The Headgum Podcast - 191: Studio Hate

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

Amir, Brad, and Casey join Geoff to compare Headgum's newer, bigger studio to the drab, boring one that Geoff is confined to.Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Jeffrey memorized a lot of details except the name of the series, but go on. It's great. I have been calling it anti-social distancing and it's locked in as that. I'm afraid, I'm almost certain you have to change the title. For you? Yeah, we'll buy antisocialdistancing.com to cover all our bases. Okay, sorry.

Who else does it star? Myself, Rose McIver, Amir, unfortunately. But you kind of had to because you live with him. And if you didn't put him in the show, then suddenly he's like, why didn't you ask me to do the show? That's not why she did it. Well, it's also because I needed someone that I lived with to be part of it. And unfortunately, he is the person I live with.

Not really. He probably wanted somebody who's good at acting. He is good at acting and if the internet is saying so and it's nice to see the internet is usually mean so like if they're nice about something you know it has to be true it's true the internet has been very nice worst episode ever seven too early to call can you see me jeff or just no one i can see you you're not gonna be able to see me, Jeff? I can see you. You're not going to be able to see me this episode. I haven't in the last three times I've been on.

Andrew Pyle fucked up this episode already. How? He's not even here. That's a great question, how. Right? It's that he reset the Wi-Fi network because the Wi-Fi is down. Well, I don't want to put it all on Pyle. You don't? Actually, he's he's got

He's on paternity leave so he won't Yeah, let's put it all on pile Yeah And he's not gonna be here for a while because by the way, yeah you get double paternity if you have the twins Is that double tykes? Sorry, is that true? I don't think it don't ask me ask Amir Yeah, I don't think that's true, but Amir didn't know either. He asked you. So we both looked to you like, oh, Casey must know. It's not like a per child.

Brad, how many kids do you get? Quadruple. Really? It's exponential? Yeah. And experiential. Yes. And how long is paternity leave?

I think it's three months. So he gets a year. That's amazing. A year without Pyle, I actually do think the company would fall off the he gets a year. That's amazing. A year without Pyle, I actually do think the company would fall off the rails. A year without Pyle, I'm in denial. It's a year without style. A year without Pyle. That sounds like a Casey script. What?

A year without Pyle. It's a utopian society movie. He won't stop bringing up his movie. He won't. bringing up his movie. He won't. I keep stopping. It's Hollywood narcissism getting to Casey. I mean, I don't know what else to say. It's like, I know my resolution to him was to go Hollywood.

Yeah. But I feel like you've gone so Hollywood, you've bordered into Hollywood regency, which is a little bit gauche. Did we start? Yeah. We've started. Oh, did you play the theme song? Yeah. I heard it.

So we can't see Brad, and he can't hear the noises. Now he can. There it is. Perfect timing to go straight into this dumbass segment that we have to get through every time Elton John

Donald Glover Yannick Sinner Connor Bedard that's not a real person there's no way yes it is Chicago Blackhawks that's what I was going to say Blackhawks number one draft pick number one rafter

exactly his name will be in the Rafters after he plays Bond. They'll retire his number for that. Other than hockey, or other than Brad, I should say, can you guys name ten hockey players? Richard Zednik. I said other than you.

Wojtek Wolski. Of the Colorado Avalanche. Wayne Gretzky. Sidney Crosby. That's two. Vessier. Jonathan Witt. That's four.

Mark Messier. Mark Messier. Peter Boudai. Yeah, Brad, we're not including you. You obviously know a lot about hockey. Patrick Waugh,

number 33. Trevor Washer. Trevor Washer. Trevor Washer? Yeah, he plays for the Leafs. Andy Bauer. Leafs. It's the Leafs, Casey. Sorry, I just got to chime in here.

It's not the Leafs. Yeah, and guess what? I made up Trevor. Who did I say? Trevor Bauer. Trevor Bauer? I think that's a Dodger. That's a disgrace.

That's a Cleveland Guardian. Actually. What? It's a... That's a disgrace. That's a disgrace baseball player. Actually. What? It's a Cleveland Guardian. Is it the fact that I'm behind the desk that you guys don't listen to me? Yeah, I just can't hear you. Is there an Ohio hockey team that you follow?

Yes, Columbus Blue Jackets. Rick Nash, number 61. Rick Nash. The wrestlers? That's Rick Flair. It's Kevin Nash and it's Ric Flair. My Bond is Elton John. We know.

