The Headgum Podcast - 182: Diving Into Blumenfeld

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

Amir, Emma, and Joel join Geoff to dive into Amir's past and to promote Jake and Amir's new podcast, Segments!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. I, so the, okay, so the Family Rude thing of not knowing what was on the survey, that was on me. And that's something I learned of like, I need to have cards or something to know what the categories are so I can say survey says and then know. Yeah. and say survey says and then no yeah the final uh round of family rude was messed up because uh i came to the venue for tech completely prepared my entire laptop was set up all i needed to do was plug in the hdmi to the venue's setup and then we did it and it kept connecting for like two minutes and then it would cut out as soon as we had it all set up. So we tried that like four times with different dongles

and it just wasn't working. So we brought Marika's burner laptop because that had the HDMI input direct and that worked. We can all catch up. Not only friendship-wise, but also in terms of technology, right? So the episode has started, but if you can notice, Emma and Joel are still setting up.

Mostly Emma because Joel's not really lifting a finger in terms of the technology. I don't know if he thinks that, you know, he does enough tech on the tech side of things. Is it fine that it says David Cross's name on that TV? It's not fine. It's not fine. It should say The HeadGum Podcast.

Because, well, actually, it could be a good promotion. You're not going to It's not fine. It should say the HeadGum Podcast. Yeah. Because, well, actually it could be a good promotion. You're not gonna really see it. Do you see it? I can see it on the webcam. Yeah. But it's good. It's a good cross-promotion. Because, like, that's what I feel like we've gotten away from on this show is using it as a vehicle for

cross-promo. David Cross-Promo. That's really good! Everybody! Everybody! get to it get stupid get stupid get started get started let's get it started ah let's get it started in here yeah it's hard because i'm wearing this giant ass gumball hat that marty gave me he said wear this he spat on me when he said wear this by the way it looks like you're on the phone right now sorry just one second just one second yeah no the address yeah i'm sorry i've never seen someone wear something that looks like

more like a choice that they personally made than you wearing that gumball hat i walked in well first of all i walked into the la studio i saw a mercedes- hat? I walked in. Well, first of all, I walked into the LA studio. I saw a Mercedes-Benz courtesy car in the parking lot, and then I went in and immediately razzed Marty because I was like, the G-Wagon already broke down. He's only had it for like two months. It's already in the fucking shop. And you said it's a car that often breaks down or something?

Of course. If you're not having the Toyota, if you're not having the Maserati you're not having the masderati then you're going with the european beamer which doesn't mean quality on the engine side that just means quality on the interiors so he can have the leather but it doesn't mean that he's not going to be in the shop twice a year i see do you see or are you gonna get the fucking bends because i feel like stick with the Maserati for now. Right? I've actually saved a lot of money

by not caring about cars. Really? Yeah, if I liked like that Audi stuff I would have been like, I would have had like 30,000 less dollars right now. Would you call yourself, when it comes to cars, an innie? Meaning? Because you're either an innie or you have an Audi.

Emma and Joel are with us today. I feel like those two Muppets that are always up in the balcony. Which ones are they? The balcony or that's us in the balcony? Because they haven't said anything yet. That was the first movie I ever saw in theaters. Muppets in Outer Space. Was the Muppets movie starring Jason Segel?

Segel? I don't know who it starred. I was like four. Steven Segal? Jason lives in Ojai, by the way. And Ojai, welcome to the HeadGum Podcast. Look at that. What a cold open. It's like an opening

monologue. You know how to keep it ice cold in here, Jeff. The razzing starts early. Yeah, and it gets to me early. How dare you, Emma! Sorry. It's just, I know if I'm gonna host this show, I have to have, like, thicker skin

because everybody comes for me. Yep. And if you can't dish it out, can't take it. Correct. Don't take it. me and if you can't dish it out can't take it don't take it if you can't dish it out don't give it what is it? if you can't take it don't dish it out don't dish it out if you can't take it right?

anything I say in this hat sounds a little more intelligent I think it's alright to like have like none of you guys are adding to the conversation how do you imagine this working like one frame on them one frame on us or is it like individual shots it's dual time

just two and two I think that works so none of this specific to camera style we might go specific to camera for in terms of punching up jokes. Yeah. Well, don't just say yeah. The act of listening sometimes puts me off

because I feel like you're not actually listening. You're just waiting for your next turn to speak. Does that make sense? Mm-mm. So Marty's only on the G-Wagon for what, two months? And it's already in the shop. Courtesy vehicle. I walk into the studio.

