The Headgum Podcast - 173: Points on the Broc End

Episode Date: October 6, 2023

Amir, Brad, and Will join the show to discuss vegetable residuals, home improvement, and Amir's career!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Because his nickname is Juice. Okay. So imagine Juice Bonds. And you could have said OJ. No, that would be kind of fucked up. He's a murderer.

You just asked if it was Bonds with an S. Yeah, is it like James Bond or is James Bonds? Like Barry Bonds. Obviously the first. I think Barry Bonds would be pretty good. Barry Bonds would be good. I feel like the energy is sour. Let's keep things going with a major keeler. You're making it sour. Major keeler.

When you don't have the energy, push through until you get sick My bond of the week is going to be salt bae There it is again, right? The fucking balloons? What is that, man? I think when I put up two peace signs, things happen. You guys should try it. Damn. I was getting a...

It's like a zoom thing But I didn't turn it on I thought it was standard I can't hear anything you're saying Hello Hello I can't hear anything you're saying It's going well

My laptop is doing something crazy Did you guys see the balloons Yeah Does it happen on yours My laptop is doing something crazy. Did you guys see the balloons? Yeah. Wait, Jeff, go like this. Does it happen on yours? It's just from here. The thumbs up starts to load.

No, you have to hold it for three seconds. That's quality podcasting. No, nothing. Nothing. I really wanted Will to be like, and then you get shot. Jesus. No, not like...

No, that's not it. That can't be it. Will? For sure. This is only your second appearance, right? Yeah. People loved you on the first one. Let me? Yeah. People loved you on the first one. People loved you on the first one.

They've been begging for your return. But you could disappoint them on the second go-around. You might not get a third, right? That's okay. If they're disappointed and I don't come back, it wouldn't be a huge problem for me. And I'd have to, like, direct the fuck. Yeah, like, this show doesn't matter. No correct it. Yeah, like, this show doesn't matter.

No, not, yeah, like, this show doesn't. You don't know Will that well. You don't know Will like Brad and I know Will. Is that true? I don't know. He's not denying it. You're not that close. Brad and I are tight, I'll admit.

Yeah, Brad maybe, but Jeff, there's no way you guys are tight. Let's fucking smile. You don't know shit, man. Smile. Smile. are tight i'll admit yeah brad maybe yeah jeff there's no way you guys smile man smile now we're fucking talking man all right look how happy we look smile has ever led to a good time everyone just smiled everybody looked great looked happy. Everybody looked borderline chappy. Like we're all chums. Chums. Chums. Chums.

Easy, Brad. Okay. Colorado or Colorado? Are you in Utah? No, I'm going to Utah later, though. Don't. Calm down. I'm going to Utah later, though. Don't. Calm down. I'm going to Utah later. When, dude?

Right after this. I stayed in town for this record, bish. That doesn't seem worth it. And that's not my fault for asking you to do it. You saying yes. You don't have the boundaries. Sorry, just one second. You don't have the boundaries.

No, sorry, one second to you. I was saying it as a positive. Really? Me too. And I'm regretting it really a little bit but will's here so i'm happy i'm happy to be here guys thanks for having me on again how do you feel amir are you happy to be here? Are you happy to be here? Are you chappy to be here? Yeah, I'm happy. I'm not as happy as... It seems like you are artificially, but it's been fun so far.

Well, let's talk about it. AI, right? Artificial intelligence. What about AJ? Artificial joy. Is it still being joy if it's artificial? Is it still getting wise if you're using chat GPT? Last time I was on

it was chat GPT. Jeff BT. Yeah. Has it come back? Has it come back? I haven't. I mean, maybe every time you're on the show, we'll do chat Jeff PT. We could do that later if you want, but just know that if it goes sour,

it's Will's idea. What's that? It's not about what I want. Stay tuned or day two? I said stay tuned. Why would I say day two? For day two. Yay. I'm just kidding. This has to be some setting.

Yes. Why? Why for me and nobody else? I'm using a special alpha version of Zoom 4. alpha version it's so fast well at first i wondered if it was triggered by just like zoom recognizing that the background is like a bad house but that you know this is the office so it's like it could be you anywhere and i wonder if it's you know related to the human. Mm. Because, like, you didn't do any renovations when you moved in, right?

