The Headgum Podcast - 206: Mimi and Kiki

Episode Date: May 24, 2024

Marika, Grace, and Erica join Geoff to discuss childhood nicknames, the disorganization of the LA studio, and nominative viruses.GEOFFARDY livestream June 6 at 5pm PT - Tickets at moment.co/geoffardyAdvertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum original. Previously on the Head Gum Podcast. You're still doing Pondo. Alex, have you ever heard the show? No. Fuck. You're still doing this? My image of you is like...

She doesn't have to find you. You're already here. She doesn't have to research you as a creator. You're here. She's listening to other people to see if they want to come on the podcast. Exactly. I get that. She was quality and control.

I did listen to one episode. Which episode? It was literally you just like telling a very long story. It was the audio book episode? Yes. literally you just like telling a very long story. It was the audiobook episode? Yes. And I didn't understand what was going on whatsoever. I was very confused.

That's because I couldn't book any guests that week. Grace, what? Nothing. No, because you were like... Grace, you were smiling, you were having a good time, and then you wiped your face with your hand and now you're angry or something? Like a mime? I'm listening. Yeah, I know you're listening.

I know you're listening. I was excited because it felt like you were bringing like a certain joy to the show. You know, you got the contacts in 9 p.m. In England where you are. On a Friday night, we should say. I thought you had that Friday feeling but then you kind of the show immediately started. They don't mean anything to me. I can just jump in right now if you want me to go. I know normally when I have stuff you're like, wait, say it earlier, say it when we begin. So I can, like, if you want me to take the reins now, I'm ready to go if that's what you want.

I thought maybe you'd start with one of your little monologues, but this came kind of... This feels like violence. It doesn't feel like a segment, so... You're right. And I'm, okay, here we go. We're gonna... What's... Now, what is it? Uh... What's go. We're gonna, what's, now what is it? What's the first, wait, what's the? ["The Star-Spangled Banner"]

Is that what you're talking about, Bond of the Week? No, no, no. Be joy. Correct. Embellish faith. Not the second one, but that'll work. Welcome grace. That's really good.

That's really good. Welcome to the show, Grace Harper, Erica Jensen, and I'm sorry everybody, but Marika Brownlee. How does, does every, does any, do any of the three of you have that Friday feeling? Cause it is, you know, thank you, Yeshua. It is Friday. I'm wondering if you guys are feeling the joy of that or if you're just sort of, you know, getting through this hour to make it to your weekend. My Friday is nearly done.

Right. So I definitely have had that Friday feeling today. And what about in this moment right now? I was looking forward to it, but then you just you started the show with a weird... I started it off. No, you were smiling. You got angry during the theme song on purpose to kind of, what, match my energy or something. I was going to be like, let's try to have some fun today because it's a Friday. Now I'm pissed.

Now I'm anchored. I think you shouldn't be. Also, all of our rooms are the exact same tone of light. But we're all in different places. Erica, is this your, is this your mons? My what? Do you live where you're recording from? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I really thought everybody's backgrounds were going to be different than mine and that it would be glaringly obvious that Headgum needs to like start working with an organizer. Don't put this on them. This is awful. I mean, cables going every which way. This isn't even the brunt of it.

Look at this. When you say monz, what do you mean? Monz, not monz. I'm good, I'm not the only one who didn't get it. I see. Like, guys, what is this? Who's the one? I have to be French. I see. Like, guys, what is this? Who's the monk?

I don't know, I can't speak French. Tu ne parles pas français? Oui. We did already hear the Bond of the Week theme song. My Bond of the Week this year, this week, is Tom Bennett founder of Pond 5 because it's time for a James Bond five. Sony can save a ton of money if they just piece together the new film out of stock footage. They could, I guess, yeah.

And I'm not even saying buy and license the footage or audio. Steal it. So it's like Getty images over. Yeah. And every 20 seconds, it's like Pond 5. It's kind of like an AI created social clip. Yeah, I was going to say that. I was going to say it's kind of like an AI generated clip for social. Yeah. Erica, do you have a Bond of the Week? Basically someone you'd like to see as James?

You know who I think would be really good? But this might be controversial. Harry Styles. I do think he'd be good. Do you feel like he's too big? He's bigger than Bond. Yeah. Yeah, I think the problem with something like that would be that no one would see Bond. They would just see Harry. But I think the problem with something like that would be that no one would see Bond. They would just see Harry.

But I think, like, as, like... If he, like, got put in that position, he would be really good. Agreed. I don't think he's bigger than Bond. You don't think Harry is bigger than Bond? Yeah, I don't. I mean, maybe not, like, bigger, but, like,

if he was playing it, you would only see Harry Styles. Yeah, that I agree with. Because, like, even with Elvis, when Austin was playing it, you would only see Harry Styles. Yeah, that I agree with. Because even with Elvis, when Austin Butler played it, I only saw Austin Butler. I couldn't see Elvis. You saw the guy from Austin and Ally. Not Austin Butler.

