The Headgum Podcast - 189: Concussed (w/ Andrew Pile!)

Episode Date: January 26, 2024

Andrew Pile (albeit briefly) joins Amir, Marika, Emma, Casey, Joel, and Geoff to discuss Geoff's traumatic brain injury, to dissect his brain scans, and to dole out New Year's resolutions. Plus, they celebrate Amir's birthday with flan!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Let's, yeah, let's wise up for a second. This is real. Over 70% of millennials and younger, Scots, 35 and under, believe that splitting off from the UK would be beneficial to the country.

Specifically, we're talking about Boris Johnson's conservative right wing premiership, right? Like it's he's driving the United Kingdom down a deeper, darker hole than we've already seen in centuries previous. But on the other side of the spectrum, you have older Scots, you know, primarily elites landowning, you know, who are concerned about the economic instability that independence might bring forth slash towards forwards. I feel like I'm at a bar and you just walked up to me and I'm like, fuck. Like, how do I?

Pyle's here? Hey, Pyle. Hey, what's up, guys? What's up? Yes, Pyle. Do you want to do the show? No. Come on, you're never he's not he's not doing it until you take his voice off the soundboard yes oh my god got his ass yeah see That's unacceptable to me. We got him on the show. Because it started right now and he's there.

There he is. Lock the door. Lock the door. Lock the door. It's so loud. It's so loud. Waiting for Joel. The episode has started?

The episode started. This soundboard website keeps fucking me up. So we're starting. You're prioritizing pile over the soundboard. I'm prioritizing pile over the listener's smiles. This is that 2024 energy, man. That concussion energy. I don't think Emma knows that she's on the show currently.

The show has begun. The show has begun. The show has begun the new year. Yeah, Emma, you're on the show. The show has begun. We're waiting for Joel to get back from the bathroom. Joel waited, and you said you could finally go pee. He finally left, and then you started the show, and he was gone. Of course!

That's everything you're saying! It's so loud. The chaos in the New York studio is not my fault! Yeah, maybe. Why? Because I'm cool, calm, and collected, by the way. I've come in here. The tech is all ready to go.

Pyle's leaving. Pyle's leaving right now. See you, Pyle. Bye, Pyle. Appreciate you. We got him. This episode's gonna say, with Pyle. With Child.

Wednesday. Sorry, Thursday. January 18th. It's the year of our CEO-ed and savior. I'm actually not the CEO. What? Yeah, that's Marty.

Who gave him that title? I remember when that shift happened, by the way. He stopped calling himself co-founder and he started calling himself CEO. I was like, who gave you the right? I think we had to choose like different job titles when we were creating the LLC or something. That's what I was going to say. When you were kind of, no, because you went from an LLC to an incorporated. Yeah.

Yeah. And that was sort of when I sort of noticed not only a title shift in Marty, but also like the tides had shifted in Marty. You should act more concussed. I am! Like you have the energy of someone who hasn't suffered for a month. Five weeks. Yeah, but you have. So I guess just slow down.

You got two concussions, right? Yeah, but you have, so I guess just slow down. You got two concussions, right? I had second impact syndrome. Got nervous within an inch of my life. And we'll get into that. You spoiled it. Because not everybody listening here knew that I had the...

Concussion. Concussion, yeah, exactly. Not everybody knew? Not everybody listening. How did anybody know that i instagrammed i instagrammed a photo with me in a barn cat you've been talking non-stop about this concussion i've been thinking non-stop about the concussion it's not possible for me to not think of the concussion in any moment because I'm hedging toward post-concussive syndrome. Every waking moment, just, yeah. I wasn't even close to done.

Every waking moment is a reminder that my cognition isn't thus. Isn't what? I feel as if reality is 15 feet away from me. I don't have peripheral vision. What's that? You don't? Sorry. It's hard because I've already been... So when you're looking at me, you can't see a mirror?

I know he's there. I can sense him there. And I can kind of see him, but it's blurry to be sure. It's not like you're going to make up for it with the cognition. This is a crazy experience because ultimately Joel, Emma, and I thought we were on the HeadGum podcast just

with Jeff, and then Jeff invited two people not on the calendar invite in the LA studio to join, and now is only talking to them. He said his cognition is worse. I got a text from Jeff yesterday asking me to be on the show. He said, New York's going to be there, but they're low-key dead weight.

Would be helpful to have some real backup IRL. That's so fucked. Yeah. Jeff, what if the concussion just makes you regular? What if it works in the other way? Oh, that's cool. I've already found that not to be the case. I mean, we'll get into it.

We'll get into the episode, but you guys aren't going to be happy with what I have prepared. Okay. And it is concussion. I don't think I've ever been happy with anything you have prepared. That's rare. It's hard, right? Because it's Amir's birthday. Yeah.

And so I feel like the energy is already going towards you when I would rather be going towards my mild traumatic brain injury. We've been talking about it for several minutes now. Yeah, but maybe let's talk about Amir's birthday. How are you feeling? 41. I was very under the weather last week so I feel like I'm trending out of this flu-like haze. Last week was bad. This week

is better. And then this is the beginning of a new basically week slash year. I feel like a rebirth. How's the peripheral? Peripheral is okay. My lingering issue is more like dryness in my entire head.