It was just kind of a white box, turnkey, but not that interesting? It was. Yeah, I didn't do many reservations, but the second... Reservations? He said reservations! Oh, man, Blumenfeld. Come on, dude. This is the low point of my life. It's awesome.

Are you guys all in your 20s? No. Jeff and I are almost the same age. Really? I think, Jeff, are you 26? What's that? Are you 26 years old? Pay attention.

25. 97. 97, man. Yeah, let's hold for sound, though. Yeah, the soundboard's not coming through. If that was a soundboard bit, we can't hear the soundboard. You can't hear any of the sound no no are you kidding me what number episode is this it shit changes all the time no damn it

oh my god It was orange. What about that? We heard the clap. I've been playing a ton of stuff, including I did a song mashup just now between Careless Whisper and Bad Day by Daniel Pewter. Let's hear it. Powder. Powder, really? Really?

That's not really a mashup. Yeah, it is. It's more of just playing two songs on top of each other. What do you think a mashup is? That is a mashup. Not really. Yeah, a mashup is usually more cleverly intertwining. Not really. Yeah, mashup is usually more cleverly intertwining.

Be clever. No, it's be joy. We were adding to the mantra of the show. Did you hear the new ones that we added? It's be joy, get wise, embellish faith, and then there was a fourth one that I've already forgotten. Faith, faith, faith.

That's really good. Let's get into some shit. Let's start with the fucking thing we have to do every episode. Bond of the week. I'm going with Garrett Light. Who? He's the sunglasses guy, right? So it's going to be, instead of James Bond, it'll be Frames Bond.

There's something there. No, fuck you guys. Because I put a lot of effort into this shit every week. I was nice. I was nice. I was nice. Garrett Light, is you putting a lot of effort into this every week? Okay, let's get yours out of the way, and then I have something I want to talk to you guys about. He made a mashup.

I did. Mine is David Byrne in a big old suit. Time for James Bond to be in a big old suit oh time for james bond to be wearing a big old suit yeah so it's him saying i want a martini shaken not stirred but his shoulders are like four feet wide yes and he sounds like sean comfrey yeah Kevin McCarthy That's good because he needs a job Former speaker Current bond Current bond yeah

The Broccoli's gonna love him What did you just say? The Broccoli's They're gonna love his ass Al and Susan or whatever Didn't they invent Broccoli broccoli that family they did genetically created they're the heiresses of broccoli fortune do you get a residual every time someone buys or makes broccoli if you invent a vegetable i think you get one point on every stock

i am broccoli stocks. Points on the broccoli. Now we're getting somewhere. That's really good. Brad, Bond of the Week. I already said. Who did you say? I said David Byrne in a big suit. Oh, yeah, sorry.

It's just indicative that it wasn't me. Where are you right now? I'm in my suit. Oh, yeah, sorry. It's just indicative that it wasn't helpful. Where are you right now? I'm in my apartment. Oh. No, like... Emotionally. It's hard because I started really tired, and now I'm getting caffeinated.

Is that from Alfred? Recipe for success. It's not from Alfred. It's from Go Get Em, Tiger. Ah, I went there. We were supposed to meet there, and you didn't show up, remember? No, you didn't say, let's We were supposed to meet there and you didn't show up. Remember? No, you didn't say let's meet there at 12 and then I didn't show up. You said let's hang

out on Saturday. I said I'm down and then I never followed up. It's not good. It's not ideal but it's not as bad as what you just made it sound like. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Where am I at mentally? Now I'm getting pissed, right? Let's talk about, this is a real bullet point that I had. I said let's talk about Brad's

descent into madness slash failure so no bond of the week for me I guess you had your chance I did not did not have my chance you went back to Brad instead of me and then you moved on you hate that segment I was trying to get you out of doing it

no way it doesn't work because you had a careless segment. I was trying to get you out of doing it. No way. It doesn't work. It's only Amir. Who's your bottom of the week? Because you had a bad day. Taking one. Brad.

Amir, who's your fucking bottom of the week, man? You don't deserve to know. You skipped me. I didn't bring it up so that you would circle back. I'm giving you a live note. Is it a live note or you just didn't have one

but you wanted to make a big stink out of it? Yeah, stink. So Brad's descent into madness slash failure. I have one now if you're interested. Now that I had a beat to think about it

You could have had a beat To think about it before we moved on audibly You kind of dug your heels in You said I don't have one Now I kind of don't even want to tell you what it is You don't have one I do now So let's fucking hear it Or let's not I don't have one. I do now. So let's fucking hear it.

