The Headgum Podcast - 176: The Postnuptial Episode

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

It's a full house in the LA studio as Jake, Amir, Marika, Reilly, and Casey join Geoff to recount the full-body high that was Amir's wedding weekend.Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. But I guess you're not a fan. You weren't talking my ear off. You sent me a screenshot, and Marika, by the way, of just the fact that USC played Rice. That's not talking my ear off. That's a screenshot. And they won. a screenshot and they won yeah because rice is bad

yeah exactly and now we're talking about it you know i yeah like my like like my eyes like your nose yeah last week was a debacle yeah really we'll talk about it on the show but i was not happy with not happy with the recording video it was just was in person. He didn't record the video. Oh, it started. Oh, I don't have headphones on. That's fine. Every audio good. Yeah, well,

I can sort of hear it vaguely, so it's good right here goes that monetization who needs monetization when you have matters of the heart down pat Casey I'm sitting next to you and I can't really hear you. What is this song? You guys don't remember this song? I don't remember this song.

Anything could. Ellie Goulding, maybe? Ellie Goulding, yeah. It's so loud. Anything could and did happen because we never thought you would tie the knot. Last week. You played that song just to say that. I love this song.

Right? Is it Ellie Goulding? Here's the thing, right? I mean, I don't know how y'all feel, but I knew Jake would do it. I knew he would get hitched. I knew that he would find his mate. What I didn't know was that at some point,

Blumenfeld would follow suit am I right? did you not think Amir would get married? or you didn't think he would find somebody? what was that? I can't hear you

well you interrupted me with the music so it actually doesn't really fucking matter it's hard to hear you guys it's hard to hear myself you have to stop playing

we literally Jeff literally this episode will not play It's hard to hear myself You have to stop We literally Jeff literally this episode Will not play in certain regions If you play that song So you need to stop Last week Last week he didn't record the video That was unacceptable

Also so hard to hear all of us And then Jeff just said that we didn't record video At the end. The video was gone. Gone. It was gone, girl. Who's calling you? Ultimately, someone's calling you now.

Who's calling you? Same. Gino, California. Should we just start this episode over? Are you kidding me? This has been good stuff. Forget it. Nine songs and a call.

Amir's married. Amir had nuptials. Yeah, congrats, man. Last week we did the pre-nuptial episode. We drafted an agreement between you and Avital. Was it legally binding? I got it notarized. Holy shit.

I swear to fucking God, you didn't sign. Questions about our financials, our assets, how we plan to divide the wealth. Casey was on that episode. Do you want to speak to what happened? It's important to have those conversations. But I wonder if you did. But did you have them before? Yes, of course I had them before without Jeffrey in the room sort of guiding the conversation.

Was it notarized? We didn't end up doing anything notarized. No, we just had very specific talks. So thank God that Jeff went to a notary. Forged the signatures, got it notarized. This was by a buddy of mine. Wow, you know a notary? I know a notary public, and I know a notary private.

Wow. Yeah, so it's like flying private, but for getting shit notarized. I was thinking about becoming a notary. It's like a mobile vet for getting the stamp. But I do think you can make a decent amount of money becoming a notary. But I do think you can make a decent amount of money becoming a notary. But I do think you can make a decent amount of money. Did you guys hear how Marika sounds after the wedding? Are you hungover, man?

It's been days. So, yeah. That's cool. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. People like to say that HeadGum's artist-friendly, but then you have Marika chastising me, slapping me on the wrist with a ruler

anytime I use, what, copyrighted music? Yeah. Yeah. Really? When was the last time all of us were in a room to pod together? I don't know if we've ever done that. Possibly never.

Never. This group. That's right, because it was on Zoom. We had you guys Zooming in the last time it was on zoom we had you guys zooming in the last time it was everybody this is the core six the core six

I'm sorry to interrupt I really do feel like we're getting away from the core issue don't say I'm sorry because I know you're not so I'd rather you just interrupt and just fucking talk about it

rather than be like I'm sorry I'm sorry to interrupt because you don't fucking mean it no you don't mean it you don't mean it rewind it back rewind it back

I don't want you to say I don't want you to say, I don't want you to say, I'm sorry. I want you to go back and be like, I'm sorry. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, because it's hard. It's not hard for you. To interrupt people at the same time is the easiest thing in the world for you. You love when music is playing over dialogue.

You love when it's overlapping dialogue. You love when it's overlapping. So take your apology back. No, I don't have to do it. Take it back. Take it back. There is things that you mean and there are things you don't mean, I don't have to take it back. Take it back. Take it back. There is things that you mean in earnest. There are things you don't mean in earnest.

You don't mean it kindly or earnestly. All of us. Say, I take it back. I don't know what this is about because I thought that we all had a good time at the wedding. This is fucked up. I feel like Amir is having regrets.

I think that's what's happening right now. About the wedding? Not about the wedding. For sure. No, about the fucking episode and the wedding and the nuptials. The wedding was a lot of moving pieces, but this has somehow gone worse. And it's just you at

the helm. Yeah. Can you imagine Jeff as a wedding planner? Well, no, because you were a tank top to Amir's wedding. It was hard. There was a moment. So all the people were at one table, except Jake. And, um...

Jake was at a separate New York table. That's whatever. Yeah. Pyle was at one table, except Jake. Jake was at a separate New York table. That's whatever. Pyle was at the table. He's from New York. My shirt isn't fitting me right. I don't know. I feel like I would underdress for this. And then Marty was wearing a polo and I said, oh, at least you didn't wear a fucking polo

like Marty. And Marty, on a dime, he goes, Jeff wore a fucking tank top! Why is nobody talking about that? What do you mean I wore a polo? goes, Jeff wore a fucking tank top. Why is nobody talking about that? What do you mean I wore a polo? Jeff is in a fucking white tank top. He was sitting on it. And no one gives a shit. For the first three and a half hours.

He was stewing. He was waiting for the opportunity to be called out. What was that? Are you wearing that tank top right now? You said the word of the day. I think you said opportunity, maybe. Different tank. Yeah, you could hit the ego sound. Also, Jake, you haven't been on the show for like a minute because of the day. I think you said opportunity, maybe? Differenting. Yeah, you could hit the ego sound.

Also, Jake, you haven't been on the show for like a minute because of the paternity thing. That wasn't the only reason, but yeah. Back me up, man. You're going to be behind the desk. I feel honestly trapped. Me too, to be honest. We've already gotten into it a little bit,

but we were all at the wedding. That's why we're all here. Me too, to be honest. We've already gotten into it a little bit, but let's talk. I mean, we were all at the wedding. That's why we're all here. And this is the post-nuptial episode. We're going to get to everything that happened at the wedding. This last week was pre-nuptial. Just one second. After the rose ceremony. I think when Riley, I think you were exactly right when you were like, oh, being married doesn't give you authority.

Right. Casey's behind the desk. I'm behind the desk. I did say that. Jake owns HeadGum, right? Single-handedly. Yeah. I own a little bit more than Amir. I'm behind the desk. I did say that. Jake owns HeadGum, right? Single-handedly. Yeah. I own a little bit more than Amir.

I've been able to buy back stock from him. The sun. Union Square. USV. Gray Market Deals. Wilson. Yeah. I almost doxxed a private investor.

Oh, my God. You're always almost doxxing. Yeah, that's true. Is that fair to say? Please bleep that. I'm not even kidding. Please take that out. I'm not going to leave it in.

You might. You sometimes do. You do sometimes do. I'm being deadly serious. Please remove that. Now you're just scared for a week, basically. A hundred percent. This is how...

Yeah. This is a nice way of being like, but seriously, edit it out. You could have shut down. Yeah, you have to cut that out. Please edit it out. I'm surprised that having people get IRL mad at you a few times hasn't stopped the bit.

