The Headgum Podcast - 187: My Favorite Position is GEO (w/ Cat Cohen & Pat Regan!)

Episode Date: January 12, 2024

Cat Cohen and Pat Regan (Seek Treatment podcast) join Amir and Geoff to discuss building up a good ass, meeting Real Housewives, and the way Geoff spells his name. Plus, they play a round of Geoffardy!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. I think it would be fun to do an episode of this show that I don't host. Who would you want to host? What do you feel is the host's role? To come up with like two segments and to like keep things moving. But you know who could be good as Mo Welch? Sure.

I mean, Mo Welch is awesome. You said up top that the purpose of the show was to have a company happy hour and talk about the inner workings of HeadGum. So it feels like having somebody that doesn't even currently have a HeadGum podcast host would be like kind of a curveball. Yeah. That the audience wouldn't want to hit.

That's closer. You guys come up with something. Wow. Right? Right into it. Actually, we are doing cams. Can I make this a little quieter? No offense.

Amir can do that for you. Wow. Christmas came early this year. Another guest on the show. New show to the network, but not new show to people's ears, right? Hopefully not. Hopefully not.

I said hopefully not. So, but hopefully, because then the numbers go up. You gain new listeners. You add packages. Suddenly you're wearing a Rolex. Let's freaking go, dude. What's up? I said let's go, dude.

What's that? What's up? Jeffrey has a soundboard of people saying what he's already saying. So it's a little confusing. Because you don't really know his voice either. So it's a little confusing. Oh, interesting. Because you don't really know his voice either. Yeah. So you hear, what's that?

And it could be Jeff saying it, or it could be somebody else saying, what's that? Exactly. So you had a recording handy of someone else saying, what's that? Yeah. What's that? What's that? Who's that? That's Casey, who's a producer slash podcast host here, too.

It's kind of, we're throwing you into the mix. I want to be on the board. I want to be on the board. Wow. And that might be the sound. I want to be on the board I want to be on the board wow and that might be the sound I want to be on the board chairman of the sound board sorry just one second

alright just one second because I actually want to dive into the deal right because you guys are new to the network but an existing show with a kind of big fan base

totally massive Massivo we have 30 fans we have 30 listeners but die hard yeah super die hard they call themselves the 30.

Yeah. Kind of like the 300 but less. Yeah, but less than that. 270 less. But more muscular and stronger. Also, if you have 30 fans that truly buy every product that advertises, that's probably more people using the coupon code than on any other show.

Can I tell you a toxic conversation I had one time in Miami, Florida? Go on i've had a gay event in miami florida for new year's almost exactly a year ago and a gay person i had never met um was kind of negging me near constantly and he said at some point um he was talking oh well first he like gestured towards my friends and was like it's great that they let you go on their podcast I mean I think even just being like a viable podcast guest is probably really helpful

for your touring and I was like well I have my own podcast and he was like I didn't know that and I was like I do and he was like yeah well I'm sure that's helpful too I mean it starts with porn you know if you have a thousand people who are willing to pay five dollars a month to watch you have sex, like that's a good living. And I was like, I don't do porn.

No, most of all, guys. But yeah, and he was assuming we only had 1,000 listeners. I'm really traumatized by the phrase viable podcast guest. I know. Like congratulations, you're a viable podcast guest. You can imagine who he was gesturing towards. I can't even imagine exactly. You can use your imagination. My imagination's

a big, big bet. And then let's go first and last. And this is just tricky. What? Let's go first and last name of who you're talking about. Keep dreaming freak. Yeah, keep dreaming freak. Come on. Keep dreaming freak could be my catchphrase. That's also, are you gonna, so you're gonna spend the whole hour just trying to make shoehorn it? Yes. Yes is good too.

I actually like Viable Podcast Guest as my Twitter bio. And then I will say at the gay party, we were in Miami and Real Housewives of Miami is like the moment right now. So we kept doing this bit to each other where we would every time someone went to the bathroom, when they came back, people would be like, oh my god, you just

missed Larsa and Marisol were here who were two of their housewives and like since we kept doing it like you should know like they're pranking you but when it happens to you each time you're like oh my god where are they and so then we went to this gay party it's literally a gay neon party of gay people wearing neon

and then I'm walking and I'm literally thinking I'm like seeing an oasis in a desert cause I see Jill Zarin's daughter Allie Shapiro from your hostess of New York early seasons. And I'm like, what? Like, why is she here? And I try to talk to her and she's visibly disgusted by me. And her boyfriend's like, she loves it. She's really overwhelmed.

I was like, Allie, I'm a huge fan. Wait, she cares? What? She cares about you? No, she didn't care about me. But I care about her and I wanted to interact with her as someone I'd seen on television. Oh, she loves it and she loves the attention. She loves the attention.

Not she loves it, I think she loves her work. She loves the gay community. She loves you as a gay man knowing who she is. I was like, okay, cool. So then now I'm in a position, I'm alone in the party. I see Ali Zarin at this gay neon event. Now I have to go to my friends after we've been pranking each other all day saying we saw Larsa Pippen. And I have to say, Ali Shapiro Zarin is here.