COVID or... I had the flu. Wow. RSV? I don't know. I didn't really test specifically what strand I had. I just didn't feel well. Did you get a flu shot? I did. Wow. I guess they you know, they only do so much,

cover so many strains. And who knows if I even had the flu or just a flu-like symptom from something else. There's no way to know. Do you think this might be your flu game? Do you think you might bring it

because of the energy of your birthday? Do you think you might save certain parts of the episodes with one-liners that people comment down below being like, oh, that was a great joke?

I think I'm already past flu game. Actually, the last segments podcast I did was probably my flu game because I was coughing and stuff. Do you think Jordan had the flu or do you think he was hungover? I don't know. Either way, it's really impressive

because whether you have the flu or you're hungover, your body is sort of suffering slash dehydrated. So it doesn't really matter what the cause of the issue is, whether it's a virus or the fact that you poisoned yourself the night before. It's really impressive that you can overcome. Because like when I had the flu last week, I couldn't even like walk to the bathroom.

The idea of playing against the Utah Jazz seemed completely unfathomable to me. And today? Today I could probably drop 15, 10, and 10 against a regular season Dallas Mavericks, Oklahoma City Thunder style opponent. But to do it in the finals? Two really good teams. But I'm just saying, if the defense is sort of focused in on somebody else, I can

pick and choose my spots, Austin Reeves style, and make sure that I'm both a facilitator, a distributor. I'm hoping we're focused on somebody else. I'm hoping we take today to sort of brush you off. Well, Marie asked me how I was doing. Yeah, and I was glad to know.

Me too. How are you doing, Jack? I'm not well. I'm not sick, but I'm not well. America, how was your New Year's Eve? Don't do that. What? It's the Jeff Rubin special.

Not to be confused with a Rubin. Right. I don't think anyone was confusing that. Or Billa. Billa Rubin? Jeff, does he have a kid? Yeah. Why didn't he name him Billy or Billa?

You don't know what he named his child. Is it Billa? It's Max, actually. Yeah, he's a sweet boy. Max, actually, Rubin. Correct. Actually is such a funny middle name. I like that.

The name's Max, actually. Anyone with a last name actually, I think, is that CEO material. Amir actually Blumenfeld. Yeah. It works for everyone. My hair position is GEO. Is that from this podcast? That's a Kat Cohen original.

She wanted to make the soundboard, and she did with that one. Oh, okay. And a couple other ones that didn't upload for some reason because they thought it was copyrighted material. I think that's – I can't believe I know this. That's from a clip that Lauren Conrad, a long time ago, someone asked her what her favorite position was in an interview, meaning like sex position, and then she said CEO.

And I think that's what that's from. CEO, yeah. But Kat Cohen said my favorite position is GEO because my name is spelled off. And she drives a GEO. Wagon? No.

You know, I don't want New York complaining that I'm not including them enough in the conversation. They've been dead silent other than Marika. I don't know if Joel still has... I just told that story about Lauren Conrad. Really? Yeah, that was... Well, it's hard

because I can't see them. There's no way to see them. No, I didn't think that was... There's a monitor right next to you where you can see them. But peripheral vision. No, I can't mirror because I need to use my soundboards.

Oh, man. Your whole setup is fucked, man. It's not my setup. There has to be a better way to do this and I'm not going to complain about it. The New Year's resolution of mine is to stop complaining about the fucking studio. That being said, I do need to get one thing out of my system.

Sure. Anya's not here for this. She will hopefully hear the episode and be pissed. Anya's zero. Anya's zero. Yeah, exactly right. Right now, what you're saying. Were we sure about charcoal?

Yeah. Yes. I just, because I was wondering if we might have done like a cola or if we might have done like a...

Yeah, you keep saying cola. You keep saying cola. Like a K-O-L-A nut, like the cola nut? Yeah, kind of like that. Also, I found... No, like coca. I just sent this to Amir,

but there's a paint color called chine green. If anything, we're responsible there's a paint color called chine green. If anything, we're the chine green. Yeah, I get that. How is everybody else? This is the first episode of the new year. I feel like the energy is almost there, but it's not there there. It's not bowl bowl.

It was my birthday recently. And how was that? It was good. It was good? Yeah, Emma's birthday also. Yeah. Happy birthday, Emma. Happy birthday, Casey.

I'm telling you, January birthdays in the office are lit. Well, Emma was December. Mine technically was December 31st. I think it's just, you know, you want to chalk the whole space full of Capricorns to make everything, you know, fit thus. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you're just going pretty good so far. You were filling me in on some personal private info that I won't bring up, but it sounded like it was going all right.

It feels like this might be your, if not Jordan year, let's say your Sarah Jessica Parker year. 23 is my year for sure. I feel like it's a Sex and the City year for you. It's a Sex and the City year for me? Yeah, you're going to have sex and the city, and I feel like you're going to in the city year for you It's a sex in the city year for me? Yeah you're gonna have sex and the city And I feel like you're gonna have gossip to talk over brunch You wanna take a sip of that so bad

But you are preventing yourself from doing that What's that? Thank you Thanks May this be the year that they finally cast the next James. I'm sick of this segment, and so is the general public. But while we have to do it, Nishi... Sorry, Nishi Nash Betts Bond. Nishi Nash Betts Bond. Niecy Nash Betts Bond.

Are you sure you're out of the concussion? No! I said that! I have post-concussive syndrome, meaning I still feel concussed. Uh-huh. Past the fifth week mark. Which happened? What's that?

Has it been five weeks? Well, past the sixth week mark is when they would diagnose me with post-concussive syndrome. So I don't actually have it yet, but I'm not out of the weeds yet. I've hit my head three times. Four if you count the fourth. And that's been part of the issue. Are we going to get into it or are you going to just sort of allude to?

