The Headgum Podcast - 190: Worst Episode Ever 6

Episode Date: February 2, 2024

Amir, Marika, Casey, and producer Grace join Geoff to discuss Saltburn, read some bizarre and real celebrity quotes, and to sing a rice parody song written by Grace herself!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Word of the day. Word of the goddamn day. It's back. What was it? I... I've definitely said that before. I didn't hear it.

Not at the right time. Not at the right time. My ears were ready to hear the I word. Uh-huh. All right. Here we go. I recently found IDR Labs, right? Which is Individual Differences Research.

And they have various tests. They have this drama test. The camera is wild. Well, I thought it was time. Sorry, I'm here. Can you not be on your phone? Can you close the settings window so we can see Marika and Grace? Why is the camera kind of like a sepia-toned image of the studio?

Because... I can answer that, but I'll let Jeff answer. That's what happens when you go with charcoal. I'm sorry to say, answer that's what happens when you go with charcoal I'm sorry to say but that's what happens when you don't go with cola it should have been a cola which has a kind of warm tone by the way nobody wanted cola actually cola is pretty cold

one person wanted cola and by the internet by the way I think they were interested in shine green empty cup because you guys don't fill mine where is there a blue bottle? Los Feliz yeah

we're back at it again I'm hungover I gotta say it's 2 o'clock I have brain fog, I have vision loss peripheral field is not doing right I didn't have any alcohol but but I just feel hungover. You're just dehydrated, I think.

I think I'm still, yeah. You don't drink enough water and you got hit with my head. I'm calling it a hangover so I can dress like this. And wear the sunglasses indoors. So the tides can change. He didn't let me finish so that the tides can change so that they can become swift. And the sunglasses indoors, is that a concussive thing or is that just you trying out a new style? I have like anxiety about the concussion.

What's anxiety? Hangover anxiety. It's like, oh my god, what did I do? What did I say to everybody last night? You know what I mean? How long was the post-concussive syndrome last? Like, is everything now like a BC thing? Like now you're post-concussion, this is it? It's kind of like that's it for me for maybe up to a year. Oh, it's like long COVID.

Or like a cool party. It's like till question mark, question mark. Exactly right. So you don't know when the party is going to end, but in this case, the party is that I just can't really drive. Yeah. The worst thing about being sick is that it doesn't end instantly. So you don't get to be like, ah!

Exactly right. Refresh. It's like a fade. A fade. You're like, wait a second. I guess I'm better. I don't get to be like, ah. Exactly right. Refresh. It's like a fade. A fade. Wait a second. I guess I'm better. I don't know. I went in an attic and I said to the ceiling, give me a tight fade. Basically a one to a three months.

I don't know, Jeff. I don't know if you can see us on the screen, but Grace was just yawning at that. I need like a monitor right here. Unrelated. Sorry. You are looking at four monitors right now. This is like the worst thing for my concussion, by the way. You're surrounded. I'm not supposed to look at screens.

Two people in front and two people in back. Four, five, six, seven. If you count the little one on that, Zoom, nine. And when I said nine, I cut to a black screen. Yeah, you did. And it was gray for us. And it was grace for us. She is beauty.

She is grace. Harper. How the hell are you? How the hell Harper? How the harp are you? I'm okay. How do you feel? Me? Who? Grace! How do you feel?

Me? Who? Grace! Right? I feel fine, thank you You? How has the editing workflow been With my concussive state? No difference

The same Yeah So before I kind of feel like worse right oh yeah well there was an incident where he said can you do the video and I said yeah of course send me the files

and then he didn't send me anything for a week and then he did send me everything after the podcast was over and he meant to have gone live fully edited you left out the biggest part was that I fully edited it. So I didn't inconvenience you and you didn't get extra money. So why did you send all the footage to Grace?

Because basically what happened was I was like, oh, I'll just have Grace do it because I feel like garbage. And then the next week I was like, I feel fine enough to edit. And at this point to send... I should say that we got rid of his posting permissions

because he never followed instructions. So now Grace does a great job at actually uploading the episodes. That's what I was going to say. No, you weren't. I was going to say Grace does an incredible job uploading. But the thing is, like, to get all the templates, files, to get all the things to be like, this is, you know, what you need to edit the video,

probably would have been harder on my head. Harper on your head. Nice. Thank you. It's so easy for every other podcast to do that. Right? What makes it hard for us? Every other podcast doesn't have a concussion. What was the excuse before?

