The Headgum Podcast - 170: Project Dumbweigh

Episode Date: September 15, 2023

Amir, Marika, Casey, and Allie join Geoff to discuss the new Jersey Mike's ad campaign, niche city tours, and fashion! Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify Join the Headgum DiscordSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. But I also just watched Elvis tonight and this movie is too normal and I got bored. Too normal. Yeah, I don't know. Would you rather like a movie that everybody hated or hate a movie that everyone liked? The first. Yeah, because then you're liking something.

Yeah, but then everyone else hates it and they're like, why do you like this thing? It's better than feeling insane because you think something's bad and everyone else is like, it's good, which is how I feel a lot of the time. That's how I felt about everything everywhere all at once. Oh, interesting. I enjoyed that.

I was an island man because I was like I thought it was good. No phones? Yeah, no phones. Eyes up? Attention here? Yep. I'm back from behind the desk. Why? What's that?

Why? I don't know. I just thought that it was missing a sort of like sheen. Okay. I didn't see you touch the cameras at all. Are you sure we're all in frame? We're in frame. We're in focus. I did all this before everybody walked in.

I was on time. It was all ready to go 12 minutes ago. And that's when Mariko decided to be late. I decided to be late because Amir was late. And I thought I had time. You let her know that you were late? We could have started without you. That was the plan.

Yeah, I slacked. I'm like, where did this come from? So I slacked Anya and Marika because that was the only correspondence I had about this show. So you didn't know this was happening? I did, but I forgot. And then I got a 10-minute warning and I was in line somewhere else.

I'm like, oh shit, let me slack. Who slacked me about this show? Which was Anya and Marika. And then I got a 10 minute warning and I was in line somewhere else I'm like oh shit let me slack who slacked me about this show which was Anya and Marika and then I raced over here well thanks for being here look how nice that was yeah are you reprimanding yourself

no I'm saying look how nice that was that I said thanks for being here cause I could just be like where were you what were you doing well you could just not address it at all. Right. Really?

So the fact that you're calling it out and then saying look how nice I am. You know we have to pad. You know we have to pad tie slash time. Do you think the listeners when they start the show

they're like I could tell this started 12 minutes late. No. They can't. And you feel like you need to address it. Well sometimes we start early. Okay. Wow. can't and you feel like you need to address it well sometimes we start early okay wow uh marika coming in with the heat we also never start early really you're always running

late and just a little i'm always here physically but the shit's not set up yeah exactly so i thought i had like 10 minutes of natural wiggle room but i thought I'd be nice by saying like in L.A. If you're five minutes late, you basically don't say anything. That's just like baked into the DNA of the city. Yeah. I also thought that Anya was on this episode and I was talking to her and that's why I was late. Yeah. Because I was like, oh, she's not in there.

So I shouldn't have to be. Yeah. Well, you know, it's all about checking the Cal invite. Right. Because then you know who's going to be where and when and why and how. Well, I trust her more than you on anything to do with this show. I don't send the Cal invites. She sends the Cal invites.

You want to trust Anya, you've got to trust the Cal invite. So we're starting to really understand how the machine gets going. We're starting to see the inner workings of the show, the planning, et cetera. We've kept it in the dark. Casey's not on. Casey and Allie aren't on the Cal invite. I was out maybe three minutes've kept it in the dark. Casey's not on. Casey and Allie aren't on. I was at it like maybe three minutes before I walked in the room.

Yeah, I was walking out of the studio and Jeff said, do you want to be on the show? Which, yeah, you shouldn't have to be. We should say that Casey's icing on the cake. Yeah. Allie was supposed to be on the Cal invite because Anya said,

what about the return of Khan? Allie's the cake. Oh, is that what happened? That's what I understand to have happened. But I'm not the most reliable narrator. I'm only asking because Anya said I was requested by name. I think she says that to every guest. Yeah, she said that to me once.

It made me feel special. It's also the only way to be requested. By name. That's not true we could be like what what about that one staffer who's like why do you keep saying staffer you called me a staffer on the ian carmel episode i like to think of this fucking network like a political campaign right and guess who the fucking yeah who's the candidate me frankly it's either me or cohen and i think that i'm more front facing and i feel like i have a good handshake yeah yeah that's good you have a good handshake are you saying it's between you two to be the candidate or the election is between oh you're running against yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. His campaign manager, I think, is Peter.

Who? Peter MacArthur. I guess. You guess? Yep. I said I guess because I do. Amir's pissed

because I pulled him away from tennis to do this. No, I finished tennis. Tennis ran late. And also, he's on the calendar. I'm on the calendar. That's true. It's not my bad that you forgot. Yeah. When this was scheduled,

I'm like, okay, I have tennis at 10, and then I'll come over here, and I'll have plenty of time. Do you do that on purpose, tennis at 10? If it was baseball, would you do it at base? Base-is. No, I usually play at 9, actually. Okay. You know, yeah. Tennis, anyone? That's pretty good Yeah What about, um, give me a second here

We're gonna really bring it home Um, name a couple baseball, like, or sorry Tennis, now you got me saying it Uh, name a couple tennis ball brands I know there's Prince I know that there's Penn is the big one Penn

Wilson Okay, so what about, you know, Cure Royale? No You know C Q Royale? No Marika you gotta know Q Royale I don't know what that is Didn't even ask Casey Knew he wouldn't know I know what it is

What is Q Royale? The number one brand Of? Everywhere They're number one in what they do. Cure Royale is a cocktail. Yeah. Champagne and creme de cassis.