Trudge through the segment that is Bond of the Week and then we'll get there. Okay, I want to know Joel's Bond of the Week. Joel? I'll go with Max, actually. Nice. Emma? The

pilot who was on Mushrooms who tried to crash the plane who I can't stop talking or thinking about. And I talked about it on the other episode where you weren't hosting, Jeff. Who is this? You may never see the light of day. Who's this pilot on mushrooms? It was a pilot who was on a mushroom trip For multiple days

That got on a plane and thought he needed to crash the plane To get out He thought it was like a simulation And thought he needed to crash the plane to get out of it So then he was like held down And then he started pouring coffee all over himself And singing show tunes And masturbating

All to come out of his In the air Oh my god. And masturbating. All to come out of his... Sounds like Amir's birthday. In the air. My Bond of the Week is ultimately going to be the soul of Jennifer Lopez I think from her new trailer.

Fuck off, Jeff. I forget that she can see me. You pushed a button. I know, but I'm used to it being the Logitech, yeah. Alright, let's keep things going. I wish I had a Bond of the Week. It is my birthday after all.

A birthday Bond of the Week. You're the only one that doesn't really like the segment. And Will Conover. He made it very clear doesn't really like this segment. And Will Conover. He made it very clear he doesn't like this segment. I'm the only one that doesn't like this segment. That can't be true. I don't like this segment.

Who likes this segment? I think it's just fine. Like, it doesn't offend me in any way. It's a nice thing to have. Amir, what's your fucking Bond to the Week? Oh, God. I don't know. I haven't thought about this.

Jimmy Allen White. Yes. The, God. I don't know. I haven't thought about this. J. Allen White. Yes. The bear himself. This isn't a funny segment, but I just have to make it through to the announcement. Otherwise, it really sucked. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. the entire room wow check that out Amir behind you starting 2024 off already with a little bit of effort Into the podcast I got an MRI just for the show

It seems like you got it for the concussion Really? It's Mr. Jeffrey A. James Is the A for always? It's for actually It really does look like a walnut What's that? The brain looks like a walnut

The brain or mine specifically? I can't tell if you're bullying me They say like you're supposed to eat foods That look like the brain For brain health Raspberries Walnuts Brain

In Jeff's case An entirely smooth cantaloupini bean. Oh my god! An entirely smooth cantaloupini bean! Your brain is a fucking marble! Oh my god! Oh my god! What? It was a joke, man.

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Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sorry. Is that what it sounded like when it happened? A neurologist at the Cleveland Clinic said that I had an age-appropriate, unremarkable brain. That's kind of almost worse, right? Really? To know that your brain's normal

and fine. Not my intellect. Not my intellect is unremarkable, just the brain physically. Well, there's a lot of philosophy on the physical brain versus your mind. Is this with or without contrast? It's withering with contrast. So basically they put too much dye into my veins

and it started to sort of degenerate. Did they actually put contrast in for a brain? This is the MRI. They did end up doing a CTA as well. That one had contrast dye because I ended up in the ER on New Year's Day Eve because my pupils were different sizes. And they say if that's happening, you might have a stroke. So I had to go to the ER.

But you were fine, we should say. Ultimately, yeah. Asymmetrical pupils, fine guy. Does that make sense? Yeah. I feel like I don't know why the mood is coming down. I'm studying this. You guys don't know what it says. You don't know what the letters mean. Can I explain? I don't fucking why the mood is coming down. I'm studying this

Letters mean can I explain I don't fucking know you think I'm a neurologist. This is the scam I did a zoom call with a neurologist He looked at my MRIs and he said yeah, it looks like everything's fine. No bleeding But, you know, this was the only way I could get a screenshot of the bitch was to have him share his screen and me sneakily snap that screenshot. Yeah, I've gotten like an MRI before and it's oddly hard to get the, it's not like images on a disc. It's like, well, we have this CD, but you need the software and most places don't have the software. So I'm like, just take a fucking screen grab and send it to me. That's what I said. I did like, you know fucking screen grab That's what I said I did like you know fucking command for shit. I had to take

a photo of my MRI in the doctor's office like sneakily on my phone It's crazy how antiquated I mean the entire healthcare system is fucked but like the fact that these really important images No no no no no what do you mean by that? It's really hard to get proper healthcare

Well it's hard to navigate and it's expensive as shit but what do you mean by that? It's really hard to get proper health care. Well, it's hard to navigate, and it's expensive as shit. But what do you mean by that? I'm not going to sit here idly by. I don't care that it's your birthday. You're not going to talk shit on my health care system. Actually, I hear good things about the Ohio health care system. Cleveland Clinic, yeah. It's one of the best hospitals in the world.

Johns Hopkins, number one. You probably got the concussion in a very good state. You probably got the concussion in a very good state. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. But I wasn't in a good state mentally before the concussion. Exactly. It rendered you in a poor state. Yeah, sort of.

But it's nice that you were there to get the help. Have you talked about state mentally before the concussion. I rendered you in a poor state. Yeah, sort of. But it's nice that you were there to get the help. Have you talked about how you got the concussion? I have no idea. Did you just slip on a banana peel or step on a rake? I want to hear what Joel heard the rumors were. I've heard a lot of rumors that it had to do with you standing on an elevated but soft surface while performing some sort of impersonation that went south fast. He's choosing his words incredibly wisely.

