The Headgum Podcast - 201: The Armoury of Wisdom

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

Marika, Faris, and Will join Geoff to recap the 200th episode, discuss emotional intelligence, and perform the first ever DUET rice song!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. A. Chicken roll. B. Liverwurst. C. Ham. Or D. Corned beef. Corned beef. Corned beef.

Correct. Corned beef. Corned beef. Corned beef. Corned beef. Correct. Corned beef. Corned beef. Corned beef. Corned beef. Corned beef. Yes. I'm begging you, please don't eat my ham.

Steal my cast. My Zoom might die, so if you see me disappear for like- Your laptop might die? No, my recorder. Oh. What is the official ham of joy? A. Honey baked or B. Other? Honey baked. A. Correct. I have to do something else and I started putting together my new vacuum. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! What's that? Did you get a new soundboard? Same soundboard. Dabbling in some fan favorites from Yor.

From yesteryear. And uh, oh yeah! Pfft. Auditioning some new ones. Yeah, that one didn't go so hot. I really didn't. I thought it was going to be a little bit. More resounding than that, more

ultimately resolute to have and resonant. Resonance, good part was resonant. Well, it really could have had more reverb. I mean, Ferris, you're a musician. You get it. The EQ could have been further thus. It resonated with me. Meaning what?

Like emotionally. Yeah. It hit your ears and you recognized it as sound, is what you're saying. But not much more. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I agree. Right. It's a Monday, you know?

It rang true. Yeah, it did ring true. See, now there's a new sound that's not even, here we go. Oh wow, this sucks. The favorites will play, the favorites will play. Should we just start over? No, I think this sucks. The favorites will play the favorites will play. We just start over. No, I think this is all good stuff. I mean, guys were coming off of a hit.

The 200th episode was truly there there. And all four of us were there then. Yeah, it's crazy to tell the tale. I mean, there's not much to do until we kind of recap that episode. Like, how does everybody feel in the wake of it? There's not much to do. There's actually we have some things to get to, but I feel like we have to at least acknowledge the greatness that was had. Yeah, the reactions have been nice.

Way to minimize it even by saying something positive. acknowledge the greatness that was had. Yeah, the reactions have been nice. Way to minimize it even by saying something positive. Marieke is like, yeah, it's been good. On YouTube, at least, people are still really like, it's still pretty mixed. This is like sincere thanks. And also like this podcast is terrible kind of thanks. So to me that's the same. I mean, how's the how's the TikTok doing?

I know we were going semi viral to have. Yeah, we went pretty viral. Really hoping that Chapel Rowan will see it. A lot of people tagged her. A lot of people have tagged her. I know, but on Friday, who was it that said? Coachella. Yeah, Anya or Allie or somebody was like, I mean, you were also part of this

conversation, but somebody what somebody initially was like, and it's perfect because she's playing Coachella today. I'm like, that's not perfect. She's not going to be on her phone at all. Absolutely. I know. It's the one day she has to be absolutely locked in. And by the way, she was.

I saw clips of the performance. Yeah. The performance. of the performance. Yeah. The her performance. Nice. OK. Yeah. I appreciated this comment from Gornet on Tiktok. They said the name Gornet Geo R&T. Thank you. They said, someone, please explain this bit to me. It's very much my brand of humor, but I need the origin.

Yeah. User Double D said Please explain this bit to me. It's very much my brand of humor, but I need the origin. User Double D said he is parodying Chappell Rhone's popular song Hot To Go. Both versions are absolutely fantastic. Gournt responds. Gournt says, thank you for explaining. I got that part so far, but I really want to know the origin of this running joke. I agree with you, though. This is amazing know the origin of this running joke. I agree with you though. This is amazing. Omar responds to Gourmet.

He makes a lot of parodies about burning grains. There's really no other explanation. Yeah. But I left Friday being like, maybe there's a chance. Maybe if we are posting to TikTok more consistently, not to be confused with consistency of sand, people might have a way in and the way in might oddly be the fucking rice songs.

Faris? I might not to be a contrarian, but my rebuttal to that is that there were also multiple comments of people being like There have been there have been multiple comments of From people being like I've never listened to this podcast, but I've listened to every single rice song which to me is crazy It's so insane. See, now I'm nervous because I don't know what that means.

Yeah. I really don't like that. Yeah. Translation. That one's universal. Yeah, we should test new ones. No, it's it seems dangerous.

I'm like an up cup up the solid. I miss that. This isn't going well. No. Good morning, Vietnam! Yeah. Will loves that one. Have you done an Oops All Drops episode? Oh, that one's pretty good.

