The Headgum Podcast - 204: La Dolce Vita

Episode Date: May 10, 2024

Marika, Anya, and Casey join Geoff to wax all things Dolce and to play a faux-Italophile game show that Geoff conconted while he was on vacation.Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via... Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a Hidgum Original. Looking for inspiration? Craving something new? When you visit Audible, there are endless ways to ignite your imagination. With over 750,000 titles, including bestsellers, there's a listen for every type of listener. Discover all the best in audiobooks, podcasts, and originals featuring authentic Canadian voices and celebrity talent like Brendan Fraser and Luke Kirby's latest sci-fi adventure, The Downloaded. A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Previously on the Headgum Podcast, there was a commercial where they licensed the fucking song
Starting point is 00:00:46 What is ever oh, oh, it's magic and it was oh Oh, oh zampic we had the commercial twice now We're not even what seven minutes into this shit, I can't get a word in it twice into this shit I can't get a word in edgewise case. You have to monologue. I thought the show was a dialogue. Have you guys heard about this? No it's a monologue and then we get into the dialogue. You guys heard about this and you won't even let us reply. Right? And instead you're like I have to say the commercial. Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh You hopped the octave? Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Alisampic! Not necessary. You did restart it one more time.
Starting point is 00:01:34 That's true. Anya, why don't you get situated, whatever you need to do. ["Molto Bello"] Molto bello. What was that? Molto bello! Ciao ciao ciao. So Casey, you're familiar with La Dolce Vita?
Starting point is 00:02:04 Uh, yeah, sure. La Dolce Vita? Yeah, sure. Then what does it mean? The sweet life. Sorry, not like the definition. What does La Dolce Vita mean to you? I haven't gotten that far in my Duolingo lessons. Why didn't you understand what he meant? Guys, I'm coming at you from Tuscany. I've gotten that far in my Duolingo lessons.
Starting point is 00:02:25 Guys, I'm coming at you from Tuscany. That's a brag. That's a geolocation. That's a geotracking, as in track my ass. Montelcippiano. That's where I stayed when I went there. I know. No joke. That's why we chose to go there. I said, guess who's been to Montel Trippiano? Montel Puccino. How do you say it?
Starting point is 00:02:53 Doesn't matter. It's fine. I think you got it. Anya Zero has been there. And, you know, here we are. I had to go there on a carnival cruise. On a cruise. It's not anywhere near the sea.
Starting point is 00:03:06 I went to Italy, I worked as a photo producer and we had to shoot the biggest ship they'd ever made, the carnival. I really don't think- And I kept being like, while I was on it, I was like, I've heard this before. So that's what La Dolce Vita means to you, is shooting a ship? Well, then I got off and I was like, I guess I'll stay in Italy for a week. So that's what La Dolce Vita means to you,
Starting point is 00:03:25 is shooting a ship. That sounds a little more Norwegian. Don't let your voice get shaky when I say shit, because I feel like it positions me as some kind of monster. I just... Go ahead. I just feel like I've been on a lot recently by accident and I realize that. And it's kind of like wearing me down. Marika, what does La Dolce Vita mean to you? Uh, I just like the definition. If you really knew what it meant. And Casey said it means a sweet life.
Starting point is 00:04:07 So, uh, I guess like being in a candy store. Right? Yeah. I mean, if that's what your life experiences. But I feel like when you're waltzing through Florence, Firenze, sorry. When you're traipsing up and down the mons of Tusk, Annie. When you're housing Mordedale, when you're-
Starting point is 00:04:38 They do really, they do really like string the meat up in the windows of the stores. It's crazy. And do you know that from experience or are you just kind of- I don't really string the meat up in the windows of the stores. And do you know that from experience or are you just kind of- Yeah, I just told you I was there. My college roommate is from Florence. They would have said Firenze. Sorry, last name?
Starting point is 00:05:05 Just last name of the roommate? Okay, so not one of the centuries old families that built these sort of monses in central Florence, Firenze really, and retain ownership to this day? I don't know. I don't know how old his family is. Sprezzatura. What does sprezzatura mean to y'all? Nothing. Tamiya Dolce Vita is having a little scarf tied around, you know? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:42 And not even giving a damn as you like house a fucking select spritz. Yeah. And being kind of like, lightly sexually assaulted by every man. Yeah. And the hands are often oily, we should say. And it's part of the culture, and you're like, you can't say anything if you say anything, it's like kind of. It's not quite La Dolce Vita if you say anything.
Starting point is 00:05:58 Yeah, then you're kind of not part of La Dolce Vita if you have a problem with it. And are we familiar with Sprezzatura? No, is that like a cheese or? Sort of a casual calm, yeah. Sort of like being cool without trying in a way. I feel like some of us, I would say two out of four of us have Sprezzatura on this episode.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Anya, do you want to guess who it is? Who has it? Yeah, just who embodies it in a way. Because you can embody kind, you can embellish faith, but then there's also spretzatura. I think Marika and Casey have it. That got Marika! It's just the sequence of you can embody kind, you can embellish faith,
Starting point is 00:06:40 and then there's also spretzatura. And of course, as we all know. And then there's also Spretz-A-Tour. And of course, as we all know. And then there's also this long Italian word. Yeah, it's like being cool without trying. Did you say that it was you and me? I didn't. All right. I thought it was Casey and Marika.