I look up and he's wearing this. Wearing the gumball hat. Well, for the audio listeners, it's like a... It's a big hat. It's like a 20 and 5 eighths hat. The hat makes it look like Jeff is one and a half feet tall. Exactly. Yeah. It's like one of those old popcorn bucket hats that you'd get at the baseball stadium.

But it's the opposite. Those were too small to fit on your head. With your mustache and that hat you've gone full like video game avatar mode. Yeah Mario and the success got to him

because he got a big head. Chuckle funny joke so far. Nothing truly laugh out loudable. Laugh out loudable. Sponsored by

Audible. Sponsored by Audible. Sponsored by... Gumball. Bond of the Week. We got some commentary. Pretty much similar to what we do on this show from the world's favorite celebrity at the moment right now, Jeremy

Alan White. Listen to this. Massive 007 fan and I don't want that for me. In fact an American shouldn't play 007 in general, even if it is me in my opinion. But that's very flattering. Sean Connery was definitely my James Bond.

Although, I mean, I thought Daniel Craig was so great and I love all the recent films. I feel like it's been a really long time. Like, guys, pick a Bond. We want to know. That's funny. That was such a long- It's funny because he, like, is jacked.

So anything he says is a little bit funnier. That's why people think Ryan Reynolds is funny. Is he jacked? Both questioned the two things I just said. I said people think Ryan Reynolds is funny because he's jacked. And Joel's like, is he funny? And Emma's like, is he jacked? I'm an unreliable narrator to them.

I don't know if it's the coastal difference, the time difference, if something gets lost in translation across continent. I think nobody trusts you. Nobody asks Jeeves? Nobody trusts you. I didn't say ask or Jeeves. What is it about me? You think I'm being facetious all the time

because of the way that my face looks and what I say? Yeah, and you're kind of dumb. That's true. Also, Ryan Reynolds isn't funny. The hat's not helping trustworthiness. I feel like somebody who wears this really has their wits about them. Don't just say, mm, agree or don't. I disagree with that.

Thanksgiving, let's talk about it. To me, there's four categories here to get to, four bullet points. Number one is obviously gratitude. Number two is family. Number three is stuffing. And number four is food. Stuffing just should be a part of food, right? Well, stuffing is a food that might fall under the food category.

I don't mean... By stuffing... Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have named it that. By stuffing, I don't mean the side. You mean jamming something inside something else.

Exactly right. Basically, when you go home to your hometown, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, everybody goes to that bar, you know, that certain hometown bar, and are you sort of

consummating a high school crush years later? No. But I go to my aunt's house. i don't go to where i went to high school how is this not a company show anymore how are we talking about thanksgiving and gratitude you're bringing everything up let's just start with gratitude then. I am grateful to the network. Right? I don't know. I don't fucking care. See, the thing is, upped their ad package for really. I don't, I appreciate that. And I appreciate the ad sales

team for getting us there. That's cool. We had to kind of trudge our way through some problematic copy to get to the point where, you know, we're all almost leaving every week with a G. E-O-F-F-R-E-Y. Right? Let's talk about gratitude.

What are you guys thankful for? I went, I was a little bit zealous by saying I was thankful to the network because before this, I mean, we started 20 minutes late because David Cross gets special treatment. The LA studio never is set up. And then Anya's like,

you're interrupting my meetings. I'm like, well, that's because the studio never works. Right? The Logitech adapter, not plugged in. You're off the grateful thing so quickly. What are you guys grateful for? Let's start with Joel.

I am grateful for my voice. I only become grateful about things after I've lost them temporarily and last week I couldn't talk for two days. So now it feels great to vocalize. What happened?

I don't really know. You just woke up one day and you couldn't talk? Yeah. Because I don't really get sick. And I wasn't sick. I also don't like admitting being sick. You were. He was sick.

