The Headgum Podcast - 155: Absentee Geoff

Episode Date: June 2, 2023

Marika steps in as the "de facto Geoff" in the first-ever episode of the show sans Geoff. Amir, Anya, and Casey bring up the rear / endure.  Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.f...m Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Been getting into Amaro recently. Nice. What is that? Amaro's good. I said nice. Amaro's good.
Starting point is 00:00:18 This is Amaro Nonino, which I believe is derived from hazelnuts. It's sort of a sweeter thing. That's cool, man. That's great. You obviously haven't opened the bottle, so you're not getting into it. Somebody gave you a gift. This is the first episode
Starting point is 00:00:40 where I've genuinely felt uncomfortable. I forget that we're recording. I will eat your ass. Um, all right. I'm going to click on one of these and hope it's the show intro because couldn't tell you which one, which button it is.
Starting point is 00:01:01 All right. Nope. Okay. Also no. It's not labeled like intro? That was intro dash music. So.
Starting point is 00:01:20 I always imagine Jeff had all these sound effects labeled as if they were, uh, the Zodiac's code. Yeah. It's kind of like that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:31 Uh, I think I found it. That is it. Hey, we know that. We know that. Yeah. What was,
Starting point is 00:01:41 uh, what was that one labeled actually in the end? Headgum Podcast Intro well it's in a separate there's two sections to Jeff's soundboard one is favorites and one is uploaded and then I checked
Starting point is 00:01:58 uploaded and obviously that's where it was so I'll just have to remember that and he did say to have both open. So now that makes sense. Yeah. Can you kind of go over the instructions you get? Can you read the email?
Starting point is 00:02:13 Yeah. Or even share the screen? I won't share the screen, but I will go through line by line of what I was given. We should say, welcome to the HeadGum Podcast. Jeff is not here. He's kind of left us high and dry, as it were.
Starting point is 00:02:31 He's in Kentucky doing God knows what. And I received an email last night at like around 9.30 p.m. saying, hello, Dash dash way too formal um attaching the outline for tomorrow's episode here um as per discussion you'll be stepping in as the de facto me uh and then there's an attachment a p PDF attachment of his outline. Don't know why it's PDF. And he gave me the login to, uh,
Starting point is 00:03:10 his soundboard. But as we all know, Jeff soundboard is publicly available on the internet. So I just used that link and didn't log in using his password. That is, uh, definitely his password for other things besides this so good work are you gonna read that out
Starting point is 00:03:27 I won't do that give us a character let's see if we can guess it we'll bleep it out if we get it right oh is it Jeff I knew it it is not
Starting point is 00:03:44 I guess we could do intros even though that doesn't really happen anymore but the first line item on this outline is intro for the first five minutes I also don't have a timer up which could prove to be a problem but you know whatever um does he usually i think so solely because sometimes he's like we have to move on to this thing at this time mark and he did list out times um i've been rolling for five minutes
Starting point is 00:04:22 yeah like that feels five yeah. Yeah. That feels correct. It feels crazy listening back to some of these episodes knowing that there was a plan that was down to the minute, in fact. I would agree. What else does he have planned? What would the show be like if there was no... Yeah, more chaos. Do you guys know what Jeff is doing in Kentucky? He's been
Starting point is 00:04:47 there for almost a month. No idea. He's learning to horseback ride. Did he give us a heads up or he's like, hey, I'm in Kentucky this month? You can do that here. He wanted us to be in the derby next year. He didn't give us a heads up. You don't have to train in
Starting point is 00:05:03 Kentucky to race in the Kentucky Derby Why are you telling me this? Tell Jeff I can The Kentucky Derby Has Has jockeys Is that correct?
Starting point is 00:05:20 I didn't know if it was that Or just the horses running on their own They know where to go you're thinking of dog racing yeah I am super thinking of greyhound racing anyway what's the whole thing
Starting point is 00:05:35 I'm Marika Amir's here bringing up the rear Casey's on the fax and Anya's on the sax. That's pretty good. Thank you. So far, we don't miss them at all.
Starting point is 00:05:52 Yeah, I think I'm kind of crushing it. But it's still really early. Yeah. Yeah, we're only six months in. Yeah, I should say before I really get into it, there is at the bottom of this outline a um, a highlighted section titled tips for hosting. Um, and I will take them to heart.