But I think it encourages him to carry on. Amir, we already touched on it a little bit. Marika, let's hear a little bit more from you. The wedding, right? If she remembers it. Marika, you got turnt. She was on Molly. I've never seen you on Molly.

You were asking me if I wanted a bump of Coke. And it was during the ceremony. It was 3.13 p.m. It was early for that. And you were also like a good amount of rows ahead of us. So it's like Marika got up, went down the aisle, went over to you. She walked down the aisle with the flower girl, swatted the basket, turned to me, leaned over Amir's great aunt aunt and was like, do you want a bump? And I was like, she sat on my dad and was like, whoa, I didn't see you there.

It was insane. Yeah, well, you know, I thought I'd spice it up. And you did. Yeah, well, you know. And you did. I appreciate the jocularity, but let's really let this be sort of a documentarian. Everyone was having a good time. I know.

That's not really necessarily. Kyle made a child cry. We should. Yeah. Okay. I feel like that is what I've been waiting to talk about for days. That was the night before, but Kyle did make a three-year-old lady cry.

How? Why? Let's go in sequence. Right? Is that fair to say? Let's start with Saturday night. It was sort of a welcome dinner at Edendale. Is that fair to say? Let's start with Saturday night. It was sort of a welcome dinner at Edendale. Is that fair to say?

Now we can say everything that happened because it's in the past. Yeah, but also you have been saying where the wedding was. So if you want to talk about high-stakes doxing, imagine if you could change the wedding venue because Jeff released the information. At some point we should get into HIPAA violations. What was your blood work like last year? What? Eden Dale

We showed up I would say Riley's hair looks the best I would say Jake's looks At Eden Dale or today? Oh at Eden Dale Riley's hair was a big topic of the Eden Dale night It ultimately was like

Riley's hair, Amir's wedding, Jake's baby, Marty's birthday. Right. I'm happy to be in third. We were in a circle. We were hanging out,

catching up, and then there's this little three-year-old child who I believe is the daughter of Amir and Avital's friends and she was running around and she was like going up to the group

and just being like boo and Amir was like oh she's trying to scare us she was just kind of screaming at people and it was very sweet we were all pretending to be scared and then she like screamed at Pyle and then Pyle screamed like she was like ah and Pyle like leaned down and he was like ah and they were kind of going at it for a bit and then I guess Pyle like

took it up one notch too far and it's zero to sixty she was was just like, ah, eee! She ran away and at first we're like, is she laughing? And then you just hear muffled, oh no! And we're like, Pyle, you made that girl cry and he's like, no I didn't. And we're like, yeah dude, and then I didn't see this but then you.

From across the bar, I just look up and I see this girl in her parents' arms and she's like. And she's pointing at Pyle like, that's him. That's the bad guy. That's the bad man. It was crazy, though, because I would say they were pretty evenly matched in terms of height. No, but also. Pyle's two out of 11. No, but also... Piles of two little weapons. No, they were pretty...

This is the way to do the episode, by the way. Headphones next to you. I can hear everything. Still too loud somehow. Evenly matched in terms of the energy they were putting forth. It was very much like the screams they were emitting were the was very much like the screams they were

emitting were the same she had the last scream and then ultimately ran away and started sobbing but Pyle maybe should have been the bigger man because he's 40 and she was 3 totally he didn't do anything differently

I think he might have just bent down that girl was doing the boo screaming thing at everyone. And everyone gave it back. And she was laughing with everyone. And one guy took it too far. This is what I want to talk about. I think she had it coming. I'm on his side.

Wow. She needed to know when to stop the bit. And it was like five minutes before that. Maybe like Pyle screaming at her made her kind of go into her own head and be like, holy shit, is this like my thing at the party? My thing? This is so embarrassing. Who was that girl?

She was screaming at everyone. Maybe I should just have a shepherd's pie and chill out for a nap. At the wedding, Ben, we were like, Pyle, we're looking for her. And he's like, no, she's here. I've seen her. It doesn't have to be weird, but it is. I mean, they were kind of enemies for the night. Yeah, at the reception, I think she was walking past him,

and she kind of bumped into his shoulder on purpose, and she was like, walk much? She can't walk, by the way. Walk much? She doesn't know how. Let's talk about... Don't clap for your own joke. It's just transition music, man.

Is it? The sounds of silence and joy. It's just transition music, man. Is it? The sounds of silence and joy. Claps are music to your ears. People applauding is the music of your life. My favorite song is a standing O. While I'm having an O. We'll continue to talk about the wedding in sequence throughout the episode, but let's talk about how everyone has been feeling post-nuptials. Let's start with Casey.

So we're going to continue talking about the wedding. Don't worry, we'll circle back to the wedding. Also, how is everyone feeling about the wedding? We haven't talked about the wedding, Adam. Mostly, let's start with Casey. Actually, we only talked about the welcome dinner. Let's skip Sunday. We'll come back to it.

Casey, how do you feel? I feel pretty good. I shot the wedding on a VHS camera. Let's skip Sunday. We'll come back to it. Casey, how do you feel? I feel pretty good. I shot the wedding on a VHS camera. Then I had to carry a battery pack and a backpack the entire day. Your back hurt yesterday. I've been pretty stiff for a few days. You can't say that.

I'm sorry. I'm doxing myself here, I guess. I've had a hard-on for a week thinking about the shots I got. The footage. All that tape. It turned out really well. Yeah. We should say.

It looks like a real old-school wedding video. It is a real old-school video. I love that you were getting interviews of people like, fuck you guys why are we quiet I was listening to you we were talking I guess I'm just not used to

being interrupted I'm used to I'm used to yeah yeah yeah no I love how you got like wedding confessionals testimonials and ultimately Jeff

multiple times was like my name is Jeff and I think Marika's gonna get the joke so that is built into the history of your wedding now, which is awesome. Casey, you crushed it.

It's beautiful. It really is beautiful. I couldn't have done it without the talent of the people at the wedding. I think you could have because even your landscape shots are incredible. So you didn't need us at all. And we should also say that multiple times during the night,

all of us would look up from the tables or whatever and just see Casey in the distance through some bushes, camera in hand. Yeah. It was obviously his mom who planned the entire thing, and then you in terms of who worked the hardest for him. It did look like, if you didn't know, we had a running narrative that it was like

you were just some guy who like I felt like that I felt like that because most of the people there didn't know who I was unscrambled the beep

on the HeadGum podcast figured out where it was anyway that footage is now all behind our Patreon patreon.com slash JAA check out the vows

check out the secret check out the vows and you can go back to watch your speech at Jake's wedding that's right that is actually there Patreon.com slash J-A-A. Check out the vows. Check out the secret. Check out the vows. And you can go back to watch your speech at Jake's wedding. That's right. That is actually there. We'll get to Jake's wedding. Why?

This isn't about his wedding. This is all leading up to that. And I don't think we will because we're still at the rehearsal dinner and how we felt the day after. So we haven't even touched Amir's wedding. We're circling the wagon. All right, all right. So let's say, let's just, I just have a long list of questions. Let's just get to Jake's wedding. Let's just keep all the way back to Beacon.

Okay, how was everyone's Laurel Canyon experience? I mean. This is what he would say before the wedding. I thought the venue was amazing. The venue was gorgeous. It was a cool venue. And we went to a wedding there. And so we experienced the wedding there.

And much like you guys were like, this place is great. Sign us up. Yeah. And that's how we found our venue. How long did you have to book out? About nine months. Wow. That little girl is the...

Owner. Her parents are the wedding that we saw. Houdini reincarnated. She is Houdini's great, great, great niece. That's right. That's why she was like walking around punching people in the stomach. And that's why?

Yes, that's why she was doing it. Jeff, how was your Laurel Canyon? I mean, I've experienced it many times, so I just, I really want to hear from you guys. You love that street, right? Or like that whole area of LA, don't you? That street, right? I knew you were going to take a bus to that. It's the boulevard. You know how much traffic's on Or like that whole area of LA, don't you? That street, right? I knew you were gonna

take a bus to that. It's the boulevard. You know how much traffic is on the bish? It's not a boulevard. You know what street I like in Laurel Canyon? I like Oak Court.

