The Headgum Podcast - 155: Absentee Geoff
Episode Date: June 2, 2023Marika steps in as the "de facto Geoff" in the first-ever episode of the show sans Geoff. Amir, Anya, and Casey bring up the rear / endure. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.f...m Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original.
Previously on the HeadGum Podcast.
Been getting into Amaro recently.
Nice.
What is that?
Amaro's good.
I said nice.
Amaro's good.
This is Amaro Nonino, which I believe is derived from hazelnuts.
It's sort of a sweeter thing.
That's cool, man.
That's great.
You obviously haven't opened the bottle,
so you're not getting into it.
Somebody gave you a gift.
This is the first episode
where I've genuinely felt uncomfortable.
I forget that we're recording.
I will eat your ass.
Um,
all right.
I'm going to click on one of these and hope it's the show intro because
couldn't tell you which one,
which button it is.
All right.
Nope.
Okay.
Also no.
It's not labeled like intro?
That was
intro dash music.
So.
I always imagine Jeff
had all these sound effects
labeled as if they were,
uh,
the Zodiac's code.
Yeah.
It's kind of like that.
Yeah.
Uh,
I think I found it.
That is it.
Hey,
we know that.
We know that.
Yeah.
What was,
uh,
what was that one labeled actually in the end?
Headgum Podcast Intro
well it's in a
separate there's
two sections to Jeff's soundboard
one is favorites and one is
uploaded and then I checked
uploaded and obviously
that's where it was
so I'll just have to remember that and he did
say to have both open.
So now that makes sense.
Yeah.
Can you kind of go over the instructions you get?
Can you read the email?
Yeah.
Or even share the screen?
I won't share the screen,
but I will go through line by line of what I was given.
We should say,
welcome to the HeadGum Podcast.
Jeff is not here.
He's kind of left us high and dry, as it were.
He's in Kentucky doing God knows what.
And I received an email last night
at like around 9.30 p.m.
saying, hello, Dash dash way too formal um attaching the outline for tomorrow's episode here um as per discussion you'll be stepping in as the de facto me uh and then
there's an attachment a p PDF attachment of his outline.
Don't know why it's PDF.
And he gave me the login to,
uh,
his soundboard.
But as we all know,
Jeff soundboard is publicly available on the internet.
So I just used that link and didn't log in using his password.
That is,
uh,
definitely his password for other things besides this so good work
are you gonna read that out
I won't do that
give us a character
let's see if we can guess it
we'll bleep it out if we get it right
oh
is it Jeff
I knew it
it is not
I guess we could do intros
even though that doesn't really happen anymore
but the first line item on this
outline is intro for the first five minutes
I also don't have a timer up
which could prove to be a problem but you know whatever
um does he usually i think so solely because sometimes he's like we have to move on to this
thing at this time mark and he did list out times um i've been rolling for five minutes
yeah like that feels five yeah. Yeah. That feels correct.
It feels crazy listening back to some of these episodes
knowing that there was a plan that was down to the minute, in fact.
I would agree.
What else does he have planned?
What would the show be like if there was no...
Yeah, more chaos.
Do you guys know what Jeff is doing in Kentucky? He's been
there for almost a month. No idea.
He's learning to horseback ride.
Did he give us a heads up or he's like,
hey, I'm in Kentucky this month? You can do that here.
He wanted us to be in the derby next
year.
He didn't give us a heads up.
You don't have to train in
Kentucky to race in the Kentucky Derby
Why are you telling me this?
Tell Jeff
I can
The Kentucky Derby
Has
Has jockeys
Is that correct?
I didn't know if it was that
Or just the horses running on their own
They know where to go
you're thinking of dog racing
yeah I am
super thinking of greyhound racing
anyway
what's the whole thing
I'm Marika
Amir's here bringing up the rear
Casey's
on the fax
and Anya's on the sax.
That's pretty good.
Thank you.
So far, we don't miss them at all.
Yeah, I think I'm kind of crushing it.
But it's still really early.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're only six months in.
Yeah, I should say before I really get into it,
there is at the bottom of this outline a um, a highlighted section titled tips for hosting.
Um,
and I will take them to heart.
Uh,
the first one is cut people off at your leisure slash slash pleasure.
Um,
if you find your own face is red,
cut to break.
Yeah,
that makes sense.