Don't look at me and say that. So I'm wondering if there would be a creme de cassis. And it's champagne and creme de tannis. He keeps crying at things that I say and do. The US Open already has its go-to cocktail, the honey deuce. What's the honey deuce? She's right.

It's actually been around for 15 years, but for whatever reason, everyone's talking about it this year as if it's been around forever 15 years, but for whatever reason, everyone's talking about it this year as if it's like been around forever. And it's like the gold standard. But I hadn't heard it before. What is it? What's in it? It's like vodka, honeydew, and two tennis balls. I think creme de tannis.

Two honeydew spheres. Honeydew is the worst. I like honeydew. Really? I like honeydew. It's my most favorite melon. Yeah. It's always the one left over. Oh, really?

Yeah. It's always left in the bowl, you know. So you prefer cantaloupe to honeydew? I guess, yeah. But it's like there needs to be the asterisk of it's good cantaloupe. Yeah. So much of it is mid. It's filler fruit.

Interesting. I agree. Mid cantaloupe is better than most honeydew. Yes. I agree. But the thing is. I disagree. What's that? I agree. Maid cantaloupe is better than most honeydew. Yes. I agree. But the thing is... Disagree. What's that?

I disagree. I feel like you have COVID. I feel like you have. I feel like we're having a game night and you're zooming in. And we can be like, what did you say? We can barely hear you. It's not my fault. When you send an edible arrangement, it's often pineapple, cantaloupe, and honeydew.

And people go for the pineapple first. And then if they're still hungry, they'll have the canta. And then they'll leave the honeydew in the wake. They'll try one honeydew to see if it's good honeydew. And it never is. It never is. What's good honeydew to see if it's good honeydew. And it never is. It never is. What's good honeydew? Water?

Yeah. What? I like honeydew. So I will actually stand for this shit. Let's hear about why you like honeydew. I also said I like honeydew and you told me I look like I have COVID. Why are we still talking about it? Fine, let's move on.

I'm fine with that. Every fruit has a weakness. Honeydew does not have a weakness. I think it's weak in flavor. It's good in flavor. It's often dense. When it lacks in flavor, it has in juice. Honey juice.

If I just wanted flavorless juice, I'd drink water. That's what I'm saying. Water's also really good. Water's really good? Yeah, I agree. Eating a piece of honeydew often feels like I'm eating a piece of rind. Yeah.

That sounds delightful. Housing rind. It's fine. You know what? This is good. Next time I'm with either of you, you can have my honeydew and I won't care. Exactly right. When we did the shows at Gramercy on your birthday, I did bring you those cookies like we talked about the other week.

And you were pissed that it wasn't rind. Sure. It was the rhythm of the rind. The rind. Oh, do. I had a bowl of rind. I'm housing honeydew. Uh-oh.

We've opened up a new Pandora's box. We might have to go with rinds for the sophomore EP. I think one more rice song and then I'll record the ten. I think it's been like nine. Interesting. Interesting or you're going to pay for studio time? I want to write one. What's that?

Can I write one? Sure. I think you should host another episode because I need a fucking week off. And don't say, oh, you know, it's the easiest job in the world. I'm fucking torn apart in front of the public eye every week. Whether I prepare or not, whether I bring something to the table or not. Sometimes I prepare out the wazoo. People kind of shut down in the studio

and get mad at me for doxing their dress. Right. Yeah. Sometimes I don't prepare anything and it's a hit. I think Marinka can take the reins for an entire episode. Well, I wanted to write a song that you would have to sing like you did to me with Riceball. So I still have to

show up? Yeah. Yeah. Alright. I'm less interested, but we can still do it. Alright. Can we talk about this for a second? Did you guys see this,

I think it's Papa John's commercial? Or no, Little Caesars or some shit? It's one of the main pizza things. Do you not see this? I don't know. A commercial for a pizza place? What is it about? One of the main pizza things.

Have you seen this? Yeah, I've seen a commercial for a pizza place? What is it about? What is the main pizza thing? Have you seen it? Yeah, I've seen a commercial for a pizza place. Oh, I know what he's talking about. He's talking about a commercial. Jersey Mike's. Jersey Mike's. Okay.

Not pizza. Not pizza at all. Listen to this. Listen to this. Right in front of you. It has a rhythm. This is the rhythm of the slice. The slice.

Wow. Wow. Slice right in front of you. It's a Jersey Mike's thing. Oh, Danny DeVito's in there? Wow. Good ear. Do you think it?

I mean, do you guys think that they ripped us off? Yeah, we gotta get Danny in here. Let's do a deep dive on this. Talk amongst yourselves. I'm gonna figure out which ad agency did this. How? What's that? How would you possibly?

I think there's that IMDB for commercials, right? iSpot.tv. Okay. And then we should be able to figure out who produced it and who the high dive advertising. Interesting. I did that number crunch in 20 seconds. You said how? You're such a naysayer, man.

You're like, if it isn't tennis or basketball or like... Can't include that. Can't include that. Can't include that. Like, you just aren't interested in seeing what's possible. Meanwhile, me and Anya

are trying to shoehorn in the best idea we have. Okay, so now you have it. Now what? You know who made it and what's your plan? I said, give me a second and talk amongst yourselves.

Yeah. I died advertising. Great. Googling that. Talk amongst yourselves so there's not this pressure. This should have all been done offline before I got here.

We had the time. Yep. Yeah. You did. And you didn't take advantage of it. Do you guys not have enough in common amongst the four of you to not just wax amongst yourselves? We have plenty of in common and talk all the time. So that's why we're kind of silent.