Starting point is 00:07:00 I thought it was you and me on this one. I thought the exact inverse, which is going to come into play later in this episode. You might get that, you might not. Why don't you think, why don't you think Casey and me are cool? That's what I'm gonna say. Oh, maybe we should just give this one to Marika. That was depressing to hear the way you said it, the way the look you gave to camera, I think,
Starting point is 00:07:27 kind of made me crumble. We're all Sprezzatura, alright? I don't think so. What we aren't all is living La Dolce Vita. And I hope by the end of this episode, Casey, we really are. Can we live La Vita Loca? That's a different life.
Starting point is 00:07:43 That's a different life entirely. That's a fucking crazy life. That you live in fucking Cancun or some shit. This is La Dolce Vita. This is bolognese. This is Florentine. I don't eat bolognese. We're going to get into the intricacies of bolognese food in that it's not just ragu, right? It's not cragu either.
Starting point is 00:08:04 I know you were going to ask, Casey, which is either Casey eating ragu or cranberry ragu Let's talk more to tell us. Wasn't that literally a snack and one of the snacks, correct? Can we please talk about I want to say something please you always have the floor by the way, that's kind of Okay this speed with which your I wanna say something. Please. You always have the floor, by the way. That's kind of the beauty of Leto Chibiya. Okay. We can skip that. The speed with which you're talking right now really feels more Vita Loca than- Why are you filleting your fingers?
Starting point is 00:08:36 I honestly thought you'd be different on this. I thought you'd kind of be vacation Jeff. I thought you'd be in a different place. I thought you'd kind of be Vacation Jeff. I thought you'd be in a different place. I thought you'd be like, chiller, but you are wound up so tight right now. I'm in a different place. I've never seen you less sprezzatura so far. I will say.
Starting point is 00:08:55 I would, yeah. Also just going back to Vacation Jeff, I would love a Vacation Jason style version of Jeff vacation. I mean I'm wearing a fucking saint the Chris Guthrie show how is that not Italian there? No you have This is from Everlane this was a gift Have you learned nothing from them I've learned about Guess how many months is the perfect amount for aged balsamic on cheese? Twenty-four.
Starting point is 00:09:30 Ehh. Well, you said balsamic. I thought you were going to say Parmesan-Reggiano. Parmigiano-Reggiano. How many months aged the cheese, not the fucking oil, to put balsamic vinegar on the chunks, dude. I'm gonna have to say 40 plus. Who is eating chunks of Parmesan? Who drizzled with balsamic? Who drizzled with balsamic shit?
Starting point is 00:09:59 They are punking Jeff in every restaurant he goes to. Asks for a local delicacy, they bring him chunks of pork and chunks. The saltiest cheese imaginable. My Bond of the Week is Lucio Dalla. I don't know what that is. I don't think that's how you pronounce his name is Lucio Dalla. I don't know what that is. I don't think that's how you pronounce his name. Lucio Dalla? I think that's probably how you pronounce his name. He's the late, fine Italian songwriter.
Starting point is 00:10:35 No, I love him. You don't have to talk to me about Caruso, babe. Who? I fucking know all about Caruso. Oh, his biggest hit? Who? Well, don't bring him up if you don't know his number one. I'd be going home with some fucking cash later with all this Lusio Dalla knowledge, this fucking Italian. I mean, I want to say spreads a tour, but I feel like if I do,
Starting point is 00:10:55 Marika's face is going to fall again. So maybe not so much that I want to say one thing. You say it, the less of it you have. True, because it's not effortless. I wanna say- Yeah, I've never seen so much effort in my life. I've never sired it into that. I know it's late, and I know-
Starting point is 00:11:13 It's like 11.30. Like it's dark where you are, but it really looks like you're- It's always dark where you are. In a Taliban holding cell, and not in a villa in Italy. What about now? The background is better. You hit his head up there.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Yeah. I hit my head again. You gotta watch out for those beams. Did you really? I did, but I think I'm fine. The results are in, folks. He's okay. Well, now I'm concerned.
