The Headgum Podcast - 17: Brownlee's Druthers

Episode Date: September 18, 2020

Jake, Amir, Marika, and Geoff discuss Lord of the Rings, pesto, and the perfect chair. Then Geoff punches up the Jake and Amir TruTV pilot!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmWe have new merch in the Headgum store! Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Let me just pull up the theme song. You say this every week, but it's not the theme song. It's just a song that you're choosing from Spotify. Welcome to the HeadGum Podcast This obviously doesn't match the energy that you let in with What do you mean? It was so amped, it was like so exciting

You headbanged so hard your headphones came off Right, just because it was this week the trend by Reliant K Yeah, obviously Which I'm bringing up for an exact reason that we can't talk about Marika who did we pitch to today slash are going to next week I don't know I'm not on the

and this is the part where you bleep out who we're talking to about creating podcasts this is a meeting as much as it is a podcast I think this is like the fastest censorship that's ever happened on any podcast amir say some shit don't just like do other work during the show because you're looking down and you're like typing so i know you're not paying attention and i know you're

like sending an email or like editing a script or something i honestly just yeah no no because can i just interrupt jeff because amir distracted, and I promise you he was not doing work. He was texting a basketball text thread or something. There's no way that he was just trying to get work done on the side. It was a basketball text thread, but it wasn't a basketball text that I sent. It was related to LeBron James. Basketball. About his off-the-court quotes about a game that he was playing later today, which I don't even know what sport that is. Basketball.

Okay. All right. What was the quote? I can't wait to play this game. I love talking about basketball. Watch me shoot the hoops and score the points. He didn't say that. He said that?

That was a... In a pregame presser. Yeah. A verbatim? He was like, I'm looking forward to scoring. But the whole point of the game is to put the ball in the hoop

and watch this shit. That's what he said. The point is to watch this shit. He explained in a press conference the point of the game. They asked him. It sounded like you changed directions mid-quote that you were giving there, too.

Me giving or LeBron? I don't know. Did he say that? I can't put my head. Say it. If you're reading the quote, will you read it again? Yeah. I can't wait to put the ball in the basket.

The whole point of the game is to check out the HeadGum podcast and watch this shit. That's crazy. If he said that, that's crazy. I'm just reading. Like, you can't get mad at me. Read it one more time? Yeah, here we go.

Because if you're just reading, it should be word for word. Every single time it should be the same. Exactly. Orange circle. That's the ball. That's the rim. Coincidence?

Now watch this drive. Listen to Buckets on the HeadGum Network. Oh, fuck off with the promoting of Buckets. What what is this marika just changed her background on the zoom to the hot priest from fleabag it's andrew scott i watched a play this weekend that was performed live in a theater to no one but broadcast around the world it was a one-man show called three Kings starring Andrew Scott. And I took three Kings of Andrew Scott. I think he's more cute, right? Like hot.

I imagine like a big, tall, strong guy. He's more of like a cute sort of shorter. You don't want too many muscles though. You don't want too many muscles. You want like, but if your name is the hot priest,

like I wouldn't imagine that guy. I think he's hot. I'm looking at Google images of him. He's hot. Where is he from? Ireland. He's from Ireland. I feel like that's the point of that.

Yeah, that character is like, he's not, I don't want to say unconventional, but it's like a different kind of hot. He's not McDreamy or McSteamy, but he's kind of hot in his own regard, in his own right. He's not. I don't think he's hot. I think he's cute and sweet. Also, if I had my druthers, personally, the original hot priest to me is from a television show called Grant Chester, starring James Norton. And he plays a—literally, the description of the show is like a hot vicar who likes jazz, teams up with a cop. James Norton. a cop James Norton

James Norton? It's so good Don't watch shows like that I would actually listen to a podcast called Marika's Druthers where you would just describe what you would have if you had your druthers Brownlee's Druthers

Yeah this guy's hot This guy's hot He's tall and he has a square chin josh james norton all he does in the show is bike ride with his dog that's named dickens and like listen to jazz and drink whiskey it's great it's a great show this guy doesn't have fucking eyebrows he looks like dave rosenberg yeah dave rosenberg is hotter than the hot priest are you kidding me he needs to dye his eyebrows. He looks flat.

He looks like a square pizza. Yeah. I love a square pizza. Although, do you see this picture of him shirtless? He's kind of thick, which is hot. No, his body's good. His body's good, but he's sort of a water priest. I bet Andrew, what's his name?

Scott. The hot priest from Fleabag. I bet he doesn't have abs. Is that safe to say? No, he has abs. I also saw a shirtless photo of him when I searched. What's that guy's name again? Andrew Scott.

