mean, I think the scheduling thing had been kind of repeated. You took him to court. Yeah. Took him to court. Applies very well.

Moving on. I think Jeff has goals. No, this applies very well. Absolutely. I keep getting Instagram recommendations for Rodney's closet. Wait, but that means he has realistic... Oh, realistic, I see.

I think Jeff has long-term goals. They're just not realistic, if that makes sense. What are some of those goals, Jeff? I guess I'm curious. Maybe this is a situation where we can deepen our relationship. I don't think so, because I think they're embarrassing to talk about. And I like to move in silence like lasagna. What? Like you wanted to... I mean, the CBS,

you were sort of on a CBS thing. Sure. But that's a one-off. We live in a gig economy. So it's like, just because you do that doesn't mean anything else is ever going to happen. You got hired through Lyft to do that? I got high in a Lyft to do that. Okay. happen. You got hired through Lyft to do that? I got high in a Lyft to do that. The person has an excessive need for stimulation and is prone to boredom.

Applies very well. The person has often tricked, conned, or manipulated people. Applies very well. I don't know. I'd say it does not apply. I mean, getting people on the show, Venmoing their money, asking their money back,

it's all just sort of... Let's do applies partially. This person is overly impulsive. I'd say applies very well. The person generally evades responsibility and does not answer to anyone in their life. That's probably the most, right?

The person is characterized by shallow emotional responses. I'd say, I don't know. I think that doesn't apply. Well, the fact that he doesn't want to answer any serious questions on the show but he asks very intense. But that's because it's in public. I'll answer you guys in

private. You said you want to keep the thing separate. You're trying to derail the show. No, I just thought. Say does not apply. That's a relevant question. The person displays a lack of remorse or guilt. Yeah, you did

say sorry earlier, so. The person has a history of... Why'd you say does not apply? A lack of remorse. You said I did say sorry. Oh, God. Kind of a double negative. The person has a history of promiscuous sexual behavior. Yeah.

Well, you told me you're at Bird's trying to pick up every night. But you can say anything. Yeah. Yeah. What is that? It's like a boom anything. Yeah. Yeah. What is that? I'm holding a boombox. I can say anything. Nice.

Again. Maybe check in IMDb Pro a little sooner. A person has a history of exhibiting cruelty to others. Is leaving seafood on my front door cruel no I say doesn't apply Miles you've been the tiebreaker this whole time

I mean I don't know you that well but every time well let's hang on for for what I mean you seem like every time I've seen you I haven't For... For what? For what? I mean, you seem like every time I've seen you, I haven't really witnessed you doing anything cruel, necessarily.

It does not apply. The person has broken many different types of law. That's not... This, I'll say, does not apply. Yeah, I don't think so. It doesn't apply. Let's see. Whoa.

This makes the person you rated 48% more psychopathic than the average person. That being said, he does not qualify as a psychopath on the psychopathy checklist. And honestly, your highest one is just lifestyle. Oh, wait. Sorry. Yeah. Can't hear it at all. By the way, you're definitely a lot closer.

You're really close to the threshold and really above average. Well, that's because half of those jokes you guys skewed the answers. I'm not promiscuous. I made for life. Like a

penguin? That doesn't mean anything. Ha ha ha! Um... Um... Um... We're not going gonna take any other apparently not

I'll take the poo one and let you guys know who I am I am curious about that you guys want to do another test I don't know man it's your it's your deal it's my deal do you have anything else planned?

I did. This was the one that was contingent on Miles. Oh, this is the one. Okay. Welcome to Miles Smiles. Is there more or is it just that? It is basically going to be we're going to go one by one and see who can make a genuine smile

crawl across your visage. And you can't play into it. Like, truly, we have to make you experience a dopamine release. Okay, cool. Does that make sense? That's really nice, man. Let's start with Marika.

That's cruel. I don't know if I need to go with genuinely nice or funny but I'll go with genuinely nice which is that every time one of Miles' TikToks pops up on my feed oh no

she's doing really well she's smiling that's very nice that's very nice of you I appreciate that you're welcome Miles alright well hang on

I have to wash off the joy that Marika gave me yeah you need like a palate cleanser think of like a sad animal or something yeah Yeah, like my dog. I was like pissed. Okay. Yeah. Alright. Miles,