Well, do you even want to hear it? Or if I tell you, will you be pissed? I don't care. The segment's bad. It was fun when they were talking about Vaughn, you know, Daniel Craig's exit. Now it's been a year and a half. Nobody gives a shit, right? It's not fun.

It's not fun whether you say it. But you know what? We have to see it through. Otherwise, the whole thing is worse. It's damage control. We could pivot. We could come back to it after the break or something. Yeah.

Or Potter of the Week. Oh, interesting. Just completely switch it up. I mean, mine would probably work for both just because it's a person. Okay. Well, what about Cruise of the tom what's that so who's going to be the next tom cruise in mission impossible but why cruise of the tom can we just like let some shit happen the way it happens audibly the national test this was going to happen today, and it happens. Wow.

It'd be funny if it was an international test, or they're supposed to be an international test, but then the notification pops up on your phone and it's clear that I've kidnapped a child. Set a nuclear bomb in Hawaii and nobody pays attention to it. A man, 5'11", thin ankles. Brevin Knight. Who is that?

Brevin Knight? Yeah. The only name that's been said. The new Bond. Oh, he was on the Cavs. Yeah, he was on the Cavs. I'm surprised he didn't know slash care. I wasn't alive when he was on the Cavs. Yeah, he was on the Cavs. I'm surprised he didn't know slash care. I wasn't alive when he was.

He went to Stanford, if that matters. It doesn't. All right. Will, you've moved to the Big Apple. We're not doing Brad's descent. We can skip that. No, you're right. Let's talk about Brad's descent

into madness slash gladness slash you know having a Brad day getting points on the Brad end what do you think about like a PTI style rundown of the show PTI paid time in the interruption where it's

next next oh you mean like there's like the tracker thing? Yeah. And you see what's going to come up next? Yeah. We could do that. It's just I'd have to figure out how to do that organically in the Zoom on the day in the room.

Because otherwise it would just be for people watching the end products, which kind of isn't as interesting. Or I could give you guys like an itinerary going into it. Yeah. Sorry, not yeah give you guys like an itinerary going into it. Yeah. It's just part of it. Sorry, not yeah. Just let me finish. Part of it is like the element of surprise. Part of it is like you guys not knowing what's going to happen.

I misspoke earlier and everyone laughed at me. And then you said something stupid. You said, can you not pick apart everything I say? So which one is it? Do we laugh at people that make mistakes or do we not pick apart whatever they say? Or is it more of a double standard? I think there's a perfect middle ground where we're letting shit happen

as it's supposed to organically and we're also comedically, for comic effect, being like, oh shit, Will said something crazy. You know what I mean? But there's a difference between that and tearing someone apart, lighting them ablaze at the stake. Yeah, you also made fun of my house.

He makes fun of my house every them ablaze at the stake. Yeah, you also made fun of my house. It's just that if you're not going to do the value add. No, Brad's house is good, but yours is a rental, Brad. No, I own that house. I'm a homeowner, bitch. We might have to start talking about how like, because you didn't move in and do a lot of renovations, huh? I actually did. No, because I'm trying to figure out value add, right?

So like, you know, the number one. To figure out how to build some personal finances for y'all. How about I build wealth for you? I don't need you to do that. What does that have to do with renovation? Because we're talking about Brad's descent into madness slash failure. And let me tell you what a failure could be. It could be being in a market like...

Sorry, I'll believe that. In a market like Portland. No, you can't just cut your mistakes. You have to talk to me. In a market like Los Angeles, in a market like portland right these are all constantly appreciating housing markets and so if you don't maximize that brad tenshul that amir tenshul if you don't end 500 grand higher than what you bought in at that's a fucking failure on brad's part points on the brad end i don't think so because guess what inflation outpaced your ass right what are the value ads

for the house of brads right square footage extra square footage retiling the bathroom right picking out a fucking grout are we pre-laying the tiles brad are we buying in sheets where these hex tiles are just so and all you need is the fucking sheets of grout or are we Stop talking So Brad This is beyond Brad This is Breaking Brad Yeah We did do a segment called Breaking Brad Which was how long I could talk at you until you broke Yeah

Isn't that different This isn't interesting to you guys? You just yelling About homeowner. You can own a home and not add any Brad. You can know, but like. Oh, I added Brad. Did you do any work whatsoever, Brad, on the house?