Starting point is 00:06:10 Uh, the first one is cut people off at your leisure slash slash pleasure. Um, if you find your own face is red, cut to break. Yeah, that makes sense. Uh,
Starting point is 00:06:23 when in doubt, make a pun off something a guest just said lean on the soundboard to put funny moments through in general act incredulously put out by your own show slash the guests um i feel like i'd be better at the soundboard one if I knew what all of these were. Yeah, like if they were labeled at all. I'm kind of... The worst!
Starting point is 00:06:52 Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Thank you. I was going to say, let's try out your skills. Let's maybe talk about something, and then if someone says something funny, hit us with a sound effect.
Starting point is 00:07:03 Yeah, we are in the wax portion. Oh, he has the whole episode outlined. Yes. So how long is the wax portion? Yeah, are there any parts we can cut kind of from the top? Because I have like a meaning. Yeah, I mean, I think that there's a few things. The wax portion is technically 15 minutes.
Starting point is 00:07:24 And I'm fine with cutting one of the segments at the end of that, that there's a few things. The wax portion is technically 15 minutes. Um, and I'm fine with cutting one of the segments at the end of that, which happens to be Marika's druthers. Um, because it feels kind of pointless right now. Um, but yeah, what,
Starting point is 00:07:36 what's everyone been up to? What's dating like in LA, et cetera. Great Jeff question. Um, well, I could tell you Amir's engaged Anya lives with her boyfriend
Starting point is 00:07:49 and I haven't been on a date in several months that's what it's like over here oh that was good that was really good actually nice thank you did you choose that randomly or was that on purpose That was really good, actually. Nice. Thank you. Did you choose that randomly or was that on purpose?
Starting point is 00:08:09 I did it on purpose, but very quickly because the first thing I saw was, oh shit, I was going to do the clap one. That felt meaner. That felt mean. Clap feels mean. The clap would have felt very Jeff of you. Yeah. Casey and I became regulars at a bar last week. Is that cool? Whoa. How do you become regulars?
Starting point is 00:08:34 I'm the regular. I'm the regular. I went back and then they were like, where's Anya? And I said, I don't know. Oh, so you guys both went once and then Casey went a second time and they're like, where's Anya? And I said, I don't know. Oh, so you guys both went once and then Casey went a second time and they're like, where's Anya? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:49 So I think we are regulars, though. I think that qualifies. Do we dare say where it is or is that too personal slash private? We don't want people blowing up our spot, but it is a cool place named for an animal. It is the roost. Got it.
Starting point is 00:09:04 Oh, it's not named for an animal, I guess. The rooster is an animal. It is the roost. Oh, it's not named for an animal. I guess. The rooster is an animal. But the roost is not an animal. Right. Well, you come home to roost. Yeah. We're the chickens.
Starting point is 00:09:19 That feels like that could be a Jeff phrase. Yeah. We should add that into the script. Just the roost? Like coming home to roost feels like something he's going to start saying at some point. Jeff would do something like coming home to roost. I'm coming home to juiced. Oh, that's good.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Did you hear that sound? It was the word of the day or something. Yeah. The word of the day is Jeff. Oh, interesting. So congrats to Casey. I'm not going to Venmo you, though. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:51 It's also time for Bond of the Week. And I have one specifically selected. It's Mark D. Jansen, the CEO of Blue Diamond Growers, because it's time for a James Almond. Right. Any questions?
Starting point is 00:10:12 No, we got it. No. Anya, who's your Bond of the Week? You're becoming Jeff the more you host this show. Don't you realize? I know, like the power in her eyes. Whatever is happening is fucking contagious.
Starting point is 00:10:30 Yeah, we all hate being on the show unless we're hosting and Marika's having the best time she's ever had. Major key alert. Have the power at hand and the soundboard in your browser and you'll be a god of sorts. Did you read that or say that? I just said it. It just came out.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Oh my god. Did you see? You're fucking me coming, Jeff. I'm fucking scared. Yeah, this is strange. Because then he's going to come back and there's going to be two of them. Right.
Starting point is 00:11:01 Well, we'll see. He might overpower me. Oh, I see. We're going to be editing your face to look more like Jeff's throughout the episode. Oh my god, with AI? AI, yeah. Any other Bonds of the Weeks? Jimmy Butler.
Starting point is 00:11:22 Jimmy Buffett. Because his name is already sort of James Bond. Same with Jimmy Buffett. Because his name is already sort of James Bond. Same with Jimmy Buffett. Yeah. Jimmy James Butler Bondler. It's all sort of in the same. Imagine if it was... Jimmy James Butler Bondler.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Yes. The third. Exactly. Do you think the series would be as successful as if his name was Bondler the name's Bondler James Bondler pass
Starting point is 00:11:53 Casey my bond of the week is Shaquille O'Neal. Another basketball player. He's a basketball player and he's a spokesman for
Starting point is 00:12:12 Gold Bond Powder. Hello? That's pretty good. We needed a... Yeah. I was going to say that was a good audio. Yeah. I was going to say, that was a good audio. Yeah, I was kind of looking for one. And I don't really know how to turn these off.