I was a little bit sick, but mostly just couldn't talk. Emma? sick you were you were he was sick i was a little bit sick but mostly just couldn't talk emma what i'm grateful for yeah um slash also if you lost your voice last week no i was sick but i didn't lose my voice um and i'm still sick but get sick. I do kind of like a two weeks off, one week on being sick. And then it's like a week recovery. It's like that Haim song. I get sick. I get sick. I'm not familiar.

Well, they say I get sad. I've never heard it. This is. But anyway. I don't know. I wanted to start the episode. I feel like I got to the studio with a bunch of energy. And then just because of how long it took to set up everything,

I started to get pissed. And then it's like... Sorry, I'm trying to... Yeah. Take down a post. You're eating more time, Jeff, with this. Well, I'm here on his phone. I appreciate your guys' full attention, but...

What are you grateful for? I'm grateful for the moments in which I get people's full attention i'm grateful for my family but that's a different category of this so i almost don't want to say it friends i'm grateful for my friends are you yeah i'm grateful for my friend hey i'm grateful for all my fallen enemies that we may defeat them once again. Is that from something? That's from what I just said. The last summer.

I'm grateful for the audience. They've stuck with us through the by and by, through the gloaming. Our audience has stuck with us through the thin and thinner. Right. So not thick and thin.

There was no thick. There wasn't density of content. It was thin and it got even more thin. Would you say it was density of mistakes that thinned the rest? This is exactly what I'm talking about. For anyone to be listening to this at all is sort of a huge miracle. It's sort of a family. Yeah.

And I'm grateful for them. Sure. To the family category. Yeah. What are your guys, let's start here. What's your relationship like with your dad, Joel?

Fantastic. Okay. What about Mrs. Joel? That's my mom. No, your wife. No, your wife. Yeah, your mom. Don't say it like that.

I forgot Joel's last name was Joel. It's like bowl bowl, but it's Joel Joel. When I was born, they didn't pass me around a fruit bowl because I was born right before Rosh Hashanah. That's not bad at all. I don't mind that from Joel. A bowl bowl for Joel Joel. Exactly right. Did you ever get bowled over or maybe jolled over?

No, but I did get my hair cut in a bowl for a while. Is that true? Yeah. How would you get a bowl? Your hair is so curly. Well, you can still put a bowl on a while. Is that true? Yeah. How would you get a bowl? Your hair's so curly. Well, you can still put a bowl on top and cut around it. It doesn't matter what the texture is.

Come on, Emma. You gotta keep up. You gotta keep up today. Come on. You can put a bowl around anything. Emma, what about you? What's your relationship like with your siblings?

Do you have any siblings? Yes, I have two younger sisters. Are you sort of a second mother to them, or did you kind of leave them out to dry? To one of them, not to the other. Okay. Because you chose favorites, or there's too big of an age gap? It was an age gap thing. Okay. How old

is she? Four? Twenty? Twenty-one. She's eight years younger than I am. That's a little too young to have a good relationship with, wouldn't you say, Amir? No. Well, you're the youngest, right? Yeah, and my older brother's eight years older than me,. That's a little too young to have a good relationship with, wouldn't you say, Amir? No. Well, you're the youngest, right? Yeah, and my older brother's eight years older than me, and we have a great relationship,

so I wouldn't say it's too young to have a good relationship with. Okay, I don't know why you're getting mad at me, because I'm always the one who said it. What's your relationship like with your two brothers? Obviously, you're closer with Ben, the other one's sort of dead meat, chopped liver to you? No, close to both of them. Leave me alone. What's the difference? What do you think the difference is? Like one's more fraternal, the other one's more...

No. One is just eight years older than me and one is four years older than me. My parents have kids every four years. But weirdly, the four year, you're not as close with because it was almost like competition. Incorrect. Which younger Blumenfeld is going to be the next doctor? We only have one doctor. That's your dad. No, my oldest brother's a doctor

as well. Don't say no like you're getting frustrated. You're not being clear with me about your family tree. I'm being really clear. I'm saying my oldest brother's one doctor. That's your dad. No, my oldest brother is a doctor as well. Don't say no like you're getting frustrated. You're not being clear with me about your family tree. I'm being really clear. I'm saying my oldest brother is a doctor. And your eldest brother works in law? My eldest brother is the doctor. But the middle brother is sort of the burden. Let's move on to stuffing.