I think what people don't understand is that it's easy to have abs if you are a famous actor. It almost comes with the territory. He doesn't have abs. He doesn't have abs. I'm sorry to say. He has a flat stomach, but I don't see individual abdominal muscles. Yeah, I guess you're right. Also- Not abs like the other guy.

What's the shortest you can be and still be hot? Like you can't be 5'2 and be hot. Not that he is 5'2, but there's a cutoff at a certain point. You're no longer hot. You're more cute. What's cited, you know, the song Short King? It's like, I'm five foot something and I'm royalty. What is that something? Then we'll have our answer. Let's see. Short King, I'm five foot something and I'm royalty. What is that something?

Then we'll have our answer. Let's see. Short king, I'm five foot. Nice. We'll keep this in. This is... Oh my God, he says I'm five foot something, but my bill's all paid, so we don't even know that.

Take a bit. Yeah. Wow. So it's really anything, anything five foot that's considered short. Yeah, so as long as you're, well, even, this is already body shaming.

No matter what the cutoff is, we're body shaming. Oh, we're saying they're royalty. As long as you're above five feet, you're royalty. Yeah, that's what you just said. It's what y'all are saying. I haven't spoken about it.

I didn't say shit. That's what this song said. I think this is wrong. I say you're not hot unless you're seven foot two. That's the y'all are saying. I haven't spoken about it. I think this is wrong. I say you're not hot unless you're seven foot two. That's the hot height. That's that. I'm not saying you can't be. You could still be attractive.

You just can't be hot. I'm sorry. Like those are the rules. You can still be handsome. You can still be cute. You can still be sweet. You can still be good looking. You just cannot be hot if you're not tall who who makes

it up to a mirror why is it your i think it's 5 10 then i think it's 5 10 and i also think there's a there's a tall end cut off i think if you go beyond like let's say 6 6 you start to look a little alien to have no cause like Serge Ibaka is 6'9 and he's hot no Serge Ibaka is 69 he's actually 6'4 fucker he's hot because he actually is a giving lover and I won't retract anything I've said so far

alright why did you start this show will be out by the day I cannot mention why did you start with a reliant case on then talk about pitching someone Start this show. We'll be out by the day. Oh my God. I cannot mention. Why did you start with a Reliant case on and then talk about pitching someone and then instantly move off of both of those things? Because I mentioned in a content meeting, I actually don't think you were there about Reliant case this week, the trend.

And this show is supposed to be an inner look at the network, the inner workings, the cogs in the machine that is the network, including Hickam Incorporated. Let's go back to Marika's druthers. Give me another druther of yours. If I had my druthers, if I had my druthers, theater would be back safely. Are you, would you, like, give me a timeline of when you'd be willing to go to a Broadway show.

If they open theaters, like restaurants, at 25% capacity, would you be like, me first, I want to buy a ticket. No, when there's a vaccine is when I will return. What if you found out that you had the antibodies and they opened at 25% capacity? I feel like I

still, like in Nicholas Braun's songs, Antibodies, do you have that? I don't really understand what they mean, so i don't really understand what they mean so i i don't feel confident enough and would rather just wait what about a rapid test a rapid test everyone gets tested before they go in so everybody in there is guaranteed doesn't have covid yeah the rapid test is supposed to be as effective statistically as a vaccine. I mean, that feels better. The thing, I don't know,

I don't understand how the time period between when you have it, but like aren't showing symptoms or wouldn't be able to get results that like showed you were positive. How would the test work if you had your druthers? I don't know. Instant read. I'm a scientist. 100't know instant read 100 effectiveness yeah of course imagine a dongle so small you can swallow it if necessary what is wrong with you

amir is holding up a usb c or a usb 2.0 to a usb c adapter yeah you're saying if it came to it you could he's biting it it's in his mouth so not swallowing biting and yeah what jake was about to say is right a small small i like that a lot who's the guy from lord of the rings smiegel or gollum or gollum yeah it kind of depends who you're talking to there's smiegel and goum. Do you guys think Gollum ever skis Slalom? Ask that again. Do you think Gollum has ever skied Slalom? It would be Gollum Smeeing Slalom. Ooh, yeah.

No? Gollum Smeagling Slalom. What the fuck are we saying? It's like we're recording this at 3am. Yeah. This brings us to our first segment. Fuck, marry, kill. Inanimate object slash concept edition.