You don't know their lives? I know their lives. I know every single podcast. You don't know what Mike Mitchell is up to? Mike Mitchell isn't falling down He's staying put a lot That's cool Casey are we boring you? He's got stares you don't know Yeah a little bit

That's fair well let's get into some shit then Oh that's fun Is that the only Go on Is that the only camera on you? Because it's almost too dark to use I'm going to have to overexpose the garbage out of it Yeah, it'll be like very grainy and contrast Yeah

Well, it's hard, you know Because the studio is outfitted with cameras That if you're going to zoom in at a certain point Can only go down to 4.5. What was wrong with the GoPro? Everybody was complaining about the GoPro. There's nothing wrong with the GoPro. Jeff just doesn't know how to use it.

See, this is the only show that records in this studio where I try and be hands-off with the video stuff and let Jeff kind of direct the ship. and let Jeff kind of direct the ship. And he does stuff like take one of the cameras that is calibrated to be shot in the studio lighting, turn it completely around, aim it outside of the studio lighting, and wonder why the colors are off and why it looks dark. But that's the vision he has for the show. The colors are always off.

These ones are calibrated for the normal studio. And Marika said it looks sepia tone. I think it's a no. Your camera looks sepia tone because it's pointed at you because it's not color corrected for the lighting that you're in. I'm going to send a screenshot of you. Are you? No. So you're a liar?

Well, you know, I think I speak truth to power is what I do. And I think you guys are just uncomfortable because you're realizing you're in the position of power. Right? You're not able to make fun of, you're not able to punch up anymore. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to be hungover on a Tuesday. Yeah.

Because that means you went out so hard on a Monday night. Yeah, what did you do last night? That's rare. Last night I didn't, I'm not hungover. I just am trying to like seem cooler because it's not cool to be like I'm still dealing with a concussion. Yeah. What did you do last night, just out of curiosity? Last night?

Last night at Monday night. Last night, I ordered Chinese food. From where? From Broadway Cuisine. Interesting. In Chinatown. Uh-huh. And I watched Salt Burn, actually.

What did you think? Nice. And were you slurping on egg drop soup when he started slurping on the inside of a post-jismed bathtub? I had a mapo. A mapo? Tofu. And it was just. Timed up as a 4D experience.

It was 4DXXX. I don't know why Marika didn't laugh harder at that. I thought that was kind of clever. You can't even see me, ass. I thought it was okay. It was overhyped, I think, before it got to you, and then you were expecting a lot. I think that's what it mostly was, but I'm like, shot beautifully.

Were you expecting more disgusting things than you actually saw? Was that a problem? I think it was shot beautifully. The cast was incredible. And then the story wasn't there there. It was just kind of like, so ultimately he just was a psychopath who wanted to get rich. That's not as interesting. But that's fine.

What I wanted it to be, I had gotten into a whole debate about what it should have been. I think it would have been more interesting if like it kind of ended soon after jacob alordi's death well okay spoiler alert if you haven't seen salt burn at this point you know that's on you worse than me yeah because i've seen it at this point is that yeah like there's that scene where they're at the breakfast you guys have all seen it yeah i've seen it seen at the breakfast table where they're closing the red curtains like that should be closer to the end of the movie and it should be this thing where it's a comment on like British culture, where it's like, they just need everything to be okay.

And so they're going to like delude themselves into thinking it's fine. And then when the Farley's like, why the fuck is he still here? And then Farley gets booted because of the, the cocaine. It's like, he should have like replaced Jacob Elordi in the family and they should have just accepted him.

And then it's like, Oh my God. Like they, after all that, they just basically like took this other kid in and are moving on. like replaced Jacob Elordi in the family and they should have just accepted him and then it's like oh my god like they after all that they just basically like took this other kid in and are moving on like nothing happened like repressing their emotional side that's more interesting to me than just a psychopath got an estate yeah also like

one by one he plotted everything I'm pro psychopath getting an estate did you were you shocked by that twist or were you like yeah I figured that was happening. Twist? It was just all flashbacks which I feel like is lazy writing. It was funny

that one of the flashbacks was like, he was typing gibberish at the cafe. Yeah. Yeah, no, we figured that

as much. That's my point. I'm like, when it happened, I thought that. Yeah. Anyway. So it didn't seem like a big,

like, oh my God, twist. It's like, oh, that was the. Anyway. So it didn't seem like a big, like, oh my God, twist. It's like, oh, that was the leading theory. My friend DJ was like, I feel like that was a note handed down from Amazon. Your friend DJ or friend who's a DJ? Both. Amazing. Like, you're an Amir.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're one of many. But you're also, your name is Amir. That's cool. I'd love to hear more from Gracie. We're going to do Bond of the Week. Gracie, Gracie.