Uh,
when in doubt,
make a pun off something a guest just said lean on the soundboard to put
funny moments through in general act incredulously put out by your own show slash the guests
um i feel like i'd be better at the soundboard one
if I knew what all of these were.
Yeah, like if they were labeled at all.
I'm kind of...
The worst!
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's good.
Thank you.
I was going to say, let's try out your skills.
Let's maybe talk about something,
and then if someone says something funny,
hit us with a sound effect.
Yeah, we are in the wax portion.
Oh, he has the whole episode outlined.
Yes.
So how long is the wax portion?
Yeah, are there any parts we can cut kind of from the top?
Because I have like a meaning.
Yeah, I mean, I think that there's a few things.
The wax portion is technically 15 minutes.
And I'm fine with cutting one of the segments at the end of that, that there's a few things. The wax portion is technically 15 minutes. Um,
and I'm fine with cutting one of the segments at the end of that,
which happens to be Marika's druthers.
Um,
because it feels kind of pointless right now.
Um,
but yeah,
what,
what's everyone been up to?
What's dating like in LA,
et cetera.
Great Jeff question.
Um,
well, I could tell you
Amir's engaged
Anya lives with her boyfriend
and
I haven't been on a date in
several months
that's what it's like over here
oh that was good
that was really good actually
nice thank you did you choose that randomly or was that on purpose That was really good, actually. Nice. Thank you.
Did you choose that randomly or was that on purpose?
I did it on purpose, but very quickly because the first thing I saw was, oh shit, I was going to do the clap one.
That felt meaner. That felt mean. Clap feels mean.
The clap would have felt very Jeff of you.
Yeah.
Casey and I became regulars at a bar
last week. Is that cool?
Whoa.
How do you become regulars?
I'm the regular.
I'm the regular. I went back
and then they were like,
where's Anya? And I said, I don't know.
Oh, so you guys both went once and then Casey went a second time and they're like, where's Anya? And I said, I don't know. Oh, so you guys both went once
and then Casey went a second time
and they're like, where's Anya?
Yeah.
So I think we are regulars, though.
I think that qualifies.
Do we dare say where it is
or is that too personal slash private?
We don't want people blowing up our spot,
but it is a cool place named for an animal.
It is the roost.
Got it.
Oh, it's not named for an animal, I guess. The rooster is an animal. It is the roost. Oh, it's not named for an animal.
I guess.
The rooster is an animal.
But the roost
is not an animal.
Right. Well, you come home to roost.
Yeah.
We're the chickens.
That feels like that could be a Jeff phrase.
Yeah.
We should add that into the script.
Just the roost?
Like coming home to roost feels like something he's going to start saying at some point.
Jeff would do something like coming home to roost.
I'm coming home to juiced.
Oh, that's good.
Did you hear that sound?
It was the word of the day or something.
Yeah.
The word of the day is Jeff.
Oh, interesting.
So congrats to Casey.
I'm not going to Venmo you, though.
Okay.
It's also time for Bond of the Week.
And I have one specifically selected.
It's Mark D. Jansen,
the CEO of Blue Diamond Growers,
because it's time for a James
Almond.
Right.
Any questions?
No, we got it.
No.
Anya,
who's your Bond of the Week?
You're becoming Jeff the more you host
this show. Don't you realize?
I know, like the power in her eyes.
Whatever is happening is fucking contagious.
Yeah, we all hate being on the show unless we're hosting
and Marika's having the best time she's ever had.
Major key alert.
Have the power at hand and the soundboard in your browser
and you'll be a god of sorts.
Did you read that or say that?
I just said it.
It just came out.
Oh my god.
Did you see?
You're fucking me coming, Jeff.
I'm fucking scared.
Yeah, this is strange.
Because then he's going to come back
and there's going to be two of them.
Right.
Well, we'll see.
He might overpower me.
Oh, I see.
We're going to be editing your face to look more like Jeff's throughout the
episode. Oh my god, with AI?
AI, yeah.
Any other Bonds of the Weeks?
Jimmy Butler.
Jimmy Buffett.
Because his name is already sort of James Bond. Same with Jimmy Buffett. Because his name is already sort of James Bond.
Same with Jimmy Buffett.
Yeah.
Jimmy James Butler Bondler.
It's all sort of in the same.
Imagine if it was...
Jimmy James Butler Bondler.
Yes.
The third.
Exactly.
Do you think the series would be as successful as if his name was Bondler
the name's
Bondler James
Bondler
pass
Casey
my bond of the week
is Shaquille
O'Neal.
