The Headgum Podcast - 208: Lean In (w/ AJ Jaramaz, Cory Lane, & Johnny Villa!)

Episode Date: June 14, 2024

AJ Jaramaz (@boyhood.), Cory Lane (@businesscasualcomedy), and Johnny Villa (@mets) join Joel, Emma, and Geoff to discuss Cory's beef with Joel, updating baseball's glossary of terms, and Leaning In.GEOFFARDY livestream June 13 at 5pm PT - Tickets at moment.co/geoffardyAdvertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Well, let's see how it looked on your wrist. You know this watch used to be owned by Jimmy Stewart. I didn't know that. Jimmy Stewart. Oh, God. Oh.

Yuck, man. Yeah. I mean, I didn't think it was going to look good. No, no, no. It looks good on your wrist. It's the fact that fact that you put it up on upside down and then sort of flopped it back around. Well, you hit me with it Johnny loves that Listen we've got five minutes to kill. What do you guys want to talk about? I thought Hades Baggis was going to take seven more minutes. Of course.

You put Shakespeare on there. Like what did you expect? But also you did. And then usually I like to do like applause right at the end which is on a different tab. Yeah, it's kind of a pale yellow button color. Damn it. Got my job. We're so fucking back.

Yeah, I mean, about a year almost well, you You know if we want to round up a year ago today almost to the day We did what I like what has been referred to as the all-women episode Which was basically all the staffers that have gone It can't stop but this is the inverse of that it's almost all men yeah we do have Emma behind the booth and I gave her the power of the soundboard for the first time ever mostly because there's too much tech going around guys we're all going to a Mets game after this hell yeah yes we're gonna I told Cory we're gonna be bird height yeah it's okay to like enjoy the

show I feel like you guys are all on edge It's okay to like enjoy the show. I feel like you guys are all on edge. PJ lean back a little. Birds, birds can be at many heights. Well, is it like one of those birds that's on the ground? Like right in front of the mound? Right. We're gonna be hen level.

Yeah, actually luxury box seats. Yeah, penguin height. Yeah. Luxury hawk seats. Let's go. Bird. So. No one, like.

You should have gone with like Cardinals. That's a baseball team. but Hawks and Bucks Were you about to say that I can see a world where some of you didn't like that? No, I just see everyone smile and just nods But I can see the emptiness behind the eyes and it was not it didn't feel good Corey celebrated a birthday on the 22nd of May That's true AJ celebrated his on the 26th. Oh Wow

After your birthday. Yeah, I This is the day that I've been most looking forward to because we're gonna go see people hit What is it leather wrap? Yeah? Well, you know again save it for the last segment But who would describe themselves as a baseball fan amongst I played baseball when I was in seventh grade I had to play with fourth graders because I was so small. Okay Christ I met my best friends there Which is actually a lot more sad now that I think about it. Those Christmas pot.

Congratulations coming up soon. They really looked up to me. They were asking me about how lockers were in middle school. I really felt like the man. And they looked up to you physically, so you were too tall for that team. Not even. I was still average height at that point for those fourth graders. For the rest of the episode, maybe we all just react to what I say positively so that there's not like the sour energy between us because I'm already There's also a segment about personal beefs later. Maybe we should set the stage So do you normally and this isn't really a dig?

This is just like a structural question course Do you just sort of like say everything that you're gonna do later in the episode at the top of the episode? Basically the first segment is talking about what we're gonna do later, and then when we get to the segments later, I'm gonna basically be remiss that we wasted the first 15 minutes. It's a bit of a table of contents. It's a perfect timeline.

In a way, it's an overture. So you know about that. Yeah, musicals, they begin with an overture. Correct. We should say Marika's also going to the Mets game, but she has a sinus infection that's not contagious, she says. When people say that that do you think they actually know? No

You want to hit us with a sound Got it um there's two tabs open you see the other tab So and then do you also see one labeled double oh seven No got it. It might be on the other tub. Is it another window? I don't know. I see favorites and uploaded sounds.

Correct. It's in neither? 007. It's not only 007. Yeah, there you go. Momentum, we've got it. My Bond of the Week is Edgardo Alfonso. Who's that?

He used to play for the Mets because it's time for, well, this is just my pitch. Edgardo Albonzo. All pre-written. This is true. There has never been a James Bond who was also a member of the Venezuelan baseball hall of fame. Can you believe that? Really?

Yeah. Right? Seems unfair. Do you guys have a bond of the week? Basically the next James. Actually, I think they just finally cast him. Really? We'll talk about it tomorrow. Yeah, it's Alfonso Riviero.

Yeah, Alfonso Riviero. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a different guy from the Venezuelan national baseball team. No, that's Carlton. Carlton Banks from Fresh Prince. Got it. Yeah. I had a bunch of steam and then the fact that there was so much tech to set up kind of took

the wind out of my sails. Yeah. I'm trying to work myself back up. Yeah. We're there with you. Do you guys have a bond of the week? Basically, Daniel Craig is out as 007. So do you see in your mind's eye who could be good as the next James? I don't think that this will particularly help this team

But I I'm currently experiencing shock that this is a bit still happening in the show. Yep Cuz I sort of was like this was in the last show that I was on years ago We've been doing it every week since Daniel Craig finished up in 2021. Yeah, and it just kind of honestly threw me for a loop as far as the passing of time. Right, which we were talking about before. We were talking about a lot of interesting stuff before you pressed record.

You just gotta take our word for it. Yeah. To that point in the passing of time, time lords, believe shooting got to a would be a great bond and who is that he's the new he's the new doctor he is good from dr. who so you want him to be the doctor and James Bond the first dr. James Bond and he would be named dr. James Bond that's really doctor dr. James Bond. That's really good. My name's Dr. James Bond. Dr. James Bond. Nice ring to it. Emma?