Beegot. He's going to be the first to get a Beegot. Yeah, a Bond, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. Bond is really good. Which is also, I think, a good name for another character in the Bond universe. Beegot. Beegot. Bond, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. I think a good name for another character in the Bond universe. Beegot. Beegot. It's like the Jar Jar Binks.

Bond, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. Okay, well, I think Beegot could be a good nickname. For? A guy. A guy named? Bond, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. Emmy, Oscar. It does kind of actually sound like,

it does actually sound like a character that would have been in The Sopranos. You think that's Italian sounding? Beegot? Tony? Oh my God. Last name Tony, that's a mafia name. Yeah. And I'm not gonna have this kind of,

and I still keep thinking that the door is open. It's not closed. Because they took the film off the bish. Right? And then my peripheral, which by the way, the vision's coming back. Oh,

that's nice. The headaches are ensuing. Got it. Because I hit my head again. Yeah. I want to get into something that Amir said, but right before this. And Brad,

I'm not sure if you heard, you said, imagine if this, because we had a lot of tech issues, which I think we should spend the first 30 minutes of the show talking about. Okay. The Wi-Fi happens every time. Atmospheric river happening right now.

Raining. I can see the rain right now falling off the awning, right? Yeah. So the Wi-Fi is down. It isn't there there. That should be fine, though, because the Ethernet was connected. Guess what Pyle did? What? Disconnected the entire Wi-Fi. From afar, from a paternity leave. I'm like,

we were doing fine without Pyle. And I actually think that a year without Pyle, written and directed by Casey Donahue, or sorry, Cassie Donahue.

No. Would be better. Because Amir said, as I also spilled a bunch of hard drives, he said, imagine if this was happening during a real podcast.

What the fuck was that about, man? I was saying that this is basically a fake show and that if that happened during an actual podcast with a host that we respect, it would be embarrassing. I feel like he doesn't even know what he's saying because I feel like that can't be what you mean. It is.

I was very direct and I used the specific words to get across that exact message which is you aren't that guy is it that you feel comfortable on this show is it that it's like oh it's an in-house show so it's not like something you have to make your bed if a friend is yeah that's not no really you should definitely make your bed if a friend is coming over. All right. Wow. I'm taking the same energy, though, to my first bullet point of my outline.

What is this? Why are we still in Studio H? Your outline is just There's been Studio G For the better part of a month We haven't been booked in that studio Why haven't I gotten a taste? Because there are

There are Three of us in this room right now And Studio G Is designed for 4 Plus Okay, I get that. Like a repertoire. Yeah.

An ensemble. How do you remember which one is Studio H and which one is Studio G? Because in my mind, it's hard to remember. Sorry, do you mind if I step in right here? I do, but go ahead. Studio H stands for Studio Hate, as in like Jeff, G, Studio G,

hates Studio H. Studio G was built for me, as in it does stand like, Jeff, G, Studio G, hates Studio Hate. Studio G was built for me. As in, it does stand for, I'm sorry to say, but Studio Jeff. You're the last person we thought about when building G. I don't get that. I really don't get that because I feel like if we could be hopping hither than thither

between Studio Hate and Jeff, suddenly we're really having a good time. It's head and gum. Studio H head, studio G gum. Studio G was after you? I wouldn't mind if that was the case. I get him thinking that the studios are called hate and Jeff.

Should we And Jeff. Yeah. Um. Should we ask if they want to? You can ask. As long as we get my ass in there soon. H. No, this is H. What did you just put in your mouth? Was that gum or zin? It's gum from earlier.

Zin. I just need a buzz to get me through this shit. And Brad is a buzz with this show. Let's hear from Brad. No comment. What does your shirt say? It says, where is Marika? And they can't see you.

Yeah, we can't see. Me and Amir can't see Brad. Is there something on the back? Is there something on the back of Brad? Jeff can't see Brad. Here we go. Brad can't see Brad. Is there something on the back? Is there something on the back of Brad? Jeff can't see Brad. Here we go. Brad can't see Brad. Overlapping dialogue.

His shirt says, where's Marika? His shirt says, new merch. It says, where's Marika? On the shirt, the shirt says, new merch. No, the shirt is new merch. It says, new merch. Where is Marika? That we all get to sell and wear?

Or it's just Brad who's making the the merch it's me it's for my show wow hill kings podcast is has my episode come out yet company called bradston nice of you to ask it has not good right i was yeah we're joking and having fun over here and i'm pissed behind the desk right there's a lot of things going on. One's not better or worse than the other. But let me tell you, one studio is worse than the other. That's not true. This one sucks.