And like, ask them to believe me. Say that five times fast. And it was truly boy who cried wolf. Yeah. Boy who cried Ali. Ali? Ali. Ali Shapiro Zarin is here.

Larsa Pippen. Yeah. Famous in the sports world now. Sure. Because she's dating Michael Jordan's son. Scotty Pippen's ex-wife is dating Michael Jordan's son. Yeah, she's had an incredible journey on Housewives. Michael Jordan's son?

Yes. How old is that person? And they're engaged. He's like 38, maybe? To be married? Surely not. Do you know her Housewives journey? I don't know anything about her beyond that she's Scotty Pippen's ex-wife and going to

marry Michael Jordan's son. Yeah. So when she was on, so Real Hostess of Miami premiered in 2010 to dismal numbers, and she was in the original cast, and she was still married to Scotty, and then Real Hostels of Miami was canceled after three seasons. She kind of disappeared from the zeitgeist, and then it came back in 2022 or something. Larsa Pippen returned, and she had been, in a word, yassified.

Like, she literally looked completely different, had the biggest ass anyone's ever seen in their life. Digitally or fake? Real. Well, so it's been the source of controversy. A lot of the households in Miami are Latina. And so when she came back, she had this amazing ass. She'd spent a lot of time with the Kardashians in the Kardashian compound.

And so everyone's like, you're going to their doctors. And she's like, it's real. It's from working out. And then this woman, Adriana, accused her of having a Brazilian butt lift. And she said that that was actually appropriate because she is Brazilian. And so that she should be the one who has a Brazilian butt lift. Right. Yeah.

I think now that I've spent a couple of days in L.A., I want to return to New York yassified. Yeah. How do you do that so quickly? You've got to go to the Kardashian compound. I need to return to New York yassified. Yeah. How do you do that so quickly? You got to go to the Kardashian compound. I need to go have surgery. Well, then Larissa Pippen like posted on Instagram like this is my butt workout. So I obviously started doing it. And then I like said at work, I was like, I'm doing Larissa Pippen's butt workout.

Everyone laughed at me and they were like, it's fake. And I'm just so naive. Like if you tell me your butt's real, like I'll believe you. You have to. How's your butt? My butt's actually getting so good. Really? How do you figure?

What do you mean? What do you do? Well, I go to Ferris down the road. There you go. But then I go on, so Ferris has their classes like Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays for my build program, and then

and so Mondays are squats, but Thursdays are deadlifts. So there's like two ass days kind of built in, but then on Saturdays I go and I just do my own thing. And I really just do chest and ass. You know, backs and thighs, chest and ass. And shoulders and ass.

The muscles are like chest and thighs. And for gay guys, it's chest and ass. But it's like getting there. I took some amazing images in my hotel room like two nights ago. It was part of my personal brand for a minute. It's Pharaoh's. You remember. Not Pharaoh's.

Asses. Ass. Really. I've never had a for a minute. It's Pharaoh's. You remember. Not Pharaoh's. Asses. Really? I've never had a good ass in my life and I'm just getting it. I posted my ass on Mane. Really? I'm getting to a place where like I want to do that but like I want to be taken seriously as an intellectual. That's not what happened. The thing about having a

badass and then building a good ass. And being a badass— And being a badass. And being a badass. Let's fucking go. Is that you then want to return to everyone you've ever had sex with and say, like, look at me now. 100%. You know what I mean? I look worse.

I look worse than I did. I just want those who've rejected me in the past to see my current ass. You're talking about a revenge body. I'm talking about a revenge specifically. Back to the Kardashian compound. You're giving revenge body. Yeah. Amir, have you ever had a revenge specifically. Babs, we're getting back to the Kardashian compound. You're giving revenge bodies. Yeah. Amir, have you ever had a revenge body?

No, I've never had anybody, unfortunately. I used to go to the gym. Was that to transition or we're still talking? It did that thing where it's like kill the page. And so I had to kill the page and then refresh. And then when I refreshed it, automatically pressed the button that i got it so that was unrelated but also i'm not that interested in what you have to say okay huh i am well i was just saying i used to go to the gym to lift weights and stuff before the pandemic pandemic happens i don't go anymore

and i find it hard to get the uh energy and desire to lift weights because it's not as fun so now i'm like playing tennis and basketball like stuff that gets you running, but like by accident because you're playing the sport. Can I ask you two questions? Sure. One is, are you single or partnered? I just got married last month. Okay.

Thank you. Congratulations. How'd you meet? We met through a dating app, but our friends tried to set us up before that. Okay. Okay. Tried back to pop. And then secondly, so being partnered makes it hard, I think, to get motivation to go to the gym.