Okay. Then let's get stuffed with information about your brother. Let's move on to stuffing. Then let's get stuffed with information about your brother. We're going back to family. The oldest one's a doctor. The middle one is sort of... Was a designer. For what?

Graphic designer for Facebook. Moving on to stuffing. Do you guys tend to stuff yourselves on Thanksgiving? Yes. I don't want to move too quickly onto food, so. So then what is this? It's, well, the category is stuffing.

Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean by that, though? I don't know. Oh, sorry about that. Speaking of family, that was my sister FaceTime audioing me because she doesn't get great service where she lives. She lives with my parents. In Ohio?

That's a little bit too much information. You asked what my brother does for a living. I'm just saying what state your sister lives in. What you're asking for is for me to give a V for Vendetta and S for Sarah. You're asking me to put her on blast and lambast myself. You said she lives with her parents. Also. You said she lives with her parents. Also, you said she lives with my parents. I didn't mean to offer up either of those pieces of information.

Emma's the only one who has my back. In the studio and out. Stuffing, Amir. Yeah, sometimes I'll eat too much. The food's good. Alright. I don't know why I was pulling teeth to just get that out of you. Joel, what do you think about stuffing in terms of Thanksgiving? I've never known what stuffing is.

I will tell you completely honestly. Chopped bread with a bunch of spices baked to a crisp, I think. Is that real? There's no way that's what stuffing is. Because stuffing goes inside turkey. Why would you put bread inside turkey? It is bread. Okay.

Then it sounds bad, I guess. I do think it's bad. I don't like stuffing. It sounds bread. Moving on to food. We already have. What's your favorite side? What's your favorite side?

What's your favorite Thanksgiving side? By the way, this doesn't come out until December 8th I feel like me and Joel love stuffing the most But that might just be the one thing we have in common My aunt makes a nice light chocolate cake. What's her name? Mavis? No. Does she teach typing? Does she teach typing?

Because she made this cake. If I had said that you would have stared me with daggers. But Joel says it. Joel Joel, sorry sorry says it and then you can't get enough of his shit I give him the benefit of the doubt and I'll give you the benefit of the gout

meaning? I assume you have some sort of arthritic condition rheumatoid yeah until proven otherwise arthritic until proven guilty moving on to pickleball. What? That was us discussing Thanksgiving.

I just played pickleball for the first time last weekend. How'd that go for you? It was fast. Okay. We won best three out of five. Who's we? So, I played doubles. Did you play with two other people

who also didn't play before? Correct. Nobody had played before so you went from 0 to hero of the game you don't even know that you played correctly what's that? do you have any way of knowing that you played correctly? we have zero way of knowing

all I know is that you can only win points when it's your serve what I don't understand is the 3-3-1, 3-3-2 he's devastatingly pissed at me you guys aren't in the room, you can't feel the anger I don't know what I've ever said I would say we can feel it from all the way over I'd say it's palpable

moving on from pickleball, what did I ever do what did I ever do to make you this angerored of me to have Well we went from Stuffing to food to pickleball And this is the Thanksgiving episode That's coming out in early December Well pickleball

Pickleball could be a side By the way because nobody asked what my favorite Thanksgiving side Pickleball Pickleballs Meaning You just didn't understand how the points work Fermented cucumbers Pickleball. Pickleballs. Meaning? You just didn't understand how the points work. Fermented cucumbers rolled into a sack. All right, here we go.

If you broke a bone as an adult, what color cast would you have? Green. We're hopping all over the place. You're having fun all over the place. You're recording an episode after this one. It feels like you're already scraping the bottom of the barrel. I'm saving up all my juice for that one. I see.

Who's on that one? Anya, Sage, and Marika. The big four. Also the four ingredients to my pickleball. If you broke a bone as an adult, what color cast would you have? Green. Green is good. I don't mind green.

White, and you better believe I'm having all my friends sign up okay i'm here pink hot pink pretty cool thank you all right if you got adult braces what color would you have let's start with jewel orange i would never do that shit okay holy shit okay i'm here i'd try to go invisible like invisalign yep if you could redefine your eyes what color would you have if i could redefine them i'd make them like see-through shit okay that's not what i meant emma if you could redefine your eyes, what color eyes would you have? Green. All right. Amir?