I think I'd like to take you out for the aforementioned friends dinner where we go to L&E Oyster Bar. We both get Negronis and maybe some of our other friends are there. Maybe you meet some new faces. I'm not sure. You seem like an extroverted guy. Maybe you meet some new friends, people you would vibe with. We're getting the fries. We're dipping

them in mayo and then ketchup. We're getting the lobster rolls. You get the hot. I get the cold we split them and we have half of each right and to wash it all down not on the menu but we ask them to blend ice cream into a milkshake and we also bring our own malted milk powder so you're gonna get fucking diarrhea you're eating hot lobster and a milkshake that you made them make with malt powder. And cold lobster apparently. Hot and cold and we split them. You almost got a smile out of them and then it

quickly turned to disgust. I know. I was kind of like psyched at first, to be honest. And then I think that the lobster... I started panicking when I got to dessert. It was long before dessert. Fine, let's just go to Lapu Bell, alright, in Franklin Village

and let's get a quinoa and then a carafe of wine. And let's toast to all the good times we've had and to all the bad times we've had. Wait, what was it? We've had a all the, uh, wait, what was it? Um, we've had a lager drink. We've had another, what's that fucking song.

I fucked this up. We had a whiskey drink. We had a lot. We had a vodka drink. We had another drink. So we'll have an old fashioned or rather a bold fashion because it's going to be made with way. And then we're going to have a beer and then we're going to have, uh, I don't know, I guess a martini. And then we're going to have

another drink, which that one is kind of a flex spot. You can have whatever you want at this point. We'll be drunk and we'll be dancing. We're just going to be dancing and shaking our asses like that one viral dog. I fucked this up. I panicked again because you're not showing any signs of life, any signs of joy. I feel like I did smile a couple times in there, but then you described us getting blacked out on some sort of weekday after a shrimp and lobster buffet, which I like. Again, I do want to hang out.

You don't want to take a risk after drinking a bisque? I mean, I preferably would not like to have bisque before I have a martini, but I guess we could. So this bourbon made out of whey? Yeah. That was an attempt to make you smile. Yeah, the whole fucking game was an attempt to make you smile. You don't have to explain why you did it.

Amir, let's hear from you. Clearly, Marika's in first. Did you ever know that you're my old? You're everything I would bond, senior. If I could have my miles in a burrito Then I would eat Ponsi Mior today Sorry, it's not me. You got me.

You didn't have me at first. Or even at the end. I think Marika won by a landslide. And I don't even remember what she said. Yeah, Marika did just a nice... She just said a nice compliment, genuinely. Oh, yeah. I like your fucking TikToks or whatever.

That doesn't sound genuine at all. It's so aggressive. I will say that, Miles, your segment on the 24-hour live stream was the funniest segment, not only of the live stream, but of the month. Oh, wow. That's really nice. Honestly, is there a place that I can watch that? I thought that... The footage was lost.

Clugs! What do you guys have going on? What do you want to point the people towards? Let's start with Miles because he's our guest. He's our guest. Let's see if he has anything to plug. Yeah, let's hear what he says. Check out my show, Perfect Person. It's a call-and-advice show on the HeadGum Network. There's a lot of fun episodes.

And if you like the show, I have a Patreon where I do bonus episodes, and I just did the 420 Bongcast, where I got a little stoned, and I took calls from stoners on 420's Eve, and they had sort of stoner conundrums that I solved on the show. So check out Perfect Person.

I guess my TikToks, too, have gotten a lot of namesay today. So you can check that out too. Jess, did you get high yesterday on 420? I don't do drugs. Is that true? I just don't want to influence anybody. You think that this show is so clean that you're such a good influence like Cart Blanche

that you saying you do drugs would be surprising to people? What is it about me that makes people think I do drugs? The man bun and the sunglasses. What about my airs? Your what? The airs that I put on, like my general air.

I think... Sorry, shut the fuck up. Do you think I'm a Cheshire man Yes Is that like Cheshire cat Yeah Marika did you get high last night Uh No

Alright And I want to be clear I don't always get Stoned it's just that No I mean you've made your point All right. And I want to be clear. I don't always get stoned. It's just that... No, I mean, you've made your point. Like everyone should do every single drug they can get their fucking dirty little grabbers on. I didn't say that.

And they should treat weed as much as, you know, the same as fentanyl recreationally. Did not say that. Whoa, I didn't say that. But I think that it can be sometimes a good way to relax. But I have a baby, so I can't really get ultra-stoned anymore because even if I have the evening to myself,

I often have to wake up the next morning to care for my kin. I wasn't going to say anything, but yeah, it's good that you brought that up. Absolutely. I did have CBD to go to sleep. We got to figure this shit out we gotta wrap this up we gotta make next week feel differently than this because the last thing I wanted to hear on this Friday

was Marie being like I did have CBD at Jeffrey James on Instagram at Jeff Boyardee on Twitter and yeah that's it Amir what do you got actually sorry continue

you ever know that you're my old? You're everything I would bone senior. If I could have miles in a burrito, then you I would eat bone senior today. Fly. What was your plug?

Oh, plugs. I'm on TikTok. Okay. That's there. that was a Hidgum original