There's a Gracie and an Amirica. That's pretty good. Thank you. I thought Salt Burn was one of the worst movies I saw. Thank you. Thank you. Marika's mad. Marika's mad.

I've never seen Marika so mad at me. Marika directed it Yeah I am Emerald Fennell Look I thought Salt Burnt It is Salt Burnt you're right What's that Jesus Christ

I thought it was fine but when people started Being mean online I said I'll defend this movie I feel like everybody was like, that was an incredible movie. It's the best movie I've ever seen. I keep seeing a lot of that. I wasn't seeing a lot of that. All I've seen online is that people think

it's a masterpiece. And I'm like, it's good. I've never seen that take posted on any online forum. It's a lot of people being like, oh, I can't watch this with my parents. They're like, oh, wow. Just the audience reactions when I saw it were so extreme and I was like, you guys need to chill out. I would say it was less grotesque

than people led me to believe. People scandalized by that movie need to watch more movies. And porn. I will say the bathtub thing was grosser than anything I had seen in the movies. I was so excited for the bathtub thing because I wanted it to happen. I predicted it would happen.

It was not even like, it was a send up. The whole movie kind of felt like it was trying to be call me by your name. Exactly. And it all kind of felt like a tier below what was happening in Call Me By Your Name like the peach stuff I was like whoa and then the bathtub stuff I'm like come on do something else

I just think it's a movie about a psychopath I think it's more so it's Call Me By Your Name, Armie Hammer never heard of him sorry you really worked up the courage to do that. To do what?

Like, I'm going to, sorry, okay, here's the replay for the viewers. Ever heard of him? Get his ass in the comments. But, like, it really looked and felt like you, like, worked your way into being, like, Yeah, Armhammer. Ever heard of him? Ever heard of him? Well, he said Armhammer.

I said ever heard of him. Yeah. And when Casey said it, it felt natural. It felt great. Interesting. I want to be very clear that when Casey said that, that was amazing. Yeah, I was just sort of like, yes, and said R.M.H.R. I said ever heard of him. And when Casey said it, it felt natural. It felt great. Interesting. I want to be very clear that when Casey said that, that was amazing. Yeah, I was just sort of like, yes, anding that. I feel like you were going to say that no matter what had been said.

No way. No way I would have said ever heard of him regardless of what was said. I just feel like from the moment you walked into the studio, you were like, ah, it's freezing. Let me wear your jeans. And then you were like, from that moment, you're like, oh, I got a good line for the show. Let me wear your jeans. He did say that to me. I asked him to switch pants with me. It's very

frigid in this studio but warm outside. But from that moment I feel like you were like I have a couple lines that I'm going to say. No way. Not like that. Ever heard of him? You thought I was trying to say. My hair position is G.E.O. James Bond Street wanna go shopping

for some spy stuff what this one was for grace that sucked dude it wasn't good my Bond of the week is Sam Rockwell okay Fucking it's for this one was for great sucked dude. I wasn't good. It wasn't good, but you know what yeah I bought in the week is Sam Rockwell Okay, please James Bond Street a person Bond Street is like an area of London where there's a bunch of expo

It's like Rodeo Drive. Okay going off the first race. Can you confirm that it's like Rodeo Drive? And I have never been to Rodeo Drive, but I can confirm it's on the Monopoly board. Rodeo Drive sucks. One of the worst streets in LA. I had dinner on Rodeo a couple months ago and it was kind of fun. That doesn't matter. Mr. Chow. See, when you invite so many people in the studio and you leave

all of the Zoom people behind so you can't see them, you can only hear them, you're not going to pay attention to them and you're not going to talk to them. There's a delay. There's a delay. There's not a delay. There's not really a delay, but also I will say anytime I'm here

and Jeff is about to record the show, he goes, do you want to be on this? Because I think he doesn't want to be sitting in a room alone with a mirror. Oh, that's interesting. Now I can see you guys. All right? Well, how would it work if I wasn't here?

It was just Jeff facing out the same direction as Zoom facing out. Would you be looking at the TV? I just got them on my laptop. I think this is working fine. Sounds like it. Got them. Ever heard of him? Nice.

Thank you. Going off of what Marika said with Sam Rockwell being Bond of the Week, my Bond of the Week is Argyle. The movie? The guy in the movie, Argyle himself. He should be the new Bond. We don't know. Is that a comedy?

I don't understand what that movie is. Yeah, me neither. I didn't know that was Dua Lipa. It is Dua Lipa. I didn't realize. I wouldn't say it's full comedy, but. Action comedy, adventure. Closure, yeah.