Starting point is 00:12:35 Oh, there we go. Because what Jeff normally does is he'll hit the button first. It'll be the wrong sound cue. He'll hit the right sound cue, and then he'll cut it off with applause. Oh, yeah. So I i gotta get used to that yeah that's kind of you gotta like train the muscle memory of uh yeah it's a lot of just like scrolling up and down um it's week five of the wga strike oh weirdly i didn't get to give a bond of the week. Oh, I thought you gave Jimmy Buffett. Oh, great. Do you want another one? No, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:13:10 I was going to be the waitress from The Roost. Oh. Where I'm now a regular. Where soon she'll know if I get shaken or stirred. Ooh. Is that in Atwater? Yeah, Los Feliz. Off Los Feliz Boulevard, right down the street
Starting point is 00:13:26 from the Bigfoot Lodge. Come on out, folks. We're really blowing up our spot. Yeah. Yeah, this just says discuss WGA strike week five. Still going strong.
Starting point is 00:13:42 I don't know what else to say. We could talk about my vacation instead if we wanted to yeah let's do that that's way more fun real quick just I looked up the roost and it said it's a unpretentious pub with a jukebox and Thai
Starting point is 00:13:57 entrees that's right have you had the Thai food there I have not and what's the, like it's just a bar, a dive bar with just pad see you. Have you never been to the Roos?
Starting point is 00:14:10 Never been. It's a dive bar that was bought by like a Thai couple. And so they make their food there. Do they have pad see you? Yeah. And are people just eating it at the bar? I don't see a lot of people ordering. I love this place.
Starting point is 00:14:28 I'm going to give it a no comment on the food. Got it. It's a cash-only bar. Cash-only bar, but they have like pad thai. Yeah, you can pay for the food with a credit card, but if you want a beer, you have to pay cash. Are there licenses in order,
Starting point is 00:14:47 do we think? They serve alcohol or there must be some sort of a... It just feels like let's keep things separate. Food's food, drinks drinks. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Well, it was always a cash-only bar.
Starting point is 00:15:04 It used to also be even dingier than it is now. It's pretty clean these days at the Roost. Come on by. You'll catch me there. Today, when you hear this. Have you had the chicken wings? We have
Starting point is 00:15:20 to move on. I was going to... That's fine. Just a quick yes or no. No. But we did have the chicken tenders and fries
Starting point is 00:15:30 and they were good. We went with Mike Mitchell. He ordered the chicken tenders for the table. fries and chicken tenders. Which I think is smart. Right.
Starting point is 00:15:38 It's almost like they don't need the Thai food. They read the room and they say, what do these people want? So why the Thai food at all? In the summer, they have like a back patio,
Starting point is 00:15:47 but it's just like a folding table in the parking lot. Yeah. And there's just like curry. I went on my first date there with my boyfriend. Which Casey said... Was I there? No. Did you do that in front of me?
Starting point is 00:16:06 I told you this the other day and you said you would never take a date there. A first date? To the Roost? A cash only bar? Which I thought is a perfect first date spot. Get a Tom Yum soup and a fucking stein of cider?
Starting point is 00:16:22 Yeah, but you have to pay separately. I haven't used cash in a decade. Yeah. Marika, how was your trip? Yeah, speaking of cash, I didn't get a single cash conversion when I went to London. Only used my card.
Starting point is 00:16:45 It was great. I used to be the Only used my card. It was great. I used to be the biggest thing in international travel. You got to get the currency early and make an appointment with a bank and exchange it at a good rate and call your phone company. Calling your bank to tell them you're going out of the country. Let them know that you're internationally traveling.
Starting point is 00:17:00 Now it's just like, yeah, I'm in London. I'm just using the same card as always and they'll just deal with it later. It was delightful. i had a great time saw a lot of faves saw six shows six shows in how many days five four yeah three that's a lot every night show every night too Every night a show. Every night. And sometimes two. Yeah. Once two. Saw a lot of long shows too. Isn't one of them called Six? There is a show called Six. I didn't see that on my trip there.