That's gonna obviously get our video taken now. That one I might keep. That one's good. Anyway, sorry. What you're doing is not good for the show. Like, you were just talking about wanting to, you know, build in more listeners. The last, like, few seconds, I don't agree with. However...

It didn't resonate with you. No, it didn't. Bring back the fart. Possibly racist German diet drive. Yeah. Bring back the... We have to cut that out, right? I think I'm going to just bleep it, yeah. That one was a Ferris Original to have.

Nice. That one was a Ferris original to have. Nice. Dude, a couple of people have said something to the effect of like, I don't even know, did you mention you want to make a fully produced album of the Rice songs? Because people are, people haven't forgotten if you did mention it. See it's hard because that's a lot of work and it's going to, I don't know if it'll be paid or not because I don't think that falls under the purview of the scope of work that I offered to head gum as a 1099 NEC.

Yeah, I don't think head gum. I don't think that would just be a sign for your time in the studio. You wouldn't even send an email. Well, I would just know that that's a freelance personal project. You could you could reap the rewards at that point. It's all cash. It is IP based on income properties. So in a way you're screwing me over because I'm not going to be able to place

ads on the album. My only hope is that this federal law might go into effect. Place ads on the album. Like, for rice. I'm sure most people don't do that. Like, subliminal messaging. Like, fucking branded lyrics. Hey, yeah, why isn't it like a brought to you by... Yeah. Rice-a-roni.

Yeah. Ferris, you did some of that on your last EP. You did like... There's one song where like, you know how Jim Morrison and Rioters on the Storm like whispered and layered the whisper underneath the singing? You did the same thing, but it wasn't the lyrics of the song. It was basically defending big tech. Well, really it was just like a better help ad sort of at this sort of volume, just sort

of coasting underneath the surface of the chorus of my song. And I just, you know, sort of gave them my own personal experience with online therapy in the privacy of my own home. It was really something that I found helpful, especially, I mean, we're living in crazy times and during the pandemic, I basically lost my mind. I was drinking vodka out of my desk while I was working. It was very nice to talk to. You mean like out of like a, you like a glass that was on your desk. I was imagining a drawer. There was a bottle in my desk.

Into a drawer, that's what I was worried about. A drawer vodka. Ferris, spell out that promo code. Spell out the promo code and probably do it twice at the end. That's a very good point. And that's why the course is helpful. Yeah, that's better. H-E-L-P.com. That's the most confusing thing to spell in the URL.

Yeah. I never got that. Sorry, Drawer Vodka sounds like Ferris' celebrity liquor endorsement. Like, what, Dwayne Johnson has, what's the tequila brand he has? Oh, Terra Mana. Yeah, Terra Mana. And then, you know, what is it? Clooney has Casamigos. Casamigos, not anymore.

And then Ferris would be Drawer Vodka. The bottle is shaped like a fucking soft close. I think we did. We could do that kind of like in a Four Walls, Always Sunny podcast. I was gonna say, yeah. Whiskey way, but ours is just drawer vodka. Yeah, beta testing, beta vodka.

Can you make vodka out of rice? Or is it only potato? I think it's often yam. Yeah. Damn. If it's often yam it's kind of a good vodka name too. All right, let's keep it going. Let's keep it going.

Bond of the Week. This week, I'm going to have to go with Taz Fustok. He's sort of a British aristocrat who just closed a clurb. Closed the club was there at the end of the night. Last one to leave sort of thing. No, he wasn't there till two a.m. He shut down a bar that he owned. Does that make sense? And that is the only because yeah, for the bond role,

because I don't think Bond has any business in the after hours market. I'm thinking he's ready to make the shift from Laylo, a Notting Hill joint, to Broccoli's own James. Hmm. I can't imagine a club in Notting Hill. That's kind of why I chose him also. That's like opening up a club in like Topanga. That didn't resonate with me, but I'm sure it resonates with other people.

But the fart did? Yeah. Will, who do you got for your bond over of the week? I think I'm going to go with Herwitz, Jake style. Why? Why Jake? In this room? I think Jake was recording like not another D&D podcast or something. And he did all these like little drawings.

And there's so many of them. Bob and there doesn't doodle. Well, he could take a look at that. Tell me you can't see that on a poster. If he did, James Bond would be like an old master oil artist. He wouldn't be... To be honest, some of them are quite crude. Some of the drawings are quite crude, so I wouldn't show on the pod.

I think Bond could draw cartoons in the spare time. And couldn't you imagine Jake fitted up in the suit? No. Yeah. Glock nine. I want that. Bond doesn't have a Glock. You would with Jake's in the...