Joel's in court. I heard you were doing a bit and fell off a couch. That's not what I heard. No, I was doing a very, very tasteful impression. Of a Korean landowner. No, I was snowmobiling. Were you? In the Alaskan Alps, yeah. There's no way.

What do you mean no way? You don't think I could do cool shit? Yes. No. Is the Alaskan Alps like the name of a park in Cleveland? We already said you were in Ohio. It's a cross-country skiing park. He was in a bad state is what he meant.

Alaska. Didn't your concussion happen in California? I was in Juneau, and the fall hit me in the temples. Can't get a straight answer out of this guy. Can't get a straight answer out of this guy I was four-wheeling In an extra Terrestrial terrain park And here's the thing

I was having a ton of intercourse On a very tricky surface I basically was at Jumbo's clown room Oiling slick A gland surface. I basically was at Jumbo's clown room oiling slick a gland. And I slipped and fell off the stage and then ended

up in a CTA. We need to know how you hit your head. On an attic ceiling. Alright, I was organizing some shit. Yeah. I go underneath a beam.

Okay. And I thought was like, okay, I was like, oh, I cleared the bish. Right. No, I didn't. Okay. Stood up directly into it full force. So like. I was like, oh.

Top down. It's kind of interesting just the normal movements. It sort of crunched my neck back too. The normal movements of your body. Sorry, if I don't have the floor after a traumatic. But like when you actually hit something. I have a severe traumatic brain injury, by the way. I said mild before because I was trying to be demure today.

Well, I also. You haven't been demure at all. That's not a brain injury. That's a neck. So it hit you right top to bottom square, like the tip of your skull. It scrunched me like a slinky. Okay. And were you with anybody?

I was pissed at people. Okay. Because they let you in the attic? Because they let me down so I went to the attic. And then at first did you think it was just like, whoa, that was weird? Or were you like, something terrible has just happened and it'll affect me for the next few months? My first thought was, this ought to be a good episode.

Yeah. Your brain is so fucked up. It is. There are some interesting similarities to the movie Anatomy of a Fall, where I feel like we could kind of make a version of that about Jeff getting a concussion. An arborist said the same thing to me yesterday. An arborist. A tree person? Well, not tree. Herbs.

I'm taking classes. I'm trying to better myself. I'm trying to get better at fucking gardening. So you hit your head so hard in an attic by yourself. It doesn't matter the classes. Were you with anybody and who was the first person you told that, oh, by the way, I think I might be concussed? I was fine the day it happened. So you were just like, oh, maybe it's just a bump.

Oh, I'm tired. I got to go to sleep. Yeah. Yeah. And I had some wine. So you really didn't think it was a big deal. I discounted it. I decanted it. And I watched some wine. So you really didn't think it was a big deal. I discounted it. I decanted it.

And I watched Encanto. You're just talking about the wine now? It was an incredible Pinot Gris. Not Gris Pinot, just Gris. It's also so crazy that you didn't think you had a concussion after hitting your head that hard. When at Amir's pre-wedding party, you were going around telling people you thought you had a concussion after hitting your head that hard when at a mirror's pre-wedding party you were going around telling people you thought you had a concussion, but you just like hadn't had any water all day. Well, it's hard, you know, because I'm trying to like make sure that I look out for my health and not discount any little feeling. Did you hit that?

Did you hit your head the day before my wedding? I didn't hit my head. I hadn't had any water or food. No, so the issue was I hit my head and I was just kind of like, ah, you know? I was like, ah. Homer Simpson. Then I discounted

the hit. I decanted the greed. And much to my sugar and falls in which I was, I woke up the next day with a headache but i had had enough wine the night before that i was like i'm just hung over housing water the entire day yeah by 9 p.m i'm like this is this is something else so i call my dad's doctor and he's like i don't think it's a concussion, but, you know, just rest and recover. And I was like, all right.

Treated it like it was a concussion for a few days, and it just kept getting worse. The headache got worse? The experience got worse. The headache came worse. But what was the experience? It was slowed cognition. It was my vision being off, feeling like I'm not in the same reality as other people. I mean, the scans are up. I don't know

what else you guys want. What do you want? You want another more detailed view? There you go. Hmm. Pretty smooth. Yeah. The thing you can see here is the only issue is there was remote insult to the corpus callosum in utero.

Hmm. Remote? Doesn't sound very remote then. Remote means long ago, so I don't know how much longer ago in my lifetime you could get than in utero. So you think that's the thing that made you you? That's what I wanted to get into.

Okay. I want to get into a couple things, but that's the first thing. I mean, this show has been a train falling off the tracks for nary three and a half years and i want to i want to trace it back potentially to this is that the reason we're all here today i think i don't think it's the reason I'm here today. I was hired by Amir to work here. Well, you're here because Jeff texted you, you said.

Well, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm here today right now because Jeff texted me yesterday. You don't know if they would have even needed to fill the producer position that you filled if I didn't cause the issues that I do. They were like, we need professionals in here. Imagining a world where your group of interns

produced very competent video and audio technical people that then went on to work at the company. What that would have been like. Interesting. If I had been able to understand everything here better,

maybe I would have been offered a full-time position. Like you did go to USC film school. What's that? You did get the education necessary to do something like that. Yeah, but we just watched on the episode that's coming out on Friday, a project that I made for film school. Casey saw it and there was no,

I did remember conversation with myself post shower. Oh, yeah Get piled back in here. I hate it so much. I have an excuse. I have an excuse for the next... We know. Gray matter. Doesn't matter. And it matters.