I don't have one. I wish I never found the effect. Got it. Yeah. Johnny? I said Alfonso Rubio. Joel? I'll go with my favorite baseball player of all time,

Ryan Howard. Okay. Lefty slugger. AJ? You have to lean in. And I don't mean just physically with the mic. Emma's telling me to lean back. You're telling me to lean in. Physically for the camera, but not to lean in. And I don't mean just physically. I mean, lean back. You're telling me to lean in. For the camera, but not when you talk right now.

You have to lean into the mic and into this outcome of an episode. Oh, God. There's a guy next to us on the G train recently who's watching pimple extractions full screen, full volume for 30 minutes on the train underground. Correct. Displaying a level of bravery. I've never seen heroism in a way. This was right after your birthday. We were on a high from volleyball.

Yeah. And then... You guys crushed it at volleyball. It was a great game. It was really fun. It went up to extra innings in a way. Keep that in mind for the last segment, Joel. Emma, if you're seeing a button that says Eagle, don't be afraid to press it

anytime soon. Other tab. Yeah. Holy shit. Wait, Johnny, did you just say plum? Because our word of the day is plum. Obviously, I didn't. I know, but I'm trying to power through this fucking outline. Yeah, you could have just said something I said was the word of the day, but you didn't okay said plum well the word of the day has been plump there it is Can we get that eagle sound effect again?

Don't clap don't clap for him. Don't help him. It's not here for you. Oh Okay, that's fine. Let's really get into some shit all right that was kind of like the preamble That was the cold open in a way have you guys ever felt out of place at an event you hosted? Totally when my birthday? Yeah two days ago two days ago I don't know. I kind of felt like I was really just there to play volleyball and everyone was like talking to each other Stop talking to each other and fucking play volume one of my friends like I'm not playing and he was like chopping it up with this girl who he ended up going home with and right I'm not playing and he was like chopping it up with this girl who he ended up going home with and

For him but like I was like play volleyball. I didn't fucking set up your Weiner appointment. I wanted to play volleyball with my friends There was definitely more room like volleyball can be six on six and we were playing four on four There's a lot more room to play volleyball. It can also be sexual like he could have just combined it totally It could have been like Top Gun style. Yeah Can you explain that so talking about this movie pretty good? That's good Do we still want to know it's okay? Yeah, what fruit other than grapes makes the best wine? Let's start with Emma Peaches.

Skin. Okay. Oranges? Is that where orange wine comes from? Or are they orange grapes? No, it's skin contact. The skin is left in the wine that I turned into. White wine made from red grapes. But you don't need us to tell you that. Yeah, well, it's a misnomer then. Misnomer? Is there a Mr. Nomer? Do you guys have a favorite mood of mine?

Silent. And that's the word of the day. Sorry, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I'm obviously like I have a thick skin after years of the comments on these videos, but I don't take kindly to that fucking silent shit. Because I actually love to talk. This is the first moment in the episode where we all experience joy. And I'll grind it to a screeching halt until everyone's on my side. I like when you pivot to sincerity. How do you figure?

That what? Like you mean that's like a form of protest because everybody's so ironic. No like sometimes like with like when, and so my form of protest is like, I'm normally, when I'm on this show, I'm like kind of nice to you. That does- That's a revolutionary act. Yeah. It does kind of put a nail in my tires when anyone is sincere on this show.

Yeah. Okay, nevermind. No, can you get, you're welcome to do it, the most chaos. No, I think that like sometimes like when we're hanging out, like, but you're like, but for but for real like things are going really well And I like I like when you do that. Yeah, or like when you like shut the fuck up Emma do you avoid risk? At all costs sorry let me do you avoid risk at all costs generally yes cool. What about Joel? Also, yes, I was asking does, does Joel avoid risks at all cost, Emma?

I'll let him speak for himself, yes. Okay, cool. You'll let him speak for himself or yes? He said yes. Okay. And when was the last time anyone here lied for sport? Like got in the prone position as part of a sports game. If there was a movie made about your life,

why would the end of the, what's that? She was laughing. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Was that surprising? I kind of thrown off. I wasn't expecting laughter. My warm perception.

If there was a movie made about your life, why would the moral of the story be bad? Why would it be bad? Correct. Because I made the movie. Nice. Yeah. Yeah, there's an author's bias.

That's a thing, right? There can be sort of a plasticity to the conversation. There doesn't have to be everyone. I believe that it should drop like a stone. Do you gamble? No, but Johnny's going to Vegas. I am. And if you could be brown for a day, why would you not like that?

This one specifically for Johnny. I am brown. And I've been brown for many days. And I do like it. There you go! What's wrong? When was the last time you realized you were overdressed as hell I've never been overdressed you're usually underdressed is that all yeah yeah is that because of your Philadelphia and upbringing I think it's just that I

don't have respect for events. Have you ever been to an event that you really should respect and you still didn't? Perhaps a funeral. I think the worst one was just my, I went to Columbia for something, my dad was getting an award. For what?

What does your dad do? We'll keep that private. He's a public, but he gets Colombian awards. Yeah, The country. Cleanest cocaine. Sort of freestyle on that. And it was like a 10, maybe like a 9 a.m. Sunday morning thing. So I rolled in in like sweatpants, sweatshirt, baseball cap,

and everyone else was wearing like a suit. And your dad loved that, right? It did make us stand out. Okay. Like everyone knew this is the son of the guy getting in a war. Yeah. Rob him. Is it a lack of wardrobe or is it a lack of respect?

Honestly, it probably is also a lack of wardrobe. We should pretty woman your ass. Let's go, you know. Yeah, Beacon's closet. Yeah. And then up to Beacon. And then someone's a Richard Gerefer tonight. What's that? We can't hear em

It's not that I'm not expecting warmth. I'm done with I Said and then selling to Richard Gere for a night not into the microphone. You kind of leaned it away to gesticulate Oh pretty women Richard. Yeah Speaking of Richard gear. Have you ever slept in? inappropriately late at the home of a lover? Like you're in their bed till like five. I like now we're like boyfriend girlfriend status, but for a really long time now, I like I know that's not the vibe. I've like been super underemployed and I've been dating someone who like very much has a nine to five and when I have to leave in the mornings There have been many a time where I just want to be like is it chill if I just kind of sleep more here

And is it now it is you're saying like now it would be but early on I almost asked like a month in Like I really have mostly Do your work at night shows comedy sure yeah I also couldn't sleep too fine very generous but I was also super unemployed yeah until just now we got a job offer on the train here yeah sorry it's the Montauk speaking yeah Memorial Day weekend in East Hampton did anybody do that Emma Sorry. It's the Montauk speaking. Yeah. Memorial Day weekend in East Hampton.