I said we have plenty in common and we talk all the time. Yeah, we've said everything that we need to say to each other. Yeah. This is so not how I want it. This is like, oh, here we go. Rhythm of the Slice. Yeah. Here we go. It's not a clickable link. This is like, oh, here we go, Rhythm of a Slice. Yeah, here we go.

It's not a clickable link. Who sent you this? People posted it in the Discord or on the subreddit or something and tagged me on Twitter. I mean, there's outrage amongst the Hedgum listenership. Yeah, this is egregious. Should we call them?

Call. High dive advertising. Oh. Is this like a Should we call them? Call. Jimmy's. High dive advertising. Oh. Are they located in LA? Chicago. Is this like a Olivia Rodrigo, Taylor Swift royalties conversation? Ooh. Great question. You know, and I wish it was just as simple as that, but I feel like it goes deeper. I feel like they're, like, gonna start, you know, continuing on with this trend of stealing

my ideas. And, like, the next Jersey Mike's spot might be, like jeffordy there's no way i'm i fear that i'm not saying that that's a reality yet but i'm just saying like where does it stop because you start with rhythm of the slice and that's two years ago so i feel like they're like oh they forgot they did that i didn't forget top of mind jokes on my ringtone yeah them You remember Here we go, Office Hangs I'm on the High Dive Ad agency Instagram And they have a highlighted story of Office Hangs

The new office is coming together Where in Chicago are they? I don't want to dox them Marika I don't think you'd be very happy if I said you lived in Jackson Heights. It's also not hard for people to find that out if you found it in two minutes. It looks

like Lincoln Park. No. That's cool. Allie's from Chicago, actually. We might bring in our resident Chicago correspondent. Where does that look? Yeah, where's that building? Oh, wait, there is a street sign. Ohio Avenue. Yeah, that sounds right.? Oh, wait, there is a street sign. Ohio Avenue. Yeah, that sounds right.

Wait, actually, you know what? They had their address. Are you from Chicago proper or like a suburb? I was born Chicago proper, but then I grew up in Glenview. Do you have Chicago pride? I think so. Interesting. And I've been told that I have a Chicago accent.

You do? I can see that. River North. River North. River North confirmed, 320 West Ohio Street. So if you guys want see this. River North. River North. River North confirmed. 320 West Ohio Street. So if you guys want to. That's where the bear is.

I don't want to wish ill on the office environment of High Dive. But like if you want to send a strongly worded complaint. Shouldn't. Either written and printed out. On your behalf? Yeah. Just be like, hey, you know, I know what you're up to. And if you ever steal another idea from the HeadGum podcast

don't instigate things info at highdiveus.com get their ass get their ass I don't want to dox them good god this just in. High dive stealing our ideas?

Imagine if we had a news website. Like imagine if we were responsible for delivering the news to people. So would it be like The Onion or you're saying truly it's like me and Anya writing articles? Yeah, it's that one. Can I be like a fucking op-ed opinion writer? Yeah. Sure. You can be an op-ed opinion writer.

Okay. News.headgum.com. A weekly zine. That's not bad at all. I'd actually love that for my guys. No, but definitely reach out to High Dive. What's like a spicy op-ed you would write? That's a good question.

What opinions can you possibly have that anybody would care about? So, like, what's the headline that's going to get shared around? It has to be clickbaity. Clickbaity. That might influence some sort of like political ideology throughout the nation perhaps okay um well do you guys want to know what i had a conversation about what i would do to fix the country if i was president and had five executive orders okay do you want to know what they were yeah Yeah. So the op-ed title would be How I Would Fix the Country.

Yeah. An open letter from a... Just fucking say the list, dude. You're tripping over your own fucking thoughts. Out with it. Okay, well, the first order of action's now going to be, and by the way, this is going gonna be pulling funds away and executive orders away from things that could have actually like, I don't know, changed the structures of our country that oppress people of color and you know, the LGBTQIA plus community.

First executive order is you're gone. No way, that's so small. You're fucking expatriated. That's niche. Too niche. Where do you wanna go? You can go anywhere you want, where you're going. I won't vote for that. Probably Canada. Not vote, executive order, you're gone expatriated. That's too niche. Where do you want to go? You can go anywhere you want. Where are you going? I'll vote for that.

Probably Canada. Not vote. Executive order. You're gone. Portugal then. Portugal? Yeah. Portugal or Senegal?

Portugal. You don't want to be in Dakar? I don't want to be in Dakar or the club. Get me right to fucking Lisbon, man. I would basically eradicate public education being funded by localized income tax. So it would all be pulled together at the state level and then redistributed equally so every high school in the state gets the same amount of funding. So you don't have rich areas getting better education.

That's a good start. And that goes for all low-income areas, but what? First one is I'm in fucking Portugal. Second one is actual public finance. Here we go. Third one is actual public finance. Here we go. Third one is Amir has to get a tattoo of my name on his eye. You're wasting them.

You're wasting them. You're wasting them. Two of the first three are me having a tattoo in Europe. The fourth is that the Oval Office is now around. It already is around. A theater in the round. Let me fucking finish. I think we need more transparency in government. I think that there should be a fucking,

it should be like a fucking wrestling ring. Yes. An outdoor amphitheater. I don't care if it's winter in D.C. A wrestling ring is a square, by the way. It's the squared circle is what they call it. Thank you. And the last one is reparations.

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Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. And we're back. Oh, God. Farting in a dusty hallway. Um. Dusty Hallway. Scott Kahn. I like it.