Jake's Bond does. Yeah, that's right. So it's already not fitted. Ushering the new era is Jake with a Glock. Holding it sideways. Wearing a t-shirt tuxedo. The whole movie takes place outside of New Haven. Ferris, who do you got for your Bond sheet?

I set it on the 200th. I really want to kind of drill down on it. Jack Black. I really I want to see that. I think I mean. But OK, it would change everything. It would give Bond an entirely new facelift, but God, wouldn't that be good? Jack Black as James Bond.

Wouldn't it be like kind of a face droop? That's rude. Sorry. That's rude. That's rude. Yeah. Droop. Groot. What was the commenter's name? Grunt?

Grunt. Riku, who do you got for your Brown Blee? I think I'm gonna have to go because of this week's SNL, Ryan Gosling, preferably as Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head. Um, I don't know if anyone watched that sketch, but it delighted me to no end. It was a straighter sketch. Are you serious?

Yeah. And Mikey Day. Yeah. The big discourse around that was that you didn't want it spoiled. But every thumbnail I saw, every title I saw, every tweet I saw. Spoiled it. Spoiled it. It was a real delight.

I watched it live and it really tickled me. It's fascinating to imagine the person who listens to the 200th episode a week late. And they are so on cloud nine. They are like ready for another energy full, you know, everyone's laughing and then they tune in here. I think we're having a good episode. Jeff seems distracted to be honest. I was for a here. I think we're having a good episode. Seems distracted, to be honest. I was for a second. I was for a second.

But I'm back. I'm definitely back. I'm looking at my outline and deciding whether to cut you guys off. Should we move on? You're asking for more energy. The 200th episode. Let's continue talking about it, because I wanted to ask you guys, what was your favorite part of that episode? Because I had a blast It was

For me it was your fucking face singing that song that was the highlight for me. I Mean I've I've seen you get into it But not quite like that That was a full Sc screaming and then dropping an octave because you were like, I can't scream anymore. I can't keep going. Yeah. I also couldn't really see everybody because I was staring at the lyrics.

I was trying to, I mean, very quick. I was trying to nail it all, which I didn't even. And so by the time I was wailing, I was like, I feel like I'm irritating people. Let me drop the octave slash that ass. And I think ultimately the song was a hit. Marika what was your favorite part? I just said. Alright then Will. I loved Jeopardy. Oh yeah that was good. This is why I wanted you on this episode specifically Anya said who's's going to be on?

I said, it has to be Marika for 201 because I need you to prove right now and here that you actually got the gift. Is it physical? It's not. It's ultimately digital, but don't cheapen it by saying you're pointing out the facts. Are you kidding me? It's a get away for free. You're pointing out the facts. Are you kidding me?

It's a getaway for free. Get away from here. If I open the Airbnb app. Five hundred dollars gift card. It looks like you're locked into litigation on a previous day. What did you do in Montreal? Yeah, I mean, I would say Jeopardy was number one, and I was winning with the first question.

You had points on the board. It was the most exciting event on the show at any point in time, because I felt the heat. And then immediately Murkik came in and got like 700 points. And I... I feel like there's only like three people who could have... Four people maybe who could have won, which is Amir, Marika, Ferris, and Anya. Because they've been involved...

Ferris since the beginning, and Anya very intensively recently. Yeah. And then Marika and Amir on like every episode pretty much. One of them. I was pretty disappointed with my performance. I think the only guess I ever made, you're like, where did I first start recording this podcast?

And the only time I chimed in was to say a basement. And then I never got another word in. Ferris, you had to do about 20 minutes straight of reading right before, which you handled with class and ease, I will say. And oiled, slick glands, I would say. Your cords were velveteen. I was feeling some pressure to blast through it too, because it was so... People were getting bored and upset.

Yeah, but you also insisted for it to be finished in its entirety, so I was like fuck, fuck, all right. I spent nearly three hours writing this shit. Yeah, you tend to do that. All right, what were everyone's gripes with the 200th? What do you wish had been different? What irritated you to no end? Let's start with Will.

Less guests. Less guests. That was the whole point. Less. I was thinking like three might be a good fit. That's what we're doing now. I know, but we can all talk and you know, we're kind of catching up. We're talking about, you know, our lives.

People are hearing more of us. Which we have to talk about your weekend. talking about our lives, people are hearing more of us. Erica didn't get a word. We have to talk about your weekend. I know, I had a crazy weekend. What did you do? Off-pod. Did you go to Notting Hill? No, I went to a few Broadway shows,

which Marika is especially interested in. Did you see the Michael Imperioli, Enemy of the People? How was that? Was it in the right, theoli, enemy of the people? How was that? Was it in the right, the wrong, or the round? Round indeed, round indeed. Did you get a shot? I did get a shot. I was incredibly close to missing the show. I ran from the train. No late entry. No late entry. They shut it down. Is that after the protest, the climate protest?