That's nice. That's still off Laurel Canyon, isn't it? Really? Riley left her phone in our Uber. Yeah. Yeah.

Ultimately, when we arrived. I did. So I, Enrique and I took an Uber. Yeah. Yeah. Ultimately, when we arrived. I did. So I, Amrika and I took an Uber. We get to the venue. We get there.

We see our friends. We go to the bar. We have a drink. We have a bruschetta. And then I think, wow. How were the apps? I didn't get to experience them.

Delightful. You didn't have the ham chowder? You didn't have anything from the sushi bar? The music was great great the light was golden the hour was golden and then I think wow this is so beautiful I want to take a photo on my phone

or take a video of like all my friends and then I reach into my purse phone's nowhere to be found so that's pretty far after the Uber has left we've been there for about 30 minutes wow good on you for not even looking at your phone for 30 minutes way to be in the moment I had tweeted four times by then We've been there for about 30 minutes, 45 minutes. Wow, good on you for not even looking at your phone for 30 minutes. That's pretty crazy. Way to be in the moment.

I had tweeted four times by then. And then I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck. So I'm looking at like, I'm looking at all the tables where it might be. I look at the bar, nothing, nothing, nothing. And then Jeff was like, I asked Jeff, I'm like, Jeff was like, this is why I wish that we were sharing our locations with each other. Because then I could see your phone. And I'm like, okay, well, can I text Daniel from your phone so he knows that?

Can I just, but I don't like the way that you, that's not the tone that I took. That is literally what you said. Oh, I can't, I really wish, and you're the barrier to entry. We just don't. We used to, and then you stopped it first. Because I'm off the grid. That's right. So then I text Daniel.

Into a commercial i lost my phone and um and then i'm like can you because daniel and i share each other's locations like can you look and see where my phone is and in the meantime jeff and i will go jeff's like you should have daniel call your phone so it's uh ringing in the lift and we do that and then it takes us maybe two times of daniel calling it for me to be like you know jeff you could also call my phone from your phone you also have my number but then daniel sent a screenshot the phone which says it's at the houdini estate oh and so we're like interesting how did that happen um uber driver dropped it off uber driver dropped it off at security and so multiple people multiple people have been like

anyone lose their phone and we just hadn't noticed hadn't seen it so i went i finally i i grab it and then later at the reception we're chatting it up with uh billy scafuri and i think like i had my phone i was gonna show him a picture something and then he sees my background and he just like he starts dying laughing and he's like that's your phone billy yeah And he's like, that's your phone? Billy? Yeah. And he's like, I've seen that phone a lot today. Because everyone was coming up to him asking if he had lost it.

No, I think it's just like he had seen it. We has to move on. We has to move on. We has to move on. I can has commercial burger. Has. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, if you had an extra hour in your day, how would you spend it? Because I would absolutely fix all of my problems with the extra hour.

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The best way to squeeze that special thing into your schedule is to know what's important to you and make it a priority. Therapy can help you find what matters to you so you can do more of it. I'm in therapy every week. I've definitely benefited from it and I would highly recommend it to anybody who has access to it and BetterHelp makes it easier. So if you're thinking of giving therapy a try, start with BetterHelp. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

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one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. We just to move on. Jeff told Casey to say that. Yeah. For how much money? Like, why did he do it so willingly? Because it's a free plug for the F1 podcast. Got it. Or podcast. Do you know the name of the podcast?

Yeah, of course. Pitwall. But I didn't know it right until I said it. I was stalling right up until that point. Yeah, of course. Like a car. It was a leap of faith you took. Yeah, of course. Like a car. That was a leap of faith the turkey just kept going. Oh, man.

It feels like when you don't know if someone's name is like... And we're back. We were on break? Well, you brought us back by talking about the pit wall. We've been on break since we talked about Pyle making that kid cry. We'll cut everything soon. Amir, I just have some post-wedding questions, then we'll get back into what we were just talking about.

Will you be taking Avital's last name? Have you thought anymore about that? Yeah, I won't be taking her last name. Are you guys doing a honeymoon or no? If we do, it'll be a few months, not anytime soon. And where will you go? I don't know. Maybe a country I've never been to before.

Or maybe... What did you say? I don't know. Maybe a country I've never been to before. Or maybe. What did you say? I said Lake Como in an Italian accent. I think you said something crazy. No, I didn't say anything. Really? Yep. So.

That'd be nice. Yeah. A country I've never been to before? Charlottesville. Like in the summer. That'd be cool. Global warming though, so you might not want to go somewhere that's like super hot. Did you profit from the nuptials at all?

Excuse me? Did you? So. What did you say? I. Did you profit from the nuptials at all? Excuse me? Did you? What did you say? I said, did you profit from the nuptials? I'm sure you had to have because I feel like the parents paid for the wedding and then your wedding gift was kind of like a honeypot, like help pay for our honeymoon, which you just said you're not planning on taking anytime soon. And you also did have sponsored content.

Yeah. It was branded. It was branded. Yeah. So was branded. It was branded. Yeah. So you're this was a cash grab for you. I probably made

seven figures. Yeah. They say that like probably the richer you are the more the poorer you look. Right. So like if you have

like five million dollars you like wear a suit every day. If you have a billion dollars you're wearing like a hoodie to a meeting. Right.

And if you see how garbage Amir is dressed today it's like that looks like a rich guy. He doesn't give a shit. That's BD in a way. Thank you. By contrast, Casey and I are broke. So does that mean that you guys have like billions of dollars? It is dirty.

No, I'm saying we look amazing. Is your shirt dirty on purpose or did you make it dirty and just not clean it? It's vintage. So those are grease stains baked in. That's the patina of a cloth. What's that? It's the cloth's patina. So did he buy it and it was dirty already?

Yes, he bought it and it was dirty already. The fabric itself is dirty. Or it's dyed to look dirty. A mechanic named Joe dyed in that shirt in 1996 and then Jeff paid $78 for it over on Fig, I imagine.

Mission. Mission Dolores. The website for scrubs. What's that, Mariko? The website is Fig? Figueroa is the street where the thrift stores are. Amir, just focus on your fucking wedding, right? I'm wondering if that's a real grease stain or if they like actually

made the fabric to look good. Okay, other than Marty, and this can be a poll for the whole room, other than Marty, who do you wish wasn't invited? Wasn't invited? I didn't say I didn't wish Marty was invited. He didn't have to. He didn't have to.

Marty couldn't dance because he had a broken ankle or something. Yeah. Like sprained his foot. Yeah, that's not why. But do you wish he was there holding up your chair? It would have been nice to have Marty holding up the chair. But ultimately we had enough able-bodied men to do the lifting. I was a little worried because people around me were getting hurt all the time.

Do you want to know what happened? Would you like to know something that happened? I was in there holding up Avi Tal's chair. Billy was to my right between me and Ofer. We're lifting the chair and then

I guess behind me, you're about to go up and you're yelling, Billy! Billy! And Billy, holding Avital, left to go grab your chair. So Avital, all the way. Exactly where I am, just almost fucking come here. Crashing down. Yeah.

Almost comes crashing down because you called the strong man away from your wife. Just like a man. I mean wife. Just like a man. I needed. Just like a man. Well, I saw six of the strongest dudes were currently on somebody else. So I'm like, I need at least one of those guys probably. So that was me you're saying? One of the strongest dudes?