Ali's brother? No. Scott Kahn from Hawaii Five-0. James Kahn's son. Yeah. Is that true? Yeah. Oof. Noah Kahn. Is that your brother Yeah. Oof. Noah Caan.

Is that your brother? Musician, no relation. Got it. Amir? Fast. Say it fast. Overlapping dialogue, like I always say. Don't take a pause.

Just think about it. Just the first thing that comes to your mind. First thought, best thought. David Caan. Is that a real person? I think he was the GM of the Timberwolves. Marinka? Benedict Cumberbatch was as Khan from the Star Trek movie

Not bad We got through it fast Here's another op-ed Open letter to the casting at Sony Pictures Studios Just fucking decide You know it's Aaron Taylor Johnson Okay Just like fucking cast his ass

Bad decision by the way He's not going to do a good Bond. I think you're reading your op-ed to us right now. I'm writing it right now. Okay. All of my op-eds will be dictated, by the way. Yeah. Because I only do good in the room.

What's that? Why don't you think he'll do a good job? Why don't I think he'll do a good job? Yeah. I mean, I'm sure he'd do fine. I just think it's boring. He looks basically the same as Daniel Craig, so visually there's nothing there. He's a fucking... Same thing. He's a fucking, he's a cradle

Robbie. So unless they're going to plan on having the Bond girls be Bond women in their 50s, which I think would be interesting, which they're not going to do, then end of discussion. Let's give it to Daniel Kaluuya. Sure. Okay. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I love both of them compelling argument i'm on board um i wanted to sort of fix your guys's problems because you're in therapy no surprised you're not you would never are you in therapy yeah the hell's that marika you're in therapy yeah all right great so, you're in therapy? Yeah. All right, great. So y'all, let me fix your problems. Free of charge. Okay.

What's the most pressing issue that you feel comfortable sharing on air that I can kind of help you with? Casey, do you have one? For you? I think I'm okay. Yeah, Allie's doing great. I feel like I'm, yeah. Is it because of your stay at the cottage? Yeah, Allie's doing great. I feel like I'm, yeah. Is it because of your stay at the cottage? Yeah, my stay at the cottage.

I finally used a gift card that Jeff gave me five years ago. You gave Allie a gift card five years ago? Yeah, and I saved it. And what was it a gift card for? Airbnb. So it was an Airbnb anywhere you want gift card? Yeah, and I almost spent it a couple of times on the OJ Simpson tour of LA as a bit. Oh my God.

That's on Airbnb. Yeah. On an Airbnb experience? Does OJ give the tour? No. But you go around and you see the spots in a white Bronco. Wow.

You get to ride in a Bronco. Yeah, you get to ride in a Bronco. So it's you traversing the streets of Brentwood in a Bronco. In a Bronco. But I couldn't find anyone who thought it was funny enough to go with me. Yes. So where did you go?

And did the gift certificate cover the entire trip? No. I had to throw down a little, but it helped. And I went to Topanga. We stayed in a little tiny house. Can you send me that listing? Because I've been wanting to go. It was really nice.

It looked amazing. How many people did you go with? Just one. And there were llamas and sheep and goats next door. Was it a lover or a friend? My girlfriend. What? That one hurt.

This is a bomb drop this is this just in you wanna talk about news yeah they just broke up cause of those fucking sound effects

really yeah probably the girl with the Doc Martens and the Muna shirt has a girlfriend can you believe it oh my god

everybody uh no it's it's breaking news because we've asked we've talked about your dating life on the show before.

So let's talk about, this is a perfect segue. Dating in LA. Or should we say, dating in Topanga. Did you go to Endless Color? No, what's that? It's a pizza place that has natural wine in the canyon. No, but that sounds nice. Did you bless the rains down in Topanga?

There is nothing that the Topanga days could have a festival. Very niche references. First and last name. No. Let's go wait. Let's go wait.

Let's go wait. And what do they do? Shwerks and Newzak. Warner. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. It's hard because I'm craning my neck. I want to look at Allie, but I'm so used to being able to look forward from behind

the desk, right? I've gotten too used to it. It's a luxury. Are we boring you, Marika? Kind of. I mean, kind of, yeah. I'm really excited to hear about yeah how long has it been first date let's go first date third date and uh when you sort of sealed the deal oh my god it's fine to talk openly about your personal life no yes i'm not at work and not on camera this isn't work this is a performance space Everything we say here is take it with a grain of salt, folks.

Take it with a grain of salt, folks. Abadie, Abadie, Abadie. Sorry. No, you're okay. First and last name, when you met, first date. Ali doesn't want to give any of that information. No. Okay, then let's give her an alias.

The franchise. Jennifer Garner. Yeah, Jennifer Garner. Okay. then let's give her an alias. The franchise. Jennifer Garner. Yeah, Jennifer Garner. Okay. You know what? Speaking of, I really like that she's still close with Victor Garber. That's nice. Me too.

Yeah. So nice. Let's talk about that. Jen Garn and Vic Garber. I also had an open question to pose to the room. Yeah. Okay, that's fine. Inspired by Ali's Airbnb story.

If you could give a tour of any like cultural significance what would it be oh you gotta figure this show out man because it's like when it ends up at these dead ends no i do have an answer okay yeah laurel canyon that's boring like it should be like... That's boring? Open question, you said. I gave an actual answer. And you said, no, that's boring. I was also trying to continue my statement, but then you said that my question was bad. No, like, tour of, like, something related to a movie

or TV show or murder or crime in general. Like a Breaking Bad tour of Albuquerque would be an example. Can I speak? Yeah. But we don't know anything about that. Can I speak, Marika? Yeah. Can I speak against the rules that you're saying?