Do you guys think if I was like at the same party as Dua, I could. Absolutely not. No, because I feel like she's dating Colin Turner. It doesn't matter what you're going to say after I could no I know that she's sort of like yeah but I mean I think I could like charm her use your best line what would you say

um Miss Leepa I think I would be like how about we make it a Tria Leepa meaning let me eat your goddamn ass. Sorry, I got really nervous. I don't think that's what I'd actually say to do.

No, I think you would get really nervous if that is what you would say. That's why you would do awesome. No, I would be like, yeah, this party sucks. What if we went down, like, what if we just went to a fucking diner? You know, like, when was the last time you went to a diner? I bet you can't get away with it.

I can't hear you. I gotta go somewhere else. No, what I was saying was if you're seen with me, people will think you're not Dua. A stalker is talking to me. They'll be like, is that Dua Lipa?

No, she'd never be with a guy like that. That's actually a really good Dua impression. Thank you. It's actually a really good way to talk to Dua. The way I was doing it. Imagine Dua's doula. I wouldn't mind midwifing Lipa on a leap year. This is a leap year, actually.

What about Meki Dua Lipa? Meaning? The guy who wrote Jury Duty, Meki Lipa. I don't know who that is. Jury Duty, the Pauly Shore movie from 1995. The newer series. The Freebo, Fubo... What was it on?

Freebee. Freebo TV. Freebee. Grace, any updates on Walsall? Oh, no, no, no. Same, same. I did break my wrist for like six of these episodes and business carried on as usual.

Wow, you broke your wrist? That sounds so painful. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. It was okay. What does it look like now? It was manageable. Wow, you broke your wrist? That sounds so painful. Oh my god. What does it look like now? It was manageable. Fine. Normal. Cast? No cast? Wow.

How did you break? Snowboarding. Oh my god. That's cool. Me too. I fell. It was my first broken bone. Where did you snowboard?

About half an hour from my house. There's an indoor snow dome. It's about 20 meters high. Inboard house There's an indoor snow dome It's about 20 meters high An indoor snow dome Holy smokes Amir how's that cock Amir that was really good Sorry I just want to get that in there

What did I say You said holy slopes I should have I should have said holy slopes But then Jeff asked me about my penis And so I sort of browned out holy slopes? I should have. I should have said holy slopes. But then Jeff asked me about my penis and so I sort of browned out.

Recording stopped. There it is. Amir, I wanted to talk to you about your house. Yeah. I feel like if anyone here,

and I'm not encouraging anyone who's listening to this or watching this but anyone who wanted to could find your address they could find points of entry on the MLS on Google Images Google Earth, Street View

Apple Street View for that matter and so I wonder if maybe and again I really am not encouraging anything to happen. It seems like you are a little bit just by implicitly talking about it. It's not like you live on a gated street. Actually, your house, we should say,

and my fear for you is that you don't have enough privacy. Let's take it from you asking me about my dick again. I think I prefer that. I have heard the notes. I'm tired of people saying that I'm tone deaf to the show.

And I've stopped. Who says that? I have stopped doxing your address. I've stopped sending you gifts. Yes, great. So, you know, I'm trying to help your ass. I don't want any of this in there. I'm just saying. And you haven't even got, let me get to my, you know. I'm trying to help your ass i don't want any of this in there i'm just saying and you haven't even let me get to my you know i'm i'm gonna let you finish okay but you have one of

the least private homes in los angeles very private nobody knows where i live except for you i'm wondering if you plant privacy hedges. Oh, yeah? Then what? That's sort of the pitch. Yeah, basically like... You've been to like Bel-Air. Yeah. I wonder if you're the fresh prince of... You know.

Unusable. You feel like the salt... This whole part is unusable. I also... Salt burn's a horrible name for an estate. That just sounds like you're rubbing salt in a wound. I think maybe that's the point. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what I was going to say. Like the estate itself is cursed or something like that. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Beautiful, though. And you know why? Why? Because they don't use colors like that. Beautiful, though. And you know why? Why? Because they don't use colors like charcoal.

They use cola. They use cola. They use salmon. They use chine. I think you were just hungry. I want a fucking bagel and lox with a diet C. My favorite position is geo why don't you take a break here when we already basically had to cut out video this show is sponsored by better help guys if you had an extra hour in your day, how would you spend it?

Because I would absolutely fix all of my problems with the extra hour. That's the issue, is that there aren't 25 hours in the day, so I can't become a better version of me. Does that make sense? But maybe you would want to go for a run or go for a nap or go for reading a book because a lot of us spend our times wishing that we had more time in our day. And the question is time for what? Because if time was unlimited, how you would use it would infer your mental health and your happiness and your joy. The best way to squeeze that special thing into your schedule is to know what's important to you and make it a priority.