Yeah, it was you, Billy. It wasn't over Jesse. My cousin was there at one point. Yeah. But we needed at least six per chair we were running out of bodies fast yeah

I thought the chair hit the dance floor a little fast but it's hard to just push the chair away if it got there too early I think you hit the dance floor a little too fast

what's that? I think you hit the dance floor a little too fast oh it was like our it was supposed to be like an entrance and then the music starts right away

yeah really it's his wedding yeah that's true I thought it was fine there's like a certain flow then the music starts right away. It's his wedding. I thought it was fine. I thought the timing was good. The horror is always just a great song. It goes on a little too long but there's so many things that you forget about as it's happening.

You're like, oh wait, no I can't. We gotta just circle the circular dancing. Oh I forgot all the guys are gonna spin each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold hands and sort of dance around the bride. Hold legs and dance around the groom. Jump up and down like a jumping jack for some reason. Then there's the chairs.

Yeah, chairs are fun. That was probably the hottest I was at the thing because you're just doing like a jazzercise exercise for 20 minutes. Yeah, and the sun is still up. Yeah, the sun was still out a little bit. The Houdini mansion, I would say, ended up being fitting because the whole vibe of the wedding was like, now you have fun, now you don't.

What wasn't the fun part? What part did you not have fun at? Being seated at a table with Marty, you know, I didn't appreciate that. Jesse, my buddy, he was like, Jeff and Marty have this love-hate relationship going on. He said you guys were arguing a lot during the wedding. Marty said at one point to Jeff,

and by said, I mean he exploded at Jeff. And this is unrelated to the shirt. This is a different explosion. So multiple explosions happened. We're casually talking about if we ever got married, what it would look like. Jeff and I have this bit. It's not a bit.

We're going to have a double wedding. We're going to get married at the same time right next to each other. And it's all going to be happening at the same time. it's not a bit we're gonna have a double wedding we're gonna get married at the same time right next to each other and it's all gonna be happening like at the same time it's not gonna be like a double wedding she's like oh it'll save costs

I'm like no it'll just be double the cost double wedding anyway we're talking about that and then Marty just rubs a chow

he goes if you have a wedding that's not in Los Angeles I am not fucking coming truly like out of nowhere dead serious dead serious

if you have a wedding not in LA I am not fucking coming he was in LA for this wedding too he didn't have to be angry it was a schlep though with the boot actually no the thing that led up to it was Jeff being like, if I have a wedding, I'm not spending time on Marty. Like, I'm saying a thanks for coming and then walking away.

Oh, I see. So you were antagonizing him. And then ultimately Marty was like, if your wedding's not in Los Angeles, forget about it. I'm not going to be there. That's a nice clap back. I got the energy of this. An explosion?

I saw it coming. I can see it coming. Where did you say you wanted to get married? He didn't. I didn't even make it to that. We weren't even talking about a destination. It does feel like you would have a destination wedding. Like a Big Sur style.

Big Sur would be great. A Deetjens wedding. At the library. I would do it at have a destination wedding. Like a Big Sur style. Big Sur would be great. A Deachins wedding. At the library. I would do it at the Houdini. I would do it at the Houdini as well. I wouldn't. Just because Amir did his there? Well, you already did have yours.

I might do mine at the Roundhouse. I mean, I wouldn't do that either just because it seems weird. Yeah. To do it where your boss had their wedding. Welcome dinner at the roundhouse. That's a ceremony at Houdini. Would it be weird if any of us had our weddings at the Houdini mansion now that you have already kind of like laid your claim to it? I think now that I did it, you guys can sort of do whatever you want.

It would be weird to go set. What? Yeah. It'd be weird if we did it before you. Like it would be worse for you than for me. Like, it wouldn't take anything away from my evening because my evening already happened. So you'd be like, wow, at Amir's wedding, this happened at this spot. You'd have to admit that you'd be a little less, you know, like, joyful at their wedding because you've seen it all before.

Oh, interesting. I figured I would be, like, more relaxed and comfortable and enjoy the evening. Would it be weird if I copied literally everything that happened Like if Rami married her and Daniel? Again, I feel like I would be honored. I don't know. It would be exciting to see that you like my wedding. Same floor arrangements, same catering, same vows, word for word.

We'll call each other Rami Tal and Amir. Same guesses. So my exact same guesses would be there. Everything's the same. I'm wearing her dress. And ultimately it's still a double wedding. Yes.

Alright, if you wore her dress that would really piss me off. That's a final straw. Vows word for word I'll allow. I knew that we were doing this episode so throughout the night I took notes. This is real. There are extensive notes written down here. You seem so ant the night I took notes. This is real. These are, there are extensive notes

written down here. Is this why you seem so antisocial during the wedding? Yeah. You didn't really make a difference. Other than that moment

where I almost tabletopped Avital's mom. Did you guys see that? What? When? Yeah, I like leaned down on all fours

like right behind her, but nobody ended up pushing her. Yeah. Sorry, so not almost as in like it was an accident, almost as in it.

Yeah, it was a failed attempt. Well, I did hear someone was crawling behind her a lot, but I didn't know that was a table top thing. Yeah, I ended up stopping because everybody was like, are you trying to look up her address? And I was like, no, I'm trying to forget it. This guy, some guy's crawling around.

Almost like a dog-like creature. Almost like a Don Corleone. Read your notes. Like a Don Corleone. Read your notes. So as we walk up the stairs from where everybody got welcomed, there's this statue. And it's sort of standing out with its palm facing down over a body. And it's supposed to be like Houdini is making someone levitate or something. Oh, yeah.

And I walked past and Marika, I think, pointed it out or something. And she was like, did you see that statue? And I was like, yeah, did you make it move? And she was like, what? And I was like, yeah, no. If you touch your palm to the statue, the body underneath it sort of like swivels. And she's like, no, I didn't know that. And I was like, didn't you read anything about the Houdini estate?

Forget it. And then she was like, oh, I didn't know that. And I was like, didn't you read anything about the Houdini estate? Forget it. And I was like, and then she was like, oh, I'll do it on my way out or something. Like, five hours later, she walks down and she's like, and I'm like, I want to see. I'm a curious gal. And then she looks up and I'm like, you're a fucking

idiot. Which, no, I would have done it too. You got it. That was the only note he took. I wouldn't even call that a prank as much as I'd just call it a lie. I get that. It did look like a

movable statue. It really did. To Jeff's credit. Is that it? I wonder what that is. He's trying to do something. Let's talk about... What are we doing?

Are we still... Well, I was going to get them talking, so I can cut away. Avital's mom lip synced for like five songs, all ABBA. Yeah. All his heart. 80s songs, yeah. How Do I Get You Alone.

She was also singing along with me to Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten. Oh, this is one of my favorite moments of the wedding is on the dance floor. We're listening to that uh you were singing along jake comes on to the dance floor towards the end of the song yeah uh it transitions perfectly into semi-term kind of life and you lost your mind you were up yeah it was the perfect transition screamed yes and started jumping up and down and I do have it on camera and it is so so funny it's my favorite song

I think Billy or somebody was like you summoned this song I said that I'm like you manifested this you really did and it felt like I did it was a great playlist they knew my entrance music yeah it was great the dancing was very

solid yeah the dj was really good another recommendation from somebody who got married at the hoody it started do you remember what the first song was like because it did start on a on a low note that was like really the first song yeah it was like really... The first song? Yeah, it was like... Unbelievable. The first song. Oh, it was Britney Spears. Oh, Toxic. Yes, and he started it with,

it's Britney bleep. And all of us were like, this night's gonna be interesting. That crushed in 2011. Did they, did he, it was Britney Spears saying bleep? No, no. He said it's Britney bleep.

And he bleeped. He said bleep. He felt bad saying the B word. Yes. He should have felt bad even playing the song. And then at the end, he goes, all right, everybody, this is the last dance, last song, last song. And he played zombie.