Really? Different one. Harry Styles, at the very least, he should write a Bond theme song. Yeah. That'd be fun. That'd probably be good. Grace?

Uh, yeah, I'm sure he will. Bond of the Week. Do you have one? Oh, uh, Maurice Gibb from The Bee Gees, The Last Surviving Bee Gee. I felt really bad for him. I think about, I watched that documentary during the pandemic and I still think about the ending of him just like, being sad and alone, like wanting his brothers back. So just let's, I think it's time we all pull together

and let him be Bond. Isn't he like 85? That's so ageist. You have to be a little bit, right? James Bond is not 80 something. Why? Just like he is white. And on this point I will not budge.

Marika, you have anybody? Or should we just power through? I'll go again. Yeah, let's, Grace, do you want to sub in? Yeah, you go again. DH for Marika. Alright, I've got a few I can, yeah. I think Marika, Joshua Conner would be a good pick for you.

Yeah, I agree with that. I like Joshua Connor. I truly I had one and it. I'm so sorry. Fully left my head. No, it was you saved me because in that moment I immediately forgot what I was just thinking about. Can we just talk about this for a second? Marika, I know you live in New York, Grace, I know you live in England, but Erica, you live nearby. You and I both don't come to the studio that often. And I mean, it's shit like this, I feel like. You can't go back to the room. I don't want to feel claustrophobic.

That room stresses me out. Thank you. Sometimes I walk into the office and I'm missing like a mouse, I have to go in there and find it. And I'm so scared. Yeah, it's cavernous. It's a fucking wine cellar. But the only thing that is storing is loose cable.

Yeah. And like 10 keyboards. Yeah. That don't go to any laptop or desktop in the fucking studio. I mean, this thing is a larder of Electronics it's like every house has that drawer with loose chargers that you don't know what they go to but you don't want to throw Them away cuz what if that's this entire fucking room Should be someone's office, of course

It should be a third studio and it used to kind of be I came in here to record This chair is like four feet off the ground and the thing that my laptop's on is like three feet There's no desk anymore Nine and a half minutes. There's no way I mean It's just a misuse of space is all. And so I don't like the implication that like, right now I should be recording in Studio G or Studio H. Instead, we have Muna in Studio H and we have the fucking dumbbells or whatever on the... Action boys.

In Studio G. And I just am like, why not have a Studio I? Right? That is this, the room that you're in. That is your studio eye. This is what you deserve. There's no there's no way. First of all, why not have like a fucking makeshift piecemeal John that's for recording ads, right? Studio John isn't bad at all, actually.

I don't mind that. Spell it. J-A-W-N. Got it. Right? Studio John isn't bad at all, actually. I don't mind that. Spell it. J-A-W-N. Got it. I mean, also, we've started and then stopped building a phone room here. There's nowhere to sit in there. I was going to record from there. It's just a fucking room with a window for no reason and a dresser. Your internet connection is unstable.

Here's another reason to hate the LA studio erstwhile New York they don't even have there's like a there's a there's a desert of New York shows by the way who do you even have you have girls on porn kind of and you have exploration live that's the only true New York show that's true sense is working overtime with David Cross. He was just in the office yesterday. He's often in the New York office, I was going to say. Should we talk about this? The fact that Scarlett Johansson's office is like above the

Headgum Studio in New York. I don't want to talk about that. I don't want people to know where we are. That's true. She shouldn't be so lax about people knowing where she works, right? I guess. Jeff, I'm serious. I have prep stuff if you want me to jump in at any time. I know I said ten more minutes.

Jump in at any time, but while we're talking about ScarJo, I did delete my Twitter so I had nowhere to send this. And I had a great tweet that I sent to Marika and she didn't quite love it. Basically, it was Porkei Nolos Jost. And it was a photo of Casey and Colin Jost. Did you actually send this to me? I texted it to you. I don't remember this at all.

I think you said nice or something. But I think it's a really good joke. Yeah. A real one or photoshopped? No, real photo of Casey and Colin Jost, the brothers Jost. Por que no los Jost. That's a great tweet.

It's fine. It's great. Should I tweet it? Yes. If you tweet it, people will love it. Grace, what do you have? I think I'm being shadow banned from Twitter, but that's a whole other thing. No, no, no, you got this, come here. You got this it. Grace, what do you have? I think I'm being shadow banned from Twitter, but that's a whole other thing.

No, no, no, you got this, come on, you got this. All right, what do you guys want from these conversations? Right, do you want a genuine connection? Do you want just jokes? It's good to know each other. Okay, all right, I can go with that. What cell phone carrier are you guys with? AT&T.

Really? Yeah. Wait, speaking of that, did anybody's phone cut off yesterday for like two hours? Did you see that like trending online? Not a good ad for AT&T. No, but it was like everyone's phone, like Apple. It wouldn't send iMessage for like an hour. Wait, yeah, was it at like 2 p.m. Pacific? Yeah. And I thought it was just me, and then I go online and all of a sudden, like everybody's saying that their phone cut off

for like an hour and you couldn't send iMessage. I thought it was just that I had no service, but... Me too. Interesting, very interesting. I didn't notice it. If... Me either. Yeah.