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That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density, all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands. I like to drink it first thing in the morning. I'll have a glass of water. I'll have my AG1 and then I'll have my coffee. And it gets me set off

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Check it out. Did anybody do their Bond of the Week? It was like the only thing that's happened so far, but I think like... Marika said San Sam Rockwell. I said Argyle. And then we just moved on entirely. Do you want to say one?

You could have at any moment. I really couldn't have, I don't think. Because the Zoom cut out, you came back, you started talking about Salt Burn again, and then we went to commercial. That's true.

That is true. That is true. Quote match. That's the name of the fucking game. Quote match. We played this before. We'll play it again. Quote match. Uh-huh.

Let's fucking figure this shit out. All right. I'm going to read a quote, and you're going to attribute it to a celebrity. All right? Can you just list all of the celebrities by name? Yeah, I can do that. I can't fucking see the screen. We got Laura Dern.

Correct. We got Chuck Lorre. Correct. We got Sigourney Weaver. Dern. Correct. Yeah. We got Chuck Lorre. Correct. We got Sigourney Weaver. Absolutely correct. We got Laker coach Darvin Ham. Darvin Ham. Yeah, Darvin Ham.

We have Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Obviously. Travis Kelsey. Absolutely. Lastly. Jon Bon Jovi. Jon Bon Jovi. And I actually don't know this one.

Orlando Bloom. That's Orlando Bloom? Behind Amir, it's Orlando Bloom. I don't like the positioning because it makes me feel's Orlando Bloom? Behind Amir, it's Orlando Bloom. I don't like the positioning because it makes me feel like I'm referring to Amir as somebody like Orlando Bloom. Womp womp. Let's sit in it. I think we already have. I think we have and we will.

Another commercial. So what are we going to guess which of these people said? I was kidding. Oh, the noise. Okay, here we go. I'm going to say a quote, and you're going to attribute it to one of these celebrities. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yes. I will also give you context this time, because last time people got a lot of them wrong. Are these real or fake? These are things that actually have been said, documented, whether it's via Twitter, via an interview,

or like a story that they told on a late night show. Or some of them are hearsay I guess but most of them are like I have proof still 50-50 on whether they're real or not here we go okay I don't think any of them are going to be real let's just see let me see if I can prove your ass wrong

she gornies on my weaver till I'm me this celebrity said this on IG Live. She Gourneys on my weaver till I'm me. Yeah, she Gourneys on my weaver till I'm me. I mean, none of these are... I don't think Sigourney would say it. Okay. Well, how well do you know Sigourney?

I guess I've never met her personally It's like a rap lyric Yeah Well this was her Sorry this was them on IG Live She Gourneys on my weaver Till I'm me Till I'm me

Yeah What does that even mean? I'm going to say Laura Dern said that. You're overthinking it. It's Sigourney Weaver? Correct! Oh. Why would she say that?

I don't fucking know Weaver. I don't know Sigourney, so I don't know why she would say that? I don't fucking know Weaver I don't know Sigourney So I don't know why she would say that But you saw her say this on an IG live? I'm pretty sure she was promoting The Exorcist Okay Alright here we go Sigourney Weaver

Does that help? I think that does help yes Thank you Powering through We're only at the beginning Yeah I'd love to make a show About a Hollywood producer named Chuck Who owns a gun and isn't afraid to use it

If a certain network passes on his show That's the kind of show I'd like to make. That's The Rock. Yeah, it seems like it would be The Rock. This was a celebrity in a pitch meeting with CBS. I guess it's Chuck Lorre, right? Correct! Amir's two for two.

Checking in, how are we loving the game? Amir's two for two checking in how are we loving the game it's a bad game so far well at least we're getting towards a place where it's a had game as in it's a game we have had Marika let's see some more joy

let's have some more participation let's see this is a celebrity talking to their daughter. When I heard they were opening a Pirates of the Caribbean ride in Orlando, my dumb ass... Orlando Bloom. Come on.

Oh my god. You didn't hear the full quote. It might change your opinion. I didn't care to hear the full quote. You said participate and you said that I didn't care to hear the full quote You said participate And you said That The game would be good to have had

Which means it would be good to be done Fast Let me just say the fucking quote Because I don't know if you're right or wrong Because I have to see the whole thing to be reminded When I heard They were opening a Pirates of the Caribbean ride in Orlando, my dumbass

thought they wanted to put the ride in my ass. Orlando Blue. Correct! We're really testing the sound barrier between the two. You're really testing it. What's that? And Katy Perry?