Yeah, quite a bit. Really? What'd you do? HELOC? Sorry, I'm sorry to ask, but HELOC? HELOC? Home Equity Line of Credit? In terms of... This is not how conversations work. I live in a studio, man.

What? I'm curious about this shit. Because, yeah, if you buy in with a partner, maybe, you know, if you get the house for the right price, right interest rate, maybe it's possible. But why are you bringing up a loan? To see how he finances a lot of renovations. You said a lot.

I paid cash. I got to figure out how to save money more because Brad seems to be like rolling in it. And he has the CRT in the background. He has like the trips to Colorado, which is also known as Utah. And, uh, you know,

we'll sitting here, he's beside himself. He's befuddled. He's bemused. He's loving it. He's glowing. Really? Um,

well, you're at a rental. Yeah. I'm in the office today. It'd be really cute. If I hung pictures of Amir in a live show. In my personal abode. I'll send you some. Yeah.

I did for a second forget you were in the office. And I was like, wow, Will's obsessed with head gum. My home printer. His home away from home. Yeah. A five and one workstation. A lot. How did you find an apartment in New York?

How does that work nowadays? I had it easy. Old roommate had a room of ale, so I just slid in. Slide into his living rooms. That's the easiest and the street-est thing that you could have done, rather than looking on street

easy. The street easiest way to find an apartment is to have a friend. House the place. House the place. Apartment. It's good. It's an adjustment. It's an adjustment. It's street level. Yeah, Chicago

I was up on top so it was really quiet and covered in trees big daddy that ivy yeah now if i hadn't said big daddy and you had done that yeah like in chicago top floor ivy big daddy kind of thing i I'm sorry, what was that? Sorry, continue. But it's an adjustment. I'm loving it, though.

There's so much going on here, you know. Where are you in town? We'll bleep it out, but just for my records. Don't tell him. Does it help if I say it slow? No. It's a Polish word. Myrtle Wyckoff? Myrtle is the M-stop, but then there's Kowalski or something.

Wyckoff. Not quite. Cough. Come on. That's like something that you guys do on this show all the time. You just say the word, you say the end of it. Fuck you guys. It takes no anger. Fuck you guys.

It takes no anger. Fuck off. I liked it, Will. Thanks, Brad. Like off with that. I don't think I heard what you said because there was like a Zoom blip. And that's not me giving an excuse. I truly was like, I didn't know that you said a pun on Wycombe.

You don't need to give an excuse. I woke up in a noble... That hurt his ears. We have to take a break. We'll be right back. Time to advertise a show that I think hates women. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take

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Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. And we're back. I have here written down, it's time to talk about Amir's never was-ness. So Amir's never was-ness. this basically the idea is to wax all things blue and fell

and figure out where he went wrong in his career is that fair to say you said I never went right so according to never was this no I didn't say never went right it's just that you never quite got there there's a huge difference right well the

difference between a has been and a never was is that it has been had something and lost it and a never was never had it at all so which one do you think i am i think you were on your way well on your way by the way and you fucked it all up and i want to know the exact moment where that happened. Are you ready? Sure. I am on Amir's IMDb. We're going to go in chronological order from the beginning of your career, according to the Internet Movie Database.

This says that the first television appearance, well, first of all, we should say that the first thing you ever did was jake and amir right uh that's on imdb yeah every episode is on imdb it was a hit what can i say i mean it was one of the greatest web series of all time probably of the early internet and uh you guys kind of struck this balance right between absurdity and groundedness that push and pull right Jake's like every man and you're like fucking dumbass shit I don't know I think a lot of people found it amusing

thank you let's go to commercial again I have to stop saying we never do this because we do it a lot but we'll be right back the wrong soundbite um that movie came out when you guys were born not me i saw it at a drive-in theater 2007 first uh fucking credit is jake namir um and again it was a hit uh next thing i'm next thing i'm seeing is uh jimmy kimmel live okay big time whoa holy shit you're

on jimmy kimmel why jimmy kimmel live jimmy kimmel why why so clearly this is a high right what were you uh it was for prank war it was like he saw the prank war videos and wanted to interview me and streeter about it okay so let's watch this clip if we can find it jimmy kimmel amir blumenfeld um that recent youtube account that seems to find a lot of like oh here it is okay episodes just put it up um i'm going to pop this up on screen share, and we'll see if maybe this interview is what did you wrong. Does that make sense?