It does not. This one sucks. Let me cut to Amir. This is a great studio. Amir, can you point over your left shoulder? What kind of color do you think that is? I'm just curious. Is it chine green?

It's not chine. Is it coal? Or is it charcoal? It's not charcoal. They wouldn't have this in Studio G. It's kind of like a blue. Exactly. It's kind of like a blue.

Yeah. Which is not pleasing to thine eye. Like chine would. I find it works with the studio lighting really well. Everyone looks real flattering when they're sitting with the dark and stormy blue that we have on the walls now. And that's what I was going to say. It's like a dusk. It's kind of growing on me is what I was going to say.

First daylight or something. Yeah. It's kind of like twilight in a way. It's like the last sort of remnants of a sunset. Yeah, like you're on Zillow and you're looking through the things and some of the sexiest

images are when a house is warm on the inside and cool on the outside. It's when the warmth comes from the comedy, right, from the joy. And then the coolness

comes from, frankly, the charcoal. And at a certain point, Cola would have been too warm. February. We're. February. We're in February. I can't believe the first month is already behind us

because to me it was a fever dream of health problems being in and out of the ER and hospital. In and out of consciousness. Exactly right. February made me shiver. Because it's cold out. it with every paper i deliver bad news on the doorstep i couldn't take one more step finish it i can't remember if i oh my god you cut me off. It's a nine-minute song. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, if you had an extra hour in your day, how would you spend it?

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partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase, exclusively at drinkag1.com slash whatsthat. Again, that's drinkag1.com slash whatsthat. Check it out. We're already a month into the year, and I feel like half of my goals for the show

haven't come true thus. That's fine. What do you mean that's fine? There's only 11 more months. Yeah. So proportionally, it should be 8% of your goals have hit. Yeah, you shouldn't have. Not half.

I would say that maybe about 8%. Yeah, that's fine then. It's nice to have a better workflow going. The guest booking process has been good. Johnny's coming back on the show on Friday. Oh, that's exciting. Wait, for the Friday recording for the following Friday release? Yeah, not for this Friday, but next Friday.

But anyway, can I talk about some of my goals? Are you guys going to muffle me? Like, yeah, I've been all of last year. I tried to get a live show going at Madison Square Garden it didn't happen well you wanted to get a show going near Madison Square Garden

but not at the actual like at a like a boardroom the fact that Amir doesn't know speaks to the incompetency of the content team not really

no yeah not really not to the team I bet you think it's the opposite yeah the fact that I was shielded from that

harebrained scheme is actually a good thing. You think that they kind of know the chain of command and where ideas should stop, stop. Yeah, exactly. I think you were pestering people in between me and you. Yeah, but then my anger started festering at people. Yeah. Does that make sense? And then you ended up not doing the show.

Yeah, and then I ended up faking a concussion to try and get sympathy so that the content team would be like, Which concussion did you fake? The second one of the four. Yeah, and then I ended up faking a concussion to try and get sympathy so that the content team would be like, well, whatever you want. Which concussion did you fake? The first, the second one of the four. The other three were real. The second one. Here are my goals for the year for HeadGum. Yeah, and for my role at HeadGum. We've already had our meetings

where we discuss the goals for the year. So here's an addendum that's going to change the course of the entire year. Mid-February, let's hear your goals for the year. Crack down on red tape. So here's an addendum that's going to change the course of the entire year. Mid-February, let's hear your goal for the year. Crack down on red tape. Crack down on red tape. Crack down like you're trying to find it and eliminate it?

Crack down like my ideas should get pushed through a lot. Got it. I don't think that's what that means. No, because I'm cracking down on the red tape. How's that cracking down? I'm cracking the whip because I feel like it's like whip it, whip it good. Let's whip up good ideas. Yeah.

See, all I need to get is in the room. All I need is that foot, that cankle in the door. You're in the room. I'm in H. I wouldn't say that's the room. The room is Studio G. And that's for damn sure. I guess one way for me to remember it is like Jeff's not allowed in Studio G and that's like his name

so that's one way for me to remember it and when you say not allowed do you mean like I might get in there next week I would say you aren't able to record in there ever as a general rule of thumb general with a capital G

it's just a scheduling conflict. Is that what you're saying? No, because sometimes it's open, but we still don't want you to be there. But you were saying it's because there's only two of us. You have little H energy. Yeah. And you don't deserve to be in the big G room. Lowercase H energy of a man.