I only iMessage two people. And who are you, Grace? I'm on O2. Photophone. Yeah. Classic. But, um, yeah. Why does O2, why is like every concert venue that phone carrier?

Because they bought the chain of concert venues. But why? Like that's a weird diversification. So they have cell phone service and concert venues. Why was it the Crypto.com arena? Because individual arenas are like the naming rights are used for advertising space. But this one, it's like every major concert hall, it feels like. I believe they bought out a chain of what used to be called

the Carling Academy. So it was always named after a beer before. That sounds like a math tutoring DVD from the 2000s. The Carling Academy. Yeah, you're not wrong. If fucking like rabbits means you have passionate sex, what would sounding like gophers entail? I don't think we should get into that. If 15-year-old you could see the way you decorated your home space, just how disappointed would they be? I think I'd be pretty disappointed with myself. Why? I think I'd be pretty disappointed with myself. I think I'd be pretty disappointed with myself.

Why? Well, it's just the decoration, more the lack of decoration, and also that my house is currently a mess. And I think I really always wanted, like, a really put together home space. Over or under, when you're talking about mess, over or under this. He's back, he's back! LAUGHS Uh, my kitchen table is currently ever so slightly under that.

Okay, all right, as long as it's under. Yeah. Erica, what about you, in terms of decorating? Like, what my 15-year-old self would think? Yeah, would she be chuffed, chafed, cheesed or disappointed? She'd probably be disappointed because at 15, my room had like every poster possible on it. Yeah. I had like the darkest blue painted walls.

It was so bad, but that was like how I liked it at 15. Damn. So now myself would probably be disappointed. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty chic for 15. I think I had a fat head of a beach in my room when I was 15. The fat head. I forgot about that. It was like a stick-on thing that just made it look like my bed was like on a, yeah, a sandy beach.

I also had a lot of like posters, like no frames, just straight on the wall. The tapes right next to each other. Yeah, like no wall space could be shown. Everything had to be covered, yeah. Did you ever have a nickname? I want to hear what Grace is going to say. No, I really don't know.

I too had posters everywhere. Just one that came to mind was that I had a Kerrang magazine poster book. So I had all these music posters and I had a poster of Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers and he was pushing his...is from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and he was pushing his... I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He was pushing his jeans down, like, so you could see, like, thumbs in his waistband, like, pushing his trousers down,

and you could see, like, the sort of, almost the base of his dick. And my mom folded the poster in half and put it back up on the wall. Is it... You know he's, like and dating like a 19 year old right now? Yeah. I just... And? I don't want to date him, it was just like, I liked the band, thought the poster was fine. Fine?

Not even good? Did you read his book? No. Scar Tissue? Yeah. No. Crazy guy. Insane guy? Yeah. No. Crazy guy. Insane guy.

Did you ever have a nickname growing up? Like Erica, maybe people called you Flash. No. No, it's funny. I always wanted a nickname growing up. I never, I didn't have a name to like give a nickname. Like Erica, there's nothing to do with that. But now it's actually really random.

Everybody calls me Kiki. Because everybody's asking if you love them? No, my brother came up with this because we were in Hawaii and the kids menu is like Kiki. So now they call me Kiki. Like I'm a kid. So your nickname was because of a menu. Yeah, Hawaiian kids menu.

Were you ordering off of the kids menu? No. Or was it just? You got the ribeye, Hawaiian kids. Were you ordering off of the kids menu or was it just? No, no. You got the ribeye, bone in. With the margarita, like there was no reason. I should be called Kiki. But now it's stuck and you like it? I don't mind it, it's the only nickname I've ever had. That's actually a pretty good one. Grace, I don't know if you can top that. If you can, try. If you actually a, that's a pretty good one.

Grace, I don't know if you can top that. If you can try, if you can't, don't. I can't. I have a one syllable name. Marika? Yeah, I guess my parents call me Mimi. I feel like you just made that up to rival Erika's. I didn't.

Phonetically rhymes, similar as hell. I doubt that your rice king of a dad would ever call you Mimi. I feel like he would call you after a grain, wouldn't he? No, unless Mimi's a grain. What about cream of wheat rica? Unless Mimi's a grain. What about cream of wheat rica? That is ultimately longer and worse. I don't know.

I think it could catch up over time. Grace, what about amaze balls, Grace? Amaze balls, Grace. How sweet the harp. What makes a good ringtone? I wouldn't know. Mine hurt really bad. Meaning? One of my current, my main ringtone, which I don't have my phone on, like, sound ever.

But if I'm like, if I have my AirPods in and someone calls me, what I hear is Neil Campbell on Comedy Bang Bang doing a freestyle rap. That is horrible. Which one? It's the one... The butter? No, it's not butter. It's one of the ones the but no, it's not butter.