Salsa salsa guac queso everybody has an answer oh an answer oh just answer the question blue and film I haven't said anything he kills queso I know he kills queso

I would kill queso I'm not high on cheese please don't need that sour cream in my guac you mean that wasn't even an option I'm just saying I'm waxing I'm waxing dairy fuck queso marry salsa

kill guacamole kill guacamole I can get by without the salsa I would fuck guac I would also salsa's a little too wet for me so I would marry salsa cause I like that wet ass salsa

and in terms of fucking a bowl of dip what's better than a guac with my chip how big can a bowl be and still be hot how small can a bowl of and still be hot how like how small can a bowl of guac be i saw your phallus in the head gum locker room by the way and it is a tortilla chip it's fragile it has a bite out of it yeah it's a bowl it's a tostito scoop

is it protruding inward or outward? Concave? No. No. Concave. No. All right. And then Jake, your final answer? I marry the queso. I fuck the guac.

And I think I can get by with no salsa as long as I'm allowed to have a little chalula on the day. Are you putting chalula just on chip plain? Into the guac. Okay. Yeah, directly into the guac. So I still get the spice, so I still get the zest. Gotcha. Technically, like, salsa is basically an ingredient of guacamole, unless you're not adding tomatoes, which some people don't.

Yeah, but you really should. I don't add tomatoes, because to add tomatoes to it is to water it down into kind of a mush. To have that bite, the bite of a tomato is not it's not anything it's nothing bites because it's actually soft and i'm not soft i'm hard i'm a hard i'm a veteran i'm a veteran are you fmk for your for you then what is it did you say oh it's it's kill um okay it's honestly it's kill salsa marry queso because you get to choose like, you know, the best queso. Let's say Torchy's, right?

And then you marry guac. I thought you just married, you married both. Fuck guac. I mean, fuck queso. You marry guac. Marry guac, fuck Torchy's queso, kill salsa because it's just tomato. And that can't be for me. Number two, clerbs clerbs dives or cocktail

bars god that's easy I know and what you kill the club you kill the club you marry you marry a cocktail and you fuck a dive yeah

that's my because you don't have to treat a dive right and that's the beauty of the dive right that's just a fuck buddy that's just a no strings attached thing and not the cocktail bars are marriage material to be sure yeah they definitely actually in a in a way in the same way i feel like you have your favorite dives that you'll always return to and that's sort of like a marriage but i actually know, no, I go back. I think that's like a fuck buddy. Yeah, what's the next one? That's comfortable. No, let's answer. Let's do the third one.

I say kill clubs, marry dives. And fuck queso. Fuck cocktail. And fuck cheese dips. Because I think cocktail bars are like, oh, it's sexy. It's the equivalent of like a cocktail dress, right? Or like a nice slim cut Ryan Gosling starred

in crazy stupid love style outfit you lost me but i'm back but if you marry that cocktail bar you're gonna feel insecure actually i will say ryan gosling and crazy stupid love was such a loser if you watch that movie now he's just like a pickup artist like fucking loser what's the least loser role for Ryan Gosling though cause I'm thinking like La La Land this white man that's teaching about jazz like first man he's got daddy

issues or not no Ad Astra sorry not first man in Drive he's just a lift driver I guess that would be my vote Drive is probably that or He's just a Lyft driver. I guess that would be my vote. He's a cabbie. Drive is probably... That or... The Place Beyond the Pines,

where he's like a carny that robs banks to support his knocked-up girlfriend. I think that's a little sexual. Definitely not Lars and the Real Girl. Definitely not. All right, 69ing doggy-style reverse cowgirl. Let's skip this one obviously it's very rude it's inappropriate

it's not rude it's open we're being open with each other next one let's definitely pass not that it's my answer but just to say like you fuck 69 marry reverse cowgirl it makes no sense alright

traveling dinners with friends concerts with enemies um yeah okay i have my answer but i don't want to go first everyone else go marika if you had your druthers okay oh boy kill traveling what i knew you're I knew you were gonna be mad uh fuck concerts marry dinners with friends I would kill concerts

concerts are dead anyway not good to me anymore yeah just in a perfect world they're not good to you yeah no even even pre-corona concerts are bad. And then dinner with friends is ideal. So I'll marry dinner with friends

because there's nothing better than a nice dinner with some buds. And then what's the last one? Traveling. Traveling. Yeah, fuck traveling. No, it's supposed to be like you enter traveling. Oh, you like it? Yeah, okay, so yeah.

So I'd fuck dinner with friends because i usually end up masturbating in the bathroom and that's kind of that rubbing your tortilla chip in the bathroom and then i'll marry traveler i'll marry a blues traveler concert A Blues Traveler concert. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, if you had an extra hour in your day, a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run, person B would take a nap, and patient zero would read a book. The point is, a lot of us spend our time and our lives wishing we had more hours in the day. And the question is, what is that time for?