You can talk, Jeff. Holy shit. Serendipity. In New York? Yep. That's your tour? Have you seen that movie? Oh, that movie's so bad, but it's very funny.

And they use the word serendipity every other sentence. It's Joan Cusack and Kate Beckinsale. Joan Cusack, not Joan Cusack. You ingrate. I think Joan's in it. Joan is another person. I think he's confused. No, it's John Cusack.

Joan Cusack is not in the movie. Yeah, Joan Cusack is another person. I know that's a different person, but she's not in the movie. It didn't seem like you knew that. He thinks Joan is in it. It's John. It is John. Every other scene they go, this is serendipitous.

That's good. One of my favorite movies. It's like I lose a note in the wind and if it comes back to you, then we were meant to be or something. Yeah, but Eugene Levy is in it and he plays this shoe salesman and he's very funny. I think it's a great movie. One of my favorite rom-coms. New York, Upper East Side. I've never seen it. Near Christmas.

I don't think you'd like it. I'm not a rom-com guy. I'm not a rom-com guy. It might be Eugene Levy and I'm sort of debating whether to call you out on it in my head, but I'm not 100% sure myself. I think it's Levy. Grace, cut that out.

Oh, great. Actually, keep it in. No! No, the tour would start at Bloomingdale's, then it would go around the corner to Serendipity 3, frozen hot chocolates. Yeah. And then you fly to San Francisco, right? You're fucking walking through Chinatown going to like Buddhist shops.

And then you're back to New York getting a tour of the New York Times obituary fucking archive. Right? And then you're I think done with the tour. I don't know. You're leaving it. I've never seen the movie

so. It ends at the Waldorf Astoria. I think this is the end've never seen the movie so it ends at the Waldorf Astoria I think this is the end of the tour and then it ends then you end up at the Waldorf and then you end on

the ice skating rink in Central Park Mariko what would yours be? well I want to hear everyone else's I don't necessarily have one my dad took me

on one once like a self-made tour there was in Chicago there's all these black buses, and it's like the gangster tour of Chicago, and it shows you where stuff went down. And I said I wanted to go on it,

and my dad said, save your money and get in the car. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He had a gun. And he drove around, and he was like, that guy died there, that guy died there, this happened there. He knew everything. He's a born and raised Chicagoer. Yeah. Wow. Baller. That guy died there. This happened there. Wow. He knew everything.

He's a born and raised Chicagoer. Yeah. Wow. Baller. It was pretty interesting. Savage. I could give a tour of Pulp Fiction filming locations relative to where I lived. So I could be like, this scene from the movie, I lived down the street.

What was the diner? That scene, I lived down the street. What was the diner they used? I didn't live near the diner, so that's not on my tour. Where is that? Is that a famous place?

You heard the man. I'm curious. I'm pretty sure it's, it's in Englewood somewhere. Oh, I see. I could give a tour of places I smoked weed in high school. That's really cool. Around my town. Oh, I see. I could give a tour of places I smoked weed in high school. That's really cool.

Around my town. The movie. Wow. White men can't jump. Venice Beach Street Basketball. The King and the Duck. Sidney Dean and Billy Hoyle. Yeah, they ruled these courts.

There was also a vast... Felt like I was on the tour. Holy sh... And we're back. Definitely loud. New soundboard. We auditioned them last week. Marika helped. Marika, what's your tour? Marika's frozen.

No, am I really? No, you're really no you're like freezing up you don't have an answer oh my god yeah i probably do like veep locations from the first four seasons or something like that okay um like i said i didn't have. And I wanted to see if other people did. Let's go. Hell yes, I'm the best. You're either in or you're out. I'm in. They're out. I will be caught dead in his clothes.

Fashion is my life. Who will be the next big fashion designer? That's me. Bottom line, I'm the best. I will own the runway. For these 15 designers, Project Runway is a chance of a lifetime. I watched this season. It's good. This isn't Project Runway.

It's Project Dumbway. Okay. We're going to be weighing how dumb each other's outfits are or are not one by one. I didn't tell you guys to dress for the occasion. Let's start with Casey. I think he understood the assignment.

Casey, you're licking fire. You have the green and yellow stripes on the socks. Thank you so much. You're matching the green pants with the yellow shirt, and then you have the black graphic tee with the black graphic hat and the Vans to match slash boot. No notes from me. Actually, I have one note know i think you could have

worn a faded or tate t okay and i think i'll take that note you should you should get some thread bear basics basically yeah i and i have a moth guy if you need him but basically set them free in your closet see what happens set the moths free in my closet. In a way. Okay. You mean his shirts should be thinner? I think that they should be, like, yeah, more patinated. Yeah. Yeah. I hear you. But that's like, again, you're the icing

on the episode. Sure. That is like, that's that's like a real minor note. Sure. But. I mean, A, you're running the runway. A minor note. Sure. But, I mean, A, you're running the runway. A minor note. Sure. And if we're weighing dumb,

you don't fall on that side of the scale. Thank you so much. Let's all give it up for her, Casey. Thank you. Thanks, everybody. I'm sweating bullets. Who's next?