It wasn't the last song. That was also our idea, though. That was not on him. But what was the last song? It was zombie. wasn't the last song that was also our idea though that was not that was not on him but what was the last song it was zombie and then we all sing along and that

went right into live in la vida loca right so you wanted to end on live in la vida loca we didn't know whether to end on like zombie because I didn't know if people would sing along

yeah because we wanted like a kind of morose sing along song and then we also wanted to potentially end on a song that was more upbeat and exciting so I'm like oh why don't we do zombies

and then Liv and LaVita Love Guns but you know what ended up you should have had like for him to fake out last song with zombies you didn't tell him to do that I did yeah I think you guys should have had like some kind of signal like hey if zombie crushes as hard as I think it will call it

I was actually skeptical of zombies. Avital was the zombie one. And then everyone was singing along. Zombie was incredible. I think the only one that beat zombie was everyone screaming to Alanis Morissette. That was a great one. Everybody's voice was so hoarse because we were all screaming along. They loved it.

Had a lot of demons to exercise. We weren't even dancing. It was a catharsis circle. There was one point where everyone was just stomping. What song was it? It's so good. Man, Alanis. So then I feel like to leave it all on the floor

with zombie, like zombie! To just be like, she's it! It's super interesting! Brackets and voodoo tires! I really enjoyed this edition. Why did you think that the Jesus! Brackets and voodoo tires. I really enjoyed the transition. Why did you think that the...

If Zombie doesn't kill, we've got to have the best pop-up song around. It's not living in Latin America. I haven't heard it in over a decade. I love Shrek 2. You remember the Latin explosion of 2003, right? Yeah, it was astounding. By the way, it was like a huge dance party at that point.

It's not like everybody was walking off slowly. It was great. It continued on. It petered out. Everybody wanted the information. I mean, we could look at the tape. I think we could review it. Speaking of tape, so you want this blurb?

Sorry, we were all having fun, but you wanted to look at the schedule. I just wanted to keep us on schedule because we're getting kind of out of order. We talked about the arrival. We talked about the orders. We talked about how Riley lost her phone. We talked about how there was food. Right. We talked about how there was food.

That was sort of like. Did we? The entrance was sort of like scoping out like. That's such a cute shot. Okay, who's the hottest at the wedding? I do think it was the guy in the brown plaid suit. Guy in the brown plaid suit. I think it was

the guy in the blue suit with the pink shirt. I thought he was the best dressed, not hottest. Best dressed, for sure. Who are they talking about? I don't know these people. Let's keep it moving.

And this is what you wanted to talk about. Let's talk about the ceremony. Luke walked down the aisle. That was a highlight. Can you explain Luke's full name? Yeah, Lucas Jackson Ash. So when Avital first got Luke, she wanted to name him after a movie character

and Lucas Jackson was right. Cool Hand Luke's full name, or Paul Newman's full name in Cool Hand Luke. Oh. So it's Lucas Jackson and then her last name. It was surprising in the program to see Lucas Jackson as. I didn't realize he was such a gentleman. Yes, he was a gentleman. He had his little tux on and everything.

He had a tuxedo. No, he didn't. Riley and I were staring at the program. One second. I was such a gentleman. Yes, he was a gentleman. He had his little tux on and everything. He had a tuxedo. No, he didn't. Riley and I were like staring at the program. Sorry, one second. I was talking about that. It was kind of difficult to get him there, but I think it worked out. It was difficult to get him there. He's like 10 pounds.

I know, but just like the logistics of like where's he coming from. And he has to go somewhere else. We got to get a friend to bring him, but not a friend from the wedding. He had a lot of errors to run. So that's kind of awkward. It was like, oh, you bring our dog, but you can't stay. Yes. He had a cameo,

but he wasn't a welcome guest. And he was doing cameos for $10. No, but yeah, it doesn't matter. That we were staring at the program. Moment of earnestness. What? The vows. Yeah.

Let's talk about the vows. Sure. They moved me to tears same that's nice to hear yeah did you guys honestly it was Avital's

we had pizza it was Avital's that was the mid you cried right yes yeah yeah I cried pretty hard during Avital's both Caesar and I think it was like

this mixed tree yeah I think it was like anchovy dressing when she started crying yeah I wrote them down I find you in the dark, right? Oh, that. Yeah.

The floodgates. I started to know. But I didn't know how much of it was a quote and how much she added to it. For sure. So like, we'll have to review. Actually, pull up the vows. Was the quote, were you blind and I deaf, I'd still find you in the dark, end end or was it everything she said

I don't know I'll have to ask her you didn't even ask he didn't care my god I didn't cry at Amir's vows I did

I had already cried too much I cried at Amir's vows because it's like when you have someone who doesn't emote right when they do

yeah that's like when you started crying that's when I like fully lost it I wasn't I didn't I was laughing doesn't emote, right? Yeah. When they do? Yeah. That's like, When you started crying, that's when I like fully lost it. I wasn't, I didn't, I was laughing so hard.

I was, I was sitting next to Rose McIver who lived with Amir and I and like, we always would talk about how much of an unemotive robot

he was. Yeah, but if you're ever gonna get emotional, like, I'm like hearing a beautiful speech about myself for five minutes, and then I have to say

a speech myself, and then my entire family and friends are there. That was the one thing that pushed me over the emotional edge. It wasn't even when you got emotional, it was just like you even saying any of the stuff that you said in your vows, Rose and I were just like holding each other's shoulders being like, oh.

I wasn't crying, but I was just so, I was like, I was joyfully surprised. I was like, I can't believe it. Every single person that we talked to after like Ben, Rose, Billy, all of them were like, we're proud of him.

He were never going to happen. It had to happen there. But then I tried to memorize it, so it was're proud of him. Yeah. It had to happen there. But then I tried to memorize it, so it was kind of nervous. Did you just tell Casey to cheer up? I'm looking at the monitor and he's like, cheer up, it's kind of fun. He's concentrating because he's trying to help you. Part of the New Year's salad that I really liked

is when Avital started hers. She had her notes with her. Of course, big day. A lot of emotions, of course. I would want to have a copy of my vows. And she goes, well, Amir didn't state a reading is cheating rule. So Avital had hers just in case. And then Amir, you fully went for it.

He goes, well, I did say reading is cheating. So here we go. Here's something really sweet that I saw. After both of them did their vows, is this is not standard in a wedding like avital did her vows she's like still crying a little bit everybody's like oh and then you just like went around the microphone to give her a hug that was just very sweet we did do i would say you did like three high fives during that wasows. That was very funny. Fun moments.

And Rami did really well. Our officiant was able to also capture the serious but also... Rami's great. Rami's great. Yeah, you... There were jokes. There was levity, but there was also gravity. Are you trying to make us cry right now?

He's trying to upstage Rami. Jeff started, maybe you didn't start it at the wedding, but at least 10 times during the night, you did a new type of laugh. You debuted a new type of laugh. Was that on purpose? Or were you auditioning different laughs for the day?

It was a lot. He'd say a joke that was like okay and then and then immediately follow it with ha

like he was doing the laugh on purpose or he was he was earlier in the night cause Jeff does a lot like he'll do a joke and then be like

ha ha ha but then but then he was like then we were joking we're like what if you didn't even do like the

the vibrato and the ha ha ha so it's really just like, ah. I don't know, I thought it was kind of fun. We're running out of time, so we'll move past the ceremony. Dinner. That was the ceremony. We were just talking about it.

We talked about the ceremony. Dinner was a fiasco. It was an Oscar disaster. They needed to have people hurrying others through. Exactly right. You're calling up tables one by one, and then they're still being so lackadaisical. The pizza's not coming out fast enough.

Jake has been waiting to say this for days. I didn't even eat the pizza. I don't even know how it was. Neither did a lot of people. Was that true? Did you guys have the pizza. I didn't even eat the pizza. I didn't even know how it was. Neither did a lot of people. Was that true? Did you guys have the pizza? I had pizza. The salmon was delimitously great.