Starting point is 00:17:35 But I've seen it before. Was the goal of your trip to see all these shows? Yes. Wow. Originally I made the trip, or I booked the trip because they announced that Groundhog Day, the musical, was coming back to England. It's one of my favorite shows. Saw it four times on Broadway. It was like, that'll be fun if I go to this. I miss this show. Bought a ticket when they went on sale. Didn't have tickets to London. And then as it kept getting closer to the date, they kept announcing more shows that I was like, I really want to see this. There's like a Brokeback Mountain play
Starting point is 00:18:06 starring Lucas Hedges and Mike Feist. Got a ticket for that. What was my mom's boyfriend in? He was in the play A Little Life. Oh, right. Based off of the book. Amir, do you have a question or are you waving at a question? He's doing one of these, which is
Starting point is 00:18:22 crazy. Yeah, a horn. This is a stupid question, but i bet nobody here knows the answer to so i'm already getting pre-mad at you guys for calling it a stupid question you called it that yeah you go to london to see the plays are the actors british follow-up do all the characters have british accents or are they British actors playing Americans in the play? Well, Amir, depends on the play. But I can do a rundown for you. We've got Cabaret.
Starting point is 00:18:53 That's a bevy of accents. Most of them were British. Some doing, one doing an American accent that was very bad. Some doing British accents. Some doing German accents. I actually saw the movie Cabaret over the pandemic. It's very, very good. It's one of my favorite musicals.
Starting point is 00:19:12 What about Brokeback? British dudes? Brokeback was two American actors, Lucas Hedges, Ben is back. I don't know who those people are. Manchester by the Sea. Lucas Hedges. That's American too, right?
Starting point is 00:19:25 Yeah. Because Manchester's fucking England as well. You're all over the place. Manchester by the Sea is Boston area, but sure, go on. Mike Feist, American. They went to the West End to do this show. They're doing American accents. The rest of the cast, British, doing American accents that were hit or miss.
Starting point is 00:19:44 Wow. I've never heard of... You often see it the other way around, but rarely an entire play where a British guy's doing an American accent. Well, A Little Life set in New York, all of them doing American accents, all but
Starting point is 00:19:58 one of them British. How is his accent? What's his name? James Norton James James Norton the light of my life star of Grantchester the television show Grantchester by the sea yep
Starting point is 00:20:13 honestly they should yeah they should his accent was great he was so good very depressing show he's my mom and Marika's fave yeah just cute i we send we send photos i send photos through anya of him to get his mom's her mom's opinion on him and she's always just like oh oh he's so cute um so that was fun he's in his 30s it was
Starting point is 00:20:42 really depressing show if you know the book a Life, it's about a lot of traumatic events. It's very dark. It's the darkest. It's pretty dark. There's a lot of, there's like s*** attempts and s*** and nudity in the show. I had to lock away my phone. In a yonder bag because a bunch of people were nude. And I was sitting on stage. How close were you to a private part? Pretty
Starting point is 00:21:13 close. Wow. Were you allowed on stage? Was I allowed? Yeah. Yeah. Marika streaked. Sorry, everybody. Iika streaked. Sorry, everybody. I was so inspired. I, too, want to be nude on stage. She did it for my mom.
Starting point is 00:21:35 She said, this one's for Yelena. Ran across the stage. Tackled instantly. Oh, my God. Naked, which is crazy. Tased forever. The cops are also naked. This is a dream you had.
Starting point is 00:21:52 Marika's been in New York. She didn't even leave the house. I don't leave. This would be something like this. All your things lined up. I feel like it can't be real. My face is red, so I am going to cut to break.
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Starting point is 00:23:25 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. I don't know where the and we're back sound is. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. There it is. And we're back. before we get into
Starting point is 00:23:48 sorry remember people used to say that about London what's that? there we go yes yeah you really broke character to talk about London but Jeff's back food great
Starting point is 00:24:04 had a great time, Went to Nando's. Had a cheeky Nando's. Went to one of my favorite restaurants, Cricket. Fish and chips. Fish and chippies? A bottle of Nando's, is it? A bottle of Nando's.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Have you even been to the UK? A bottle of Nando's. Have you even been to the UK? Uh-oh, Nando's. Well, I never ever considered that. No, I do. That's how you do a fucking British accent. Not like these messed up actors who can't pull it off. Exactly. That's why Amir asked that question.
Starting point is 00:24:41 He was just waiting for someone to set him up to do his own. To compliment slash have me on stage. You'd be streaking doing a better accent than they are. Yeah. Let's get into the news of the week. AI poses risk of extinction, industry leaders warn. I saw that on the news. So why make it?