It's one of the ones where he's like talking about like one of the ones where he just evolves into talking about young boys. Um, Marika, can you call me? Yeah. That's pretty good. I did. Do you want to hear mine? Sure.

Here, I'll call you. Yeah. So. Is your phone on silent at least? No, let's not even. Always on silent? We'll take a break. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, sometimes you have something that you really need to get off your chest. And you know, we all carry around different stressors, big and small.

And we all carry around different stressors, big and small. And we all carry around different stressors, big and small. And we all carry around different stressors, big and small. And we all carry around different stressors, big and small. sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, sometimes you have something that you really need to get off your chest. And you know, we all carry around different stressors, big and small. When we keep them bottled up, it can start to affect us negatively. And therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest

and to figure out how to work through whatever's weighing you down. I'm in therapy every week. It obviously helps me to get things off my chest and to talk things out so that I know where to go from there and who. I highly recommend that if you have the access to therapy that you do it every week and BetterHelp expands that access. If you're thinking of starting therapy thusly, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get

matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash what's that today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash what's that? Thanks, BetterHelp. Grace, what do you got? You said you brought stuff, let's, you know.

No, no, you're doing great. You said you have stuff and you wanted to get to it sooner. But then I was like, I came in to me and you were right, you've got this. We just cut to break, we only have like 20 minutes left. You said you have multiple things. No, no, no, it's fine. I think no way you brought anything. Fine.

What's the ideal budget for the show? What's the ideal budget for this podcast? Because I feel like none of the money that could go into it does. I feel like we make money off the ads and it just goes to paying me and Grace. I'm okay with that. Really? Where do you want the money to go? Yeah, I think that's good, right?

Good use of resources, yeah, I was gonna say. I have ideas though and I feel like we never have the cash to fulfill them. I'm wondering if we had a whole separate set I'm not even close to done. Yeah. What if Studio I was like a talk show set and I could like come in every week with like a new suit that the network paid for? Mm. You could do what Gabris is doing currently, which is every month doing a free Twitch stream that is a talk show version of his show. Mm. Well, that's Gabris's shit, though. You know, I want something.

That's what you just pitched. So I didn't say free Twitch. I said every week this show would basically be a talk show where I'm behind a desk. I'm in Armani. Erica could be kind of my Indie Richter. And, you know, so I'm thinking maybe we have like a $5,000 a week budget. You could do like a Dr. Phil. That would be really entertaining.

Dr. Shrill? That's a really good idea. I might have to save that for an episode. All right. What's the what's a physical syndrome that if it was named after you, you know, what if a physical syndrome was named after you, what would the associated element be? You know, like there's Lou Gehrig disease, there's Horner's syndrome.

So, you know, if there was like Marika Brownlee Pox, what would that be? What do you think it would be? Good vibes. No, unconscionably good vibes. If I came down with good vibes, it's not the Friday feeling. It's I've got that Marika Brownlee fever. Also, you have a skin rash because I said it was Pox. Marika Brownlee Pox, you you have a skin rash, because I said it was pox.

Marika Brownlee pox, you have lesions of the skin. You have encyclopedic knowledge of almost all movies and media. I'm going to veto any skin related issues. Okay. Just because you don't want that souring your good name? Well, because I have a fear of skin diseases. Maybe that's the price you have to pay to know like every Jake Gyllenhaal,

forget movie, interview he's ever given, knowing it by heart, wearing a chain with AirPods. Well, that was for Sondheim's birthday. Grace Harper syndrome would be... Maybe like a... It would be like a... I mean, what do you think it would be? Oof. Sweating.

Compulsive lying. I guess they're not sweating feels physical. Um, I don't know. I'm just thinking of things that might relate. Sweating is fine. Compulsive lying. You don't even live in England, do you? No, no, I don't lie anymore, but I used to. Um, that's definitely one. That was honest. So we actually know that that's true. That it's a lie. Or it was a lie in its current.

But I am sweating. So Grace Harper syndrome is that you compulsively lie and sweat. Yeah, that seems about right. All right. Erica Jensen, 19. Jensen 19, What would that be? I'm a pandemic basically.

You're an entire pandemic. Grace got lying. And you halt the world for a year. I ruin everybody's life. What are the physical symptoms though? world for a year. I ruin everybody's life. What are the physical symptoms though? Lazy. Okay.

Fatigue. Yeah. Tired. And what's long Jensen? What would that be? The symptoms lasting. I guess two years. You picked that for me. That's true. That's true. Okay. When was the last time you guys went to a banquet? Jeff, you're not gonna answer any of these questions. Is there not a time when we get to say what

physical ailments you bring out? We have to, there's so much we have to get to we have like 25 more minutes Well, you have a lot more questions. I I've been trying to force it through you keep saying no you're doing great as I Know you have more and then you're like, no, we don't have anything more But he will have something have 25 minutes, right? Yeah, we're all rooting for you man What should they make helmets for that they currently don't? This show. Do you want me to send you my slideshow?