Let's move on to Marika she has a striped shirt can you stand up and back up in frame just so we can see the full outfit because right now we only have shirt, glasses, hair to go off of which we can do that but I don't think it's going to work to your advantage

I think it's going to to be honest let's see those dockers the problem is that i am bottomless i will i will stand up but i'm wearing the outfit i'm going to wear later on my bottom i'm wearing a jumpsuit that is around my waist marika let's see it i need to be, let's see it. I need to be clear. It's not, it's supposed to match. I'm not going outside. No, Marika, you're underestimating the coolness of that choice.

Oh, yeah, you do. You're going to love what I'm about to say. You do look like Carlos Sainz. I'm going to an Arctic Monkeys concert after this recording. Oh my god, that's today? Marika, I gotta say, I didn't think anyone was gonna be a KSA, and it's your day.

What does that mean? Jumpsuit around the waist with like a French mime tee, and did I mention the front braids down the side of the face to the brain? Did you see me taking out my hair at the beginning of the recording? I saw you signing into the Zoom

late. I don't know if I saw you taking your hair out. But I'm going to give Marika an A as well. The only thing that I could the only note would be like maybe get that roly poly on that frail ass wrist. I'd love to see you in a vintage Lady Datejust two-tone Jubilee bracelet.

Moving on. Right. To me. I guess you dressed knowing that we would look at and examine people's outfits. So you're fine. I don't know if I dressed to be, I don't, I mean,

you know, I would have worn this to get groceries. I don't know. It's just like, you kind of like dress for the job you want. And the job that I want is someone who is well-dressed. Yeah. I feel like army rat or something.

I feel like Jeff and I are, are, we look like we are in a band, the same band. Uh, so I like it, man. You're wearing the army fatigue top. I'm wearing army fatigue.

What style of clothes is that? Like, can you like say, this is my style. I want to go to this specific type of store. No, there's no word for that. Just give me a fucking

letter grade. I honestly feel like we're all, like, we could all be the picture of a band with the way that we're currently dressed. I think if we're all the band. Amir's like the drummer that always wears athletic wear. Yeah. Chad Smith type with the backwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who's the front man? Jeffrey James. Oh, my God. Twist. Twist. I'm the front man. Allie is the right choice. And then, Marika, can you say the rest of our names like you're introducing us?

What do you mean? Just say the rest of our names. I'm in the band, too. Just say all of our names including yours Jeffrey James what introduction you know what that's fine just stop there and then Grace when I say

who's the front man just take that audio from Rika and put it there you're the bassist man fuck man that's generous I was thinking triangle or strings manager well Jeff is playing the bass but it's not plugged in Man, that's generous. I was thinking triangle or strings. Manager.

Well, Jeff is playing the bass, but it's not plugged into anything. That's funny. And we're like, good job, man. He's my cousin that I promised could play with us in a band. Like Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday. Like the front man. I was just saying, yeah, the man. you're the roadie dude you kind of drive our bus around

you're the guy in the front of the bus driving it very true this backfired um Allie you're very East LA today you have the loose fit relaxed fit denim you have the docs you have the muna shirt it's all on brand for 2023 the only note i would give

is it's really hot for those socks i don't know how you walked here um thank you for the feedback. B plus. He's just mad that he's not the front man. Don't worry about it, Ali. Yeah, can I amend my grades for Casey and Marika to B plus? To B positive? I almost want to skip Amir

because I don't want to be mean. No, let's hear it. Oh oh I should have worn a different shirt to fucking play tennis in or something I didn't know we were getting critiqued on our fashion choices honestly no the tennis part of the outfit is good I just I don't like the backwards hat

it isn't 2001 you're not Max Keebler making his big move and the socks look like um you accidentally printed out your game results from a tron video game in the 1980s onto a sock i guess i printed out my game results onto a sock yes I don't know how you did that. You didn't have enough ink so the blue turned out yellow and the red turned out purple.

Can I has a new pair of sneakers? I don't know, man. You've had the same one since I started interning here. That's not true. They're falling apart at the seams. I don't care that they're comfortable. Beauty is pain. Let's get you in some Stan Smiths if you want to play tennis. Could never play tennis in such a flat, arched shoe.

I actually wouldn't mind the return of the mustache. Okay. Maybe some... Wow, what a throwback. So Casey's shirt should be threadbare, and I think your face should be threadbare. Interesting. Interesting or... No, not really that. Casey's shirts should be threadbare and I think your face should be threadbare. Interesting.

No, not really that. Why didn't you grow out your hair in the pandemic? I did. No, like long. It went pretty long and then it eventually got too coarse in my mouth and it was just uncomfortable so I cut it. I get that.

What's your hair type? My hair type? O negative. I don't know what their are types. I'm pretty dry. You gotta know your hair type. You gotta know your hair type so you know how to shampoo it. I've been trying rare. Rarely shampooed. It's like wavy, curly

thick. See, you said hair type, and my mind went to curly hair types, which are number and letter combination. That's what I was thinking too. I think it's like two something. Interesting. Yeah, that makes sense. You're sort of going through a hair journey right now. I saw you with the mini braid sort of the uh anakin yeah um what's the eventual goal or is that

the finished product the braid or just growing my hair the hair journey well great question jeff i'm glad you asked uh i saw a picture of timothyalamet and I was like, this guy has great hair and I think I have a similar hair type. I'm going to grow it out and see if that's true. And are you also trying to malnourish you? Yeah,

I do want to lose a couple pounds on the tummy and I figure if I grow that hair, I will lose my appetite. I'm saying not eating from now until you look like him and you kind of have your sternum popping out of your skin. You have the bony knees. You have the bony... I want the Chalamet hair and the Ryan Gosling body.