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to elevate your health, it's AG1. That's why we partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. This one's really – I want to hear Jake's answer. It's merry traveling, but what's the other ones? one's really i want to hear jake's answer it's merry traveling but what's the other ones um i would fuck uh fuck dinner with friends and kill concerts i think i'd have to but it's tough that's fair because i like i feel like i like going to one concert a year and i really like it but

i can live without that i really i want to go to a concert with you jake one day i would love that too god one day we'll come back. Do you remember, Amir, when we went to, in Australia, we saw Furnace and the Fundamentals? Just this insane Australian cover band. Oh yeah, that was a good concert. But that, we weren't even looking for a concert.

Yeah, that one we thought was a bar, but we ended up at a fun concert. That's right. That's true. But that was like six years ago and we haven't been to one since. But that's the concert I'd like to go to Marika with

so she can really watch me freak out but you could argue that that falls under the category of traveling it's true um i'm gonna go marry dinners with friends fuck concerts yeah it's hard and i love traveling i love traveling but in terms of what i have to invest i think concerts have a better roi than uh than traveling than seeing the world i also just I love traveling, but in terms of what I have to invest, I think concerts have a better ROI than... Than traveling? Than seeing the world? I also just don't travel often. I definitely go to more concerts than I do go places.

I just like being able to go to the Hollywood Bowl or something in the summer with friends and see Dead & Company or Mayer and just have that experience. And then I get to sleep in my own bed. Because when I travel, I have to do the hostile style. Hostile. And I'm hostile about it. I'm hard to travel with.

Next question. HeadGum LA, HeadGum Brooklyn, or working from home? Ooh. Well, HeadGum LA doesn't exist anymore, so kill HeadGum LA. No, let's say for the sake of this one, we have the new HeadGumLA office. It's somewhere really cool in Silver Lake. A new kind of Reno office style.

Not co-working, because obviously we have our own private suite. But, what's that? Marry Head head gum Brooklyn, fuck head gum LA, and kill working from home. Obviously. Yeah. I think I would do that.

That's mine also, but if we can change working from home to working remote, and I haven't killed travel, then that's... These are all separate from each other. They're not cumulative as long as I'm fucking queso married to 69 and working from Brooklyn

from Bar Harbor a bar with friends at Bar Harbor in France a cocktail Bar Harbor I gotta say marry HeadGum LA for obvious treasons fuck HeadGum Brooklyn France. A cocktail bar harbor. I gotta say, uh, marry HeadGum LA for obvious treasons. Uh, fuck HeadGum Brooklyn.

And then kill working from home. And I'll only say that because we, I feel like if somebody needs to travel, it's kind of always been an option at HeadGum to just work from home or remote or from the other office. Yeah. So it's fine to have the office like, you know, you can work from home if you need from the other office yeah so it's fine to have the office

like you know you can work from home if you need to because it's where it's all project-based paced i also like previous to this ended up working from home for like a year when there was no office you just flipped me off yeah that was not the worst thing i've said so why did you do that that was so rude sorry it was've said so far. Why did you do that? That was so rude. Sorry. It was, yeah. Marika continued, but fuck you, Jeff. There's no point. You spent, Marika's been in every single office in New York City.

Yeah. Which was. Save for the very first, like, Adams recording basement, whatever. I don't, that wasn't even an office because I don don't think I don't think every single podcast even record there. Maybe maybe they did, though. Well, it was mold infested. So legally, it cannot be considered a head gum office because the health effects that it's had on the staff like you don't want to be liable. Yeah.

Pesto, asbestos and fresca al fresca dining outdoors. They're all so unrelated. One is an issue with a house's foundation another one is a style of eating and the last one is a sauce i also liked when i thought you were asking about fresco the soda oh that's good fresco pesto and asbestos i would probably kill asbestos that seems bad and I would have a basil walnut oil puree don't call it that on the day in a wedding way

in a wedding way in an Italian wedding dressing way what was the third option you said it I don't want to say the F word but you'll flip me off alright 2017 2018 2019 I don't like to say the F word. Don't want to say the F word, but you'll fuck me. Yeah, you'll flip me off. All right, 2017, 2018, 2019.