Also green. Okay. If you wanted to change your ethnicity, why would you feel the need to do that? Also green. Circling back to food slash things I tried this weekend have you guys ever had grape nuts? is that a nut? what kind of wild weekend did you have?

pickleball and grape nuts? I'm trying to get healthy you're trying to be 70 you're eating grainy cereal and playing an old man's football I'm having bran and I'm running less I'm wondering what's I'm running less. I'm wondering, what's HeadGum's Grape Nuts?

Because Grape Nuts is post the cereal brands. I'm wondering if HeadGum had sort of a flagship product. Would it be the HeadGum podcast? Would it be segments? And if anybody says factually, I'm going to get up and leave the room. Because it's not factually. I guess if I say it, will you leave? Well, hang on.

I would say Snacks 6 is our flagship product. That's kind of a bummer. All right, here we go. This is our first segment. Well, actually, we should take a quick break. Do you guys mind? Please. We'll be right back.

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In my mind, I'm like, oh, finally a segment. I can take some mental rest while other people talk. And then you went straight into diving into Blumenfeld. You can still take some rest. We're going to be commenting on your younger self. Here we go. This is an interview from 2008, I think. Yeah.

It says the title of the video is Amir Blumenfeld interview, 2008. My name is Amir Blumenfeld. I am 25 years old. This is when I was your age. So by the time you see this, I may be 26. That's also part of why I brought it up. You start the interview by saying, my name is Amir Blumenfeld. Sorry, let me do my Amir.

My name is Amir Blumenfeld and I'm 25. Can you guys even see this? It's small for sure. It's really small and can you hear any of it? I doubt that you can hear any of it. Definitely can't hear, no. Yeah, can't hear or see it. I'm going to edit the audio just for a second here. For Joel and Emma to weigh in, you said.

For Joel and Emma. Well, let me start because now they can hear it, right? Yes. That you heard. Okay, so this is you start the video by saying. You think you'll keep that part in? Nope. My name is Amir Blumenfeld. I am 25 years old, though by the time you see this, I may be 26.

I'm in the exact same part of my life right now. I'm 25, but by the time this episode comes out, I'll be 26. Oh, interesting. That's kind of amazing. But will I live to see 24? What's that? out, I'll be 26. Oh, interesting. That's kind of amazing. But will I live to see 24? What's that? It's a Coolio song. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Anyway, I thought that we could sort of... And we're both wearing a green sweater. In a way, that's a hoodie, not a sweater, but yeah. Basically, I thought that we... I thought we could go through the interview. It's like 20 minutes long. Criticize your answers.

And then I would also answer Sue. And then in terms of Joel and Emma. They can sort of dive into Blumenfeld. Take the hat off. Yeah. Yeah. All right, here we go. Are you guys ready for diving into Blumenfeld do you understand the segment I understand

okay I was born in Israel moved to California at age 2 moved to New York at age 22 and now I work for collegehumor.com which is a humor website that is responsible for producing original

content in terms of video articles and pictures and i work with ch tv specifically which is our original video department here's what i'll say about that answer i feel like you answered it like you were trying to embellish an answer on a test you can just say what you do you don't have to like you know what i mean yeah well it was like for a call this guy was like a college humor intern and he's like i need to do a three camera setup interview as part of my class can i interview you and then I'll submit it as like a homework for this class. I'm like, okay, sure. And he's like, I'll just ask you questions you answer and I'll edit them later.

Okay, cool. I don't know why he put it on YouTube though. Yeah. It is funny to give really like mundane answers to stuff with like three different cameras bopping around at different points as if you're saying something really dramatic. Yeah. Jeff, your answer? My answer is that I was born in Cleveland, Ohio,

moved to Los Angeles, California when I was 17. I've lived here ever since. What do I do? I host a podcast on the HeadGum Podcast Network. So a lot of similarities. No, because look how short my answer was. I'm just saying where we are in our lives. So a lot of like sort of similarities. No, because look how short my answer was. Yeah. I'm just saying where we are in our lives.