Yeah Are they? They are married Wow Are they getting divorced then? I wouldn't be surprised I don't think they have it in them Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry are married

I think you made it up Okay Alright here we go This is a celebrity talking to Taylor Swift Just between us When I messaged Taylor I thought I was DMing Miley Cyrus. Sorry. So this person is talking to Taylor Swift. Yeah.

And saying just to clear things up, when I messaged Taylor, I thought I was talking to Miley Cyrus. Just between us. Just between us girls. When I messaged Taylor, I thought I was talking to Miley Cyrus. Just between us girls is the quote now? No, I thought I was talking to Miley Cyrus. Just between us girls is the quote now? No, that's like the essence of it, though. Got it. So Travis Kelsey.

Travis Kelsey. Correct! Right? Last week's episode was awesome. It was last week's? It was the one where I was giving out New Year's resolutions. I don't recall that one. I recall it, and he had written a bunch of stuff.

It was the flan. Oh, that was my birthday. Yeah, with the flan. Yeah, yeah. All right. If I'd known being an actor was this hard, the rock. Are you going to read the fucking entire question now? Can I just say the whole quote?

Obviously. Yeah. I think that's like a rule we need to institute now because you guys are trigger happy with the fucking guessing. You have to hear the full quote to guess. And if not, I'm going to kick your ass. What? No. You can't.

I can't. If I'd known being an actor was this hard. Or darn. Or darn. Because I thought I just... When I'm editing this, I'll just make sure because I feel like I'm going crazy. Acting would be this hard. Hard as rock, sort of, is where I think we're going with this. If I'd known being an actor was this hard, I would have

married Rich. The rock. This is, um... I wouldn't be opposed to it, says this person, on collaborating with Lorna Dune. Lorna Dune. Darvin Hatt. Correct, Amir.

No, it was Laura Dern. She said that? Laura Dern. Sorry. It was on Sigourney Weaver's IG Live, actually. Laura Dern x Lorna Dern. It's sort of a Michael Cera v. X collab. Michael Cera was in the office today.

In New York? Yeah. Josh Peck, Michael Cera was in the office today in New York Josh Peck Michael Cera everyone whose media I consumed 13 years ago is in my life you didn't see either of them not in your life in my orbit I said

you still haven't even been in the same building as them at the same time they don't know you your persona non-rata that's what I't know you. Your persona non grata. That's what I was going to say. Your persona emrata to them. That's really good. Thank you.

Every time I'm at the airport, people say bon jovage as if they're the first to come up with that. Give me a break. It's like bon voyage. Yeah, but Jon bon jovi correct bon jovage who's left bon jovi who do we have left uh i may not i may not be related to john ham but i'm definitely as hung as him and this is somebody sending an unresponded to text in the Lakers group chat.

And you have access to that? I think it went viral. Like it was like some like Lee Dumois thing. Yeah. Darvinham. Correct. All right.

Now that we got through that garbage. My favorite position is GEO. Moving on to Do the Lakers know who Jon Hamm is? Yeah. I think LeBron does for sure. He hangs out. Know who Jon Hamm is?

21. Mad Men. D-Lo has seen Top Gun Maverick. If I were you. If there's a problem that you can't solve. Lilo has seen Top Gun Maverick. If I were you. If there's a problem that you can't solve, Jake and Amir will gladly resolve. You do you and I'll do me.

What do you expect? The show's for free. That was a good one. I don't remember that one. Unused. I'm trying to do right by the fan base. How is it unused? Unused.

How did you get it then? It's on YouTube. And you searched if I were your theme song? I thought it was just the other one that you got, like the actual theme song. Yeah. The show's been gone for what, almost a decade now? Nope. Nope.

And people miss it. People miss the advice, right? I don't know. Casey? Yeah,'t know. Casey? Yeah, you know, there's a ton of advice podcasts now. So there's a huge hole in the market, I think is what Casey just basically meant to say. And I thought that we could kind of bring back the old ethos, the old show, and answer some advice columns from Slate.

Who made that theme song? We should give them credit. Super Mario Mercado Brothers or something like that. That name sounds familiar. I don't know if we ever used that theme, though. Alright, here we go. The title of this is I reunited with my high school boyfriend. He says he wishes he could

have locked me away so I'd be untainted. Oh my god. Dear Prudence. I feel like we already know what to say just based on the title of the email. Just leave his ass, but let's get to it. My situation is thus. I'm currently dating a guy

after a six-year break from one another. We were high school sweethearts, separated for college, and recently at 25 he contacted me and we've begun dating again. Everything is great, with one exception. He has major issues with events that occurred in our time apart. I had a few flings in college, more sexual partners than he did, and he had a problem with this.