Whoa. I'll go first. Marry 2017, fuck 2019, kill 2018. I don't remember the difference between those. These are all three Trump pre-corona years that are mushed together in one 36-month chunk of time for me. Okay, then let's change it. It should all be different for everybody i've only been an adult for four five years every okay so jake and amir let's go 2009 2012 oh you know what no let's go 2012 2014 uh 2017 wait i i mean i had an answer for the other one what is this new one 2012 2000 what 14 forget it

2009 2012 2014 let's just what about okay how about this and these are these are three different ones okay 2009 1999 and 1989 that way it's super different which one would you fuck marry and kill are you drunk yeah uh kill 89 86 89 2006 2009 uh wait what do you remember about 1999 i don't have a memory from that year. Like my first memory was from when I was three or four. So that would have been 1999 or 19. That would have been 2000. Jesus Christ. I also,

I also don't have a memory from that year, but I was older and I probably do. I just can't think of it on the spot. Which is worse to be young or to have such a shitty memory that you can't remember from when you were five or six. Amir doesn't have a memory from 2019. 2017, 18, and 19 were all the same.

This is too contentious. We're getting angry at each other. Okay, hoodies, crewnecks, or cozy sweaters? Yes. Now that's a real fucking question. Good job. Good job, man. Merry cozy sweater, fuck crewneck, kill hoodie. Really? Yeah. Honestly, same. I guess merry crewneck because I think I find myself in crewnecks good job Mary cozy sweater fuck crew neck kill hoodie yeah honestly same I guess Mary crew neck

because I think I find myself in crew necks more yeah but I could have a I could have a really meaningful fling from time to time with a cozy sweater and definitely kill kill the hoodie yeah I'm gonna go Mary crew neck fuck cozy sweater kill hoodie even though I love

all of them very much. Amir, have you ever... I don't like a button-down shirt. I like these three items. I can't picture Amir in a cozy sweater. I used to wear in New York, like, wool sweaters when it got cold. But yeah, I haven't worn a sweater. There's like some old videos of you in like a wool Argyle sweater.

That's right. God, 2009 was fine, so I would fuck that. 2006? I'm staring outside and it's snowing ash. It's hard to be funny when I currently see the end of days

happening outside my window. It's gray everywhere, like it's about to start snowing, but instead of like grayish blue, it's grayish orange. And instead of snow, it's burnt debris. I think that's a good reason to kill the LA office. Entirely, yeah. Tomorrow's high is 192.

That's too much. Where it's a convection oven. I'm baking a cookie. Can we just set up shop in new zealand like why don't we just fucking all move to news can head gum i would love that be a new zealand based town was very fresh we could link up with melanie bracewell yeah the air there is so clean and fresh it's like constantly either like raining or it's just rained and everything feels nice and clean here i can't open a window or i'll die slowly so like that's not nice to have but none of y'all like traveling an interesting fact amir about the where you live and i'll cut out any specifics this is

i might even not even include this but just for the sake of the yeah don't include don't include it then no it's interesting you're gonna say like yeah you don't have to say where it snowed in la the last time it snowed in la i think i don't remember when i'm in the 80s or something it was like right behind your house oh really i didn't know that i thought it hasn't snowed in la since the 30s it might have been the 30s it threes look like eights to me yeah all right i'll cut all that out all right um fuck mary kill ice cold water room temp water boiling water get rid of that boiling water no and how would you have soup i wouldn't have mac and cheese you can't have any mac and cheese you can't have coffee i'll kill room temperature water then yeah yeah there you go m Merry ice cold water.

Fuck boiling water. Kill room temp. Last dance. TV, podcasts, movies. Oh, last dance, you mean it's the last one. It's the last fuck, marry, kill, and then there's two more. Kill movies. Agreed.

Merry podcasts, because in a way we already have nice slow clap starts conversation starters describe the perfect chair to you to have to hold to I like a lounger that can like do that whoa like the back thing and then like a feet kick up so a lazy boy a lazy boy yeah it's thick you suck it's big it's comfortable you can sleep in it when the world burns around you and you just fall away forever it's beautiful and then what was the last one your living room has like the most upright furniture I've ever seen. What do you mean you want a lazy

boy? You always want what you can't have. That's what I'm talking about. That's that sax point shit. Anybody else? These are all optional from now on, I guess. I want to hear Marika's druthers. Anybody else?

These are all optional from now on, I guess. I want to hear Marika's druthers. I sit in chairs really weirdly. Like I never sit normally. Like at my desk, I like either sit with my legs up or like hang one dangling over the armrest or whatever so um i think something that would accommodate that sort of sitting which i guess is also a reclining a recliner feet kick up with armrests sort of chair i think there's nothing cooler than an eames lounge chair that classic that classic lounge chair.