That's that studio back there. The Lord. Where we keep all the wires and cables. Yeah, a closet, a glorified. You're wired. Right on Sunset Boulevard. You can hear every car driving by. That's your room.

For ads, you're saying. For brads. That's where I live. Cracking down on red tape though I want to single handedly fire the content team

you can't do that you can't I know that was a big swing but now that I got your attention I want there to be less barriers to entry

to do something interesting people always get mad at me because all these episodes are repetitive right I have great ideas I just don't have the cash to do that hey we People always get mad at me because all these episodes are repetitive, right? I have great ideas. I just don't have the cash to do that. Hey, we've talked about some of these ideas. I've got to email you about that one idea

that I've talked to you about passing twice. That features a mirror. We're going to do it for $200. Okay. What is that, like a Jeopardy thing? Can we do that for $200, Alex? That's good. What's Jeopardy?

I only know Jeopardy. The Doughboys weren't on Jeopardy. They were an answer. The Doughboys weren't on Jeopardy because I tried to get them on the show and then the way that they were put on the show was during the 24-hour live stream, which we lost the footage for. So this is what I'm talking about with cracking down on red tape. Like sometimes

a lot of ideas are just thrown at the wall. The Mario Kart live stream. It's like, oh, look, those do well for numbers. People donate. Like it's all this,

that, and the other. But I'm like, what about what happens in the arena? What about the things that happen, you know, between these four lines? Sorry, I stopped listening

because I'm looking under the desk and you are standing on a very taut cable. You're jerking it. That I don't know what it's plugged into, but you make one slight move with your right foot, and you are pulling everything out of their sockets.

One could also argue that I'm the only one keeping this shit together. And you haven't moved your feet. You're still as taut as can be. I'm afraid to move the feet. Already you're calling them out. The last time we did this show, you were like, by the way, when you wear your Blundstone boots, your ankles look really thin.

Yeah. If I remember correctly, you wanted, like, criticism, right? Constructive. Like, you wanted us to criticize you. Okay, get thicker ankles. By doing what?? You wanted us to criticize you. Okay, get thicker ankles. By doing what? Get swole. Go to the gym. Or what about thinner boots? Goal number two.

Thinner boots. Goal number two. Enjoy the finer things in life by taking time to rest. Fucking what? Is that the one you have done? That's the 8%. So you were worried that you weren't getting through your goals fast enough,

and your second goal is to rest. To take time, yeah, to kind of slow down, to kind of make sure I'm taking time to enjoy the finer things. Which includes Studio G. And so you, at the same time, feel like you have not been getting enough done. Yeah, but doing this is achieving the goal. And you also feel like you are not resting. Exactly right.

But by resting, I actually, it's oxymoronic, I achieved that goal. But you haven't rested yet, or have you rested? I've rested, not enough. Okay, so a goal achieved. Next goal is to colonize Studio G. Yeah, a lot of them are G-based goals. I might have to storm the barricade. As in just enter

there? Beyond the barricade is Studio G-O-F. Is that from La Miz? Yeah, because I am miserable. I am less miserable. Brad, speak up, right? Sure, man. I feel like he wore the Where is Marika shirt,

and because she's not here, he's just going to boycott the episode, much like I might start boycotting Studio H. You could boycott Studio H, but you're not allowed in Studio G. So where are we going to record? Zoom? If that's what you want, if you're boycotting H. I made it very clear what I want. I said I want a colonized studio, Jeff.

Do you know how to use that equipment? That equipment? He doesn't know how to use this equipment. Got him. Just joking. Yeah, but it's like, you know, how many jokes does it take before, you know, you get to the center of my anger? I don't know, 50? One, two, three.

Three! A best! All right, here we go. Next goal is to halve a ton of fun. So you want to cut the amount of fun in half. A thousand pounds of fun. So you want to cut the amount of fun in half. A thousand pounds of fun. Like the unit of measurement? Two thousand pounds.

Yeah. I don't mind that. But either way, just fractionally. Let's have half the amount of fun we were having before. Still a lot of fun. Really? A thousand pounds. A thousand pounds?

Yeah. My last one is to put marika out of a job all right um here we go the hell my favorite position is GEO. This is a segment I like to call warming or wrenching. Worming? Warming? Warming. Or wrenching heart edition.

The band? What band? Heart. Heart, man. How do I get you alone? Heart. Because Valentine's Day is after this episode a few days. Okay.

I'm going to read a couple headlines. You sounded really sad when you said that. I had to burp. Oh, okay. So you can play the sadness with me having to. You're more gassy than sad. Than saddy, yeah. Sassy.