Did anybody do that? Emma? You weren't out of town. You didn't come to AJ's birthday. Yeah, I was in New Mexico. What was in New Mexico? My friend's fiance's mother's house. Nice. My friend's fiance's mother's house.

Yeah. Next question. Was it Taos? No, it was Santa Fe. Santa Fe. Santa Fe is cool. Were they Daoist? Not to my knowledge. Okay. Have you ever had a panic attack? Wait, can you answer the sleeping in too late at a lover's house question for yourself? Um, I've probably done it.

Not that I can remember. I'm definitely not an early bird, Johnny. If I was closer to you, I would have grabbed your shin as I said that. Yeah, and I'm glad you're not close to me for that reason. Word gets around about Sleepy Jeff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my nicknames have included Sleepy Jeff,

Low Energy Jeff. It's sort of a whisper network of women that are like, hey, really, he sleeps. Yeah. Not that bad guy Facebook group, it's just a guys who sleep. Guys who sleep way too much. What does he need a lot of sleep for?

He barely does anything with his life. Yeah. What's the skin thing? That's why you need a lot of sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hue of skin, I just want to make sure that I trap you into being racist on the show. Yeah.

Hue of skin sounds like what, like, in medieval times they would call a person of color. Wow! This is you. AJ is everything all right? You've hardly touched your Coney Island. I think it's like mostly empty. It's okay to lean into the mic.

It's okay to lean into the outline. I would say it's like mostly empty. Really? I feel like I need to catch up now. Like a third. I didn't I chose not to drink because it would just make me belligerent towards you and the Mets

What size of ass is the perfect amount to attract others Big as hell You know I did for a while not know if people liked Big or small asses. Like when someone's like, that's a nice ass, I didn't know which direction it meant. I feel like it depends. Yeah, as I matured, I learned that. And you thought that it was either small as heck or wide as hell?

I thought it was one or the other. No one like explains these things to you, they just call it nice. Yeah. You do have a bike, which I would say is pretty obstructive in the office Now I can relax Does that make your ass nice or ice I? wear Bike shorts. Yeah, so they sort of protect my rump

When I'm on the go. And you know, Marika was supposed to be on this episode, like I said, she does have a sinus infection. I was, the only good thing about not having her on the episode was I was like, oh, the pace will be up. You know, people will be talking quickly. But Joel just drug that sentence out at.4x. Sinus infection?

Yeah. This is how you said that. Sinus infection. What's your biggest struggle at the moment? You've asked 20 people about yesterday. In real life, face to face. Not on mic though. You know, I would never until now. Move your computer a little.

Yep. Sometimes I feel like Jeffrey's like, you know the rejection therapy guy on Instagram and TikTok? No. It's this guy. He's like doing stores and he's like doing stuff. It's really okay to lean into the mic. What?

Like, so a rejection therapy guy would go up to people and ask them questions that they'll obviously say no to, so that when he wants To ask someone a question that like like ask someone out or ask someone to treat him the way he wants to be treated He's like not so worried about being told no. It's like the rehearsal Yeah, yeah Sign is infection That's gonna be a soundboard button, what's the worst thing that happened to you today? Let's start with AJ and we'll end there, too

Do you guys live in the moment or do you live in struggle Moment concert. That's awesome moment. Co forward slash Jeffery. Yeah, Johnny. I live moment to moment. Okay in struggle Emma in struggle. Can struggle. Yeah. Emma? In struggle. Can you answer it again, but put in, you know, kind of a patois? A patois? Jamaican patois or otherwise.

I mean, it could be like an Irish patois. Jeffrey, you were saying earlier that your favorite book was called, it was about someone's struggle. Yeah. It was a German book. That's true, yeah. It was about this artist that I love. Oh yeah.

Basically, he was struggling with this big ass problem. Yeah, it was about this artist that I love. Oh, yeah, basically he was struggling with this big problem Yeah, it was his struggle. Yeah, what was the struggle? You know, maybe we should can you hit us with like a cut to break thing plums Know what ass was nice. It's the other tab and it says Hannah Montana I'm trying really hard not to get like upset. Thank you it says Hannah Montana. I'm trying really hard not to get like upset, but yeah, thank you. Why would I know that that was Hannah Montana?

Yeah. Yeah. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, sometimes there's something that you really need to get off your chest, right? Like for me right now, it's that Amir hasn't been on the show for what feels like a decade, and I'm starting to take it as a sign of disrespect.

But we all carry around our own individual stressors, big and small, and when we keep them bottled up, it can start to affect us negatively. That's why therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest and figure out how to work through whatever's weighing you down. I'm in therapy every week, and I've benefited from it greatly. I don't know what I would do without my shrink. And I would recommend it to anybody who has access to it. And better help makes it easier. So if you're thinking of giving therapy a try,

start with BetterHelp. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash what's that today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash what's that? Thanks, BetterHelp. Do you see on the other tab a gray button that says metal pipe crane? Here we go

And we're back if coffee slows you down Johnny What speeds you up coffee would not slow me down I don't drink coffee, but wouldn't slow me down. Sorry macho. Yeah I if we're talking about things that would really speed me up. I guess like Something great to brighten my day. I guess like something exciting would really surprise Game with a bunch of pals some, you know a lot you don't I know all of them. You just met Cory yesterday Yeah, I feel like I've known him for so long. I also felt like I knew you longer Yeah, there's like a real like cosmic thing going on between us. Yeah, let's take this offline. Yeah, we'll chat really quick I'm trying to figure out how to phrase this but have you guys ever felt beyond the mausoleum?