They don't do it late entry? Maybe that's how they got in. Is they just showed up late. No, I made it. I got a shot. They give you liquor in the show. Okay, so it was like whiskey. I was worried it was like an HPV Vicks. No, it was like a...

It was a Swedish vodka fish. Yeah. It was more vodka to be sure. It was great. Strong was spiddling. Right? He was spiddling the whole show. Imperioli didn't seem to have that problem.

Imperioli kept it all in. Some people are spitters. He didn't spit for me, but maybe he's like, it was a special day. Yeah. Did you do the after after at Imperial? These restaurante? No, you didn't stand. I did dress all in brown as a ode to Jeremy Strong. So I think I was more there for strong than Imperial. Yeah, you got to be there in a strong in a way.

And he kills it. If you're in New York City and you have $250, there's no better way to spend it. Than on a hotel and then not having enough. If you're in New York, then you don't have to worry about the hotel. I'm trying to see it before it closes. I might come out the end of May to have. Would love to see you, Jeff. Yeah. You know, we've never met in person, Jeff. I know.

It feels wrong. That's crazy. All right. Any more gripes or can we move on? Oh, my gripe was just that I didn't know there would be people on Zoom. Like, I didn't know Ferris and Zach. We had to have Ferris and to a lesser extent, we had to have Zach. Yeah, I mean, I agree that their presences were necessary.

But you think they were too front and center because of the spatial aspect of the Zoom frame. Well, the whole point originally was the most people in studios possible. And then that kind of now then it just became the most people, which is also good. But I thought it was a different angle. Yeah, I mean, I get that. I just think 23 is better than 21. Yeah, for sure. I wanted to push it.

It was sad that we there were people that couldn't join like Brad. Ian Carmel. Yeah. The other was supposed to be. So I saw somebody comment being like, no, Ian. And I was like, we tried. He's on tour. That's true. Is Ian a staple of the show? He's only been on once, but it was like a hit and he loved it. I was shocked that he loved he was like, I want to come on all the time.

He hasn't been on since, but you know, he's been busy. Busy guy. I kind of wish that he and I had linked up in like being on this show a couple times before I've because I submitted to write for Corden twice. And I'm like, if he had known me more intimately, I don't it never came across his desk. And even if he had, he would have been too drunk on drawer wine to get the jokes, let alone the judge. It was Ian who passed.

Ian saw your work and said, not good enough. Did you guys know that in 1944, FDR proposed a 100% tax on the top earners in the country? No. He proposed it. How did it go? People don't like it? The rich people got it down to 94. But I'm just like, why are rich people complaining about taxes now?

Because in 1944, during the war, they literally were taxed at 94 percent of their income. No Twitter back then. Is that true? That's true. That's crazy. Moving on. Ferris, what is that? Tenor sex behind you? It is. Yeah, yeah. It's a cannonball. Nice, nice, nice.

Was the quote in the outline? Even superstars like Taylor Swift work out in athletic wear. Work out or wipe out in an ad. But not Lenny Kravitz. He posted himself pumping iron in leather pants. That is so ridiculous. Wearing a mesh top, sunglasses and boots. Inspiring comments like, my man never breaks character.

Full time rock star. The video gave one guy an excuse. Reasons why I haven't started working out. One, I don't own any leather pants. Kravitz lifted weights to his own music. There's so much wrong with this. Dressed to go direct from the gym to the stage. Do you think he baby powdered his thighs

in anticipation of sweating? Sort of talcum on those gums. Great story. Can't quite imagine Lenny having to make like Ross from friends. All right, guys, who does this remind you of? Who does this remind you of? Ross. He's got a great story. I can't quite imagine Lenny having to make like Ross some friends. Who does this remind you of you? Who does this remind you of? Sprinkling powder and slathering on lotion.

Ross. Oh, I thought you were gonna say Marty. You're gonna tend to get sweaty leather pants back on. Oh! Not since Lenny ripped his leather pants on stage and accidentally exposed his privates in 2015 has his leather given such pleasure. Did you see the footage where his like pants split?

Stuff fell out of his pants. Yeah, yeah. Do you think I could get that? On YouTube. It's on YouTube. Okay, good. I'll look for that. At least Kravitz wasn't totally deep pants like this one. That definitely happened, yeah. The QA stripped her up in the treadmill, stripped her pants off. Who does this remind you of?