I'm going to list off a bunch of news headlines, and you guys are going to tell me if these stories are heartwarming or heart-wrenching. Does that make sense? Yeah. All right, here we go. Number one. Animal shelter celebrates after all pets adopted for first time in nearly 50 years. Warming.

Yeah, it sounds heartwarming to me. Brad? I'm a little wrenched by that. How so? You want rescue animals to be put down? Well, it kind of seems like they adopted all of them at once. Like, that seems nefarious, right? Who is

adopting all of the dogs at one time? Yeah, maybe they're making a code. Maybe it was your ass. Sounds like some shit you would do. I didn't. I won't. I'll put them back. So you did.

Put them back. I'll put them back. They're in the atmospheric river in the basket. Here we go. Local grandson commits grand matricide by injecting untastable amounts of sour yeast into celiac grandmother's soup over the span of nine months, inherits a lot. That's not a real headline. Local grandson.

Grand matricide? Yes! Killing a grandmother. Injecting yeast? Sour yeast, which has gluten in it. Not all yeast does, Casey. I know has gluten in it. Not all yeast does, Casey. I know what you're thinking. Not all yeast.

Natural yeast does not have any wheat in it. Of course. Sour yeast does. Not all yeast. Yeah. Heartwarming or heart-wrenching? Wrenching. Wrenching.

Okay. And you guys, yeah. All right. That's warming to me. He came, he got that bag. He came, he saw, he conquered with yeast. All right. Burger King worker who didn't miss a day of work in 27 years

buys home with crowdfunding donations. Heart-wrenching to me. How so? 27 years and, you know, he can't afford to buy a home. But he did. Well, the fact that society has to pick up the slack in the spaces where, you know, the government or our employers should be maybe putting people before profits, you know, all that,

all that stuff. I can't get into it all right now. And that I don't get detailed, but it just, it just really bothers me when it's like, I need, I really need this life saving surgery and I hope I can pass my, uh,

go fund me fundraising goal to get it. Let's talk about healthcare then for a second. So like we pay taxes to the government. The government subsidizes the insurance companies. And then we also pay the insurance companies. Put yourself in the shoes of Aetna. You don't think they want dual income?

You're standing up for the health insurance companies? Is that not cool to do? Of course it's not cool. I don't think there's been a point in history where it's been cool to do that. I know. I was just imagining what if I was at that. I want multiple income sources.

You know, blue cross, blue shield. Yeah. So hearing you stand up for Aetna really pisses me off. I do have a PPO. And I'm PPO'd. Yeah. No! I'm PPO'd. Yeah. No! I think it's warming.

For that Burger King to have a castle. It doesn't matter how he got it. Nice. All right. He gained confidence, but none survived. Shy man tosses sharp jacks in front of a public bus. Where? Okay, before I answer.

No one survived. Where did you pull this headline? From Apple News or something. No, you wrote it. Of course you wrote it. I can't imagine any news source covering this story. This story? Throwing jacks in front of, what was it?

You think I could have written this? What was it, one more time? He gained confidence, but none survived. Shy man tosses sharp jacks in front of a bus. Jacks. None survived. None? Even him? He, no, he gained confidence.

Okay. Why? What do you mean, why? Why is that confidence? Put yourself in the shoes of a shy man. Because he was shy. Yeah, imagine having the power to do that. To have sharp jacks and be like, all right, I'm going to do it. Tossing them in front of a fucking EV and it topples over.

Jacks like the old game jacks? No. That's what I thought. Mean guys named John. Jacks? No. That's what I thought. Mean guys named John. Jacks. Right. Next headline. Couple born on the same day at the same hospital wed on their birthday.

Those are twins. So heart-wrenching, huh? Yeah, that's a good turn. You shouldn't marry your twin, no. That took a turn for the birth. Mm-hmm. Nice. Thanks!

Thanks! Thanks! Something borrowed, something blew chew. Jokester groom shows up to nuptials, pitching modest tent. My God. The hell is wrong with you by that? I think that's kind of, yeah, it's kind of special that he could be that vulnerable in front of friends and family.

Vulnerable? Yeah. He had a semi for the entire ceremony. It was a fully. It's just that it appears a semi. It was pretty modest. Sorry to hear that. Yeah. I think that's heartwarming. Yeah.

I agree. I think it's hardwarming. Nice. Good Samaritan helps Michigan man plow driveway. And wife. And twins. Heartwarming, right? Yeah, if somebody had sex.