Do you think a green hoodie would be the green sweater of your day? No, I wasn't like super stylish. I still wear hoodies. I'm currently wearing a hoodie. Yeah, but that's a good hoodie. That's a hoodie that you could give down to your future wife. Emma, what do you think about my answer?

What do I think about what? I don't know what's going on, so what do you mean, what do I think about? The hoodie, the question. Yes, all of it, all of the above. The interview, I wasn't really looking at the hoodie, but wait, I wasn't really looking at the hoodie, but wait, I don't know.

It's not bothering me. I just don't know what I'm being asked. I first realized I was funny at a young age. I remember reading just recently a letter that my third grade teacher wrote to me saying that I had a very good sense of humor and that I should keep it up. I remember in 10th grade one of my friends went away for a year and came back and said that I was all of a sudden like a class clown character, a jokester in class where usually that, I guess, previous to that, that wasn't the case. So maybe I realized I was funny at an early age. I realized I could make people laugh at a later age. And then by college time, I was sort of trying to make jokes in terms of writing. So I would spend time thinking of funny articles or funny videos that I could make

that could make a wider audience laugh. Not bad, Lutfeld. a wider audience laugh not bad not bad holy shit you aced that one most people talk about their elementary school teacher though telling them they like can't do something

she's like actually I think you're pretty funny eight year old you should keep it up I remember that letter like she wrote everyone a letter at the end of the year it was like

she wrote the same thing on everyone's. Keep it up. And we all turned out to be successful comedians. It was incredible. It was me and Michael Cera and Jonah Hill. We all attended the same third grade. Which was on a hill. What's that?

And Cohen. And Cohen, yeah. Who might have kept it up a bit too much. Very good. You're fired for that, but very funny. Keep it up. I loved that answer from you. I thought it was concise.

I thought it was descriptive. I thought that it was worthy of a word. A word. My third grade teacher's son ended up being my first theatrical agent in Los Angeles. Your third grade teacher's son? Yeah. Is he older or younger than you? He's older.

And then you moved to LA and he's like, oh, my mom is your third grade teacher. No, he discovered it in the meeting. Where are you from? Ohio. Oh, me too. We're in Ohio. Sugar and Falls. Oh, wow. Where are you from? Ohio? Oh, me too. We're in Ohio. Sugar and Falls. Oh, wow.

Where'd you go to school? Told him my high school or my school. My mom taught. My mom taught there. I said, who's your mom? And he said, Mrs. Davis. And I was like,

there's no way. And it was your teacher. Well, he was from Baltimore, actually. I embellished the faith slash story. No, yeah. Do you guys remember your third grade teacher's name?

Yeah You do? Yeah I remember all of my elementary school teachers All of them? First grade? Second grade? You remember their names? Yeah Mr. Cronin, Ms. Kalen, Ms. Lushiava, Mrs. Shields Mr. Beerweiler, Ms. Levy

Beerweiler? Yeah that was my fourth grade teacher. Joel, are you in the same boat? You remember their names? For some reason, third grade is drawing a blank. But first grade, Miss Tyler. Second grade, Miss Denzel. Fourth grade, Miss Rothrock.

Fifth grade, Dr. Fulmer. Oh my God. A doctor teaching fucking 11 year olds. Overqualified much? I don't know what else to say. Were you like up in there calling her doctor? She insisted on being called doctor. Whoa.

So. See this is why I do these segments. No it's not. I'm trying to rescue it. This hasn't brought out anything interesting. We get into stuff. Yeah because I asked them. You wanted me to just fucking get embarrassed. It hasn't brought out anything interesting. We get into stuff. Yeah, because I asked them. You wanted me to just fucking get embarrassed.

We're going to get back to that. It's not about embarrassment, by the way. I just congratulated your ass on a second question well answered. Moving on. Of course, a lot of the first ones are terrible, but that's how it goes when you make stuff. The first anything you make is going to be awful, and then you gradually get better until you die.

I get my ideas. This guy really is funny. I wouldn't say it's a specific place, though it's always from the front page of the New York Times. Just joking. I get my ideas. I think I'm influenced comedically by lots of the television that I watched growing up, Simpsons, Seinfeld, sort of mid-90s Saturday Night Live.