Starting point is 00:11:42 I don't know if I should keep going. Why is that not like inspiring joy? It was like. Everyone's scared for you. They've had a few. Everyone was soured when I said I was fine. Let's move on to Cup O. I think we're concerned but.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Imported prodotto. Are you guys familiar with, uh, Caffè? Marika, when, what, by what decade do you think Italy had, um, espresso? Or what century even? Are you going to do it? Am I going to really answer the question? Is he gonna finally do the rice parody song I've been waiting for? Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:12:32 His face. It would have been perfect. I didn't do it because it would have been perfect because I am working late. Yeah, because you're a singer. Because you're a singer. Singer. Singer. Let's do it together. Cause you're a singer. Singer. Singer. Let's do it together. We can write, we can do it together. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:49 I'm charring grains. Cause I'm a singer. Wow. It's too easy. It's too easy for him. You can't do it because it's too easy. My, uh, my car's massage. Marika, what fucking year slash dex-
Starting point is 00:13:05 Fucking 16th, I don't know, century. 1884, bud! Imagine a way to get that icky, sticky, espresso cherry bean or otherwise into your veins quickly. They invented the fucking espresso machine and people didn't really start drinking the sludge until the 1920s. Yet when I think of Italian culture, Casey, what's the first thing that comes to mind? La dolce vita.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Espresso, really? Not to mention tomatoes not being part of Italian cuisine until Amerigo dragged his vespucci to fucking Virginia. You faint backwards onto the bed. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:14:04 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Are you sleeping down there? What words did you say?
Starting point is 00:14:12 Do you want me to repeat it or should we just move on? You can just move on. What religion dominated this kind of religion dominated this kind of pediatric peninsula before Christianity. Interesting question. I'm really not sure because it's... It's pretty Christian. Is it Judaism?
Starting point is 00:14:41 It's polytheism. Because I know it's the Roman Empire. It's Roman gods. Jupiter. So did the Romans believe in Roman gods when they crucified? Correct. The savior, Christ? Absolutely correct.
Starting point is 00:14:57 Wow. Yeshua by contrast was, I mean, he was a chosen person. He was cut for lack of a better term. And, um, they didn't quite like that about him because he was taking power away from, I want to say Poseidon specifically, he had this fascination with the sea. People try to paint him as a carpenter, but he also, he didn't mind the beach. He really didn't mind it. And, uh, Caesar couldn't take it.
Starting point is 00:15:26 So he sicced Pontius on his ass to be like... That's actually Poseidon's domain. The furthest away from Roman polytheism you could get without being fucking beheaded would be to like jokingly call them by the Greek names. Yeah. Uh-huh. Marika? jokingly call them by the Greek names. Yeah. Marika?
Starting point is 00:15:48 Pfft. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha. He did love the C. I know we all like to talk about how Marika went to the University of Chicago. I know that it's prestigious slash at least probably the most difficult university in the United States to attend.
Starting point is 00:16:02 But what about the University of Bologna? Because that's as old as it gets in terms of organized curiosity in a way. Are you just like reading a Wikipedia? I took notes on the trip. I took notes on the trip to try and get to the fucking bottom of this fucking La Dolce Vita nonsense that I've heard about my entire life. Have you been going on tours? Walking guided ones, sure.
Starting point is 00:16:25 Why? I was just wondering if you were taking notes while on a tour. They called Bologna the red city because the bricks that built the town were as red as their politics, comrade. History of communism in the city state known as Bologna. Anya, do you wanna speak to that, do you want to speak to that?
Starting point is 00:16:46 Why would I want to speak to that? Because you're sort of, yeah. No, it's good. Russian. Yeah. Keep going. That's it. Because I'm sort of Russian.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Unlike Florence, which was home to people who were born in the city of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native of Bologna. I'm not sure I'm a native Russian. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Are we just going through a... I just heard a gunshot. I swear to fucking God.
Starting point is 00:17:26 I don't think it'll be picked up on this mic because it's too good, but there was a fucking gun. I heard a sound. I heard like a pop. Speaking of pop, piñolito fresante. Sorry, are you in a Taliban holding cell? Let's just... They said that this was the only thing I could do,
Starting point is 00:17:47 so let's just fucking power through. My plane got redirected. Marika, if I say, Grazie, what would you say? The vibes are so crazy. If you said, Grazie? Grazie. Is Prego the responsible? Prego, very good. Okay, Casey, if you were walking down a very thin staircase
Starting point is 00:18:12 and there was a pregnant woman next to you who you were kind of shoving off, you know, to the side towards the railing, what would you say to her in place of excuse me? Scusi. Very good. Okay, here's a little hot tip for you guys that I kinda wanna bring back from Italy
Starting point is 00:18:29 and kind of imbue into the Thursday lunches in the LA office. If there's anything I've learned here, don't be afraid to have red wine with lunch. It's okay to have a fucking Sangiovese, Brunello di Montel Picciolino. Who the fuck was that? Was that Max? No, he's gone.
Starting point is 00:18:48 Okay. Do we think we might all split around? I didn't ask him about you. He didn't want to hear. Want to hear, yeah, I was going to say. Can you also say for the record that Fight loved the fucking bumper stickers? Marika's right here. It pains me to admit, but ER Fightmaster really did love fucking bumper stickers? Marika's right here. It pains me to admit, but ER Fightmaster really did love your bumper stickers. They walked into the office.
Starting point is 00:19:11 They zeroed in on that. They said, that's viral marketing. That's guerrilla research. They didn't say that. They said, what is that? And then I said, do you want one? They said, I guess I'll hold on to that. That's not how you texted it. You texted it to me saying that they were overjoyed slash the moon. I didn't say that. Here we go. Overjoyed. That's that producer mindset.