Again, where are you pulling these headlines from? From the fucking internet. I don't have time to check the source, right? Some of them feel nice and cool, and some of them are just you saying that a grandmother was killed with yeast. That one's obvious. The name of the segment is heartwarming or wrenching.

I thought it was warming the wrenching. Warming or wrenching heart edition. And you're like, some of these are kind of heartwarming and other ones are like vile. I'm like, there's also like a small poem before every headline. And that's not usually what it looks like in like the New York Times or the LA Times or... Scenes from Studio Jeff. A newspaper edition. That's a headline?

That's a local news... That's a newspaper. That's a paper that I'm starting. Studio Jeff. Newspaper edition is a newspaper. No way. That he started. Oh, I see.

And he's pulling the headlines from... The world's first corn star. Man has penis replaced with a cob. Oh, they wrote that article about me. It was honestly free advertising. My hair position is GEO. All right. The world's first corn starch. You have another?

I was yes anding. No, I feel like you stole the thunder on that joke a little bit, but that's all right. That is all right. Because you got your little applause and then I got mine. I want my flowers. I think that's fine to ask for. Man keeps a live language thought to be extinct.

Warming. Warming. Okay. Non-profit organization dedicated to making all primitive languages go extinct receives $10 billion grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Wrenching. Hell yeah. And that just goes to show you that there's two sides to every story. Yeah. Yeah. And there's two sides to every coin. And both sides speak English. You should add like a boo.

A boo? Yeah. Well, everything I say, I think... What's that? Oh. That was a recording. I didn't say that live.

Yeah. All right. Let's just get into this next fucking segment. Welcome to Ask Jeff. You guys have heard of Ask Jeeves? Yeah. This is Ask Jeff.

Oh my god, man. So basically, you know, again, it's kind of a Valentine's Day theme. We're kind of, yeah, we're kind of circling it. Circle jerking it, really. Enough.

It's Valentine's. It's not, actually. You said it was two days after. Valentine's Day can be tricky. It's a precarious time of the year, especially if it's their precarious time of the month. No. Really? Really?

I thought it was a nice pun. Anyway, I thought that you guys could kind of write in to me and ask me matters of the heart, and I could solve your problems for you. Kind of like Jeeves. Okay. Tell me the biggest woe of your love life and let Uncle Jeff save your ass before it's too last.

Too last? Well, if I... Brad, you're married, right? More than married. Happily, yeah. Okay. Happily married. So we got two married guys here.

Okay. I'm not married. I did ask. I asked three different women. To marry you? Not at the same time. But I had an extra seat to go to this movie screening. It's like, you know, here in Los Angeles, they have like.

Is the one on Sunday? Yeah, this is the one on Sunday. And they bring like directors or writers because they're trying to get the Oscars. So I had an extra RSVP to the screening and I asked. I said, hey, would you like to go? They said, oh, I can't. Sorry. All three of them said that?

No, that was the first one. Second one. Hey, would you like to go? I'm out of town. Sorry. Third one. Hey, would you like to go? No, I of town, sorry. Third one, hey, would you like to go? No, I don't like you. No, I don't like you.

I don't know you. Oh, somebody you didn't know. No, yeah. Well, I mean, I'm making up the details on the last one. But basically, I asked three people to go to this thing, and they all declined. Yeah. So what's the question?

What are you asking, Jeeves? What should I do? Like, how do I see if anyone wants to go? The screening's the question? What are you asking, Jeeves? What should I do? Like, how do I... It's already happened. The screening's already happened. What do you mean? Okay, but how do I, in the future, get a yes? I think...

I feel like... I don't want to gender it, but I feel like... No. I feel like I don't know a lot of women who want to go to, like, niche film screenings. Academy Award nominated. Yeah. I'm sure there are plenty, but I just am like, that feels like a crazy first date.

Would it have been a first date for all three? No, I know these people. Really? Yeah. Were you asking specifically within the context of it being a date? I was asking I was asking Yeah, if you know them, it might not have been a date to them.

I mean, I want to clue... Sorry, can I just jump in here, please? I'm so sorry. Sure, I'm trying to get more details. You might want to clue it with the Diet Coke. I feel like every time we record, you're like, how is it aspartame? Well, I mean, it's like a caffeine boost.

Well, I mean, it's a cancer-inducing chemical. I probably have like three of these a week. Three of those every time I see you. Actually, studies aren't quite conclusive on that, Jeff. Sorry, fact check. We don't need a fact check on this show. Why Diet Coke over Coke Zero? I never used to have any soda.