Starting point is 00:25:04 Whoop. Right. So why make it? Whoop. Right. Um. So why make it? Why did Oppenheimer make the bomb, you know? Exactly. Follow the money. Follow the money. Uh, it says here, I don't put raw eggs in bowls, hand them out to my friends, and then
Starting point is 00:25:22 wince and say, this poses the risk of diarrhea. Is that related to the AI? Was that like a note that Jeff wrote for you? Yeah, it's a bullet point. The first bullet was, so I make it, and the second one was that. Discuss. What would
Starting point is 00:25:43 have been a better name for Jake's's daughter and there's the thinking emoji i think it should have been krandus right it's kind of lead your careers were kind of leading up to that point yeah it should have been an inside joke true instead it was like a family name or something i do think that if Jeff was hosting, he asked that none of us would participate. We wouldn't want to give him that, yeah, sort of positive reinforcement. We didn't really dig into the AI thing.
Starting point is 00:26:18 I sort of read up on that. No, we did. Casey was like, I'm a big fan of Oppenheimer's work, and I support what he did. Pro bomb. Wow, you just put several words in my mouth. No, we did. Casey was like, I'm a big fan of Oppenheimer's work, and I support what he did. Oh yeah, he was pro-bomb. Wow, you just put several words in my mouth. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me.
Starting point is 00:26:31 You're not that guy. Anyway, George Maharis TV heartthrob of Route 66 is dead at 94. Who? Sorry. R.I.P., but who? I don't know. George Maharis? R.I.i.p but who uh i don't know uh george maharis r.i.p r.i.p uh there's also um the new segment so what which i guess i'll just say things and then you respond, so what? Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:08 Haley and Justin Bieber get cheeky on vacation in south of France from people. So what? So what? A prominent Boise coffee shop for years. The Starbucks has closed. From the Idaho statesman.
Starting point is 00:27:24 The Starbucks? closed. From the Idaho Statesman. The Starbucks? This Starbucks. Oh, got it. Just a random Starbucks in Idaho. Just a random Starbucks. You're right. Yeah. Beer on ice is fine sometimes from the tasting table.
Starting point is 00:27:40 Yeah, that's a good sign. Yeah, so what? Well, I want to hear more, actually. That's like a dive bar thing. If you go to a real dive bar during the day, there's old men drinking beer on ice with a straw. Sounds delightful. It's like a satay.
Starting point is 00:27:57 Beer on ice or beer piping hot. It's your choice. I don't like that. Cruise passenger vanishes after falling overboard off Florida coast from the Idaho Statesman. Why was he only reading the Idaho
Starting point is 00:28:13 news? Yeah, there are a few from there. That was less of a so what. I'm interested in that as well. A case for Benoit Blanc to solve. Wow, very Benoit Blanc to solve. Wow, very true. I am really scared of cruise ships.
Starting point is 00:28:33 If you've ever been on the cruise ship's death website, I'm sure they're covering this extensively because that's a website that exists. I've never been on a cruise. I had to go on one for work. It was bad. I'm sorry. It's okay. My room to go on one for work. It was bad. I'm sorry. It's okay. My room had no windows.
Starting point is 00:28:48 Terrifying. My jock husband keeps calling our son a nerd from Slate. Pretty good. Are we supposed to say so what? So what? Yeah, I guess so. That's sad. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:08 I'm team nerd, son. It's time for our first segment. That I'm nervous about. Because it says Rice Burn. It's 10 minutes long. We don't have to make it that long um and there's lyrics here so i guess i have to sing a song now uh and say read it not a 10 minute song it's a song segment jeff has written a song he says sing the song then ask for feedback if anyone pushes back come back thrice as hard at them personal attacks etc uh don't let anyone tell you the song ain't good um which is kind of
Starting point is 00:30:01 it's like he wrote it so obviously he's gonna say that um but i am sight reading this and i honestly i i did look up when he sent me this email i did look up um the song and i opened the karaoke track um and he immediately facetimed me and was like, don't open the song. So... Okay, so here we go. Yeah. Live.
Starting point is 00:30:34 We can all hear this, right? Yes. What's the name of the song again? Rice Burn. Okay. Long intro. burn okay long intro of course how do you know when to start uh from this karaoke track this is the pan pour some soy and burn it tan This is the pan.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Pour some soy and burn it tan. Feel the pot heat and Dan. Grab cans of rice for the pan. Cans, of course. For this is the pan. Cans, of course. For this is a pan. What song is this? I've scalded soy and brought some sand. Got it.