More than dead correct no can you explain that don't you only get a mausoleum if you're super famous and died like a thousand years You go, so you just need to be rich. Yeah, just put whatever you want I was thinking like a Pharaoh like will Pharaoh How much money would it take for you guys to sign your likeness away for a year nothing no money publicity Yeah, alone, but you don't know where it's being used. That's fine. Okay. All press is good press. Yeah, right exactly full court press Great name for PR agency full court press. Yeah. Yeah representing mostly basketball players, but also AJ We know not physically this time just energetically If you were to speak on behalf of a different race, which one would you choose and where

formula one Good pretty good. Yeah, or and then how about? Insult a friend you don't even know Johnny Insult a friend that you don't even know. Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't know them So how would I why would I insult them this sometimes it feels like I don't know you That's leaning in! No warmth from Emma there. I really feel like that was kind of a foley move. Have you ever burnt the roof of your mouth on a hen?

A hen? Yeah. You ate chicken the other night with Billy Brick. I did. With mashed potatoes as a side at Walters. You ever go to Walters? No. Walters you ever go to Walters no Walters in Fort Greene. I'm around that area a lot if a silver lining is a bright outlook. What's a soiled dowser?

Jeffrey's freaking underwear Streamed that in confidence. Oh my God. How much money have you given to charity at once? I think $500. That's like the highest I've given. That's a lot of money. And same question, but assume charity is a nickname for Marika. Way less than a $500.

Yeah. What are the chips once? That's cool. Family size or was it kind of family size? Yeah. Okay. What? A bag of chips once. That's cool. Family size or was it kind of insult? Family size. Yeah, okay. If you could change one physical attribute about yourself, which would it be and does everyone agree?

A nicer ass wouldn't hurt. Also better facial hair. I wish my hip bones were like not as wide because like two years ago I was like in the best shape of my life, and I finally could see my ass you want that hourglass figure No, I want that like you want birthing hips. I Know I want them to be less wide yeah, but I wouldn't you know I at least I know that like you know If I ever have a kid I won't die

Like carrying it? Not carrying it, but still being in the room, it's good to have good, you know, big hips just in case you fall over with love. Like seahorse daddy type beat. Yeah. What do seahorses do? Seahorses do, the men have the baby. Type beat. Type beat.

That's really progressive. Yeah. Kind of Portland vibes. I would want to look the same, but 700 pounds so that you could be on my seven-pound life yeah like dense like just yeah like lead oh they do say muscle the way is more than bone that's true have you ever matched your mood to your jeans shitty I don't wear jeans and does fear hold you back Joel with the jeans thing definitely Everyone lost it at me. What do you mean?

Have you achieved a lot No, I like that we all look to each other Everything or a lot? I think I've achieved a lot. A lot, yeah. But if it's not everything, then it's nothing. I didn't say everything, Jonny. To succeed on this show, you have to be a good listener.

And I've always said that. That's why Marika thrives. Yeah, Corey? Yeah, well, I was actually, when he said to succeed on this show, you have to listen a lot. I had sort of had the joke locked and loaded and stop listening to him. I was going to just, whatever he said, I was this show you have to listen a lot I had sort of had the joke what locked and loaded and stop listen I was gonna just whatever he said I was gonna go huh and I kind of decided not to yeah what was the last time you smiled real wide dentist nice can we get some claps and then a song and the song shouldn't be a button that should be you singing. Cory, the last time you're on this show is December 2022.

Wow. I didn't know I have lost like 40 pounds since then. You look great. Yeah, you've always looked great, but you look great. Thank you guys. Do you remember the threat you made on the last show? No. Wait, I can't hear this. And he can't hear me? So, first of all, Cory said nice to meet you to Joel earlier, which granted you've never met him in the flesh,

but you did meet him over Zoom, and the last time you did, you said this. No, he can't hear you. Okay, great. When you're listening to this later, if you fuck me on this I will find you He has no idea you said that Alex's just keep in mind that and Then later you said that you would kick his ass as soon as you move to New York because he did Fuck you in the dairy game. Oh, he gave your eggnog concoction a four or something

My assumption was that Cory just goes around threatening so many people. He's never threatened anyone else I really am harmless like a little to fly over you And now you live a block away from me You said your address at the beginning chef said my address, okay You know and I obviously I love the non-violence quarry, but I do think we need to squash this beef. Non-violently though. Okay.

Okay. Which is why, can you sing? I'm not gonna sing, Jeff. Just like a little vocal run would be good. A diddy. Pee. Okay, fine. Welcome to Head gummily feud

Personal beef edition. Okay. This is gonna be team Joel versus team Cory to squash the beef once and for Joel And you know what because Cory has home field advantage You get to choose you get to pick your team. There's six of us, go for it, serpentine style. I think just new connections, Johnny. Okay, Joel.

Give me Emma Foley. Nice. Cory. I'll take you, Jeff. Okay, and then Joel. Sucks. Maybe grab like Nerissa. Nerissa, yeah.

I'll take AJ. Okay, great. Okay, I do know the, you shouldn't have picked me. Oh, actually can I have AJ? You can have AJ, yeah. Okay, who do I have? You have Emma. Okay. Because you only have one person,

we're gonna start with Team Joel. Fair. Here we go, first category. What are Cory's friend's biggest pet peeves about him? So just remind exactly how this works. Do we go one at a time? We just say something and then you say yes or no? You get to start and if you get one then you get to play. Okay. I'll say...

I also want to say that I put this up. You guys, you and Joel are both not on my close friends story for just today Because I did put this question up on my close friends and I thought real answers from your friends Well none of your friends, I guess I just didn't want you on my close friends I will say body odor survey says He's often from rain sea pool and sweat yeah I'm okay three people including Maddie Hart yeah Ryan and JD's joint Instagram account to sweaty huh and someone else you forget who it was. That's okay. Alright, do you want to play? I was thinking mental note.