I have a knockoff version of that. I don't have the real one, but I have a knockoff one that I got from eBay. Yeah, that's what I've heard too. Pyle has the real one and he says it's like the most comfortable chair in history. Don't cough on the show. Oh my God. I did it off mic so that it wouldn't be a big deal picked up on the zoom though right

disrupted the flow of conversation no just you did by the way I texted you earlier I said I have coronavirus do I have to do this show and you said trust me do it no one will mention it it won't alienate yourself

take all the time you need. If you need to cough, I hesitate to even say this, but try to do it off mic with no pressure. Then I did, and you stopped. You scolded me. That's exactly what you did. You scolded me for coughing. What did I also say, though? I said, I'll make it worth your while.

Yes. Oh, my God. You just Venmo'd me $1100. There's more where that came from. There shouldn't be. I haven't even talked about the second I have another type of chair that I like. Yeah, I want to hear your chair.

I had another chair. A cherry. I also like a swivel chair. Like a little accent chair with a swivel. Yeah, I mean your office chair absolutely insane jake purchased a saddle chair for the office which is what does that mean it's exactly what you think it means it's just like a cowboy saddle chair it's shaped kind of like a saddle there's no back it's just that and it swivels and it and it rolls so it's a it's a mechanical bull

it is it's like a little stool with it looks like a little it looks like a little child's like horsey play thing except there's no horse so it is like it's it's literally a saddle with a stool it has like little legs that are downturned so So it guides your legs onto the stool. No back on wheels. It rolls really nicely. Smooth roller. And I will say when we were ordering chairs, Micah and I opted for the saddle chair. We pitched it hard to everyone else. Marika said no. Pyle said no. they came and i regret the saddle chair it's not as comfortable as another chair right there was there was also an option there at the same website there were as there was a saddle chair that was a like tandem saddle chair so there was god a piece of wood on the floor and then two saddle chairs coming up and i wanted them to buy it so bad they thought of all the chairs it's a swivel rocking chair stool with no back and no lumbar support yeah you don't need that chair it's a water bed what is a non-political controversial opinion you have? Like a hot take.

I think Trump is right about 60% of his policies. I said non-political. You should have cut him off, to be honest. Oh, I'm not even trying to be political. I'm just saying his social stance on certain issues. Like what? No, don't entertain. Climate change. Climate change? You just complained about it raining ash

i'll be tall or otherwise it did that it did that in the 20s what's the 40 percent of things you disagree with trump on what's give me something that you don't see eye to eye i don't love the yankees and i don't love love love golf but I can sort of get behind an executive nine and did I mention I don't think beer tastes good he doesn't drink beer exactly that sort of is my hot take non-politically and with regards to the Trump thing I think I've said this on the show before but I think that if your jeans are comfortable enough, which honestly you should not wear jeans if they aren't comfortable and have a little bit of stretch, they're fine to lounge in and I do it every day. I know so many people who think I'm a monster for wearing jeans in the house. I literally have not worn jeans since I

went into quarantine and that's my main pant otherwise. Yeah, what are you going to put jeans on to sit at home? Yeah, I can't do it. It's counterintuitive. I put jeans on from time to time. The reason I can't lounge in jeans. I've got the Levi's 512. You have a belt on? No belt, no belt on the day.

That'll make it a little more comfortable. You don't like wearing shorts. You don't like wearing shorts. Even when it's hot out, you don't like wearing shorts because you have thin calves and ankles. So that's why you wear jeans. I hate shorts because they frame my body in a way that make it like a square up top and then just these two noodles. Of course.

So don't say it's because you like jeans. Although I got some umbros. I got some umbros because I've been working on my fabs. Your what? Thin calves. You got one implant. I see it. It's behind you. You haven't inserted it yet. It was extremely painful and I couldn't

make it through the second implant. So I got a right honker and a left inker. Disgusting. Disgusting. Alright, let's hear jake's unvalid opinion and i can't wait to rail into him i you gotta come back to me i don't know i don't i don't know i can't think of one i'm very i'm very vanilla i bet i can think of something for you oh yeah give it to me oh you don't like ice cream oh yeah i don't like ice cream you don't like ice cream doesn't do it for me like any kind of frozen dessert no i don't like dessert if you don't like ice cream doesn't do it for me like any kind

of frozen dessert no i don't like dessert if you had marika's druthers what dessert would it be if i had to have dessert i would have it much later than dinner like right an hour before bed and i'd have like a chocolate chip cookie yeah it's gonna say don't you like cookies i do like but like if i'm at dinner and like and the plates are cleared and they're like now it's time for dessert i'm like i have no interest in that. I don't want that. I want, I'll, I'll eat something sweet a couple hours after dinner.

Thank you very much. And I'll, and I'll find my own way. I don't want to, I don't want cake. I don't want ice cream and I don't want pie. I don't, I have,

I want nothing to do with it. All right. All right. That's enough of the third degree. I haven't said anything yet. All I said is that you don't like ice cream. You've sort of been talking for three minutes straight, justifying the opinion.