Another basketball player.
He's a basketball player and
he's a spokesman
for
Gold Bond Powder.
Hello?
That's pretty good.
We needed a...
Yeah.
I was going to say that was a good audio. Yeah. I was going to say, that was a good audio.
Yeah, I was kind of looking for one.
And I don't really know how to turn these off.
Oh, there we go.
Because what Jeff normally does is he'll hit the button first.
It'll be the wrong sound cue.
He'll hit the right sound cue, and then he'll cut it off with applause.
Oh, yeah. So I i gotta get used to that yeah that's kind of you gotta like train the muscle memory of uh yeah it's a lot of just like scrolling up and down
um it's week five of the wga strike oh weirdly i didn't get to give a bond of the week. Oh, I thought you gave Jimmy Buffett. Oh, great.
Do you want another one?
No, that's fine.
I was going to be the waitress from The Roost.
Oh.
Where I'm now a regular.
Where soon she'll know if I get shaken or stirred.
Ooh.
Is that in Atwater?
Yeah, Los Feliz.
Off Los Feliz Boulevard, right down the street
from the Bigfoot Lodge.
Come on out, folks.
We're really blowing up our spot.
Yeah.
Yeah, this just says
discuss WGA strike week
five.
Still going strong.
I don't know what else to say.
We could talk about my vacation
instead if we wanted to
yeah let's do that
that's way more fun
real quick just I looked up the roost
and it said it's a unpretentious pub
with a jukebox and Thai
entrees
that's right
have you had the Thai food there
I have not
and what's the,
like it's just a bar,
a dive bar with just pad see you.
Have you never been to the Roos?
Never been.
It's a dive bar that was bought by like a Thai couple.
And so they make their food there.
Do they have pad see you?
Yeah.
And are people just eating it at the bar?
I don't see a lot of people ordering.
I love this place.
I'm going to give it a no comment on the food.
Got it.
It's a cash-only bar.
Cash-only bar, but they have like pad thai.
Yeah, you can pay for the food with a credit card,
but if you want a beer, you have to pay cash.
Are there licenses
in order,
do we think? They serve alcohol
or there must be some sort of
a...
It just feels like
let's keep things separate.
Food's food,
drinks drinks. Sure, sure, sure, sure.
Well, it was always a cash-only bar.
It used to also be
even dingier than it is now.
It's pretty clean these days at the Roost.
Come on by. You'll catch me there.
Today, when you hear
this. Have you had
the chicken wings?
We have
to move on.
I was going to...
That's fine.
Just a quick yes or no.
No.
But we did have
the chicken tenders
and fries
and they were good.
We went with Mike Mitchell.
He ordered
the chicken tenders
for the table.
fries and chicken tenders.
Which I think is smart.
Right.
It's almost like
they don't need the Thai food.
They read the room
and they say,
what do these people want?
So why the Thai food at all?
In the summer,
they have like a back patio,
but it's just like a folding table
in the parking lot. Yeah.
And there's just like curry.
I went on my first date there with my boyfriend.
Which Casey
said... Was I there?
No.
Did you do that in front of me?
I told you this the other day and you said
you would never take a date there.
A first date?
To the Roost?
A cash only bar?
Which I thought is a perfect first date spot.
Get a Tom Yum soup and a fucking
stein of cider?
Yeah, but you have to pay separately.
I haven't used cash in a decade.
Yeah.
Marika, how was your trip?
Yeah, speaking of cash,
I didn't get a single cash conversion
when I went to London.
Only used my card.
It was great. I used to be the Only used my card. It was great.
I used to be the biggest thing in international travel.
You got to get the currency early
and make an appointment with a bank
and exchange it at a good rate
and call your phone company.
Calling your bank to tell them you're going out of the country.
Let them know that you're internationally traveling.
Now it's just like, yeah, I'm in London.
I'm just using the same card as always
and they'll just deal with it later. It was delightful. i had a great time saw a lot of faves saw six shows
six shows in how many days five four yeah three that's a lot every night show every night too Every night a show. Every night. And sometimes two. Yeah. Once two.
Saw a lot of long shows too.
Isn't one of them called Six?
There is a show called Six.
I didn't see that on my trip there.
But I've seen it before.
Was the goal of your trip to see all these shows?
Yes.
Wow.