Slideshow? Yeah! Do it whenever! You start when you're ready, in the meantime I'll ask these fucking questions. We don't have to. I've got some more questions back for you if you want. That was a page of them. A page was just icebreakers. You are the host now. Okay.

Yeah. Cool. So do your slideshow with them. What's everyone's blood types? No, no, no. I'll just chat. Be negative. What's everyone's blood type? Be negative. Is it really?

Yeah. Mine's be positive. So? Those are unrelated. That means we cannot donate blood to one another. But they're nice like sayings that correspond to your vibes. Is that I am negative and she is positive? You be negative, I be positive.

And you also inspire people to be negative. I inspire people to be joy. I inspire people to be joy. That is the mantra and flag. That's what you strive for. Embellish faith. Sure. Which is kind of compulsive lying. Yeah.

Welcome, Grace. Welcome, Grace. What ethnicity do you wish you were? Or if you don't wish you were something different entirely, what do you wish you had a little sprinkle of? Let's start with Marika. I assume you know this by heart? On the top of your head? Yeah.

I think it'd be cool to have a sprinkle of Irish. Okay, okay, now we're getting into the meat of the show. I'd feel more connected to the Dublin NYC portal. Yeah. Grace? Oof. I'd like a touch of anything that would mean I don't just like sizzle in the sun. Yeah. Just something to take the edge off. The skin damage would be fantastic.

So yeah, something with a little bit more tolerance of UV rays. Yeah, I think if anything, ancestrally I probably have too much irish. I was going to say maybe you could rock with some Moroccan. Maroc the house with a Casablanca, you know. Basically change your Casablanca, the house, basically change your Casablanca, the house of your body, which is your skin, and rock with some Moroccan jeans. 10 more minutes.

Erica, if you could add a race to your concoction of ethnicity, what ancestral background would you include? I think I'd do like a sprinkle of Italian. They always make some good food. Every Italian, like true Italian I know, has like the tomatoes in the backyard and like making the tomato sauce right at home. That is a good vibe.

Tomatoes in the backyard is a good vibe. Just a garden. I like the idea that you have to change your ethnicity to have a garden. Just have tomatoes. Do you pray? Do you guys pray to a god or multiple? I could see grace being polytheistic. In what way? I could see grace being polytheistic. I just, you know, praying to the God of the channel to make sure that you can get to Paris

on time for your dinner reservation. What prescription medications do you guys take? Let's start with Erica. You don't have to answer this. That's a crazy question. All right, all right. We'll come back to that. What meds do you take? I use beta blockers. Let's start with Erika. You don't have to answer this. That's a crazy question.

All right, all right. We'll come back to that. What lens do you take? I use beta blockers for when I am in super anxious settings. Would you describe this show as mild? Why or why not? No. I describe it as inaccessible. And how do you figure?

Because it's like awesome and exclusive, like the Knickerbocker Club in New York. Marika, how's your application process going? Have you even applied? I know you need a referral. I do need a referral. I haven't opened the application yet. Well, I could probably make an intro between you and Jack Sloshenberg. Who's that? JFK's grandson. Oh that guy that's been doing a lot of videos.

I don't think I need that. Who do you guys consider to be your tribe? I'm looking at them. Wow. No way. We all barely know each other. While we're learning. Are you what you wanted to become? I am not. I was gonna say you answered. At all. Of what?

What's that? No, you moved on. What did? What's that? No, you moved on. What did you want to become? Like I, when I was little, I wanted to become a- Not this! I didn't wanna be here. I wanted to be a dolphin trainer when I was little. Me too.

Oh my God. What? That was like my dream. There's no way this is the overlap. That's that Mimi and Kiki overlap. That sounds like the names of two dolphins. Have you guys ever seen the Northern Lights? No, I'm so pissed.

They were here just the other day. Yeah, did you see them? No, I didn't know they were happening. I don't go outside. Me neither. I drove an hour out of LA and the one night that they said they were not visible was the one night I went. I was so upset.

That sucks. Damn. That does suck, but have you ever flirted with danger? Yeah. How and where? I told you I broke my race snowboarding last year. That's good. Yeah.

That's not- You told me months ago. You know, you don't remember anything I told you months ago. I remember a lot of things you said. Yeah. Like what? Not the tweet that you sent me. Por que no los joes.

Right. Just to see if it gets a laugh this time. No dice. No. What's something I said months ago, Marika? You don't know. You don't know. Yeah, you're right.

No, your level is one of your earliest memories. Can you guys remember the brightest light you've ever seen? No. And have you ever followed a river downstream? When was the last time you formed an attachment to a pen? Recently. All the time. Yeah. Yeah. What pen?

Do you guys have it handy? Can I see this, Randi? I actually think I do. The Pilot Juice. What? That's the name of the pen? Yeah, it's in my bag, which is not in this room. Where the hell do you get a pen called the Pilot Juice?

Well, it's Pilot. It's a well-known brand of pens. Okay. And the model is the Juice. Was it an OJ collab? I'll go get the pen. Hold on. OJ Simpson X Pilot. The Juice fountain pen. Erica, do you have your pen?