Unless you think the weight lifting video was purely staged, it spawned a surge in images of Lenny's abs. Especially impressive, as he's about to turn 60. Nothing leathery about Lenny, except his pants. As one fan noted, the man is even immune to chafing. Geniemas, CNN. New York. Except his pants. Where do we begin?

Yeah. Did you see the video of Zoe Kravitz, like, giving him this, doing a speech for the, his Hollywood Walk of Fame star? No. Yeah, who was it? It's Denzel? Huh? Didn't Denzel speak at his Walk of Fame star. No. Yeah. Who was it? It's Denzel. Huh? Didn't Denzel speak at his Walk of Fame ceremony? I was talking about Zoe Kravitz speaking because she specifically mentioned that she was always embarrassed when he would come to pick her up at school.

In leather pants. In leather pants and mesh shirts. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of a uniform. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Lenny has the, you know, skin tight leather pants that are kind of flared out, mesh top, sunglasses inside at slash at night. And then Will has sort of this like work wear oversized button down. Maybe doesn't weigh. It's hard to draw a comparison or contrast between mine and Lenny's styles. Definitely contrast.

I would say that he kind of being he looks like he was kind of chiseled out of marble and you kind of look like you live in a shipping container. Interesting, interesting. Like just kind of the response, my response to such a shipping container. Interesting, interesting. Like just kind of the Noah. My response to such a personal attack, I let it roll off my back like duck water. I don't think so, you're shaking. Like duck water?

I've forgotten. I've forgotten and I've forgiven. We have to take a break. Oh, yeah. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, how is your social battery right now? Because mine is at an all time mid.

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Maybe you thrive around people, or maybe you need some more alone time. And therapy can give you the self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. I'm in therapy every week, I benefit from it greatly, and I would highly recommend to anyone thinking of giving therapy a try that you start with BetterHelp. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient,

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Thanks. Better help. Sorry, actually, I need your guys's help on this one. This is the first ever. Kind of multi vocalist rice song. ["All the Grits Are Black"] All the grits are black. All the grits are black. Cause I wrecked the grains.

Cause I wrecked the grains. Oiled slick-a-wock. Oiled slick-a-wock. As I wreck the grains. Oiled slickerlock. Oiled slickerlock. As I seared the soy. As I seared the soy. Rice to be chafed and scorned. Were it burnt till it's graige. Charring rice like raisins.

Charring rice like raisins Consistency of sand May bomba besmirched Towards every single grain Well I blacken basmati as cooking oil spray cooking oil spray you know that omakase I trash rice meant from chefs putting rice in steamers putting rice in steamers

as not how you make rice Sing along if you know the words Basmati rice Sorry, it's a solo. There's something so appropriate about you looking like Parappa the Rapper today. Parappa the Rapper. Bobbing your head, singing this. And I usually am the one that looks like Parappa the Rapper.

Poison turned to muck. Poison turned to muck. As it glopped onto rice. As it glopped onto rice As it glubbed onto rice A malt that tastes like chalk A malt that tastes like chalk Because it's made with rice Because it's made with rice

Because it's made with rice If I scalded brown rice If I scalded brown rice I could finally grit I could finally grit Rice should not be steaming Rice should not be steaming. Rice should not be steaming. Just ruin rice from cans.

Just ruin rice from cans. Just black in the whole pan. California dreaming. Consistency of sand. Consistency of sand. And... I think you've got like 10, 12 tracks, man. You've got to produce this shit. I fully forgot to say California Dreamin'. I forgot to edit the last one.

The last one does say California Dreamin' in the lyrics. I read it as I was locked in. Now the mamas and the papas have a suit. Well, it's the mamas and the papas. Or sorry, it's the... Forget it. Let's take another fucking break. Yeah We don't sell that many ads for this show I don't understand We used to I don't know what happened. Yeah. Sorry, that's just how you come back from breaks now. Correct.

It sure is. That's absolutely correct. It couldn't be more jarring. It's like basically rods of aluminium hitting concrete. This is how you wake up the listener from the ad break. From the stupor that they're lulled into. That's better help. H-E-L-P.com.

Well driving. All right. I also, I got to give a shout out. I'm trying to reload my Discord. But I know that, so that California Dreamin' parody was inspired by Discord member Rufus, who was like, what if we, there's a California Dreamin' parody. And we all kind of like started throwing some lyrics out. And All the Grits Are Black came from Rufus. So shout out Rufus, shout out Matt S and shout

out Mighty Femputer for inspiring that rice parody. Alright, guys, there's been a lot of talk, especially around the 200th episode, as we kind of look back on this show, people psychoanalyzing me, people saying that I'm a fucking maniac. And obviously, I don't appreciate it any more than Will appreciated me saying that it looked like he grew up on a fucking barge. But that was out of pocket. I'm open to criticism. I just wonder if we can maybe quell some of people's conspiracies because I think

I am emotionally intelligent. I feel like I do have the good social skills and I thought that we could all kind of take this quiz that I found. Uh, that's basically an EQ test testing our emotional literacy. Yep. Spoil the end of this quiz. But I really think the thing is that you are emotionally literate. You are just manipulative with that information.