That's really good. Yeah. And Ken? I mean, and Barbie? More, I was thinking more drive or Place Beyond the Pines. That's good. By the way, that's attainable. Yeah, yeah.

You're not far off from him in Drive. Thanks. Yeah, I do have the jacket. Yeah, and the Drive. And the Drive. To be him in Drive. Would you dye the hair for the full Place Beyond the Pines effect? No, I think I really love my hair color.

I get a lot of compliments on it. Interesting. I wouldn't dye it. D minus, just because I don't want to have you in class again next year. Not a pleasure to have. That's actually a failing grade. Oh, I think I had your brother Ben two years ago.

You guys remember those kids in school where it's like, oh my God, it's like a Weasley family. Where it's like every fucking three years there was another like Donahue. And it's like the teachers remembered them. Yeah, that was my family. Really? Yeah. Me, my brother, and sister, we all had the same Italian teacher. Wait, like they taught you Italian in school school in high school yeah you had to take a

foreign language that you could take at our school there was uh spanish italian french latin i don't think latin was one of them but my older sister took it and then i took it two years later and then my brother took it two years after that interesting interesting uh we have to move on if you let's all This is a roundtable discussion of if each of us was an entree, what would we be? So it's analyzing essence, taste,

and... I don't know. Cuisine? Fucking help me out here. The I don't know part was true. I don't know. Cuisine? Fucking help me out here. The I don't know part was true. You don't know. You're transitioning into this as a thing that we have to do. You have to speak in triads.

Okay. Okay. So when you wrote this down, did you write this? So you're coming up with this idea on the fly. Part of hosting is being malleable on the go. So what did you have planned for this episode? If you like, just let's get a real peek behind the curtain. I really don't want a nitpick.

And this is actually a positive nitpick. That's a great example of overlapping dialogue. When I'm editing this later I'll see the wave of like I'm starting to say on the go or I'm ending on the go as you say so. Let me continue that trend and ask what did you have planned for this episode? The outline

is intros, wax, Bond of the Week, Scott Conn, Project Dumbway. And that's it. This is a good episode. People are going to like the energy of this one. So the food thing was just out of the blue because you see that we're a little short. And you want to talk a little more. I see that you're a little short with me. And I don't know if I appreciate it.

I'm still deciding. I might. But I'm not sure. Allie, I think't know if I appreciate it. I'm still deciding. I might, but I'm not sure. Allie, I think you would be... Lasagna. What do you guys think Allie would be? I'm still thinking about it. I think you would be... Do you eat meat? Yeah. Interesting.

What about a Chicago hot dog? I almost said that, but that's too on the nose. You have to think outside the fucking buns. No, Allie is not a Chicago hot dog? I almost said that but that's too on the nose You have to think outside the fucking buns No, Allie's not a Chicago hot dog Allie is Light and fun Yeah, I got it Cotton candy

Neapolitan thin crust pizza With vegetables On the side On the side I feel like a side salad that nobody eats i think you're a pizzeria bianco pie so instead of deep dish which is i think ali yeah let's hear it as a sizzling fajita pot or brought to your table. Oh my god.

This has been really insightful. Thank you. Oh and on the side of mine is an orange wine with a thin lipped glass. So then you want to bite it just to see if it'll break in your mouth. And it does. Chilled in a

freezer so that when you get the orange, it's like, it's that fucking vibe. It's you at, I'm just thinking of you at Endless Color, that's all. Which you didn't go to. Which I didn't go to. Get her. Get her ass. For what? She didn't go to Endless Color.

I don't know what that is. Yeah, we don't know what that is. Yeah, we don't know what that is. Does that, like, color me mine? We can move on. Everyone was supposed to give an answer for Ally. I feel like everyone did. I did lasagna. That's hurtful. Why? It's multi-layered.

I kind of thought it was nice. Yeah, it's interesting but Italian. So of the three, which one did you hate the most? I mean, I hated when I thought you were going to tell me I was a side salad at a pizzeria. There's onions in there and nobody ever touches it. It's just mixed greens that are dry. You can either have globs of Caesar dressing on there or none at all. Dry romaine in a trash can.

And this is the romaine that Chipotle got people sick of in 2015. Casey, get her ass. He clearly does not want to drag her. Stop forcing it. Choose violence. You're like... Hello? Everybody's checking their phone.

That was a Jeffrey call? That was my mother. You're like one of those salads that has like strawberries in it. Oh, that's nice. A summer salad. Yeah. That's really nice. Feta cheese, perhaps.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like really refreshing and like, oh, this is... I'm glad I had this today. Definitely, definitely. Ugh, I'm so relieved you guys like me uh swinging it over to Casey I'm thinking

I'm thinking like a hearty diner breakfast yeah like a real all American cup of sludge yes hotcakes yes

by the slice I was thinking like that. Eggs in a hole? Toad in a hole. No, yeah, like those not silver dollar full plate pancakes. Really good smoked bacon and

eggs up. You are what you eat, baby. I think Casey's like a really classic, like good plate of chicken wings. I was thinking about that too, but then I was... It's a classic. It's come up twice. I was going to say like a charbroiled burger

with like very good cheese. Sorry, hold for sound. A sound you added. There's like a private FBO around here, so there's not a lot of flights, which is why it's a good location, but sometimes there's a fucking asshole. What's FBO?

I don't know what it stands for, but that's the name of any airport is an FBO. LAX is an FBO. Fly by over. That might be it. I stand by what I said. Breakfast.