This right here is the reason why the show might be off sometimes for the next couple years. Like if I don't prepare one week because I don't have time, this is why. So you're already pre-using this as an excuse. I'm already getting the research done on me. Wait, sorry, your in utero injury is the reason why the show might be bad

for the next three years. It was more of a remote insult to injury. Does that make sense? Yeah. How's your birthday so far? Sorry, let me check in. How's your birthday so far, Amir? I'm 41 today.

There's got to be something. Are you going to say there's got to be something more to life than this? Welcome to our first segment. I like to call this Blame Game. First segment. What's that? First segment. I like to call this Blame Game.

Okay. You've been shaking. That it was an accident? That this happened? You're shitting yourselves. This happened because according to a hair vitamin and mineral blood analysis amalgam. I'm so stressed I'm reaching chemical burnout.

That's on y'all. That's on y'all. That's on God. I thought we were talking about your gray mark on your brain. Now it just seems like Jeff made up a segment to say that this is our fault. Moving on to 11.

Take four minutes and lie. Sorry. 11 is take. Four minutes each? Yes. Take four full minutes. Don't be shy. What is this?

I didn't think it through. Is that what you want me to say? Why are you looking at me? What are these audio clips? This is from the post-shower conversation. That was an example. Sorry. Just the name of the game is Blame Game.

And I'm playing you guys some clips of moments where you caused me stress. Casey, that one's on you. I couldn't even understand what was happening. Do you need me to play it again? It's 30 seconds long.

I think we just need you to explain what it was. Take four minutes and lie. So this was from the episode that came out two weeks ago. It's each? Yeah, that's true. The 36 Jeffstions that lead to love. Take four full minutes. And you guys were making fun of my ass for having one of the questions take four full minutes.

I didn't think it through, but I actually put a... Sorry, what was that, Marika? That caused you burnout? Burnout, yeah, that's what I was going to say, burnout. Basically, it exhausted me that you guys didn't like the questions. Okay. And I don't think it was fair to me, considering how much time

and effort I put into all 36. That took me two hours. Was that recorded before the concussion though all of this was all of these clips are going to be before the concussion because this was the this is the first episode after the concussion so inherently all the concussion but after the gray mark on your brain bc you can call it well the stress isn't the remote insult do you you know what I mean? Like, that is in utero. That is unrelated to the stress. But the concussion can't have been an accident. What I'm trying to say is there's blood on all of your guys' hands.

Does that make sense? Sure. Well, listening to that clip, it didn't sound like I was saying anything. I was laughing a lot. That's true. So I actually appreciated that. Oh, you're welcome. The joy that you bring to the episodes.

So the blame is not on me. I might shift it on to, yeah. Okay. This is kind of like the French court scene in Anatomy of a Fall. Here we go. Clip number two. Jeff is like the cotton candy of men. So like he says stuff and then it just disappears before it reaches you.

No! It's not nice he said that I was the cotton candy of men because I'm thin in terms of things that are there

substance yeah substance at all that I don't bring much nutritionally pulled apart very easily pulled but pulled pork

would be better pulled apart more substance for sure but would you want to be called pulled pork? For sure, or do you want to take that back? Because I kind of feel like that sentence alone might have been enough to cause me the stress. Yeah, but Marika has a great question.

Marika, let's hear it. Would you rather me say that you're the pulled pork of people? I don't mind that. That's worse. That's so much worse. I don't even mind if I'm not dressed. Meaning? If I was sort of bearing all on the show.

I moved on from the pulled pork analogy. Yeah, got it. Well, we would mind if you did that. That would cause us stress. I could have said so much to this episode and doesn't immediately refer you to a therapist. That wasn't even me. That was Millie.

No, but you know what? Marika, you were there! You were there and you didn't stick up for my ass. Real friendship, you are. I agree with it though. And I don't think that's a problem for you what was the group called? the US males I remember that

that borderline happened today. The cantalini bean. The cantalini bean incident. That will go down in history. He's going to play that clip on this episode. In a year. Like, what the hell was that? I put a lot of time and effort and energy into arranging that.

Well, I feel like people were laughing at the fact that the group was U.S. males, right? Not you. Yeah, I was laughing at that, that it was called the U.S. males. It's very funny, but it's also funny that Jeff was in an acapella group called the U.S. males. Jeff, you were in an acapella group? We really have to take a break. We called the US males. Jeff, you were in an acapella group? We really have to take a break. That was the blame game.

I blame all of you. Okay. We know. Welcome to... Dulling Out Resolutions. You guys have heard of dull? Bob dull? Bob dull? Like whip?

Pineapple. Yeah. Yeah, canned. This is... Joel has said like four sentences on the episode. And one of them is, yeah, canned. Joel or dole? Dole, done off.

Dole, done off. Here we go. This is doling out resolutions. This is the first episode of the new year, right? We're going to move away from my sort of vitriol in terms of the concussion that I'm still dealing with and move into where y'all can improve. Does that make sense? I think I have a unique point of view in terms of where there are holes in your personalities,

where there's room for improvement in terms of y'all holistically as people, as you pertain to my life and the world at large. So I'm going to go one by one, and I'm going to give you guys New Year's resolutions. Okay. Before we get into it, does anybody want to say what their resolution actually is? I want to get abs.