So you think I'm almost... It's not like an accident how you make people uncomfortable. You think I'm kind of Geppetto to the Pinocchio that are my ghosts. I think that gives you a lot more credit than deserved, but it's a little bit more moment by moment. Well, I mean, it's the thing of like the great white whale and Moby Dick is like supposed to represent human fallibility. But do you guys wonder if maybe I am the whale and I'm just eating people for sport?

I've never wondered. I know that people are not krill. I know that y'all are human beings with whole backstories, lives, loved ones, and I still choose to kind of dox your personal information and addresses. Is that what you're saying? I mean, you do krill the mood quite often. And Arisha. Arisha!

How is he not on every week? That is... And I'm not calling you one of them. There's 12. I'm not calling. Okay. Are we all taking it? I mean, Ferris was obviously setting up a second thing and it just cut them off every time. No, Ferris, sorry. Please go ahead. And to just cut them off every time. No, fair, sorry. Please, go ahead.

I'm not calling you one of these, but you know how sociopaths are in their own way, like, super dialed in emotionally? But in a distanced manner? Social distance? Sure. Because I feel like we're past that. No, I don't think they respect that. Okay. Yeah. Your child in direct contravention to your orders runs into the busy road. You pull them back and A, smack them, B, master your emotions and explain why this wasn't a good idea. Or C, master your emotions and resolve upon subsequent punishment.

Hmm. I'm going to have to... Is this for you or are we just becoming one personality, the four of us, and taking it together? I can't tell if that's a really good question or if you're trying to crack yolk on my eyes. Egg on my face. No, I'm sloshed, man.

Yolk on my eyes, egg on my face. Rika, you're on the content team. What do you think? What? Not really. I think that these quizzes are so obvious... in their answers. Alright, let's just say master your emotions and explain why it's not a good idea to run into a busy road. Yeah. Obviously, that is the best choice.

Next question. You then, A, apologize and explain that mommy or daddy was frightened. B. Burst into tears or C. Tell the child off and then threaten them with dire punishment. Which by the way, in the flow chart you could have already smacked them. There's more dire? I'm gonna go with apologize and explain that daddy was a little... frightened, slash... Yeah, you don't seem like the type to burst into tears.

Jeff, are you putting yourself in the right shoes when you're... It seems like you're just choosing the right answer, but... Yeah. I really want you to be that parent when you're answering. If we could put Jeff in that situation, that would be... If your cat crossed the street. One hell of an episode. No, I would tell her off.

I would be like, Misty, don't. And then later after I wasn't scared, I'd be like, sorry, I just, you know, didn't want you to get run over by, for lack of a better term, big rig, because I live right near the freeway. Yeah, would you? But you wouldn't cry out of like stress relief sort of thing. I would, but I wouldn't let her see that because she has to think that I'm kind of her... Strong. Rock, her Jeremy, strong or otherwise. Next question. Now we're getting real. Yeah, let's go. It annoys you... By the way, that was like the least relevant thing I said.

Was, I have to appear Jeremy in front of my cat. You're like, we're not really into it. Sentient thing. This is the real Jeffrey. It's like a callback. All right. It annoys you to A, see others unkempt. B, have to make the most of your physical attributes at work.

Or C, see others making the most of their physical attributes at work or see others making the most of their physical attributes at work? Where is this quiz from? All the tests stopped. Oh. Which of those three annoys you the most? Correct. Does at work mean at your job or like your physical attribution? In play. Okay, got it. Yeah. Does at work mean at your job or like in your physical attribution?

Okay, got it. Yeah. No, I think it has to be in your workplace. I mean, what about you? I thought it was in play. I think it's in at the workplace. What do you guys think? Like for y'all. You have to answer this.

This is for you. I know, but this one's kind of interesting. We all might have different answers. I would say it annoys me to have to make the most of my physical attributes at work. I like a nice work-life balance and I don't want to have to max out my energy output for the show. And maybe that's why we don't have many advertisers this year. Faris? this year. Ferris?

By the way, Ferris, lots of comments, by the way, I'm sure you saw, of people kind of being like, you low-key went underground and got Marvel jacked. Really? The yoke isn't on my face, the yoke is in your veins. I do eat a lot of eggs. That is true. And we can tell. I feel like you could bench Erica. I don't know. I haven't met Erica in person.