Ultimately, the team oregano's table, which was us, save for Jake. Not team, but yeah. Oh, okay. I thought we were all in it together. Just a table. Just a table. A lot of intra-table fighting between me and Marty. Team oregano. Oh, okay. I thought we were all in it together. Just a table. Just a table. A lot of intra-table fighting between me and Marty. Team Rekna.

Team Rekna. We were called up in the everyone else. Yes, that was tough. That was tough to hear. At least four teams. It was like the older people first, then the most likely to complain, and then it's like, sure, everybody else can complain. And so, Carson, last name, who do you think is most likely to complain at the wedding?

It was parents, friends, for sure. Okay, for sure. It's Rivka Blumenfeld. Anybody under 50 can just fucking fend for themselves. Totally. It's the order of operations. I have a question about the tables. No one was checking what table you were at when you went to get the food.

I went through the buffet line three or four times before my table was called. It was you and 75 Israeli, 75-year-old Israeli men. So that's why no one else had pizza because you went through it four times before the second table was called. Because they felt too bad. At one point,

they did cut you off and you said, you can't legally do that. I'm well within my rights to steal this pizza. Pizza. Pizza hut. I do have a question about the table orders steal this pizza pizza pizza I do have a question about the table

orders because we were sat I would say way too close to where you were supposed to be sitting where I was supposed to be sitting but you never sat down because it's weird you got a table by yourself I'm not just gonna sit down and eat a salad

the head gum table is you've got a sweetheart table. It was like that. The head gum table is in front of the sweetheart table. Yes. But ultimately, shouldn't that have been your parents? No, we wanted to keep friends close,

parents in the back sort of further away from each other. Because my table was actually in the back sort of further away. Yes, exactly. My table was really far away. Well, you guys have kids,

so you're already not cool. But we wanted the cool people up front. Totally. Yeah, like young. Not everyone at my table had kids. Energetic. I always think I was the only person. Sort of like people still in their 20s that have a vibrant energy.

Other people at my table were young. I live in San Francisco. I guess it was at the parent table, kind of. Cheer up. That's what Riley's fucking saying. Cheer up. That's what Riley's fucking saying. I would just like to say something really quick.

And this is fine. There was no coffee or tea. That's right. There was no. It says it on the schedule, but there was no coffee. Oh. That's true. Which is fine. There was also supposed to be a babysitter there.

There was a fruit cart. There was supposed to be a babysitter? What? Yeah, they were like, for some kids, they wanted potentially a babysitter to just wrangle. But you said no kids were allowed. My daughter wasn't allowed to be there.

But then there was a babysitter. Some people eschewed that rule. The kids just hung out with their parents instead. Rise with this morning. Smile with the rising sun. Five different

cakes sat on the table. Why five cakes, bud? Can I see your notes? That was awful. Casey said there was extensive notes on the wedding. That is a lot of notes.

More than my vows. Five different cakes sat on the table. What is that a parody of? Bob Marley. Got it. Chocolate. Birthday.

Suzy. The Suzy cake. Jordan game six. Jackson Tyson Jordan. Lemon cake was good. Avital six. Jackson Tyson Jordan, yeah. Lemon cake was good. Avital was in charge of the cake. I don't really care about cake. And Avital loves dessert.

That's why dessert showed up. Yeah, and then she's like, I want this kind of cake and also this kind of cake. And when you say wedding cake, it's like they charge you like $3,000 for one cake. That's true. They upcharge everything if it's a wedding. And so they're like, let's just get fucking five Susie cakes. It'll be more delicious, more variety. I think that was smart.

That was great. What was everybody's favorite cake? Let's start with Cakesy. Oh, God. Oh, wow. I only had a little bit of the lemon cake. I was working most of the time. Easy transition to one of my notes, which is Casey's constant woes.

Can you walk us through your experience? Yes. Every time I met up with Casey around, he'd be like, man, like this fucking VHS thing is giving me guff. And he did talk like that the entire time. That's my Casey.

Casey, Casey's constant curls were kind of like the talk of the town. They were popping. The talk of the town. Your hair was like kind of going off. Wow. Yeah. Thank you so much.

I appreciate that. And your outfit matched the VHS of it all. It really did. You dressed and wore in 1991. I was really going for that. Like a Halloween costume. Wanted to fit the part. Wanted to make everyone that didn't know me at the wedding really unsure about what was happening while I was there.

Does this guy live at the Houdini estate? He's a ghost. There were moments of the wedding that if I didn't have LASIK, I would have thought you were holding a gun. Is that from your notes? Are you showing the picture of the GoPro?

Yeah. If I didn't have LASIK. Can't wait to see that. Just holding up photos of me. It's not even, yeah, it's not even holding anything. This was you taking a shower that night. Casey's packing.

Casey's hung. Tell us about your experience. I thought we were doing everyone's favorite cake. Oh yeah, what's everyone's favorite cake mine was a suzy cake so I only had the celebration cake the blue frosting that's what I had that's one of my favorite cakes period I love that

cake it's like the birthday cake it's so good it was good I had that and the lemon both good the lemon had like a sugar coating on top. It was really gritty. In addition. You were trash.

You were snorting like Adderall. What are you guys doing back there? A fucking separate podcast. What are you guys saying? Just forget it. I just was talking to Casey. I was like It's hard to get a word in from over like, it's hard to get a word in from over here.

So we have to talk about. It's hard to get a word in. Jeff has asked, Jeff has started two different polls. First he started, how is everyone feeling after the wedding?

We'll start with Casey. And then only Casey got to answer. And then he goes, what's everyone's favorite cake? Cake? Casey? Casey's favorite cake

went into Casey's woes. Went into Casey, what was your experience? Which you already asked him. And we already heard. Casey's favorite cake went into Casey's woes. Went into Casey, what was your experience? Which you already asked him. And he already heard. It's all about Casey. Casey this, Casey that.

It's all about Casey. Not about Jake-C. What was Jake-C's favorite cake-C then? I already said it was the fucking blue one. Jake-C's favorite. What were the small desserts? The pizza guy made small desserts. The pizza guy? Yes.

Those I wanted to talk to you about. What were those? Those were awful. Really? Jeffrey! There was like a burnt caramel banana pudding in a sack, and it was like, it was so shoddy and bad. Plastic in a cup.

It was a past ripe banana in a cup. Well, it was caramelized. It was already in the bag. Plastic tray. It was past ripe banana in a cup. Well, it was caramelized. It was caramelized. I can't take your word for it. No, genuinely, that was the worst food at the wedding. But the rest of the food was like maybe the best wedding food I've had. The alfredo was split. We should say the alfredo sauce was split.

The truffle alfredo sauce was split. Unbelievable, the truffle pasta. People were talking a lot about the pesto as well. The pesto was very good. I, the truffle pasta. People were talking a lot about the pesto as well. The pesto is very good. I didn't get any salmon. I don't know where anybody even saw the salmon. You were yelling at the pizza guy the whole time. You said this whole line was unsustainable to me.

I waited in that line three or four times. I never saw the salmon. I saw the salmon. I saw the salmon. I saw the salmon. We were talking at the table saw the salmon. I saw the salmon. I saw the salmon. We were talking at the table. Was that Avital's infamous salmon recipe or no?

That was like part of the vows was like how good her salmon was. Keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth. I'm going to. And we should say, we should also say during your first dance, you did some fight choreography. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't quite remember that. I sort of browned out during the first dance. And everyone was like, did you guys practice that?

I'm like, practice what exactly? Because I felt like we didn't know what we were doing. She's like, yeah, at one point, Avital was fake slapping. I'm like, oh, yeah. No, we didn't plan that. It was kind of the perfect first dance. But you rehearsed it before. I'm like, no, we've never done that before.

It was great. It was good. I have a video of that, I think. That's okay. Oh, yeah. Wait, I have a great video of you and your mom's first dance. Did I say that to you that before. It was great. It was good. I have a video of that, I think. That's okay. Oh, yeah. Wait, I have a great video of you and your mom's first dance. Did I say that to you? No.