Originally I made the trip, or I booked the trip because they announced that Groundhog Day,
the musical, was coming back to England. It's one of my favorite shows. Saw it four times on Broadway. It was like, that'll be fun if I go to this. I miss this show. Bought a ticket when they
went on sale. Didn't have tickets to London. And then as it kept getting closer to the date,
they kept announcing more shows that I was like, I really want to see this. There's like a Brokeback Mountain play
starring Lucas Hedges and Mike
Feist. Got a ticket for that.
What was my mom's boyfriend
in? He was in the
play A Little Life. Oh, right.
Based off of the book. Amir, do you have a
question or are you waving at a question?
He's doing one of these, which is
crazy. Yeah, a horn. This is a
stupid question, but i bet nobody here
knows the answer to so i'm already getting pre-mad at you guys for calling it a stupid question
you called it that yeah you go to london to see the plays are the actors british follow-up do all
the characters have british accents or are they British actors playing Americans in the play?
Well, Amir, depends on the play.
But I can do a rundown for you.
We've got Cabaret.
That's a bevy of accents.
Most of them were British.
Some doing, one doing an American accent that was very bad.
Some doing British accents.
Some doing German accents.
I actually saw the movie Cabaret over the pandemic.
It's very, very good.
It's one of my favorite musicals.
What about Brokeback?
British dudes?
Brokeback was two American actors, Lucas Hedges,
Ben is back.
I don't know who those people are.
Manchester by the Sea.
Lucas Hedges.
That's American too, right?
Yeah.
Because Manchester's fucking England as well.
You're all over the place.
Manchester by the Sea is Boston area, but sure, go on.
Mike Feist, American.
They went to the West End to do this show.
They're doing American accents.
The rest of the cast, British, doing American accents that were hit or miss.
Wow.
I've never heard of...
You often see it the other way around,
but rarely an entire play where a British
guy's doing an American accent.
Well, A Little Life
set in New York, all of them doing
American accents, all but
one of them British.
How is
his accent? What's his name?
James Norton James James Norton
the light of my life
star of Grantchester the television show
Grantchester by the sea
yep
honestly they should
yeah they should
his accent was great
he was so good
very depressing show
he's my mom and Marika's fave yeah just cute
i we send we send photos i send photos through anya of him to get his mom's her mom's opinion
on him and she's always just like oh oh he's so cute um so that was fun he's in his 30s it was
really depressing show if you know the book a Life, it's about a lot of traumatic events.
It's very dark. It's the darkest.
It's pretty dark. There's a lot of, there's like s*** attempts and s*** and nudity in the show. I had to lock away my phone.
In a yonder bag because a bunch
of people were nude.
And I was sitting on stage.
How close were you to a
private part? Pretty
close. Wow.
Were you allowed on stage?
Was I allowed? Yeah.
Yeah. Marika streaked.
Sorry, everybody. Iika streaked. Sorry, everybody.
I was so inspired.
I, too, want to be nude on stage.
She did it for my mom.
She said, this one's for Yelena.
Ran across the stage.
Tackled instantly.
Oh, my God.
Naked, which is crazy.
Tased forever.
The cops are also naked.
This is a dream you had.
Marika's been in New York.
She didn't even leave the house.
I don't leave.
This would be something like this.
All your things lined up.
I feel like it can't be real.
My face is red, so I am
going to cut to break.
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I don't know where the and we're back sound is.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
There it is.
And we're back. before we get into
sorry
remember people used to say that about London
what's that?
there we go
yes
yeah you really broke character to talk about London
but Jeff's back
food great
had a great time, Went to Nando's.
Had a cheeky Nando's.
Went to one of my favorite restaurants,
Cricket.
Fish and chips.
Fish and chippies?
A bottle of Nando's, is it?
A bottle of Nando's.
Have you even been to the UK?
A bottle of Nando's. Have you even been to the UK? Uh-oh, Nando's.
Well, I never ever considered that.
No, I do.
That's how you do a fucking British accent.
Not like these messed up actors who can't pull it off.
Exactly.
That's why Amir asked that question.
He was just waiting for someone to set him up to do his own.
To compliment slash have me on stage.
You'd be streaking doing a better accent than they are.
Yeah.
Let's get into the news of the week.
AI poses risk of extinction, industry leaders warn.
I saw that on the news.
So why make it?
Whoop. Right. So why make it? Whoop.
Right.
Um. So why make it?