Because you don't need to have a revenge body anymore. Yeah, like you don't need to be peacocking and you don't need, yeah. I think that the two ways to feel motivated to get to the gym is either to be single and like sad about it or to be gay but like partnered to someone who's hotter than you. And that's why I don't go to the gym and then my second question oh my second thing is oh what's fun about pharaohs is that it's like um i because i'm a big i was a big runner and i get very motivated by like numbers and like well you know four weeks ago i did the same workout and these were my mile splits and so like what can i do in eight weeks or something like that yeah and so i think for me just lifting it's hard to get motivated but if i really keep track of what

i'm doing i can get really motivated athletically that's why you have the build program when i hear the word pharaohs now like the way you brought it into my life, I literally glaze over and like my body leaves, my soul leaves my body. It's a great name, Pharaohs for a gym. Yeah. It's unlike any other gym name. Yeah.

Ow. So long. Bond of the Week. That was really long. Sorry about that. Bond of the Week. What's that? Basically,

this is a segment we've done that everybody hates. From the moment long. Sorry about that. Bond of the Week. What's that? Basically, this is a segment we've done that everybody hates. Great. From the moment that Daniel Craig was out as Bond, we've been every week lobbing up. If you think I know about that, you're crazy. What is that? Daniel Craig was 007. Okay.

I think he's so hot. He's not hot to me. He's a beautiful man. What do you guys think? Not me either. Whatever. He's not my type. We have really different types.

And every now and then we've been overlapped. But Daniel Craig is like very my type and very not your type. have really different types and every now and then we have an overlap but Daniel Craig is like very my type and very not your type which is like eagle what? pretty eagle what's eagle?

what's eagle? you know there's like the eagle handsome there's the bear handsome there's the like Instagram presents you with those infographics of like what kind of hot there is

is that for the gay community? I think it's just for men is this for men who buy supplements? who buy not bi who buy supplements? Who buy, not bi, who buy supplements. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bisexual supplement. Yeah, there's supplementary bi.

Wait, supplementarily. I'm so tired. That's the soundboard. We just did a pod. Supplementarily. That's merch. My new drag name. Okay, sorry.

I guess he's an eagle. I can't remember the infographic. He's just muscular and has broad shoulders. So every week since he's been out as Bond, we've been lobbing up our casting decisions for the next 00. This week my pick is Jane Fonda because she would then be James Bond. Oh, that's great. That's cute.

I would say Sarah Michelle Gellar. That's really good. Or Jemima Kirk. Jemima Kirk. Because she's great. I would say Sarah Michelle Gellar. That's really good. Or Jemima Kirk. Jemima Kirk. Because she's British. Yeah, she'd be so good. Did you say James Bonda or James Bonda? We do have to take a break.

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Check it out. Oh my God. And we're back. Wait. Definitely. So loud. Sorry about that. Do you guys have any James Bond of the week or Jane Fonda of the week?

You did say James. Who was that actress you brought up yesterday? Where? If you feel safe with me saying this, when someone asked you about someone on Ryan Reynolds' tier. Oh, Courtney Cox. And you said Courtney Cox. Is she your fame?

I was in a work meeting for a short-term gig where I found myself sitting on a Zoom being asked by a straight man, are there any celebrities we're not thinking of? To which I had to reply, are there any A-listers we're not thinking of, like Ryan Reynolds level? And I had to say, do you mean just name celebrities? And he said, yeah. And so I paused for five seconds and said courtney cox yeah i hear ryan reynolds i think courtney cox uh amir bond of the week uh not a person but just a name that i happen to like is allison felix oh sure yeah was that a person or is that just a name? Just a cool name.

It also is a person. Is it? She's like a many, many time Olympic champion. Alison Felix. Let's fucking go. Yeah, she's the most famous probably. Ow! Are you always like this? Yep. She's probably the most famous.

Are you always like this? I'm an HSP, highly sensitive person. So you don't want to hear giant metal being dropped in your ears? Yeah, I'm quirky like that. Sometimes I'll do one-off or maybe keep it down here. I think one-off is the singer's go-to.

I'm also that, though. I'm also the HSP, whatever cat it is. Alison Felix must have been in my head from an Olympian eight years ago. She's huge in the news in 2021 because it was her fourth Olympic team, which is very rare for a sprinter because sprinters' careers are shorter. And obviously it's like 16 years, 17 because of COVID. And she went pro as like a 17-year-old as a 100-meter runner.

And then she's been to every Olympics since, I guess, Beijing, maybe Athens even. Okay, let me think of a new name then. I'll say just creating one off the top on the fly, not really even. Okay, let me think of a new name then. I'll say, just creating one off the top, on the fly, not really a real person, but Jackie Joyner Kersey for James Bond. Jackie Joyner Lucas? Who? Forget it.

Okay. This brings us to our first segment, which is worse? So I'm going to present you guys with two things, both that are either really bad or really neutral or good. You have to say which of the two is worse. So number one is charity for a cause that doesn't matter or chastity for a cause that does.