Yeah, it's not. David DeVito and Switchfoot still to come. Our next guest will stop at nothing to humiliate. How does he have that job and not someone like me? The point is these guys have done terrible things to each other. You can see their prank wars on the College Humor website, and their show on MTV is called Pranked. Please welcome Amir Blumenfeld and Streeter Seidel.

Right there, right? Let's talk about the outfit. Mm-hmm. T-shirt undershirt. Yeah. Button-down Oxford tucked into selvedge denim. It's sort of

the same as what Streeter was wearing. Streeter looks great. Streeter looks awesome. This was 2009, so yeah, it does feel... That's what I'm saying. For 2009, it's like Streeter could wear that today and he would look good. Obviously the materials would be slightly different. We're talking linen shirt, maybe like an earth tone

instead of that black. But for 2009, that was great. I'm saying even for the time, you look like garbage here. I think, what would you change? Definitely not V-neck. Sorry, I was going to just let it ride and I was going to stop you. Is Streeter about to hug Danny DeVito?

I should have done V-neck. Maybe I should have done V-neck. Maybe I should have done V-neck. V-neck would have been worse. In the crew neck undershirt. No undershirt. I'm saying no undershirt, no undisease. Here we go. I want to watch the video. Oh.

We both hugged a little bit. Let's go. Yeah, bigger man than you, but yeah. Great. This is seven minutes, so we figure we're going to watch it all. What are you doing? Why did you put your arm around DeVito? I'm sort of being cat.

No, you're being – you look nervous, first of all. Let's be honest about that. I was. This is a first talk show. This is like an exciting moment. I was 28 or something. I'm not saying – it's fine to be nervous. That's fine.

I'm saying it's fine to be nervous. That's fine. I'm saying it's fine to be nervous. I'm just saying you look really nervous. Streeter's also nervous, but he's like looking Jimmy in the eye. He's not putting his arm around an A-lister. I haven't done or said anything in the clip yet. See you guys alive. I'm glad to see you in one piece because I know that eventually this is going to get out of hand. Danny, have you seen this?

I stuck around for two reasons. I want to find out how you do this what do you do to each other and also there's a lot of limoncello left yeah we got to do there's a little one for you and now tell us about some of the things that you've done and we'll toast them when you've explained it. All right? Okay, go ahead. What have you done to each other? Let's see. I left DeVito hanging.

You didn't cheers DeVito, but you did put your arm around him. This looks like Jimmy Kimmel just made your kill list. No, I'm okay with that. I'm just trying to lean into this. You're leaning in, glaring at him. Look how casual. You're really looking into every single thing with a fine tooth comb this is just item 2

on an IMDB I won't be mad if we spend the rest of the episode on this clip alone because I think this might have done it I know you won't be there you go Jesus Christ I tricked him to think he won half a million dollars

Taking a blindfolded basketball shot What else? I tricked him to make an audition tape A really embarrassing audition tape And I showed it to everyone Well, I mean, they're not all his pranks Like, I've gotten straighter back You're getting defensive on live television

It's sort of, we were playing the character of, like Buddies that were mad at each other even though we had to basically tell jimmy kimmel that they were all real when in fact they were not jimmy kimmel lie he didn't know no he went to a yankee game with his girlfriend and i put a marriage proposal from steve to his girlfriend that was not me she said yes she. She said yes, she slapped him. He said no, and then... And you're not still together? Well, to her.

So there's a lot of pressure to perform because they've become very popular on the internet. I'm gonna skip ahead to the video. Past the video itself. So this is a skydiving thing? What did you guys do? It was classic.

Yeah. Oh, okay. You made him believe that he didn't have a parachute? Yeah. Yeah, I made him believe that he didn't have a parachute. So let's see what DeVito thinks, and let's see how you react. I'm laughing. It's fun.

It's friendly. We're choosing. Okay, well. It's fun. It's friendly. We're choosing. Okay, well, let's take a poll. I don't want to just, you know, imbue what I think. Will, Brad, do you think this is the moment where Amir kind of doomed himself to B-list dumb at best? No, I think

this had to feel great. I'm honestly, I'm proud of you, Amir. Thank you. This was a career highlight. What point within the prank war was this? Were there more pranks to come? Was this promo or was this a look back?