Alright, they're going to play. There's only two more answers anyways. So you and Emma can now guess anything else. I think he always stays at the party too long. No. First to leave. Wow.

Didn't even want to be there in the first place. Wrong. One strike. Always late. Wrong. Very on time. Early. Do you guys, you can have, what? I was gonna say you can have one more, but you're running the game.

Are you giving them a freebie answer? Or do I get to guess now? You cannot. Oh no, yeah. Wait, no, do they steal? I don't watch Family Feud. They do steal. Steal.

Well, no, actually, if you get the first answer right right then you get to hang on to it until you get three wrong Oh, thank you. Oh, yeah, I do watch a lot of family last last last fucking opportunity then I think you're not supportive Support you're looking for too tall Oh, no, what's number one Sarah cross weight said that and the number one is I don't know my story being like I would but I don't know who that is all right so I guess I don't know how to give points oh don't know what that

means often wet all right team Joel lost I think no okay no you got one right yeah I'll take it okay swinging it over to team Cory I think because I don't know how any of these game shows work I don't sure okay yeah it's pretty apparent team Cory. What is the most Joel thing? Joel's ever done this one was up on my close friend's story and just for today Joel You're not on my close friend's story right in that a few times really the most Joel thing that only one person Responded to this and he is in the room. Yeah, oh. I think it's unfair for me to answer. Unfair? You're on my team.

This is random. I mean, it's unfair to the other team, but it feels great to be able to win. I said the most Joel thing Joel's ever done is get into gardening immediately after getting a yard. Correct! All right. Negative one?

Yeah, well, I don't know where I'm from. Well, Joel, Johnny to me doesn't count. What? Team Cory won that, so they're gonna keep going. So we're losing even further. This software to make this game was tough. This is what you call the native app? Yeah, exactly right.

Alright, Team Cory starts again. Here we go. Reasons to belittle a waitress. Oh, outfit. Uh, wrong. Team Joel. Emma? No, don't we get more opportunities? No, we get the steal. Um, and wait, this is

Are these things people said on your close friends? No, this is just stuff I came up with. It was hard, obviously, to do a survey because I don't know that many people, and people want me dead. Not smiling. I'll give it to you under the category,

you're mad about other shit, and want to take it out on someone who can't leave. Team Joel, do you want to play? We will play. All right. Reasons to belittle a waitress, Emma. Hair in your food. Hair in your food, or she works at Balthazar?

I'll give it again. Joel, how are you feeling? Trying to do the Steve Harvey thing. Yeah, it's not working. Negative two also, they're losing points from this? I don't know how the game works, let alone the episode. Lean into the episode when you talk and when you play.

Reasons to be a little waitress if she overcooks your burger. Mmm. That's not her fault that's the kitchen's fault. Yeah exactly. Asshole. Oh this is playing you're playing under team Cory. Thank you. Let's go ahead and get the X back under team Cory. Do we still? Thank you. Let's go ahead and get the X back away from Cory. Well you did get the first question wrong. You also just got one wrong so swinging it back over to team Cory for a steal, right?

That's how it works. Sure enough. You're mean to waiters a lot. But often without reason. Yeah, Lina? I was going to say there is no reason. Oooh. I was gonna say there is no reason. Ooh. Uno reverse. I mean, that was kind of, you're mad about other shit

and wanted to take it out on someone who can't leave, so. So let's go ahead and give another extra Joel. Let's give another extra Joel. Here we go, team Joel. She won't fuck you. If by she won't fuck you, you mean she's never read the Divine Comedy and neither have you, but still. I think that fits. Joel, how are you feeling?

Stop asking me, man. Let's think more. I feel no more pacifistic towards Cory also. Okay. You're getting angrier. By the way, he's the one who threatened you and you didn't even know until today. Okay, reasons to be little a waitress, if Cory was the waitress. You almost said something really bad.

Yeah. Well, you know, when you speak I only hear gardening, so I guess you mean she barely knows the difference between horticulture and botany. Negative one. These all have negative one point values. Emma? Think spelling. I have no idea what that means. What could mean in this context?

You have no idea what that means. Swinging it over to team Cory, say anything. She has a rich inner life that I could never quite understand. She says there when she meant there, even though it's verbal, you assume she would have spelled it wrong on paper. All right. Team Corey won that one. I think what's the best way to get revenge? With a dish best served cold.

Yeah. With a cold one, yeah. I was trying to, yeah. Thank you. Pretty good. And by cold, you mean iced coffee. Getting a job at their local coffee shop and slowly poisoning their morning brew with toxic metals.

Nice. Do you guys want to play? Yeah, we'll play. Yeah, we'll play this one. All right, Johnny, how are you feeling, fucker? It's a little unsettling that Cory could get revenge on me in this particular way. Yeah, it's true.

Really. It's true, local coffee shop. Near you, yeah. And you also have a ton of cadmium powder. That's true. Well, and I have it mostly just for poisoning. Yeah, precisely, yeah. Yeah, Mad Hatter style.

Cory, do you wanna take this? Yeah Yeah? Yeah the best way to get revenge By taking the high road that's good taking the high road By taking the high road you mean going to Joel's backyard and sprinkling borax I mean, going to Joel's backyard and sprinkling borax all over his freshly planted garden. Exactly. Also very in play. How do you figure? Because he has all the toxic metal powder.

Is this all about Joel? Yeah, now that I realize we're big. Did you say pressuring Joel to wear bad clothes? Yeah, I figured. I don't need the pressure. All right, and then Cory, why don't you round us out with this last one? Yeah, and I think slicing people's achilles

from a subway grate. Oh, sort of Tanya hardened, is Tanya hardening? Tanya! Yeah, yeah I think slicing people's Achilles from a subway great. Oh sort of Tanya hardened is Tanya hardening James Harden That would be a really cool Photoshop But you are weirdly loose again this app just like because I didn't add a number value assumed It was negative one people who said that in the survey because I didn't add a number value, I assumed it was negative one people who said that in the survey.