Which is worse? Chastity for a cause that does. Right, because that doesn't help the charity. And I think that charity for a cause that does. Right? Because that doesn't help the charity. And I think that charity is so, for a cause that doesn't matter, is so funny. I think, not that this doesn't matter, but it harkens back to homeless, not toothless, from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yeah. Which is where they give unhoused people

like veneers. Veneers. That's so funny. That's awesome. Have you guys ever donated to a charity that you thought mattered? Oh, wait.

Sorry. Finish what you were saying. Forget it. Number two is Madison Square Garden's carbon footprint or monosodium glutamate's character assassination?

So, you know, how much power does MSG take and how does that affect the environment? And then also the fact that MSG was sort of bastardized. Yeah. I think, well, I feel like I answered the last one. I don't know. I think the latter. That's really tough.

I think the latter because I don't like when there's,'s like I feel like in the nutrition community, there's always like fatty things that are said where it's like sugar is so bad. And then like five years later, it's like actually it's really good. And then it's like fat is so good for you. Actually, it's so bad for you. Actually, whatever. And it's like actually stop trying to like oversimplify it.

Yeah, I agree. And also Madison Square Garden might be leaving a carbon footprint, but it's like bringing the fun. Exactly right. I'll agree with that. Like when I famously saw Louis C.K. live in Madison Square Garden as a special guest. Recently. Very recently. Last week.

I was at my straight friend's wedding party and like. Why did you specify straight? Like I feel attacked almost because you said that and then it's like straight into the Louis C.K. Well, it's germane because. Because it was a straight wedding, all the other groomsmen were straight. And so they were giving like, they were giving like thank you whatever experiences so they brought all the other ones to a hockey game

and then I think because I was gay they were like let's do something in the arts and so they brought me so then I had to sit through two hours of Louis C.K. like waxing poetic

about like women's reproductive rights yeah would you rather have seen a hockey game? I don't know yeah I don't know

I would have rather probably seen I was also like 24 days sober and I was like, can I just sit this one out? 24 days sober. All right, number three, which is worse, two people with the same name dating each other, but they are compatible. Are they same sex?

It doesn't matter. Unspecified. It's not always about that. I know, but to me, it's actually germane. Let's say, again, you're from Germany. Let's say same sex, then. Okay, so same sex couple dating same name. Yep.

Or, which is worse, two people with different names not dating each other, but they are compatible. What's worse? Probably the same name dating. Really? Yeah, because the second thing is nothing. I don't know why. I'm not processing a single word you're saying. I don't know.

Everything you say, I'm like, wait, what does that even mean? I don't know if I'm sleep deprived, but I'm like, dude. I think Jeff is like the cotton candy of men. So he says stuff, and then it just disappears before it reaches him. No. Did you just boo? I said, ooh. Oh, boo.

That sounds yummy. Well, I think that... But without the sugar part. So sort of just loose cotton. Yeah. Cotton swabs. I think that... Copy cotton, Rob.

To me, the first one's worse, but if they were... I think it's really cool when there's like a Taylor Lautner situation where like he's dating a Taylor. Yeah. And that's really cool and good.

But when two gays, the same name date, I think that's actually like harmful. Has that ever happened to you or a loved one? Oh, my God. I think that's why my brain isn't processing this shit. Number four, which is worse, being in a coma, but during a period of time that was worth missing. Or two, having a barbecue but on a really, really hot day. What's worse? Yeah.

Being in a coma. No, 100%. Oh, no, I think having a barbecue on a hot day. I think that sounds lovely. Okay, number five. I would love to be in a coma. I know you would. Medically induced? I would love to be in a coma I know you would Medically induced

I would take a medically induced Someone prescribed me a coma No For what? I think I just need to like Skip a chunk of life right now Right Currently?

Yeah I would take a coma You're doing amazing I know, but I think Thomas Thomas Weedy Thomas Weedy But don't you think if I could skip the next month,

I would be even better? No, because I think you'd be starting where you are now. When you go through a coma, do you process grief? All right, number five. Which is worse, wearing a bandana as a shirt, but it's too big to be sexy? Or wearing footed pajamas to an okay darty? What's a darty?

Everything about footed pajamas is bad, and everything about darty is bad. What's a darty? It's a day party. Oh, yeah, that's got to be worse. But there's nothing better than when a fucking snatched girl wears her tribal buff as her tube top. There's nothing that will ever beat that for me. I wish. I just wish that my body type allowed to have a backless bend at the top.

That's okay. In my next life. Or if I go to the compound and get some surgery, I can make that happen. You and I will cool sculpt after this. Yeah. This is the beginning of a beautiful plastic surgery. I don't want that to happen to me. Cool carpool.

I don't, we're a beautiful carpool. Cool sculpting is so scary to me because of the. Yeah, what's that? Linda Evangelista. Yeah, and a lot of people have like these side effects where they get all lumpy. No offense, that's beautiful too. Well, they also said that about the Panera Charged Lemon. And I'm on my fourth one.