Why did Oppenheimer make the bomb, you know?
Exactly.
Follow the money.
Follow the money.
Uh, it says here, I don't put raw eggs in bowls, hand them out to my friends, and then
wince and say, this poses the risk of
diarrhea.
Is that related to the AI?
Was that like a note that
Jeff wrote for you? Yeah, it's a
bullet point. The first bullet was, so I
make it, and the second one was that.
Discuss. What would
have been a better name for Jake's's daughter and there's the thinking emoji
i think it should have been krandus right it's kind of lead your careers were kind of
leading up to that point yeah it should have been an inside joke true instead it was like a family
name or something i do think that if Jeff was hosting,
he asked that none of us would participate.
We wouldn't want to give him that, yeah,
sort of positive reinforcement.
We didn't really dig into the AI thing.
I sort of read up on that.
No, we did.
Casey was like, I'm a big fan of Oppenheimer's work,
and I support what he did.
Pro bomb. Wow, you just put several words in my mouth. No, we did. Casey was like, I'm a big fan of Oppenheimer's work, and I support what he did. Oh yeah, he was pro-bomb.
Wow, you just put several words
in my mouth.
You're not that guy, pal. Trust me.
You're not that guy. Anyway,
George Maharis TV
heartthrob of Route 66
is dead at 94.
Who? Sorry.
R.I.P., but who?
I don't know. George Maharis? R.I.i.p but who uh i don't know uh george maharis r.i.p r.i.p uh there's also um the new segment so what
which i guess i'll just say things and then you respond, so what? Okay.
Haley and Justin Bieber get cheeky on vacation in south of France
from people.
So what?
So what?
A prominent Boise coffee shop
for years.
The Starbucks has closed.
From the Idaho statesman.
The Starbucks? closed. From the Idaho Statesman. The Starbucks?
This Starbucks.
Oh, got it.
Just a random Starbucks in Idaho.
Just a random Starbucks.
You're right.
Yeah.
Beer on ice is fine sometimes from the tasting table.
Yeah, that's a good sign.
Yeah, so what?
Well, I want to hear more, actually.
That's like a dive bar thing.
If you go to a real dive bar during the day,
there's old men drinking beer on ice with a straw.
Sounds delightful.
It's like a satay.
Beer on ice or beer piping hot.
It's your choice.
I don't like that.
Cruise passenger vanishes
after falling overboard off
Florida coast from the Idaho
Statesman.
Why was he only reading the Idaho
news? Yeah, there are a few from there.
That was less of a
so what.
I'm interested in that as well.
A case for Benoit Blanc
to solve. Wow, very Benoit Blanc to solve.
Wow, very true.
I am really scared of cruise ships.
If you've ever been on the cruise ship's death website,
I'm sure they're covering this extensively because that's a website that exists.
I've never been on a cruise.
I had to go on one for work.
It was bad.
I'm sorry.
It's okay. My room to go on one for work. It was bad. I'm sorry. It's okay.
My room had no windows.
Terrifying.
My jock husband keeps calling our son a nerd from Slate.
Pretty good.
Are we supposed to say so what?
So what?
Yeah, I guess so.
That's sad.
Okay.
I'm team nerd, son.
It's time for our first segment.
That I'm nervous about.
Because it says Rice Burn.
It's 10 minutes long. We don't have to make it that long um and there's lyrics here so i guess i have to sing a song now
uh and say read it not a 10 minute song it's a song segment jeff has written a song he says
sing the song then ask for feedback if anyone pushes back come back thrice as hard at them
personal attacks etc uh don't let anyone tell you the song ain't good um which is kind of
it's like he wrote it so obviously he's gonna say that
um but i am sight reading this and i honestly i i did look up when he sent me this email
i did look up um the song and i opened the karaoke track um and he immediately
facetimed me and was like, don't open the song.
So...
Okay, so here we go.
Yeah.
Live.
We can all hear this, right?
Yes.
What's the name of the song again?
Rice Burn.
Okay.
Long intro. burn okay long intro of course how do you know when to start uh from this karaoke track
this is the pan
pour some soy and burn it tan This is the pan.
Pour some soy and burn it tan.
Feel the pot heat and Dan.
Grab cans of rice for the pan.
Cans, of course. For this is the pan. Cans, of course.
For this is a pan.
What song is this?
I've scalded soy and brought some sand.
Got it.
So racy that I grow my glands.