A lumberjack diner breakfast. That's cool. Allie, get his ass. I just said that. I'm a burger. Cheeseburger. Nice. I'm here nachos

alright as in it's a nacho place to tell me what kind of food I'm gonna be alright let's do Amir oh my god he's a soup of some kind I thought

I was gonna say like a ramen oh I like ramen too I think you're like a stainless steel aluminum bowl with heavy cream inside that someone tried and failed to whip

into whipped cream so it's like foamy but it's not congealed enough to be whipped cream. They haven't discarded it yet. It's sitting in the sink with a little bit of sink water in it too. I'm like half man, half amazing. You're like a bowl of sour. And you're like the epitome.

You're the spitting image of failure. It kind of turned into butter, but they realized they over whipped it and were like, I have to abandon it. Now every time they see it, it just makes them kind of resentful

that they even tried to make it the first bread. You are the idea of someone wishing they hadn't even tried. Amir's kind of aquafaba. Get his ass. Get his ass. Get his ass. No, I don't know.

Maybe like I could see you going a couple different ways. That's awesome. One is like I could see you being like a quality amuse-bouche. Oh, that's cool. You're a burnt cheese. Not a grilled cheese. You're a burnt to a crisp sour. Because part of me thinks that you would think it's funny to be like one good bite and that's it.

You're a cold hot dog straight from the bun. Straight from the package. Still in the oil. There's a bun in the oil? Hot dogs come in oil? I could also see you being anything on the menu at Needle You're a sea urchin Chow fun

You're a shrimp fun Chow fun With those glasses you're chow fun The name's chow Chow fun After your wedding You're saying goodbye to all the guests Did you chow fun?

You should have a chow fun bar. Grace cut that out. Marika, I think you're like... I don't know. It's sort of interesting. I think you're sort of like an egg drop soup with a side of galby. What? Plugs. What do you guys have going on?

What do you want to point the people towards? We have to move on. I have to get out of here. You have to make me something that's not egg drop soup. Poutine. Oh my god, no. You're not poutine. Don't even internalize that. I've never seen Marika this upset before. Poutine. Oh my God, no. You're not poutine. Jesus. Don't even internalize that. I've never seen Marika this upset before.

Poutine's like a cool dish. That was me trying to be nice. Fine. You're, um. Marika's not gravy and fries. Fine. You're, um, fucking, uh. Interesting.

Interesting. Jeff's eyes are bugging out of his head. Marika, you're like Lady and the Tramp spaghetti and meatballs. Oh, that's cool. Two dogs are Frenching at the end of it. Yeah, like really good plate. Well constructed. One little sprig of basil.

I was thinking like some kind of pasta. Yeah. Tagliatelle. I'll take it. Wild boar ragu. And a like... This is horrible. The worst noise ever. It's so loud. That was smelling

salts the audio. Okay, Marikaika you are a um it just could go so many ways and i need to leave so i'm fucking on the spot i think you are a uh fucking uh it doesn't matter plugs. No, I think you're, um. A kale Caesar. I think you're a pretzel dog from Auntie Anne's. Okay.

I love, I'm only giving you things that I like. Genuinely crying. To be fair, all of the things are things that I personally can't eat. Okay, right. You're a cinnamon pretzel from Auntie Anne's. Thank you. With the ideal dipping sauce of your choice. Ranch. Fucking cheese.

Blue. Um, no, you know what you are? Okay, here we go. One last attempt. Four strikes and you're out you are the spicy fish filet at birds of a feather in williamsburg have you ever had that sort of a szechuan yeah you made me you made me get that it is good it's really good yeah that's my favorite dish in new york so plugs down the line real fast uh i almost called you Clovis. JC, what do you got? Listen to the pit wall.

Me, Marika, Jeff sometimes, Pyle sometimes, Jake sometimes. Amir? Go to your primary care physician and ask for a full blood panel. Cavity search. Who knows what you'll find. It's fun to get results.

Collesterol. O Collesterol Vitamin deficiency Follow me on Letterboxd At Ali Khan Venmo me Ali Dash Khan I see you as a pilaf Oh yeah we didn't really do Jeffrey I don't like pilaf but I appreciate it She's little vermicelli

In a fucking yellow rice cup At Jeffrey James on Instagram. At Marika Elan on all formats. It is the rhythm of pilaf. Pilaf. We haven't done pilaf. Oh, rice pilaf. Soggy grains in a plate.

What's so loudly it's pale as the rice is pilaf and the pilaf is good and the pilaf is

proud and it is good eating the pilaf is fine now it's a side on the rice next to a

fish sauce um Marika help me get out of here yeah I already plugged your stuff Marie K. Lahn on Letterboxd I listened to Pitwall did you see Talk to Me?

I didn't I'm scared you know they advertise it as the scariest movie of the year I was not I've seen scarier movies this year I'm not gonna see it what was scarier? I thought Infinity Pool was scarier movies yeah but this year i'm not gonna say what was scarier uh i thought infinity

pool was scarier i can't do body horror i love it but they also they didn't do jump scares father son which is nice have you ever gone out for a body horror movie i'd love to see that i think we're what's body horror like gore like well but like it's like the horror of the body the body is so the human body is so horrific that you can make several kinds of movies about spines yeah yanking things coming out of you it's like oh there's slime it's great sludge and fingernails slowly being peeled off yeah and i'm like let me grab my own eye and rip it out of my fucking skull. Bamboo shoots going under your toenails. Yeah.

Like biting down on a fucking nail so hard it penetrates both. That was a Hiddem Original.