I want that so bad. No, add, add. I cannot be going on air telling everyone what happened to you. I want the caffeine lemonade from Panera that killed someone. It killed two people. More than one. No, I think it's two people.

Oh my god. Alright, which is worse? Cheating on your partner on the exact same night that they decide also separately to cheat on you or being monogamous but being generally satisfied by that. The first one.

The first one's interesting because you never really hear about that. Well, the first one's like you just need to be open about having an open relationship. You just need to be communicative. That's all cheating, I think. You either don't want to be with the person or you want to be open. Yeah. It's almost better when it's double. Yeah, being open it's, it doesn't work for me personally. And no disrespect.

A lot of people I know it does work for. Straight? I don't, I know one straight couple. But they're both bi is the thing. I think you both need to be bi. Yeah, sort of like a Michael Peterson thing. If you're straight, you can have a lovely relationship if you're bi. Alright, which is worse? Buying a dog from a breeder

or not speaking up when your voice could really help someone in need? Which is worse? Number two, sweetie. The dog's already alive. Yeah, the dog's already alive. That was which is worse. Thank you what I was going to say. Number two. The dog's already alive. Yeah. The dog's already alive. That was Witches' Worst. Thank you guys so much for playing along.

That was difficult for me. Take you to this side of the room. Amir, why don't you really participate? I know that you're thinking about the voice. Amir, what's going on with you? I feel like I'm participating. I know you're thinking about the smell of cracking open a fresh can of balls. Well, whenever I talk, you sort of cut me off with a really loud sound effect.

No, but you mean I don't cut you off because I'm always trying to— It's a Pavlovian response. Response, that's what I was going to say. Yeah, you're sort of creating this negative feedback. It's a negative feedback. It's an oraboros of nonsense and joy. I'm now de-incentivized to weigh in because it hurts us every time I talk.

I feel like you're training me to be quiet. In a way. It's hitting it. It's actually working is what the annoying part is. I'm trying to talk despite the fact that you're the host. You're not helping me. You're being the host and that's act like we're butting heads as I speak.

Because now the energy in the room is starting to swirl in this sort of like, yeah, infinity loop. Yes, it's a negative feedback cycle. Yeah, it's hard to have

a guest on. Right, and I didn't want to do that. That's why I was giving them space to answer. I think the four of us should go get tattoos. To commemorate this.

Another good soundboard. To commemorate this episode. Are you annoyed that you're here and not playing tennis? No, I'm playing tennis, but at four. So this is a good, I'm getting an hour of talking and then an hour of playing. I have to go do a voiceover thing. Three buddies of mine. Name them.

Sutton Strachey, name them. One of them is also here. Name them. Do you know that? Name them. No. Oh, God. Not to keep bringing up Housewiveswives but it's an iconic scene

where like Kyle Richards is sitting down with Sutton and Jackie oh yes I've seen that meme yes and Kyle's like you're always acting so crazy so many times you act crazy Sutton

and Sutton goes name him Kyle starts naming them but she keeps cutting off like name him and Kyle's like when at my birthday when you're like

name him when we were in Vegas name him and then like Kyle you really like to tell so much I then, like, Kyle, you really, like, tell us how much. I want to see that clip. Yeah. You really sold me on that clip. This is an ad.

I bet. This is Jeopardy! Jeopardy! Oh, cool. Jeopardy is the name of the game. It's sort of the HeadGum Podcast version of Jeopardy. Sort of. Sort of, yeah.

Everything you see on here will be for actual cash. I'm bringing the money back. But you could also end up in debt. So let's be careful here because there are negative point values. It looks like your computer is almost dead. Really? Oh, scary. That's pissing me off.

I timed it perfectly with your heart out. Well, I'll still have half an hour. I was waiting on my new friend, but she didn't see me. Anya? Yeah. Anya iced you. I thought that one person was Jake when I first spoke to him, but it wasn't. Marty looks like Jake.

Yeah. Which is kind of confusing because me, Marty, and Jake started HeadGum and worked together all the time. And a lot of people look like me. And not a lot of people look like them, too. Totally. So when you see me and Marty, you automatically assume it's me and Jason. 1,000%. And the weird thing is, like,

there's nobody who really looks like me at the company, even though if you walk down the street over here, you see 15 people. You need to hire one of them. I don't know what happened or what the universe brought Jake and Marty together, but it's a very confusing situation. Totally.

Speaking of very confusing situations, let's get into Jeopardy. Team one is going to be Kat, team two is Pat, and team three is a Matt. That's my name. A Murat, yeah. A Morat. So let's start with Kat. Why don't you start us off here?

You control the board for some reason. I don't really know how Jeopardy works. And I was going to ask that. I didn't want to insult your intelligence. I don't know how intelligent Jeopardy works. And I was going to ask that. I didn't want to insult your intelligence, but... I don't know how intelligent it makes you to know how it works. Really? Like, do you watch it every day?