Awful.
Starting to pour rice from cans.
Oh, God. Canned rice.
Let the rice burn when it jars brown.
Tummy swill churn for six quenched rice.
Oh, God. Oh,
God,
let the sand scald when it
sears thus.
Sand
scald.
Wash it all
down
with the
pint of
a thick
malt.
A
thick
malt.
Yes, a thick malt yeah so I guess any notes feedback or otherwise
it's a hard song to throw
it's a really hard song to say
it's a really good
I don't know the words
to regular Skyfall
yeah no you honestly killed that.
Yeah, you did very good.
My main feedback.
How did you know that rhythm, the song, the melody?
How did you know that stuff?
I kind of just guessed and I'm looking at the,
I had to look at the karaoke track text and match it to his lyrics.
It's really not that good. In hard for real time yeah holy shit marika participates
in the cultural conversation though she knows the song yeah i saw skyfall in the navy pier
imax theater okay if we can move on to the feedback section yeah sure sure sure sure sure
i think canned canned rice is a funny concept i think saying pan six
or seven times in the opening verse is yeah lazy lazy writing i see yeah i can read the lyrics one
more time since i did laugh during half of them um it's this is the pan Pour some soy and burn it. Tan.
Feel the pot heat and Dan.
What's in Dan?
Like, and then?
Yeah, I think that's Jeff slash Amir colloquialism.
Okay.
And Dan.
Sorry about that. Yeah, right?
No.
It could be yes
grab cans of rice
for the pan
for this is the pan
sorry for this is a pan
I've scalded soy and brought
some sand so racy
that I grow my glands
and if I can add a note
awful lyric
terrible so bad start pour starting to pour rice from cans
let the rice burn when it chars brown tummies will churn forcing scorched rice down. Let the sand scald. When it sears thus,
wash it all down with a pint of a thick malt.
A thick malt.
When it sears thus?
What was the word before?
Is it thus?
Nothing that rhymes with thus.
I'll say that much.
When Jeff writes a song,
he's looking at a list of the same 10 words.
Yes.
Yeah, he has like fridge magnets with these words on it
and that's the only way he can do it.
It's rice, sand, scald, burn.
That's about new.
Yeah, the theme is always that burnt sand tastes like rice,
which is not true.
Burnt rice is the consistency of sand.
Also not true.
And also you can add soy and sometimes hoisin sauce.
We understand the limits of his cooking experience.
Also, why pan so much?
He mentions pot once.
I will say most people cook rice in a pot.
That's very true. Does he mention pot? I don't think he writes pot once i will say most people cook rice in a pot that's very true does he mention like i don't think he writes pot at all he doesn't mention pot at all actually well
there you go pot rhymes with hot which would be helpful um i kind of want to see if i can find a
better key to sing this in because i would like to be on the album in theory but I could also just play
Jeff's version which he did
say you have to attempt singing it
but if that works out poor
play this version
so he can listen
okay let's do that
I will say
that this is on
he uploaded it to SoundCloud.
Tagged, genuinely good song.
And yesterday when I looked at this, like five minutes later, someone reposted it on SoundCloud.
So he didn't make it private or anything.
This is nice that he's here with us.
Yeah.
This is the pan.
Oh, the reverb.
Pour some soy and burn a tan.
I feel like I'm at Jeff's funeral.
Feel the pot heat and dance.
Oh.
Not a choice I made.
Grab pans of rice for the pan.
For this is a pan.
I'm also just imagining him singing this in his Kentucky hotel room.
I was just about to.
I was like, do you think any of his hotel room, any of his neighbors heard him singing this in like his kentucky hotel i was just about i was like you think any of like in his hotel room any of his neighbors heard him singing this repeatedly so you could
nail it my glands i love this starting to pour rice from cans let the rice burn when it chars brown
every time he says chars
forcing scorched rice down
let the sand scald
the cadence of that is really good
that's clumsy
he has
doesn't have enough wifi to upload
The HeadGum Podcast
But can upload this
Yeah
Makes sense
I think your delivery of the end
Was better
Thank you
Oh my god it repeated
When I just started
speaking it
because it's a more definitive
yeah wow thank you
that's really kind
yeah I like your version better than Jeff's
yeah hands down
100%
you don't even need a second take
huge
you have the job.
I have to go.
During this.