Starting point is 00:19:29 You're always like giving the people what they want to hear. True. Thank you. That's why we're both producers kind of. We're not. You're not. No. Italians don't drink any water. I've been so dehydrated this whole trip. I had a heart palpitations the first three days. That's just, yeah, because you're mainlining espresso and red wine.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Into your veins. Cured meats, red wine. Salt. Are they cutting the wine with water at all? Only the wine that I was stealing from cathedrals. At all? Only the wine that I was stealing from cathedrals. Just because the euro is a little bit more expensive than the dollar. When I studied abroad in Paris, not to brag, my host mother would have wine with dinner every night, but she would cut it with water.
Starting point is 00:20:21 I think she was just kind of trying to like gear you up for the real world and make sure you didn't trash her house. Let's say You know what? Um, drink. I really like red wine and coke. It's really good. Yeah, that's that's Spanish. Yeah, that is Spanish Never had that. Sounds fun. I'll try that. Sorry, Casey. We actually have to move on to Florence. Good cherry-cone. All of that was Bologna. We have to move on to Florence. Could anyone tell me what happened on November 4th?
Starting point is 00:20:52 Florence, actually. Sorry? Florence. Firenze. Okay, you know what? This one's for Marika, then, since she kind of smart-alecked her way into interrupting me. What happened on November 4th, 1966?
Starting point is 00:21:08 I'm assuming that maybe, like, one of your parents was born. The correct answer is the biggest flood in Florence's history. They say the water reached Dante's feet. Who's Dante? The writer of the Divine Comedy. In 1966? The statue of Dante. So you guys are familiar with-
Starting point is 00:21:40 Sorry, what's this segment? This is just the wax. Okay. Is there other segments? There This is just the wax. Okay. Is there other segments? There's another segment, yeah. Okay. You guys are, you're familiar with that's a more? When your moon hits,
Starting point is 00:21:56 when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie? Yeah. Well, Florence has leather goods galore. We like scheduled time out of our days. I had to stay at the office because I was too long to go home in time. If there was an actual segment, we'd all be on board. There is a segment, you're gonna make money. Why do you read? There's a real game.
Starting point is 00:22:32 Coming after this? Eight more minutes, yes. Eight more. I don't, this is nice because he's never gotten himself this good. Yeah. I went to a flea market in Florence where a guy was like, try this bracelet on. And I was like, oh yeah, that's cool.
Starting point is 00:22:55 And he was like, this is like, it's gold-plated steel. And I was like, you should try to hide that. That's like not a selling point. That's actually worse. And then I was like, how much is it? It's fine. It's I like it. And he was like, it's 20 euro. And I was like, oh, like, I don't, you know, I don't know about that.
Starting point is 00:23:13 And he's like, like, I take cash. And I was like, that's actually worse. I don't have cash on me. He's like, fine. Fifteen. And I was like, no, I don't really want the bracelet. And then he grabbed my forearm and was like, 10, 10. And I was like, no, you'd get a wig from me, man. And now he's outside your window with a gun.
Starting point is 00:23:33 He stared me down across the flea market the rest of the day. It was crazy. You're full for letting him put that bracelet on you. You're a foolish tourist. There's no way I am your only customer. Like, he spent his whole morning being like, fuck that guy, when he could have been selling to someone else. We're the only sucker that put the bracelet on. Are you guys familiar with Bistecca?
Starting point is 00:23:56 Bistecca? Imagine a veal so sopping and flaccid, you worry it'll ruin your walking tour, actually. Because there was no sear on the sample I had in a food hall. It was just a piece of steak, very rare, very gray. And I had the gall to put it into my gall bladder. And I really was worried I was gonna kind of shit myself. In a way.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Franciscan friars chose to place their cathedral and monastery in Firenze because of its proximity to poors. This is the most punishing telling of a person's vacation I've ever experienced. I know. It's like worse than watching your parents slide show after they get back from wherever. Oh wow, yeah. Can anyone tell me what the statue of David represents? David.
Starting point is 00:24:58 So... Um... Marika's right. It is David. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess. I'm trying to think back to my art history classes. So... Mareika's right. It is David. I'm going to guess, I'm trying to think back to my art history classes.
Starting point is 00:25:09 I think it's like the perfection of the human form. Maybe physically, we're talking spiritually, emotionally, energetically. Oh, okay. He represents human free will, Casey. Because you have choice in your life. Do you go forth and dominate your destiny? Or do you hang back with the others and enjoy La Dolce Vita? It would be cool if Casey left the Zoom right now.