I want to watch more TV. Okay. Joel? It would be nice to pee less often. I want to watch more TV okay Joel it'd be nice to pee less often it'd be nice Amir I'd like to reduce my screen time phone wise but I don't know I find myself struggling

more and more every year as things become more and more online between games, social media, news, information, sports, work. Ab workouts. I feel like it's nearly impossible to put the little iPhone dictator down. And then at what point are you just replacing that screen with another? All right. Ready? Yep.

Marika's resolution. Episode ends. Any guesses? I wouldn't mind if everybody threw guesses out on what she needs to improve on. Or should we just hedge? You say watch more TV. Yeah, that's what I would like to do. I fell behind this year.

Past year. Well, the real one that I want to give her is join a city club soon. What's a city club? Marika's been in New York for almost a decade and has next to normal slash nothing to show for it. Nice. Take a page from the Gilded Age and try your darndest to join a Manhattan social club. The Union Club will do.

The Union Club crowned the Rockefeller family members of the New York City elite. Now, let it allow Marika in thus suit. What, what, uh, so it's like an Elks Lodge sort of thing in New York? It is a little bit. It's like Soho House. It's like the 19th century Soho House.

Why is everybody not reacting with joy? I guess I'm confused. Joy is the reaction you wanted from that? It's definitely a unique perspective that you have to offer. Okay. Marika, what do you think? Yeah, Marika. I'm open to it,

but I'd love to know more about these clubs. I'm unfamiliar with them as a genre of place. I think it's like you'd go, you'd play bridge, you'd chat about current events, maybe movies,

even TV shows. No, you wouldn't play bridge. You would build bridges. Socially and infrastructurally. Oh, so I could be like an oil tycoon? No, you'd be a civil engineer. A wouldn't play bridge. You would build bridges. Socially and infrastructurally. Oh, so I could be like an oil tycoon? No, you'd be a civil engineer. A baron of sorts. I'd be down to be like a railroad baron.

That's what I'm saying. I feel like all Marika does is like make sure the wheels don't fall off this fucking place. I want to see her better the United States of America at large. Let's start with the tri-state area. Let's start with the Hudson Valley. Well, that sounds like politics. And I'd love to better the United States at large, but I don't know how I'm going to do that.

Is the problem, sorry, Marika, is the problem that you don't like the Union Club? Because the Knickerbocker Club would do. You could be a friar. I'm interested in the Knickerbocker Club. I'd like to know more. It's a close second. And don't let the Knickerbocker Club. I'd like to know more. It's a close second, and don't let the fact that they don't let women in still deter you.

Take your rightful place in New Amsterdam history. Okay. Yeah, I'll consider. Okay, or you're going to do it soon. I'll consider. Is there like a fee? I think there's like a $3,000 induction fee, yeah. That's rough.

Isn't that like what Soho House is? No, Soho House is like $2,000 induction fee. That's rough. Isn't that like what Soho House is? No, Soho House is like $2,000 a year. Oh, so this is just three, a flat for life. Three grand and you're in for life. And then dues. No. Oh, the big dues. And by the way, a huge part about getting into these social clubs is to own a townhome.

Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. It's not just the $3,000 induction fee. It's also like the $10 million fee for the fucking house.

Do you have a, do you have a suggestion of how I should get that? I have a suggestion on what you should do and be if you don't get in. Okay.

Embarrassed as hell. Marika, are we clear on your resolution? Join a city club soon? Yeah, we're clear. All right, you don't have a lot of time for that one. Moving on to Emma's resolution. Emma, are you ready? Yes.

Try to enjoy the head gum podcast I feel like of all the people on the network and who's guested on the show you really don't seem to you either get the show and you don't like it which doesn't make a ton of sense or you haven't understood what it is yet she definitely understands what it is I you haven't understood what it is yet.

She definitely understands what it is. I feel like I get what it is and I'm kind of offended that that's what you think, but okay. I kind of don't understand how anyone wouldn't enjoy the show if they get it. You know what I mean? It's either not for you or you love it. No. Well, that's interesting. Here's my resolution for you or you love it. No. Well, that's interesting. Here's my resolution for you. Listen to

the show on a weekly basis and find a way to have fun while doing so. If you can't... Okay, go. Sorry, go on. No, what were you going to say? Do I seem that miserable? I like you, Jeff. Every time I say we're friends

you go well I don't know you not me it's the show and they are two very different are they really if you can't enjoy even a few seconds of each episode send

me detailed notes unpaid and untoward. So you're looking for Emma to give you notes on the show for free. Old episodes, too. Back catalog, yeah.

Because I got an email saying that I need to scrub the back catalog for copyrighted material, which I'm not going to do. When? It's just music. When? It's just for copyrighted music. Just for copyrighted music, which he plays on every single episode.

Well, I don't know. Everybody, everybody. I think this one's safe. He's about to do it. We're gonna fuck off the show. When on the show, whether in a guesting or producing capacity, bring a ton of,

or sorry, bring a ton to the table and enjoy. These are like terrible horoscopes. This is just a roast. Marika's was nice. Yeah. I'm inclined to agree. Thank you. Well, let's see what Joel's is

maybe his is also really rude sorry Jeff is texting Ali I think it's a perfect transition couldn't have been better how did you know it was Ali because Ali keeps moving hither and thither picking stuff up for you

okay moving on to Joel Emma are you clear on what your. Moving on to Joel. Emma, are you clear on what your resolution is? Try to enjoy the HeadGum Podcast. Give a ton of notes for free. Basically make the show good

on my behalf. I'm clear, Jeff. Thank you. All right, here we go. Joel's resolution. Joel, are you ready or do you want to take a minute?