I don't. Yeah. The issue with bench pressing a human being is that you need to compress them into bar form, or else it's just a very lopsided experience. The Lonely Island wrote a song about this, actually. The Lonely Island wrote a song about how you'd have to turn a person into a rod. Well, they didn't propose that solution, but bench pressing bikini babes is the best bodybuilding phrase You can ditch the barbells of the fancy weights and we get a guarantee that you're gonna look great When you first said that Marika it was like you're on an NPR podcast was like you were taking the most serious moment

I take it very serious although to go back to the question It seems to me like Jeff you are most concerned with your coworkers physical attributes, which would be answer C, right? Ferris is guns seem to make you intimidated. You seem more general. Like this might be misguided. Excited about Jake being in a suit and being bond. That was an issue.

That's not his physical attributes. No, I'm proud. It was pride in his physicality. And honestly, and this might be a little rude to say, but I would say I feel like I played some role in it. Yeah, I would say like part of the problem. Five percent of his muscle mass and or water weight is attributed to me. When he stopped working on the show, he had the time for himself.

And the drive to kind of get out all his frustration towards me, onto the ropes. That is the five% from you. It was just, you know, the gym is a great outlet. Let's just say, yeah, yeah. Forget better help, man. Just go to the gym. Don't forget better help.

Do not forget better help. Cause that's the only advertiser for the rest of the year. Sorry. Yeah. Right. Question four, and then we might just wrap it up. You're infuriated with your partner. Do you A, plot revenge?

B, refuse to speak for days? Or C, swear and go for a walk? I'm going to go ahead and start and say all three of these are bad options. But of the three, I would say swear and go for a walk. Yeah. Yeah. Because that it didn't describe what could happen after, but that basically means cool off, come back, and maybe you won't be plotting revenge against your partner after that.

Yeah. All right. Let's just rapid fire these. Your parent slash parent-in-law is nagging, sarcastic and interfering. Your principal feeling is A, resentment, B, resignation, or C, pity. I would say... A. A, yeah, resentment is kind of classic. All right, six.

Grief is A, a blight on your life, B, a necessary and salutary process, or C, something which time will heal. All of the above, but let's just go with unnecessary and salutary process. It's such a bad quiz and to just power through with... Does worry serve a purpose? I would say sometimes. You are outraged by a newspaper story. Every day.

Lenny Kravitz wears leather pants at the gym. It drives me fucking crazy. Do you A, rant at your friends and family? B, become depressed? Or C, write a letter to the newspaper? I would say B, become depressed. Nine, write a letter to the newspaper. I would say B, become depressed. Nine, is your anger destructive of yourself? A spur to change or a spur to hurt and destroying things.

This is like an ESL test. This can't be real. You could have taken one on psychology today. I want to say anger is destructive of me. Yeah, this is this is the sporkle of emotional intelligence. All right. Time is above all, maybe the great destroyer be to be vanquished or see the great healer. What?

I would say this. The great healer time heals all wounds. But you don't say that for the grief. Enough. I'm taking a quiz. Can you read the next ones in your head? No. Violent crime is, to me,

A, outrage about which something should be done, B, an isolated tragic case from which we can draw a lesson, or C, a reflection of general trends in society. I would say C. Yes. 12. You like music to be primarily, A, exciting, B, deeply moving, or C, soothing?

Depends completely. That's a good question. No, it's not. Different songs should be, again, it should be all of the above. I would say deeply moving. And I think that says a lot. Deeply, a deeply moving track.

Forget it. Correct me if I'm wrong, Monchi, but a deeply moving track could be soothing or exciting. So I would say it's the closest to all of the above. That's true. I would agree with that. Yeah. And we have the results. Are you guys ready? Yeah. The results of me slash us taking this quiz, the result is emotional literacy.

Yeah, because you chose the middle answer. This whole segment might retrospectively be called emotional literacy or nah, because those are the only two seeming options. Yeah. Your robust attempts to master your emotions, which they keep saying master emotions, are praiseworthy but frequently ill judged and unsympathetic.

What? You defend yourself from unworthy emotions by simulating appropriate responses. But you tend to give rent-free space in your head to people and things which were better considered, understood, and consigned to the emotional data bank for subsequent use. The fact they used the phrase rent-free in your head is like an emotional data bank for subsequent use.

By the way, this quiz was written in 2006. Whoa. Kinda crazy. I would say I wrote this. They were ahead of the game with the living rent free in your head phrase. I didn't hear that shit till just a few years ago, really. Yeah.