I don't think so. I thought I did. But, you know, it's not even like... It's a pen for my dad's business. So it's probably just like a basic big pen. But for some reason, it's the best one ever. That's cool. That has sentimental value. And you know, I'm assuming it glides along the page just so. Whereas Marika, yeah, has like a limited edition. This looks awful. Whereas Marika, yeah, has like a limited edition. This looks awful. No, I like that pen.

It's really good. Thin line, smooth glide. How much money would it take for you to wear stark white clothes for a year? Jeff, how much are you earning now? What's your rate with Hickam? Are we comparing to see if I make more or less than you? Yeah.

**** hour? Cool. Question answered. Next question. Is your, yours is more now. Do you want to know? Yeah. It is **** hour.

Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. Is it? Yeah. Because of me, the first. Are you serious? I am serious. That is so funny. I wonder if people did that on purpose to spiritually get, make you get paid more.

Yeah. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.? I am serious. That is so funny. I wonder if people did that on purpose to spiritually make you get paid more than me, which you should be. I prefer not to think that you had any factor at all into how much I get paid, like how much it determines my worth.

I don't believe you should factor into it. But... That's true. When was the last time you bought groceries from a co-op? Never. And have you ever been late to a ferry? Yes. Have any of you-

A shop? Yep. Have any of you begun your Saturn return? I have a Corolla. But my other car's a massage. That was really good. Do you like movies about childhood baseball teams? No.

And have you ever had the opportunity to speak with a specter? Regina or otherwise. Are you good with money? Yes. Yes. Are children, you're not? No. Two and two then. I'm terrible with money? Yes, yes our children you're not Two and two then I'm terrible with money. I'm so much credit card that our children drawn to you Unfortunately

No way When much as I'm drawn to them. Which is? How much? Like I'm not... If I know them, I'll make an effort. If I don't know them, I'm probably not gonna... We kind of have like a don't interact policy.

Like don't ask, don't tell. Like they're just... They're not gonna ask me anything. I'm not gonna tell them anything. So you don't talk to children ever? Not ever. Some circumstances require it, but generally no. When was the last time you guys tailored a garment just so?

I cut my t-shirts all the time. Have you ever made a bad meal for a date? Crops. Have you ever made a bad meal for a date? Crops. Have you ever made a bad meal for a date? I've never cooked for a date. Do you like onion rings? No. What is this?

Erica says you wanted to spend the hour getting to know each other. It's like 21 questions. It's like 21 questions. It's like 49 questions. What can be known? What can be known? Everything. Where do you guys feel like you're heading in life?

Up or down? Right now down. And is there, okay. Par is good for the chorus or otherwise. Is there a character from a novel who captures you to the core? My nephew has a book called Finn's Little Fibs, which is about a compulsive liar. Jeff, what's your answer for that?

I mean, I don't want to get too biblical, but it's got to be Christ himself, right? Sort of a healer who spreads joy slash legs. A carpenter of sorts. Yeah, either a carpenter or like someone finding the cup of a carpenter. I don't know. I feel like I'm a seeker for sure. And I feel like so was Christ. Are you 27, Jeff? I'm not. 26?

Yep. Okay. So you're on the clock. You think that I'm going to die next year? Well, no, 33. Oh, okay. I don't want six more years. You think that I'm gonna die next year? Well no, 33. Oh, okay. I don't want six more years. You've got time.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you guys knew you were gonna die at 33, how would you change your life? These are not stumping questions. These are actually, some of them are kind of interesting and you guys are just responding with stunned silence. I mean, do the stars even inspire you? The stars?

Jeff, how old do you think I am? I think you're 28. And I was correct. No. 25. 30. No. 29.

No. 26. No. Nine? No. 26. No. 9? 9 years old. I want to say 4, but there's no way. What? The Fib's Little Fibs book was your book, actually. I am, no, I, uh, genuinely though, I am over 30.

31. No, I am over 33 I am over 30. 31. No, I am over 33. I'm 34. Are you? Yeah. Do you believe in wine? Yeah. Well, coming back to the polytheism issue, I'll just talk that I was raised Catholic

and the blood of Christ is just wine. And so for a long time, that was the only wine I had. And then when I, as I grew and was able to try red wine, I was like, oh, this is, it's just the blood. Well, not the blood of Christ, but like, it's all the same. It's always been the same. Yeah. Well, the blood of Christ, we should say is more of a shandy. It's like, it's like a Pinot It's always been the same. So I don't even care for- Well, the blood of Christ, we should say, is more of a shandy. It's like a Pinot Noir in a bunch of water.