Just let me leave i really do
i have to go
i feel like we're making great time episode wise
we're almost done i thought it was the end this is the final segment
um it says trump cnn town hall from four weeks ago let's answer the same exact questions he was
asked no uh so i've pulled up this document i guess um i didn't even know trump did a town
hall on cnn i don't either and i honestly don't know what the questions are,
because while these are clipped out into segments,
the headlines aren't really questions.
But would Trump apologize to Mike Pence?
This was a town hall question.
Yeah.
For this guy who is running for president again they open it up with would
you apologize to mike pence when asked to be sorry to the vice president who you tried to kill
yeah hard hitting interview huh um i guess pass because should we answer?
I guess that's the point of this
I don't know if it's for Trump or just for yourself
Would I apologize to Mike Pence?
Sure
No, we didn't do anything wrong to Pence
I would apologize to
I wouldn't apologize for it
Hell yeah
Isn't he the one who calls his wife mother?
Yeah I would apologize to her Hell yeah. Isn't he the one who calls his wife mother? Yeah.
I would apologize to her.
He's a bunt cake.
He's an absolute bunt cake.
We're all thinking it.
Sure.
Bunt cake.
Oh.
I don't know what that was.
Did not expect it to be this.
Okay. It would be so funny if they played that music in the town hall. did not expect it to be this.
It would be so funny if they played that music in the town hall.
After every question.
On the infamous
Access Hollywood tape,
Trump asked if he stands
by comments from the Access Hollywood
tape.
Wow.
I want to know what Trump said to that. if he stands by comments from the Access Hollywood tape. Wow. I was on a flight from...
I want to know what Trump said to that.
Apparently, he responded,
I can take it back if you'd like to.
That's honestly funnier than anything we could have said.
I was on a flight with Billy Bush recently to Boston.
Wow.
Yeah.
I tried to give him a look that was like... It's Billy Bush recently to Boston. Wow. Yeah. I tried to give him
a look that was like...
It's Billy Bush in Boston.
That's right.
Oh my god.
Anyways, yeah, he didn't really pick up on my
kind of my messages
that I was trying to send.
I wanted to down the plane with him
on it.
You can't say that.
Nice.
United Flight 93 style.
Storm the cockpit with Billy Bush.
Do you want Russia or Ukraine to win the war?
Okay, what did he say?
This is more interesting to me.
I don't know.
There's a lot of people
fighting in that war.
He'd settle the Russia-Ukraine war
in one day, 24 hours.
That's what he said.
Wait, what?
Say that again?
He'd settle the Russia-Ukraine war
in one day, 24 hours.
That's, again, so much funnier than anything we could have said.
He's good.
He's good at being him.
Yeah.
He's so funny.
Yeah, that would rock if he did that.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Only one way to find out.
None of these are questions.
Okay.
I'm having fun.
I guess that was maybe the last question that he was asked.
So they asked him two questions, maybe three.
Apparently.
I guess so.
He talked for a long time.
It was like two apologies and one plan. Yeah. Apparently I guess so He talked for a long time
It was like two apologies and one plan
Well it didn't sound like
It sounds like one of the apologies wasn't an apology
Sorry it was like two like
I'll take it back if you want
If that's what you want
I'll take it back
If it makes you feel better
Anyways I like this plan
For Russia
Guess what this sound he was called bad news nope
case closed dash detective
pretty good i was assuming it was going to be like a case closed
Like we wrapped up the segment
Yeah
Casey you should have a podcast
Case closed
Where you solve mysteries
That's fun
Isn't that like a conflict
With like another show that we got
In the works
Grace bleep that out another show that we got in the works.
Grace bleeped that out.
We can't have anybody know about that.
I thought this was going to be You Must Not Know About Me.
It was actually going to be singing, but now it's just the track.
I was going to say must not know about that
anyway
uh great
guys
I think we did it
there's no more notes
it just says
outro
for five minutes.
We've rendered Jeff obsolete
slash irrelevant.
I think we learned a lot today.
Let's talk about that.
How do we feel?
Do we need him in
future episodes or no?
Well, we need
somebody to make the outline, but I assume
again, ChatGPT can crank some of that out. We will need somebody to make the outline but i assume again chat gpt can yeah we could totally
some of that out turn that we will need him to like write the songs i guess again the algorithm
yeah yeah we kind of have we know all his favorite words right we have the words that's true
we have the 10 words you must not know about rice you must not know about char
I can burn another rice in a minute
matter of fact
sand will burn in an hour baby
that's pretty good
wait did he write that too?
that's really good
so much better than any song he's written so far
sand will burn in an hour
that's right.