Growing up, I didn't like Coke or Diet Coke or Coke Zero. I just started drinking these because they were in the office like six months ago. So I've never had a Coke Zero. Oh, you should try it. I love Coke Zero. I'm sorry that this interrupted your story. Blame it on me. Oh, I was like, yeah,

trying to, you know, do the game or whatever. I was giving you a genuine way. We asked, did they think it was a date or was it like friends that you already had? I don't know. I was nebulous.

It was more like, hey, I've got an extra RSVP. Would you like to come? Maybe it sounded too casual where they were like, I don't know. There's nothing special about this. Is this the bit that you wanted?

It's not a bit. It matters the heart. Okay. Well, that's the most recent and and that's what I can tell you. It was also the middle of a storm on Sunday, so that was a tough sell. Well, before, I mean, I was asking, I was probably giving like five days notice. Got it. So they weren't taking that into effect.

Yeah. They didn't know. When Sunday came around and it started raining, I was like, Are you actually into any of these women, or you just wanted someone to go with to the thing? Uh, I could have been. I have interest, but, um... I think if it was a more romantic ask,

one of them would have said yes. Okay, well... Because it felt too casual. You gotta have riz about it. Okay. He also said the second one was out of town so it sounds like that person wouldn't have come anyway yeah yeah one one told me that she had dragon plans what's dragon plans wish i knew you didn't follow up at all. I have dragon plans. All right, no worries. No, she said, I've got dragon plans all weekend. And I said, I'm hearing that a lot these days. Have you?

No, I was just goofing around. You think she's like, ooh, I'm crazy. I'm going to hang out with a dragon. Or it's a metaphor that we've not heard of. Probably playing Dungeons and Dragons. Oh, I see. I had dragon plans last weekend. I've been hearing that a lot.

Dragging my third leg. Up and down Sepulveda Boulevard. Why? Because it's fucking flooded. Right. And I'm using my hose as a pump. To help save the town. Now that's rigged.

I'm siphoning rainwater into my tract. Are you sure you don't want to see a taxi driver with me? And spewing it where necessary. Yeah. I have Giardia. All right, Amir, ask GFs. Biggest woe of your love life. Not really love life, but we're considering adding.

You're answering it wrong. Answering it? Asking it wrong. Yeah. How much wallpaper is too much? How much wallpaper is too much? Are you wallpapering your house? It's been brought up as a...

It's been two rolls and a... Never mind. He stumbled over that. What did you say? It's been two rolls? It's been two rolls till you pasted walls. And then he just kind of trailed off.

Pattern repeat is too big for this wall. That's the hardest song to parrot on the fly. I get a lot of rolls and then I put them on the ceiling and then I... Smaller repeat makes room feel bigger. It's the finest of the papers. That's really good. Brad. Brad. Brad.

Brad. Brad. I didn't say anything. That was Casey. What's that? You can't have wallpaper like four in one room right like that's four different wallpapers yeah four different wallpapers oh how gauche does it get with the mirror i don't know there's this whole uh design trend of like maximalism not that maximal right i mean i say you have to put your foot down somewhere but one accent wall walls, but one pattern. One colored wall, like a charcoal or a cola.

I like the second one, not so much the first. Of course. Here's, you want my actual advice? I don't know, maybe I'll buy that Vision Pro and I can sort of live design the home so you can visualize it properly. And then you would never need to actually physically do it if you just live within the Vision Pro.

I don't mind that. Are you guys intrigued by the Vision Pro? Nope. I'm intrigued by your question. Wallpaper? Which rooms in your house are you trying to wallpaper? Living room. Living room?

Yeah. I wouldn't do that. Interesting. I don't like the idea of four different patterns. I mean, you could put the same pattern on all four walls. Yeah. Can I pitch something for your house? Sure. I know the floor plan.

Living room, I would keep like a white, but like a warmer white than what you have in there. Like a fucking Swiss coffee, right? I don't know. And then the hallway, same continues into the hallway. You just painted your cabinets in your kitchen, right? Like a pink?

Really? I've seen some sticker, like people can put a pattern with a sticker on the Yeah, you just painted your cabinets in your kitchen right you know like a pink. Oh really yeah But you can paint them I've seen some sticker like people mine like a pattern with a sticker on the cupboard Now you're a lost cause you don't get it what? No, because your responses are clearly indicative that you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about So it's just like work with a designer or don't just do your bullshit or work with a designer Don't ask me though. Okay. I'm down to work with the designer if you know. Really? Yeah. I don't have any recommendations. I could help.