Starting point is 00:25:33 David made his choice. Gone. Up. What is your guys' choice? Because David made his choice. He went and he conquered Goliath. Are you guys going to dominate your destiny and go forth? Or are you going to sit back with the others and enjoy La Dolce Vita? You're goading us to leave. I think we're supposed to conquer our destiny, but you're the whole thesis of this episode is
Starting point is 00:25:58 La Dolce Vita. So I guess you don't want us to succeed in anything that we do. Right. He's tempting us with La Dolce Vita, which sounds nice. I don't think he thought it through the two options he was presenting. Just pick. I'm going to go for what I want, I guess. Dominate Destiny or Hang Back? Hang Back in La Dolce Vita, which sounds awesome. It's kind of a hard choice.
Starting point is 00:26:31 Yeah, Gun To Your Head though, which one? La Dolce Vita for me. Like the song. Um. Yeah. Let's take a break. This Headgum podcast is brought to you by AuraFrames. That is right.
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Starting point is 00:28:21 This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, my social battery is starting to come back, Thanks again easy to ignore our social battery altogether and spread ourselves thin, especially with social gatherings picking up after the winter. Like I said, what's the right amount of socialization for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people, or maybe you need some time alone. Therapy can give you that self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery.
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Starting point is 00:29:35 Better help. I know this song. I can't read it. Welcome to Beyond the Tomato. This is a Headgum podcast original game show based on the Italian game show of a different name Avanti un altro, which means next one. But we're going to call this game Beyond the Tomato because I saw it on a menu and I thought it was funny This is a clip from the Italian version and then I'll explain the rules 40 months. 40 months? 240.
Starting point is 00:30:46 240 months? Yes. How is that possible? It's been 10 years. No, 20. No, 20. 20 years. 20 years. You should talk like this with her.
Starting point is 00:30:56 Can we please like plant her in the audience of the next Headgun Podcast live show? Yeah, I think we got the gist. I hate crime. That's kind of, when you did it, it sounded like Danny's laugh. That would be a hate crime. When you did it, it sounded like Danny's laugh. Yeah. Okay. I missed what Marika just said, but basically Beyond the Tomato is a game show where you're going to be called up on stage, so to speak, one by one, to take part in a high-speed game of knowledge.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Right? It's basically rapid trivia. But there's also head-to-head side battles known as La Pariglia, the duel, head-to-head. Lo eattore, the jinx, which is where you're kind of taken aside by an undertaker. Serial killer vibes. Avanti an altro, next one, meaning you're eliminated from the game entirely. Il fetto benevolo, or the good fairy, which is a good thing.
Starting point is 00:31:58 And then there's Cambio, where you have to phone a fiend slash friend. Are you guys ready? Definitely. Sure. Okay. Well, because Anya said that first, we're gonna call Anya to the fucking stage to answer the first question set
Starting point is 00:32:16 that you guys will be faced with. Each individually, you'll have four questions. You have to get three out of the four correct to move on to the next round. So here we go. Anya, Italy was the birthplace of what Middle Ages art movement? The Renaissance Correct
Starting point is 00:32:36 What famous Florentine family was the most important patron of art? Medici's What does the statue of David represent? Like free will. The statue embodies the city of Florence symbolizing independence and strength in the perfect image of youthful beauty. That's what I said earlier. Yeah, we weren't playing a game. That was subjective. It was just a conversation. Yeah, that was conversational correcting. It wasn't for cash or not. By the way, the grand prize today is $30.
Starting point is 00:33:18 You wanted to say a higher number and then I watched you walk it back in your head before you said 30. Yeah. Well, the grand prize on the show is like 300,000 euro. So I was going to just divide everything by a thousand, but I can't part with $300 here and Anya's already winning a lot. So $30, let's divide it by 10,000. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:33:42 Last one, Anya. This is really it because it could either be you moving on or it can be Avanti all'ultro or rather beyond the tomato. A trick question where you change the answer based on... No, this is a genuine question, but it is hard to get, but you might get it. OK. 19th century Italian operatic composer Giacchino Rossini eventually left his native Italia for neighboring rival France.
Starting point is 00:34:08 What other art did he indulge in whilst in Paris? Like what other, what else did he do other than compose music? He ended up stopping that and doing a different art. Painting. Wrong, but I'll give you another chance. Try to think outside the bun. He was a chef.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Correct! All right, Anya's moving on. Zero. Thank you. All right, Marika, let's- Marika's fully asleep. Let's focus up, Marika, because this next question set is for you.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Your theme is Roma. The movie set in Mexico. The Trevi Fountain is home to many a euro. On average, how many of euros per day do you think are thrown into the fountain? Over or under 2,500 euro a day? Over. Correct!
Starting point is 00:35:13 Rome is multiple choice. A. Old. B. The birthplace of shopping malls. C. Both A and B or D, all of the above? I'm gonna go with C. Correct! D would have been redundant, and you would have been docked on that. Yeah. You only need one more to move on to the final game.
Starting point is 00:35:41 This is fucking crazy. I sure hope it's not a trick question. What day of the Roman calendar was its namesake city's birthday? Hint, Rome's and Ares? Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.
Starting point is 00:35:58 Pfft. Uh. Day of the Roman calendar is Rome's birthday... ...is the question. Do you mean day of the week? What day of the week? Month and day, but not year. April...