The next question is, best place to emerge from the shadows in Sucker Punch Joel? Team Cory, do you? What is the shadow? Did you mean Kryptonite X? Yes. Kryptonite X is the fucking worst name for a place ever.

I walk past there all the time. And it's such like a, ultimately somebody started a small business. I walk past there all the time and it's like such like that like like I'm like Ultimately somebody started a small business Like that is that is what we have to support it like somebody started a small business Down the street is absolute power where I just with you today and Keith Working out there you would fucking run in high so Joel gave us like a force. This was on AJ's birthday. You went to Kryptonite X. Also Kryptonite.

We did a morning Pilates class. We do Pilates. I was walking down the street at like two in the morning and they had projected a muscle man and then were tracing it. That's there all the time. What? At two a.m. they were painting the muscle man.

That's the kind of place you want to fucking get huge. Absolute power, down the street, $60 a month. It was AJ's birthday and Joel was insisting that we get paninis from an Italian deli that AJ didn't want to go to. And then when that place closed early, he was like, let me walk you around to the sights and smells of my neighborhood specifically Which is my gym, and how do you think it's spelled and we guessed it wrong? But so would anyone because it's Kri PTO

Kni gh t-x Crip like Crip very intuitive very and then Joel was like it was either this or absolute power Which is where we're learning you go. Yes absolute power great Jim This is a real family feud at this point exactly right family. Yeah, this is actually heating me up Because you considered kryptonite X no I was kryptonite X has Been born in the last year like I saw it sort of coming up and the whole time like this looks so fucking stupid. Yeah, genuinely. And I really am.

It would be so much more intelligent of me as like a recent transplant to New York to build bridges. But I genuinely every time that I walk past there today, when I walk past there. I thought Who would go there? Now, you know it's a ground level all glass box with lime green walls and the only clientele are people who are clearly on human growth hormone and Joel and I Should be included in that first category Yeah, well, I maybe you fall into that category, I would say, because of the wardrobe issues. And then Johnny...

I was thinking, to sucker punch Joel, I would emerge from the deep recesses of his garden, kind of Terminator style. So... Yeah, yeah. Crumblybly fucked. Is is crumb believably fucked Remember when I was it on I forget if it was on the podcast or on Twitter where I or I made some joke about Like DM me for Jeffrey's home address that was on Twitter and then you referenced it on the show. Yes, and people regularly message Asking for your address. Well, I recently moved and you don't know the new address. I know.

I'll tell you at the Mets game. Cool. And I'll tell everyone else. Another round going to Team Cory. And negative 12. Six. AJ, lean in. What's the most famous beef?

Jory. Joel versus Cory. Joel versus Cory. You know what? I'm going to I'm going to give it. I can't give it to you. It's not on the board. Team Joel, time to steal. Sorry. Team Joel, want to steal?

The Montagues and the Capulets. Yeah. I'll give you the American version of that, which is the Hatfields. And the McCoys. Let's go. I kind of want to give you the whole round for even McCoys. Let's go. I kind of want to give you the whole round for even getting that, and I knew you would. Think simpler.

What's the best beef? Kobe. Wagyu, basically a type of Kobe or vice versa. Emma, how fast are you? Not very fast. What about slow cooked? Slow cooked, furious. Braised.

Oh, oh. Slow cooked. Curious. Braised. Oh, oh, um, no, Vin Diesel and who's the other one? Correct! Yeah. The Rock. Um, let's put Kendrick vs Drake at number five. Not even. I knew it was going to be a trick. I accidentally hit the button twice, but it does kind of ring true because she didn't say the rock.

Who else? Let's fucking think here. Obviously we're playing. Maybe the beef starring Steven. You can't steal. Oh yeah. It's team Joel. It's not our turn yet.

Sorry, the game has been run so poorly that I just assumed that I was up for grabs. Are you really gonna let him talk to me like that, AJ? This is your roommate. Lean in. I don't know where I'm supposed to be. You can bring the mic into your for lack of a better term. I think we're too short.

I've been set up to fail in a way. That's true. By Emma and you can move the zoom. You can move the zoom. That's OK. I'll do this. Sorry. Johnny? Are we stealing?

No. Most famous beef. Ah, da da da da da da. Cory's stealing. I'm stealing? Yeah. The original beef from the Netflix show, The Bear. I was going to say that it's not on here,

but I'll give it to you under the category of Magic Johnson versus Larry Billy. And then if I could just pinch hit for Team Cory, because I love to see them win. Jeff versus the field, because everybody fucking roots for me to fail. And you didn't really get much play on field when you were on it back in the day.

That's true. Guaranteed ways to start beef. Fuck a cow. Butter on a pan. Did you say invalidate grief? Oh, yeah. Sorry, butter on a pan. AJ, do you want to play? You're on team Cory, right? I'm on team Cory. Yeah. Yeah, feel free to lean in. Kind of drink a lot of milk over Zoom and then something happened rating their dairy. Yeah. Yeah, you got it That's last it seemingly started the It's sort of the reason for the season. Yeah char the rice

It's even Corey's playing and I don't write it don't give them stuff. I'm trying to just say charred rice char guys Yeah, we say charred rice disagreeing with someone something everything they believe in calling them a slur. Oh, yeah, that's good I don't even know slurs. You say go together and calling them a slur Jeff I promise we'll get it. I okay. Here's your chance to steal AJ. How lent in can you be? That lentin wet Willie That Lenton. Wet Willy. God damn it. No, that's your chance to steal. Continue.

Wet Willy you said? Yeah. Do you say anything while you give someone a Wet Willy? You say... Ooh, ooh. Next to Team Cory. Wet Willy with a slur. Basically giving them the silent treatment for you.

Who won? Team Cory. And yet still Team Joel has won. Emma, can you sing and or play a sound? You must not know Cory. You must not know Cory. He's from San Diego. He just moved to just off the **** stop. I think he goes to the meat hook.

