The Headgum Podcast - 205: Acid Reflux

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

Marika, Allie, and Joel join Geoff to discuss near-death experiences, bad opinions, and inorganic viral podcast clips.Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum original. Previously on the Head Gum Podcast. I just saw FOMO. Nice. I made that one up. Little gem salad with rubies instead of lettuce. You need texture. That's you man.

It's always correct. I do wish it was just a dish that was a salad but with pomegranate seeds instead of lettuce. That's good. That was Noma or Naa, RIP Noma, but based on some of the dishes they sell, I feel like it maybe was for the best. Can't hear you. way too much new, you know, things to the show, too much change happening really. I mean, Joel is starting to change ethnicities, I think, or is it just a sunburn? Not sunburned at all, actually. But you are in a... Yeah, sorry. I don't mean to interrupt.

A period of transition might not be the worst thing for me. Yeah. You are in a new Mons, we should say. Sort of a new bachelor pad. Yeah. And I think the lighting's worse. Well, I mean, you still got like a rogue basketball in the background. Well, it's not rogue. It's a pillow. How tall is that door? This is a this is the best cabinet. This is the best dresser you've seen in your entire life.

My God. It looks like the Narnia closet. Yeah. Did you move into St. Patrick's Cathedral? Like everything I own is in this closet. And more and tip it up, tip it up again. So much extra space. Yeah. Just take a canoe cabinet to nice.

Black doors. But can you have cabinet to nice black doors? I would have expect your bedroom door to open up like a goal wing. I mean, you've leveled up big time. Did you see some grape leaves out there? You have a vineyard tree. Yeah. I bought a vineyard in East Williamsburg. He's sprousing himself. I have a farm hand named Pro Space Secco. Nice.

Yeah. His first name is Pro or? His first name is Pro. His middle name is Pro. Yeah. Pro is a good first name. On the show today for our oral listeners, we've got Ali Khan on the sax, Marika Brownlee on the fax and Joel bringing up the rear.

It really looks like Joel lives in David Harbour's Soho loft. No way that is carpeted in a bathroom. And exactly right. Photos in a hallway. Sort of a shag for this stag in. Yeah, the the the, the ensuite. Remember when people used to have, like, carpets on their toilet seats? What? Like, old people?

Yeah. Sort of a toilet seat cover that was the, um... consistency of shag. Yeah. Joel, did you... Did you've seen Stranger Things? No. That was the consistency of Shaak. Yeah, like those. You've seen Stranger Things? No. OK, then you won't know who David Harbour is. Never mind. I don't. What about the movie that he did?

Evil Claws or whatever? Bad Santa. Yeah, I know what you mean. Joel, do you know who Lily Allen is? No. What about Tim? I'm not going to know who David Harper is. Tim Allen? Is that the guy who did those like kind of scary claymation Halloween things?

Well, he was the Santa Claus. That's Tim Burton. Although your house could be a Tim Burton style side by side, you know. Yeah, that could be like the classic Coraline crawls in or whatever. Did you watch Game of Thrones? No. Okay, nevermind. Have you consumed any media whatsoever?

This is the segment Jeff planned. It's just everyone asking me what TV shows or movies I've seen. Have you seen the movie Black Widow starring Scarlett Johansson? No, but what I have seen that most Passion of the Christ too, is Orphan Black. I've seen a lot of people have seen that. Not really. It's kind of a small indie show I found popularized a few years back. You definitely didn't popularize it. It sort of blew up.

You found it during the pandemic? Yeah. I'm not even convinced you found it. I think nothing you've said so far is factual. It was shot in Canada. That's why most people know about it. Yeah, we know. But you moved to Williamsburg from where? Murray Hill?

No, I wouldn't call it that. But I moved to Williamsburg, yes. I would, she says with a shitty grin. I would. She says with a shitty grin. Also, I forgot to give myself this word of the day. Allie. So I meant to give other people the opportunity to say it. No one quite got there until I did. We've got a lot to get.

Sorry. I said right. We've got a lot to get to here. Ali has a lot of questions. Ali, are you not familiar with the word of the day? No, is the word cough? The word was Ali. And don't say that's a proper noun.

OK, cool. Thanks. Look, guys, they have. Well, first of all, it's power through the bullshit. My bond of the Week is Frankie Jonas. Just because I feel like let's give the guy a break from what I assume he does these days, which is sell cars. He has a TV show. He's co-host of Claim to Fame with his brother Kevin.