It taught me how to think sort of absurdly and creatively and originally about jokes that people were making. So rather than thinking of basic jokes, which I was into as like a 6, seven, eight-year-old, you know, 101 ghost jokes, I was learning to make jokes on jokes. So trying to take my comedy to a non-expected punchline. Pretty dramatic. I guess I forgot the question, but I hope that there's an answer somewhere in there. Can I ask, do you ever yearn for this time in your life me being 25 yeah i romanticize living in new york and like working for college humor but in my mind it's my current age not like this version of myself okay so you you romanticize

it but you want to go back now yes exactly i want to be the version of myself that I know and am currently but living as a 22 year old in New York got it Joel how do you feel about the way that Amir answered

this question and then we'll move on to the next segment honestly this like premise is entirely impenetrable to me so like if you say

pass we'll just move on to the next segment so I actually thought there was a lot of stuff we need to dive into in that answer. Pass.

Alright. Nine times out of ten, they're not the ones getting their skulls cracked open. I think you'll leave this in. You can watch TV. The activists, they love a massive police state that knows whether or not you ordered Plan C pills online. So never forget of Plan C.

Yeah, same. Interesting. Anya. Come back with a gun Pass I said This is Jeopardy Right? Let's talk about the new show.

Monchi. Monchi style. I just wanted to give you an option slash opportunity to promote the show. Right? To maybe get some of our listeners to listen to your show. Yeah. This is that David Cross promo we were talking about. This is that David Cross promo

because I feel like it's the HeadGum podcast and then it's like segments. So every segment's listener listens to the HeadGum podcast but I just wanted to lend some of our audience to you. Does that make sense? Yeah, I don't think that's true but it makes sense. I understand what you're saying. Tell us what

the show is, why it aired, when it did, and who hosts it and who. So to answer your last question first. Yes. Who is me? Okay. And? Jake Hurwitz. Yeah.

When it aired, when it does is every Monday after Jake's paternity leave expired. So we're back. And what the show is, is segments, which is like a show kind of like, not unlike the HeadGum podcast, there's different segments,

but we're a little more structured. And to that end, I thought that we could play a game from segments. Okay, that's cool. Which is the only recurring segment so far on segments, which is poetry or poems.

Yeah, it's poetry or noetry. Poetry or noetry. So I thought that we could all play this. Have you guys heard about this? This is also so Joel and Emma start listening to this. But it's hard because it requires writing a poem. Well, I've done that. Gotcha.

I've played the game here. I see. So this is three. I've written one of them, and I really don't think you're going to be able to figure out which one it is. Wow. Okay, let's try. All right. So here we go.

You guys have to come to a consensus, too. Actually, no. You can all play as individual players. All right. Here we go. This is called Clown. Yours. Next.

Wait. Fool, am I? What am I? I really want to just say it's yours right away. The amusement of the masses, their stupid laughter pushes me here. This is the... The more absurd my play equals grimace, equals the more I rumble resentfully. The shrieks grow shriller, I feel as the dog does the lash.

That weaponless tugs on his leash. Agony convulses with suffering. My soul weeps, and death and mourning prowl. Got it. So, just to clarify, are the other two poems award-winning poems or just anything anyone published online once? They are poems written by poets.

I don't know if they're award-winning. A little more professional. Got it. Also, can I just, because Emma, you also produced one of the last episodes of segments. What's the difference between the energy in that room versus the energy in this room? Why is it so much more dull?

Wait, wait. Which one's more dull? You're saying Segments is dull? This is dull. LA? I mean, think of the one factor that's so present that it's now. All right, all right. Very good, very good.

This one's called This Room, which I think is pertinent to what you just said. Grimace equals joy. It was grimace equals the more I rumble. Okay. This room. The room I entered was a dream of this room. Surely all those feet on the sofa were mine. The oval portrait of a dog was me at an early age the oval portrait of

a dog something shimmers something is hushed up we had macaroni for lunch every day except sunday when a small quail was induced to be served to us why do i tell you these things? You're not even here. I definitely don't think you wrote that one. And I don't think you wrote the first one either. Oh, interesting. You don't think I wrote the first one? I don't. What do you? I think the most recent one might have been you.

Really? I want to hear the third one. Yeah, they did talk about inducing a quail to eat it. Yeah, to have it thus. All right, this is proximity to dull. They did talk about inducing a quail to eat it. Yeah. To have it thus. All right. This is proximity to dull. You wrote all three.