I can feel my ats blowing up. And my ass. I can feel my ats and ass blowing up. Marika, if you had your druthers, what's your controversial opinion? I feel like I have so many very minor ones that I can't really think of. And the first one I thought of is that the last two seasons of Veep are very out of character and bad. That's a good one.

I would agree, though. I did not enjoy watching Veep the last two seasons. It was upsetting. Veep the last two seasons. It was upsetting and I've recently been re-watching it because for some reason I've decided that it's a comfort show for me in this moment which is insane. It's not a very

comforting show. But it is in a way for me at least. I like to see my friends make bad decisions but going from like season five which is I think when David Mandel took over, to season six, he had a little more free reign.

It's just like everyone is completely different and a bad person. You know what's a good show? Yeah. Sorry, continue this line of dialogue, and then I'll tell you what's a good show to watch in these times. You just cued yourself up in the conversation,

which makes us need to kind of cut our things down good question i've been watching west wing recently why so i wonder what it would be like to have a competent president this is the perfect out you're enjoying like oh these these people care about things and it's fun to watch i mean it's ultimately depressing because you realize the bad guys in the show are now running the country, but it's nice to sort of escape into the reality of a Jed Bartlett-led America. It's just such a fantasy.

I feel like mine is more comforting because it's just also watching other things fall apart and I don't have this idyllic sense of a world in my head. Yeah, I mean, everything is bad, so there's only so much you can escape. Do they call him Low Energy Jet? No, that was a nickname

that Trump came up with 15 years after the show started. Alright, this brings us to our last segment. Amir, you and I were just talking about your guys' True TV pilot a few days ago. You were asking me about it. I wouldn't say we were talking about it. You were asking me to see it, and I said, I don't think I have it anymore.

And you said we should put it online. And I said, I don't think that's a good idea. Is that what you're talking about? That conversation? I just thought because of those concerns, yes, that's what I was talking about, that maybe we could kind of punch it up on the day in the edit room.

And I'd be happy to edit for you guys. So I'm going to play a few scenes if that's cool. And then we can kind of like... How do you have it? What's that? How do you have it? Oh, I got it. It doesn't matter. Like, that's cool and then we can kind of like how do you have it what's that how do you have it oh i got it uh it doesn't matter like i'll that's bad podcasting to like go through the whole process and explain to you how i found the file but i have it so just don't mind this whole thing

is a bad podcasting tell me how you got the how you got the cut i just googled jake and amir on youtube and then somebody leaked it online i think so i just went to the first thing that came up jake and amir on youtube yeah I don't think that's it. It looks like it. I mean, the production value is pretty good. Here we go. That's a DraftKings free roll. That's an ad. Okay, here it is.

This is Jake and Amir's TrueTV pilot. I already heard it in the first half second. It's a Jake and Amir video. It's not the pilot. It's just a video. Q-R-S-T-U You don't have to watch it now. You're worrying about bad podcasting? You watching an old video.

This is an awful, awful podcast. It's also you're essentially just like stealing a thing that they monetize somewhere else. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's not. This reaction doesn't make sense to him. What do you mean?

You don't know anything about... You clearly know nothing about anything. You'd think this is the pilot and it's not. Your notes are invalid. What do you mean? You are invalid. Let's just,

two more lines of dialogue, we'll punch it out. Figuring it out. Even if you get it, I'm not going to be impressed. Oh, that's funny. I clearly have a cold. What if he started at R? Do you have a note about that?

That's your note? I think that's pretty funny. You said the line was funny. Same joke. RQ. Back to work, okay? Whoa, just got my cousin Leron. You liked.

Did you hear me when I said, go back to work? You said two more lines and now you're watching. We didn't listen to what Jake said. So what this character Jake like said something about an e-zine and then Amir was like, yeah, it's this online newsletter. No, Amir said something about the e-zine. So I just because something about comedy is that you have to listen. You have to listen, especially in improv.

I think that these characters don't listen to each other. It was sort of like about disrupting the status quo sort of keeping the government on its toes and stuff like that fine what's it called it's called poodle tartar instead of poodle tartar because of the raw dogging joke

maybe it's like what could the easy be called we can wax about it for a second just kind of come up with something funnier now you're pitching alts on a yeah Jake left of course he left you embarrassed him but something funnier. We don't have to. Now you're pitching alts on a... Yeah, Jake left. Of course he left. You embarrassed him.

You shamed him to the point where he didn't want to be here anymore. It's called the shout, and that's kind of funny because it's like, that could be an easy name of a publication. Rika's gone as well. Honestly, I'm usually the first to leave, so this is kind of interesting.