Jeff, it's the best show. What do they do? Okay, so they have a bunch of celebrity relatives all live in a mansion together, and the whole game is they have to try to figure out which celebrity they're related to. And then they vote each other out. Is that the one Frankie Muniz was on? No. No, Frankie Muniz wasn't on it, but Kevin and Frankie Jonas, who then this passes and he rebranded. He's not Frankie Jonas anymore.

He's Franklin. So we have to respect it. Franklin Jonas? He's Franklin Jonas now. He's doing a rebrand. That sounds like an Amish contractor. So... It's very much like the two that I think got the most shit are now hosting the show for other relatives

who I think have a hard time. It's kind of a rehab program. Yeah, but they do a lot of games. That's cool. Wait, but isn't the celebrity that he's related to just like Joe Jonas? Or fucking Kevin, who's the co-host. Or Nick. They know that he's famous.

Oh, they're not contestants. No, they're not. Yeah, they're other contestants. Got it. But it'd be funny if the other contestants were like, oh, who's like the brother of... Zack from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. You mean like Dylan Sprouse? Dylan Sprouse.

Cole Sprouse is, I guess, Zack was Dylan Sprouse. So you're saying that you just want want cold sprouts to be on the show. You know, I'm trying to not let this episode get too far off the rails. I assume the idea is they use some sort of 23andMe technology to like find some random celebrity they're barely, if at all, related to. But just give me like someone's brother. I really feel like a 23andMe revealing Joel as a familial relative is a Scarlet Letter. Let's move on. Let's barrel through. Who's your guys' Bond of the Week? I'll go with the person who everyone says is my celebrity lookalike slash soundalike.

Shawn Mendes. He talks like I talk. That's kind of true. I see it. Yeah. Yeah, that might be the closest. Did you see the video of him super sunburnt? That's probably why Jeff thinks you're sunburnt, because he's not mad.

I was like, what's Jorban up to? Twiddle, twisting my hair. I should call him. My bone of the week is Alfie Allen. Sorry. And who is that? Lily Allen's brother. Yeah. Okay.

That's why you said Game of Thrones. Yeah, I was trying to get us there, but it didn't happen. Yeah. I saw Alfie Allen in a a play and he was fine. I'm not! Reek! Niche. Very niche. Marika? Now go David Harbour.

Guys, we all know about Christmas in July. My question to the room is, why not do Thanksgiving in June? I'm down. Doesn't Shawn Mendes do like Christmas or not Christmas Thanksgiving in October? Why the long pause though before between when I posed the question and when Joel responded? Joel was the only one pensive everyone else was kind of like hanging me out to dry for sure Yeah, yeah, just cuz like there's no point. That's just a dinner party in June. It's being grateful, you know, in the month of summer, which I would say is the least grateful time. It's a lot of self-serving, least self-sacrificing plans.

Oh, we're going camping. I can't make it to your party, Jeff. Oh, I'm actually down with shingles. I can't make it to your party, Jeff. Oh, I'm actually down with shingles. I can't make it to your party, Jeff. A lot of people prioritize shit other than my ass over the sun. You don't want someone with shingles at your party. It's highly contagious. Don't mind as long as they're the life of it. Do you forget to invite us to something?

I I'm having a yeah, it's sort of a Sunday roast. You're having a thing. Who's the song, Brady? What's that? Never mind. I got it. I got it. Me too, then.

Jeff, I think you should embrace, maybe you just need to embrace the Sunday roast lifestyle. Meaning boiling your potatoes before roasting them. That's definitely a good tactic for sure. Making some roast. I just mean like the act of like a British family sitting down to their Sunday roast meal that I feel like that's what you're craving. It is, but I don't have like a long table.

I don't have like a long table. I don't have like... You didn't have enough room in your house to move your small table to the new house. I can't make it a dining hall feel, so let's go out to the pub, I guess. It's not going to be a Sunday roast unless you're home and in bed. I'm gonna go ahead. Maybe we could do like a Zoom Sunday suppers series behind a paywall where people can zoom in while I boil broth. Honestly.

I think that would be really funny. I would do it. My toxic trait is I'll start a long broth too late in the night. You do love a good, you do love to make a broth. Setting an alarm to start. In the midnight broth, I cut celery. Gonna take you pear.