Starting point is 00:36:27 20th. Ah! 21st, bud! Are you serious? That was really close. I think we give it to her. Having a luxury, we do not. Having a luxury tomb became a fashion symbol
Starting point is 00:36:44 in ancient Rome. Which headgum staffer least deserves a great grave? Is this multiple choice? No, if the answer doesn't immediately come to you, I feel I fear you're not going to get this right. I'm assuming you said we're trying to say Marty but I feel like Blumenfeld stop scratching your chin. One more guess one more guess one more guess facing elimination you get two guesses for some reason. Try to think outside the The bun right Shackle Not quite a head gum staffer anymore, that's masa
Starting point is 00:37:30 The correct answer is Micah Hurwitz Why why we have to say this in unison now Casey Anya and me three two one of on Tlotro Your shit can't Marika That's fucked up, is that okay? But before you go, let's see if you're revived by the fucking picker wheel. Dude, what the fuck? Hell yeah, I love a wheel.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Yeah, Casey's in. The duel! Playing for her life, Marika is going head to head with the person who's currently in the champion's chair, which is Anya. So Marika, this is for the game, right? Not to win, but for your life within the game. And then otherwise I'm out? No, you're fine if you don't get it right. Either way, no stakes for me, cool.
Starting point is 00:38:32 Correct. Well, technically you would rack up more cash, but we just are doing a flat prize of whoever wins gets 30 euros, really. All right. This is a perfect game. Don't even think about revising. What Italian leader, and buzz in, you have to buzz. What Italian leader had the nickname Il Duce?
Starting point is 00:38:51 Buzz? Yeah. Mussolini? I don't know. Correct! Marika's back in the fucking game. Casey? It's the only one I knew, but I wanted Mar's back in the fucking game Casey only one I knew but I I wanted marika back in the game Let's just imagine there's like a stage and I'm walking over to Casey and I'm like Casey. How are you feeling?
Starting point is 00:39:17 All right, I'm pretending that Are you asking me now? I said Casey. How you feeling? Feeling pretty good Jeff Jeff. Category is wine, right? Italy was the birthplace of what type of sparkling wine in terms of that little Che Vita. I don't really know anything about wine, so... Can I guess? I'll go Rosie. Can I whisper it to Casey? No, Casey stop!
Starting point is 00:39:47 Wrong! I can't hear what you're whispering. True or false, Casey? Italian wine bottles are 750 milliliters because... Yeah, that was it. But she typed it to you. True or false? Italian wine bottles...
Starting point is 00:40:01 True or false? Italian wine bottles are 750 milliliters because of lung capacity. True. Correct! 750 milliliters was the average lung capacity of a professional glass blower, the people who would make the bottles.
Starting point is 00:40:24 Chianti wines. That's actually the first interesting thing we've learned today. Yeah. Really? What about the fucking coffee beans not getting to Italy until 1884? No. That one confused me. I mean, he drew it out in this weird way.
Starting point is 00:40:38 Chianti wines must be produced in what region of Italy? Sicily? Wrong. Chianti. You're looking for Chianti. I'm sorry to say Casey, but you're going to have to play for your life via the picker wheel. Are you ready?
Starting point is 00:41:02 Let's do it. He loves that. That's a win for Casey. I love when the wheel spins I win. Avanti al'altro! Still spinning over here. You're gone. You're gone. Great. You're gone. Great. Um...
Starting point is 00:41:30 We're down to the final two. All right. Here we go with a head-to-head. Because we didn't play this category, we're just gonna, um... We're gonna do one question... as the tiebreaker. What is the leading cause of death in Italy? This is just Marie Canagna. Are we buzzing?
Starting point is 00:41:52 Uh, buzz? COVID? I feel like that was a good guess. Not like in 2020. Overtime averaged out. Well, I figured, because I knew they had a really bad COVID wave, that that could have surpassed an all-time record. I kind of want to just give it to Anya without her guessing.
Starting point is 00:42:28 It was terrible. What do you mean? I think that was a good guess. If I guessed COVID, you guys would have been like, that was a terrible guess. It's just because Marika said it. It was just the way you said it. I thought it was a good guess.
Starting point is 00:42:42 It's just also funny, because we're living in it. We were looking for ischemic heart disease. I thought it was a good guess. Another tiebreaker. There are two- I thought red wine was supposed to be good for heart disease. Yeah, me too. I think it's the smoking. Antioxidants.
Starting point is 00:43:01 I thought they smoked a lot of cigarettes, probably. There are two enclave countries within Italy. Name both. Buzz. Yep. Sicily and Corsica. No. There are two enclave countries.
Starting point is 00:43:23 Countries. Is it Monaco and Vatican City? Is it Monaco and Vatican City? Vatican City was correct. It's Vatican City and San Marino. We have to do another fucking tiebreaker. I didn't know San Marino was a country. I didn't know either, but I thought Sicily was its own, no.