He told me, I just don't want to think of my girlfriend as ever being promiscuous or slutty. Such a double standard. How can I get him to forget the past and look toward our future? Will he ever get over it? Certain things on TV make him think of things. And he told me he wishes he could have locked me away for the past six years to keep me untainted. Please help. She should get a video of him saying that

and then put it online and then dump him and then he'll be like, hey, you shouldn't have done that. And she'd be like, that's the only way you'll learn this lesson. Jonah Hill his ass. Yeah. Although wasn't that like a reverse Jonah Hill?

Like he leaked it thinking he was the hero, but in fact. No, she leaked it. Oh, that's ass. Yeah. Although wasn't that like a reverse Jonah Hill? Like he leaked it thinking he was the hero, but in fact. No, she leaked it. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. The full Jonah Hill. Yeah. Certain things on TV make him think of things. Yeah.

Like any sex scene gets his fucking blood pressure going. Wasn't there, there was like a TikTok account where a woman was explaining how that happened to her husband like he just couldn't watch sex scenes because it was too triggering for something and it but like essentially babied him because of that covered his eyes yeah like it was like a video of her like hugging him and like consoling him. It was really wild. Yeah. So what are you guys' advice? That's what I imagine.

My advice is to get him to say that on camera and then get him to admit that he has this really small dick on camera. Put that online, have it go viral on TikTok and then break up with him on live. Yeah. So he's sort of mortified by his behavior. put that online, have it go viral on TikTok, and then break up with him on live. Yeah. So he's sort of mortified by his behavior. Yeah. And then when he tells people the story, everyone takes her side,

so he has to sort of live with that shame for the rest of his life. But what if I wasn't expecting, sorry, what if he wasn't expecting that that would be your answer? He probably doesn't expect that. Yeah. Yeah. Because I didn't, he didn't.

Yeah. These aren't from Slate. All right. Next one. I mean, other people can weigh in too. No. Okay. You've made it very clear that your word is gospel.

Oh my God. I told you guys. I told you guys it was going to be a great episode. It was awful I want to check in with Casey on Regret scale of 1 to 10 Yeah Doing this

Talking about car accidents What would have been better What would have been better than this I really this was you know It could have gone either way I did send you something In the chat. Maybe something that you could entertain us with.

Okay, Grace sent something in the chat. Regrets are currently at a seven, I'll say. That's pretty good. Because you don't want to be associated with this episode. No, most of the time I don't. My God. Sorry. I never do this.

Prepare for the show. It could be a hundred things he's talking about. Rice is versatile. It goes with every meal. Is there so much echo in it? Though I mostly drink cold brew and eat toast.

Do you know what song this is supposed to be? Have you ever tried sushi? For instance, shrimp nigiri. It's salt and sugar with Japanese vinegar. Do you fry by spotty? And your dad is named Sandy.

I take my soy. Stirred with, shaken with butter. Put the char on the grains that we made. Put the char on the grains that we made. Scald it if we made it enough for you. And to be satisfied. The. Oh, it's Alanis Morissette.

And bomb of rice, which comes from Spain. I will spurn and return to the chef and say cauterize cauterize. I want soiled sand. And I'm here to advise you on consistency of the ancient grains and

burnt hair that ignited when I seared myself with the name of me. R-R-R-Borio. I don't know the verses. Egg fried rice too. Chorgray not so much. I thought you should

no I ask precipitously of your ethnicity I want to wax about the grains of your culture did you have this made or did you make this catch a green carbon

carbonizer ranchini keep burns of your combusted couscous and quinoa but the hoisin was moist and the

plate wasn't able to incinerate just smolder and vaporize his roasted saffron

rice you claim to have texture like soft butter clouds and flakes of coal

flakes of coal and I'm here to advise you on consistency of the ancient graves and burned hair that

ignited when I seared myself with the name of me Arborio! Grace, I'm so sorry. How are we feeling? I was still echoing. Yeah.

I think the whole thing echoed. Kind of the worst listening experience for us. This is fucked up, but plugs. Are you shitting me? Grace, I wish you had mentioned that earlier in the episode. That was cool.

She did. Sent it earlier. 30 minutes ago. Didn't mention it. There's a huge difference between sending and mentioning. We couldn't get a word in edgewise. That's bullshit. I'm tired of this. What are you watching?

I think you're just tired. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's of this. Everything is like three times more fatiguing. Yes, exactly. Like your energy at a baseline is lower. I know.