Bad. Bad title. So stupid. He only writes it on weekends that he doesn't have to spend with his children. Can I give an editing note? I feel like you will, regardless of what I say. This is more color correction. Your background's blown out, man. Right?

You're absolutely blown out by the background, because it's like a floor-to-ceiling window. It's not saying that this is your fault, because obviously, well, it is a little bit, because if you were the EP, you should have hired a DP who could kind of handle the lighting, right? Yeah, we did it pretty guerrilla style, so we just shot what we had. You did a television pilot guerrilla style?

Maybe that's why it wasn't picked up. Maybe that's why it wasn't picked up. That's not why it wasn't picked up. that's why it wasn't picked up that's not why it wasn't picked up they didn't think that enough people would watch it it wasn't worth airing because it didn't test well with the true TV audience they basically pulled people

that loved Impractical Jokers and yeah the audience there thought that Jake the Mirror Pilot was a little immature the Impractical Jokers audience thought that the Jake Namir pilot was a little immature. The Impractical Jokers audience thought that the Jake Namir pilot was immature. Yeah, in a way. I guess Impractical Jokers skews older, and we obviously skew you younger. And so there was a disconnect there. At the end of the day, it was a business decision,

and ultimately one that we disagreed with. But, you know, people with the money make the decisions. That's sort of the way it goes in this country. So we took that L. We rallied the troops. We sulked, dranked, cried, laughed, picked ourselves up

from our bootstraps, and pitched them an idea that we knew that they would love. Went right back to True TV, and they fucking bought it in the room. It was a different pilot. More reality-based, yep. And we gave them what they wanted a fucking

cheaper easier to digest sillier real informative infotainment type show that would pair well with adam ruins everything and we delivered on that promise and yeah about a few months ago we got the uh we got word got word word that it was picked up. Not picked up. What happened? What was the test audience? By the time we handed in that pilot, the mandate at the network had changed. They wanted something a little bigger, brighter, more flashier.

Like the original Take It or Reap. No way. It's tough because in this business, things change, and projects move slowly. And you get to a point where you just feel a little fed up. It's hard to keep track, keep tabs. And then by the time we went to pitch another idea, the executives had either been fired, reorganized, lost in the shuffle, and you sort of have to start from scratch.

But I'm no spring chicken. So we started this whole process when I was 23, 22. Here I am, 37. Have you had fun along the way? Not had fun along not quite I don't think so it's hard work and didn't pay off uh the fun would be making the show which we didn't get to did you get I mean you don't I can cut this out if it's like a sad answer but don't yeah it's fine at least for the pilot for your work at the pilot we left every dollar on the screen because we wanted to deliver the best product. So editors were paid overtime out of my fee

to make sure that we got the best chance at a pickup order. Fool me twice, shame on True, I guess, right? Nice. Yeah. So if you're listening to this anybody if you have a higher up at Turner we have to wrap up

actually we have to wrap up thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode of the Headcumbe Podcast sorry let me finish let me do the outro cause I'm the host maybe this is why True TV didn't pick up the shows I was a bummer in the room I was yeah I was like kindmer in the room. Yeah, I was. I was kind of scared on the day.

So when they were making the decision, they realized they didn't want to do work. You have to end up working with this person and why would you ever want to sign up to deal with me for five seasons in a movie? So they came in with their answer in an envelope and then they were about to present it to you. You were a little bit of a dickling in the room.

And then they were like, you know what? And then they kind of tossed the letter, which probably said yes. And they were like, we are not picking up the show. Yeah. There was a letter. And they did toss it right before making their verbal decision. Which was no. And one of the guys said yes.

And the other guy said no. And then they sort of shot glances at each other. And the guy's like, I guess no. I guess no. So I guess no. We'll see you guys again again next week thanks so much for listening to the show be sure to listen to Review Review Lackluster Video, Newcomers Season 2 If I Were You, Buckets,

Nadpod, etc, etc hell yeah, podcasts what's that? do you want to say it? just say it say goodbye we'll see you next week True can't cancel my podcast because I own it. The joke's on them. I didn't want to bring it up in the middle of the show, but I did get

cc'd on an email. What? About what? Let me just pull it up. It says you're cancelled, fucker. The subject line, and it doesn't make a lot of sense. They must have sent it

like in a fit of anger and probably rightfully so but it says if I were you for true TV is not considered non-consideration and then in the body of the email it says you're cancelled fucker and I just checked yeah I'm on R19 if I were you is gone the backlog is deleted

damn Daniel damn daniel that was a hit gum original