It's inside of a boil. Don't act like you didn't do that to yourself. I meant to say brew, but I'm obviously jet lagged. I'm out of sync. I'm out of touch. You've been home for days, right? Two days. Yeah.

Yeah. I got home Saturday night. It was like 9 a.m. to me before I went to sleep. My circadian rhythm was off. I slept from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. Couldn't go back to sleep for the rest of the night. Last night, went to sleep from 11.30 to 5. That was it.

It's pretty good. Really? Guys, what's the closest you've ever come to death? I was in a rollover. You were in a rollover? Me too. What? When?

I mean, I don't know. I was like 10. Traumatic. My car. I was really little, so I was like in a car seat or something, but we had like a large van and it got hit and fully flipped in the air, apparently, and landed on the wheels. Oh, you've told me this story. You told this story on this show like four years ago, actually, I think.

And I remember Amir was like, what? That's incredibly scary. But you don't have a memory of it, Marika? People just told you? Yeah. Yeah. Ali? I don't think I've ever had a New York death experience. Boring. I'm happy about that. I turned purple in a car seat as well.

I was around two or three years old. I had severe acid reflux as a baby. And, you know, my mother was driving us home from a local diner. She turns around to check on her youngest and he is out cold. He is rushed to the fire department for some reason. apartment for some reason. And the Auburn men in red saved me from uncertain death. Because I wouldn't have accepted the outcome. I would have been an earthbound spirit. How did they do it?

27 months young. I think they dislodged a spool of yarn that I'd swallowed. But you can never be too sure with the Auburn Fire Department. What are two scents you guys love? Scents? As in like smells? Fragrances, yeah, in a way. Not to be confused with fulgrances, Joel. Are you familiar?

No. Sort of a rotating cast of quizzinal characters on Franklin, not Jonas Avenue in Greenpoint. I thought you were talking about Franklin the Turtle. Two cents. I know it's Monday and I know I'm feeling dumb because I heard you say that. And I thought, well, I guess I like quarters and dimes. No, I think that was a valid question. And the problem is, it will be.

Yeah, that's true. I never spent a cent that wasn't mine. You sent the dogs after my sent. That's fine. Mm. Joel. Multiple dogs after my scent. That's fine. Mm. Joel. Multiple different kinds of sense. I'm not much of a sense guy, honestly. OK. I like sandalwood and cedar, but. I know I'm not a gasoline, I guess.

Oh, I guess it's not bad at all. I. Yeah, that's a top sent for me Also like paint or paint fire or Like a like a good sharpie one of the thick sharpies. Yeah days old underwear mmm, no, no. Gym class. Attires.

Burnt rubber after F 150 kind of sped off the scene of a crime. Maybe earrings that came from an infection. Have you guys ever dyed your hair? No. Temporarily as a child, yeah, I used to put blue hair dye and spike my hair at super cuts, I think. What was the other one? Not super cuts. There's the other one.

Great cuts. Straight cuts? Great. Great cuts. That was the one. I like that smell. I like the chemical smell of the dye. Yeah. That's probably my number one pick.

Have you guys ever lived in the moment for an entire summer? No. I'd say like max three weeks. Well, OK, best three weeks of your life or is it all up? Is it all is it overhyped? Romdoss wasn't quite correct. I I would just say three weeks because that was like when I was at camp. So I feel like that's kind of like living in the like, you're not your day is a bubble.

Yeah, you're not really thinking about where you're going to do the exterior world means nothing to you. Yeah, exactly. But I wouldn't say those were the best days of my life. Certainly fun, certainly good times, good memories. But not the best. We should say this was SAT camp. It was CTY and it was a three week course on philosophy of mind at Skidmore College. And you were nine? No.

It was 15 years old. 15. That's cool. Yeah. What was the last doctor's appointment you had and what was it for? Let's start with Ellie. I got new glasses. I went to Warby Parker.

Okay. It turns out one of my eyes got worse glasses. I went to Warby Parker. Okay. It turns out one of my eyes got worse, so now they're both equally bad. That's kind of nice then. I like the symmetry. I was kind of excited about the update, to be honest.

It made me feel justified in being there, because it's gotten worse. Yeah. Marika? Uh... I had a doctor's appointment to. I had to get a needle in my thyroid, but all was. Oh, hypo or hyper.

I don't think either. Fine. It was a biopsy. Okay. Well, I hope all is well. Yeah, I think it's fine. It came back negative. Good, good. Joel, do you want to follow that?