2006 they were using it. Try allowing emotions, even emotions which seem unworthy, anger, fear, frailty, depression, into harmless contexts such as when listening to music or watching films. Explore them and acknowledge them. They are part of the armory of wisdom. Wow. I kind of love that. Armory of wisdom.

I really want you to take a real quiz and see how it compares. Like with a doctor? I thought you meant like sitting in on like a community college course. You want me to audit fucking sociology. Yeah. Marika, what did you send to our f***ing group chat? No, you have to cut that. You can't say that. OK. But you said something recently.

Oh, yeah, I sent to our group chat with Riley and Amir. I sent a sign that I saw outside a blank space coffee house and said, I said, new motto just dropped and the sign is share spring. Share spring. Misty. Misty. He's like, gonna shit about us. Hi.

Hi, baby. Oh, I was's like a bit shit about us. Hi. Hi baby. Oh, I was talking about you, not the cat. True. True. Alright guys, plugs. Another great episode in the can. What do you guys have? What are your yams? Um, see an enemy of the people. If you have hundreds of dollars to spare, it's pretty good. Or you can enter the lottery.

Um, follow me at Marie Galan on all of the platforms on letterboxed, especially on Twitter, still there. Having the time of my life in the worst place in the world. Yeah, I might delete my Twitter. What do you think? I think Twitter's still good. Me too then. You mean X.

I think my area of Twitter is still good and I enjoy being there. My area of Twitter is still good and I enjoy being there. You're too. You like. It looked like you're going to hit Misty, which did you run into the road? Yeah. Yeah. The truth comes out. Grab her by the tail. Hey. Oh.

Do you do the projector instead of a TV, Jeff? Yeah, this is the X Gimmie. I bought this like in 2020. These are like $1,000 now, but when I bought it, it was like $250 on Amazon, I think. Is it the one that? I'm often wrong about how much money I spent on stuff, but I think it was definitely way less than $1,000.

I wouldn't have spent $1,000 on a projector. But I bought it with money that I got from that holiday happy hour that we did in COVID in 2020, where I came in late, dominated the game, won as the only non-salaried employee, and then left the zoo early. eliminated the game, won, as the only non-salaried employee, and then left the zoo early. But yes, I used the projector instead of the TV, historically. This is cool too. I got this on Amazon.

Let me see if I can position this. Will, why don't you do your plugs while I figure this out? I'll be auctioning off live one Jake Hurwitz original doodle starting price $350. Oh, that is nice, Jeff. Yeah. How does it look during the day? Bad. Yeah. But daytime it look during the day? Bad. Yeah. But day times for work. Fair. I think you could.

Yeah, I do think you can make some money. You should you should put that on eBay. I think that would be really funny. Right. Just don't tell him. The cruder ones would get more. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. All right. Ferris?

Yeah, I think, no, yeah, by the time this episode comes out, Newcomers Season 7 will have begun. This season, the ladies, Lauren Lapkus and Nicole Byer, for anyone who doesn't, is not familiar with the show. They are watching ten Martin Scorsese... So, there's a debate on the show too. They're watching Scorsese movies, but it turns out his name is pronounced Scorsese and everyone has been struggling with how to say it because, and I agree with Lauren, if you say Scorsese, you kind of sound pretentious and like, I don't know.

You can cut most of this out. Check out Newcomers Season 7 starting when you hear this. Yeah, it sounds like an awesome show. From the way you just plugged it. And then they watched Batman movies in season six just prior, so that was a great season as well. A lot of people really loved the Batman song that Ferris did for it. Yeah, I was happy to hear about that.

I just... Borgs, Jingles are commercial worthy. You should be writing for, like, major corporations and getting paid $300,000 a pop. Thank you, man. That's... You just made up a number. Yeah, $300,000 sounds pretty cool. The reason this sax is out here, just a little teaser,

I was recording sax for the Season 7 theme music, so wrapping that up today, really pushing the deadline on this one. Yeah. But I'm finally happy with it. So we will be, we will have a proper release on time. Yeah. And then yeah, follow me on Instagram, I guess, at Ferris Monchi. I'm trying to be better about checking in on Instagram a little more than I used to. I'm full on retired for a while.

Huh? We were meaning to talk to you about that, but you ended up getting your act together. Alright, at Jeffrey James on Instagram, patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. If you're listening to this Friday, the 18th, which you will be, we have a Zoom party tonight at 6pm Pacific. So actually, I think it's at 730 Pacific. So even more time to sign up and hang out with us. We do them every month.

And this whole thing is DOS, folks. Hell yeah. It's back. That was a Hidgum Original.