I'm ready. Jesus. Joel, your resolution is stay put a lot. Does that make sense? Go on. So it doesn't make sense? No. Don't travel.

Go on is not an answer to the question, does that make sense? I think I understand it. Joel, I know you have this weird affinity for Philadelphia, but this year, oh. Enjoy the city that never sleeps and travel a ton. Just not to Pennsylvania. If the urge. Not stay put then.

You want me to go all over the place. I wouldn't mind if you become a little bit more worldly. Just avoid Philadelphia. That's not staying put. What about this is unclear? You don't want me to see my family? He went to Argentina last year. If the urge strikes to see a Sixers game or even your family,

exhibit the kind of restraint that Marika does during a Marika's Druthers and don't understand the assignment. So when I feel the urge... Exhibit the kind of restraint and don't understand the excitement. We're hearing a lot from Marika. We're hearing a lot from Marika. So when I feel the urge to see my family,

your advice is to stay put. My advice is to stay put a lot. Right. That's then first, I need to even want to see my family a lot. And then when I feel that urge, stay put. Joel, you're not getting it.

You don't have to, the degree to which you miss your family is irrelevant. It's the degree to which you stay put is what I'm concerned with, which is a ton. And this is all year because it's New Year's resolution. It's the degree to which you stay put is what I'm concerned with, which is a ton. And this is all year because it's New Year's resolution.

Sure. Amir, how's that birthday? Fine, I guess, so far. Has it gotten better or worse since the show started? It's gotten better since the show started because we're closer to the show ending. Okay. Joel, are we clear? Yeah, let's move on to Amir or Casey.

Let me be clear. What was that an impression of? Barack Obama. That was such a bad Obama. That was crazy. Nobody got that. If you started a business, you didn't build that. We have to move on. A bunch of people along the way helped. Alright, Amir's resolution. When you started a business, you didn't build that. We have to move on. Because I've never heard of her so long.

A bunch of people along the way helped. Alright, Amir's resolution. Are you ready? Yeah. Ha! Gotty! Ha! Gotty! Jeff is furiously typing. All right, Amir's resolution. Are you nervous? Are you excited?

Is there even a little part of you that's a little bit excited? I'm excited because it seems like you're trying to time something up in a grand reveal, so I'm curious as to what that thing is. A little delayed, but let's see if you stick the landing. It's hard. Yeah, it is hard. I think I saw Ali coming in.

Embody Young. Thaddeus. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Amir. Happy birthday to you. So regrets is not a few. He did it.

His plan. That's a huge plan. The size of a frisbee. His flan. That's a huge flan. The size of a frisbee. It's leaking. There's syrup just coming out of the sides. Do you want to speak to the juice of the flan? You can grab this mic. Oh, thanks.

Sorry to bother you today. No, it's all good. This is the runniest flan flan I've ever seen. It's a very syrupy, runny flan. Yeah. I think for you to embody young this year is for this flan to embody you right now. Where do you get a flan that size?

A bakery in East Hollywood. Alright. Did you have to special request the drippiness? Can you make a bigger one? Well, in the special order request, I said a day-old one is fine. But they didn't give me a...

I was hoping they would, like, give me a refund, and they didn't. We should dig in. Talking to the mic. You should have it all. Well, it's yours. You want him to eat it all right now before the show ends? I'd love if he tried a bite or if he tried a bite. Yeah, I'll get you a fork.

No, no, no, no, Amir will get it. It's his birthday. Just take your second. While he's away, I guess we could talk about his resolution. Basically, actually, no, he needs to hear this. Yeah, and Allie can't hear anything. And Allie

can't hear anything. Say hi. Oh, thanks. Allie, how's your New Year so far? So far, so good. Yeah. You've been going to a ton of, like, I would say, locations where the veil is thin between realms.

Does that make sense? Topanga, Ojai, you know what I mean? Veil. Veil. She didn't, yeah. This is so weird. What is going on? We need more like off-sites that I'm invited to.

We're still figuring it out. Got it. Because I feel like people don't know what she did. Ask Marty if he can come this year. You want to come to Nashville? I would love to. I'll pay my own flights if I can come to the office this year. Alec, can you talk into the mic?

Hello, hello. Jeff, what if my family was in Nashville? Would I still be allowed to go? Everybody's yelling into my ears. Alec, how's your New Year? So far, so good. I was just cleaning up this flan residue. I accidentally made Alex's whole desk area sticky.

I mean, can you blame anyone? Did you see my MRI? Oh my god. I think she can blame someone. I've been watching a lot of Grey's so I understand. And can you please, for the record, say that I don't have a canto... What is it?

Cantaloupe? Smooth. Cantalini bean brain. Cantalini bean smooth brain. Oh, no. I wouldn't say that about you. Look at the vascularity. I mean, you know, what I've lost this winter in vascularity on my body, I've gained in my brain. Which is ultimately what you want.

Right. Yeah. That is not how I see the shape of your head. Yeah. It's because of the hair. I guess we've never seen Jeff without long hair ponytail. Is it giving you body dysmorphia? Giving or making worse what was already there?

Yeah. The second one. Yeah. Amir, how's that birthday? It's doing good. I'm looking forward to digging into this plan. Yeah. And then for lunch, Marika, are we thinking dig in?

No, we ordered Thai villa. Which is what Johnny's name would have been if he was born in Phnom Penh. All right. Getting back to New Year's resolutions, doling out, rather, New Year's resolutions. Embody young. This is my resolution for Amir. Amir, you've had a few peaks. You know, 2011, 2012 era, Jake and Amir, you were kind of thriving, market and otherwise.