This was a retrospective. I think this was the last. I'm starting to feel like I'm not the host. I'm starting to feel like another host. You opened it up to everybody. I want everybody to, yeah. I just not the host. I'm starting to feel like another host. So sorry. You opened it up to everybody. No, I want everybody to, yeah. I just want the feeling to be acknowledged, and then we can move on.

All right. Are you done making fun of my jeans or something? Because Will had an actual question. I'm done. Carry on. Yeah, this was after the final Prank War episode. Yeah, it was to promote the clip on College Humor. All right, moving on, on your IMDb.

Moving on. The next thing is, let's talk about something more interesting, which is categorized as a video. What is this? No idea. Stevie and Melania sarcastically interview various celebrities. Yeah, maybe another web video that we did, like an interview. Oh, it's just a web video.

Okay, I'm trying to break, because we already tackled Jake and Amir, which I, by the way, very generously said was a hit. So I'm trying to say like you breaking into the mainstream media, which hasn't happened yet as we go through your... Oh, here we go. Last call with Carson Daly daily you were on this yeah this was like after it was even a talk show they just had like me and jake introduced some clips and stuff like that it was very um uneventful last call jake and amir here we go it's not nothing up, so they don't even have a social media. We didn't even meet Carson.

It was very lo-fi. Alright, here we go. Box Angeles. What is that? A podcast. It says... It says...

Where did it even go? Box Angeles? It says says self-guessed so is it like another interview yeah like i said i was a guest on a box angeles i'm gonna see if this is where you fucked it um you're gonna watch a fucking two hour long interview with me not the whole thing but we'll just kind of skip oh shit okay um it Okay. It says Amir Blumenfeld, I try funny. What is this? I don't fucking know. It's somebody else's podcast that I did. Well, this definitely wasn't where you broke through.

Let's be honest about it. The box answers questions. I ask everyone the same set questions. Okay. First one, describe what you do in three words. This is a depressing set, by the way. Why did you agree to go to the apartment? Because you had a lot of famous guests.

Yeah, Hayes Davenport. I've seen an old Hayes Davenport interview. Oh, Hayes Davenport did the show. The most famous guy around. Amir, this is where you broke in, man. What? Let's get real. This was a low point.

Let's watch. I am funny. Oh, that was so good and quick and succinct sorry i try funny i try yeah oh amendment because whether you are funny or not that's subjective oh well how do you try funny here yeah i think i was a tweet pre-covid videos i will write articles i will make videos i will have podcasts i try it funny said videos yeah all cyberpimps why was that clipped out that wasn't anything i think he was just trying to make as many this was like pre-tiktok and instagram reels he was just like making shorter youtube content to try to get his numbers up youtube ad blitz sorry to interrupt youtube ad blitz. What is that? That was some like Super Bowl,

something that YouTube was doing to, I don't know. I don't even really remember. They were, oh, it was like after the Super Bowl, YouTube would show every Super Bowl commercial or something called the YouTube ad blitz. And you were in a Super Bowl commercial? Influencers.

No, I was in a commercial for the product that would just show other people's commercials. Oh. Oh! Yeah, oh! Just saying, I was like, holy shit, Super Bowl commercial would have been a great fucking moment to be like, oh, maybe you are more

successful than I thought. But again, I'm saying you didn't quite make it to your potential. How much, can I ask you? Yeah. I can't let that one go. We're 33 minutes into this. We have more time.

So let's keep going. Harold and Kumar. Let's say that that's where you kind of, that was the closest you got to the sun. That was before most of this stuff. That was the closest you got to the sun. That was before most of this stuff. Yeah. Your IMDb is all over the place. I said we were going chronological.