Starting point is 00:43:42 But it's an island. In Corsica. Within 50 years, right, so that's your grace, what year was Italy unified? Casey, can you look it up? Casey, no phones? 1730. I'm out of the game. I'm allowed to look at my phone. 1731.
Starting point is 00:44:01 Anya? 1650. Both wrong. All right. What does chow mean? Goodbye and hello. Hello. Hello and goodbye. Anya is absolutely correct.
Starting point is 00:44:13 It is hello and goodbye, much like aloha. All right, Anya, are you ready for the final fucking round? This is for $30. I thought she just won. No, no, no, that's to see who moves on to the final round. It's never gonna end. You think it's over. Much like this show, it's never gonna fucking end.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Yep. So, Anya, for every one of these questions you get right, or not get right, okay, actually, so the final game is you have 150 seconds to answer 21 questions incorrectly. So there's 21 questions. I have to answer them wrong? You have to answer 21 questions incorrectly. So there's 21 questions. I have to answer them wrong? You have to answer them wrong. There's two answers.
Starting point is 00:44:50 Basically there's a question and two options. There's a really easy way you can do this. There's a question and then two options. You have to choose the wrong option over and over for these 21 questions in 150 seconds. And if you get one right, you have to start from the beginning. Does that make sense?
Starting point is 00:45:07 In a way. Marika, can I get you to be on the clock here? I am on the clock. I'm working. I mean, can you start the timer at 150 seconds? Come on. That's like, what is that even in minutes? Because the timer doesn't work that way.
Starting point is 00:45:29 I guess I just meant to stopwatch. This is a fucking train wreck of an episode. And I outlined it for two and a half hours. That's two minutes and 30 seconds. Great. Okay. Ready, Anya? Oh, hell yeah. The time starts now.
Starting point is 00:45:45 In Italy, how many lives are cats believed to have? A, seven, or B, seven too many. What the fuck? Okay, you know what? You get one do-over. Seven. Seven. In Italy, Mr. Clean is known as what?
Starting point is 00:46:04 A, Mastro L you got one do-over. Seven. Okay. Seven. In Italy, Mr. Clean is known as what? A. Mastro Lindo or B. Sandy. Sandy. Correct. Which leaning tower is in Italy? Pisa or Two World Trade Center? Two World Trade Center. What is the largest lake in Italy?
Starting point is 00:46:21 Garda or the one made up of Catholic tears? The one made up of Catholic tears. What is the Italian word for wine? Vino or drug water? Drug water. What undercooked dish is made with rice in Italy? Risotto or rice meal? What is the currency of Italy? Euro or Catholic tears? What is the Italian word for no? No or wine? Which city in Italy has the largest population? Felt or Rome? The first one. What three colors are on the Italian flag? Red, white, and green, or speckled brown and see-through?
Starting point is 00:47:08 See-through and speckled brown. What is Italy shaped like? A boot or a terrible penis? That's a fucking trick question. What is the official language of Italy? Italian or loud? Loud. What is the Italian word for Italy? Italian or loud? Loud.
Starting point is 00:47:25 What is the Italian word for beautiful when referring to art? Bello or sorta fine? Sorta fine. What's the point even? Who wrote the Divine Comedy? Dante or Mike Comite? Mike Comite. Italian dish made of thinly sliced raw meat is called carpaccio or ruined meat 30 seconds left famous Italian luxury sports car manufacturer is known as Ferrari or egg Who sculpted the statue of data?
Starting point is 00:47:59 Michelangelo or me What is the Italian word for pizza? Pizza or floppy disk with sides? Floppy disk with sides. What is Galileo's last name? Galilei or zero? Four. Zero. An Italian dish made with espresso and vanilla ice cream, affogato or coffee malt in the Italian fashion.
Starting point is 00:48:17 Coffee malt in the Italian fashion. And what is, yeah, the time is up. That was 20, there's one more you missed. I thought, why would you, why is it half real and half not? Like why was half the game real and then the end was just a way for you to just showcase jokes? Well, no, because that's actually how
Starting point is 00:48:38 the real game is played, is there's two, usually they're more right, both of them are like deceiving, but I just didn't think you'd get it in 21. I tried to make it easy. Okay, I'll take my $30. You actually didn't win the jackpot. The fuck? You get $20. You didn't hit the 21. 21 was the jackpot of 30. Otherwise, you get a dollar for every question.
Starting point is 00:49:09 You mispronounced some. That's true, but you also, after the first question, you didn't say anything for like eight seconds. That's on me. Guys, I mean, we've reached the end of La Dolce Vita, and I don't mean the concept, because the concept lives on in perpetuity. What was the best fact about Italy that you guys learned?
Starting point is 00:49:31 I wanted to be more educational this episode. I'm tired as hell, and I appreciate you guys taking the time. I wonder which fact meant the most to you. That's a good question. I kind of already covered this. I kind of like the. The cats have seven lives too many thing, but he made that up. Hmm. Correct.