I've been staking my entire sort of self-worth on that. Like, I'll have something for 100. Oh, I know how this works. Our categories are Morning Joys. Okay, I'll do

Morning Joys for 200. Okay, just for the audio listeners, though. Morning Joys, Unlikely Aphrodisiacs, railroad gauges, celebrities who saw their mommies kissing Santa Claus and were affected by

it, and do. What's do? It's sort of, yeah. So. Okay. Alright, morning joys for 100, you said? Two. 200. Here we go. When you have a sneaking suspicion that you might order pancakes for the table and a round of mimosas along with your sandwich. So now I say, like, what is...

Yeah, you have to answer in the form of a question. And this is the answer. Okay, let me look. But we could all answer if we think of one. Like, brunch is going off. When you're going off at brunch. That's absolutely correct. What is when you have a hunch

that brunch might devolve into drunch? Back to Kat. Wait, she gets points for that? It's close enough. It has to be close enough. Was it? I can't tell if you're bullying. Jeopardy rules?

I actually feel really stupid right now. No, no, no, no. That, as far as Jeopardy goes, you got it right. Okay, okay, okay. That's galing. The fact that you said brunch which was one of the words

in the answer puts you in the top 1%. All right. Kat still controls the board. Oh, I do it again? Yep. All right. What, you want that one?

I really want the do just out of curiosity. Okay, well, let's do for 300. All right. Do for 300 is rare. What a mirror is. Isn't that funny that I wanted that one?

That is weird. I'm having to get in the head of the person who wrote it. I'm going to say what is dumb. That's really good guess for what he has in mind. Incorrect. Pat, I don't want to do this to you, but you do owe me $300. Oh my God. As it stands, you might get the money back.

Or your money might go to... You guys know It's a Wonderful Life? Guys, you got it all wrong. I have an answer. Your money's not here. Your money's in his house. One second. I'm trying to answer the question.

Okay, yeah, let's figure it out. Bless you. A dunkle, which is a dumb uncle. Nah. Well. What air is? Kat, do you want to posit a guess?

Amir Yomi? I don't think so. I'm just trying to make profit off this episode. I'm not going to pay you anything. What is... Also incorrect. The answer we were looking for

is what is duplicitous interesting yeah because he'll come here and say oh I'm so excited to do the episode you know but really all he's thinking about is cracking open

that fucking can this thing I can have it while we're doing the episode of balls of tennis balls got it I almost like what is that tennis brand

like Penn no Dunlop oh yeah yeah I don't know what is Dunlop's brand ambassador what, yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

What is Dunlop's brand ambassador? What if that's like for 200? Do, yeah. All right. Pat controls the board. Oh, I do, do I? Yeah. Okay, I'll take Unlikely Aphrodisiacs for 100.

Unlikely Aphrodisiacs for 100. Fibrous wheat wafers. Perfect for carbo-loading before, say it with me now, a session. Wheat wafers. Wheat wafers, wheat wafers. Oh, what is a Triscuit? Correct! We were looking for Triscuits. These are sort of a sickeningly not obvious aphrodisiac in my experience. Yeah, because they're dry and coarse and salty and not good.

No, they're actually so good. Wait, they are aphrodisiacs? In a way. Unlikely, though. In your personal experience or speaking broadly? Some of these are informed by my personal life. Some of them are informed by, I would say, the cultural conversation. I don't think there's any sexual conversation around Triscuits.

Really? Imagine kissing a man like Jeff with Triscuit on his mustache. Alright, Amir controls the board. Let's stick with aphrodisiacs, because I don't think I've ever gotten a correct answer before, so this is exciting. Unlikely aphrodisiacs for 200. The seeds you spit out before spitting out their seed.

Ding. What is poppy seeds? No. Really? Seeds you spit out, like a snack. poppy seeds? Uh, no. Really? Seeds you spit out, like a snack. So sunflower seeds. Correct! Oh my gosh.

Good job, Pat. Oh my gosh. I know we're on different teams, but I feel like I'm happy for you. Well, now I'm almost, like, winning. I'm happy for you. Pat controls the board. Okay, let's do Aphrodisiacs for 300. Let's finish out the category, they always say.

Aphrodisiacs for 300. Wine made from red grapes. I mean, what is red wine? Oh, wait, do we all get to answer? Yeah. What is rosé? Don't tell me no. What is Malbec?

What is what? Malbec? The correct answer is champagne. Is that true? Did you guys know that champagne mostly is made from red grapes? No.

That's crazy. Right? Or it might be wrong. Back to Kat. That's crazy or wrong. Oh. Okay. What about

morning joys for 300? Morning joys for 300. Something Jeff does considers doing, sorry, every morning. Something Jeff considers doing every morning. Something Jeff considers doing. What is jerking off? Really?

Jeff considers it? Who's Jeff? That's me. That's another good noise for the soundboard. Who's Jeff? You also don't have to answer. It's hard because I don't know you. Famous as I just demonstrated.

Yeah, I don't think I'm going to answer because I don't want to risk my points when I'm so close to being in the lead. What is crunches? The correct answer was what is making a fucking run for it? What is just getting in the car and just. From your partner?