That's beer and lemonade. That's Mirin and lemonade. No, it's like a highball, the blood of Christ. It's like, you know, it's grape juice. Thin skin, red grape, and fermented into wine with a little bit of water. And is shandy the top of your head

because it's so close to sandy, which is one of your reference words that stands out to me every time because it is my dad's name and you use it as a name a lot. Have you ever experienced the frosty rejection of an estate? I wanna go back to the wine because you just compared yourself to Christ and now we've been talking about the blood of Christ

being wine. Well, the blood of Christ is wine. Would you say that your blood is wine? Well, it's a wine and it's a brine because the water that it's mixed with is sort of a salt. Yeah, and you're constantly dehydrated. That's true because I don't have, yeah, the unnecessary electrolytes in balance because I'm vitamin D deficient due to my South Asian heritage. I'm also vitamin D deficient.

Erica, do you believe in wine? I do believe in wine. It's actually funny, because the same, when I grew up Jewish, and so on Shabbat, we would, they would give like the little kids grape juice, but we always thought it was wine. So I grew up my whole life thinking like

I've been drinking wine my whole life. And so- Now I drink the real wine. And don't drink the real wine. So real wine resonates with you because you felt, even though it was non-alcoholic grape juice from a young age, that you were kind of a wino. Connoisseur, Connoisseur. Is your gut in good health? No.

None of our gut flora, nae fauna are balanced with the right pro and prebiotics? There, it's, there's no way. I also like that Gracie have a parasite poster behind you. Guys, have you ever experienced the frosty rejection of an Icelandic native? Basically being told no in Reykjavik? No, never been. I've never stepped foot outside the Reykjavik airport, let alone talked to someone who lives there. We should go to Iceland.

We should do a Hedgum podcast in Iceland. A Hedgum podcast live show underneath the northern lights. That's that budget. Yeah, that's why you need five5,000 a week. Correct! And I could bank that shit into a massive project. Here we go. How much money is the perfect amount to have? Because there has to be diminishing returns.

Billionaires are not happy. But I feel like if you have $10 million, you're gonna be pretty joy. Yeah, you're probably fine. I think it's $40 million. Yeah, you're probably fine. Yeah, I think it's like- I think it's $40 million. That even feels like a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

I think one million I'd be pretty happy. I feel like one million you can spend in five years. When they talk about like saving up for retirement, one million's not even enough, I feel like. Well, yeah, cause you'd blow it, a Headgum live show in like Sydney Opera House. I'm a septuagenarian still doing this nonsense. Sorry. What's a polite way to like tell the best band in the world to shut the fuck up?

Because they're like out there and I can't get a word in edgewise. I don't think you can. Yeah. Do you guys reject modernity? No. Like you good at riddles, we should say? I don't think so. I don't think I process them fast enough to be good at them. I think I'm pretty good. Grace, can you hit Erika with a riddles three and see? Yeah. Thinking of a riddle.

Nevermind. Do you guys believe in Christ? No. Not you. Damn it. You have a role model at least and are they on the Zoom? Imagine if one of us said our role model was you. I hope someone in the comments genuinely, truthfully say if Jeff is your role model. I want to know.

Finally, last but not least, name a celebrity who nobody knows. I can do this. Dave, Ben, and Philips. What counts as a celebrity? Yeah, I was going to say if no one knows them, then they're not really a celebrity? Yeah, I was gonna say if no one knows them and they're not really There you go Erica solved the riddle. That's the riddle really good Grace did you bring something or that whole thing was a red herring? I do genuinely have bought something but we don't have to do it

Let's do right now. We have ten minutes. Let's do it right now. It's the same thing I bought last time. We have ten minutes Let's do it right now. I don't know how to best You're the host so you can share screen. Oh Okay, let's try this then Okay, here we go. Here we go We don't have to be done a lot of this is an entire episode We don't have to do it all that's just options Why didn't you do why didn't you text me saying I have an entire episode outlined, let's do it. Sounds like I did say something

at the very beginning of the show that I could jump in whenever. And I tried to put it, I tried to cut to your shit. I was trying to build your confidence, I felt like you could handle it. We should save this for next week, this is a 45 minute outline. Well we might as well do the icebreakers

while they're on screen. Fine, let's do the icebreakers, and next week we'll do this, and you'll come up with new icebreakers. This is so much work to rush through for ten minutes. This should be its own episode, of course. It won't take that long. Let's do the icebreakers. This is like your thing where you're like you're planning out the episode and you're like, oh this will take 15 minutes and then you do it and it's two and then the rest is just you being like, talk!

Fine, let's go. Fine, let's fucking do it together. Sock, sock, shoe, shoe. Blood type, yeah, be negative. I don't remember mine. When you put your shoes and socks on, do you go sock, shoe, sock, shoe, or sock, sock, shoe, shoe? Sock, sock, shoe, shoe. Sock, sock, shoe, shoe.

The first one is insane. I know, but my mom does it. She's crazy, though. She raised a compulsive liar. What was the first concert you went to? Warped Tour. That's cool. That's so fucking sick.

It's probably not, but it's 2009. I just liked to go to concerts when I was small. Erica? My parents would take me to them. Mine was actually close, a Selena Gomez charity concert at the Roxy. Damn. That's awesome.