I think your office, you should do wallpaper, statement wallpaper. There is a wallpaper in the office behind the teal couch. And I didn't want to have to bring up the teal couch. What? The teal couch. I don't know. I think you might want to go with more like a... A couch that's more of like a family of chine man.

Maybe even like a dead salmon, a flat white. Yeah, a flat white with a dead salmon. You're just describing an awful breakfast. A dead salmon and a flat white. Cheese that is fine. Chine cheese. What's that? Um, Brad.

Uh-huh. They said it couldn't be done They said married men don't have woes And yet here we are Tell me the biggest one of your love life And how I can save your ass before it's too last Uh well we don't have any woes really So I can't really help you there

You're not helping me What do you think this is? This is just for the show? I'm trying to help you Well you wanted my advice, right? I want to help you with giving you advice.

I don't think you're quite in a position to do that. Why is that? No, I'm curious. You're just kind of Not You know I know what he means Just like in general Yeah

For sure You're anti-wise Yeah And meanwhile me over here Am So me over here am. So. I don't even think you gave me advice on my genuine inquiry. Case in point.

Casey in point. What's that? And point. I did. I said make a definitive date happen. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, that's no problem. I didn't say it was a hard issue. I'm just saying that's my advice. You asked for Jeff's advice.

I think my advice to Casey was honestly better. To have Riz. Yeah, that's great advice. Have Riz. You'll be swimming in the atmospheric river of box. Oh, my God. If you have riz about it. Take me to the river.

Take me to the river. Atmospheric river. The IARC classifies aspartame as possibly carcinogenic to humans based on limited evidence.

It might cause cancer in people. But so does, I don't know, smoking. And you don't see me not doing that. Yeah, I guess not. I'm saying that the evidence isn't conclusive. Even better. And neither is the evanescence.

They haven't finished. You know they have another album in them. Let's just... Let's round it out. Let's bring the episode home. Let's not end on this note. Okay. What's that famous Evanescence song?

Wake me up! Wake me up inside! I can't wake up! Can't wake up! Save me! Save me from the dark. Enough with the camaraderie, with the singing in unison,

with the being in time. I'm supposed to be dividing your asses so that I'm the one in charge. Divide and conquer, studio Jeff. This is H. Fuck. And it will always be. Good.

I'm starting to come around on Studio H. Why? Studio how? Plugs. Right? Let's get the fuck out of here I am doing my one man show

there's no way moment tonight so you missed it unfortunately this is the first I've heard of this this isn't real I haven't planned it I'm just trying to put it in the ether you're trying to put it out there to do tonight he's creating FOMO

Jeff ever heard of it even if that's true You're trying to put it out there to do tonight? He's creating FOMO, Jeff. Ever heard of it? Even if that's true, why are you yelling at me like that's like, he's doing this awesome thing. Get off his back. He's creating FOMO? That's nothing. That's nothing.

He's creating it. He's creating something. That's more than you can say about anybody else in the room. KC, what do you got? Listen to The Pit Wall. DTS is coming out soon. Yeah, Directors Who Survive is dropping at the end of the month, and we will be talking about it.

Episode by episode or two episodes at a time? We haven't figured it out yet, man. We're still on hiatus. It's the off season. I have so much to do outside of the pit wall. How am I supposed to be planning podcasts a month in advance? That's how I feel. I just am like, oh, like I have so much going on.

You don't do anything else here besides this. You hit your head once and you've hit your head three or four times since. Every time you're telling us you're feeling a little bit better, you hit your head three or four times since every time you're telling us you're feeling a little bit better you hate your head again and i'm excuse me starting to think it's so that we don't have you do other stuff you're sort of doing it as a crutch yeah well i should be on crutches so yes exactly so yeah the pit wall Follow me on Instagram At Casey.io Brad

Go listen to Slash watch the Hill Kings podcast On YouTube and Apple and Spotify Jeff did an episode With us Hasn't come out yet It will come out Once we start releasing season 2

We just finished season 1 But Jeff was in the second episode And it was a really good time I guessed it on that episode The day I got my concussion Oh really? And my co-host's wife went into labor Like an hour after we recorded

That's crazy It's a cursed episode Well no, the baby came and is healthy. He named the baby Hank. Oh, did he? Yeah, good Hank. I got the concussion after the episode, a couple hours after.

Because you were just riding the high of being on the Hill Kings pod? Patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. Fuck you guys that was a Hidgum Original.