Starting point is 00:31:41 So racy that I grow my glands. Awful. Starting to pour rice from cans. Oh, God. Canned rice. Let the rice burn when it jars brown. Tummy swill churn for six quenched rice. Oh, God. Oh, God,
Starting point is 00:32:06 let the sand scald when it sears thus. Sand scald. Wash it all down with the pint of
Starting point is 00:32:15 a thick malt. A thick malt. Yes, a thick malt yeah so I guess any notes feedback or otherwise it's a hard song to throw it's a really hard song to say
Starting point is 00:32:37 it's a really good I don't know the words to regular Skyfall yeah no you honestly killed that. Yeah, you did very good. My main feedback. How did you know that rhythm, the song, the melody? How did you know that stuff?
Starting point is 00:32:53 I kind of just guessed and I'm looking at the, I had to look at the karaoke track text and match it to his lyrics. It's really not that good. In hard for real time yeah holy shit marika participates in the cultural conversation though she knows the song yeah i saw skyfall in the navy pier imax theater okay if we can move on to the feedback section yeah sure sure sure sure sure i think canned canned rice is a funny concept i think saying pan six or seven times in the opening verse is yeah lazy lazy writing i see yeah i can read the lyrics one more time since i did laugh during half of them um it's this is the pan Pour some soy and burn it. Tan.
Starting point is 00:33:47 Feel the pot heat and Dan. What's in Dan? Like, and then? Yeah, I think that's Jeff slash Amir colloquialism. Okay. And Dan. Sorry about that. Yeah, right? No.
Starting point is 00:34:03 It could be yes grab cans of rice for the pan for this is the pan sorry for this is a pan I've scalded soy and brought some sand so racy that I grow my glands
Starting point is 00:34:20 and if I can add a note awful lyric terrible so bad start pour starting to pour rice from cans let the rice burn when it chars brown tummies will churn forcing scorched rice down. Let the sand scald. When it sears thus, wash it all down with a pint of a thick malt. A thick malt. When it sears thus? What was the word before?
Starting point is 00:34:57 Is it thus? Nothing that rhymes with thus. I'll say that much. When Jeff writes a song, he's looking at a list of the same 10 words. Yes. Yeah, he has like fridge magnets with these words on it and that's the only way he can do it.
Starting point is 00:35:13 It's rice, sand, scald, burn. That's about new. Yeah, the theme is always that burnt sand tastes like rice, which is not true. Burnt rice is the consistency of sand. Also not true. And also you can add soy and sometimes hoisin sauce. We understand the limits of his cooking experience.
Starting point is 00:35:39 Also, why pan so much? He mentions pot once. I will say most people cook rice in a pot. That's very true. Does he mention pot? I don't think he writes pot once i will say most people cook rice in a pot that's very true does he mention like i don't think he writes pot at all he doesn't mention pot at all actually well there you go pot rhymes with hot which would be helpful um i kind of want to see if i can find a better key to sing this in because i would like to be on the album in theory but I could also just play Jeff's version which he did say you have to attempt singing it
Starting point is 00:36:11 but if that works out poor play this version so he can listen okay let's do that I will say that this is on he uploaded it to SoundCloud. Tagged, genuinely good song.
Starting point is 00:36:32 And yesterday when I looked at this, like five minutes later, someone reposted it on SoundCloud. So he didn't make it private or anything. This is nice that he's here with us. Yeah. This is the pan. Oh, the reverb. Pour some soy and burn a tan. I feel like I'm at Jeff's funeral.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Feel the pot heat and dance. Oh. Not a choice I made. Grab pans of rice for the pan. For this is a pan. I'm also just imagining him singing this in his Kentucky hotel room. I was just about to. I was like, do you think any of his hotel room, any of his neighbors heard him singing this in like his kentucky hotel i was just about i was like you think any of like in his hotel room any of his neighbors heard him singing this repeatedly so you could
Starting point is 00:37:29 nail it my glands i love this starting to pour rice from cans let the rice burn when it chars brown every time he says chars forcing scorched rice down let the sand scald the cadence of that is really good that's clumsy he has doesn't have enough wifi to upload
Starting point is 00:38:05 The HeadGum Podcast But can upload this Yeah Makes sense I think your delivery of the end Was better Thank you Oh my god it repeated
Starting point is 00:38:23 When I just started speaking it because it's a more definitive yeah wow thank you that's really kind yeah I like your version better than Jeff's yeah hands down 100%
Starting point is 00:38:40 you don't even need a second take huge you have the job. I have to go. During this. Just let me leave i really do i have to go i feel like we're making great time episode wise
Starting point is 00:39:15 we're almost done i thought it was the end this is the final segment um it says trump cnn town hall from four weeks ago let's answer the same exact questions he was asked no uh so i've pulled up this document i guess um i didn't even know trump did a town hall on cnn i don't either and i honestly don't know what the questions are, because while these are clipped out into segments, the headlines aren't really questions. But would Trump apologize to Mike Pence? This was a town hall question.