It was a meet and greet too. I have the photo. Holy shit. I'll find it. Reliant K, Columbus, Ohio. Wow. Yeah. In their hometown, actually.

Wow. They play Sadie Hawkins dance?, actually. Yeah. Wow. Did they play Sadie Hawkins dance? They did. Nice. They also played, it's sunny with a high of 75 since you... And then they were like, it's kind of funny because it's sunny with a high of 75 today. And I was like...

Preach. Oh my God. Wow. Young Gomez too. The hair. This is so much more than I could have dreamed of. It's like after school, I just got pulled into it and like I had to print it out off the website.

I don't even have like a real version. I keep it in my memory. The coolest thing you can do after school in Cleveland is like maybe go to the Great Lakes Science Center. It sounds like it's going on Reliant K concert. That was Columbus. We had to drive a while. I do apologize.

You gotta keep it moving if we're gonna get through this hole. How many slides? I'm not going to space. I'm not doing it. I'm not going to space. Yeah, I don't know. You should. Yes to boats.

Yeah, yes to boats. Yeah. I think I'm no to boats. What's your McDonald's order? if we're picking nugget Meal with no cheese I honestly same thing as Marika Really? I love that shit. I thought you were gonna roast me for that. I'll do it with the cheese just to make the order simpler, but if I had my druthers, it'd

be the Marika special. Wow. Huge. Uh, recovering childhood nightmare? I know this one. I'm gonna begin. Probably this. Mine is the scream mask chasing after me.

I'm like a kind of anthropomorphic scream mask. It's like life size. Yeah. Jeff. Just the idea of failure, the younger self waking up in the night and thinking like, Oh, one day I'll have a podcast in this messy room. No, probably be like I'm in a community theater project and or play or something performance and I don't know my lines and I have to go on in seconds.

Mine was, mine was the snake from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, sort of getting me in the bathroom. But it was less of a nightmare and more of a real fear for six months of my life. In the bathroom specifically? Yeah, cool, because it goes through the pipes. And I was in Georgia, where sometimes like... Alligators get up there. Shit. Mine was the Grand Thai Witch from The Witches.

What celebrity death would cause Elton John to re-release command? Pass. Pass. If we're doing more than just this slide, we have to move on. We're not. Well, no. I thought we were just doing this slide. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. And then I have to make new ones next week. Anyway, I do think the answer is Taylor Swift. Yeah. Or Charlie Puth, just because he loves him. That's true. That would be so sweet. I'll stop screen sharing.

But also this is Joe Biden. You should cut this. No way. You think Elton John? Well, just because the world would be the healer. You know what I mean? That's good. Right.

Follow the Delaware Rose. This whole thing was great until it came to the screeching halt. Plugs. Was that the screeching halt? Yeah. Yeah. What do you guys have going on? What do you want to point the people towards? Let's start with Erica.

Social media, projects, anything you're working on? I'm actually trying to get TikTok famous. I'm being really honest. It's my name in Russian, but it's spelled EPNKA. E-P-I-N-K-A. Okay. EPNKA. What niche are you trying to get into?

I don't know. I'm just trying to focus. I admire it. I'll let you know in like a few weeks when I figure it out. Grace, what do you got? Oh, sitcom D&D had a hundred episodes last week, um, and Jake and Amir were on. And it's a very, very funny episode. You could hold in your yawn, that would be fantastic. Um...

Yeah. Also, Twinnovation, the week after you had your 200th, Twinnovation had their 400th. That's So upsetting. I didn't know that show even kept was still going. No one does. But it is. They're on 401 now. So if anyone's interested in jumping in now. They can. Probably don't.

Quality is an all time. If Mike returned, I would listen. And that's never gonna happen. Follow me at Marie Gaylon on Letterboxd and also get tickets to the Jefferty livestream. Yeah. At moment.co slash Jefferty. At moment.co slash jeffordy it'll be a full game with doughboys, Hollywood handbook, Gossip Kings, Miles Bon Signor, Marie, I almost said my name. Amir.

Marika fucking Brownlee. That's me. Actually. It'll be a lot of fun. That's sick. What Marika said. June 6th. June 6th.

5pm PSD. 5pm Pacific. Moment.co. slash Jeffery. Um, until then, this whole thing was DOS. Are the questions going to be about you still? No. What do you mean about me still? Because you know how Jeopardy is kind of themed around like Jeff's personal life?

Like where did I throw up in Williamsburg? No, it's not. It's like New York hidden gems. It's about like trivia around the city. It's about categories specifically. We've never had a category about me trivia around the city. It's about categories specifically Category about me We absolutely have none of jeffordy has been about my ass. It's been about a mere sad life It's been about you know ways that marieke has been overworked

It's headgum core you don't think you don't think the game jeffordy has you as a centerpiece only nominally. And nominatively. Yeah. We made him fix a lot of the questions. We're brainstorming on a weekly basis and correcting his nonsense. Ultimately, he's in the studio because we forced him into a work session in person so that we could make sure he was doing stuff. That was a Hidgum Original.