Yeah, it's hard. You've told this story about this before. The director knew Jake and Amir or something and he wanted you in the video. Yeah, Todd Strauss Schultz did a bunch of college humor shorts, so he was in our universe. Then he got this movie, and

they needed help casting it, so he recommended me. 100%. And then, what happened after? Didn't do a good job, didn't like doing it. Was it your choice that you didn't do another movie? It was fun, and it was half my choice, half Hollywood's decision. So i would like audition for stuff after and then i would just not get anything and then i'd be like i don't want to audition anymore i don't like auditioning and i

honestly didn't love doing the movie it was fun to be in a film but i wasn't like this is my passion so i yeah and what is your passion i think i like reading people and being like oh should we get this yeah like i like doing my own comedy not necessarily like reading other people's lines over and over in a really slow three-month process and then waiting a year to see the film yeah definitely um I remember there was one time in 2017 or something you were like hey I need to like shoot this self-tape. Can you help me out? I was like, sure. We went up to the studio in the old loft office and you didn't put any effort into it. You hadn't memorized the lines. And I remember being like, do you want some more time with it?

And you were like, no, I don't want to get the job. I just have to do this because my agents keep yelling at me that I'm not submitting. Right, exactly. I eventually just let go of agents and managers and eschewed that part of my representation. I was like, I don't need to do these commercials. I don't need to do these auditions anymore. I don't like doing them, and I don't want to get the roles anyway.

How much of your life would you say you wasted on sending in auditions that you didn't want? Hours, maybe three, four hours. That's it total. Well, cause each audition was a few minutes. You know,

a few minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Did I say that? Maybe it was there. So maybe it was. No, I'm just saying maybe that's where you fucked it all up.

Right. There's four people, but like, I feel like I'm being indecisive. Well, you know what? I'd be happy if Will started lambasting you. Brad and Will are just sitting here listening to you. I think that they're worried that their Christmas bonuses will go away if they yell at you.

But I'm not salaried, right? Conover's salaried. Brad is salaried. That's how he was able to do the major gut reno. That was pre-Headguns, but yeah. I was going to say, yeah. Where but yeah i was gonna say yeah where were you working then brad where were you working and don't say the oregon college of health and sciences what is it that's not the answer yeah i won't because that's not where i was working game will where are you from milwaukee me will yeah born in florida orange county florida moved

to orange county california went to college in chicago czar orange county most common county the country. Got it. All right. Just for your record. Well, can we all take a vote? Where do we think Amir's career went down the toilet? Because I think it was when you fired your representation. I think we eventually got there. It's that you haven't even had the at-bats since what, 2018? Yeah, just about five years. Overlapping dialogue.

We had it last week, and I wonder if it was because of Marika or because you were in a better mood. I think it's because you spent the last 15 minutes dissecting my career in a negative fashion. I don't feel the need to jump in and join you jovially. But you've done well for yourself. I feel like that's how we can end this segment on a high note is that you're pretty rich.

Like at least for what you do, you make well above six figures, which is pretty uncommon good. You don't know anything. You don't know anything. You don't know anything. So that doesn't mean anything. Because you don't know anything. Refinanced in 2021 at the 2.9% interest rate. Refinanced.

Did you not? Because why wouldn't you? Not 2021. You got to refinance. He lack home equity line of credit. let's get back to it um i'm just trying to figure out how to make a name slash wallet for myself you are just trying to figure out how to but maybe don't spend the actual show just trying to figure out how to maybe before the show starts you should just figure out how to and then when the show starts you fucking do the thing that you figured out how to

yeah uh will let's finish up by hearing about your time in new york your time working out of the HeadGum office, because you haven't been able to do that for your entire tenure until now. Yeah, I visited briefly, but this is the first extended stay. I'm not a visitor wearing briefly, which is sort of like a new sponsor, where it's trying to get men to go from the boxer briefs to the just straight up brief cut. Trying to get like got milk package.

Yeah, it's been good. Do you ever go to the Johnson's? That's my favorite bar. No, I got to go. Send me a pin. Drop me a pin. Frozen painkillers. Frozen painkillers. Frozen painkillers?

Uh-huh. Are you good? I'm fine. I've been having a good time this episode. Are you good at hosting? You tell me. I think we've been having a good time. I think the episode is going to be... No.

Really? Don't even know how to share a hotmail? What about Gash Cab? People loved that. That was like two years ago. Yeah. Well, let's do... We'll do the next episode in person. We'll do the next episode in person because we get to do... I'll be in LA at the end of the month.

For Amir's wedding? Yeah, no. I love pointing out that Amir's getting married soon to people at the company who weren't invited you do? well it's hard because it was a small wedding right? we should say that you thousands of people are attending

oh tens of thousands really so where was my invite? and definitely where was my plus one? The problem is the people that were invited got a plus 100. So everyone sort of got to invite a full wedding of people to the wedding. So you invited 10 people? I invited 100 and they invited 100 each.