Starting point is 00:49:59 But Italians do believe that cats only have seven lives. Right. But isn't. Oh, it's have seven lives. Right. Okay. Oh, it's usually nine lives. Yeah, in America. Yeah, I still like the seven too many though. I meant to show you guys, one of our listeners Venmo requested me $97
Starting point is 00:50:23 for interrupting Jeff singing. Only 97. Yeah, weird number to be honest. Casey, what was your favorite fact about La Dolce Vita? That's not what you asked me. I think my favorite fact about Lung Dolce Vita. I feel like you guys feel more tired than I am. Yeah, because we've had a full day's work.
Starting point is 00:50:52 He's on vacation. He's like, you guys seem really zonked. It's a fucking Monday. What are you doing? I liked the lung capacity one. I thought that's good. That's good. Yeah, we get it.
Starting point is 00:51:09 Why? Casey? Well, you asked me about my favorite thing about late Dolce Vita. And I think that it is that the fact that it is like a mindset instead of actually like going to a candy store or something like that. Why is my candy store thing getting shade? All right, plugs what do you guys have going on? What do you want to point the people towards? Support your local candy stores because apparently that's not the meaning of a sweet life. Carlos Sines, race winner! I got a plug. Go watch my movie, The Taco Bell Bell Sound Song on caseymakesmovies.com slash short films.
Starting point is 00:51:55 It's an award-winning film that I made. Sorry, can I correct that? About La Dolce Vita. Can I correct that for a second? It's actually caseymakesmovies.it. That's not, that's not it. So your movie about the Taco Bell Bell sound is the meaning of La Dolce Vita, but a good candy store isn't. And I wasn't the person you uploaded the final mix or is it was it the rough cut as well?? They screened the rough cut at the movie, but I still want an award for it. But it is the final cut, the director's cut on
Starting point is 00:52:32 casymakesmovies.com. And listen to The Pit Wall, hosted by me and Marika. Marika? Listen to The Pit Wall. Tell your friends about this show for some reason. Yeah. This is in the pit wall. Tell your friends about this show for some reason. If you can convince a single person to listen to the show, you're kind of doing God's work. Don't start with this episode. Start with the 200th or something. Or maybe start with this episode.
Starting point is 00:53:02 Who knows? Who knows what people's interests are? My other car is a massage episode And merch I wouldn't know I wasn't on it. I was you listen. You didn't watch it. I Saw parts of it that were clipped because my job is a little too busy To really sit down and watch a full episode of a podcast. I do think everyone's not. I know Amir does.
Starting point is 00:53:35 A bad call from you from a strategy standpoint, Jeff, to not have Marika on who's kind of in charge of the shop on the episode where you wanted us. You know what I mean? She's not a part of now. And so why would she put it in the shop? So why would, yeah, why would I do that? Once you see the episode in its entirety, you'll get the fucking joy and the reason why the stickers are special. And you'll put them up in the store. Is there a place where people could buy them? A lot of people have been reaching out to me
Starting point is 00:53:59 privately and publicly saying rare Marieke L for you not putting it up in the store. I doubt that. You also said- Sell them outside on the sidewalk outside the- publicly saying rare Marika L for you not putting it up in the store. I doubt that. You also said... Sell them outside on the sidewalk outside the studio. Sell them any other way, but I'm not spending my time putting those on our store that I do not have the time to run.
Starting point is 00:54:19 Legally binding permission for bootleg merch. I'm going to sell them through Rodney's closet. I'm on the Headgun podcast, but it sucks. You wanna just make it, it's Carl Tart. Carl, he doesn't know what it's like. Don't tell Carl that the show sucks. Did you tell him about Sprezzatura? It's just this episode. Tell him about Sprezzatura.
Starting point is 00:54:36 Jeff's in Italy. Oh, tight. Carl's got Sprezzatura. Carl does have Sprezzatura. What is that? It means, effortless cool... Effortless cool. Effortless cool. It's like Riz.
Starting point is 00:54:47 Oh, shit, thank you. It's not like Riz, Marika. God. All right. You do have it. Add Jeffrey James on Instagram. You know you have it. Italy the country.
Starting point is 00:54:55 Check it out. And we'll see you guys again next week. This whole thing was not quite Daz, but it was... Really? Carl's really touched by that. Gelato? And it's true. All right, I'll see you in a bit. It is true, Carl. It is. It is true. Carl's really touched by that. Gelato? And it's true. All right, I'll see you in a bit.
Starting point is 00:55:05 It is true, Carl. It is. It is true. Yeah. He was genuinely touched. I've actually never seen him react like that to anything. This whole thing was frizzante. The best five minutes of this episode.
Starting point is 00:55:18 Anya Konevsky on Venmo, the down payment house down payment fund is still going. Jeff, wait, before we go, for real. For real. Will you play Caruso for everyone? ["Caruso for Everyone"] This face. I'm a cut in armada
Starting point is 00:55:50 I show you the sangue of the nana This... It's fucking beautiful. Sucks. No. That was a Hidgum Original.

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