I'm good, thanks. I'm okay, thank you. Enjoy. You know, I thought the fired special was you, you know, doing really well. I'm editing, thank you. Enjoy. You know, I thought the fired special was you, you know, doing really well. I'm editing those Patreon videos right now. I think it's a great episode of web series television. Lonely and Horny was a real moment for you.

I feel like you went to this sort of longer form, glitzier, glamier Hollywood Regency style. But you're in a massive valley right now. Is that fair to say? Do you agree with that? Hey. Cheers. Hey.

Cheers. Let me continue. One man's planet. Yeah, it's another man's treasure. Yeah. And one man. We were really good good it's from the monarca

it's from la monarca which is a good bakery wow it's like a creme brulee but without the fun part are you listening to your new year's resolution

because this is going to be pertinent to your entire year oh is embody young embody young okay I want you to act with the urgency creatively that you used to over

a decade now and create that Jake and Amir musical whether you know it or not. Whether I know it or not. Create a new long form project this year or bust is your resolution. Even if I don't know it? I thought Embody Young was his

resolution. His resolution is sort of all over? I thought Embody Young was his resolution. His resolution's sort of all over the place as we've found. I wrote these in a fever dream last night and I am still concussed. Any new works in the works? Any new long-form pieces

between you and Jake? No, I mean, we got the new podcast. That's not enough. A podcast is a side hustle. I mean, running HeadGum as a company. What about a musical? Yeah, I guess we could work on a musical too.

It's just we don't really know how to write songs, music. What about get Lin-Manuel? He's in between Disney, I think. Why don't you just call Lin-Manuel up? And then say, will you write a musical with me and Jake? Yeah. And don't have a mouthful of fluel up? And say, will you write a musical with me and Jake? Yeah. And don't have a mouth full of flan when you say it. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. This was the worst resolution yet. Here we go. Casey, you ready? Yeah. Sure. Go Hollywood.

Basically embody young and work on a long-form project this year. You've had a few peaks this year in a massive valley sounds familiar no here we go I think he just copied and pasted Casey you've been in LA for almost a decade and have next to normal slash nothing to show for it

join a New York social club take a page from Geraldine Page and make Hollywood her story. Uh-huh. You've got multiple scripts in the works, all worth producing. Is that the actress that jumped off the Hollywood sign and killed herself? I don't mind that. For me?

For someone. You've got multiple scripts in the works, irons in the fire, all worth producing to make her story. Get the cash, make the film, and enjoy. That is my actual resolution. We got there. Why couldn't this have been mine, Jeff?

I'll be able to work on my script because I'll be listening to the entire podcast I forget things move quickly in LA Casey's was like follow your dreams make that awesome project and enjoy and then Emma's was like hey will you listen to old podcast episodes

and smile more that's more of a New York story. I mean, we've all seen New York. Let me hug my grandma. Plugs. What do you guys have going on? What irons are in the fire that you want to point people towards? Emma, you can take this moment to get some funding.

It doesn't seem like I'm going to have much time to get ahead on that this year. I don't have anything to plug right now. much time to get ahead on that this year. I don't have anything to plug right now. Follow me on Instagram at Emma Rose Foley. Joel? Joel Man Donoff on the gram. That's it. Marika?

Just disappointed in that. Well, it's just he operates at a different pace than the show. Sometimes I'm like, Joel? And he's like, well, Joel, man, done off on Instagram. You said it kind of faster than that. Follow me at Marie Kaelon on Letterboxd and Instagram and Twitter and listen to Pitwall and Seek Treatment and Go Touch Grass and Newcomers. And I don't know when this comes out, but Exploration Live is going on tour on the West Coast,

so Seattle, San Diego, and San Francisco, there are still tickets. They got a tour before the HeadGum podcast. Yeah. No problem there. What's funny about that? I wouldn't say anything's funny about that? I wouldn't say anything is funny I work tirelessly

But you like it Casey what do you got? You can follow me on Instagram You can listen to the Pit Wall A podcast I host with Marika Jeff is on it sometimes If he answers his texts. And if you're interested in producing a movie, funding a movie specifically, slide into my DMs.

I'm looking right now. I've got a project I'm looking for. I want to start with 50 grand, but we can always go up. I'm trying to keep it a lean production, a lean crew. I'm looking at 10 shooting days. I think 50 grand could get me there. But if someone wants to – $5,000 a day.

$5,000 a day. Yeah, if someone wants to give me $5,000 a day, I think we could make a movie magic. Plug your Venmo. Maybe somebody will send you cash. Yeah, Venmo me at Casey Donahue and just put this is for the movie. Okay. Allie? Please donate to Casey's Movie Fund.

And you can follow me on Instagram at Allie Khan and Letterboxd at Allie Khan. And thanks for letting me hop in with the flan. Hop in with the flan. The woman with the flan. The woman with a flan. For day one. What's that? It's like 21, but... Plugs?

Call me 41 Savage. Nice. Are you gonna call him that? That should have been the name of your solo podcast. Instead of Call Her Daddy, it's Call Him Your 41 Savage. As a podcast? That could do some work. At Jeffrey James on Instagram.

And if you're a concussion, physical therapist, rehabilitation specialist, please let me know what exercises to do to bring back my peripheral vision. Leave it in the comments below. That was a Hiddem original.