I haven't gone to a doctor in a very long time, but my friend Zay, who we should say graduated med school on Friday, that's Dr. Smolar to you, Jeffrey. For his final two years ago, he was doing some sort of interactive thing with an actor where you do a pretend physical and he practiced on me. Physically? Yes. So your buddy... cuffed your balls as you coughed. Yes, also...

his mom was there, is all I was gonna say. (*laughing*) Is all I was going to say. Unusable. Unusable this question. Everyone's answers were not kosher. Who's the one who got away? Would you say? And not Zay.

Oh yeah. He's very much here to stay. In his own way. At UCLA. Medicine. Don't be shy everybody, just say who the one is who got away. I don't have one. Yeah. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, sometimes you have something that you really need to get off your chest. And you know, we all carry around different stressors, big and small. When we keep them bottled up, it can start to affect us negatively. And therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest

and to figure out how to work through whatever's weighing you down. I'm in therapy every week. It obviously helps me to get things off my chest and to talk things out so that I know where to go from there and who. I highly recommend that if you have the access to therapy, that you do it every week and BetterHelp expands that access.

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And we're back. Guys, a lot has been made to do of this show's parody game show segments. I mean, whether it's Jeffery, the price of kites, Gash cab. I mean, it's Jeopardy, the price of kites, Gash cab, I mean, it's all there there, but it's not original programming. I mean, it's all, it's highly derivative. And so a goal of mine for this year

is to introduce original Hedgum podcast game segments, starting with. is to introduce original Headgum podcast game segments, starting with... ["Past the Opinion"] Past the Opinion. Have you guys heard about this? No. Basically, this is a game where we're gonna go around in a circle.

All right. The order is going to be, as I see it on my screen, Ali, me, Marika, Joel, back to Ali. And we're going to private message the person who's coming up after us an opinion, a written down opinion that the next person has to read out loud and pass off as their own. And with each round, you go as long as you can until somebody laughs. So it's like telephone? No, because it's not passing the same opinion. You know, an example could be Allie would be like, she types in a private message to me,

I think that pilots shouldn't be pensioned or something like that. And I have to read that out loud and with a straight face. And then if I'm able to, the round continues. And then I write one for Marika. I see. Should it be something we actually believe? It should be something terrible. The goal here is to get the person to your right or whatever, the, you know, the next person in order to say something.

Uh, compromising. Yeah, exactly. Right. Obviously let's avoid slurs and hateful remarks, but we're looking more for like hot takes in a way. Does that make sense? Got it. So first one, if you laugh, you're out. If you don't laugh, you win.

Here we go. This is Ali's to mine. Just to be clear, none of us can laugh at any of them. Other people can laugh. You just can't laugh as you read it. As you got it. Janitors fucking suck, especially ones who work at hospitals. You almost you laughed before you said it.

I didn't laugh. I smiled. You went. I'll be out if you want me out. Fine. I'm I don't think that counts as Fine. I don't think that counts as laughing. I don't think that counts. All right. Marika, I already sent you yours. All right. Steal from the sick and give to the rich.

That's the Marika Brownlee guarantee. Existing game shows have stood the test of time for a reason. So true. Forget first is the worst of time for a reason. So true. Forget first is the worst, second is the best. It's all about the one with the hairy chest. Everyone's going too fast. I sent you mine. Yeah, I know.

Can we all start discriminating against Irish and Italians? I miss that shit a lot. Okay, you know what? First time we've ever played the game, let's halt this round. I think it has to be that nobody can laugh. Okay. So let's start again from the top. We can pick up with Marika sending one to Joel.

All right. Pools are perfect for holding water. A delicacy is only what you make of it if it also includes cheese and bread. Why is it okay for semen to abandon ship, but when I adopt and abandon pets, everyone shoots me daggers. You repeat? Say it again. Say it again. Why is it OK for semen to abandon ship?

But when I adopt and abandon pets, everyone shoots me daggers. Seems like everyone laughing because I want to be done. Maybe the whole game doesn't work. What was it called again? It's called pass the opinion. People might not like that it will be edited tighter than we experienced it. But you got to give me credit for trying. I do.