That's definitely in play. That I wrote all three? Yeah. Bombastic socks adorn this mangy crack oh lordy or rather dork or rather dorky husband seeing urologist nusband seeing urologist nusband what's Seeing urologist Nussbund? What's Nussbund? The guy's name?

I don't know. Or, yeah. Depression ought beset him, or at least he be in debt-vim. Mazda's oil's good to have. Yeah, so that is my address I will say You probably wrote the last one If not all three of them, quite frankly Joel?

I think that You wrote the third one And you made some edits to the first two That's really good Emma? I was gonna say the third one and you made some edits to the first two. That's really good. Emma? I was gonna say the third, but then your Nussbaum thing threw me off. You seemingly not knowing if it was

a name or not. No, he knew. He knew? Yeah. Okay, then I say the third. There's also my address in it. Kind of a dead giveaway. I don't think Amir knows any other poets none that would write about me third is correct

the first one is Clown by Fritz Asher which is just Cohen's son, but like on the Fritz. Yeah. And then this room was written by John Ashbery. A lot of ash. Proximity to Dull. Yeah, the second one was great. Proximity to Dull is by me.

You liked the second one, Emma? I did. I loved John Ashbery, though. Oh, you know him. I thought all of them were good. I think he's like the best Or he's like considered the best Poet of the last like hundred years

Or something I agree and I think all three were amazing Yeah do you think he's read Proximity to Dull Do you want to read through those So you can understand what it's about The one he wrote Proximity to Dull It wrote? Proximity to dull. Okay.

It's called Proximity to Dull. This is the poem. Bombastic socks adorn this mangy crack. Or rather, dorky husband seeing urologist Nussbaum. Depression ought beset him. Or at least he be in debt vim what's vim? like vim or vigor

what's nusbom? that's a doctor a urologist but if you're making him up shouldn't it rhyme with husband? it's nothing rhymes with husband that would work for the poem

other than nusbom no it could be any name that you choose because you made up the name yeah but nusbom is a real word it's a real name it's a real name. It's a real surname.

Is that your urologist? That's Samir's urologist, I have to assume. Mazda's oil, good to have. Yeah, my address again. So you're going to want to bleep it both of those times. Yeah. Or I'll have to move. Can you just say for the record, though, that it does rhyme?

It does. That part did. So bombastic socks. Are you wearing bombas? Nope. But you often do. Well, I should have asked what do you guys think this is about. Because socks are loud. What do you guys think this poem's about?

Me. Pretty good. I think you're diving into Blumenfeld. Oh, I'm about to dive, doll. And that way one segment kind of weaves into the next. Exactly right. A tapestry worn and shorn. Woven forever.

Yeah, it's really giving like fridge poem. It's really giving like poetry foundation poem of the day. Like the words that are left and you're kind of putting them together. It's kind of just like front page of the New York Times. Holy shit, he's a bestseller. You even make the same joke that Amir made in the video. Bombastic socks, because you often wear bombas. I wear Balega socks, actually.

Adorn this mangy crack. You've already read the poem. I know, but none of you guys are applying it to Amir. Are you talking about his ass crack? Yeah, it's like plumber's crack in a way. And you think I put socks there? I would like to put a bomba suck there to kind of plug it. Not your ass, just like the plumber's crack part of it.

Speaking of plugs. Joel, what do you got going on? What do you want to point the people towards? The floor is yours. Everyone should listen to David Cross' new show. Got it. Emma? Joel's really doing my job for me.

Nothing. You can follow me on Instagram at Emma Rose Foley. Senses working overtime. Senses working overtime. When is the next census? And can I not be counted? Because I want to go ghost mode.

And go until then find me at Jeffrey James on Instagram. And I'm Jeffrey James on TikTok. We'll see you guys again next week I think. Unfortunately, yeah. Segments? Segments back. Yeah, every Monday. Sense is Working Overtime, hosted by David Cross, coming to HeadGum December 7th. Oh, that's the name of his show.

Yeah. Yes. Audio and YouTube version on the official David Cross channel. It's also what happened when I heard proximity to dull. That was a Hiddem original.