Wait, this is Avital's dad tripping into the frame of my video. Okay. Ultimately, it is 11 a.m. Yeah, just so we're on the same page. We have a whole other segment to get to. If not, everybody can be a part of it. We're also playing horse or course, where we look at horses. Do you have to decide?

Or Crisco or Triske. That's you dancing with your mom, and then I've got your dad filming it. It's a selfie. He's vlogging. That's nice. All right, let's move on to our next segment then. But not wrap it up, even though we've been here for an hour. Let's move on, But not wrap it up even though we've been here for an hour. Let's move on

but not wrap it up. I did want to, before we get to that segment, I did want to nail something down with you guys. Yeah, Casey, how did you feel about the wedding?

How many, what did you think about the truffle pizza? How many guests do you think were there? 170. Okay, great. So he's finding,

so this was on a Sunday. You said 170. Oh my God. Great. Pyle had his calculator out. I found this to be kind of a deal when I looked this up.

Yeah, that's a huge deal. That's a great deal. You have to imagine... Excuse me, one second. That's just the venue fee. Exactly right. So that doesn't come with the DJ.

It doesn't come with the food. It doesn't... I don't even know if it comes with the chairs, frankly. So what kind of... I think that was a $75,000 wedding. And the bespoke photo booth? Yeah. Oh, the photo booth was awesome. That's going to run you.

Organic plugs of my notes because the next two were 1920s photo booth and... 1940s photo booth. This, 1920s. I think it's also cheaper depending on the month. Okay, definitely, definitely. But not October. October, they have events every night. So you know they're going to be charged. October they're charged for some reason.

Was I close when I said 75? I actually don't know. After party, there was this kind of upper area. There was a chair with a quote from Harry Houdini that just says, conquer fear. It has spikes on the chair, no? Yeah. It has spikes on the chair now.

Yeah. You have, I mean, that actually. It's not spikes. It sounds like a basic quote now, but he would go into a tub of water covered in like chains. And some beds. That's, yeah. Jake is standing up for Houdini. I'm a Houdini stan.

Yeah. But I feel like we have to add that to the growing mantra of this show, because it's be joy, it's get wise, it's embellish faith, which is a Marika addition. Embellish faith? That's new to me. And now it's conquer fear, right? That's a normal quote.

You've had four or five new ones that you forget every single time. You think conquer fear will stick or no? Can someone add to the HeadGum wiki page that is really just Bonds of the Week right now? Which we didn't do. All of Jeff's little mantras. Two-word quotes. Should we do Bonds of the Week? It's got to be Billy Scafiri.

Because for leaving the one chair going to the other one. That's good. I'll do Rami Raff for the officiating. Let's rapid fire through the last of these notes. Sparkler slash fire safety. Thoughts? My leg got hit by a couple stray sparkler flames. You're not supposed to do that.

That was haphazard. You're not supposed to do that. I think that was, I enjoyed it, but I could see something have, like, gone wrong. I was right next to a very dry olive tree. You're not supposed to have, you legally can't do sparklers in California. Right. So there are sparklers everywhere. It sounds like you're blaming us.

It sounds like you are blaming us for doing it. No, I'm just saying you're right to think it was dangerous and I'm glad nothing. They were also kind of like crowding all of us in to like, to, you know, hold them towards you. But they're like, don't hold them over anybody's face. But it's like, well, we kind of can't. And your dad is very loose, waving. Jeff was given two and he was trying to pass one off to somebody really quick. My bond of the week is Marika and my Uber driver, who noticed my phone was in the back of the car.

Wow. Fucking whipped that puppy around. It's more of a cue move, but still. Whatever, man. It's my bond of the week. You don't have to agree. Next note. Next note.

Kyle and I first rule in this podcast. Jeff was way meaner to you this episode. You're taking it out on Jay. I'm sorry. It's just, if I take it out on him, it literally, it's like, he can't even register that it's happening. We should share our location. Next note. Again, rapid fire.

This was supposed to be rapid fire. Next note is Pyle and I summited the canyon. Marika, Riley, Pyle, and I approached a very steep set of lit up stairs. And I'm like, oh, I bet this is where the mansion is because the mansion not much of a mansion it couldn't have been more than 1200 square feet ladies ladies but

oh let me just get this but thank god you were able to play that but Pyle and I had the gall to go up there well we went up the stairs and then we got to the top of the stairs and it was pitch black and nothing dirt pitch black dirt pitch black dirt pile and i were high uh no we went up to that without

lip syncing those words as you say them. Like you guys had rehearsed, like she was your fucking voice teacher. She was proud. You did it. How did she know the words you were going to make up that second? But we went up the stairs and then up and up and up. And we were literally at the top of Laurel Canyon. It made my year to be at the actual, what I consider

the summit. That's why I'm saying you love Laurel Canyon for some reason. The after party, let's talk about it. It was like, we were promised what, a glass treehouse and a pool? Nobody swam. And also the glass treehouse was basically just a hot jail. Yeah, there was It was just a glass

little room. A heater running at 80 degrees for some reason. No, no, no. The heater desperately set to 60, but the temperature at 80, not. And Jeff, when we got up to that kind of little area with the pool, Jeff finally took off his jacket. And so Jeff is just kind of lounging in his tank top. I have a great photo of Jeff in his tank top. Did you buy that suit for the wedding? Did you buy that suit for the wedding?

Did you buy that suit for the wedding? Shut up. That's an impression of me. I didn't say that. What's that? That's your impression of me, and I didn't say that. Okay, well, we're really running out of time. Are we going to answer the question?

Rapid fire, I can answer the question. I bought the suit to have, but also with the wedding in mind. I pissed off like six different people at the Bearded Beagle. I walk in, there's a Navy suit on the- You don't have to tell the story, but you pissed- So I'll tell it next week. All right. You have to move on, but I have to tell you about how I bought a suit.

As people started to leave, slash when I left, people started to, like, we all hugged goodbye. The first person to hug me goodbye was Ben, and he got a mouthful of my hair. And I noticed that, and he didn't say anything. Wow. Because I don't think, yeah. But also that happened to you, I think. I did not get a mouthful of your hair. Whatever.

It happened to Cohen. It happened to Jesse. Uh-huh. And it happened to. My friend Jesse hugged you goodbye? I hugged him goodbye. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, I guess. Why is that happening? Because my hair was down at that

point, and then it was kind of down and out, and so was I. I think I was too short to get... Hey, come on, don't say that. Not a dig at myself, just... Please edit Grace. Grace, edit it out.

All right, here we go. This is the final segment. Amir's wedding rubric. Ignore the typo. Rubic, actually. No way you're introducing this fucking thing. It's a fucking hour mark. Really quick before we go, we have to take a fucking AP test.

I put so much work into this you tried to say your fucking story should I do it all I put we have Casey

Rubick ruined three times it doesn't say rubric it says rubic we're gonna give it a score out of 27 if anybody needs to leave you're welcome to

but whoever wants to stay is gonna grade it on this rubric because I really did put a lot of effort into this so we're reading 27 categories ago.

Okay. No, no, no. Do it. I just might have to do it. Yeah, you should. Got it. Okay. I think we're all going to leave you.

Appearance of the bride three above standards. No, no, no. We have to read what the rubric says. You wrote paragraphs. So densely long. 27 stories. Bride with an absolute vision in white, her smile moved plus ones to heart flutters,

tears of joy for her, and viral jealousy of the groom. Whispers of how the fuck did he end up with her permeated. That's all true. Actually, it says permeated the canyon. Two, bride was dressed in a four-length white dress as one would expect. One below standard. Bride was fine to bad visually. Three.

Yeah. Three. Standard and pride was fine to bad visually. Three. Yeah. Three. I don't, but without any of the vitriol of like how did he do that or jealousy. Just three. I think three and everyone was happy about it.