I think there's something there. There's something here. Yeah. All right. This is going to take us all the way into a segment that I like to call... Joel's spores. Here at the Headgun Podcast, we've been putting much more effort this year into social media promotion and engagement, right? So we've been clipping out what I like to think of as the most viral moments from every

episode. But that being said, not every episode has one because it's hard to produce an organic viral clip Introducing a new segment I like to call Joel spores where Joel has 10 minutes to commandeer the show as host and produce an organic viral moment starting now Joel if you don't do this you you will be, I think, furloughed.

Furloughed. That's where you get paid to not work. Yeah. So maybe don't put that much effort into it. Oh, what does spores have to do with it? Because it's like, you know, viral fungus in a way. Like, how does mold spread through spores? And I would like to think of this show as sort of a... A black mold hidden under... Well, yeah, maybe that's not the best thing, yeah.

Viral, though. I definitely want it to be something that's somewhat contagious. I do like the idea of... a manufactured organic moment that you can post and go viral. I think a lot of them are that. Meaning? Like when like a veteran comes home and their child is really happy, you think that's fake? Is your homepage like the Internet Archive? What are you talking about? I was talking about like people sometimes record scripted moments and then clips that look like podcasts, but it's not a podcast.

It's just like some. Thing like with two people talking talking specifically for that content. And Joel, you only have like eight and a half more minutes to produce this clip. If you if I were you, I'd be throwing up as much shit as possible and seeing what sticks, not like banking it all on thinking and then trying it at the third minute. Well, you know what I've always said? What? If I had six hours to chop down a tree. It's been the first five sharpening the axe.

Huh. You're always saying that. Smart, but it doesn't really apply. Because in this instance, you're just thinking of shit quietly. This is the sharpening. We're talking about nothing. Iron sharpens iron. No, yeah, sure. How is that manifesting here? We're talking about nothing. Iron sharpens iron. No, yeah, sure.

How is that manifesting here? We're all sitting in silence as you made me come up with a viral idea. Okay, do we need to fucking ad-lib a rice parody of that person who went, when you went viral? Is that what you want? We can try. Let's try.

What song? But we can't do the song that you did last time, because I didn't really know it. Okay. Yeah, nobody did. The Taylor Swift one? Yeah. Oh, I meant the one in the 200th episode.

Okay. So not a Chapel Run song. Yeah. All right, I'll choose the song. Why don't we do it over the... The course of an hour. ...under Drake dis. I don't really want to rap.

Talk about viral. What if you manufacture a diss track, not race related? Against who? Jeff. Easy target. My enemies enemies real or perceived? Oof. My foot has been Charlie horsing for the better part of the hour. I get that. And like seizes up.

Joel Spores is also turning out to be a nightmare because I kind of put the. Ship in your hands. Yeah, and I don't know how to steer. Yeah. The ship is full of plankton. The ship is full of plankton. Well, let's hear him out because I did watch the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies on the way back to the States.

That's a good, that's a good plane. Great plane movies. Yeah. And the third one's pretty bad. They just kind of, they literally just like take all aspects of the ocean and shove them into the script. They're just like, the Kraken. Oh, Calypso. Seaweed?

Fucking, yeah. Barbecue. Algae? For sure. This Joel Spores is a failure so far. I don't mean to be negative. Also, I don't know, Jeff, I don't know if you can judge what will go viral.

Meaning? In the moment. I think that line I had in context. Sure. About sharpening the moment. Like, I think that line I had in context... Sure. ...about sharpening the axe... Uh-huh. I'm not gonna say it 100% would, but it has a chance. Okay, it has a fighting chance. I will say, usually it's pretty obvious

because it's like all four guests on the show are like cracking up. That's usually a good moment of a clip. Right. Yeah. Doesn't necessarily mean good moment of a clip. Right. Yeah. Doesn't necessarily mean it's gonna go viral though. It's just something that we all found funny and enjoyed. Clippable moment then, it doesn't fucking matter. It has to be Joel's.

Joel has to come up with this stuff. You're cracking under the pressure, Dunoff. I wouldn't put it that way. My cat is yowling because they know my room is closed. They hate that. I know I tried to. Yeah, I'm trying not to bother my partner, but this is probably more disruptive than anything.

Um, four minutes and 40 seconds, Joel. That's probably the duration of the Kendrick Drake disbeat. Are we doing that or not? In the last 90 seconds, slowly turn it on in the background. He's written a full paragraph. Slander towards you. So just nothing then. You are the host right now, de facto or otherwise.