He buys lots of loose fish He is crumb believable as sandwich because he never licks a plate without having tons of reservation That was really good to a freestyle that Yeah, I didn't even know he was gonna be here Yeah, welcome to a segment sorry, I don't interrupt you when you talk. Yes, you do really Yeah, a lot, but only on the show right not in real life. You just interrupted me. Yep Welcome to renaming baseball

We're all going to a Mets game after this. It's gonna be kind of a blast. I hope you about that Well, did you bring I brought note cards just to make sure the conversation doesn't lol Empty note cards I brought cards against humanity Why is that the only one that thought that was funny? It's funny I was gonna have another joke on top of that, but I thought my joke wasn't funny So I didn't laugh at any I brought peanuts They surely you didn't forget crackerjack. Yeah, sweet cracker bat What sweet cracker bat?

I feel like the reason why nobody watches the MLB is because baseball hasn't been modernized. Can we all agree? Yeah, I agree Do you want some pushback My thing is that I think it's like a nominative issue. I think that all of these terms, the glossary of like, you know, strike out, you know, wipe out, like all that shit. Wipe out? I also want to just point out that nominative is the same as sinus infection. Nominative.

I thought it's nominative. The word you wanted was nomenclature. No. Like nominative determinism is like when like your name determines how you act. I used to say nominative. Don't try to say hard words. What about hard slurs? Really don't say those. Why did you say it kind of sexy? What about hard slurs? The hell was that? I did something. And now my hard slur joke is unusable.

Okay, I do think it's a nominative issue. So I'm thinking let's rename some baseball terms, right? Let's bring them into the... We're agreeing. Modern day. We're agreeing modern day. We're all on your side. So, you know, bases loaded Emma. Like basically there's runners on all the sacks. Are you going to say bases choded? No, Joel.

I'm going to say busies soaking the diamond. Thoughts? Busy was soaking the diamond. Jesus Christ. Thoughts? What was soaking the diamond? Who spelled the first word? B-U-S-S-I-E-S. No. Have you not heard of this before? It sounds like an insult. Bitch, you don't even know how to spell. You lived in Murray Hill for too long.

Never did, but Kips Bay Close Instead of batting order which is like the order in which hitters hit and they will hit I Was thinking woke busies soaked and having a ton of fun. So a lot of this is bless you related I'm just trying to say what I don't even know how to spell Guys rename some terms. I mean, AJ, you love baseball, Lena. What's a baseball term you'd like to rename into what?

Pitcher to. And be aware of what the assignment pitchers do. AJ understands the assignment. Picture who to call it. You're all about understanding the assignment. Go on now, AJ. Think modern, Gen Alpha slang. Think about what's catchy and long to say. Think about shit I can't spell or define.

Yeah, exactly right. Tense bussy serving. I love this. Yes. So basically he'd be on the mound, which we would then rename to what? Woke ass guy on a mound. If we're going in line with what you want, then bussy on a mound. No, I don't want you to feel pressured into saying what I want. Like, it's not a fucking.

Because you like. In question, you get angry when we don't. I get angry when you do. It's a lose-lose. You might as well stay true to your creative vision for baseball. Okay. Yeah.

Corey, instead of bunting, what would you want it to be called? Well, probably something like, the word was bunting. Yeah. When you lean kind of lean in it. Yeah. Nice. And, um, hit the ball with like a big ass piece of wood. Uh, probably slay mama boots, the house down bunt. That's really good. Or serving bunt. That's good.

That's actually really good. Slay mama boots the house down serving bunt. We are the wrong group of people for this. Why, because everybody here loves baseball? Yeah. We think it's perfect. Too much to change. As is, yeah.

So a double is when you hit the ball and reach second base. I'm thinking about calling it, making it all the way to the woke- sack still stopping wet from woke ass bussies bunt Yeah, thank you guys Instead of extra innings, which is when it's tied after nine and the game continues on I'm thinking extra wet innings Why wet innings? What is a wet inning because by then though entire diamond is soaked from bus someone tell me what pussy means Am are you familiar with fastball sure like a ball thrown sort of straight

What if instead of that it was woke sopping I don't know what if What if instead of that it was woke-sopping? I don't know what if. Wet extra innings. Is there an HR department at Headgum? There's not. Clearly. They were working on it for a while, but they kind of dropped that. Maybe instead of strikeout, it's having a ton of fun.

What's that? Sing. Okay, can we get a song? Can I contribute to this list? Yeah, Johnny, you say. So the seventh inning stretch, we change the seventh inning. Yes! And we'll just shout, yes!

In unison? Yeah. And if we don't get it in unison, what happens? I guess the game goes on for another nine innings. So we get the... So the entire crowd needs to yell yes in between the top and bottom of the seventh inning Yeah, and if it's not in perfect unison perfect morning's morning innings in the game Yeah

And then if again the cycle continues if the seventh inning of that extra nine does not get a yes No, they're like a three two one on the board like counting people down It's maybe sort of coordinate amongst themselves. You have to of like you have to be paying attention to the game. Right, it's like that thing where it's like, get in order by birthday, but you can't talk. I've never done that before? Everyone else knows what I'm talking about. Oh yes, okay, I'm somewhat familiar.

Sorry, I didn't hang around other kids when I was growing up. Yes. Yes! Do you guys believe in luck? 100%. I believe in love. And have you ever had faith and relaxation? No. 100% I believe in love and have you ever had faith and relaxation? No What about imagining a different life for yourself?

ethnically always yeah ethnically AJ like what you ever wish that you were maybe like lauschen feel free to lauschen Never considered it okay Is this just take a minute and maybe picture what that might change? That's okay. Is leading to something? Is this loushing to something? No, man.

Okay. When I was in third grade, I thought that I was gay because I like to clean my room. No, that's the Macklemore song. Sorry, I got my clean my room. And I, no, that's, that's the Macklemore song. Sorry, I got my own opinion confused. I get my life confused with Macklemore sometimes. When I was, like I have two moms and my sister's adopted and she's black and like these kids at school started a rumor that I was black too.