Starting point is 00:40:01 Yeah. For this guy who is running for president again they open it up with would you apologize to mike pence when asked to be sorry to the vice president who you tried to kill yeah hard hitting interview huh um i guess pass because should we answer? I guess that's the point of this I don't know if it's for Trump or just for yourself Would I apologize to Mike Pence? Sure
Starting point is 00:40:34 No, we didn't do anything wrong to Pence I would apologize to I wouldn't apologize for it Hell yeah Isn't he the one who calls his wife mother? Yeah I would apologize to her Hell yeah. Isn't he the one who calls his wife mother? Yeah. I would apologize to her. He's a bunt cake.
Starting point is 00:40:48 He's an absolute bunt cake. We're all thinking it. Sure. Bunt cake. Oh. I don't know what that was. Did not expect it to be this. Okay. It would be so funny if they played that music in the town hall. did not expect it to be this.
Starting point is 00:41:08 It would be so funny if they played that music in the town hall. After every question. On the infamous Access Hollywood tape, Trump asked if he stands by comments from the Access Hollywood tape. Wow.
Starting point is 00:41:25 I want to know what Trump said to that. if he stands by comments from the Access Hollywood tape. Wow. I was on a flight from... I want to know what Trump said to that. Apparently, he responded, I can take it back if you'd like to. That's honestly funnier than anything we could have said. I was on a flight with Billy Bush recently to Boston. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:44 I tried to give him a look that was like... It's Billy Bush recently to Boston. Wow. Yeah. I tried to give him a look that was like... It's Billy Bush in Boston. That's right. Oh my god. Anyways, yeah, he didn't really pick up on my kind of my messages that I was trying to send.
Starting point is 00:42:02 I wanted to down the plane with him on it. You can't say that. Nice. United Flight 93 style. Storm the cockpit with Billy Bush. Do you want Russia or Ukraine to win the war? Okay, what did he say?
Starting point is 00:42:25 This is more interesting to me. I don't know. There's a lot of people fighting in that war. He'd settle the Russia-Ukraine war in one day, 24 hours. That's what he said. Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:42:40 Say that again? He'd settle the Russia-Ukraine war in one day, 24 hours. That's, again, so much funnier than anything we could have said. He's good. He's good at being him. Yeah. He's so funny.
Starting point is 00:42:55 Yeah, that would rock if he did that. Yeah. I don't know. Only one way to find out. None of these are questions. Okay. I'm having fun. I guess that was maybe the last question that he was asked.
Starting point is 00:43:17 So they asked him two questions, maybe three. Apparently. I guess so. He talked for a long time. It was like two apologies and one plan. Yeah. Apparently I guess so He talked for a long time It was like two apologies and one plan Well it didn't sound like It sounds like one of the apologies wasn't an apology
Starting point is 00:43:31 Sorry it was like two like I'll take it back if you want If that's what you want I'll take it back If it makes you feel better Anyways I like this plan For Russia Guess what this sound he was called bad news nope
Starting point is 00:43:52 case closed dash detective pretty good i was assuming it was going to be like a case closed Like we wrapped up the segment Yeah Casey you should have a podcast Case closed Where you solve mysteries That's fun
Starting point is 00:44:16 Isn't that like a conflict With like another show that we got In the works Grace bleep that out another show that we got in the works. Grace bleeped that out. We can't have anybody know about that. I thought this was going to be You Must Not Know About Me. It was actually going to be singing, but now it's just the track.
Starting point is 00:44:42 I was going to say must not know about that anyway uh great guys I think we did it there's no more notes it just says outro
Starting point is 00:45:03 for five minutes. We've rendered Jeff obsolete slash irrelevant. I think we learned a lot today. Let's talk about that. How do we feel? Do we need him in future episodes or no?
Starting point is 00:45:21 Well, we need somebody to make the outline, but I assume again, ChatGPT can crank some of that out. We will need somebody to make the outline but i assume again chat gpt can yeah we could totally some of that out turn that we will need him to like write the songs i guess again the algorithm yeah yeah we kind of have we know all his favorite words right we have the words that's true we have the 10 words you must not know about rice you must not know about char I can burn another rice in a minute matter of fact
Starting point is 00:45:49 sand will burn in an hour baby that's pretty good wait did he write that too? that's really good so much better than any song he's written so far sand will burn in an hour that's right. Plugs.