This is Joel Spores. It's kind of like Merika takes the reins But with the sole goal Joel of having a viral clip, which you have not even cracked the surface of let alone the whip Well, we don't know that What I thought we were gonna be getting spending the ten minutes being like we don't know what we're go viral That's not gonna go viral. I thought we were gonna get into civic water management stuff Well, I kind of have a whole first of all, I cracked open on my trip where the water goes by David Owens. And you know, I don't want to give anything away. I'm gonna have to bleep this.

But well, Joel's not a part of that project. But Ali knows what I'm talking about. I noticed I noticed that and now it's making sense. Just because the Spanish Civil War thing, I didn't want to have to learn about a new topic. I already have a bunch of facts in my head from this, and it's just as boring. I heard that book was a little dry. Nice. Look at Ali.

That shit's fucking viral, man. Where the water goes as a book is dry. Her sides are split. Yours are burned. They're not. My turn to the side. Turn to the fucking side. My face just gets red. I'm talking about the hair, dude.

You have button chops almost. I do need a haircut. Thanks for noticing. That's not what I noticed. Two minutes and 30 seconds. The audience is pissed at how things have gone since the break. The audience of the pod is pissed, but the audience is shitting themselves with laughter. I really don't think so.

And the audience of the podcast is way more important. Than the TikTok audience? Than why are you manufacturing it? What is this? No, I'm on Joel's side. What? What are you talking about? It's been eight minutes of Joel droning on. You honestly wouldn't even let me drone on.

Yeah, and that's what you wanted. That's what you have allowed to happen. I wanted him to be like rapid fire trying to do clippable moments. Instead, he's leaning back as if he's like waiting for a massage. And you think that's Joel's vibe? I think that's definitely not his spores. I think it's his droves, drolls. What if we did like a stitch up of me next to Shawn Mendes talking about something in like a really smooth way?

I was with you until you said in a really smooth way. Is he still dating his 40 year old chiropractor? Is he not with Camila Cabello? No, that's over. Okay. I didn't know about the chiropractor though. Well, I don't mean to be the rumor mill, but I think he's dating his 40 year old chiropractor. This is insane how this is gone.

I'm everyone's biggest cheerleader and you guys know that about me, but this has been an utter disaster. Couldn't be further from the truth. Yeah. Has it really? Yeah. Have you guys seen that like train coming into a station video? In general?

I mean I've seen it. The first ever movie and everyone got scared. The first viral clip of all time we should say. Yep. Spirited away. Yeah. This has been that, but slowed down in the projection booth

as just like, we're all watching a car accident happen and we're not doing anything to stop it and it's a rollover It's a Joel over No, it isn't Because the clip would just be you Roll over and be saying it's a Joel over. It's a callback to another part of the fucking episode Defining silence and there's time. Christ, that was awful.

I think it was better than the past the potatoes game. That's the beat! Oh! Forget it, let's round it out with a couple more inquisitions. How much money would it take for you to cut off your own mother completely? Joel's like really aren't related enough. Meaning? Enough? Yeah, I don't know.

Like, I don't think money would be the thing that gets me to do that. Are you sure? Yeah. Pretty sure. What would you need? A godmother. No, just an incentive. Like trauma. Yeah, like more trauma. All right.

If UFO stands for unidentifiable flying object, guys, you got to hop on these things. All right. It's Hungry Hungry Hippos on the show. If UFO stands for unidentifiable flying object, what does VGO stand for? Very gruesome objectification of women. Oh. I was going to say very good object. The tools Murray Hill is showing. Doesn't make any sense.

Have you ever wondered what lies beyond the Earth? Where? When's the last time you wore a terrible outfit? wondering what lies beyond the Earth? Where? When's the last time you were a terrible outfit? I spilled coffee in the beginning of this on my shirt. Let's see that stain. It's really bad. Oh no.

That might not come out. Yeah, that is ultimately coffee on white. Yeah, and it's the first time I wore this too. I'm sorry. Ali was prepared for the Price is Kite. Price is Kite? Kate. Oh, nice. Yeah, it's a little hard to tell, but yeah, it's the Caperlands show. Kite.

Name a time when someone at Headgum crossed you. The Caperlands show. Kite. Name a time when someone at Headgum crossed you. David entered the studio the other day. Nice. So I was taking a walk the other day. Have you ever been publicly humiliated? Probably. Who's a poet whose work you'd like to see erased from the archives? What are these questions?