And I like kind of went with it for way too long when I was in like elementary school. And how did that manifest? Well, so the kids were like, your sister's black, are you black too? And I was like. For those listening, I made a sort of, I don't know. Indeterminate.

You never vocally denied it. I never vocally denied it, and I definitely loved the idea that somebody could consider that was a possibility. Yeah So they were under the impression throughout your entire adolescence. We're starting to get a little crunched for time I obviously want you to connect with Cory you can talk later, man But I was just wondering if you've ever imagined a different life for yourself hundred part first natural dialogue. We've had all day What's one of the worst sentences you've ever said out loud? I said something crazy this weekend.

What'd you say? I was on mushrooms and a girl was telling me, she was like saying how people frequently die at her work. She was like, oh, or no, not to get hurt. She was like, oh, a lot of people, I see that all the time at work. And I was like, oh, are you a nurse? And she was like, I'm a doctor. And I was like, oh, are you a nurse? And she was like, I'm a doctor.

And I was like, I'm on mushrooms. I gotta get out of here. You're not like a girl's girl in that moment. You kind of like. Oh, no, and I felt compelled to tell her like. Kind of held it down to the patriarchy. Yeah. By the way, I also have a job.

And I'm queer, and I have to go. Emma, do you know the Dr. Riddle? Do I have a what? do you know the Dr. Riddle? Do I have a what? Do you know the Dr. Riddle? Where it's like a man and his son are in a car. Do you know this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was kind of that. I simply wouldn't have known there.

Let's hear it. Jeff is going to fall for it. Hook, line, and sink. A man and his son are in a car crash. Okay. The father dies immediately. The son is rushed to the hospital. Stay with me.

The son is rushed to the hospital. Okay. The doctor the surgeon walks into the operating room says I can't operate on this man He's my son. How is that possible? Because it's his mom you are the only person I've ever talked to who has immediately gotten but He says gay dad What? Like that it's supposed to be gotcha journalism. Right. That's what gay dad is.

Not really. About 50 years ago that riddle was impossible. To decipher. I really can't figure this shit out. I asked it to people recently though and everyone said gay dad. When I was in elementary school everyone was like the dad didn't really die. I can't figure this shit out. I asked it to people recently though, and everyone said gay dad. When I was in elementary school, everyone was like, the dad didn't really die.

Why is the riddle where you most lent in? Because I'm passionate about this shit. I was going to say it was the most compelling thing. Just because the outline was sort of not there there. And I feel like I wasted the talent I had on stuff like, do you have research? Do you do research? Yeah. Introing me into a segment I don't have prepared this one goes on for a while okay okay cool reloading the page that's the only

way to stop it have you ever reached a goal you didn't even know you had? Yeah. Yeah, actually I was 315 pounds once and you want it to be that. Yeah. I know. I didn't know that I had that goal, but you hit it, but I hit it. And I was like, wow. I saw that you applied to be in a food competition. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Like a Japanese, like eating competition. What foods are the categories? Uh, the options for this, uh, competition were spare ribs or chicken over rice, but they made over rice one word.

And so for a really long time, I thought it was a Japanese word that I didn't know over reset. Yeah. I thought it was chicken over reset and I was like, what is chicken over reset? And then in the casting description, they were like, it also would be really good if you can freestyle rap Can you perfect? Um, I think that I Can like well enough for the Like people who don't speak english, but you don't think you don't you think it's like rap music or freestyle rap like an Onigiri together yeah but they want you to eat confidently 10 to 13 pounds of food and I think I put that away

confidently yeah what have you something of spare ribs or chicken over reset have you participated in a food eating competition previously? Yeah, small time. Oh, okay. You're hitting the big leagues. No, I'd be hitting the big leagues. I'm like food competition curious. I'm curious about like mukbangs too. Yeah.

You should do mukbangs. I think that I should. Yeah. Well, I'm also trying to get you a headgun podcast with your sketch group. That'd be cool. High key because we need new New York shows. Just some mukbangs. We'd be super interested.

Mukbangs on mic without talking much. Mukbangs on mic. Chewing for an hour with business casual. Yeah, so if you guys know any Japanese game shows. I would love to get big in like a foreign market. You should just do Japanese commercials. Japanese market would be huge. I was going to say, yeah, it would be huge.

Or like if I was like a professional wrestler in Japan. You'd be the face of over-recent. We could hail down Otani tonight. Yeah, it's cut out what you said Okay, the fuck have you guys ever ridden shotgun with a friend? Yeah, what about with a fiend? Yeah. Yeah with you. I'm set chocolate. That's true favorite bun bow cummer Nice lean in I was gonna say bow too so that was good funny funny bone like a low bun mmm Oh bun yes it bone that's why I thought it was funny

funny bun funny but I've never heard that before but I'm sorry using it yeah it's like a nickname yeah let's just kind of box Jeffrey out of the rest of this conversation. Yeah, let's box him out We're talking about you Do you enjoy your health? Yeah health as well and do you enjoy your wealth no actually that's fair. It's overwhelming. I've heard yeah And my health is overwhelming as well. Do you have a favorite youth? Yeah, and my health is overwhelming as well. Do you have a favorite youth? like medium Like a person yeah like a famous what about one of your people from your baseball team Charlie Niccolini

Classic Italian name classic Italian dude. Okay. It was not afraid of the ball. Oh, he was not he was much better at me than With baseball do you guys enjoy the airport? Do you like an airport beer? Do you like an airport mollusk too expensive? Yeah For held as well a collective like 78 hours in airports this past three weeks. Where'd you go? Whoa, I've I New Mexico Nashville LA Vermont miserable. That's a lot of fucking places. Yeah Like a lot of disparate locations 2 a.m. Last night.m. last night, can you believe? She's a drug mule, by the way. Oh yeah, he's Dinny's new mule. The classic Santa fade of Vermont pipeline. The only two people that that route is possible for

is a drug mule or a folk musician. We can just call it there. That was a Hidgum Original.