Plugs.
Follow me on Instagram, y'all.
At Amir.
I'm dropping some really hot reels this month.
Up kaboppa, son.
Nice. Nice. on it yeah follow me on
Twitter
Instagram and Letterboxd
at Marie Galon and if you think
that I could host the show
instead of Jeff
comment on Jeff's
posts on Instagram, his last grid posts, and say so.
Maybe slide into his DMs.
Just generally sort of take over his account with slander of him.
What Beyonce fans do, where they all do the B?
Oh, the B?
Yeah, I'd love an emoji.
What's your emoji?
I think my emoji
I guess it can't be
like a face. It would have to be
Is there a saxophone?
That would be good.
But that feels like Jeff.
Well, I feel like sax
was like, sax was a
a thing in our old episodes that we kind of did away with.
But I feel like that feels pro-Jeff, and you want one that's pro-Marika.
Right.
But Marika plays the Sax.
It's true.
But I agree.
I think it's too
Jeff forward
Okay then go with
The American flag
No I don't want to be
Attributed to that
Maybe like that scary moon face
Is that fun
Which one's scary?
I don't think any of them are scary to me.
Wait, is it the one that's like this?
It looks like.
Yeah.
I don't think he's scary.
Mine is the poodle.
Comment the poodle on all of Jeff's posts.
For Anya.
Yeah, do that.
I want to be the pizza emoji
that's good does that feel fair yeah yeah great yeah so comment comment the pizza emoji um if you
think i should take over the show and then follow me and i'll on my socials. Listen to the pit wall, which Jeff has not deigned to show up for in a week.
So it's kind of just me and Casey running the joint.
That's right.
Piles there sometimes.
It's true.
I want to come on so that I can justify buying an F1 jacket.
Okay. Can I have the gossip section? Yeah. so that I can justify buying an F1 jacket.
Okay.
Can I have the gossip section?
Yeah.
You can also come on for not a race. You could come on for like a movie.
Sure.
We haven't had any guests yet.
Great.
So I'm going to expense
the F1 jacket that I want.
Oh, so you're buying it.
Got it, got it, got it.
I've expensed every bit of sim racing equipment
that I've purchased over the course of the past year.
Wow, so I could expense tickets.
And every time I go to the go-kart track.
That's awesome.
Is there all business expenses?
Yeah.
Legally an expense.
Yeah.
Yeah, someone CC Martyally an expense. Yeah.
CC Marty on this conversation.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
I guess, yeah, Casey, we can offline about expensing some tickets to the Canadian GP.
Oh, okay.
Let's go to
let's go back to Austin.
I didn't get to go. Take me.
Yeah.
Listen to the pit wall
Follow me
On Instagram
At Casey Donahue
Follow me
While I burn
Some rice
With this rice
I have
Nice
And
Listen to the Doughboys Listen towood handbook i work on those shows
factually do you work on factually uh yeah yeah yeah yeah technically also
more more in a supervisor role but yeah
more in a supervisor role but yeah
um
you can follow me on
Instagram if you'd like I don't post but
feel free um I recently
found out Ali
asks for lunch money on these
so yeah feel free to Venmo
me on your holy shit
and I'll Venmo Venmo
with the poodle emoji yeah
for some lunch
lunch is so expensive
near the office
so expensive and there's nothing good
yesterday I had a $25 meal from Erewhon
that sucked ass
$25?
and I went with Marty
and I thought he was going to pay for me but he didn't
devastating
I'm now negative $25
that I wasn't planning on
Yeah let's get that 25 back to Anya
My last name's really long
But it's phonetic
So couldn't have skyed it
Also listen to Gaotic
Luna's podcast
That just launched on HeadGum
And listen to my radio shows
On WGXC.org
In Hudson, New York.
It's going to be live tonight, but it'll be by the time this comes out.
So it's fine.
But we take submissions at the Loveline.
You can call 857-DIAL-LOVE.
You can DM me at the.lovemotel, or you can submit anonymously at thelovemotelradio.com.
We take advice, questions, we take song dedications.
Casey, if you wanted to write in about your dating life,
I would love to talk to you about it on the air.
Okay, there's not a lot to say, but sure.
That was easy.
That was a Hiddem Original.