Why? Not from her. She's lovely. From your life. I think you guys have a good thing going. It's monetizable. Yeah. Is it comfortable?

No. Totally. Sorry to hear that. I would never have guessed that. Now I see why I was so good at the brunch one. All right, Pat. Okay, wow, I was so good at the brunch one. Alright, Pat. Okay, wow, I'm still in control. Don't let it get to your head, Pat.

Okay, let's do celebrities who saw their mommy kissing Santa Claus and were affected by it for 100. Celebrities who saw their mommy kissing Santa Claus and were affected by it for 100. Where the sidewalk ends would not have existed had it not for this post. It's also a scene. Wow. Just for the audio listeners, though.

Where the sidewalk ends I kicked my friend. Where the sidewalk ends would not have existed had it not been for this poet walking in on his mom engaged in amorous congress with Father Christmas. And the correct answer is Shel Silverstein. Yes, I'm fully winning.

Pat is in the lead with zero. Oh, yes. Okay, let's do... Oh, I'm minus 100. Let's do celebrities for 200. Celebrities who saw their mommy kissing Santa Claus. Witnessing his mother's infidelity at a young age drove this man to invent the fucking phone. Oh, who's that guy again?

Who is Alexander Graham Bell? Correct! Nice! Sorry to this man. Hashtag who is Jeff. I'm losing. Jack controls the board. Okay, let's do due for 200.

What Jeff is constantly under as the host. What is the rest? Oh. Wow. I wish I hadn't chosen to follow the rules by buzzing. As soon as you got excited that you were winning, I was like, I want to win, too. I know, but I... And a win for me is a win for us.

Okay. Back to Kat. A win for me is a loss for you, and that means the world to me. Let's do celebs for 300. Celebrity who saw their mommy kissing Santa Claus and were affected by it for 300. It's no wonder why this reclusive American poet. Who is Emily Dickinson? Wow.

Correct. Okay. Do we have to buzz is my only question. I think just yell. Okay. Sorry about that. It's no wonder why this reclusive American poet lived a life in solitude and as she once watched in horror as her mother ate Santa's ass.

Wild nights indeed. And the answer was. Okay. I really have to go into overdrive. Back to Kat. What is due for a hundred? Due for a hundred, a classic diner in Los Angeles where Jeff almost said hello

to someone who looked like but wasn't actually Jeff Dunham. Oh my God, I know it. Yeah. Oh, I can't remember the name of it. Amir grew up here his entire life. I saw one of the most similar manner there one time. I mean, I have three guesses,

but I don't know if I can narrow it down to one. A classic diner in LA. I'll guess Mel's Drive-In. Oh, Jesus Christ. The category is Dew. I think I know it it but I can't remember the name sorry I forgot

the do part yeah but you already buzzed out so Pat do you just want to say what he just said oh I missed what is do part

what is do part no it's not fair and she had no idea I know that was awesome that actually wasn't the one I was thinking of in my brain

this was still the Santa Claus category I thought it was that one I watched that happen to you well listen let's just round up. Let's do a round up here for a second.

Kat, you're going home with $700. That's awesome. Maybe less, maybe a little bit more. But Pat, if you guess wrong, you're going to be in debt. So you're safe for now if you don't answer. Yeah. And Amir, the company has to pay me

for doing this already. But you might want to slide me a 200 stack. Two bands. Two bands, which is actually two grand. Cat controls the board. What is morning joys for 100? Morning joys for 100. Something that might make you smile.

Huh? This is so hard. Nobody has to. Might make you smile. What is a bowl of cereal? This is so hard. Nobody has to. It might make you smile. What is a bowl of cereal? What is Folgers in your cup? I was going to guess that.

Were you? I knew we were thinking about that together. But I can't risk it. You have too much to lose. Yes. The correct answer we were looking for is what is when you wake up and win the lottery? That's a really good answer. That might make you smile.

That might not be your reaction. Because it ruins people's lives. Yeah, people die. People get hurt. Or they just become greedy. Bag break. Amir controls the board. A lot to lose, a lot to gain here. Railroad gauges for 100.

Railroad gauges for 100. The name of the widest standard rail gauge in the world. Again, you do not have to answer, but I would encourage Amir to, just so I can keep making money. 12 inches. 12 inches is the widest. The correct answer is, what is Brunel? Well, did not know that.

Pat controls the board. Okay, railroad gauges for 200. Railroad gauges for 200. A system for operating railway wagons on two or more gauges to overcome difference in the track gauge. This is so specific. So guess. A system for operating railway wagons? Wagons. On two or more gauges?

I can't even wrap my head around this question. I'm trying to pull knowledge from watching The Gilded Age. Oh, nice. But it's not coming. Carrie's husband. Carrie's husband. Do you think it's hot? Morgan Spector.