Starting point is 00:46:13 Follow me on Instagram, y'all. At Amir. I'm dropping some really hot reels this month. Up kaboppa, son. Nice. Nice. on it yeah follow me on Twitter Instagram and Letterboxd at Marie Galon and if you think
Starting point is 00:46:37 that I could host the show instead of Jeff comment on Jeff's posts on Instagram, his last grid posts, and say so. Maybe slide into his DMs. Just generally sort of take over his account with slander of him. What Beyonce fans do, where they all do the B? Oh, the B?
Starting point is 00:47:02 Yeah, I'd love an emoji. What's your emoji? I think my emoji I guess it can't be like a face. It would have to be Is there a saxophone? That would be good. But that feels like Jeff.
Starting point is 00:47:20 Well, I feel like sax was like, sax was a a thing in our old episodes that we kind of did away with. But I feel like that feels pro-Jeff, and you want one that's pro-Marika. Right. But Marika plays the Sax. It's true. But I agree.
Starting point is 00:47:41 I think it's too Jeff forward Okay then go with The American flag No I don't want to be Attributed to that Maybe like that scary moon face Is that fun
Starting point is 00:48:03 Which one's scary? I don't think any of them are scary to me. Wait, is it the one that's like this? It looks like. Yeah. I don't think he's scary. Mine is the poodle. Comment the poodle on all of Jeff's posts.
Starting point is 00:48:19 For Anya. Yeah, do that. I want to be the pizza emoji that's good does that feel fair yeah yeah great yeah so comment comment the pizza emoji um if you think i should take over the show and then follow me and i'll on my socials. Listen to the pit wall, which Jeff has not deigned to show up for in a week. So it's kind of just me and Casey running the joint. That's right. Piles there sometimes.
Starting point is 00:48:57 It's true. I want to come on so that I can justify buying an F1 jacket. Okay. Can I have the gossip section? Yeah. so that I can justify buying an F1 jacket. Okay. Can I have the gossip section? Yeah. You can also come on for not a race. You could come on for like a movie. Sure.
Starting point is 00:49:16 We haven't had any guests yet. Great. So I'm going to expense the F1 jacket that I want. Oh, so you're buying it. Got it, got it, got it. I've expensed every bit of sim racing equipment that I've purchased over the course of the past year.
Starting point is 00:49:33 Wow, so I could expense tickets. And every time I go to the go-kart track. That's awesome. Is there all business expenses? Yeah. Legally an expense. Yeah. Yeah, someone CC Martyally an expense. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:47 CC Marty on this conversation. Yeah, that's a good idea. I guess, yeah, Casey, we can offline about expensing some tickets to the Canadian GP. Oh, okay. Let's go to let's go back to Austin. I didn't get to go. Take me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:04 Listen to the pit wall Follow me On Instagram At Casey Donahue Follow me While I burn Some rice With this rice
Starting point is 00:50:20 I have Nice And Listen to the Doughboys Listen towood handbook i work on those shows factually do you work on factually uh yeah yeah yeah yeah technically also more more in a supervisor role but yeah more in a supervisor role but yeah um
Starting point is 00:50:46 you can follow me on Instagram if you'd like I don't post but feel free um I recently found out Ali asks for lunch money on these so yeah feel free to Venmo me on your holy shit and I'll Venmo Venmo
Starting point is 00:51:01 with the poodle emoji yeah for some lunch lunch is so expensive near the office so expensive and there's nothing good yesterday I had a $25 meal from Erewhon that sucked ass $25?
Starting point is 00:51:15 and I went with Marty and I thought he was going to pay for me but he didn't devastating I'm now negative $25 that I wasn't planning on Yeah let's get that 25 back to Anya My last name's really long But it's phonetic
Starting point is 00:51:32 So couldn't have skyed it Also listen to Gaotic Luna's podcast That just launched on HeadGum And listen to my radio shows On WGXC.org In Hudson, New York. It's going to be live tonight, but it'll be by the time this comes out.
Starting point is 00:51:51 So it's fine. But we take submissions at the Loveline. You can call 857-DIAL-LOVE. You can DM me at the.lovemotel, or you can submit anonymously at thelovemotelradio.com. We take advice, questions, we take song dedications. Casey, if you wanted to write in about your dating life, I would love to talk to you about it on the air. Okay, there's not a lot to say, but sure.
Starting point is 00:52:21 That was easy. That was a Hiddem Original.

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