It's a multi-level marketing scam slash day of my life. I would love if your wedding was a publicly ticketed event at SoFi. Well, we are monetizing it. We are all monetizing it. What do you mean? You get to make fun and then ask a question. You chose the answer and it was to make fun. So no question.

Oh my God. Well, first of all you know just because I've been trying to imbue more gratitude into my life really no I have and I want to

I want to thank Brad for making the time because I know that you're on a trip you know you're on a vacation so Brad thanks for offering up these 40 minutes

for this you know which I know that isn't always the most fun experience, especially for you. Let's ride out. Will? Yeah.

Sorry. Sorry, let's do plugs, and then let's do one last thing. So let's start with Will, plugs. If you're in New York, let me know. Weird. Amir, what do you got? I will. Thanks, Will. Amir? Let me you got? I will. Thanks, Brad. Amir?

Let me know if you're in LA. This is to the listener? It's to Will. What? Sorry, Brad plugs. Go follow my new podcast on Instagram at hillkingspod. We might have an episode out soon. Great.

No follow up on the podcast or what it is. What is the podcast about? I feel like that's on him. It's a King of the Hill rewatch podcast. That's tough for me to swallow. It's pretty fun. It's a video pod. We've got visual

gags. I know how to screen share which is a plus and i do know how to share audio that sounds great mostly the last thing you said um let's ride out with uh a historic moment on the show. It's the first, um... Headgum staffer... Why are you... Submitted rice song from Brad's band. Not sharing audio.

No. Can't hear it. Can you hear it now? Yeah. Yeah. It's good. Wait, no, this is an original. It's not. It's a parody.

You can play the whole thing. No. Oh, God. Oh god. It's the first one that's listenable. I would put this on in the car. car We're going to ride out on this eventually, but what I want, can you walk us through these lyrics? Do you have them pulled up? Yeah, I have them right here, actually. Written down, hand handwritten let's see handwritten in my little notebook here we go um you'll have

jasmine long grain or not sure some sticky rice that i'll cook in a pot okay you know i'll eat you know i'll eat rice. Do they know that? You took the rice right out my mouth. A side of soy, I said without any doubt. You know I'll burn rice too. And then we have the chorus, and I'll eat rice. And over that, burn rice, baby. Parboil the side of soy.

Targ rice, baby. Scoop up a ricey boy salt sand baby ruin rice benihana bomba baby ooh girl you know I wanna and that repeats I like it it's good

it's as cacophonous as anyone I've ever done and Amir's immediately like I love it. He was able to sort of take your chicken shit and turn it into chicken salad on rice. Let's go. There's no way. That doesn't mean anything. Let's go. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Girl, you know I wanna. I can't wait to. I got rice clout? So I keep grains in. Okay. As in I keep grains in fashion and style. I have rice clout. Eat it again I said without any doubt you know it's almsby

as in I'm keeping grains in fashion almsby there it is I want grains made in the south. Something about grits. Some burnt up grits that'll ruin my mouth. So you're eating it immediately off the Pam.

Yeah, burnt. And then the chorus again. We can skip it. Skip this, burnt. And then the chorus again. We can skip it. Skip this, okay. Jeffrey, I can't chew it? Yep. Awful. It sounds so bad there.

It's just the chorus again. Right? Say that again? It's the HeadGum podcast. Jeffrey's out of his mind. Okay. How come every time Jeffrey bails when we climb? Meaning? You bail every time I try to hang.

Okay, I thought it was a metaphor. It's just, it's less funny because it's a good song. And it's produced well. Good episode, but very uneven the song was great but jeff kept dragging the entire flow of the hour down and we would resuscitate and then he would be like an anchor dragging us down and grounding us yeah an anchor like no we're holding it down. No, drowning us. Drowning us. Drowning us. Really? Yeah. Pulling me underwater.

Against all odds, it was a good show. I credit Will mostly. The guest credits. I was going to say, yeah, despite Will's best efforts. No. That's sweet, guys. Uneven. Uneven episode, for sure.

Bump it. Yeah, bumps in the road caused by Will cause you're a bump of a guy. I try to be good. You're a rough. You are the rough. Yeah. Yeah. Ends right there.

With you agreeing. That was a Hiddem Original.