I think Shel Silverstein is a crutch. Why? Because he lived on a boat? Did he? Fuck Mary Cone. A crutch? Or a crush? A crutch. I don't know. Like everyone's like, oh, I haven't looked into poetry since I was eight.

So I guess my favorite poet is still Shel Silverstein. Oh, a crutch for other people. Why are his author photos serving so hard? That's what I feel. Because he's on a boat. Fuck Mary Kill, personal growth, growth earthly possessions or awesome cars Did you say but fuck merry kill no fuck merry comma? Okay, but here we go fuck merry kill personal growth

Possessions awesome cars. I'll butt fuck an awesome car in the exhaust pipe This amount in this not a the drive because it's retro. Okay. Kill worldly possessions and what was the other one? Yeah. I'll marry personal growth. Personal growth. Yeah. Who inspires you physically?

My, uh, the guy who runs my gym, Keith. Do you believe in the power of a trophy? No. Can you remember the best Chinatown you've ever visited? San Francisco. That's that's a good. That's actually the only good Chinatown I've ever been to. You know what? That was just a huge plot point on Vanderpump rules.

Have you ever had the desire to weigh a friend? No, no, no. All right. And this one's for Cash. Name a Brown. Cola. Who? Encyclopedia. Nice. I said Cola.

Isn't the color you wanted to paint the studio. That's really good. Joel? Don't say yourself after you get a little bit more sun. You're not quite there. Also, I talked to guys plugs. What do you guys have going on? What do you want to point the people towards?

I think this episode was really good. I know it didn't feel like it, but the edited one is going to be a it's going to be a solid app. So I don't want anyone walking away from this recording. didn't feel like it, but the edited one is going to be a it's going to be a solid up. So I feel that way. I don't want anyone walking away from this recording feeling down about themselves except for Joel. I feel like it's going to come together that past the opinion game was a fucking hit once I spliced it right.

And I think we have the makings of. B episode B plus. I have a question because I think the only thing that could unite our TikTok following yeah be sort of revenge against you. I get that. So let's say that a clip, whether it's the dry joke, whether it's the act saying, whether it's one of the other sort of gems

that were dropped into those eight to 10 minutes. Bulls gold really. Let's just say it went viral. What would you do? I think I would issue a notes app apology just being like, I'm sorry that this was your first episode listening. I promise that the other episodes are usually better, sometimes worse. Check out the 200th episode, check out the post nuptial episode, check out

burning all the rice, those are some of my favorites. And I think I would try to do mwah your ass out of the industry for being so sunburned that you kind of try to pull a Rachel Weisz. Because my plug is that whatever clip from there we choose, and I will come through it with a very fine tooth comb. You don't need it to be that fine. Yeah, it's going to be like it's like scooping cat litter. No, to try and find home nuggets of content there at all. And whatever gets selected and put on TikTok,

I want everyone listening to this to fucking blow it up. I want that thing where Beyonce people would post what was it, bugs. They were like her little beehive that would go around and just make like ruin other people's lives. I want that to happen. But instead of on behalf of someone else, it's all against you. No way. What should the emoji be?

Internet, rise up. That's an insane... It's almost twin-o-vation. Also you. The internet, sorry, the emoji is gonna be... Let me consult something related to the sea or a spore. You calling the Bayhive Bugs is also insane, Jeff. Yeah.

Hey, Joel said something so stupid that Ali thought I said. Call it a death. Okay, on the emoji palette, it's described as a microbe. Hmm. You want people to comment? Germs? Yes. It's the spore and it's taking over.

Spores backfired so bad. All right. At Jeffrey James. Well, I don't want to plug my shit actually, because it's going to be riddled with fungus. Microbes. Yeah. What do you guys have going on? What do you want to point the people towards?

Let's start with Ally. You can follow me at Ally Khan on Instagram or Letterboxd. And I guess that's it. When is this coming out? This Friday. Stay tuned for a special announcement sometime. Yeah, it'll it'll be. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. OK. It'll be pre-recorded Monday.

Joel. I already did my plug. Also follow me at Mike. I want to shit out of Jeff letterboxed and Twitter. Patreon. Sorry, the hesitation. I couldn't tell if you were done or not. I was. Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. We do zoom parties once a month where you

can hang out and it's fun. Also, if you're interested in America's Nile, the Colorado River. This is a really enticing book on that subject. I heard it was a little dry. That was a Hid Gum Original.