All right, here we go. Jake, continue. Appearance of the groom. Groom presented himself with confidence and timelessness, yet in his eyes shone a shimmer of originality and wow. His stance and prior actions all scream hero. He was and forever will be perfect. I don't think it's quite that one.

Let's continue. Broome was dressed in a form-fitting black tuxedo as one would expect. No, it's not that one either. Here we go. Broome's appearance evoked that of repulsive fungal rot on a bitter and mud-covered... Cherry tomato. Dehydrated and sorry, his voice cracked at the start of every

sentence. He exhibited insecurity at every turn, and he fell down the stairs more than once. There were so many stairs. His smile imbued a big Giardia energy. And his gait suggested early onset tree man syndrome.

It's gotta be a one. It's gotta be a one. It's a one or a done. Absolutely. Construction materials. It wasn't a hero. You weren't three and you were in blue, not black,

so we'll have to go one yeah so so far everybody's agreeing that it's a four out of this is a possible 27 okay ready construction materials appropriate materials

were selected and creatively modified in ways that made them even better for the purpose ivory linen tablecloths patinated antique tables etc

materials were there or construction materials consisted almost entirely of allergens and kitsch. I would say I think a two. I think a two. So we're at a six out of 26.

I think they were there. Quality of sound. There's like eight. Both the performances of the wedding ceremony and the disc jockeying present at the reception were consisted of wide dynamic range and total contrast creating tapestry

of an oral pleasure that would have made even the canyon's most musically gifted denizens come. You're talking about Joni Mitchell, sir. The doors, exactly right. Crosby still doesn't match. The sound wasn't audible enough

that guests could bear legal witness to marriage. Nuptials and music were hard to hear, integrate into your eardrum, mind's eye. There was an overwhelming feeling in the crowd that what could not be heard was probably not worth giving ear to in the first place. I'll go two.

I'll go two. I think a two. I'll go two. Eight out of 27 for now. Yeah, I thought we're not even close to halfway. I felt like the dance music could have been bumping a little harder. I shouldn't have heard myself singing zombie

to the level that I did. Exactly right. Two. Ultimately, half of that, the DJ cut out so everyone was singing a cappella. Right. Moving on to

critical wedding attributes. The veil, flowers, cake, and raised dance floor were all noticed and appreciated. Choice details

went above and beyond expectation to the point of sensory nirvana unmasked. Why is nirvana capitalized? It's the band. It's the band.

You obviously didn't spell check. The veil, flowers, cake, and raised dance floor were present and subconsciously acknowledged. That's for two. The veil, flowers, cake, and raised dance floor were present in an ennui fashion and were consciously and repetitively scorned

even the wedding's most humble and kind-hearted of guests see Billy Skafuri's frequent trips to the bathrooms to quote, spice things up. I did hear a lot of complaints from you about the dance floor being too slippery. Yeah, it was like a bouncy

house. I think this was a two. Yeah, we'd have to go two. I'll go two. Actually, you know what? Let's go three for this one. There's five different cakes. Oh, yeah, the cake.

That's true. So that's going to be an 11 out of 27. Continuing on. Demonstration of love. Bride and groom spoke loudly and clearly. Their love was visible to guests and its value was demonstrated through historic examples,

shared pet appearances, and emotional guarantors. The degree of affection is named and the process by which it was created is described in the teacher. It's a three. Let's hear the other categories. Number two.

Love was assumed to be present, but sources were not citing. It's not assumed to be. The wedding itself stood. This is one. The wedding itself stood and will is one. The wedding itself stood and will continue to stand in attendees' memories as a talisman of

insincerity of heart and muteness of loins. Their union is... This is like a fucking mad list. Their union is to put it simply, not. I would think... I think three. I think three, yes. We're at 14 out of 27.

Doing well so far. This is better than what I thought. Don't say out of 27. It's like out of like 18 right now. All right. When you say 27, it makes it sound like it's really coming up short. 27 total.

Okay, well, 14. Time and effort. Class and time were spent and used wisely. Much time and effort went into planning, design, and construction. Construction. You keep talking about construction. The guest experience.

It's rentals. The guest experience, as well as the brides and grooms, were considered greatly and fairly special exception for Casey. And his woes. Yes, continue. Case, class, and time were spent

and used wisely. Much time and effort went into planning, design, and construction. Bride and groom could have spent more time considering the guest experience, specifically in regards to inviting so many unknowns. Unknowns. Like non-famous people.

I mean, we should say like we had like Sean Gunn was there. And then also there was like fucking... Who's Sean Gunn? That's the second mention I've heard. He's James Gunn's brother. He's Kirk from Gilmore Girls. He's the body of Rocket Rock. And number one below Gilmore Girls. He's the body of Rocket Wreck. And number one below average for time and effort.

Let's hear it, Jake. Okay, yeah. Little thought or poise went into planning the ceremony and or reception. Even 40 cakes couldn't mask the guests' overwhelming feeling that they were participating in a lower echelon. Oh, my God. Underline. Underline. I'm going to say three.

Yeah, I do think three. Three, yeah, absolutely. You were going to say two. I was going to say two, but three, that's fine. 17 so far. I think Amir gave it a two, but Avital's mom gave it a three, which is a three.

Knowledge gained. Attendees were joy, got wise, embellished faith, and ultimately conquered fear. It was the event of the year and will not soon be forgotten. Attendees were there and then weren't. Houdini style. Yeah. The only knowledge gained by guests was how much they don't want their partnership to mirror the horrors and shame of the Ash Blumenfeld, quote, union.

A farcical and odd happening that not only debases the sacrament of marriage, but also defies the laws of the universe entirely. The whole thing was, in a word, bad. I think it was

two. No, I think it was three. I think I think it was three all right not bad at all yeah well you kept saying two two two so it would have been a lot worse if you were the final score is gonna be 20 out of 27 which feels low uh it does feel low but I mean it's hard for a wedding to be I feel like we gave you a joke one at one time. That's a solid C, which is a passing grade. You don't have to retake the course. You don't have to get married again. You're obviously not going to get remarried even if it got an 18 out of 27.

What? That was Amir's wedding. Five different kids. Nice, nice, nice. Sat on the table. When is the episode coming out? A week from this Friday. That's before...

Stop playing the song. So the HeadGum, the live shows? Yes. We should plug those. HeadGum happy hour. Unfortunately, we are out of time. Yep. Yeah, but... No, plugs. Down the line, Jake. Rapid fire, go. we should plug those HeadGum Happy Hour unfortunately we are out of time yep but

no plugs down the line Jake rapid fire go I will be reading Amir's Vows at HeadGum Happy Hour in New York

on November 6th 9.30pm caveat or stream it live on moment.co but you're gonna want to be there to see one Janine Garofalo

anything can happen anything can happen anything can happen review review live featuring special guests Kylie Brakeman and Ryan Gall New York Comedy Festival Sunday November 5th at the Littlefield in Brooklyn

tickets on headgum.com slash live or come to my city or Littlefield it's gonna be fun you have to gall to invite gall Casey gall is gonna show listen to the pit wall.

Riley was just on the show. Jake, you want to be back on the show at some point? At this point, I have to keep my streak alive. I'm not going. Are you still watching races? I'll be on the last episode. Instagram. And Amir, let's end this on you.

Just some final parting wisdoms. Now what? I planned very little for the wedding and I was pleasantly surprised with all the decisions that Avital's mother made for the night of joy. He's zooming in on the cost so ultimately

I'm glad you guys all were there and had fun and ate well and danced good. And yeah overwhelming but overjoyed at the same time. had fun and ate well and danced good. And, yeah. Yeah, overwhelming but overjoyed at the same time. Mazel. You tried very hard to ruin the evening, and I'm glad you were unsuccessful.

And I really hate to ask, how was the consummation? That was a Hidgum Original.