Ultimately, it's her bedtime. No, it's just like doing yeah anyway people are gonna be really mad at me for this episode but I really tried I'm sorry guys

I've never apologized for how this has gone I don't know I thought I put together fine enough an outline just like this again this same outline

could have gone well with like if everyone was in a different mood no you were like reading the stuff that you had prepared and while you were reading it would constantly stop

and go, I might just cut this. And people know what you're talking about because it's going to be cut. People in the room. That would stay in the episode. It won't stay.

I can guarantee it won't stay in the episode. So like there's a lot then you need to cut. I think the entire episode is 20 minutes. There's at least 45 minutes of material

that you said you were going to cut. I don't mind 20 minutes. Is us just talking about how bad this episode is? Or, yeah, I'd say like 10% is about Salt Burn. Yeah. 80% is about the technical difficulties we went through.

Yeah. The My House part has to go for sure. I'm not going to mention the privacy edges. Yeah. Not even, no, not anything about My House. I want all that, the whole section lifted out. 10% was a really great Alanis Morissette cover. Yeah.

That Grace wrote. Great Alanis Morissette parody. I don't know if the cover was there. It was me and Casey sort of tone deaf. Not only like we can't keep a tune, but also like. Casey was pitch perfect. We shouldn't have done. That wasn't our story.

Thank you, Grace. Casey got it pretty early, actually. I really like that song. I didn't know what song it was until the chorus. Because I don't know that song other than the chorus, probably. I apologize. No, it's your fault. I thought it was great.

I knew the song. I apologize. No, no, no. It's your fault. I'll start my fucking plugs. Nobody ever starts until I like yell at them like guys no seriously we gotta get the fuck out when the entire episode everybody's always like

ugh like when is this over and then it gets to plugs and everybody's like kidding me like we wanna like stay the last two times I've been on you haven't given me a chance to plug and in fact the only segment you did the past two zoom episodes it's just been me you and Amir and the only segment you had prepared was ranking ourselves

on the autism spectrum. What? And that stayed in. No, it didn't. We did not do that. But it would have been fun. We didn't do that. When was that? We all got

diagnosed with Asperger's for a fucking episode and a half. No, we didn't. When was that? I had to see a psychiatrist after that. You don't remember? No. Grace, what was it? We started getting sponsored by BetterHelp. We were like, we're gonna use some more mental health integrated.

I started taking medication. Because of the episode? I think so. I think I had a psychotic episode on the episode. I started taking a lot of lithium because I left the episode thinking I had so. I think I had a psychotic episode on the episode. I started taking a lot of lithium because I left the episode thinking I had bipolar. I don't know what you're talking about. Long and short term amnesia. It's like every fourth episode is garbage.

Why is Pluto TV on right now? I can't handle this. Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. We still have a Patreon and we do Zoom parties where you can kind of hang out with us. And they're very fun. I thought somebody else took over that plus the review review. Review review different hosts, but because we don't own the rights to the show, that was never officially a review review podcast thing, so we kept doing it.

Interesting. Remind me to talk to you about that, because that might be my catch. Take me to court, fucker. You don't have the money. If you don't have the money for privacy hedges, let alone Lucas hedges. Lucas hedges. My lawyer.

You couldn't afford Lucas Hedges You barely have the money for Noah Kahn tickets He was in Brokeback Mountain in London Lucas Hedges Is he beautiful boy or is he boy Boy is back The boys are back in Hedge

Do you think Lucas Hedges is his bets? Do you think that's how he got to where he is? Grace plug I think he does I work on a few shows Sitcom D&D has just wrapped season 4 And if everybody would Please subscribe to

The youtube.com Slash at girls on Pern Please subscribe to the youtube channel Because I would love to continue doing video episodes for Girls on Porn Girls on Porn Nice Yeah, that's it

Thank you Girls on Porn are going to guest on this show soon I need to respond to like three emails about that Three emails? Yeah, I have an idea for the episode Just follow up That's concerning Concerning? They're begging to come on the show

You asked them And then I did my due diligence And set it up On the live stream you said I'd love to be on Girls on Porn First thing I did, emailed the producer Said hey, Jeff would love to be a guest And she said great And then I got the invite and I didn't respond

Yeah, that sounds great That all sounds correct I really might cut the whole episode. How? What would you upload? This one's not good. I'm trying to make them better this year. This one's not good. I'm trying to make them better this year. Yeah, Jeff did text me ultimately

kind of manically like we have to get listeners up. I'm going to start clipping social clips. That's so fucked up. That was a Hidgum Original.