Out of time. The correct answer is what is a bogey extreme? That's the name of the actor. What about this isn't fun to play? He's so time. The correct answer is what is a bogey extreme? That's the name of the actor. What about this isn't fun to play? He's so hot. The silence in between the questions.

There was like a picture of him on Instagram. And the final one, the original gauge width of the Arcata and Mad River Railroad, a California nationally registered historic monument.

I have to risk it. Yeah. Buzz. Yep. Four feet. risk it. Yeah. Buzz. Yep. Four feet. That's basically correct. Oh my God. What is 1,156 millimeters?

Oh my God, guys. Good job, guys. That's not four feet. That's awesome. It basically is. I'm happy. That was Jeopardy! How do you feel being Jeff with a G?

What was that? How do you feel being Jeff with a G? Um, I like it. My mom... It's my uncle is that. So, the only annoying thing is when you're, like, giving information over the phone or at the DMV, it's like, no, it's actually G-E-O. And then you're like, J-E-O?

And I'm like, G-E-O. I used to think as a child, which I would prefer since I had an uncle. My favorite position is G-E-O. Remember that? That's really good. Where she said CEO. I love that moment. I love that pop culture moment.

Yeah. That was like radical. It was punk rock. Yeah. You said G-E-O? No, Lauren Conrad was on like Howard Stern or something. Like what's your favorite sex position? What's your favorite position?

And she's CEO. Got it. But then GEO is a playoff. That's a soundboard. Means nothing. Got it. What I said means nothing. That's another good for the soundboard.

I'm auditioning for the soundboard. You're auditioning for host of the HeadGum podcast. Guys, we did it. We've come to the end of the 45 minutes. Oh my God. This was a short and sweet episode. I think it was tight. I think it was just right.

And I don't think we should push it any further, mostly because I have nothing else prepared. Yeah. For sure. What do you guys have to plug? What do you want to point the people towards? Let's start with Kat. Well, we'd love for people to listen to our podcast,

which will newly be on the HeadGum network. Yeah. We'll seek treatment. With Kat and Pat, if you could believe. It's about boys, sex, fucking, dating, and love. Sorry, fucking and sex? Dating and love. Yeah.

And boys. Well, those aren't exclusive. And sometimes girls. Come on. Come on. And then just follow us on Instagram. Yeah, if you care. Yeah, you'll find us.

We believe in you. Yeah. And if you don't like us, I understand. Yeah, I don't care. I care, but I don't understand. I care, but I also understand. Amir? I mean, also seek treatment.

Yeah, I mean, I want to point everybody towards seek treatment right now. Nobody, everybody that's listening has already followed me on Instagram. They get that one. Yeah. This is my third year on the show. Sure. Totally. Seek treatment is the exciting new thing. Yeah. The new girl in town. Absolutely. And our on Instagram. They get that one. This is my third year on the show. Seek Dreaming is the exciting new thing.

And our personal Instagram. Yeah, we're kind of like the girl next door of podcasts. I'm still thinking about a thousand millimeters. I guess that's a meter. Just let it go. We're trying to do plugs. It is pretty close.

We're actually really trying to do plugs it is pretty close 1,000 meters yeah I guess we're actually really trying to do plugs oh sorry it's alright do you have anything you want to say no I'm kind of in a wave

yeah okay so first and last name of that person yeah at jeffreyjames on instagram at I almost I almost plugged a dating app handle

oh my god I'm going on a date tonight from hinge really? do you have other I don't know he just texted me you should pick him up and we'll decide then that's not a good idea it's Monday you can get in anywhere

edgewise a new bar called edgewise I don't know that like... A new bar called Edgewise. There's no way. I don't know that we'll like go to dinner. I don't want to get dinner. What do you want to do? I don't know. I'm open to hooking up.

I'm open to like... I don't drink, but I'm open to like getting drinks. Do you know what I mean? Like I want it to be like very casual. Yeah. Have you ever been to Button Mash? No. It's like drinks, but also food, but also an arcade.

Don't go. You would not want to. It's really loud there. It gives you an activity. Don't go. It's really loud there. It gives you an activity. Where is it? It's in Echo Park. If you like feeling overstimulated

and like watching everybody's libido decrease. Yeah. I feel like you work there and you're pressing the button. In a way. He's kind of towards West Hollywood this person.

Should I not go? You should go. I know but not only in the place. You should go to Tower Bar. What's that? It's like an awesome spot. I love that. Yeah.

East towards West Hollywood, though. Is that where that is? It's in West Hollywood proper. Okay. Or. Or. Poppy? Is that crazy?

Is that fucking insane? Who says no to Poppy? Just to get a table on a Monday? What's that? It's like a legit club. Jeff owns. Jeff's a part owner of this fucking club. Really?

Are you really? It's like so minority owner. Tell us about it. Well, and I'm the only minority owner. legit club. Jeff owns, Jeff's a part owner of this fucking club in East Hollywood. Are you really? It's like so minority owner. Tell us about it. And I'm the only minority owner. We'll see you next week. That was a Hiddem Original.